March 11, 2025 • 37 mins
Success isn’t just about manifesting—it’s about action.
Trial attorneys Mila and Ilona sit down to tackle the idea of manifestation. Does having a vision for your life hinder or help you? Can you really manifest your reality or it is just a nice starting point? They look at their lives as working professionals and mothers, revealing how they've built thriving law practices while staying true to their identities.
In this episode they explore the balance between visualization and hard work. Ilona shares her own manifestation stories—like real estate goals materializing years later—while Mila explains the discipline behind 3 AM wake-ups and intense career demands.
Parenting as successful professionals comes with unique challenges as well. How do we teach kids the value of hard work when they’ve never known scarcity? They share their strategies while navigating the constant teeter-totter of work and family life.
Can you really “have it all”? Join us on The Glamorous Grind to find out! Dive into real talk on success, setbacks, and staying stylish through it all.
Want more glam during your grind?
New episodes every Tuesday. Make sure you are subscribed on YouTube and wherever you get your podcasts.
🎙️ Hosts: Ilona Antonyan & Mila Arutunian
📲 Follow us on IG: @glamorousgrindpodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ilona (00:00):
I believe in manifestation, but you got to do
too.
Nobody's going to come knockingon your door make your life
beautiful.
That's not going to happen.
You got to get out there.
Mila (00:07):
So what do you think?
Can you have it all?
Or is that just a marketingmyth?
Ilona (00:12):
I think, based on experience, you can have it all,
but just not all at once.
Mila (00:17):
To me it's work-life integration.
I feel like it's ateeter-totter you can't control
what happens to you, you can'tcontrol other people's behaviors
, you can't control outsidecircumstances, but you can
control your reaction.
Ilona (00:31):
Welcome to the Glamorous Grind where law meets lifestyle.
Mila (00:34):
We are lawyers, friends and your insiders to the world
of legal drama.
I'm Ilona Antonian, alitigation trial attorney and a
certified family law specialist,and I'm Mila Aratunian, a
litigation trial attorney and acertified family law specialist,
and I'm Mila Aritunian, alitigation attorney specializing
in employment and personalinjury law.
Ilona (00:50):
Every week, we're diving into our most unforgettable
cases, showcasing inspiringsuccess stories and sharing how
we balance drive anddetermination with style.
Mila (00:59):
So, whether you're a legal powerhouse chasing success, or
just here for the juicy stories?
Ilona (01:05):
grab your favorite drink, because we're pouring out
wisdom with plenty of glam.
It's law.
Mila (01:10):
It's life, it's the Glamorous Grind.
Ilona (01:22):
Welcome back to the Glamorous Grind.
As you know, Mila and I areworking attorneys with different
specialties.
We are cutting through thenoise, debunking myths and
sharing real-life cases, and wewant to bring you the legal
perspective on things we allface in life.
Mila (01:37):
Success isn't just about having a vision.
It's about making the rightmoves to protect and build your
future.
Ilona (01:44):
Today we're diving into a hot topic manifestation versus
hard work.
Can you really think of yourway to success or does it take
strategy, sacrifice and lots?
Mila (01:54):
of planning, let's get into it.
So, ilona, do you think thatsuccess comes from mindset or
strategy?
I think both.
Ilona (02:01):
You have to have a strategic mindset and have to
revisit your goals and check inon how you're doing and help
being a dreamer and thinking ofall the things I can do in this
lifetime and picture it, becauseI think a lot of like what's to
(02:47):
come in life to me personallyhelps not just to like read
books or, you know, watch movies, but to put it down on paper,
to revisit it and picture it.
Actually, the most influentialbook for me that helped me
figure an answer to thatquestion is this book, and I
found it when I was like 30years old.
Where will you be in five yearsfrom today?
I didn't know back then whatwas going to happen.
(03:09):
My goals at that point werewell, grow my business, become
one of the largest family lawfirms you know in Southern
California, have a family.
I had a whole bunch of goalsand this book helped me plan it
out in great detail, not justwrite I want to be happy, but
(03:29):
have the right perspective andfocus on the details of what I
want, where I wrote a page aboutmy personal plans and also like
what I want in a guy.
It was a long checklist.
I don't know about doing thatagain.
But and another one was abusiness plan that I wrote out.
That was detailed.
I was very, very specific, like, my plans at that point were to
(03:50):
buy real estate in the future,and I was specific based on
advice in this book when do youwant it?
What unit number do you pictureyou're going to want to
purchase one day?
And years later, when Icompared my checklist checklist
to go back I totally forgotabout the unit number I wrote.
But I ended up owning units onthe 17th floor and the unit that
(04:14):
I wrote in my detailed book waslike 1701 and ended up
purchasing 1702 and 1703.
So I was a couple of numbersoff, but it was exact and I was
like, oh my God, it truly works.
I believe in manifestation, butyou got to do too.
Nobody's going to come knockingon your door make your life
beautiful.
That's not going to happen.
(04:35):
You got to get out there.
Same thing with business.
Mila (04:37):
What about you?
I think there's a combination.
I mean, I certainly think thereneeds to be some aspect of
manifestation, of planning andkeeping in mind kind of your end
goal.
But to me, like my life hasalways been very much about
discipline, of kind of puttingtogether my life in such a way
where I don't have the option toturn back or not be disciplined
(05:00):
.
You know, not really followingemotions and following the plan.
I have like a thing that Iwould say like screw your mood,
follow the plan and stayingdisciplined.
I'm a big believer that how youdo anything is how you do
everything.
So routines and, you know,making sure that I push myself
(05:23):
out of my comfort zone on aregular basis has always been
like my way of, I guessmanifesting.
Ilona (05:29):
I wasn't held back by my parents when I was growing up
Like they just.
They told me I was smart, theyknew I was a good student and
they just put all the pressureon me to figure things out and
do well when we were there andwhen we came to America.
So the only thing I was missingis guidance.
How the hell did I do this?
Like they didn't speak English,they didn't know how life works
(05:51):
in America.
I pretty much had to, like age12, once I spoke English by the
time I was 14, had to step intothe shoes of being like a parent
to my parents to translatedocuments to you know, go, do
and be involved in all the adultthings, just because of the
English barrier at that pointthey've had.
But so I guess I had to figureit out on my own and in part I
(06:17):
think it's great.
It would have been great tohave someone guide you, because
maybe I would have been way, wayfurther in life now.
Maybe it would be if, like,there was a mentor who knows how
things work in this country andbe like do this, do this, do
that, don't do that.
Mila (06:32):
I think that's arguable, right.
I think that a lot of peoplewho have that leadership and who
have that backing behind themand they feel you know stability
behind them, no matter what,and they have a mentor.
They have you know stabilitybehind them, no matter what, and
they have a mentor.
They have, you know, a familythat can take care of them.
Some of them may come out to besuccessful, but I think a lot
of people innately will fallback on that and not be as
(06:56):
driven and not be as ambitious.
So I think people like you andI, who have had to figure it out
ourselves to some extent thosehardships, those obstacles, I
think challenges and obstaclesin life could break you or they
could define you.
If you choose to use them asfuel to overcome and be better
(07:17):
and be greater, it could makeyou the best version of yourself
.
But a lot of people usechallenges, use obstacles and
kind of use them as a reason tofeel sorry for themselves or
feel like life is unfair to them, which it is.
It's unfair that some peoplehave it easy, are born into
(07:38):
money, are born privileged, andother people have to work their
butts off to get there.
It is unfair.
Everything is relative, sosomeone could be born into a
really poor family versussomeone born into a really
privileged family, like that'snot necessarily fair.
They don't necessarily have thesame opportunities.
I mean, I went to USD lawschool and I went to USD, even
(07:59):
though I got full ridescholarships to worse schools.
I took the USD scholarshipthinking like, because I'm an
immigrant, because I'm foreign,if I go to a worse school,
people are going to think I'mnot as smart.
And then I went to USD and fromone perspective it was amazing
because so many of my colleagueswho were in school with me were
really smart and came fromthese great families whose
(08:22):
parents were judges and parentswere lawyers.
And I'm here like immigrantfamily.
I didn't even know a lawyer inmy life, but at the same time
they had opportunities that Ididn't have.
I had to work throughout lawschool.
I think one thing I strugglewith is, I mean, obviously like
we're not super rich but we dowell.
