Randy Sparks, a man of many talents, joins us this week on the Gentleman Project Podcast, sharing his journey through, parenting, and the extraordinary 'superpowers' of his children. We uncover the threads of deep connection within our men's group, his latest podcast venture, and the extraordinary effects of gratitude in his parenting journey.
We discuss how a disciplined practice of gratitude can reshape our struggles into stepping stones. We hear the stories of distributing thousands of gratitude journals to embracing a significant career change and how gratitude made all the difference for Randy and his family.
Randy tells us about some of their family traditions that they use to deepen their family relationships and build memories.
You'll be glad to get to know Randy and learn from him. Check out his podcast "Sparks of Gratitude" on all podcast platforms as well!
Check out the show on any of your favorite platforms and give us a like and follow if you like our content!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hi, I'm Corey Moore.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast and
I'm Kirk Chug.
Today, randy Sparks joins us ina podcast studio.
Randy and I have got to knoweach other over the past year
and a half, probably At least.
It was right after COVID I wasinvited to be part of a men's
group, which you may have heardof.
We've had Brian Hurd and CurtisMorley from the same men's
group and this group of guys isthe type of people that you want
(00:26):
to hang out with and Randy hasalways stood out to me as one of
those guys that I want to learnfrom.
And we've been able to kind ofconnect outside of the men's
group and he started a podcastrecently and we were able to
kind of share some knowledge.
And as I've got to know Randymore and more, I think that he
(00:47):
has a gift to share with theworld.
You'll learn what that is todaythrough his podcast, what he
talks about and the way he makespeople feel when he's with them
.
I think we've got a lot tolearn.
So welcome, randy.
You're an amazing dude, gladyou could join us today, excited
to be with you guys.
He looks like a rock starbecause he is.
(01:07):
He's a uh, he's a shredder.
He plays the electric guitar,as for years and years, and we
nobody knew this about randy inthe men's group until he posted
a video I don't know how youguys didn't know that, but I
don't know.
You were apparently super famousand we just didn't know it.
But the dude can still shred,so that started a long time ago.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
You've been doing that for a while oh, since I was
a kid, I used to steal mybrother's van halen records when
I was five years old this is inmaybe 1980, 81 and oh, it just
made me feel something inside.
I just love it so much.
I love anything where you cranka guitar amp to 11 and just let
it scream, but I also love thesoft stuff.
(01:51):
But there's just somethingabout that that's just got a
place in my heart.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
So did your kids get into that at all?
Did you pass that on to thenext generation?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
nope, no, um, no, although my son did build my son
max, he's 17, he's awesomeschool.
They had a project in one oftheir wood classes and he built
a replica of Eddie Van Halen'sfirst Frankenstein guitar when
it was still the black and whitestripe.
Anyway, any any Van Halen nerdsout there know what I'm talking
about, so he obviously has somekind of appreciation and it
(02:20):
hangs on his wall.
He's not really a player, but hebuilt it and I'm working on
some guitar build projects.
This is a new thing for me.
And he says, Dad, can we buy mea kit?
And he wants to build aTelecaster.
And so I'm going to get him akit and we'll build a guitar
together.
It's going to be fun.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Oh yeah, that sounds like a really great father-son
thing.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
So how many kids do you have?
Three kids, Um, 17,.
Max is 17.
Um, he's a senior.
He went to his prom thisweekend with his, with his cute
girl, and um, oh man, he's goingto kill me.
But he had his first kiss acouple of weeks ago and he knew
that this, dad was his firsthigh five since he was a little
kid.
We knew that.
All right, dude, you know whenthis happens, you know what to
(03:00):
do.
He walks in with his hand upjust waiting for the high five,
and I'm like yes, it's happened.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
He told us that that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Oh, it was the best.
I was so excited for him.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
That's cool.
So you've got a 17 year old son.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Oh yeah, we're talking about kids, yeah, and I
got a 15 year old daughter.
Um, she's named Penelope.
She goes by Penny, but I thinkPenelope is the most beautiful
name ever and so that's what Icall her.
And her mind is like like LewisCarroll has nothing on Penelope
Sparks, the, the imaginationthat's happening inside her mind
(03:35):
and it, it tortures and blessesher in the most amazing ways of
of the creativity that justspills through.
That that's her superpower.
Superpower, max's superpower ishe, is, he feels you, he is
just the sweetest, most lovingkid and he, just he.
He really is a tender heart andhe feels and loves hard.
(03:56):
And then my youngest daughter.
We had a gap, six-year gap.
She's eva, eva is her name, andshe's nine.
And her superpower is she makesfriends with everybody fast and
she knows everybody's name,every kid in her whole school,
in every class, in every age,and their parents.
(04:16):
She knows them all well.
She's just friends witheverybody, not afraid of
anything or anybody so I lovehow you talk about your kids.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
They're superpowers and this is who they are and
they're going to.
I'm sure you tell them that now, but they're going to look back
on this podcast someday andlisten to this and their dad
talking about them and that'sgoing to be cool.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
I hope so.
I hope they know that.
I'm sure they can tell thatyou've this isn't the first time
you've talked about them inthat way.
No, it's true In fact.
Um, with my son oh, this is astory I'm probably I might start
crying about this.
Um, I imagined, uh, I thinkabout being a dad and when I've
(04:56):
got one of my kids that needs myattention, um, I kind of go all
in.
But then I worry that the onethat's just doing great, like
they've got it, they're fine.
And I just really startedfeeling the other day.
I'm like I think I've been givena lot of attention to my
daughters recently, you know,over the last couple of years,
with some, you know, uniquechallenges or things that have
(05:17):
come along along the way, andMax has just been so good.
He's been the one that reallydidn't need a lot of like, oh
man, he's going through this orthat or he just handles it and
and he's good and steady.
And then I I just startedthinking about that and I'm like
, oh man, I've given so muchattention to the others lately
(05:37):
At least, this is the story inmy head and I walked down and
he's just sitting alone on thecouch.
I'm like, hey, max, I want totalk to you.
Dude, I couldn't get five wordsout before I just started
bawling my eyes out.
I'm just telling him hey, man,and I tried to explain that
story to him.
I was like, you know, I justlove you so much and you're so
(05:57):
steady and you're doing so goodand I'm so proud of you that I
wonder if you felt like I'veneglected you, because I've
spent a lot of time with hissisters.
And if it ever has felt likethat, the purpose of that is
because I trust where he is andhave so much confidence in him.
(06:21):
But then I worry that that mighthave had a different effect.
And I just looked at him andI'm like and then the other day
I wanted to come home and watcha movie with you and you were
telling me you're going to yourgirlfriend's house.
And I was like, oh man, I'mlosing my son, and so then my
heart breaks and I'm crying tohim.
And we just sat there and heldeach other for a long time and
his tears are coming down, um,and, and so I think he gets it.
(06:43):
I think he feels it becausewhen I look at him I feel like
I'm looking in the mirror, likeit's it's me.
He's got the same heart, thesame personality as me, and so,
um, the blessing of that is alsothe curse, because I know what
pains he feels and you know, andI can tell when he's feeling it
, and so I feel that connectionto him for that.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
What a cool conversation.
He's probably never going toforget that either.
What did he say?
Did he say when I when I haveconversations like that with my
kids are like, oh, it's okay,dad, you know?
Like oh, don't feel bad aboutthat.
Like well, no, I like how doyou feel about it?
Like like I'm apologizingbecause I feel like I've like
maybe neglected or fallen shortin this area.
(07:30):
Um, was he, was he open withyou about like yeah, maybe I did
feel like that a little bit, ordid you guys just was all the
talking done with a hug?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
and just yeah, you know what he said.
He said nothing and he saideverything in in his eyes and in
his heart and and in his hug.
I mean, it was, that waseverything.
So you know, he doesn't, hedoesn't talk a lot.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
What 17 year old kid really does.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
That's true, you get lots of one word answers Um, and
he's.
He's also um guilty of that, asas am I.
Um, but yeah, he definitely.
I mean, I could see it in hisface and see it in his eyes and
and, oh man.
And then, when he just leanedin to hold me, I mean, what more
could I ask?
Doesn't get better than that,yep.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
So you seem like you're pretty in tune empathetic
, um aware person in general.
What made you the way you are?
What made you the dad you are?
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Um, I would say I, I'm.
I'm my mother's son in thatsense, you know where I've.
I've taken a lot of like giftsand knowledge and skills from
both my parents.
Um, as far as it goes to my, myheart and the expression of
that, I feel like it's all mymom and she was just this, this
(08:58):
loving saint, and all love andall empathy and and man she was
just the best, still is, and soI think I got that from my
mother.
My dad was all big dreams andvision and hard work and I can
(09:18):
do that, whereas my mom, she,was all the love and tenderness,
and so I learned a lot fromboth of them.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
That's really a good one-two punch right there.
I sometimes think in life ingeneral like I want to
accomplish things and I want tomake things happen, but you
can't just make things happenwith emotional beings called
humans.
You have to have.
You have to do that via love,right?
You have to actually start withlove on the way to
(09:51):
accomplishing whatever,especially if you're working
with other people, even yourself, right?
So I don't know why I thoughtabout that this morning.
So when you said that, Ithought, oh, that's a perfect,
like unconditional love, backedby dreaming and accomplishing
and moving forward and trying tobecome your best self.
Maybe call it continuousimprovement.
That's cool.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Yeah, and those are things that I didn't necessarily
appreciate as a kid One becauseit was just my reality Like
this is.
Isn't everybody's life likethis.
I even even my friends thatlived across the street.
I just assumed that this iswhat life is like, is this is
what parents are like.
They're all like my mom and dad.
And then and then learning thatit's not like that and over the
(10:34):
years, and and then lookingback and saying, wow, you know,
this parenting thing isn't justyou walk in the park, it's, you
know, it's a lot of work andintentional effort.
And then to think and be able togive grace to my own parents
for all of that work that theydid for me and how much it was
for me, and even their mistakesalong the way, was their attempt
(10:58):
to do the absolute best for meand oh my goodness what I got
out of that.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
It's impactful to look back on that now as a
parent and see what your parentsdid for you, isn't it Right?
You inherited a lot from yourfolks, it sounds like, through
their personalities and thethings that they taught you.
