In this conversation, we speak with our friend Bryan J. Hurd about his life experiences and the mindfulness and intentional living that shape it. We delve into his family traditions, his 20-year marriage to his wife, and lessons learned while raising their four sons. We also discuss how to catch life's curveballs with grace and intention, and how to confront inner shadows during difficult times.
We also talk about the impact of the COVID-19 pandemic, his personal experience with mental health challenges, and how societal landscapes shifted during this time. Additionally, we discuss the transformative experience of the Evolution Project event formed from Bryan's journey that he now shares with other men on their own journey.
Lastly, we touch upon fatherhood, shared experiences, and the connections fostered through the Evolution Project. Join us!
Check out the show on any of your favorite platforms and give us a like and follow if you like our content!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast.
I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Chug.
Brian J Herd is in the podcaststudio with us today and we're
super excited to have him.
Brian and I knew each other, Ithink through social media and
through mutual friends, for anumber of years, but it wasn't
until I was invited to be a partof a monthly men's group that
Brian was a part of.
Walked into the room, there wasBrian, gave us an opportunity
(00:26):
to actually get to know eachother on a personal level.
We've been able to hang outmany times since then.
Many of these men's groupmeetings have kind of driven me
to really respect Brian and I'vebeen able to do some events.
He runs a really cool projectwe're going to talk about today
that I've been able to attendand go to, and really a
life-changing event.
We'll let Brian introducehimself and his family, but I'm
(00:50):
super excited to have you heretoday, brian.
Welcome to the GentlemanProject Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
I'm excited to be here.
I'm going to be honest with you.
All of a sudden, the micstarted and everything, and I
got nervous.
Brian nervous.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Come on, it's true.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Well, what does the J stand for?
Is that something that we wantto talk about on the podcast?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Jeffrey, my father Fitty.
We have a tradition in the Herdfamily First boy named after
their father middle name.
So we got Dean Wayne, jeffrey,dean Brian, herd Camden Brian.
Hey, cool.
So there's the four generations.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
That's a pretty good tradition.
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Learning something new aboutyou on the podcast today, there
you go.
So you have a family of boys.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I call them the Wolfpack.
My boys are 18, 16, 14.
And then, just for fun, we hada child and he's four.
So there's a 10-year gapbetween our three and our fourth
.
So that's the Wolfpack, parttwo.
He's probably the most fierceof all four of them and runs the
roost.
My oldest son, Camden,currently serving in LDS mission
(01:54):
in Singapore and Malaysia.
It's been out for about fourmonths Loving that experience.
We're loving it as his parents.
It's been really cool to watchhim go through that and have
that experience.
My 16-year-old Rostin, awesome,fun guy.
I really feel like he's one ofmy really good friends.
Rostin's very entrepreneurialminded.
He's very kinetic.
Just one flipping car.
This is the one that flips carslike very entrepreneurial.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
The Utah State tax mission does not lessen to,
that's right.
The podcast.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
He only does three a year, guys, so we're keeping it
clean.
And then Colin is my 30s, 14.
Colin's gift is his smile.
He's just the easiest goinghappy kid ever.
We joke around.
A couple years ago he went on avacation to the Polynesian
Cultural Center and you know howyou can like roll on tattoos.
This kid rolled on tattoosevery part of his body and he's
(02:46):
like throwing spears and likeinto the coconuts and stuff, and
he's actually doing this.
And so a fun fact about my kidsis my wife is from India.
She was adopted and she wasthree months old, so our
children look like ethnic right.
They have brown eyes and darkerskin, and so the joke is is
like Colin's a big kid.
(03:06):
He almost looks Polynesian,right.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Once he puts on all the tattoos and starts throwing
spears, he looks reallyPolynesian.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
If you would have seen him there, dude, it was the
funniest thing ever.
He's just like throwing ithidden, just smiling.
It's like happy kid.
He starts talking like MauiDude.
He's like an eye, like he hasthat Islander, like vibe, he's
just chill, right.
And then Anders is, you know,the light of our lives and you
know that Lake Caboose, my wifeChandi.
(03:34):
She's amazing.
We've been married for 20 yearsthis year and she's just
awesome.
She's everything that I'm not.
You know it's interesting.
I married my opposite andthat's been like a really
interesting thing to go throughin life.
Right, because it's like shecovers all my blind spots and I
(03:55):
don't know.
It's just something that myyounger self couldn't have
foreseen.
You know what I mean.
I appreciate it more as I getolder.
That'd be the right way to sayit.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Interesting that you say those things about, like,
coming in to realize things.
Or I'm old enough to say thisnow, or I'm old enough to
realize this, because somethingyou have to understand about
Brian is he's probably my mostmindful friend and he's always
looking at things through adifferent lens than I do and he
(04:27):
kind of like invites you to lookthrough a different window than
what you're currently lookingout of.
And you know, he's encouragedme and he's said things to me
that just make sense in my brainand he's mindful and very, very
purposeful in what he says andwhat he does.
And so if you're listening tothe podcast today, like that's
(04:50):
just and you get that sense,brian is a very, very mindful
guy and he spends a lot of timeon self-improvement, spends a
lot of time in his own head,right, and I think I'm saying
that as a good thing.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah, it's a hugely positive thing in my mind.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Like.
I don't know if there's abetter way to say it, but Brian
very, very much is purposefulabout the way he thinks.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Yeah, I like to think of it as, like, I'm always in a
conversation with life.
That's how I view it.
I mean, this is like a kind ofBuddhist philosophy, but it's
not getting hung up on right orwrong, it's more living in this
place of like everything I'veexperienced in my life has led
me to this place.
Therefore, failures are notfailures, it's just progress
(05:38):
towards me, and you know theconcept of evolution, for
example.
Right, it's this continualimprovement.
I just like to think of my lifeas like a conversation.
You know, you can say with God,you can say with life, you can
say with higher power, you cansay whatever.
But I think that when I can putpurpose to my experiences in
(06:02):
life, good and bad, it makesthings make more sense and it
gives me a deeper well ofgratitude to like go forth and
live my life from, which is not.
I've not always been like that,guys, I was going to ask you
that.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Is that like, was this a learned thing?
And when did it come to you andhow did it progress?
Because I think I think peopleare more at peace when they're
thinking the way you are andwhen they're trying to tap in,
to thinking about life and ahigher power and what, why are
they really here and what is mypurpose and all those things.
(06:36):
How did that come to you and,like, where did that come from?
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Life is sequential.
I believe that, like I used tobrand myself as the most
positive person I knew, now, onthe surface that sounds pretty
cool, but if I went a couplelayers deeper with that same
person and I'm talking like thisis probably when I was in my
20s I can remember when I wouldwrite in my journal during that
period of time in my life, likemy goal was I want to be the
(07:07):
most positive person that I know, and I branded myself with that
, create a lot of identityaround it.
The challenge to that is is Igave myself a window of emotions
that I allowed myself to feel,because if I wanted to be the
most positive person I knew, Ihad to be very careful about
feeling good all the time isreally what I was going for.
(07:28):
So what I found is is I createdthis like emotional spectrum
where it was like I want to feelgood, I don't want to feel bad
too long and I don't want tofeel really great too long,
because if I feel great too long, something's bound to take me
down to good and I hate how Ifeel when I'm bad.
I can't be with my own emotionsof feeling bad.
(07:52):
How on earth could I sit withsomebody else, but for a while,
like that was the conversationwith life.
I'm the most positive person.
I know, anything that happenedin my life.
I'm like going to find therainbow in it, right.
Until one day I realized like Ithink I'm missing the
conversation Because if I'mlimiting the feelings that I can
(08:14):
actually feel in my life,there's other feelings that want
to teach me something that I'mnot allowing.
Like I'm stuffing thoseemotions, I'm ignoring those
emotions and my belief is isthat at some point the volcano
erupts, at some point we getrevealed to ourselves ultimately
, but it's going to come out.
It's just when.
(08:35):
For me, that was COVID.
Covid, for me, was there werethings boiling in motion, but
COVID is what you know.
That was the kicker for me,because I couldn't do it anymore
, you know, and what's cool isand that's exactly why I'm here
where I'm at right now.
You know, without getting Imean, I can get in more in the
(08:57):
story of that, but the shortversion I realized that we have
emotions for a reason and thatwhen I'm able to feel all my
emotions, I can growsignificantly as a person and my
compassion and my ability tosit with somebody else increases
because I'm okay with myself.
Before, if someone was goinginto like the uncomfortable part
(09:19):
of me, I'd make you laugh,right?
And guys do this all the time.
Right?
Correct a joke, change thesubject, right?
Yeah, because I don't reallywant to go there with you,
because I don't really want toknow how you're doing it's true.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
I laugh because it's true.
Yeah, you know, and I think thewomen in our lives could
probably attest to.
You know, if they want to godeep with us, like we're really
good avoiders, If we don't wantto talk about it, there's a
thousand things we can do to getout of it.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, smoke screen yeah.
So it sounds like there's astory there during COVID that
give you a bit of an aha moment.
I'll call it.
Yeah, where you said, theseemotions are probably good for
me to feel.
Do you want to share that withus?
Yeah, of course, of course.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
I didn't know.
In my mind I'm like how longshould I talk right now?
Am I coming out of too hot?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
out of the chute right now.
No, you're good.
You're good, corey, and I liketo listen.
I don't know Everybodylistening to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
They don't listen to us.
They want to hear from you thenew voice, the new mind in the
room.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I think we're good at asking questions to get you to
talk, so, okay, thank you.
We love the conversation, okay,cool.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
So here's how it went down for me.
I have a theory about COVID.
All COVID did is it forcedpeople to sit with themselves
because it's really easy livingmy life in a rhythm, because I
know I like you know.
The joke that I used to have isI'd get up and from the time I
brushed my teeth until the timeI had lunch, I wasn't making a
(10:54):
lot of decisions because I wasjust kind of on autopilot.
Right, Don't get showered, getdressed, eat a quick breakfast,
drive to work, drop my kids off,get on my way to work, answer
some emails, right, make acouple phone calls, make sure my
plans go for the day, and thenit's like lunch.