We're not like struggling topay rent anymore, like when we
(08:45):
were growing up, but with mykids and you'll understand this
a little better when your kidsare a little older, because my
oldest is, you know, almost nineand he doesn't understand the
value of money.
And you know he has a walkathonright now and I donated money
it's tomorrow actually.
I donated like $50 and he'slike Mom, can you just donate
$400?
(09:05):
And I was like Daniel, that's alot of money.
He's like it's fine, like don'tworry about it.
He doesn't understand, and it'snot his fault.
He's never had to likeunderstand that people struggle
for money, like I did when I wasgrowing up.
So I really have to, you know,reel him in and we'll go to the
store and he'll be like I wantthis, I want that, and I have to
make him cognizant of thiscosts money.
(09:27):
We work really hard for money.
You can't just have thingsbecause you want them.
It's really difficult because,from one perspective, you want
to give your kids everythingbecause our parents couldn't do
that, and I want to justanything they want.
I'm like, yes, I don't care, Iwon't eat tomorrow, I and do
(09:47):
that, and I want to justanything they want.
I'm like, yes, I don't care, Iwon't eat tomorrow, like have
whatever you want, but on theother hand, you're not doing
them any favors by providingeverything they want, because
then they can't possibly valuethat.
And then how are they going tobe motivated to work hard if
they think money is just there.
You know.
Ilona (10:01):
Yeah, I mean, I think I'm guilty of that, that as well.
But my excuse is that mydaughter is just under five now,
so I just buy her what, whatshe wants for now.
But sometimes I'll be like Ilook at the price and I'm like,
hey, that's not worth.
This toy is not worth that much.
I can order an amazon.
So for the store.
She's like I want it, mommy.
I'm like, no, that's tooexpensive.
So then she walks around thestore saying it's's too
(10:23):
expensive, we have no money topay.
I'm like, but you know, yeah, Imake Daniel.
Mila (10:30):
Now he like has his chores .
So then you know, each day ifhe does his chores he gets a
dollar and then it goes into hispiggy bank.
But he has to do all his choreswithout complaining.
Like if he complains he doesn'tget his dollar.
It's like piano studying,reading like X amount per day
and then he has his money.
So if we go to the store and helike wants something like
sometimes he has the worst senseof fashion I have ever seen it
(10:53):
kills me, especially since, likenow, we have this glamorous
grind podcast, I feel like mykids should also be glamorous.
But he wants these like uglysweaters that are like oversized
.
They look like dresses.
I'm like I am not paying forthat kid and I'm like you can
take money out of your own piggybank and he does.
It makes him think like is thisworth you know $20 or $30?
Ilona (11:14):
That's a good way to do it.
You mentioned having disciplineand routines.
What are your routines?
Mila (11:19):
So I have crazy routines.
Everyone tells me I'm insane.
Maybe I am, I don't know, but I.
Normally my wake up time isaround three, sometimes 3.30.
And I usually work for like anhour in the morning.
I like to organize my day so Iknow what I'm doing, and then
I'm at the gym between four and4.30.
And then I'm done by like sixat the latest and take a shower
(11:44):
and I'm in the office by seven.
Ilona (11:45):
Before you had kids was your schedule and discipline or
routine the same or different it?
Mila (11:51):
was different.
It wasn't as crazy because Ihad a lot more time to like have
leeway or work out later or soI still had a pretty disciplined
schedule compared to, I think,probably most people.
Usually like Sunday's my restday from the gym.
I don't go to the gym but Iwill run and that's kind of my
time to manifest, I guess, ifyou can call it manifesting,
(12:13):
because I usually will run aboutfour miles but during that run
I'm like listening tomotivational podcasts and
thinking about kind ofeverything I want Like I think
about my cases, a lot strategyon them, how I want them to
close.
I think about kind of you know,well, now I have like two new
practice areas that I'm helpingyou build and thinking about
(12:34):
strategy on those and how towork them up.
And Sundays is my day to justlike really put everything out.
My run is usually about an hourand during that hour I like
think everything through, andduring that hour I like think
everything through.
Ilona (12:46):
Once I had children.
I think the only thing thatchanged is, instead of me
working till about two, three inthe morning, I now have to go
to bed early, which I knew, andI always said the only thing
that will make me a morningperson will be having children,
because they wake up early.
And that turned out to be true,because my one-year-olds wake
(13:08):
up at by seven in the morning,sometimes 545.
And they also wake up severaltimes through the night, and my
daughter, ella, who sleeps withme, has to be up by 730.
So I have to go to bed earlierthan I ever did in my life ever.
So I'm in bed with her by like930.
So I just have to lay there inthe dark and most of the time
(13:28):
now I fall asleep with her andthen I'll just get up in the
morning and my routine is getready to run to work, drop her
off at school Once she fallsasleep.
Sometimes, or on the weekends, Ido all my Costco Instacart, all
the ordering, because I takecare of a lot of people at my
house, so I do all my CostcoInstacart, all the ordering,
because, you know, I take careof a lot of people at my house,
so I do all my shopping and thenwork.
(13:50):
I come home three days a week,I have a trainer that comes to
my house and I work out from7.30 to 8.30.
And then, you know, spend timewith my daughter and go to bed.
But yeah, I think I have moreof a routine now than I ever had
in my life.
Mila (14:08):
I never had a routine growing up, so I feel like I
just like craved it.
I craved a routine.
Ilona (14:15):
I don't like routines.
Mila (14:17):
Like as a child, I felt I craved a routine, I wanted to go
to bed.
I mean, my mom would alwayslaugh that like, no matter where
I was.
Ilona (14:29):
I would fall asleep at nine o'clock Because that would
just be always made an excusenot to go to bed.
That I'm, and my daughter isdoing that now to like oh mom,
I'm hungry, right when it's timeto go to bed.
Mila (14:34):
And then I want her to eat .
Ilona (14:36):
So I'm like, Okay, I was opposite.
Mila (14:37):
I was like let me go to bed.
So when I you know now my kidslike 7.30, they are in bed.
I'm like I don't care what youdo, that is so early.
Yeah, it's early, they know,they know.
And they get mad at me and I'mlike too bad, I'm not your
friend, I'm your mom.
Ilona (14:52):
Let's talk about what was our mindset before right and
what do we do as adults tochange our mindset, to guide us
in a better direction, to beable to accomplish more?
Mila (15:06):
things From my end.
I think before my mindset was Iwas normal, right, it's normal
to like.
Things go wrong and you letthem get to you.
You're stuck in traffic andyou're sad and it ruins your
whole day.
Someone honks at you and you'rejust like oh, why did they honk
at me?
Ilona (15:20):
And on top of it, you'll put on some sad music that will
make you cry, which what I'velearned through this book is
change the channel.
Just put on happy music.
Don't dwell on it, don't singalong.
Just change the channel andthink of something positive,
because you can control that.
Mila (15:36):
Well now I've been reading a lot about stoicism and I
don't know if you're familiarwith the stoic mindset.
Sounds boring, but no, go ahead.
It's pretty boring, but it'shelpful, because what the stoics
think is we as humans, you know, we're basically captains of
the ship and our job as thecaptains of the ship, and like
(15:59):
life, is the ocean and the wavescome at us and we could sit
there and be pissed off that thewaves are coming and the
weather conditions suck, or wecan just focus on trying to
steer the ship in the directionand not worry about the waves in
the ocean, and that's prettygood.
Well, and that's kind of thething, right, you can't control
what happens to you, you can'tcontrol other people's behaviors
(16:21):
, you can't control outsidecircumstances, but you can
control your reaction whenthings come and hit you and
bring you down.
Are you going to let it get youdown?
Are you going to feel sorry foryourself?
Ilona (16:32):
Are you going to get up and I don't dwell on things, I
just like move on, becausewhat's the freaking point of
sitting there and being upset?
All you do is create negativeenergy.
Your stomach turns, you'reupset and you don't feel good,
like emotionally.
Physically, I just say, okay,well, this is the problem.
(16:52):
What am I going to do about it?
What can I do about it?
The question one is can I dosomething about it?
Is it within my control,something I can change in my
behavior and what I say or whatI do?
Or is it out of my controlBecause it depends on someone
else and that someone else maylisten to me, or they may not,
because they are their ownindividual and they're going to
do their own thing.
Mila (17:11):
So well, here's the thing that I always find like crazy is
that people see someone likeyou who can handle things so
well, right, like things happento you that are out of your
control and you can just be likeyou know what it's's out of my
control, I'm not gonna worryabout it.
