June 17, 2025 • 40 mins
If you or someone you love is experiencing domestic violence, abuse, or trauma—this episode could change everything.
This week on The Glamorous Grind, attorneys Ilona Antonyan and Mila Arutunian go inside One Safe Place North County, a trauma-informed Family Justice Center serving survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, child abuse, elder abuse, human trafficking, and more.
Joining them is Claudio Grasso, former Chief of the Family Protection Division and now Director of One Safe Place, who shares the heartbreaking realities survivors face and how this center provides life-saving wraparound care—including a new pro bono legal services program.
🎙️ What you’ll learn:
How One Safe Place supports survivors with legal, medical, and emotional resources
The real impact of domestic violence on families and children
Why restraining orders and custody help are often out of reach—and how that’s changing
The power of trauma-informed child advocacy and forensic interviews
How generational cycles of abuse can finally be broken
👉 Share this episode—it might literally save a life.
📍 Need help in San Diego? Visit One Safe Place North County.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ilona (00:01):
We're here in North County at One Safe Place, a
trauma-informed center offeringwraparound care for survivors
and families.
Mila (00:09):
Today we're proud to announce our legal partnership,
bringing pro bono legal servicesdirectly to survivors when and
where they need it most.
We're excited not only toprovide legal services, but also
get the word out into thecommunity that this type of
center even exists.
Claudia (00:29):
What impressed me the most when I came here were,
aside from the facility and allthe people that are working here
and all the people that arevolunteering were the numbers.
How many people needed aconsultation?
How many people came in with?
No understanding of theirrights.
Ilona (00:44):
This partnership means, from restraining orders to
custody protection.
We'll be here present, preparedand compassionate.
When I see people who filerestraining orders on their own,
or it's parties on their ownthat get denied, it's because
they don't have sufficient proof.
Although they have it in theirphone, they may have it in their
email, they didn't know thatit's important to present now.
They'll help you put it alltogether to present a strong
(01:08):
evidence package for the court.
I love that they haveeverything in one place to get
help for yourself and your kids.
Mila (01:14):
To me, One Safe Place represents a beacon of hope.
I have seen victims of domesticabuse stay, not because they
wanted to stay, but because theydid not know they had an option
to leave and if you or someoneyou know needs help, share this
episode.
Ilona (01:30):
It might save a life.
When someone walks into onesafe place, they might be
fleeing abuse, leaving withnothing but a child in hand.
What they need is clarity,protection and immediate action.
Mila (01:50):
Securing a restraining order, protecting child custody
or navigating divorce isoverwhelming, even on your best
day.
Imagine doing that in crisis.
If you or someone you know hasbeen a victim of domestic abuse
and you don't know where to turnor where to go next, this
episode is for you.
Thank you for being here.
(02:12):
So why don't you tell us alittle bit about One Safe Place?
Claudia (02:25):
Of course, one Safe Place is truly the vision and
dream of our elected DA, summerSteffen, my boss, to build this
Family Justice Center for SanDiego County where we provide
services wraparound services forvictims of domestic violence,
sexual assault, humantrafficking, elder abuse, child
abuse, even hate crimes and gangviolence.
It's a one-stop shop and theidea behind it is that victims
(02:47):
become overwhelmed and tired andreally just lose their steam
when they have to drive fromplace to place to place to get
services.
Mila (02:58):
So why don't you tell us a little bit about your
background?
I know you were a formerdistrict attorney, so tell us
about that.
How'd you get into that?
Well, technically I'm still aformer district attorney, so
tell us about that.
How'd you get into that?
Claudia (03:05):
Well, technically I'm still a deputy district attorney
, so I have been with the SanDiego District Attorney's Office
for 22 years as a prosecutor,mostly in the Family Protection
Division, which prosecutes casesof domestic violence, child
abuse, elder abuse and evenanimal abuse, because there's a
(03:26):
big correlation between domesticviolence and animal abuse.
Interesting, and so I.
My last assignment was chief ofthe Family Protection Division
and when we opened this centerSummer, stephan asked me to
transfer out of the courtroom torun this.
It's a passion of mine and I amso grateful to her that she
(03:49):
allows me to work in somethingI'm so passionate about.
Mila (03:52):
I can tell just from the few instances we met how
passionate you are about thisand helping victims.
Claudia (03:58):
Not to get too personal , but in childhood I come from a
family, that a very largefamily.
I have 97 first cousins.
Oh my gosh, holy moly.
My mom is one of 13.
My dad's one of eight, andgrowing up half the family was
in Mexico, half the family.
We grew up in LA and there wasdomestic violence.
(04:21):
That happened not in myimmediate family but in our
extended family, where I sawaunts with black eyes, with
bruises, and it was always sweptunder the rug.
It was a family issue and itwas always.
If only you would do this.
I would hear my aunt say ifonly you just oh, it just
(04:42):
happens when he gets drunk, justhide his alcohol or you know,
just get his dinner on time andit'll be better.
And it was always excusing itor victim blaming.
And obviously you don't as achild, you don't recognize or
you don't really know what ishappening.
Or it becomes normal Right,normalized a way of life, and so
(05:07):
um, and also it'sintergenerational.
Uh, that is what girls seegrowing up, and and then the
cycle repeats and I have cousinswho jumped right into
relationships with domesticviolence they have have a lot of
clients in family law.
Ilona (05:26):
They leave one boyfriend or husband and then they get
into another relationship.
And more restraining orders,more domestic violence.
And then they have childrenwith them.
To make things worse.
Claudia (05:37):
And it truly is a cycle .
I mean, unfortunately, early inmy career there were kiddos
named in police reports thatfive, seven years later I saw
them as um defendants and namedvictims in um police reports
coming, you know, um and webriefly we briefly talked about
(06:00):
this in terms of likechildbearing before we started
shooting is you know, kids willmirror what they see because
that's all they know and that'swhat they think is normal.
Mila (06:10):
And you could be in a household like that and try to
instill different values in yourchildren, but it's not going to
work because they're alwaysgoing to follow what they see.
Claudia (06:19):
That is going to become their normal exactly, and that
is what love looks like for themwith violence, and so they
repeat it unless we get in thereand break that cycle and teach
about healthy relationships andin family court proceedings,
when you get a restraining orderagainst someone, the judge has
the authority to order a 52 weekdomestic violence program
(06:42):
through the San Diego probatedepartment.
Ilona (06:44):
Domestic violence program through the San Diego Probate.
Claudia (06:47):
Department.
Do you think that helps people?
So we have the equivalent inthe criminal law.
So every state of Californiamandates every person convicted
of domestic violence a domesticviolence related offense that is
placed on probation.
A condition of probation is totake the 52-week domestic
(07:07):
violence recovery program.
You know, I think that it worksfor individuals if they're
committed, If they are committedto change, if they're committed
to really take it seriously andnot just sit there as something
they have to do and just wallthemselves off.
Obviously, if you're not opento it it's not going to work,
(07:28):
Nothing's going to work.
But if you are committed andopen, we have had success
stories of families reunitingand successfully without
violence.
I think it's a lot.
The individual, I think it'show much you get out of it.
I think.
Ilona (07:47):
I feel like sometimes people just do it to put a
checkbox.
They've completed it because infamily court there's a
presumption that it isdetrimental to the best interest
of the children for theperpetrator of domestic violence
to share in physical and legalcustody of the children until
they have completed the 52-weekdomestic violence program and
sometimes when they get at leastthrough half of it.
(08:08):
But most, or I would say atleast half of them still do it
again.
Claudia (08:17):
Also to recognize is many times there are other
routes for the violence.
There's alcohol that needs tobe addressed.
Drug use, substance abuse thatmaybe needs to be addressed.
There's trauma.
There's trauma that was neveraddressed and that could be a
huge factor too.
Ilona (08:36):
You mean their childhood trauma they're bringing into
their adult life.
