January 20, 2025 • 53 mins
This episode dives deep into Bubba Page's transformative journey through fatherhood, faith, and personal growth. Bubba shares insights on vulnerability, emotional healing, and actionable strategies for fathers to lead with intention and purpose.
• Bubba's upbringing shaped his values of hard work and faith
• The impact of fatherhood on personal growth and vulnerability
• Importance of understanding attachment styles in parenting
• Tactical fatherhood: implementing business strategies at home
• Emotional healing through faith as a necessity for nurturing relationships
• Redefining masculinity: a balance of strength and empathy
• Encouragement for fathers to reflect on their journeys and support one another
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast.
I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Chug Bubba Page joins us today in the podcast studio
and Bubba is a good friend ofboth mine and Corey's.
We've known each other foryears.
Bubba is one of those guys.
If you follow him on socialmedia, you know what his
passions are.
His passions are family, faith,fitness, friends yeah, pretty
much right.
Fitness friends yeah, prettymuch right.
(00:26):
Fatherhood Fatherhood that'skind of family.
Yeah, I guess.
Baba has eight children and heis a very purposeful father.
Love the things that he's doingwith his kids.
Looked up to him as a fatherfor a long time.
Grateful to have him on thepodcast.
Kids Looked up to him as afather for a long time.
(00:46):
Grateful to have him on thepodcast.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Both Corey and I, I think, know Bubba from like old
school corporate alliance daysback.
Well, I was joking when hefirst walked in.
I'm like, dude, I really,really like you, but I need to
see you more than every 10 years.
Yeah, 10 years is a little toolong.
So a lot's happened since wesaw each other last in our lives
, so we have a lot of catchingup to do on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Well, and Bubba, I knew that Bubba and I also had
the catching up to do, so Iinvited him to go over to the
club right before this and wegot talking and there's so much
cool stuff that he's working on.
That, I think, just works handin hand with what the gentleman
project is all about and thethings that we've been trying to
put out in the world for thelast three and a half years with
the podcast, and you're justexcited about the synergy and
(01:31):
the energy that he brings to thefatherhood space, to the
parenting space.
So we are going to pick yourbrain today.
Let's do this and get to knowwho Bubba page is and what Bubba
Bubba page does to to connectwith his children and and leave
a legacy with with the nextgeneration in the Page family.
(01:51):
So can we talk to you a littlebit first about the, the way
that you were raised, what yourbackground is with your parents
and how you grew up.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Yeah, absolutely and and and.
To incorporate kind of the10-year catching up piece,
because it really probably hasbeen that long.
You know, a lot's been going onin life, right, we've all been
building businesses.
I had an exit in 2020 andstarted doing more investing,
and so today it's influencevc oh, very cool Helping people with.
(02:23):
We're still writing checks.
And then it's the group.
It's a syndication, so usuallyour group of investors invests
in and then we bring socialmedia influencers to help blow
up those businesses.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Oh cool, hence the name influence.
No wonder he was like guys, youneed to get in the 21st century
with your whole podcast.
We need a video.
What are you?
Speaker 3 (02:41):
doing.
I mean, look, my first decadeof my career was more in like
B2B and tech and sales.
That's the company I built andsold, and then the last 10 years
was around social media.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
I could definitely take notes then, because I'm not
good at that.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Right, we're here, we're friends, we can help, and
so a lot of catching up.
I think 10 years ago I maybehad three children.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Now I have eight, so four boys four girls.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
It's interesting because I grew up the youngest
of four kids and my kid's momjust was a middle of three and
so we didn't have that very manykids.
And so, as we continue to havechildren, it felt right that we
(03:33):
were supposed to have them whenwe went from um six to seven.
Uh was so fascinating is um.
She had been praying for twins,like our entire, our entire
relationship, and um, no idea.
But we go to the ultrasound andthere they are twins, number
seven and eight.
So we end our children's withnumber seven, eight as twins,
boy, girl, twins.
They're now four and a halfyears old and it is so wild and
pure chaos all the time in ourhouse it has to be, but it's
amazing.
(03:53):
The kids are best friends.
They love hanging out with eachother.
So you know, if, if we talkabout my upbringing, I was born
here in Utah, moved in firstgrade to San Francisco, so went
to the Bay area, um, and I lovedbeing raised out there.
I probably wouldn't move backthere right now.
I love Utah so much, um, butwas raised out there.
(04:13):
And then my senior year of highschool, dad got a job in
Arizona and, uh, that's where wemoved.
So I ended up finishing my lastyear of high school in Arizona,
mesa, um and, and everybody'slike, oh, that must have been
really hard.
Uh, the reality is I got bestfriends now from Arizona and
from California and as a teenageboy it might've been harder for
(04:35):
a girl, but as a teenage boy Iwas like the fresh meat of the
high school.
It was great.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
It was the guys welcomed me there, the girls
welcomed me there.
It was.
It ended up being wonderful andthey came out here to BYU.
Um, loved my time at BYU,served at an LDS Mormon mission
for two years in Brazil, gotback married for 17 years, eight
children and recently wentthrough a divorce.
So, uh, if we're sayingcatching up, there's my there's
(05:04):
a lot of my one or two minutecatch up in just uh, in just a
little bit.
But um, talking aboutupbringing with my dad, uh, you
know, jeff page, he's a doctor,podiatrist.
Um, he was a work guy, likealways a worker bee, just
working, working like crazy.
And in san francisco youcommuted to the city, normal
(05:25):
hours you could get there andmaybe 35, 45 minutes.
Um, during rush hour it waslike an hour and a half.
So, he'd be up and out beforeany of us were awake and then
he'd get back late in theevening and, um, a wonderful
human, uh, but he just wasn'taround as much and so, uh, it
was interesting cause, um, youknow.
So you know, I became reallyclose with my mom and I, of
(05:47):
course, loved my dad and I knewhe loved me, but he just wasn't
around as often.
But I did learn, as I watchedthat process, the importance of
hard work, and when he wasaround on the weekends and later
in the evenings, that was likehis core focus hard work, hard
work, hard work.
And so I feel like I learnedsome of those things.
And and, being an entrepreneur,you better know how to work
(06:09):
hard.
Some I think the youngergeneration, they they see
entrepreneurship or, uh, andthey think that that's their way
to work less and it's like,well, hold up decade, you know,
and you building something thatthat is successful, uh, but you
better be ready to work harderthan anyone else for the first
10 years, um, and then maybethings can slow down, but I
(06:32):
think that was one of the mainthings that he taught that and
faith a very faithful man andand always kind of brought that
up into our lives and, um, I, Iremember, you know I was always
faithful in in my church, but Ididn't really become more
awakened to the reality of thechurch for me until it was 2016.
(06:53):
So I'm an adult, I'm marriedwith kids, and that's for me,
when I had, like this awakening,a religious awakening for me,
and you know, a lot of times Ithink, uh, guys, our age and
either, either way they go, nojudgment, love everybody.
Um, but sometimes when you getyou know, in those mid thirties
and forties, you start torealize maybe that religion you
(07:14):
grew up with isn't for youanymore.
And so I've watched a lot offriends go that route and and
you know, I love them to deathand and they can make their
choices for whatever reason.
For me it was the opposite andI dove deeper into my faith and
it was almost like the more thatI started to learn, the more I
knew I didn't know, so the morethat phrase it started becoming
(07:41):
more and more apparent that Ineeded it more in my life.
And now, having gone throughsome of the harder challenges
that come with life andexperience, um, I'm so grateful
I've been able to lean on Godthrough some of those trials and
challenges and and to feel thatsupport and to feel, uh, the
miracles of him.
Knowing my soul, my, myinternal you know workings of my
(08:04):
heart of him, knowing my soul,my internal workings of my heart
, I don't know how I could havegotten through something like a
divorce without that.
And so my goal now, as a fatherof four boys and four girls,
I've been trying my best toteach how important that faith
is, along with the other coreprinciples of working hard and
(08:24):
being honest and and and thingslike that.
But faith has definitely beenone of the strongest pieces for
me.
So there you go.
Cheers to that right.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Cheers Diet Coke.
Cheers that's awesome you were.
You mentioned when we firststarted the podcast, before we
started, that you have someadventure planning and you're
launching a new webpage.
Is that correct?
Can you tell us about that andwhere that came from?
I'm assuming it's through thisjourney you just talked to us
about Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Yeah, jeez, this last year has been a journey to 2024
.
Woo, I got tired One hell of ayear.
It was a good one for me A lotof learning, okay.
So here's the gist 2024 for me,um was definitely a wake up
call.
And uh, and you know, for thosewho are listening, who've been
(09:13):
through a divorce or who have,who have at least had someone
tell them I want a divorce or aseparation, or maybe even saying
the words I love you, but I'mnot in love with you.
You know, some of us have heardthat before or maybe there's
infidelity or something.
It's like.
Those are some core pieces.
There's a book I read called theBulletproof Husband and they
(09:33):
call those things the slap.
Okay, I've got to point to thisstory.
But if someone, if your spouse,has ever come to you and I'm
talking to men here, because Ibelieve that's who's listening
so if your spouse has ever cometo you and has said, look, I
want to separate, I want adivorce, had an affair or I love
you, I'm not in love with you,consider that the slap to wake
(09:55):
you up.
If that has occurred, mostlikely your wife has been
thinking about those things fora minimum of two years, if not
longer, and it has now becomeapparent that she needed to wake
you up, and this could even bea subconscious nature she may
not even recognize that she'swaking you up.
Most men don't wake up, right?
(10:17):
We hear those things, right?
Whoa, what is this?
Where is this coming from?
How is this happening?
What?
And, unfortunately, if we don'ttake that moment to wake up, um
and and start to learn aboutourselves, uh, there may become
more problems and and andobviously everyone has their
agencies and choices that we allmake, and that's part of God's
(10:38):
plan here on this earth.
Um, but what I would hope forthose who are listening is that,
if that has happened to you, orif it does in the future,
please consider this a wake upcall to do a deep dive on
yourself, because the only thingthat you can change is you.
And um, it was.
It was an absolute wake up call, uh, to recognize that there is
(11:09):
something called childhoodwounds.
I didn't even know that itexisted.
Um, whether you have a big Ttrauma or little T trauma, all
of us have something that hadhappened in our past, or the
lack of something, um thatdidn't happen, whether you
didn't feel loved.
Uh, you know the way that youneed it.
Um, and I think, as men, wedon't we don't talk about this
(11:33):
very often, cause we're kind oflike, yeah, what are you doing
for business?
Or what are you doing with this, or everything's great, oh yeah
.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
How are you?
How are you doing?
Oh great, never better.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
And if we really really got down to brass tacks
you know they're dying inside,like every one of us has gone
through some sort of a hell, andprobably more than one time in
our lives and if we can start tohave these more vulnerable
conversations, I think we canstart to help each other heal.
By sharing some of thesestories today is it will allow
(12:08):
men, fathers, to wake up to therealization that they can and
should be able to feel theseemotions that are deep inside.
I know for me, I spent 40 yearsshoving them down and it wasn't
until this last year now I'm 41, to recognize that so much was
deep inside and until I tookthis deeper dive, it helped.