You also got a pretty cool lastname, sparks, and uh, that's
your.
The name of your podcast issparks of gratitude, which works
(11:29):
really great.
You're, you're one of the guysthat lives a life of gratitude
and he has tapped into thesuperpower of gratitude that
anybody can practice.
And as I watched you and the waythat you are mindful, like,
corey just met you and he'salready picked up on like this
(11:52):
empathetic, very in tune,purposeful, intentional guy that
I've gotten over the last yearand a half, and I think you do
so much of what you do dothrough gratitude, and so I want
to tap so much of what you dodo through gratitude, and so I
want to tap into some of theneedy, greedy of what do you do
(12:15):
to practice gratitude?
Like, what are your strategies?
Strategy is a bad word, butlike, how do you practice it?
Your gratitude practice on adaily basis, because you don't
just talk about it on yourpodcast.
This is part of who you are andthe reason why you're doing the
podcast.
You didn't start this because Igot a cool ass name and I can
(12:36):
make a cool podcast name and Ican have a bunch of cool people
on, like this is who you werebefore the podcast and on your
podcast you talk about itbecause of how much you believe
in it.
So take us down some of yourgratitude practice and why
gratitude is so important to you.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Oh my goodness, how much time we got.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Well, this is yeah, we have episodes.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Well, let's try to be concise with it, but this, uh,
intentional gratitude practicehas been something that's
literally changed my life.
I believe that gratitudeliterally can save lives.
It certainly impacted my life,certainly has changed it for the
(13:19):
better.
I believe gratitude is theopposite of resentment and
entitlement.
I think gratitude can pullpeople out of the worst moments
that they have.
I think gratitude can preparepeople to endure well those
challenging moments that theymay face.
And where it came from for meand I'll kind of describe the
(13:43):
evolution of my kind of, youknow, the little daily morning
routines and things like thatand where that came from.
Really, I think you guys havehad Dr Paul Jenkins on your
podcast before and we have.
He was appropriately my firstguest on our very first episode,
because it was maybe a dozenyears ago.
My wife and I used to visitwith Dr Paul Jenkins when he was
(14:05):
practicing psychologist and and.
I love.
You know his book and his story, pathological positivity and we
were having some challenges.
I think it was maybe raisingour daughter, who was the
creative one.
She was a little tough as ayoung toddler, she was really
hard.
But but we were working with DrPaul and in part of this,
(14:30):
somewhere in the conversation,he challenged us to start a
daily gratitude routine, agratitude practice, and he gave
us a challenge to do that and towrite daily things we're
grateful for.
And he says but you got to makesure that a certain number of
those things are the hard things.
And he says that's what powersit up, is when you can find
(14:51):
where you're grateful and whatyou're grateful for in the hard
stuff, in the cancer, in losingyour job, in whatever is this
challenging thing?
Now, you don't necessarily haveto be grateful for that cancer,
but what comes from it?
You know where is gratitude inthis, because it's there If you
(15:14):
can search for it and it takeswork, um, but so we started that
and you know, really, my wifeshe's like, oh my gosh, I can't
believe that.
I had just ordered twogratitude journals and she came
to me and she'd given it to meand said, hey, randy like
committed me to write in itevery day and I'm like, okay,
I'll do that.
And, and so I did.
And it was prompted.
You know it said, every morning, maybe, write you know a power
(15:37):
statement or something and threethings I'm grateful for in the
morning, and, um, and at the endof the day, you know three
things that were awesome andsomething like that.
And so I did that and, you know, filled a couple of books with
these and we do it over and over, and then just realized it
wasn't just the daily routine.
Um, it was how it changed myoutlook on life outside of that.
(15:59):
That kind of got the motorrunning and then I would,
consistently, I found myself,you know, even driving in
traffic.
I was patient.
I, you know, I could, I justfelt different.
But what really, where it hadits teeth was when I would have
(16:21):
something challenging come alongand say, oh my goodness, like
through that, I knew that thiswas for me, this challenge was
for me, and I could seegratitude.
Well, there's something in thisfor me that's improving me.
I mean, there's a lot ofexperience that happened along
the way through that, but reallya daily gratitude practice,
(16:43):
prompted by Dr Paul Jenkinsinitially, but that we kept
along for many years.
And then we went throughsomething pretty hard and on the
other side of it we thought,wow, like how, how amazing it
was that we were able tocontinue that gratitude practice
through what was, you know, oneof the more challenging,
(17:03):
devastating moments in our life,and and then, on the other side
, say, well, that helped pull usthrough and and what was on the
other side was so much betterthan what we even imagined.
And then after that, we, my wifeand I, really felt like you
know what we're?
(17:24):
We're God has done somethingfor us and he's blessed us in a
big way, and he now it's ourturn.
And so we felt this like nudge,like you got to do something.
We're like stop poking me inthe ribs.
What do you want?
You know?
Like that's kind of how we felt.
We're like, yeah, we need to dosomething to to give back, but
(17:46):
it but we kept feeling like ithad to be on this um idea of
gratitude, and we said, well,what do we have to offer?
Um, and so we started printinggratitude journals and we've
given away thousands of them,you know, and I print them every
client I have at work.
You know, I'm an attorney, I'ma trust attorney and I do wills
(18:06):
and trusts for lots of peopleand every one of them, they all
get a couple gratitude journalsand it's, they say, sparks of
gratitude on them and I'm likeI'm not giving people thank you
cards, I'm giving them the giftof gratitude and but you know,
thousands of these over theyears we've given out.
And then we knew, like, youknow, what's the next level of
this.
There's something else we'resupposed to do.
And I thought, well, the onlyreason that this has become
(18:29):
meaningful in my life is becausesomebody else challenged me to
do it.
Somebody else taught mesomething and luckily I listened
to some of those things and tryto implement it.
Um, and I thought, well, whydon't I just press record while
I'm talking to people and listento those lessons?
And so we we started thepodcast and I was really nervous
(18:52):
about it.
Um, I and I I delayed it fortwo or three years before I kind
of got up the courage toactually push record, cause I
got a lot of dopamine by tellingpeople I'm going to do a
podcast, because it made me feel, it made the brain chemicals in
my head feel like I was doingsomething when I actually wasn't
um, just telling people thatI'm going to Um, but then
(19:15):
eventually I I did that and it'sbeen.
It's been amazing to to talk topeople and listen to their
triumphs and tragedies and andhow gratitude has played a part
in their life and I hope someonelistens to that and you know
has a takeaway.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
A takeaway, well they do, because I know I looked at
your listen score and you'reranked in the top 10 percent of
all podcasts worldwide.
After four episodes he's gotsome really cool guests on his
podcast.
So when you're done here, golook him up.
Sparks of gratitude, because hedid it.
I I'm proud of you, thank you.
We talked about it for a whileand you finally did it.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
I love positive paradigm shifts, like you had
with the gratitude journal,right, basically, it made you
see the world different andchanged you how you see the
world.
Um, love that.
I always tell my kids.
Happiness is a choice.
I think that the gratitudething is a way to practice that.
So I'm going to talk to my kidsand say, okay, let's do a
(20:16):
gratitude journal for a wasthat's teaching me?
You mentioned a major challengeIs that something you wanted to
share publicly or you don'tshare that publicly?
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Oh well, we've got lots of them, but part of it was
you know, I've worked for thelaw firm I work at for the last
four years.
I worked at another great firmfor eight or nine years before
that and imagined myself stayingthere forever and then
eventually we split up ourpartnership and I didn't really
(21:03):
imagine that in my plans, butthat's the way it happened and I
look back and say wow that wasamazing I'm so grateful for, for
that entire time that I hadthat.
that created who I, helpedcreate who I, who I was.
And then um.
(21:24):
Had it not been for um, youknow, something kind of like
knocking me out for somethingkind of like knocking me out, I
probably wouldn't have moved toa next stage in my life, and so
(21:44):
I kind of needed something tokind of knock me out of that
place.
But it was hard, because Ididn't imagine that.
I didn't imagine that Iwouldn't be working there.
I thought I'd be working thereforever and retire, you know,
working in this place, and so Ididn't allow myself to see
beyond this, this paradigm.
But then, once I was allowed tosee the other side of it, I
thought, oh, there's, there'ssomething different, there's
(22:05):
something more.
And it actually freed my, mymind to think about.
Well, I'm willing to seesomething that I can't now.
I'm open to some newpossibility that I can't even
yet imagine there could be a newfuture for me and it's kind of
(22:25):
exciting, you, it's a littlefrightening and exciting all at
once and um yeah, it was amazing.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
So you've got 17 years worth of fatherhood
experience.
If you were to go back andwrite a letter to yourself when
you first became a dad, what arethe things you'd put in that
letter?
Speaker 3 (22:51):
You know, I heard I want to say something super
profound, but I think the truthis that I wouldn't have listened
to any of it, because I knewwhat I was doing.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Yeah, it's kind of the truth, Like you figure.
You figure that you've got thetools and you do the best with
what you have and relationshipsand so on.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
But, I've also been able to watch my siblings get
married and raise their kids,and I got to come along after
and take what they've learnedalong the way.
Cherry pick some of the thingsyou didn't learn for yourself
Right, and then I get to do itwrong my own way.
I love it.
(23:57):
But there, yeah, what would,what would I say I, I, you know
what I think is the first child.
I wish I could take, being afather of three kids and apply
what I'd learned and give thosesame benefits to child one,
(24:18):
because we learned on him, andchild two and three get the
lessons that we learned where hegot the experiment.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I think every parent that has more than one kid would
say that.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
My parents have told me that I've told myself that.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
So, yeah, that's yeah .
So if I and I've apologized tomy oldest too, yeah, and like,
as she gets to the, you knowshe's the oldest one we have, so
she gets all the firsts.
You know like's the oldest onewe have, so she gets all the
firsts, you know, like, thethings that you never think
about, like well, what happensif this happens?
Or what if she wants to do this?
Or you know you, you you'reprompted by experiences to go,
(25:01):
okay, we haven't thought aboutthis.
And oftentimes I find myselfjust saying, hey, um, I just
need you to extend me a littlegrace here, because I've never
dealt with this before, thatyou're the first.
I apologize that you're theoldest, but you are, and I've
got to figure out.
