January 2, 2024 • 47 mins
Discover how to reclaim your time and live with intention as Dan Martell, a virtuoso in entrepreneurship and personal growth, unveils the secrets to building a life and business that thrive in harmony. In an intimate exchange, Dan presents his novel approach from his book "Buy Back Your Time," offering listeners a roadmap to liberate themselves from the tasks that drain their energy. Through innovative strategies like the 'buyback loop' and the 'camcorder method' for crafting SOPs, this episode promises to equip you with the tools to amplify your business growth and personal freedom concurrently.
Navigating the complexities of family dynamics, Dan reflects on the profound influence of parental relationships on personal and professional success. He shares heartfelt anecdotes of redefining his bond with his father, fostering a culture of respect and understanding. Dan's 'Family Board Meetings' concept emerges as a transformative practice, nurturing deep connections with his children and instilling lessons of empathy and compassion. This episode is an emotional compass, guiding you towards adjusting your own perspectives for a richer, more rewarding life.
Dan opens up about personal setbacks that redefined his path to becoming a better partner and father. This episode isn't just a conversation; it's a masterclass in personal transformation and the art of living purposefully for the people and passions that matter most. Join us for an experience that could reshape your definition of success and legacy.
Check out the show on any of your favorite platforms and give us a like and follow if you like our content!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Welcome to the gentlemen project podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk Chug.
Today Dan Martell joins us inthe studio.
He's from the eastern coast ofCanada but we've got him here in
Salt Lake today.
He is a philanthropist, anentrepreneur, an investor.
He's in the services ofsoftware space and successful in
that space and he's also failedin that space.
(00:22):
He's a dad of two kids, married, and we'll get into some of
those things.
But Dan is a referral fromRandy Garn, which, if you've
listened to the podcast you, youhave.
You've listened to quite a fewintroductions from Randy, and
Dan came highly recommended andso we're super stoked to have
him here today.
He's got some of his media teamin the podcast studio with us
(00:45):
today and he also brought a veryspecial guest who will let him
introduce Dan.
Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Kirk, it's an honor.
Corey, thanks for having me.
What a beautiful buildingobviously there.
What a great comeback and tellthat the team culture matters a
lot to you.
You know, reading the story,the way you've designed.
I love visiting people'soffices to kind of see how they
they let the experience unfold.
What I'm, you know, what Iwould love to share with
everybody is the MVP in the room.
(01:12):
For me, anyways, is my son Max,so mighty Max Martel's in the
room.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yeah, we do a fun thing.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Where, when I travel for work, I alternate between
each boy.
So I got two sons, or 11 monthsparts, irish twins, and
Technically this was Noah hisbrother's trip.
But his brother knew that Maxwould enjoy this kind of trip
more, so gave up his spot sothat he could that's a good
brother right there.
It is, yeah.
Yeah, max is into the mediastuff to the YouTube and he
(01:41):
wanted to see kind of behind thescenes.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, so Dan's got a big following on YouTube, social
medias.
I believe it's over a million.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Yeah, we.
I think four million peopleviewed our content in the last
30 days.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Wow, wow that's a pretty great metric.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yeah, so and you so.
You come from a softwarebackground.
Hundred percent in the, but youwrote a book about buying back
your time.
Hmm which sounds like it's beenmore successful based on what
you told us.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Yeah, I mean like I wrote the book because I wanted
to help entrepreneurs buildcompanies, didn't grow to hate
Hmm.
I think the number one thingkiller of a business is not that
the business doesn't have theopportunity to work.
The economy's there.
I mean, if you sell what you do, kirk, with the clothes, like
people buy it.
So you know, build, build itlike economy's there.
Most companies fail because theEntrepreneur gets to a place,
(02:32):
in the way they built thecompany, where the more they
grow, the more pain.
The experience and what I'velearned Over the years is
entrepreneurs will not grow intopain.
You know it's like holding aknife to the throat and saying
step forward.
It's like they won't do it.
So usually they either sell,sabotage or stall their growth.
And Over the years that's beenthe recipe for me of how I've
scaled and exited my softwarecompanies and built my empire.
(02:53):
And even the word empire, whichis the subtitle of my book, I
know freaks people out becausethey're like I don't need to
build an empire and I'm like,okay, well, empire for me is a
life of unlimited creation younever have to retire from.
I think most people want thatright to wake up every day to
feel fulfilled, to feel useful,to feel like they're creating
and do it in a way that doesn'tfeel heavy.
So that's why I wrote that bookspecifically.
(03:14):
It was just on my heart to Kindof get out of my brain and out
to the world.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yeah, we'll talk about the book quite a bit today
, but it's called buy back yourtime and Get unstuck, reclaim
your freedom and build yourempire.
Could you use the word legacy?
Maybe has a Replacement forthat word, empire, if you didn't
like the word empire.
Like we all want to leavesomething behind when we're gone
, right, well, so this is adebate Because I'm not sure.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I'm not sure.
I think I think impactsimportant.
I'm not sure how much I believein the concept of legacy to
drive our decisions, because Ithink the moment I leave this
earth and I'm a person of faiththat you know I care more about
how I show up in my time hereand and I'm not like even for my
boys, and we can dive into thatlike what, what is appropriate
(04:02):
to leave anybody Right, like youknow.
So the legacy one is is aninteresting one, because I would
love to do things to help otherpeople, but I don't think I
used to be a guy that says, okay, well, what could you create
that would still exist in 300years.
I was that guy.
Like I'm gonna be honest,everybody can go back far enough
.
You'll find me say this I wasall about legacy.
One of the core pillars in mylife for a long time is legacy.
I just think that my definitionof what legacy means today is
(04:26):
different than what I used tobelieve.
It I used to believe about,like building so that when I'm
gone, I'm remembered and reveredand Memorialized yeah, and now.
I actually don't want that,because then I'm gonna.
What I'm gonna do instead isjust show up every day and leave
it all on the field, and my newPhilosophy is like I want to
die empty.
I want to leave it all out.
(04:47):
I want to show up every day,give as much as I can love as
much as I can, make fun as muchas I can, joy every day, every
moment, gratitude, presence, andthen, when it's, when it's done
.
That is what it is, and if Iinspired people that continue,
that's cool.
I'm just never gonna do it.
I'm never gonna make a decisionbased on, like, what happens
after I'm gone.
I'm gonna index more, for whatcan I do today while I'm here,
(05:08):
which I like.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
That it's a paradigm shift for me and a lot of people
, because I've Kind of struggledwith that.
I'm like 42 and I kind ofreached that point in my life.
I'm like, okay, I'm maybe itlike half-timish, you know, and
what have I done that's gonnasurvive me and what will I be
remembered for?
And you know, you look at, it'skind of a human, innate trait,
(05:31):
right.
Like you won, the pharaohs didit with the pyramids and you
know, like everybody wants to beremembered or have something
stand longer than they will bearound.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
It's why we have kids .
Yeah, we ask people, why do youhave kids?
It's like, well, I want to, youknow, create a different
lineage of the one I experiencednot that it might have been bad
for some people it might havebeen or there's certain areas of
trauma they don't want to kindof replicate.
And then you know every personthat has a kid.
When you say, well, what's thegoal?
What kind of life do you wantto leave for them?
They say a better one, and Ithink that it's cool, that it's
(06:05):
part of our DNA.
I think that we just have toask ourselves are we making
decisions today about thisfuture that I'm not going to
experience at all, versus say,well, how can I just show up
more present and more involvedor impactful today?
Because I think and this is whyI wrote this book is because I
see so many people makesacrifices of the today for the
(06:27):
future they won't experience.
Yeah, see what I'm saying, kirk, you got it.
I could tell by that smile.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I used to sell insurance and investments.
I'm like you got to save, yougot to save, you got to save so
that one day you can have fun,you know.
And then when I got out of thatI was like a little bit like
you know what, like there's noguarantee that you're even going
to have that stage of life.
You know, you have these peoplethat save and save and save and
they retire and three weekslater they get cancer and
(06:52):
happens all the time they'regone within six months yeah,
most people don't evenunderstand.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
There's a great book Bill Perkins wrote called the
die with zero, and he talksabout the go-go, slo-go and no
go years.
Like, let's you say we'rehalfway there, we're not really
halfway there, we're even lessthere, because the go-go years
is typically between you know,uh, you know 55, 65.
The slo-go years is 75, 65 to75, and then the no go years is
(07:17):
kind of beyond that, where youdon't even have the health if
you don't take care of yourself.
So, honestly, if you want toenjoy the world, enjoy your life
, do you want to do it whenyou're a prime fitness, you're
most energetic, you're mostpresence, or do you want to wait
until you can barely, you know,walk?
And that's that's why I think,like, when I think of legacy as
a concept, um, it's a, it's,it's, it's important to consider
(07:43):
, but not at the sacrifice ofthe today and the today people
yeah, I think it's all about thedefinition of legacy.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, when I think of it, it's like I don't care
about myself or anyone remembersme, but do I want to give my
kids stories that that allowthem to have certain morals, to
have certain values?
Do I want to do?
I don't want to leave themanything with but with the
legacy to know they can do it ontheir own, with the legacy to
(08:09):
know how to create value intheir life.
Right, I'm not leaving yourmoney, but I'm certainly going
to teach you how to add value inthe world, right?
So I think, if you think oflegacy, as I want to teach my
kids how to be amazing, yeah,for themselves, not for me, not
for some, but for themselves.
And and I think that's kind ofthe legacy I walk towards right,
(08:30):
it's not about me, it's notabout people remembering me,
it's about having my name up onit now.
Who cares all that, right, right, I'm not here to enjoy that and
for those who do that, I.
I'm not saying that's bad, I'mjust saying the definition of
legacy needs to be hey did I.
It's more knowledge.
Are my kids more knowledgeableabout how to buy back time?
(08:51):
Are they more knowledgeableabout how to have work life
balance, how to treat peoplebetter, how to have better
relationships, how to createwealth?
Are they?
Are they more knowledgeablethan I am?
Speaker 3 (09:02):
there's some legacy well, here here's a fascinating
conversation on that, because Iwas just talking about it on the
flight down here with one ofthe guys that was on the plane
because, like anybody, that'screated wealth, their biggest
fear okay, so like I flew downon a private jet, my son's with
me how do I live my life but notessentially ruin my kids?
(09:24):
That live a completelydifferent experience?
That is like the one thing is Icoach a lot of my clients on
and the concept is calledcontrolled adversity, because if
you ask yourself like what, youget it right.
If you ask yourself what createsthe character of a person that
is resilient and resourceful,it's not somebody that's been
(09:44):
taking care of and coddledchallenges yeah it's the
adversity they face, okay, butdoes that mean you're going to
drop them off in the woods 40kilometers from their house and
say figure it out at age 12,like my buddy Ben Greenfield did
?
No, now I joke with Ben becauseyou know he taught his kids
since they were two years old totake care of themselves and
hunt, and so like, the riskprofile of their children versus
(10:05):
mine are completely different,but I think it's fascinating as
a concept to say, okay, if Iwant to leave my kids with these
character traits and thesebeliefs and these, this
understanding of how toprioritize their time and their
energy, then how do I create acontrolled adversity environment
, right?
Some people say, allow yourkids to take risks in a safe way
.
So that's.
I'm literally thoughtfullythinking about this all the time
(10:27):
.
How do I, you know, create thecontext, the container where my
kids can do things that arerisky or hard, but not in a way
where they're gonna, like,create what I call core memories
, that I go to them, pay fortherapy?