I'm going to list a few booksso if people are listening, you
(12:29):
can write them down and dive in,and it's a lot of them are
going to be about masculinity,and I consider masculinity to
not be.
You know beards and guns andcigars.
You know cigars, but it's moreof to me, it's more of like a
Christ-like masculinity.
I mean he is the ultimateexample of a divine masculine
(12:50):
being and um, the worldobviously preaches toxic
masculinity most of the time andif we really think about how
Christ lived his life.
He would be kind and caring andhave charity for people, but
then he could throw tables inthe temple and he was a
protector and he was, as thismasterful um strength to the
(13:11):
people and his followers, um,and so you have this, this
unique masculinity.
That, uh, one we don't talkabout, um, cause it's just not
something that we're talkingabout sports or business or
money or you know whatever.
And so when I think about thesebooks and so I'll list some,
one is going to be called themasculine in relationship.
(13:33):
That one will help dive intoour, our true masculinity and
how we can become as masculineas you need, and I'll tell you
why in just a second.
There's one called fathered byGod, which is unique Christian
Christ centered type process, umby John Eldridge.
Um, I'm making sure oh, myphone's over there, I was going
(13:56):
to look at my, my audible tomake sure I don't miss any of
these books.
There's one called how to dothe work, by Nicole LaPrera.
She also wrote um how to becomethe Love you Seek.
Those are really helpful forboth men and women to take a
deeper dive on doing what theycall, you know, the work, which
is internal work.
Yeah, um, let me make sure I'mnot missing.
(14:17):
Uh, oh, if you're married, Ithink one of the best books, uh,
as a married couple to readtogether to take a deeper dive
on both spouses, is calledsecure love and this booklet,
secure love, by Julie Menino.
She has a large socialfollowing, she's a doctor and
she's just an expert in hercraft.
Um, it will take you throughsomething called attachment
(14:38):
styles.
There's a book for singlepeople If you're listening, um,
read the book attached and, uh,for, for married, secure love,
single attached.
They're written in ways thatare better for you know, whether
you're single or married, um,but they have similar teachings
about this attachment style and,and I'm going to simplify
everything, but you have secure,which is the goal that we can
(15:01):
all become secure withinourselves and in our love and
our relationship.
Most of us have something likean anxious attachment or an
avoidant attachment, and there'smore details, but we're going
to simplify it to just those.
And so, if you have an anxiousattachment, most likely you're
seeking and pursuing that love,whereas an avoidant person and
(15:23):
most relationships have one orthe other the avoidant is kind
of running away and the anxiousis pursuing.
So you have this dynamic ofpursuing and running away and
that's a dramatic way of sayingit, but usually that happens and
these attachment styles comebecause of our upbringing in our
childhood and I have had andhave been working on becoming
(15:46):
more secure.
But I definitely recognize thatI was more anxious in my
relationship and being anxious Iwould pursue more frequently.
And if someone is more avoidant, that person might feel
smothered or might want todistance themselves.
And if you don't understand eachother in that way that negative
(16:09):
cycle will just keep going overand over and over again.
And so even just the knowledgeand doing some study about, oh,
if I'm more anxious and I comeacross this way, that might push
that person away, so okay, soif I, if I understand that, then
I won't be offended.
If that person says, you know,I might need a little bit of
space, I would take itpersonally and I'd say, oh, my
(16:31):
gosh, what's wrong with me?
In the reality, that personjust needs a little bit of space
, has nothing to do with you andum, and and.
So there's ways of ofunderstanding, having more
compassion and empathy for oneanother, that, if the spouses
can, can communicate andunderstand themselves internally
better and and then dig deeperon why they feel that way.
(16:52):
And I felt that way, I think,because of my relationship with
my mom and um, when you reallyreally think deep and you, you
uncover layers, um, it it comesdown to the relationships of, of
our upbringing, um.
What's interesting, now thatI've been single for a little
little bit, I can find myselfbeing slightly more avoidant.
So you can shift depending onyour life circumstances, uh,
(17:15):
being single and, and recentlyyou know, in the dating world,
which is so odd, uh to know inthe dating world, which is so
odd to be 41 in the dating worldwith eight children.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Put that on your profile.
It's definitely unique.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
In big letters right up front.
Exactly Single ready?
No, I'm definitely not in anyhurry or any rush, but I've
recognized myself being a littlebit more avoidant, Um, and so
I've just been, but even justbeing self-aware that that's
what I'm doing, and so I I tryto over-communicate with some of
these women that I'll I'll goon dates with, to make sure they
understand I'm not ready for,you know, an in-depth
(17:53):
relationship quite yet, and I'mjust new.
You know, I'm three and a halfmonths out of a divorce and this
is when I started dating anyway.
So attachment styles issomething that, if you're
listening, please, please, evenif you just Google or use
ChatGPT to get like the summaryof it, you don't even have to
read the full book yet, but ifit is intriguing to you, then
(18:13):
dive in.
Right, the book Attached.
Or the book Secure Love ifyou're married.
Right, the book attached.
Or the book secure love ifyou're married.
Um and uh, it can be a totalgame changer for us as men to
understand both ourselves andour spouse, or even the people
you're dating, and maybe whythey respond, or actor or or are
a certain way.
Um, okay, now let's talk abouthealing a little bit, okay.
(18:36):
So healing, uh, I know there'smany healing modalities out
there and I'm not an expert inin the healing world.
Um, for me, I've leaned on Godas as the primary source of
healing for me.
Uh, but things like breath work, uh, like meditation, um, I
even was at a healing retreatwith these men and we did Tai
(18:57):
Chi and the way that it was Idon't know if you've seen it's
like the slow kind of karatemovements.
I thought it was wacky anddefinitely woo woo, but the way
that it was being guided toprocess those emotions kind of
(19:21):
had me stuck almost in a waythat by opening up and allowing
the tears to really flow can bea benefit.
I have found, and through someof these books, like there's
also a men's program calledBulletproof Husband that I went
through and it was interestingto hear that for most men to
process emotion there's aslightly unique, it's a
(19:45):
different way than women processemotion.
In order for us to get the truedepth of tears, the true like
gut-wrenching feelings, is,sometimes we have to scream it
out.
And I'm not a big screamer,that's not my personality, I'd
much rather be, you know, calm,cool and collected.
But it was interesting becauseI tried.
(20:06):
I was like I was in an openplace.
I'm like okay, if they'retelling me.
So they're like, look,obviously be alone, don't be
around anybody.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
And of course never your children.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
I know, seriously.
But they were like somebody'smurdering, no joke, uh.
But they were like look, ifyou're in your car, you're alone
.
Um, if you need, just you know,really feel the pain or the
things that you have beenfeeling and just start to scream
like until your voice goes outand um and it.
(20:38):
It says that usually after twoor three minutes.
Sometimes it might takesomebody longer than that.
But, uh, and you can evenenvision if somebody has hurt
you, uh, if somebody's wrongedyou, you can even visualize that
person in the car next to youand you can say whatever,
because they're not there,nobody's recording you, it's not
going to, you know, be onsocial media or in a legal
course at court, say whateveryou need to say, and it can be
(21:04):
as ugly and as nasty as you needto say.
By allowing yourself to do this, most of the time, if you're
doing it with true intent, thetears will start to come.
And you know grown men sobbingto where there's snot all over
their face, and you're trying,you know, bring a towel.
I have found that that hasalleviated, by layer upon layer,
(21:26):
this level of healing that Inever knew existed.
And and it and it feels as ifit's like a key and that some
may be able to do it withoutthis whole like screaming thing.
But for whatever reason, uh,you know these programs had
taught that.
You know men doing this canachieve this level of healing
(21:47):
deeper.
Um, and and then, for me, I loveto worship in a safe, uh, a
holy place.
Wherever that holy place is foryou find it, and um, where you
worship your God, whether it'sthe universe, or, or Jesus, or
(22:09):
you know, that's that's up toyou.
And so when I go in worship, Igo into the temple.
For me, and that depth ofemotion no, I'm not screaming in
the temple, it's a pretty quietplace.
That'd be a little distracting,um, but I, I feel like I can
communicate at a deeper levelwith God and um, of course, you
can worship and talk to Godanywhere and anytime.
There is no requirement to bein a holy place.
(22:30):
God is, you know, he doesn't,he would just want you to talk
to him.
But, for whatever reason, Ithink it's just less
distractions.
Um, I know my bed on my phone.
It's peaceful, it's calm.
That, to me, has been a place ofcommunicating with God, and
what I've tried to do is listen,because I believe God speaks,
(22:51):
talks back, and that he'll fillour heart and our minds with
certain things that we need todo.
And so there've been momentswhere I would be in this kind of
meditative state and um, andpraying and talking to my, my
God, um, and I try to share whatI'm grateful for, um, because
(23:12):
even if you're going through thebitterness of hell, uh, you
should still be able to findsomething that you're grateful
for.
And I just I find it to be akey when you're talking to God
is to just express at least onething that you're grateful
you're alive, and you may notfeel like you want to be alive
in that moment, but you know,you still have that, you know,
or your kids, or your health, orsomething, something you can
(23:33):
think of, that you can begrateful for.
And then I just talked to him.
I just talked to him like wewould be talking here.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
And uh.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
I don't, it's not formal.
I'm sharing my thoughts, my, myemotions, my fears, and, um
most of the time I don't hearsome audible voice, I don't see
an angel, I don't you know nogrand something happens.
But most of the time I can feelsomething in my mind and in my
heart, and it's usually just athought or an impression, and
(24:05):
what I found is that, if I canhear it and then listen to it
and act on it, no matter howhard it is like maybe
apologizing to somebody thatyou've wronged and something
comes into your heart and you'relike, oh my gosh, that happened
10 years ago.
I can't believe I did that.
I never really apologized, Inever truly.
Something isn't going to comeinto your mind.
(24:27):
It may just have come into yourmind right this moment, as
you're listening.
You maybe just thought of anexperience like, oh yeah, shoot,
and it's probably going to suckto have to go back to whoever
that person was, um, and toapologize.
But I can guarantee you that ifyou listen to what just
happened to your heart and thatinstruction that you were given,
(24:49):
um, that you will receive morefrom God as you listen to those
feelings.
And the reason why I'm bringingkind of this holistic approach
of of healing and the benefitsof of, you know, working on your
relationship and you're, youknow, diving deep inside of you
is, I think, when we healourselves, we are a thousand
(25:11):
times better at becoming thetrue masculine, the true
gentleman, and really what Ithink are one of our main
purposes here on this earth isto be an amazing father.
And look, we've all yelledbefore as a father.
Look, there isn't a singlefather out there that has not
yelled at least once.
(25:31):
Most of the time, it's becausewe were triggered by something,
whether you know, they didn'tlisten to our authority.
Right, we're the dad, we're theman of the house.
Um, or maybe they lied, ormaybe uh you know, they hit
their sibling or something.
Um, if we're not in a state ofmind where we've kind of worked
(25:53):
on ourselves, how can we be asgood of fathers as we could be
if we were not able to be incontrol of our own emotions?