Yes, therapy.
Claudia (08:40):
Yes, yes, that never got therapy.
They grew up either victims ofchild abuse or watching.
You know trauma from watchingdomestic violence in the home,
trauma that they carry and theycarry into relationships and
that is never addressed, is it?
Ever too late to address it.
I don't think so.
(09:01):
I don't think it's ever toolate.
Even so, at One Safe Place wehave a grief therapist that when
someone in a family losessomeone to murder, they come in
and have grief therapy, whichdoes that erase or bring someone
back?
No, absolutely not.
But it helps with the learningto live life without that person
(09:26):
, without your loved one.
Ilona (09:27):
Part of what you did before you went to One Safe
Place is that you prosecutedchild molestation cases.
Yes, you said you were veryoverprotective of your children.
Can you talk a little bit aboutthat and what you see and how
do you help at one safe place tovictims who come?
Claudia (09:46):
Yes, of course.
Yes.
I prosecuted many cases ofchild molest, child abuse, and
what I learned very quickly isthat over 90% of those cases,
the perpetrator is someone thechild knows, someone that is in
a position of trust, someonethat began by grooming the child
(10:07):
, by endearing and trustingthemselves, you know, with the
child, and then the moleststarted.
And so what we do at One SafePlace is we are a nationally
accredited child advocacy center, and what that means is when a
(10:29):
child well, first of all, weconduct all the forensic
interviews for the North Countyof San Diego, in San Diego if a
child 13 and under reports abuse, whether it be physical or
sexual, best practice is to havea forensic interview where a
trained interviewer can ask thechild, in their own development,
(10:51):
their own language, their ownage, appropriate words, what
happened to them, and empowerthe child to tell us what
happened to them so we can buildthis case against the
perpetrator.
Ilona (11:06):
I remember when you were giving me a tour.
For me it was sad to walkthrough that part of your office
because you know that thepeople who were there came with
trauma and it's so nice you'rehelping them, but just to know
that there was a child sittingthere that was traumatized by
some asshole and now has tocarry that with them their whole
(11:26):
life, like when you walk intothe room, it's impactful.
But what I wanted to just sayis that you have that forensic
room, similar to what they haveat Polinsky Center or Radiesse
Children's Hospital, right wherethey do these exams, and you
also have detectives on site aswell.
That document, what happened tothem, prosecute Detectives and
therapists.
Mila (11:47):
You have therapists as well, yes, so you're able to do
a physical examination, a mentalexamination, and what I loved
more than anything is that youcould do it all at once, because
there's cameras in the room sothat therapists standing on the
outside could observe.
Claudia (12:01):
They wouldn't have to re-ask similar questions that
detectives asked, because youknow, as moms we all know like
you don't want to put kidsthrough that more than you have
to exactly, and the goal is thatthe child will only have to do
one interview and that interviewbecomes the piece of evidence
so everyone else can share thatinformation and that child does
(12:24):
not have to sit through multipleinterviews.
And that's just the first stepof the journey.
Once that happens, then thehealing starts, and it is, and
then we offer therapy forchildren, specifically for
children with trauma, impactedby trauma, and everything you do
(12:46):
is free, right?
Yes, everything is no cost, andthat's the goal.
We have 110 partners at OneSafe Place, including us
Including you, I love it.
And with a caveat thateverything is no cost for our
victims and their families.
Mila (13:05):
So I think to me, the most powerful thing about the center
and there's so much beauty inwhat you guys are doing, it's so
powerful but it's that itprovides a voice to people who
otherwise would be voiceless.
I think that one of and I alsoin my family there was domestic
violence, and I also in myfamily there was domestic
(13:26):
violence.
And I think a lot of timesespecially women, especially if
they're not the breadwinners ina relationship or maybe they
have no income they don't see away out.
They don't understand thatthere is a way to walk away from
it and still be okay.
They think if they walk away,their lives are going to fall
apart and they're going to beleft with nothing and their kids
(13:47):
will be hungry and they'll haveno resources.
They'll be out on the streetsand one safe place is a place
where, literally, they can go,get free services, file a police
report, get a restraining order, like you guys even have a
virtual courtroom where they cango in so that they don't have
to face their attacker and, withan attorney's assistance, get a
(14:10):
restraining order against themso they don't have to see them
again.
Claudia (14:13):
First and foremost, there are so many barriers for
women and men leaving an abusiverelationship.
Financial is probably thebiggest, but there's also
cultural.
There's also family pressure,pets not wanting to leave your
pets behind.
There's so many reasonings whypeople don't leave.
(14:35):
Also, statistics show us thatpeople leave an average of seven
times and go back and forthbefore they actually finally
leave Again.
Because and that's whereproviding services that are
non-judgmental, that aredignified no one in our center
(14:55):
will say, well, just leave, whyare you going back?
I mean that's not helpfulbecause everybody's situation is
different.
Now, yes, we provide wraparoundservices that are needed when
you leave.
Housing is probably the biggest.
Where will I go?
(15:16):
Where will I take my children?
Now, san Diego County, we'revery fortunate that we have
housing that's specific todomestic violence victims,
specific to human traffickingvictims, where they're not mixed
with a homeless population.
And these homes, these shelters, are dignified, are beautiful,
(15:40):
invested in a homeless I'm sorry, a domestic violence shelter
called Casa Mariposa, where it'ssolely referrals from the two
family justice centers your safeplace and one safe place.
So Summer Stephan, again in herwisdom and compassion in seeing
this, that's where we arebuilding our bridge housing.
(16:01):
So it's not a shelter.
It is kind of a temporary,short term place where someone
can go again dignified,beautiful, it is a wonderful
space in while they wait for ashelter bed if there is none
available.
Ilona (16:19):
You say shelter bed.
Let's say it's a woman with twochildren that wants to escape a
home where she's sufferingdomestic violence.
Is she going to get a bed or acouple of beds for her children
that are surrounded by otherstrangers, or is there going to
be a room with the bed?
Yeah, and.
Claudia (16:37):
I'm sorry.
I say beds because that's howshelters count.
You know how many they canhouse.
Every shelter, every domesticviolence shelter, has private
rooms.
They are actual rooms, like,for example, our bridge housing
in Casa Maniposa, and othershave rooms with two, three beds.
Casa Maniposa, for example, hastwo sets of bunk beds.
(17:01):
So, yes, a mother and herchildren can go there and the
families stay together.
Our bridge housing, each roomactually is interconnected so if
it's a bigger family, they canstay connected.
So, yes, I say beds becausethat's how we count them, but
there are housed within bedrooms.
(17:23):
Again, that provides access totheir bathrooms and storage
space and what they need untilthey can get back on their feet.
And once they are in a shelter,it's not the okay, you know
you're here and then you have toleave.
It's the now.
The continued services,continued case management,
continued therapy and continuedokay, let's.
(17:47):
How can we get you to stand onyour own two feet?
Let's see opportunities foremployment, opportunities for
benefits and to transition intothat either transitional or
permanent housing that can helpnot have to go back.
Ilona (18:05):
Can someone who makes a good living seek services,
although they can afford to getthem elsewhere on their own.
Claudia (18:12):
You make a wonderful point that domestic violence
does not discriminate.
It happens to everyone.
It happens to the wealthiest,it happens to the poorest, it
happens to every race, everyclass, everyone.
It impacts everyone.
We see that multi-generationsteen dating violence in our
(18:34):
elderly.
It does not discriminate.
At One Safe Place, no, there isno barrier as to who can access
services, because, yes, somebodycan have a good living or
somebody can come from a familyof means, but maybe their entire
assets are frozen by the otherparty or they just can't
(18:55):
navigate.
Many times we do get women, andit's mostly women.
We recognize that men can alsobe victims.
But at One Safe Place, about70% of the people that walk
through our doors are women andtheir children.