Speaker 1 (10:40):
for in the future.
Right, that's a great way toplay.
That's a hundred percent.
Yeah, let's have them get theirbutt kicked, but not so much
that they have to go to therapyfor, yeah, we don't want to
create deep, deep capital Ttrauma, but a little bit of, you
know, friction in the world.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah, Brandon Steiner probably would drop his kids
off in the woods, though totally.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Brandon Steiner is a good podcast for that so how do
we buy back our?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
time.
It's a beautiful question,obviously.
I love it here's.
Here's the first way I thinkabout it is most people just
don't know what they want fortheir life.
So it's fascinating for me.
Every person I hire one of myfavorite questions, ask them
it's five years from now.
You're waking up, we can't beworking together, so we take
that off the table.
Describe the perfect situation,describe your life.
(11:21):
You know where you live andwhere you're waking out.
Da, da, da, da.
Most of them go.
Don't we ever ask me thatquestion before?
I'm like okay, well, let'spretend you knew the answer.
And then they kind of startdescribing it.
They allow themselves a dream.
For me, understanding the visionof what you want to create is
the first part, because I can'tdesign, I can't help you buy
back your time to create a lifeif you can't tell me what you're
(11:44):
trying to aim for.
I mean this is anybody inbusiness knows it's begin with
the end in mind seven habits, etcetera.
So once we know what we want tocreate, then we look at the
calendar.
So I created this framework.
So the buyback principle okay,it's a core principle, it's
essentially.
I call it a first principle.
Okay is we don't hire people togrow our businesses.
We hire people to buy back ourtime, because if we do the
(12:05):
second we get the first, but ifwe do the first we don't always
get the second.
So I always start thisframework with the buyback loop.
So anytime we feel that growthin our lives would create pain
in our calendar, then we have tobuy back our time, because if
not, we're gonna inadvertentlysabotage, stall or wanna sell
our businesses.
(12:26):
Right, thank you.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
That's a I'm giving an applause, thank you, yeah.
Yeah, a quiet applause.
I'm like yes, baby, I believein this.
Okay, keep going.
Sorry.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
So once I hit what I call the pain line and I feel
that way, and I had one lastweek I literally sat down on my
assistant and said time to do atwo week time and energy audit.
So that's the first step of thethree.
Okay, it's ATF audit, transfer,fill Audit is.
I look at the last two weeks ofmy calendar and I say what of
those things lit me up?
That I love doing this podcast,bright Green love it gives me
(12:55):
energy game like on all time.
What takes my energy?
What's red?
And then, hey, let's even talkabout yellow.
Okay, because I think sometimespeople's yellows are really
reds.
They just don't wanna admit it,right?
So is there a board you're onthat just suck in the energy,
but you've been on it for threeyears and you gotta renegotiate
some.
You know some expectations oragreements.
You know some strategicplanning stuff that you've done
(13:17):
for 12 years that you're justlike you know what.
It's not really the kind ofconversations that light me up
anymore, like it's givingyourself permission to literally
look at your calendar throughthat lens.
And then, also for all thosetasks that you've been doing,
ask yourself, if I were to paysomebody else to do this task.
How much would it cost me?
And it's a relative number toyour own personal buyback rate,
which I teach in the book.
But it's let's just say, likeyou know, when you go to
(13:38):
restaurants it's like $1 signexpensive or $4 sign, so like
four would be.
If you had to pay somebody todo your job, you're the CEO.
What would it cost to paysomebody?
So that's like the hourly cost.
$1 sign would be like, let'ssay, administrative assistant,
right, $15, $20 task.
So then once I do the time andenergy audit, I've got all the
things that suck my energy, thatare red, and then all the
things that are $1 or $2 in costto pay somebody else to do.
(14:01):
That becomes the hiring spec,the job posting for the next
hire.
That's it, that's all.
Then I go to transfer, I takethat and I transfer it.
So what's unique about the way Ido transfer is fascinating to
people is I essentially recordmyself doing the work while I do
the work.
I call it the camcorder method.
It's why I have a video crewdoing this stuff.
(14:22):
I have a coaching company withthe 1,000 clients the largest
software or CEO coachingorganization in the world.
I don't create my own trainings, I don't coach, I don't run my
events, I don't go on stagehardly anymore.
Why?
Because while I was doing it Ivideotaped myself and then, as I
hired people to buy back, thattime, I gave them the recordings
and I said you create the SOPbased on what you see.
(14:43):
So when I hired them, the firstweek of their life was watching
40 hours worth of content.
Then they told me what they sawin the videos and then I could
look at it and say you know yourstuff, you picked up what I was
throwing down game on Okay,you're gonna stay, let's build
this out.
So that's the transfer part,because for most people SOPs are
kind of this like vague thingthat they don't know how to do
(15:04):
and it's not fun.
Checklist who wants to sitthere and create a checklist?
Let's be honest.
But doing the work, recordingit, knowing that someday I never
have to do this for the rest ofmy life, that's pretty awesome.
So you can connect to a Zoomcall, you can process your email
, you could record yourselfdoing I mean, I've recorded
myself.
I do triathlon.
So Ironmans and like anybodythat's done those kind of races,
realize that it's like a minicomputer science degree.
(15:26):
You need to manage all thecomputers that connect all that,
like literally there's threedifferent things that gotta get
plugged in on my road bike alone.
Okay, a lot of time and energykeeping the bike, maintenance
and all that stuff.
I just videotaped myself withmy iPhone and then I gave it to
somebody on my team and I saidgoing forward on this schedule,
can you do all this stuff?
I used to do that way.
I never show up to a startingline of a race and my battery's
(15:47):
dead, like it happened on myfirst Ironman.
So it sounds so trivial, butthat's like the transfer part
and then the last part is fill.
And this is my favorite part,because it's like what do you do
with this new time?
And I think most people, if Igave them two extra days a week
back, they wouldn't really knowwhat to do with it.
(16:08):
Right, because most people liveby their email, they live by
the meetings, they live by therequest of other people on their
time and it feels safe and itfeels good and it feels like
forward momentum.
But it isn't thoughtful, itisn't strategic when you
actually step back and say, okay, if I got an extra two days a
week, or three days a week, orfour days a week.
If I hire an assistant, I don'thave one.
What do I do at that time?
My argument is you should investin the things that A make your
(16:30):
company the most money possible.
So anything that's like a $4sign or green that lights you up
, that makes you money, revenuedrivers start with that.
Fill your calendar up with that.
Why Creates more revenue, moreresources to buy back, more time
.
But at some point you'llactually max that out.
And then I would argue that youshould look at your skill sets.
You got to develop your beliefsthat you have that aren't
supporting you and yourcharacter traits.
(16:51):
And that's the audit transferfill loop.
And I think that you know itsounds simple but it's not easy.
But if this is literally theprocess I've used to build the
empire of creative, that'sawesome.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
So if you want, like the nitty gritty, the nuts and
bolts version of what Dan justsaid, you got to buy his book.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Oh, my gosh, like.
And when I handed in my firstmanuscript to my publisher, this
is his response.
His name was Noah.
He goes hey, dan.
So I got to explain somethingto you and I don't want you to
take this the wrong way and Isaid what's that?
He goes there's a differencebetween a university textbook
and a bestselling book.
And I go what do you mean?
(17:32):
He goes you've written auniversity textbook.
So what I love about the book wefixed it.
It has a lot of stories, a lotof examples, it's written better
than my initial one, but all ofthe stuff that I teach is in
there.
So people are like how do Imanage?
How do I hire an executiveassistant?
Chapter seven what do they do?
Chapter eight like it's all inthere, literally the folder
(17:53):
structure for setting up youremails, the daily meeting you
should have with them, the wholething.
I put it all in there because Ireally wanted people to get the
manual, not just be inspired.
I think some books they'realmost like tweets that are
written into a book.
I wanted to get people like themeat, even the last chapter.
Buy back lifestyle.
How do you apply this to yourhome?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yeah, and that's really what I want to talk to
you about today.
What have you learned as a dadof an 11 and a 10 year old boys?
What are the things that you'velearned and that you coach on a
daily basis, that you havetransferred and translated into
some of the things that you doat home, that you can say that
one thing has made more of animpact on the relationships and
(18:36):
the character development of ourfamily than any other.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
There's a lot of stuff, and I always listen to my
heart when I try to answersomething, because I don't know
what the right answer is, so I'mjust gonna trust in that.
The first thing that came upwas that a long time ago I
realized that if I wanted tohave a better relationship with
everybody in my life, includingmy kids, my wife and my parents
and my brothers and sisters thatthere was nothing I could ever
(19:00):
ask them to become.
That would be enough for it tobe okay, other than me working
on me being okay with them.
I hope like this is a crazyidea, but I know there's people
listening that hope someday mywife changes a thing.
My mom stops doing X, my dadstarts doing Y and I'm telling
you, don't hold your breath, itain't gonna happen.
(19:22):
What you can focus on is whoyou are in those experiences.
So one of the best things I'veever done, like I said, I
created the space to buy back mytime, to reinvest it in
becoming more so.
I got to a place where, forexample, I think most young men,
maybe young women, when I callmy dad and I'm wildly more
(19:45):
successful financially than mydad.
I love my dad, he's my hero,but just on pure paper.
That's just a fact.
And every time I talk to him,he asks me questions as if I'm a
13-year-old boy.
Still, I don't know if you guysever had this experience.
When you talk to your parentsand they're like well, did you
think about this?
And you're like, oh my god, whyare they asking?
Like, of course I thought aboutthat.
I remember one time I was sofrustrated with this idea
(20:06):
because every time you ask methese questions, it makes me
feel like I suck right, and it'smy dad.
Every boy wants their dad tofeel proud of them.
I don't want him to ask meabout the 14 ways he thinks I'm
going to lose my net worth.
I want him to go wow, I'm soproud of what you've created.
I'm talking to my brother.
I go, bro.
His name's Pierre.
I said, pierre, does dad everdo that?
And he goes.
Yeah, man, but you know what?
(20:26):
The other day I decided to justshow him.
So what do you mean?
He goes.
I just because my brother's avery successful home builder.
He goes.
I just started bringing him tomy real estate projects and
showing him and telling him allmy numbers.
He goes.
I don't think dad realized howsuccessful you are.
So what do you think I shoulddo?
He goes, just show him Really.
He goes.
Yeah.
(20:46):
I said OK, I'm going toscreenshot all my bank accounts,
all my everything.
I'm going to text it to him.
I sat there.
I remember where I was sitting.
I was sitting I don't tell mywife I was sitting on the
kitchen table.
My feet were on the bench right, like I was just sitting there
talking to my bro.
I screenshotted all my differentaccounts, my savings accounts,
my business accounts, my stripe,all the cash, all the stuff,
(21:08):
and I texted him like sevendifferent images and I said I
don't know what you want to dowith that, but here, and I
thought maybe that was going tostop my dad from worrying about
whatever he was worrying about.
First response he goes oh mygosh, who manages that for you?
I was like oh my gosh, dad,holy moly.
(21:32):
But in that moment I realizedit wasn't about my dad.
He's always going to thinkthose things.
He's always going to be thatway.
So then I had to change myrelationship with those
questions.
So no joke, this happenedprobably six years ago.
I now proactive, just out offun.
I called him two days ago and Isaid hey, dad, I need your
advice.
Oh man, my dad loves it.
(21:53):
He pulls up to the phone.
I can tell Wherever he's at,he'll stop, sit down.
What do you need?