And I've found that, as I'veworked more on myself, not in a
selfish way but in a way that itprovides healing, that, and the
closer I feel like I'm with God, then I can receive instruction
(26:18):
on what my children need andhaving eight, that's a lot of
instruction.
And as I pray for them by nameand each individually, I can
receive help to know what theymight need.
And even if it's not somethinggrandiose it might just be a
sentence or maybe a hug, or justa smile or a little note.
(26:38):
But, man, I can promise youthat God wants to talk to us and
more than anything, he is ourfather and we are fathers to his
spiritual children on thisearth.
And when we can listen to whathe wants us to say, you can't go
wrong.
Um, and so I've noticed, withthis deep inner healing that
(27:00):
I've been going through, thatit's helped me to be more in
tune with my own children'sneeds, and the
fatherhoodmovementcom islaunching in a couple of weeks
and the tagline is is tune in.
Because I think if we asfathers can tune into one, our
God, two, ourselves and threeour spouse and our children, and
(27:24):
then the rest right, our bodiesand our family members and our
coworkers, but tuning into mejust seems like it's like that
radio frequency.
A lot of us are hearing a lot ofbuzz and a lot of noise because
we're not exactly trying tohear God's word.
Uh, we may not be hearing ourspouse, you know, when they're
(27:47):
saying that things arefrustrating or that they're
having a hard time and or one ofthose four things, the slap.
Um, we probably haven't beenhearing what they need.
Uh, maybe our empathy isn't asstrong as it could be because
our spouses are they're working,in my opinion, harder than we
are, especially if they're athome taking care of kids, like
(28:08):
that's.
That's a pretty intense job andit's divine.
What mothers can do, and andtheir ability is, is beautiful
as a nurturing mother, takingcare of your, of our own
children, and to be able to havethat, that respect and that
care for our spouse and whatthey are capable of doing, that
(28:30):
we as men are not built in thesame ways, and so you know this
may not be politically correct,but the divine masculine and the
divine feminine create thisincredible polarity and where we
get in trouble a lot inrelationships, and especially in
today's day where the media hascreated an emasculated man, you
know men are being made fun of,men are being belittled.
(28:52):
It's the women power movement.
It's, and don't get me wrong, Iam a full supporter of women
and conquering the world, but ifmy opinion and the studies that
I've been going through is isif a woman is in her masculine
we both have masculine andfeminine inside of us A true
masculine man will act mostly inhis masculine but has the
(29:16):
ability, like Christ, to befeminine in a way of caring and
being kind and loving, becausethose are some more feminine
characteristics, you know beingthe protector and the provider.
Those are more commonly, youknow, understood as masculine.
And being in the singles world.
Now, I've noticed these singlewomen who are forced to be in
(29:37):
their masculine more becausethey're taking care of things at
home, they're getting out thereand they're working, they're
taking care of all the things intheir home because they don't
have a man there with them to dosome of these things.
And to not say that they're notcapable, of course they are.
I mean, the reality is Godprobably made them stronger than
us.
That's why they have kids andwe can't right.
That kind of a thing is sodifficult and so hard.
(30:08):
You know we struggle if we havea kidney stone and they're,
they're giving birth to ourchildren, um, but what's
interesting is this polarity?
Um, I found myself becoming not.
I was subconsciously doing thisbecause I didn't know any of
this stuff, uh, and so why Iwant to share it so much?
Because I want men tounderstand that there are things
called masculinity andfemininity.
There is this thing calledpolarity.
I started acting more in myfeminine, unbeknownst to me.
I didn't realize it.
And, um, and what happened was,uh, there was a more masculine,
(30:32):
you know, over on this otherside and I was in more, more
feminine.
The more that I was acting in afeminine, I was uncomfortable
with it.
I didn't know what was going on.
I didn't.
Something was just wronginherently inside.
(30:52):
And as a woman acting more inher masculine, she will also
feel just something's wrong,something's off, because it's
not their true nature.
And look, you can go to workand be boss, babe, and just go
crush it, but you need to beable to come home and fall into
more of that feminine design.
And if you don't have that,something's going to feel off
inside and it's going to createproblems within a relationship.
(31:13):
And so, as you know, listeners,uh, if you do this study and if
you look into, um, there's evenmasculine and femininecom.
If there's some great resourcesthere it's not mine, it's good
friends of mine who've put thistogether um, that we can learn
more about how we can becometruly, um, divinely masculine
men.
(31:33):
Uh will will recognize and seethe difference in that, allowing
our feminine partners to fallinto that feminine piece where
they feel heard, they feel seen,they feel understood, um, they
feel protected, they feel, um,provided for.
And um, I think, uh, a lot of usgetting stuck where we go to
(31:56):
work every day, we, you know, goslay the dragon and then we
come home and we flip on the TVor we we get distracted on
social media or we go on hangoutwith our, our boys, you know,
look, doing that every once in awhile.
That's not a problem, that'sthat's really not a problem, um,
but if you're avoiding, whenyou come home, leading in the
home, that's a problem.
(32:17):
And um, and women will find,you know, that they become more
resentful.
They've been working theirtails off all day.
They need somebody to come homeand lead, lead in the home.
Kids, we're going to do thisactivity.
Let's go do this together.
Hey, I can help with the dinnerand the dishes.
I can change diapers too.
Right, this is a joint efforthere.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
I can change diapers too, right, this is a joint
effort here.
I think one of the most magicalthings that we did when I was,
when our kids were little, wasmy wife was doing that.
We had four kids.
We had three kids, two and ahalf and under and bath time was
mine, like I could be gone allday working, providing and she's
(33:02):
home taking care of theselittle kids.
But bath time belonged to dadand that was when she was able
to have a minute for herself,right, and I was in the bathroom
or at the sink bathing the baby.
That was connection time withwith my kids, but it also
enabled her, like this timewhere she was like I know that I
(33:23):
get a break at the end, rightbefore I have to feed them again
, but right before then I knowI've got this break and it was
every day and it was like kindof a non-negotiable, understood,
didn't have to ask me, it waswas just my job.
When I came home that was me.
Oh, I love that and that really, I think, helped us get us
(33:43):
through that.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Consistency as a man, and part of our divine
masculine is being consistentand being accountable.
So when we forget to take outthe trash, sometimes we come up
with excuses for oh, I was tired, I was late, I did this, or you
forgot to bring the milk home.
I mean, how many of us havehave?
(34:05):
Here's the list.
You go get everything and youmiss one thing.
Sometimes we end up givingexcuses right, or we take it
personally, like how, how dareyou?
I mean, I've I did all theseother things.
Uh, yeah, I messed up on here,but come on, um, you know, I
think if we can respond in inmore of a, a wise and open and
leadership driven way, um, it's,uh, you know it, and this is an
(34:25):
acronym is wolf.
So you're wise, you're open,you you lead and you're fierce,
like that's.
That's some of thecharacteristics of a true man.
Um, if we defend or explain orgive excuses oh, and now I'm
forgetting the R oh, that'shorrible.
Dear, dear is the other acronymfor us to act in our feminine.
(34:48):
It's going to come to me, butif you can remember some of
those pieces, if you Google this, you'd find it, because these
aren't my words.
The Way of the Superior man isanother book that you can read
and might, might, help with that.
But, um, wise, open, lead andbe fierce.
Uh, hopefully we'll help us tolike remember and think about it
(35:09):
.
I know for me, when I wasacting more of my feminine, I
would take things personally.
I would, uh, I would bedefensive, um if I was being
called out on something, and soI was doing exactly what this
deer, you know, magnet.
I was giving excuses, I wastrying to explain myself away, I
was being defensive, and that'snot what a woman wants to hear.
That's, she wants to hear fullaccountability, and most of the
(35:34):
time, we shy away from that, andso I think it's helpful for
people to be able to remember.
When we make mistakes, let's beaccountable for it when we're
leading.
Instead of having her choosethe restaurant, well, why don't
you choose two?
And you suggest those two onyour next date?
Right, I know she might loveplanning the vacation, but what
(35:55):
if you took the lead?
And what if you did a littlebit of research beforehand and
proposed maybe two or threeoptions?
It's little things like thisthat we can do better.
So I'm writing a book.
It's called Fatherhood andEntrepreneurship and really,
because that's been my life,that and faith, right, and so
it's.
It's.
It is a Christ-centered, youknow, faith-based book, not of
(36:17):
one religion or anything likethat, but it's uh.
The hope is that, um, I canfocus on this book of taking
what we do here at work, uh, ona daily basis, where, where we
have KPIs uh, you know keyperformance indicators, we've
got metrics, we've gotone-on-ones, we we do interviews
, we have conferences, we havemottos, mission, vision, values.
(36:38):
We do all of this amazing work,setup and process here at work,
but we don't have that at ourhome.
Why not?
I mean, we're experts at ourcraft, we're building these
companies, we're changing lives,we're making impacts, but the
most important thing we can doin our whole existence is in the
(36:58):
home, and so I'm creating aresource and a guide with this
book to be able to help peoplehave a very clear process to
take the things that we've doneat work and let's implement them
here in the home.
We can do one-on-one interviewswith our kids.
We should probably do them withour spouse in a date night.
We can set up conferences andgo on vacations with our
families and make it intentional, you know having we do
(37:22):
something called tuck in time atnight and it's where, you know,
one of the children gets 15more minutes than any other kid
alone with a parent, and theylook forward to it.
We rotate, you know.
So they, you know, every, everyday, it's another kid and but
that intentionality of justdoing something and don't just
go flip on the TV and watch ashow.
That's something that can happenanytime.
(37:44):
It's something that'sintentional.
You go to a game, you have atalk, you play some music
together, you go on a walk.
Sometimes we play giant Jenga.
Whatever it is that these kidswant to do is just a special
moment that you can have.
But but it takes intentionalityto do that, it takes planning.
It's easier to just flip on ashow and just everybody let's
(38:08):
watch a show at the end of thenight, cause you're exhausted,
she's exhausted, the kids areprobably exhausted.
Um, but there's little thingslike that, that you can do, and
uh, you can have a family motto.
You can have a family missionvision, values.
You know there's this distinct.
There's a friend of mine namedMike Allen who's helped me walk
through this process and it'salmost like building a family
crest, and I'll walk throughthis in the book with Mike's
(38:32):
permission, and he has this.
Just, he guides you throughthis and you look at all these
different words, these keywords,and you select what are the top
10 keywords that you want yourfamily to be about, and you know
it might be integrity, it mightbe adventure, it might be love,
you know it might be peace or,um, humor.
You know there's all thesedifferent words that you can
(38:53):
pick and uh, and then, as youthink about, just just like you
would when you're building acompany, you would think about,
like, what do we want to beknown for?
What's the legacy we want toleave?
You know what impact can wehave on our customers?
Why aren't we thinking thiswith our families?
Oh, it just seems likesomething that comes so
naturally in the workplace.
And so fatherhood andentrepreneurship, I hope, will
(39:15):
be a resource and a guide tohelp us all be able to come home
and just lead with a little bitmore intention.
Uh, give our spouses a littlebit more of a break, because
we're coming in with moreleadership.
Um, I believe that, uh, we asmen need to lead more in that
relationship, in the home, and,um, that the woman will manage,
uh, that home a little bit morethan maybe we do.
