Every struggle carries the potential to birth a triumph, a mantra that resonates deeply with Danielle, the founder of Making a Miracle. Her story is not just one of personal victory over infertility's relentless challenges, but a testament to the transformative power of empathy and support. As we navigate Danielle's journey from her diagnosis of endometriosis through the tumultuous waves of IVF, miscarriages, and the complex emotions that pave the road to motherhood, we're reminded of the resilience required to hold onto hope amidst life's harshest storms.
Amidst the scientific precision of fertility treatments and the rollercoaster of emotions that accompany each cycle, there lies an intimate narrative that often goes unheard. For Danielle, these experiences were steeped in both pain and determination, leading to the joyous yet nerve-wracking arrival of her daughter and the subsequent battles with postpartum depression and recovery from a life-saving emergency C-section. This episode peels back the layers of motherhood and infertility, revealing the raw, unspoken trials that shape the sacred bond between a mother and her child.
Yet, it's not solely the struggle that defines Danielle's story—it's the incredible surge of kindness and community that buoys the spirit during the hardest times. From the cherished support of partners to the solidarity found in shared experiences, this narrative is a poignant reminder of the profound impact that compassion can have. As Danielle discusses the evolution of Making a Miracle, from publishing a coloring book to organizing community events, we celebrate the strength and connectivity that can emerge from life's most challenging chapters.
To connect with Danielle and Making a Miracle, check our her Instagram here.
For upcoming events including the Resource Fair on April 28th, click here.
To sign up for our newsletter visit our website and blog: www.goldenhourbirthpodcast.com
Follow Liz on Instagram here and Natalie here
Follow us on Facebook here.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Have you ever wondered how to turn your
struggles into somethingpositive that can help others?
This National InfertilityAwareness Week, we bring you an
inspiring story of resilience,compassion and advocacy.
In this episode, we sit downwith Danielle, a brave mom who
shares her story, from theheartbreak of infertility to the
joy of motherhood, and how shechanneled her experiences into
(00:22):
creating Making a Miracle, anonprofit organization dedicated
to supporting those facinginfertility.
Join us as we hear Danielle'semotional story, from the
challenges of endometriosis andIVF to the life-threatening
complications during herpregnancy and delivery.
Discover how she found strengthin her darkest moments and used
(00:43):
her voice to break the silencesurrounding infertility.
Stay tuned until the end of theepisode to learn about exciting
local events Danielle hasplanned for National Infertility
Awareness Week in St Louis andhow you can get involved in
making a difference in the livesof those struggling with
infertility.
Get ready for a powerful anduplifting conversation that will
(01:03):
inspire you to turn your owntrials into triumphs.
Let's dive in the Golden HourBirth Podcast, a podcast about
real birth stories and creatingconnections through our shared
experiences.
Childbirth isn't just about thechild.
It's about the person who gavebirth, their lives, their wisdom
and their empowerment.
We're Liz and Natalie, theGolden Hour Birth Podcast, and
(01:27):
we're here to laugh with you,cry with you and hold space for
you.
Welcome to the Golden HourBirth Podcast.
I am your co-host, liz, and I'myour co-host Natalie, and
tonight we have Danielle on.
She is a mama of one and alsothe founder of Making a Miracle,
so thanks so much for coming ontonight.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Thank you guys so much for having me.
I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, if you want to go ahead and share a little bit
about you and your family.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah, so me and my husband are I guess you can say
it was high school sweethearts.
We met at my senior prom and soit's kind of like this like
fairy tale although it took uslike 16 years to get married,
(02:15):
but we were young and we'restill here.
That's what it is.
We've been through a lottogether.
I was 18.
And you can imagine that's alot to go through.
And then one of the biggestthings that we did go through
was the start of our infertilityjourney.
Yeah, which completelydifferent from what we had ever
been through before.
Yeah, so yep.
(02:36):
And then we have our pit bullpup.
His name is Jitka and he wasour baby for the longest time
before we were able to actuallyhave baby in human form, and
that's mckayla.
She's two years, sweet, she'sso sweet.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
So if you want to kind of go ahead and start us
off on like when you guysdecided to start trying for a
baby, yeah, a baby, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
So I would say in about 2015, I was finally
diagnosed with endometriosis.
I had struggled with it for areally long time.
High school, I missed a lot ofvolleyball games, missed a lot
of school, everything becauseendo kicked my butt and it takes
(03:23):
about the average 10 years toactually be diagnosed with
endometriosis and that was, uh,it was a few more years for me,
but, um, finally I was diagnosedvia laparoscopy and the doctor
at the time was like now is thebest time.
You know, like I don't knowwhere you are in your family
(03:43):
building journey, but now's thetime Next six months because
endo can always grow back.
And so that was when I startedto kind of I guess you would say
try, because I wouldn't say weever really didn't try or was
careful, so, but in my, in theback of my head, I knew
(04:04):
something wasn't right and Iwent to my doctor, advocated for
myself, and they still wouldn'thelp me with anything and we
weren't getting pregnant.
So I reached out to a localfertility clinic and told them
tell me what to do.
I don't know you know where I'mgoing with this, but I there's
something not right, um, and shegot me to another doctor who
(04:28):
then did some tests and sent meright back to her.
Um, that was the end of 2015,2016, um what were your like
symptoms of endometriosis.
So a lot of it was pain aroundmy period.
Now it was like more of thedebilitating pain, like I don't
(04:49):
want to get off the bathroomfloor.
I had a lot of, you know, thebloating and also the nausea,
like I just felt so sick all thetime and that was just around
my period.
So it was okay, you know.
But I also didn't have regularperiods.
(05:10):
So, you know, one month itwould be absolutely horrible and
then, like a week later I'dhave another one.
You know those types of things.
So it was very abnormal what Iwas experiencing and everyone
just kind of told me that's howperiods are.
So I know it was absolutelyhorrible and I hate that they do
(05:31):
that.
But painful periods are notnormal and if you're having pain
, then you need to get help.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
I can't believe it takes a woman of like average of
10 years to be diagnosed thatis insane, and about one in 10
actually are diagnosed withendometriosis.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
So so many women that you know don't get listened to,
and that's why it's importantto advocate for yourself.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
It's like are these OBGYN's like not aware?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
that this is a thing.
Well, and you know I actuallyhad to.
So I didn't actually getdiagnosed until I moved to st
louis and back where I'm from.
They didn't have specialistsand things like that.
And there was actually aspecialist that I saw when I
came out here, my ob-gyn likethis sounds like what it could
be, and so they connected mewith that doctor and that he was
(06:32):
like immediately, let's do theexcision surgery and I think
it's, I think it.
You know, depending on whereyou're from, it's it was newer
than for there to be specializeddoctors for that.
But yeah, it's, it's a it'sdefinitely an interesting
(06:52):
disease and you know there's somany studies about where they
can find endo in your body andyou know those types of things.
So yeah, it's just advocatingfor yourself is so important
yeah like yeah, you know yourbody better than a doctor yeah,
(07:13):
and that's that's kind of whereI was when I, you know, when
someone was like I'm not gonnahelp you, we're not gonna do
medication or anything until youshow me that you've been trying
for a year, and at that pointit was just kind of like I'm way
beyond this, I have to get asecond opinion.
And that's when I finally wasable to meet my fertility doctor
(07:33):
and the most incredible womanI've ever met in my life,
absolutely.
So we kind of jumped into thefertility world and we were very
new at it, had no insurance, wewere young and we tried
(07:54):
everything we could, thecheapest way possible, and that
started with like timedintercourse where maybe a shot
of Avadryl was 150 to 300.
And that's all we had.
And so we tried it over andover and over again and it was
draining and I just felt likenothing was working.
(08:15):
This isn't going to work.
I knew in my head like this isnot right.
So.
So we ended up going intoinsemination and we did that a
couple of times and after everytime I left that clinic after I
don't know I was inseminated.
I was like this is not going towork.
(08:38):
I like, and I know that I needto be more positive.
But you know, like you said,you know your body, you know
that when there's something notright, you know there's
something right.
And that will also come intothe end of my story because,
like, if you don't speak up, nomatter how much you feel like
(09:03):
you're bothering somebody, theworst could happen.
So insemination didn't work andwe were lucky enough to where
my husband just got a new joband they had infertility benefit
and it was like this thingwhere everything just came
together and I was like, yes,this, this is right.
(09:23):
I went and I met with my doctorand I I've said this before, um
and other things that I've donebut I remember sitting in the
office with her.
She came in and I said I don'tthink this is working.
Can you tell me more about IVF?
and she was like I was hoping somuch that you would finally
(09:44):
come and ask me that because Iknow that you couldn't afford it
and I wanted you guys to becomfortable, but I am so glad
that you're ready for this.
I wasn't ready for that.
Infertility sucks, ivf sucksand I was very blessed to have
(10:05):
some insurance.
It's not mandated in the stateof Missouri and I was very
blessed.
We were able to get through tworounds of IVF.
The first round I had fourembryos.
Can I say this out loud thatembryos are not children,
(10:25):
although I felt like my embryoswere my children because I
worked so hard to have them.
I know for a fact that it doesnot result in pregnancy and I
had my very first transfer.
I got pregnant and I thought itwas like, oh my gosh,
everything came together,pregnant.
(10:46):
This is amazing.
And then it was gone and thatwas like one of the hardest
things that me and my husband inthe I think at this point we'd
been together like 11, 12 yearsthat we had been together.
I had never experienced that,plus failed transfers, plus
(11:09):
another loss, and then Michaelaended up being my sixth transfer
and I remember like I didn'tknow how to be there in any type
of way for my husband.
He didn't know how to be therefor me it was like we were
battling each other's grief andbattling each other at the same
(11:33):
time, and that was so hard toget through that going through
it.
I don't think I would ever knowmy husband as well as I do
without what we went through.
So, yeah, infertility sucks.
(11:54):
It was a lot, and my story isstill not resolved where I am in
my journey.
But I know with what else we'regoing to talk about, with my
birth story that I am notcapable of having another child
(12:14):
myself, so the journey may takeanother path.
I don't know right now.
It's just, it is what it isuntil we get there, I guess.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
So do you have to go through more?
Speaker 2 (12:33):
So you said, would I have to?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Did you have to?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Yeah, so the first time I had four embryos.
So we went through two roundsof IVF.
First time I had four embryos,the second time I had three.
So my first round of IVF I hada loss and then three failed
(12:58):
transfers.
And then my second round of IVFI had a loss in November and
got pregnant with my daughter inDecember.
And then we have one morefrozen embryo that we don't
really know what's going tohappen with it, and there's a
(13:19):
lot going on right now that it'sscary.
So scary.
I'll say that I am extremely,extremely, extremely blessed to
where one.
I know that my embryo is in thebest hands and that if anything
was to happen, they would tellme and then two, I have my baby
(13:44):
girl in my arms right now, towhere it's not something that
I'm in the middle of, and I feelso much for those people that
are in it and have those fearsof anything.
You know any, any pauses.
I know what that was likeduring COVID, but this isn't
COVID, you know like this is atotally different atmosphere.
(14:07):
So, um, so she's here.
I'm glad she's here.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
And we got through what we got through.
It was about six years worth oftreatment.
My God, it was a very long sixyears treatment.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
My God, it was a very long six years.
How long was the IVF like fromwhen you started IVF?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
So I would say we started in 2018 with our first
IVF.
Now, these are the things thatI take into consideration is,
cycles aren't like.
You know, they take time.
I was extremely impatient.
That's like the hardest part.
You want it to move so fast,but your body can only do so
much, right, and the doctors arewatching your every move.
(15:08):
Yeah, and you know, you'reconstantly at doctor's
appointments.
I actually had an OHSS one ofmy oh my God Rounds of IVF.
That's scary.
It was my second one, which isovarian hyperstimulation
syndrome, and I that was kind ofin the moment.
(15:29):
That was my second round of IVFand I remember thinking to
myself when that happened,because I was in so much pain.
I was in the hospital for anight, like it was a big mess,
and I remember telling myselfyou're not doing this, like
there's no way, like if youdon't get pregnant I don't know
what's been, but you just can't.
It's just so trying on yourbody and I just wasn't who you
(15:53):
know I used to be you know thatchanges you.
Yeah, it does 100 and I couldtell you that I'm, I'm, I'm okay
with who it changed me into now, um, but, like I said, I'm, I'm
blessed because I have theprize right, um, or part of the
prize.
You know, my, my family isn'tcomplete, but with what I, I
(16:18):
feel complete, so it's, it's uminferility.
It rocks your world and itcontinues with you.
And the next part of my journeybeing pregnant, danielle, it
(16:39):
was there every moment.
That constant fear, thatconstant.
You're scared.
You're scared of loss, you'rescared of just the unknown, like
I remember.
So, since we had lost beforeand told people and then had to
go back and tell them that wemiscarried, that, um, we decided
(17:01):
this time we're not doingtelling, not until you're 12
weeks.
Well, I ended up getting a bloodclot in my leg which caused me
to have to tell, because I feltlike if I don't tell my mom
what's happening, she would beso upset with me.
Like you know, these are medicalemergencies that are happening,
so I had to tell her and then,around 12 weeks, it kind of all
(17:27):
got out.
But even after that, like I was, I had hyperemesis, gravardia,
my entire pregnancy.
But I remember there weremoments where I would feel and
this is a word that people thatgo through HG use fluffy and
that's like a day that you couldfeel good.
That doesn't mean you'll feelgood tomorrow, but that's a day
(17:48):
where you're like, okay, I'mpuking, you know.
And there were those days andin my head I'm like, oh, my gosh
, is my baby still, because I'mpuking because of pregnancy, but
then when I'm not, it's like Ican't feel her.
Yet I haven't felt her kick,what you know what's happening
and I was like constantlycontacting my doctor and tell he
(18:13):
was so annoyed of me.