I said you know what, dad, I'mtrying to get this new revenue
guy and he's asking for this.
It's not true, none of it'strue.
I call my dad for advice allthe time because that's his way
of expressing his care.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
And I love it.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
And sometimes I record it why there's going to
be a day where he's not going toanswer.
So I share all that, because Ithink that it's important for us
to decide if we truly wantthese people in our lives.
If I want to have a greatrelationship with my son, my
wife, et cetera, I just got tofigure out how do I become
(22:36):
better for them, because askingthem to change for me is a
losing proposition.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Yeah, I think that's kind of a.
I sometimes say get out of yourown way or choose happiness.
It's similar to that right,You're not going to change those
people, so how do you choosehappiness?
How do you choose seeing theworld with a different paradigm,
which is what you did with yourdad?
I hope he doesn't listen tothis podcast.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Oh, he can, he knows and he still loves it when I
come.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
OK.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
He's like how's that new Revegan Dude?
He literally watches my content.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
If I read you my text , my dad is again.
He thinks I'm a 13-year-oldtroublemaker.
He texts me all the time.
He's like I just watched yourlatest video.
I mean, he's so funny at thisstuff.
What did he say recently?
No, urgent, just wanted to tellyou.
I listened to your new shortvideo and I think you are great.
I am stating to believe youreally know what you're doing.
Love that Like the next textmessage we are flying to Toronto
(23:31):
, then to Rome tonight, firsttime I text from a plane.
I've been checking out yourvideos.
They are very good.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Love that Like I mean you're just trying to say he's
trying to say Like I say he'sreally my hero, but there was a
long period of time where I hadto figure out how do I have
these?
Speaker 3 (23:45):
conversations Because I had a lot of personal baggage
.
So, growing up, what did youlearn from your parents?
Speaker 1 (23:52):
One of my favorite questions is like what may I say
to you?
Like, how did you get to theplace you're at?
And that usually comes fromsome sort of things from your
parents, and then it's friendsand it's books, and it's
something turns you into who youare right Over time.
So how did your parentsinfluence you to become who you
are today?
And there's probably good andbad, and I'm not going for
(24:14):
either.
I'm just kind of saying isthere something there?
I'm going to listen to my heart, I'm just going to share what I
share.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Like it's just the one thing about me is I'm just
going to share what I share.
The one thing about me is I'm100% just what it is Raw Dan.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
It's raw.
Here's the thing.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
My parents did the best they could with what they
knew at the time and who theywere.
My mom was adopted, raised bytwo alcoholic parents.
My dad's, my grandparents, werealcoholics.
My dad struggled with hisdemons and they had four kids
Struggled.
My dad was in sales, never homeoften.
I grew up in a very emotionallychallenging environment Zero
(24:55):
regret.
I love the childhood I wentthrough because I didn't get the
parents I thought I wanted.
I got the parents I needed, soI learned a lot about what I
don't want to do.
How does that showed up in mylife today?
I decided to quit drinkingbecause I didn't want to be the
generation that continued thelineage of alcoholism which I
(25:16):
grew up in.
I became addicted, went toprison twice, but time I was 17,
ended up in rehab, keptdrinking till I was 32.
And I knew better.
So when my wife told me she waspregnant, done I'm done.
I'm not going to do this.
I'm not going to do this to us.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Good for you.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
The math was simple in my head If I continue this,
there's zero chance that overthe next 25 years I don't create
massive amounts of pain in myrelationship, in my marriage to
my children if I continuedrinking, whether if I'm like,
oh, I'm better now I cansocially drink, no, there's just
going to be a moment where I dosomething I shouldn't have done
, so I quit.
And it's been 11 years now, ageof my son, and so I learned a
(25:55):
lot about that.
And then, over the years, justthe people that have inspired me
.
Honestly, it's just like inbusiness.
I started asking myself I had amentor, this guy named Ken, and
he had these two incrediblywell-adjusted kids.
And this guy, when I met him,he's worth $100 million.
Now he's worth like half abillion.
And I remember asking him Isaid like Ken, how did you raise
these?
Like?
At the time, I think his kidswere like 12, 13, but super kind
(26:16):
, outgoing, smart,self-sufficient, you know what I
mean, not like rich, little,spoiled kids.
And his feedback to me wasdon't shelter them from the way
the world really is.
So what do you mean by that?
He goes since they were babies,since they were little kids.
We volunteer at the food bank.
We bring them to third worldcountries.
They have it in just because welive here.
(26:38):
That's not normal and I wantyou to experience it.
So they went to normal schools,didn't get you know what I mean
, all this stuff.
So I was like OK.
So I talked to Renee about thisconcept and she's like I'm on
board.
So I mean, when they were fourand five, we went to Haiti on a
project that was supporting theschool and this other stuff they
were doing there and my boyscame, they saw it.
(26:59):
We had bodyguards.
We're traveling there.
Like what is this?
And I'm like this is.
We live in Canada and we livein a certain neighborhood that
doesn't be exposed, but we'vebeen ever since they were young.
So I think that was a big ideathat I learned from Ken.
Other things that I do wementioned Jim Shields before we
started recording.
So Jim wrote a book called theFamily Board Meetings.
It's based off the concept ofsurfing, because when he had
(27:20):
kids, he realized that surfingcould be an activity that he did
and then he literally created arelationship with his boys
through surfing.
So he started teachingsuccessful entrepreneurs the
concept of a family boardmeeting, which we did last
weekend, we do this weekend, wedo it once a quarter.
And some people are like youonly do it once a quarter.
It's like, look, I spend timewith my kids all the time, but
(27:41):
once a quarter for half a day,so it's four hours plus a meal.
We do whatever they want to doOne on one.
And it is the funnest, likelast Sunday I had Max and we
bought a PS5.
Because we don't have videogames at my house.
I haven't played video gamessince I was eight.
Mario Kart, yeah, mario Kart.
(28:03):
Duck Hunter, the Power.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Pad.
Yeah, the Power Pad.
We're the same age.
I knew you knew all of this.
Yeah, you learned how to hackthat system.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no, yeah, you know what I mean.
We were putting the Nintendocartridge in there.
So, yeah, we did, we bought aPS5.
We went goat karting, we wentarcades, we went to the jump
park Like all in four hours, andthen we went for a meal and
then.
So the whole idea is do whatthey want to do, don't do what
you want to do.
And so when they were littleI've been doing this since they
(28:33):
were two or three, I mean.
One day they were like I wantto go to the beach.
I'm like it is freezing outside.
Imagine going to beach on a daylike today.
That was what my children askedme back then, but we did it.
And my favorite part is the meal, because at the meal you sit
down and that's the space thatyou create to ask them I want to
be a better dad for you.
And there's no way I'm going tobe a better dad unless I get
(28:54):
feedback and I know that some ofthe stuff you might be thinking
might hurt my feelings, but Ineed to hear that what can I do
to be a better dad for you?
It's good, that is really good,yep.
So I create the space there.
The other thing that we ask inthose meals is hey, man, is
there anything going on atschool?
You know any adults say or dosomething, because sometimes
(29:19):
adults make kids scared that ifthey say anything, that their
parents are going to be heard.
I just want you to knownothing's going to happen to me
Because we don't know man, wedon't know who our kids, what
happens on sleepovers, they goaway to camp and all that stuff.
And it's just about creatingthis space for you to have this
like open, honest conversation.
And I started when they weresmall so that when they're 13,
(29:40):
14, 15, it's normal.
It's part of who we are.
It's part of being a Martel.
We have core values, so they'reon our walls.
So I worked with my buddy,chris and Melissa Smith at
Family Brand so we created ourfamily values.
I could you know my family coach.
We have a coach Brooke.
We literally fly her to livewith us.
She's like a performance coachfor your family.
(30:00):
She lives in our home threedays, wakes up when we wake up,
watches all the interactions andthen does one-on-ones with my
wife, with myself, with my kids.
I mean, I could tell you andhere's my philosophy is, if you
tell me something's important toyou, then I'm going to ask to
see your bank account and yourcalendar.
If I don't see transactionsthat support the things that you
(30:22):
tell me are important to you,I'm going to call bull crap.
So what I do in business, Ijust do in my life.
So those are just a few thingsthat come to mind.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Those are all really good, yeah, I don't remember who
I learned this from a podcast,a book, something similar to
what you just said, though theysaid write down the five things
that are most important to you.
Three things, the five things,whatever and then kind of give
it your star rating right Basedon the money, time spent and
(30:55):
knowledge you're trying to use.
So how many books do you read?
Speaker 3 (30:57):
or how much money do you spend on that?
Speaker 1 (30:59):
I like that how much time do you spend with a mentor
on those things compared to therest of your life, and then give
yourself a score one to five,and that can be humbling,
because I did that back then Idon't know, this was probably
six, seven years ago and I waslike, oh yeah, I'm not spending
money on that or time on that.
It's a great way to judgeyourself without being biased.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Right, that's a.
I had forgotten about that, butthat's awesome.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
So you touched on this a little bit earlier and I
had listened to some thingsabout that stage that you were
in between like 15 and 17.
Yeah, where it was a rough gofor you, just a bit.
Sounded like a colorful era ofDan's life.
Yeah, I have two boys in thatsame age range.
(31:46):
Right now, corey's got adaughter that's in that age
range, 17.
And I've got an 18 year olddaughter.
You were a product of yourenvironment but at some point
and it took you a while, atleast with the alcohol thing to
(32:06):
get rid of that idea but betweenthe ages of 15 and 32, what was
the thing that flipped thatswitch for you?
And you said this is the typeof man I want to be, this is the
type of father and husband thatI want to be.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
I don't know if there was a moment, because I think
in most things in life it'sphasic right, it's cleaner
stories to go back and tell amoment, it's a you know, it's
just a better storytelling.
And, honestly, I don't know ifpeople have ever heard this, but
50% of our memories are nottrue.
It's how we've resolved them toeventually, like, become a
narrative that makes sense, toeven communicate, and we say it
(32:49):
so many times that we forgetthat actually didn't happen that
way.
Don't believe everything youthink no do not.
Here's.
Here's what I'll say that comesto my.
When I asked myself thatquestion, it was probably when I
, um, I was engaged to a womanand I it was my third company.
First two companies completelyfailed.
Luckily, I just started.
Young I've been doing business.
(33:09):
I'm 42.
I've been in business like fullon, hardcore, attacked the
problem For 25 years, started at17.
As soon as I got sober, learnedhow to code, saved my life,
became my obsession and I wentall in right.
So it's not that impressive, uh, cause I've been doing it for
so long.
But at 27 years old, I you know,prior to that, a couple of
(33:30):
years prior, my third company Ihired a business coach and
everything changed.
I started to be financiallysuccessful, like, there was a
business rhythm and hiring andcustomers and dollars in the
bank, and all of a sudden therewas this like clear line of path
of like becoming wealthy, and Iended up during that time being
in a relationship with a womangetting engaged.
(33:50):
Cause I thought that's what youdid and like, and here's the
crazy prize I was doing all ofthat for her, for us, for this
future.
And one day I come home, uh,after working late, I'm an hour
late and um, and I find her inthe kitchen, you know full, like
just I was.
It was like ugly girl crying,you know she can't even breathe,
(34:13):
like she's just like uh.
And then she just says I can'tdo this anymore and she drops
the ring on the counter and saysI'm, I'm done, and she goes and
stays with her parents and thatwas the last day we were
together, seven weeks before thewedding.
That was probably the momentthat I said whatever you're
(34:34):
doing is not going to work.
