March 14, 2025 • 12 mins
Learning the hard way his brother can't be trusted, Noah decides to zip tie Isaac to the truck door. A call with Kirsten gets everyone wound up when she finds out Noah broke Isaacs Nose.
Credits:
Noah- Tim Welch
Kirsten- Samantha Johnson
Miya- Tessa Thompson
Gabe- Wren Soryn
Isaac- Ben Kadaffi
Music:
WEARETHEGOOD, Lynnea-Outrun
Sightless in Shadow- Nosebleed Section
The Ghosts of Liberty-Daddy’s Daughter
Audio recorded by Matt Kuhl
Sound Solution Editing
Soundsolutionediting@gmail.com
Dialogue editing, sound design and foley done by Ben Kadaffi
Written and Directed by Ben Kadaffi
For The Gentle Art of Making Enemies merchandise go to www.whosaysproductions.com/store
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:11):
With the truck working right along the road,
again, the ultimate game of catand mouse is going to ensue.
Leaving these boys unattendedcan have dire effect on
someone's mental fortitude.
Just ask Kirsten, the poorwoman has had to pull these boys
apart with a broom more timesthan a dog sniffing another
(00:31):
dog's ass.
Noah has never trusted Isaac.
Isaac can't sneeze withoutbeing called Judas, but that, my
friends, is kind of justified.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
What are you looking for?
A napkin for you?
You look like you forgot toclean your chin.
What, oh, there they are.
Yeah you look like you did somesexual favors for the hotel
room.
Reminds you of making theDean's List in college.
There, sasha Gray, here.
Let me see your phone.
I'll take a picture here.
(01:29):
There's nothing there there,sure isn't, but I distracted you
long enough.
Oh shit, what is he doing?
I don't trust this fuckinggorilla.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Fuck, he's coming Lock the door Lock the door Lock
the door.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Are you serious?
You broke the lock when we werekids, dickberry.
It hasn't worked in years.
How would I know that you brokeit?
What the hell are you doing?
Fucking?
Let go dude.
Since you like to sabotagethings like a Bond villain, you
are no longer allowed to leavethe goddamn truck.
So you zip, tie my left hand tothe door.
Yes, what if I have to piss?
There's an empty bottle thereby your feet.
(02:12):
If you have to go, stick yourlittle willy in there.
My apologies, are youpost-operation?
I'll get you a shiwi while I'minside, unless you would prefer
a diaper.
You know this is literalkidnapping, right, I know, and
it's kind of exciting, I'll grabyou somebody when I'm inside.
Watch your feet asshole thefuck man.
(02:34):
Noah's straight-up lost shit.
Phone call, phone call.
Get the fucking thing.
Call for help.
You, son of a bitch.
Oops, fuck, I missed it.
Angry Grego.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Kirsten, you can outrun the devil, but you ain't
gonna outrun me the Gentle Artof Making Enemies, written and
directed by Ben Gaddafi.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Episode 4 he's always on his phone Glued to it.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Jesus, all this work for a man who used to pronounce
my name Kirsten oh, tell meabout it, he always called me
Mia Drove me crazy.
Don't get me wrong.
I loved the old bastard, butpreparing for someone's funeral
while his two boys are outfingering each other has me a
little pissed off.
Speak of the devil.
Hello Kirsten Isaac.
(03:50):
Where is Noah the devil?
Hello, kirsten Isaac where isNoah?
Speaker 4 (03:53):
Noah's fucking lost it.
Okay, Turn it on speakerphone.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
He left me in the truck and zip-tied me to the
door handle.
I'm pretty sure he's buying ashovel and finding a small child
to take the blame when heburies my ass.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
He what.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Zip-tied me to the fucking truck.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
What did you do, Isaac?
Speaker 5 (04:06):
Who is that?
It's Gabriel.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Who the fuck?
Speaker 5 (04:09):
is that it's Maya Maya, like Maya Maya?
Yes, now what the fuck is goingon?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Well, Kirsten, your husband has gone nuts and
zip-tied me to the truck door.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
How many times do I have to say this?
Why did he zip-tie you to thedoor?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Because he's three whippets shy of being mentally
handicapped.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
He totally did something, oh guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Why would you assume I did something?
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Isaac, we know your family, we know you.
Speaker 5 (04:38):
That silence is the sound of guilt.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Isaac, Fuck you guys Call the police.
I'm being held against my will.
I think that's a little moreimportant.
Where are you guys?
I think on Highway 30 somewhere, maybe Julesburg.
What does it matter?
