March 4, 2025 • 37 mins
Step into a heartfelt exploration of resilience, advocacy, and the unseen struggles surrounding child sexual abuse as we welcome Blake Woodhall to the podcast. A devoted father and attorney, Blake shares his powerful journey from personal trauma to professional advocacy, aiming to amplify the voices of those previously silenced. The episode dives deep into the intricacies of the legal landscape, highlighting the newly opened opportunities for victims to seek justice against their abusers in California.
Listeners will gain insight into the emotional toll of childhood trauma, the vital role of empathy in the legal profession, and the responsibilities of fathers in nurturing healthy relationships with their children. Blake's candid recounting not only addresses the challenges faced by survivors of abuse but also the transformative power of community service and support.
Through compelling stories and reflections, this episode serves as a call to action for empathy, understanding, and engagement in the lives of those around us. Join us in celebrating the strength found in vulnerability, and find inspiration in Blake’s relentless pursuit of justice and healing. Ready to connect with a community that cares? Tune in, and don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share this vital narrative that can change lives.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Blake (00:00):
Our motto is we give voices to victims.
Mila (00:02):
As lawyers, we often have to be therapists for our client,
especially in sensitive caseslike this.
Blake (00:07):
The only thing we can get our clients is money.
We can't ever take away whathappened to them Do you see
cases where women also abusechildren 99% of pedophiles are
men.
Mila (00:17):
Humanity finds the most joy in helping other people and
in serving other people.
Blake (00:23):
I talk to a lot of dads now after being divorced and
going through all this and Ireally try to just flat out tell
them it's your responsibilityas a father to be fully engaged
and invested in your kids.
Ilona (00:35):
I studied psychology.
That was one of my majors.
I liked back in the days when Iwould go on dates.
Ask a question.
What's your first memory fromchildhood?
That was your date question.
Yes, those are my questions.
What's your first memory fromchildhood?
That was your date question?
Yes, those are my questions.
Blake (00:47):
It's like an old adage we don't know what people are
going through.
It's really true, thoughEverybody, you, you, you,
everybody's got something goingon at any given time.
Ilona (00:57):
Welcome to the Glamorous Grind where law meets lifestyle.
Mila (01:01):
I'm Alona Antonian, a trial attorney and a certified
family law specialist and I'mMila Arutunian, a trial attorney
practicing employment andpersonal injury law.
Ilona (01:12):
We are lawyers, friends and your insiders to the world
of legal drama every week, we'rediving into our most juiciest
and unforgettable cases,showcasing inspiring success
stories and sharing how webalance drive and determination
with style so, whether you're alegal powerhouse chasing success
or just here for the juicystories, grab your favorite
(01:35):
drink because we are pouring outwisdom with, and plenty of glam
it's law, it's life, it's theGlamorous Grind.
Mila (01:46):
Parenthood is never easy and can be even more difficult
as a single parent.
Our guest today knows this frommultiple sides.
This week we're sitting downwith Blake, a devoted father and
(02:06):
attorney who is also arelentless advocate for justice.
Ilona (02:08):
As a lawyer, he dedicates his work to helping child
sexual abuse victims seekjustice and ensure they don't
have to suffer in silence.
Mila (02:16):
In this episode, we will talk about resilience,
fatherhood and how personalhardship can fuel a greater
mission.
This is a story of love, lossand unwavering strength.
Stay with us.
This is one you won't want tomiss, so we are super excited to
have you on our podcast.
Blake, tell us a little bitabout yourself.
Blake (02:34):
First of all, thanks for having me.
I'm excited to be here.
I've watched your podcast, afew of them and very impressed.
It's always nice to see you.
You're one of my favoritepeople on the planet.
Mila (02:45):
Likewise.
Blake (02:46):
So my name is Blake Woodhull.
I live down here in San Diego.
I'm an attorney, just like youtwo, and I've been practicing
for 28 years now Wait you don'tlook that old.
Well, thank you.
I'm always fishing forcompliments, so that's nice.
I work for Herman Law and weexclusively represent victims of
(03:06):
child sex abuse.
In fact, that's where I wasthis morning on a case in Los
Angeles, so that's all I do.
I've been doing that now forthe past five years or so.
Ilona (03:14):
You currently have a major case against the state of
California and represent about700 people who used to be
children back in the 1950s right.
Blake (03:24):
Right, it's actually against the county of LA.
Ilona (03:25):
Okay.
Blake (03:27):
And yeah, I represent about 850 plaintiffs in a case
arising out of systemic sexualabuse at a temporary group home
run by the county called McLarenHall in El Monte, california,
and the date ranges are anywherefrom the late 50s all the way
(03:48):
until 2003.
That's how long it was open andthere was a lot of abuse sexual
abuse going on at the time bynumerous staff members, etc.
Ilona (03:57):
And so what is this facility?
What did it do back in the 50sfor foster children?
Blake (04:03):
So what it would do is it would basically be a temporary
place for a child to go whenthey're removed from their, say,
their biological parents forsome reason Through juvenile
court.
So the court would get involvedabsolutely.
Medical services, a place tolive and educational services
they had a school there as wellPending their placement in a
(04:27):
more permanent situation fosterhome.
Ilona (04:31):
What was the maximum period of time that these
children would live there?
Blake (04:34):
They were only supposed to be there for no more than a
month, but some of them wouldlive there for years.
Ilona (04:40):
Nobody would want to adopt them.
Is that why?
Blake (04:46):
It's not really adoption.
It was more placement in fosterhomes, and most of the clients
that I have who stayed there foran extended period of time were
either in and out of there alot because of instability even
within the foster home wherethey were placed, or they just
had a lot of issues where it wasdifficult for them to get into
a stable placement, and so theyjust kept them at McLaren Hall.
Mila (05:08):
For context for our viewers.
I want to talk a little bitabout the extension of the
statute of limitations because Ifind that super interesting.
So most legal cases have astatute of limitations.
You have to bring claims withintwo years or three years or one
year, depending on the type ofcase it is.
But recently the Californialegislature passed a law.
(05:28):
Was it a few years ago?
Blake (05:31):
They amended AB 218.
Okay, so tell us a little bitabout that so yeah, they amended
the statute to open up a windowfor previously time-barred
cases.
So all of my clients, forexample, before the window
opened, their statute had run.
Mila (05:45):
So they could not bring lawsuits because it had been too
long since they've been abused.
Blake (05:49):
That's right.
So the new statute is basicallyanybody can bring a claim for
sexual abuse until they're age40.
Now, when the window opened forthree years, it's now closed.
Anybody they could be 80 yearsold and file, but now those
cases are closed as well.
So if you're over 40, you'reoutside the statute now, but
(06:09):
under 40, you're still in, whenbefore it was like 21.
Ilona (06:13):
So anyone who's under 40 today could still file a claim.
Blake (06:17):
If they were sexually abused as a child?
Ilona (06:21):
Through foster care system, through state.
Blake (06:24):
I mean it doesn't necessarily have to be through
foster care, it could be.
They could sue the individualperpetrator as well, but we only
sue institutions.
So we have many pending casesagainst Roman Catholic Church,
for example, different counties,school districts, ymca, boys
and Girls Club, anywhere wherethere are children.
That's where you're going tofind pedophiles.
Ilona (06:46):
These are mostly men, right, or do you see cases where
women also abuse children?
Blake (06:49):
99% of pedophiles are men , so the stories I hear are some
of the most horrific storiesyou'll ever hear in your life.
Ilona (06:56):
And.
Blake (06:56):
I literally could take a nine millimeter and go up to
this person and put a bullet intheir head and sleep like a baby
.
Mila (07:02):
So in California, if you were abused as a child and
you're under 40, even if youwere abused when you were three
years old or five years old, youcan still bring a lawsuit
against your abuser, includingthe individual who abused you or
, if it was part of aninstitution, the institution
that abused you.
Now I want to ask you onequestion, because I deal with a
(07:23):
lot of sexual harassment andsexual abuse of adults and
there's a lot of shame thatpeople experience when they're
abused, and I can imagine ifyou're abused as a child, that
shame is even more right.
And so how do you deal withthat aspect of it?
How do you deal with talkingsomeone through it?
(07:43):
Obviously, it's not their fault, but you know, I feel like as
lawyers we often have to betherapists for our client,
especially in sensitive caseslike this.
Blake (07:52):
It's a really good question and really good insight
, because even the way we handlecases, it's designed to help
people heal.
Our motto is we give voices tovictims and when you're abused
as a child in particular, younever feel like you have a voice
and you carry that with youeven into your adult age.
And it's an interesting thingfor me to handle these cases now
(08:16):
because I'm more open with itnow than I've ever been.
But I was sexually abused as achild and so for me, I think I
have a particular understandingfor what these people go through
.
You can be 60 years old and bea big baller, executive, ceo,
and have been sexually abusedwhen you were a child, and you
will always have that sort ofpain inside you and particularly
the shame, and in fact that'sthe reason why they even opened
(08:40):
up the window in the first place.