I'm like, oh, what do I want toeat today?
And so COVID was a pattern,interrupt so all this and I was
(11:18):
taken away from all the thingsin my life that create identity,
that keep me comfortable, and Iactually got to sit with myself
.
A lot of people did, and we sawthis I mean, corey, I'm sure
you saw this within your companyright, people were working from
home and they had some time tosit.
And you know and, by the way, Ididn't mean to single like your
company out, but in general,right, like, yeah, a lot of
(11:39):
people, divorce rate went upduring that period of time.
Right, a lot of people changedjobs.
A lot of people, you know,spent time with their family.
A lot of people pursued theirpassions.
A lot of people felt depression.
A lot of people like, fill inthe blank, but we had a space
where I didn't have to go intomy matrix every day and I had to
(12:02):
sit with it.
So I, I, I too, did that.
Right, and for me, the firstpart of COVID was I needed to be
the guy running a real estateteam at that time, and so I had
to be the guy.
So it didn't really matter howI felt, I just needed to keep
showing up.
And you know, during thatperiod of time, how are we going
to show houses, how are wegoing to sell houses?
(12:24):
What does this look like?
And you know, there wasprobably a two month period
where the real estate marketkind of slowed significantly.
You're kind of like, how are wegoing to do this?
And then everybody knows howthat went.
After that, right, crazy For me, what happened is I hit this
place where I had, I had ideasin my head and things that I
(12:45):
wanted to pursue that I pushedoff for years and with good
excuses, right, good, intense,but not really any action
towards it.
And so I kind of had one daywhere everything kind of just
came to a head.
I didn't feel like me it'sprobably the closest that I
would define that I felt todepression.
(13:07):
I don't know fully whatdepression feels like, but I
imagine what I felt felt likethat I didn't want to talk to
anybody.
I got up that morning, Istarted to get ready.
I ended up just going back tobed until 11 o'clock, which I'm
like a 5am kind of guy and, asthe story goes, I'm laying there
(13:28):
in my bed and I'm just like Idon't want to do anything today.
I don't want to talk to anybody.
I don't, I don't want to, Ijust want to be today and I get
a phone call from a friend andI've known this person for
probably 15 years at this pointand her name is Michelle.
She's like a life coach kind ofperson and she was calling just
(13:49):
to check in on me, like sayhello.
And when the call comes in, Ilook at my call and I'm like I
don't, I don't really want totalk right now.
And I go to like ignore thecall and somehow it picks up and
I find myself in a conversationwith her and she asks how
you've been doing, to which I'mlike I'm going to smoke screen
this, I'm going to shut thisdown fast.
(14:10):
Doing fine man COVID sucks,just trying to get through
things right, just surfacefacade.
But I actually told her thetruth and I was like, honestly,
I'm like I'm going to funk rightnow and she's like what's wrong
?
And then I just went off and Iwas telling her all the things
that I had no control over thatwere bucking me.
You know, it's talking aboutthe monetary system, I was
(14:34):
talking about COVID, I wastalking about mandates, I was
talking about all these thingsthat in my mind, were just
things that bugged me, that Ihad no control over.
And then she says to me, shesays, man, that must be really
difficult.
And I was like, yeah, yeah,it's difficult.
And then she's like so what areyou going to do about it?
(14:55):
And that was like that was likethe gasoline soaking on the
fire.
I was like I'll tell you whatI'm going to do about it.
Nothing, there's nothing I cando about it.
And then I just ramped it up,probably for another five
minutes.
Probably sounded like a madman,you know.
And then she just sat there andshe said that must be really a
(15:16):
difficult place to be.
And then I said, yeah, it is.
And she said so what do youwant to do about it?
Like in a different tone, kindof changing the question a
little bit, I sat there and thenthat's where the real stuff hit
.
And when I talk about, when westuff like it's going to come
out at some point, that's whenit came out for me and before I
(15:39):
know it I'm crying, talking toher and I'm telling her about
how I feel like I'm dying inside.
And for years I talked abouthow I wanted to do this men's
retreat and I hadn't done athing and I'd started and
stopped, and started and startedand stopped.
And I just felt like I saidthis is something I'm supposed
(16:00):
to do and I've known it for along time and I just haven't
done it and I feel like I'mdying inside.
So I told her and she said well, what are you going to do?
And I said I don't know.
I mean, I got the time tofinally do something like this.
But I said I have no idea whereto start.
(16:24):
And she said well, I've done acouple of these types of things.
And she said all you need is adate and you need to figure out
roughly how much it's going tocost, and we can figure
everything out.
After that I was like, okay,and she goes tell you what.
(16:44):
I want you to make a list ofpeople that you think would want
to come to something thatyou've been you want to create.
You don't need to know all thedetails, you just need to know
the date.
We can figure everything elseout.
So I want you to write a listof five to ten people.
I want you to call them and Iwant you to see who wants to go.
(17:09):
And you need to figure out howmuch this thing is going to cost
.
So, like you know, to rent afacility, it's probably going to
be this much and you're goingto have to bring in food, you're
going to have to do this stuff.
So I figured out a cost of whatit would be.
And then she says here's thedeal I'll help you get started,
but if you want me to go throughthe whole process with you, you
need to write me a check for$5,000 because I want you to
(17:30):
show up.
And then she said I'll be on aphone call with you every
Thursday and I'll make sure thishappens.
I won't let you sell, because Itold her I self sabotage.
So I know what I'm going to do.
I'm going to get like 80% doneand I'll freaking burn it down,
right.
And she said no, I'll make sureyou do it, but I need you
vested in it and, like you know,let's do that.
(17:51):
So the next day wrote her acheck and I called my list,
called my really good buddy upfirst and I started telling him
about it and I am fumblingthrough it.
Hey, his name is Blake.
I'm like, hey, blake, I'mthinking about doing this thing
that I kind of told you about acouple years ago, and it's going
to be in September and likethis is June, okay, and I'm like
(18:16):
it's going to be cool and Ireally like you to come and it's
going to be $1,000.
But if you can't do that,that's okay, I just want you to
come.
And then, magically, what do Ihear?
Venmo, ding, ding.
Hey, cleared my schedule.
(18:37):
I'll be there.
I'm really looking forward toit.
So I call it Michelle and I go.
Somebody said yes, and theyactually sent money to me and
she goes good, now you won'tquit.
And that was it.
That was the start.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
So now this is what you do.
You do these all the time.
Now I'm understanding.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Yeah, corey.
So my life's in like threecontainers.
That's the simple version.
Obviously, relationships arewhat guide my life, first and
foremost my family, right?
That's the most importantpillar in my life.
I sell real estate.
I sell residential real estate.
Done that for almost 18 years.
That's what kind of pays thebills.
I feel like I'm good at it andI enjoy doing it.
(19:25):
Evolution project is meaningfulwork in my life.
It's something I super enjoyand I do believe as time goes on
, it will continue to grow.
Right now, I mean, it'ssomething I do a handful of
times throughout the year.
We do some events throughoutthe year and invite people to it
, and you know there'sdefinitely another conversation
(19:46):
to have around that as itcontinues to grow.
I've been trying to let it likeorganically manifest in my life
because there's a tendency thatI want to turn everything into a
business and what I found isevery time I started to really
kind of like dig into it thatway, it felt a little weird and
(20:08):
I think part of it was I justneeded to get more reps.
You know, if you came to thefirst one and you came to the
last one, like you can tellthey're in the same category,
but the level that they're beingdone at now is a way higher
level than when I start, likeanything in life.
Sure, sure you know I love it,though I mean it's.
(20:31):
It's definitely like a callingin life.
For sure, I mean it's somethingthat's I feel very much on
purpose when I'm in that space.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
So what's the point of these?
Like, why did you?
Speaker 2 (20:43):
sorry I'm going crazy with my questions over here,
but you're good, I've been to anevolution project, so you know
I can speak to it a little bit.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Yeah, and I would love to you know, have your
insight on it.
So what was the?
Speaker 1 (20:54):
why and starting that and you know why.
Why do you do these groups andwhat's the benefit to getting
together?
Speaker 3 (21:03):
First and foremost, I created the container that I
wanted.
They say, scratch the itch thatyou have, and you know it's
usually going to lead you down apath.
These groups aren't very bigeight to 12 men in a group and I
got about three people.
That helped me facilitate it.
The purpose, corey, is, Ibelieve, that we're always on to
(21:27):
ourselves.
I believe that people know whatthey need to do If they slow
down a little bit and theydisconnect and they reconnect
with self and with source.
You know, I think it's veryhealthy to have a place where
you can do that and come backinto your life.
And you know, as you leadpeople and your family and your
(21:49):
children, there's aresponsibility for you to be
your best self.
And oftentimes the leader isthe one that is the most
neglected, right, becausethey're trying to hold the space
for everybody and it's kind ofbackwards when you think about
it.
And so for me, the EvolutionProject became a way to self
(22:17):
discover for myself throughfacilitating experiences with
other men in nature where we candisconnect from the world to
reconnect with ourselves.
One of the things that we goover in the experience is the
(22:40):
hero's journey we talk aboutthat.
It's a really good framework toutilize to help people.
I believe that the way my brainworks, at least, is if I can
understand somethingcontextually in like a container
.
It helps me make sense ofmyself Because, left to my own
(23:00):
demise, my own devices, like, Ican take myself to the woodshed
if I want to right, and I canget really stuck in my patterns,
right, and when I have acontext that I can look at
something from, it gives me away to look at it and see myself
(23:22):
in it.
So, for example, like thehero's journey, it's like the
oldest framework in storytellingthat we know of.
You have a hero.
He lives in an ordinary world.
Right, there's a call toadventure.
He ignores the call.
He denies the call, right,because he wants to stay in his
(23:43):
old life.
Something happens, he answersthe call and says, okay, dude,
something's got to change.
Right, we always use theframework of, like Star Wars,
right, lord of the Rings, lordof the Rings.
But you could really use almostany Disney story.
It's true, it's the frameworkthey use for Pixar.