He was so annoyed of me, butthat goes back into the advocacy
.
You know, you got to speak upfor yourself.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
When did your first?
Speaker 2 (18:23):
loss happen.
So my first loss was my veryfirst round of IVF.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Like the first transfer.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
So that was very early.
So like five, six.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Did you have a heartbeat?
Or like, did you?
You didn't, you just had the.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
It is yeah and it was Christmas and it was like I had
to sit through Christmas andNew Year's.
Like New Year's weekend was myhusband's family Christmas and I
remember people were likecheersing and like kind of
making jokes, like Danielle'sdrinking water, she must be
(19:02):
pregnant.
And in my head I'm like littlelittle.
Do you know?
I'm literally miscarrying rightand I try normal in front of
everybody and stuff like thathurts it hurts, you know I'm so
sorry one.
Yeah, it's, it's.
It's a hard thing, especiallybecause people don't know what
they're saying yeah they don'tin any of it, and that's one of
(19:27):
the reasons why I do what I dois to kind of spread awareness
on why, um, some of the thingsyou say are important and can
hit hard.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Yeah for sure yeah, I've never asked my childless
friends when?
When are you going to have a?
Baby or do you want to have itLike that's your business?
You can tell me if you want.
And then I've never askedanybody like when are you having
a second or a third?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
To tell you I've been there though, and you know a
little back story is I used tobe a teacher and I remember
there were so many amazingfamilies in my class that we
would like so when's the nextone coming?
Because we want them to be inour class.
You know those types of things,and I will tell you that I have
(20:18):
literally called and text ormessage Facebook, whatever, and
told every single one of thoseparents that I am sorry, like I
am.
I was not there yet in theinfertility like spectrum.
I had no idea and little did Iknow like there was.
(20:38):
You know a mom that almost diedin childbirth, and you know she
was.
She was scared to have anotherkid, and you know those types of
things that you just don't knowwhat someone's going through.
So know that it's hard to likestop saying like, just normal
things, but some of these thingsare normal.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
I'm like 100 percent guilty of it.
Yeah, and I was out of townthis weekend with two childless
couples.
I'm like I made sure I didn'task that because it's not my
business.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
But it's hard because it's like I know you know
you're asked these things, orlike you hear them as you grow
up because it wasn't talkedabout in any type of way and
like I was talking, yeah, yeahyeah, like I wanted it.
It's also like yeah because it'snot my business.
No, but that's true, but it,but still like you also care.
Yeah, yeah and that's true, butstill like you also care.
Yeah, and that's what alsomakes it difficult is because
you're like you know, I wouldlove to hold another baby of
(21:33):
somebody that I care about.
You know, like those types ofthings, that, but it's still not
.
You know still not okay, right,but I think that that's kind of
where it falls into, like peopledon't understand because they
just care, but they just don'tknow how to say it.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Yeah, you know yeah, and you are like going through
IVF, which is extremely, yeah,you know, sacred thing between
you and your partner.
You're like you're goingthrough so much, yeah, and no
one knows.
No one knows, no one knows.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, and you know I can even shout to the rooftops
that I'm doing it, but no one'sgoing to understand it if they
haven't been through it.
Yeah, with relation likeinfertility impacts so much of
your life, relationships, um,you know the emotional toll, the
(22:31):
financial toll, the stigmas andmisconceptions, those types of
things like it.
It affects every being of yourlife and you're constantly
reminded constantly reminded meof Nancy, posts on Facebook and
you know like it's just, it's,it's hard and you know had so
(22:52):
many conversations with friendsand family, fallouts with
friends and family because Ihave to protect my mental health
at the same time, like I knowthat people want you know what's
good for you, but you are theonly you know what's good for
you, but you are the only onethat actually knows what's good
for you.
I remember having like aconversation with a friend of
(23:14):
mine because I had just gotten acall about a announce of a very
close family member and theydidn't tell me that they were
pregnant.
I found out through someoneelse who slipped up and then saw
an announcement on and it hitme because it's like you guys
(23:37):
know, you know what I'm goingthrough.
And so I called one of myfriends and I was bawling, just
crying my eyes out, like I hatethis, like I don't want to go
through eyes out, like I hatethis, like I don't want to go
through this anymore, like I'mso angry and it isn't angry at
anybody for being pregnant,because that's a beautiful thing
, but I'm angry that it wasn'tme.
(23:58):
Yeah, you know I'm happy forthem, but it wasn't me.
And that person on the otherline said you really need some
therapy.
And I remember bawling evenharder and hanging up the phone
like I probably do need therapyand I suggest anyone get it if
they need it.
(24:19):
But in that moment I justwanted validation.
You know, like I just neededsomeone to listen.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
You said, like I understand, yeah, but this is
somebody who you know.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Like I just needed someone to listen.
I understand, yeah, but this issomebody who got pregnant
easily, you know, and it's likeI don't think that, like I said,
I can show you that I'm givingmyself shots every night.
I can you know those types ofthings, but I don't think anyone
really understands unlessthey've actually done it, you
know, and that's for a lot ofthings in life, you know.
(24:48):
So I think that to protectthat's important too.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Yeah how did you?
Did you go to therapy?
Speaker 2 (25:02):
um, so I will tell you I do now, okay, um, back
then I felt like I could do itby myself and I felt like me and
my husband could do it makesense but I don't know if that's
because of the stigma ontherapy too, you know, um, like
(25:22):
that there was really somethingwrong with me, when I already
knew there was something wrongwith me physically, yeah, and
I'm reminded of that every day,and that my body is just not
doing what a woman is actuallysupposed to do.
But I didn't want to think ofsomething else that I that was
wrong.
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
You know I get it.
That's a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, and I mean I will tell you, though having a
therapist is incredible.
You may cry for an hour, butyou will feel so good after that
you know like it will feel sogreat and, um, I am an advocate
for definitely asking for help,um, and I don't know if we want
(26:08):
to go back into my journey, butI will tell you that postpartum
definitely kicked my butt too,so I Ditto.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
I was too yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I 100% say tell your doctor you need help, Because at
first I didn't and I was likeshe just came home from NICU.
Be my baby's home, I was notokay.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
One of my best friends is pregnant right now
and I was like she's like, likewhat are like three to five
items you think I need?
And I was like I'm a secondtime mom and all I can say is
support, get yourself atherapist yeah, right now get
yourself a postpartum doula, doit.
Don't even worry about the bigitems.
But here are some other items.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Yeah well, it's like you, that's.
Another thing is you don'tthink you're gonna get it or
deal with postpartum right likeI.
I knew with my journey and howit went and then how I was so
scared all the time when Iwasn't sick and feeling like I
could lose her in any type ofmanner I knew I, immediately
(27:14):
before she even came out, I waslike, can we talk about, you
know, placenta encapsulation,because I hear that it helps
with postpartum depression.
I kind of have a feeling thatI'm going to have an issue and
with what happened to me you cango and say that I ended up
(27:34):
having help syndrome, and whatmakes you one feel better from
HG is the placenta beingcompletely out of your body.
So once that's gone, youtypically feel absolutely
amazing.
So she was like do you reallywant to put that back in your
body?
Good point, I didn't thinkabout that part.
(27:58):
And I couldn't find any studieson it, but that's logical.
So that kind of was in the backof my head like maybe.
But then when I ended up goingto the hospital with like chest
pain and then told I'm notleaving the hospital until she's
(28:18):
born and that we needed to havean emergency C-section, lost
that like option.
I guess because it was notdiscussed and it it.
It was more about saving mylife than it was.
Yeah, do you want?
to encapsulate your bliss do youwant to eat it later, like I
(28:40):
want you to be able to be hereto eat it later yeah, how did
you feel when that moment came,when you were like how to go
into the c-section?
so I'll say it's kind of a blur.
It all happened so fast, eventhough it didn't really happen
fast.
And I say that because I was onblood thinners like my entire
pregnancy because of the bloodclot.
(29:01):
So I was on the horriblelovinox shot belly how do you
even give a shot to your belly?
That's like super pregnant.
Anyways, it happens Wow, andthey burn too.
But I had had it right before Icame to the hospital.
So basically, I felt this weirdpain in my chest, like it was
(29:21):
like in the middle of my chestand it felt like heartburn kind
of.
Then my shoulder started achingand I'm like okay, I'm already
super uncomfortable in pregnancy.
I'm 35 weeks, almost to the day, like I was a day away and my
doctor I called my doctor andshe was like heartburn, you know
(29:44):
.
And at that point I keptthinking to myself like I'm just
throwing these doctors, youknow, like I'm just and we don't
have to go into that.
But I did previously change my.
So at 30 weeks I was told thatmy doctor's no longer doing
practice anymore and that Ineeded to find a new one great,
(30:05):
Danielle.
Danielle, you had put everyone,I'm telling you like it was like
literally, and you know I willsay that I feel like it was, um,
he didn't really listen to me.
And I went through it from afertility clinic that literally
was there every second I textthem.
I called them, they answered.
And then I went through it froma fertility clinic that
(30:27):
literally was there every secondI text them.
I called them, they answered.
And then I went to an OB thatwas like you're sick, eat some
Pedialyte popsicles, you'll begood.
You know, like things like that.
I mean texting him like no, Ineed something better.
And he's like I still think youshould just eat Pedialyte
popsicles.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Did they ever give you any?
Yes?
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Anti-nausea.
So I ended up I was in thehospital probably every other
week getting fluids.
Finally, I bothered him so muchthat he approved home health
care.
So I ended up having homehealth care come out and I had
IVs every day.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
That's great, but not great too.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
We can check some more boxes if you want.
Yeah, so I ended up having themcome out and my veins kept
blowing and they have to callthem again and they have to come
out again.
And then finally I said I don'twant this anymore, I'm done
with it.
That was probably around like30 weeks, I think, um, and so I
was like, if I, if I have to,I'll just go back to the
(31:29):
hospital.
I don't want to deal with thisat home.
They're constantly trying toprick me.
I'm dehydrated, you can't get a.
You know what I'm saying?
Like it's just, it was a lotand um, so the home health care
happened, then I, I okay.
So this is where we were atwith my chest pain.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Did I skip something.
No, okay, no, I think I wentbackwards, okay.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
So the chest pain, and then my shoulder was hurting
.
I will give my mother creditright now because she told me to
call my doctor, because shetells me that all the time I
told you you should have calledit and she did so.
Thanks, mom.
But I called the doctor andthey were like you know what,
maybe it is, but let's check,let's see, you know.
(32:16):
So I got up, went to thehospital and they did some blood
work.
Of course, you know you got toget the covid covid test.
Now, that's the thing, um.
And then the doctor came in andshe was like, can I ask you a
few more questions?
And I'm like she's like, tellme where this pain is?
But I'm a little confused.
I'm like, okay, started tellingher.
(32:38):
It's like just in the middle ofmy chest, kind of like in my
feels, like it's in the middleof my ribs.
And she was like are you sureit's right there?
And I think so, um, and shecame back.
She left and then came back andwas like I'm contacting your
doctor.
And I was like, oh and um,she's like well, I'm gonna have
(33:01):
a, an ultrasound sonographer.
Come in, um, we are going to dosome looking, because it looks
as if your liver is failing andwe need to like really keep you
until the baby's here and in myhead I'm like okay, baby shoot,
(33:21):
I'm 35.
We were going to take her at 37anyways, because of my blood
clot.
You have to in case of aC-section.
You have to take it Because youcan't be on blood thinners for
12 hours or something alongthose lines.
And that's what kind of why Isaid that it wasn't.
It felt like it was fast.
It really wasn't fast because Ihad to wait, yeah, but she came
(33:45):
in and she was like yep, so youhave help syndrome and I looked
that up and I believe it's likeone in a million chance or
something along those lines.
And I'm sorry if I'm wrong onthat, but I remember looking at
it like Danielle, literallyeverything that you can, you are
one in a million right now,okay, and I remember looking at
(34:08):
that like I feel like I don'treally in that moment I didn't
realize how bad it was.
But now I look back at it andI'm going to be honest like I'll
look at different things aboutHELP syndrome, which is
H-E-L-L-P and I don't know whatthe like something elevated
liver enzymes, something alongthose lines.
(34:29):
But I'll tell you, it is theextreme of preeclampsia
hemoglobin right elevated liver,liver, and then I don't know
what the I don't know but it isthe most extreme of preeclampsia
(34:50):
.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
It's very dangerous.
Yeah, for you.
Yeah, the only cure for it isto deliver your baby.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Yes, yeah, yes.
So I remember my doctor comingin.
She came in immediately.
I mean, she was on call.
She came in and she was likeI'm giving you two choices,
right?
One I thought I was stayinguntil 37 weeks just in the
hospital.
That was like my immediatethought, like okay, I can do
that.
I meant I mean I was at homeall the entire pregnancy.
(35:18):
Anyways, I didn't even go towork like the whole eight months
because I was so sick and um,yeah, I was was like okay, cool,
we'll just sit in the hospitalfor a couple weeks.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Yeah, I know what this is like.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Yeah, no, that didn't mean that.
My doctor came in and said look, I'm going to give you two
options.
One, you can have your baby at11pm tonight.
Or two, we can wait until themedication your blood thinners
wear off, because we have to,and then we can induce you In
(35:57):
that option.
I need you to know that ifyou're induced and you go
through contractions and all ofthat stuff, but we keep checking
your liver enzymes and they'redropping even more or raising
whatever, whichever one washappening to me we're just going
to take your baby anyways.
And so it was like do you wantto go through pain and have
(36:20):
contractions and do all of that?
No, I don't, sorry.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Have you gone through enough at this point?
Like I don't, I don't, Sorry.
Have you gone through enough atthis?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
point, like I don't, I don't, and I remember thinking
to myself like I already knowthe answer to this, but she was
like I'm going to let you sit.
So she did, and me and myhusband had some good
conversations.