If you go back to thelegislative history of even
amending the statute, it wasnowadays the stigma attached to
admitting or talking about beingsexually abused as a child.
It's less now.
People are more encouraged todo it, there's more support
available and, frankly, it'svery difficult for men to talk
(09:02):
about it because we're supposedto be these big macho dudes.
I mean, I played football, Icoach football.
Still, I'm supposed to be thisbig masculine tough guy and yet
here I am.
When I have this, I have asimilar kind of pain, a shame,
the embarrassment of it and yeah, so it's difficult.
(09:23):
But again, you know, the onlything we can get our clients is
money.
We can't ever take away whathappened to them or bring back
their innocence or return it tothem.
But what we've found is, andwhat I've found is, working with
the clients through it, evenpreparing them for depositions.
Even, for example you guys willappreciate this, as as lawyers
I get thanks sometimes for justfiling a complaint, like, have
(09:44):
you ever been thanked for justfiling a plea?
Ilona (09:47):
No.
Blake (09:47):
Right, it's never happened.
It's the first time in mycareer I had a client call me
and go.
I've never seen it on paperwhere what happened to me is on
paper and we're actually finallygoing after the people that are
responsible for it.
That's very empowering.
Ilona (10:02):
So you're like a superhero, you're helping these
people I mean the victims andthen, in a way, getting revenge
against everybody who has donethis to children.
Blake (10:14):
Everywhere we go you go to the grocery store, you go to
church, you go to your kids'sporting events.
Wherever you go, there arevictims.
Mila (10:21):
You know it's so interesting.
One of my favorite motivationalspeakers and I'm a little
biased because he's Armenian,but it's not because he's
Armenian.
I actually really love hiscontent and actually most of his
content is for men, but I lovehim and I listen to all of his
stuff.
His name is Bedros Kuligian.
Ilona (10:36):
It happened to him as well.
I listened to his podcast.
Mila (10:39):
But the interesting thing I find in it is, like you know,
especially Armenian men were aretrained to be like super macho
and masculine and he talks abouthow, like he had this like
really rough childhood and hewould steal and was in jail and
did all these like horriblethings and then he ended up
getting therapy and which islike super anti-Armenian even me
(10:59):
as a woman like if I tell mymom I want therapy, she'll be
like what is wrong with you?
Deal, deal with your problems.
But he ended up getting therapyand he said that when he got
therapy he realized that a lotof his problems were because he
was carrying around this guiltof being abused as a child.
So I think that a lot of peoplecarry it around, don't even
(11:20):
know the extent to which itaffects them, and he attributes
a lot of his success to finallyfacing that, stepping into his
power by being like, yes, thishappened to me, it's not my
fault and I'm stronger than this.
I think one.
Ilona (11:34):
You have to get a therapist that specializes in
helping victims and thosesituations, somebody good,
because if you go to a shittyone, you know it can make things
worse to start living it andthen not really making progress.
And, um, you know, I I rememberback like 10 years ago or so,
and actually it was 15 years agowent on a date with this one
(11:55):
guy and he was a radiologist andI was so into him.
I used to call him mr big, likefrom the sex in a city, because
there we go but he was betterlooking.
But anyways, point is that heturned out to be like a serial
cheater and one day before Ifound out that was the case,
like he sometimes would act likea child or like I kind of
(12:17):
sensed that like he wouldretrieve and seem like he would
into it.
And I studied psychology.
That was one of my majors andyou know I liked back in the
days when I would go on dates,ask a question what's your first
memory from childhood and thenwhat's your Second?
Blake (12:34):
freshest memory from childhood, and then I will do
psychoanalysis on people formyself?
Ilona (12:38):
Yes, those are my questions.
And he kind of shut down.
But then he opened up and hetold me that and it was very sad
.
He said that when he was likeseven years old he used to play
in a neighborhood and his momwould send him to neighbor's
house to play and the neighborsexually abused him for years
and he told his mom and he toldhis dad and they didn't believe
(12:59):
him and they kept sending him tothat neighbor's house and he
kept getting abused and heobviously didn't have a good
relationship with his mom and heI mean, I don't know if he ever
got therapy.
I don't think he got goodtherapy because it was impacting
him as a grown up and I hatedhis mom.
When I heard the story I'm likebitch, you know you don't
(13:21):
protect your child.
Like how could you not liketake, like, believe your child
and protect him?
How could you not care thatmuch?
But that happens a lot tochildren.
It's like it's so sad thishappens and somehow parents
choose not to believe theirchildren.
Blake (13:37):
Yeah, I mean, there's a couple things there.
Number one is therapy isimportant.
I don't think it's the end allbe all.
There's a lot of individualwork that you have to do to
overcome some of these things.
I found therapy to be importantFrom the standpoint if it
explains some things to me likeoh, that's why I'm that way, oh,
that's why certain things arewhatever.
(13:59):
So it was more explanatory andthen gave me some resources to
kind of deal with things,because it's hard to imagine and
look, none of us get out oflife without traumatic
experiences.
None of us escape it.
Okay, so it's not like.
You know, there there is a,there is a certain element to do
you go overboard and continueto play a victim, right, and not
(14:21):
take responsibility for being aserial cheater by saying, oh
well, I'm just, I'm a victim ofsex abuse, so I can go and be a
maniac.
That's not acceptable either.
Right, so?
But having said that, like,imagine yourself you're going to
a family event and you'rereally excited about it, and or
you're going to go see yourdaughter dance.
(14:41):
Or for me, my kids all playedsports.
My oldest son's a professionaldrummer.
I'm going to go to his concert,okay, and I'm all stoked about
it.
I drive to LA and I sit thereand I get some sort of trigger.
Something happens to where Isee a person who looked like the
guy that abused me, or I smella smell that always smelled like
his house.
Just one little tiny thingtriggers you, and you
(15:03):
immediately go back to beingthat kid again.
It's interesting how youmentioned that he sounded like a
child sometimes.
I often say that I stillrepresent kids, because you
could be 75 years old and Icould be talking to that to you,
and when you're talking aboutyour abuse I see it in my
clients their whole countenancechanges to where they go back to
being a kid, and so you go backto being a kid and you're
(15:26):
focused on it, and you mighthave a panic response, you know,
um, flight fright or fightRight, and so it just changes
your whole day and it could ruinyour whole day, and so that's
why, though, I think um therapyis important though, cause it
can help you in those moments,but that's why, you know, I I
kind of have a like a lifephilosophy, like we really do
(15:48):
need to give people a break,cause you don't you know, it's
like an old adage we don't knowwhat people are going through.
It's really true, thoughEverybody, you, you, you,
everybody's got something goingon at any given time.
It's important, I think, tojust kind of give people a break
, and if we can help them, thendo it, and in my and in the
context of my work, that's whatI can do.
I can help my clients heal.
Ilona (16:09):
So you know having about 850, you said clients you know
how did it impact their lives.
Now that they're grownups, doyou see commonalities?
Blake (16:22):
I do.
Okay, here's a few commonality,things that are in common, and
I've even wondered about myself,because I don't necessarily
fall into all these categoriesand I've often wondered why did
I escape quote, unquote, escape,if you want to look at it that
way.
But the commonalities for forkids who were sort of
chronically in the foster caresystem and then abused,
(16:43):
sometimes in multiple locations.
They generally have a criminalbackground, they didn't complete
their education, they have someform of substance abuse,
usually drug abuse, um, and theyhave really spotty uh work
history, if they can even workat all.
Those four things are supercommon.
I could show you the 850clients that I represent, and
(17:07):
probably 700 of them will haveall four.
Oh my God, by the way, whatpercent of those end up homeless
at some point?
A lot, in fact.
We have clients that we justlose track of.
We have to go, sendinvestigators out to find them
because they're on the street.
They're just highly unstable.
They're unstable and oftentimesand they don't have anybody to
fall back on.
I mean, I had a great like.
I had a really cool family.
I wasn't.
(17:28):
I wasn't, I wasn't abused by afamily member.
I had a really cool brother andsister.
I had great parents.
My dad was a minister, but hewas just, he was a great guy, he
was like my guy and um, and soif you think about that, you
know a lot of these people.
They're in the foster home sothey've been removed from their
(17:48):
biological parents.
There's nobody within theirbiological family to take them,
so they're with some strangeressentially going through their
whole system so they don't haveanybody to support them and to
give them that stability.
Oftentimes these foster familiesand no disrespect to the really
good foster parents there'ssome really neat people out
there but a lot of these peopleare are evil and they're, and
(18:10):
they just take a check and theyallow abuse to go on, physical
abuse as well.
And and so just think aboutthat, just like internally, if
you wouldn't have anybody tofall back on, like you even
talking about your mom givingyou a hard time, but you have a
mom and you have a mom thatloves you.
And most of these people, notonly do they not have a mom that
(18:31):
loves them or a dad that lovesthem, they have a maniac for a
parent who's either a drugaddict or an alcoholic or can't
take care of themselves, letalone a child let me just
understand something, because,like people who have parents
that fight in court, they end upin family court and then, uh,
once the child there's childneglect, then it's severe enough
(18:54):
and the child cannot be placedwith either parent.