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Highway 30?
Why didn't you take theinterstate?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
How many people am I talking to?
Speaker 4 (04:54):
There's three of us, but why take Highway 30?
The speed limit's only 55.
Pete, who the fuck is Pete?
No, this is Gabe Isaac.
When are you?
Speaker 5 (05:03):
back.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Now, who's this?
Speaker 4 (05:05):
Maya.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
My ex-Maya.
Well, this is awkward.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
Isaac focus.
What the hell is taking youguys so long?
Jesus, Kirsten, take me off thespeakerphone.
All I want to know is if youguys are on your way back yet,
why are there so many people atyour house?
I heard like nine people buttin Because we are going through
photos for your dad's funeral,something that you two dickheads
should be doing right now andthey all had to listen in.
God damn it.
Kirsten, like your brother, I'mgonna break your nose.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Well, lucky for me, Noah already did that.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
What, why?
You know what?
Just don't answer that.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
What happened?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
Uh, apparently Isaac's nose is broken.
What, how he collided withNoah's fist.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
I would presume you boys get back here in one piece.
Do you hear me Tell that toyour crazy-ass husband?
Who are you talking to and whythe hell do you look like you're
farting in the air?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
vent, I mean it.
Do you both want to learn howto spell eunuch?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
It's your wife.
She wants to know how to spelleunuch.
What E-U-N-U-C-H?
She's a fucking literary major.
What the hell is she asking?
Speaker 5 (06:08):
Just quit fucking around and get home safe.
I am done playing mother to acouple of baboons.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Why are you on the phone with my wife Easy there,
psycho.
She wanted to know where wewere.
Oh, oh here I got you some foodHeads up.
Oh, I love them.
You hit me in the nose.
I'm well aware.
Give me the phone, you fuckingdick.
Oh God, I think I'm bleedingagain.
Hey, baby, we'll be home herein a few hours, I promise.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Just quit fucking around and don't let Isaac near
any mechanical parts.
Sure thing, I love you.
I love you too.
Children, they're both children.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Hey, give me your knife.
No, what am I going to do?
Stab you.
I don't know how hard you'recoming down on whatever fucking
drugs you've been on.
Yeah, give me the knife so Ican kill us all.
I want to cut myself free.
Noah, I'm still strapped to thefucking door here.
(07:14):
I want this back, thank you.
So Maya still hangs out with youguys?
Well, yeah, she's Gabriel'sstepsister.
Just because you two stopdiddling each other doesn't mean
we're going to kick her out ofour lives too.
So she hangs out thereregularly.
(07:35):
I guess why?
I'm just curious.
Oh, do you miss her?
Shut up.
Good luck with that.
Yeah, she's got a boyfriendanyway, doesn't she?
Some prick named Lucas.
The guy needs to be hit by afucking Buick.
Really, how Well?
(08:00):
I would imagine someone wouldpress their foot on the
accelerator really, really harduntil it couldn't go down any
farther and they aim for him ashe's crossing the fucking street
.
Dude, you know what I mean?
He's super controlling.
He talks down to her.
It's that kind of shit.
I'm surprised Maya hasn't laidhim the fuck out yet.
So sounds like they're breakingup soon then.
Huh, you don't stand a chance.
(08:21):
Queef McQueen, why not?
Why not?
You ghosted her.
You honestly think she wouldtake you back after you just up
and left her for Colorado.
Yeah, good point.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Good point.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I'm agreeing with you .
Still funny, I fucked up.
I know that Fucked up isputting it lightly.
What's that supposed to mean?
Isaac, you quit your accountinggig with the city to become
some junky Instagram model.
Your detective skills areamazing.
You're doing great.
Okay, here's what I know.
You do not work, you do not paytaxes.
(08:55):
All you do is snowboard and gethigh.
You contribute nothing tosociety and you rub it in
everybody's fucking face.
That's seriously how you viewmy life.
Yes, why?
I just told you why no, why doyou think that's what I'm doing
with my life?
Because that's how your lifereally is.
So I'm just some unemployed,fucking snowboard junkie.
(09:16):
You know how much a season passon the mountain actually is?
I'd imagine free if you givethe right guy a tug in the
parking lot, never mind.
Where's that sandwich?
God, this looks like shit.
Is this thing even edible?
I eat them all the time.
You'll be fine.
(09:36):
You've also eaten canned dogfood.
When you were drunk, dude, Ithought it was tuna.
Tuna doesn't smell and tastelike fart, noah, fine.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
I'll eat the sandwich Mmm.
