March 4, 2024 • 49 mins
Mark Stubler, founder of Joe Homebuyer, shares his insights on balancing family values with business acumen. He talks about parenting, guiding his daughters through life's challenges, and incentivizing without manipulating. He explains how the principles of successful business leadership can foster strong and resilient family bonds. He also emphasizes the importance of humor, spirituality, and gratitude in everyday life. Join us in celebrating family, faith, and dedication's profound impact in our own lives.
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Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the gentlemen project podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk Chuck.
Today, mark Stubler joins us inthe podcast studio.
Mark is the founder of JoeHomebuyer and is a referral from
us, from one of our recentguests, cody Hoefine.
This is partner in business.
Cody asked me to have Mark onthe podcast because of the
respect that Cody has for Markand the things that he has
(00:26):
learned from Mark.
He said this would be anamazing guest for your podcast,
and so we're honored that Markhas taken the time out of his
schedule to be here with ustoday.
He has his own podcast that'sstarting up and will be
releasing some episodes onleadership and business and
marketing, and so we'll let himtalk about that a little.
Mark is a father, and a verypurposeful one, from what I hear
(00:49):
.
So welcome, mark.
We'll let you introduceyourself and introduce your
family a little bit to us.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Well, thanks for having me on and I think, by
virtue of Cody being my businesspartner, he has to say that I
don't know it's pretty genuine.
Good, well, I am.
That's one of.
I feel very grateful to be afather and I'm excited to visit
with you guys today andintroduce my family.
So I've been married 20 yearsto my high school sweetheart, so
(01:18):
that's true for me.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
That's awesome.
How many years ago did you guysmeet?
Speaker 3 (01:24):
So we met a sophomore's in high school.
I did the two year mission toSeattle and she waited for me.
She was.
She was one of the few in thebrave that was able to.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
You did not get the Dear John letter.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
I did not get the Dear John.
She did not marry anotherreturn missionary before I got
home.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Good for you.
You must be catch.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Well, so I was fortunate there and, yeah, we
just hit 20 years.
I have a 19 year old son whoactually is serving his mission
in Detroit right now.
That's been an incredibleexperience.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Corey's first reaction.
How's he like in that?
Speaker 3 (02:06):
He just got transferred for the first time.
He's been out five months.
He just got transferred and hesaid it's an entirely different
mission because the first fourmonths of his mission he was in
what he refers to as the hoodand he says it's a third world
country compared.
Even now, just a week in hisnew area and just a complete
different experience.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Normal suburb now.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Normal suburb and you know traditional congregation
type setting for for our faith.
And but the first was veryunorthodox.
You know even the the Sundayworship meetings were unorthodox
to what he was used to and justa really good experience for
him.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
But he loved it.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
I don't know what it was, but the hood was like his
thing because he felt safewearing that Jesus tag on his
chest.
He felt I mean I'll tell onequick story.
This is a little diversion frommy introduction, but he's
knocking on doors and and agentleman comes the door and
says, hey, you know you're inthe red zone.
Like you can't, I don't know ifyou want to be knocking here.
He's like Well, everybody needsJesus.
And he's like, yeah, good point.
(03:05):
He's like you want to come tochurch?
She's like no, no.
He's like OK, but he never feltthreatened or unsafe because
people are super respectful inDetroit for anybody wanting to
talk to Jesus.
So he's, he's had an incredibleexperience.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
That's cool.
So that's your oldest.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
That's my oldest, 19.
And then I have three daughters, 16, 12 and eight, and and my
wife.
So it's me with the four girlsat home all day now and it's
quite the opportunity blessingand it's it's incredible.
I love having daughters.
I've said, and I don't knowthis isn't for you know, it's
hard to say this, but I thinkevery man needs to have a
(03:41):
daughter.
And some of us haven't beenblessed with that, or some
challenges have kids, whateverbut I'm super grateful to be a
dad of daughters too.
I it's a it's some special yeahright.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
It's nuts.
It does bring a part of yourpersonality forward that you
know, you don't know about.
Tell, like the protective Papabear in me with my daughters,
like man, somebody doessomething to my daughter and
it's.
It's serious right away.
And as they start to date, whenanother, another boy and
(04:13):
another man comes into thepicture, you're like, hmm, I
don't know how I feel about this.
But yeah, it's.
It definitely brings, bringsforward a part of parenting you
don't get otherwise.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
So I need your advice on that.
So I have a 16 year old andshe'd kill me if she listens as
podcasts, but she hasn't kissedanybody yet, because part of it
was I said I'd give her a nicecar at 16 if she doesn't kiss
anybody.
So she's lived up to that andnow we're working on plan B,
that if she doesn't kiss anybodyuntil she's 18, but I don't
know that this is actually like.
I don't know that this issomething that I would encourage
(04:45):
somebody to follow this model,because I think I think I'd
probably rather have her kisstwo or three or four guys once
than one guy five times.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
So I don't know if I'm teaching the right principle
or not, but well, the firstthing I would ask us five of us,
her is let's define nice dad onthis nice car, are we?
Speaker 3 (05:00):
getting to that first .
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Old Jeep or new?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Jeep, because that's relative, oh man.
Well, I don't know.
You know, I think every family,every kid's a little different,
right, they're the way they seethe world, the way that they
navigate the world.
I do think that they need tohave a few times where they hit
against the bumpers and learnlessons and that kind of thing,
(05:23):
but we try to keep them fromgoing over the bumpers right
over the road.
So it's a delicate balance isapparent.
I think that's something we'vetalked about a lot on the
podcast is you want them to getenough trouble to learn and to
grow and you want to keep themfrom getting into less trouble,
right?
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Yeah, and I don't know that there's a blanket
advice you know if that'sworking for you and you feel
like that's working for you.
all the power to you.
I don't know I, my boys, hadkilled me too.
They like went to the FoundersDay fireworks and they all
walked down to the park.
And John comes home that nightand we're saying prayer and we
(06:02):
get done with prayer andstudying, and he stands up and
he's like oh, by the way, Ikissed a girl at the park
tonight and I'm like what it'slike?
Who was she?
And he goes.
I don't know.
She just came up and asked if Iwanted to kiss her and I did
and I'm like all right.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
How'd that go Part of having?
Speaker 2 (06:20):
teenagers right?
Yeah, I guess I wasn't thatpopular or that handsome in high
school.
That never happened.
No girl ever came up and askedif they could.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
So tell us your background, like where you're
from, where did you grow up?
That kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yeah, so Utah grew up here, grew up first 12 years in
West Valley, and the onlyreason that details important is
because I tried to tell my sonthat I grew up in the hood.
So that I could relate to himin Detroit and he got mad every
time because he says you have noidea what it means.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I'm pretty sure he's right.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
But had you know great parents and moved to South
Jordan, grew up in this areajust of Salt Lake County.
All my life and just onlydiversion is that couple years
in Seattle.
But again met my wife in highschool and was always kind of an
entrepreneur.
In high school I really enjoyeda business.
(07:17):
My dad owned his own carpetcleaning business.
My mom has since started herown medical clinic and so it's
just kind of in our DNA to thinkoutside the box that way and
take on risk and adventure andso, like a lot of guys and gals
in high school, just variousbusiness projects, mowing lawns
and just different activitieslike that.
(07:37):
And then when I got home frommy mission I did whatever Utah
person needs to do they get.
I got into MLM mark.
You know the multi level.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Various pyramid schemes.
That's right.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
Because I was going to get rich, right, I was going
to take everything I learned onmy mission to work hard and just
get after it.
And I knew some buddies thatwere doing pretty well and I'm
like, oh, if they can do it, Ican do it.
So had my little venture thereand that's kind of how my
careers and the rest of thishistory I mean just kind of
built on that with various cellsand business experience, but
didn't just I'll let the cat outof the bag.
(08:11):
I did not become a millionairewith my most love of your
business?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
No, you do.
The Joe home buyer.
If you've listened to Cody Hofine's podcast, we mentioned
that you help people to investin real estate and you are
franchising the idea and thisbusiness throughout the country,
and so I wanted to ask youabout that what, what have you
(08:35):
found has helped, likeleadership-wise, and do you feel
some type of a responsibilitytowards all these people that
you now lead to be better people, to have moral character, like?
Talk to us a little bit about,about that experience and now
being at the top of this companythat lots of people look up to
(08:56):
you.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Yeah, it's been such a rewarding experience.
So Cody and I started justlocally buying off-market
distress properties and we founda few marketing strategies and
sell strategies that workedpretty well and so we got some
good traction and we weren'tsure how we wanted to expand.
So we floored with a few ideasand and felled frankly at a few
(09:17):
strategies.
As far as expanding, tried togo into Indiana, and it was a
more of a distraction thansuccessful and through that
experience we realized that justtrying to have pilot offices
that we didn't have an employeethat was fully invested Maybe
that model wasn't going to befor us.
So the franchise model becamevery attractive because the idea
that there's kind of apartnership of sorts, where
(09:38):
their success is our success,our success is there, so we're
just, we're committed to thecause together, that model
became quite attractive to us.
So about four years ago we wentdown the route of taking what we
were finding to be successfuland and started the franchise
and and through that process wehad to define our culture Like
what did we want our business tolook like?
(10:00):
What type of people did we wantto work with?
And you don't bat a thousand,particularly in the early days.
You're trying to sellfranchises, whoever you know,
and you know they joke infranchising and say the first
few franchise sales are just tofamilies and suckers or whatever
.
Right you know, because it'sjust a new concept, but luckily
we've been able to define ourculture of improving lives by
(10:20):
delivering creative real estatesolutions and we've attracted
some incredible people allacross the country, of all
different business experience,family settings, religious
beliefs, nationalities, etc.
And and it's been justincredible.
But it does provide me aninteresting challenge and I
(10:41):
welcome the challenge when I saywhen I use that word in the
sense that I feel aresponsibility to really make
sure we're doing business theright way, that when these new
entrepreneurs are going downthis endeavor, that they have
the framework that I believe isessential for success.
And maybe I'll back up just alittle bit Cody and I really
(11:05):
attribute our success locallywhen we first started our
operations, to just ourambitions to become.
Our ambitions to become, youknow, leaders, quality leaders
that attract quality talent,that create a meaningful culture
and business organization andand do things the right way.