I don't know, I don't know theanswer to this right now, but
(25:22):
that didn't come until like muchlater.
Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't likeall growing up, I'm like'm like
, I'm sorry, you're the firstperson I've ever tried to parent
or father and I'm gonna screwup.
I'm so sorry you.
You just like, you said likeyou wouldn't have listened to
the advice because you knew whatyou were doing, and uh.
So I think, I think it's aprofound question.
(25:43):
I heard somebody heard somebodyask it the other day, like what
would you write to yourself?
You could go back in time andjust like leave yourself a note.
You know, and I think for methe little things are not the
big things.
That's what I would say, likeif I was going to go back and
raise little kids again.
All the little things that Iworried about, the clean bedroom
(26:04):
, the little things that I gotupset about, they're not worth
getting upset over.
You're just making sure yourkid feels safe and loved and has
structure.
Yeah, I love that I got.
I got too worked up because myidentity was tied to what's
everybody going to think if mykid misbehaves?
And that reflects poorly on meas a parent that I am doing a
(26:27):
bad job at the most importantjob.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I love that and I love that.
You said you, you have thatconversation with your daughter
or all of your kids.
Um, my wife and I try to dothat.
Um, quite often it's a it's apretty big theme in the house
where our kids know that they'reteaching us how to be parents,
like we are doing it togetherand and we'll have the
(26:53):
conversation with them about,you know, what can we do better.
You know, um, and sometimes Ithink you know they may not feel
like it's a two wayconversation, you know, but but
in my head that that's wherewe're trying to go is involve
them in that.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
One of the conversations I've started
having with my kids the lastlittle while, last couple of
years, is trying to see it fromboth points of view.
Meaning I'll talk to them aboutis this the way you're seeing
it, is this the way you'refeeling?
And get that conversation goingand then get them to see it
from my point of view.
Can you see that I'm trying tobe a good dad?
Can you see that I'm trying tohelp you like, learn and grow
(27:34):
and become a responsible adult?
And that conversation ishelpful because first I always
listened to their point of viewfirst, but then when you can see
it in their eyes, especially asthey get older and they can
comprehend what you're talkingabout, you can see it in their
eyes, that aha moment of oh,yeah, even if I don't like what
(27:57):
he's saying and even if I don'tagree with what he's saying and
even if I want to be defensive,yeah, darn it, I can see dad's
just trying to be a good dadright?
Speaker 2 (28:13):
well, and another very interesting question to ask
when you're in that situationis to ask them how would you
deal this, how would you dealwith this if you were me?
That's a great question,because then they have to look
at it through your point of view.
Great question yeah and it.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
It's tough.
I I sometimes worry if my kids,when I, when I talk about that
is you know what, what do you,you know how would you deal with
the situation?
Or you know what do yourecommend to get their input on
that, and sometimes I worry arethey just responding with I was
just going to say what they want, cause I know that's what
they're going to say.
Well, I can't use my device, or, yeah, that's the fair thing.
(28:46):
That's the fair thing, but I Ithink I have thoughtful kids, um
, and I learned so much fromthem.
I one thing that's been reallyamazing is my daughter goes to
this um.
Both of my daughters go to thisum private school called slope
slope school.
(29:06):
It's a, it's an act in academyif anybody knows what that is,
but one of the things that theydo at the school, that may be
one of the most important.
I actually interviewed theprincipal on my podcast a couple
weeks ago.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
This was my next question um.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
One of the things that they do, um, or two of the
most impactful things that theydo at this school are are one is
is socratic discussion, wherethey have the entire entire age
group of kids get together andthey have a discussion together
and they come prepared and theyask a question to teach them how
to really really thinkcritically, and the process is
(29:41):
awesome because they really haveto exercise their minds.
But one of the other thingsthat they do and I only learned
about it when my daughterbrought it home is they have
something that's called a peacetalk and these are kids from
elementary age all the way upthrough ninth grade, like young
kids, five-year-olds, all theway up to 15, 16-year-olds, and
(30:04):
they all know what a peace talkis.
And in every classroom theyhave a table that's the peace
table and it's got the protocolon top of the table, which is
you know, anytime a kid has aconflict or a disagreement with
somebody, they know the processto resolve it and they come and
they say I want to have a peacetalk with somebody, and there's
always going to be a facilitatorwho could be one of the adult
(30:27):
guides or another student andthey, they sit at the table and
they have the process and thefacilitator, one of them gets to
express you know, I felt thisway when you, you know, and they
explain themselves in this, youknow it's not heated, they all
know the rules and it'sincredible that young kids will
do this.
And then the other one gets tospeak and restate what the first
(30:52):
person said, and then thefacilitator says did that
accurately portray what you'retrying to say?
And they can agree or say no,actually, and kind of give more
detail.
And then the other person getsto talk about how they felt and
it goes back and then all of asudden, just by being able to
feel heard, in almost every caseit's resolved, is they
(31:13):
understand each other andsometimes they come up with an
agreement to resolution.
Well, I didn't know that theydid this at the school until my
daughter comes home and and shecomes out of the pantry She'd
pulled her older brother in thepantry with her and they come
out and they're kind of smilingtogether and I'm like what's
going on?
She's like, oh, I just took Maxin there and we had a peace
talk.
And I'm like, well, what?
And she explained.
(31:34):
She's like, oh well, we do thisat school and she brought it
home and now that's been part ofor available to us as a family
discussion is to have this typeof conflict resolution or
discussion where we kind of know, hey, if we say the words peace
, talk or something, then all ofa sudden everybody knows.
All right, we are trying togain understanding with each
(31:57):
other while we're speakingrather than argue with each
other.
And my daughter it's incrediblewith all of them how they
respond to our conversations nowbecause they've learned that
skill and I've just prayed everyday that the point's going to
come where my kids won't listento me but then they're going to
(32:17):
listen to some adult that wouldsay something I'd want them to
hear, and this is one of thosethings and they've brought it
home and it's really impactfulto the house.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
My kids will say dad needs the peace talk he needs to
not just say do the way I sayto do it.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Yeah, and you know what?
That's the truth.
And she pushes back on us.
I mean, well, they all do, um,but if we can get ourselves into
the space where, where we'relistening, where they're feeling
like they're heard, they, theyoften feel comfortable and
they'll challenge us with that.
And, and a lot of times we'vesaid, yeah, you know, you're
(32:54):
right, um, you know, and we, wemessed up there, we, we could
have done that differently.
And, and every time I do it,I'm kind of looking at my wife.
I'm like, look, how amazingthis is.
We're being proven wrong andwe're excited about it.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
You know that is pretty cool.
Yeah, that is pretty cool.
So you guys have had somepretty cool moments of
connection in your house thatyou've shared with us, like
through this.
It's kind of a variation on thetalking pillow.
Do you ever do that?
It's like you can't talk unlessyou're holding the pillow.
(33:31):
Oh yeah, yeah, I think thatmade a famous appearance on
Breaking Bad Made the talkingpillow famous.
Talk to us about some of theother things that you've done to
connect with your kids.
This is kind of like the magicquestion, like what can our
(33:51):
listeners do try in their homes?
It's worked in the Sparks house.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
You know something that's meaningful to me.
Well, I'll tell a story.
I might have told you thisstory, kirk.
Um, when I was in fifth gradeyou know I'm one of eight kids.
I'll get to the question.
You asked Kirk.
I promise Okay, um, but whenyou're one of eight kids, I'll
get to the question.
You asked kirk.
I promise okay, um, but whenyou're one of eight, my mom and
dad, my dad's working all thetime, and my and he was always
(34:18):
present.
We always did cool stufftogether.
You know, we're going camping,we're going to lake powell,
we're going.
So we always had coolexperiences together.
That I that I remember and thatplays into this.
Um, when I was in fifth grade,my fifth grade teacher would
guide um American history toursthrough, you know, back East in
the summer as like a side job,and so he would invite us fifth
(34:41):
grade class, cause we studied,you know us, history during
fifth grade and and I said, mom,can I go on this thing?
You know, it's like two weekslong, you know through through
the East coast.
And she's like, yeah, I thinkthat'd be awesome.
And this is one of the benefitsof being on the younger end of
the family, because none of theolder kids grew up in a family
that had any money.
And then the younger kids gotspoiled and I'm one of them and
(35:02):
but that's what was my life?
I'm I'm't realize until yearslater.
That was the only time in mywhole life I had my mom to
myself, ever.
But I never forget thatexperience.
I remember going to thesewonderful places all over
(35:22):
American history sites and so on, but what was the most
impactful was the connectionwith my mom.
I had her, just me and her, andI remember just being like on
her hip the whole time, neverembarrassed, holding her hand,
hugging her for like two weeksstraight as a, as a fifth grader
.
Um, and then we came home andyears later I thought, wow, that
(35:45):
was really cool.
And my wife and I got marriedand I said you know, it'd be
awesome is if, when we have kids, that once they get to about
that age, 12 years old, I takethem on a trip wherever they
want to go, just the two of us.
Because I had that experiencewhen I was younger and I believe
if, if I explain, you know whatmy most important core values
(36:06):
are at the very top I meangratitude you'd be, you know,
shocked to hear if that wasn'tone of them.
So it's definitely gratitudes upthere.
But.
But meaningful connection isprobably the top and I'm a.
I'm a feeler Like I just loveconnecting with someone.
If you get me in a room with abunch of people, I don't connect
(36:27):
, I keep my mouth shut.
But if I'm one on one, I'm likeI want to connect deep.
And you know, and I love it whenpeople lean into that and can
make deep connections.
But I believe that meaningfulconnections are built through
shared experiences.
(36:47):
It's not built by talking aboutit, it's built by sharing an
experience together, andsometimes the deepest connection
can happen from even a shortexperience.
Sometimes it's a longerexperience, but to me it's
experiences, and so our familymotto has been experiences, not
things, and so years ago we soI've done that with my kids.
(37:10):
You know, when they turned 12,we take them on a trip.
When my son turned 12, he saidfor years, like four years, I
want to go to the U S opentennis tournament in in New York
, and so I took max to that.
Um and it was so fun and I ranhim ragged all over New York and
stuff and lots of tennis andit's my favorite cause, I love
tennis so much.