Ilona (18:57):
It goes to juvenile court , family court loses
jurisdiction and then injuvenile court they put the
parents on a certain plan untilthey reach an exit plan and they
comply with all the you know,counseling, therapy, parenting
classes, drug or alcoholcorrective action, whatever they
have to take, and then they areeither placed back with parents
(19:23):
but I guess the people you'rerepresenting are those that
during that time would be placedin foster care or an
institution because there wereno other family members to take
care of them.
Is that right?
Yeah, okay.
And then also it would bechildren whose parents did not
end up complying with anythingand they completely lost custody
(19:45):
, so they became, you know,dependents state dependents and
then they just had to be placed.
Blake (19:52):
They're in the system forever.
I mean, Mila and I have talkedabout some things.
I have a personal experiencewith this.
I ended up getting my kids fulltime and so if my kids didn't
have me, they would have been inthe system because of their mom
, and so that's why I'm sayingif you don't have somebody to
(20:13):
fall back on that can give yousome stability and true
engagement as a child, you'refucked, sorry.
Ilona (20:20):
No, that's a good way to say it, but do you feel like
your experience as a child ledyou to find a partner in life
that ended up having problems?
That resolved in you becomingthe primary caretaker.
Blake (20:32):
And I'm not a you know.
I make it very clear I'm not acomplete victim in that whole
process, but when it comes tothe parenting aspect of it, yeah
, I kind of always knew that Iwas going to have to be the one
to step up and do that, evenwhen my kids were babies.
Mila (20:47):
Whatever you feel comfortable with.
Can you tell us a little bitabout your family and your
marriage and how that?
Blake (20:54):
led you to be a single dad.
Yeah, so, um, so I've beendivorced now for so it's 2009.
So it's been.
It's been quite a while.
Um, I was married for 12 years,together with her for 15.
I was a dad when I was 24.
She was.
She was 21.
It was a whoopsie.
Oops, I got married.
We knew each other for sixmonths.
Ilona (21:15):
While you were in law school, because you became a
lawyer at 25.
Blake (21:17):
While I was in law school , yeah, and she was playing
volleyball in junior college andshe actually got extremely
serious about school and endedup becoming a doctor, a
dermatologist, with a fellowshipin cosmetic surgery.
But we, when we moved down hereto San Diego I guess it'd be a
(21:41):
little over 15 years ago theshit kind of hit the fan right
away, and and I won't tell, Iwon't explain everything that
happened, but Bill Benjamin wasmy, was my lawyer, if you know
Bill, and he was excellent forme.
But we shared custody for awhile, the classic kind of
(22:02):
standard custody arrangement,and then again, I always sort of
knew, though, that I was goingto bear the brunt of the
responsibility for raising thekids, and even when we shared
custody, I still took them evenmore than what the technical
legal percentage was.
Ilona (22:20):
Did she keep her license as a doctor, or were there
problems that caused her not tobe a doctor at some point?
Blake (22:24):
So at some point she had to, um, she had to surrender her
license.
Ilona (22:29):
Okay.
Blake (22:29):
I'll leave it at that.
And so she's no longer apracticing physician.
Um, and so I got them full,full-time legal physical custody
.
What a little over 10 years ago.
But even before that I wasstill acting as though I was
that person?
Ilona (22:45):
Are they all adults now?
Blake (22:46):
So yeah, so my oldest son , Troy, is 29.
Mila (22:49):
He's amazing, he's a rock star.
Blake (22:51):
He really is, so he got a degree from the School of Music
University of Oregon.
He's a professional gradedrummer and he lives in Los
Angeles, living the dream,living the dream, the classic
starving artist.
He works at a restaurant, playsgigs all over LA, he's got his
own band and he also drums foranother band.
Mila (23:06):
What's the name of his band?
He's so good.
Blake (23:09):
He's so good feudal um.
And he's on instagram if youwant to follow him and he looks
exactly like blake well, Ialways say he's a taller, better
looking version of me okay I'mnot gonna.
Mila (23:18):
No, he's a good looking good he's a good looking guy, um
, and and and.
Blake (23:22):
So then, uh, my my daughter, hallie, uh, like
hallie berry, um, I always sayher name is the first part of
hallelujah.
Ilona (23:31):
That's how we spell h-a-l-l-e it makes me think of
baby formula that I buy, yeahyeah, she's a junior at
University of Oregon.
Blake (23:38):
She was my—.
Ilona (23:38):
Why Oregon?
Why everybody in?
Blake (23:40):
Oregon there's another story about that.
I actually lived in OregonEugene for a year when I was in
high school and I've always kindof had—I've always liked Oregon
and so the kids have sort ofgravitated up there.
Mila (23:52):
Hallie's a badass.
Blake (23:53):
Hallie's a total badass.
She was my superstar athletegrowing up.
She played one year of collegesoftball in New Jersey.
Mila (24:00):
She doesn't know me, but I've been watching her grow up
for like the last six years.
Blake (24:04):
She's amazing and her middle name is my name, Hallie
Blake, and so she's just myperson.
I don't know what else to say.
Like um, she and I have justalways been lock since she was
just a little tiny baby.
I mean, I have a goodrelationship with all my kids,
but it's something differentwhen it's your daughter.
Ilona (24:20):
You admit it, Cause I have five, like you know which
one is your favorite.
Blake (24:25):
And, uh, you know, I don't know if I can ever admit
that, because there's thatcosmic connection with some
babies, you just like put themand you feel it you know Well,
cosmic connection with some baby, you just like put them.
You feel it.
You know well I always say youlove your kids equally.
But you don't necessarily likethem equally.
I like, I like all my kids.
Mila (24:39):
I really do, but you like them in a different way my mom
used to always say when I wouldbe like who do you love more,
she'd be like I have two fingers, do you think?
Ilona (24:48):
I love one finger more than the other.
Mila (24:49):
I was like yeah, mom, you're right-handed.
Ilona (24:51):
You need the index finger more.
Blake (24:53):
If you have a pick, then you take your dominant hand.
Mila (24:56):
I had the lawyer response.
I'm like absolutely, there's afinger that you couldn't live
without, for sure you need topick your nose Like what the
hell does a pinky do for you?
Ilona (25:06):
Your third child did so then third, Cooper.
Blake (25:09):
he's 18.
He's a senior in high school.
He goes to Hoover High School,which is funny because that's
where I coach football.
I'm the quarterback coach atHoover for football.
He ended up being the CentralConference Defensive Player of
the Year, Just had a monsterseason.
He's just a beast and he's justcommitted to Bemidji State
University of.
Ilona (25:28):
Minnesota football.
No one is going to be a lawyer,not of your three.
Blake (25:31):
No, and I discourage it.
Is going to be a lawyer.
Mila (25:34):
Not of your three and I discourage it.
But, like amazing, witheverything that you know the
kids have gone through withtheir mom and the divorce and
ending up with you as a singledad and a lawyer raising them
like knock on wood.
You have incredible children.
Blake (25:48):
They are the thing I love about my kids the most is
they're really good human beingsand they have a lot of
perspective.
One thing is important that'salways been important for me.
I don't know if it's just beingraised in the church, you know,
and doing a lot of things for,for the community.
My dad was actually a churchplanter, so his denomination
would just send them into acommunity and go start a church.
Mila (26:09):
Good luck, and most of the time they were in sort of
underprivileged communities andneighborhoods and um and so I've
just always had a heart forlike serving and helping so you,
I remember, had a program whereyou took your youngest son,
cooper, right and you would goto downtown and they would make
sandwiches peanut butter andjelly sandwiches with chips and
(26:31):
like apples and make littlepaper bags and hand them out and
then you like exploded andpeople started donating money so
that you and cooper could gofeed homeless people just two of
you, not through anyorganization.
Blake (26:43):
So this happened through covid.
Yeah, I've always had a thingfor feeding homeless people and
I just I don't really likegiving to organizations, I just
like doing it myself.
So during covid perspective, soduring COVID we started it and
it's called 11 Meals Missionbecause we made 11 meals and
it's a PB&J sandwich, a softfruit it has to be soft because
most homeless people have badteeth, so it needs to be either
an orange or banana.
(27:04):
A bag of chips, chewy granolabar, a bottle of water, a
Gatorade, and you put it in aplastic bag because they like to
use the plastic bag to go tothe bathroom in, so everything
is used that we give them.
And so we went down and did 11meals.
This is during COVID, like fulllockdown.
Mila (27:20):
And I remember being like you're insane, you're going to
get COVID.
He was like I want to helppeople.
Blake (27:25):
I'm a live food guy.
Ilona (27:27):
Like how many sandwiches and packages you make and where
did you go to deliver them?
So and where?
Blake (27:30):
did you go to deliver them?
So we literally drive downtown,we pull up to people, we roll
down the window and we say,excuse me sir, excuse me ma'am.
You give them a little respect,a little dignity.
And they come up to you and yougive them the bag and we drive
off.
Ilona (27:44):
We drive all over, so you didn't walk the streets oh no,
we drive all over.
