In this episode, our guest Paul Blanchard shares insights on how our vulnerabilities can be turned into strengths on the path to better self-awareness. He talks about the importance of authenticity and vulnerability in forging meaningful relationships and introduces the Habit Finder as a tool for personal assessment. Paul also offers a fresh perspective on parenting and human connection, emphasizing the necessity of creating spaces for open dialogue and allowing our kids to feel safe when they most need their parents. This episode is a masterclass in communication, habit formation, and coaching that transcends transactional relationships.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Kirk Chugg (00:00):
Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast.
I'm Corey Moore and I'm KirkChugg.
Today, Paul Blanchard joins usin the studio.
Paul and I have been connectedvia social media for several
years now and I have been soimpressed and blown away by the
man's ability to.
He has a presence about him andit doesn't have to be in person
.
It can also be through a Zoomor through one of the lives that
(00:23):
he does.
He's a coach, an author, amindset guru.
I know he doesn't like to becalled an expert, but when you
listen to this guy talk, youwill be blown away at how well
he knows the subject matter inwhich he speaks, and we're just
grateful that he would join ustoday.
We're really looking forward totalking to him about family,
(00:46):
what makes him who he is and howhe's affecting change in the
lives of others.
So welcome, paul.
Thank you, we're happy to haveyou.
Pleasure to be here.
So, paul, tell us quick aboutyour family and just the makeup
of your family, so that we'vegot a little bit of context for
for the conversation today.
Paul Blanchard (01:02):
Sure, so I'm married.
I've been married for almost 19years.
I have three daughters 16, 13,and 10.
And that's everything for me.
Of all the damage, all thewounds, all the problems, I've
never wondered if I was going tobe good at being a dad.
Kirk Chugg (01:20):
It's just.
Paul Blanchard (01:21):
I'm sure I make mistakes, but they don't strike
at the heart of things.
It's, it's, it's been the mostnatural thing that I've ever
done in life the, the, the roleof that um.
My wife and I have certainlyhad our wild adventures and
crazy experiences, and um, wemet on hot or notcom.
That's always a fun one tothrow out early.
Cory Moore (01:41):
Hot or not?
I haven't heard of that one.
Kirk Chugg (01:44):
I think I remember that it was like back in, like
the night, my space, days right.
Paul Blanchard (01:48):
Totally.
I had someone say to me hey,when you get back in the country
, check this site out, it'shilarious.
And so um.
So I, I uh checked it out andthey had just added a meet me
feature because, like matchcomwasn't really popular yet.
I think someone had died tryingto date on Craigslist or
something at that point and andI she clicked to meet me.
(02:09):
I, you know strategically, worethe sweater, the grand piano
picture.
I had Billy Joel sheet musicbehind me.
She's like I didn't notice anyof that.
I was like okay, well, yoursubconscious did so, it all
worked out.
Kirk Chugg (02:21):
Yeah.
Paul Blanchard (02:21):
It all worked out.
It worked yeah, but yeah, wehave a blast, we have a lot of
fun and I'm looking forward totalking about all those things.
I'm a big believer thatprofessional problems are
personal problems in disguise,so it's kind of all connected
and so anything I can do tooffer some insights you
mentioned.
I don't like being called anexpert.
(02:42):
It's not as much.
I don't like any particularthing with semantics or words,
as much as I don't necessarilyagree with or align with some of
the implied things about thator some of the limitations.
Like expert, oftentimes webecome very exclusionary.
It's very standing on myexperience, which is beautiful,
(03:07):
except that it naturallytrespasses on, and that should
be your experience, you know sojust opening that up, not so
much I don't like that word kindof a thing.
Kirk Chugg (03:13):
One of the things that I'd like about you is you,
you kind of let people go ontheir own path and their own
journey, but you, you will helpthem discover things about
themselves and then let themfind it very, very humble.
But you don't come across thatway, naturally, because of your
voice, your stature, your water.
You're like six foot five, Cantalk.
(03:34):
Talk to us a little bit.
Paul Blanchard (03:35):
Yeah, I think the dynamic that makes that
really interesting is I've I.
One of the most powerfuldiscoveries I made was that my
insecurity was a superpower.
Made was that my insecurity wasa superpower.
I've spent a lot of years, as Ithink many people have, trying
to overcome that and usingconfidence as some shield, some
(03:55):
sword to fight through that andto prove that I had conquered
the insecurity.
And the more I tried to do that, the less confident I felt, the
more alienated I felt reallydeep inside.
And so then that required allkinds of other ways of creating
peak, strong, you know States tobe able to power through that
and then having to recover, andthat just didn't feel like a way
to live.
And so when I got anopportunity to start to build a
(04:18):
relationship with my insecurity,to find out it wasn't what
everybody said it was, itactually had some beautiful
things to share with me.
It was a.
It actually wanted to be seenand expressed and cared for and
connected to, and that justopened everything up.
I do have some physicality thatI navigate.
Um, I am a large man.
(04:40):
Although I don't feel that wayAnytime I see a picture with
someone else, it's almost always, to this day a shock of like oh
, I am really big, um, but Idon't feel that.
But it is important to rememberlike my volume can be
misinterpreted very easily justbecause of that physical nature.
Um, but that conflict used tocreate a lot of shame for me
(05:04):
until I started to lean into therelationship with insecurity
and it's opened some amazingdoors.
I believe that I've had anopportunity to get into some
places with some people that Idon't believe I would have had
the ability or even the right toif I had gone there confidently
(05:25):
, whereas going there with myinsecurity so that theirs could,
on some level, feel mine and bewilling to open up.
I've found that to be verydisruptive for people and I
certainly had the time in myprofession where I prided myself
on being the disruptor until Irealized you don't have to try
to do that If you just show upstable and calm and clear and
(05:50):
available.
That's actually incrediblydisruptive to us as human beings
that are constantly trying tocheck some balances and
strategically navigate.
What is it that he really wantsfrom me, what is it that I'm
really supposed to do here?
And and you just show up andlike and whatever that is is
great and it takes a second forpeople to buy into that.
(06:12):
But I think there's a sense,when they feel that whatever
mine is is okay, that it kind ofgives a tacit approval to, to
theirs to to show up and and Ithink that in and of itself is
quite disruptive.
Cory Moore (06:26):
I'd like to dive a little deeper into the
insecurities thing, because Iwould say I talk to our people
all the time and I wouldtypically say that leaders who
are having a tough time they'reusually having a tough time
because of their insecurities.
They're letting it get in theway of them being a great leader
, right.
They can't get out of theirtough time because of their
insecurities.
They're letting it get in theway of them being a great leader
, right.
They can't get out of their ownway because of their
(06:48):
insecurities.
So they're either guarded, orthey pretend that they're overly
confident, or they don't bringpeople around them that are
really good at where they're notright.
Get people around them whocompliment them.
They don't do it because theydon't want to show their
weaknesses or their insecurities, right.
So I think I'd like to go alittle deeper on, like how are
(07:10):
you using insecurities as asuperpower?
It sounds like you know you'reyou're.
You're just open about them andyou don't hide them.
In fact, maybe you're tellingpeople about them in order to
have great conversations aboutthose insecurities.
I don't know.
Give us a little deeper on howyou're doing that, because for
me, I would love to use that inmy life and tell other people
(07:32):
how to do that.
Paul Blanchard (07:33):
Yeah, I think the first part is just allowing
them to be here.
They're not a problem.
I'm not.
I'm not trying to solve myinsecurities.
They're.
They're a part of me thatprobably a lot of it came from
comparison.
You know, biblically, who taughtyou you were?
Who told you you were nakedLike, who told you that how you
are as an?
Okay, that's not a rhetoricalquestion, that's an incredible
(07:56):
question Like, oh, yeah, wheredid that come from?
You know, there there's so muchpower to stepping back and
going.
We're making all of this up,all of it, every construct that
we feel is just, this is how youshould live and this is the way
that this works, and even fromthe greatest experts in the
world, when you zoom out, thatmay be true within a certain
(08:17):
construct, within a certainarena of things, and I think
being able to zoom out and belike, wow, we're making all of
this up, and then being curiousabout how you feel in that space
, cause, just like you can feelinsecure if you're around
someone that is living the lifethat you think you're supposed
to be living, you can feel justas insecure zooming out and
going, wow, it really doesn'tmatter, and just seeing what
(08:40):
comes up in you when youconsider that I think that's
probably the biggest thing thatI would want anybody listening
to grab onto is the power ofconsidering.
I didn't diagnose.
I stopped trying to diagnoseand fix my insecurities and I
just considered them, and thatspilled over into everything.
(09:00):
I don't try to diagnose my kids, I just consider them, and
consideration occurs in anon-dual space, a liminal space,
which is incredibly difficult,especially for entrepreneurs,
business leaders.
We have very dualistic anchorsin life this is right, this is
wrong, this is good, this is badand a non-dual space where you
(09:24):
can actually consider yourinsecurities.
You can actually considerquestions that might create an
identity response or a visceralresponse.
It just demonstrates the lack ofcapacity to consider, because
you've got to pick a side,you've got to decide quickly
whether this question is okay toconsider before you even
(09:46):
considered it, and so openingthat up, which started with my
insecurities and led to so manyother things, just gives you
freedom, which freedom, in myhumble, simple definition, is
just options.
That's all it is.
The more options you have, themore freedom you have.
The less options you have, themore freedom you have.
Less options you have, the lessfreedom you have.
(10:07):
And and most of us are trying tooperate within the complex
construct of of conceptualoptions, like I know.
I know I have the option ofquitting my job, but can I
really like?
Is that an embodied option?
Um, and so being able to sit inand consider and process and
create that landscape, I think,is amazing work, Because then
(10:32):
suddenly you can start to seethe elements of your
insecurities, that you've beentaught about them and so much
more.
And that's granted, that's gotto be done slowly because it can
be system overload if you diveinto that too fast.
Kirk Chugg (10:47):
I mean, that's huge.
One of the things that I wantedto talk to you about today is
parallel with this in helping usourselves realize that we are
not our thoughts, and then alsohow we teach that to our
children, because they'reconstantly bombarded on what
they should be, what they oughtto be.
Comparison is the thief of joy,and how do we teach this we are
(11:10):
not our thoughts to ourchildren?
Paul Blanchard (11:13):
That's a great question.
I think some of that is toconsider.
Well, if we aren't our thoughts, then what are we?
That could get really, reallybizarre.
I think the simplest stopgap toput in that for this
conversation is that we are.
We are the observer, and theobserver cannot observe itself,
(11:34):
and so anything that we attachto is not us.
It's what we're observing.
It's what we're noticing.
And so I think if we canconsider that we are not our
thoughts, well, then thatautomatically gets us rolling
into.
Then, what are we?
Then we can start to considerwhat else we attach to.
(11:55):
I think is more productive thanto consider well, what are we
or who am I?
I was just asked yesterday bysomeone who said what do you
think of the quote?
Know thyself.
And the simplest response waswell, if we want to talk about
the actual self, that is, yourexistence or your consciousness.
You can't know it because itjust is, there's nothing to know
(12:18):
you are observingand the observer can't observe
itself.
But then that gives us a reallycool platform for considering
the things that we've thoughtwere ourself.
And just because they aren'tourself doesn't mean they're
irrelevant, doesn't mean they'renot important, but it does kind
of lower the stakes a littlebit, which is really important
for actual transformation,because we're living in a world
(12:40):
that believes the higher thestakes, the higher the
accountability I mean likeweaponized accountability the
more productive you are, andthat just depends on the scope
that you look at.
The longer you play that out,the less productive you are,
because you can't sustain that.
It's a force versus a naturalrhythm and things like that.
So if we're to step back and sayI'm not my thoughts, what else
(13:00):
might I be, I think is probablya great next step to take there.
What else might I be, I think,is probably a great next step to
take there.
And one of the next things thatI think you can land on in the
infinite advancement of beingyou is your feelings.
And that's an interestinglandscape, because most of us
don't feel our feelings.
We react to what we think aboutour feelings.
(13:22):
And what do we think about ourfeelings?
What we've been taught to thinkabout our feelings and what do
we think about our feelings?
What we've been taught to thinkabout our feelings and in fact,
we don't even know what.
Most people that I work withdon't even know what their
feelings actually are.
They just know words thatthey've been told to put on
labels Anger, sadness,depression, anxiety.
Those aren't feelings, thoseare labels on jars that have an
infinite number of aspects tothem in how they're actually
(13:45):
experienced.
But now we're on our way.
We're not just saying you'renot your thoughts.
Just like we don't say stopsmoking, we say stop smoking and
consider doing this instead tohelp you rewire these things.
So you're not your thoughts.
Let's start feeling and let'sstart learning how to feel
(14:05):
beyond what we think about whatwe're feeling and when you can
start to get into that place.
That's the crux of the workthat I do Is I've never met
anyone that didn't want to feelbetter, and the secret to
feeling better is to get betterat actually feeling.