People will see that and belike, wow, she's so lucky, she's
so lucky she's able to do that.
But no one understands that.
(17:32):
It's a mindset you have totrain in yourself and you have
to continuously remind yourself,because the second you let that
go, it's so easy to fall backin to the place where you're
letting things affect you andyou're letting things bring you
down.
Ilona (17:45):
It's normal.
We're human, like we havefeelings and you're just not.
It's hard to do 100% of thetime.
None of us do.
But I think when you see youmay get caught in this negative
energy of exerting it becauseyou were impacted by something
negative and creating more of it, then you just have to kind of
(18:09):
assess the situation what can Ido about it?
Can I do something about it ornot?
And if I can't, great do it.
Focus on doing and fixingthings rather than being mad and
upset.
You can still be mad and upset,upset, but just move on and
take action.
So think it can be a better daythat's right.
Mila (18:28):
To me, like fitness is such an imperative part of my
life of voluntarily puttingyourself through hardship
basically because fitness ishardship right it's like
difficulty on your bodyvoluntarily going in and like
thing first thing of the day, atfour in the morning, that's
what I do.
Ilona (18:46):
I can't be like you.
I hate working out, I really do, but I know I have to, because
you know, if I don't, then Iwon't look good and I have to
stay looking good and young formy family.
Mila (18:59):
There is glory in like doing things you hate to do, but
doing them like you love them.
There is glory in going indoing hard things and going
through them with a straightface.
Ilona (19:11):
It would be great if we would just look great without
all that glory.
I don't want the glory.
I don't want to work out.
Mila (19:15):
I love the glory we have to.
Ilona (19:18):
But here's the deal.
I actually made a commitment inNovember and my trainer
reminded me and sent me a videoof that the other day, because
starting March 1, I committedthat I'm gonna take my workouts
seriously and that by July Isaid I'm gonna do a photo shoot
with my trainer.
He was Mr California musclemania back in the days, or
(19:40):
whatever, he got that award.
He used to be a bigSchwarzenegger fan and I said,
Okay, I will do photo shoot withyou.
And used to be a bigSchwarzenegger fan.
And I said, Okay, I will dophotoshoot with you.
And he's training my boyfriend,we'll do a photoshoot together.
Mila (19:50):
So now I'm envisioning posters.
I'll do another photoshoot withyou.
Okay, we can do a third one.
Ilona (19:53):
We have a garage and we have Arnold Schwarzenegger
posters around it.
So now I'm like, okay, I want aposter of us there and I want a
picture and I want it to be,you know, real.
That's how I look, notphotoshopped.
I'm gonna be good startingMarch 1st and we'll see where we
get.
But I'm saying this nowpublicly, because you mentioned
discipline and I'm notdisciplined and I'll have to be
(20:13):
disciplined this is your chanceto execute your mindset.
Mila (20:17):
To me, fitness, like the looking good part, is like such
a I mean, it's a part of it forsure.
I I love like being lean andlooking good, but so much more
of it is training myself to dohard things and kind of kicking
my own ass.
Like first thing in the day Ilike kick my own ass.
So then anytime any otherbattle comes before, me like
anyone who's like up against me.
(20:38):
I'm like, okay, I alreadykicked my own ass this morning,
let's do this.
Ilona (20:41):
I don't need to kick my own ass and work out to be able
to do that, Like when it comesdiscipline to work.
I can sit for 12 hours straightand not get out from the chair.
If I have a deadline or if Ihave anything I get shit done.
Mila (20:51):
I like push through when we, when I have like full on
fights with opposing counsel,I'm like ready for it and I'm
like you're gonna get tired.
Before me my favorite quote isby Will Smith and he goes you
know, I may not be smarter thanyou, I may not be better looking
than you, but if you get on atreadmill next to me, one of two
things will happen you will getoff that treadmill first, or I
(21:14):
will die on that treadmillbecause I will not give up
before you.
And that like is my mentality inlife, like whoever I'm up
against, whatever I'm up against, good luck, because you will
get tired before me.
Ilona (21:26):
I feel like I mean, I've always said that nobody cannot
work me when it comes to mycases and I feel like when I was
a new lawyer I didn't know thelaw very well and I went against
many experienced trialattorneys, but in most of my
cases I won because I knew myfacts, I was prepared, I was
overprepared because I wasscared to lose and I hate losing
(21:47):
and I did everything.
So you know, there are manysmart people out there, but I
think hard work and wanting towin and that desire and hating
to lose and being creative inyour legal arguments, thinking,
you know, outside the box, Ithink that's kind of the key to
being successful in practicinglaw.
(22:08):
A long time ago, when I was anew lawyer, I ended up picking
up this case that was aired onChannel 10 News because my
client ended up having a childthat was unfortunately born
stillborn and they wanted tobury the child and the hospital
(22:29):
and a doctor wouldn't finalizethe death certificate and put
the cause of death.
The doctor was too busy.
When I deposed him.
There were tons of excuses whyhe didn't get around to it.
Hospital had excuses.
We sued both the doctor and thehospital, but this poor family
couldn't put the death of theirbaby to rest for months.
(22:51):
We ended up filing a lawsuit.
My client was living in theUnited States at the time, also
had residence in Mexico, inTijuana.
She had like eight otherchildren.
And you know, in a litigationproceeding we get served with
form interrogatories.
There are questions for theother side to assess the
(23:15):
strength of your case andevidence and information and
documents you may have tosupport your case and the
elements of the law.
They're signed under penalty ofperjury.
So one of the questions washave you ever been convicted of
a felony?
So you know we respond inwriting at a translator.
I speak Spanish too, so werespond she signs under penalty
(23:38):
of perjury.
No, I've never been convictedof a felony.
Great, all good.
Well, what did I learn close totrial?
She had a felony conviction.
I was like what's going on?
You told me you had no, younever been convicted or arrested
for anything.
And lesson learned Turns outshe was trying to smuggle some
(23:59):
drugs from Puerto Rico and gotbusted at the airport and lost
her green card.
So now I have invested.
At that time I was a new lawyerand during this trial I had to
designate experts and thisclient would sometimes go
missing and I had no way toreach them.
(24:20):
I had no choice but to stay onthe case and hire all these
experts.
I had to put $60,000, you knowout of my pocket in this case,
not knowing if I have a client,if she's going to cooperate.
It was pretty messy, buteventually we get to the time of
trial and she cannot come here.
So I file a motion with thecourt and I say your Honor, I
(24:43):
need this would happen.
My client would be violatingfederal law if she's going to
illegally cross and come toUnited States because she has no
papers.
And at that point 2007, thejudge denies my.
I said can't she appearvirtually?
Can't she testify through videoat trial, like we have Zoom
(25:04):
right now, like we have courtcall?
And the judge says no, msAntonian, technology and the
legislature have not caught upwith each other.
So I'm going to deny yourmotion and you're welcome to
file for an appeal and changethe law if you'd like.
What I did is I hired a videocameraman here in the United
States, I took a depositioncourt reporter and I traveled to
(25:28):
Mexico Instead of presenting myentire case and exhibits at the
time of trial.
Like you'd normally do in frontof a jury, I had to show all my
cards to both defense counsel inadvance, pretty much doing my
entire case through a deposition, hoping that I'll be able to
(25:48):
use that video deposition at atime of trial.
Somehow I showed my entire caseto the other side.
Here comes trial.
I have my client's husband onthe stand and he was as dry as a
rock.
I mean, he would show like noemotion, he would just answer
yes or no, which sometimes canbe good, but in this case was
not that great when it comes toemotional distress, damages and
(26:11):
ultimately, um, what happened iswe won the jury trial.
We got a verdict against thedoctor and against the hospital.
Eventually, you know, throughthe man letters etc.
They were able to get the body.
Oh, you know what?
We sued the cremation facilitybecause they wouldn't release
the body, because they neededthe certificate and the body was
(26:32):
actually cremated and theyweren't releasing it.
So the family didn't get tobury the baby.
Mila (26:36):
So what do you think?
Can you have it all?
Or is that just a marketingmyth?
Ilona (26:41):
I think, based on experience, you can have it all,
but just not all at once.
See, having it all like.
As women, what do we want?
It's different at differentstages in life.
When I was younger, I wanted toget married, find this guy
who's going to sweep me off myfeet and be so romantic and tall
and handsome and all that stuffright.