About 70% of the people thatwalk through our doors are women
and their children victims ofdomestic violence.
We get women that are attorney,realtors, professionals that
(19:18):
lived with the violence for solong for shame for again just
feeling that sense of I couldnot make it work, that it was my
fault, the lack of self-worth,self-dignity that comes with
being abused for so long.
(19:39):
And when I say abused, it's notjust physical.
Domestic abuse can bepsychological, can be sexual,
can be verbal, can be financial.
There's so much that goes intoan abusive relationship, not
just the violence, and yes,anyone can come into One Safe
Place to get services.
Ilona (19:56):
How do they get started?
Do they call a phone number andhow does the assessment work
for you to determine whatservices they need?
Claudia (20:05):
One Safe Place is open from 8 in the morning to 6 pm at
night, monday through Fridays,and Saturday mornings from 8 to
12, the first Saturday of everymonth.
We are purely a walk-in basis,so anyone can walk in whenever
they are ready.
We do that because you neverknow when you're going to be
ready.
You never know when someone isgoing to have an incident of
(20:28):
violence and need to leave rightaway and go to a center where
they can get help.
We even have law enforcementofficers that from the scene of
crimes, bring victims to us fromincidents that just occurred.
So we are a walk-in basis andpeople walk in and the first
thing to do is an intake.
(20:48):
In that intake we do two thingswe do a safety plan and we do a
needs assessment.
Safety plan is first andforemost.
Ilona (20:58):
Is safety plan the one that's through child welfare
services, only if they havechildren, or safety plan even if
they come without children?
Claudia (21:05):
Safety plan is for everyone and safety plan looks
different depending on yoursituation.
So for us, in an instant, ifsomebody comes in victim of
domestic violence, the firstthing we ask is do you think
anybody followed you here?
Let's you know.
Let's turn off our phones.
We give out Faraday bags.
Faraday bags are bags thatdisable electronics.
(21:27):
So if somebody puts anyelectronic in that bag and seals
it, it loses its completeability to be tracked.
For anybody to find someone, rdainvestigators routinely sweep
cars for trackers.
We've had kids come into onesafe place and tell us oh, my
daddy got me a new bracelet andthere's a tracker on the
(21:48):
bracelet.
So stalking has become sosophisticated, and so that's
first and foremost to to blockthat ability for that victim to
be found.
We also focus on strangulation.
If somebody comes in, if awoman, a man, tells us that they
were strangled, that increasesthe risk of homicide by 700%,
(22:09):
and so we have to make sure thatfirst of all, they get a
medical exam to make sure thatthey're okay, but also to talk
about the increased risk.
Because, if you think about it,strangulation is such a personal
form of violence.
You are looking at someone intheir eyes and you mean to do
harm when you are stranglingsomeone.
(22:30):
And then another thing we focusis obviously firearms.
If somebody has been threatenedby firearms, that of course
increases the risk justastronomically.
And so we have had instanceswhere we find out, for example,
the perpetrator is bailing outin that moment they're getting,
they have access to firearms andthat victim needs to get out of
(22:53):
San Diego County and we havethe ability to send them.
You know, if they have a familystructure in another state, if
we've also worked with sheltersin other counties to place them
outside of San Diego Countybecause the risk is that high.
So that's the importance ofmeasuring the risk and making
(23:14):
sure that we have that safetyplan before we do anything,
before any services.
Mila (23:19):
I have a very logistical question.
Just because I know thatvictims of domestic violence it
could be domestic violence,that's not a criminal act, like
you know financial abuse oremotional abuse can a person
take their children and leavetheir family home and bring them
(23:43):
into a shelter if their partnerhas not committed a crime like?
Do do the other partners evercome after them to try and get
the children?
I would assume that they couldprobably call the police and say
my wife or my husband took mykids and left.
How does that?
Claudia (23:59):
work.
So domestic abuse, yes, haslooks very differently.
You know you can havepsychological, you can have
verbal, you can have financial.
Now, as far as what is a crime,it's nuanced, it depends.
Obviously every violence is acrime.
Under domestic violence,financial abuse, I mean code
(24:35):
section for child abuse, even amisdemeanor, child abuse 273AB,
that says emotional stress to achild.
You know that can be a crime ifyou're causing trauma to that
child.
Now, verbal abuse can causetrauma to a child.
Ilona (24:53):
Should we prosecute under that code section?
Claudia (24:55):
So we do.
We do charge that inconjunction with domestic
violence.
When we have domestic violence,a lot of people, you know a lot
of victims, will say, well, thechildren weren't hit, you know,
but they were in the roomsitting there watching this
violence between their parents.
Let's just give that for anexample Hearing the screaming,
(25:18):
hearing the yelling many wereclinging to their mom's legs
where all of those things arewatching that they're crying.
That is emotional trauma, thatis emotional suffering and yes,
we add that that code there forfor children.
Now, one thing about One SafePlace is you do not need a
(25:40):
police report or you do not needto report to police in order to
get services, and so that isnot contingent about it.
So if someone comes to us andsays, look, I need services,
I've been a victim of abuse, butI don't want to report to
police, I don't want lawenforcement involved, we honor
(26:01):
and respect that.
Ilona (26:03):
And you also mentioned that you help people regardless
of their immigration status.
Can you talk about that?
Claudia (26:10):
Yes, Immigration doesn't even necessarily come up
.
You know, we do not ask yourimmigration status, we don't ask
race, we don't ask thosequestions.
When it does come up at ourcenter is if a member and we
call our victims members they'relooking through our menu of
services and they can see thatwe have immigration attorneys on
(26:33):
site that help with U visas, Tvisas those are visas that are
connected to victimization.
A T visa connects itself tohuman trafficking victims.
(26:57):
If they were labor or sexuallytrafficked, they may qualify for
a visa.
So we have those immigrationattorneys that may help with
those.
The Mexican consulate is apartner at One Safe Place and
they have wonderful programs fornationals that provide services
(27:17):
.
Or, for example, a form ofabuse is to take all of your
partner's documentation, becausethat is just a form like well,
you don't have anything thatproves who you are, so that
means I control you.
In the end, domestic violenceis about power and control, and
so having our county partners,having the Mexican consulate,
(27:38):
can help with obtainingdocumentations that have been
taken away.
Ilona (27:44):
What other partners do you have under your?
Claudia (27:46):
roof.
So with 110 partners, we haveso many services that we can
provide.
I would say the top five needsthat we see coming in and out
are restraining orders isprobably the number one people
needing restraining orders,connections to shelter, food,
(28:08):
clothing and therapy.
Ilona (28:09):
Oh, you showed us you have a nice shop there too.
Yeah, you can talk about that,yes, of course.
Claudia (28:14):
So we routinely get families that arrive to us with
just the clothing on their back.
They left the situation thatday, or an officer brought them
to us because the safety reasonsto us, because the safety
reasons, and so what we do tohelp them when they go to a
shelter but really have nothing,is we are able to provide them
(28:37):
with seven days worth ofclothing.
We also have keep hygienebackpacks, so backpacks with
shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste, everything that a
woman or a man or a child wouldneed to get started.
In our donations room we alsokeep diapers, wipes, formula,
all those things for babies, forchildren, and toys and toys and
(28:58):
blankets.
It's especially hard for a childto have to leave everything
behind.
So, via our partners, theyprovide books, they provide
blankets.
Does that make it all better?
No, but at least children cango to a shelter, to their new
place of stay, with somethingthat they can call their own.
(29:21):
Now, our boutique.
I sometimes refer to it as ourdignity room, because that is a
place where somebody that comesin that has been stripped of
their dignity, of theirself-worth, because of just
long-time abuse, can come in andchoose a pretty dress, a nice
handbag, nice shoes.
(29:44):
And our case managers routinelysay you are worth this, you are
worth this suit for your jobinterview, You're worth this
prom dress.