And so you consider yourchildren when you can start to
find this in you that I'm not mythoughts.
(14:28):
I'm a sensory creature.
I am driven by feeling, and wehave some conceptual constructs
in this world that has told usif you buy this.
You'll feel this If you geteducated like this.
You'll feel this If I gave youa piece of paper and said you've
got five minutes to write downeverything you want, and at the
(14:48):
end of the five minutes I'llsnap my finger and give it all
to you.
But there's one catch you don'tget to feel anything for the
rest of your life.
Would you take that deal?
No, way, no.
But it totally reveals the manbehind the curtain, it totally
rips the cover off the ball togo, wow, everything we seek,
everything we crave, is afeeling, a sensation.
(15:12):
And then this world we've madeup has put a bunch of different
things in place to leverage thedesire to feel something and
what's driven our consumerismand I'm not here to burn that
down or whatever Capitalism,socialism, yes and okay, but to
say like wow, that's actuallywhat's driving me.
(15:36):
You just got like the secretrecipe that if you can crack
that code inside of you to say,wow, what if I didn't have to do
that to feel that and I couldfeel that without having to do
that, then I could figure out ifI actually want to do that,
because most of the things wewant to do or most things we
want in life aren't because wewant to do them, it's because we
want to feel what we thinkdoing that will allow us to feel
(15:59):
.
And if you can learn that youcan actually feel without having
to do anything, then suddenlythe obligation goes down, the
need to whip yourself and driveyourself goes down and that can
actually feel unbelievablydisorienting at first.
But coming back to kind of theheart of your question with your
children, when you can start todo that, you can start to have
(16:22):
conversations and I mean thatloosely connections with your
kids where you are speaking thelanguage of what they are
feeling, not what they're saying.
When you find that in you, whenyou can loosen the grip on
rationale and judgment andsocial programming of what's
okay and not okay to say toyourself and just allow it to be
(16:42):
seen and expressed and thenfelt in the body, suddenly you
can start to speak that languagewith your daughter or your son,
who are going to be expressingfar more feelings and desires
for feelings than what they'reactually saying on the
conceptual surface.
Does that make sense?
Yeah?
Kirk Chugg (17:01):
Yeah, no, that's, that's pretty powerful, and I
think that goes back to anotherquestion that I wanted to ask
you was this uh and maybe thisis a little bit more business
oriented, but I think ittranslates well to family too is
this the hype of the hustle?
Right?
Like you got to, you got to getout there and pound the streets
, you got to go hustle, hustle,hustle, and that hype is really
(17:25):
just a mirage right for hidingwhat's beneath these feelings
that you're feeling.
You want to expand on that alittle bit, so hustle it.
Paul Blanchard (17:36):
Um, it's a trauma response.
That doesn't make it bad,though.
We have lots of traumaresponses, we have, we have.
We have this messy network fromthe moment we're born,
pre-verbal, uh, to today that is, that is just clogged and and
and enmeshed in trauma and shameand attachment wounds and so
(17:57):
much of what we think is theright way to live, and the and
the identity of the identity ofme is how I am managing and
triaging that not actually me,because the actual me was the
original instructions that werea clean canvas when I was born
in this primal state, but then Iimmediately started inheriting
(18:18):
the genetics, the epigenetics,the energy, the influence of all
the people around me who weredealing with their shame and
trauma and attachment wounds,and, and it cascades on and on
and on, and I don't think that'stragic, I think that's kind of
part of the human design.
Kirk Chugg (18:33):
Yeah.
Paul Blanchard (18:34):
Like.
That's what we essentiallysigned up for, and I'm not here
to claim like how that actuallyworked.
You know whether we were insome pre-existence or whatever.
I don't feel attached tofiguring that out.
I'm a big fan of Ken Wilber.
One of my favorite modernphilosophers says anytime you're
considering somethingtranspersonal, spiritual,
mystical, always put the glasseson of as if.
(18:56):
So you can, as if this was true, which I think gives you this
incredible ability to jump intoit full force as if it were true
.
But then when the flow changesor when you get curious about
something, you're not attachedto it, you're not clinging to it
.
You can make a cleaner break.
(19:16):
And I think all of us can relateto the things in life that we
have been so convinced were true.
And then we cling to it and itcreated unnecessary suffering
and whatever the case.
Like people make fun of flatearthers all the time, but like,
uh, the majority of ourconscious existence, in science
we believe that was the case.
So the fact that it's justtaking them a small margin in
(19:38):
the history of humanity, alittle longer to catch up or
whatever, but then even toexpand beyond that, I'm not here
to say that I know 100% forsure that it's not just because
I like throwing that into themix of my own consideration Like
, hey Paul, what if it is flat?
Just to feel what it's like topropose that to myself, not
(19:58):
because I'm attached to needingto be right or wrong about that.
Kirk Chugg (20:02):
Well, this is the skill of unlearning that you
talk about.
Paul Blanchard (20:05):
Yeah.
Kirk Chugg (20:05):
You know, like one of the things that you help your
coaching clients do is figureout how to hone this skill of
unlearning the things that theythought they knew their whole
life through programming, or oneof the things that I really
like about this is like thepersonality profiles that we
have all done.
I'd love for you to talk aboutHabit Finder, because all of us
(20:29):
know, like the disc profiles andthe colors and the letters and
the alphabets and the animals,and we've all taken those types
of personality profiles.
Talk to us a little bit aboutthe danger of putting yourself
in one of those boxes.
Paul Blanchard (20:48):
So the danger?
Is an interesting way to put itthat all depends on what the
outcome is that you're wantingto have.
Things being good or bad reallyhas to do with whether they do
what we want them to do for us.
I mean at the end of the day,like an apple is only rotten
because you can't eat it, thatdoesn't make it bad.
(21:09):
There's lots of other thingsyou can do with a rotten apple,
which makes the context of theword really, really interesting.
But but I will speak in termsof what why most people seek
those tools and why they may beout of alignment.
Okay, most people seek toolslike that for transformation.
They want to understandthemselves better, to be able to
transform, and we craveconceptual anchors and boxes
(21:35):
Like if I can explain why I amthe way that I am, I should be
able to change it.
And yet explanation is, in alot of cases, the opposite of
transformation.
It's one of the number onethings that holds us back from
transforming is, the better wecan explain how we currently are
, why we currently are, the moreingrained we are in staying
(21:57):
where we are.
And so if someone's neverexplored themselves, they've
never read personal developmentbooks and tried to figure out,
like self-awareness, a discprofile, which, which I've
worked closely with um inbuilding a, an MBA program, we
what.
We put that into the curriculum, um, or the Enneagram or
whatever it is.
That's a.
That's a cool introduction.
(22:18):
If you'd never considered thatsomething else could know things
about you without you tellingit about you is pretty cool, you
know, like a doctor coming inand saying hey, we, uh, we
looked at your, your blood work,any chance?
You feel like this pretty oftenand feel like this, like that's
kind of mind blowing the firsttime that ever happens.
Like how did you take thisstuff out of me and have it tell
(22:40):
you that stuff?
How did you ask me thosequestions and have it tell you
that?
So that's a cool introduction,but to believe that a deeper
investment in that identity isthe key to unlocking things,
that's like walking up to a bigOak door with a huge vertical
handle and you grab on with bothhands and you're like this is
(23:00):
going to help me transform andyou're ready to yank it open to
get to the next version of you.
But you put your foot againstthe door and so the harder you
pull for the definition, theexplanation, the this is why I
am the way I am the more likelyyou are to stay there.
However, what I see most peopledoing in that space is why they
feel like they are transformingis they're rearranging the
(23:22):
furniture.
So they pull on the door for alittle while, then they stop and
they go oh um, let's move thecouch over here, let's put the
desk over there, let's put it'stransformed, but you're, you're
still in the same place andthat's not bad.
We're not here to say that anyof this stuff is inferior or
superior.
We're just having an expansiveconversation.
That's what I try to do.
That's why I try to stay awayfrom the expert is.
(23:44):
I'm not here to say this isright and you are wrong.
I think that's there's way toomuch of that out there, as much
as just.
Hey, what have you consideredmore than you've considered
before?
How does that feel?
How did it feel when I saidwell, I don't know for sure if
it's, if the earth is flat ornot, like how did that feel in
you?
Did you feel violated by that?
Did you feel offended that youare a scientist and we know that
(24:06):
it is?
How could he say that?
Well, what is that sciencebased on?
And if we zoom out from that,what is that based on?
We zoom out, you zoom out farenough.
We made it all up, you know,like one of the scariest
theories in the world.
I forget what it's called, butit's the idea that you cannot
prove that anything else, youmight be the only thing that
(24:26):
exists and everything else youare making up.
That theory is sound in termsof it.
It can't be disproved.
It can't be proved.
But that's what theories arethey're not proved, they are
just extensively tried to bedisproved.
And eventually we get to apoint where it's like, okay,
that might be true.
And then we're quick to adoptit as true until the next one
(24:48):
comes out and we find out wow,we were wrong about that.
And then we were in awe ofevery time that happens, like
right now we're so sure thatthis is happening.
And well, how many times havewe done that before?
Which doesn't mean let's not,let's stop digging, but let's
stop getting so attached to it.
Kirk Chugg (25:04):
You know what I mean .
So if somebody's taken thesepersonality profiles and they
say I'm a, I'm a dominant D,listen to what you just said
right, I am.
Paul Blanchard (25:15):
I am drying the concrete of my self perspective.
I am adding layers ofexplanation and I can't change
that because now I am a D, yeah,yeah.
Kirk Chugg (25:26):
So that's kind of what I wanted to touch on was
you do not necessarily have tofall within that or dry the
concrete of that.
If you do one of those, there'salways room for other things,
and so talk about habit finder.
Paul Blanchard (25:42):
Well, it doesn't mean that there aren't people
out there using those tools andcreating transformation.
I had an entire college courseon this stuff yeah.
It just means that the majorityof people and the way their
brains typically work are goingto have a hard time doing that.
And it can be the littlest oftweaks.
Even in your language.
You could say, rather than I ama D or a red, yellow or an owl
(26:06):
or whatever it is, you could sayI noticing that I experience
myself as this, just those words, as semantic as they sound,
creates a totally differentrelationship as the observer, to
say not, I am stamp on it,stuck, but to say I notice
(26:27):
that's the first one, and thenexperiencing.
And then you can start doingthat with your emotions to
create an expansive landscape.
It's not I am mad, it's Inotice that I'm experiencing
anger right now.
That is that alone justpowerful.
That framework is isunbelievably powerful in terms
(26:48):
of your autonomy, your options,your freedom, rather than
immediately attaching the wagonof I am so.
Habit Finder is interestingbecause we decided to want to.
It was actually fromAugmandino's book the Greatest
Salesman in the World.
And I say we, my father and I,I was business partners with him
for about 10 years, world.
(27:09):
And I say we, my, my father andI, I was business partners with
him for for about 10 years.
And uh and uh, I was there kindof in the beginning of this in
2000.
Uh, my dad was in film at thetime.
Um and uh, betty Mandino Og hadpassed away in 1996, offered
the film rights to the greatestsales in the world to my dad.
And, uh, he was in New Yorkfilming something for CBS at the
time, or whatever, and and said, yeah, sure, one of the best
(27:33):
books ever written, totally I'lltake, I'll take the film rights
to that.
And then he called her back ashort time later and said what
if we built a company out of theprinciples of the greatest
salesman in the world?
And?
And we'd love to give youownership in that and carry
Aug's legacy forward.
And that was the start of theAugmandino Group, which later
became the Six Advisors, whichthen became Intentional Creation
(27:54):
and then finally, in its lastiteration, habit Finder.
But it's always been theAugmandino Company.
And it was actually in Scroll 1,in the greatest sales in the
world, where Aug introduced usto things that neuroscience is
just figuring out in the lastdecade or two.
And he wrote this thing in the60s when he talked about the
(28:15):
other mind that never sleeps andmakes us act in ways we do not
comprehend, and he went on tosay poetically, marks out a path
that threatens to imprison myfuture.
We wanted to figure out how tomeasure the other mind that Og
was talking about, and so westarted looking into
Myers-Briggs and DISC andeverything we could get our
(28:36):
hands on, and personality wasn'tthe other mind.
Personality was an aspect, itwas a manifestation of that
other mind, an archetype, if youwill.
And even then it's tough to sayyou are this personality type.
That's more likely saying thisis your dominant personality
type.
Most people have seven to ninepersonality types anyway, and if
(28:59):
you're married, I promiseshe'll tell you that you do.
And so with that, theopportunity to be able to be
curious about rather than thisis the most common manifestation
, or these are themanifestations.
What's the wiring underneaththat?
And that's where Habit Findercame in, when we found at the
(29:20):
University of Tennessee theHartman Institute, dr Robert
Hartman, who was born in WorldWar II in Germany, across the
street from what would laterbecome the actually, I think he
was born in World War II inGermany, across the street from
what would later become theactually, I think he was born
during World War I, across thestreet from what would later
become the headquarters of theThird Reich.