Um, my daughter wanted to go toJapan and so I took her to
Japan.
(37:30):
Um, and we had a week togetherall over Japan which was so much
fun.
And then I've got a younger onethat that hasn't had her turn
yet.
Um, but something else we didas a family to create those
experiences.
What we want is memories thatwe'll be able to hang on forever
.
I think about as a child I don'tremember the day to day.
I mean a lot of thatpersonality and lessons.
(37:52):
You know that's ingrained justfrom repetition and being raised
by my parents.
But I can vividly.
I could.
If I could paint, I could painta picture of 1978 or, you know,
I'm two years old, in visitingSeattle Northwest, visiting some
cousins or traveling, you know,in the motor home out to.
(38:13):
You know old, you know LDSchurch history sites and I'm two
years old, 18 months old, and Iremember, I remember it.
I remember Lake Powell sittingon a surfboard, being pulled
behind the boat with my dad whenI'm in 1978, because we did
things together.
I remember those vividly but Idon't remember the day to day.
(38:37):
And so he said well, how aboutwe create those experiences
instead?
And so we quit doing Christmas.
We said, instead of havingChristmas and opening presents
because they will love and it'sso much fun.
I admit I love Christmasmorning, but Christmas morning
ends and I don't remember otherthan a handful of times what
(38:58):
gifts I got for Christmas, but Iremember the experience that I
had with somebody.
So we quit doing Christmasmorning.
We said let's have anexperience together instead.
And so we'll travel somewhere.
And they'll always rememberthat road trip in Northern
California and Yosemite andRedwoods for Christmas and I'll
always remember that trip wetook together.
(39:21):
So so that's what we do tohopefully our intent is to build
those connections and memories.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
It's a good one.
That's a good one.
We stopped doing Christmas too,like years ago, and I think it
was it was before we started thepodcast, cause we've been doing
it for like eight or nine years, but I think it was one of the
conversations that we had andsomebody said, yeah, we, we
stopped.
They asked me the question whatdid you get for Christmas, like
(39:49):
two years ago?
And I couldn't remember.
And I went home and asked mykids and they couldn't remember
and I'm like why do we do it?
You know what are we doing thisfor anyway?
So our kids know that we get a.
They get like some basics.
They get like a couple of likesome school clothes mid year and
then they open something.
(40:10):
That's our family trip that wego on in June or April, during
spring break.
So that's been a fun tradition.
I like that one.
That one's been a game changerfor us too.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I think it's super smart.
I've got my first leaving inJune.
Humbling experience as a parentto see the impact you're having
is over in a lot of waysmeaning yes, we'll still have
(40:46):
experiences and they'll probablybe even more important to us
now.
But it makes you reflect andsay did I do enough?
Did I have enough experiencetime?
Did I bond enough?
You know, and the answer isprobably always no.
But um, I think if you're doingit on purpose, that's huge.
I think Doug Wren was the firstone who talked about um, I
can't remember what it wascalled.
It's called moonwalking withEinstein.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Moonwalking with Einstein, and it was this book
about if you can create thesebookmarks or these major moments
in time like you were talkingabout.
I remember this but I don'tremember the day to day.
The book kind of talks abouthow you can extend your life, so
someone could just only haveday to day experiences and live
(41:29):
90 years, but the same personcould have bookmarks they've
created with these experienceand it's like living a double
the length of life because thememories in there are double the
length.
I thought that was a cool wayof explaining this idea of
experiences.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Yeah, I love it so much and I think you're right
that if the question's alwaysgoing to be, the answer is
always going to be no, that likedid I do enough?
And I'll give my own dad as anexample for that man.
He did try his best and I thinkhe raised us well, and still,
(42:10):
I'll talk to him now and he'llsay, yeah, I don't think I did
that right, and he acknowledgesthat to me now.
Did that right, you know, andI'm, and he acknowledges that to
me now.
And and but I I also don'tthink that he did it necessarily
wrong because he was trying hisbest.
Yeah, what do you know?
What to do?
Speaker 1 (42:24):
you know, on the flip side of that too, I've been
starting to do that with my ownparents because they're healthy
and you, you know somewhat young, but we're not going to be
young forever.
Rob will appreciate thesomewhat young.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Yeah, they're in their seventies.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Right and early seventies and and in great
health and can travel and doanything they want to do pretty
much.
But the clock's ticking right.
It is what it is.
We're all going to somewhere inbetween 70 and 110,.
It's going to end, right, andI'm trying to get those exact
same things with them now, right?
(43:04):
In fact, when we started thepodcast, my dad walked in, if
you guys remember, and I wassaying hey, what?
Look at the email I just sentyou.
And you guys don't know whatthat email about, but it was
about going to Ireland to playgolf in the spring of 25.
And the whole point of that ishow do I get that experience
(43:25):
with my dad and then how do I?
start tying the generationstogether.
To get my kids to go on some ofthose experiences, right?
Big tennis fan also.
Same thing.
I took my little boy toWimbledon last year.
It was epic, but I invited mymom, Just her, not my dad,
because my dad does a bunch ofstuff with us in the golf world,
(43:48):
right, and it was creatingthose.
That's huge, those moments, andI think it's on both sides of
the generational thing.
My wife this morning said Ithink I want to take my mom to
New York.
Hopefully she's not listeningto this podcast.
It's supposed to be a surprise.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
You better tell me if you want me to edit that out.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
Same thing, though she's thinking well, how much
time am I going to have with mymom?
I want to take her to New York,just me and her.
So we took.
We think about our kids often.
I'm just telling the listenersmaybe think about your parents
too.
That's just as important.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
And I think there's like this fallacy to that and
cause you and I are in the exactsame position, like my
daughter's talking about movingout and all through my head
there's are going through yours,and I think there's a fallacy
that we're going to look back inlike 25 or 30 years at the age
(44:40):
we are now and go, man, youthought you were done.
You're not even anywhere closeto being done, because how much
influence do your mom and dadhave on your life?
Still, totally Right.
So I think we're lookingthrough it, through a little bit
of a distorted glass that weare now we, there's a stage of
life and the influence, the typeof influence, will change, but
(45:02):
it will not go away.
So, randy, we always askeverybody at the end of the
podcast what they think it meansto be a gentleman, and you know
this.
Would you like to answer thatquestion today?
We always ask everybody at theend of the podcast what they
think it means to be a gentleman, and you know this.
Would you like to answer that?
Speaker 3 (45:17):
question today.
Yes, and I'm thinking about twothings.
I think a gentleman values deepconnection.
I think that's one of thefundamental things that's
important in my life at least,and I think, if I am living my
best, I'm connecting with people, really deeply connecting, and
(45:46):
I think that a gentleman givesgrace and reconciliation to
others and seeks that.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
For himself too.
Speaker 3 (46:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
Knows how to say and accept and I'm sorry, I love it.
Speaker 3 (46:07):
Yeah, Acknowledge when you're wrong.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
and and yeah, and seek, seek resolution and and of
course, they're grateful yougot to throw that one in because
I think that I mean, I don'tknow that you can be a gentleman
and not be grateful.
I'm just saying that, like Ithink it's one of.
Uh, I I have heard it said Ican't remember who said it but
(46:36):
one of the greatest sins in lifeis the sin of not being
grateful.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
Yep, and Cicero said something.
Now I'm going to get it wrongbecause I'm nervous on the
podcast, but that you know,gratitude is, is not only the
greatest of virtues, it's themother of all other virtues.
Yeah, and I think it's just thefoundation upon which the rest
stand.
And you know, obviously withthe theme of my podcast, I'll go
with that.
I love it.
(47:05):
And, guys, gratitude is free,it's free.
So give yourself a gift, findgratitude.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Thanks, randy.
Now you've listened to thispodcast.
Now switch over to Sparks ofGratitude and listen to some of
what give the listeners.
Your favorite episode so far?
Which one would you?
Speaker 3 (47:28):
say go listen to Probably the one with Kirk Chug.
Speaker 2 (47:32):
Wow, that sounded like a planet question.
I was not even.
I was not even remembering.
Um, besides Kirk Chug's episode, who would you go listen to?
Speaker 3 (47:40):
I'll tell you who.
Who some of the most recent was.
I had Steven Nyman on recentlywho was a world cup um downhill
ski racer.
That was a fun story and I grewup with him as a kid and um,
he's got a lot of great storiesto tell of.
You know how challenging the itis to to be a professional ski
(48:00):
racer I've had there.
I I heard jerry seinfeld getasked once you know which was
his favorite episode of seinfeldand he's like but they're all
my babies, you know.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
So I think that's a very hard question.
I think someone asked you onthere?
Speaker 2 (48:11):
what would you say?
Speaker 1 (48:13):
um, don't answer that , the one with Corey Moore.
Speaker 2 (48:18):
Because they're all my babies.
Corey's been on every one ofthem.
Corey's been on more than Ihave, because you did a solo one
one time.
I won, I won, I won.
So, randy, thanks for joiningus.
That was an awesomeconversation and I'm glad we had
it.
Thanks so much for who you areand your example in connecting
with people.
You can all learn from that andbe better at that.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
Appreciate you both.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
Yeah, we appreciate you too, Randy.
If you liked the podcast today,please like and subscribe to
the podcast.
Do the normal stuff Drop us arating and a review.
That really helps people findus that haven't found us yet.
You wouldn't listen to apodcast with no ratings.
So if you want to do somethingfor Corey and me, go drop us a
rating on Apple um and and sharethe podcast with somebody that
(49:03):
you love.
If somebody's name popped intoyour head that you thought would
benefit from Randy's messagetoday, hit the share button and
share this podcast episode withthem and just tell them that
you're thinking about them.
Thanks for joining us today.
I'm Kirk Chug and I'm CoreyMoore.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
Thanks everybody.
Hi, I'm Corey Moore.
Speaker 2 (00:02):
Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast and
I'm Kirk Chug.
Today, randy Sparks joins us ina podcast studio.
Randy and I have got to knoweach other over the past year
and a half, probably At least.
It was right after COVID I wasinvited to be part of a men's
group, which you may have heardof.
We've had Brian Hurd and CurtisMorley from the same men's
group and this group of guys isthe type of people that you want
(00:26):
to hang out with and Randy hasalways stood out to me as one of
those guys that I want to learnfrom.