Blake (27:54):
And so it blew about it and I started getting people
donating money and plastic bagsand I had a guy who was in this
is during COVID, so nobody wasworking.
Nobody was doing anything.
I had this guy who runs thishedge fund, who I coached his
daughters in softball, and hecalls me up.
He's like I need something todo.
So he became like my operationsguy.
We had an assembly line of ofmaking the bags.
We were doing a hundred at atime and we still do some, but
we went from 11 and we're now at4,700 meals that we've handed
(28:16):
out individually me and Cooper.
Mila (28:18):
Amazing 4,700.
Blake (28:20):
And we have like a tier program on who.
We tried it because we couldjust go down there to the really
gnarly part and get rid of 100like that.
But what we do is we drivearound, look for people actually
digging in a trash can.
That's our number one people.
If you're digging in a trashcan, just imagine none of us
have ever been that hungry, I'massuming to humble yourself to
dig in a trash can and havesomebody roll up behind you in a
(28:41):
car and go excuse me, sir,excuse me, ma'am, are you hungry
?
Like that'd be amazingexperience.
And then people in wheelchairs,veterans, and then after that,
once we kind of hit all them,then we just go into the
gnarliest parts of downtown andwe just hand them out.
I've been criticized for itbecause, oh, you're just
enabling them and you're doingthis.
And again, my position is I'mjust feeding them.
(29:02):
I'm not trying to save them,I'm just feeding them and I just
have a heart for that.
Like Father Joe's Village doesa really good job down there.
Mila (29:10):
I volunteered there before .
They do a really good job.
Blake (29:12):
They really do, and there's some other programs down
there that help them.
Even law enforcement helps them.
But at the end of the day, am Ithat deep into it where I feel
like, oh, I can really dosomething about it, or do I have
the answer I really don't Justbeing a good human and helping
people eat.
That's all it is.
That's all it is.
Mila (29:37):
It's really no more than that.
I remember reading a book, andit was a beautiful book and I
can't remember what it wascalled.
I think it was like the Art ofJoy, and one of their
conclusions was that humanityfinds the most joy in helping
other people and in servingother people.
And if you can find purpose inthat, I think that will bring
more joy than any amount ofmoney and like real, heartfelt,
(29:58):
lasting joy.
Because money brings joy.
Money brings comfort.
You buy something new.
It's really exciting until it'snot, but when you can help
someone and I feel like you dothat in so many aspects of your
life with your work, with youroutside organization, which I
don't even know how you findtime, because you also coach
(30:18):
your son's team and are anattorney and a litigator and
then feed homeless people on theside.
Blake (30:25):
One of my favorite sayings is the devil will find
work for idle hands to do.
It's actually in a Smith song.
What difference does it makeand that's kind of a life motto
for me If I just I can chill.
Not, don't get me wrong, butwhat you said is the most is is
really important.
Service to others is the key tolife, and particularly service
(30:49):
to others who can't give youanything back in return.
When you're helping people wholiterally can't give you
anything back, it gets you outof your own bullshit.
We all have our own bullshitand, trust me, I have moments
where I'm sitting in a cornerlosing my mind because of some
stressor or some issue or somework problem.
But when you then go and youturn it around and you try to
(31:10):
and you go and help somebody, itjust gets you away from that
and what you get back is so muchmore than what you actually
give.
So service to others is reallythe key, and it might just be
your own children.
I talked to a lot of dads nowafter being divorced and going
through all this and I reallytry to incur.
I don't encourage them, I justflat out tell them I don't care
(31:30):
what you have to say about theirmother.
It's your responsibility as afather to to be fully engaged
and invested in your kid.
Don't acquiesce to some controlthat's trying to, you know.
Take your kids away.
Don't just.
Don't just say, oh, you know,okay, whatever, I'm just going
to walk away and go golfing.
Don't just say, oh, you know,okay, whatever, I'm just going
to walk away and go golfing.
Go get in with your childrenand create a new relationship
(31:55):
with them.
Learn about four or five thingsthat your kids love to eat and
go on a rotation and cook thatthing.
Cook those meals for them.
Don't just necessarily takethem out.
My kids to this day will say Imake the best spaghetti on the
planet and it's garbage.
It's garbage spaghetti.
It's Prego with ground Turkeyand some garlic salt, right, but
(32:16):
they, but they say dad makesthe best spaghetti.
Why is that?
Because the whole experience.
Take them to the store, teachthem how to teach them how to
shop.
Teach them about the Vons clubcard, where you, if something is
always on sale.
I used to tell my kids all thetime okay, the cereal companies
(32:38):
have a deal with grocery storesand every cereal company for one
week will have their cereal onsale Kellogg's Post, general
Mills, whatever it is.
So when we go to the store thatweek, we're getting whatever
the one is that's on sale.
You're creating life with yourchildren.
Don't sit around and rag ontheir mom in front of them.
They hate it.
They don't want to do that.
Fathers need to be like,relentlessly encouraging to
their kids to go out and takerisks.
Ilona (32:59):
Not everybody's a good father, just like not
everybody's a good mother.
Blake (33:02):
That's true, but what I'm saying is I get frustrated with
my guys.
You know I play beer leaguesoftball and they talk shit
about their wives or their exesor whatever and it's like no
dude.
You have a responsibility to dothat.
You can have a greatrelationship with your children
without sitting around raggingon and making excuses.
Don't just give up thatresponsibility.
(33:22):
And fight for your kids andit's in California.
I mean you know how hard it isto get children full-time as a
father in California.
Ilona (33:33):
Extremely, unless there's domestic violence, drugs,
alcohol, some sort of abuse.
Blake (33:37):
I'm just saying focus on you and your children and full
engagement.
And getting back to what youwere saying, Just do that in a
selfless way.
You don't have to go helphomeless people.
That's just something I've justhad a heart for.
Mila (33:50):
And creating the relationship and the culture.
I think every family has like aculture and that foundational
culture stays with you yourentire life.
So whatever you're raised inand you know, and nowadays 50%
of families are split, so kidshave two cultures, right, but I
think the culture with the dadis just as important, if not
(34:12):
more important in some ways.
Blake (34:13):
Creating traditions.
And I mean I lived in atwo-bedroom apartment.
It was in Del Mar, but I livedin a two-bedroom apartment
across right next to my kid'selementary school for nine years
and I had a huge master bedroomand so at first I had the boys
in their room with bunk beds andI had Hallie in my room and I
(34:33):
had a little separator thing, alittle curtain for her, so she
had a little privacy.
And then she got older so I'mlike, okay, you need to go have
your own room now.
And I moved.
Cooper in Troy went, troy leftto go to college and and we had
our special little.
You know, we do our barbecueweekends down at the community
pool and and kids don't carewhere they're living, they
(34:53):
really don't but if you have awarm environment we'd have
slumber parties in the livingroom and but but again, it's
it's like you're talking about,it's the culture that you're
creating and the littletraditions.
We drive by.
I live off of Delmar Heightsand we'll drive by, going to the
beach, me and Cooper to thisday, down the street from where
our old apartments were, and hegoes Dad when I get done with
(35:15):
college.
I want to get a job and I wantto go move into Bella Del Mar
Apartments.
So it's just the relationshipthat you have and the special
little sheets and blankets andjammies and all those things I
(35:37):
mean.
But I guess my point is is thatI even told my lawyer, I even
told Bill Benjamin.
I said I want you to have mybest, my children's best
interest in mind ahead of mine.
Ilona (35:48):
That's a healthy perspective.
Blake (35:49):
Because you can lose focus of that when you're
particularly when you're in themiddle of that divorce.
Ilona (35:53):
Yes.
Blake (35:54):
You do some weird things and you do some things that
maybe are even outside yournormal character, but if you
have people that are remindingyou you've got to stay focused
on what's in your best interestof your kids.
You actually create a patternand to this day, I mean we don't
even have a custody arrangementanymore.
Create a pattern and to thisday, I mean we don't even have a
custody arrangement anymore.
It's done Like the full-timething.
It's not even relevant anymorebecause my kids are all adults.
But my kids' best interests arestill.
(36:16):
That's still my focus.
Mila (36:23):
Well, thank you so much for joining us.
It was such a privilege to haveyou and learn about your life
and your work and how you findpurpose in everything that you
do.
It has been a privilege to haveyou on as a guest, but I do
want to find out what happenssoon with all those cases for
the victims you're representing.
Blake (36:36):
I'll let you know.
I'm under a gag order right now, oh, okay, but I will let you
know.
And we're hoping to have aresolution, a global resolution,
within the year.
Ilona (36:44):
That's the hope, but that's about all I can say how
is that going to change thelives of the people you
represent?
Blake (36:49):
For some it'll be absolutely life-changing from a
resources standpoint and others,hopefully, it will be
life-changing from a standpointof symbolic, that somebody is
finally taking some kind ofresponsibility and
accountability for what happenedto them.
Mila (37:08):
What an incredible conversation.
A huge thank you to Blake forsharing his journey and insight.
Ilona (37:14):
If you loved this episode , don't forget to like and
subscribe.