You're smart not that smart,but you're smarter than this.
You've figured out all thisbusiness stuff.
Why can't you figure thisproblem out?
And the answer was to what Isaid earlier.
I didn't dedicate any time,money, calendar to that problem,
to becoming the person whocould keep be amazing in a
(34:54):
relationship you know be be agreat.
So, like, a lot of what Italked about in my book was the
byproduct of going okay, I'mdriven, I've got that, I'm
willing to do the work, I've gotthat.
I can study, I hire a coach.
I got that part.
But why am I so crappy at beingin relation with other people
(35:15):
if it wasn't business focused?
And that was the journey I wenton and this is the fun part for
me to talk about is my currentwife.
It took me maybe three years,four years, four years after
that, to meet her, and I'm gladshe didn't meet me One week
prior, because I'll tell you,man, I was doing the work.
(35:36):
I was reading the books, goingto the seven men are from Mars,
women are from Venus, you nameit.
I read the book, okay, like Ijust I did.
I did in business, I did what Idid in business.
If I started a new company, Iwould like what are the top five
books?
Who are the top five seminars?
Who are the top five coaches?
And I spend the money, show up,do the work.
You know, be a good student.
I just decided to do that, togrow, to become the person and
(35:57):
this is the thing my wife is an11.
She's beautiful, driven,athletic kind.
I mean just, and I'm sure yourwives are no different.
Like you meet these women thatjust think of everybody else and
somehow they have more to givetheir cuss.
Like she's.
She's an entrepreneur and sheworries about putting sunscreen
on my kid's face at five in themorning.
I'm like, why are we doing this?
(36:19):
She checked the weather it'sgonna be hot out and I'm just
like this is like you're sothoughtful and I guarantee if
she would have met me prior towhen we did, she would have just
not even gave me a secondchance.
I hadn't become the person Ineed to become to attract that
level of incredibleness.
Honestly, so a lot of paincreated the desire to not go
(36:41):
through that again.
That made it worth it to gothrough the challenge of change
to become the person that couldeventually find, to become the
person that would attract thatlike.
You see, all these peoplethey're like you know from my
partner I want this, I want this, I want this.
They need to be.
I mean, it's just so crazy.
You know, some women are likethey need to be six, three, they
need to be making 200,000 ayear, they need all this.
(37:03):
And I look at them.
I go what are you going tobring to the table?
Like, let's just be honest.
But I was honest with myself.
What was I bring into the table?
I was a horrible person to bein a relationship with.
If she got 10 minutes of myattention throughout a whole
week of like one on one, kirk,that was a good week.
So that's what I would say isjust, I had to be honest with
myself and then apply the samestuff I'd learned in business
about being successful and justapply it to becoming a person
(37:28):
that could be in a relationshipand then eventually being a good
dad.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
I had a quasi similar experience quickly as my wife
sat me down.
We've been married like a year,no kids.
I come home one day from workand I'm just working like I did.
But when I was single, right,she goes this isn't going to
work for me.
I'm freaking out like whoa,wait, what, what isn't going to
work for you?
You know, like, our wholerelationship, what are you
talking about?
You know this whole work thingyou're doing.
(37:54):
She's like it's not going towork for me and she goes I'm
going to make a deal with youand I were in our late 20s, like
all right, she says, you canwork as late as you want at
night, you just need to give meheads up.
Weekends are mine.
And I wasn't an executive yet.
I was in my late 20s.
Right, I'm just making my way.
And in a lot of ways it waseasier than to make that
(38:14):
decision because I didn't haveas much responsibility, but it
was harder because I'm trying to.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
You know, trying to show up trying to be a
successful business person.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
You know, best thing that ever happened, because ever
since then she's had everyweekend.
We've been married 20 years andif it wasn't for her saying
giving me a timeout, then Iwouldn't have the aha moment
needed to go.
Oh yeah, this is important andit becomes way more important
when you have the kids right.
It comes even even moreimportant to have the balance,
(38:45):
or whatever you want to call it.
I think we've had some multiplepeople on the podcast.
It's not really balanced, morelike times and seasons, right,
you start a new business, you'regiven that a lot of time, but
then you become successful, youbuy back your time and you give
it to your family, and so I'mnot sure balance is the right
word.
But anyway, great Harmony.
Harmony is a good one.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
I call it the integrated life.
Yeah, the way I help peopleresolve this is I say, before
you decide to take something new, like even start a business,
right, because we're all likeserial entrepreneurs, you know
we've got a primary companythat's doing really well.
We get a little high onourselves and somebody comes up
with a new idea and we're like,let's do that.
I'll invest, take my money,I'll be your business partner.
And someday you show up andyou're like, how did I get two
(39:26):
jobs?
Like we've all done that.
In those moments I always lookat three things Okay.
First off, businessfundamentals.
What do I know that I have tokeep committing to that's going
to make my business successful,before I say yes to something
new?
Second is my success habits.
What do I do every day thatallows me to be successful
energetically, take care of mybody, you know, whatever it is
(39:46):
with the family success habits.
And then the third iscommitment to others, and
sometimes what we forget to dois renegotiate those in a season
to give us the space.
See, my wife is superunderstanding If I sit down with
her and say, hey, the book'sdoing really well and I have an
opportunity to really push itand be on all these podcasts,
but it's going to require me tobe gone, you know, six days a
(40:09):
month, which normally I wouldn'ttravel that much.
It's like you know.
But I think on the tail end ofa three month sprint this could
be created.
She can look at it, look at hercalendar, think about it and
then come back and say I'm okaywith that, no problem, she's not
.
Like you know, some people arelike rigid, you have to do this
always and never do it, or Ihate you, like she's not
(40:30):
unreasonable.
But what she doesn't like tofeel is like I, she wasn't
consulted and I think a lot ofentrepreneurs were guilty of.
I'm moving fast, I'm creatingthis, I'm doing it for her and
the crazy part, especially forthe kids, they never asked you
for any of it.
Isn't that fascinating?
That was a thing that occurredto me.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
They just want you.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Yeah, when my my fiance left me and I convinced
myself for three years that Ihad been killing myself to
create a future for us, therewas never a conversation where
she asked me for any of it, ever.
Like I made it up in my head,there was never a sense that
sounded like I need you to be amillionaire, I need you to be
(41:14):
successful, I need you to makethis company the best company
ever.
I she just wanted me to bepresent when we went out for
dinner.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
That crazy yeah, we do a lot.
We all do that in some way,shape or form.
I was gonna ask you when youwere going through that
transition of essentiallygetting ready to be the man that
your current wife needed?
Was there, was there anythingin that journey?
Was there a certain book youread or a certain mentor you had
, or multiple things that youknow what?
(41:44):
For those who might belistening saying, well, I want
to be ready for my wife to be,or my you know partner to be.
Any advice there?
Speaker 3 (41:56):
yeah, I'm checking in on my heart.
What comes up, david get a, Ithink, is his name.
Maybe that's a idiom data.
So I love David Gata's musicand David's data wrote a song
called the Way of the Superiorman and that really spoke to me
about how you show up and howyou are in relation.
(42:17):
So I think his book was reallygood.
I think seminars wise back then.
This is so fun.
The first seminar I ever went tois a guy named T Harb Ecker
millionaire, mind millionaire,mind intensive and my brother,
him, and I went because we hadthese free tickets away.
(42:38):
They it's actually brilliantidea in his book.
He had two tickets to hisseminars.
Okay, today it's you know,people do online stuff, but back
then it was in person and wewent to seminar and he ended up.
The deal was it's like 34 grandI mean, we're in our late 20s,
34 grand is like real money.
And but the kicker was, is thatif you joined his like whatever
(43:00):
he called it quantum that youcan bring it a family member for
free?
So it's like, bro, this isthree years of personal
development, you and I get to doit.
I would say some of those eventslike life directions and
warrior and many others, shapedme in a big way and I would say
that getting curious about whohas been successful and had
(43:23):
amazing relationships and beingand asking them the questions
and looking for mentors andlooking for examples bright
spots, I like to call thembecause I think it's easy for
people to go and this is what'sfunny.
You meet people in theircynical right.
They're like oh yeah, he's rich, but what white, what number
wife is he on?
It's like that's fascinatingthat you default go there, which
means you'll never besuccessful because you believe
(43:45):
success means not being married.
They're like well, I didn't saythat you did.
You kind of did it, kind of didso what I wanted to find,
because I think you know wedon't get the life we want.
We get the life we focus on.
I wanted to find successfulpeople that had high net worth,
with really well adjusted kidsand study like rich christensen
I think he's Utah, you guys knowrich.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
I don't know him, but I know heard of him yeah he.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
He's one of those guys that I read his book and he
talks about, like, how to havethis like integrated, harmonious
family life and be wealthy andsuccessful, all stuff.
So, like I think that that was,you know, a big shift for me
was just, I'm a samosas guy, Ineed to be around it, but once
you show it to me, no problem.
Like I remember when I wastrying to build like these big
(44:31):
software companies, I would begto just go meet the CEOs.
Yes, I want to talk to CEO, butmore importantly, I want to go
see.
I want to see, like your office, the outside office, the
building.
What do you guys do?
How do you set it up?
What's the culture stuff?
Why'd you write that on thewall?
You know, you go to thebathroom and then you see graphs
in the bathroom.
I'm like, whoa, why'd you guysdo that?
It's like because this is wherewe break even, we don't do very
scapula.
I'm like, oh, so once I see it,I can assimilate it, but
(44:52):
sometimes, until I see it, it'shard for me to believe it.
So I did that with becoming theperson who could be successful
financially and also, you know,not be horrible in a
relationship.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
I love it.
Well, at the end of everypodcast I know you have a hard
stop and I can't believe we'reat the.
I know, I know, I just lookeddown at the end of every podcast
, we ask our guests what theythink it means to be a gentleman
, and so we're gonna give youthe opportunity to listen to
your heart for a minute andanswer that question.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
Hmm, I love I, I love my creator.
He just puts something reallycool on my mind.
He said being a gentleman iscaring about the things of the
people you care about, careabout.
Think about that.
A gentleman is somebody thatcares about the things, the
(45:50):
people you care about, careabout.
And I think if you use that asa North Star, like I just think
like man, if I just show up formy team, for my son, what does
he care about now, what I careabout, but what he cares, but if
I can start caring about that,I think people be like man.
He's a gentleman.
So that's what came up love it.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
One of the better answers I've heard actually
maybe succinct and beautifulmade me think of my wife.
You know she wants to do thisclothing store.
I'm like I gotta do anything Ican possibly do to help her with
that, because that'll show herthat I actually love her.
Right, good, good stuff.
Thanks for being with us.
Thanks for sharing your timewith us yeah, so cool to have
(46:28):
you.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Guys are cool dudes.
Hey, thank you.
We're happy to meet you andglad to be friends now.
Thanks for joining us on thegentlemen project podcast.
If you would, please hop overto itones, visit us there, give
us a rating in a review thathelps more people find the
message that Dan left today.
We're grateful for him,grateful for you listening to
the podcast.
I'm Kirk Chugd.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
I'm Corey Moore, go buy, buy back your time book by
Dan Martell, and they can findyou on social media.
Speaker 3 (46:58):
Instagram is my favorite.
Dan Martell, double L theMartell.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
I'll see you guys there beautiful thanks everybody
, make it a great day.
Welcome to the gentlemen project podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk Chug.
Today Dan Martell joins us inthe studio.
He's from the eastern coast ofCanada but we've got him here in
Salt Lake today.