And we've been able to kind ofconnect outside of the men's
group and he started a podcastrecently and we were able to
kind of share some knowledge.
And as I've got to know Randymore and more, I think that he
(00:47):
has a gift to share with theworld.
You'll learn what that is todaythrough his podcast, what he
talks about and the way he makespeople feel when he's with them
.
I think we've got a lot tolearn.
So welcome, randy.
You're an amazing dude, gladyou could join us today, excited
to be with you guys.
He looks like a rock starbecause he is.
(01:07):
He's a uh, he's a shredder.
He plays the electric guitar,as for years and years, and we
nobody knew this about randy inthe men's group until he posted
a video I don't know how youguys didn't know that, but I
don't know.
You were apparently super famousand we just didn't know it.
But the dude can still shred,so that started a long time ago.
Speaker 3 (01:30):
You've been doing that for a while oh, since I was
a kid, I used to steal mybrother's van halen records when
I was five years old this is inmaybe 1980, 81 and oh, it just
made me feel something inside.
I just love it so much.
I love anything where you cranka guitar amp to 11 and just let
it scream, but I also love thesoft stuff.
(01:51):
But there's just somethingabout that that's just got a
place in my heart.
Speaker 1 (01:54):
So did your kids get into that at all?
Did you pass that on to thenext generation?
Speaker 3 (01:58):
nope, no, um, no, although my son did build my son
max, he's 17, he's awesomeschool.
They had a project in one oftheir wood classes and he built
a replica of Eddie Van Halen'sfirst Frankenstein guitar when
it was still the black and whitestripe.
Anyway, any any Van Halen nerdsout there know what I'm talking
about, so he obviously has somekind of appreciation and it
(02:20):
hangs on his wall.
He's not really a player, but hebuilt it and I'm working on
some guitar build projects.
This is a new thing for me.
And he says, Dad, can we buy mea kit?
And he wants to build aTelecaster.
And so I'm going to get him akit and we'll build a guitar
together.
It's going to be fun.
Speaker 1 (02:34):
Oh yeah, that sounds like a really great father-son
thing.
Speaker 3 (02:37):
So how many kids do you have?
Three kids, Um, 17,.
Max is 17.
Um, he's a senior.
He went to his prom thisweekend with his, with his cute
girl, and um, oh man, he's goingto kill me.
But he had his first kiss acouple of weeks ago and he knew
that this, dad was his firsthigh five since he was a little
kid.
We knew that.
All right, dude, you know whenthis happens, you know what to
(03:00):
do.
He walks in with his hand upjust waiting for the high five,
and I'm like yes, it's happened.
Speaker 2 (03:06):
He told us that that's amazing.
Speaker 3 (03:08):
Oh, it was the best.
I was so excited for him.
Speaker 2 (03:11):
That's cool.
So you've got a 17 year old son.
Speaker 3 (03:13):
Oh yeah, we're talking about kids, yeah, and I
got a 15 year old daughter.
Um, she's named Penelope.
She goes by Penny, but I thinkPenelope is the most beautiful
name ever and so that's what Icall her.
And her mind is like like LewisCarroll has nothing on Penelope
Sparks, the, the imaginationthat's happening inside her mind
(03:35):
and it, it tortures and blessesher in the most amazing ways of
of the creativity that justspills through.
That that's her superpower.
Superpower, max's superpower ishe, is, he feels you, he is
just the sweetest, most lovingkid and he, just he.
He really is a tender heart andhe feels and loves hard.
(03:56):
And then my youngest daughter.
We had a gap, six-year gap.
She's eva, eva is her name, andshe's nine.
And her superpower is she makesfriends with everybody fast and
she knows everybody's name,every kid in her whole school,
in every class, in every age,and their parents.
(04:16):
She knows them all well.
She's just friends witheverybody, not afraid of
anything or anybody so I lovehow you talk about your kids.
Speaker 1 (04:25):
They're superpowers and this is who they are and
they're going to.
I'm sure you tell them that now, but they're going to look back
on this podcast someday andlisten to this and their dad
talking about them and that'sgoing to be cool.
Speaker 3 (04:36):
I hope so.
I hope they know that.
I'm sure they can tell thatyou've this isn't the first time
you've talked about them inthat way.
No, it's true In fact.
Um, with my son oh, this is astory I'm probably I might start
crying about this.
Um, I imagined, uh, I thinkabout being a dad and when I've
(04:56):
got one of my kids that needs myattention, um, I kind of go all
in.
But then I worry that the onethat's just doing great, like
they've got it, they're fine.
And I just really startedfeeling the other day.
I'm like I think I've been givena lot of attention to my
daughters recently, you know,over the last couple of years,
with some, you know, uniquechallenges or things that have
(05:17):
come along along the way, andMax has just been so good.
He's been the one that reallydidn't need a lot of like, oh
man, he's going through this orthat or he just handles it and
and he's good and steady.
And then I I just startedthinking about that and I'm like
, oh man, I've given so muchattention to the others lately
(05:37):
At least, this is the story inmy head and I walked down and
he's just sitting alone on thecouch.
I'm like, hey, max, I want totalk to you.
Dude, I couldn't get five wordsout before I just started
bawling my eyes out.
I'm just telling him hey, man,and I tried to explain that
story to him.
I was like, you know, I justlove you so much and you're so
(05:57):
steady and you're doing so goodand I'm so proud of you that I
wonder if you felt like I'veneglected you, because I've
spent a lot of time with hissisters.
And if it ever has felt likethat, the purpose of that is
because I trust where he is andhave so much confidence in him.
(06:21):
But then I worry that that mighthave had a different effect.
And I just looked at him andI'm like and then the other day
I wanted to come home and watcha movie with you and you were
telling me you're going to yourgirlfriend's house.
And I was like, oh man, I'mlosing my son, and so then my
heart breaks and I'm crying tohim.
And we just sat there and heldeach other for a long time and
his tears are coming down, um,and, and so I think he gets it.
(06:43):
I think he feels it becausewhen I look at him I feel like
I'm looking in the mirror, likeit's it's me.
He's got the same heart, thesame personality as me, and so,
um, the blessing of that is alsothe curse, because I know what
pains he feels and you know, andI can tell when he's feeling it
, and so I feel that connectionto him for that.
Speaker 2 (07:08):
What a cool conversation.
He's probably never going toforget that either.
What did he say?
Did he say when I when I haveconversations like that with my
kids are like, oh, it's okay,dad, you know?
Like oh, don't feel bad aboutthat.
Like well, no, I like how doyou feel about it?
Like like I'm apologizingbecause I feel like I've like
maybe neglected or fallen shortin this area.
(07:30):
Um, was he, was he open withyou about like yeah, maybe I did
feel like that a little bit, ordid you guys just was all the
talking done with a hug?
Speaker 3 (07:39):
and just yeah, you know what he said.
He said nothing and he saideverything in in his eyes and in
his heart and and in his hug.
I mean, it was, that waseverything.
So you know, he doesn't, hedoesn't talk a lot.
Speaker 2 (07:55):
What 17 year old kid really does.
Speaker 3 (07:58):
That's true, you get lots of one word answers Um, and
he's.
He's also um guilty of that, asas am I.
Um, but yeah, he definitely.
I mean, I could see it in hisface and see it in his eyes and
and, oh man.
And then, when he just leanedin to hold me, I mean, what more
could I ask?
Doesn't get better than that,yep.
Speaker 1 (08:18):
So you seem like you're pretty in tune empathetic
, um aware person in general.
What made you the way you are?
What made you the dad you are?
Speaker 3 (08:32):
Um, I would say I, I'm.
I'm my mother's son in thatsense, you know where I've.
I've taken a lot of like giftsand knowledge and skills from
both my parents.
Um, as far as it goes to my, myheart and the expression of
that, I feel like it's all mymom and she was just this, this
(08:58):
loving saint, and all love andall empathy and and man she was
just the best, still is, and soI think I got that from my
mother.
My dad was all big dreams andvision and hard work and I can
(09:18):
do that, whereas my mom, she,was all the love and tenderness,
and so I learned a lot fromboth of them.
Speaker 1 (09:28):
That's really a good one-two punch right there.
I sometimes think in life ingeneral like I want to
accomplish things and I want tomake things happen, but you
can't just make things happenwith emotional beings called
humans.
You have to have.
You have to do that via love,right?
You have to actually start withlove on the way to
(09:51):
accomplishing whatever,especially if you're working
with other people, even yourself, right?
So I don't know why I thoughtabout that this morning.
So when you said that, Ithought, oh, that's a perfect,
like unconditional love, backedby dreaming and accomplishing
and moving forward and trying tobecome your best self.
Maybe call it continuousimprovement.
That's cool.
Speaker 3 (10:13):
Yeah, and those are things that I didn't necessarily
appreciate as a kid One becauseit was just my reality Like
this is.
Isn't everybody's life likethis.
I even even my friends thatlived across the street.
I just assumed that this iswhat life is like, is this is
what parents are like.
They're all like my mom and dad.
And then and then learning thatit's not like that and over the
(10:34):
years, and and then lookingback and saying, wow, you know,
this parenting thing isn't justyou walk in the park, it's, you
know, it's a lot of work andintentional effort.
And then to think and be able togive grace to my own parents
for all of that work that theydid for me and how much it was
for me, and even their mistakesalong the way, was their attempt
(10:58):
to do the absolute best for meand oh my goodness what I got
out of that.
Speaker 2 (11:06):
It's impactful to look back on that now as a
parent and see what your parentsdid for you, isn't it Right?
You inherited a lot from yourfolks, it sounds like, through
their personalities and thethings that they taught you.
You also got a pretty cool lastname, sparks, and uh, that's
your.
The name of your podcast issparks of gratitude, which works
(11:29):
really great.
You're, you're one of the guysthat lives a life of gratitude
and he has tapped into thesuperpower of gratitude that
anybody can practice.
And as I watched you and the waythat you are mindful, like,
corey just met you and he'salready picked up on like this
(11:52):
empathetic, very in tune,purposeful, intentional guy that
I've gotten over the last yearand a half, and I think you do
so much of what you do dothrough gratitude, and so I want
to tap so much of what you dodo through gratitude, and so I
want to tap into some of theneedy, greedy of what do you do
(12:15):
to practice gratitude?