Just as good as dog food.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Did you get anything else?
Nope, what?
No, I did not.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
No chips, anything, nope, I ate my sandwich in the
store.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
I got one for you and a couple of sodas here.
Here you go, champ.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Gee, thanks, no problem.
Well, you have a few, but who'scounting, am I right, god,
you're hysterical.
I know God gave me a gift.
He gave you crabs, and now, ifyou be a good boy and stop
talking, I'll get you treatedthe next time.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Oh, fuck you.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Oh, fuck you.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
I swear to God that those two are the worst together
.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
So Noah broke his nose and zip-tied him to the
truck.
Speaker 5 (10:53):
How much of that is bullshit, though?
My guess is none of it.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
What they have always had a fucked-up relationship.
Fucked-up is putting it mildly.
Well, I knew they argued allthe time, but I haven't heard of
anything like this.
Isaac never mentioned anythingwhile we were dating, at least,
oh God, the stories I could tellyou.
Isaac ain't gonna mention much,because usually it was just him
(11:18):
getting his ass kicked Really.
Yeah, Gabe is right.
Well, that explains why he wasso dead set on watching John
Wick movies when he would comehome from a family function.
Eh nah, he's probably justwatching Tybo infomercials.
Shit, it's Lucas.
I have to leave.
Speaker 5 (11:39):
You know, it's not a good sign that you become
depressed when your boyfriendcalls you no.
He just gets a bit pissy whenI'm not with him, you mean, he's
an asshole.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
He deserves a severe beating Maya.
Whatever, I'll call you guyslater.
Maya, come here.
What?
Kirsten?
I'm just going to throw thisout there.
I totally know a guy with a pigfarm, if you ever need him to
just disappear.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies.
Starring Tim Welsh, Ben Gaddafi, Samantha Johnson, Ren Soren,
Katie Lee Rumpf, Tessa Thompson,Alexander Hamilton, Ryan Rumpf,
Nick Vodka, Jason Flynn.
Written and directed by BenGaddafi.
With the truck working right along the road,
again, the ultimate game of catand mouse is going to ensue.
Leaving these boys unattendedcan have dire effect on
someone's mental fortitude.
Just ask Kirsten, the poorwoman has had to pull these boys
apart with a broom more timesthan a dog sniffing another
(00:31):
dog's ass.
Noah has never trusted Isaac.
Isaac can't sneeze withoutbeing called Judas, but that, my
friends, is kind of justified.
Speaker 2 (01:09):
What are you looking for?
A napkin for you?
You look like you forgot toclean your chin.
What, oh, there they are.
Yeah you look like you did somesexual favors for the hotel
room.
Reminds you of making theDean's List in college.
There, sasha Gray, here.
Let me see your phone.
I'll take a picture here.
(01:29):
There's nothing there there,sure isn't, but I distracted you
long enough.
Oh shit, what is he doing?
I don't trust this fuckinggorilla.
Speaker 4 (01:47):
Fuck, he's coming Lock the door Lock the door Lock
the door.
Speaker 2 (01:51):
Are you serious?
You broke the lock when we werekids, dickberry.
It hasn't worked in years.
How would I know that you brokeit?
What the hell are you doing?
Fucking?
Let go dude.
Since you like to sabotagethings like a Bond villain, you
are no longer allowed to leavethe goddamn truck.
So you zip, tie my left hand tothe door.
Yes, what if I have to piss?
There's an empty bottle thereby your feet.
(02:12):
If you have to go, stick yourlittle willy in there.
My apologies, are youpost-operation?
I'll get you a shiwi while I'minside, unless you would prefer
a diaper.
You know this is literalkidnapping, right, I know, and
it's kind of exciting, I'll grabyou somebody when I'm inside.
Watch your feet asshole thefuck man.
(02:34):
Noah's straight-up lost shit.
Phone call, phone call.
Get the fucking thing.
Call for help.
You, son of a bitch.
Oops, fuck, I missed it.
Angry Grego.
Speaker 1 (02:59):
Kirsten, you can outrun the devil, but you ain't
gonna outrun me the Gentle Artof Making Enemies, written and
directed by Ben Gaddafi.
Speaker 4 (03:27):
Episode 4 he's always on his phone Glued to it.
Speaker 5 (03:30):
Jesus, all this work for a man who used to pronounce
my name Kirsten oh, tell meabout it, he always called me
Mia Drove me crazy.
Don't get me wrong.
I loved the old bastard, butpreparing for someone's funeral
while his two boys are outfingering each other has me a
little pissed off.