I did decide to do theC-section no-transcript and, as
(37:01):
a mom who would you chooseAlways the baby Good question.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
Like I mean like as a mom, you're like, I've just
grown it.
What about my other child?
Oh, 100%, that's true, you knowthat's a hard decision to make.
I feel, like as a mom, likewe're always thinking about
somebody else.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah, that's just how I feel like we are Well and you
know I don't have any otherkids, so that wasn't even you
know something on my mind.
My mind is I, I worked reallyhard.
Can she just live?
You know, but of course myhusband's first response is oh
no, it's you babe yeah.
You know, and they ended upgiving me a bag of magnesium and
(37:46):
apparently when you have helpsyndrome you are you have
extremely high chances ofseizure, and so they gave me
that.
Sorry if I didn't say that loudenough.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
I don't?
Speaker 2 (38:00):
you know I don't remember much else because
magnesium, apparently it takesyou out.
Yeah, that shit makes you loopy, loopy.
She was like I don't even knowif you're going to be able to
stand up, so you might just wantto stay sitting laying down.
Good, um, yeah, but I mean I'drather you just not have a
seizure like you know um, and sothat since that happened, I
(38:22):
kind of just go off photos.
You know like I don't, yeah, Ipercent.
Marty told me.
I remember I remember them likeI got wheeled into the
C-section room and Marty gotpushed to the back and was like
you need, you need to stay outhere until we get the epidural
(38:45):
epidural or anesthesia orwhatever it is that they put in
my back.
But, I'm assuming epidural typeof thing, and I remember my
doctor coming in and she was thesweetest.
I mean she is such a blessing.
Like I said, it was definitelya blessing that she jumped in to
my care and she came in.
She was like okay, just so youknow, you're about to feel some
(39:06):
weird things happen to your legand I'm sitting there, sitting
straight up on this table, andall of a sudden I felt these
like jolts and both of my legsjust like jumped and I'm like
what in the world is happening?
Apparently, that's what happensIf you're not like already numb
, feel this I don't know, haveyou guys had c-section um no,
(39:27):
but I've had an epidural butthat didn't feel like that.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Yeah, I mean that's, it's like a spine.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Yeah, yeah, yeah it was the weirdest feeling, just
like all of a sudden.
Yeah, it was so weird.
Um, and then I recall marty, intelling me he was there and
looking back at the person thatwas watching my levels I wasn't
looking, but I could see Martydoing it and they kept coming
(39:53):
over like worried about what washappening.
And then I remember the entiretable rocking because they
couldn't get her out.
So like I mean, clearly I hadalready been cut open.
I didn't even I didn't knowbecause I was.
I mean, I couldn't see and youcan't feel it really.
And um, I I remember marty'slike what are they doing?
(40:17):
But literally the whole tablerocked back and forth for they
were trying to pull her out.
So weird was she like in aweird position.
What happened?
They never said.
I I think that, like I said, Ithink that there was just so
much going on for them.
I I think my doctor was kind offreaked out like what was
happening and I'm trying to goas fast as they yeah, yeah but I
(40:41):
but I do remember Michaelabeing held up, but I couldn't
process that it was my baby.
It was like the weirdest.
Okay, you're just holding ababy in front of me it wasn't,
and that's probably a magnesium.
I didn't really have like a aconnection of what was going on.
Yeah, that happens.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Happened to me too, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
Yeah it, that happens to me too.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Yeah, it's just kind of like a it's not normal, but
it happens, yeah, and I alwaysfelt like when I saw her I would
just Like what the fuck?
Speaker 2 (41:10):
Yeah, she's just like screaming in my face and I'm
just staring at her, like youknow.
And then I have a video ofMarty, like Michaela was brought
from my table over to the NICUteam and I knew that was going
(41:32):
to happen because they had toldus over and over again before
all of this happened and I don'tremember.
But the video is Marty saying Ihear you baby.
And it was just like I want tocry every time that I hear that.
But I don't remember holdingher Apparently.
They let me hold her for liketo where they were just holding
(41:56):
her up.
It wasn't me actually likebeing able to be with her, but
she was rushed directly to NICUand Marty got to go be with her
for a little bit.
So that was he.
He stepped it up in the dad gamewhen she was in NICU for sure
they had some good before I waseven able to go back and be with
(42:17):
her because of, um, themagnesium, they wouldn't let me
go anywhere, um.
But another thing I reallyremember is, and I don't know
what a you know vaginal labor islike, but like do they come in
and just like press on yourstomach over and over again yeah
, oh gosh worse yeah I rememberthat like oh my gosh yeah, like
(42:41):
mean.
I get it, but like I just wentthrough, like a surgery where
you cut open many layers of mystomach and then they come in
and oh my gosh, I know.
I remember that night like itwas, like I went straight into
recovery because this was 1130pm that she was born and I went
(43:01):
straight into recovery and Imean it was like every what, or
two hours or something like that.
They were in there just pushingon my stomach and I'm yeah.
I looked over and my mom, whohad rushed out from Champaign to
get here, and my husband wereasleep.
She was in the chair sitting upand he was asleep on the floor
next to my bed and I just I'mlike what is happening?
(43:23):
I don't even know where I amright now on the floor yeah,
they didn't have any, because weweren't even supposed to have
two people with me because ofCOVID.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Yeah, was she 20?
21?
Who, michaela?
Speaker 2 (43:36):
you're talking about the no 2020, what?
Yeah, she was born in 21.
I got pregnant in yes, yeah,that was, it was a lot, yeah,
and that's another way Like Ifeel like I go so much more
connected to my husband because,honestly, like I don't feel
like I would have let anyoneelse see me like that, you know,
(44:00):
like helping you take offbandages and stuff like that in
the shower after you just gotcut open and you're just
pregnant anymore and just notwho you are you know, he stepped
it up.
Yeah, that's a totally different.
He did step it up, like my momwas so mad at him for making
(44:22):
because, like he would, like youknow, when they first.
Well, you guys haven't hadC-sections, but I'm assuming
that it's, I don't know, maybenot the first time getting up
after a C-section.
Yeah, you have this.
You feel like your stomach isgoing to fall out and of course
(44:45):
they wrap you in one of thoselike stomach wrap things.
But the first time getting upis so painful, like to be able
to bend, and I remember like mybed was probably like three feet
from the couch he was sittingin and I remember him getting up
and joking, like he was goingto like hug me or something, and
I was like stop, like I was soangry.
You have no idea how this feelsright now.
(45:06):
Leave me alone.
He's a jokester, he thinks it'shilarious and he's I mean, he
just kept jumping up and my mom,I remember looking over and the
look on her face.
She was ready to go over therebecause she meant business.
She was like stop doing that tomy daughter.
Yeah, that was hard, and beingaway from Mikayla was hard too.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
Did you end up getting to go see her.
So it wasn't until about 24hours, after which it wasn't bad
.
Marty would like come back andlike bring me videos and stuff
like he got to give her like herfirst bath and you know like
things like that to um to bethere, for he'd like send me
videos of her in the you knowlittle what they called where
(45:56):
that the warmers yeah, like ayeah, warmer um I.
One thing that we were luckywith is Michaela.
She was mostly healthy.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
Thirty five weeks is good, yeah, I mean well, yeah,
yeah, but good, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
Yeah, she, she really only had a heart.
Oh, I mean, in the first coupleof days she was in the warmer
and you know she had IVs andstuff like that, but she really
just needed to learn how to eat.
She was four pounds, pounds, sixounces, a little teeny baby
yeah I'm 17 inches long and shejust she didn't know how to
(46:36):
drink out of a bottle.
She wouldn't latch to me noneof that, which was fine.
I'm, I'm.
I think breastfeeding isamazing, but it is what it is.
I don't care as long as you eatyou know, um.
So she was in NICU for 21 daysand those were probably one of
the hardest things afterwardswas I felt so alone now in my
(46:58):
infertility journey.
I felt so alone Now in myinfertility journey.
I felt alone In my pregnancyjourney.
I felt alone because of, like,my HG.
No one was listening to me.
It was a lot.
And then now I'm in NICU andeveryone's like go home, get
rest.
How can I leave my baby?
(47:18):
You know like I live, you knowhow hard I worked for this child
.
How can I leave her?
And my husband was on the samething, like Danielle.
I have all this time Relax,take, take advantage of this.
You know that type of thing.
No, I don't want to.
I couldn't drive because I wasstill on pain meds for the
(47:45):
C-section, I was still beingmonitored for the HELP syndrome
and I depended on him to take meEvery single morning.
I got up, we were there by 7 amand then he would go to work
because he didn't start hismaternity, his paternity leave,
until after she got home fromNICU.
And I would sit there all dayand the nurses all day would
(48:08):
tell me go home, get sleep, getsome rest.
I just didn't take it like no,no, like you, like you have this
connection, like it's like youknow that they may not even feel
scared.
I don't know, you know anewborn, but like I feel like
what's supposed to happen isthat she's supposed to be, like
(48:32):
she's been in my stomach forwell, not my stomach you know
what?
I'm saying for um eight monthsyou know, she grew in there and
then now all of a sudden, I justlike leave her.
That was really hard, but noone could tell me anything.
I was there, the nurses keptone of them.
(48:52):
One thing that she kept tellingme was you're going to spoil
this baby like stop holding her.
Oh my gosh, I was so mad.
First of all, my baby isliterally like the teeniest
little thing like yeah, sheneeds her.
Yeah, well, and I still do yes,you know spoiled oh just give
(49:14):
them all that oh they need it.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
Holding a baby is like my biggest pride.
Yeah, I remember walking intothe doctor's office last week
and I was like my baby.
Speaker 2 (49:26):
No, but that's true.
I felt like once I got pregnantI was like, do I get to put the
mama shirts yet.
And then, once she was born,I'm loud and proud.
You better believe it.
You will see everything.
My keychain said mom on it likeall this stuff, like I was like
(49:47):
this is my baby, my baby.
Yes, I was very proud of ofbeing able to hold that title.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
I worked for that yeah, you did, I love it.
Yeah, I was postpartum that wasrough.
Speaker 2 (50:05):
Now, like, like I said in the beginning, I it was
just kind of like you know, I'msad because I don't want to be
away from a kid, so I felt likethat was something.
That was like, okay, that's anormal feeling, yeah, um, I
think life was happening reallyfast and I didn't really sit
down and think like, oh my gosh,I think I have a problem, you
(50:26):
know there's something wrong.
But then she came home 21 days.
I had my doctor's appointmentsomewhere around that time that
she came home and I remembertelling the doctor like, oh my
gosh, I'm so happy, like she'severything, like you know, no
worry.
Oh my gosh, I'm so happy, likeshe's everything, like you know,
no worries, she's home now,like that's all that matters.
(50:49):
I was sad, but she's home.
And then about a week later Iended up calling my doctor back
and said we need to talk,because this is not okay.
I am so scared of somethinghappening to her.
I am so like I don't wantpeople to really touch her
(51:10):
because I'm scared they're gonnadrop her.
I'm like there are these things, these like intrusive thoughts
that are going through my mindand nothing like to where.
You know, my postpartum was notlike.
You know I'm gonna'm going tohurt my child, or you know I
don't want to be around herbecause there's levels to it.
Right, this was more so, justlike I'm scared of losing her
(51:33):
and from experiencing lossmultiple times Kind of makes
sense.
But it was like little things,like I'd be driving in the car
or riding in the car and I'mlike, oh my gosh, what if that
car hits the side of me?
And then like, just like thesethings that just roll through my
mind, like, and then I don'tmake it home and then she
(51:54):
doesn't have a mom, and then youknow, like it just it, just it
was constant and it was nice.
I got to stay home for anothersix weeks after she was came
home from NICU, so like I got agood time with her.
(52:14):
But that was hard too, going towork, like being away, dropping
her off to somebody I don'teven know, at daycare, you know.
And so, yeah, I called her andshe said I'm so glad that you
called me, let's get you onsomething, let's try some things
out.
And I'm somewhat okay today.
(52:35):
I'm somewhat okay.
I love how you just like yourface you made yeah, cute um
somewhat yeah, um, I, I stillstruggle, I still struggle and
that could also be um, with whatI do now, with making a miracle
, because I am and my husbandtells me all the time like you
(52:58):
get so stressed out around likeevents and stuff like that.
Because I feel like you're, youknow, you're talking to media,
you're, you know, telling yourstory over and over again and
talking to other people, likeare you not like, just like
triggering yourself, like whatare you doing?
Um, but I find it therapeuticin some ways, you're also
(53:18):
empowering so many.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
Yeah, thank you Like this connection that I have,
(53:45):
that this being is mine and I'mgoing to raise her in the way
that I want to raise her Likeshe's just everything.
And I thought to myself overand over again like, okay, what
if this didn't happen?
Like you know, your last try?
Like what if you still didn'thave a baby?
How would that feel?
Like I just want to be therefor somebody that's going
(54:07):
through this.
Yeah, so, around hertransversary date, so, which was
December 19th, 2020.
It was the same night as theChristmas star, the Jupiter, the
retrograde, yeah, yeah.
We went out and took picturesand everything like this
(54:28):
transfer is going to workbecause those stars look like
Christmas star, but yeah, so we,we started to take gifts to my
fertility clinic and it was kindof just like you know, I wanted
to do something with me andMikayla, because this is special
for us.
I don't want to put my journeyon her in any type of way, and
(54:53):
this is something I've battledwith, because just because
that's my story doesn'tnecessarily mean it has to be
hers.
And I really battle that onlybecause I want her to.
I don't know, like I want herto know what happened, but I
don't want it to define her,does that?
make sense yeah um, wait, thiswas something that I was just
(55:16):
like.
You know, I can show my kid howto empower people.
She's only like three monthsold, but we, we got this, and so
we started taking presents.
I decided to create somecoloring books on.