Like, what are your strategies?
Strategy is a bad word, butlike, how do you practice it?
Your gratitude practice on adaily basis, because you don't
just talk about it on yourpodcast.
This is part of who you are andthe reason why you're doing the
podcast.
You didn't start this because Igot a cool ass name and I can
(12:36):
make a cool podcast name and Ican have a bunch of cool people
on, like this is who you werebefore the podcast and on your
podcast you talk about itbecause of how much you believe
in it.
So take us down some of yourgratitude practice and why
gratitude is so important to you.
Speaker 3 (12:53):
Oh my goodness, how much time we got.
Speaker 2 (12:55):
Well, this is yeah, we have episodes.
Speaker 3 (12:59):
Well, let's try to be concise with it, but this, uh,
intentional gratitude practicehas been something that's
literally changed my life.
I believe that gratitudeliterally can save lives.
It certainly impacted my life,certainly has changed it for the
(13:19):
better.
I believe gratitude is theopposite of resentment and
entitlement.
I think gratitude can pullpeople out of the worst moments
that they have.
I think gratitude can preparepeople to endure well those
challenging moments that theymay face.
And where it came from for meand I'll kind of describe the
(13:43):
evolution of my kind of, youknow, the little daily morning
routines and things like thatand where that came from.
Really, I think you guys havehad Dr Paul Jenkins on your
podcast before and we have.
He was appropriately my firstguest on our very first episode,
because it was maybe a dozenyears ago.
My wife and I used to visitwith Dr Paul Jenkins when he was
(14:05):
practicing psychologist and and.
I love.
You know his book and his story, pathological positivity and we
were having some challenges.
I think it was maybe raisingour daughter, who was the
creative one.
She was a little tough as ayoung toddler, she was really
hard.
But but we were working with DrPaul and in part of this,
(14:30):
somewhere in the conversation,he challenged us to start a
daily gratitude routine, agratitude practice, and he gave
us a challenge to do that and towrite daily things we're
grateful for.
And he says but you got to makesure that a certain number of
those things are the hard things.
And he says that's what powersit up, is when you can find
(14:51):
where you're grateful and whatyou're grateful for in the hard
stuff, in the cancer, in losingyour job, in whatever is this
challenging thing?
Now, you don't necessarily haveto be grateful for that cancer,
but what comes from it?
You know where is gratitude inthis, because it's there If you
(15:14):
can search for it and it takeswork, um, but so we started that
and you know, really, my wifeshe's like, oh my gosh, I can't
believe that.
I had just ordered twogratitude journals and she came
to me and she'd given it to meand said, hey, randy like
committed me to write in itevery day and I'm like, okay,
I'll do that.
And, and so I did.
And it was prompted.
You know it said, every morning, maybe, write you know a power
(15:37):
statement or something and threethings I'm grateful for in the
morning, and, um, and at the endof the day, you know three
things that were awesome andsomething like that.
And so I did that and, you know, filled a couple of books with
these and we do it over and over, and then just realized it
wasn't just the daily routine.
Um, it was how it changed myoutlook on life outside of that.
(15:59):
That kind of got the motorrunning and then I would,
consistently, I found myself,you know, even driving in
traffic.
I was patient.
I, you know, I could, I justfelt different.
But what really, where it hadits teeth was when I would have
(16:21):
something challenging come alongand say, oh my goodness, like
through that, I knew that thiswas for me, this challenge was
for me, and I could seegratitude.
Well, there's something in thisfor me that's improving me.
I mean, there's a lot ofexperience that happened along
the way through that, but reallya daily gratitude practice,
(16:43):
prompted by Dr Paul Jenkinsinitially, but that we kept
along for many years.
And then we went throughsomething pretty hard and on the
other side of it we thought,wow, like how, how amazing it
was that we were able tocontinue that gratitude practice
through what was, you know, oneof the more challenging,
(17:03):
devastating moments in our life,and and then, on the other side
, say, well, that helped pull usthrough and and what was on the
other side was so much betterthan what we even imagined.
And then after that, we, my wifeand I, really felt like you
know what we're?
(17:24):
We're God has done somethingfor us and he's blessed us in a
big way, and he now it's ourturn.
And so we felt this like nudge,like you got to do something.
We're like stop poking me inthe ribs.
What do you want?
You know?
Like that's kind of how we felt.
We're like, yeah, we need to dosomething to to give back, but
(17:46):
it but we kept feeling like ithad to be on this um idea of
gratitude, and we said, well,what do we have to offer?
Um, and so we started printinggratitude journals and we've
given away thousands of them,you know, and I print them every
client I have at work.
You know, I'm an attorney, I'ma trust attorney and I do wills
(18:06):
and trusts for lots of peopleand every one of them, they all
get a couple gratitude journalsand it's, they say, sparks of
gratitude on them and I'm likeI'm not giving people thank you
cards, I'm giving them the giftof gratitude and but you know,
thousands of these over theyears we've given out.
And then we knew, like, youknow, what's the next level of
this.
There's something else we'resupposed to do.
And I thought, well, the onlyreason that this has become
(18:29):
meaningful in my life is becausesomebody else challenged me to
do it.
Somebody else taught mesomething and luckily I listened
to some of those things and tryto implement it.
Um, and I thought, well, whydon't I just press record while
I'm talking to people and listento those lessons?
And so we we started thepodcast and I was really nervous
(18:52):
about it.
Um, I and I I delayed it fortwo or three years before I kind
of got up the courage toactually push record, cause I
got a lot of dopamine by tellingpeople I'm going to do a
podcast, because it made me feel, it made the brain chemicals in
my head feel like I was doingsomething when I actually wasn't
um, just telling people thatI'm going to Um, but then
(19:15):
eventually I I did that and it'sbeen.
It's been amazing to to talk topeople and listen to their
triumphs and tragedies and andhow gratitude has played a part
in their life and I hope someonelistens to that and you know
has a takeaway.
Speaker 2 (19:30):
A takeaway, well they do, because I know I looked at
your listen score and you'reranked in the top 10 percent of
all podcasts worldwide.
After four episodes he's gotsome really cool guests on his
podcast.
So when you're done here, golook him up.
Sparks of gratitude, because hedid it.
I I'm proud of you, thank you.
We talked about it for a whileand you finally did it.
Speaker 1 (19:54):
I love positive paradigm shifts, like you had
with the gratitude journal,right, basically, it made you
see the world different andchanged you how you see the
world.
Um, love that.
I always tell my kids.
Happiness is a choice.
I think that the gratitudething is a way to practice that.
So I'm going to talk to my kidsand say, okay, let's do a
(20:16):
gratitude journal for a wasthat's teaching me?
You mentioned a major challengeIs that something you wanted to
share publicly or you don'tshare that publicly?
Speaker 3 (20:37):
Oh well, we've got lots of them, but part of it was
you know, I've worked for thelaw firm I work at for the last
four years.
I worked at another great firmfor eight or nine years before
that and imagined myself stayingthere forever and then
eventually we split up ourpartnership and I didn't really
(21:03):
imagine that in my plans, butthat's the way it happened and I
look back and say wow that wasamazing I'm so grateful for, for
that entire time that I hadthat.
that created who I, helpedcreate who I, who I was.
And then um.
(21:24):
Had it not been for um, youknow, something kind of like
knocking me out for somethingkind of like knocking me out, I
probably wouldn't have moved toa next stage in my life, and so
(21:44):
I kind of needed something tokind of knock me out of that
place.
But it was hard, because Ididn't imagine that.
I didn't imagine that Iwouldn't be working there.
I thought I'd be working thereforever and retire, you know,
working in this place, and so Ididn't allow myself to see
beyond this, this paradigm.
But then, once I was allowed tosee the other side of it, I
thought, oh, there's, there'ssomething different, there's
(22:05):
something more.
And it actually freed my, mymind to think about.
Well, I'm willing to seesomething that I can't now.
I'm open to some newpossibility that I can't even
yet imagine there could be a newfuture for me and it's kind of
(22:25):
exciting, you, it's a littlefrightening and exciting all at
once and um yeah, it was amazing.
Speaker 2 (22:36):
So you've got 17 years worth of fatherhood
experience.
If you were to go back andwrite a letter to yourself when
you first became a dad, what arethe things you'd put in that
letter?
Speaker 3 (22:51):
You know, I heard I want to say something super
profound, but I think the truthis that I wouldn't have listened
to any of it, because I knewwhat I was doing.
Speaker 2 (23:02):
Yeah, it's kind of the truth, Like you figure.
You figure that you've got thetools and you do the best with
what you have and relationshipsand so on.
Speaker 3 (23:36):
But, I've also been able to watch my siblings get
married and raise their kids,and I got to come along after
and take what they've learnedalong the way.
Cherry pick some of the thingsyou didn't learn for yourself
Right, and then I get to do itwrong my own way.
I love it.
(23:57):
But there, yeah, what would,what would I say I, I, you know
what I think is the first child.
I wish I could take, being afather of three kids and apply
what I'd learned and give thosesame benefits to child one,
(24:18):
because we learned on him, andchild two and three get the
lessons that we learned where hegot the experiment.
Speaker 1 (24:29):
I think every parent that has more than one kid would
say that.
Speaker 2 (24:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (24:35):
My parents have told me that I've told myself that.
Speaker 2 (24:37):
So, yeah, that's yeah .
So if I and I've apologized tomy oldest too, yeah, and like,
as she gets to the, you knowshe's the oldest one we have, so
she gets all the firsts.
You know like's the oldest onewe have, so she gets all the
firsts, you know, like, thethings that you never think
about, like well, what happensif this happens?
Or what if she wants to do this?
Or you know you, you you'reprompted by experiences to go,
(25:01):
okay, we haven't thought aboutthis.
And oftentimes I find myselfjust saying, hey, um, I just
need you to extend me a littlegrace here, because I've never
dealt with this before, thatyou're the first.
I apologize that you're theoldest, but you are, and I've
got to figure out.
I don't know, I don't know theanswer to this right now, but
(25:22):
that didn't come until like muchlater.
Yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't likeall growing up, I'm like'm like
, I'm sorry, you're the firstperson I've ever tried to parent
or father and I'm gonna screwup.