(39:37):
So leading and managing, Ithink, are slightly different,
Especially when you talk aboutthe relationship that you have
as a, as a spouse.
We can lead in that in that way, and she can help manage it.
And when I say manage, you knowthose four slaps we talked
about at the very beginning.
That's her managing therelationship, where she comes in
and gives you a warning.
(39:59):
Um, she might not even trulyunderstand the depths of what
that even means, butsubconsciously she's trying to
let you know.
And, uh, I think all of us havehad some kind of wake up calls
in our lives and maybe werecognize it or didn't.
Um, uh, but now's your sign.
Here's your sign, If you'relistening tonight or today.
Here's your sign that, uh, wecan all do better and let's make
(40:22):
it a little more intentional,and we can lead and become that
masculine, that divine masculineman that we're meant to be.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Man put a bow on that .
That was awesome.
He's not reading a teleprompter, he's just really, really
well-spoken.
I have a question for you?
Speaker 1 (40:38):
because you went pretty introspective as soon as
you had the slap on the face.
Let's call it Um.
Was that auto for you?
Because I see a lot of myfriends who major things happen
in their life, whether it's aparent who dies, or it's a
divorce, or it's a child who'sget sick.
There's bad stuff that happensto us, right, and you kind of
(41:01):
see one of two things.
It seems like people gointrospective, closer to God,
hang on to family.
Um, you know what you know?
Really humble or screw thisLike I'm going to completely
change my life.
I'm going to go off the deepend for a while on purpose, and
(41:21):
so why did you choose theintrospective?
I'm going to think about who Iam and who I could become, and
become better and tap into ahigher source.
Why and was that auto for youand what advice would you give
to people who are in that momentin time?
Speaker 3 (41:38):
Oh man, you know, I hear that, and you're 100% right
that, and you're a hundredpercent right that people tend
to go one way or the other andmy heart breaks for those who go
off.
You know, like you said, thedeep end and I've watched people
do the same and they becomebitter and they become angry,
and I knew I did not want tobecome bitter.
That you know.
(42:00):
Uh, I needed to haverelationships moving forward,
even if it was hard, andbecoming bitter and angry was
not going to be conducive forthat Um, and I have eight really
good reasons to not have thatUm, and so that was, that was
probably one of my core pieces.
Now I'd be I'd be lying if Ididn't say that I feel like God
(42:20):
had helped prepare me slightlyfor this, and it was my, I mean,
the reality was my relationshipwith God before this happened
that helped me to be moreintrospective.
There's something that I thinkI should share.
I feel like I should share oh,let me see if I can share.
I think I should share.
(42:41):
I feel like I should share, oh,let me see if I can share it.
I think I can share it.
Um, so the the the day that, um, I was asked to get divorced,
um, I was inside worshiping atthis temple that I talked about,
and, um, I kept hearing, uh,these words on my, in my mind
I'm sorry, probably going to getemotional and the words that
(43:03):
kept coming were I love youenough to let you go.
And I was in this placeworshiping and I was like what
is this?
This is ridiculous.
Why are these words coming tomy mind?
We're nothing, we're good, like.
Everything was like.
So I kept throwing it out,pushing it out, and it kept
coming back over and over again.
I was in there for almost twohours and it just kept coming.
(43:25):
I love you enough to let you go.
And this feeling just was likewas seared into my soul.
And so, as I walked out of thatplace of worship, that sacred
place, and I hopped in my car Iwas still in the parking lot and
got on the Zoom call with ourtherapist at the time, and so
(43:47):
the words came that the decisionto get divorced First words out
of my mouth were the exactwords that I was given.
I love you enough to let you go.
I mean, it tasted like vinegarto say those words.
But God loves us so much, hecares so much and he knows each
(44:11):
one of us individually.
He knows our hearts, he knowsour desires, he knows what's
going on in your life, he knowsthe pain, he knows your sorrow,
he knows your happiness and um,and that to me was just a, was a
pure miracle, um, that I didn't, you know, while I was in that
sacred place, I had no idea, Ijust kept shoving it out, um,
(44:33):
but it was that miracle.
Um, and there's been many ofthese tender mercies and
miracles that have come alongthe way, and there's been many
of these tender mercies andmiracles that have come along
the way that I know he knows meindividually as Bubba.
He's probably laughing when hesays that, and I think if
(44:55):
you're- hearing this.
I would hope that you take thismoment to be able to connect
with your God.
However you do that, and thatyou state and start to talk to
him in a way that you haven'tspoken to him before.
And if you're bitter and angry,already recognize that anger
(45:16):
and bitterness never leads tohappiness and it'll only hurt
yourself, it'll only hurt thepeople around you, and there is
someone who wants you to do thatand that doesn't come from God.
And if you recognize thatyou're at war and we are, as men
, warriors, well, we need toremember we are warriors for our
(45:36):
God.
And that other person, thatother being wants to do anything
in his power to create miseryfor us, because he is miserable
and he'll lie, he'll deceive,he'll do everything to make you
think that that bitterness andanger will make it better.
(45:58):
We'll make it right, even ifyou were wronged.
But the true level of happinessis when we can have charity, and
that charity is the true loveof Christ.
And if we can have that, evenfor the people who have hurt us
the most, that is more of aChrist-like, divine, masculine
role.
And I can promise you thatyou'll have much more joy and
(46:27):
happiness in your life when youchoose to lean on God and become
, instead of bitter, becomebetter.
And for me, I'm just sograteful.
I can now look back at thislast year and, although it was
one hell of a year, like Imentioned, I am grateful for
(46:49):
this that I've gone through.
Now I wouldn't wish it on asoul, but because of God's
direction and guidance and um,and peace and help throughout
this process, um, I am gratefulfor it and and I feel compelled
to share some of the story withothers, because I think a lot of
(47:10):
us men in particular, um, we'vejust held this inside and we're
walking around, sometimes as ashell of a man, and we're not
telling anybody.
It's embarrassing, we don't, youknow, we don't think it's
confidence to tell people wemight be struggling or to see a
(47:33):
therapist to get some counseling, to go to a men's retreat and
open up your soul, because we'remen, we don't get hurt.
You know we don't have sademotions, um, and the reality is
, I think the true divinemasculine can feel those
emotions and can processemotions, um, and if we don't,
(47:56):
we're leaning on that more toxicmasculine.
So I just would plead for menout there to hear that God is
your answer and whoever thatmeans to you.
That is your answer.
And if you're confused on whatto do, prayer is the number one
(48:17):
easiest thing any of us can doanywhere at any time, and it
doesn't have to be complicated.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
It doesn't have to be memorized.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
Just talk to him like he's your best friend, like
he's your father.
He is um for me.
I found solace in scripture Umand and if you read with
sincerity of heart, there willbe things that come out and
speak to you.
Um and, and I believe Godspeaks to us through those
scriptures a lot of times and um, and if we're listening, we can
(48:47):
hear those, those promptings,um, and then, when you hear it,
it's our job to act on it andit's I look at it as like an
upward spiral.
When we respond to theseinspired thoughts, he's going to
give us more and more of theseinspired thoughts and the closer
we get to God, and when wedon't, it's a downward spiral.
(49:10):
And the more times we don'tlisten and the more times we
don't act, we become furtheraway from God.
And some of you might feel veryfar away from God today.
If you're listening to this andyou feel far away, just know
his hand, his arm, isoutstretched.
It doesn't matter how far, itdoesn't matter what you've done,
(49:32):
doesn't matter where you'vebeen.
His arm is always outstretchedto you and it's just up to you
to reach out.
And again, it doesn't matterwhere you've been, what you've
done.
Speaker 1 (49:42):
His arm is there.
Speaker 3 (49:44):
And if you can reach out, you guys.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
I didn't realize it'd be preaching this was we just
went to church, I guess I don'tknow.
I didn't realize that was whereI was going to go, that's the
key, but thanks for letting meshare this.
Speaker 3 (49:56):
This is definitely something that's near and dear
to my heart, and I hope it canjust touch even just one other
man out there to help them ontheir journey.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
Yeah, and one of the things that you'll be happy to
know is that half of ourlistenership is female.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
Oh my gosh.
And that speaks to, I think, alot of you know if they're
searching for something in theirlife that maybe needs some work
.
You know like they wish agentleman in their life shows up
, or they need men to show up ina different way for them.
I think that they are going toget value out of what you said
today as well.
So thank you for for being withus.
(50:43):
Thank you for you know sharingyour side of the story and and
in your journey through Dive InDeep, through a difficult year.
We're looking forward, as theGentleman Project, to helping
more fathers through yourinitiatives, looking forward to
seeing how we can collaboratetogether For sure.
So stay tuned for some of thatFor our regular listeners.
(51:08):
Thank you very much forspending the time in long form
media to be with us today anddevoting some of your precious
time today in listening to Bubba, and we always end the podcast
with one question, and that iswhat you think it means to be a
(51:28):
gentleman.
Speaker 3 (51:30):
Okay.
What I think it means to be atrue gentleman is to find a way
to tap into that divinemasculine.
I think a gentleman we're goingto try and be as Christ-like as
possible.
That still means we're awarrior.
It still means we provide andwe protect.
We're not weak.
(51:51):
That's not a gentleman.
But we can also be kind and wecan be loving and caring.
So that would be my, mydefinition.
Speaker 2 (52:02):
Thanks, it goes right along with what you preached
today.
Thank you, my friend.
Speaker 3 (52:08):
I love you guys, it's just so good.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
I think that's going to help a lot of people and
appreciate your openness andyour, your authenticity today.
Speaker 1 (52:17):
You did a great job.
Thanks, guys.
Really good Tears had to come.
Speaker 3 (52:20):
I didn't realize it was going to come.
There you go.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
So, for all you listeners out there, if you felt
the prompting today to sharethis message with somebody, uh,
I encourage you to act on eachgood thought and share that with
the person that popped intoyour head and let them know that
you love them, that you thoughtabout them, that you're
thinking about them, and we'llmake it a great day.
Speaker 3 (52:43):
I love that.
If you want to get connected,I'd be happy to If there are
people here.
Linkedin is a great place.
There's not too many Bubba's onthere.
Bubba page.
Instagram is definitely an easyplace as well.
Speaker 2 (52:54):
So I want to share your handles.
Speaker 3 (52:56):
Bubba page, just that's it.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
Just my name.
Well, thanks everybody.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
It's a very easy name to remember.
It is I like Bubba.
Is it the real name, brant?
Brant is my name, but as a fatbaby the name stuck.
Speaker 3 (53:11):
I've been called Bubba my whole life.
Isn't that crazy, it's?
Speaker 1 (53:14):
endearing though it is, it works Endearing for an
endearing guy.
Thank you for your time.
Speaker 3 (53:19):
I love it, appreciate it guys.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
Thanks everybody.
I'm Kirk Chug and I'm CoreyMoore.
Have a great day.
Welcome to the Gentleman Project Podcast.
I'm Corey Moore and I'm Kirk.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
Chug Bubba Page joins us today in the podcast studio
and Bubba is a good friend ofboth mine and Corey's.
We've known each other foryears.