I had a whole checklist of whatI wanted.
Mila (27:01):
I think that changes as you grow and develop right a
whole checklist of what I wanted.
I think that changes as yougrow and develop, right, like
what you want and what you mayhave thought was really, you
know, inspiring when you're atone age may not be the same at
another age, but I couldn't haveit all because my business was
my baby and it took so much ofmy time, like from 2005 till
(27:23):
2019.
Ilona (27:23):
Like I said, I worked six , seven days a week and I was
around the clock almost, and Istill, you know, made time to
have a good time here and there,but it wouldn't be possible.
There wasn't enough time in aday for me to have a successful
relationship, have all this timeto go, hang out and do all
these things and see the worldwhich would be great and also
(27:44):
have a business.
And then, you know, did Ieventually meet somebody who
offered me that that I wasmarried to for only four months?
Because he ended up being crazy?
Yes, but I think I was smartenough, being a divorce attorney
, to know that I'm not justgoing to close my law firm or
not go into a partnership andnot pursue what I've already
(28:05):
devoted, at that point, 10 yearsof my life to and just rely on
a guy to.
You know, take me traveling andbuy me things.
Because what I see happening towomen and it can happen to men
too is that if you lose who youare, if you give up your career,
if you're not really sure thatthis marriage is going to 100%
(28:29):
work because only time showsright.
If you can make it throughdifficult times together or not,
then you can find yourself withnothing.
You can be dumped, leftstruggling, having to fight for
spouse support, having torebuild from scratch, and you
could have children on top ofthat, so life could be very
(28:51):
difficult.
So my advice to people outthere is don't give up who you
are, what you are and whatyou've built.
Pursue it.
Don't get too comfortable inlife, because you never know
when shit is going to hit thefan.
You don't.
It could be in personal life.
You could have a really greathusband or boyfriend, but you
know things happen.
Somebody could die and they maynot have life insurance and you
(29:14):
have to figure things out onyour own.
There could be somebody comingalong that may take that person
away from you.
You know it's possible.
The lesson is have it allwithin yourself so you can be
self-reliant.
Rely on yourself to the extentpossible.
Mila (29:32):
And I think about this a lot that success is so different
for every person, depending ontheir personality and who they
are and what they're passionateabout.
Some people may find success injust having a family and other
women can't, or other men can'tfind success unless they also
have a career that's reallystable.
(29:53):
I also feel that you can haveit all, but not at the same time
.
I think to me as I've grown anddeveloped as a mom and an
attorney and I've noticed thatwork-life balance is kind of a
fallacy.
Every time I try to chase abalance it fails and it makes me
feel like a failure becauseit's more of a teeter-totter.
Ilona (30:17):
I think it's been popularized, that's how it like.
Everybody's like oh yeah, wehave work-life balance here.
Okay, if you do nine to five,okay.
But most lawyers they can donine to five if they're good
lawyers, if they have years ofexperience, if they're seasoned
and they have answers right awaywithout having to do additional
research and they've been there, done there right.
Mila (30:36):
Most good lawyers, ambitious lawyers, don't work a
nine to five job.
Ilona (30:39):
Right, they don't.
You can't be good if that'swhat you're going to be, Well,
and that's the thing Like to meit's work-life integration.
Mila (30:47):
I feel like it's a teeter-totter, Like especially
when you have a family andyou're a successful entrepreneur
, whether you're a lawyer Ithink most lawyers are
entrepreneurs because so much ofour job is marketing ourselves,
no matter who we work for, wehave to brand ourselves if we
want to be successful.
And it's a teeter-totter Insome weeks your family needs
(31:09):
more of you and you're a littlebit less of a lawyer, because
you can't put that 70 hours aweek in like you normally do.
And then other weeks you're intrial or your caseload is insane
and you have to put more intowork and you're kind of a shitty
parent, True, and like yourkids have to learn that, like
you're doing that because you'retrying to work really hard to
provide them a better future andI think the acceptance of that,
(31:32):
the teeter-totter and thework-life integration, has made
me feel so much better.
because then, if I have to givemore to family and I'm not as
present at work, I don't feel asguilty.
If I have to give more to workand I'm not as present at home,
I don't feel as guilty.
If I have to give more to workand I'm not as present at home,
I don't feel as guilty because Iknow that both are important
for me, for my success.
Ilona (31:52):
You just gotta do the best you can every day.
I mean, I think when you have afamily, you obviously love and
care about your family and Ithink you wanna be with them,
right.
But when you also have a careeron top of that, you with them,
right.
But when you also have a careeron top of that, you want to be
good at what you do and not loseyour spark and not lose your
edge and remain a good lawyer.
And to do that you have to keepgoing and practice, because if
(32:13):
you don't practice, if you know,then they'll.
You know, you'll get rusty.
Mila (32:19):
You know they.
I think you have to bepassionate in whatever it is
that you do.
And I remember hearing thisquote about Poverati, the opera
singer, and they were just like,oh my goodness, you're so
ambitious, you're so passionate,because he would just like
practice around the clock.
And he was like it's notpractice, this is devotion.
I'm devoted to my craft, like Iwork hard every single day to
(32:43):
put myself into what I dobecause I love it so much and I
feel like no matter what you do,what your career is, if you
enjoy what you do and you findpurpose in it, you're going to
be good in it.
Ilona (32:55):
Can you have it all?
What is the all for you?
Like, what do you want?
Because maybe this one person,a man or a woman, just wants one
thing, and that's not hard todo to be devoted to one thing.
If you don't care about havingfamily, if you don't care about
hanging out with friends orhaving close friends, if you
don't care about traveling, ifyou don't care about focusing on
your health, like if you don'thave all these different aspects
(33:17):
, like, oh, you don't care aboutspirituality or whatever else
people are into then it's easyto be damn good at one thing.
That's all you got, or youbetter be good at it right For
me personally.
Mila (33:27):
I have this.
I mean it's a blessing and acurse, but I can't half-ass
anything.
I can't.
Every time I've tried, I justfeel awful about it.
I have to put my like heart andsoul into everything I do
When's like with my kids.
When it's cooking, I can't stopuntil like the table is so full
(33:47):
you can't see the tablecloth.
When I'm working, I can't stopunless I'm like fighting
everyone and getting like thebest results for my client.
When it's with my kids, it's Ijust can't.
I'm like so passionate, I haveso much like fire in my soul.
I just want to put everythinginto everything but for that's
having it all.
But like people look at me andthey're like you're insane, stop
.
Ilona (34:13):
Yeah, it's like, it's for you, like you have your alls
that are important to you, rightAll these different components
and make it your all for you andthat's your all right now.
It'll be different in anotherfive years.
Your children grow older.
You know they go to college,etc.
In another five years yourchildren grow older.
Don't tell me that they go tocollege, et cetera.
And you know, same thing it'slike for everybody.
You take a snippet of our liferight now.
What is the all right now?
What do you have when you haveyoung children?
You don't have time.
(34:33):
I mean, okay, I guess you cansay in a perfect world you could
have time for romance and allthat stuff.
Mila (34:38):
I haven't had a movie in eight years.
I haven't.
I mean I got one massage in thelast seven years.
Ilona (34:45):
You and I went together remember.
Mila (34:46):
Yes, so it's like, but like, those things for a lot of
people are non-negotiable.
It's like, oh, I have to get afacial every two weeks, or else,
because it's like supersoothing for them.
Ilona (34:56):
Fortunately, you look good and I wouldn't be able to
tell you haven't had a facial ina decade.
Mila (35:01):
I use beef beef tallow as moisturizer.
You know what that is?
What beef tallow tallow?
No, it's uh, it's literallybeef and it smells like meat.
So, like, my face smells likemeat.
But it's amazing, it's the bestmoisturizer.
Ilona (35:14):
It's okay, it's cow fat, put some liver on it I have a
recipe for you take a littlemixer, put some chicken liver,
put on your face.
Take a little mixer, put somechicken liver, put it on your
face.
I'm a little bit of a witch.
I eat liver every day.
It reminds me of like back inthe former Soviet Union, because
we didn't have hairconditioners and people made
funny recipes to make their hairsoft.
(35:35):
And I remember one time one ofthe recipes was you take a
couple of eggs, you put in mayoyes, I remember this mayo, and I
think you might have had to putsome pee in it too I don't
remember and it's supposed tomake your hair soft.