Speaker 1 (55:34):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2 (55:37):
And so the first ones weren't that great, I will tell
you that.
But we started selling them onAmazon and this was my way of
being like okay, well, I'mgiving back to the infertility
community by providing them thisbook that they can use for the
two week wait, while making alittle bit of money to put into
(55:57):
my daughter's college fund,because I'm broke with all the
IVF treatment, and so we starteddoing this, and then every
holiday I would like buy thebooks and donate them.
We would do random things likethese.
I know her first transversarydate, I think.
I took the little bottles ofwine with stuff to the doctors
(56:21):
and nurses and stuff like thatstuff to the doctors and nurses
and stuff like that.
It was just more so like I feltabout being able to give back in
some sort of way, especially tothe people that one are going
through it and also helped me inmy journey.
So that was December and thenNational Infertility Awareness
Week is is the third week ofApril, the last week of April,
(56:44):
and it popped up and I startedlike looking into, okay, what
does St Louis have?
Because I mean, I really didn'tknow much about resources when
I was going through it.
I don't know.
I felt like maybe I was justtoo overwhelmed to even look,
and so I started like thinkinglike is anybody doing anything?
Is there anything fun that'sgoing to happen?
(57:05):
Like I want to spread awareness, you know those types of things
.
And there wasn't anything.
And so I was like, okay, sothis is in the back of my mind.
But I started getting involvedwith Resolve, which is the
National Infertility Association, and they do things like
(57:27):
proclamation projects where youcan have your city proclaim that
this is National InfertilityAwareness Week, stuff like that.
So I started to do littlethings and then I saw that they
were like light your city up,orange, those types of things.
So I jumped onto that bandwagonand the wheel ended up lighting
up orange for us the first year.
(57:49):
No one really knew about itbecause I I didn't really know
many people, and it was reallycool because it was like, oh my
gosh, they're doing this.
Yeah, I did that for us, youknow like.
I feel super cool.
So they did that and likeeveryone got so excited about it
like at the clinic and you knowall those things and it made me
(58:11):
realize that you know that thatsounds small, like oh, you got
the wheel lit up.
Orange for you, thanks Great.
But it shows so much support inways that you don't think about
.
Speaker 1 (58:25):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (58:26):
Yeah, like the fact that your city would acknowledge
that this is a thing.
Yeah, it's big, you know.
Speaker 1 (58:35):
And the wheel is not even that old.
Speaker 2 (58:37):
No, it's really new.
Speaker 1 (58:39):
It's really new.
It's a thing that's been aroundfor too long.
Speaker 2 (58:41):
And it's cool when they do things like that.
You know they do like genderreveal things yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:46):
Yeah, crazy.
Speaker 2 (58:49):
But they were doing it for free, you know.
So it was like nothing that Ihad to pay for or anything, and
it was just like, oh my gosh,this is awesome, thank you.
Yeah, next year I'm going toget the whole city, which has
not happened, it will happen, itwill happen.
So I noticed that more peoplewere coming to me Talking about
(59:10):
one the gifts they were gettingfrom my clinic and like, oh my
gosh, I'm so happy.
Can I say my doctor's name?
Yes, OK.
Ok.
I didn't know if names are coolor not, but yeah, so Dr Amber
Cooper, she would specificallytell patients about my special
days when I would give gifts.
(59:32):
There's a you know I expect Igive gifts and then they hand
them out.
There's a little like note init from me, that type of thing.
I don't expect them to reallyget the emotional aspect of it,
(59:54):
except for when my doctorspecifically is like I just want
you to know that today is aspecial day and I think that
your transfer is going to work,because this patient of mine,
you know like just like, reallylike putting emotion behind it.
Yeah, and I was getting so manymessages.
You made me feel so good.
I was having a rough day, I'mso glad that you know I got this
message and I really am feelingpositive now.
(01:00:16):
You know like just a lot and Idon't know, maybe it was an ego
thing, like, oh, that's so sweet, I did that.
No, it wasn't.
It was just like I feel likethat's so important in your
journey and I didn't have that.
Yeah, and I I I kind of wish Idid, you know, yeah, even if it
(01:00:37):
was from a stranger.
Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
Yeah, so not feel so alone, yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Like, oh, and that's what it says, and I don't know
if I think it's in the front ofthe coloring book.
It's like a little bit about myjourney.
Like you know, I try to putlittle notes in there like, okay
, today is the transversary date, and then, like, it's Mother's
Day.
So I just want you to know thatyou're not alone and you are
working so hard to be a mom, youshould be celebrated too.
(01:01:02):
You know those types of things.
I just feel like it's a littlebit of kindness so far.
But yeah, so we did the books,did the wheel, and then the next
year around I kept gettingpushed like do something, do a
(01:01:23):
walk.
You know, come on, Danielle, youcan do it All that work by
yourself.
Go ahead.
And so I did a lot of thinkingand I was asked to be
interviewed by a news station.
Dr Cooper and I did a storytogether.
Dr Cooper and I did a storytogether and it was about what
(01:01:46):
to say to somebody experiencinginfertility.
You know a little bit about myjourney.
Michaela was in it.
It was really cute and I feltlike I just needed to take the
step.
I was like I have a backgroundin nonprofit.
I work for a local agencythat's with domestic violence,
(01:02:06):
but I work in administration, soI know what to do.
Yeah, so I sat on this for awhile, but I finally went ahead
and went with it.
And it is a lot more work thanI expected it to be.
But march 29th of last year, um,we were finally incorporated as
(01:02:26):
making a miracle, a non-profitthat caters to the mental health
and support of the one in sixstruggling with infertility, no
matter what part of the journeythey're in.
So it's amazing.
Thank you, that's huge Thankyou.
We are the only organization inthe state of Missouri that does
(01:02:48):
what we do.
We are the only one.
Clearly I say state of Missouri, but the only organization that
has anything to do withinfertility in the city of St
Louis, and I want to go big orgo home, but we got to take our
time.
It's turned into somethingamazing.
(01:03:10):
Last year we had a resourcefair.
That was.
I mean, everyone was so happyabout it.
I pulled together people.
I pulled together clinics.
You don't typically see theclinics together.
Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
I know I was supposed to go Ever Gosh darn it.
Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
I know Well, you can come this year if you want.
Speaker 1 (01:03:30):
I will be at everything.
Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
I love that.
I'm going to be volunteering onyour yes the trivia night?
Yes, right, yes, yes.
Volunteering on your yes thetrivia night?
Yes, right, yes, yes, yeah, Igotta get my life together.
Um, it isn't just, it's, it's alot.
And when you have a little oneat home, it's yeah, yeah, I'm
taking up up enough time, noplus a full-time job, plus, you
(01:03:52):
know yeah, what's that passion?
no, just like what in the world?
Um, so yeah, so Making aMiracle has been doing some
pretty great things.
We've had the resource fair.
We had the infertility lastSeptember.
That was the one.
Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
(01:04:14):
It was more of a fancieroccasion to learn a little bit
more about infertility and howit impacts our city.
And this year, for NationalInfertility Awareness Week,
we'll have Trivia Night I'mworking right now on an advocacy
(01:04:36):
day and then we'll have anotherresource fair and maybe
something else in between.
I haven't decided yet, but thisresource fair this year is
going to be bigger and I have alot of really awesome vendors
that were not around last yearbecause I didn't I didn't know
to even think of them, but itjust happened so fast last year.
(01:04:58):
But this year I've been able toget some things done.
It's amazing how the communitycomes out and, you know, is
there for you and donate thingsand, like when you're a
nonprofit, that stuff happensKind of awesome, kind of awesome
, like you don't.
You don't feel bad about askingfor money.
No, not at all asking for moneybecause but yeah, so I kind of I
(01:05:24):
don't.
I don't want to say that Iturned my tragedy into triumph
in any type of way, because I'mnot sure that I'm a hundred
percent triumphant and what hashappened and where I am right
now, but making a miracle istruly special and I will tell
you that one of the most specialthings that has happened in
making a miracle is a littlestory.
(01:05:47):
I was putting up one of mysigns that I thought I was very
proud of.
This sign Like when littlethings like that happen with an
organization that I like puttogether, it's pretty like cute,
right, yeah.
So I got one of these signsthat's really tall and it like
comes out of this cylinder caseand you pull it out and then you
stand it up.
And the very first time I didit, my daughter watched me and
(01:06:11):
she we were at like mysister-in-law's house with all
the kids running around andstuff, and she ran up and she
turns around and someone gotthis on video and it says, mommy
, look, it's making a miracle.
And it just like I mean, am Idoing something right?
That's what I was like, oh mygosh, Like it is, she knows my
logo.
Like like she knows Target'slogo like this.
(01:06:32):
I was like, oh my gosh.
And so now, every time I put onit like today when I left I
have my introverted but willingto discuss fertility shirt on
and the back of it has theMaking a Miracle on it and she
gets so excited when she sees itand it just brings me so much
joy because I feel like I mayhave really, like, created it
(01:06:56):
because I'm an adult, but reallyit came from her.
You know, like it definitelydid an adult, but really it came
from her.
You know, like it definitelydid and I call it.
A lot of people try to do theMAM making a miracle, but like
Mac makes sense because it's mydaughter's name, so it's like
it's like after her, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:07:15):
I've definitely texted you, like MAM, before and
now.
Speaker 2 (01:07:18):
I'll know now everyone, hopefully.
No, it's not a big deal, it'snot a thing, but it just kind of
like for me it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (01:07:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:07:28):
And I didn't give her that nickname, her teachers did
, and then she now that's whatshe calls herself, and so I was
like I think that's really cute,like you know a way to just
honor her in some kind of way.
Um, we're working on a grant tobe able to give a financial
resource to somebody that needsit for treatment.
(01:07:49):
Um, although, there is anamazing organization in southern
missouri, um three heartsfoundation yeah they're there
too.
Um, and they just gave out twofifteen thousand dollar grant.
Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
Wow, like two weeks ago well, I saw your like
stories of three hearts.
Speaker 2 (01:08:08):
I didn't really know what three hearts was yeah, so
three hearts is also a dr cooperpatient.
Katie tidwell and her husbandum.
They have two beautiful ivfbabies and um they give out a
Hayden Gives Hope grant everyyear $15,000, to a couple that's
struggling financially to gothrough treatment, and this was
(01:08:32):
their third year, I believe, andthis year they had raised so
much last year at their gala anda generous donor that they gave
out too.
It was a surprise to everyone.
Yeah, it was absolutelyincredible.
So financial resources are outthere.
I just hope that I can givesomething small you know,
(01:08:52):
anything to give back.
I'm going to call it a macrogrant Get it.
Macro Macro Grant Get it.
Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
Macro.
Speaker 2 (01:09:04):
So I'm working on the name.
I'm working on the name, butyeah, it's because I, you know,
I think if I can go small andreach more people, I'm up for
that.
So we'll see.
Making a Miracle has a lotgoing on, a lot of advocacy, a
lot of everything, and hopefullyit can give someone hope and
(01:09:28):
support and encouragementthrough their journey and
hopefully they have an amazing,beautiful pregnancy and labor
and don't have to go anythingout through anything else aside
from the infertility part.
Speaker 1 (01:09:42):
Yeah, yeah, I honestly thought mac was so much
older because of how well macyeah, making a miracle is doing
like I.
I honestly had no idea.
Speaker 2 (01:09:57):
No.
So I've watched my husband Likehe's had worked with a few
nonprofits, helped people withnonprofits.
I think it's just that I'm anentrepreneur and an advocate by
nature and I think that justkind of there's that.
But then there's also the need.
Speaker 1 (01:10:17):
Yeah, Love it, you know yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:10:19):
The need is it's there.
Yeah, also the need.
Yeah, love it, you know, theneed is it's there, it's there,
and I think that I hope that wecan grow and be able to help
more, but I'm okay until I canhire somebody.
Speaker 1 (01:10:38):
I can see like the ideas.
Oh, they're constantly there.
Speaker 2 (01:10:42):
I mean even you know, today I was at in Jeff City and
I was talking with people aboutdifferent bills that are going
on right now, about infertilityinsurance, those types of things
, and I kind of want to get intothe advocacy game.
You know a little bit more,because there are other
(01:11:04):
organizations that do thefinancial piece.
I think Making a Miracle can goa little wider, you know a
little broader, and get more ofthe support in other ways.
Yeah, plus, I mean if listen, Idon't know that this is ever
going to happen, knock on wood,I hope it does, but if Missouri
(01:11:25):
can mandate insurance, thatwould help so much.
Speaker 1 (01:11:28):
And it would be huge for so many people yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:11:32):
I won't keep my fingers.
I will keep my fingers crossed,but I won't hold my breath.
I will keep my fingers crossed,but I won't hold my breath.
But we also need people outthere to, you know, speak their
truth and tell their story,especially with what's going on
in Alabama.
And yeah, so hopefully we'll,you know we'll find some more
(01:11:56):
avenues of support.
But yeah, it's definitely, it'sconstantly in my head just like
going in circles, like what areyou going to do next?
Speaker 1 (01:12:03):
You know.
Speaker 2 (01:12:04):
I have so much that I want to do, but there's just me
.
There isn't just me, cause Igot amazing volunteers too.
But yeah, it should be, shouldbe fun, yeah, fun ride.
Um, how can people reach you?
Yeah, so I am on instagram atmaking a miracle 8421, and also
(01:12:28):
on facebook, which isfacebookcom slash m-a-k-s
m-a-m-a 8421.
Now see, that's where I wentwith the mama thing I was.
I had mama everywhere.
I would listen.
I did not hold back as soon asI had Michaela.
I was like Facebook namechanged and then I couldn't
(01:12:48):
change it back when Making aMiracle actually became an
organization.
So that's that.
But you can also reach me.
My website iswwwmakingamiracleorg.
You can also reach me at mywebsite is wwwmakingamiracleorg.
There's lots of resources onthere.