(24:04):
And you know, you cross athreshold Shortly after.
Here comes the mentor.
You have allies, you havevillains, you have battles, you
have challenges.
It leads to the inner cave andin the inner cave, the hero is
always revealed to himself.
The dragon is down thereguarding the treasure.
(24:26):
There's a death along the way,usually an ego death.
I'm not the person that I usedto be anymore.
I've changed.
I see myself differently.
I get back on the path.
I'm immediately tested again.
Did I really change?
Did I really rebirth?
I overcome the challenge.
(24:48):
Usually, the challenge is aninternal challenge and an
external challenge.
That's happening with the hero,right?
So Luke Skywalker his externalchallenges is dude.
If I don't figure this out, thegalaxy is gone.
Internal challenge Darth Vaderis my father.
Am I that guy?
Do I have the darkness in me?
Which the answer is yes, we allhave the darkness in us.
(25:11):
That's the very thing thatmakes us human in recognizing it
.
It's incredibly powerfulBecause all your gifts are in
the shadows.
But it's scary as hell to gointo the shadows Because we
don't want to know what wealready know, right, and then we
choose to.
Ultimately, I believe it's amixture of like, embrace and
(25:34):
overcome.
The more energy that I pushsomething away with, the more
energy I'm actually giving itright.
So this is with my feelings.
When I talked to the beginningright.
I said I want to feel good.
I got my parameters of whatgood means and anything outside
of those parameters.
Get me out of it as fast aspossible.
Pattern, interrupt me, make itfunny, change the subject, stuff
(25:56):
the emotion.
But there was so much more forme to experience outside of that
and that was the gift, right.
And then the hero comes back towhere he left, but he's not the
same guy that he used to be.
He's a different person andeven though he's entered the
(26:18):
ordinary world again, he's notthe same person that he used to
be.
And then what happens?
Another hero's journey.
And this is the story, this isthe human story, and what's cool
is is like I love to share thatframework with men.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Because when you realize, like you are your own
evolution project, you are thehero of your journey, you know
those things that you reallyhate.
I bet there's something inthere, that person that you're
judging so hard, I bet you're alittle bit like them, right?
Because everything's justmirroring back in and it changes
(27:00):
the game, because yourconsciousness will rise and
you'll be sitting in spaces andyou will feel the triggers hit
right.
Judgment is my trigger for sure.
Why do I judge?
Because there's a lot ofreasons why I judge, of course,
but it's self-protection of myown ego is ultimately what I'm
(27:20):
doing, right?
So what's the opposite ofjudgment?
Curiosity.
So like what if I sat next tothe person that's triggering me?
Let's figure out what's goingon with that.
Introspectively, look at mylife Now.
It doesn't mean I'm gonna befriends with everybody, but
there's a lesson in all thisstuff and, once again, hero's
(27:40):
journey is a framework for me tohave my conversation with life.
Yeah, and when you understandit, like, I remember sitting and
talking with you on the bridgeover the water you had probably
a 25, 30 minute conversation.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
I'm glad it seemed like only 25 or 30 minutes to
you.
It was probably like an hour.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
It was beautiful, though, dude, like that's what's
cool, I got a window into youthat made me go.
Dude, not only do I respectthat guy, I love that guy, and
not like I had judgment on youokay.
But my love and compassion anddesire to lift you up to like
(28:23):
live your hero's journey andencourage you.
I wanna be like the charismaticdude that's saying, like, go
for it, because the world'sgonna be a better place.
When you sing your song, whenyou write your book, when you do
your thing, when you show up asa husband, when you show up as
a father, that's the juice.
So I just gave you a reallylong answer, corey, but like
(28:48):
it's soul work, it's real soulwork.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
I like it.
Yeah, I haven't heard it putthat way, but to kind of restate
it, the hero's journey is acool way of thinking about it
because it gets you out of yourown head right.
Like you look at your life fromoutside, like that a lot.
But I think all of us, myselfincluded, get on this treadmill
tactical place Totally, like yousaid, going through the most.
(29:14):
No, we don't have goals, notthat we don't wanna improve,
it's not that we don't want toprogress, having continuous
improvement.
But you don't really do thosethings unless you get out of
your own way for a minute,unless you get out of that
treadmill life and take a breakand say, okay, but am I really,
yeah, tap into a higher power?
(29:36):
Am I really doing the things Ishould?
Am I actually progressing onwho I wanna become?
But I like the hero's journeyof thinking through that because
I think it makes it morepalatable Totally.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
And he uses that framework during the event.
I was able to go.
He invited me to go inSeptember and it was up in the
mountains in Oakley.
It was beautiful, it was likecrisp fall days, but it's like
all day Friday, half daySaturday, and we talked about
this earlier.
It feels like it's intense work, like you're not sitting there
(30:14):
just shooting the breeze verymuch.
Brian has it scheduled all day,yeah, and you sleep very good
at night.
The activities during the dayare formulated around this
hero's journey and it's neatbecause while he's teaching it
and facilitating thisconversation, you're having the
(30:34):
conversation in your own head,but you're also doing something
and I learned that way.
Yeah, it's kind of like thegentleman project.
You learn it when you write itdown.
Then you move on to the nextthing.
You know, like when we'retalking about leaving home and
going across the void, like thepoint of no return, you know
we're walking across the bridge,like I remember that in my head
(30:55):
.
Yeah, Well, do you remember?
I?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
said when you walk across the bridge, like
everything's super intentional,it's like, hey, what's the thing
, what's the call that you needto answer right now.
And I say don't walk across thebridge until you've identified
it.
And what I love is sometimes aman will be sitting at the
bridge for five minutes and Iwatch them, I watch them toil.
(31:18):
I know they are having a fulldialogue in their head and this
is what's so cool Everyframework.
So, just so you know, here'sthe magic.
There's five frameworks that wego through.
Every framework has a topic, agroup discussion, a physical
activity because I believe welearn in movement, right.
(31:39):
And then we call it an upload,where there's a period of time
Everyone gets a really cooljournal.
They're really nice and there'san upload where you get to
write what that means to you,because I believe that we're
always on to ourselves.
I believe that's a very trueprinciple and if we can create a
space that's safe enough tofully feel and step into it,
(32:00):
like, watch what happens and I'mtelling you there's some
amazing things that happen inthat exercise, because I truly
believe that you just meetpeople where they're at.
My job at the Evolution Projectis to gather the group to make
it safe and to flow throughstructure.
(32:20):
So, not be rigid, right, belike water.
I'm flowing through structurebecause we do have an intention
of what we wanna cover, but Idon't ever want to cut it short.
There's flex time in between,because there's moments where
it's like we actually need todig into this a little bit more
and we actually need to sit withthis a little bit more.
(32:41):
There is an art and a scienceto everything, right?
So the art is the beauty.
Right, that's the creative,that's the flow, that's the
state.
When you can be in an art withsomething, right, you can just
be moving with it, dancing withit.
Science right, that'smathematical.
Right, that's structure, andyou need both.
(33:04):
And like that to me is is themagic?
It's.
How do you have?
What is the art and science ofconnection in men's work?
What is the art and science ofthat?
Now, I have some theory on that, but I'm telling you God
blessed men with lion hearts.
(33:24):
That's what he did.
We are protectors, we areproviders, we take the hill,
we'll do anything for our familyIn lieu of being connected to
my lion heart, we get weak, wefall into addiction, right, we
(33:48):
lose that conversation with life, and then you're just a pawn To
get knocked off.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
How?
How old did?
How do you think you need to beto understand the concepts
you're talking about?
I guess my follow-up questionis you?
Talked to your boys about thisand you've got boys now who are
Either in adulthood orapproaching it.
Hmm, are you talking to themabout these things, is it not?
Not?
Speaker 3 (34:14):
early to this depth dude, like yeah, yeah, it's,
it's, it's the, it's a, it's alittle bit more Watered-down
version.
I want my boys to understandthat the most important thing
that they can do in theirformative years Is know that,
build a relationship with God.
Number one number two I lovethem unconditionally Doesn't
mean I always agree with them,but I love them unconditionally.
(34:36):
That's never gonna change and Iwant them to know that they can
.
They've been given gifts andtalents and I want them to.
I will do anything for them tolearn their gifts and talents
with God.
God's gonna teach him.
You know, my son went on amission.
(34:57):
That was kind of myconversation with God.
I said, hey, I Got him there.
Now you get to have a reallyinteresting conversation with my
son over the next two years andthe conversation I with Camden
is, as I said, I'm here for you.
I'm on the other side of theworld, I'm 15 hours away, 15
hours time zones away from you,and Anything I can do, I will be
(35:19):
there for you.
But you got to connect thesource and You're gonna have a
really great experience andyou're gonna get to learn
something about yourself,because my, my theory is, if
somebody understands thosethings, they can navigate the
storms Doesn't make it anyeasier.
We can weather way more than wethink we can when we have a
(35:41):
framework.
I, I like.
I call it God.
You know, some people call ithigher source or whatever they
want to call it, but I don'tcare what you call it.
Anybody that gets into thatconversation quickly realizes
that the world, the universe, isbigger than them.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
You know, I agree with that.
Those are great, those threeyeah higher power.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
I love him on conditional love.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
And hey, figure out what your superpowers are.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
God's giving you gifts and talents, and my job is
to leave you know, yeah, my jobis.
To whatever you what greatadvice I got from a friend that
was helped me raise good, goodfather thing I say find out
whatever your kids areinterested in and get really
interested in.
What is cam like?
Cam likes swimming, cam likesfood, cam likes travel.
He is, he is a curious Love'sculture.
(36:37):
He he actually adapted toSingapore and Malaysia
incredibly quickly Because thatwas in his ethos, you know, and
that was intrinsically who he is.
Rostin.
What is hot?
Rostin's kinetic.
He wants to touch his hands, hewants to watch the video and
then go do it.
He's the guy that's figuringout how to change the brake pads
(36:59):
on the car with a YouTube videoand Then having his buddy's dad
come over and say is it okay?
But I'm his biggest fan.
Who's chairing them on?