He was a mathematician, atheologian and just an amazing
(29:44):
human being and asked one simplequestion like why are we so
good at organizing bad?
And that led to wanting to beable to mathematically define
good or bad, take the ethics outof it, the morality out of it,
and see if he could get it downto the bare bones of
mathematical good or bad.
(30:05):
And he was able to do it, andit's called axiological
mathematics mathematical good orbad.
And he was able to do it andit's called axiological
mathematics.
And uh, it's like my littlemagic trick.
It's in terms of the mouthful.
It's.
It's the formal science ofaxiological mathematics cantor's
transfinite calculus and theconcept of infinitudes that's
very good, thank you.
You can slow that down at halfspeed and let's do it again well
, the the biggest thing of thatis like it's's, it's not tea
(30:29):
leaves, it's not, you know, it's.
It's science and and it isbased on patterns and risk.
So we were able to build anassessment from that that does
not induce a diagnosis.
That's what 99% of assessmentsout there are.
Is there inducing a diagnosisof your personality, your type,
(30:49):
one of the manifestations,depending on the framework that
you're wanting to identify inyour behavior, your aptitude,
your personality?
your emotional construct, whichis a little redundant, because
that's all.
Personality is First.
I think it was Joe Dispenza whosaid your personality are just
the emotions you've memorized.
We want to find out what'sunder the surface of all that,
what's the actual wiring in thehouse, not just what is the
(31:11):
biggest room.
And so with a deductiveassessment we can in 10 minutes,
online, no questions, can'tmanipulate it get about 6.4
quadrillion variables in thepatterns of your brain, just
from you ranking two lists.
Patterns of your brain, justfrom you ranking two lists.
(31:31):
One of the keys to those listsis they are not, they weren't
driven by committee.
They're actually mathematicalequations that were turned into
words and phrases.
So your brain is seeing wordsand phrases, but what it's being
required to do issubconsciously reveal its cards
of how it values the world, yourinner world and your outer
world.
And then we've spent 20 years,in addition to Hartman's four
(31:54):
decades of work and research,creating definitions around the
risks of thinking out ofalignment with the mathematical
alignment.
So we don't have to argue aboutwhat's good or bad morally or
ethically, what is the rightthing to have at the top of the
list, what's the or bad morallyor ethically?
What is the right thing to haveat the top of the list.
What's the wrong thing?
It's simply here is themathematical order and here are
the risks to thinking out oforder.
(32:15):
Not, it's bad to think out oforder.
Here's the risks.
Entrepreneurially, there's arisk that last time I checked I
think 74% of entrepreneurs haveof being vivid visionaries Very
visual, naturally visual peoplewindshield time, shower time,
like their minds going placesthat they even can't keep track
of.
And because it's so powerful,the chemistry changes with what
(32:42):
they're visualizing to the pointthat it can feel real Major
risks to that.
But we don't necessarily wantto get rid of that because that
can be an amazing gift.
So identifying it as a riskrather than being bad allows us
to figure out if we want tomanage that risk.
Like the freeway that's a blockfrom us, people are going 70
miles an hour in 4,000 poundhunks of metal.
(33:03):
That's risky.
But the fact that tomorrownight, if I want, I could throw
my kids in the car and be in LasVegas in six hours is
incredible.
That was a two-month journeynot that long ago.
That's so cool.
So that's what I love abouthabit finders we're not looking
at what's good or bad, what'sideal or not ideal.
(33:23):
We're just looking at patternsand curious about how they're
showing up, and is that inalignment with how you want your
world, your life, to be showingup?
And is that an alignment withhow you want your world, your
life, to be showing up?
And if it's not, we can adjustit.
Because if you can change thepatterns and you change how it
shows up because that's all yourinterpreted reality is, is it's
what all the patterns in youwant to see happening right now.
(33:45):
Your reality, no matter how muchyou do or don't like it right
now, is best case scenario forall the parts of you.
It's a consensus.
This is the best compromise forthe parts of us that really
want recognition, the parts ofus that pretend that they don't,
the parts of us that care aboutour body, the parts of us that
don't.
The parts of it like whateveryou're experiencing right now,
(34:06):
even if you think it should bedifferent and that you think you
want it to be different, thisis the best case scenario.
So if you keep trying to force,like watching Congress or the
House of Representatives, youforce the other side to vote
differently because they'rewrong, then you continue to
stalemate your current reality,if you can then go seek to
understand why not having moremoney makes sense to those parts
(34:31):
of you, then suddenly you canstart to collaborate with them
differently and guess whatstarts to show up in your life?
More money.
If you are having certainimpacts on your relationship
with your kids and you don'twant to acknowledge those parts,
it just keeps repeating itself.
I mean, the kiss of death is Idon't want to be like my parents
.
All your brain heard was belike your parents, which it was
(34:53):
headed towards anyway, becausethat was one of the primary
influences in your life.
You don't not be like yourparents If that's a goal of
someone that's listening.
You don't not be like yourparents by setting out a plan to
not be like your parents youset up.
You do that by feeling what itwas actually like to be a child
with those parents, rather thanjust thinking about what you
(35:15):
thought, you felt and what youwere wrestling with.
And so getting into that with ahabit finder, seeing those
patterns, that gives me a atleast a six month headstart with
my clients, because rather thantalking and doing all the due
diligence verbally, they cantake that and I can see that
much data.
That quickly, we go cool, whatdo you want?
(35:36):
Ah well, here's what might begetting in the way, and here are
some ways to reformat that, toshift those patterns, and then
if you can get that down intothe sensory experience, then it
actually becomes a new habit, itbecomes a new pattern, rather
than something you have toexpend a lot of energy trying to
maintain or creating whips andchains and pressure to get you
(35:59):
to maintain it too.
Cory Moore (36:01):
So so how does someone work with you and or how
does someone utilize this habittracker and go down that path?
Paul Blanchard (36:10):
Great question.
So the easiest way toexperience is you can just go to
wholebodymindsetcom, forwardslash habit finder.
So all one word, just like itsounds H-A-B-I-T-F-I-N-D-E-R and
my, my company, iswholebodymindsetcom and you can
click on that and take it thereand that will ping my system and
it'll send you a little bit ofinformation about it and it will
(36:31):
invite you to like hey, do youwant to learn more about this?
And if you do, then I'll behappy to provide that in
different capacities dependingon what my bandwidth is, but
you're not going to be left outin the dark.
Um, even if you know thousandsof people heard this and took it
.
Tomorrow it just might take me aminute to get through all of
(36:51):
that, but right now I have aintentionally intimate coaching
practice.
I don't currently not becauseit's wrong, necessarily, but I
don't currently invest a lot infunnels or lead generation.
I play with it because Ilearned a lot about me messing
around with that stuff.
But almost everybody I workwith comes from referral, comes
(37:13):
from some kind of experiencewith me, and I'm okay with that.
Over the years I've gotten alot more picky about who I will
work with and it's not a selfishthing as much as you just get
to a place where I thinksomewhat compassionately, you
get to see and appreciate wherepeople are at and where I'm at
(37:34):
and how I can best serve them,and I want that to be in
alignment.
And so one of the greatestthings I ever did as a coach was
realize the difference betweenI could and and I could help
that person versus the energy ofI want to, because where I am
is beautifully built for wherethey are, and I wish I could
tell you how to figure that out,but you'll know like people
(37:58):
might hear this and be likethere's something about that guy
.
I want to, I want to figure outwhat that is, and then we talk
more and it just happens to turninto something amazing and I'm,
I'm a little hesitant and it'smaybe just my thing from trying
to do that with really strategicmarketing.
Um, cause I, I again, I'm Idon't want to be overly
(38:19):
judgmental, but there's a lot ofgreat marketers who call
themselves coaches and I, I justit's, it's not something that I
choose to do, and I believedthat standing up for that meant
it was just going to be harderto get clients for me.
You know, it was just going tobe harder to try and do that,
and that was a story, that was abelief system, that was
(38:40):
something that needed to beunlearned.
But yeah, if people want, I tryto make myself pretty
accessible as far as point ofcontact.
Um, I have great boundaries.
That's been a big part of myown work, um, but I I don't.
I don't have a lot of landingpages and funnels to send people
(39:01):
into right now.
I just I find that, um, there'senough people ready for what I
do and as long as I just kind ofput enough out there,
occasionally all I do every weekis just ask myself what did you
do this week that exposed youto people that you wouldn't have
been exposed to otherwise?
And that might be saying hi tosomebody at the grocery store, I
might be doing a podcast orjust throwing something up on
(39:23):
social media.
I don't claim to have alockdown on social media
strategy.
In terms of my execution, I'veworked with some of the top
experts in the world and cancertainly teach other people to
do that if that fits their modeland their energy.
But mine is a lot more organicand it fits because of the type
of work I do with people.
(39:45):
If they don't find meorganically.
It's really hard to find theorganic platform that we're
going to reach that will makethe difference.
And, of course, we all want tobe more successful, we all want
to feel better, we all wantwhatever, and there's a lot of
ways to do that.
I'm not the answer, I'm justone of many.
(40:05):
And there's enough people outthere that might be ready for
that, and that's kind of many.
And there's enough people outthere that that might be ready
for that and uh, and that's kindof the magic of it, you know,
not not forcing it.
Kirk Chugg (40:16):
So if somebody's listening to the podcast today
and they go do the habit finderquiz, uh, but they don't end up
working with you, what do theyget after the quiz?
Like is there, is there sometype of an output that they get,
or does that output have to beinterpreted by you to mean
anything?
Paul Blanchard (40:34):
So they get access to the report and it's
pretty comprehensive.
If you take your time, there'stwo things take your time with
it.
Don't try to consume it all inone go because it's a lot.
And secondly, be aware of mostpeople's assessment programming.
You're going to see wordsprogramming.
You're going to see words.
You're going to see bars andcolors and you'll be more drawn
to the red stuff than the greenstuff and and you'll see words
(40:56):
like coachable and you'llnaturally most people think it's
saying I am or I am notcoachable.
No, it's saying that that theaxiological mathematical
equation was a lot easier tojust call coachable rather than
give you the actual mathematicsfor it.
And we're just saying in thepart of your brain that we call
(41:16):
coachable because it has to dowith conflicting ideas.
Here's where it leans.
It leans more to quicklyjumping into this is the answer.
Or it leans more into nope, I'mgoing to keep doing what I'm
doing, or it has a naturalbalance.
But even that doesn't meanyou're immune from either one,
depending on the situation andthe person.
So having someone walk youthrough it can be really, really
(41:40):
helpful.
But even then it's not aboutthe analysis of it.
It's about how you experienceyourself in going through that
with someone is, at the end ofthe day, all you've got to do to
be more successful, totransform, to be better, is
occur to yourself differently.
That's all, and there's lots ofways to do that.
Cory Moore (42:03):
So another question for you is so you've learned a
lot through your life, I'm sure,especially in the business
you're in or the world thatyou're in growing up doing
things with your dad and thenhaving your own coaching and
working with so many people howhas that changed you as a father
, or how does that change thedynamics in the household?
(42:26):
I mean, you're definitely notthe same person I'm you're.
You're definitely not the sameperson I'm sure you were when
you're 20, that you are todaybecause you've learned and
you've grown and you've studiedand you've worked with others.
And so how has, how has theperson you are affected, how you
communicate and interact withyour family members?
Paul Blanchard (42:46):
I love that question so much, like what we
were just talking about.
I certainly occur to myselfdifferently than I did 20 years
ago, but, as a quick detour, allthe parts of me that were here
20 years ago are still here.
I think that's something thatpeople get caught up in
unnecessarily is trying tosurgically prune out the parts
of them they don't like.
(43:07):
We've seen all the humandevelopment models.
That's not how we work.
As advanced as we've become insociety.
Every baby born starts at thesame level as we were when it
was ooh, ooh, ah, fire.
They start basic, primal.
Now they accelerate muchquicker over the next several
years than ever before, andespecially today.
(43:27):
So again, it's semantics, butI'm not a different person much
quicker over the next severalyears than ever before, and
especially today.
But so I I again, it'ssemantics, but I don't.
I'm not a different person, I'mmore, and that more has allowed
me to occur differently tomyself and that has had the most
rewarding impact on how I Iparent.
I kind of got to borrow from myclients for a while um, who had
older kids and different things, and I there's seven of us in
(43:49):
my family growing up and um andso and four of them were were
sisters of mine, and those thosewere the ones I was right in
the middle of my two brotherswere the oldest.
So I tell people, I got myundergrad in female studies and
now I have three daughters, I'mgetting my master's, um so?
(44:11):
But with that said, I've beenable to borrow clients and said,
hey, try it this way, try itthis counterintuitive way, and
see what happens, cause Ibelieved I could feel that that
was, that was human.
We can call things parenting,entrepreneurship.