There's the NationalInfertility Awareness Week
shirts, lots of different thingsthat you can check out.
(01:13:11):
Make a donation if you wouldlove to, because that would be
great too.
And if you know of anybody likea vendor or a resource that
isn't on there, let me know too,because I love to add them
daily.
Speaker 1 (01:13:27):
Thank you so much for sharing the start to the finish
.
Speaker 2 (01:13:32):
It's a lot.
We could be here all night.
And the dot, dot, dot.
Yeah, no, seriously, it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (01:13:38):
I'm so excited to see where this goes and follow you.
Thank you, come to your event.
Yeah, no, seriously, it's a lot.
I'm so excited to see wherethis goes and follow you.
Thank you, come to your event.
Speaker 2 (01:13:44):
Yes, I would love to have you guys there.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
Speaker 1 (01:13:49):
Cool.
Speaker 2 (01:13:49):
Thank you guys, thank you so much, thank you Thank
you guys.
Speaker 1 (01:13:52):
We'll see you next episode.
Thank you for joining us onthis episode of the Golden Hour
Birth Podcast.
We hope you've enjoyed ourdiscussion and found it
insightful and beneficial.
Remember, the Golden Hour BirthPodcast is made possible by the
support of listeners like you.
If you appreciate the contentwe bring you each week, consider
leaving us a review on yourfavorite podcast platform or
(01:14:14):
sharing the show with yourfriends and family.
Your support helps us reachmore people and continue
creating valuable episodes.
If you have any questions,suggestions or topics you'd like
us to cover in future episodes,we'd love to hear from you.
You can reach us on our website, wwwgoldenhourbirthpodcast, or
(01:14:35):
connect with us on social media.
We value your feedback and wantto make sure that we're
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Before we sign off, we'd liketo express our gratitude to our
incredible guests who joined ustoday.
We are honored that they trustus enough to be so open and
vulnerable.
We're grateful for their timeand willingness to share their
stories with us.
(01:14:55):
If you're interested in takingthe conversation further with us
, join us on our Facebook group,the Golden Hour Birth Circle.
We'll be back next week withanother exciting episode, so be
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Until then, stay golden andremember to take care of
yourself.
We'll catch you on the nextepisode of the Golden Hour Birth
Podcast.
Bye.
Have you ever wondered how to turn your
struggles into somethingpositive that can help others?
This National InfertilityAwareness Week, we bring you an
inspiring story of resilience,compassion and advocacy.
In this episode, we sit downwith Danielle, a brave mom who
shares her story, from theheartbreak of infertility to the
joy of motherhood, and how shechanneled her experiences into
(00:22):
creating Making a Miracle, anonprofit organization dedicated
to supporting those facinginfertility.
Join us as we hear Danielle'semotional story, from the
challenges of endometriosis andIVF to the life-threatening
complications during herpregnancy and delivery.
Discover how she found strengthin her darkest moments and used
(00:43):
her voice to break the silencesurrounding infertility.
Stay tuned until the end of theepisode to learn about exciting
local events Danielle hasplanned for National Infertility
Awareness Week in St Louis andhow you can get involved in
making a difference in the livesof those struggling with
infertility.
Get ready for a powerful anduplifting conversation that will
(01:03):
inspire you to turn your owntrials into triumphs.
Let's dive in the Golden HourBirth Podcast, a podcast about
real birth stories and creatingconnections through our shared
experiences.
Childbirth isn't just about thechild.
It's about the person who gavebirth, their lives, their wisdom
and their empowerment.
We're Liz and Natalie, theGolden Hour Birth Podcast, and
(01:27):
we're here to laugh with you,cry with you and hold space for
you.
Welcome to the Golden HourBirth Podcast.
I am your co-host, liz, and I'myour co-host Natalie, and
tonight we have Danielle on.
She is a mama of one and alsothe founder of Making a Miracle,
so thanks so much for coming ontonight.
Speaker 2 (01:48):
Thank you guys so much for having me.
I appreciate it.
Speaker 1 (01:50):
Yeah, if you want to go ahead and share a little bit
about you and your family.
Speaker 2 (01:54):
Yeah, so me and my husband are I guess you can say
it was high school sweethearts.
We met at my senior prom and soit's kind of like this like
fairy tale although it took uslike 16 years to get married,
(02:15):
but we were young and we'restill here.
That's what it is.
We've been through a lottogether.
I was 18.
And you can imagine that's alot to go through.
And then one of the biggestthings that we did go through
was the start of our infertilityjourney.
Yeah, which completelydifferent from what we had ever
been through before.
Yeah, so yep.
(02:36):
And then we have our pit bullpup.
His name is Jitka and he wasour baby for the longest time
before we were able to actuallyhave baby in human form, and
that's mckayla.
She's two years, sweet, she'sso sweet.
Speaker 1 (02:54):
So if you want to kind of go ahead and start us
off on like when you guysdecided to start trying for a
baby, yeah, a baby, yeah.
Speaker 2 (03:02):
So I would say in about 2015, I was finally
diagnosed with endometriosis.
I had struggled with it for areally long time.
High school, I missed a lot ofvolleyball games, missed a lot
of school, everything becauseendo kicked my butt and it takes
(03:23):
about the average 10 years toactually be diagnosed with
endometriosis and that was, uh,it was a few more years for me,
but, um, finally I was diagnosedvia laparoscopy and the doctor
at the time was like now is thebest time.
You know, like I don't knowwhere you are in your family
(03:43):
building journey, but now's thetime Next six months because
endo can always grow back.
And so that was when I startedto kind of I guess you would say
try, because I wouldn't say weever really didn't try or was
careful, so, but in my, in theback of my head, I knew
(04:04):
something wasn't right and Iwent to my doctor, advocated for
myself, and they still wouldn'thelp me with anything and we
weren't getting pregnant.
So I reached out to a localfertility clinic and told them
tell me what to do.
I don't know you know where I'mgoing with this, but I there's
something not right, um, and shegot me to another doctor who
(04:28):
then did some tests and sent meright back to her.
Um, that was the end of 2015,2016, um what were your like
symptoms of endometriosis.
So a lot of it was pain aroundmy period.
Now it was like more of thedebilitating pain, like I don't
(04:49):
want to get off the bathroomfloor.
I had a lot of, you know, thebloating and also the nausea,
like I just felt so sick all thetime and that was just around
my period.
So it was okay, you know.
But I also didn't have regularperiods.
(05:10):
So, you know, one month itwould be absolutely horrible and
then, like a week later I'dhave another one.
You know those types of things.
So it was very abnormal what Iwas experiencing and everyone
just kind of told me that's howperiods are.
So I know it was absolutelyhorrible and I hate that they do
(05:31):
that.
But painful periods are notnormal and if you're having pain
, then you need to get help.
Speaker 1 (05:40):
I can't believe it takes a woman of like average of
10 years to be diagnosed thatis insane, and about one in 10
actually are diagnosed withendometriosis.
Speaker 2 (05:52):
So so many women that you know don't get listened to,
and that's why it's importantto advocate for yourself.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
It's like are these OBGYN's like not aware?
Speaker 2 (06:05):
that this is a thing.
Well, and you know I actuallyhad to.
So I didn't actually getdiagnosed until I moved to st
louis and back where I'm from.
They didn't have specialistsand things like that.
And there was actually aspecialist that I saw when I
came out here, my ob-gyn likethis sounds like what it could
be, and so they connected mewith that doctor and that he was
(06:32):
like immediately, let's do theexcision surgery and I think
it's, I think it.
You know, depending on whereyou're from, it's it was newer
than for there to be specializeddoctors for that.
But yeah, it's, it's a it'sdefinitely an interesting
(06:52):
disease and you know there's somany studies about where they
can find endo in your body andyou know those types of things.
So yeah, it's just advocatingfor yourself is so important
yeah like yeah, you know yourbody better than a doctor yeah,
(07:13):
and that's that's kind of whereI was when I, you know, when
someone was like I'm not gonnahelp you, we're not gonna do
medication or anything until youshow me that you've been trying
for a year, and at that pointit was just kind of like I'm way
beyond this, I have to get asecond opinion.
And that's when I finally wasable to meet my fertility doctor
(07:33):
and the most incredible womanI've ever met in my life,
absolutely.
So we kind of jumped into thefertility world and we were very
new at it, had no insurance, wewere young and we tried
(07:54):
everything we could, thecheapest way possible, and that
started with like timedintercourse where maybe a shot
of Avadryl was 150 to 300.
And that's all we had.
And so we tried it over andover and over again and it was
draining and I just felt likenothing was working.
(08:15):
This isn't going to work.
I knew in my head like this isnot right.
So.
So we ended up going intoinsemination and we did that a
couple of times and after everytime I left that clinic after I
don't know I was inseminated.
I was like this is not going towork.
(08:38):
I like, and I know that I needto be more positive.
But you know, like you said,you know your body, you know
that when there's something notright, you know there's
something right.
And that will also come intothe end of my story because,
like, if you don't speak up, nomatter how much you feel like
(09:03):
you're bothering somebody, theworst could happen.
So insemination didn't work andwe were lucky enough to where
my husband just got a new joband they had infertility benefit
and it was like this thingwhere everything just came
together and I was like, yes,this, this is right.
(09:23):
I went and I met with my doctorand I I've said this before, um
and other things that I've donebut I remember sitting in the
office with her.
She came in and I said I don'tthink this is working.
Can you tell me more about IVF?
and she was like I was hoping somuch that you would finally
(09:44):
come and ask me that because Iknow that you couldn't afford it
and I wanted you guys to becomfortable, but I am so glad
that you're ready for this.
I wasn't ready for that.
Infertility sucks, ivf sucksand I was very blessed to have
(10:05):
some insurance.
It's not mandated in the stateof Missouri and I was very
blessed.
We were able to get through tworounds of IVF.
The first round I had fourembryos.
Can I say this out loud thatembryos are not children,
(10:25):
although I felt like my embryoswere my children because I
worked so hard to have them.
I know for a fact that it doesnot result in pregnancy and I
had my very first transfer.
I got pregnant and I thought itwas like, oh my gosh,
everything came together,pregnant.
(10:46):
This is amazing.
And then it was gone and thatwas like one of the hardest
things that me and my husband inthe I think at this point we'd
been together like 11, 12 yearsthat we had been together.
I had never experienced that,plus failed transfers, plus
(11:09):
another loss, and then Michaelaended up being my sixth transfer
and I remember like I didn'tknow how to be there in any type
of way for my husband.
He didn't know how to be therefor me it was like we were
battling each other's grief andbattling each other at the same
(11:33):
time, and that was so hard toget through that going through
it.
I don't think I would ever knowmy husband as well as I do
without what we went through.
So, yeah, infertility sucks.
(11:54):
It was a lot, and my story isstill not resolved where I am in
my journey.
But I know with what else we'regoing to talk about, with my
birth story that I am notcapable of having another child
(12:14):
myself, so the journey may takeanother path.
I don't know right now.
It's just, it is what it isuntil we get there, I guess.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
So do you have to go through more?
Speaker 2 (12:33):
So you said, would I have to?
Speaker 1 (12:36):
Did you have to?
Speaker 2 (12:37):
Yeah, so the first time I had four embryos.
So we went through two roundsof IVF.
First time I had four embryos,the second time I had three.
So my first round of IVF I hada loss and then three failed
(12:58):
transfers.
And then my second round of IVFI had a loss in November and
got pregnant with my daughter inDecember.
And then we have one morefrozen embryo that we don't
really know what's going tohappen with it, and there's a
(13:19):
lot going on right now that it'sscary.
So scary.
I'll say that I am extremely,extremely, extremely blessed to
where one.
I know that my embryo is in thebest hands and that if anything
was to happen, they would tellme and then two, I have my baby
(13:44):
girl in my arms right now, towhere it's not something that
I'm in the middle of, and I feelso much for those people that
are in it and have those fearsof anything.
You know any, any pauses.
I know what that was likeduring COVID, but this isn't
COVID, you know like this is atotally different atmosphere.
(14:07):
So, um, so she's here.
I'm glad she's here.
Speaker 1 (14:15):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (14:16):
And we got through what we got through.
It was about six years worth oftreatment.
My God, it was a very long sixyears treatment.
Speaker 1 (14:27):
My God, it was a very long six years.
How long was the IVF like fromwhen you started IVF?
Speaker 2 (14:46):
So I would say we started in 2018 with our first
IVF.
Now, these are the things thatI take into consideration is,
cycles aren't like.
You know, they take time.
I was extremely impatient.
That's like the hardest part.
You want it to move so fast,but your body can only do so
much, right, and the doctors arewatching your every move.
(15:08):
Yeah, and you know, you'reconstantly at doctor's
appointments.
I actually had an OHSS one ofmy oh my God Rounds of IVF.
That's scary.
It was my second one, which isovarian hyperstimulation
syndrome, and I that was kind ofin the moment.
(15:29):
That was my second round of IVFand I remember thinking to
myself when that happened,because I was in so much pain.
I was in the hospital for anight, like it was a big mess,
and I remember telling myselfyou're not doing this, like
there's no way, like if youdon't get pregnant I don't know
what's been, but you just can't.
It's just so trying on yourbody and I just wasn't who you
(15:53):
know I used to be you know thatchanges you.
Yeah, it does 100 and I couldtell you that I'm, I'm, I'm okay
with who it changed me into now, um, but, like I said, I'm, I'm
blessed because I have theprize right, um, or part of the
prize.
You know, my, my family isn'tcomplete, but with what I, I
(16:18):
feel complete, so it's, it's uminferility.
It rocks your world and itcontinues with you.
And the next part of my journeybeing pregnant, danielle, it
(16:39):
was there every moment.
That constant fear, thatconstant.
You're scared.
You're scared of loss, you'rescared of just the unknown, like
I remember.