Dude, this is freaking awesome.
How can I help, right, colin?
Colin loves basketball, soanytime somebody invites me to a
jazz game, if there's an extraticket, okay, I bring my son.
(37:22):
Most of the time, if there is,they don't care, you know?
And Colin, I'm telling you,dude, one of the things unique
about Colin is is he was borndeaf, but we didn't catch it
because long story, but he hascochlear implants.
So he was basically deaf forthe first three years of his
life.
So why, god?
Well, he didn't have theability to communicate verbally
(37:43):
very well and he missed hearinga lot of things.
God gave that kid a milliondollar smile that can melt
anything and, and he is just,he's just got a presence about
him that, like, eases the room.
Everybody loves Colin, you know, and that's what I'm saying
like, these are the gifts, theseare the gifts, and my job is to
(38:04):
help my children embrace thesegifts.
Be like dude.
God made you this way, man,you're gonna change the world.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
That's a good way to think of it.
I have another question for you.
Yeah, brother, so oh, you hadthis caboose.
Your youngest is what?
It's your youngest name?
Your four-year-old?
Speaker 3 (38:23):
Anders, anders.
So I wanted to name him Sven,but my wife wouldn't let me do
it.
What a great name, sven.
I'm trying to get my sister toname her kids.
Then she won't do it.
No one will do it.
So if somebody on the podcastListen to this podcast and names
their kids Sven, please leaveit in the comments, because Come
to the evolution project.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
I don't know, free, free ride for, yeah, yeah if you
name your kids some dude needsSven's gonna get your wife
pregnant and name your childSven and you can come to the
evolution project funny.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
The question is yeah, what are you doing different?
You had time Between your oh,great question and your last one
, yeah, and you had time tothink in my mind like Okay, I'm
a different, you were adifferent.
You went through a couple herostories probably yeah, time
frame right yeah can you Tell us, are there some things that
(39:15):
stick out with you to say yeah,I'm doing a couple things
different.
Yeah, you know, maybe theyweren't even wrong the first
time.
I'm just a different person, soI'm doing it different this
time.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
Yeah, stage in life.
So when we had our firstchildren, I was essentially
let's see if I can get it right.
2426 and 28 Remember that timeof your life, guys, totally
different.
Buckle up Because, oh and PS,I'm selling real estate.
Oh yeah, during the real estatecrash, two of my three children
(39:45):
were born.
Two of my four children wereborn.
Thank you, anders.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
Sorry.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
I forget that I have fourth.
That's why I'll talk like that.
But oh seven, oh nine.
So you know that stage in mylife it was.
It left marks for sureEmotionally inside of me.
Inside of me because it's hard,it's just straight up hard guys
.
It also formed me.
(40:10):
I Learned a lot about myself,but I wasn't a bad father.
But there were absolutely dayswhere I left the house well
before they got up and I camehome.
Well, after they got home, theywent to bed and you know I
Would try to coach their soccerteam or do those things.
And this again, I don't think Iwas like a bad father, but I
(40:34):
was very much in a survivalstate during that period of time
.
You know, fast forward to haveAnders basically in 2019,
completely different stage oflife.
Anders is getting a differentexperience In the sense that
this child is full of.
(40:55):
If I had him in here today, youcan feel his spirit.
I don't know how to describe it, but he, he just has like a
joyful, loving, curious Likethis morning he was talking to
me about like he's into sharksright now.
(41:15):
And so what does he do?
He's got these like littlemagnet sharks and there was like
a it's a called.
It's like a ghost shark, Ican't remember the name, but
it's supposed to.
When it bites it's like thefastest shark bite and he's
watching me a YouTube video andhe's telling me about this shark
as he watches the video and I.
It's that presence that I canbring.
(41:36):
We're reading Charlotte's webright now before he goes to bed
every night.
And my first child I read bookswith.
Second child, a little bit moretired third child I'm like I'm
just trying to make a housepayment right now.
Right, and so Anders has had avery different experience and I
will tell you he has been one ofmy greatest teachers.
(41:58):
Yeah, I feel like God Kind ofsaid to me like I know you don't
have this planned, but I gotsomething planned for you that,
if you really lean into this,it's going to change your life,
and Truly.
I remember I was in a GoldmanSachs 10,000 small business
(42:21):
class cohort and I'm drivinghome from the class and my wife
goes can you stop by and pick upa pregnancy test?
And my first thought is is like, well, she's not pregnant.
So I'm like who's pregnant?
Is there?
Like a youth in theneighborhood that wants a
pregnancy test or something likethat Like, why would she ask me
(42:44):
to get a pregnancy test?
So I come home and I'm likehere Because, by the way, after
our third child we took a break.
But after a couple of yearswe're like, let's try to have
one more kid.
Nothing For like four or fiveyears.
And I just remember thinking,dude, maybe the factory is like
shut down, like maybe it doesn'tmatter, you know.
(43:04):
And so the thought of beingpregnant, like was such a
foreign idea to me.
And when she was pregnant Iremember I googled like what's
the air frequency on this thing?
What does it really look like?
Is this really the right thing?
And it's spun us because wewere already going to the next
(43:28):
stage hey, our kids, by the timewe're like in our mid 40s,
they're going to be out.
Where are we going to be?
What are we going to do?
And it was just like the not sofast, dude, I'm going to give
you the greatest gift of yourlife that you did not know was
coming.
And it shook us.
And I say that in the rightterm.
I don't ever want to come offchildren's, children's blessings
(43:50):
from God and I don't want tocome off that like that.
But I'll just tell you it was,it was.
It was a very big surprise toboth of us and one of the best
things in my life for both of us.
So it's good I'm bringing theminto the podcast room next time,
great Bring them in.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
Got a meeting, so if people want to know more about
the evolution project can theygo to the website.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
Yeah, website, my evolution projectcom.
That's the website, okay, andyou can reach out and contact
Brian through the website,through the website, or you can
call me 801-574.
I don't know, is that okay toleave my name?
If you want it out there, Idon't care, I'm a real estate
agent, so it's like it's alreadyout there.
It's already out there,801-574-5698.
Next evolution project thethird Friday of April and May
(44:39):
this year.
Cory, I'd love for you to comeif there's an opportunity for
you to do that.
I realize you're probablyreally busy, man.
Oh look, that's when we have thenext ones coming up.
Start 8am Friday morning.
Camp Oakley, camus, utah, rightup Weaver Canyon.
You know it's beautiful, thetier below heaven you know, yeah
, it's gorgeous up there whenI'm in that space.
(45:01):
Man, you're really good at it,by the way.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Thank you, you're really good at it, like the
facilitation of the event, likewe're doing like some breath
work and stuff on the last dayand you're like taking us
through a guided meditation andI'm like what's he reading?
Yeah, dude, that's flow andit's he's just gets in this flow
state and he's just really goodat it.
You're great at it, thank you.
So anything else that that youwanted to say, do you want to
(45:27):
say anything to your kids on thepodcast?
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (45:31):
So, wolfpack, I'm really honored to be your father
, that's, that's true.
I'm grateful for my wife.
She stuck with me, she, shegives me a lot of space to do
things like this.
She has never once sweated meon doing the evolution project,
(45:54):
ever.
She's never once said, oh,you're going away this weekend.
She's like I'm glad you'redoing this, I know it's
important to you, which isawesome.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
You know, it's really really cool.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
So yeah, Well you want to ask the question, corey.
Last question in the podcast.
Yeah, is traditional, that is.
What does it mean to you to bea gentleman?
Speaker 3 (46:18):
Hmm, you know how I love myself is how I can show up
and love other people, and Itruly believe that being a
(46:39):
gentleman is being kind.
Being a gentleman is beingcompassionate.
I think of Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ had a bandwidth ofemotions he could deal with.
Right Flipped tables of thetemple to forgives a woman at
the well right that's like.
To me, that's the ultimategentleman.
(47:02):
The ability to love myselftranslates directly into the
ability that I can love otherpeople and it doesn't sound very
manly and I will also tell you,it's the most manly thing you
can possibly do.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
A gentleman loves himself.
Speaker 3 (47:21):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
Yeah, I like it Never been said before, never been
answered that way on the podcast.
In three and a half years youhave a unique answer.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
Thank you, it's kind of like I like it.
It's kind of like a privatevictory before public victory
100%.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
It's the same kind of a thing right.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Yeah, you can't really show great compassion and
love and empathy if you're amess Totally.
You got to figure yourself outfirst, right?
I like that answer.
Thank you for being with us.
Yeah, Very insightful,different podcasts which we love
.
Speaker 3 (47:58):
My hope is.
My hope is is like like, reallyI just want to create impact in
life.
Hope is I'd like you know I'mgoing to show this podcast with
my friends.
Clearly I'd love to have somenew faces out to the Evolution
Project.
It's like seriously my favoritething to do.
Yeah, that's great yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
My guess is you'll get some.
Speaker 2 (48:18):
Yeah, well, thank you for joining us today, brian.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
And thank you listeners, for joining us on the
podcast.
We appreciate you spending yourtime with us.
If you enjoyed the podcast andwant to share it, please do so.
If you thought somebody's nameduring the podcast somebody
maybe yourself that needs to dosome work the Evolution Project
(48:43):
or call and talk to Brian.
He is a great therapist Not atherapist, I know this, I know
this.
But you're a great friend and Iappreciate the time that you've
given me that way.
Thanks everybody, have a greatweek.
I'm Kirk Chug.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
And I'm Cory Moore.
We'll make your own herojourney Like that.
That's everybody.
Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast.
I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk.
Speaker 2 (00:03):
Chug.
Brian J Herd is in the podcaststudio with us today and we're
super excited to have him.
Brian and I knew each other, Ithink through social media and
through mutual friends, for anumber of years, but it wasn't
until I was invited to be a partof a monthly men's group that
Brian was a part of.
Walked into the room, there wasBrian, gave us an opportunity
(00:26):
to actually get to know eachother on a personal level.
We've been able to hang outmany times since then.
Many of these men's groupmeetings have kind of driven me
to really respect Brian and I'vebeen able to do some events.