What, at the end of the uh like, uh, how to how to talk to this
personality type, how, whathave you learned to talk human?
Uh, how to how to talk to thispersonality type, how, what have
you learned to talk human?
(44:32):
You know, like I love to teachpeople how to speak human, and
it's amazing because we're allhuman and so, regardless of
someone's personality type andnot needing to remember what
letter should be on theirforehead while you're talking to
this employee and that employee, when you can at least start
there's.
It's relevant that we're allbuilt differently, we all have
different preferences andwhatever, but if you can start
at a human level and I thinkthat's important in parenting
(44:52):
and one of them.
A couple of things that havemade a huge difference.
For me is one thing I try toremember the most is it's not my
fault.
Whatever happens with my kids,it's not my fault.
Something bad happens, itwasn't my fault.
Something good happens, itwasn't my fault.
It just gives this reallybeautiful, experimental, open
(45:16):
space to be with your kids, andsome people have an identity
response to that.
We've been taught that we areengineers of our children.
Because of our modern societyand the ability to take little
bits of data and make hugestories out of it, take
subjective interpretation andbelieve that's objective reality
.
And if you want to do that, gofor it.
(45:39):
It's just not very fun.
It's not very enjoyable to putthat kind of weight and burden
on you as a parent.
I was listening to a famouspsychiatrist.
I can't remember his name rightnow, but he pointed out that
there are 400 unique traits thatwill emerge in your children
from age zero to 25 that havenothing to do with how you
parent them.
You have influence sure, I'llmeet you there but you do not
(46:04):
have control and in a lot ofways, a lot of ways, you're not
responsible for how your kidsturn out.
They're people and it doesn'ttake very long till they're
really close in terms ofneurological development to
where you are right now, likeyou live a hundred lifetimes
(46:26):
from age zero to seven, comparedto the one lifetime you live
neurologically from then on interms of development and we're
learning all kinds of new thingsabout when a lot of natural
pruning happens, like in girls.
10 and 11 years old is when itseems to be.
Two years old is prettyconsistent regardless of gender
10, 11 years old for girls and13 or 14 for boys Significant
(46:49):
pruning of old patterns and newopportunities.
But even then, after sevenyears old, I believe your top
priority moves from teaching andmodeling to listening Period,
end of story, and being safe isreally what that means.
And being safe is really whatthat means.
I remember my oldest daughtercame in.
(47:11):
She was 11.
She came in it was late atnight and she said I need to
talk to you and my wife and Iwere just laying in bed and said
sure.
She said sometimes I thinkabout hurting myself.
Talk about being grateful.
I was able to borrow from someof my clients that had those
situations, because myinstinctual response was that's
(47:33):
awesome.
I said that out loud.
She said I think about hurtingmyself and I went that's awesome
and she went what that'sawesome that you would tell us.
That's so great that you'retelling us this.
And it was like she was coveredin mud and the shower turned on
in terms of just the shame.
And suddenly we started havinga conversation about her
(47:56):
thinking about cutting herselfor hurting herself in a totally
different context, because itwasn't wrong, it wasn't bad, and
you know we're getting intosome tricky water here and I'm
not here to pick a fight withanyone about what they believe
is right or wrong in this, andthere are lots of experts out
(48:19):
there and I've studied most ofthem and I and, and I think they
can be helpful, helpfulreference points, but again,
zoom out and see that may becorrect within the game that
they are playing.
You know, if I want to playchess, I can't grab the rook and
just throw it all the way onthe other side of the board.
I can't move a pawn more thanone space.
(48:39):
However, that doesn't mean thatI can't do that.
It just means, as soon as I do,I'm no longer playing chess.
And so when I can help parentsunderstand, they can play a
different game than the worldhas told them they're supposed
to play.
It can feel really dangerousand I bring a lot of deference
and sensitivity to that.
(49:01):
But I believe that the sooneryou can see your child as their
own person and you can bringyour child into the parenting
relationship and bring theirparent, their person, into the
parenting relationship and youcan dance with all of those, so
you can see them as a child, butyou also get to see you as a
(49:26):
child right next to it.
That's a beautiful referencepoint.
But also you get to see you asa child right next to it.
That's a beautiful referencepoint.
But also you get to see you asa person and you see them as a
person.
And that's another beautifulreference point.
And that's kind of your rightfoot and left foot in the dance
and when the right foot goesforward, the left foot of the
other person goes back and so onand so on.
And it can create thisbeautiful flow in your parenting
(49:47):
where they just get to be aperson and you don't have to
beat yourself up so much.
You just you get to be a witness, which I think is the most
beautiful point of parenting inthe first place is you get to
witness them and if they feelsafe and I believe the data
backs this up, depending on whythey were trying to do the
research in the first placewhich is a big part of how
(50:09):
research tends to turn out asmaking a point or not is that if
the child feels safe, they maymake a lot of stupid decisions
while they live with you, butthey'll make so many less
afterwards.
And so I'm like cool, likelet's, let's experiment with
this.
(50:29):
You know she may not appreciateme saying this out loud, but
that same, my oldest daughtertext us as a as evidence of her
feeling safe.
She texts us.
On Saturday night, my wife andI, we were, we were in bed it
was 10 o'clock, I think, and um,and she said, can I sneak out
tonight?
We're like, uh, that's a weirdquestion.
Cory Moore (50:51):
That's awesome.
Paul Blanchard (50:52):
We're like what do you mean?
Well, my, my friends just askedme if I wanted to sneak out
with them tonight, so I figuredI'd ask.
I was like cool, so how doesthis work?
Like, do you come home firstand then you sneak back out
later tonight?
Do you need to go out yourwindow?
So it's convincing to likewhatever it is you know like
this is the conversation I'mhaving with my 16 year old.
Like who does that?
I think that kind of freedom isis amazing, and I have no doubt
(51:15):
there's people that are willingto line up and point out all
the issues with that and I don'tdisagree with those are issues
within the construct that theymay be operating in.
But in the basic human conceptof when we feel safe, we're
better people, and I don't meannecessarily safe, protected from
danger.
That's kind of a requirementfor all of us.
(51:39):
If we're not addressing that,then everything else we're doing
is trauma-based andsurvival-based, and that's the
opposite of freedom, because inthat space it's all or nothing.
You have two decisions, twooptions, the least amount of
options you can have withouthaving no options.
And so we had the conversation.
I woke up at 2 am.
It was like I wonder if she'shome.
Checked her location, shewasn't.
My next text to her was how'syour sneak out going?
(52:01):
You know, like I've been taughtthat's bad, that's dangerous.
Okay, taught that's bad, that'sdangerous.
Okay, maybe I don't.
I think you could lookstatistically.
It's not any more dangerousthan her driving during the day
when there's more traffic, orthan being at seven, 11 at 2 AM
getting a slushy with friends orwhatever.
And then the next morning I waslike hey, I asked you to text me
(52:22):
when you got home and I noticedthis morning that you didn't.
What's up with that.
She's like oh, out on the couch, I'm so tired.
Oh, how was it a good time.
She's like it was really hardto stay awake, but it was pretty
fun.
Like well, did you go out thewindow?
Did you at least go out thebackyard?
Come on, you were supposed to besneaking out like and just
stepping back from that andbeing like if I get to have
conversations like that with mykids they feel that safe.
That would normally be done insecret, gets to be done out loud
(52:46):
, gets to be done in witnessthen I'll bank on that more than
them presenting themselves as aobedient child in my presence.
And if we hit a boundary, likeif she had asked to sneak out
and that was a boundary, we getto talk about that too.
But it doesn't get to be aboutthat was bad of you to ask or
that was bad of you to not bringit up.
(53:08):
It's.
It's about a safety and I thinkone of the other coolest things
about parenting that I thinkwill really serve people that
was taught to me was that liesare just protection.
This moral indignation we getwith our kids when they lie to
(53:29):
us is not helping us out.
Now, I don't, I'm not sayingwhen a kid lies, they're just
protecting themselves and soit's okay for them to lie.
We're not talking about whetherit's okay to lie.
We're talking about what's thepriority.
When we get this moralindignation, we make the lie the
priority because we were liedto.
Can you hear that?
(53:49):
I was lied to.
How dare you?
Like we can't hear thenarcissism in that, rather than
going, wow, my child didn't feelsafe.
I'm really curious about whythat is.
And then we can go have thatconversation, not because we
don't care about the lie.
We can go have thatconversation, not because we
(54:10):
don't care about the lie, butbecause that's actually a more
effective way of addressing itrather than forcing a behavior
that is supposed to happen.
And then we add to it by sayingif you had told the truth what
do we usually say after that?
You wouldn't be in trouble.
You wouldn't be in trouble.
Well, that doesn't work, becausethe child knows the lie wasn't
okay, but they weren't thinkingabout it when they did it.
They were in a survivalresponse, so they weren't using
that part of the brain.
(54:30):
So they just lied because inthe moment it was to protect
themselves.
And then, when you call them onit, they can't tell you why
they lied.
So they feel even more shame,they feel even worse.
And then you tell them if youhad told the truth you wouldn't
have gotten in trouble.
But part of them knew, becauseof the moral programming, that
they did something wrong, sothey need to be punished.
(54:51):
So you didn't give them anymotivation to tell the truth
anyway, because a part of themfeels like they were supposed to
get punished.
And so if they told the truththey wouldn't have got punished,
which wouldn't address theshame that they're feeling.
And on, and on, and on, and on.
It's not about you fixing themor or you know the right things.
It's a.
Do they feel safe?
Do they feel like they'reallowed to explore themselves as
(55:14):
a person?
Because I don't know about you,but the thousands of clients
I've worked with.
We're usually talking aboutstuff that happened seven years
old, 10 years old, 15 years old,17 years old the time that
every other adult was tellingthem how to act, telling them
what was right and wrong forthem, telling them like I know
better for you, and we justcontinue to buy that, even
(55:37):
though there's, you know,therapy and the coaching and the
healing and all the work thatpeople are trying to figure out
now happened at that time Like,hey, let's take a look at that,
let's take a look at that.
Cory Moore (55:49):
That's good stuff.
That is great, I'm going totake some of that with me,
that's for sure.
Kirk Chugg (55:52):
Absolutely, and hopefully the people that are
listening today got.
I mean, there's a lot ofcontent here, uh, and I hope you
can pick a couple of thesethings.
Implement them in your life.
Be a better parent.
Help your kids feel safer um.
Be a better parent.
Help your kids feel safer um.
Recognize yourself, and the waythat you are feeling um is not
(56:15):
necessarily you know your, your,uh, your identity.
You're a gentleman and ascholar, and I mean that At the
end of every Gentleman Projectpodcast episode, we ask our
(56:35):
guests what they think it meansto be a gentleman.
Paul Blanchard (56:42):
Well, the thing that stands out to me the most
is gentle.
Yeah, I think that may not bewhat being a gentleman has
always meant, but I think today,where the world is, we don't
(57:08):
need more strength in terms offorce.
I think we need more gentle.
We may not agree with what thisupcoming generation is, the way
they're trying to do that, andevery generation judges the next
one, you know we're we're,we're the, we're the those
whippersnappers like get off myfront lawn.
Yeah, like that's what we'redoing.
Like look at the way they text,look at this.
Look at the way they text, lookat this, look at that.
(57:36):
Like we've naturally rolledinto that.
That's not new, um, but I thinkthat that this upcoming
generation, one of the mostbeautiful things they're they're
pointing out is that we havedeveloped so much as a world, at
least in in.
Western domesticated society ifyou will not, as that's the only
one, but that's the one that Ican speak to because that's the
one I live in that we havedeveloped so much that we don't
need the brute force as much aswe used to to survive you know,
(57:58):
we, we get to be hunters andgatherers, but let's not forget
as a gentleman if you believe agentleman should be a hunter,
the gentle part of that isunderstand that even a hundred
thousand years ago the hunterwould only hunt once a week,
once every couple of weeks,guess what he?
spent the rest of the time doingSinging, dancing, connecting,
(58:18):
eating, resting, and today we'retrying to convince ourselves
you've got to be a hunter 24-7.
That's not a gentleman, that'snot gentle.
Being able to hustle, I think,is a skill the gentleman will
want to have, but needing to Idon't believe is the epitome of
(58:38):
a gentleman.
And we live in a society nowthat is so advanced that it can
be so much easier if you'll letit, if you'll allow it to be.
And I believe that gentleness,connection, awareness is the
next currency.
We've been in a technologicalage where data has been the
currency, labor before that.
(58:59):
I think awareness,consciousness, that thrives in a
gentle.
You're gentle with you, so Ican're gentle with you, so I can
be gentle with you, I'm able tobe those other things if I need
to.
I'm not afraid of being strong,but needing to be.
The desperation that comes fromthat, I think a gentleman is
able to quiet that storm.
Kirk Chugg (59:22):
It's a beautiful definition.
Thank you.
Thank you All right, everybody.
If you haven't liked andsubscribed to the podcast, we'd
appreciate that.