It really helps us grow andbring more amazing guests your
way.
Mila (37:21):
And hey, if you have a guest you'd love to hear from,
slide into our DMs or drop us amessage.
We are always looking forinspiring stories to share.
Ilona (37:30):
And don't forget to follow us for the
behind-the-scenes content andupdates.
Mila (37:34):
Remember, success isn't just about glitz and glam.
It's about the grind, thehustle and the passion behind it
all.
Ilona (37:41):
Stay inspired, stay motivated and we'll see you next
time on the Glamorous Grind.
Our motto is we give voices to victims.
Mila (00:02):
As lawyers, we often have to be therapists for our client,
especially in sensitive caseslike this.
Blake (00:07):
The only thing we can get our clients is money.
We can't ever take away whathappened to them Do you see
cases where women also abusechildren 99% of pedophiles are
men.
Mila (00:17):
Humanity finds the most joy in helping other people and
in serving other people.
Blake (00:23):
I talk to a lot of dads now after being divorced and
going through all this and Ireally try to just flat out tell
them it's your responsibilityas a father to be fully engaged
and invested in your kids.
Ilona (00:35):
I studied psychology.
That was one of my majors.
I liked back in the days when Iwould go on dates.
Ask a question.
What's your first memory fromchildhood?
That was your date question.
Yes, those are my questions.
What's your first memory fromchildhood?
That was your date question?
Yes, those are my questions.
Blake (00:47):
It's like an old adage we don't know what people are
going through.
It's really true, thoughEverybody, you, you, you,
everybody's got something goingon at any given time.
Ilona (00:57):
Welcome to the Glamorous Grind where law meets lifestyle.
Mila (01:01):
I'm Alona Antonian, a trial attorney and a certified
family law specialist and I'mMila Arutunian, a trial attorney
practicing employment andpersonal injury law.
Ilona (01:12):
We are lawyers, friends and your insiders to the world
of legal drama every week, we'rediving into our most juiciest
and unforgettable cases,showcasing inspiring success
stories and sharing how webalance drive and determination
with style so, whether you're alegal powerhouse chasing success
or just here for the juicystories, grab your favorite
(01:35):
drink because we are pouring outwisdom with, and plenty of glam
it's law, it's life, it's theGlamorous Grind.
Mila (01:46):
Parenthood is never easy and can be even more difficult
as a single parent.
Our guest today knows this frommultiple sides.
This week we're sitting downwith Blake, a devoted father and
(02:06):
attorney who is also arelentless advocate for justice.
Ilona (02:08):
As a lawyer, he dedicates his work to helping child
sexual abuse victims seekjustice and ensure they don't
have to suffer in silence.
Mila (02:16):
In this episode, we will talk about resilience,
fatherhood and how personalhardship can fuel a greater
mission.
This is a story of love, lossand unwavering strength.
Stay with us.
This is one you won't want tomiss, so we are super excited to
have you on our podcast.
Blake, tell us a little bitabout yourself.
Blake (02:34):
First of all, thanks for having me.
I'm excited to be here.
I've watched your podcast, afew of them and very impressed.
It's always nice to see you.
You're one of my favoritepeople on the planet.
Mila (02:45):
Likewise.
Blake (02:46):
So my name is Blake Woodhull.
I live down here in San Diego.
I'm an attorney, just like youtwo, and I've been practicing
for 28 years now Wait you don'tlook that old.
Well, thank you.
I'm always fishing forcompliments, so that's nice.
I work for Herman Law and weexclusively represent victims of
(03:06):
child sex abuse.
In fact, that's where I wasthis morning on a case in Los
Angeles, so that's all I do.
I've been doing that now forthe past five years or so.
Ilona (03:14):
You currently have a major case against the state of
California and represent about700 people who used to be
children back in the 1950s right.
Blake (03:24):
Right, it's actually against the county of LA.
Ilona (03:25):
Okay.
Blake (03:27):
And yeah, I represent about 850 plaintiffs in a case
arising out of systemic sexualabuse at a temporary group home
run by the county called McLarenHall in El Monte, california,
and the date ranges are anywherefrom the late 50s all the way
(03:48):
until 2003.
That's how long it was open andthere was a lot of abuse sexual
abuse going on at the time bynumerous staff members, etc.
Ilona (03:57):
And so what is this facility?
What did it do back in the 50sfor foster children?
Blake (04:03):
So what it would do is it would basically be a temporary
place for a child to go whenthey're removed from their, say,
their biological parents forsome reason Through juvenile
court.
So the court would get involvedabsolutely.
Medical services, a place tolive and educational services
they had a school there as wellPending their placement in a
(04:27):
more permanent situation fosterhome.
Ilona (04:31):
What was the maximum period of time that these
children would live there?
Blake (04:34):
They were only supposed to be there for no more than a
month, but some of them wouldlive there for years.
Ilona (04:40):
Nobody would want to adopt them.
Is that why?
Blake (04:46):
It's not really adoption.
It was more placement in fosterhomes, and most of the clients
that I have who stayed there foran extended period of time were
either in and out of there alot because of instability even
within the foster home wherethey were placed, or they just
had a lot of issues where it wasdifficult for them to get into
a stable placement, and so theyjust kept them at McLaren Hall.
Mila (05:08):
For context for our viewers.
I want to talk a little bitabout the extension of the
statute of limitations because Ifind that super interesting.
So most legal cases have astatute of limitations.
You have to bring claims withintwo years or three years or one
year, depending on the type ofcase it is.
But recently the Californialegislature passed a law.
(05:28):
Was it a few years ago?
Blake (05:31):
They amended AB 218.
Okay, so tell us a little bitabout that so yeah, they amended
the statute to open up a windowfor previously time-barred
cases.
So all of my clients, forexample, before the window
opened, their statute had run.
Mila (05:45):
So they could not bring lawsuits because it had been too
long since they've been abused.
Blake (05:49):
That's right.
So the new statute is basicallyanybody can bring a claim for
sexual abuse until they're age40.
Now, when the window opened forthree years, it's now closed.
Anybody they could be 80 yearsold and file, but now those
cases are closed as well.
So if you're over 40, you'reoutside the statute now, but
(06:09):
under 40, you're still in, whenbefore it was like 21.
Ilona (06:13):
So anyone who's under 40 today could still file a claim.
Blake (06:17):
If they were sexually abused as a child?
Ilona (06:21):
Through foster care system, through state.
Blake (06:24):
I mean it doesn't necessarily have to be through
foster care, it could be.
They could sue the individualperpetrator as well, but we only
sue institutions.
So we have many pending casesagainst Roman Catholic Church,
for example, different counties,school districts, ymca, boys
and Girls Club, anywhere wherethere are children.
That's where you're going tofind pedophiles.
Ilona (06:46):
These are mostly men, right, or do you see cases where
women also abuse children?
Blake (06:49):
99% of pedophiles are men , so the stories I hear are some
of the most horrific storiesyou'll ever hear in your life.
Ilona (06:56):
And.
Blake (06:56):
I literally could take a nine millimeter and go up to
this person and put a bullet intheir head and sleep like a baby
.
Mila (07:02):
So in California, if you were abused as a child and
you're under 40, even if youwere abused when you were three
years old or five years old, youcan still bring a lawsuit
against your abuser, includingthe individual who abused you or
, if it was part of aninstitution, the institution
that abused you.
Now I want to ask you onequestion, because I deal with a
(07:23):
lot of sexual harassment andsexual abuse of adults and
there's a lot of shame thatpeople experience when they're
abused, and I can imagine ifyou're abused as a child, that
shame is even more right.
And so how do you deal withthat aspect of it?
How do you deal with talkingsomeone through it?
(07:43):
Obviously, it's not their fault, but you know, I feel like as
lawyers we often have to betherapists for our client,
especially in sensitive caseslike this.
Blake (07:52):
It's a really good question and really good insight
, because even the way we handlecases, it's designed to help
people heal.
Our motto is we give voices tovictims and when you're abused
as a child in particular, younever feel like you have a voice
and you carry that with youeven into your adult age.
And it's an interesting thingfor me to handle these cases now
(08:16):
because I'm more open with itnow than I've ever been.
But I was sexually abused as achild and so for me, I think I
have a particular understandingfor what these people go through
.
You can be 60 years old and bea big baller, executive, ceo,
and have been sexually abusedwhen you were a child, and you
will always have that sort ofpain inside you and particularly
the shame, and in fact that'sthe reason why they even opened
(08:40):
up the window in the first place.
If you go back to thelegislative history of even
amending the statute, it wasnowadays the stigma attached to
admitting or talking about beingsexually abused as a child.
It's less now.
People are more encouraged todo it, there's more support
available and, frankly, it'svery difficult for men to talk
(09:02):
about it because we're supposedto be these big macho dudes.
I mean, I played football, Icoach football.
Still, I'm supposed to be thisbig masculine tough guy and yet
here I am.
When I have this, I have asimilar kind of pain, a shame,
the embarrassment of it and yeah, so it's difficult.
(09:23):
But again, you know, the onlything we can get our clients is
money.