Mila (35:49):
That brings us to the end of this episode of the Glamorous
Grind.
Ilona (35:53):
Success isn't just about the dream.
It's about doing Until the nexttime.
I want to share a quote I enjoywhen one door closes, another
opens.
But we often look so long andso regretfully upon the closed
door that we do not see the onewhich has opened for us.
That was Alexander Graham Bell.
Mila (36:11):
If you're ready to level up in your career or your
relationship legally andstrategically, make sure you're
subscribed to the GlamorousGrind Stay bold, stay fierce and
we'll see you next week on theGlamorous Grind.
I believe in manifestation, but you got to do
too.
Nobody's going to come knockingon your door make your life
beautiful.
That's not going to happen.
You got to get out there.
Mila (00:07):
So what do you think?
Can you have it all?
Or is that just a marketingmyth?
Ilona (00:12):
I think, based on experience, you can have it all,
but just not all at once.
Mila (00:17):
To me it's work-life integration.
I feel like it's ateeter-totter you can't control
what happens to you, you can'tcontrol other people's behaviors
, you can't control outsidecircumstances, but you can
control your reaction.
Ilona (00:31):
Welcome to the Glamorous Grind where law meets lifestyle.
Mila (00:34):
We are lawyers, friends and your insiders to the world
of legal drama.
I'm Ilona Antonian, alitigation trial attorney and a
certified family law specialist,and I'm Mila Aratunian, a
litigation trial attorney and acertified family law specialist,
and I'm Mila Aritunian, alitigation attorney specializing
in employment and personalinjury law.
Ilona (00:50):
Every week, we're diving into our most unforgettable
cases, showcasing inspiringsuccess stories and sharing how
we balance drive anddetermination with style.
Mila (00:59):
So, whether you're a legal powerhouse chasing success, or
just here for the juicy stories?
Ilona (01:05):
grab your favorite drink, because we're pouring out
wisdom with plenty of glam.
It's law.
Mila (01:10):
It's life, it's the Glamorous Grind.
Ilona (01:22):
Welcome back to the Glamorous Grind.
As you know, Mila and I areworking attorneys with different
specialties.
We are cutting through thenoise, debunking myths and
sharing real-life cases, and wewant to bring you the legal
perspective on things we allface in life.
Mila (01:37):
Success isn't just about having a vision.
It's about making the rightmoves to protect and build your
future.
Ilona (01:44):
Today we're diving into a hot topic manifestation versus
hard work.
Can you really think of yourway to success or does it take
strategy, sacrifice and lots?
Mila (01:54):
of planning, let's get into it.
So, ilona, do you think thatsuccess comes from mindset or
strategy?
I think both.
Ilona (02:01):
You have to have a strategic mindset and have to
revisit your goals and check inon how you're doing and help
being a dreamer and thinking ofall the things I can do in this
lifetime and picture it, becauseI think a lot of like what's to
(02:47):
come in life to me personallyhelps not just to like read
books or, you know, watch movies, but to put it down on paper,
to revisit it and picture it.
Actually, the most influentialbook for me that helped me
figure an answer to thatquestion is this book, and I
found it when I was like 30years old.
Where will you be in five yearsfrom today?
I didn't know back then whatwas going to happen.
(03:09):
My goals at that point werewell, grow my business, become
one of the largest family lawfirms you know in Southern
California, have a family.
I had a whole bunch of goalsand this book helped me plan it
out in great detail, not justwrite I want to be happy, but
(03:29):
have the right perspective andfocus on the details of what I
want, where I wrote a page aboutmy personal plans and also like
what I want in a guy.
It was a long checklist.
I don't know about doing thatagain.
But and another one was abusiness plan that I wrote out.
That was detailed.
I was very, very specific, like, my plans at that point were to
(03:50):
buy real estate in the future,and I was specific based on
advice in this book when do youwant it?
What unit number do you pictureyou're going to want to
purchase one day?
And years later, when Icompared my checklist checklist
to go back I totally forgotabout the unit number I wrote.
But I ended up owning units onthe 17th floor and the unit that
(04:14):
I wrote in my detailed book waslike 1701 and ended up
purchasing 1702 and 1703.
So I was a couple of numbersoff, but it was exact and I was
like, oh my God, it truly works.
I believe in manifestation, butyou got to do too.
Nobody's going to come knockingon your door make your life
beautiful.
That's not going to happen.
(04:35):
You got to get out there.
Same thing with business.
Mila (04:37):
What about you?
I think there's a combination.
I mean, I certainly think thereneeds to be some aspect of
manifestation, of planning andkeeping in mind kind of your end
goal.
But to me, like my life hasalways been very much about
discipline, of kind of puttingtogether my life in such a way
where I don't have the option toturn back or not be disciplined
(05:00):
.
You know, not really followingemotions and following the plan.
I have like a thing that Iwould say like screw your mood,
follow the plan and stayingdisciplined.
I'm a big believer that how youdo anything is how you do
everything.
So routines and, you know,making sure that I push myself
(05:23):
out of my comfort zone on aregular basis has always been
like my way of, I guessmanifesting.
Ilona (05:29):
I wasn't held back by my parents when I was growing up
Like they just.
They told me I was smart, theyknew I was a good student and
they just put all the pressureon me to figure things out and
do well when we were there andwhen we came to America.
So the only thing I was missingis guidance.
How the hell did I do this?
Like they didn't speak English,they didn't know how life works
(05:51):
in America.
I pretty much had to, like age12, once I spoke English by the
time I was 14, had to step intothe shoes of being like a parent
to my parents to translatedocuments to you know, go, do
and be involved in all the adultthings, just because of the
English barrier at that pointthey've had.
But so I guess I had to figureit out on my own and in part I
(06:17):
think it's great.
It would have been great tohave someone guide you, because
maybe I would have been way, wayfurther in life now.
Maybe it would be if, like,there was a mentor who knows how
things work in this country andbe like do this, do this, do
that, don't do that.
Mila (06:32):
I think that's arguable, right.
I think that a lot of peoplewho have that leadership and who
have that backing behind themand they feel you know stability
behind them, no matter what,and they have a mentor.
They have you know stabilitybehind them, no matter what, and
they have a mentor.
They have, you know, a familythat can take care of them.
Some of them may come out to besuccessful, but I think a lot
of people innately will fallback on that and not be as
(06:56):
driven and not be as ambitious.
So I think people like you andI, who have had to figure it out
ourselves to some extent thosehardships, those obstacles, I
think challenges and obstaclesin life could break you or they
could define you.
If you choose to use them asfuel to overcome and be better
(07:17):
and be greater, it could makeyou the best version of yourself
.
But a lot of people usechallenges, use obstacles and
kind of use them as a reason tofeel sorry for themselves or
feel like life is unfair to them, which it is.
It's unfair that some peoplehave it easy, are born into
(07:38):
money, are born privileged, andother people have to work their
butts off to get there.
It is unfair.
Everything is relative, sosomeone could be born into a
really poor family versussomeone born into a really
privileged family, like that'snot necessarily fair.
They don't necessarily have thesame opportunities.
I mean, I went to USD lawschool and I went to USD, even
(07:59):
though I got full ridescholarships to worse schools.
I took the USD scholarshipthinking like, because I'm an
immigrant, because I'm foreign,if I go to a worse school,
people are going to think I'mnot as smart.
And then I went to USD and fromone perspective it was amazing
because so many of my colleagueswho were in school with me were
really smart and came fromthese great families whose
(08:22):
parents were judges and parentswere lawyers.
And I'm here like immigrantfamily.
I didn't even know a lawyer inmy life, but at the same time
they had opportunities that Ididn't have.
I had to work throughout lawschool.
I think one thing I strugglewith is, I mean, obviously like
we're not super rich but we dowell.
We're not like struggling topay rent anymore, like when we
(08:45):
were growing up, but with mykids and you'll understand this
a little better when your kidsare a little older, because my
oldest is, you know, almost nineand he doesn't understand the
value of money.
And you know he has a walkathonright now and I donated money
it's tomorrow actually.
I donated like $50 and he'slike Mom, can you just donate
$400?
(09:05):
And I was like Daniel, that's alot of money.
He's like it's fine, like don'tworry about it.
He doesn't understand, and it'snot his fault.
He's never had to likeunderstand that people struggle
for money, like I did when I wasgrowing up.