If Paul's message resonatedwith you today and somebody's
name popped into your head thatyou think might need to hear
this message, share it with them.
(59:42):
Act on each good thought.
I'm Kirk Chuck.
I'm Corey Moore.
Cory Moore (59:46):
Thanks everyone.
Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast.
I'm Corey Moore and I'm KirkChugg.
Today, Paul Blanchard joins usin the studio.
Paul and I have been connectedvia social media for several
years now and I have been soimpressed and blown away by the
man's ability to.
He has a presence about him andit doesn't have to be in person
.
It can also be through a Zoomor through one of the lives that
(00:23):
he does.
He's a coach, an author, amindset guru.
I know he doesn't like to becalled an expert, but when you
listen to this guy talk, youwill be blown away at how well
he knows the subject matter inwhich he speaks, and we're just
grateful that he would join ustoday.
We're really looking forward totalking to him about family,
(00:46):
what makes him who he is and howhe's affecting change in the
lives of others.
So welcome, paul.
Thank you, we're happy to haveyou.
Pleasure to be here.
So, paul, tell us quick aboutyour family and just the makeup
of your family, so that we'vegot a little bit of context for
for the conversation today.
Paul Blanchard (01:02):
Sure, so I'm married.
I've been married for almost 19years.
I have three daughters 16, 13,and 10.
And that's everything for me.
Of all the damage, all thewounds, all the problems, I've
never wondered if I was going tobe good at being a dad.
Kirk Chugg (01:20):
It's just.
Paul Blanchard (01:21):
I'm sure I make mistakes, but they don't strike
at the heart of things.
It's, it's, it's been the mostnatural thing that I've ever
done in life the, the, the roleof that um.
My wife and I have certainlyhad our wild adventures and
crazy experiences, and um, wemet on hot or notcom.
That's always a fun one tothrow out early.
Cory Moore (01:41):
Hot or not?
I haven't heard of that one.
Kirk Chugg (01:44):
I think I remember that it was like back in, like
the night, my space, days right.
Paul Blanchard (01:48):
Totally.
I had someone say to me hey,when you get back in the country
, check this site out, it'shilarious.
And so um.
So I, I uh checked it out andthey had just added a meet me
feature because, like matchcomwasn't really popular yet.
I think someone had died tryingto date on Craigslist or
something at that point and andI she clicked to meet me.
(02:09):
I, you know strategically, worethe sweater, the grand piano
picture.
I had Billy Joel sheet musicbehind me.
She's like I didn't notice anyof that.
I was like okay, well, yoursubconscious did so, it all
worked out.
Kirk Chugg (02:21):
Yeah.
Paul Blanchard (02:21):
It all worked out.
It worked yeah, but yeah, wehave a blast, we have a lot of
fun and I'm looking forward totalking about all those things.
I'm a big believer thatprofessional problems are
personal problems in disguise,so it's kind of all connected
and so anything I can do tooffer some insights you
mentioned.
I don't like being called anexpert.
(02:42):
It's not as much.
I don't like any particularthing with semantics or words,
as much as I don't necessarilyagree with or align with some of
the implied things about thator some of the limitations.
Like expert, oftentimes webecome very exclusionary.
It's very standing on myexperience, which is beautiful,
(03:07):
except that it naturallytrespasses on, and that should
be your experience, you know sojust opening that up, not so
much I don't like that word kindof a thing.
Kirk Chugg (03:13):
One of the things that I'd like about you is you,
you kind of let people go ontheir own path and their own
journey, but you, you will helpthem discover things about
themselves and then let themfind it very, very humble.
But you don't come across thatway, naturally, because of your
voice, your stature, your water.
You're like six foot five, Cantalk.
(03:34):
Talk to us a little bit.
Paul Blanchard (03:35):
Yeah, I think the dynamic that makes that
really interesting is I've I.
One of the most powerfuldiscoveries I made was that my
insecurity was a superpower.
Made was that my insecurity wasa superpower.
I've spent a lot of years, as Ithink many people have, trying
to overcome that and usingconfidence as some shield, some
(03:55):
sword to fight through that andto prove that I had conquered
the insecurity.
And the more I tried to do that, the less confident I felt, the
more alienated I felt reallydeep inside.
And so then that required allkinds of other ways of creating
peak, strong, you know States tobe able to power through that
and then having to recover, andthat just didn't feel like a way
to live.
And so when I got anopportunity to start to build a
(04:18):
relationship with my insecurity,to find out it wasn't what
everybody said it was, itactually had some beautiful
things to share with me.
It was a.
It actually wanted to be seenand expressed and cared for and
connected to, and that justopened everything up.
I do have some physicality thatI navigate.
Um, I am a large man.
(04:40):
Although I don't feel that wayAnytime I see a picture with
someone else, it's almost always, to this day a shock of like oh
, I am really big, um, but Idon't feel that.
But it is important to rememberlike my volume can be
misinterpreted very easily justbecause of that physical nature.
Um, but that conflict used tocreate a lot of shame for me
(05:04):
until I started to lean into therelationship with insecurity
and it's opened some amazingdoors.
I believe that I've had anopportunity to get into some
places with some people that Idon't believe I would have had
the ability or even the right toif I had gone there confidently
(05:25):
, whereas going there with myinsecurity so that theirs could,
on some level, feel mine and bewilling to open up.
I've found that to be verydisruptive for people and I
certainly had the time in myprofession where I prided myself
on being the disruptor until Irealized you don't have to try
to do that If you just show upstable and calm and clear and
(05:50):
available.
That's actually incrediblydisruptive to us as human beings
that are constantly trying tocheck some balances and
strategically navigate.
What is it that he really wantsfrom me, what is it that I'm
really supposed to do here?
And and you just show up andlike and whatever that is is
great and it takes a second forpeople to buy into that.
(06:12):
But I think there's a sense,when they feel that whatever
mine is is okay, that it kind ofgives a tacit approval to, to
theirs to to show up and and Ithink that in and of itself is
quite disruptive.
Cory Moore (06:26):
I'd like to dive a little deeper into the
insecurities thing, because Iwould say I talk to our people
all the time and I wouldtypically say that leaders who
are having a tough time they'reusually having a tough time
because of their insecurities.
They're letting it get in theway of them being a great leader
, right.
They can't get out of theirtough time because of their
insecurities.
They're letting it get in theway of them being a great leader
, right.
They can't get out of their ownway because of their
(06:48):
insecurities.
So they're either guarded, orthey pretend that they're overly
confident, or they don't bringpeople around them that are
really good at where they're notright.
Get people around them whocompliment them.
They don't do it because theydon't want to show their
weaknesses or their insecurities, right.
So I think I'd like to go alittle deeper on, like how are
(07:10):
you using insecurities as asuperpower?
It sounds like you know you'reyou're.
You're just open about them andyou don't hide them.
In fact, maybe you're tellingpeople about them in order to
have great conversations aboutthose insecurities.
I don't know.
Give us a little deeper on howyou're doing that, because for
me, I would love to use that inmy life and tell other people
(07:32):
how to do that.
Paul Blanchard (07:33):
Yeah, I think the first part is just allowing
them to be here.
They're not a problem.
I'm not.
I'm not trying to solve myinsecurities.
They're.
They're a part of me thatprobably a lot of it came from
comparison.
You know, biblically, who taughtyou you were?
Who told you you were nakedLike, who told you that how you
are as an?
Okay, that's not a rhetoricalquestion, that's an incredible
(07:56):
question Like, oh, yeah, wheredid that come from?
You know, there there's so muchpower to stepping back and
going.
We're making all of this up,all of it, every construct that
we feel is just, this is how youshould live and this is the way
that this works, and even fromthe greatest experts in the
world, when you zoom out, thatmay be true within a certain
(08:17):
construct, within a certainarena of things, and I think
being able to zoom out and belike, wow, we're making all of
this up, and then being curiousabout how you feel in that space
, cause, just like you can feelinsecure if you're around
someone that is living the lifethat you think you're supposed
to be living, you can feel justas insecure zooming out and
going, wow, it really doesn'tmatter, and just seeing what
(08:40):
comes up in you when youconsider that I think that's
probably the biggest thing thatI would want anybody listening
to grab onto is the power ofconsidering.
I didn't diagnose.
I stopped trying to diagnoseand fix my insecurities and I
just considered them, and thatspilled over into everything.
(09:00):
I don't try to diagnose my kids, I just consider them, and
consideration occurs in anon-dual space, a liminal space,
which is incredibly difficult,especially for entrepreneurs,
business leaders.
We have very dualistic anchorsin life this is right, this is
wrong, this is good, this is badand a non-dual space where you
(09:24):
can actually consider yourinsecurities.
You can actually considerquestions that might create an
identity response or a visceralresponse.
It just demonstrates the lack ofcapacity to consider, because
you've got to pick a side,you've got to decide quickly
whether this question is okay toconsider before you even
(09:46):
considered it, and so openingthat up, which started with my
insecurities and led to so manyother things, just gives you
freedom, which freedom, in myhumble, simple definition, is
just options.
That's all it is.
The more options you have, themore freedom you have.
The less options you have, themore freedom you have.
Less options you have, the lessfreedom you have.
(10:07):
And and most of us are trying tooperate within the complex
construct of of conceptualoptions, like I know.
I know I have the option ofquitting my job, but can I
really like?
Is that an embodied option?
Um, and so being able to sit inand consider and process and
create that landscape, I think,is amazing work, Because then
(10:32):
suddenly you can start to seethe elements of your
insecurities, that you've beentaught about them and so much
more.
And that's granted, that's gotto be done slowly because it can
be system overload if you diveinto that too fast.
Kirk Chugg (10:47):
I mean, that's huge.
One of the things that I wantedto talk to you about today is
parallel with this in helping usourselves realize that we are
not our thoughts, and then alsohow we teach that to our
children, because they'reconstantly bombarded on what
they should be, what they oughtto be.
Comparison is the thief of joy,and how do we teach this we are
(11:10):
not our thoughts to ourchildren?
Paul Blanchard (11:13):
That's a great question.
I think some of that is toconsider.
Well, if we aren't our thoughts, then what are we?
That could get really, reallybizarre.
I think the simplest stopgap toput in that for this
conversation is that we are.
We are the observer, and theobserver cannot observe itself,
(11:34):
and so anything that we attachto is not us.
It's what we're observing.
It's what we're noticing.
And so I think if we canconsider that we are not our
thoughts, well, then thatautomatically gets us rolling
into.
Then, what are we?
Then we can start to considerwhat else we attach to.
(11:55):
I think is more productive thanto consider well, what are we
or who am I?
I was just asked yesterday bysomeone who said what do you
think of the quote?
Know thyself.
And the simplest response waswell, if we want to talk about
the actual self, that is, yourexistence or your consciousness.
You can't know it because itjust is, there's nothing to know
(12:18):
you are observingand the observer can't observe
itself.
But then that gives us a reallycool platform for considering
the things that we've thoughtwere ourself.
And just because they aren'tourself doesn't mean they're
irrelevant, doesn't mean they'renot important, but it does kind
of lower the stakes a littlebit, which is really important
for actual transformation,because we're living in a world
(12:40):
that believes the higher thestakes, the higher the
accountability I mean likeweaponized accountability the
more productive you are, andthat just depends on the scope
that you look at.
The longer you play that out,the less productive you are,
because you can't sustain that.
It's a force versus a naturalrhythm and things like that.
So if we're to step back and sayI'm not my thoughts, what else
(13:00):
might I be, I think is probablya great next step to take there.
What else might I be, I think,is probably a great next step to
take there.
And one of the next things thatI think you can land on in the
infinite advancement of beingyou is your feelings.
And that's an interestinglandscape, because most of us
don't feel our feelings.
We react to what we think aboutour feelings.
(13:22):
And what do we think about ourfeelings?
What we've been taught to thinkabout our feelings and what do
we think about our feelings?
What we've been taught to thinkabout our feelings and in fact,
we don't even know what.
Most people that I work withdon't even know what their
feelings actually are.
They just know words thatthey've been told to put on
labels Anger, sadness,depression, anxiety.
Those aren't feelings, thoseare labels on jars that have an
infinite number of aspects tothem in how they're actually
(13:45):
experienced.
But now we're on our way.
We're not just saying you'renot your thoughts.
Just like we don't say stopsmoking, we say stop smoking and
consider doing this instead tohelp you rewire these things.
So you're not your thoughts.
Let's start feeling and let'sstart learning how to feel
(14:05):
beyond what we think about whatwe're feeling and when you can
start to get into that place.
That's the crux of the workthat I do Is I've never met
anyone that didn't want to feelbetter, and the secret to
feeling better is to get betterat actually feeling.
And so you consider yourchildren when you can start to
find this in you that I'm not mythoughts.
(14:28):
I'm a sensory creature.
I am driven by feeling, and wehave some conceptual constructs
in this world that has told usif you buy this.
You'll feel this If you geteducated like this.