We see girls at the center,high school girls that are
victims of teen dating violenceand again would not be able to
(30:04):
go to prom.
But for us, you know, providinga dress for them, Easter
dresses for you know, dressesfor children that mamas can come
and get.
So it's a boutique of dignitythat really sends that message
you are worth it, you matter andwe are here to help you on that
(30:27):
journey.
Ilona (30:28):
And you mentioned teen dating violence.
When you were giving me a tour,you explained that teens from
high schools that are indomestic violence relationships
with their boyfriends or viceversa, can come to you and not
involve their parents but gethelp Right how does that work?
Claudia (30:47):
Yes, so in the state of California anybody over the age
of 12 can get services withoutparental consent.
Now, when teenagers come to ourcenter, we establish first that
they're safe at home, right,because the abuse is happening
at school or outside.
So we see high school, themajority high school girls.
(31:09):
We also see college kids.
We are sandwiched in betweenCal State, san Marcos and
Palomar College, so there'svictimization that can happen
and does happen on collegecampuses, and so they too can
come and get services with us.
Ilona (31:27):
What are the examples of types of things?
Claudia (31:29):
that they come for to get help.
Therapy.
Therapy is probably the numberone.
Restraining order is anotherone to provide service so they
can stay away.
If somebody is granted a civilrestraining order Now, that
person cannot get within afootball field just 100 yards
(31:50):
from the victim and that justgives them a sense of comfort.
However, with a restrainingorder, we highly recommend
always having that safety plan.
And we talked about that safetyplan because in the end you
know a restraining order is thatpiece of paper.
But if you don't have thatsafety plan and what do I mean
(32:11):
by safety plan?
Things that you can do likecarrying a phone with you at all
times.
So if something does happen, ifsomebody is violating the order
, you have a way to call.
Another way that we say safetyplan is have that safety word
with your friends and family.
Safety plan is have that safetyword with your friends and
(32:32):
family, because if you getcornered, if your phone gets
taken away in an incident,somehow you can have you know
somebody text, or you canquickly text a code word that
doesn't say help, doesn't saybut your family knows.
If I see that word, I'm callingthe police right away or your
neighbors.
For women that still are in thatrelationship with their
(32:57):
perpetrators or there's a riskof the perpetrator finding them.
We always say you know.
If you drive a car, make sureit's always full of gas, make
sure that you make copies of allyour documentation in case that
gets taken away.
Make sure you have some cashthat is set aside or with a
family member in case you needto leave right away.
(33:18):
Teach your children to call9-1-1.
Let them know you know, teachthem what is 9-1-1, you know a
source of help and teach themhow to call should the situation
arise to that level.
Another thing we say you know,don't wear anything around your
neck that can be used tostrangle you.
So many of those you know tipsfor women and men.
(33:43):
That can be either they'restill living in that situation
because they're still in thathousehold, or there's a danger
that the perpetrator can comefind them.
Mila (33:54):
A lot of people don't know that this exists, that these
services exist and that they canreceive services for free.
I mean, we're so incrediblyhonored to have the opportunity
to work with you and helpprovide services, and we think
this is a great opportunitybecause we're kind of a unique
law firm and that we can providefamily law services and
(34:15):
employment services andpotentially, personal injury
consultations as well.
So, alona, you want to talkabout kind of what we'll be
doing with that, sure.
Ilona (34:24):
We're going to be providing consultations to
victims of domestic violence oranyone needing divorce.
I think we're going to be onsite once to twice a month.
Anyone needing divorce I thinkwe're going to be on site once
to twice a month.
You're going to schedule thosepeople for us to just come and
do the intakes and guide themthrough the process of what to
do, strategic advice and whatforms to prepare, what evidence
to gather.
(34:44):
When it comes to physical abuseand they're going against
someone who has financialresources, we can also assist
them potentially with a civillawsuit against them for assault
and battery to get an award ofdamages for them or their
children that could potentiallybe secured against the family
(35:07):
law proceeding if they'redividing assets or just
collected.
Claudia (35:11):
We are so grateful because that is a huge gap.
Our on-site attorneys help withrestraining orders but we
habitually get asked okay, Ihave a restraining order, but
now I need to file for divorce.
How do I do that?
Where do I even start?
I mean the legal.
Just going to the courthouse isso overwhelming and daunting
(35:35):
for many and saying, okay, Ishare a child, now he's my
abuser.
Does that child have to, youknow, still see him or her?
So all of those questions thatobviously I'm not a family law
attorney and our attorneysspecialize in the restraining
orders, but that has been a hugegap.
At One Safe Place, just havingthat orientation and those
(35:57):
consults to say you're going tobe okay, this is, you know, the
process to get started.
So, thank you, thank you somuch for providing that.
Ilona (36:07):
And from the attorney's perspective, I think it's great
that you have everything in oneplace, because if you have a
victim of domestic violence, youhave them right there.
You guys can help them pull alltheir photographs or any
evidence and videos from theircell phone to support their
restraining order, to preparelodgment and exhibits, so the
court can have everything atonce and it was a credible claim
(36:28):
.
And then you have child welfareservices right there on site
and they can go and getpaperwork from them, including,
you know, safety plan that TWSmay prepare and other resources.
If they've been referred to atherapist, then you can obtain
documentation that hey, I put mychildren in therapy or I'm in
counseling for this.
(36:49):
So there's a lot of paperworkand supporting evidence that
victims that come to your centercan get right there on site,
even if they don't have accessto a printer or computer.
You have everything they needthere and attorneys can just
help tell them get this, getthat, and you have people on
site that will help them printit and put it together it and
(37:13):
put it together.
Claudia (37:14):
Those are all important issues that they would not know
, you know, but for havingattorneys that can sit with them
and and say, okay, here's thelist, here's the checklist and
then we can help.
Mila (37:20):
A lot of people don't know what their rights are and you
know, that's why we're alsohelping on the employment side
we were talking.
A lot of people don't know thatif you are a victim of domestic
violence and have to take timeoff work to get a restraining
order, go to the hospital, go toa shelter and get new housing,
all of that time is has to beprotected, leave under the law,
(37:42):
and a lot of people don't knowthat this is protected.
So maybe they don't show up atwork for a week and the manager
just fires them instead ofasking them what's going on.
Ilona (37:51):
That is illegal and what I mean if they, of asking them
what's going on.
That is illegal, and what Imean if they're asking them.
Is it the manager's duty to ask, or is it the employee's duty
to report and then for theemployer to accommodate?
Mila (38:03):
well, the the employer needs to try to find out what's
happening.
They can't just especially mostof the time if there's domestic
violence going on with anemployee, the employer has some
knowledge that that's happening.
So there should be some type ofinquiry before a termination.
I've had cases where theemployer kind of the managers
knew that there were issues withthe husband.
(38:25):
The wife left and you know shewas trying to hide, so she
didn't come to work for a fewdays and they just fired her.
Instead of trying to reach outto her, they just fired her and
on the termination documentssaid no show.
And then we found out that thesupervisor had knowledge that
her husband abused her and beather and they didn't even ask and
they just fired her and youknow that case ended up
(38:47):
resolving.
But those are rights that theyhave.
Similarly, if an, if anemployee has PTSD because of
abuse that they endured and it'saffecting their work, and the
employer writes them up whenthey know that this person has
been abused and has emotionalissues because of it, rather
than making any effort to askthem if they need an
accommodation of some sort, thatis illegal.
(39:08):
So all of those rights thatpeople have, a lot of times they
don't know about.
So all of those rights thatpeople have, a lot of times they
don't know about.
A lot of women don't know theyhave ptsd, or maybe they know
but they don't know that theeffect that it has on their work
quality may be protected andit's not necessarily a
performance issue, they justneed to be treated.
We're super excited to workwith you to make sure that
everyone gets the services thatthey need there as well.