So I really have to, you know,reel him in and we'll go to the
store and he'll be like I wantthis, I want that, and I have to
make him cognizant of thiscosts money.
(09:27):
We work really hard for money.
You can't just have thingsbecause you want them.
It's really difficult because,from one perspective, you want
to give your kids everythingbecause our parents couldn't do
that, and I want to justanything they want.
I'm like, yes, I don't care, Iwon't eat tomorrow, I and do
(09:47):
that, and I want to justanything they want.
I'm like, yes, I don't care, Iwon't eat tomorrow, like have
whatever you want, but on theother hand, you're not doing
them any favors by providingeverything they want, because
then they can't possibly valuethat.
And then how are they going tobe motivated to work hard if
they think money is just there.
You know.
Ilona (10:01):
Yeah, I mean, I think I'm guilty of that, that as well.
But my excuse is that mydaughter is just under five now,
so I just buy her what, whatshe wants for now.
But sometimes I'll be like Ilook at the price and I'm like,
hey, that's not worth.
This toy is not worth that much.
I can order an amazon.
So for the store.
She's like I want it, mommy.
I'm like, no, that's tooexpensive.
So then she walks around thestore saying it's's too
(10:23):
expensive, we have no money topay.
I'm like, but you know, yeah, Imake Daniel.
Mila (10:30):
Now he like has his chores .
So then you know, each day ifhe does his chores he gets a
dollar and then it goes into hispiggy bank.
But he has to do all his choreswithout complaining.
Like if he complains he doesn'tget his dollar.
It's like piano studying,reading like X amount per day
and then he has his money.
So if we go to the store and helike wants something like
sometimes he has the worst senseof fashion I have ever seen it
(10:53):
kills me, especially since, likenow, we have this glamorous
grind podcast, I feel like mykids should also be glamorous.
But he wants these like uglysweaters that are like oversized
.
They look like dresses.
I'm like I am not paying forthat kid and I'm like you can
take money out of your own piggybank and he does.
It makes him think like is thisworth you know $20 or $30?
Ilona (11:14):
That's a good way to do it.
You mentioned having disciplineand routines.
What are your routines?
Mila (11:19):
So I have crazy routines.
Everyone tells me I'm insane.
Maybe I am, I don't know, but I.
Normally my wake up time isaround three, sometimes 3.30.
And I usually work for like anhour in the morning.
I like to organize my day so Iknow what I'm doing, and then
I'm at the gym between four and4.30.
And then I'm done by like sixat the latest and take a shower
(11:44):
and I'm in the office by seven.
Ilona (11:45):
Before you had kids was your schedule and discipline or
routine the same or different it?
Mila (11:51):
was different.
It wasn't as crazy because Ihad a lot more time to like have
leeway or work out later or soI still had a pretty disciplined
schedule compared to, I think,probably most people.
Usually like Sunday's my restday from the gym.
I don't go to the gym but Iwill run and that's kind of my
time to manifest, I guess, ifyou can call it manifesting,
(12:13):
because I usually will run aboutfour miles but during that run
I'm like listening tomotivational podcasts and
thinking about kind ofeverything I want Like I think
about my cases, a lot strategyon them, how I want them to
close.
I think about kind of you know,well, now I have like two new
practice areas that I'm helpingyou build and thinking about
(12:34):
strategy on those and how towork them up.
And Sundays is my day to justlike really put everything out.
My run is usually about an hourand during that hour I like
think everything through, andduring that hour I like think
everything through.
Ilona (12:46):
Once I had children.
I think the only thing thatchanged is, instead of me
working till about two, three inthe morning, I now have to go
to bed early, which I knew, andI always said the only thing
that will make me a morningperson will be having children,
because they wake up early.
And that turned out to be true,because my one-year-olds wake
(13:08):
up at by seven in the morning,sometimes 545.
And they also wake up severaltimes through the night, and my
daughter, ella, who sleeps withme, has to be up by 730.
So I have to go to bed earlierthan I ever did in my life ever.
So I'm in bed with her by like930.
So I just have to lay there inthe dark and most of the time
(13:28):
now I fall asleep with her andthen I'll just get up in the
morning and my routine is getready to run to work, drop her
off at school Once she fallsasleep.
Sometimes, or on the weekends, Ido all my Costco Instacart, all
the ordering, because I takecare of a lot of people at my
house, so I do all my CostcoInstacart, all the ordering,
because, you know, I take careof a lot of people at my house,
so I do all my shopping and thenwork.
(13:50):
I come home three days a week,I have a trainer that comes to
my house and I work out from7.30 to 8.30.
And then, you know, spend timewith my daughter and go to bed.
But yeah, I think I have moreof a routine now than I ever had
in my life.
Mila (14:08):
I never had a routine growing up, so I feel like I
just like craved it.
I craved a routine.
Ilona (14:15):
I don't like routines.
Mila (14:17):
Like as a child, I felt I craved a routine, I wanted to go
to bed.
I mean, my mom would alwayslaugh that like, no matter where
I was.
Ilona (14:29):
I would fall asleep at nine o'clock Because that would
just be always made an excusenot to go to bed.
That I'm, and my daughter isdoing that now to like oh mom,
I'm hungry, right when it's timeto go to bed.
Mila (14:34):
And then I want her to eat .
Ilona (14:36):
So I'm like, Okay, I was opposite.
Mila (14:37):
I was like let me go to bed.
So when I you know now my kidslike 7.30, they are in bed.
I'm like I don't care what youdo, that is so early.
Yeah, it's early, they know,they know.
And they get mad at me and I'mlike too bad, I'm not your
friend, I'm your mom.
Ilona (14:52):
Let's talk about what was our mindset before right and
what do we do as adults tochange our mindset, to guide us
in a better direction, to beable to accomplish more?
Mila (15:06):
things From my end.
I think before my mindset was Iwas normal, right, it's normal
to like.
Things go wrong and you letthem get to you.
You're stuck in traffic andyou're sad and it ruins your
whole day.
Someone honks at you and you'rejust like oh, why did they honk
at me?
Ilona (15:20):
And on top of it, you'll put on some sad music that will
make you cry, which what I'velearned through this book is
change the channel.
Just put on happy music.
Don't dwell on it, don't singalong.
Just change the channel andthink of something positive,
because you can control that.
Mila (15:36):
Well now I've been reading a lot about stoicism and I
don't know if you're familiarwith the stoic mindset.
Sounds boring, but no, go ahead.
It's pretty boring, but it'shelpful, because what the stoics
think is we as humans, you know, we're basically captains of
the ship and our job as thecaptains of the ship, and like
(15:59):
life, is the ocean and the wavescome at us and we could sit
there and be pissed off that thewaves are coming and the
weather conditions suck, or wecan just focus on trying to
steer the ship in the directionand not worry about the waves in
the ocean, and that's prettygood.
Well, and that's kind of thething, right, you can't control
what happens to you, you can'tcontrol other people's behaviors
(16:21):
, you can't control outsidecircumstances, but you can
control your reaction whenthings come and hit you and
bring you down.
Are you going to let it get youdown?
Are you going to feel sorry foryourself?
Ilona (16:32):
Are you going to get up and I don't dwell on things, I
just like move on, becausewhat's the freaking point of
sitting there and being upset?
All you do is create negativeenergy.
Your stomach turns, you'reupset and you don't feel good,
like emotionally.
Physically, I just say, okay,well, this is the problem.
(16:52):
What am I going to do about it?
What can I do about it?
The question one is can I dosomething about it?
Is it within my control,something I can change in my
behavior and what I say or whatI do?
Or is it out of my controlBecause it depends on someone
else and that someone else maylisten to me, or they may not,
because they are their ownindividual and they're going to
do their own thing.
Mila (17:11):
So well, here's the thing that I always find like crazy is
that people see someone likeyou who can handle things so
well, right, like things happento you that are out of your
control and you can just be likeyou know what it's's out of my
control, I'm not gonna worryabout it.
People will see that and belike, wow, she's so lucky, she's
so lucky she's able to do that.
But no one understands that.
(17:32):
It's a mindset you have totrain in yourself and you have
to continuously remind yourself,because the second you let that
go, it's so easy to fall backin to the place where you're
letting things affect you andyou're letting things bring you
down.
Ilona (17:45):
It's normal.
We're human, like we havefeelings and you're just not.
It's hard to do 100% of thetime.
None of us do.