And so that you know how wecame up with our mission of
improving lives.
(11:26):
But now fast forward.
We have these franchisees and Ifeel like just telling them how
to you know the X, y, zs of howto make money is only an
element of it.
That we have a model within ourfranchise system.
We're actually focusingentirely on personal
professional development, yourpurpose and the people that you
(11:47):
shine yourself.
So we called our Ford P modelbecause, to have meaningful
success, we feel like it's awell-rounded approach, like we
have to become world-classleaders.
We have to win at home, we haveto win with our families, we
have to win in our relationshipsand our communities, regardless
of our beliefs in those areasthat we need to.
You know, win in those areasand that will be the byproduct
(12:08):
of that will be success inbusiness, and and we'll be able
to do more and accomplish moreand have a greater influence
both at home and in ourcommunities, if we're doing it
from the bottom down approach,from you know the core, the core
of it becoming better leaders.
And so that's been a focus ofours and we feel that
responsibility as the franchiseor that's good.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I couldn't help but think to myself I need to give
my kids the franchise book likehow to be, how to be an adult
and a parent someday, and haveyou got me.
It's the same thing.
That's what we're doing.
Oh my gosh, I just realized itreally is what the German
project is almost it's like well, here's what we can come up
with as the best way to have agood family, a good life, a good
(12:49):
whatever Right, and so it isthe same things we talk about.
You're thinking about culture.
You're thinking about personaldevelopment.
You're thinking about corevalues.
You're thinking about habits.
You're thinking about vision.
You're thinking about goals.
You're thinking aboutself-reliance.
You're thinking it right.
In a lot of ways, what we'retrying to give our kids is
(13:10):
here's the franchise book forlife, and if we can give them
that, then you're probably apretty successful parent.
You can, you can chalk it upright, you are, you didn't do it
perfect.
You're trying to give them agood model, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
The parenting franchisor, that's what you
should call the book.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So, anyway, that's what came to mind when you said
that that's pretty, that'spretty interesting.
Never thought of it like that.
I always think of our people atthe, at the company that I work
for, as like a sports team andI think of them as players.
You know, and if you've gotlike this championship football
(13:46):
team, you, you don't just thinkabout the playbook and winning,
you think about health and youthink about mental health and
you think about overall wellnessright Overall health and
wellness and and if you're a proathlete man, they put a lot of
time into nutrition and workingout and you name it right.
And so I try to think of ourassociates that same way.
(14:10):
Like, how can I put achampionship team on the field?
Because if I put a championshipteam on the field, fans will
come.
That's what I always say, right, like the customers will come
as long as I'm given achampionship team.
So another way to think aboutthis idea of a franchise book is
hey, here's how you create achampionship team that can be
(14:30):
successful.
I love that you're able tobring in you said I can't
remember exactly how you said it, but you're giving them a
chance at a different life withthis franchise model, correct?
And I think that's a coolultimate.
Why and maybe that is yourguys' why it kind of felt like
it might be your why?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Yeah, I love that I somewhere along the way, we
realize that, wow, we reallyhave just incredible people as
franchisees and we're learningas much from them.
This is a culture of growth andopportunity and learning and
we're learning as much from themas hopefully they're learning
from us, and I think that's Igot the sense that, hey, we're
(15:12):
probably doing it right, or atleast on the right track, if we
can say that there's thiscommunity of perpetual learning
and growth.
But, yeah, just this idea thatif we bring on a franchisee,
that sure let's get you to makea revenue.
I understand that that's one ofthe major things your
livelihood you got to bring inrevenue.
So I'm not trying to make itsound like it's all cupcakes and
(15:35):
rainbows.
I mean, at the end of the day,you got to make money.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
If you don't make money, then it didn't work.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Right, yeah, you got to make money, but we're filling
them if we're not challengingthem to see themselves as
potential leaders and havinginfluence, and you know the
roles that they have in theirhome.
And I say that and let me addthe disclaimer that my daughters
would tell you that I have notrun a perfect franchisee in the
(16:04):
home, right.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
None of us have, by the way.
We're just doing our best.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
But what have you taken home from?
Maybe two big questions,because I heard this vein of
hard work that you learned fromyour parents.
It was just in the things yousaid I could tell there was a
hard work thing you learned fromyour parents.
I'm sure you've taken thatforward with your kids.
There's probably other thingsyou've learned from your parents
and then there's probablythings you've learned as a
franchisor in business thatyou've brought home.
(16:32):
Talk to us a little about maybesome of your you know big
ticket items that you're tryingto teach your kids or you know
things you've learned from yourparents that you're trying to
pass on that kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
Well, I learned yesterday and this word has been
really meaningful for me overjust about a 18 hour period but
from Jonah, our missionary.
He shared the word diligence.
He has a little bit of atraining he needs to do on
Wednesday and said you know, doyou have any ideas of how I
could teach diligence?
And so I started doing someresearch on you know diligence
(17:05):
and I realized, wow, I reallylike that word Because in my
operation in business, I'vealways used the word discipline
and I think discipline, you know, demonstrates this idea that
you're going to be a rulefollower, that you're going to
be structured.
But discipline is more.
I think comes from the insideof you know, the intrinsic
(17:28):
motivation to do things theright way, to be genuine,
authentic, consistent.
And so I think that is the wordthat's been on my mind, it's
fresh, is that?
I hope that that's a principleI'm teaching in my home is just
that intentionality.
And you know, discipline isimportant and there's a time and
(17:50):
a place for it.
But I really like the idea ofbeing intentional and methodical
about everything I do, and somy kids.
It drives them nuts when we goon vacation, or I try to make
the vacation like not just atrip to Gankun I want to go see,
you know, something historical,or you know our faith.
(18:14):
We have some historical, youknow, or there's suggestion that
there's some historical sitesin that part of the world and so
I want them to experience thatbecause I want to tie it back If
we're out of state.
I want to go see a local templewithout fell.
I'm going to use an opportunityto go see that temple and if I
can get an appointment in there,I'm going to do that without
(18:35):
fell, because everything I do Iwant to be intentional about.
I don't and I've learned thatfrom a mentor I can't say that I
you know my parents certainly,but I've had a mentor over the
years that you know.
He says you have to get clearon what you're doing and then
your activities need to beintentional.
And you can only build thisintentional activity at home and
that's really if first defined,you know where you're, you know
(18:58):
the get first, got the clarity,if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, so intentionality might be the word
that yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
If you were to define what your family culture is at
home, could you?
Could you put that into alittle nutshell for us, like
what is it that your family, theStubler family, is known for,
and how do you guys define yourculture at home?
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Actually I would probably go back to that, If I
can use a hyphen intentionallydiligent.
I really do think that our kidsknow that we don't just do
things, that dad and mom reallywant to be intentional about
everything that we do, and Ithink it complements the word
diligent when we ask them to goto school.
(19:53):
I don't care if they get A'sfor the sake of getting A's.
I want them to get an A in thegrade and in all the classes.
If they're capable of gettingan A, they just need to be
diligent and intentional abouttheir activity.
If they're doing somethingaround the house, I just want
them to be diligent in whythey're doing.
Just finish it, Finish it.
(20:16):
And that's when I wouldchallenge one of our daughters
now that are in the home is ifthey are less than diligent, If
they're capable of getting an Ain that class and they get
something short of that, it'snot the end of the world, but
you're certainly capable of it.
And as a parent yourself, I'vegot a 16-year-old daughter,
12-year-old and an 8-year-old.
(20:37):
I've got one of those daughtersthat is very challenged at
school.
It doesn't come intuitively forher, and so my expectation as
long as she's diligent in hercapacities in that arena, then
that's a success for me.
I think diligent andintentional are the couple of
(20:58):
things.
I hope that would be true ifsomebody observed, or on my
gravestone, of sorts.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Or asked your kids.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Or asked our kids yeah, even better.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Yeah, if your kids can answer the question, you're
probably being prettyintentional with that culture.
What's one of the things thatyou've struggled with as a dad?
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Well, there's a list.
What comes to mind first here?
Really, like any dad, at timesI think I struggle with being
patient because I see potentialand I see what they're capable
of, and so when they makeblunders but that's my struggle
(21:42):
is I understand how importantpatience is, because and I also
understand that you can't have afeeling in the home that a
mistake is more than a mistakeright, we know that.
We know that failure is justpart of the game.
We know that you've got tolearn through mistakes, and so I
hope that, at the core, thatyou bounce back from our
(22:05):
mistakes and it's OK.
But I realize that probably oneof my weaknesses that I have to
be totally aware of is justpatience, making sure that I'm
OK with mistakes and blundersalong the way.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Do you have any ideas for those that struggle with
patience, because Corey and Ihave been public about this?
Oh yeah, we both.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
It's my weakness too.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
We both struggle with that and I think we've both
gotten better at it through someideas.
So do you have any ideas youcan share with the listeners
about what you've done toincrease patience, or is this a
current struggle that weshouldn't ask about?
Speaker 3 (22:45):
No, no, this is free game.
This is free game.
I've actually found that humorhas really helped me in the
sense that when I have an urgeto kind of react or like holy
cow, what are we doing here?
For example, you're sittingdown and want to have a family
discussion of any form andthere's no order or whatever.
It's like hey, guys, shape up,or type thing, I realize that
(23:10):
just in laughing about it,Because they don't care, they
don't want to sit down and havedad provide family order or
structure or discussion, and soI found that if I'm just kind of
laughing and just kind ofobserving of their child-like
nature, it helps.
And then I have to go thisdirection because I feel like it
(23:33):
is really the impetus to reallyany character traits that I'm
trying to develop, and that is Ihave to tell you that as I
strive to become more like thesavior and emulate his
characteristics in general justobviously meekness and patience
that helps when I have thespirit with me and I feel like
(23:56):
I'm being led in that way.
That's easily the simplesttruth for me is that I'm less
impatient.
In fact, I'm at my best,frankly, if I have the spirit
with me.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
You probably have it.
It's easier to go to humorinstead of frustration, even
when you have the spirit right.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Yes, because I think the savior would laugh at
frustrating things.
I think he was human, he wasperfect, as we know, but I think
he would have found appropriatesituations humorous and didn't
get worked out about thingsobviously.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
I'm going to use that .