He is a philanthropist, anentrepreneur, an investor.
He's in the services ofsoftware space and successful in
that space and he's also failedin that space.
(00:22):
He's a dad of two kids, married, and we'll get into some of
those things.
But Dan is a referral fromRandy Garn, which, if you've
listened to the podcast you, youhave.
You've listened to quite a fewintroductions from Randy, and
Dan came highly recommended andso we're super stoked to have
him here today.
He's got some of his media teamin the podcast studio with us
(00:45):
today and he also brought a veryspecial guest who will let him
introduce Dan.
Welcome to the podcast.
Speaker 3 (00:50):
Kirk, it's an honor.
Corey, thanks for having me.
What a beautiful buildingobviously there.
What a great comeback and tellthat the team culture matters a
lot to you.
You know, reading the story,the way you've designed.
I love visiting people'soffices to kind of see how they
they let the experience unfold.
What I'm, you know, what Iwould love to share with
everybody is the MVP in the room.
(01:12):
For me, anyways, is my son Max,so mighty Max Martel's in the
room.
Speaker 1 (01:16):
Yeah, we do a fun thing.
Speaker 3 (01:18):
Where, when I travel for work, I alternate between
each boy.
So I got two sons, or 11 monthsparts, irish twins, and
Technically this was Noah hisbrother's trip.
But his brother knew that Maxwould enjoy this kind of trip
more, so gave up his spot sothat he could that's a good
brother right there.
It is, yeah.
Yeah, max is into the mediastuff to the YouTube and he
(01:41):
wanted to see kind of behind thescenes.
Speaker 2 (01:42):
Yeah, so Dan's got a big following on YouTube, social
medias.
I believe it's over a million.
Speaker 3 (01:48):
Yeah, we.
I think four million peopleviewed our content in the last
30 days.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
Wow, wow that's a pretty great metric.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
Yeah, so and you so.
You come from a softwarebackground.
Hundred percent in the, but youwrote a book about buying back
your time.
Hmm which sounds like it's beenmore successful based on what
you told us.
Speaker 3 (02:09):
Yeah, I mean like I wrote the book because I wanted
to help entrepreneurs buildcompanies, didn't grow to hate
Hmm.
I think the number one thingkiller of a business is not that
the business doesn't have theopportunity to work.
The economy's there.
I mean, if you sell what you do, kirk, with the clothes, like
people buy it.
So you know, build, build itlike economy's there.
Most companies fail because theEntrepreneur gets to a place,
(02:32):
in the way they built thecompany, where the more they
grow, the more pain.
The experience and what I'velearned Over the years is
entrepreneurs will not grow intopain.
You know it's like holding aknife to the throat and saying
step forward.
It's like they won't do it.
So usually they either sell,sabotage or stall their growth.
And Over the years that's beenthe recipe for me of how I've
scaled and exited my softwarecompanies and built my empire.
(02:53):
And even the word empire, whichis the subtitle of my book, I
know freaks people out becausethey're like I don't need to
build an empire and I'm like,okay, well, empire for me is a
life of unlimited creation younever have to retire from.
I think most people want thatright to wake up every day to
feel fulfilled, to feel useful,to feel like they're creating
and do it in a way that doesn'tfeel heavy.
So that's why I wrote that bookspecifically.
(03:14):
It was just on my heart to Kindof get out of my brain and out
to the world.
Speaker 2 (03:18):
Yeah, we'll talk about the book quite a bit today
, but it's called buy back yourtime and Get unstuck, reclaim
your freedom and build yourempire.
Could you use the word legacy?
Maybe has a Replacement forthat word, empire, if you didn't
like the word empire.
Like we all want to leavesomething behind when we're gone
, right, well, so this is adebate Because I'm not sure.
Speaker 3 (03:41):
I'm not sure.
I think I think impactsimportant.
I'm not sure how much I believein the concept of legacy to
drive our decisions, because Ithink the moment I leave this
earth and I'm a person of faiththat you know I care more about
how I show up in my time hereand and I'm not like even for my
boys, and we can dive into thatlike what, what is appropriate
(04:02):
to leave anybody Right, like youknow.
So the legacy one is is aninteresting one, because I would
love to do things to help otherpeople, but I don't think I
used to be a guy that says, okay, well, what could you create
that would still exist in 300years.
I was that guy.
Like I'm gonna be honest,everybody can go back far enough
.
You'll find me say this I wasall about legacy.
One of the core pillars in mylife for a long time is legacy.
I just think that my definitionof what legacy means today is
(04:26):
different than what I used tobelieve.
It I used to believe about,like building so that when I'm
gone, I'm remembered and reveredand Memorialized yeah, and now.
I actually don't want that,because then I'm gonna.
What I'm gonna do instead isjust show up every day and leave
it all on the field, and my newPhilosophy is like I want to
die empty.
I want to leave it all out.
(04:47):
I want to show up every day,give as much as I can love as
much as I can, make fun as muchas I can, joy every day, every
moment, gratitude, presence, andthen, when it's, when it's done
.
That is what it is, and if Iinspired people that continue,
that's cool.
I'm just never gonna do it.
I'm never gonna make a decisionbased on, like, what happens
after I'm gone.
I'm gonna index more, for whatcan I do today while I'm here,
(05:08):
which I like.
Speaker 2 (05:08):
That it's a paradigm shift for me and a lot of people
, because I've Kind of struggledwith that.
I'm like 42 and I kind ofreached that point in my life.
I'm like, okay, I'm maybe itlike half-timish, you know, and
what have I done that's gonnasurvive me and what will I be
remembered for?
And you know, you look at, it'skind of a human, innate trait,
(05:31):
right.
Like you won, the pharaohs didit with the pyramids and you
know, like everybody wants to beremembered or have something
stand longer than they will bearound.
Speaker 3 (05:44):
It's why we have kids .
Yeah, we ask people, why do youhave kids?
It's like, well, I want to, youknow, create a different
lineage of the one I experiencednot that it might have been bad
for some people it might havebeen or there's certain areas of
trauma they don't want to kindof replicate.
And then you know every personthat has a kid.
When you say, well, what's thegoal?
What kind of life do you wantto leave for them?
They say a better one, and Ithink that it's cool, that it's
(06:05):
part of our DNA.
I think that we just have toask ourselves are we making
decisions today about thisfuture that I'm not going to
experience at all, versus say,well, how can I just show up
more present and more involvedor impactful today?
Because I think and this is whyI wrote this book is because I
see so many people makesacrifices of the today for the
(06:27):
future they won't experience.
Yeah, see what I'm saying, kirk, you got it.
I could tell by that smile.
Speaker 2 (06:31):
I used to sell insurance and investments.
I'm like you got to save, yougot to save, you got to save so
that one day you can have fun,you know.
And then when I got out of thatI was like a little bit like
you know what, like there's noguarantee that you're even going
to have that stage of life.
You know, you have these peoplethat save and save and save and
they retire and three weekslater they get cancer and
(06:52):
happens all the time they'regone within six months yeah,
most people don't evenunderstand.
Speaker 3 (06:56):
There's a great book Bill Perkins wrote called the
die with zero, and he talksabout the go-go, slo-go and no
go years.
Like, let's you say we'rehalfway there, we're not really
halfway there, we're even lessthere, because the go-go years
is typically between you know,uh, you know 55, 65.
The slo-go years is 75, 65 to75, and then the no go years is
(07:17):
kind of beyond that, where youdon't even have the health if
you don't take care of yourself.
So, honestly, if you want toenjoy the world, enjoy your life
, do you want to do it whenyou're a prime fitness, you're
most energetic, you're mostpresence, or do you want to wait
until you can barely, you know,walk?
And that's that's why I think,like, when I think of legacy as
a concept, um, it's a, it's,it's, it's important to consider
(07:43):
, but not at the sacrifice ofthe today and the today people
yeah, I think it's all about thedefinition of legacy.
Speaker 1 (07:49):
Yeah, when I think of it, it's like I don't care
about myself or anyone remembersme, but do I want to give my
kids stories that that allowthem to have certain morals, to
have certain values?
Do I want to do?
I don't want to leave themanything with but with the
legacy to know they can do it ontheir own, with the legacy to
(08:09):
know how to create value intheir life.
Right, I'm not leaving yourmoney, but I'm certainly going
to teach you how to add value inthe world, right?
So I think, if you think oflegacy, as I want to teach my
kids how to be amazing, yeah,for themselves, not for me, not
for some, but for themselves.
And and I think that's kind ofthe legacy I walk towards right,
(08:30):
it's not about me, it's notabout people remembering me,
it's about having my name up onit now.
Who cares all that, right, right, I'm not here to enjoy that and
for those who do that, I.
I'm not saying that's bad, I'mjust saying the definition of
legacy needs to be hey did I.
It's more knowledge.
Are my kids more knowledgeableabout how to buy back time?
(08:51):
Are they more knowledgeableabout how to have work life
balance, how to treat peoplebetter, how to have better
relationships, how to createwealth?
Are they?
Are they more knowledgeablethan I am?
Speaker 3 (09:02):
there's some legacy well, here here's a fascinating
conversation on that, because Iwas just talking about it on the
flight down here with one ofthe guys that was on the plane
because, like anybody, that'screated wealth, their biggest
fear okay, so like I flew downon a private jet, my son's with
me how do I live my life but notessentially ruin my kids?
(09:24):
That live a completelydifferent experience?
That is like the one thing is Icoach a lot of my clients on
and the concept is calledcontrolled adversity, because if
you ask yourself like what, youget it right.
If you ask yourself what createsthe character of a person that
is resilient and resourceful,it's not somebody that's been
(09:44):
taking care of and coddledchallenges yeah it's the
adversity they face, okay, butdoes that mean you're going to
drop them off in the woods 40kilometers from their house and
say figure it out at age 12,like my buddy Ben Greenfield did
?
No, now I joke with Ben becauseyou know he taught his kids
since they were two years old totake care of themselves and
hunt, and so like, the riskprofile of their children versus
(10:05):
mine are completely different,but I think it's fascinating as
a concept to say, okay, if Iwant to leave my kids with these
character traits and thesebeliefs and these, this
understanding of how toprioritize their time and their
energy, then how do I create acontrolled adversity environment
, right?
Some people say, allow yourkids to take risks in a safe way
.
So that's.
I'm literally thoughtfullythinking about this all the time
(10:27):
.
How do I, you know, create thecontext, the container where my
kids can do things that arerisky or hard, but not in a way
where they're gonna, like,create what I call core memories
, that I go to them, pay fortherapy?
Speaker 1 (10:40):
for in the future.
Right, that's a great way toplay.
That's a hundred percent.
Yeah, let's have them get theirbutt kicked, but not so much
that they have to go to therapyfor, yeah, we don't want to
create deep, deep capital Ttrauma, but a little bit of, you
know, friction in the world.
Speaker 2 (10:53):
Yeah, Brandon Steiner probably would drop his kids
off in the woods, though totally.
Speaker 1 (10:57):
Brandon Steiner is a good podcast for that so how do
we buy back our?
Speaker 3 (11:00):
time.
It's a beautiful question,obviously.
I love it here's.
Here's the first way I thinkabout it is most people just
don't know what they want fortheir life.
So it's fascinating for me.
Every person I hire one of myfavorite questions, ask them
it's five years from now.
You're waking up, we can't beworking together, so we take
that off the table.
Describe the perfect situation,describe your life.
(11:21):
You know where you live andwhere you're waking out.
Da, da, da, da.
Most of them go.
Don't we ever ask me thatquestion before?