But I think when you see youmay get caught in this negative
energy of exerting it becauseyou were impacted by something
negative and creating more of it, then you just have to kind of
(18:09):
assess the situation what can Ido about it?
Can I do something about it ornot?
And if I can't, great do it.
Focus on doing and fixingthings rather than being mad and
upset.
You can still be mad and upset,upset, but just move on and
take action.
So think it can be a better daythat's right.
Mila (18:28):
To me, like fitness is such an imperative part of my
life of voluntarily puttingyourself through hardship
basically because fitness ishardship right it's like
difficulty on your bodyvoluntarily going in and like
thing first thing of the day, atfour in the morning, that's
what I do.
Ilona (18:46):
I can't be like you.
I hate working out, I really do, but I know I have to, because
you know, if I don't, then Iwon't look good and I have to
stay looking good and young formy family.
Mila (18:59):
There is glory in like doing things you hate to do, but
doing them like you love them.
There is glory in going indoing hard things and going
through them with a straightface.
Ilona (19:11):
It would be great if we would just look great without
all that glory.
I don't want the glory.
I don't want to work out.
Mila (19:15):
I love the glory we have to.
Ilona (19:18):
But here's the deal.
I actually made a commitment inNovember and my trainer
reminded me and sent me a videoof that the other day, because
starting March 1, I committedthat I'm gonna take my workouts
seriously and that by July Isaid I'm gonna do a photo shoot
with my trainer.
He was Mr California musclemania back in the days, or
(19:40):
whatever, he got that award.
He used to be a bigSchwarzenegger fan and I said,
Okay, I will do photo shoot withyou.
And used to be a bigSchwarzenegger fan.
And I said, Okay, I will dophotoshoot with you.
And he's training my boyfriend,we'll do a photoshoot together.
Mila (19:50):
So now I'm envisioning posters.
I'll do another photoshoot withyou.
Okay, we can do a third one.
Ilona (19:53):
We have a garage and we have Arnold Schwarzenegger
posters around it.
So now I'm like, okay, I want aposter of us there and I want a
picture and I want it to be,you know, real.
That's how I look, notphotoshopped.
I'm gonna be good startingMarch 1st and we'll see where we
get.
But I'm saying this nowpublicly, because you mentioned
discipline and I'm notdisciplined and I'll have to be
(20:13):
disciplined this is your chanceto execute your mindset.
Mila (20:17):
To me, fitness, like the looking good part, is like such
a I mean, it's a part of it forsure.
I I love like being lean andlooking good, but so much more
of it is training myself to dohard things and kind of kicking
my own ass.
Like first thing in the day Ilike kick my own ass.
So then anytime any otherbattle comes before, me like
anyone who's like up against me.
(20:38):
I'm like, okay, I alreadykicked my own ass this morning,
let's do this.
Ilona (20:41):
I don't need to kick my own ass and work out to be able
to do that, Like when it comesdiscipline to work.
I can sit for 12 hours straightand not get out from the chair.
If I have a deadline or if Ihave anything I get shit done.
Mila (20:51):
I like push through when we, when I have like full on
fights with opposing counsel,I'm like ready for it and I'm
like you're gonna get tired.
Before me my favorite quote isby Will Smith and he goes you
know, I may not be smarter thanyou, I may not be better looking
than you, but if you get on atreadmill next to me, one of two
things will happen you will getoff that treadmill first, or I
(21:14):
will die on that treadmillbecause I will not give up
before you.
And that like is my mentality inlife, like whoever I'm up
against, whatever I'm up against, good luck, because you will
get tired before me.
Ilona (21:26):
I feel like I mean, I've always said that nobody cannot
work me when it comes to mycases and I feel like when I was
a new lawyer I didn't know thelaw very well and I went against
many experienced trialattorneys, but in most of my
cases I won because I knew myfacts, I was prepared, I was
overprepared because I wasscared to lose and I hate losing
(21:47):
and I did everything.
So you know, there are manysmart people out there, but I
think hard work and wanting towin and that desire and hating
to lose and being creative inyour legal arguments, thinking,
you know, outside the box, Ithink that's kind of the key to
being successful in practicinglaw.
(22:08):
A long time ago, when I was anew lawyer, I ended up picking
up this case that was aired onChannel 10 News because my
client ended up having a childthat was unfortunately born
stillborn and they wanted tobury the child and the hospital
(22:29):
and a doctor wouldn't finalizethe death certificate and put
the cause of death.
The doctor was too busy.
When I deposed him.
There were tons of excuses whyhe didn't get around to it.
Hospital had excuses.
We sued both the doctor and thehospital, but this poor family
couldn't put the death of theirbaby to rest for months.
(22:51):
We ended up filing a lawsuit.
My client was living in theUnited States at the time, also
had residence in Mexico, inTijuana.
She had like eight otherchildren.
And you know, in a litigationproceeding we get served with
form interrogatories.
There are questions for theother side to assess the
(23:15):
strength of your case andevidence and information and
documents you may have tosupport your case and the
elements of the law.
They're signed under penalty ofperjury.
So one of the questions washave you ever been convicted of
a felony?
So you know we respond inwriting at a translator.
I speak Spanish too, so werespond she signs under penalty
(23:38):
of perjury.
No, I've never been convictedof a felony.
Great, all good.
Well, what did I learn close totrial?
She had a felony conviction.
I was like what's going on?
You told me you had no, younever been convicted or arrested
for anything.
And lesson learned Turns outshe was trying to smuggle some
(23:59):
drugs from Puerto Rico and gotbusted at the airport and lost
her green card.
So now I have invested.
At that time I was a new lawyerand during this trial I had to
designate experts and thisclient would sometimes go
missing and I had no way toreach them.
(24:20):
I had no choice but to stay onthe case and hire all these
experts.
I had to put $60,000, you knowout of my pocket in this case,
not knowing if I have a client,if she's going to cooperate.
It was pretty messy, buteventually we get to the time of
trial and she cannot come here.
So I file a motion with thecourt and I say your Honor, I
(24:43):
need this would happen.
My client would be violatingfederal law if she's going to
illegally cross and come toUnited States because she has no
papers.
And at that point 2007, thejudge denies my.
I said can't she appearvirtually?
Can't she testify through videoat trial, like we have Zoom
(25:04):
right now, like we have courtcall?
And the judge says no, msAntonian, technology and the
legislature have not caught upwith each other.
So I'm going to deny yourmotion and you're welcome to
file for an appeal and changethe law if you'd like.
What I did is I hired a videocameraman here in the United
States, I took a depositioncourt reporter and I traveled to
(25:28):
Mexico Instead of presenting myentire case and exhibits at the
time of trial.
Like you'd normally do in frontof a jury, I had to show all my
cards to both defense counsel inadvance, pretty much doing my
entire case through a deposition, hoping that I'll be able to
(25:48):
use that video deposition at atime of trial.
Somehow I showed my entire caseto the other side.
Here comes trial.
I have my client's husband onthe stand and he was as dry as a
rock.
I mean, he would show like noemotion, he would just answer
yes or no, which sometimes canbe good, but in this case was
not that great when it comes toemotional distress, damages and
(26:11):
ultimately, um, what happened iswe won the jury trial.
We got a verdict against thedoctor and against the hospital.
Eventually, you know, throughthe man letters etc.
They were able to get the body.
Oh, you know what?
We sued the cremation facilitybecause they wouldn't release
the body, because they neededthe certificate and the body was
(26:32):
actually cremated and theyweren't releasing it.
So the family didn't get tobury the baby.
Mila (26:36):
So what do you think?
Can you have it all?
Or is that just a marketingmyth?
Ilona (26:41):
I think, based on experience, you can have it all,
but just not all at once.
See, having it all like.
As women, what do we want?
It's different at differentstages in life.
When I was younger, I wanted toget married, find this guy
who's going to sweep me off myfeet and be so romantic and tall
and handsome and all that stuffright.
I had a whole checklist of whatI wanted.
Mila (27:01):
I think that changes as you grow and develop right a
whole checklist of what I wanted.
I think that changes as yougrow and develop, right, like
what you want and what you mayhave thought was really, you
know, inspiring when you're atone age may not be the same at
another age, but I couldn't haveit all because my business was
my baby and it took so much ofmy time, like from 2005 till
(27:23):
2019.
Ilona (27:23):
Like I said, I worked six , seven days a week and I was
around the clock almost, and Istill, you know, made time to
have a good time here and there,but it wouldn't be possible.