(39:29):
So are we.
We're very grateful for youthank you.
Ilona (39:32):
Hopefully we can help more children and families on
their path to recovery.
Mila (39:38):
Yeah, I'm sure you will thank you thank you so much for
joining us today, to everysurvivor watching, we see you,
we fight for you and we believein your second chance.
Ilona (39:52):
If you want to support, volunteer or donate, visit
onesafeplacenorthorg and if youor someone you know needs help,
share this episode because itmay save a life.
We're here in North County at One Safe Place, a
trauma-informed center offeringwraparound care for survivors
and families.
Mila (00:09):
Today we're proud to announce our legal partnership,
bringing pro bono legal servicesdirectly to survivors when and
where they need it most.
We're excited not only toprovide legal services, but also
get the word out into thecommunity that this type of
center even exists.
Claudia (00:29):
What impressed me the most when I came here were,
aside from the facility and allthe people that are working here
and all the people that arevolunteering were the numbers.
How many people needed aconsultation?
How many people came in with?
No understanding of theirrights.
Ilona (00:44):
This partnership means, from restraining orders to
custody protection.
We'll be here present, preparedand compassionate.
When I see people who filerestraining orders on their own,
or it's parties on their ownthat get denied, it's because
they don't have sufficient proof.
Although they have it in theirphone, they may have it in their
email, they didn't know thatit's important to present now.
They'll help you put it alltogether to present a strong
(01:08):
evidence package for the court.
I love that they haveeverything in one place to get
help for yourself and your kids.
Mila (01:14):
To me, One Safe Place represents a beacon of hope.
I have seen victims of domesticabuse stay, not because they
wanted to stay, but because theydid not know they had an option
to leave and if you or someoneyou know needs help, share this
episode.
Ilona (01:30):
It might save a life.
When someone walks into onesafe place, they might be
fleeing abuse, leaving withnothing but a child in hand.
What they need is clarity,protection and immediate action.
Mila (01:50):
Securing a restraining order, protecting child custody
or navigating divorce isoverwhelming, even on your best
day.
Imagine doing that in crisis.
If you or someone you know hasbeen a victim of domestic abuse
and you don't know where to turnor where to go next, this
episode is for you.
Thank you for being here.
(02:12):
So why don't you tell us alittle bit about One Safe Place?
Claudia (02:25):
Of course, one Safe Place is truly the vision and
dream of our elected DA, summerSteffen, my boss, to build this
Family Justice Center for SanDiego County where we provide
services wraparound services forvictims of domestic violence,
sexual assault, humantrafficking, elder abuse, child
abuse, even hate crimes and gangviolence.
It's a one-stop shop and theidea behind it is that victims
(02:47):
become overwhelmed and tired andreally just lose their steam
when they have to drive fromplace to place to place to get
services.
Mila (02:58):
So why don't you tell us a little bit about your
background?
I know you were a formerdistrict attorney, so tell us
about that.
How'd you get into that?
Well, technically I'm still aformer district attorney, so
tell us about that.
How'd you get into that?
Claudia (03:05):
Well, technically I'm still a deputy district attorney
, so I have been with the SanDiego District Attorney's Office
for 22 years as a prosecutor,mostly in the Family Protection
Division, which prosecutes casesof domestic violence, child
abuse, elder abuse and evenanimal abuse, because there's a
(03:26):
big correlation between domesticviolence and animal abuse.
Interesting, and so I.
My last assignment was chief ofthe Family Protection Division
and when we opened this centerSummer, stephan asked me to
transfer out of the courtroom torun this.
It's a passion of mine and I amso grateful to her that she
(03:49):
allows me to work in somethingI'm so passionate about.
Mila (03:52):
I can tell just from the few instances we met how
passionate you are about thisand helping victims.
Claudia (03:58):
Not to get too personal , but in childhood I come from a
family, that a very largefamily.
I have 97 first cousins.
Oh my gosh, holy moly.
My mom is one of 13.
My dad's one of eight, andgrowing up half the family was
in Mexico, half the family.
We grew up in LA and there wasdomestic violence.
(04:21):
That happened not in myimmediate family but in our
extended family, where I sawaunts with black eyes, with
bruises, and it was always sweptunder the rug.
It was a family issue and itwas always.
If only you would do this.
I would hear my aunt say ifonly you just oh, it just
(04:42):
happens when he gets drunk, justhide his alcohol or you know,
just get his dinner on time andit'll be better.
And it was always excusing itor victim blaming.
And obviously you don't as achild, you don't recognize or
you don't really know what ishappening.
Or it becomes normal Right,normalized a way of life, and so
(05:07):
um, and also it'sintergenerational.
Uh, that is what girls seegrowing up, and and then the
cycle repeats and I have cousinswho jumped right into
relationships with domesticviolence they have have a lot of
clients in family law.
Ilona (05:26):
They leave one boyfriend or husband and then they get
into another relationship.
And more restraining orders,more domestic violence.
And then they have childrenwith them.
To make things worse.
Claudia (05:37):
And it truly is a cycle .
I mean, unfortunately, early inmy career there were kiddos
named in police reports thatfive, seven years later I saw
them as um defendants and namedvictims in um police reports
coming, you know, um and webriefly we briefly talked about
(06:00):
this in terms of likechildbearing before we started
shooting is you know, kids willmirror what they see because
that's all they know and that'swhat they think is normal.
Mila (06:10):
And you could be in a household like that and try to
instill different values in yourchildren, but it's not going to
work because they're alwaysgoing to follow what they see.
Claudia (06:19):
That is going to become their normal exactly, and that
is what love looks like for themwith violence, and so they
repeat it unless we get in thereand break that cycle and teach
about healthy relationships andin family court proceedings,
when you get a restraining orderagainst someone, the judge has
the authority to order a 52 weekdomestic violence program
(06:42):
through the San Diego probatedepartment.
Ilona (06:44):
Domestic violence program through the San Diego Probate.
Claudia (06:47):
Department.
Do you think that helps people?
So we have the equivalent inthe criminal law.
So every state of Californiamandates every person convicted
of domestic violence a domesticviolence related offense that is
placed on probation.
A condition of probation is totake the 52-week domestic
(07:07):
violence recovery program.
You know, I think that it worksfor individuals if they're
committed, If they are committedto change, if they're committed
to really take it seriously andnot just sit there as something
they have to do and just wallthemselves off.
Obviously, if you're not opento it it's not going to work,
(07:28):
Nothing's going to work.
But if you are committed andopen, we have had success
stories of families reunitingand successfully without
violence.
I think it's a lot.
The individual, I think it'show much you get out of it.
I think.
Ilona (07:47):
I feel like sometimes people just do it to put a
checkbox.
They've completed it because infamily court there's a
presumption that it isdetrimental to the best interest
of the children for theperpetrator of domestic violence
to share in physical and legalcustody of the children until
they have completed the 52-weekdomestic violence program and
sometimes when they get at leastthrough half of it.
(08:08):
But most, or I would say atleast half of them still do it
again.
Claudia (08:17):
Also to recognize is many times there are other
routes for the violence.
There's alcohol that needs tobe addressed.
Drug use, substance abuse thatmaybe needs to be addressed.
There's trauma.
There's trauma that was neveraddressed and that could be a
huge factor too.
Ilona (08:36):
You mean their childhood trauma they're bringing into
their adult life.
Yes, therapy.
Claudia (08:40):
Yes, yes, that never got therapy.
They grew up either victims ofchild abuse or watching.
You know trauma from watchingdomestic violence in the home,
trauma that they carry and theycarry into relationships and
that is never addressed, is it?
Ever too late to address it.
I don't think so.
(09:01):
I don't think it's ever toolate.
Even so, at One Safe Place wehave a grief therapist that when
someone in a family losessomeone to murder, they come in
and have grief therapy, whichdoes that erase or bring someone
back?