I don't think I've heard thehumor one, although I inherently
have done the same.
When I'm at my best, I'veinherently just laughed it off
or gifed off or been, in apositive way, sarcastic with the
kids.
Ok, I guess you're not going tolisten to me, you know.
Whatever.
So I need to double down onthat.
I appreciate you sharing that,because I don't think that
(24:53):
specific way has been addressedon the podcast.
That's a smart thing to do,because that allows yourself to
get over yourself also.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Yeah, you just sounded out.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Sometimes, I'm just too serious.
Yeah, we study each night as afamily and the dog is always in
this mix and the dog is a yearold and it's always jumping and
wanting to play while I'm tryingto teach a principle or read
the scriptures or pray with mykids and I'm like and last night
it's funny that this getsbrought up, because last night I
(25:25):
was like that sure was easy toteach while you guys were all
playing with the dog there yougo.
And I laughed about it becausein the past I've been like would
you guys just leave the dangdog alone for like three seconds
?
Why, we have an importantconversation, please, and that
doesn't usually work.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
People who listen to the podcast have heard this many
times, but I always tell mykids that happiness is a choice,
and they now are old enough touse that against me.
So if I get frustrated in thatsituation, like dad happiness is
a choice.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
And it works almost every time.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I say that because I've been saying that to them
for 17, 18 years, and so, anyway, happiness is a choice, dad,
which it is, I believe thatright.
So most of the time.
So you could choose to laugh atit or you could choose to get
frustrated.
It's just a choice.
It's just you have that threesecond pause that you talked
about earlier today to get overyourself.
(26:23):
So you're obviously a prettyreligious guy.
Believe in Christ, believe infollowing the promptings of the
spirit, kind of a thing.
Talk to us about how do youteach your kids that part of
yourself and how do you sharethat with them so that they have
that in their lives goingforward?
Speaker 3 (26:44):
I love the question.
One would argue that that'smaybe the most important thing I
could teach them to receivepersonal revelation and to gain
an awareness and a testimony ofwhere they're from, who they are
, what their potential is, allthrough their Heavenly Father
(27:08):
right.
So it's consistency for us,it's every opportunity we get,
if it's just something minor inthe mornings, but from a
tactical application it's notjust the consistency and it's
doing those things.
It's then giving each of themto share how were you guided,
(27:32):
what inspiration have youreceived?
And allowing them to hopefullyrecount it so that they can
remember it, and thenchallenging them to write it
down and I can't tell you that Ihave anything to do with that.
That's my wife.
She always encouraged them towrite down their experiences,
and the girls are just more now.
(27:53):
Our son, jonah, was like me, sono judgment.
We would never go writeanything down.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Oh yeah, I need to write that down.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
And it was less inclined to do it.
But our daughters, for whateverreason, they enjoy it and,
thankfully, my wife.
That's been super important forher because she knows that
she's been able to write downand recount these experiences
later on.
But because it's buildingblocks right, it's the
experiences that they havegetting them to acknowledge that
(28:21):
hey, that was more than acoincidence.
If you give credit to thatcoincidence, it becomes a
miracle from your HeavenlyFather, and I like that idea.
The difference between amiracle and a coincidence is who
you give credit to, right, andit's helping them understand
that.
Ok, enough of thesecoincidences of sorts.
You are being guided anddirected.
(28:43):
You have the influence of theSpirit with you.
Your Heavenly Father is mindfulof the details of your life,
and just as much awarenessaround those things as possible
is, I think, our responsibilityas parents.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Yeah, I've tried to teach my kids that I'm a huge
believer in prayer andrevelation and because it's
worked and when I'm at my best,I'm in that mode of being able
to receive it right and in thehabit of being there and in that
space that you find yourselfwhen you can listen and you can
(29:16):
react, so you try to give yourkids that and I think that's a
huge thing.
Whether that's meditation forsome, prayer for others, I think
it's important that you listenand that you allow yourself to
be guided and you have thatpeace.
There's peace that comes in.
(29:37):
That.
I think, too, it's remarkable,yeah, so thanks for sharing that
.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Well, it's kind of like letting your kids loose
with a tool, right?
Eventually they're going toleave the house, like your
oldest son has, and you hopethat when you're not there on a
daily basis and you're not thereto protect and to guide and to
give advice 24-7, that they'vegot some type of a tool that
they can take with them thatwill do all those things in your
(30:04):
place.
That's right, so I really likethat idea.
You've alluded several times toyour wife, her influence on your
kids, your relationship, theintentionality that you guys
have together.
How have you strengthened yourrelationship with your wife over
the last 20 years?
Have you kept this culture ofboth of you moving in the same
(30:26):
direction?
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Listen to her more, right.
Wise man just said so she comesfrom seven siblings.
She has one sister, sixbrothers, and the culture of her
home was just love, everybodyloved.
I mean just a really incredibleculture.
Her parents were just alwaysjust taught by love.
(30:48):
They were not micromanagers,they just kind of set an
expectation, taught someprinciples of the gospel, and
then there's just a reallyoverwhelming culture of love in
their home.
And then my culture parentsincredible as well.
But I was one among four othersisters, so I was right in the
middle of two older, two youngersisters and there was a little
(31:11):
more of a competitive, a littlemore of a if you didn't get what
you wanted, you kind of battleor yell, and a little more.
So it was.
It's interesting merging ourfamily dynamics together,
because my son and I, when wehave a disagreement, will argue
and it hurts my life's littlespirit because she's just so
(31:32):
sensitive and that's I would saythat's a blessing.
I mean it's she's so.
She likes harmony, right and so.
But I realized that she's rightand that feeling of harmony in
the home is really where I wantto be, type thing.
And but there is some friendlybanter in our home.
(31:53):
My 15, or sorry, my 16 year olddaughter and I, we banter a lot
and it's sometimes it'sprobably less effective, but
most of the time it's fun andwell-spirited and that type of
thing I've learned from her andI think that's what's helped us
stay on the same page andworking towards the same thing,
because that's quite a blessing.
I know that there's listenersthat would listen to this
(32:15):
podcast and say, well, I hadthose same ambitions and my
spouse didn't, and you knowthat's why there was a division
and I have zero credit to saythat.
I'm just grateful that we'vehad the same.
We've been aligned on what'simportant in our family.
We've been aligned on, you know, what we'll invest our time
into and obviously we've beenfaithful to each other in terms
(32:38):
of just the simple things beinghonest and communicating and all
those things.
And so I just feel fortunatethat I was one of the ones that
picked a partner, that we werealigned in all those things, and
the closer I've got to just heroverwhelming, just parent by
love and having harmony, I thinkit has been the right
(33:01):
ingredient for a marriage that'scontinuing to grow and learn
and thrive.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
And we've talked in the past quite a bit on the
podcast about this idea ofunconditional love and that
being a key recipe.
You might call it in any family, right, like, even if you're
not that great of a parent oryou have a ton of you know
issues like I do, my kids willlisten, they know.
Even if you have all theseissues, you know as a parent, if
(33:32):
you've got the unconditionallove thing going for you, you're
gonna be okay.
I think you might not be asdisciplined as you should be or
you might not, you know, havecome from the greatest
background ever, but you can tryto show unconditional love and
when I screw up, I just back itup with okay, dad, screwed up
(33:53):
and go in with unconditionallove again, Right?
So for those that are listening,I think that's.
I think what you just said isan important one, that your
wife's example of this idea ofjust you know what Everyone's
not perfect and we're not goingto be as parents and the kids
aren't going to be but if theyfeel like there's, I think
there's trust and there'sforgiveness, that comes when
(34:14):
there's an underlying place ofunconditional love, you know,
and so not that that's easy.
I'm not saying that's easy.
If you didn't culturally comeup that way, it's a little
harder.
You know you have to do it onpurpose.
But I think the more we'vetalked on the podcast
120-something episodes the morethat that idea of unconditional
(34:35):
love is probably a cornerstoneto a good marriage, to a good
family.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
So I appreciate you bringing that up Well, and I
love that idea, like just thatsimple quote, that unconditional
love can overcome everyparental mistake or spousal
mistake, or you know like we allfeel like we fall short a
little bit.
But if we have unconditionallove for the people that love us
and they do to us, then any ofthose mistakes can be forgiven
(35:04):
and moved on from.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
That's powerful, I have to tell you.
I'm obviously a parent or astudent parent, right, learning
as we go here.
So my 19-year-old I feelinclined to share this with you.
So, really athletic, I playedhigh school basketball but
leading up to that I was hissuper league basketball coach.
(35:27):
I don't know why I thought Icould coach super league.
I mean, I played a little bitof basketball but I didn't know
the first thing I was doing.
But it's interesting themistakes you make along the way.
I guess that's why I feel likeit's helpful to share is it'll
be interesting to see himnavigate when he comes home from
his mission and that type ofthing.
Because I was unnecessarilycritical of him growing up,
(35:49):
because I saw his potential.
I was inpatient and some kidsreally take well to their
parents coaching them in sportsand different things and, for
whatever reason, that justwasn't a dynamic that we had.
So year after year it was justa battle.
I saw his potential so I waspushing him like I would any
other kid on the team, but itreally was a resistance type
thing and so I don't want tomake that mistake with my three
(36:13):
daughters and, for whateverreason, I don't even have the
natural inclination to be ascritical I.
Generally it's just moreintuitive to celebrate their
success and the good things thatthey're doing, and for him it
was pretty intuitive to nitpickand be critical and I think a
lot of that started with tryingto do the right thing by being
his coach, giving himopportunity.
(36:34):
And again the ideas started witha positive desire and I think
that unfortunately, so manyyears it was, although we had a
great relationship, I dideverything I could, every
business out of town meeting.
I would actually have my sontag along he's seen a lot of the
different parts of the countryand even world just tag along
(36:55):
with dad, because I reallywanted him to experience it all.
I saw his potential.
I was excited to have him tohave all the experience I didn't
.
So again, I don't want to painta bleak picture, but I also want
to share that if there's a dadout there that has kids or a mom
out there that has kids thatplays athletics and it goes back
(37:18):
to the unconditional love, youcan't get hung up on their high
school sports.
You can't get hung up on howthey played in that game.
I was the dad legit that made afool of himself.
That would be yelling at hisson right after the game in
front of other parents and stuff.