Speak of the devil.
Hello Kirsten Isaac.
(03:50):
Where is Noah the devil?
Hello, kirsten Isaac where isNoah?
Speaker 4 (03:53):
Noah's fucking lost it.
Okay, Turn it on speakerphone.
Speaker 2 (03:55):
He left me in the truck and zip-tied me to the
door handle.
I'm pretty sure he's buying ashovel and finding a small child
to take the blame when heburies my ass.
Speaker 5 (04:02):
He what.
Speaker 2 (04:03):
Zip-tied me to the fucking truck.
Speaker 4 (04:04):
What did you do, Isaac?
Speaker 5 (04:06):
Who is that?
It's Gabriel.
Speaker 2 (04:09):
Who the fuck?
Speaker 5 (04:09):
is that it's Maya Maya, like Maya Maya?
Yes, now what the fuck is goingon?
Speaker 2 (04:16):
Well, Kirsten, your husband has gone nuts and
zip-tied me to the truck door.
Speaker 5 (04:19):
How many times do I have to say this?
Why did he zip-tie you to thedoor?
Speaker 2 (04:22):
Because he's three whippets shy of being mentally
handicapped.
I don't know.
Speaker 4 (04:26):
He totally did something, oh guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (04:29):
Why would you assume I did something?
Speaker 4 (04:32):
Isaac, we know your family, we know you.
Speaker 5 (04:38):
That silence is the sound of guilt.
Speaker 2 (04:40):
Isaac, Fuck you guys Call the police.
I'm being held against my will.
I think that's a little moreimportant.
Where are you guys?
I think on Highway 30 somewhere, maybe Julesburg.
What does it matter?
Speaker 4 (04:50):
Highway 30?
Why didn't you take theinterstate?
Speaker 2 (04:53):
How many people am I talking to?
Speaker 4 (04:54):
There's three of us, but why take Highway 30?
The speed limit's only 55.
Pete, who the fuck is Pete?
No, this is Gabe Isaac.
When are you?
Speaker 5 (05:03):
back.
Speaker 2 (05:04):
Now, who's this?
Speaker 4 (05:05):
Maya.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
My ex-Maya.
Well, this is awkward.
Speaker 5 (05:08):
Isaac focus.
What the hell is taking youguys so long?
Jesus, Kirsten, take me off thespeakerphone.
All I want to know is if youguys are on your way back yet,
why are there so many people atyour house?
I heard like nine people buttin Because we are going through
photos for your dad's funeral,something that you two dickheads
should be doing right now andthey all had to listen in.
God damn it.
Kirsten, like your brother, I'mgonna break your nose.
Speaker 2 (05:30):
Well, lucky for me, Noah already did that.
Speaker 5 (05:31):
What, why?
You know what?
Just don't answer that.
Speaker 4 (05:35):
What happened?
Speaker 5 (05:36):
Uh, apparently Isaac's nose is broken.
What, how he collided withNoah's fist.
Speaker 2 (05:47):
I would presume you boys get back here in one piece.
Do you hear me Tell that toyour crazy-ass husband?
Who are you talking to and whythe hell do you look like you're
farting in the air?
Speaker 5 (05:54):
vent, I mean it.
Do you both want to learn howto spell eunuch?
Speaker 2 (05:59):
It's your wife.
She wants to know how to spelleunuch.
What E-U-N-U-C-H?
She's a fucking literary major.
What the hell is she asking?
Speaker 5 (06:08):
Just quit fucking around and get home safe.
I am done playing mother to acouple of baboons.
Speaker 2 (06:14):
Why are you on the phone with my wife Easy there,
psycho.
She wanted to know where wewere.
Oh, oh here I got you some foodHeads up.
Oh, I love them.
You hit me in the nose.
I'm well aware.
Give me the phone, you fuckingdick.
Oh God, I think I'm bleedingagain.
Hey, baby, we'll be home herein a few hours, I promise.
Speaker 5 (06:34):
Just quit fucking around and don't let Isaac near
any mechanical parts.
Sure thing, I love you.
I love you too.
Children, they're both children.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
Hey, give me your knife.
No, what am I going to do?
Stab you.
I don't know how hard you'recoming down on whatever fucking
drugs you've been on.
Yeah, give me the knife so Ican kill us all.
I want to cut myself free.
Noah, I'm still strapped to thefucking door here.
(07:14):
I want this back, thank you.
So Maya still hangs out with youguys?
Well, yeah, she's Gabriel'sstepsister.