Bubba is one of those guys.
If you follow him on socialmedia, you know what his
passions are.
His passions are family, faith,fitness, friends yeah, pretty
much right.
Fitness friends yeah, prettymuch right.
(00:26):
Fatherhood Fatherhood that'skind of family.
Yeah, I guess.
Baba has eight children and heis a very purposeful father.
Love the things that he's doingwith his kids.
Looked up to him as a fatherfor a long time.
Grateful to have him on thepodcast.
Kids Looked up to him as afather for a long time.
(00:46):
Grateful to have him on thepodcast.
Speaker 1 (00:52):
Both Corey and I, I think, know Bubba from like old
school corporate alliance daysback.
Well, I was joking when hefirst walked in.
I'm like, dude, I really,really like you, but I need to
see you more than every 10 years.
Yeah, 10 years is a little toolong.
So a lot's happened since wesaw each other last in our lives
, so we have a lot of catchingup to do on the podcast.
Speaker 2 (01:08):
Well, and Bubba, I knew that Bubba and I also had
the catching up to do, so Iinvited him to go over to the
club right before this and wegot talking and there's so much
cool stuff that he's working on.
That, I think, just works handin hand with what the gentleman
project is all about and thethings that we've been trying to
put out in the world for thelast three and a half years with
the podcast, and you're justexcited about the synergy and
(01:31):
the energy that he brings to thefatherhood space, to the
parenting space.
So we are going to pick yourbrain today.
Let's do this and get to knowwho Bubba page is and what Bubba
Bubba page does to to connectwith his children and and leave
a legacy with with the nextgeneration in the Page family.
(01:51):
So can we talk to you a littlebit first about the, the way
that you were raised, what yourbackground is with your parents
and how you grew up.
Speaker 3 (02:03):
Yeah, absolutely and and and.
To incorporate kind of the10-year catching up piece,
because it really probably hasbeen that long.
You know, a lot's been going onin life, right, we've all been
building businesses.
I had an exit in 2020 andstarted doing more investing,
and so today it's influencevc oh, very cool Helping people with.
(02:23):
We're still writing checks.
And then it's the group.
It's a syndication, so usuallyour group of investors invests
in and then we bring socialmedia influencers to help blow
up those businesses.
Speaker 1 (02:33):
Oh cool, hence the name influence.
No wonder he was like guys, youneed to get in the 21st century
with your whole podcast.
We need a video.
What are you?
Speaker 3 (02:41):
doing.
I mean, look, my first decadeof my career was more in like
B2B and tech and sales.
That's the company I built andsold, and then the last 10 years
was around social media.
Speaker 1 (02:53):
I could definitely take notes then, because I'm not
good at that.
Speaker 3 (02:57):
Right, we're here, we're friends, we can help, and
so a lot of catching up.
I think 10 years ago I maybehad three children.
Speaker 1 (03:05):
Now I have eight, so four boys four girls.
Speaker 3 (03:09):
It's interesting because I grew up the youngest
of four kids and my kid's momjust was a middle of three and
so we didn't have that very manykids.
And so, as we continue to havechildren, it felt right that we
(03:33):
were supposed to have them whenwe went from um six to seven.
Uh was so fascinating is um.
She had been praying for twins,like our entire, our entire
relationship, and um, no idea.
But we go to the ultrasound andthere they are twins, number
seven and eight.
So we end our children's withnumber seven, eight as twins,
boy, girl, twins.
They're now four and a halfyears old and it is so wild and
pure chaos all the time in ourhouse it has to be, but it's
amazing.
(03:53):
The kids are best friends.
They love hanging out with eachother.
So you know, if, if we talkabout my upbringing, I was born
here in Utah, moved in firstgrade to San Francisco, so went
to the Bay area, um, and I lovedbeing raised out there.
I probably wouldn't move backthere right now.
I love Utah so much, um, butwas raised out there.
(04:13):
And then my senior year of highschool, dad got a job in
Arizona and, uh, that's where wemoved.
So I ended up finishing my lastyear of high school in Arizona,
mesa, um and, and everybody'slike, oh, that must have been
really hard.
Uh, the reality is I got bestfriends now from Arizona and
from California and as a teenageboy it might've been harder for
(04:35):
a girl, but as a teenage boy Iwas like the fresh meat of the
high school.
It was great.
Speaker 1 (04:41):
Are you kidding me?
Speaker 3 (04:42):
It was the guys welcomed me there, the girls
welcomed me there.
It was.
It ended up being wonderful andthey came out here to BYU.
Um, loved my time at BYU,served at an LDS Mormon mission
for two years in Brazil, gotback married for 17 years, eight
children and recently wentthrough a divorce.
So, uh, if we're sayingcatching up, there's my there's
(05:04):
a lot of my one or two minutecatch up in just uh, in just a
little bit.
But um, talking aboutupbringing with my dad, uh, you
know, jeff page, he's a doctor,podiatrist.
Um, he was a work guy, likealways a worker bee, just
working, working like crazy.
And in san francisco youcommuted to the city, normal
(05:25):
hours you could get there andmaybe 35, 45 minutes.
Um, during rush hour it waslike an hour and a half.
So, he'd be up and out beforeany of us were awake and then
he'd get back late in theevening and, um, a wonderful
human, uh, but he just wasn'taround as much and so, uh, it
was interesting cause, um, youknow.
So you know, I became reallyclose with my mom and I, of
(05:47):
course, loved my dad and I knewhe loved me, but he just wasn't
around as often.
But I did learn, as I watchedthat process, the importance of
hard work, and when he wasaround on the weekends and later
in the evenings, that was likehis core focus hard work, hard
work, hard work.
And so I feel like I learnedsome of those things.
And and, being an entrepreneur,you better know how to work
(06:09):
hard.
Some I think the youngergeneration, they they see
entrepreneurship or, uh, andthey think that that's their way
to work less and it's like,well, hold up decade, you know,
and you building something thatthat is successful, uh, but you
better be ready to work harderthan anyone else for the first
10 years, um, and then maybethings can slow down, but I
(06:32):
think that was one of the mainthings that he taught that and
faith a very faithful man andand always kind of brought that
up into our lives and, um, I, Iremember, you know I was always
faithful in in my church, but Ididn't really become more
awakened to the reality of thechurch for me until it was 2016.
(06:53):
So I'm an adult, I'm marriedwith kids, and that's for me,
when I had, like this awakening,a religious awakening for me,
and you know, a lot of times Ithink, uh, guys, our age and
either, either way they go, nojudgment, love everybody.
Um, but sometimes when you getyou know, in those mid thirties
and forties, you start torealize maybe that religion you
(07:14):
grew up with isn't for youanymore.
And so I've watched a lot offriends go that route and and
you know, I love them to deathand and they can make their
choices for whatever reason.
For me it was the opposite andI dove deeper into my faith and
it was almost like the more thatI started to learn, the more I
knew I didn't know, so the morethat phrase it started becoming
(07:41):
more and more apparent that Ineeded it more in my life.
And now, having gone throughsome of the harder challenges
that come with life andexperience, um, I'm so grateful
I've been able to lean on Godthrough some of those trials and
challenges and and to feel thatsupport and to feel, uh, the
miracles of him.
Knowing my soul, my, myinternal you know workings of my
(08:04):
heart of him, knowing my soul,my internal workings of my heart
, I don't know how I could havegotten through something like a
divorce without that.
And so my goal now, as a fatherof four boys and four girls,
I've been trying my best toteach how important that faith
is, along with the other coreprinciples of working hard and
(08:24):
being honest and and and thingslike that.
But faith has definitely beenone of the strongest pieces for
me.
So there you go.
Cheers to that right.
Speaker 1 (08:33):
Cheers Diet Coke.
Cheers that's awesome you were.
You mentioned when we firststarted the podcast, before we
started, that you have someadventure planning and you're
launching a new webpage.
Is that correct?
Can you tell us about that andwhere that came from?
I'm assuming it's through thisjourney you just talked to us
about Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (08:52):
Yeah, jeez, this last year has been a journey to 2024
.
Woo, I got tired One hell of ayear.
It was a good one for me A lotof learning, okay.
So here's the gist 2024 for me,um was definitely a wake up
call.
And uh, and you know, for thosewho are listening, who've been
(09:13):
through a divorce or who have,who have at least had someone
tell them I want a divorce or aseparation, or maybe even saying
the words I love you, but I'mnot in love with you.
You know, some of us have heardthat before or maybe there's
infidelity or something.
It's like.
Those are some core pieces.
There's a book I read called theBulletproof Husband and they
(09:33):
call those things the slap.
Okay, I've got to point to thisstory.
But if someone, if your spouse,has ever come to you and I'm
talking to men here, because Ibelieve that's who's listening
so if your spouse has ever cometo you and has said, look, I
want to separate, I want adivorce, had an affair or I love
you, I'm not in love with you,consider that the slap to wake
(09:55):
you up.
If that has occurred, mostlikely your wife has been
thinking about those things fora minimum of two years, if not
longer, and it has now becomeapparent that she needed to wake
you up, and this could even bea subconscious nature she may
not even recognize that she'swaking you up.
Most men don't wake up, right?
(10:17):
We hear those things, right?
Whoa, what is this?
Where is this coming from?
How is this happening?
What?
And, unfortunately, if we don'ttake that moment to wake up, um
and and start to learn aboutourselves, uh, there may become
more problems and and andobviously everyone has their
agencies and choices that we allmake, and that's part of God's
(10:38):
plan here on this earth.
Um, but what I would hope forthose who are listening is that,
if that has happened to you, orif it does in the future,
please consider this a wake upcall to do a deep dive on
yourself, because the only thingthat you can change is you.
And um, it was.
It was an absolute wake up call, uh, to recognize that there is
(11:09):
something called childhoodwounds.
I didn't even know that itexisted.
Um, whether you have a big Ttrauma or little T trauma, all
of us have something that hadhappened in our past, or the
lack of something, um thatdidn't happen, whether you
didn't feel loved.
Uh, you know the way that youneed it.
Um, and I think, as men, wedon't we don't talk about this
(11:33):
very often, cause we're kind oflike, yeah, what are you doing
for business?
Or what are you doing with this, or everything's great, oh yeah
.
Speaker 2 (11:38):
How are you?
How are you doing?
Oh great, never better.
Speaker 3 (11:42):
And if we really really got down to brass tacks
you know they're dying inside,like every one of us has gone
through some sort of a hell, andprobably more than one time in
our lives and if we can start tohave these more vulnerable
conversations, I think we canstart to help each other heal.
By sharing some of thesestories today is it will allow
(12:08):
men, fathers, to wake up to therealization that they can and
should be able to feel theseemotions that are deep inside.
I know for me, I spent 40 yearsshoving them down and it wasn't
until this last year now I'm 41, to recognize that so much was
deep inside and until I tookthis deeper dive, it helped.
I'm going to list a few booksso if people are listening, you
(12:29):
can write them down and dive in,and it's a lot of them are
going to be about masculinity,and I consider masculinity to
not be.
You know beards and guns andcigars.
You know cigars, but it's moreof to me, it's more of like a
Christ-like masculinity.