No, absolutely not.
But it helps with the learningto live life without that person
(09:26):
, without your loved one.
Ilona (09:27):
Part of what you did before you went to One Safe
Place is that you prosecutedchild molestation cases.
Yes, you said you were veryoverprotective of your children.
Can you talk a little bit aboutthat and what you see and how
do you help at one safe place tovictims who come?
Claudia (09:46):
Yes, of course.
Yes.
I prosecuted many cases ofchild molest, child abuse, and
what I learned very quickly isthat over 90% of those cases,
the perpetrator is someone thechild knows, someone that is in
a position of trust, someonethat began by grooming the child
(10:07):
, by endearing and trustingthemselves, you know, with the
child, and then the moleststarted.
And so what we do at One SafePlace is we are a nationally
accredited child advocacy center, and what that means is when a
(10:29):
child well, first of all, weconduct all the forensic
interviews for the North Countyof San Diego, in San Diego if a
child 13 and under reports abuse, whether it be physical or
sexual, best practice is to havea forensic interview where a
trained interviewer can ask thechild, in their own development,
(10:51):
their own language, their ownage, appropriate words, what
happened to them, and empowerthe child to tell us what
happened to them so we can buildthis case against the
perpetrator.
Ilona (11:06):
I remember when you were giving me a tour.
For me it was sad to walkthrough that part of your office
because you know that thepeople who were there came with
trauma and it's so nice you'rehelping them, but just to know
that there was a child sittingthere that was traumatized by
some asshole and now has tocarry that with them their whole
(11:26):
life, like when you walk intothe room, it's impactful.
But what I wanted to just sayis that you have that forensic
room, similar to what they haveat Polinsky Center or Radiesse
Children's Hospital, right wherethey do these exams, and you
also have detectives on site aswell.
That document, what happened tothem, prosecute Detectives and
therapists.
Mila (11:47):
You have therapists as well, yes, so you're able to do
a physical examination, a mentalexamination, and what I loved
more than anything is that youcould do it all at once, because
there's cameras in the room sothat therapists standing on the
outside could observe.
Claudia (12:01):
They wouldn't have to re-ask similar questions that
detectives asked, because youknow, as moms we all know like
you don't want to put kidsthrough that more than you have
to exactly, and the goal is thatthe child will only have to do
one interview and that interviewbecomes the piece of evidence
so everyone else can share thatinformation and that child does
(12:24):
not have to sit through multipleinterviews.
And that's just the first stepof the journey.
Once that happens, then thehealing starts, and it is, and
then we offer therapy forchildren, specifically for
children with trauma, impactedby trauma, and everything you do
(12:46):
is free, right?
Yes, everything is no cost, andthat's the goal.
We have 110 partners at OneSafe Place, including us
Including you, I love it.
And with a caveat thateverything is no cost for our
victims and their families.
Mila (13:05):
So I think to me, the most powerful thing about the center
and there's so much beauty inwhat you guys are doing, it's so
powerful but it's that itprovides a voice to people who
otherwise would be voiceless.
I think that one of and I alsoin my family there was domestic
violence, and I also in myfamily there was domestic
(13:26):
violence.
And I think a lot of timesespecially women, especially if
they're not the breadwinners ina relationship or maybe they
have no income they don't see away out.
They don't understand thatthere is a way to walk away from
it and still be okay.
They think if they walk away,their lives are going to fall
apart and they're going to beleft with nothing and their kids
(13:47):
will be hungry and they'll haveno resources.
They'll be out on the streetsand one safe place is a place
where, literally, they can go,get free services, file a police
report, get a restraining order, like you guys even have a
virtual courtroom where they cango in so that they don't have
to face their attacker and, withan attorney's assistance, get a
(14:10):
restraining order against themso they don't have to see them
again.
Claudia (14:13):
First and foremost, there are so many barriers for
women and men leaving an abusiverelationship.
Financial is probably thebiggest, but there's also
cultural.
There's also family pressure,pets not wanting to leave your
pets behind.
There's so many reasonings whypeople don't leave.
(14:35):
Also, statistics show us thatpeople leave an average of seven
times and go back and forthbefore they actually finally
leave Again.
Because and that's whereproviding services that are
non-judgmental, that aredignified no one in our center
(14:55):
will say, well, just leave, whyare you going back?
I mean that's not helpfulbecause everybody's situation is
different.
Now, yes, we provide wraparoundservices that are needed when
you leave.
Housing is probably the biggest.
Where will I go?
(15:16):
Where will I take my children?
Now, san Diego County, we'revery fortunate that we have
housing that's specific todomestic violence victims,
specific to human traffickingvictims, where they're not mixed
with a homeless population.
And these homes, these shelters, are dignified, are beautiful,
(15:40):
invested in a homeless I'm sorry, a domestic violence shelter
called Casa Mariposa, where it'ssolely referrals from the two
family justice centers your safeplace and one safe place.
So Summer Stephan, again in herwisdom and compassion in seeing
this, that's where we arebuilding our bridge housing.
(16:01):
So it's not a shelter.
It is kind of a temporary,short term place where someone
can go again dignified,beautiful, it is a wonderful
space in while they wait for ashelter bed if there is none
available.
Ilona (16:19):
You say shelter bed.
Let's say it's a woman with twochildren that wants to escape a
home where she's sufferingdomestic violence.
Is she going to get a bed or acouple of beds for her children
that are surrounded by otherstrangers, or is there going to
be a room with the bed?
Yeah, and.
Claudia (16:37):
I'm sorry.
I say beds because that's howshelters count.
You know how many they canhouse.
Every shelter, every domesticviolence shelter, has private
rooms.
They are actual rooms, like,for example, our bridge housing
in Casa Maniposa, and othershave rooms with two, three beds.
Casa Maniposa, for example, hastwo sets of bunk beds.
(17:01):
So, yes, a mother and herchildren can go there and the
families stay together.
Our bridge housing, each roomactually is interconnected so if
it's a bigger family, they canstay connected.
So, yes, I say beds becausethat's how we count them, but
there are housed within bedrooms.
(17:23):
Again, that provides access totheir bathrooms and storage
space and what they need untilthey can get back on their feet.
And once they are in a shelter,it's not the okay, you know
you're here and then you have toleave.
It's the now.
The continued services,continued case management,
continued therapy and continuedokay, let's.
(17:47):
How can we get you to stand onyour own two feet?
Let's see opportunities foremployment, opportunities for
benefits and to transition intothat either transitional or
permanent housing that can helpnot have to go back.
Ilona (18:05):
Can someone who makes a good living seek services,
although they can afford to getthem elsewhere on their own.
Claudia (18:12):
You make a wonderful point that domestic violence
does not discriminate.
It happens to everyone.
It happens to the wealthiest,it happens to the poorest, it
happens to every race, everyclass, everyone.
It impacts everyone.
We see that multi-generationsteen dating violence in our
(18:34):
elderly.
It does not discriminate.
At One Safe Place, no, there isno barrier as to who can access
services, because, yes, somebodycan have a good living or
somebody can come from a familyof means, but maybe their entire
assets are frozen by the otherparty or they just can't
(18:55):
navigate.
Many times we do get women, andit's mostly women.
We recognize that men can alsobe victims.
But at One Safe Place, about70% of the people that walk
through our doors are women andtheir children.
About 70% of the people thatwalk through our doors are women
and their children victims ofdomestic violence.
We get women that are attorney,realtors, professionals that
(19:18):
lived with the violence for solong for shame for again just
feeling that sense of I couldnot make it work, that it was my
fault, the lack of self-worth,self-dignity that comes with
being abused for so long.
(19:39):
And when I say abused, it's notjust physical.
Domestic abuse can bepsychological, can be sexual,
can be verbal, can be financial.
There's so much that goes intoan abusive relationship, not
just the violence, and yes,anyone can come into One Safe
Place to get services.