I was that buffoon that was socharged up and felt like it was
so important to teach aprincipal that I would get after
him.
I was literally that guy thatyou'd see in the movies.
(37:39):
It was like losing his cool andmy son's the most forgiving dude
in the world.
He's just chill, right.
He's more like his mom in thatregard.
But I hope that somebody canlisten to it, because I have a
friend that we were playingTurkey Bowl together and he's
talking about his son goingthrough high school and he's a
really.
His son's a great athlete andhe's a great dad and any chance
(38:02):
I get I say, dude, just love himLike, don't get hung up on that
game, don't get hung up ontrying to coach everything,
don't get critical about whatthey're doing, just love him
Like, just enjoy it.
And I hope that anybody canbenefit from what I didn't do
right in that regard.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
That's a good one.
I mean that happens to lots ofparents and I think every parent
.
I mean you did everything youdid out of love.
Ultimately, I mean it wasn'tlike you didn't care because you
didn't love him.
You cared because you were hiscoach, because you loved him.
You want him to do his best,because you love him right.
So it is coming from a place oflove.
And I'll say to you that my dadwas the same way.
I don't know when this happened, probably somewhere in my 20s.
(38:46):
I knew my dad was so bad thatmy mom would make him go sit in
the truck because she wasembarrassed, right and so, and I
was that way with my son alittle bit, I was a little more
cautious, only because I had hadthe experience of my dad and we
talked about it as a family.
So what you're doing right nowprobably affect generations, but
(39:09):
your son will look back, nomatter what, even though I mean
I am so thankful that my dad wasthat guy, I'm so thankful that
he was my coach in like threedifferent sports and over time
he learned, like when we playedfootball I was an offense and he
was the coach for defense, likeon purpose, but it took him
years and years right and I sawthat I have that same thing in
(39:32):
me.
My little boy plays tennis andit's everything I have at the
end of every match, like I havewritten notes in everything I
want to tell him.
Speaker 3 (39:40):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
And I just put it in my pocket, you know, and I might
get around to telling his coachat this point Like these are
the things I wrote down in hislast match he needs to work on,
because if I tell him he's justlike your son, he's, he's just
going to say whatever that likeyou're just.
It feels like I'm harping onhim, not that I'm loving on him,
right.
Anyway, I guess my whole pointof that whole long thing was
(40:03):
he's going to love that about.
He's going to know as hematures.
He might know today that eventhough maybe it wasn't perfect
in his eyes, it'll be prettydang close because he'll know
where it came from.
Speaker 3 (40:16):
I appreciate that and I trust that to be true.
He's just an incredibly youngman and thanks for sharing that
that's.
It's powerful because a lot ofour motivations are coming from
a great place of love, totally.
And you see that what kills youis.
You see their potential and Ihope that it's appropriate for
anybody listening.
But you have to think.
Our Supreme Creator, ourHeavenly Father, whatever he is
(40:37):
to you, he's looking down at usall the time saying I see your
potential.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
So much potential.
You idiot, what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (40:47):
No, that's true.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Well, every I think I think this is an epiphany that
I've had, as as I've become afather and I feel this parental
love towards my children.
It's a different type of lovethan than any other type of love
and I don't know that I fullyunderstood and I I still don't
(41:14):
readily admit I still don't, butI know a little portion of what
God must feel like towards menow because I have that feeling
towards my own and I thinkthat's part of the plan for us
to, you know, have families andhave influence on other people
because we develop a Godlikelove towards those that look to
(41:38):
us as we look to God.
So I love that.
I love that idea.
Holy cow, the podcast has goneby super fast.
Today.
We want to give you an ampletime to answer the last question
that we ask all of our podcastguests, which you know the
question.
But what do you think it meansto be a gentleman?
Speaker 3 (42:00):
Well, I better answer this question right, because I
have my wife and three daughtersthat I think of when I, but the
word that comes to mind for meand I've had a chance to think
about this is present.
A gentleman is mindful of thosearound him and and very
personal to me, it's I'm mindfulof my eight year old when I
(42:22):
come home and she's telling me astory that happened at dance
and how she clicked heads withone of the girls and you know it
bonked her head and it hurt.
And that was the story yesterdayand and I heard it, but I can
tell you there's other times Ididn't even hear what she was
saying.
She was talking but I didn'tactually capture the details of
the story.
So, for me, being a gentlemanis being present, being actual,
(42:46):
aware, and when I'mcommunicating in my home and in
my family, that they can sensethat they don't have to tell the
story a second time becausedad's capturing it, that I am
totally present and appreciatingwhat they're saying and that
they have my time and attention.
And as an entrepreneur, I'llblame it on that, or maybe I'll
(43:06):
just blame it on my brain.
Whatever it is, it's so easy forme if I'm not deliberately
trying to be present, meaning myphone's in a different place,
or I've dedicated that physical,mental, emotional time to what
Bailey, macy, josie or Lindsayare talking to me about that I,
it's so easy to not be present.
And I'm there physically, butnot past that, and that's that's
(43:30):
where I would say I'm fallingshort of of being a gentleman.
And so I love the word presentand I love it because by just
declaring it in this setting,I'm challenging myself to be
even more present, realizing I'mnot perfect at it, but I I can
definitely pinpoint the timesthat I am and the impact that it
has.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Well, it's a it's progress.
It's not a destination, right.
So each of us that arelistening to this and hearing
you say that every single one ofus can be more present, right,
but every one of us can improveby a degree to be more present
with the people that we're with.
Whether we're checking ourphone at dinner or just you can
(44:14):
tell when somebody's with youand when they're a little bit
somewhere else.
So I love that challenge, Ilove your definition.
So thanks for that.
It was a good reminder.
Well, well.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
I was going to say.
As we get older, I think we aremore aware of how important
presence is.
You know I'm I'm minor, myAngus is 10.
So I have 10, 14 and 17.
And I'm just holding on nowThinking, holy crap, my 17 year
old's already.
She's moving to New York, youknow, next year for school, and
(44:50):
so she's going to be far away.
My fortranial old won't will bedriving, you know, he's almost
15.
He'll be driving before longand then I won't see him quite
as much, because that's whathappens when they start driving.
And I'm holding on to my 10year old daughter with
everything I've got and all of asudden, being present is
probably in some ways moreimportant to me than it is them.
(45:10):
Like I get home and I'm like,okay, let's be present together.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
Well, I got to go to a friend's and I got to go do
this.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
I'm like no, no, I need my time, you know, and and
I think early in my career Idefinitely wasn't as present as
I should have been.
So I think, for those listening, especially if you're, you know
, there's times and seasonsdon't get me wrong when you're
an entrepreneur, there's timeswhen, oh my gosh, I've got to
focus on my business, and but Ithink the older you get, the
(45:38):
older your kids get, the moreyou realize that what you just
said is true, in that I need tobe present.
I'm like craving the presencenow, because I know what's going
to happen.
So they're going to be gone,you know it's wild.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
Yeah, that's wild.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
So thank you for that .
I appreciate that that's a goodreminder.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
Yeah, it's a challenge for all of us.
And I'm man, it's such a greathonor to be a parent, and, and,
and if you're not a parent, youknow, literally, are you a
parent to your nieces andnephews, are you?
But I just, I mean, it's aresponsibility, for sure, but
it's, it's our greatest duty andopportunity, I think.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Well, thank you for joining us.
This was great.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
This was great.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
It was great content.
It was outside the realm ofyour normal interview.
I'm sure to talk about thesethings and not so much business
but you did a great job atconveying your beliefs and the
things that I think.
I'm going to take several ofthe things that you said today
into my own life and andhopefully improve the
relationships I've got in mylife as well.
(46:43):
So if you're listening to thepodcast and you like Mark's
episode, mark's episode share itwith somebody.
I'm, I'm, I think about peoplewhen I hear our guests talk.
That's why I say this sometimesat the end of the podcast.
If someone's name popped intoyour head while you were
listening to this content,there's a reason why you thought
(47:07):
of that person.
And even if it's something that, like Mark, talked about and
your dad or your mom taught youthat, send them a text and say
you know what I was thinkingtoday.
You taught me this and I am sograteful that you taught me that
.
So, take, take, I don't carewhat it is today, if you're
listening to the podcast and youliked it and you heard
(47:27):
something and it kind of piercedyour heart a little bit, take
action on it, whether it'ssitting down with your kids and
being more accessible, beingmore present, working on the
relationship with your spouse,working on faith, whatever it
was like.
Just take a little bit ofaction today and and share the
(47:50):
episode with somebody that thatyou think might benefit from it.
Thanks for doing that.
We appreciate you sticking withus.
We didn't really do an annualthird anniversary podcast
episode Like.
We're over three years now andI guess once you get over two
years, you're just like, yep,still doing it, still doing it
(48:10):
and we're still chugging along.
So thank you, thank you forsticking with us and helping us.
We're in the top 3% of podcastsworldwide.
We don't do a lot ofadvertising.
It's 100% organic Peoplesharing the podcast because they
like the content.
So we appreciate you doing that.
Dropping us a rating and areview wherever you get your
(48:31):
podcasts helps us out a ton andhelps people find us as well.
So thanks again.
I'm Kirk Chug.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
And I'm Corey Moore, and go out there and be present
with your family.
Thanks, mark.
Speaker 3 (48:42):
Thank you guys.
Welcome to the gentlemen project podcast.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk Chuck.
Today, mark Stubler joins us inthe podcast studio.
Mark is the founder of JoeHomebuyer and is a referral from
us, from one of our recentguests, cody Hoefine.
This is partner in business.
Cody asked me to have Mark onthe podcast because of the
respect that Cody has for Markand the things that he has
(00:26):
learned from Mark.
He said this would be anamazing guest for your podcast,
and so we're honored that Markhas taken the time out of his
schedule to be here with ustoday.
He has his own podcast that'sstarting up and will be
releasing some episodes onleadership and business and
marketing, and so we'll let himtalk about that a little.
Mark is a father, and a verypurposeful one, from what I hear
(00:49):
.
So welcome, mark.
We'll let you introduceyourself and introduce your
family a little bit to us.
Speaker 3 (00:55):
Well, thanks for having me on and I think, by
virtue of Cody being my businesspartner, he has to say that I
don't know it's pretty genuine.