I'm like okay, well, let'spretend you knew the answer.
And then they kind of startdescribing it.
They allow themselves a dream.
For me, understanding the visionof what you want to create is
the first part, because I can'tdesign, I can't help you buy
back your time to create a lifeif you can't tell me what you're
(11:44):
trying to aim for.
I mean this is anybody inbusiness knows it's begin with
the end in mind seven habits, etcetera.
So once we know what we want tocreate, then we look at the
calendar.
So I created this framework.
So the buyback principle okay,it's a core principle, it's
essentially.
I call it a first principle.
Okay is we don't hire people togrow our businesses.
We hire people to buy back ourtime, because if we do the
(12:05):
second we get the first, but ifwe do the first we don't always
get the second.
So I always start thisframework with the buyback loop.
So anytime we feel that growthin our lives would create pain
in our calendar, then we have tobuy back our time, because if
not, we're gonna inadvertentlysabotage, stall or wanna sell
our businesses.
(12:26):
Right, thank you.
Speaker 1 (12:27):
That's a I'm giving an applause, thank you, yeah.
Yeah, a quiet applause.
I'm like yes, baby, I believein this.
Okay, keep going.
Sorry.
Speaker 3 (12:35):
So once I hit what I call the pain line and I feel
that way, and I had one lastweek I literally sat down on my
assistant and said time to do atwo week time and energy audit.
So that's the first step of thethree.
Okay, it's ATF audit, transfer,fill Audit is.
I look at the last two weeks ofmy calendar and I say what of
those things lit me up?
That I love doing this podcast,bright Green love it gives me
(12:55):
energy game like on all time.
What takes my energy?
What's red?
And then, hey, let's even talkabout yellow.
Okay, because I think sometimespeople's yellows are really
reds.
They just don't wanna admit it,right?
So is there a board you're onthat just suck in the energy,
but you've been on it for threeyears and you gotta renegotiate
some.
You know some expectations oragreements.
You know some strategicplanning stuff that you've done
(13:17):
for 12 years that you're justlike you know what.
It's not really the kind ofconversations that light me up
anymore, like it's givingyourself permission to literally
look at your calendar throughthat lens.
And then, also for all thosetasks that you've been doing,
ask yourself, if I were to paysomebody else to do this task.
How much would it cost me?
And it's a relative number toyour own personal buyback rate,
which I teach in the book.
But it's let's just say, likeyou know, when you go to
(13:38):
restaurants it's like $1 signexpensive or $4 sign, so like
four would be.
If you had to pay somebody todo your job, you're the CEO.
What would it cost to paysomebody?
So that's like the hourly cost.
$1 sign would be like, let'ssay, administrative assistant,
right, $15, $20 task.
So then once I do the time andenergy audit, I've got all the
things that suck my energy, thatare red, and then all the
things that are $1 or $2 in costto pay somebody else to do.
(14:01):
That becomes the hiring spec,the job posting for the next
hire.
That's it, that's all.
Then I go to transfer, I takethat and I transfer it.
So what's unique about the way Ido transfer is fascinating to
people is I essentially recordmyself doing the work while I do
the work.
I call it the camcorder method.
It's why I have a video crewdoing this stuff.
(14:22):
I have a coaching company withthe 1,000 clients the largest
software or CEO coachingorganization in the world.
I don't create my own trainings, I don't coach, I don't run my
events, I don't go on stagehardly anymore.
Why?
Because while I was doing it Ivideotaped myself and then, as I
hired people to buy back, thattime, I gave them the recordings
and I said you create the SOPbased on what you see.
(14:43):
So when I hired them, the firstweek of their life was watching
40 hours worth of content.
Then they told me what they sawin the videos and then I could
look at it and say you know yourstuff, you picked up what I was
throwing down game on Okay,you're gonna stay, let's build
this out.
So that's the transfer part,because for most people SOPs are
kind of this like vague thingthat they don't know how to do
(15:04):
and it's not fun.
Checklist who wants to sitthere and create a checklist?
Let's be honest.
But doing the work, recordingit, knowing that someday I never
have to do this for the rest ofmy life, that's pretty awesome.
So you can connect to a Zoomcall, you can process your email
, you could record yourselfdoing I mean, I've recorded
myself.
I do triathlon.
So Ironmans and like anybodythat's done those kind of races,
realize that it's like a minicomputer science degree.
(15:26):
You need to manage all thecomputers that connect all that,
like literally there's threedifferent things that gotta get
plugged in on my road bike alone.
Okay, a lot of time and energykeeping the bike, maintenance
and all that stuff.
I just videotaped myself withmy iPhone and then I gave it to
somebody on my team and I saidgoing forward on this schedule,
can you do all this stuff?
I used to do that way.
I never show up to a startingline of a race and my battery's
(15:47):
dead, like it happened on myfirst Ironman.
So it sounds so trivial, butthat's like the transfer part
and then the last part is fill.
And this is my favorite part,because it's like what do you do
with this new time?
And I think most people, if Igave them two extra days a week
back, they wouldn't really knowwhat to do with it.
(16:08):
Right, because most people liveby their email, they live by
the meetings, they live by therequest of other people on their
time and it feels safe and itfeels good and it feels like
forward momentum.
But it isn't thoughtful, itisn't strategic when you
actually step back and say, okay, if I got an extra two days a
week, or three days a week, orfour days a week.
If I hire an assistant, I don'thave one.
What do I do at that time?
My argument is you should investin the things that A make your
(16:30):
company the most money possible.
So anything that's like a $4sign or green that lights you up
, that makes you money, revenuedrivers start with that.
Fill your calendar up with that.
Why Creates more revenue, moreresources to buy back, more time
.
But at some point you'llactually max that out.
And then I would argue that youshould look at your skill sets.
You got to develop your beliefsthat you have that aren't
supporting you and yourcharacter traits.
(16:51):
And that's the audit transferfill loop.
And I think that you know itsounds simple but it's not easy.
But if this is literally theprocess I've used to build the
empire of creative, that'sawesome.
Speaker 2 (17:05):
So if you want, like the nitty gritty, the nuts and
bolts version of what Dan justsaid, you got to buy his book.
Speaker 3 (17:12):
Oh, my gosh, like.
And when I handed in my firstmanuscript to my publisher, this
is his response.
His name was Noah.
He goes hey, dan.
So I got to explain somethingto you and I don't want you to
take this the wrong way and Isaid what's that?
He goes there's a differencebetween a university textbook
and a bestselling book.
And I go what do you mean?
(17:32):
He goes you've written auniversity textbook.
So what I love about the book wefixed it.
It has a lot of stories, a lotof examples, it's written better
than my initial one, but all ofthe stuff that I teach is in
there.
So people are like how do Imanage?
How do I hire an executiveassistant?
Chapter seven what do they do?
Chapter eight like it's all inthere, literally the folder
(17:53):
structure for setting up youremails, the daily meeting you
should have with them, the wholething.
I put it all in there because Ireally wanted people to get the
manual, not just be inspired.
I think some books they'realmost like tweets that are
written into a book.
I wanted to get people like themeat, even the last chapter.
Buy back lifestyle.
How do you apply this to yourhome?
Speaker 2 (18:13):
Yeah, and that's really what I want to talk to
you about today.
What have you learned as a dadof an 11 and a 10 year old boys?
What are the things that you'velearned and that you coach on a
daily basis, that you havetransferred and translated into
some of the things that you doat home, that you can say that
one thing has made more of animpact on the relationships and
(18:36):
the character development of ourfamily than any other.
Speaker 3 (18:39):
There's a lot of stuff, and I always listen to my
heart when I try to answersomething, because I don't know
what the right answer is, so I'mjust gonna trust in that.
The first thing that came upwas that a long time ago I
realized that if I wanted tohave a better relationship with
everybody in my life, includingmy kids, my wife and my parents
and my brothers and sisters thatthere was nothing I could ever
(19:00):
ask them to become.
That would be enough for it tobe okay, other than me working
on me being okay with them.
I hope like this is a crazyidea, but I know there's people
listening that hope someday mywife changes a thing.
My mom stops doing X, my dadstarts doing Y and I'm telling
you, don't hold your breath, itain't gonna happen.
(19:22):
What you can focus on is whoyou are in those experiences.
So one of the best things I'veever done, like I said, I
created the space to buy back mytime, to reinvest it in
becoming more so.
I got to a place where, forexample, I think most young men,
maybe young women, when I callmy dad and I'm wildly more
(19:45):
successful financially than mydad.
I love my dad, he's my hero,but just on pure paper.
That's just a fact.
And every time I talk to him,he asks me questions as if I'm a
13-year-old boy.
Still, I don't know if you guysever had this experience.
When you talk to your parentsand they're like well, did you
think about this?
And you're like, oh my god, whyare they asking?
Like, of course I thought aboutthat.
I remember one time I was sofrustrated with this idea
(20:06):
because every time you ask methese questions, it makes me
feel like I suck right, and it'smy dad.
Every boy wants their dad tofeel proud of them.
I don't want him to ask meabout the 14 ways he thinks I'm
going to lose my net worth.
I want him to go wow, I'm soproud of what you've created.
I'm talking to my brother.
I go, bro.
His name's Pierre.
I said, pierre, does dad everdo that?
And he goes.
Yeah, man, but you know what?
(20:26):
The other day I decided to justshow him.
So what do you mean?
He goes.
I just because my brother's avery successful home builder.
He goes.
I just started bringing him tomy real estate projects and
showing him and telling him allmy numbers.
He goes.
I don't think dad realized howsuccessful you are.
So what do you think I shoulddo?
He goes, just show him Really.
He goes.
Yeah.
(20:46):
I said OK, I'm going toscreenshot all my bank accounts,
all my everything.
I'm going to text it to him.
I sat there.
I remember where I was sitting.
I was sitting I don't tell mywife I was sitting on the
kitchen table.
My feet were on the bench right, like I was just sitting there
talking to my bro.
I screenshotted all my differentaccounts, my savings accounts,
my business accounts, my stripe,all the cash, all the stuff,
(21:08):
and I texted him like sevendifferent images and I said I
don't know what you want to dowith that, but here, and I
thought maybe that was going tostop my dad from worrying about
whatever he was worrying about.
First response he goes oh mygosh, who manages that for you?
I was like oh my gosh, dad,holy moly.
(21:32):
But in that moment I realizedit wasn't about my dad.
He's always going to thinkthose things.
He's always going to be thatway.
So then I had to change myrelationship with those
questions.
So no joke, this happenedprobably six years ago.
I now proactive, just out offun.
I called him two days ago and Isaid hey, dad, I need your
advice.
Oh man, my dad loves it.
(21:53):
He pulls up to the phone.
I can tell Wherever he's at,he'll stop, sit down.
What do you need?
I said you know what, dad, I'mtrying to get this new revenue
guy and he's asking for this.
It's not true, none of it'strue.
I call my dad for advice allthe time because that's his way
of expressing his care.
Speaker 2 (22:12):
And I love it.
Speaker 3 (22:13):
And sometimes I record it why there's going to
be a day where he's not going toanswer.
So I share all that, because Ithink that it's important for us
to decide if we truly wantthese people in our lives.
If I want to have a greatrelationship with my son, my
wife, et cetera, I just got tofigure out how do I become
(22:36):
better for them, because askingthem to change for me is a
losing proposition.
Speaker 1 (22:42):
Yeah, I think that's kind of a.
I sometimes say get out of yourown way or choose happiness.
It's similar to that right,You're not going to change those
people, so how do you choosehappiness?