Ilona (19:56):
How do they get started?
Do they call a phone number andhow does the assessment work
for you to determine whatservices they need?
Claudia (20:05):
One Safe Place is open from 8 in the morning to 6 pm at
night, monday through Fridays,and Saturday mornings from 8 to
12, the first Saturday of everymonth.
We are purely a walk-in basis,so anyone can walk in whenever
they are ready.
We do that because you neverknow when you're going to be
ready.
You never know when someone isgoing to have an incident of
(20:28):
violence and need to leave rightaway and go to a center where
they can get help.
We even have law enforcementofficers that from the scene of
crimes, bring victims to us fromincidents that just occurred.
So we are a walk-in basis andpeople walk in and the first
thing to do is an intake.
(20:48):
In that intake we do two thingswe do a safety plan and we do a
needs assessment.
Safety plan is first andforemost.
Ilona (20:58):
Is safety plan the one that's through child welfare
services, only if they havechildren, or safety plan even if
they come without children?
Claudia (21:05):
Safety plan is for everyone and safety plan looks
different depending on yoursituation.
So for us, in an instant, ifsomebody comes in victim of
domestic violence, the firstthing we ask is do you think
anybody followed you here?
Let's you know.
Let's turn off our phones.
We give out Faraday bags.
Faraday bags are bags thatdisable electronics.
(21:27):
So if somebody puts anyelectronic in that bag and seals
it, it loses its completeability to be tracked.
For anybody to find someone, rdainvestigators routinely sweep
cars for trackers.
We've had kids come into onesafe place and tell us oh, my
daddy got me a new bracelet andthere's a tracker on the
(21:48):
bracelet.
So stalking has become sosophisticated, and so that's
first and foremost to to blockthat ability for that victim to
be found.
We also focus on strangulation.
If somebody comes in, if awoman, a man, tells us that they
were strangled, that increasesthe risk of homicide by 700%,
(22:09):
and so we have to make sure thatfirst of all, they get a
medical exam to make sure thatthey're okay, but also to talk
about the increased risk.
Because, if you think about it,strangulation is such a personal
form of violence.
You are looking at someone intheir eyes and you mean to do
harm when you are stranglingsomeone.
(22:30):
And then another thing we focusis obviously firearms.
If somebody has been threatenedby firearms, that of course
increases the risk justastronomically.
And so we have had instanceswhere we find out, for example,
the perpetrator is bailing outin that moment they're getting,
they have access to firearms andthat victim needs to get out of
(22:53):
San Diego County and we havethe ability to send them.
You know, if they have a familystructure in another state, if
we've also worked with sheltersin other counties to place them
outside of San Diego Countybecause the risk is that high.
So that's the importance ofmeasuring the risk and making
(23:14):
sure that we have that safetyplan before we do anything,
before any services.
Mila (23:19):
I have a very logistical question.
Just because I know thatvictims of domestic violence it
could be domestic violence,that's not a criminal act, like
you know financial abuse oremotional abuse can a person
take their children and leavetheir family home and bring them
(23:43):
into a shelter if their partnerhas not committed a crime like?
Do do the other partners evercome after them to try and get
the children?
I would assume that they couldprobably call the police and say
my wife or my husband took mykids and left.
How does that?
Claudia (23:59):
work.
So domestic abuse, yes, haslooks very differently.
You know you can havepsychological, you can have
verbal, you can have financial.
Now, as far as what is a crime,it's nuanced, it depends.
Obviously every violence is acrime.
Under domestic violence,financial abuse, I mean code
(24:35):
section for child abuse, even amisdemeanor, child abuse 273AB,
that says emotional stress to achild.
You know that can be a crime ifyou're causing trauma to that
child.
Now, verbal abuse can causetrauma to a child.
Ilona (24:53):
Should we prosecute under that code section?
Claudia (24:55):
So we do.
We do charge that inconjunction with domestic
violence.
When we have domestic violence,a lot of people, you know a lot
of victims, will say, well, thechildren weren't hit, you know,
but they were in the roomsitting there watching this
violence between their parents.
Let's just give that for anexample Hearing the screaming,
(25:18):
hearing the yelling many wereclinging to their mom's legs
where all of those things arewatching that they're crying.
That is emotional trauma, thatis emotional suffering and yes,
we add that that code there forfor children.
Now, one thing about One SafePlace is you do not need a
(25:40):
police report or you do not needto report to police in order to
get services, and so that isnot contingent about it.
So if someone comes to us andsays, look, I need services,
I've been a victim of abuse, butI don't want to report to
police, I don't want lawenforcement involved, we honor
(26:01):
and respect that.
Ilona (26:03):
And you also mentioned that you help people regardless
of their immigration status.
Can you talk about that?
Claudia (26:10):
Yes, Immigration doesn't even necessarily come up
.
You know, we do not ask yourimmigration status, we don't ask
race, we don't ask thosequestions.
When it does come up at ourcenter is if a member and we
call our victims members they'relooking through our menu of
services and they can see thatwe have immigration attorneys on
(26:33):
site that help with U visas, Tvisas those are visas that are
connected to victimization.
A T visa connects itself tohuman trafficking victims.
(26:57):
If they were labor or sexuallytrafficked, they may qualify for
a visa.
So we have those immigrationattorneys that may help with
those.
The Mexican consulate is apartner at One Safe Place and
they have wonderful programs fornationals that provide services
(27:17):
.
Or, for example, a form ofabuse is to take all of your
partner's documentation, becausethat is just a form like well,
you don't have anything thatproves who you are, so that
means I control you.
In the end, domestic violenceis about power and control, and
so having our county partners,having the Mexican consulate,
(27:38):
can help with obtainingdocumentations that have been
taken away.
Ilona (27:44):
What other partners do you have under your?
Claudia (27:46):
roof.
So with 110 partners, we haveso many services that we can
provide.
I would say the top five needsthat we see coming in and out
are restraining orders isprobably the number one people
needing restraining orders,connections to shelter, food,
(28:08):
clothing and therapy.
Ilona (28:09):
Oh, you showed us you have a nice shop there too.
Yeah, you can talk about that,yes, of course.
Claudia (28:14):
So we routinely get families that arrive to us with
just the clothing on their back.
They left the situation thatday, or an officer brought them
to us because the safety reasonsto us, because the safety
reasons, and so what we do tohelp them when they go to a
shelter but really have nothing,is we are able to provide them
(28:37):
with seven days worth ofclothing.
We also have keep hygienebackpacks, so backpacks with
shampoo, conditioner, toothbrush, toothpaste, everything that a
woman or a man or a child wouldneed to get started.
In our donations room we alsokeep diapers, wipes, formula,
all those things for babies, forchildren, and toys and toys and
(28:58):
blankets.
It's especially hard for a childto have to leave everything
behind.
So, via our partners, theyprovide books, they provide
blankets.
Does that make it all better?
No, but at least children cango to a shelter, to their new
place of stay, with somethingthat they can call their own.
(29:21):
Now, our boutique.
I sometimes refer to it as ourdignity room, because that is a
place where somebody that comesin that has been stripped of
their dignity, of theirself-worth, because of just
long-time abuse, can come in andchoose a pretty dress, a nice
handbag, nice shoes.
(29:44):
And our case managers routinelysay you are worth this, you are
worth this suit for your jobinterview, You're worth this
prom dress.
We see girls at the center,high school girls that are
victims of teen dating violenceand again would not be able to
(30:04):
go to prom.
But for us, you know, providinga dress for them, Easter
dresses for you know, dressesfor children that mamas can come
and get.
So it's a boutique of dignitythat really sends that message
you are worth it, you matter andwe are here to help you on that
(30:27):
journey.
Ilona (30:28):
And you mentioned teen dating violence.