Good, well, I am.
That's one of.
I feel very grateful to be afather and I'm excited to visit
with you guys today andintroduce my family.
So I've been married 20 yearsto my high school sweetheart, so
(01:18):
that's true for me.
Speaker 2 (01:21):
That's awesome.
How many years ago did you guysmeet?
Speaker 3 (01:24):
So we met a sophomore's in high school.
I did the two year mission toSeattle and she waited for me.
She was.
She was one of the few in thebrave that was able to.
Speaker 2 (01:36):
You did not get the Dear John letter.
Speaker 3 (01:38):
I did not get the Dear John.
She did not marry anotherreturn missionary before I got
home.
Speaker 2 (01:44):
Good for you.
You must be catch.
Speaker 3 (01:46):
Well, so I was fortunate there and, yeah, we
just hit 20 years.
I have a 19 year old son whoactually is serving his mission
in Detroit right now.
That's been an incredibleexperience.
Speaker 2 (02:00):
Corey's first reaction.
How's he like in that?
Speaker 3 (02:06):
He just got transferred for the first time.
He's been out five months.
He just got transferred and hesaid it's an entirely different
mission because the first fourmonths of his mission he was in
what he refers to as the hoodand he says it's a third world
country compared.
Even now, just a week in hisnew area and just a complete
different experience.
Speaker 1 (02:22):
Normal suburb now.
Speaker 3 (02:23):
Normal suburb and you know traditional congregation
type setting for for our faith.
And but the first was veryunorthodox.
You know even the the Sundayworship meetings were unorthodox
to what he was used to and justa really good experience for
him.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
But he loved it.
Speaker 3 (02:44):
I don't know what it was, but the hood was like his
thing because he felt safewearing that Jesus tag on his
chest.
He felt I mean I'll tell onequick story.
This is a little diversion frommy introduction, but he's
knocking on doors and and agentleman comes the door and
says, hey, you know you're inthe red zone.
Like you can't, I don't know ifyou want to be knocking here.
He's like Well, everybody needsJesus.
And he's like, yeah, good point.
(03:05):
He's like you want to come tochurch?
She's like no, no.
He's like OK, but he never feltthreatened or unsafe because
people are super respectful inDetroit for anybody wanting to
talk to Jesus.
So he's, he's had an incredibleexperience.
Speaker 2 (03:19):
That's cool.
So that's your oldest.
Speaker 3 (03:21):
That's my oldest, 19.
And then I have three daughters, 16, 12 and eight, and and my
wife.
So it's me with the four girlsat home all day now and it's
quite the opportunity blessingand it's it's incredible.
I love having daughters.
I've said, and I don't knowthis isn't for you know, it's
hard to say this, but I thinkevery man needs to have a
(03:41):
daughter.
And some of us haven't beenblessed with that, or some
challenges have kids, whateverbut I'm super grateful to be a
dad of daughters too.
I it's a it's some special yeahright.
Speaker 2 (03:52):
It's nuts.
It does bring a part of yourpersonality forward that you
know, you don't know about.
Tell, like the protective Papabear in me with my daughters,
like man, somebody doessomething to my daughter and
it's.
It's serious right away.
And as they start to date, whenanother, another boy and
(04:13):
another man comes into thepicture, you're like, hmm, I
don't know how I feel about this.
But yeah, it's.
It definitely brings, bringsforward a part of parenting you
don't get otherwise.
Speaker 3 (04:24):
So I need your advice on that.
So I have a 16 year old andshe'd kill me if she listens as
podcasts, but she hasn't kissedanybody yet, because part of it
was I said I'd give her a nicecar at 16 if she doesn't kiss
anybody.
So she's lived up to that andnow we're working on plan B,
that if she doesn't kiss anybodyuntil she's 18, but I don't
know that this is actually like.
I don't know that this issomething that I would encourage
(04:45):
somebody to follow this model,because I think I think I'd
probably rather have her kisstwo or three or four guys once
than one guy five times.
Speaker 1 (04:52):
So I don't know if I'm teaching the right principle
or not, but well, the firstthing I would ask us five of us,
her is let's define nice dad onthis nice car, are we?
Speaker 3 (05:00):
getting to that first .
Speaker 2 (05:02):
Old Jeep or new?
Speaker 1 (05:03):
Jeep, because that's relative, oh man.
Well, I don't know.
You know, I think every family,every kid's a little different,
right, they're the way they seethe world, the way that they
navigate the world.
I do think that they need tohave a few times where they hit
against the bumpers and learnlessons and that kind of thing,
(05:23):
but we try to keep them fromgoing over the bumpers right
over the road.
So it's a delicate balance isapparent.
I think that's something we'vetalked about a lot on the
podcast is you want them to getenough trouble to learn and to
grow and you want to keep themfrom getting into less trouble,
right?
Speaker 3 (05:41):
Right.
Speaker 2 (05:41):
Yeah, and I don't know that there's a blanket
advice you know if that'sworking for you and you feel
like that's working for you.
all the power to you.
I don't know I, my boys, hadkilled me too.
They like went to the FoundersDay fireworks and they all
walked down to the park.
And John comes home that nightand we're saying prayer and we
(06:02):
get done with prayer andstudying, and he stands up and
he's like oh, by the way, Ikissed a girl at the park
tonight and I'm like what it'slike?
Who was she?
And he goes.
I don't know.
She just came up and asked if Iwanted to kiss her and I did
and I'm like all right.
Speaker 1 (06:18):
How'd that go Part of having?
Speaker 2 (06:20):
teenagers right?
Yeah, I guess I wasn't thatpopular or that handsome in high
school.
That never happened.
No girl ever came up and askedif they could.
Speaker 1 (06:31):
So tell us your background, like where you're
from, where did you grow up?
That kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (06:36):
Yeah, so Utah grew up here, grew up first 12 years in
West Valley, and the onlyreason that details important is
because I tried to tell my sonthat I grew up in the hood.
So that I could relate to himin Detroit and he got mad every
time because he says you have noidea what it means.
Speaker 1 (06:51):
I'm pretty sure he's right.
Speaker 3 (06:55):
But had you know great parents and moved to South
Jordan, grew up in this areajust of Salt Lake County.
All my life and just onlydiversion is that couple years
in Seattle.
But again met my wife in highschool and was always kind of an
entrepreneur.
In high school I really enjoyeda business.
(07:17):
My dad owned his own carpetcleaning business.
My mom has since started herown medical clinic and so it's
just kind of in our DNA to thinkoutside the box that way and
take on risk and adventure andso, like a lot of guys and gals
in high school, just variousbusiness projects, mowing lawns
and just different activitieslike that.
(07:37):
And then when I got home frommy mission I did whatever Utah
person needs to do they get.
I got into MLM mark.
You know the multi level.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Various pyramid schemes.
That's right.
Speaker 3 (07:49):
Because I was going to get rich, right, I was going
to take everything I learned onmy mission to work hard and just
get after it.
And I knew some buddies thatwere doing pretty well and I'm
like, oh, if they can do it, Ican do it.
So had my little venture thereand that's kind of how my
careers and the rest of thishistory I mean just kind of
built on that with various cellsand business experience, but
didn't just I'll let the cat outof the bag.
(08:11):
I did not become a millionairewith my most love of your
business?
Speaker 2 (08:15):
No, you do.
The Joe home buyer.
If you've listened to Cody Hofine's podcast, we mentioned
that you help people to investin real estate and you are
franchising the idea and thisbusiness throughout the country,
and so I wanted to ask youabout that what, what have you
(08:35):
found has helped, likeleadership-wise, and do you feel
some type of a responsibilitytowards all these people that
you now lead to be better people, to have moral character, like?
Talk to us a little bit about,about that experience and now
being at the top of this companythat lots of people look up to
(08:56):
you.
Speaker 3 (08:56):
Yeah, it's been such a rewarding experience.
So Cody and I started justlocally buying off-market
distress properties and we founda few marketing strategies and
sell strategies that workedpretty well and so we got some
good traction and we weren'tsure how we wanted to expand.
So we floored with a few ideasand and felled frankly at a few
(09:17):
strategies.
As far as expanding, tried togo into Indiana, and it was a
more of a distraction thansuccessful and through that
experience we realized that justtrying to have pilot offices
that we didn't have an employeethat was fully invested Maybe
that model wasn't going to befor us.
So the franchise model becamevery attractive because the idea
that there's kind of apartnership of sorts, where
(09:38):
their success is our success,our success is there, so we're
just, we're committed to thecause together, that model
became quite attractive to us.
So about four years ago we wentdown the route of taking what we
were finding to be successfuland and started the franchise
and and through that process wehad to define our culture Like
what did we want our business tolook like?
(10:00):
What type of people did we wantto work with?
And you don't bat a thousand,particularly in the early days.
You're trying to sellfranchises, whoever you know,
and you know they joke infranchising and say the first
few franchise sales are just tofamilies and suckers or whatever
.
Right you know, because it'sjust a new concept, but luckily
we've been able to define ourculture of improving lives by
(10:20):
delivering creative real estatesolutions and we've attracted
some incredible people allacross the country, of all
different business experience,family settings, religious
beliefs, nationalities, etc.
And and it's been justincredible.
But it does provide me aninteresting challenge and I
(10:41):
welcome the challenge when I saywhen I use that word in the
sense that I feel aresponsibility to really make
sure we're doing business theright way, that when these new
entrepreneurs are going downthis endeavor, that they have
the framework that I believe isessential for success.
And maybe I'll back up just alittle bit Cody and I really
(11:05):
attribute our success locallywhen we first started our
operations, to just ourambitions to become.
Our ambitions to become, youknow, leaders, quality leaders
that attract quality talent,that create a meaningful culture
and business organization andand do things the right way.
And so that you know how wecame up with our mission of
improving lives.
(11:26):
But now fast forward.
We have these franchisees and Ifeel like just telling them how
to you know the X, y, zs of howto make money is only an
element of it.
That we have a model within ourfranchise system.
We're actually focusingentirely on personal
professional development, yourpurpose and the people that you
(11:47):
shine yourself.
So we called our Ford P modelbecause, to have meaningful
success, we feel like it's awell-rounded approach, like we
have to become world-classleaders.
We have to win at home, we haveto win with our families, we
have to win in our relationshipsand our communities, regardless
of our beliefs in those areasthat we need to.