He runs a really cool projectwe're going to talk about today
that I've been able to attendand go to, and really a
life-changing event.
We'll let Brian introducehimself and his family, but I'm
(00:50):
super excited to have you heretoday, brian.
Welcome to the GentlemanProject Podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
I'm excited to be here.
I'm going to be honest with you.
All of a sudden, the micstarted and everything, and I
got nervous.
Brian nervous.
Speaker 2 (01:01):
Come on, it's true.
Speaker 1 (01:03):
Well, what does the J stand for?
Is that something that we wantto talk about on the podcast?
Speaker 3 (01:08):
Jeffrey, my father Fitty.
We have a tradition in the Herdfamily First boy named after
their father middle name.
So we got Dean Wayne, jeffrey,dean Brian, herd Camden Brian.
Hey, cool.
So there's the four generations.
Speaker 1 (01:23):
I like that.
Speaker 2 (01:24):
That's a pretty good tradition.
Yeah, I didn't know that.
Learning something new aboutyou on the podcast today, there
you go.
So you have a family of boys.
Speaker 3 (01:32):
I call them the Wolfpack.
My boys are 18, 16, 14.
And then, just for fun, we hada child and he's four.
So there's a 10-year gapbetween our three and our fourth
.
So that's the Wolfpack, parttwo.
He's probably the most fierceof all four of them and runs the
roost.
My oldest son, Camden,currently serving in LDS mission
(01:54):
in Singapore and Malaysia.
It's been out for about fourmonths Loving that experience.
We're loving it as his parents.
It's been really cool to watchhim go through that and have
that experience.
My 16-year-old Rostin, awesome,fun guy.
I really feel like he's one ofmy really good friends.
Rostin's very entrepreneurialminded.
He's very kinetic.
Just one flipping car.
This is the one that flips carslike very entrepreneurial.
Speaker 2 (02:17):
The Utah State tax mission does not lessen to,
that's right.
The podcast.
Speaker 3 (02:21):
He only does three a year, guys, so we're keeping it
clean.
And then Colin is my 30s, 14.
Colin's gift is his smile.
He's just the easiest goinghappy kid ever.
We joke around.
A couple years ago he went on avacation to the Polynesian
Cultural Center and you know howyou can like roll on tattoos.
This kid rolled on tattoosevery part of his body and he's
(02:46):
like throwing spears and likeinto the coconuts and stuff, and
he's actually doing this.
And so a fun fact about my kidsis my wife is from India.
She was adopted and she wasthree months old, so our
children look like ethnic right.
They have brown eyes and darkerskin, and so the joke is is
like Colin's a big kid.
(03:06):
He almost looks Polynesian,right.
Speaker 1 (03:09):
Once he puts on all the tattoos and starts throwing
spears, he looks reallyPolynesian.
Speaker 3 (03:14):
If you would have seen him there, dude, it was the
funniest thing ever.
He's just like throwing ithidden, just smiling.
It's like happy kid.
He starts talking like MauiDude.
He's like an eye, like he hasthat Islander, like vibe, he's
just chill, right.
And then Anders is, you know,the light of our lives and you
know that Lake Caboose, my wifeChandi.
(03:34):
She's amazing.
We've been married for 20 yearsthis year and she's just
awesome.
She's everything that I'm not.
You know it's interesting.
I married my opposite andthat's been like a really
interesting thing to go throughin life.
Right, because it's like shecovers all my blind spots and I
(03:55):
don't know.
It's just something that myyounger self couldn't have
foreseen.
You know what I mean.
I appreciate it more as I getolder.
That'd be the right way to sayit.
Speaker 2 (04:05):
Interesting that you say those things about, like,
coming in to realize things.
Or I'm old enough to say thisnow, or I'm old enough to
realize this, because somethingyou have to understand about
Brian is he's probably my mostmindful friend and he's always
looking at things through adifferent lens than I do and he
(04:27):
kind of like invites you to lookthrough a different window than
what you're currently lookingout of.
And you know, he's encouragedme and he's said things to me
that just make sense in my brainand he's mindful and very, very
purposeful in what he says andwhat he does.
And so if you're listening tothe podcast today, like that's
(04:50):
just and you get that sense,brian is a very, very mindful
guy and he spends a lot of timeon self-improvement, spends a
lot of time in his own head,right, and I think I'm saying
that as a good thing.
Speaker 1 (05:04):
Yeah, it's a hugely positive thing in my mind.
Speaker 2 (05:06):
Like.
I don't know if there's abetter way to say it, but Brian
very, very much is purposefulabout the way he thinks.
Speaker 3 (05:14):
Yeah, I like to think of it as, like, I'm always in a
conversation with life.
That's how I view it.
I mean, this is like a kind ofBuddhist philosophy, but it's
not getting hung up on right orwrong, it's more living in this
place of like everything I'veexperienced in my life has led
me to this place.
Therefore, failures are notfailures, it's just progress
(05:38):
towards me, and you know theconcept of evolution, for
example.
Right, it's this continualimprovement.
I just like to think of my lifeas like a conversation.
You know, you can say with God,you can say with life, you can
say with higher power, you cansay whatever.
But I think that when I can putpurpose to my experiences in
(06:02):
life, good and bad, it makesthings make more sense and it
gives me a deeper well ofgratitude to like go forth and
live my life from, which is not.
I've not always been like that,guys, I was going to ask you
that.
Speaker 1 (06:14):
Is that like, was this a learned thing?
And when did it come to you andhow did it progress?
Because I think I think peopleare more at peace when they're
thinking the way you are andwhen they're trying to tap in,
to thinking about life and ahigher power and what, why are
they really here and what is mypurpose and all those things.
(06:36):
How did that come to you and,like, where did that come from?
Speaker 3 (06:44):
Life is sequential.
I believe that, like I used tobrand myself as the most
positive person I knew, now, onthe surface that sounds pretty
cool, but if I went a couplelayers deeper with that same
person and I'm talking like thisis probably when I was in my
20s I can remember when I wouldwrite in my journal during that
period of time in my life, likemy goal was I want to be the
(07:07):
most positive person that I know, and I branded myself with that
, create a lot of identityaround it.
The challenge to that is is Igave myself a window of emotions
that I allowed myself to feel,because if I wanted to be the
most positive person I knew, Ihad to be very careful about
feeling good all the time isreally what I was going for.
(07:28):
So what I found is is I createdthis like emotional spectrum
where it was like I want to feelgood, I don't want to feel bad
too long and I don't want tofeel really great too long,
because if I feel great too long, something's bound to take me
down to good and I hate how Ifeel when I'm bad.
I can't be with my own emotionsof feeling bad.
(07:52):
How on earth could I sit withsomebody else, but for a while,
like that was the conversationwith life.
I'm the most positive person.
I know, anything that happenedin my life.
I'm like going to find therainbow in it, right.
Until one day I realized like Ithink I'm missing the
conversation Because if I'mlimiting the feelings that I can
(08:14):
actually feel in my life,there's other feelings that want
to teach me something that I'mnot allowing.
Like I'm stuffing thoseemotions, I'm ignoring those
emotions and my belief is isthat at some point the volcano
erupts, at some point we getrevealed to ourselves ultimately
, but it's going to come out.
It's just when.
(08:35):
For me, that was COVID.
Covid, for me, was there werethings boiling in motion, but
COVID is what you know.
That was the kicker for me,because I couldn't do it anymore
, you know, and what's cool isand that's exactly why I'm here
where I'm at right now.
You know, without getting Imean, I can get in more in the
(08:57):
story of that, but the shortversion I realized that we have
emotions for a reason and thatwhen I'm able to feel all my
emotions, I can growsignificantly as a person and my
compassion and my ability tosit with somebody else increases
because I'm okay with myself.
Before, if someone was goinginto like the uncomfortable part
(09:19):
of me, I'd make you laugh,right?
And guys do this all the time.
Right?
Correct a joke, change thesubject, right?
Yeah, because I don't reallywant to go there with you,
because I don't really want toknow how you're doing it's true.
Speaker 2 (09:34):
I laugh because it's true.
Yeah, you know, and I think thewomen in our lives could
probably attest to.
You know, if they want to godeep with us, like we're really
good avoiders, If we don't wantto talk about it, there's a
thousand things we can do to getout of it.
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, smoke screen yeah.
So it sounds like there's astory there during COVID that
give you a bit of an aha moment.
I'll call it.
Yeah, where you said, theseemotions are probably good for
me to feel.
Do you want to share that withus?
Yeah, of course, of course.
Speaker 3 (10:04):
I didn't know.
In my mind I'm like how longshould I talk right now?
Am I coming out of too hot?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
out of the chute right now.
No, you're good.
You're good, corey, and I liketo listen.
I don't know Everybodylistening to the podcast.
Speaker 1 (10:16):
They don't listen to us.
They want to hear from you thenew voice, the new mind in the
room.
Speaker 2 (10:22):
I think we're good at asking questions to get you to
talk, so, okay, thank you.
We love the conversation, okay,cool.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
So here's how it went down for me.
I have a theory about COVID.
All COVID did is it forcedpeople to sit with themselves
because it's really easy livingmy life in a rhythm, because I
know I like you know.
The joke that I used to have isI'd get up and from the time I
brushed my teeth until the timeI had lunch, I wasn't making a
(10:54):
lot of decisions because I wasjust kind of on autopilot.
Right, Don't get showered, getdressed, eat a quick breakfast,
drive to work, drop my kids off,get on my way to work, answer
some emails, right, make acouple phone calls, make sure my
plans go for the day, and thenit's like lunch.
I'm like, oh, what do I want toeat today?
And so COVID was a pattern,interrupt so all this and I was
(11:18):
taken away from all the thingsin my life that create identity,
that keep me comfortable, and Iactually got to sit with myself
.
A lot of people did, and we sawthis I mean, corey, I'm sure
you saw this within your companyright, people were working from
home and they had some time tosit.
And you know and, by the way, Ididn't mean to single like your
company out, but in general,right, like, yeah, a lot of
(11:39):
people, divorce rate went upduring that period of time.