I mean he is the ultimateexample of a divine masculine
(12:50):
being and um, the worldobviously preaches toxic
masculinity most of the time andif we really think about how
Christ lived his life.
He would be kind and caring andhave charity for people, but
then he could throw tables inthe temple and he was a
protector and he was, as thismasterful um strength to the
(13:11):
people and his followers, um,and so you have this, this
unique masculinity.
That, uh, one we don't talkabout, um, cause it's just not
something that we're talkingabout sports or business or
money or you know whatever.
And so when I think about thesebooks and so I'll list some,
one is going to be called themasculine in relationship.
(13:33):
That one will help dive intoour, our true masculinity and
how we can become as masculineas you need, and I'll tell you
why in just a second.
There's one called fathered byGod, which is unique Christian
Christ centered type process, umby John Eldridge.
Um, I'm making sure oh, myphone's over there, I was going
(13:56):
to look at my, my audible tomake sure I don't miss any of
these books.
There's one called how to dothe work, by Nicole LaPrera.
She also wrote um how to becomethe Love you Seek.
Those are really helpful forboth men and women to take a
deeper dive on doing what theycall, you know, the work, which
is internal work.
Yeah, um, let me make sure I'mnot missing.
(14:17):
Uh, oh, if you're married, Ithink one of the best books, uh,
as a married couple to readtogether to take a deeper dive
on both spouses, is calledsecure love and this booklet,
secure love, by Julie Menino.
She has a large socialfollowing, she's a doctor and
she's just an expert in hercraft.
Um, it will take you throughsomething called attachment
(14:38):
styles.
There's a book for singlepeople If you're listening, um,
read the book attached and, uh,for, for married, secure love,
single attached.
They're written in ways thatare better for you know, whether
you're single or married, um,but they have similar teachings
about this attachment style and,and I'm going to simplify
everything, but you have secure,which is the goal that we can
(15:01):
all become secure withinourselves and in our love and
our relationship.
Most of us have something likean anxious attachment or an
avoidant attachment, and there'smore details, but we're going
to simplify it to just those.
And so, if you have an anxiousattachment, most likely you're
seeking and pursuing that love,whereas an avoidant person and
(15:23):
most relationships have one orthe other the avoidant is kind
of running away and the anxiousis pursuing.
So you have this dynamic ofpursuing and running away and
that's a dramatic way of sayingit, but usually that happens and
these attachment styles comebecause of our upbringing in our
childhood and I have had andhave been working on becoming
(15:46):
more secure.
But I definitely recognize thatI was more anxious in my
relationship and being anxious Iwould pursue more frequently.
And if someone is more avoidant, that person might feel
smothered or might want todistance themselves.
And if you don't understand eachother in that way that negative
(16:09):
cycle will just keep going overand over and over again.
And so even just the knowledgeand doing some study about, oh,
if I'm more anxious and I comeacross this way, that might push
that person away, so okay, soif I, if I understand that, then
I won't be offended.
If that person says, you know,I might need a little bit of
space, I would take itpersonally and I'd say, oh, my
(16:31):
gosh, what's wrong with me?
In the reality, that personjust needs a little bit of space
, has nothing to do with you andum, and and.
So there's ways of ofunderstanding, having more
compassion and empathy for oneanother, that, if the spouses
can, can communicate andunderstand themselves internally
better and and then dig deeperon why they feel that way.
(16:52):
And I felt that way, I think,because of my relationship with
my mom and um, when you reallyreally think deep and you, you
uncover layers, um, it it comesdown to the relationships of, of
our upbringing, um.
What's interesting, now thatI've been single for a little
little bit, I can find myselfbeing slightly more avoidant.
So you can shift depending onyour life circumstances, uh,
(17:15):
being single and, and recentlyyou know, in the dating world,
which is so odd, uh to know inthe dating world, which is so
odd to be 41 in the dating worldwith eight children.
Speaker 2 (17:26):
Put that on your profile.
It's definitely unique.
Speaker 3 (17:31):
In big letters right up front.
Exactly Single ready?
No, I'm definitely not in anyhurry or any rush, but I've
recognized myself being a littlebit more avoidant, Um, and so
I've just been, but even justbeing self-aware that that's
what I'm doing, and so I I tryto over-communicate with some of
these women that I'll I'll goon dates with, to make sure they
understand I'm not ready for,you know, an in-depth
(17:53):
relationship quite yet, and I'mjust new.
You know, I'm three and a halfmonths out of a divorce and this
is when I started dating anyway.
So attachment styles issomething that, if you're
listening, please, please, evenif you just Google or use
ChatGPT to get like the summaryof it, you don't even have to
read the full book yet, but ifit is intriguing to you, then
(18:13):
dive in.
Right, the book Attached.
Or the book Secure Love ifyou're married.
Right, the book attached.
Or the book secure love ifyou're married.
Um and uh, it can be a totalgame changer for us as men to
understand both ourselves andour spouse, or even the people
you're dating, and maybe whythey respond, or actor or or are
a certain way.
Um, okay, now let's talk abouthealing a little bit, okay.
(18:36):
So healing, uh, I know there'smany healing modalities out
there and I'm not an expert inin the healing world.
Um, for me, I've leaned on Godas as the primary source of
healing for me.
Uh, but things like breath work, uh, like meditation, um, I
even was at a healing retreatwith these men and we did Tai
(18:57):
Chi and the way that it was Idon't know if you've seen it's
like the slow kind of karatemovements.
I thought it was wacky anddefinitely woo woo, but the way
that it was being guided toprocess those emotions kind of
(19:21):
had me stuck almost in a waythat by opening up and allowing
the tears to really flow can bea benefit.
I have found, and through someof these books, like there's
also a men's program calledBulletproof Husband that I went
through and it was interestingto hear that for most men to
process emotion there's aslightly unique, it's a
(19:45):
different way than women processemotion.
In order for us to get the truedepth of tears, the true like
gut-wrenching feelings, is,sometimes we have to scream it
out.
And I'm not a big screamer,that's not my personality, I'd
much rather be, you know, calm,cool and collected.
But it was interesting becauseI tried.
(20:06):
I was like I was in an openplace.
I'm like okay, if they'retelling me.
So they're like, look,obviously be alone, don't be
around anybody.
Speaker 2 (20:15):
And of course never your children.
Speaker 3 (20:16):
I know, seriously.
But they were like somebody'smurdering, no joke, uh.
But they were like look, ifyou're in your car, you're alone
.
Um, if you need, just you know,really feel the pain or the
things that you have beenfeeling and just start to scream
like until your voice goes outand um and it.
(20:38):
It says that usually after twoor three minutes.
Sometimes it might takesomebody longer than that.
But, uh, and you can evenenvision if somebody has hurt
you, uh, if somebody's wrongedyou, you can even visualize that
person in the car next to youand you can say whatever,
because they're not there,nobody's recording you, it's not
going to, you know, be onsocial media or in a legal
course at court, say whateveryou need to say, and it can be
(21:04):
as ugly and as nasty as you needto say.
By allowing yourself to do this, most of the time, if you're
doing it with true intent, thetears will start to come.
And you know grown men sobbingto where there's snot all over
their face, and you're trying,you know, bring a towel.
I have found that that hasalleviated, by layer upon layer,
(21:26):
this level of healing that Inever knew existed.
And and it and it feels as ifit's like a key and that some
may be able to do it withoutthis whole like screaming thing.
But for whatever reason, uh,you know these programs had
taught that.
You know men doing this canachieve this level of healing
(21:47):
deeper.
Um, and and then, for me, I loveto worship in a safe, uh, a
holy place.
Wherever that holy place is foryou find it, and um, where you
worship your God, whether it'sthe universe, or, or Jesus, or
(22:09):
you know, that's that's up toyou.
And so when I go in worship, Igo into the temple.
For me, and that depth ofemotion no, I'm not screaming in
the temple, it's a pretty quietplace.
That'd be a little distracting,um, but I, I feel like I can
communicate at a deeper levelwith God and um, of course, you
can worship and talk to Godanywhere and anytime.
There is no requirement to bein a holy place.
(22:30):
God is, you know, he doesn't,he would just want you to talk
to him.
But, for whatever reason, Ithink it's just less
distractions.
Um, I know my bed on my phone.
It's peaceful, it's calm.
That, to me, has been a place ofcommunicating with God, and
what I've tried to do is listen,because I believe God speaks,
(22:51):
talks back, and that he'll fillour heart and our minds with
certain things that we need todo.
And so there've been momentswhere I would be in this kind of
meditative state and um, andpraying and talking to my, my
God, um, and I try to share whatI'm grateful for, um, because
(23:12):
even if you're going through thebitterness of hell, uh, you
should still be able to findsomething that you're grateful
for.
And I just I find it to be akey when you're talking to God
is to just express at least onething that you're grateful
you're alive, and you may notfeel like you want to be alive
in that moment, but you know,you still have that, you know,
or your kids, or your health, orsomething, something you can
(23:33):
think of, that you can begrateful for.
And then I just talked to him.
I just talked to him like wewould be talking here.
Speaker 1 (23:39):
And uh.
Speaker 3 (23:40):
I don't, it's not formal.
I'm sharing my thoughts, my, myemotions, my fears, and, um
most of the time I don't hearsome audible voice, I don't see
an angel, I don't you know nogrand something happens.
But most of the time I can feelsomething in my mind and in my
heart, and it's usually just athought or an impression, and
(24:05):
what I found is that, if I canhear it and then listen to it
and act on it, no matter howhard it is like maybe
apologizing to somebody thatyou've wronged and something
comes into your heart and you'relike, oh my gosh, that happened
10 years ago.
I can't believe I did that.
I never really apologized, Inever truly.
Something isn't going to comeinto your mind.
(24:27):
It may just have come into yourmind right this moment, as
you're listening.
You maybe just thought of anexperience like, oh yeah, shoot,
and it's probably going to suckto have to go back to whoever
that person was, um, and toapologize.
But I can guarantee you that ifyou listen to what just
happened to your heart and thatinstruction that you were given,
(24:49):
um, that you will receive morefrom God as you listen to those
feelings.
And the reason why I'm bringingkind of this holistic approach
of of healing and the benefitsof of, you know, working on your
relationship and you're, youknow, diving deep inside of you
is, I think, when we healourselves, we are a thousand
(25:11):
times better at becoming thetrue masculine, the true
gentleman, and really what Ithink are one of our main
purposes here on this earth isto be an amazing father.
And look, we've all yelledbefore as a father.
Look, there isn't a singlefather out there that has not
yelled at least once.
(25:31):
Most of the time, it's becausewe were triggered by something,
whether you know, they didn'tlisten to our authority.
Right, we're the dad, we're theman of the house.
Um, or maybe they lied, ormaybe uh you know, they hit
their sibling or something.
Um, if we're not in a state ofmind where we've kind of worked
(25:53):
on ourselves, how can we be asgood of fathers as we could be
if we were not able to be incontrol of our own emotions?
And I've found that, as I'veworked more on myself, not in a
selfish way but in a way that itprovides healing, that, and the
closer I feel like I'm with God, then I can receive instruction
(26:18):
on what my children need andhaving eight, that's a lot of
instruction.