You know, win in those areasand that will be the byproduct
(12:08):
of that will be success inbusiness, and and we'll be able
to do more and accomplish moreand have a greater influence
both at home and in ourcommunities, if we're doing it
from the bottom down approach,from you know the core, the core
of it becoming better leaders.
And so that's been a focus ofours and we feel that
responsibility as the franchiseor that's good.
Speaker 1 (12:28):
I couldn't help but think to myself I need to give
my kids the franchise book likehow to be, how to be an adult
and a parent someday, and haveyou got me.
It's the same thing.
That's what we're doing.
Oh my gosh, I just realized itreally is what the German
project is almost it's like well, here's what we can come up
with as the best way to have agood family, a good life, a good
(12:49):
whatever Right, and so it isthe same things we talk about.
You're thinking about culture.
You're thinking about personaldevelopment.
You're thinking about corevalues.
You're thinking about habits.
You're thinking about vision.
You're thinking about goals.
You're thinking aboutself-reliance.
You're thinking it right.
In a lot of ways, what we'retrying to give our kids is
(13:10):
here's the franchise book forlife, and if we can give them
that, then you're probably apretty successful parent.
You can, you can chalk it upright, you are, you didn't do it
perfect.
You're trying to give them agood model, yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:21):
The parenting franchisor, that's what you
should call the book.
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (13:25):
So, anyway, that's what came to mind when you said
that that's pretty, that'spretty interesting.
Never thought of it like that.
I always think of our people atthe, at the company that I work
for, as like a sports team andI think of them as players.
You know, and if you've gotlike this championship football
(13:46):
team, you, you don't just thinkabout the playbook and winning,
you think about health and youthink about mental health and
you think about overall wellnessright Overall health and
wellness and and if you're a proathlete man, they put a lot of
time into nutrition and workingout and you name it right.
And so I try to think of ourassociates that same way.
(14:10):
Like, how can I put achampionship team on the field?
Because if I put a championshipteam on the field, fans will
come.
That's what I always say, right, like the customers will come
as long as I'm given achampionship team.
So another way to think aboutthis idea of a franchise book is
hey, here's how you create achampionship team that can be
(14:30):
successful.
I love that you're able tobring in you said I can't
remember exactly how you said it, but you're giving them a
chance at a different life withthis franchise model, correct?
And I think that's a coolultimate.
Why and maybe that is yourguys' why it kind of felt like
it might be your why?
Speaker 3 (14:50):
Yeah, I love that I somewhere along the way, we
realize that, wow, we reallyhave just incredible people as
franchisees and we're learningas much from them.
This is a culture of growth andopportunity and learning and
we're learning as much from themas hopefully they're learning
from us, and I think that's Igot the sense that, hey, we're
(15:12):
probably doing it right, or atleast on the right track, if we
can say that there's thiscommunity of perpetual learning
and growth.
But, yeah, just this idea thatif we bring on a franchisee,
that sure let's get you to makea revenue.
I understand that that's one ofthe major things your
livelihood you got to bring inrevenue.
So I'm not trying to make itsound like it's all cupcakes and
(15:35):
rainbows.
I mean, at the end of the day,you got to make money.
Speaker 1 (15:38):
If you don't make money, then it didn't work.
Speaker 3 (15:40):
Right, yeah, you got to make money, but we're filling
them if we're not challengingthem to see themselves as
potential leaders and havinginfluence, and you know the
roles that they have in theirhome.
And I say that and let me addthe disclaimer that my daughters
would tell you that I have notrun a perfect franchisee in the
(16:04):
home, right.
Speaker 1 (16:05):
None of us have, by the way.
We're just doing our best.
Speaker 3 (16:09):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (16:10):
But what have you taken home from?
Maybe two big questions,because I heard this vein of
hard work that you learned fromyour parents.
It was just in the things yousaid I could tell there was a
hard work thing you learned fromyour parents.
I'm sure you've taken thatforward with your kids.
There's probably other thingsyou've learned from your parents
and then there's probablythings you've learned as a
franchisor in business thatyou've brought home.
(16:32):
Talk to us a little about maybesome of your you know big
ticket items that you're tryingto teach your kids or you know
things you've learned from yourparents that you're trying to
pass on that kind of thing.
Speaker 3 (16:44):
Well, I learned yesterday and this word has been
really meaningful for me overjust about a 18 hour period but
from Jonah, our missionary.
He shared the word diligence.
He has a little bit of atraining he needs to do on
Wednesday and said you know, doyou have any ideas of how I
could teach diligence?
And so I started doing someresearch on you know diligence
(17:05):
and I realized, wow, I reallylike that word Because in my
operation in business, I'vealways used the word discipline
and I think discipline, you know, demonstrates this idea that
you're going to be a rulefollower, that you're going to
be structured.
But discipline is more.
I think comes from the insideof you know, the intrinsic
(17:28):
motivation to do things theright way, to be genuine,
authentic, consistent.
And so I think that is the wordthat's been on my mind, it's
fresh, is that?
I hope that that's a principleI'm teaching in my home is just
that intentionality.
And you know, discipline isimportant and there's a time and
(17:50):
a place for it.
But I really like the idea ofbeing intentional and methodical
about everything I do, and somy kids.
It drives them nuts when we goon vacation, or I try to make
the vacation like not just atrip to Gankun I want to go see,
you know, something historical,or you know our faith.
(18:14):
We have some historical, youknow, or there's suggestion that
there's some historical sitesin that part of the world and so
I want them to experience thatbecause I want to tie it back If
we're out of state.
I want to go see a local templewithout fell.
I'm going to use an opportunityto go see that temple and if I
can get an appointment in there,I'm going to do that without
(18:35):
fell, because everything I do Iwant to be intentional about.
I don't and I've learned thatfrom a mentor I can't say that I
you know my parents certainly,but I've had a mentor over the
years that you know.
He says you have to get clearon what you're doing and then
your activities need to beintentional.
And you can only build thisintentional activity at home and
that's really if first defined,you know where you're, you know
(18:58):
the get first, got the clarity,if that makes sense.
Speaker 1 (19:01):
Yeah, so intentionality might be the word
that yeah.
Speaker 2 (19:07):
If you were to define what your family culture is at
home, could you?
Could you put that into alittle nutshell for us, like
what is it that your family, theStubler family, is known for,
and how do you guys define yourculture at home?
Speaker 3 (19:31):
Actually I would probably go back to that, If I
can use a hyphen intentionallydiligent.
I really do think that our kidsknow that we don't just do
things, that dad and mom reallywant to be intentional about
everything that we do, and Ithink it complements the word
diligent when we ask them to goto school.
(19:53):
I don't care if they get A'sfor the sake of getting A's.
I want them to get an A in thegrade and in all the classes.
If they're capable of gettingan A, they just need to be
diligent and intentional abouttheir activity.
If they're doing somethingaround the house, I just want
them to be diligent in whythey're doing.
Just finish it, Finish it.
(20:16):
And that's when I wouldchallenge one of our daughters
now that are in the home is ifthey are less than diligent, If
they're capable of getting an Ain that class and they get
something short of that, it'snot the end of the world, but
you're certainly capable of it.
And as a parent yourself, I'vegot a 16-year-old daughter,
12-year-old and an 8-year-old.
(20:37):
I've got one of those daughtersthat is very challenged at
school.
It doesn't come intuitively forher, and so my expectation as
long as she's diligent in hercapacities in that arena, then
that's a success for me.
I think diligent andintentional are the couple of
(20:58):
things.
I hope that would be true ifsomebody observed, or on my
gravestone, of sorts.
Speaker 2 (21:04):
Or asked your kids.
Speaker 3 (21:05):
Or asked our kids yeah, even better.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
Yeah, if your kids can answer the question, you're
probably being prettyintentional with that culture.
What's one of the things thatyou've struggled with as a dad?
Speaker 3 (21:17):
Well, there's a list.
What comes to mind first here?
Really, like any dad, at timesI think I struggle with being
patient because I see potentialand I see what they're capable
of, and so when they makeblunders but that's my struggle
(21:42):
is I understand how importantpatience is, because and I also
understand that you can't have afeeling in the home that a
mistake is more than a mistakeright, we know that.
We know that failure is justpart of the game.
We know that you've got tolearn through mistakes, and so I
hope that, at the core, thatyou bounce back from our
(22:05):
mistakes and it's OK.
But I realize that probably oneof my weaknesses that I have to
be totally aware of is justpatience, making sure that I'm
OK with mistakes and blundersalong the way.
Speaker 2 (22:21):
Do you have any ideas for those that struggle with
patience, because Corey and Ihave been public about this?
Oh yeah, we both.
Speaker 1 (22:30):
It's my weakness too.
Speaker 2 (22:32):
We both struggle with that and I think we've both
gotten better at it through someideas.
So do you have any ideas youcan share with the listeners
about what you've done toincrease patience, or is this a
current struggle that weshouldn't ask about?
Speaker 3 (22:45):
No, no, this is free game.
This is free game.
I've actually found that humorhas really helped me in the
sense that when I have an urgeto kind of react or like holy
cow, what are we doing here?
For example, you're sittingdown and want to have a family
discussion of any form andthere's no order or whatever.
It's like hey, guys, shape up,or type thing, I realize that
(23:10):
just in laughing about it,Because they don't care, they
don't want to sit down and havedad provide family order or
structure or discussion, and soI found that if I'm just kind of
laughing and just kind ofobserving of their child-like
nature, it helps.
And then I have to go thisdirection because I feel like it
(23:33):
is really the impetus to reallyany character traits that I'm
trying to develop, and that is Ihave to tell you that as I
strive to become more like thesavior and emulate his
characteristics in general justobviously meekness and patience
that helps when I have thespirit with me and I feel like
(23:56):
I'm being led in that way.
That's easily the simplesttruth for me is that I'm less
impatient.
In fact, I'm at my best,frankly, if I have the spirit
with me.
Speaker 1 (24:10):
You probably have it.
It's easier to go to humorinstead of frustration, even
when you have the spirit right.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Yes, because I think the savior would laugh at
frustrating things.
I think he was human, he wasperfect, as we know, but I think
he would have found appropriatesituations humorous and didn't
get worked out about thingsobviously.