So, since we had lost beforeand told people and then had to
go back and tell them that wemiscarried, that, um, we decided
(17:01):
this time we're not doingtelling, not until you're 12
weeks.
Well, I ended up getting a bloodclot in my leg which caused me
to have to tell, because I feltlike if I don't tell my mom
what's happening, she would beso upset with me.
Like you know, these are medicalemergencies that are happening,
so I had to tell her and then,around 12 weeks, it kind of all
(17:27):
got out.
But even after that, like I was, I had hyperemesis, gravardia,
my entire pregnancy.
But I remember there weremoments where I would feel and
this is a word that people thatgo through HG use fluffy and
that's like a day that you couldfeel good.
That doesn't mean you'll feelgood tomorrow, but that's a day
(17:48):
where you're like, okay, I'mpuking, you know.
And there were those days andin my head I'm like, oh, my gosh
, is my baby still, because I'mpuking because of pregnancy, but
then when I'm not, it's like Ican't feel her.
Yet I haven't felt her kick,what you know what's happening
and I was like constantlycontacting my doctor and tell he
(18:13):
was so annoyed of me.
He was so annoyed of me, butthat goes back into the advocacy
.
You know, you got to speak upfor yourself.
Speaker 1 (18:23):
When did your first?
Speaker 2 (18:23):
loss happen.
So my first loss was my veryfirst round of IVF.
Speaker 1 (18:28):
Like the first transfer.
Speaker 2 (18:30):
So that was very early.
So like five, six.
Speaker 1 (18:34):
Did you have a heartbeat?
Or like, did you?
You didn't, you just had the.
Speaker 2 (18:39):
It is yeah and it was Christmas and it was like I had
to sit through Christmas andNew Year's.
Like New Year's weekend was myhusband's family Christmas and I
remember people were likecheersing and like kind of
making jokes, like Danielle'sdrinking water, she must be
(19:02):
pregnant.
And in my head I'm like littlelittle.
Do you know?
I'm literally miscarrying rightand I try normal in front of
everybody and stuff like thathurts it hurts, you know I'm so
sorry one.
Yeah, it's, it's.
It's a hard thing, especiallybecause people don't know what
they're saying yeah they don'tin any of it, and that's one of
(19:27):
the reasons why I do what I dois to kind of spread awareness
on why, um, some of the thingsyou say are important and can
hit hard.
Speaker 1 (19:40):
Yeah for sure yeah, I've never asked my childless
friends when?
When are you going to have a?
Baby or do you want to have itLike that's your business?
You can tell me if you want.
And then I've never askedanybody like when are you having
a second or a third?
Speaker 2 (19:57):
To tell you I've been there though, and you know a
little back story is I used tobe a teacher and I remember
there were so many amazingfamilies in my class that we
would like so when's the nextone coming?
Because we want them to be inour class.
You know those types of things,and I will tell you that I have
(20:18):
literally called and text ormessage Facebook, whatever, and
told every single one of thoseparents that I am sorry, like I
am.
I was not there yet in theinfertility like spectrum.
I had no idea and little did Iknow like there was.
(20:38):
You know a mom that almost diedin childbirth, and you know she
was.
She was scared to have anotherkid, and you know those types of
things that you just don't knowwhat someone's going through.
So know that it's hard to likestop saying like, just normal
things, but some of these thingsare normal.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
I'm like 100 percent guilty of it.
Yeah, and I was out of townthis weekend with two childless
couples.
I'm like I made sure I didn'task that because it's not my
business.
Speaker 2 (21:11):
But it's hard because it's like I know you know
you're asked these things, orlike you hear them as you grow
up because it wasn't talkedabout in any type of way and
like I was talking, yeah, yeahyeah, like I wanted it.
It's also like yeah because it'snot my business.
No, but that's true, but it,but still like you also care.
Yeah, yeah and that's true, butstill like you also care.
Yeah, and that's what alsomakes it difficult is because
you're like you know, I wouldlove to hold another baby of
(21:33):
somebody that I care about.
You know, like those types ofthings, that, but it's still not
.
You know still not okay, right,but I think that that's kind of
where it falls into, like peopledon't understand because they
just care, but they just don'tknow how to say it.
Speaker 1 (21:51):
Yeah, you know yeah, and you are like going through
IVF, which is extremely, yeah,you know, sacred thing between
you and your partner.
You're like you're goingthrough so much, yeah, and no
one knows.
No one knows, no one knows.
Speaker 2 (22:09):
Yeah, and you know I can even shout to the rooftops
that I'm doing it, but no one'sgoing to understand it if they
haven't been through it.
Yeah, with relation likeinfertility impacts so much of
your life, relationships, um,you know the emotional toll, the
(22:31):
financial toll, the stigmas andmisconceptions, those types of
things like it.
It affects every being of yourlife and you're constantly
reminded constantly reminded meof Nancy, posts on Facebook and
you know like it's just, it's,it's hard and you know had so
(22:52):
many conversations with friendsand family, fallouts with
friends and family because Ihave to protect my mental health
at the same time, like I knowthat people want you know what's
good for you, but you are theonly you know what's good for
you, but you are the only onethat actually knows what's good
for you.
I remember having like aconversation with a friend of
(23:14):
mine because I had just gotten acall about a announce of a very
close family member and theydidn't tell me that they were
pregnant.
I found out through someoneelse who slipped up and then saw
an announcement on and it hitme because it's like you guys
(23:37):
know, you know what I'm goingthrough.
And so I called one of myfriends and I was bawling, just
crying my eyes out, like I hatethis, like I don't want to go
through eyes out, like I hatethis, like I don't want to go
through this anymore, like I'mso angry and it isn't angry at
anybody for being pregnant,because that's a beautiful thing
, but I'm angry that it wasn'tme.
(23:58):
Yeah, you know I'm happy forthem, but it wasn't me.
And that person on the otherline said you really need some
therapy.
And I remember bawling evenharder and hanging up the phone
like I probably do need therapyand I suggest anyone get it if
they need it.
(24:19):
But in that moment I justwanted validation.
You know, like I just neededsomeone to listen.
Speaker 1 (24:24):
You said, like I understand, yeah, but this is
somebody who you know.
Speaker 2 (24:26):
Like I just needed someone to listen.
I understand, yeah, but this issomebody who got pregnant
easily, you know, and it's likeI don't think that, like I said,
I can show you that I'm givingmyself shots every night.
I can you know those types ofthings, but I don't think anyone
really understands unlessthey've actually done it, you
know, and that's for a lot ofthings in life, you know.
(24:48):
So I think that to protectthat's important too.
Speaker 1 (24:56):
Yeah how did you?
Did you go to therapy?
Speaker 2 (25:02):
um, so I will tell you I do now, okay, um, back
then I felt like I could do itby myself and I felt like me and
my husband could do it makesense but I don't know if that's
because of the stigma ontherapy too, you know, um, like
(25:22):
that there was really somethingwrong with me, when I already
knew there was something wrongwith me physically, yeah, and
I'm reminded of that every day,and that my body is just not
doing what a woman is actuallysupposed to do.
But I didn't want to think ofsomething else that I that was
wrong.
That makes sense.
Speaker 1 (25:43):
You know I get it.
That's a lot.
Speaker 2 (25:46):
Yeah, and I mean I will tell you, though having a
therapist is incredible.
You may cry for an hour, butyou will feel so good after that
you know like it will feel sogreat and, um, I am an advocate
for definitely asking for help,um, and I don't know if we want
(26:08):
to go back into my journey, butI will tell you that postpartum
definitely kicked my butt too,so I Ditto.
Speaker 1 (26:15):
I was too yeah.
Speaker 2 (26:17):
I 100% say tell your doctor you need help, Because at
first I didn't and I was likeshe just came home from NICU.
Be my baby's home, I was notokay.
Speaker 1 (26:34):
One of my best friends is pregnant right now
and I was like she's like, likewhat are like three to five
items you think I need?
And I was like I'm a secondtime mom and all I can say is
support, get yourself atherapist yeah, right now get
yourself a postpartum doula, doit.
Don't even worry about the bigitems.
But here are some other items.
Speaker 2 (26:54):
Yeah well, it's like you, that's.
Another thing is you don'tthink you're gonna get it or
deal with postpartum right likeI.
I knew with my journey and howit went and then how I was so
scared all the time when Iwasn't sick and feeling like I
could lose her in any type ofmanner I knew I, immediately
(27:14):
before she even came out, I waslike, can we talk about, you
know, placenta encapsulation,because I hear that it helps
with postpartum depression.
I kind of have a feeling thatI'm going to have an issue and
with what happened to me you cango and say that I ended up
(27:34):
having help syndrome, and whatmakes you one feel better from
HG is the placenta beingcompletely out of your body.
So once that's gone, youtypically feel absolutely
amazing.
So she was like do you reallywant to put that back in your
body?
Good point, I didn't thinkabout that part.
(27:58):
And I couldn't find any studieson it, but that's logical.
So that kind of was in the backof my head like maybe.
But then when I ended up goingto the hospital with like chest
pain and then told I'm notleaving the hospital until she's
(28:18):
born and that we needed to havean emergency C-section, lost
that like option.
I guess because it was notdiscussed and it it.
It was more about saving mylife than it was.
Yeah, do you want?
to encapsulate your bliss do youwant to eat it later, like I
(28:40):
want you to be able to be hereto eat it later yeah, how did
you feel when that moment came,when you were like how to go
into the c-section?
so I'll say it's kind of a blur.
It all happened so fast, eventhough it didn't really happen
fast.
And I say that because I was onblood thinners like my entire
pregnancy because of the bloodclot.
(29:01):
So I was on the horriblelovinox shot belly how do you
even give a shot to your belly?
That's like super pregnant.
Anyways, it happens Wow, andthey burn too.
But I had had it right before Icame to the hospital.
So basically, I felt this weirdpain in my chest, like it was
(29:21):
like in the middle of my chestand it felt like heartburn kind
of.
Then my shoulder started achingand I'm like okay, I'm already
super uncomfortable in pregnancy.
I'm 35 weeks, almost to the day, like I was a day away and my
doctor I called my doctor andshe was like heartburn, you know
(29:44):
.
And at that point I keptthinking to myself like I'm just
throwing these doctors, youknow, like I'm just and we don't
have to go into that.
But I did previously change my.
So at 30 weeks I was told thatmy doctor's no longer doing
practice anymore and that Ineeded to find a new one great,
(30:05):
Danielle.
Danielle, you had put everyone,I'm telling you like it was like
literally, and you know I willsay that I feel like it was, um,
he didn't really listen to me.
And I went through it from afertility clinic that literally
was there every second I textthem.
I called them, they answered.
And then I went through it froma fertility clinic that
(30:27):
literally was there every secondI text them.
I called them, they answered.
And then I went to an OB thatwas like you're sick, eat some
Pedialyte popsicles, you'll begood.
You know, like things like that.
I mean texting him like no, Ineed something better.
And he's like I still think youshould just eat Pedialyte
popsicles.
Speaker 1 (30:44):
Did they ever give you any?
Yes?
Speaker 2 (30:47):
Anti-nausea.
So I ended up I was in thehospital probably every other
week getting fluids.
Finally, I bothered him so muchthat he approved home health
care.
So I ended up having homehealth care come out and I had
IVs every day.
Speaker 1 (31:03):
That's great, but not great too.
Speaker 2 (31:07):
We can check some more boxes if you want.
Yeah, so I ended up having themcome out and my veins kept
blowing and they have to callthem again and they have to come
out again.
And then finally I said I don'twant this anymore, I'm done
with it.
That was probably around like30 weeks, I think, um, and so I
was like, if I, if I have to,I'll just go back to the
(31:29):
hospital.
I don't want to deal with thisat home.
They're constantly trying toprick me.
I'm dehydrated, you can't get a.
You know what I'm saying?
Like it's just, it was a lotand um, so the home health care
happened, then I, I okay.
So this is where we were atwith my chest pain.
Speaker 1 (31:48):
Did I skip something.
No, okay, no, I think I wentbackwards, okay.
Speaker 2 (31:54):
So the chest pain, and then my shoulder was hurting
.
I will give my mother creditright now because she told me to
call my doctor, because shetells me that all the time I
told you you should have calledit and she did so.
Thanks, mom.
But I called the doctor andthey were like you know what,
maybe it is, but let's check,let's see, you know.
(32:16):
So I got up, went to thehospital and they did some blood
work.
Of course, you know you got toget the covid covid test.
Now, that's the thing, um.
And then the doctor came in andshe was like, can I ask you a
few more questions?
And I'm like she's like, tellme where this pain is?
But I'm a little confused.
I'm like, okay, started tellingher.
(32:38):
It's like just in the middle ofmy chest, kind of like in my
feels, like it's in the middleof my ribs.
And she was like are you sureit's right there?
And I think so, um, and shecame back.
She left and then came back andwas like I'm contacting your
doctor.
And I was like, oh and um,she's like well, I'm gonna have
(33:01):
a, an ultrasound sonographer.
Come in, um, we are going to dosome looking, because it looks
as if your liver is failing andwe need to like really keep you
until the baby's here and in myhead I'm like okay, baby shoot,
(33:21):
I'm 35.
We were going to take her at 37anyways, because of my blood
clot.
You have to in case of aC-section.
You have to take it Because youcan't be on blood thinners for
12 hours or something alongthose lines.
And that's what kind of why Isaid that it wasn't.
It felt like it was fast.
It really wasn't fast because Ihad to wait, yeah, but she came
(33:45):
in and she was like yep, so youhave help syndrome and I looked
that up and I believe it's likeone in a million chance or
something along those lines.
And I'm sorry if I'm wrong onthat, but I remember looking at
it like Danielle, literallyeverything that you can, you are
one in a million right now,okay, and I remember looking at
(34:08):
that like I feel like I don'treally in that moment I didn't
realize how bad it was.