You'll feel this If I gave youa piece of paper and said you've
got five minutes to write downeverything you want, and at the
(14:48):
end of the five minutes I'llsnap my finger and give it all
to you.
But there's one catch you don'tget to feel anything for the
rest of your life.
Would you take that deal?
No, way, no.
But it totally reveals the manbehind the curtain, it totally
rips the cover off the ball togo, wow, everything we seek,
everything we crave, is afeeling, a sensation.
(15:12):
And then this world we've madeup has put a bunch of different
things in place to leverage thedesire to feel something and
what's driven our consumerismand I'm not here to burn that
down or whatever Capitalism,socialism, yes and okay, but to
say like wow, that's actuallywhat's driving me.
(15:36):
You just got like the secretrecipe that if you can crack
that code inside of you to say,wow, what if I didn't have to do
that to feel that and I couldfeel that without having to do
that, then I could figure out ifI actually want to do that,
because most of the things wewant to do or most things we
want in life aren't because wewant to do them, it's because we
want to feel what we thinkdoing that will allow us to feel
(15:59):
.
And if you can learn that youcan actually feel without having
to do anything, then suddenlythe obligation goes down, the
need to whip yourself and driveyourself goes down and that can
actually feel unbelievablydisorienting at first.
But coming back to kind of theheart of your question with your
children, when you can start todo that, you can start to have
(16:22):
conversations and I mean thatloosely connections with your
kids where you are speaking thelanguage of what they are
feeling, not what they're saying.
When you find that in you, whenyou can loosen the grip on
rationale and judgment andsocial programming of what's
okay and not okay to say toyourself and just allow it to be
(16:42):
seen and expressed and thenfelt in the body, suddenly you
can start to speak that languagewith your daughter or your son,
who are going to be expressingfar more feelings and desires
for feelings than what they'reactually saying on the
conceptual surface.
Does that make sense?
Yeah?
Kirk Chugg (17:01):
Yeah, no, that's, that's pretty powerful, and I
think that goes back to anotherquestion that I wanted to ask
you was this uh and maybe thisis a little bit more business
oriented, but I think ittranslates well to family too is
this the hype of the hustle?
Right?
Like you got to, you got to getout there and pound the streets
, you got to go hustle, hustle,hustle, and that hype is really
(17:25):
just a mirage right for hidingwhat's beneath these feelings
that you're feeling.
You want to expand on that alittle bit, so hustle it.
Paul Blanchard (17:36):
Um, it's a trauma response.
That doesn't make it bad,though.
We have lots of traumaresponses, we have, we have.
We have this messy network fromthe moment we're born,
pre-verbal, uh, to today that is, that is just clogged and and
and enmeshed in trauma and shameand attachment wounds and so
(17:57):
much of what we think is theright way to live, and the and
the identity of the identity ofme is how I am managing and
triaging that not actually me,because the actual me was the
original instructions that werea clean canvas when I was born
in this primal state, but then Iimmediately started inheriting
(18:18):
the genetics, the epigenetics,the energy, the influence of all
the people around me who weredealing with their shame and
trauma and attachment wounds,and, and it cascades on and on
and on, and I don't think that'stragic, I think that's kind of
part of the human design.
Kirk Chugg (18:33):
Yeah.
Paul Blanchard (18:34):
Like.
That's what we essentiallysigned up for, and I'm not here
to claim like how that actuallyworked.
You know whether we were insome pre-existence or whatever.
I don't feel attached tofiguring that out.
I'm a big fan of Ken Wilber.
One of my favorite modernphilosophers says anytime you're
considering somethingtranspersonal, spiritual,
mystical, always put the glasseson of as if.
(18:56):
So you can, as if this was true, which I think gives you this
incredible ability to jump intoit full force as if it were true
.
But then when the flow changesor when you get curious about
something, you're not attachedto it, you're not clinging to it
.
You can make a cleaner break.
(19:16):
And I think all of us can relateto the things in life that we
have been so convinced were true.
And then we cling to it and itcreated unnecessary suffering
and whatever the case.
Like people make fun of flatearthers all the time, but like,
uh, the majority of ourconscious existence, in science
we believe that was the case.
So the fact that it's justtaking them a small margin in
(19:38):
the history of humanity, alittle longer to catch up or
whatever, but then even toexpand beyond that, I'm not here
to say that I know 100% forsure that it's not just because
I like throwing that into themix of my own consideration Like
, hey Paul, what if it is flat?
Just to feel what it's like topropose that to myself, not
(19:58):
because I'm attached to needingto be right or wrong about that.
Kirk Chugg (20:02):
Well, this is the skill of unlearning that you
talk about.
Paul Blanchard (20:05):
Yeah.
Kirk Chugg (20:05):
You know, like one of the things that you help your
coaching clients do is figureout how to hone this skill of
unlearning the things that theythought they knew their whole
life through programming, or oneof the things that I really
like about this is like thepersonality profiles that we
have all done.
I'd love for you to talk aboutHabit Finder, because all of us
(20:29):
know, like the disc profiles andthe colors and the letters and
the alphabets and the animals,and we've all taken those types
of personality profiles.
Talk to us a little bit aboutthe danger of putting yourself
in one of those boxes.
Paul Blanchard (20:48):
So the danger?
Is an interesting way to put itthat all depends on what the
outcome is that you're wantingto have.
Things being good or bad reallyhas to do with whether they do
what we want them to do for us.
I mean at the end of the day,like an apple is only rotten
because you can't eat it, thatdoesn't make it bad.
(21:09):
There's lots of other thingsyou can do with a rotten apple,
which makes the context of theword really, really interesting.
But but I will speak in termsof what why most people seek
those tools and why they may beout of alignment.
Okay, most people seek toolslike that for transformation.
They want to understandthemselves better, to be able to
transform, and we craveconceptual anchors and boxes
(21:35):
Like if I can explain why I amthe way that I am, I should be
able to change it.
And yet explanation is, in alot of cases, the opposite of
transformation.
It's one of the number onethings that holds us back from
transforming is, the better wecan explain how we currently are
, why we currently are, the moreingrained we are in staying
(21:57):
where we are.
And so if someone's neverexplored themselves, they've
never read personal developmentbooks and tried to figure out,
like self-awareness, a discprofile, which, which I've
worked closely with um inbuilding a, an MBA program, we
what.
We put that into the curriculum, um, or the Enneagram or
whatever it is.
That's a.
That's a cool introduction.
(22:18):
If you'd never considered thatsomething else could know things
about you without you tellingit about you is pretty cool, you
know, like a doctor coming inand saying hey, we, uh, we
looked at your, your blood work,any chance?
You feel like this pretty oftenand feel like this, like that's
kind of mind blowing the firsttime that ever happens.
Like how did you take thisstuff out of me and have it tell
(22:40):
you that stuff?
How did you ask me thosequestions and have it tell you
that?
So that's a cool introduction,but to believe that a deeper
investment in that identity isthe key to unlocking things,
that's like walking up to a bigOak door with a huge vertical
handle and you grab on with bothhands and you're like this is
(23:00):
going to help me transform andyou're ready to yank it open to
get to the next version of you.
But you put your foot againstthe door and so the harder you
pull for the definition, theexplanation, the this is why I
am the way I am the more likelyyou are to stay there.
However, what I see most peopledoing in that space is why they
feel like they are transformingis they're rearranging the
(23:22):
furniture.
So they pull on the door for alittle while, then they stop and
they go oh um, let's move thecouch over here, let's put the
desk over there, let's put it'stransformed, but you're, you're
still in the same place andthat's not bad.
We're not here to say that anyof this stuff is inferior or
superior.
We're just having an expansiveconversation.
That's what I try to do.
That's why I try to stay awayfrom the expert is.
(23:44):
I'm not here to say this isright and you are wrong.
I think that's there's way toomuch of that out there, as much
as just.
Hey, what have you consideredmore than you've considered
before?
How does that feel?
How did it feel when I saidwell, I don't know for sure if
it's, if the earth is flat ornot, like how did that feel in
you?
Did you feel violated by that?
Did you feel offended that youare a scientist and we know that
(24:06):
it is?
How could he say that?
Well, what is that sciencebased on?
And if we zoom out from that,what is that based on?
We zoom out, you zoom out farenough.
We made it all up, you know,like one of the scariest
theories in the world.
I forget what it's called, butit's the idea that you cannot
prove that anything else, youmight be the only thing that
(24:26):
exists and everything else youare making up.
That theory is sound in termsof it.
It can't be disproved.
It can't be proved.
But that's what theories arethey're not proved, they are
just extensively tried to bedisproved.
And eventually we get to apoint where it's like, okay,
that might be true.
And then we're quick to adoptit as true until the next one
(24:48):
comes out and we find out wow,we were wrong about that.
And then we were in awe ofevery time that happens, like
right now we're so sure thatthis is happening.
And well, how many times havewe done that before?
Which doesn't mean let's not,let's stop digging, but let's
stop getting so attached to it.
Kirk Chugg (25:04):
You know what I mean .
So if somebody's taken thesepersonality profiles and they
say I'm a, I'm a dominant D,listen to what you just said
right, I am.
Paul Blanchard (25:15):
I am drying the concrete of my self perspective.
I am adding layers ofexplanation and I can't change
that because now I am a D, yeah,yeah.
Kirk Chugg (25:26):
So that's kind of what I wanted to touch on was
you do not necessarily have tofall within that or dry the
concrete of that.
If you do one of those, there'salways room for other things,
and so talk about habit finder.
Paul Blanchard (25:42):
Well, it doesn't mean that there aren't people
out there using those tools andcreating transformation.
I had an entire college courseon this stuff yeah.
It just means that the majorityof people and the way their
brains typically work are goingto have a hard time doing that.
And it can be the littlest oftweaks.
Even in your language.
You could say, rather than I ama D or a red, yellow or an owl
(26:06):
or whatever it is, you could sayI noticing that I experience
myself as this, just those words, as semantic as they sound,
creates a totally differentrelationship as the observer, to
say not, I am stamp on it,stuck, but to say I notice
(26:27):
that's the first one, and thenexperiencing.
And then you can start doingthat with your emotions to
create an expansive landscape.
It's not I am mad, it's Inotice that I'm experiencing
anger right now.
That is that alone justpowerful.
That framework is isunbelievably powerful in terms
(26:48):
of your autonomy, your options,your freedom, rather than
immediately attaching the wagonof I am so.
Habit Finder is interestingbecause we decided to want to.
It was actually fromAugmandino's book the Greatest
Salesman in the World.
And I say we, my father and I,I was business partners with him
for about 10 years, world.
(27:09):
And I say we, my, my father andI, I was business partners with
him for for about 10 years.
And uh and uh, I was there kindof in the beginning of this in
2000.
Uh, my dad was in film at thetime.
Um and uh, betty Mandino Og hadpassed away in 1996, offered
the film rights to the greatestsales in the world to my dad.
And, uh, he was in New Yorkfilming something for CBS at the
time, or whatever, and and said, yeah, sure, one of the best
(27:33):
books ever written, totally I'lltake, I'll take the film rights
to that.
And then he called her back ashort time later and said what
if we built a company out of theprinciples of the greatest
salesman in the world?
And?
And we'd love to give youownership in that and carry
Aug's legacy forward.
And that was the start of theAugmandino Group, which later
became the Six Advisors, whichthen became Intentional Creation
(27:54):
and then finally, in its lastiteration, habit Finder.
But it's always been theAugmandino Company.
And it was actually in Scroll 1,in the greatest sales in the
world, where Aug introduced usto things that neuroscience is
just figuring out in the lastdecade or two.
And he wrote this thing in the60s when he talked about the
(28:15):
other mind that never sleeps andmakes us act in ways we do not
comprehend, and he went on tosay poetically, marks out a path
that threatens to imprison myfuture.
We wanted to figure out how tomeasure the other mind that Og
was talking about, and so westarted looking into
Myers-Briggs and DISC andeverything we could get our
(28:36):
hands on, and personality wasn'tthe other mind.
Personality was an aspect, itwas a manifestation of that
other mind, an archetype, if youwill.
And even then it's tough to sayyou are this personality type.
That's more likely saying thisis your dominant personality
type.
Most people have seven to ninepersonality types anyway, and if
(28:59):
you're married, I promiseshe'll tell you that you do.
And so with that, theopportunity to be able to be
curious about rather than thisis the most common manifestation
, or these are themanifestations.
What's the wiring underneaththat?
And that's where Habit Findercame in, when we found at the
(29:20):
University of Tennessee theHartman Institute, dr Robert
Hartman, who was born in WorldWar II in Germany, across the
street from what would laterbecome the actually, I think he
was born in World War II inGermany, across the street from
what would later become theactually, I think he was born
during World War I, across thestreet from what would later
become the headquarters of theThird Reich.
He was a mathematician, atheologian and just an amazing
(29:44):
human being and asked one simplequestion like why are we so
good at organizing bad?