Just because you two stopdiddling each other doesn't mean
we're going to kick her out ofour lives too.
So she hangs out thereregularly.
(07:35):
I guess why?
I'm just curious.
Oh, do you miss her?
Shut up.
Good luck with that.
Yeah, she's got a boyfriendanyway, doesn't she?
Some prick named Lucas.
The guy needs to be hit by afucking Buick.
Really, how Well?
(08:00):
I would imagine someone wouldpress their foot on the
accelerator really, really harduntil it couldn't go down any
farther and they aim for him ashe's crossing the fucking street
.
Dude, you know what I mean?
He's super controlling.
He talks down to her.
It's that kind of shit.
I'm surprised Maya hasn't laidhim the fuck out yet.
So sounds like they're breakingup soon then.
Huh, you don't stand a chance.
(08:21):
Queef McQueen, why not?
Why not?
You ghosted her.
You honestly think she wouldtake you back after you just up
and left her for Colorado.
Yeah, good point.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Good point.
Speaker 2 (08:34):
I'm agreeing with you .
Still funny, I fucked up.
I know that Fucked up isputting it lightly.
What's that supposed to mean?
Isaac, you quit your accountinggig with the city to become
some junky Instagram model.
Your detective skills areamazing.
You're doing great.
Okay, here's what I know.
You do not work, you do not paytaxes.
(08:55):
All you do is snowboard and gethigh.
You contribute nothing tosociety and you rub it in
everybody's fucking face.
That's seriously how you viewmy life.
Yes, why?
I just told you why no, why doyou think that's what I'm doing
with my life?
Because that's how your lifereally is.
So I'm just some unemployed,fucking snowboard junkie.
(09:16):
You know how much a season passon the mountain actually is?
I'd imagine free if you givethe right guy a tug in the
parking lot, never mind.
Where's that sandwich?
God, this looks like shit.
Is this thing even edible?
I eat them all the time.
You'll be fine.
(09:36):
You've also eaten canned dogfood.
When you were drunk, dude, Ithought it was tuna.
Tuna doesn't smell and tastelike fart, noah, fine.
Speaker 3 (09:52):
I'll eat the sandwich Mmm.
Just as good as dog food.
Speaker 2 (09:58):
Did you get anything else?
Nope, what?
No, I did not.
Speaker 3 (10:05):
No chips, anything, nope, I ate my sandwich in the
store.
Speaker 1 (10:12):
I got one for you and a couple of sodas here.
Here you go, champ.
Speaker 3 (10:17):
Gee, thanks, no problem.
Well, you have a few, but who'scounting, am I right, god,
you're hysterical.
I know God gave me a gift.
He gave you crabs, and now, ifyou be a good boy and stop
talking, I'll get you treatedthe next time.
Speaker 2 (10:37):
Oh, fuck you.
Speaker 3 (10:40):
Oh, fuck you.
Speaker 5 (10:47):
I swear to God that those two are the worst together
.
Speaker 4 (10:49):
So Noah broke his nose and zip-tied him to the
truck.
Speaker 5 (10:53):
How much of that is bullshit, though?
My guess is none of it.
Speaker 4 (10:57):
What they have always had a fucked-up relationship.
Fucked-up is putting it mildly.
Well, I knew they argued allthe time, but I haven't heard of
anything like this.
Isaac never mentioned anythingwhile we were dating, at least,
oh God, the stories I could tellyou.
Isaac ain't gonna mention much,because usually it was just him
(11:18):
getting his ass kicked Really.
Yeah, Gabe is right.
Well, that explains why he wasso dead set on watching John
Wick movies when he would comehome from a family function.
Eh nah, he's probably justwatching Tybo infomercials.
Shit, it's Lucas.
I have to leave.
Speaker 5 (11:39):
You know, it's not a good sign that you become
depressed when your boyfriendcalls you no.
He just gets a bit pissy whenI'm not with him, you mean, he's
an asshole.
Speaker 4 (11:49):
I don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 5 (11:53):
He deserves a severe beating Maya.
Whatever, I'll call you guyslater.
Maya, come here.
What?
Kirsten?
I'm just going to throw thisout there.
I totally know a guy with a pigfarm, if you ever need him to
just disappear.
Speaker 1 (12:14):
The Gentle Art of Making Enemies.
Starring Tim Welsh, Ben Gaddafi, Samantha Johnson, Ren Soren,
Katie Lee Rumpf, Tessa Thompson,Alexander Hamilton, Ryan Rumpf,
Nick Vodka, Jason Flynn.
Written and directed by BenGaddafi.
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