But now I look back at it andI'm going to be honest like I'll
look at different things aboutHELP syndrome, which is
H-E-L-L-P and I don't know whatthe like something elevated
liver enzymes, something alongthose lines.
(34:29):
But I'll tell you, it is theextreme of preeclampsia
hemoglobin right elevated liver,liver, and then I don't know
what the I don't know but it isthe most extreme of preeclampsia
(34:50):
.
Speaker 1 (34:50):
It's very dangerous.
Yeah, for you.
Yeah, the only cure for it isto deliver your baby.
Speaker 2 (34:56):
Yes, yeah, yes.
So I remember my doctor comingin.
She came in immediately.
I mean, she was on call.
She came in and she was likeI'm giving you two choices,
right?
One I thought I was stayinguntil 37 weeks just in the
hospital.
That was like my immediatethought, like okay, I can do
that.
I meant I mean I was at homeall the entire pregnancy.
(35:18):
Anyways, I didn't even go towork like the whole eight months
because I was so sick and um,yeah, I was was like okay, cool,
we'll just sit in the hospitalfor a couple weeks.
Speaker 1 (35:30):
Yeah, I know what this is like.
Speaker 2 (35:31):
Yeah, no, that didn't mean that.
My doctor came in and said look, I'm going to give you two
options.
One, you can have your baby at11pm tonight.
Or two, we can wait until themedication your blood thinners
wear off, because we have to,and then we can induce you In
(35:57):
that option.
I need you to know that ifyou're induced and you go
through contractions and all ofthat stuff, but we keep checking
your liver enzymes and they'redropping even more or raising
whatever, whichever one washappening to me we're just going
to take your baby anyways.
And so it was like do you wantto go through pain and have
(36:20):
contractions and do all of that?
No, I don't, sorry.
Speaker 1 (36:24):
Have you gone through enough at this point?
Like I don't, I don't, Sorry.
Have you gone through enough atthis?
Speaker 2 (36:27):
point, like I don't, I don't, and I remember thinking
to myself like I already knowthe answer to this, but she was
like I'm going to let you sit.
So she did, and me and myhusband had some good
conversations.
I did decide to do theC-section no-transcript and, as
(37:01):
a mom who would you chooseAlways the baby Good question.
Speaker 1 (37:09):
Like I mean like as a mom, you're like, I've just
grown it.
What about my other child?
Oh, 100%, that's true, you knowthat's a hard decision to make.
I feel, like as a mom, likewe're always thinking about
somebody else.
Speaker 2 (37:21):
Yeah, that's just how I feel like we are Well and you
know I don't have any otherkids, so that wasn't even you
know something on my mind.
My mind is I, I worked reallyhard.
Can she just live?
You know, but of course myhusband's first response is oh
no, it's you babe yeah.
You know, and they ended upgiving me a bag of magnesium and
(37:46):
apparently when you have helpsyndrome you are you have
extremely high chances ofseizure, and so they gave me
that.
Sorry if I didn't say that loudenough.
Speaker 1 (38:00):
I don't?
Speaker 2 (38:00):
you know I don't remember much else because
magnesium, apparently it takesyou out.
Yeah, that shit makes you loopy, loopy.
She was like I don't even knowif you're going to be able to
stand up, so you might just wantto stay sitting laying down.
Good, um, yeah, but I mean I'drather you just not have a
seizure like you know um, and sothat since that happened, I
(38:22):
kind of just go off photos.
You know like I don't, yeah, Ipercent.
Marty told me.
I remember I remember them likeI got wheeled into the
C-section room and Marty gotpushed to the back and was like
you need, you need to stay outhere until we get the epidural
(38:45):
epidural or anesthesia orwhatever it is that they put in
my back.
But, I'm assuming epidural typeof thing, and I remember my
doctor coming in and she was thesweetest.
I mean she is such a blessing.
Like I said, it was definitelya blessing that she jumped in to
my care and she came in.
She was like okay, just so youknow, you're about to feel some
(39:06):
weird things happen to your legand I'm sitting there, sitting
straight up on this table, andall of a sudden I felt these
like jolts and both of my legsjust like jumped and I'm like
what in the world is happening?
Apparently, that's what happensIf you're not like already numb
, feel this I don't know, haveyou guys had c-section um no,
(39:27):
but I've had an epidural butthat didn't feel like that.
Speaker 1 (39:30):
Yeah, I mean that's, it's like a spine.
Speaker 2 (39:33):
Yeah, yeah, yeah it was the weirdest feeling, just
like all of a sudden.
Yeah, it was so weird.
Um, and then I recall marty, intelling me he was there and
looking back at the person thatwas watching my levels I wasn't
looking, but I could see Martydoing it and they kept coming
(39:53):
over like worried about what washappening.
And then I remember the entiretable rocking because they
couldn't get her out.
So like I mean, clearly I hadalready been cut open.
I didn't even I didn't knowbecause I was.
I mean, I couldn't see and youcan't feel it really.
And um, I I remember marty'slike what are they doing?
(40:17):
But literally the whole tablerocked back and forth for they
were trying to pull her out.
So weird was she like in aweird position.
What happened?
They never said.
I I think that, like I said, Ithink that there was just so
much going on for them.
I I think my doctor was kind offreaked out like what was
happening and I'm trying to goas fast as they yeah, yeah but I
(40:41):
but I do remember Michaelabeing held up, but I couldn't
process that it was my baby.
It was like the weirdest.
Okay, you're just holding ababy in front of me it wasn't,
and that's probably a magnesium.
I didn't really have like a aconnection of what was going on.
Yeah, that happens.
Speaker 1 (41:01):
Happened to me too, yeah.
Speaker 2 (41:01):
Yeah it, that happens to me too.
Speaker 1 (41:02):
Yeah, it's just kind of like a it's not normal, but
it happens, yeah, and I alwaysfelt like when I saw her I would
just Like what the fuck?
Speaker 2 (41:10):
Yeah, she's just like screaming in my face and I'm
just staring at her, like youknow.
And then I have a video ofMarty, like Michaela was brought
from my table over to the NICUteam and I knew that was going
(41:32):
to happen because they had toldus over and over again before
all of this happened and I don'tremember.
But the video is Marty saying Ihear you baby.
And it was just like I want tocry every time that I hear that.
But I don't remember holdingher Apparently.
They let me hold her for liketo where they were just holding
(41:56):
her up.
It wasn't me actually likebeing able to be with her, but
she was rushed directly to NICUand Marty got to go be with her
for a little bit.
So that was he.
He stepped it up in the dad gamewhen she was in NICU for sure
they had some good before I waseven able to go back and be with
(42:17):
her because of, um, themagnesium, they wouldn't let me
go anywhere, um.
But another thing I reallyremember is, and I don't know
what a you know vaginal labor islike, but like do they come in
and just like press on yourstomach over and over again yeah
, oh gosh worse yeah I rememberthat like oh my gosh yeah, like
(42:41):
mean.
I get it, but like I just wentthrough, like a surgery where
you cut open many layers of mystomach and then they come in
and oh my gosh, I know.
I remember that night like itwas, like I went straight into
recovery because this was 1130pm that she was born and I went
(43:01):
straight into recovery and Imean it was like every what, or
two hours or something like that.
They were in there just pushingon my stomach and I'm yeah.
I looked over and my mom, whohad rushed out from Champaign to
get here, and my husband wereasleep.
She was in the chair sitting upand he was asleep on the floor
next to my bed and I just I'mlike what is happening?
(43:23):
I don't even know where I amright now on the floor yeah,
they didn't have any, because weweren't even supposed to have
two people with me because ofCOVID.
Speaker 1 (43:31):
Yeah, was she 20?
21?
Who, michaela?
Speaker 2 (43:36):
you're talking about the no 2020, what?
Yeah, she was born in 21.
I got pregnant in yes, yeah,that was, it was a lot, yeah,
and that's another way Like Ifeel like I go so much more
connected to my husband because,honestly, like I don't feel
like I would have let anyoneelse see me like that, you know,
(44:00):
like helping you take offbandages and stuff like that in
the shower after you just gotcut open and you're just
pregnant anymore and just notwho you are you know, he stepped
it up.
Yeah, that's a totally different.
He did step it up, like my momwas so mad at him for making
(44:22):
because, like he would, like youknow, when they first.
Well, you guys haven't hadC-sections, but I'm assuming
that it's, I don't know, maybenot the first time getting up
after a C-section.
Yeah, you have this.
You feel like your stomach isgoing to fall out and of course
(44:45):
they wrap you in one of thoselike stomach wrap things.
But the first time getting upis so painful, like to be able
to bend, and I remember like mybed was probably like three feet
from the couch he was sittingin and I remember him getting up
and joking, like he was goingto like hug me or something, and
I was like stop, like I was soangry.
You have no idea how this feelsright now.
(45:06):
Leave me alone.
He's a jokester, he thinks it'shilarious and he's I mean, he
just kept jumping up and my mom,I remember looking over and the
look on her face.
She was ready to go over therebecause she meant business.
She was like stop doing that tomy daughter.
Yeah, that was hard, and beingaway from Mikayla was hard too.
Speaker 1 (45:31):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (45:33):
Did you end up getting to go see her.
So it wasn't until about 24hours, after which it wasn't bad
.
Marty would like come back andlike bring me videos and stuff
like he got to give her like herfirst bath and you know like
things like that to um to bethere, for he'd like send me
videos of her in the you knowlittle what they called where
(45:56):
that the warmers yeah, like ayeah, warmer um I.
One thing that we were luckywith is Michaela.
She was mostly healthy.
Speaker 1 (46:06):
Thirty five weeks is good, yeah, I mean well, yeah,
yeah, but good, yes, yeah.
Speaker 2 (46:11):
Yeah, she, she really only had a heart.
Oh, I mean, in the first coupleof days she was in the warmer
and you know she had IVs andstuff like that, but she really
just needed to learn how to eat.
She was four pounds, pounds, sixounces, a little teeny baby
yeah I'm 17 inches long and shejust she didn't know how to
(46:36):
drink out of a bottle.
She wouldn't latch to me noneof that, which was fine.
I'm, I'm.
I think breastfeeding isamazing, but it is what it is.
I don't care as long as you eatyou know, um.
So she was in NICU for 21 daysand those were probably one of
the hardest things afterwardswas I felt so alone now in my
(46:58):
infertility journey.
I felt so alone Now in myinfertility journey.
I felt alone In my pregnancyjourney.
I felt alone because of, like,my HG.
No one was listening to me.
It was a lot.
And then now I'm in NICU andeveryone's like go home, get
rest.
How can I leave my baby?
(47:18):
You know like I live, you knowhow hard I worked for this child
.
How can I leave her?
And my husband was on the samething, like Danielle.
I have all this time Relax,take, take advantage of this.
You know that type of thing.
No, I don't want to.
I couldn't drive because I wasstill on pain meds for the
(47:45):
C-section, I was still beingmonitored for the HELP syndrome
and I depended on him to take meEvery single morning.
I got up, we were there by 7 amand then he would go to work
because he didn't start hismaternity, his paternity leave,
until after she got home fromNICU.
And I would sit there all dayand the nurses all day would
(48:08):
tell me go home, get sleep, getsome rest.
I just didn't take it like no,no, like you, like you have this
connection, like it's like youknow that they may not even feel
scared.
I don't know, you know anewborn, but like I feel like
what's supposed to happen isthat she's supposed to be, like
(48:32):
she's been in my stomach forwell, not my stomach you know
what?
I'm saying for um eight monthsyou know, she grew in there and
then now all of a sudden, I justlike leave her.
That was really hard, but noone could tell me anything.
I was there, the nurses keptone of them.
(48:52):
One thing that she kept tellingme was you're going to spoil
this baby like stop holding her.
Oh my gosh, I was so mad.
First of all, my baby isliterally like the teeniest
little thing like yeah, sheneeds her.
Yeah, well, and I still do yes,you know spoiled oh just give
(49:14):
them all that oh they need it.
Speaker 1 (49:17):
Holding a baby is like my biggest pride.
Yeah, I remember walking intothe doctor's office last week
and I was like my baby.
Speaker 2 (49:26):
No, but that's true.
I felt like once I got pregnantI was like, do I get to put the
mama shirts yet.
And then, once she was born,I'm loud and proud.
You better believe it.
You will see everything.
My keychain said mom on it likeall this stuff, like I was like
(49:47):
this is my baby, my baby.
Yes, I was very proud of ofbeing able to hold that title.
Speaker 1 (49:56):
I worked for that yeah, you did, I love it.
Yeah, I was postpartum that wasrough.
Speaker 2 (50:05):
Now, like, like I said in the beginning, I it was
just kind of like you know, I'msad because I don't want to be
away from a kid, so I felt likethat was something.
That was like, okay, that's anormal feeling, yeah, um, I
think life was happening reallyfast and I didn't really sit
down and think like, oh my gosh,I think I have a problem, you
(50:26):
know there's something wrong.
But then she came home 21 days.
I had my doctor's appointmentsomewhere around that time that
she came home and I remembertelling the doctor like, oh my
gosh, I'm so happy, like she'severything, like you know, no
worry.
Oh my gosh, I'm so happy, likeshe's everything, like you know,
no worries, she's home now,like that's all that matters.
(50:49):
I was sad, but she's home.
And then about a week later Iended up calling my doctor back
and said we need to talk,because this is not okay.
I am so scared of somethinghappening to her.
I am so like I don't wantpeople to really touch her
(51:10):
because I'm scared they're gonnadrop her.
I'm like there are these things, these like intrusive thoughts
that are going through my mindand nothing like to where.
You know, my postpartum was notlike.
You know I'm gonna'm going tohurt my child, or you know I
don't want to be around herbecause there's levels to it.
Right, this was more so, justlike I'm scared of losing her
(51:33):
and from experiencing lossmultiple times Kind of makes
sense.