And that led to wanting to beable to mathematically define
good or bad, take the ethics outof it, the morality out of it,
and see if he could get it downto the bare bones of
mathematical good or bad.
(30:05):
And he was able to do it, andit's called axiological
mathematics mathematical good orbad.
And he was able to do it andit's called axiological
mathematics.
And uh, it's like my littlemagic trick.
It's in terms of the mouthful.
It's.
It's the formal science ofaxiological mathematics cantor's
transfinite calculus and theconcept of infinitudes that's
very good, thank you.
You can slow that down at halfspeed and let's do it again well
, the the biggest thing of thatis like it's's, it's not tea
(30:29):
leaves, it's not, you know, it's.
It's science and and it isbased on patterns and risk.
So we were able to build anassessment from that that does
not induce a diagnosis.
That's what 99% of assessmentsout there are.
Is there inducing a diagnosisof your personality, your type,
(30:49):
one of the manifestations,depending on the framework that
you're wanting to identify inyour behavior, your aptitude,
your personality?
your emotional construct, whichis a little redundant, because
that's all.
Personality is First.
I think it was Joe Dispenza whosaid your personality are just
the emotions you've memorized.
We want to find out what'sunder the surface of all that,
what's the actual wiring in thehouse, not just what is the
(31:11):
biggest room.
And so with a deductiveassessment we can in 10 minutes,
online, no questions, can'tmanipulate it get about 6.4
quadrillion variables in thepatterns of your brain, just
from you ranking two lists.
Patterns of your brain, justfrom you ranking two lists.
(31:31):
One of the keys to those listsis they are not, they weren't
driven by committee.
They're actually mathematicalequations that were turned into
words and phrases.
So your brain is seeing wordsand phrases, but what it's being
required to do issubconsciously reveal its cards
of how it values the world, yourinner world and your outer
world.
And then we've spent 20 years,in addition to Hartman's four
(31:54):
decades of work and research,creating definitions around the
risks of thinking out ofalignment with the mathematical
alignment.
So we don't have to argue aboutwhat's good or bad morally or
ethically, what is the rightthing to have at the top of the
list, what's the or bad morallyor ethically?
What is the right thing to haveat the top of the list.
What's the wrong thing?
It's simply here is themathematical order and here are
the risks to thinking out oforder.
(32:15):
Not, it's bad to think out oforder.
Here's the risks.
Entrepreneurially, there's arisk that last time I checked I
think 74% of entrepreneurs haveof being vivid visionaries Very
visual, naturally visual peoplewindshield time, shower time,
like their minds going placesthat they even can't keep track
of.
And because it's so powerful,the chemistry changes with what
(32:42):
they're visualizing to the pointthat it can feel real Major
risks to that.
But we don't necessarily wantto get rid of that because that
can be an amazing gift.
So identifying it as a riskrather than being bad allows us
to figure out if we want tomanage that risk.
Like the freeway that's a blockfrom us, people are going 70
miles an hour in 4,000 poundhunks of metal.
(33:03):
That's risky.
But the fact that tomorrownight, if I want, I could throw
my kids in the car and be in LasVegas in six hours is
incredible.
That was a two-month journeynot that long ago.
That's so cool.
So that's what I love abouthabit finders we're not looking
at what's good or bad, what'sideal or not ideal.
(33:23):
We're just looking at patternsand curious about how they're
showing up, and is that inalignment with how you want your
world, your life, to be showingup?
And is that an alignment withhow you want your world, your
life, to be showing up?
And if it's not, we can adjustit.
Because if you can change thepatterns and you change how it
shows up because that's all yourinterpreted reality is, is it's
what all the patterns in youwant to see happening right now.
(33:45):
Your reality, no matter how muchyou do or don't like it right
now, is best case scenario forall the parts of you.
It's a consensus.
This is the best compromise forthe parts of us that really
want recognition, the parts ofus that pretend that they don't,
the parts of us that care aboutour body, the parts of us that
don't.
The parts of it like whateveryou're experiencing right now,
(34:06):
even if you think it should bedifferent and that you think you
want it to be different, thisis the best case scenario.
So if you keep trying to force,like watching Congress or the
House of Representatives, youforce the other side to vote
differently because they'rewrong, then you continue to
stalemate your current reality,if you can then go seek to
understand why not having moremoney makes sense to those parts
(34:31):
of you, then suddenly you canstart to collaborate with them
differently and guess whatstarts to show up in your life?
More money.
If you are having certainimpacts on your relationship
with your kids and you don'twant to acknowledge those parts,
it just keeps repeating itself.
I mean, the kiss of death is Idon't want to be like my parents
.
All your brain heard was belike your parents, which it was
(34:53):
headed towards anyway, becausethat was one of the primary
influences in your life.
You don't not be like yourparents If that's a goal of
someone that's listening.
You don't not be like yourparents by setting out a plan to
not be like your parents youset up.
You do that by feeling what itwas actually like to be a child
with those parents, rather thanjust thinking about what you
(35:15):
thought, you felt and what youwere wrestling with.
And so getting into that with ahabit finder, seeing those
patterns, that gives me a atleast a six month headstart with
my clients, because rather thantalking and doing all the due
diligence verbally, they cantake that and I can see that
much data.
That quickly, we go cool, whatdo you want?
(35:36):
Ah well, here's what might begetting in the way, and here are
some ways to reformat that, toshift those patterns, and then
if you can get that down intothe sensory experience, then it
actually becomes a new habit, itbecomes a new pattern, rather
than something you have toexpend a lot of energy trying to
maintain or creating whips andchains and pressure to get you
(35:59):
to maintain it too.
Cory Moore (36:01):
So so how does someone work with you and or how
does someone utilize this habittracker and go down that path?
Paul Blanchard (36:10):
Great question.
So the easiest way toexperience is you can just go to
wholebodymindsetcom, forwardslash habit finder.
So all one word, just like itsounds H-A-B-I-T-F-I-N-D-E-R and
my, my company, iswholebodymindsetcom and you can
click on that and take it thereand that will ping my system and
it'll send you a little bit ofinformation about it and it will
(36:31):
invite you to like hey, do youwant to learn more about this?
And if you do, then I'll behappy to provide that in
different capacities dependingon what my bandwidth is, but
you're not going to be left outin the dark.
Um, even if you know thousandsof people heard this and took it
.
Tomorrow it just might take me aminute to get through all of
(36:51):
that, but right now I have aintentionally intimate coaching
practice.
I don't currently not becauseit's wrong, necessarily, but I
don't currently invest a lot infunnels or lead generation.
I play with it because Ilearned a lot about me messing
around with that stuff.
But almost everybody I workwith comes from referral, comes
(37:13):
from some kind of experiencewith me, and I'm okay with that.
Over the years I've gotten alot more picky about who I will
work with and it's not a selfishthing as much as you just get
to a place where I thinksomewhat compassionately, you
get to see and appreciate wherepeople are at and where I'm at
(37:34):
and how I can best serve them,and I want that to be in
alignment.
And so one of the greatestthings I ever did as a coach was
realize the difference betweenI could and and I could help
that person versus the energy ofI want to, because where I am
is beautifully built for wherethey are, and I wish I could
tell you how to figure that out,but you'll know like people
(37:58):
might hear this and be likethere's something about that guy
.
I want to, I want to figure outwhat that is, and then we talk
more and it just happens to turninto something amazing and I'm,
I'm a little hesitant and it'smaybe just my thing from trying
to do that with really strategicmarketing.
Um, cause I, I again, I'm Idon't want to be overly
(38:19):
judgmental, but there's a lot ofgreat marketers who call
themselves coaches and I, I justit's, it's not something that I
choose to do, and I believedthat standing up for that meant
it was just going to be harderto get clients for me.
You know, it was just going tobe harder to try and do that,
and that was a story, that was abelief system, that was
(38:40):
something that needed to beunlearned.
But yeah, if people want, I tryto make myself pretty
accessible as far as point ofcontact.
Um, I have great boundaries.
That's been a big part of myown work, um, but I I don't.
I don't have a lot of landingpages and funnels to send people
(39:01):
into right now.
I just I find that, um, there'senough people ready for what I
do and as long as I just kind ofput enough out there,
occasionally all I do every weekis just ask myself what did you
do this week that exposed youto people that you wouldn't have
been exposed to otherwise?
And that might be saying hi tosomebody at the grocery store, I
might be doing a podcast orjust throwing something up on
(39:23):
social media.
I don't claim to have alockdown on social media
strategy.
In terms of my execution, I'veworked with some of the top
experts in the world and cancertainly teach other people to
do that if that fits their modeland their energy.
But mine is a lot more organicand it fits because of the type
of work I do with people.
(39:45):
If they don't find meorganically.
It's really hard to find theorganic platform that we're
going to reach that will makethe difference.
And, of course, we all want tobe more successful, we all want
to feel better, we all wantwhatever, and there's a lot of
ways to do that.
I'm not the answer, I'm justone of many.
(40:05):
And there's enough people outthere that might be ready for
that, and that's kind of many.
And there's enough people outthere that that might be ready
for that and uh, and that's kindof the magic of it, you know,
not not forcing it.
Kirk Chugg (40:16):
So if somebody's listening to the podcast today
and they go do the habit finderquiz, uh, but they don't end up
working with you, what do theyget after the quiz?
Like is there, is there sometype of an output that they get,
or does that output have to beinterpreted by you to mean
anything?
Paul Blanchard (40:34):
So they get access to the report and it's
pretty comprehensive.
If you take your time, there'stwo things take your time with
it.
Don't try to consume it all inone go because it's a lot.
And secondly, be aware of mostpeople's assessment programming.
You're going to see wordsprogramming.
You're going to see words.
You're going to see bars andcolors and you'll be more drawn
to the red stuff than the greenstuff and and you'll see words
(40:56):
like coachable and you'llnaturally most people think it's
saying I am or I am notcoachable.
No, it's saying that that theaxiological mathematical
equation was a lot easier tojust call coachable rather than
give you the actual mathematicsfor it.
And we're just saying in thepart of your brain that we call
(41:16):
coachable because it has to dowith conflicting ideas.
Here's where it leans.
It leans more to quicklyjumping into this is the answer.
Or it leans more into nope, I'mgoing to keep doing what I'm
doing, or it has a naturalbalance.
But even that doesn't meanyou're immune from either one,
depending on the situation andthe person.
So having someone walk youthrough it can be really, really
(41:40):
helpful.
But even then it's not aboutthe analysis of it.
It's about how you experienceyourself in going through that
with someone is, at the end ofthe day, all you've got to do to
be more successful, totransform, to be better, is
occur to yourself differently.
That's all, and there's lots ofways to do that.
Cory Moore (42:03):
So another question for you is so you've learned a
lot through your life, I'm sure,especially in the business
you're in or the world thatyou're in growing up doing
things with your dad and thenhaving your own coaching and
working with so many people howhas that changed you as a father
, or how does that change thedynamics in the household?
(42:26):
I mean, you're definitely notthe same person I'm you're.
You're definitely not the sameperson I'm sure you were when
you're 20, that you are todaybecause you've learned and
you've grown and you've studiedand you've worked with others.
And so how has, how has theperson you are affected, how you
communicate and interact withyour family members?
Paul Blanchard (42:46):
I love that question so much, like what we
were just talking about.
I certainly occur to myselfdifferently than I did 20 years
ago, but, as a quick detour, allthe parts of me that were here
20 years ago are still here.
I think that's something thatpeople get caught up in
unnecessarily is trying tosurgically prune out the parts
of them they don't like.
(43:07):
We've seen all the humandevelopment models.
That's not how we work.
As advanced as we've become insociety.
Every baby born starts at thesame level as we were when it
was ooh, ooh, ah, fire.
They start basic, primal.
Now they accelerate muchquicker over the next several
years than ever before, andespecially today.
(43:27):
So again, it's semantics, butI'm not a different person much
quicker over the next severalyears than ever before, and
especially today.
But so I I again, it'ssemantics, but I don't.
I'm not a different person, I'mmore, and that more has allowed
me to occur differently tomyself and that has had the most
rewarding impact on how I Iparent.
I kind of got to borrow from myclients for a while um, who had
older kids and different things, and I there's seven of us in
(43:49):
my family growing up and um andso and four of them were were
sisters of mine, and those thosewere the ones I was right in
the middle of my two brotherswere the oldest.
So I tell people, I got myundergrad in female studies and
now I have three daughters, I'mgetting my master's, um so?
(44:11):
But with that said, I've beenable to borrow clients and said,
hey, try it this way, try itthis counterintuitive way, and
see what happens, cause Ibelieved I could feel that that
was, that was human.
We can call things parenting,entrepreneurship.
What, at the end of the uh like, uh, how to how to talk to this
personality type, how, whathave you learned to talk human?
Uh, how to how to talk to thispersonality type, how, what have
you learned to talk human?