I'm so sorry you.
You just like, you said likeyou wouldn't have listened to
the advice because you knew whatyou were doing, and uh.
So I think, I think it's aprofound question.
(25:43):
I heard somebody heard somebodyask it the other day, like what
would you write to yourself?
You could go back in time andjust like leave yourself a note.
You know, and I think for methe little things are not the
big things.
That's what I would say, likeif I was going to go back and
raise little kids again.
All the little things that Iworried about, the clean bedroom
(26:04):
, the little things that I gotupset about, they're not worth
getting upset over.
You're just making sure yourkid feels safe and loved and has
structure.
Yeah, I love that I got.
I got too worked up because myidentity was tied to what's
everybody going to think if mykid misbehaves?
And that reflects poorly on meas a parent that I am doing a
(26:27):
bad job at the most importantjob.
Speaker 3 (26:30):
I love that and I love that.
You said you, you have thatconversation with your daughter
or all of your kids.
Um, my wife and I try to dothat.
Um, quite often it's a it's apretty big theme in the house
where our kids know that they'reteaching us how to be parents,
like we are doing it togetherand and we'll have the
(26:53):
conversation with them about,you know, what can we do better.
You know, um, and sometimes Ithink you know they may not feel
like it's a two wayconversation, you know, but but
in my head that that's wherewe're trying to go is involve
them in that.
Speaker 1 (27:11):
One of the conversations I've started
having with my kids the lastlittle while, last couple of
years, is trying to see it fromboth points of view.
Meaning I'll talk to them aboutis this the way you're seeing
it, is this the way you'refeeling?
And get that conversation goingand then get them to see it
from my point of view.
Can you see that I'm trying tobe a good dad?
Can you see that I'm trying tohelp you like, learn and grow
(27:34):
and become a responsible adult?
And that conversation ishelpful because first I always
listened to their point of viewfirst, but then when you can see
it in their eyes, especially asthey get older and they can
comprehend what you're talkingabout, you can see it in their
eyes, that aha moment of oh,yeah, even if I don't like what
(27:57):
he's saying and even if I don'tagree with what he's saying and
even if I want to be defensive,yeah, darn it, I can see dad's
just trying to be a good dadright?
Speaker 2 (28:13):
well, and another very interesting question to ask
when you're in that situationis to ask them how would you
deal this, how would you dealwith this if you were me?
That's a great question,because then they have to look
at it through your point of view.
Great question yeah and it.
Speaker 3 (28:23):
It's tough.
I I sometimes worry if my kids,when I, when I talk about that
is you know what, what do you,you know how would you deal with
the situation?
Or you know what do yourecommend to get their input on
that, and sometimes I worry arethey just responding with I was
just going to say what they want, cause I know that's what
they're going to say.
Well, I can't use my device, or, yeah, that's the fair thing.
(28:46):
That's the fair thing, but I Ithink I have thoughtful kids, um
, and I learned so much fromthem.
I one thing that's been reallyamazing is my daughter goes to
this um.
Both of my daughters go to thisum private school called slope
slope school.
(29:06):
It's a, it's an act in academyif anybody knows what that is,
but one of the things that theydo at the school, that may be
one of the most important.
I actually interviewed theprincipal on my podcast a couple
weeks ago.
Speaker 2 (29:16):
This was my next question um.
Speaker 3 (29:19):
One of the things that they do, um, or two of the
most impactful things that theydo at this school are are one is
is socratic discussion, wherethey have the entire entire age
group of kids get together andthey have a discussion together
and they come prepared and theyask a question to teach them how
to really really thinkcritically, and the process is
(29:41):
awesome because they really haveto exercise their minds.
But one of the other thingsthat they do and I only learned
about it when my daughterbrought it home is they have
something that's called a peacetalk and these are kids from
elementary age all the way upthrough ninth grade, like young
kids, five-year-olds, all theway up to 15, 16-year-olds, and
(30:04):
they all know what a peace talkis.
And in every classroom theyhave a table that's the peace
table and it's got the protocolon top of the table, which is
you know, anytime a kid has aconflict or a disagreement with
somebody, they know the processto resolve it and they come and
they say I want to have a peacetalk with somebody, and there's
always going to be a facilitatorwho could be one of the adult
(30:27):
guides or another student andthey, they sit at the table and
they have the process and thefacilitator, one of them gets to
express you know, I felt thisway when you, you know, and they
explain themselves in this, youknow it's not heated, they all
know the rules and it'sincredible that young kids will
do this.
And then the other one gets tospeak and restate what the first
(30:52):
person said, and then thefacilitator says did that
accurately portray what you'retrying to say?
And they can agree or say no,actually, and kind of give more
detail.
And then the other person getsto talk about how they felt and
it goes back and then all of asudden, just by being able to
feel heard, in almost every caseit's resolved, is they
(31:13):
understand each other andsometimes they come up with an
agreement to resolution.
Well, I didn't know that theydid this at the school until my
daughter comes home and and shecomes out of the pantry She'd
pulled her older brother in thepantry with her and they come
out and they're kind of smilingtogether and I'm like what's
going on?
She's like, oh, I just took Maxin there and we had a peace
talk.
And I'm like, well, what?
And she explained.
(31:34):
She's like, oh well, we do thisat school and she brought it
home and now that's been part ofor available to us as a family
discussion is to have this typeof conflict resolution or
discussion where we kind of know, hey, if we say the words peace
, talk or something, then all ofa sudden everybody knows.
All right, we are trying togain understanding with each
(31:57):
other while we're speakingrather than argue with each
other.
And my daughter it's incrediblewith all of them how they
respond to our conversations nowbecause they've learned that
skill and I've just prayed everyday that the point's going to
come where my kids won't listento me but then they're going to
(32:17):
listen to some adult that wouldsay something I'd want them to
hear, and this is one of thosethings and they've brought it
home and it's really impactfulto the house.
Speaker 1 (32:26):
My kids will say dad needs the peace talk he needs to
not just say do the way I sayto do it.
Speaker 3 (32:32):
Yeah, and you know what?
That's the truth.
And she pushes back on us.
I mean, well, they all do, um,but if we can get ourselves into
the space where, where we'relistening, where they're feeling
like they're heard, they, theyoften feel comfortable and
they'll challenge us with that.
And, and a lot of times we'vesaid, yeah, you know, you're
(32:54):
right, um, you know, and we, wemessed up there, we, we could
have done that differently.
And, and every time I do it,I'm kind of looking at my wife.
I'm like, look, how amazingthis is.
We're being proven wrong andwe're excited about it.
Speaker 2 (33:11):
You know that is pretty cool.
Yeah, that is pretty cool.
So you guys have had somepretty cool moments of
connection in your house thatyou've shared with us, like
through this.
It's kind of a variation on thetalking pillow.
Do you ever do that?
It's like you can't talk unlessyou're holding the pillow.
(33:31):
Oh yeah, yeah, I think thatmade a famous appearance on
Breaking Bad Made the talkingpillow famous.
Talk to us about some of theother things that you've done to
connect with your kids.
This is kind of like the magicquestion, like what can our
(33:51):
listeners do try in their homes?
It's worked in the Sparks house.
Speaker 3 (33:57):
You know something that's meaningful to me.
Well, I'll tell a story.
I might have told you thisstory, kirk.
Um, when I was in fifth gradeyou know I'm one of eight kids.
I'll get to the question.
You asked Kirk.
I promise Okay, um, but whenyou're one of eight kids, I'll
get to the question.
You asked kirk.
I promise okay, um, but whenyou're one of eight, my mom and
dad, my dad's working all thetime, and my and he was always
(34:18):
present.
We always did cool stufftogether.
You know, we're going camping,we're going to lake powell,
we're going.
So we always had coolexperiences together.
That I that I remember and thatplays into this.
Um, when I was in fifth grade,my fifth grade teacher would
guide um American history toursthrough, you know, back East in
the summer as like a side job,and so he would invite us fifth
(34:41):
grade class, cause we studied,you know us, history during
fifth grade and and I said, mom,can I go on this thing?
You know, it's like two weekslong, you know through through
the East coast.
And she's like, yeah, I thinkthat'd be awesome.
And this is one of the benefitsof being on the younger end of
the family, because none of theolder kids grew up in a family
that had any money.
And then the younger kids gotspoiled and I'm one of them and
(35:02):
but that's what was my life?
I'm I'm't realize until yearslater.
That was the only time in mywhole life I had my mom to
myself, ever.
But I never forget thatexperience.
I remember going to thesewonderful places all over
(35:22):
American history sites and so on, but what was the most
impactful was the connectionwith my mom.
I had her, just me and her, andI remember just being like on
her hip the whole time, neverembarrassed, holding her hand,
hugging her for like two weeksstraight as a, as a fifth grader
.
Um, and then we came home andyears later I thought, wow, that
(35:45):
was really cool.
And my wife and I got marriedand I said you know, it'd be
awesome is if, when we have kids, that once they get to about
that age, 12 years old, I takethem on a trip wherever they
want to go, just the two of us.
Because I had that experiencewhen I was younger and I believe
if, if I explain, you know whatmy most important core values
(36:06):
are at the very top I meangratitude you'd be, you know,
shocked to hear if that wasn'tone of them.
So it's definitely gratitudes upthere.
But.
But meaningful connection isprobably the top and I'm a.
I'm a feeler Like I just loveconnecting with someone.
If you get me in a room with abunch of people, I don't connect
(36:27):
, I keep my mouth shut.
But if I'm one on one, I'm likeI want to connect deep.
And you know, and I love it whenpeople lean into that and can
make deep connections.
But I believe that meaningfulconnections are built through
shared experiences.
(36:47):
It's not built by talking aboutit, it's built by sharing an
experience together, andsometimes the deepest connection
can happen from even a shortexperience.
Sometimes it's a longerexperience, but to me it's
experiences, and so our familymotto has been experiences, not
things, and so years ago we soI've done that with my kids.
(37:10):
You know, when they turned 12,we take them on a trip.
When my son turned 12, he saidfor years, like four years, I
want to go to the U S opentennis tournament in in New York
, and so I took max to that.
Um and it was so fun and I ranhim ragged all over New York and
stuff and lots of tennis andit's my favorite cause, I love
tennis so much.