And as I pray for them by nameand each individually, I can
receive help to know what theymight need.
And even if it's not somethinggrandiose it might just be a
sentence or maybe a hug, or justa smile or a little note.
(26:38):
But, man, I can promise youthat God wants to talk to us and
more than anything, he is ourfather and we are fathers to his
spiritual children on thisearth.
And when we can listen to whathe wants us to say, you can't go
wrong.
Um, and so I've noticed, withthis deep inner healing that
(27:00):
I've been going through, thatit's helped me to be more in
tune with my own children'sneeds, and the
fatherhoodmovementcom islaunching in a couple of weeks
and the tagline is is tune in.
Because I think if we asfathers can tune into one, our
God, two, ourselves and threeour spouse and our children, and
(27:24):
then the rest right, our bodiesand our family members and our
coworkers, but tuning into mejust seems like it's like that
radio frequency.
A lot of us are hearing a lot ofbuzz and a lot of noise because
we're not exactly trying tohear God's word.
Uh, we may not be hearing ourspouse, you know, when they're
(27:47):
saying that things arefrustrating or that they're
having a hard time and or one ofthose four things, the slap.
Um, we probably haven't beenhearing what they need.
Uh, maybe our empathy isn't asstrong as it could be because
our spouses are they're working,in my opinion, harder than we
are, especially if they're athome taking care of kids, like
(28:08):
that's.
That's a pretty intense job andit's divine.
What mothers can do, and andtheir ability is, is beautiful
as a nurturing mother, takingcare of your, of our own
children, and to be able to havethat, that respect and that
care for our spouse and whatthey are capable of doing, that
(28:30):
we as men are not built in thesame ways, and so you know this
may not be politically correct,but the divine masculine and the
divine feminine create thisincredible polarity and where we
get in trouble a lot inrelationships, and especially in
today's day where the media hascreated an emasculated man, you
know men are being made fun of,men are being belittled.
(28:52):
It's the women power movement.
It's, and don't get me wrong, Iam a full supporter of women
and conquering the world, but ifmy opinion and the studies that
I've been going through is isif a woman is in her masculine
we both have masculine andfeminine inside of us A true
masculine man will act mostly inhis masculine but has the
(29:16):
ability, like Christ, to befeminine in a way of caring and
being kind and loving, becausethose are some more feminine
characteristics, you know beingthe protector and the provider.
Those are more commonly, youknow, understood as masculine.
And being in the singles world.
Now, I've noticed these singlewomen who are forced to be in
(29:37):
their masculine more becausethey're taking care of things at
home, they're getting out thereand they're working, they're
taking care of all the things intheir home because they don't
have a man there with them to dosome of these things.
And to not say that they're notcapable, of course they are.
I mean, the reality is Godprobably made them stronger than
us.
That's why they have kids andwe can't right.
That kind of a thing is sodifficult and so hard.
(30:08):
You know we struggle if we havea kidney stone and they're,
they're giving birth to ourchildren, um, but what's
interesting is this polarity?
Um, I found myself becoming not.
I was subconsciously doing thisbecause I didn't know any of
this stuff, uh, and so why Iwant to share it so much?
Because I want men tounderstand that there are things
called masculinity andfemininity.
There is this thing calledpolarity.
I started acting more in myfeminine, unbeknownst to me.
I didn't realize it.
And, um, and what happened was,uh, there was a more masculine,
(30:32):
you know, over on this otherside and I was in more, more
feminine.
The more that I was acting in afeminine, I was uncomfortable
with it.
I didn't know what was going on.
I didn't.
Something was just wronginherently inside.
(30:52):
And as a woman acting more inher masculine, she will also
feel just something's wrong,something's off, because it's
not their true nature.
And look, you can go to workand be boss, babe, and just go
crush it, but you need to beable to come home and fall into
more of that feminine design.
And if you don't have that,something's going to feel off
inside and it's going to createproblems within a relationship.
(31:13):
And so, as you know, listeners,uh, if you do this study and if
you look into, um, there's evenmasculine and femininecom.
If there's some great resourcesthere it's not mine, it's good
friends of mine who've put thistogether um, that we can learn
more about how we can becometruly, um, divinely masculine
men.
(31:33):
Uh will will recognize and seethe difference in that, allowing
our feminine partners to fallinto that feminine piece where
they feel heard, they feel seen,they feel understood, um, they
feel protected, they feel, um,provided for.
And um, I think, uh, a lot of usgetting stuck where we go to
(31:56):
work every day, we, you know, goslay the dragon and then we
come home and we flip on the TVor we we get distracted on
social media or we go on hangoutwith our, our boys, you know,
look, doing that every once in awhile.
That's not a problem, that'sthat's really not a problem, um,
but if you're avoiding, whenyou come home, leading in the
home, that's a problem.
(32:17):
And um, and women will find,you know, that they become more
resentful.
They've been working theirtails off all day.
They need somebody to come homeand lead, lead in the home.
Kids, we're going to do thisactivity.
Let's go do this together.
Hey, I can help with the dinnerand the dishes.
I can change diapers too.
Right, this is a joint efforthere.
Speaker 2 (32:39):
I can change diapers too, right, this is a joint
effort here.
I think one of the most magicalthings that we did when I was,
when our kids were little, wasmy wife was doing that.
We had four kids.
We had three kids, two and ahalf and under and bath time was
mine, like I could be gone allday working, providing and she's
(33:02):
home taking care of theselittle kids.
But bath time belonged to dadand that was when she was able
to have a minute for herself,right, and I was in the bathroom
or at the sink bathing the baby.
That was connection time withwith my kids, but it also
enabled her, like this timewhere she was like I know that I
(33:23):
get a break at the end, rightbefore I have to feed them again
, but right before then I knowI've got this break and it was
every day and it was like kindof a non-negotiable, understood,
didn't have to ask me, it waswas just my job.
When I came home that was me.
Oh, I love that and that really, I think, helped us get us
(33:43):
through that.
Speaker 3 (33:44):
Consistency as a man, and part of our divine
masculine is being consistentand being accountable.
So when we forget to take outthe trash, sometimes we come up
with excuses for oh, I was tired, I was late, I did this, or you
forgot to bring the milk home.
I mean, how many of us havehave?
(34:05):
Here's the list.
You go get everything and youmiss one thing.
Sometimes we end up givingexcuses right, or we take it
personally, like how, how dareyou?
I mean, I've I did all theseother things.
Uh, yeah, I messed up on here,but come on, um, you know, I
think if we can respond in inmore of a, a wise and open and
leadership driven way, um, it's,uh, you know it, and this is an
(34:25):
acronym is wolf.
So you're wise, you're open,you you lead and you're fierce,
like that's.
That's some of thecharacteristics of a true man.
Um, if we defend or explain orgive excuses oh, and now I'm
forgetting the R oh, that'shorrible.
Dear, dear is the other acronymfor us to act in our feminine.
(34:48):
It's going to come to me, butif you can remember some of
those pieces, if you Google this, you'd find it, because these
aren't my words.
The Way of the Superior man isanother book that you can read
and might, might, help with that.
But, um, wise, open, lead andbe fierce.
Uh, hopefully we'll help us tolike remember and think about it
(35:09):
.
I know for me, when I wasacting more of my feminine, I
would take things personally.
I would, uh, I would bedefensive, um if I was being
called out on something, and soI was doing exactly what this
deer, you know, magnet.
I was giving excuses, I wastrying to explain myself away, I
was being defensive, and that'snot what a woman wants to hear.
That's, she wants to hear fullaccountability, and most of the
(35:34):
time, we shy away from that, andso I think it's helpful for
people to be able to remember.
When we make mistakes, let's beaccountable for it when we're
leading.
Instead of having her choosethe restaurant, well, why don't
you choose two?
And you suggest those two onyour next date?
Right, I know she might loveplanning the vacation, but what
(35:55):
if you took the lead?
And what if you did a littlebit of research beforehand and
proposed maybe two or threeoptions?
It's little things like thisthat we can do better.
So I'm writing a book.
It's called Fatherhood andEntrepreneurship and really,
because that's been my life,that and faith, right, and so
it's.
It's.
It is a Christ-centered, youknow, faith-based book, not of
(36:17):
one religion or anything likethat, but it's uh.
The hope is that, um, I canfocus on this book of taking
what we do here at work, uh, ona daily basis, where, where we
have KPIs uh, you know keyperformance indicators, we've
got metrics, we've gotone-on-ones, we we do interviews
, we have conferences, we havemottos, mission, vision, values.
(36:38):
We do all of this amazing work,setup and process here at work,
but we don't have that at ourhome.
Why not?
I mean, we're experts at ourcraft, we're building these
companies, we're changing lives,we're making impacts, but the
most important thing we can doin our whole existence is in the
(36:58):
home, and so I'm creating aresource and a guide with this
book to be able to help peoplehave a very clear process to
take the things that we've doneat work and let's implement them
here in the home.
We can do one-on-one interviewswith our kids.
We should probably do them withour spouse in a date night.
We can set up conferences andgo on vacations with our
families and make it intentional, you know having we do
(37:22):
something called tuck in time atnight and it's where, you know,
one of the children gets 15more minutes than any other kid
alone with a parent, and theylook forward to it.
We rotate, you know.
So they, you know, every, everyday, it's another kid and but
that intentionality of justdoing something and don't just
go flip on the TV and watch ashow.
That's something that can happenanytime.
(37:44):
It's something that'sintentional.
You go to a game, you have atalk, you play some music
together, you go on a walk.
Sometimes we play giant Jenga.
Whatever it is that these kidswant to do is just a special
moment that you can have.
But but it takes intentionalityto do that, it takes planning.
It's easier to just flip on ashow and just everybody let's
(38:08):
watch a show at the end of thenight, cause you're exhausted,
she's exhausted, the kids areprobably exhausted.
Um, but there's little thingslike that, that you can do, and
uh, you can have a family motto.
You can have a family missionvision, values.
You know there's this distinct.
There's a friend of mine namedMike Allen who's helped me walk
through this process and it'salmost like building a family
crest, and I'll walk throughthis in the book with Mike's
(38:32):
permission, and he has this.
Just, he guides you throughthis and you look at all these
different words, these keywords,and you select what are the top
10 keywords that you want yourfamily to be about, and you know
it might be integrity, it mightbe adventure, it might be love,
you know it might be peace or,um, humor.
You know there's all thesedifferent words that you can
(38:53):
pick and uh, and then, as youthink about, just just like you
would when you're building acompany, you would think about,
like, what do we want to beknown for?
What's the legacy we want toleave?
You know what impact can wehave on our customers?
Why aren't we thinking thiswith our families?
Oh, it just seems likesomething that comes so
naturally in the workplace.
And so fatherhood andentrepreneurship, I hope, will
(39:15):
be a resource and a guide tohelp us all be able to come home
and just lead with a little bitmore intention.
Uh, give our spouses a littlebit more of a break, because
we're coming in with moreleadership.
Um, I believe that, uh, we asmen need to lead more in that
relationship, in the home, and,um, that the woman will manage,
uh, that home a little bit morethan maybe we do.