There wasn't enough time in aday for me to have a successful
relationship, have all this timeto go, hang out and do all
these things and see the worldwhich would be great and also
(27:44):
have a business.
And then, you know, did Ieventually meet somebody who
offered me that that I wasmarried to for only four months?
Because he ended up being crazy?
Yes, but I think I was smartenough, being a divorce attorney
, to know that I'm not justgoing to close my law firm or
not go into a partnership andnot pursue what I've already
(28:05):
devoted, at that point, 10 yearsof my life to and just rely on
a guy to.
You know, take me traveling andbuy me things.
Because what I see happening towomen and it can happen to men
too is that if you lose who youare, if you give up your career,
if you're not really sure thatthis marriage is going to 100%
(28:29):
work because only time showsright.
If you can make it throughdifficult times together or not,
then you can find yourself withnothing.
You can be dumped, leftstruggling, having to fight for
spouse support, having torebuild from scratch, and you
could have children on top ofthat, so life could be very
(28:51):
difficult.
So my advice to people outthere is don't give up who you
are, what you are and whatyou've built.
Pursue it.
Don't get too comfortable inlife, because you never know
when shit is going to hit thefan.
You don't.
It could be in personal life.
You could have a really greathusband or boyfriend, but you
know things happen.
Somebody could die and they maynot have life insurance and you
(29:14):
have to figure things out onyour own.
There could be somebody comingalong that may take that person
away from you.
You know it's possible.
The lesson is have it allwithin yourself so you can be
self-reliant.
Rely on yourself to the extentpossible.
Mila (29:32):
And I think about this a lot that success is so different
for every person, depending ontheir personality and who they
are and what they're passionateabout.
Some people may find success injust having a family and other
women can't, or other men can'tfind success unless they also
have a career that's reallystable.
(29:53):
I also feel that you can haveit all, but not at the same time
.
I think to me as I've grown anddeveloped as a mom and an
attorney and I've noticed thatwork-life balance is kind of a
fallacy.
Every time I try to chase abalance it fails and it makes me
feel like a failure becauseit's more of a teeter-totter.
Ilona (30:17):
I think it's been popularized, that's how it like.
Everybody's like oh yeah, wehave work-life balance here.
Okay, if you do nine to five,okay.
But most lawyers they can donine to five if they're good
lawyers, if they have years ofexperience, if they're seasoned
and they have answers right awaywithout having to do additional
research and they've been there, done there right.
Mila (30:36):
Most good lawyers, ambitious lawyers, don't work a
nine to five job.
Ilona (30:39):
Right, they don't.
You can't be good if that'swhat you're going to be, Well,
and that's the thing Like to meit's work-life integration.
Mila (30:47):
I feel like it's a teeter-totter, Like especially
when you have a family andyou're a successful entrepreneur
, whether you're a lawyer Ithink most lawyers are
entrepreneurs because so much ofour job is marketing ourselves,
no matter who we work for, wehave to brand ourselves if we
want to be successful.
And it's a teeter-totter Insome weeks your family needs
(31:09):
more of you and you're a littlebit less of a lawyer, because
you can't put that 70 hours aweek in like you normally do.
And then other weeks you're intrial or your caseload is insane
and you have to put more intowork and you're kind of a shitty
parent, True, and like yourkids have to learn that, like
you're doing that because you'retrying to work really hard to
provide them a better future andI think the acceptance of that,
(31:32):
the teeter-totter and thework-life integration, has made
me feel so much better.
because then, if I have to givemore to family and I'm not as
present at work, I don't feel asguilty.
If I have to give more to workand I'm not as present at home,
I don't feel as guilty.
If I have to give more to workand I'm not as present at home,
I don't feel as guilty because Iknow that both are important
for me, for my success.
Ilona (31:52):
You just gotta do the best you can every day.
I mean, I think when you have afamily, you obviously love and
care about your family and Ithink you wanna be with them,
right.
But when you also have a careeron top of that, you with them,
right.
But when you also have a careeron top of that, you want to be
good at what you do and not loseyour spark and not lose your
edge and remain a good lawyer.
And to do that you have to keepgoing and practice, because if
(32:13):
you don't practice, if you know,then they'll.
You know, you'll get rusty.
Mila (32:19):
You know they.
I think you have to bepassionate in whatever it is
that you do.
And I remember hearing thisquote about Poverati, the opera
singer, and they were just like,oh my goodness, you're so
ambitious, you're so passionate,because he would just like
practice around the clock.
And he was like it's notpractice, this is devotion.
I'm devoted to my craft, like Iwork hard every single day to
(32:43):
put myself into what I dobecause I love it so much and I
feel like no matter what you do,what your career is, if you
enjoy what you do and you findpurpose in it, you're going to
be good in it.
Ilona (32:55):
Can you have it all?
What is the all for you?
Like, what do you want?
Because maybe this one person,a man or a woman, just wants one
thing, and that's not hard todo to be devoted to one thing.
If you don't care about havingfamily, if you don't care about
hanging out with friends orhaving close friends, if you
don't care about traveling, ifyou don't care about focusing on
your health, like if you don'thave all these different aspects
(33:17):
, like, oh, you don't care aboutspirituality or whatever else
people are into then it's easyto be damn good at one thing.
That's all you got, or youbetter be good at it right For
me personally.
Mila (33:27):
I have this.
I mean it's a blessing and acurse, but I can't half-ass
anything.
I can't.
Every time I've tried, I justfeel awful about it.
I have to put my like heart andsoul into everything I do
When's like with my kids.
When it's cooking, I can't stopuntil like the table is so full
(33:47):
you can't see the tablecloth.
When I'm working, I can't stopunless I'm like fighting
everyone and getting like thebest results for my client.
When it's with my kids, it's Ijust can't.
I'm like so passionate, I haveso much like fire in my soul.
I just want to put everythinginto everything but for that's
having it all.
But like people look at me andthey're like you're insane, stop
.
Ilona (34:13):
Yeah, it's like, it's for you, like you have your alls
that are important to you, rightAll these different components
and make it your all for you andthat's your all right now.
It'll be different in anotherfive years.
Your children grow older.
You know they go to college,etc.
In another five years yourchildren grow older.
Don't tell me that they go tocollege, et cetera.
And you know, same thing it'slike for everybody.
You take a snippet of our liferight now.
What is the all right now?
What do you have when you haveyoung children?
You don't have time.
(34:33):
I mean, okay, I guess you cansay in a perfect world you could
have time for romance and allthat stuff.
Mila (34:38):
I haven't had a movie in eight years.
I haven't.
I mean I got one massage in thelast seven years.
Ilona (34:45):
You and I went together remember.
Mila (34:46):
Yes, so it's like, but like, those things for a lot of
people are non-negotiable.
It's like, oh, I have to get afacial every two weeks, or else,
because it's like supersoothing for them.
Ilona (34:56):
Fortunately, you look good and I wouldn't be able to
tell you haven't had a facial ina decade.
Mila (35:01):
I use beef beef tallow as moisturizer.
You know what that is?
What beef tallow tallow?
No, it's uh, it's literallybeef and it smells like meat.
So, like, my face smells likemeat.
But it's amazing, it's the bestmoisturizer.
Ilona (35:14):
It's okay, it's cow fat, put some liver on it I have a
recipe for you take a littlemixer, put some chicken liver,
put on your face.
Take a little mixer, put somechicken liver, put it on your
face.
I'm a little bit of a witch.
I eat liver every day.
It reminds me of like back inthe former Soviet Union, because
we didn't have hairconditioners and people made
funny recipes to make their hairsoft.
(35:35):
And I remember one time one ofthe recipes was you take a
couple of eggs, you put in mayoyes, I remember this mayo, and I
think you might have had to putsome pee in it too I don't
remember and it's supposed tomake your hair soft.
Mila (35:49):
That brings us to the end of this episode of the Glamorous
Grind.
Ilona (35:53):
Success isn't just about the dream.
It's about doing Until the nexttime.
I want to share a quote I enjoywhen one door closes, another
opens.
But we often look so long andso regretfully upon the closed
door that we do not see the onewhich has opened for us.
That was Alexander Graham Bell.
Mila (36:11):
If you're ready to level up in your career or your
relationship legally andstrategically, make sure you're
subscribed to the GlamorousGrind Stay bold, stay fierce and
we'll see you next week on theGlamorous Grind.
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