When you were giving me a tour,you explained that teens from
high schools that are indomestic violence relationships
with their boyfriends or viceversa, can come to you and not
involve their parents but gethelp Right how does that work?
Claudia (30:47):
Yes, so in the state of California anybody over the age
of 12 can get services withoutparental consent.
Now, when teenagers come to ourcenter, we establish first that
they're safe at home, right,because the abuse is happening
at school or outside.
So we see high school, themajority high school girls.
(31:09):
We also see college kids.
We are sandwiched in betweenCal State, san Marcos and
Palomar College, so there'svictimization that can happen
and does happen on collegecampuses, and so they too can
come and get services with us.
Ilona (31:27):
What are the examples of types of things?
Claudia (31:29):
that they come for to get help.
Therapy.
Therapy is probably the numberone.
Restraining order is anotherone to provide service so they
can stay away.
If somebody is granted a civilrestraining order Now, that
person cannot get within afootball field just 100 yards
(31:50):
from the victim and that justgives them a sense of comfort.
However, with a restrainingorder, we highly recommend
always having that safety plan.
And we talked about that safetyplan because in the end you
know a restraining order is thatpiece of paper.
But if you don't have thatsafety plan and what do I mean
(32:11):
by safety plan?
Things that you can do likecarrying a phone with you at all
times.
So if something does happen, ifsomebody is violating the order
, you have a way to call.
Another way that we say safetyplan is have that safety word
with your friends and family.
Safety plan is have that safetyword with your friends and
(32:32):
family, because if you getcornered, if your phone gets
taken away in an incident,somehow you can have you know
somebody text, or you canquickly text a code word that
doesn't say help, doesn't saybut your family knows.
If I see that word, I'm callingthe police right away or your
neighbors.
For women that still are in thatrelationship with their
(32:57):
perpetrators or there's a riskof the perpetrator finding them.
We always say you know.
If you drive a car, make sureit's always full of gas, make
sure that you make copies of allyour documentation in case that
gets taken away.
Make sure you have some cashthat is set aside or with a
family member in case you needto leave right away.
(33:18):
Teach your children to call9-1-1.
Let them know you know, teachthem what is 9-1-1, you know a
source of help and teach themhow to call should the situation
arise to that level.
Another thing we say you know,don't wear anything around your
neck that can be used tostrangle you.
So many of those you know tipsfor women and men.
(33:43):
That can be either they'restill living in that situation
because they're still in thathousehold, or there's a danger
that the perpetrator can comefind them.
Mila (33:54):
A lot of people don't know that this exists, that these
services exist and that they canreceive services for free.
I mean, we're so incrediblyhonored to have the opportunity
to work with you and helpprovide services, and we think
this is a great opportunitybecause we're kind of a unique
law firm and that we can providefamily law services and
(34:15):
employment services andpotentially, personal injury
consultations as well.
So, alona, you want to talkabout kind of what we'll be
doing with that, sure.
Ilona (34:24):
We're going to be providing consultations to
victims of domestic violence oranyone needing divorce.
I think we're going to be onsite once to twice a month.
Anyone needing divorce I thinkwe're going to be on site once
to twice a month.
You're going to schedule thosepeople for us to just come and
do the intakes and guide themthrough the process of what to
do, strategic advice and whatforms to prepare, what evidence
to gather.
(34:44):
When it comes to physical abuseand they're going against
someone who has financialresources, we can also assist
them potentially with a civillawsuit against them for assault
and battery to get an award ofdamages for them or their
children that could potentiallybe secured against the family
(35:07):
law proceeding if they'redividing assets or just
collected.
Claudia (35:11):
We are so grateful because that is a huge gap.
Our on-site attorneys help withrestraining orders but we
habitually get asked okay, Ihave a restraining order, but
now I need to file for divorce.
How do I do that?
Where do I even start?
I mean the legal.
Just going to the courthouse isso overwhelming and daunting
(35:35):
for many and saying, okay, Ishare a child, now he's my
abuser.
Does that child have to, youknow, still see him or her?
So all of those questions thatobviously I'm not a family law
attorney and our attorneysspecialize in the restraining
orders, but that has been a hugegap.
At One Safe Place, just havingthat orientation and those
(35:57):
consults to say you're going tobe okay, this is, you know, the
process to get started.
So, thank you, thank you somuch for providing that.
Ilona (36:07):
And from the attorney's perspective, I think it's great
that you have everything in oneplace, because if you have a
victim of domestic violence, youhave them right there.
You guys can help them pull alltheir photographs or any
evidence and videos from theircell phone to support their
restraining order, to preparelodgment and exhibits, so the
court can have everything atonce and it was a credible claim
(36:28):
.
And then you have child welfareservices right there on site
and they can go and getpaperwork from them, including,
you know, safety plan that TWSmay prepare and other resources.
If they've been referred to atherapist, then you can obtain
documentation that hey, I put mychildren in therapy or I'm in
counseling for this.
(36:49):
So there's a lot of paperworkand supporting evidence that
victims that come to your centercan get right there on site,
even if they don't have accessto a printer or computer.
You have everything they needthere and attorneys can just
help tell them get this, getthat, and you have people on
site that will help them printit and put it together it and
(37:13):
put it together.
Claudia (37:14):
Those are all important issues that they would not know
, you know, but for havingattorneys that can sit with them
and and say, okay, here's thelist, here's the checklist and
then we can help.
Mila (37:20):
A lot of people don't know what their rights are and you
know, that's why we're alsohelping on the employment side
we were talking.
A lot of people don't know thatif you are a victim of domestic
violence and have to take timeoff work to get a restraining
order, go to the hospital, go toa shelter and get new housing,
all of that time is has to beprotected, leave under the law,
(37:42):
and a lot of people don't knowthat this is protected.
So maybe they don't show up atwork for a week and the manager
just fires them instead ofasking them what's going on.
Ilona (37:51):
That is illegal and what I mean if they, of asking them
what's going on.
That is illegal, and what Imean if they're asking them.
Is it the manager's duty to ask, or is it the employee's duty
to report and then for theemployer to accommodate?
Mila (38:03):
well, the the employer needs to try to find out what's
happening.
They can't just especially mostof the time if there's domestic
violence going on with anemployee, the employer has some
knowledge that that's happening.
So there should be some type ofinquiry before a termination.
I've had cases where theemployer kind of the managers
knew that there were issues withthe husband.
(38:25):
The wife left and you know shewas trying to hide, so she
didn't come to work for a fewdays and they just fired her.
Instead of trying to reach outto her, they just fired her and
on the termination documentssaid no show.
And then we found out that thesupervisor had knowledge that
her husband abused her and beather and they didn't even ask and
they just fired her and youknow that case ended up
(38:47):
resolving.
But those are rights that theyhave.
Similarly, if an, if anemployee has PTSD because of
abuse that they endured and it'saffecting their work, and the
employer writes them up whenthey know that this person has
been abused and has emotionalissues because of it, rather
than making any effort to askthem if they need an
accommodation of some sort, thatis illegal.
(39:08):
So all of those rights thatpeople have, a lot of times they
don't know about.
So all of those rights thatpeople have, a lot of times they
don't know about.
A lot of women don't know theyhave ptsd, or maybe they know
but they don't know that theeffect that it has on their work
quality may be protected andit's not necessarily a
performance issue, they justneed to be treated.
We're super excited to workwith you to make sure that
everyone gets the services thatthey need there as well.
(39:29):
So are we.
We're very grateful for youthank you.
Ilona (39:32):
Hopefully we can help more children and families on
their path to recovery.
Mila (39:38):
Yeah, I'm sure you will thank you thank you so much for
joining us today, to everysurvivor watching, we see you,
we fight for you and we believein your second chance.
Ilona (39:52):
If you want to support, volunteer or donate, visit
onesafeplacenorthorg and if youor someone you know needs help,
share this episode because itmay save a life.
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