How do you choose seeing theworld with a different paradigm,
which is what you did with yourdad?
I hope he doesn't listen tothis podcast.
Speaker 3 (22:59):
Oh, he can, he knows and he still loves it when I
come.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
OK.
Speaker 2 (23:04):
He's like how's that new Revegan Dude?
He literally watches my content.
Speaker 3 (23:07):
If I read you my text , my dad is again.
He thinks I'm a 13-year-oldtroublemaker.
He texts me all the time.
He's like I just watched yourlatest video.
I mean, he's so funny at thisstuff.
What did he say recently?
No, urgent, just wanted to tellyou.
I listened to your new shortvideo and I think you are great.
I am stating to believe youreally know what you're doing.
Love that Like the next textmessage we are flying to Toronto
(23:31):
, then to Rome tonight, firsttime I text from a plane.
I've been checking out yourvideos.
They are very good.
Speaker 1 (23:38):
Love that Like I mean you're just trying to say he's
trying to say Like I say he'sreally my hero, but there was a
long period of time where I hadto figure out how do I have
these?
Speaker 3 (23:45):
conversations Because I had a lot of personal baggage
.
So, growing up, what did youlearn from your parents?
Speaker 1 (23:52):
One of my favorite questions is like what may I say
to you?
Like, how did you get to theplace you're at?
And that usually comes fromsome sort of things from your
parents, and then it's friendsand it's books, and it's
something turns you into who youare right Over time.
So how did your parentsinfluence you to become who you
are today?
And there's probably good andbad, and I'm not going for
(24:14):
either.
I'm just kind of saying isthere something there?
I'm going to listen to my heart, I'm just going to share what I
share.
Speaker 3 (24:19):
Like it's just the one thing about me is I'm just
going to share what I share.
The one thing about me is I'm100% just what it is Raw Dan.
Speaker 2 (24:27):
It's raw.
Here's the thing.
Speaker 3 (24:29):
My parents did the best they could with what they
knew at the time and who theywere.
My mom was adopted, raised bytwo alcoholic parents.
My dad's, my grandparents, werealcoholics.
My dad struggled with hisdemons and they had four kids
Struggled.
My dad was in sales, never homeoften.
I grew up in a very emotionallychallenging environment Zero
(24:55):
regret.
I love the childhood I wentthrough because I didn't get the
parents I thought I wanted.
I got the parents I needed, soI learned a lot about what I
don't want to do.
How does that showed up in mylife today?
I decided to quit drinkingbecause I didn't want to be the
generation that continued thelineage of alcoholism which I
(25:16):
grew up in.
I became addicted, went toprison twice, but time I was 17,
ended up in rehab, keptdrinking till I was 32.
And I knew better.
So when my wife told me she waspregnant, done I'm done.
I'm not going to do this.
I'm not going to do this to us.
Speaker 1 (25:31):
Good for you.
Speaker 3 (25:32):
The math was simple in my head If I continue this,
there's zero chance that overthe next 25 years I don't create
massive amounts of pain in myrelationship, in my marriage to
my children if I continuedrinking, whether if I'm like,
oh, I'm better now I cansocially drink, no, there's just
going to be a moment where I dosomething I shouldn't have done
, so I quit.
And it's been 11 years now, ageof my son, and so I learned a
(25:55):
lot about that.
And then, over the years, justthe people that have inspired me
.
Honestly, it's just like inbusiness.
I started asking myself I had amentor, this guy named Ken, and
he had these two incrediblywell-adjusted kids.
And this guy, when I met him,he's worth $100 million.
Now he's worth like half abillion.
And I remember asking him Isaid like Ken, how did you raise
these?
Like?
At the time, I think his kidswere like 12, 13, but super kind
(26:16):
, outgoing, smart,self-sufficient, you know what I
mean, not like rich, little,spoiled kids.
And his feedback to me wasdon't shelter them from the way
the world really is.
So what do you mean by that?
He goes since they were babies,since they were little kids.
We volunteer at the food bank.
We bring them to third worldcountries.
They have it in just because welive here.
(26:38):
That's not normal and I wantyou to experience it.
So they went to normal schools,didn't get you know what I mean
, all this stuff.
So I was like OK.
So I talked to Renee about thisconcept and she's like I'm on
board.
So I mean, when they were fourand five, we went to Haiti on a
project that was supporting theschool and this other stuff they
were doing there and my boyscame, they saw it.
(26:59):
We had bodyguards.
We're traveling there.
Like what is this?
And I'm like this is.
We live in Canada and we livein a certain neighborhood that
doesn't be exposed, but we'vebeen ever since they were young.
So I think that was a big ideathat I learned from Ken.
Other things that I do wementioned Jim Shields before we
started recording.
So Jim wrote a book called theFamily Board Meetings.
It's based off the concept ofsurfing, because when he had
(27:20):
kids, he realized that surfingcould be an activity that he did
and then he literally created arelationship with his boys
through surfing.
So he started teachingsuccessful entrepreneurs the
concept of a family boardmeeting, which we did last
weekend, we do this weekend, wedo it once a quarter.
And some people are like youonly do it once a quarter.
It's like, look, I spend timewith my kids all the time, but
(27:41):
once a quarter for half a day,so it's four hours plus a meal.
We do whatever they want to doOne on one.
And it is the funnest, likelast Sunday I had Max and we
bought a PS5.
Because we don't have videogames at my house.
I haven't played video gamessince I was eight.
Mario Kart, yeah, mario Kart.
(28:03):
Duck Hunter, the Power.
Speaker 2 (28:06):
Pad.
Yeah, the Power Pad.
We're the same age.
I knew you knew all of this.
Yeah, you learned how to hackthat system.
Speaker 3 (28:12):
Oh, yeah, yeah, no, no, yeah, you know what I mean.
We were putting the Nintendocartridge in there.
So, yeah, we did, we bought aPS5.
We went goat karting, we wentarcades, we went to the jump
park Like all in four hours, andthen we went for a meal and
then.
So the whole idea is do whatthey want to do, don't do what
you want to do.
And so when they were littleI've been doing this since they
(28:33):
were two or three, I mean.
One day they were like I wantto go to the beach.
I'm like it is freezing outside.
Imagine going to beach on a daylike today.
That was what my children askedme back then, but we did it.
And my favorite part is the meal, because at the meal you sit
down and that's the space thatyou create to ask them I want to
be a better dad for you.
And there's no way I'm going tobe a better dad unless I get
(28:54):
feedback and I know that some ofthe stuff you might be thinking
might hurt my feelings, but Ineed to hear that what can I do
to be a better dad for you?
It's good, that is really good,yep.
So I create the space there.
The other thing that we ask inthose meals is hey, man, is
there anything going on atschool?
You know any adults say or dosomething, because sometimes
(29:19):
adults make kids scared that ifthey say anything, that their
parents are going to be heard.
I just want you to knownothing's going to happen to me
Because we don't know man, wedon't know who our kids, what
happens on sleepovers, they goaway to camp and all that stuff.
And it's just about creatingthis space for you to have this
like open, honest conversation.
And I started when they weresmall so that when they're 13,
(29:40):
14, 15, it's normal.
It's part of who we are.
It's part of being a Martel.
We have core values, so they'reon our walls.
So I worked with my buddy,chris and Melissa Smith at
Family Brand so we created ourfamily values.
I could you know my family coach.
We have a coach Brooke.
We literally fly her to livewith us.
She's like a performance coachfor your family.
(30:00):
She lives in our home threedays, wakes up when we wake up,
watches all the interactions andthen does one-on-ones with my
wife, with myself, with my kids.
I mean, I could tell you andhere's my philosophy is, if you
tell me something's important toyou, then I'm going to ask to
see your bank account and yourcalendar.
If I don't see transactionsthat support the things that you
(30:22):
tell me are important to you,I'm going to call bull crap.
So what I do in business, Ijust do in my life.
So those are just a few thingsthat come to mind.
Speaker 1 (30:34):
Those are all really good, yeah, I don't remember who
I learned this from a podcast,a book, something similar to
what you just said, though theysaid write down the five things
that are most important to you.
Three things, the five things,whatever and then kind of give
it your star rating right Basedon the money, time spent and
(30:55):
knowledge you're trying to use.
So how many books do you read?
Speaker 3 (30:57):
or how much money do you spend on that?
Speaker 1 (30:59):
I like that how much time do you spend with a mentor
on those things compared to therest of your life, and then give
yourself a score one to five,and that can be humbling,
because I did that back then Idon't know, this was probably
six, seven years ago and I waslike, oh yeah, I'm not spending
money on that or time on that.
It's a great way to judgeyourself without being biased.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:20):
Right, that's a.
I had forgotten about that, butthat's awesome.
Speaker 2 (31:24):
So you touched on this a little bit earlier and I
had listened to some thingsabout that stage that you were
in between like 15 and 17.
Yeah, where it was a rough gofor you, just a bit.
Sounded like a colorful era ofDan's life.
Yeah, I have two boys in thatsame age range.
(31:46):
Right now, corey's got adaughter that's in that age
range, 17.
And I've got an 18 year olddaughter.
You were a product of yourenvironment but at some point
and it took you a while, atleast with the alcohol thing to
(32:06):
get rid of that idea but betweenthe ages of 15 and 32, what was
the thing that flipped thatswitch for you?
And you said this is the typeof man I want to be, this is the
type of father and husband thatI want to be.
Speaker 3 (32:26):
I don't know if there was a moment, because I think
in most things in life it'sphasic right, it's cleaner
stories to go back and tell amoment, it's a you know, it's
just a better storytelling.
And, honestly, I don't know ifpeople have ever heard this, but
50% of our memories are nottrue.
It's how we've resolved them toeventually, like, become a
narrative that makes sense, toeven communicate, and we say it
(32:49):
so many times that we forgetthat actually didn't happen that
way.
Don't believe everything youthink no do not.
Here's.
Here's what I'll say that comesto my.
When I asked myself thatquestion, it was probably when I
, um, I was engaged to a womanand I it was my third company.
First two companies completelyfailed.
Luckily, I just started.
Young I've been doing business.
(33:09):
I'm 42.
I've been in business like fullon, hardcore, attacked the
problem For 25 years, started at17.
As soon as I got sober, learnedhow to code, saved my life,
became my obsession and I wentall in right.
So it's not that impressive, uh, cause I've been doing it for
so long.
But at 27 years old, I you know,prior to that, a couple of
(33:30):
years prior, my third company Ihired a business coach and
everything changed.
I started to be financiallysuccessful, like, there was a
business rhythm and hiring andcustomers and dollars in the
bank, and all of a sudden therewas this like clear line of path
of like becoming wealthy, and Iended up during that time being
in a relationship with a womangetting engaged.
(33:50):
Cause I thought that's what youdid and like, and here's the
crazy prize I was doing all ofthat for her, for us, for this
future.
And one day I come home, uh,after working late, I'm an hour
late and um, and I find her inthe kitchen, you know full, like
just I was.
It was like ugly girl crying,you know she can't even breathe,
(34:13):
like she's just like uh.
And then she just says I can'tdo this anymore and she drops
the ring on the counter and saysI'm, I'm done, and she goes and
stays with her parents and thatwas the last day we were
together, seven weeks before thewedding.
That was probably the momentthat I said whatever you're
(34:34):
doing is not going to work.
You're smart not that smart,but you're smarter than this.
You've figured out all thisbusiness stuff.
Why can't you figure thisproblem out?
And the answer was to what Isaid earlier.