Right, a lot of people changedjobs.
A lot of people, you know,spent time with their family.
A lot of people pursued theirpassions.
A lot of people felt depression.
A lot of people like, fill inthe blank, but we had a space
where I didn't have to go intomy matrix every day and I had to
(12:02):
sit with it.
So I, I, I too, did that.
Right, and for me, the firstpart of COVID was I needed to be
the guy running a real estateteam at that time, and so I had
to be the guy.
So it didn't really matter howI felt, I just needed to keep
showing up.
And you know, during thatperiod of time, how are we going
to show houses, how are wegoing to sell houses?
(12:24):
What does this look like?
And you know, there wasprobably a two month period
where the real estate marketkind of slowed significantly.
You're kind of like, how are wegoing to do this?
And then everybody knows howthat went.
After that, right, crazy For me, what happened is I hit this
place where I had, I had ideasin my head and things that I
(12:45):
wanted to pursue that I pushedoff for years and with good
excuses, right, good, intense,but not really any action
towards it.
And so I kind of had one daywhere everything kind of just
came to a head.
I didn't feel like me it'sprobably the closest that I
would define that I felt todepression.
(13:07):
I don't know fully whatdepression feels like, but I
imagine what I felt felt likethat I didn't want to talk to
anybody.
I got up that morning, Istarted to get ready.
I ended up just going back tobed until 11 o'clock, which I'm
like a 5am kind of guy and, asthe story goes, I'm laying there
(13:28):
in my bed and I'm just like Idon't want to do anything today.
I don't want to talk to anybody.
I don't, I don't want to, Ijust want to be today and I get
a phone call from a friend andI've known this person for
probably 15 years at this pointand her name is Michelle.
She's like a life coach kind ofperson and she was calling just
(13:49):
to check in on me, like sayhello.
And when the call comes in, Ilook at my call and I'm like I
don't, I don't really want totalk right now.
And I go to like ignore thecall and somehow it picks up and
I find myself in a conversationwith her and she asks how
you've been doing, to which I'mlike I'm going to smoke screen
this, I'm going to shut thisdown fast.
(14:10):
Doing fine man COVID sucks,just trying to get through
things right, just surfacefacade.
But I actually told her thetruth and I was like, honestly,
I'm like I'm going to funk rightnow and she's like what's wrong
?
And then I just went off and Iwas telling her all the things
that I had no control over thatwere bucking me.
You know, it's talking aboutthe monetary system, I was
(14:34):
talking about COVID, I wastalking about mandates, I was
talking about all these thingsthat in my mind, were just
things that bugged me, that Ihad no control over.
And then she says to me, shesays, man, that must be really
difficult.
And I was like, yeah, yeah,it's difficult.
And then she's like so what areyou going to do about it?
(14:55):
And that was like that was likethe gasoline soaking on the
fire.
I was like I'll tell you whatI'm going to do about it.
Nothing, there's nothing I cando about it.
And then I just ramped it up,probably for another five
minutes.
Probably sounded like a madman,you know.
And then she just sat there andshe said that must be really a
(15:16):
difficult place to be.
And then I said, yeah, it is.
And she said so what do youwant to do about it?
Like in a different tone, kindof changing the question a
little bit, I sat there and thenthat's where the real stuff hit
.
And when I talk about, when westuff like it's going to come
out at some point, that's whenit came out for me and before I
(15:39):
know it I'm crying, talking toher and I'm telling her about
how I feel like I'm dying inside.
And for years I talked abouthow I wanted to do this men's
retreat and I hadn't done athing and I'd started and
stopped, and started and startedand stopped.
And I just felt like I saidthis is something I'm supposed
(16:00):
to do and I've known it for along time and I just haven't
done it and I feel like I'mdying inside.
So I told her and she said well, what are you going to do?
And I said I don't know.
I mean, I got the time tofinally do something like this.
But I said I have no idea whereto start.
(16:24):
And she said well, I've done acouple of these types of things.
And she said all you need is adate and you need to figure out
roughly how much it's going tocost, and we can figure
everything out.
After that I was like, okay,and she goes tell you what.
(16:44):
I want you to make a list ofpeople that you think would want
to come to something thatyou've been you want to create.
You don't need to know all thedetails, you just need to know
the date.
We can figure everything elseout.
So I want you to write a listof five to ten people.
I want you to call them and Iwant you to see who wants to go.
(17:09):
And you need to figure out howmuch this thing is going to cost
.
So, like you know, to rent afacility, it's probably going to
be this much and you're goingto have to bring in food, you're
going to have to do this stuff.
So I figured out a cost of whatit would be.
And then she says here's thedeal I'll help you get started,
but if you want me to go throughthe whole process with you, you
need to write me a check for$5,000 because I want you to
(17:30):
show up.
And then she said I'll be on aphone call with you every
Thursday and I'll make sure thishappens.
I won't let you sell, because Itold her I self sabotage.
So I know what I'm going to do.
I'm going to get like 80% doneand I'll freaking burn it down,
right.
And she said no, I'll make sureyou do it, but I need you
vested in it and, like you know,let's do that.
(17:51):
So the next day wrote her acheck and I called my list,
called my really good buddy upfirst and I started telling him
about it and I am fumblingthrough it.
Hey, his name is Blake.
I'm like, hey, blake, I'mthinking about doing this thing
that I kind of told you about acouple years ago, and it's going
to be in September and likethis is June, okay, and I'm like
(18:16):
it's going to be cool and Ireally like you to come and it's
going to be $1,000.
But if you can't do that,that's okay, I just want you to
come.
And then, magically, what do Ihear?
Venmo, ding, ding.
Hey, cleared my schedule.
(18:37):
I'll be there.
I'm really looking forward toit.
So I call it Michelle and I go.
Somebody said yes, and theyactually sent money to me and
she goes good, now you won'tquit.
And that was it.
That was the start.
Speaker 1 (18:56):
So now this is what you do.
You do these all the time.
Now I'm understanding.
Speaker 3 (19:01):
Yeah, corey.
So my life's in like threecontainers.
That's the simple version.
Obviously, relationships arewhat guide my life, first and
foremost my family, right?
That's the most importantpillar in my life.
I sell real estate.
I sell residential real estate.
Done that for almost 18 years.
That's what kind of pays thebills.
I feel like I'm good at it andI enjoy doing it.
(19:25):
Evolution project is meaningfulwork in my life.
It's something I super enjoyand I do believe as time goes on
, it will continue to grow.
Right now, I mean, it'ssomething I do a handful of
times throughout the year.
We do some events throughoutthe year and invite people to it
, and you know there'sdefinitely another conversation
(19:46):
to have around that as itcontinues to grow.
I've been trying to let it likeorganically manifest in my life
because there's a tendency thatI want to turn everything into a
business and what I found isevery time I started to really
kind of like dig into it thatway, it felt a little weird and
(20:08):
I think part of it was I justneeded to get more reps.
You know, if you came to thefirst one and you came to the
last one, like you can tellthey're in the same category,
but the level that they're beingdone at now is a way higher
level than when I start, likeanything in life.
Sure, sure you know I love it,though I mean it's.
(20:31):
It's definitely like a callingin life.
For sure, I mean it's somethingthat's I feel very much on
purpose when I'm in that space.
Speaker 1 (20:40):
So what's the point of these?
Like, why did you?
Speaker 2 (20:43):
sorry I'm going crazy with my questions over here,
but you're good, I've been to anevolution project, so you know
I can speak to it a little bit.
Speaker 3 (20:50):
Yeah, and I would love to you know, have your
insight on it.
So what was the?
Speaker 1 (20:54):
why and starting that and you know why.
Why do you do these groups andwhat's the benefit to getting
together?
Speaker 3 (21:03):
First and foremost, I created the container that I
wanted.
They say, scratch the itch thatyou have, and you know it's
usually going to lead you down apath.
These groups aren't very bigeight to 12 men in a group and I
got about three people.
That helped me facilitate it.
The purpose, corey, is, Ibelieve, that we're always on to
(21:27):
ourselves.
I believe that people know whatthey need to do If they slow
down a little bit and theydisconnect and they reconnect
with self and with source.
You know, I think it's veryhealthy to have a place where
you can do that and come backinto your life.
And you know, as you leadpeople and your family and your
(21:49):
children, there's aresponsibility for you to be
your best self.
And oftentimes the leader isthe one that is the most
neglected, right, becausethey're trying to hold the space
for everybody and it's kind ofbackwards when you think about
it.
And so for me, the EvolutionProject became a way to self
(22:17):
discover for myself throughfacilitating experiences with
other men in nature where we candisconnect from the world to
reconnect with ourselves.
One of the things that we goover in the experience is the
(22:40):
hero's journey we talk aboutthat.
It's a really good framework toutilize to help people.
I believe that the way my brainworks, at least, is if I can
understand somethingcontextually in like a container
.
It helps me make sense ofmyself Because, left to my own
(23:00):
demise, my own devices, like, Ican take myself to the woodshed
if I want to right, and I canget really stuck in my patterns,
right, and when I have acontext that I can look at
something from, it gives me away to look at it and see myself
(23:22):
in it.
So, for example, like thehero's journey, it's like the
oldest framework in storytellingthat we know of.
You have a hero.
He lives in an ordinary world.
Right, there's a call toadventure.
He ignores the call.
He denies the call, right,because he wants to stay in his
(23:43):
old life.
Something happens, he answersthe call and says, okay, dude,
something's got to change.
Right, we always use theframework of, like Star Wars,
right, lord of the Rings, lordof the Rings.
But you could really use almostany Disney story.
It's true, it's the frameworkthey use for Pixar.
(24:04):
And you know, you cross athreshold Shortly after.
Here comes the mentor.
You have allies, you havevillains, you have battles, you
have challenges.
It leads to the inner cave andin the inner cave, the hero is
always revealed to himself.
The dragon is down thereguarding the treasure.
(24:26):
There's a death along the way,usually an ego death.
I'm not the person that I usedto be anymore.
I've changed.
I see myself differently.