(44:32):
You know, like I love to teachpeople how to speak human, and
it's amazing because we're allhuman and so, regardless of
someone's personality type andnot needing to remember what
letter should be on theirforehead while you're talking to
this employee and that employee, when you can at least start
there's.
It's relevant that we're allbuilt differently, we all have
different preferences andwhatever, but if you can start
at a human level and I thinkthat's important in parenting
(44:52):
and one of them.
A couple of things that havemade a huge difference.
For me is one thing I try toremember the most is it's not my
fault.
Whatever happens with my kids,it's not my fault.
Something bad happens, itwasn't my fault.
Something good happens, itwasn't my fault.
It just gives this reallybeautiful, experimental, open
(45:16):
space to be with your kids, andsome people have an identity
response to that.
We've been taught that we areengineers of our children.
Because of our modern societyand the ability to take little
bits of data and make hugestories out of it, take
subjective interpretation andbelieve that's objective reality
.
And if you want to do that, gofor it.
(45:39):
It's just not very fun.
It's not very enjoyable to putthat kind of weight and burden
on you as a parent.
I was listening to a famouspsychiatrist.
I can't remember his name rightnow, but he pointed out that
there are 400 unique traits thatwill emerge in your children
from age zero to 25 that havenothing to do with how you
parent them.
You have influence sure, I'llmeet you there but you do not
(46:04):
have control and in a lot ofways, a lot of ways, you're not
responsible for how your kidsturn out.
They're people and it doesn'ttake very long till they're
really close in terms ofneurological development to
where you are right now, likeyou live a hundred lifetimes
(46:26):
from age zero to seven, comparedto the one lifetime you live
neurologically from then on interms of development and we're
learning all kinds of new thingsabout when a lot of natural
pruning happens, like in girls.
10 and 11 years old is when itseems to be.
Two years old is prettyconsistent regardless of gender
10, 11 years old for girls and13 or 14 for boys Significant
(46:49):
pruning of old patterns and newopportunities.
But even then, after sevenyears old, I believe your top
priority moves from teaching andmodeling to listening Period,
end of story, and being safe isreally what that means.
And being safe is really whatthat means.
I remember my oldest daughtercame in.
(47:11):
She was 11.
She came in it was late atnight and she said I need to
talk to you and my wife and Iwere just laying in bed and said
sure.
She said sometimes I thinkabout hurting myself.
Talk about being grateful.
I was able to borrow from someof my clients that had those
situations, because myinstinctual response was that's
(47:33):
awesome.
I said that out loud.
She said I think about hurtingmyself and I went that's awesome
and she went what that'sawesome that you would tell us.
That's so great that you'retelling us this.
And it was like she was coveredin mud and the shower turned on
in terms of just the shame.
And suddenly we started havinga conversation about her
(47:56):
thinking about cutting herselfor hurting herself in a totally
different context, because itwasn't wrong, it wasn't bad, and
you know we're getting intosome tricky water here and I'm
not here to pick a fight withanyone about what they believe
is right or wrong in this, andthere are lots of experts out
(48:19):
there and I've studied most ofthem and I and, and I think they
can be helpful, helpfulreference points, but again,
zoom out and see that may becorrect within the game that
they are playing.
You know, if I want to playchess, I can't grab the rook and
just throw it all the way onthe other side of the board.
I can't move a pawn more thanone space.
(48:39):
However, that doesn't mean thatI can't do that.
It just means, as soon as I do,I'm no longer playing chess.
And so when I can help parentsunderstand, they can play a
different game than the worldhas told them they're supposed
to play.
It can feel really dangerousand I bring a lot of deference
and sensitivity to that.
(49:01):
But I believe that the sooneryou can see your child as their
own person and you can bringyour child into the parenting
relationship and bring theirparent, their person, into the
parenting relationship and youcan dance with all of those, so
you can see them as a child, butyou also get to see you as a
(49:26):
child right next to it.
That's a beautiful referencepoint.
But also you get to see you asa child right next to it.
That's a beautiful referencepoint.
But also you get to see you asa person and you see them as a
person.
And that's another beautifulreference point.
And that's kind of your rightfoot and left foot in the dance
and when the right foot goesforward, the left foot of the
other person goes back and so onand so on.
And it can create thisbeautiful flow in your parenting
(49:47):
where they just get to be aperson and you don't have to
beat yourself up so much.
You just you get to be a witness, which I think is the most
beautiful point of parenting inthe first place is you get to
witness them and if they feelsafe and I believe the data
backs this up, depending on whythey were trying to do the
research in the first placewhich is a big part of how
(50:09):
research tends to turn out asmaking a point or not is that if
the child feels safe, they maymake a lot of stupid decisions
while they live with you, butthey'll make so many less
afterwards.
And so I'm like cool, likelet's, let's experiment with
this.
(50:29):
You know she may not appreciateme saying this out loud, but
that same, my oldest daughtertext us as a as evidence of her
feeling safe.
She texts us.
On Saturday night, my wife andI, we were, we were in bed it
was 10 o'clock, I think, and um,and she said, can I sneak out
tonight?
We're like, uh, that's a weirdquestion.
Cory Moore (50:51):
That's awesome.
Paul Blanchard (50:52):
We're like what do you mean?
Well, my, my friends just askedme if I wanted to sneak out
with them tonight, so I figuredI'd ask.
I was like cool, so how doesthis work?
Like, do you come home firstand then you sneak back out
later tonight?
Do you need to go out yourwindow?
So it's convincing to likewhatever it is you know like
this is the conversation I'mhaving with my 16 year old.
Like who does that?
I think that kind of freedom isis amazing, and I have no doubt
(51:15):
there's people that are willingto line up and point out all
the issues with that and I don'tdisagree with those are issues
within the construct that theymay be operating in.
But in the basic human conceptof when we feel safe, we're
better people, and I don't meannecessarily safe, protected from
danger.
That's kind of a requirementfor all of us.
(51:39):
If we're not addressing that,then everything else we're doing
is trauma-based andsurvival-based, and that's the
opposite of freedom, because inthat space it's all or nothing.
You have two decisions, twooptions, the least amount of
options you can have withouthaving no options.
And so we had the conversation.
I woke up at 2 am.
It was like I wonder if she'shome.
Checked her location, shewasn't.
My next text to her was how'syour sneak out going?
(52:01):
You know, like I've been taughtthat's bad, that's dangerous.
Okay, taught that's bad, that'sdangerous.
Okay, maybe I don't.
I think you could lookstatistically.
It's not any more dangerousthan her driving during the day
when there's more traffic, orthan being at seven, 11 at 2 AM
getting a slushy with friends orwhatever.
And then the next morning I waslike hey, I asked you to text me
(52:22):
when you got home and I noticedthis morning that you didn't.
What's up with that.
She's like oh, out on the couch, I'm so tired.
Oh, how was it a good time.
She's like it was really hardto stay awake, but it was pretty
fun.
Like well, did you go out thewindow?
Did you at least go out thebackyard?
Come on, you were supposed to besneaking out like and just
stepping back from that andbeing like if I get to have
conversations like that with mykids they feel that safe.
That would normally be done insecret, gets to be done out loud
(52:46):
, gets to be done in witnessthen I'll bank on that more than
them presenting themselves as aobedient child in my presence.
And if we hit a boundary, likeif she had asked to sneak out
and that was a boundary, we getto talk about that too.
But it doesn't get to be aboutthat was bad of you to ask or
that was bad of you to not bringit up.
(53:08):
It's.
It's about a safety and I thinkone of the other coolest things
about parenting that I thinkwill really serve people that
was taught to me was that liesare just protection.
This moral indignation we getwith our kids when they lie to
(53:29):
us is not helping us out.
Now, I don't, I'm not sayingwhen a kid lies, they're just
protecting themselves and soit's okay for them to lie.
We're not talking about whetherit's okay to lie.
We're talking about what's thepriority.
When we get this moralindignation, we make the lie the
priority because we were liedto.
Can you hear that?
(53:49):
I was lied to.
How dare you?
Like we can't hear thenarcissism in that, rather than
going, wow, my child didn't feelsafe.
I'm really curious about whythat is.
And then we can go have thatconversation, not because we
don't care about the lie.
We can go have thatconversation, not because we
(54:10):
don't care about the lie, butbecause that's actually a more
effective way of addressing itrather than forcing a behavior
that is supposed to happen.
And then we add to it by sayingif you had told the truth what
do we usually say after that?
You wouldn't be in trouble.
You wouldn't be in trouble.
Well, that doesn't work, becausethe child knows the lie wasn't
okay, but they weren't thinkingabout it when they did it.
They were in a survivalresponse, so they weren't using
that part of the brain.
(54:30):
So they just lied because inthe moment it was to protect
themselves.
And then, when you call them onit, they can't tell you why
they lied.
So they feel even more shame,they feel even worse.
And then you tell them if youhad told the truth you wouldn't
have gotten in trouble.
But part of them knew, becauseof the moral programming, that
they did something wrong, sothey need to be punished.
(54:51):
So you didn't give them anymotivation to tell the truth
anyway, because a part of themfeels like they were supposed to
get punished.
And so if they told the truththey wouldn't have got punished,
which wouldn't address theshame that they're feeling.
And on, and on, and on, and on.
It's not about you fixing themor or you know the right things.
It's a.
Do they feel safe?
Do they feel like they'reallowed to explore themselves as
(55:14):
a person?
Because I don't know about you,but the thousands of clients
I've worked with.
We're usually talking aboutstuff that happened seven years
old, 10 years old, 15 years old,17 years old the time that
every other adult was tellingthem how to act, telling them
what was right and wrong forthem, telling them like I know
better for you, and we justcontinue to buy that, even
(55:37):
though there's, you know,therapy and the coaching and the
healing and all the work thatpeople are trying to figure out
now happened at that time Like,hey, let's take a look at that,
let's take a look at that.
Cory Moore (55:49):
That's good stuff.
That is great, I'm going totake some of that with me,
that's for sure.
Kirk Chugg (55:52):
Absolutely, and hopefully the people that are
listening today got.
I mean, there's a lot ofcontent here, uh, and I hope you
can pick a couple of thesethings.
Implement them in your life.
Be a better parent.
Help your kids feel safer um.
Be a better parent.
Help your kids feel safer um.
Recognize yourself, and the waythat you are feeling um is not
(56:15):
necessarily you know your, your,uh, your identity.
You're a gentleman and ascholar, and I mean that At the
end of every Gentleman Projectpodcast episode, we ask our
(56:35):
guests what they think it meansto be a gentleman.
Paul Blanchard (56:42):
Well, the thing that stands out to me the most
is gentle.
Yeah, I think that may not bewhat being a gentleman has
always meant, but I think today,where the world is, we don't
(57:08):
need more strength in terms offorce.
I think we need more gentle.
We may not agree with what thisupcoming generation is, the way
they're trying to do that, andevery generation judges the next
one, you know we're we're,we're the, we're the those
whippersnappers like get off myfront lawn.
Yeah, like that's what we'redoing.
Like look at the way they text,look at this.
Look at the way they text, lookat this, look at that.
(57:36):
Like we've naturally rolledinto that.
That's not new, um, but I thinkthat that this upcoming
generation, one of the mostbeautiful things they're they're
pointing out is that we havedeveloped so much as a world, at
least in in.
Western domesticated society ifyou will not, as that's the only
one, but that's the one that Ican speak to because that's the
one I live in that we havedeveloped so much that we don't
need the brute force as much aswe used to to survive you know,
(57:58):
we, we get to be hunters andgatherers, but let's not forget
as a gentleman if you believe agentleman should be a hunter,
the gentle part of that isunderstand that even a hundred
thousand years ago the hunterwould only hunt once a week,
once every couple of weeks,guess what he?
spent the rest of the time doingSinging, dancing, connecting,
(58:18):
eating, resting, and today we'retrying to convince ourselves
you've got to be a hunter 24-7.
That's not a gentleman, that'snot gentle.
Being able to hustle, I think,is a skill the gentleman will
want to have, but needing to Idon't believe is the epitome of
(58:38):
a gentleman.
And we live in a society nowthat is so advanced that it can
be so much easier if you'll letit, if you'll allow it to be.
And I believe that gentleness,connection, awareness is the
next currency.
We've been in a technologicalage where data has been the
currency, labor before that.
(58:59):
I think awareness,consciousness, that thrives in a
gentle.
You're gentle with you, so Ican're gentle with you, so I can
be gentle with you, I'm able tobe those other things if I need
to.
I'm not afraid of being strong,but needing to be.
The desperation that comes fromthat, I think a gentleman is
able to quiet that storm.
Kirk Chugg (59:22):
It's a beautiful definition.
Thank you.
Thank you All right, everybody.
If you haven't liked andsubscribed to the podcast, we'd
appreciate that.
If Paul's message resonatedwith you today and somebody's
name popped into your head thatyou think might need to hear
this message, share it with them.
(59:42):
Act on each good thought.
I'm Kirk Chuck.
I'm Corey Moore.
Cory Moore (59:46):
Thanks everyone.
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