We can't ever take away whathappened to them or bring back
their innocence or return it tothem.
But what we've found is, andwhat I've found is, working with
the clients through it, evenpreparing them for depositions.
Even, for example you guys willappreciate this, as as lawyers
I get thanks sometimes for justfiling a complaint, like, have
(09:44):
you ever been thanked for justfiling a plea?
Ilona (09:47):
No.
Blake (09:47):
Right, it's never happened.
It's the first time in mycareer I had a client call me
and go.
I've never seen it on paperwhere what happened to me is on
paper and we're actually finallygoing after the people that are
responsible for it.
That's very empowering.
Ilona (10:02):
So you're like a superhero, you're helping these
people I mean the victims andthen, in a way, getting revenge
against everybody who has donethis to children.
Blake (10:14):
Everywhere we go you go to the grocery store, you go to
church, you go to your kids'sporting events.
Wherever you go, there arevictims.
Mila (10:21):
You know it's so interesting.
One of my favorite motivationalspeakers and I'm a little
biased because he's Armenian,but it's not because he's
Armenian.
I actually really love hiscontent and actually most of his
content is for men, but I lovehim and I listen to all of his
stuff.
His name is Bedros Kuligian.
Ilona (10:36):
It happened to him as well.
I listened to his podcast.
Mila (10:39):
But the interesting thing I find in it is, like you know,
especially Armenian men were aretrained to be like super macho
and masculine and he talks abouthow, like he had this like
really rough childhood and hewould steal and was in jail and
did all these like horriblethings and then he ended up
getting therapy and which islike super anti-Armenian even me
(10:59):
as a woman like if I tell mymom I want therapy, she'll be
like what is wrong with you?
Deal, deal with your problems.
But he ended up getting therapyand he said that when he got
therapy he realized that a lotof his problems were because he
was carrying around this guiltof being abused as a child.
So I think that a lot of peoplecarry it around, don't even
(11:20):
know the extent to which itaffects them, and he attributes
a lot of his success to finallyfacing that, stepping into his
power by being like, yes, thishappened to me, it's not my
fault and I'm stronger than this.
I think one.
Ilona (11:34):
You have to get a therapist that specializes in
helping victims and thosesituations, somebody good,
because if you go to a shittyone, you know it can make things
worse to start living it andthen not really making progress.
And, um, you know, I I rememberback like 10 years ago or so,
and actually it was 15 years agowent on a date with this one
(11:55):
guy and he was a radiologist andI was so into him.
I used to call him mr big, likefrom the sex in a city, because
there we go but he was betterlooking.
But anyways, point is that heturned out to be like a serial
cheater and one day before Ifound out that was the case,
like he sometimes would act likea child or like I kind of
(12:17):
sensed that like he wouldretrieve and seem like he would
into it.
And I studied psychology.
That was one of my majors andyou know I liked back in the
days when I would go on dates,ask a question what's your first
memory from childhood and thenwhat's your Second?
Blake (12:34):
freshest memory from childhood, and then I will do
psychoanalysis on people formyself?
Ilona (12:38):
Yes, those are my questions.
And he kind of shut down.
But then he opened up and hetold me that and it was very sad
.
He said that when he was likeseven years old he used to play
in a neighborhood and his momwould send him to neighbor's
house to play and the neighborsexually abused him for years
and he told his mom and he toldhis dad and they didn't believe
(12:59):
him and they kept sending him tothat neighbor's house and he
kept getting abused and heobviously didn't have a good
relationship with his mom and heI mean, I don't know if he ever
got therapy.
I don't think he got goodtherapy because it was impacting
him as a grown up and I hatedhis mom.
When I heard the story I'm likebitch, you know you don't
(13:21):
protect your child.
Like how could you not liketake, like, believe your child
and protect him?
How could you not care thatmuch?
But that happens a lot tochildren.
It's like it's so sad thishappens and somehow parents
choose not to believe theirchildren.
Blake (13:37):
Yeah, I mean, there's a couple things there.
Number one is therapy isimportant.
I don't think it's the end allbe all.
There's a lot of individualwork that you have to do to
overcome some of these things.
I found therapy to be importantFrom the standpoint if it
explains some things to me likeoh, that's why I'm that way, oh,
that's why certain things arewhatever.
(13:59):
So it was more explanatory andthen gave me some resources to
kind of deal with things,because it's hard to imagine and
look, none of us get out oflife without traumatic
experiences.
None of us escape it.
Okay, so it's not like.
You know, there there is a,there is a certain element to do
you go overboard and continueto play a victim, right, and not
(14:21):
take responsibility for being aserial cheater by saying, oh
well, I'm just, I'm a victim ofsex abuse, so I can go and be a
maniac.
That's not acceptable either.
Right, so?
But having said that, like,imagine yourself you're going to
a family event and you'rereally excited about it, and or
you're going to go see yourdaughter dance.
(14:41):
Or for me, my kids all playedsports.
My oldest son's a professionaldrummer.
I'm going to go to his concert,okay, and I'm all stoked about
it.
I drive to LA and I sit thereand I get some sort of trigger.
Something happens to where Isee a person who looked like the
guy that abused me, or I smella smell that always smelled like
his house.
Just one little tiny thingtriggers you, and you
(15:03):
immediately go back to beingthat kid again.
It's interesting how youmentioned that he sounded like a
child sometimes.
I often say that I stillrepresent kids, because you
could be 75 years old and Icould be talking to that to you,
and when you're talking aboutyour abuse I see it in my
clients their whole countenancechanges to where they go back to
being a kid, and so you go backto being a kid and you're
(15:26):
focused on it, and you mighthave a panic response, you know,
um, flight fright or fightRight, and so it just changes
your whole day and it could ruinyour whole day, and so that's
why, though, I think um therapyis important though, cause it
can help you in those moments,but that's why, you know, I I
kind of have a like a lifephilosophy, like we really do
(15:48):
need to give people a break,cause you don't you know, it's
like an old adage we don't knowwhat people are going through.
It's really true, thoughEverybody, you, you, you,
everybody's got something goingon at any given time.
It's important, I think, tojust kind of give people a break
, and if we can help them, thendo it, and in my and in the
context of my work, that's whatI can do.
I can help my clients heal.
Ilona (16:09):
So you know having about 850, you said clients you know
how did it impact their lives.
Now that they're grownups, doyou see commonalities?
Blake (16:22):
I do.
Okay, here's a few commonality,things that are in common, and
I've even wondered about myself,because I don't necessarily
fall into all these categoriesand I've often wondered why did
I escape quote, unquote, escape,if you want to look at it that
way.
But the commonalities for forkids who were sort of
chronically in the foster caresystem and then abused,
(16:43):
sometimes in multiple locations.
They generally have a criminalbackground, they didn't complete
their education, they have someform of substance abuse,
usually drug abuse, um, and theyhave really spotty uh work
history, if they can even workat all.
Those four things are supercommon.
I could show you the 850clients that I represent, and
(17:07):
probably 700 of them will haveall four.
Oh my God, by the way, whatpercent of those end up homeless
at some point?
A lot, in fact.
We have clients that we justlose track of.
We have to go, sendinvestigators out to find them
because they're on the street.
They're just highly unstable.
They're unstable and oftentimesand they don't have anybody to
fall back on.
I mean, I had a great like.
I had a really cool family.
I wasn't.
(17:28):
I wasn't, I wasn't abused by afamily member.
I had a really cool brother andsister.
I had great parents.
My dad was a minister, but hewas just, he was a great guy, he
was like my guy and um, and soif you think about that, you
know a lot of these people.
They're in the foster home sothey've been removed from their
(17:48):
biological parents.
There's nobody within theirbiological family to take them,
so they're with some strangeressentially going through their
whole system so they don't haveanybody to support them and to
give them that stability.
Oftentimes these foster familiesand no disrespect to the really
good foster parents there'ssome really neat people out
there but a lot of these peopleare are evil and they're, and
(18:10):
they just take a check and theyallow abuse to go on, physical
abuse as well.
And and so just think aboutthat, just like internally, if
you wouldn't have anybody tofall back on, like you even
talking about your mom givingyou a hard time, but you have a
mom and you have a mom thatloves you.
And most of these people, notonly do they not have a mom that
(18:31):
loves them or a dad that lovesthem, they have a maniac for a
parent who's either a drugaddict or an alcoholic or can't
take care of themselves, letalone a child let me just
understand something, because,like people who have parents
that fight in court, they end upin family court and then, uh,
once the child there's childneglect, then it's severe enough
(18:54):
and the child cannot be placedwith either parent.
Ilona (18:57):
It goes to juvenile court , family court loses
jurisdiction and then injuvenile court they put the
parents on a certain plan untilthey reach an exit plan and they
comply with all the you know,counseling, therapy, parenting
classes, drug or alcoholcorrective action, whatever they
have to take, and then they areeither placed back with parents
(19:23):
but I guess the people you'rerepresenting are those that
during that time would be placedin foster care or an
institution because there wereno other family members to take
care of them.
Is that right?
Yeah, okay.