Speaker 1 (24:32):
I'm going to use that .
I don't think I've heard thehumor one, although I inherently
have done the same.
When I'm at my best, I'veinherently just laughed it off
or gifed off or been, in apositive way, sarcastic with the
kids.
Ok, I guess you're not going tolisten to me, you know.
Whatever.
So I need to double down onthat.
I appreciate you sharing that,because I don't think that
(24:53):
specific way has been addressedon the podcast.
That's a smart thing to do,because that allows yourself to
get over yourself also.
Speaker 3 (25:03):
Yeah, you just sounded out.
Speaker 2 (25:04):
Sometimes, I'm just too serious.
Yeah, we study each night as afamily and the dog is always in
this mix and the dog is a yearold and it's always jumping and
wanting to play while I'm tryingto teach a principle or read
the scriptures or pray with mykids and I'm like and last night
it's funny that this getsbrought up, because last night I
(25:25):
was like that sure was easy toteach while you guys were all
playing with the dog there yougo.
And I laughed about it becausein the past I've been like would
you guys just leave the dangdog alone for like three seconds
?
Why, we have an importantconversation, please, and that
doesn't usually work.
Speaker 1 (25:45):
People who listen to the podcast have heard this many
times, but I always tell mykids that happiness is a choice,
and they now are old enough touse that against me.
So if I get frustrated in thatsituation, like dad happiness is
a choice.
Speaker 3 (26:00):
And it works almost every time.
Speaker 1 (26:02):
I say that because I've been saying that to them
for 17, 18 years, and so, anyway, happiness is a choice, dad,
which it is, I believe thatright.
So most of the time.
So you could choose to laugh atit or you could choose to get
frustrated.
It's just a choice.
It's just you have that threesecond pause that you talked
about earlier today to get overyourself.
(26:23):
So you're obviously a prettyreligious guy.
Believe in Christ, believe infollowing the promptings of the
spirit, kind of a thing.
Talk to us about how do youteach your kids that part of
yourself and how do you sharethat with them so that they have
that in their lives goingforward?
Speaker 3 (26:44):
I love the question.
One would argue that that'smaybe the most important thing I
could teach them to receivepersonal revelation and to gain
an awareness and a testimony ofwhere they're from, who they are
, what their potential is, allthrough their Heavenly Father
(27:08):
right.
So it's consistency for us,it's every opportunity we get,
if it's just something minor inthe mornings, but from a
tactical application it's notjust the consistency and it's
doing those things.
It's then giving each of themto share how were you guided,
(27:32):
what inspiration have youreceived?
And allowing them to hopefullyrecount it so that they can
remember it, and thenchallenging them to write it
down and I can't tell you that Ihave anything to do with that.
That's my wife.
She always encouraged them towrite down their experiences,
and the girls are just more now.
(27:53):
Our son, jonah, was like me, sono judgment.
We would never go writeanything down.
Speaker 1 (27:59):
Oh yeah, I need to write that down.
Speaker 3 (28:00):
And it was less inclined to do it.
But our daughters, for whateverreason, they enjoy it and,
thankfully, my wife.
That's been super important forher because she knows that
she's been able to write downand recount these experiences
later on.
But because it's buildingblocks right, it's the
experiences that they havegetting them to acknowledge that
(28:21):
hey, that was more than acoincidence.
If you give credit to thatcoincidence, it becomes a
miracle from your HeavenlyFather, and I like that idea.
The difference between amiracle and a coincidence is who
you give credit to, right, andit's helping them understand
that.
Ok, enough of thesecoincidences of sorts.
You are being guided anddirected.
(28:43):
You have the influence of theSpirit with you.
Your Heavenly Father is mindfulof the details of your life,
and just as much awarenessaround those things as possible
is, I think, our responsibilityas parents.
Speaker 1 (28:55):
Yeah, I've tried to teach my kids that I'm a huge
believer in prayer andrevelation and because it's
worked and when I'm at my best,I'm in that mode of being able
to receive it right and in thehabit of being there and in that
space that you find yourselfwhen you can listen and you can
(29:16):
react, so you try to give yourkids that and I think that's a
huge thing.
Whether that's meditation forsome, prayer for others, I think
it's important that you listenand that you allow yourself to
be guided and you have thatpeace.
There's peace that comes in.
(29:37):
That.
I think, too, it's remarkable,yeah, so thanks for sharing that
.
Speaker 2 (29:41):
Well, it's kind of like letting your kids loose
with a tool, right?
Eventually they're going toleave the house, like your
oldest son has, and you hopethat when you're not there on a
daily basis and you're not thereto protect and to guide and to
give advice 24-7, that they'vegot some type of a tool that
they can take with them thatwill do all those things in your
(30:04):
place.
That's right, so I really likethat idea.
You've alluded several times toyour wife, her influence on your
kids, your relationship, theintentionality that you guys
have together.
How have you strengthened yourrelationship with your wife over
the last 20 years?
Have you kept this culture ofboth of you moving in the same
(30:26):
direction?
Speaker 3 (30:27):
Listen to her more, right.
Wise man just said so she comesfrom seven siblings.
She has one sister, sixbrothers, and the culture of her
home was just love, everybodyloved.
I mean just a really incredibleculture.
Her parents were just alwaysjust taught by love.
(30:48):
They were not micromanagers,they just kind of set an
expectation, taught someprinciples of the gospel, and
then there's just a reallyoverwhelming culture of love in
their home.
And then my culture parentsincredible as well.
But I was one among four othersisters, so I was right in the
middle of two older, two youngersisters and there was a little
(31:11):
more of a competitive, a littlemore of a if you didn't get what
you wanted, you kind of battleor yell, and a little more.
So it was.
It's interesting merging ourfamily dynamics together,
because my son and I, when wehave a disagreement, will argue
and it hurts my life's littlespirit because she's just so
(31:32):
sensitive and that's I would saythat's a blessing.
I mean it's she's so.
She likes harmony, right and so.
But I realized that she's rightand that feeling of harmony in
the home is really where I wantto be, type thing.
And but there is some friendlybanter in our home.
(31:53):
My 15, or sorry, my 16 year olddaughter and I, we banter a lot
and it's sometimes it'sprobably less effective, but
most of the time it's fun andwell-spirited and that type of
thing I've learned from her andI think that's what's helped us
stay on the same page andworking towards the same thing,
because that's quite a blessing.
I know that there's listenersthat would listen to this
(32:15):
podcast and say, well, I hadthose same ambitions and my
spouse didn't, and you knowthat's why there was a division
and I have zero credit to saythat.
I'm just grateful that we'vehad the same.
We've been aligned on what'simportant in our family.
We've been aligned on, you know, what we'll invest our time
into and obviously we've beenfaithful to each other in terms
(32:38):
of just the simple things beinghonest and communicating and all
those things.
And so I just feel fortunatethat I was one of the ones that
picked a partner, that we werealigned in all those things, and
the closer I've got to just heroverwhelming, just parent by
love and having harmony, I thinkit has been the right
(33:01):
ingredient for a marriage that'scontinuing to grow and learn
and thrive.
Speaker 1 (33:08):
And we've talked in the past quite a bit on the
podcast about this idea ofunconditional love and that
being a key recipe.
You might call it in any family, right, like, even if you're
not that great of a parent oryou have a ton of you know
issues like I do, my kids willlisten, they know.
Even if you have all theseissues, you know as a parent, if
(33:32):
you've got the unconditionallove thing going for you, you're
gonna be okay.
I think you might not be asdisciplined as you should be or
you might not, you know, havecome from the greatest
background ever, but you can tryto show unconditional love and
when I screw up, I just back itup with okay, dad, screwed up
(33:53):
and go in with unconditionallove again, Right?
So for those that are listening,I think that's.
I think what you just said isan important one, that your
wife's example of this idea ofjust you know what Everyone's
not perfect and we're not goingto be as parents and the kids
aren't going to be but if theyfeel like there's, I think
there's trust and there'sforgiveness, that comes when
(34:14):
there's an underlying place ofunconditional love, you know,
and so not that that's easy.
I'm not saying that's easy.
If you didn't culturally comeup that way, it's a little
harder.
You know you have to do it onpurpose.
But I think the more we'vetalked on the podcast
120-something episodes the morethat that idea of unconditional
(34:35):
love is probably a cornerstoneto a good marriage, to a good
family.
Speaker 2 (34:39):
So I appreciate you bringing that up Well, and I
love that idea, like just thatsimple quote, that unconditional
love can overcome everyparental mistake or spousal
mistake, or you know like we allfeel like we fall short a
little bit.
But if we have unconditionallove for the people that love us
and they do to us, then any ofthose mistakes can be forgiven
(35:04):
and moved on from.
Speaker 3 (35:05):
That's powerful, I have to tell you.
I'm obviously a parent or astudent parent, right, learning
as we go here.
So my 19-year-old I feelinclined to share this with you.
So, really athletic, I playedhigh school basketball but
leading up to that I was hissuper league basketball coach.
(35:27):
I don't know why I thought Icould coach super league.
I mean, I played a little bitof basketball but I didn't know
the first thing I was doing.
But it's interesting themistakes you make along the way.
I guess that's why I feel likeit's helpful to share is it'll
be interesting to see himnavigate when he comes home from
his mission and that type ofthing.
Because I was unnecessarilycritical of him growing up,
(35:49):
because I saw his potential.
I was inpatient and some kidsreally take well to their
parents coaching them in sportsand different things and, for
whatever reason, that justwasn't a dynamic that we had.
So year after year it was justa battle.
I saw his potential so I waspushing him like I would any
other kid on the team, but itreally was a resistance type
thing and so I don't want tomake that mistake with my three
(36:13):
daughters and, for whateverreason, I don't even have the
natural inclination to be ascritical I.
Generally it's just moreintuitive to celebrate their
success and the good things thatthey're doing, and for him it
was pretty intuitive to nitpickand be critical and I think a
lot of that started with tryingto do the right thing by being
his coach, giving himopportunity.
(36:34):
And again the ideas started witha positive desire and I think
that unfortunately, so manyyears it was, although we had a
great relationship, I dideverything I could, every
business out of town meeting.
I would actually have my sontag along he's seen a lot of the
different parts of the countryand even world just tag along
(36:55):
with dad, because I reallywanted him to experience it all.