(39:37):
So leading and managing, Ithink, are slightly different,
Especially when you talk aboutthe relationship that you have
as a, as a spouse.
We can lead in that in that way, and she can help manage it.
And when I say manage, you knowthose four slaps we talked
about at the very beginning.
That's her managing therelationship, where she comes in
and gives you a warning.
(39:59):
Um, she might not even trulyunderstand the depths of what
that even means, butsubconsciously she's trying to
let you know.
And, uh, I think all of us havehad some kind of wake up calls
in our lives and maybe werecognize it or didn't.
Um, uh, but now's your sign.
Here's your sign, If you'relistening tonight or today.
Here's your sign that, uh, wecan all do better and let's make
(40:22):
it a little more intentional,and we can lead and become that
masculine, that divine masculineman that we're meant to be.
Speaker 2 (40:29):
Man put a bow on that .
That was awesome.
He's not reading a teleprompter, he's just really, really
well-spoken.
I have a question for you?
Speaker 1 (40:38):
because you went pretty introspective as soon as
you had the slap on the face.
Let's call it Um.
Was that auto for you?
Because I see a lot of myfriends who major things happen
in their life, whether it's aparent who dies, or it's a
divorce, or it's a child who'sget sick.
There's bad stuff that happensto us, right, and you kind of
(41:01):
see one of two things.
It seems like people gointrospective, closer to God,
hang on to family.
Um, you know what you know?
Really humble or screw thisLike I'm going to completely
change my life.
I'm going to go off the deepend for a while on purpose, and
(41:21):
so why did you choose theintrospective?
I'm going to think about who Iam and who I could become, and
become better and tap into ahigher source.
Why and was that auto for youand what advice would you give
to people who are in that momentin time?
Speaker 3 (41:38):
Oh man, you know, I hear that, and you're 100% right
that, and you're a hundredpercent right that people tend
to go one way or the other andmy heart breaks for those who go
off.
You know, like you said, thedeep end and I've watched people
do the same and they becomebitter and they become angry,
and I knew I did not want tobecome bitter.
That you know.
(42:00):
Uh, I needed to haverelationships moving forward,
even if it was hard, andbecoming bitter and angry was
not going to be conducive forthat Um, and I have eight really
good reasons to not have thatUm, and so that was, that was
probably one of my core pieces.
Now I'd be I'd be lying if Ididn't say that I feel like God
(42:20):
had helped prepare me slightlyfor this, and it was my, I mean,
the reality was my relationshipwith God before this happened
that helped me to be moreintrospective.
There's something that I thinkI should share.
I feel like I should share oh,let me see if I can share.
I think I should share.
(42:41):
I feel like I should share, oh,let me see if I can share it.
I think I can share it.
Um, so the the the day that, um, I was asked to get divorced,
um, I was inside worshiping atthis temple that I talked about,
and, um, I kept hearing, uh,these words on my, in my mind
I'm sorry, probably going to getemotional and the words that
(43:03):
kept coming were I love youenough to let you go.
And I was in this placeworshiping and I was like what
is this?
This is ridiculous.
Why are these words coming tomy mind?
We're nothing, we're good, like.
Everything was like.
So I kept throwing it out,pushing it out, and it kept
coming back over and over again.
I was in there for almost twohours and it just kept coming.
(43:25):
I love you enough to let you go.
And this feeling just was likewas seared into my soul.
And so, as I walked out of thatplace of worship, that sacred
place, and I hopped in my car Iwas still in the parking lot and
got on the Zoom call with ourtherapist at the time, and so
(43:47):
the words came that the decisionto get divorced First words out
of my mouth were the exactwords that I was given.
I love you enough to let you go.
I mean, it tasted like vinegarto say those words.
But God loves us so much, hecares so much and he knows each
(44:11):
one of us individually.
He knows our hearts, he knowsour desires, he knows what's
going on in your life, he knowsthe pain, he knows your sorrow,
he knows your happiness and um,and that to me was just a, was a
pure miracle, um, that I didn't, you know, while I was in that
sacred place, I had no idea, Ijust kept shoving it out, um,
(44:33):
but it was that miracle.
Um, and there's been many ofthese tender mercies and
miracles that have come alongthe way, and there's been many
of these tender mercies andmiracles that have come along
the way that I know he knows meindividually as Bubba.
He's probably laughing when hesays that, and I think if
(44:55):
you're- hearing this.
I would hope that you take thismoment to be able to connect
with your God.
However you do that, and thatyou state and start to talk to
him in a way that you haven'tspoken to him before.
And if you're bitter and angry,already recognize that anger
(45:16):
and bitterness never leads tohappiness and it'll only hurt
yourself, it'll only hurt thepeople around you, and there is
someone who wants you to do thatand that doesn't come from God.
And if you recognize thatyou're at war and we are, as men
, warriors, well, we need toremember we are warriors for our
(45:36):
God.
And that other person, thatother being wants to do anything
in his power to create miseryfor us, because he is miserable
and he'll lie, he'll deceive,he'll do everything to make you
think that that bitterness andanger will make it better.
(45:58):
We'll make it right, even ifyou were wronged.
But the true level of happinessis when we can have charity, and
that charity is the true loveof Christ.
And if we can have that, evenfor the people who have hurt us
the most, that is more of aChrist-like, divine, masculine
role.
And I can promise you thatyou'll have much more joy and
(46:27):
happiness in your life when youchoose to lean on God and become
, instead of bitter, becomebetter.
And for me, I'm just sograteful.
I can now look back at thislast year and, although it was
one hell of a year, like Imentioned, I am grateful for
(46:49):
this that I've gone through.
Now I wouldn't wish it on asoul, but because of God's
direction and guidance and um,and peace and help throughout
this process, um, I am gratefulfor it and and I feel compelled
to share some of the story withothers, because I think a lot of
(47:10):
us men in particular, um, we'vejust held this inside and we're
walking around, sometimes as ashell of a man, and we're not
telling anybody.
It's embarrassing, we don't, youknow, we don't think it's
confidence to tell people wemight be struggling or to see a
(47:33):
therapist to get some counseling, to go to a men's retreat and
open up your soul, because we'remen, we don't get hurt.
You know we don't have sademotions, um, and the reality is
, I think the true divinemasculine can feel those
emotions and can processemotions, um, and if we don't,
(47:56):
we're leaning on that more toxicmasculine.
So I just would plead for menout there to hear that God is
your answer and whoever thatmeans to you.
That is your answer.
And if you're confused on whatto do, prayer is the number one
(48:17):
easiest thing any of us can doanywhere at any time, and it
doesn't have to be complicated.
Speaker 1 (48:23):
It doesn't have to be memorized.
Speaker 3 (48:25):
Just talk to him like he's your best friend, like
he's your father.
He is um for me.
I found solace in scripture Umand and if you read with
sincerity of heart, there willbe things that come out and
speak to you.
Um and, and I believe Godspeaks to us through those
scriptures a lot of times and um, and if we're listening, we can
(48:47):
hear those, those promptings,um, and then, when you hear it,
it's our job to act on it andit's I look at it as like an
upward spiral.
When we respond to theseinspired thoughts, he's going to
give us more and more of theseinspired thoughts and the closer
we get to God, and when wedon't, it's a downward spiral.
(49:10):
And the more times we don'tlisten and the more times we
don't act, we become furtheraway from God.
And some of you might feel veryfar away from God today.
If you're listening to this andyou feel far away, just know
his hand, his arm, isoutstretched.
It doesn't matter how far, itdoesn't matter what you've done,
(49:32):
doesn't matter where you'vebeen.
His arm is always outstretchedto you and it's just up to you
to reach out.
And again, it doesn't matterwhere you've been, what you've
done.
Speaker 1 (49:42):
His arm is there.
Speaker 3 (49:44):
And if you can reach out, you guys.
Speaker 1 (49:46):
I didn't realize it'd be preaching this was we just
went to church, I guess I don'tknow.
I didn't realize that was whereI was going to go, that's the
key, but thanks for letting meshare this.
Speaker 3 (49:56):
This is definitely something that's near and dear
to my heart, and I hope it canjust touch even just one other
man out there to help them ontheir journey.
Speaker 2 (50:06):
Yeah, and one of the things that you'll be happy to
know is that half of ourlistenership is female.
Speaker 3 (50:15):
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 2 (50:21):
Oh my gosh.
And that speaks to, I think, alot of you know if they're
searching for something in theirlife that maybe needs some work
.
You know like they wish agentleman in their life shows up
, or they need men to show up ina different way for them.
I think that they are going toget value out of what you said
today as well.
So thank you for for being withus.
(50:43):
Thank you for you know sharingyour side of the story and and
in your journey through Dive InDeep, through a difficult year.
We're looking forward, as theGentleman Project, to helping
more fathers through yourinitiatives, looking forward to
seeing how we can collaboratetogether For sure.
So stay tuned for some of thatFor our regular listeners.
(51:08):
Thank you very much forspending the time in long form
media to be with us today anddevoting some of your precious
time today in listening to Bubba, and we always end the podcast
with one question, and that iswhat you think it means to be a
(51:28):
gentleman.
Speaker 3 (51:30):
Okay.
What I think it means to be atrue gentleman is to find a way
to tap into that divinemasculine.
I think a gentleman we're goingto try and be as Christ-like as
possible.
That still means we're awarrior.
It still means we provide andwe protect.
We're not weak.
(51:51):
That's not a gentleman.
But we can also be kind and wecan be loving and caring.
So that would be my, mydefinition.
Speaker 2 (52:02):
Thanks, it goes right along with what you preached
today.
Thank you, my friend.
Speaker 3 (52:08):
I love you guys, it's just so good.
Speaker 2 (52:10):
I think that's going to help a lot of people and
appreciate your openness andyour, your authenticity today.
Speaker 1 (52:17):
You did a great job.
Thanks, guys.
Really good Tears had to come.
Speaker 3 (52:20):
I didn't realize it was going to come.
There you go.
Speaker 2 (52:24):
So, for all you listeners out there, if you felt
the prompting today to sharethis message with somebody, uh,
I encourage you to act on eachgood thought and share that with
the person that popped intoyour head and let them know that
you love them, that you thoughtabout them, that you're
thinking about them, and we'llmake it a great day.
Speaker 3 (52:43):
I love that.
If you want to get connected,I'd be happy to If there are
people here.
Linkedin is a great place.
There's not too many Bubba's onthere.
Bubba page.
Instagram is definitely an easyplace as well.
Speaker 2 (52:54):
So I want to share your handles.
Speaker 3 (52:56):
Bubba page, just that's it.
Speaker 1 (53:00):
Just my name.
Well, thanks everybody.
Speaker 2 (53:01):
It's a very easy name to remember.
It is I like Bubba.
Is it the real name, brant?
Brant is my name, but as a fatbaby the name stuck.
Speaker 3 (53:11):
I've been called Bubba my whole life.
Isn't that crazy, it's?
Speaker 1 (53:14):
endearing though it is, it works Endearing for an
endearing guy.
Thank you for your time.
Speaker 3 (53:19):
I love it, appreciate it guys.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
Thanks everybody.
I'm Kirk Chug and I'm CoreyMoore.
Have a great day.
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