And then also it would bechildren whose parents did not
end up complying with anythingand they completely lost custody
(19:45):
, so they became, you know,dependents state dependents and
then they just had to be placed.
Blake (19:52):
They're in the system forever.
I mean, Mila and I have talkedabout some things.
I have a personal experiencewith this.
I ended up getting my kids fulltime and so if my kids didn't
have me, they would have been inthe system because of their mom
, and so that's why I'm sayingif you don't have somebody to
(20:13):
fall back on that can give yousome stability and true
engagement as a child, you'refucked, sorry.
Ilona (20:20):
No, that's a good way to say it, but do you feel like
your experience as a child ledyou to find a partner in life
that ended up having problems?
That resolved in you becomingthe primary caretaker.
Blake (20:32):
And I'm not a you know.
I make it very clear I'm not acomplete victim in that whole
process, but when it comes tothe parenting aspect of it, yeah
, I kind of always knew that Iwas going to have to be the one
to step up and do that, evenwhen my kids were babies.
Mila (20:47):
Whatever you feel comfortable with.
Can you tell us a little bitabout your family and your
marriage and how that?
Blake (20:54):
led you to be a single dad.
Yeah, so, um, so I've beendivorced now for so it's 2009.
So it's been.
It's been quite a while.
Um, I was married for 12 years,together with her for 15.
I was a dad when I was 24.
She was.
She was 21.
It was a whoopsie.
Oops, I got married.
We knew each other for sixmonths.
Ilona (21:15):
While you were in law school, because you became a
lawyer at 25.
Blake (21:17):
While I was in law school , yeah, and she was playing
volleyball in junior college andshe actually got extremely
serious about school and endedup becoming a doctor, a
dermatologist, with a fellowshipin cosmetic surgery.
But we, when we moved down hereto San Diego I guess it'd be a
(21:41):
little over 15 years ago theshit kind of hit the fan right
away, and and I won't tell, Iwon't explain everything that
happened, but Bill Benjamin wasmy, was my lawyer, if you know
Bill, and he was excellent forme.
But we shared custody for awhile, the classic kind of
(22:02):
standard custody arrangement,and then again, I always sort of
knew, though, that I was goingto bear the brunt of the
responsibility for raising thekids, and even when we shared
custody, I still took them evenmore than what the technical
legal percentage was.
Ilona (22:20):
Did she keep her license as a doctor, or were there
problems that caused her not tobe a doctor at some point?
Blake (22:24):
So at some point she had to, um, she had to surrender her
license.
Ilona (22:29):
Okay.
Blake (22:29):
I'll leave it at that.
And so she's no longer apracticing physician.
Um, and so I got them full,full-time legal physical custody
.
What a little over 10 years ago.
But even before that I wasstill acting as though I was
that person?
Ilona (22:45):
Are they all adults now?
Blake (22:46):
So yeah, so my oldest son , Troy, is 29.
Mila (22:49):
He's amazing, he's a rock star.
Blake (22:51):
He really is, so he got a degree from the School of Music
University of Oregon.
He's a professional gradedrummer and he lives in Los
Angeles, living the dream,living the dream, the classic
starving artist.
He works at a restaurant, playsgigs all over LA, he's got his
own band and he also drums foranother band.
Mila (23:06):
What's the name of his band?
He's so good.
Blake (23:09):
He's so good feudal um.
And he's on instagram if youwant to follow him and he looks
exactly like blake well, Ialways say he's a taller, better
looking version of me okay I'mnot gonna.
Mila (23:18):
No, he's a good looking good he's a good looking guy, um
, and and and.
Blake (23:22):
So then, uh, my my daughter, hallie, uh, like
hallie berry, um, I always sayher name is the first part of
hallelujah.
Ilona (23:31):
That's how we spell h-a-l-l-e it makes me think of
baby formula that I buy, yeahyeah, she's a junior at
University of Oregon.
Blake (23:38):
She was my—.
Ilona (23:38):
Why Oregon?
Why everybody in?
Blake (23:40):
Oregon there's another story about that.
I actually lived in OregonEugene for a year when I was in
high school and I've always kindof had—I've always liked Oregon
and so the kids have sort ofgravitated up there.
Mila (23:52):
Hallie's a badass.
Blake (23:53):
Hallie's a total badass.
She was my superstar athletegrowing up.
She played one year of collegesoftball in New Jersey.
Mila (24:00):
She doesn't know me, but I've been watching her grow up
for like the last six years.
Blake (24:04):
She's amazing and her middle name is my name, Hallie
Blake, and so she's just myperson.
I don't know what else to say.
Like um, she and I have justalways been lock since she was
just a little tiny baby.
I mean, I have a goodrelationship with all my kids,
but it's something differentwhen it's your daughter.
Ilona (24:20):
You admit it, Cause I have five, like you know which
one is your favorite.
Blake (24:25):
And, uh, you know, I don't know if I can ever admit
that, because there's thatcosmic connection with some
babies, you just like put themand you feel it you know Well,
cosmic connection with some baby, you just like put them.
You feel it.
You know well I always say youlove your kids equally.
But you don't necessarily likethem equally.
I like, I like all my kids.
Mila (24:39):
I really do, but you like them in a different way my mom
used to always say when I wouldbe like who do you love more,
she'd be like I have two fingers, do you think?
Ilona (24:48):
I love one finger more than the other.
Mila (24:49):
I was like yeah, mom, you're right-handed.
Ilona (24:51):
You need the index finger more.
Blake (24:53):
If you have a pick, then you take your dominant hand.
Mila (24:56):
I had the lawyer response.
I'm like absolutely, there's afinger that you couldn't live
without, for sure you need topick your nose Like what the
hell does a pinky do for you?
Ilona (25:06):
Your third child did so then third, Cooper.
Blake (25:09):
he's 18.
He's a senior in high school.
He goes to Hoover High School,which is funny because that's
where I coach football.
I'm the quarterback coach atHoover for football.
He ended up being the CentralConference Defensive Player of
the Year, Just had a monsterseason.
He's just a beast and he's justcommitted to Bemidji State
University of.
Ilona (25:28):
Minnesota football.
No one is going to be a lawyer,not of your three.
Blake (25:31):
No, and I discourage it.
Is going to be a lawyer.
Mila (25:34):
Not of your three and I discourage it.
But, like amazing, witheverything that you know the
kids have gone through withtheir mom and the divorce and
ending up with you as a singledad and a lawyer raising them
like knock on wood.
You have incredible children.
Blake (25:48):
They are the thing I love about my kids the most is
they're really good human beingsand they have a lot of
perspective.
One thing is important that'salways been important for me.
I don't know if it's just beingraised in the church, you know,
and doing a lot of things for,for the community.
My dad was actually a churchplanter, so his denomination
would just send them into acommunity and go start a church.
Mila (26:09):
Good luck, and most of the time they were in sort of
underprivileged communities andneighborhoods and um and so I've
just always had a heart forlike serving and helping so you,
I remember, had a program whereyou took your youngest son,
cooper, right and you would goto downtown and they would make
sandwiches peanut butter andjelly sandwiches with chips and
(26:31):
like apples and make littlepaper bags and hand them out and
then you like exploded andpeople started donating money so
that you and cooper could gofeed homeless people just two of
you, not through anyorganization.
Blake (26:43):
So this happened through covid.
Yeah, I've always had a thingfor feeding homeless people and
I just I don't really likegiving to organizations, I just
like doing it myself.
So during covid perspective, soduring COVID we started it and
it's called 11 Meals Missionbecause we made 11 meals and
it's a PB&J sandwich, a softfruit it has to be soft because
most homeless people have badteeth, so it needs to be either
an orange or banana.
(27:04):
A bag of chips, chewy granolabar, a bottle of water, a
Gatorade, and you put it in aplastic bag because they like to
use the plastic bag to go tothe bathroom in, so everything
is used that we give them.
And so we went down and did 11meals.
This is during COVID, like fulllockdown.
Mila (27:20):
And I remember being like you're insane, you're going to
get COVID.
He was like I want to helppeople.
Blake (27:25):
I'm a live food guy.
Ilona (27:27):
Like how many sandwiches and packages you make and where
did you go to deliver them?
So and where?
Blake (27:30):
did you go to deliver them?
So we literally drive downtown,we pull up to people, we roll
down the window and we say,excuse me sir, excuse me ma'am.
You give them a little respect,a little dignity.
And they come up to you and yougive them the bag and we drive
off.
Ilona (27:44):
We drive all over, so you didn't walk the streets oh no,
we drive all over.
Blake (27:54):
And so it blew about it and I started getting people
donating money and plastic bagsand I had a guy who was in this
is during COVID, so nobody wasworking.
Nobody was doing anything.
I had this guy who runs thishedge fund, who I coached his
daughters in softball, and hecalls me up.
He's like I need something todo.
So he became like my operationsguy.
We had an assembly line of ofmaking the bags.
We were doing a hundred at atime and we still do some, but
we went from 11 and we're now at4,700 meals that we've handed
(28:16):
out individually me and Cooper.