I saw his potential.
I was excited to have him tohave all the experience I didn't
.
So again, I don't want to painta bleak picture, but I also want
to share that if there's a dadout there that has kids or a mom
out there that has kids thatplays athletics and it goes back
(37:18):
to the unconditional love, youcan't get hung up on their high
school sports.
You can't get hung up on howthey played in that game.
I was the dad legit that made afool of himself.
That would be yelling at hisson right after the game in
front of other parents and stuff.
I was that buffoon that was socharged up and felt like it was
so important to teach aprincipal that I would get after
him.
I was literally that guy thatyou'd see in the movies.
(37:39):
It was like losing his cool andmy son's the most forgiving dude
in the world.
He's just chill, right.
He's more like his mom in thatregard.
But I hope that somebody canlisten to it, because I have a
friend that we were playingTurkey Bowl together and he's
talking about his son goingthrough high school and he's a
really.
His son's a great athlete andhe's a great dad and any chance
(38:02):
I get I say, dude, just love himLike, don't get hung up on that
game, don't get hung up ontrying to coach everything,
don't get critical about whatthey're doing, just love him
Like, just enjoy it.
And I hope that anybody canbenefit from what I didn't do
right in that regard.
Speaker 1 (38:20):
That's a good one.
I mean that happens to lots ofparents and I think every parent
.
I mean you did everything youdid out of love.
Ultimately, I mean it wasn'tlike you didn't care because you
didn't love him.
You cared because you were hiscoach, because you loved him.
You want him to do his best,because you love him right.
So it is coming from a place oflove.
And I'll say to you that my dadwas the same way.
I don't know when this happened, probably somewhere in my 20s.
(38:46):
I knew my dad was so bad thatmy mom would make him go sit in
the truck because she wasembarrassed, right and so, and I
was that way with my son alittle bit, I was a little more
cautious, only because I had hadthe experience of my dad and we
talked about it as a family.
So what you're doing right nowprobably affect generations, but
(39:09):
your son will look back, nomatter what, even though I mean
I am so thankful that my dad wasthat guy, I'm so thankful that
he was my coach in like threedifferent sports and over time
he learned, like when we playedfootball I was an offense and he
was the coach for defense, likeon purpose, but it took him
years and years right and I sawthat I have that same thing in
(39:32):
me.
My little boy plays tennis andit's everything I have at the
end of every match, like I havewritten notes in everything I
want to tell him.
Speaker 3 (39:40):
That's right.
Speaker 1 (39:41):
And I just put it in my pocket, you know, and I might
get around to telling his coachat this point Like these are
the things I wrote down in hislast match he needs to work on,
because if I tell him he's justlike your son, he's, he's just
going to say whatever that likeyou're just.
It feels like I'm harping onhim, not that I'm loving on him,
right.
Anyway, I guess my whole pointof that whole long thing was
(40:03):
he's going to love that about.
He's going to know as hematures.
He might know today that eventhough maybe it wasn't perfect
in his eyes, it'll be prettydang close because he'll know
where it came from.
Speaker 3 (40:16):
I appreciate that and I trust that to be true.
He's just an incredibly youngman and thanks for sharing that
that's.
It's powerful because a lot ofour motivations are coming from
a great place of love, totally.
And you see that what kills youis.
You see their potential and Ihope that it's appropriate for
anybody listening.
But you have to think.
Our Supreme Creator, ourHeavenly Father, whatever he is
(40:37):
to you, he's looking down at usall the time saying I see your
potential.
Speaker 2 (40:43):
So much potential.
You idiot, what are you doing?
Speaker 1 (40:47):
No, that's true.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Speaker 2 (40:50):
Well, every I think I think this is an epiphany that
I've had, as as I've become afather and I feel this parental
love towards my children.
It's a different type of lovethan than any other type of love
and I don't know that I fullyunderstood and I I still don't
(41:14):
readily admit I still don't, butI know a little portion of what
God must feel like towards menow because I have that feeling
towards my own and I thinkthat's part of the plan for us
to, you know, have families andhave influence on other people
because we develop a Godlikelove towards those that look to
(41:38):
us as we look to God.
So I love that.
I love that idea.
Holy cow, the podcast has goneby super fast.
Today.
We want to give you an ampletime to answer the last question
that we ask all of our podcastguests, which you know the
question.
But what do you think it meansto be a gentleman?
Speaker 3 (42:00):
Well, I better answer this question right, because I
have my wife and three daughtersthat I think of when I, but the
word that comes to mind for meand I've had a chance to think
about this is present.
A gentleman is mindful of thosearound him and and very
personal to me, it's I'm mindfulof my eight year old when I
(42:22):
come home and she's telling me astory that happened at dance
and how she clicked heads withone of the girls and you know it
bonked her head and it hurt.
And that was the story yesterdayand and I heard it, but I can
tell you there's other times Ididn't even hear what she was
saying.
She was talking but I didn'tactually capture the details of
the story.
So, for me, being a gentlemanis being present, being actual,
(42:46):
aware, and when I'mcommunicating in my home and in
my family, that they can sensethat they don't have to tell the
story a second time becausedad's capturing it, that I am
totally present and appreciatingwhat they're saying and that
they have my time and attention.
And as an entrepreneur, I'llblame it on that, or maybe I'll
(43:06):
just blame it on my brain.
Whatever it is, it's so easy forme if I'm not deliberately
trying to be present, meaning myphone's in a different place,
or I've dedicated that physical,mental, emotional time to what
Bailey, macy, josie or Lindsayare talking to me about that I,
it's so easy to not be present.
And I'm there physically, butnot past that, and that's that's
(43:30):
where I would say I'm fallingshort of of being a gentleman.
And so I love the word presentand I love it because by just
declaring it in this setting,I'm challenging myself to be
even more present, realizing I'mnot perfect at it, but I I can
definitely pinpoint the timesthat I am and the impact that it
has.
Speaker 2 (43:51):
Well, it's a it's progress.
It's not a destination, right.
So each of us that arelistening to this and hearing
you say that every single one ofus can be more present, right,
but every one of us can improveby a degree to be more present
with the people that we're with.
Whether we're checking ourphone at dinner or just you can
(44:14):
tell when somebody's with youand when they're a little bit
somewhere else.
So I love that challenge, Ilove your definition.
So thanks for that.
It was a good reminder.
Well, well.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
I was going to say.
As we get older, I think we aremore aware of how important
presence is.
You know I'm I'm minor, myAngus is 10.
So I have 10, 14 and 17.
And I'm just holding on nowThinking, holy crap, my 17 year
old's already.
She's moving to New York, youknow, next year for school, and
(44:50):
so she's going to be far away.
My fortranial old won't will bedriving, you know, he's almost
15.
He'll be driving before longand then I won't see him quite
as much, because that's whathappens when they start driving.
And I'm holding on to my 10year old daughter with
everything I've got and all of asudden, being present is
probably in some ways moreimportant to me than it is them.
(45:10):
Like I get home and I'm like,okay, let's be present together.
Speaker 3 (45:14):
Well, I got to go to a friend's and I got to go do
this.
Speaker 1 (45:16):
I'm like no, no, I need my time, you know, and and
I think early in my career Idefinitely wasn't as present as
I should have been.
So I think, for those listening, especially if you're, you know
, there's times and seasonsdon't get me wrong when you're
an entrepreneur, there's timeswhen, oh my gosh, I've got to
focus on my business, and but Ithink the older you get, the
(45:38):
older your kids get, the moreyou realize that what you just
said is true, in that I need tobe present.
I'm like craving the presencenow, because I know what's going
to happen.
So they're going to be gone,you know it's wild.
Speaker 3 (45:52):
Yeah, that's wild.
Speaker 1 (45:54):
So thank you for that .
I appreciate that that's a goodreminder.
Speaker 3 (45:57):
Yeah, it's a challenge for all of us.
And I'm man, it's such a greathonor to be a parent, and, and,
and if you're not a parent, youknow, literally, are you a
parent to your nieces andnephews, are you?
But I just, I mean, it's aresponsibility, for sure, but
it's, it's our greatest duty andopportunity, I think.
Speaker 2 (46:18):
Well, thank you for joining us.
This was great.
Speaker 3 (46:21):
This was great.
Speaker 2 (46:22):
It was great content.
It was outside the realm ofyour normal interview.
I'm sure to talk about thesethings and not so much business
but you did a great job atconveying your beliefs and the
things that I think.
I'm going to take several ofthe things that you said today
into my own life and andhopefully improve the
relationships I've got in mylife as well.
(46:43):
So if you're listening to thepodcast and you like Mark's
episode, mark's episode share itwith somebody.
I'm, I'm, I think about peoplewhen I hear our guests talk.
That's why I say this sometimesat the end of the podcast.
If someone's name popped intoyour head while you were
listening to this content,there's a reason why you thought
(47:07):
of that person.
And even if it's something that, like Mark, talked about and
your dad or your mom taught youthat, send them a text and say
you know what I was thinkingtoday.
You taught me this and I am sograteful that you taught me that
.
So, take, take, I don't carewhat it is today, if you're
listening to the podcast and youliked it and you heard
(47:27):
something and it kind of piercedyour heart a little bit, take
action on it, whether it'ssitting down with your kids and
being more accessible, beingmore present, working on the
relationship with your spouse,working on faith, whatever it
was like.
Just take a little bit ofaction today and and share the
(47:50):
episode with somebody that thatyou think might benefit from it.
Thanks for doing that.
We appreciate you sticking withus.
We didn't really do an annualthird anniversary podcast
episode Like.
We're over three years now andI guess once you get over two
years, you're just like, yep,still doing it, still doing it
(48:10):
and we're still chugging along.
So thank you, thank you forsticking with us and helping us.
We're in the top 3% of podcastsworldwide.
We don't do a lot ofadvertising.
It's 100% organic Peoplesharing the podcast because they
like the content.
So we appreciate you doing that.
Dropping us a rating and areview wherever you get your
(48:31):
podcasts helps us out a ton andhelps people find us as well.
So thanks again.
I'm Kirk Chug.
Speaker 1 (48:38):
And I'm Corey Moore, and go out there and be present
with your family.
Thanks, mark.
Speaker 3 (48:42):
Thank you guys.
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