I get back on the path.
I'm immediately tested again.
Did I really change?
Did I really rebirth?
I overcome the challenge.
(24:48):
Usually, the challenge is aninternal challenge and an
external challenge.
That's happening with the hero,right?
So Luke Skywalker his externalchallenges is dude.
If I don't figure this out, thegalaxy is gone.
Internal challenge Darth Vaderis my father.
Am I that guy?
Do I have the darkness in me?
Which the answer is yes, we allhave the darkness in us.
(25:11):
That's the very thing thatmakes us human in recognizing it
.
It's incredibly powerfulBecause all your gifts are in
the shadows.
But it's scary as hell to gointo the shadows Because we
don't want to know what wealready know, right, and then we
choose to.
Ultimately, I believe it's amixture of like, embrace and
(25:34):
overcome.
The more energy that I pushsomething away with, the more
energy I'm actually giving itright.
So this is with my feelings.
When I talked to the beginningright.
I said I want to feel good.
I got my parameters of whatgood means and anything outside
of those parameters.
Get me out of it as fast aspossible.
Pattern, interrupt me, make itfunny, change the subject, stuff
(25:56):
the emotion.
But there was so much more forme to experience outside of that
and that was the gift, right.
And then the hero comes back towhere he left, but he's not the
same guy that he used to be.
He's a different person andeven though he's entered the
(26:18):
ordinary world again, he's notthe same person that he used to
be.
And then what happens?
Another hero's journey.
And this is the story, this isthe human story, and what's cool
is is like I love to share thatframework with men.
Speaker 2 (26:36):
Yeah, that's cool.
Speaker 3 (26:36):
Because when you realize, like you are your own
evolution project, you are thehero of your journey, you know
those things that you reallyhate.
I bet there's something inthere, that person that you're
judging so hard, I bet you're alittle bit like them, right?
Because everything's justmirroring back in and it changes
(27:00):
the game, because yourconsciousness will rise and
you'll be sitting in spaces andyou will feel the triggers hit
right.
Judgment is my trigger for sure.
Why do I judge?
Because there's a lot ofreasons why I judge, of course,
but it's self-protection of myown ego is ultimately what I'm
(27:20):
doing, right?
So what's the opposite ofjudgment?
Curiosity.
So like what if I sat next tothe person that's triggering me?
Let's figure out what's goingon with that.
Introspectively, look at mylife Now.
It doesn't mean I'm gonna befriends with everybody, but
there's a lesson in all thisstuff and, once again, hero's
(27:40):
journey is a framework for me tohave my conversation with life.
Yeah, and when you understandit, like, I remember sitting and
talking with you on the bridgeover the water you had probably
a 25, 30 minute conversation.
Speaker 2 (27:56):
I'm glad it seemed like only 25 or 30 minutes to
you.
It was probably like an hour.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
It was beautiful, though, dude, like that's what's
cool, I got a window into youthat made me go.
Dude, not only do I respectthat guy, I love that guy, and
not like I had judgment on youokay.
But my love and compassion anddesire to lift you up to like
(28:23):
live your hero's journey andencourage you.
I wanna be like the charismaticdude that's saying, like, go
for it, because the world'sgonna be a better place.
When you sing your song, whenyou write your book, when you do
your thing, when you show up asa husband, when you show up as
a father, that's the juice.
So I just gave you a reallylong answer, corey, but like
(28:48):
it's soul work, it's real soulwork.
Speaker 1 (28:52):
I like it.
Yeah, I haven't heard it putthat way, but to kind of restate
it, the hero's journey is acool way of thinking about it
because it gets you out of yourown head right.
Like you look at your life fromoutside, like that a lot.
But I think all of us, myselfincluded, get on this treadmill
tactical place Totally, like yousaid, going through the most.
(29:14):
No, we don't have goals, notthat we don't wanna improve,
it's not that we don't want toprogress, having continuous
improvement.
But you don't really do thosethings unless you get out of
your own way for a minute,unless you get out of that
treadmill life and take a breakand say, okay, but am I really,
yeah, tap into a higher power?
(29:36):
Am I really doing the things Ishould?
Am I actually progressing onwho I wanna become?
But I like the hero's journeyof thinking through that because
I think it makes it morepalatable Totally.
Speaker 2 (29:50):
And he uses that framework during the event.
I was able to go.
He invited me to go inSeptember and it was up in the
mountains in Oakley.
It was beautiful, it was likecrisp fall days, but it's like
all day Friday, half daySaturday, and we talked about
this earlier.
It feels like it's intense work, like you're not sitting there
(30:14):
just shooting the breeze verymuch.
Brian has it scheduled all day,yeah, and you sleep very good
at night.
The activities during the dayare formulated around this
hero's journey and it's neatbecause while he's teaching it
and facilitating thisconversation, you're having the
(30:34):
conversation in your own head,but you're also doing something
and I learned that way.
Yeah, it's kind of like thegentleman project.
You learn it when you write itdown.
Then you move on to the nextthing.
You know, like when we'retalking about leaving home and
going across the void, like thepoint of no return, you know
we're walking across the bridge,like I remember that in my head
(30:55):
.
Yeah, Well, do you remember?
I?
Speaker 3 (30:56):
said when you walk across the bridge, like
everything's super intentional,it's like, hey, what's the thing
, what's the call that you needto answer right now.
And I say don't walk across thebridge until you've identified
it.
And what I love is sometimes aman will be sitting at the
bridge for five minutes and Iwatch them, I watch them toil.
(31:18):
I know they are having a fulldialogue in their head and this
is what's so cool Everyframework.
So, just so you know, here'sthe magic.
There's five frameworks that wego through.
Every framework has a topic, agroup discussion, a physical
activity because I believe welearn in movement, right.
(31:39):
And then we call it an upload,where there's a period of time
Everyone gets a really cooljournal.
They're really nice and there'san upload where you get to
write what that means to you,because I believe that we're
always on to ourselves.
I believe that's a very trueprinciple and if we can create a
space that's safe enough tofully feel and step into it,
(32:00):
like, watch what happens and I'mtelling you there's some
amazing things that happen inthat exercise, because I truly
believe that you just meetpeople where they're at.
My job at the Evolution Projectis to gather the group to make
it safe and to flow throughstructure.
(32:20):
So, not be rigid, right, belike water.
I'm flowing through structurebecause we do have an intention
of what we wanna cover, but Idon't ever want to cut it short.
There's flex time in between,because there's moments where
it's like we actually need todig into this a little bit more
and we actually need to sit withthis a little bit more.
(32:41):
There is an art and a scienceto everything, right?
So the art is the beauty.
Right, that's the creative,that's the flow, that's the
state.
When you can be in an art withsomething, right, you can just
be moving with it, dancing withit.
Science right, that'smathematical.
Right, that's structure, andyou need both.
(33:04):
And like that to me is is themagic?
It's.
How do you have?
What is the art and science ofconnection in men's work?
What is the art and science ofthat?
Now, I have some theory on that, but I'm telling you God
blessed men with lion hearts.
(33:24):
That's what he did.
We are protectors, we areproviders, we take the hill,
we'll do anything for our familyIn lieu of being connected to
my lion heart, we get weak, wefall into addiction, right, we
(33:48):
lose that conversation with life, and then you're just a pawn To
get knocked off.
Speaker 1 (33:56):
How?
How old did?
How do you think you need to beto understand the concepts
you're talking about?
I guess my follow-up questionis you?
Talked to your boys about thisand you've got boys now who are
Either in adulthood orapproaching it.
Hmm, are you talking to themabout these things, is it not?
Not?
Speaker 3 (34:14):
early to this depth dude, like yeah, yeah, it's,
it's, it's the, it's a, it's alittle bit more Watered-down
version.
I want my boys to understandthat the most important thing
that they can do in theirformative years Is know that,
build a relationship with God.
Number one number two I lovethem unconditionally Doesn't
mean I always agree with them,but I love them unconditionally.
(34:36):
That's never gonna change and Iwant them to know that they can
.
They've been given gifts andtalents and I want them to.
I will do anything for them tolearn their gifts and talents
with God.
God's gonna teach him.
You know, my son went on amission.
(34:57):
That was kind of myconversation with God.
I said, hey, I Got him there.
Now you get to have a reallyinteresting conversation with my
son over the next two years andthe conversation I with Camden
is, as I said, I'm here for you.
I'm on the other side of theworld, I'm 15 hours away, 15
hours time zones away from you,and Anything I can do, I will be
(35:19):
there for you.
But you got to connect thesource and You're gonna have a
really great experience andyou're gonna get to learn
something about yourself,because my, my theory is, if
somebody understands thosethings, they can navigate the
storms Doesn't make it anyeasier.
We can weather way more than wethink we can when we have a
(35:41):
framework.
I, I like.
I call it God.
You know, some people call ithigher source or whatever they
want to call it, but I don'tcare what you call it.
Anybody that gets into thatconversation quickly realizes
that the world, the universe, isbigger than them.
Speaker 1 (36:01):
You know, I agree with that.
Those are great, those threeyeah higher power.
Speaker 3 (36:07):
I love him on conditional love.
Speaker 1 (36:10):
And hey, figure out what your superpowers are.
Speaker 3 (36:14):
God's giving you gifts and talents, and my job is
to leave you know, yeah, my jobis.
To whatever you what greatadvice I got from a friend that
was helped me raise good, goodfather thing I say find out
whatever your kids areinterested in and get really
interested in.
What is cam like?
Cam likes swimming, cam likesfood, cam likes travel.
He is, he is a curious Love'sculture.
(36:37):
He he actually adapted toSingapore and Malaysia
incredibly quickly Because thatwas in his ethos, you know, and
that was intrinsically who he is.
Rostin.
What is hot?
Rostin's kinetic.
He wants to touch his hands, hewants to watch the video and
then go do it.
He's the guy that's figuringout how to change the brake pads
(36:59):
on the car with a YouTube videoand Then having his buddy's dad
come over and say is it okay?
But I'm his biggest fan.
Who's chairing them on?
Dude, this is freaking awesome.