I didn't dedicate any time,money, calendar to that problem,
to becoming the person whocould keep be amazing in a
(34:54):
relationship you know be be agreat.
So, like, a lot of what Italked about in my book was the
byproduct of going okay, I'mdriven, I've got that, I'm
willing to do the work, I've gotthat.
I can study, I hire a coach.
I got that part.
But why am I so crappy at beingin relation with other people
(35:15):
if it wasn't business focused?
And that was the journey I wenton and this is the fun part for
me to talk about is my currentwife.
It took me maybe three years,four years, four years after
that, to meet her, and I'm gladshe didn't meet me One week
prior, because I'll tell you,man, I was doing the work.
(35:36):
I was reading the books, goingto the seven men are from Mars,
women are from Venus, you nameit.
I read the book, okay, like Ijust I did.
I did in business, I did what Idid in business.
If I started a new company, Iwould like what are the top five
books?
Who are the top five seminars?
Who are the top five coaches?
And I spend the money, show up,do the work.
You know, be a good student.
I just decided to do that, togrow, to become the person and
(35:57):
this is the thing my wife is an11.
She's beautiful, driven,athletic kind.
I mean just, and I'm sure yourwives are no different.
Like you meet these women thatjust think of everybody else and
somehow they have more to givetheir cuss.
Like she's.
She's an entrepreneur and sheworries about putting sunscreen
on my kid's face at five in themorning.
I'm like, why are we doing this?
(36:19):
She checked the weather it'sgonna be hot out and I'm just
like this is like you're sothoughtful and I guarantee if
she would have met me prior towhen we did, she would have just
not even gave me a secondchance.
I hadn't become the person Ineed to become to attract that
level of incredibleness.
Honestly, so a lot of paincreated the desire to not go
(36:41):
through that again.
That made it worth it to gothrough the challenge of change
to become the person that couldeventually find, to become the
person that would attract thatlike.
You see, all these peoplethey're like you know from my
partner I want this, I want this, I want this.
They need to be.
I mean, it's just so crazy.
You know, some women are likethey need to be six, three, they
need to be making 200,000 ayear, they need all this.
(37:03):
And I look at them.
I go what are you going tobring to the table?
Like, let's just be honest.
But I was honest with myself.
What was I bring into the table?
I was a horrible person to bein a relationship with.
If she got 10 minutes of myattention throughout a whole
week of like one on one, kirk,that was a good week.
So that's what I would say isjust, I had to be honest with
myself and then apply the samestuff I'd learned in business
about being successful and justapply it to becoming a person
(37:28):
that could be in a relationshipand then eventually being a good
dad.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
I had a quasi similar experience quickly as my wife
sat me down.
We've been married like a year,no kids.
I come home one day from workand I'm just working like I did.
But when I was single, right,she goes this isn't going to
work for me.
I'm freaking out like whoa,wait, what, what isn't going to
work for you?
You know, like, our wholerelationship, what are you
talking about?
You know this whole work thingyou're doing.
(37:54):
She's like it's not going towork for me and she goes I'm
going to make a deal with youand I were in our late 20s, like
all right, she says, you canwork as late as you want at
night, you just need to give meheads up.
Weekends are mine.
And I wasn't an executive yet.
I was in my late 20s.
Right, I'm just making my way.
And in a lot of ways it waseasier than to make that
(38:14):
decision because I didn't haveas much responsibility, but it
was harder because I'm trying to.
Speaker 2 (38:20):
You know, trying to show up trying to be a
successful business person.
Speaker 1 (38:24):
You know, best thing that ever happened, because ever
since then she's had everyweekend.
We've been married 20 years andif it wasn't for her saying
giving me a timeout, then Iwouldn't have the aha moment
needed to go.
Oh yeah, this is important andit becomes way more important
when you have the kids right.
It comes even even moreimportant to have the balance,
(38:45):
or whatever you want to call it.
I think we've had some multiplepeople on the podcast.
It's not really balanced, morelike times and seasons, right,
you start a new business, you'regiven that a lot of time, but
then you become successful, youbuy back your time and you give
it to your family, and so I'mnot sure balance is the right
word.
But anyway, great Harmony.
Harmony is a good one.
Speaker 3 (39:05):
I call it the integrated life.
Yeah, the way I help peopleresolve this is I say, before
you decide to take something new, like even start a business,
right, because we're all likeserial entrepreneurs, you know
we've got a primary companythat's doing really well.
We get a little high onourselves and somebody comes up
with a new idea and we're like,let's do that.
I'll invest, take my money,I'll be your business partner.
And someday you show up andyou're like, how did I get two
(39:26):
jobs?
Like we've all done that.
In those moments I always lookat three things Okay.
First off, businessfundamentals.
What do I know that I have tokeep committing to that's going
to make my business successful,before I say yes to something
new?
Second is my success habits.
What do I do every day thatallows me to be successful
energetically, take care of mybody, you know, whatever it is
(39:46):
with the family success habits.
And then the third iscommitment to others, and
sometimes what we forget to dois renegotiate those in a season
to give us the space.
See, my wife is superunderstanding If I sit down with
her and say, hey, the book'sdoing really well and I have an
opportunity to really push itand be on all these podcasts,
but it's going to require me tobe gone, you know, six days a
(40:09):
month, which normally I wouldn'ttravel that much.
It's like you know.
But I think on the tail end ofa three month sprint this could
be created.
She can look at it, look at hercalendar, think about it and
then come back and say I'm okaywith that, no problem, she's not
.
Like you know, some people arelike rigid, you have to do this
always and never do it, or Ihate you, like she's not
(40:30):
unreasonable.
But what she doesn't like tofeel is like I, she wasn't
consulted and I think a lot ofentrepreneurs were guilty of.
I'm moving fast, I'm creatingthis, I'm doing it for her and
the crazy part, especially forthe kids, they never asked you
for any of it.
Isn't that fascinating?
That was a thing that occurredto me.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
They just want you.
Speaker 3 (40:52):
Yeah, when my my fiance left me and I convinced
myself for three years that Ihad been killing myself to
create a future for us, therewas never a conversation where
she asked me for any of it, ever.
Like I made it up in my head,there was never a sense that
sounded like I need you to be amillionaire, I need you to be
(41:14):
successful, I need you to makethis company the best company
ever.
I she just wanted me to bepresent when we went out for
dinner.
Speaker 1 (41:23):
That crazy yeah, we do a lot.
We all do that in some way,shape or form.
I was gonna ask you when youwere going through that
transition of essentiallygetting ready to be the man that
your current wife needed?
Was there, was there anythingin that journey?
Was there a certain book youread or a certain mentor you had
, or multiple things that youknow what?
(41:44):
For those who might belistening saying, well, I want
to be ready for my wife to be,or my you know partner to be.
Any advice there?
Speaker 3 (41:56):
yeah, I'm checking in on my heart.
What comes up, david get a, Ithink, is his name.
Maybe that's a idiom data.
So I love David Gata's musicand David's data wrote a song
called the Way of the Superiorman and that really spoke to me
about how you show up and howyou are in relation.
(42:17):
So I think his book was reallygood.
I think seminars wise back then.
This is so fun.
The first seminar I ever went tois a guy named T Harb Ecker
millionaire, mind millionaire,mind intensive and my brother,
him, and I went because we hadthese free tickets away.
(42:38):
They it's actually brilliantidea in his book.
He had two tickets to hisseminars.
Okay, today it's you know,people do online stuff, but back
then it was in person and wewent to seminar and he ended up.
The deal was it's like 34 grandI mean, we're in our late 20s,
34 grand is like real money.
And but the kicker was, is thatif you joined his like whatever
(43:00):
he called it quantum that youcan bring it a family member for
free?
So it's like, bro, this isthree years of personal
development, you and I get to doit.
I would say some of those eventslike life directions and
warrior and many others, shapedme in a big way and I would say
that getting curious about whohas been successful and had
(43:23):
amazing relationships and beingand asking them the questions
and looking for mentors andlooking for examples bright
spots, I like to call thembecause I think it's easy for
people to go and this is what'sfunny.
You meet people in theircynical right.
They're like oh yeah, he's rich, but what white, what number
wife is he on?
It's like that's fascinatingthat you default go there, which
means you'll never besuccessful because you believe
(43:45):
success means not being married.
They're like well, I didn't saythat you did.
You kind of did it, kind of didso what I wanted to find,
because I think you know wedon't get the life we want.
We get the life we focus on.
I wanted to find successfulpeople that had high net worth,
with really well adjusted kidsand study like rich christensen
I think he's Utah, you guys knowrich.
Speaker 1 (44:07):
I don't know him, but I know heard of him yeah he.
Speaker 3 (44:10):
He's one of those guys that I read his book and he
talks about, like, how to havethis like integrated, harmonious
family life and be wealthy andsuccessful, all stuff.
So, like I think that that was,you know, a big shift for me
was just, I'm a samosas guy, Ineed to be around it, but once
you show it to me, no problem.
Like I remember when I wastrying to build like these big
(44:31):
software companies, I would begto just go meet the CEOs.
Yes, I want to talk to CEO, butmore importantly, I want to go
see.
I want to see, like your office, the outside office, the
building.
What do you guys do?
How do you set it up?
What's the culture stuff?
Why'd you write that on thewall?
You know, you go to thebathroom and then you see graphs
in the bathroom.
I'm like, whoa, why'd you guysdo that?
It's like because this is wherewe break even, we don't do very
scapula.
I'm like, oh, so once I see it,I can assimilate it, but
(44:52):
sometimes, until I see it, it'shard for me to believe it.
So I did that with becoming theperson who could be successful
financially and also, you know,not be horrible in a
relationship.
Speaker 2 (45:06):
I love it.
Well, at the end of everypodcast I know you have a hard
stop and I can't believe we'reat the.
I know, I know, I just lookeddown at the end of every podcast
, we ask our guests what theythink it means to be a gentleman
, and so we're gonna give youthe opportunity to listen to
your heart for a minute andanswer that question.
Speaker 3 (45:28):
Hmm, I love I, I love my creator.
He just puts something reallycool on my mind.
He said being a gentleman iscaring about the things of the
people you care about, careabout.
Think about that.
A gentleman is somebody thatcares about the things, the
(45:50):
people you care about, careabout.
And I think if you use that asa North Star, like I just think
like man, if I just show up formy team, for my son, what does
he care about now, what I careabout, but what he cares, but if
I can start caring about that,I think people be like man.
He's a gentleman.
So that's what came up love it.
Speaker 1 (46:08):
One of the better answers I've heard actually
maybe succinct and beautifulmade me think of my wife.
You know she wants to do thisclothing store.
I'm like I gotta do anything Ican possibly do to help her with
that, because that'll show herthat I actually love her.
Right, good, good stuff.
Thanks for being with us.
Thanks for sharing your timewith us yeah, so cool to have
(46:28):
you.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Guys are cool dudes.
Hey, thank you.
We're happy to meet you andglad to be friends now.
Thanks for joining us on thegentlemen project podcast.
If you would, please hop overto itones, visit us there, give
us a rating in a review thathelps more people find the
message that Dan left today.
We're grateful for him,grateful for you listening to
the podcast.
I'm Kirk Chugd.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
I'm Corey Moore, go buy, buy back your time book by
Dan Martell, and they can findyou on social media.
Speaker 3 (46:58):
Instagram is my favorite.
Dan Martell, double L theMartell.
Speaker 1 (47:01):
I'll see you guys there beautiful thanks everybody
, make it a great day.
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Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.