Um, my daughter wanted to go toJapan and so I took her to
Japan.
(37:30):
Um, and we had a week togetherall over Japan which was so much
fun.
And then I've got a younger onethat that hasn't had her turn
yet.
Um, but something else we didas a family to create those
experiences.
What we want is memories thatwe'll be able to hang on forever
.
I think about as a child I don'tremember the day to day.
I mean a lot of thatpersonality and lessons.
(37:52):
You know that's ingrained justfrom repetition and being raised
by my parents.
But I can vividly.
I could.
If I could paint, I could painta picture of 1978 or, you know,
I'm two years old, in visitingSeattle Northwest, visiting some
cousins or traveling, you know,in the motor home out to.
(38:13):
You know old, you know LDSchurch history sites and I'm two
years old, 18 months old, and Iremember, I remember it.
I remember Lake Powell sittingon a surfboard, being pulled
behind the boat with my dad whenI'm in 1978, because we did
things together.
I remember those vividly but Idon't remember the day to day.
(38:37):
And so he said well, how aboutwe create those experiences
instead?
And so we quit doing Christmas.
We said, instead of havingChristmas and opening presents
because they will love and it'sso much fun.
I admit I love Christmasmorning, but Christmas morning
ends and I don't remember otherthan a handful of times what
(38:58):
gifts I got for Christmas, but Iremember the experience that I
had with somebody.
So we quit doing Christmasmorning.
We said let's have anexperience together instead.
And so we'll travel somewhere.
And they'll always rememberthat road trip in Northern
California and Yosemite andRedwoods for Christmas and I'll
always remember that trip wetook together.
(39:21):
So so that's what we do tohopefully our intent is to build
those connections and memories.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
It's a good one.
That's a good one.
We stopped doing Christmas too,like years ago, and I think it
was it was before we started thepodcast, cause we've been doing
it for like eight or nine years, but I think it was one of the
conversations that we had andsomebody said, yeah, we, we
stopped.
They asked me the question whatdid you get for Christmas, like
(39:49):
two years ago?
And I couldn't remember.
And I went home and asked mykids and they couldn't remember
and I'm like why do we do it?
You know what are we doing thisfor anyway?
So our kids know that we get a.
They get like some basics.
They get like a couple of likesome school clothes mid year and
then they open something.
(40:10):
That's our family trip that wego on in June or April, during
spring break.
So that's been a fun tradition.
I like that one.
That one's been a game changerfor us too.
Speaker 1 (40:22):
I think it's super smart.
I've got my first leaving inJune.
Humbling experience as a parentto see the impact you're having
is over in a lot of waysmeaning yes, we'll still have
(40:46):
experiences and they'll probablybe even more important to us
now.
But it makes you reflect andsay did I do enough?
Did I have enough experiencetime?
Did I bond enough?
You know, and the answer isprobably always no.
But um, I think if you're doingit on purpose, that's huge.
I think Doug Wren was the firstone who talked about um, I
can't remember what it wascalled.
It's called moonwalking withEinstein.
Speaker 2 (41:07):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (41:07):
Moonwalking with Einstein, and it was this book
about if you can create thesebookmarks or these major moments
in time like you were talkingabout.
I remember this but I don'tremember the day to day.
The book kind of talks abouthow you can extend your life, so
someone could just only haveday to day experiences and live
(41:29):
90 years, but the same personcould have bookmarks they've
created with these experienceand it's like living a double
the length of life because thememories in there are double the
length.
I thought that was a cool wayof explaining this idea of
experiences.
Speaker 3 (41:45):
Yeah, I love it so much and I think you're right
that if the question's alwaysgoing to be, the answer is
always going to be no, that likedid I do enough?
And I'll give my own dad as anexample for that man.
He did try his best and I thinkhe raised us well, and still,
(42:10):
I'll talk to him now and he'llsay, yeah, I don't think I did
that right, and he acknowledgesthat to me now.
Did that right, you know, andI'm, and he acknowledges that to
me now.
And and but I I also don'tthink that he did it necessarily
wrong because he was trying hisbest.
Yeah, what do you know?
What to do?
Speaker 1 (42:24):
you know, on the flip side of that too, I've been
starting to do that with my ownparents because they're healthy
and you, you know somewhat young, but we're not going to be
young forever.
Rob will appreciate thesomewhat young.
Speaker 2 (42:41):
Yeah, they're in their seventies.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Right and early seventies and and in great
health and can travel and doanything they want to do pretty
much.
But the clock's ticking right.
It is what it is.
We're all going to somewhere inbetween 70 and 110,.
It's going to end, right, andI'm trying to get those exact
same things with them now, right?
(43:04):
In fact, when we started thepodcast, my dad walked in, if
you guys remember, and I wassaying hey, what?
Look at the email I just sentyou.
And you guys don't know whatthat email about, but it was
about going to Ireland to playgolf in the spring of 25.
And the whole point of that ishow do I get that experience
(43:25):
with my dad and then how do I?
start tying the generationstogether.
To get my kids to go on some ofthose experiences, right?
Big tennis fan also.
Same thing.
I took my little boy toWimbledon last year.
It was epic, but I invited mymom, Just her, not my dad,
because my dad does a bunch ofstuff with us in the golf world,
(43:48):
right, and it was creatingthose.
That's huge, those moments, andI think it's on both sides of
the generational thing.
My wife this morning said Ithink I want to take my mom to
New York.
Hopefully she's not listeningto this podcast.
It's supposed to be a surprise.
Speaker 2 (44:06):
You better tell me if you want me to edit that out.
Speaker 1 (44:09):
Same thing, though she's thinking well, how much
time am I going to have with mymom?
I want to take her to New York,just me and her.
So we took.
We think about our kids often.
I'm just telling the listenersmaybe think about your parents
too.
That's just as important.
Speaker 2 (44:20):
And I think there's like this fallacy to that and
cause you and I are in the exactsame position, like my
daughter's talking about movingout and all through my head
there's are going through yours,and I think there's a fallacy
that we're going to look back inlike 25 or 30 years at the age
(44:40):
we are now and go, man, youthought you were done.
You're not even anywhere closeto being done, because how much
influence do your mom and dadhave on your life?
Still, totally Right.
So I think we're lookingthrough it, through a little bit
of a distorted glass that weare now we, there's a stage of
life and the influence, the typeof influence, will change, but
(45:02):
it will not go away.
So, randy, we always askeverybody at the end of the
podcast what they think it meansto be a gentleman, and you know
this.
Would you like to answer thatquestion today?
We always ask everybody at theend of the podcast what they
think it means to be a gentleman, and you know this.
Would you like to answer that?
Speaker 3 (45:17):
question today.
Yes, and I'm thinking about twothings.
I think a gentleman values deepconnection.
I think that's one of thefundamental things that's
important in my life at least,and I think, if I am living my
best, I'm connecting with people, really deeply connecting, and
(45:46):
I think that a gentleman givesgrace and reconciliation to
others and seeks that.
Speaker 2 (46:00):
For himself too.
Speaker 3 (46:01):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:02):
Knows how to say and accept and I'm sorry, I love it.
Speaker 3 (46:07):
Yeah, Acknowledge when you're wrong.
Speaker 2 (46:12):
and and yeah, and seek, seek resolution and and of
course, they're grateful yougot to throw that one in because
I think that I mean, I don'tknow that you can be a gentleman
and not be grateful.
I'm just saying that, like Ithink it's one of.
Uh, I I have heard it said Ican't remember who said it but
(46:36):
one of the greatest sins in lifeis the sin of not being
grateful.
Speaker 3 (46:43):
Yep, and Cicero said something.
Now I'm going to get it wrongbecause I'm nervous on the
podcast, but that you know,gratitude is, is not only the
greatest of virtues, it's themother of all other virtues.
Yeah, and I think it's just thefoundation upon which the rest
stand.
And you know, obviously withthe theme of my podcast, I'll go
with that.
I love it.
(47:05):
And, guys, gratitude is free,it's free.
So give yourself a gift, findgratitude.
Speaker 2 (47:15):
Thanks, randy.
Now you've listened to thispodcast.
Now switch over to Sparks ofGratitude and listen to some of
what give the listeners.
Your favorite episode so far?
Which one would you?
Speaker 3 (47:28):
say go listen to Probably the one with Kirk Chug.
Speaker 2 (47:32):
Wow, that sounded like a planet question.
I was not even.
I was not even remembering.
Um, besides Kirk Chug's episode, who would you go listen to?
Speaker 3 (47:40):
I'll tell you who.
Who some of the most recent was.
I had Steven Nyman on recentlywho was a world cup um downhill
ski racer.
That was a fun story and I grewup with him as a kid and um,
he's got a lot of great storiesto tell of.
You know how challenging the itis to to be a professional ski
(48:00):
racer I've had there.
I I heard jerry seinfeld getasked once you know which was
his favorite episode of seinfeldand he's like but they're all
my babies, you know.
Speaker 1 (48:08):
So I think that's a very hard question.
I think someone asked you onthere?
Speaker 2 (48:11):
what would you say?
Speaker 1 (48:13):
um, don't answer that , the one with Corey Moore.
Speaker 2 (48:18):
Because they're all my babies.
Corey's been on every one ofthem.
Corey's been on more than Ihave, because you did a solo one
one time.
I won, I won, I won.
So, randy, thanks for joiningus.
That was an awesomeconversation and I'm glad we had
it.
Thanks so much for who you areand your example in connecting
with people.
You can all learn from that andbe better at that.
Speaker 1 (48:41):
Appreciate you both.
Speaker 2 (48:42):
Yeah, we appreciate you too, Randy.
If you liked the podcast today,please like and subscribe to
the podcast.
Do the normal stuff Drop us arating and a review.
That really helps people findus that haven't found us yet.
You wouldn't listen to apodcast with no ratings.
So if you want to do somethingfor Corey and me, go drop us a
rating on Apple um and and sharethe podcast with somebody that
(49:03):
you love.
If somebody's name popped intoyour head that you thought would
benefit from Randy's messagetoday, hit the share button and
share this podcast episode withthem and just tell them that
you're thinking about them.
Thanks for joining us today.
I'm Kirk Chug and I'm CoreyMoore.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
Thanks everybody.
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