How can I help, right, colin?
Colin loves basketball, soanytime somebody invites me to a
jazz game, if there's an extraticket, okay, I bring my son.
(37:22):
Most of the time, if there is,they don't care, you know?
And Colin, I'm telling you,dude, one of the things unique
about Colin is is he was borndeaf, but we didn't catch it
because long story, but he hascochlear implants.
So he was basically deaf forthe first three years of his
life.
So why, god?
Well, he didn't have theability to communicate verbally
(37:43):
very well and he missed hearinga lot of things.
God gave that kid a milliondollar smile that can melt
anything and, and he is just,he's just got a presence about
him that, like, eases the room.
Everybody loves Colin, you know, and that's what I'm saying
like, these are the gifts, theseare the gifts, and my job is to
(38:04):
help my children embrace thesegifts.
Be like dude.
God made you this way, man,you're gonna change the world.
Speaker 1 (38:13):
That's a good way to think of it.
I have another question for you.
Yeah, brother, so oh, you hadthis caboose.
Your youngest is what?
It's your youngest name?
Your four-year-old?
Speaker 3 (38:23):
Anders, anders.
So I wanted to name him Sven,but my wife wouldn't let me do
it.
What a great name, sven.
I'm trying to get my sister toname her kids.
Then she won't do it.
No one will do it.
So if somebody on the podcastListen to this podcast and names
their kids Sven, please leaveit in the comments, because Come
to the evolution project.
Speaker 2 (38:42):
I don't know, free, free ride for, yeah, yeah if you
name your kids some dude needsSven's gonna get your wife
pregnant and name your childSven and you can come to the
evolution project funny.
Speaker 1 (38:53):
The question is yeah, what are you doing different?
You had time Between your oh,great question and your last one
, yeah, and you had time tothink in my mind like Okay, I'm
a different, you were adifferent.
You went through a couple herostories probably yeah, time
frame right yeah can you Tell us, are there some things that
(39:15):
stick out with you to say yeah,I'm doing a couple things
different.
Yeah, you know, maybe theyweren't even wrong the first
time.
I'm just a different person, soI'm doing it different this
time.
Speaker 3 (39:23):
Yeah, stage in life.
So when we had our firstchildren, I was essentially
let's see if I can get it right.
2426 and 28 Remember that timeof your life, guys, totally
different.
Buckle up Because, oh and PS,I'm selling real estate.
Oh yeah, during the real estatecrash, two of my three children
(39:45):
were born.
Two of my four children wereborn.
Thank you, anders.
Speaker 2 (39:49):
Sorry.
Speaker 3 (39:49):
I forget that I have fourth.
That's why I'll talk like that.
But oh seven, oh nine.
So you know that stage in mylife it was.
It left marks for sureEmotionally inside of me.
Inside of me because it's hard,it's just straight up hard guys
.
It also formed me.
(40:10):
I Learned a lot about myself,but I wasn't a bad father.
But there were absolutely dayswhere I left the house well
before they got up and I camehome.
Well, after they got home, theywent to bed and you know I
Would try to coach their soccerteam or do those things.
And this again, I don't think Iwas like a bad father, but I
(40:34):
was very much in a survivalstate during that period of time
.
You know, fast forward to haveAnders basically in 2019,
completely different stage oflife.
Anders is getting a differentexperience In the sense that
this child is full of.
(40:55):
If I had him in here today, youcan feel his spirit.
I don't know how to describe it, but he, he just has like a
joyful, loving, curious Likethis morning he was talking to
me about like he's into sharksright now.
(41:15):
And so what does he do?
He's got these like littlemagnet sharks and there was like
a it's a called.
It's like a ghost shark, Ican't remember the name, but
it's supposed to.
When it bites it's like thefastest shark bite and he's
watching me a YouTube video andhe's telling me about this shark
as he watches the video and I.
It's that presence that I canbring.
(41:36):
We're reading Charlotte's webright now before he goes to bed
every night.
And my first child I read bookswith.
Second child, a little bit moretired third child I'm like I'm
just trying to make a housepayment right now.
Right, and so Anders has had avery different experience and I
will tell you he has been one ofmy greatest teachers.
(41:58):
Yeah, I feel like God Kind ofsaid to me like I know you don't
have this planned, but I gotsomething planned for you that,
if you really lean into this,it's going to change your life,
and Truly.
I remember I was in a GoldmanSachs 10,000 small business
(42:21):
class cohort and I'm drivinghome from the class and my wife
goes can you stop by and pick upa pregnancy test?
And my first thought is is like, well, she's not pregnant.
So I'm like who's pregnant?
Is there?
Like a youth in theneighborhood that wants a
pregnancy test or something likethat Like, why would she ask me
(42:44):
to get a pregnancy test?
So I come home and I'm likehere Because, by the way, after
our third child we took a break.
But after a couple of yearswe're like, let's try to have
one more kid.
Nothing For like four or fiveyears.
And I just remember thinking,dude, maybe the factory is like
shut down, like maybe it doesn'tmatter, you know.
(43:04):
And so the thought of beingpregnant, like was such a
foreign idea to me.
And when she was pregnant Iremember I googled like what's
the air frequency on this thing?
What does it really look like?
Is this really the right thing?
And it's spun us because wewere already going to the next
(43:28):
stage hey, our kids, by the timewe're like in our mid 40s,
they're going to be out.
Where are we going to be?
What are we going to do?
And it was just like the not sofast, dude, I'm going to give
you the greatest gift of yourlife that you did not know was
coming.
And it shook us.
And I say that in the rightterm.
I don't ever want to come offchildren's, children's blessings
(43:50):
from God and I don't want tocome off that like that.
But I'll just tell you it was,it was.
It was a very big surprise toboth of us and one of the best
things in my life for both of us.
So it's good I'm bringing theminto the podcast room next time,
great Bring them in.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
Got a meeting, so if people want to know more about
the evolution project can theygo to the website.
Speaker 3 (44:15):
Yeah, website, my evolution projectcom.
That's the website, okay, andyou can reach out and contact
Brian through the website,through the website, or you can
call me 801-574.
I don't know, is that okay toleave my name?
If you want it out there, Idon't care, I'm a real estate
agent, so it's like it's alreadyout there.
It's already out there,801-574-5698.
Next evolution project thethird Friday of April and May
(44:39):
this year.
Cory, I'd love for you to comeif there's an opportunity for
you to do that.
I realize you're probablyreally busy, man.
Oh look, that's when we have thenext ones coming up.
Start 8am Friday morning.
Camp Oakley, camus, utah, rightup Weaver Canyon.
You know it's beautiful, thetier below heaven you know, yeah
, it's gorgeous up there whenI'm in that space.
(45:01):
Man, you're really good at it,by the way.
Speaker 2 (45:05):
Thank you, you're really good at it, like the
facilitation of the event, likewe're doing like some breath
work and stuff on the last dayand you're like taking us
through a guided meditation andI'm like what's he reading?
Yeah, dude, that's flow andit's he's just gets in this flow
state and he's just really goodat it.
You're great at it, thank you.
So anything else that that youwanted to say, do you want to
(45:27):
say anything to your kids on thepodcast?
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (45:31):
So, wolfpack, I'm really honored to be your father
, that's, that's true.
I'm grateful for my wife.
She stuck with me, she, shegives me a lot of space to do
things like this.
She has never once sweated meon doing the evolution project,
(45:54):
ever.
She's never once said, oh,you're going away this weekend.
She's like I'm glad you'redoing this, I know it's
important to you, which isawesome.
Speaker 2 (46:03):
That's great.
Speaker 3 (46:04):
You know, it's really really cool.
Speaker 1 (46:07):
So yeah, Well you want to ask the question, corey.
Last question in the podcast.
Yeah, is traditional, that is.
What does it mean to you to bea gentleman?
Speaker 3 (46:18):
Hmm, you know how I love myself is how I can show up
and love other people, and Itruly believe that being a
(46:39):
gentleman is being kind.
Being a gentleman is beingcompassionate.
I think of Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ had a bandwidth ofemotions he could deal with.
Right Flipped tables of thetemple to forgives a woman at
the well right that's like.
To me, that's the ultimategentleman.
(47:02):
The ability to love myselftranslates directly into the
ability that I can love otherpeople and it doesn't sound very
manly and I will also tell you,it's the most manly thing you
can possibly do.
Speaker 2 (47:19):
A gentleman loves himself.
Speaker 3 (47:21):
That's right.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
Yeah, I like it Never been said before, never been
answered that way on the podcast.
In three and a half years youhave a unique answer.
Speaker 1 (47:30):
Thank you, it's kind of like I like it.
It's kind of like a privatevictory before public victory
100%.
Speaker 2 (47:37):
It's the same kind of a thing right.
Speaker 1 (47:39):
Yeah, you can't really show great compassion and
love and empathy if you're amess Totally.
You got to figure yourself outfirst, right?
I like that answer.
Thank you for being with us.
Yeah, Very insightful,different podcasts which we love
.
Speaker 3 (47:58):
My hope is.
My hope is is like like, reallyI just want to create impact in
life.
Hope is I'd like you know I'mgoing to show this podcast with
my friends.
Clearly I'd love to have somenew faces out to the Evolution
Project.
It's like seriously my favoritething to do.
Yeah, that's great yeah.
Speaker 1 (48:16):
My guess is you'll get some.
Speaker 2 (48:18):
Yeah, well, thank you for joining us today, brian.
Speaker 3 (48:22):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:22):
And thank you listeners, for joining us on the
podcast.
We appreciate you spending yourtime with us.
If you enjoyed the podcast andwant to share it, please do so.
If you thought somebody's nameduring the podcast somebody
maybe yourself that needs to dosome work the Evolution Project
(48:43):
or call and talk to Brian.
He is a great therapist Not atherapist, I know this, I know
this.
But you're a great friend and Iappreciate the time that you've
given me that way.
Thanks everybody, have a greatweek.
I'm Kirk Chug.
Speaker 1 (48:59):
And I'm Cory Moore.
We'll make your own herojourney Like that.
That's everybody.
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