Mila (28:18):
Amazing 4,700.
Blake (28:20):
And we have like a tier program on who.
We tried it because we couldjust go down there to the really
gnarly part and get rid of 100like that.
But what we do is we drivearound, look for people actually
digging in a trash can.
That's our number one people.
If you're digging in a trashcan, just imagine none of us
have ever been that hungry, I'massuming to humble yourself to
dig in a trash can and havesomebody roll up behind you in a
(28:41):
car and go excuse me, sir,excuse me, ma'am, are you hungry
?
Like that'd be amazingexperience.
And then people in wheelchairs,veterans, and then after that,
once we kind of hit all them,then we just go into the
gnarliest parts of downtown andwe just hand them out.
I've been criticized for itbecause, oh, you're just
enabling them and you're doingthis.
And again, my position is I'mjust feeding them.
(29:02):
I'm not trying to save them,I'm just feeding them and I just
have a heart for that.
Like Father Joe's Village doesa really good job down there.
Mila (29:10):
I volunteered there before .
They do a really good job.
Blake (29:12):
They really do, and there's some other programs down
there that help them.
Even law enforcement helps them.
But at the end of the day, am Ithat deep into it where I feel
like, oh, I can really dosomething about it, or do I have
the answer I really don't Justbeing a good human and helping
people eat.
That's all it is.
That's all it is.
Mila (29:37):
It's really no more than that.
I remember reading a book, andit was a beautiful book and I
can't remember what it wascalled.
I think it was like the Art ofJoy, and one of their
conclusions was that humanityfinds the most joy in helping
other people and in servingother people.
And if you can find purpose inthat, I think that will bring
more joy than any amount ofmoney and like real, heartfelt,
(29:58):
lasting joy.
Because money brings joy.
Money brings comfort.
You buy something new.
It's really exciting until it'snot, but when you can help
someone and I feel like you dothat in so many aspects of your
life with your work, with youroutside organization, which I
don't even know how you findtime, because you also coach
(30:18):
your son's team and are anattorney and a litigator and
then feed homeless people on theside.
Blake (30:25):
One of my favorite sayings is the devil will find
work for idle hands to do.
It's actually in a Smith song.
What difference does it makeand that's kind of a life motto
for me If I just I can chill.
Not, don't get me wrong, butwhat you said is the most is is
really important.
Service to others is the key tolife, and particularly service
(30:49):
to others who can't give youanything back in return.
When you're helping people wholiterally can't give you
anything back, it gets you outof your own bullshit.
We all have our own bullshitand, trust me, I have moments
where I'm sitting in a cornerlosing my mind because of some
stressor or some issue or somework problem.
But when you then go and youturn it around and you try to
(31:10):
and you go and help somebody, itjust gets you away from that
and what you get back is so muchmore than what you actually
give.
So service to others is reallythe key, and it might just be
your own children.
I talked to a lot of dads nowafter being divorced and going
through all this and I reallytry to incur.
I don't encourage them, I justflat out tell them I don't care
(31:30):
what you have to say about theirmother.
It's your responsibility as afather to to be fully engaged
and invested in your kid.
Don't acquiesce to some controlthat's trying to, you know.
Take your kids away.
Don't just.
Don't just say, oh, you know,okay, whatever, I'm just going
to walk away and go golfing.
Don't just say, oh, you know,okay, whatever, I'm just going
to walk away and go golfing.
Go get in with your childrenand create a new relationship
(31:55):
with them.
Learn about four or five thingsthat your kids love to eat and
go on a rotation and cook thatthing.
Cook those meals for them.
Don't just necessarily takethem out.
My kids to this day will say Imake the best spaghetti on the
planet and it's garbage.
It's garbage spaghetti.
It's Prego with ground Turkeyand some garlic salt, right, but
(32:16):
they, but they say dad makesthe best spaghetti.
Why is that?
Because the whole experience.
Take them to the store, teachthem how to teach them how to
shop.
Teach them about the Vons clubcard, where you, if something is
always on sale.
I used to tell my kids all thetime okay, the cereal companies
(32:38):
have a deal with grocery storesand every cereal company for one
week will have their cereal onsale Kellogg's Post, general
Mills, whatever it is.
So when we go to the store thatweek, we're getting whatever
the one is that's on sale.
You're creating life with yourchildren.
Don't sit around and rag ontheir mom in front of them.
They hate it.
They don't want to do that.
Fathers need to be like,relentlessly encouraging to
their kids to go out and takerisks.
Ilona (32:59):
Not everybody's a good father, just like not
everybody's a good mother.
Blake (33:02):
That's true, but what I'm saying is I get frustrated with
my guys.
You know I play beer leaguesoftball and they talk shit
about their wives or their exesor whatever and it's like no
dude.
You have a responsibility to dothat.
You can have a greatrelationship with your children
without sitting around raggingon and making excuses.
Don't just give up thatresponsibility.
(33:22):
And fight for your kids andit's in California.
I mean you know how hard it isto get children full-time as a
father in California.
Ilona (33:33):
Extremely, unless there's domestic violence, drugs,
alcohol, some sort of abuse.
Blake (33:37):
I'm just saying focus on you and your children and full
engagement.
And getting back to what youwere saying, Just do that in a
selfless way.
You don't have to go helphomeless people.
That's just something I've justhad a heart for.
Mila (33:50):
And creating the relationship and the culture.
I think every family has like aculture and that foundational
culture stays with you yourentire life.
So whatever you're raised inand you know, and nowadays 50%
of families are split, so kidshave two cultures, right, but I
think the culture with the dadis just as important, if not
(34:12):
more important in some ways.
Blake (34:13):
Creating traditions.
And I mean I lived in atwo-bedroom apartment.
It was in Del Mar, but I livedin a two-bedroom apartment
across right next to my kid'selementary school for nine years
and I had a huge master bedroomand so at first I had the boys
in their room with bunk beds andI had Hallie in my room and I
(34:33):
had a little separator thing, alittle curtain for her, so she
had a little privacy.
And then she got older so I'mlike, okay, you need to go have
your own room now.
And I moved.
Cooper in Troy went, troy leftto go to college and and we had
our special little.
You know, we do our barbecueweekends down at the community
pool and and kids don't carewhere they're living, they
(34:53):
really don't but if you have awarm environment we'd have
slumber parties in the livingroom and but but again, it's
it's like you're talking about,it's the culture that you're
creating and the littletraditions.
We drive by.
I live off of Delmar Heightsand we'll drive by, going to the
beach, me and Cooper to thisday, down the street from where
our old apartments were, and hegoes Dad when I get done with
(35:15):
college.
I want to get a job and I wantto go move into Bella Del Mar
Apartments.
So it's just the relationshipthat you have and the special
little sheets and blankets andjammies and all those things I
(35:37):
mean.
But I guess my point is is thatI even told my lawyer, I even
told Bill Benjamin.
I said I want you to have mybest, my children's best
interest in mind ahead of mine.
Ilona (35:48):
That's a healthy perspective.
Blake (35:49):
Because you can lose focus of that when you're
particularly when you're in themiddle of that divorce.
Ilona (35:53):
Yes.
Blake (35:54):
You do some weird things and you do some things that
maybe are even outside yournormal character, but if you
have people that are remindingyou you've got to stay focused
on what's in your best interestof your kids.
You actually create a patternand to this day, I mean we don't
even have a custody arrangementanymore.
Create a pattern and to thisday, I mean we don't even have a
custody arrangement anymore.
It's done Like the full-timething.
It's not even relevant anymorebecause my kids are all adults.
But my kids' best interests arestill.
(36:16):
That's still my focus.
Mila (36:23):
Well, thank you so much for joining us.
It was such a privilege to haveyou and learn about your life
and your work and how you findpurpose in everything that you
do.
It has been a privilege to haveyou on as a guest, but I do
want to find out what happenssoon with all those cases for
the victims you're representing.
Blake (36:36):
I'll let you know.
I'm under a gag order right now, oh, okay, but I will let you
know.
And we're hoping to have aresolution, a global resolution,
within the year.
Ilona (36:44):
That's the hope, but that's about all I can say how
is that going to change thelives of the people you
represent?
Blake (36:49):
For some it'll be absolutely life-changing from a
resources standpoint and others,hopefully, it will be
life-changing from a standpointof symbolic, that somebody is
finally taking some kind ofresponsibility and
accountability for what happenedto them.
Mila (37:08):
What an incredible conversation.
A huge thank you to Blake forsharing his journey and insight.
Ilona (37:14):
If you loved this episode , don't forget to like and
subscribe.
It really helps us grow andbring more amazing guests your
way.
Mila (37:21):
And hey, if you have a guest you'd love to hear from,
slide into our DMs or drop us amessage.
We are always looking forinspiring stories to share.
Ilona (37:30):
And don't forget to follow us for the
behind-the-scenes content andupdates.
Mila (37:34):
Remember, success isn't just about glitz and glam.
It's about the grind, thehustle and the passion behind it
all.
Ilona (37:41):
Stay inspired, stay motivated and we'll see you next
time on the Glamorous Grind.
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