But it was like little things,like I'd be driving in the car
or riding in the car and I'mlike, oh my gosh, what if that
car hits the side of me?
And then like, just like thesethings that just roll through my
mind, like, and then I don'tmake it home and then she
(51:54):
doesn't have a mom, and then youknow, like it just it, just it
was constant and it was nice.
I got to stay home for anothersix weeks after she was came
home from NICU, so like I got agood time with her.
(52:14):
But that was hard too, going towork, like being away, dropping
her off to somebody I don'teven know, at daycare, you know.
And so, yeah, I called her andshe said I'm so glad that you
called me, let's get you onsomething, let's try some things
out.
And I'm somewhat okay today.
(52:35):
I'm somewhat okay.
I love how you just like yourface you made yeah, cute um
somewhat yeah, um, I, I stillstruggle, I still struggle and
that could also be um, with whatI do now, with making a miracle
, because I am and my husbandtells me all the time like you
(52:58):
get so stressed out around likeevents and stuff like that.
Because I feel like you're, youknow, you're talking to media,
you're, you know, telling yourstory over and over again and
talking to other people, likeare you not like, just like
triggering yourself, like whatare you doing?
Um, but I find it therapeuticin some ways, you're also
(53:18):
empowering so many.
Speaker 1 (53:20):
yeah, thank you.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
Yeah, thank you Like this connection that I have,
(53:45):
that this being is mine and I'mgoing to raise her in the way
that I want to raise her Likeshe's just everything.
And I thought to myself overand over again like, okay, what
if this didn't happen?
Like you know, your last try?
Like what if you still didn'thave a baby?
How would that feel?
Like I just want to be therefor somebody that's going
(54:07):
through this.
Yeah, so, around hertransversary date, so, which was
December 19th, 2020.
It was the same night as theChristmas star, the Jupiter, the
retrograde, yeah, yeah.
We went out and took picturesand everything like this
(54:28):
transfer is going to workbecause those stars look like
Christmas star, but yeah, so we,we started to take gifts to my
fertility clinic and it was kindof just like you know, I wanted
to do something with me andMikayla, because this is special
for us.
I don't want to put my journeyon her in any type of way, and
(54:53):
this is something I've battledwith, because just because
that's my story doesn'tnecessarily mean it has to be
hers.
And I really battle that onlybecause I want her to.
I don't know, like I want herto know what happened, but I
don't want it to define her,does that?
make sense yeah um, wait, thiswas something that I was just
(55:16):
like.
You know, I can show my kid howto empower people.
She's only like three monthsold, but we, we got this, and so
we started taking presents.
I decided to create somecoloring books on.
Speaker 1 (55:34):
Thank you, thank you.
Speaker 2 (55:37):
And so the first ones weren't that great, I will tell
you that.
But we started selling them onAmazon and this was my way of
being like okay, well, I'mgiving back to the infertility
community by providing them thisbook that they can use for the
two week wait, while making alittle bit of money to put into
(55:57):
my daughter's college fund,because I'm broke with all the
IVF treatment, and so we starteddoing this, and then every
holiday I would like buy thebooks and donate them.
We would do random things likethese.
I know her first transversarydate, I think.
I took the little bottles ofwine with stuff to the doctors
(56:21):
and nurses and stuff like thatstuff to the doctors and nurses
and stuff like that.
It was just more so like I feltabout being able to give back in
some sort of way, especially tothe people that one are going
through it and also helped me inmy journey.
So that was December and thenNational Infertility Awareness
Week is is the third week ofApril, the last week of April,
(56:44):
and it popped up and I startedlike looking into, okay, what
does St Louis have?
Because I mean, I really didn'tknow much about resources when
I was going through it.
I don't know.
I felt like maybe I was justtoo overwhelmed to even look,
and so I started like thinkinglike is anybody doing anything?
Is there anything fun that'sgoing to happen?
(57:05):
Like I want to spread awareness, you know those types of things
.
And there wasn't anything.
And so I was like, okay, sothis is in the back of my mind.
But I started getting involvedwith Resolve, which is the
National Infertility Association, and they do things like
(57:27):
proclamation projects where youcan have your city proclaim that
this is National InfertilityAwareness Week, stuff like that.
So I started to do littlethings and then I saw that they
were like light your city up,orange, those types of things.
So I jumped onto that bandwagonand the wheel ended up lighting
up orange for us the first year.
(57:49):
No one really knew about itbecause I I didn't really know
many people, and it was reallycool because it was like, oh my
gosh, they're doing this.
Yeah, I did that for us, youknow like.
I feel super cool.
So they did that and likeeveryone got so excited about it
like at the clinic and you knowall those things and it made me
(58:11):
realize that you know that thatsounds small, like oh, you got
the wheel lit up.
Orange for you, thanks Great.
But it shows so much support inways that you don't think about
.
Speaker 1 (58:25):
Yeah, you know.
Speaker 2 (58:26):
Yeah, like the fact that your city would acknowledge
that this is a thing.
Yeah, it's big, you know.
Speaker 1 (58:35):
And the wheel is not even that old.
Speaker 2 (58:37):
No, it's really new.
Speaker 1 (58:39):
It's really new.
It's a thing that's been aroundfor too long.
Speaker 2 (58:41):
And it's cool when they do things like that.
You know they do like genderreveal things yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:46):
Yeah, crazy.
Speaker 2 (58:49):
But they were doing it for free, you know.
So it was like nothing that Ihad to pay for or anything, and
it was just like, oh my gosh,this is awesome, thank you.
Yeah, next year I'm going toget the whole city, which has
not happened, it will happen, itwill happen.
So I noticed that more peoplewere coming to me Talking about
(59:10):
one the gifts they were gettingfrom my clinic and like, oh my
gosh, I'm so happy.
Can I say my doctor's name?
Yes, OK.
Ok.
I didn't know if names are coolor not, but yeah, so Dr Amber
Cooper, she would specificallytell patients about my special
days when I would give gifts.
(59:32):
There's a you know I expect Igive gifts and then they hand
them out.
There's a little like note init from me, that type of thing.
I don't expect them to reallyget the emotional aspect of it,
(59:54):
except for when my doctorspecifically is like I just want
you to know that today is aspecial day and I think that
your transfer is going to work,because this patient of mine,
you know like just like, reallylike putting emotion behind it.
Yeah, and I was getting so manymessages.
You made me feel so good.
I was having a rough day, I'mso glad that you know I got this
message and I really am feelingpositive now.
(01:00:16):
You know like just a lot and Idon't know, maybe it was an ego
thing, like, oh, that's so sweet, I did that.
No, it wasn't.
It was just like I feel likethat's so important in your
journey and I didn't have that.
Yeah, and I I I kind of wish Idid, you know, yeah, even if it
(01:00:37):
was from a stranger.
Speaker 1 (01:00:38):
Yeah, so not feel so alone, yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:00:40):
Like, oh, and that's what it says, and I don't know
if I think it's in the front ofthe coloring book.
It's like a little bit about myjourney.
Like you know, I try to putlittle notes in there like, okay
, today is the transversary date, and then, like, it's Mother's
Day.
So I just want you to know thatyou're not alone and you are
working so hard to be a mom, youshould be celebrated too.
(01:01:02):
You know those types of things.
I just feel like it's a littlebit of kindness so far.
But yeah, so we did the books,did the wheel, and then the next
year around I kept gettingpushed like do something, do a
(01:01:23):
walk.
You know, come on, Danielle, youcan do it All that work by
yourself.
Go ahead.
And so I did a lot of thinkingand I was asked to be
interviewed by a news station.
Dr Cooper and I did a storytogether.
Dr Cooper and I did a storytogether and it was about what
(01:01:46):
to say to somebody experiencinginfertility.
You know a little bit about myjourney.
Michaela was in it.
It was really cute and I feltlike I just needed to take the
step.
I was like I have a backgroundin nonprofit.
I work for a local agencythat's with domestic violence,
(01:02:06):
but I work in administration, soI know what to do.
Yeah, so I sat on this for awhile, but I finally went ahead
and went with it.
And it is a lot more work thanI expected it to be.
But march 29th of last year, um,we were finally incorporated as
(01:02:26):
making a miracle, a non-profitthat caters to the mental health
and support of the one in sixstruggling with infertility, no
matter what part of the journeythey're in.
So it's amazing.
Thank you, that's huge Thankyou.
We are the only organization inthe state of Missouri that does
(01:02:48):
what we do.
We are the only one.
Clearly I say state of Missouri, but the only organization that
has anything to do withinfertility in the city of St
Louis, and I want to go big orgo home, but we got to take our
time.
It's turned into somethingamazing.
(01:03:10):
Last year we had a resourcefair.
That was.
I mean, everyone was so happyabout it.
I pulled together people.
I pulled together clinics.
You don't typically see theclinics together.
Speaker 1 (01:03:22):
I know I was supposed to go Ever Gosh darn it.
Speaker 2 (01:03:26):
I know Well, you can come this year if you want.
Speaker 1 (01:03:30):
I will be at everything.
Speaker 2 (01:03:31):
I love that.
I'm going to be volunteering onyour yes the trivia night?
Yes, right, yes, yes.
Volunteering on your yes thetrivia night?
Yes, right, yes, yes, yeah, Igotta get my life together.
Um, it isn't just, it's, it's alot.
And when you have a little oneat home, it's yeah, yeah, I'm
taking up up enough time, noplus a full-time job, plus, you
(01:03:52):
know yeah, what's that passion?
no, just like what in the world?
Um, so yeah, so Making aMiracle has been doing some
pretty great things.
We've had the resource fair.
We had the infertility lastSeptember.
That was the one.
Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
(01:04:14):
It was more of a fancieroccasion to learn a little bit
more about infertility and howit impacts our city.
And this year, for NationalInfertility Awareness Week,
we'll have Trivia Night I'mworking right now on an advocacy
(01:04:36):
day and then we'll have anotherresource fair and maybe
something else in between.
I haven't decided yet, but thisresource fair this year is
going to be bigger and I have alot of really awesome vendors
that were not around last yearbecause I didn't I didn't know
to even think of them, but itjust happened so fast last year.
(01:04:58):
But this year I've been able toget some things done.
It's amazing how the communitycomes out and, you know, is
there for you and donate thingsand, like when you're a
nonprofit, that stuff happensKind of awesome, kind of awesome
, like you don't.
You don't feel bad about askingfor money.
No, not at all asking for moneybecause but yeah, so I kind of I
(01:05:24):
don't.
I don't want to say that Iturned my tragedy into triumph
in any type of way, because I'mnot sure that I'm a hundred
percent triumphant and what hashappened and where I am right
now, but making a miracle istruly special and I will tell
you that one of the most specialthings that has happened in
making a miracle is a littlestory.
(01:05:47):
I was putting up one of mysigns that I thought I was very
proud of.
This sign Like when littlethings like that happen with an
organization that I like puttogether, it's pretty like cute,
right, yeah.
So I got one of these signsthat's really tall and it like
comes out of this cylinder caseand you pull it out and then you
stand it up.
And the very first time I didit, my daughter watched me and
(01:06:11):
she we were at like mysister-in-law's house with all
the kids running around andstuff, and she ran up and she
turns around and someone gotthis on video and it says, mommy
, look, it's making a miracle.
And it just like I mean, am Idoing something right?
That's what I was like, oh mygosh, Like it is, she knows my
logo.
Like like she knows Target'slogo like this.
(01:06:32):
I was like, oh my gosh.
And so now, every time I put onit like today when I left I
have my introverted but willingto discuss fertility shirt on
and the back of it has theMaking a Miracle on it and she
gets so excited when she sees itand it just brings me so much
joy because I feel like I mayhave really, like, created it
(01:06:56):
because I'm an adult, but reallyit came from her.
You know, like it definitelydid an adult, but really it came
from her.
You know, like it definitelydid and I call it.
A lot of people try to do theMAM making a miracle, but like
Mac makes sense because it's mydaughter's name, so it's like
it's like after her, you know.
Speaker 1 (01:07:15):
I've definitely texted you, like MAM, before and
now.
Speaker 2 (01:07:18):
I'll know now everyone, hopefully.
No, it's not a big deal, it'snot a thing, but it just kind of
like for me it makes sense.
Speaker 1 (01:07:26):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:07:28):
And I didn't give her that nickname, her teachers did
, and then she now that's whatshe calls herself, and so I was
like I think that's really cute,like you know a way to just
honor her in some kind of way.
Um, we're working on a grant tobe able to give a financial
resource to somebody that needsit for treatment.
(01:07:49):
Um, although, there is anamazing organization in southern
missouri, um three heartsfoundation yeah they're there
too.
Um, and they just gave out twofifteen thousand dollar grant.
Speaker 1 (01:08:04):
Wow, like two weeks ago well, I saw your like
stories of three hearts.
Speaker 2 (01:08:08):
I didn't really know what three hearts was yeah, so
three hearts is also a dr cooperpatient.
Katie tidwell and her husbandum.
They have two beautiful ivfbabies and um they give out a
Hayden Gives Hope grant everyyear $15,000, to a couple that's
struggling financially to gothrough treatment, and this was
(01:08:32):
their third year, I believe, andthis year they had raised so
much last year at their gala anda generous donor that they gave
out too.
It was a surprise to everyone.
Yeah, it was absolutelyincredible.
So financial resources are outthere.
I just hope that I can givesomething small you know,
(01:08:52):
anything to give back.
I'm going to call it a macrogrant Get it.
Macro Macro Grant Get it.
Speaker 1 (01:09:02):
Macro.
Speaker 2 (01:09:04):
So I'm working on the name.
I'm working on the name, butyeah, it's because I, you know,
I think if I can go small andreach more people, I'm up for
that.
So we'll see.
Making a Miracle has a lotgoing on, a lot of advocacy, a
lot of everything, and hopefullyit can give someone hope and
(01:09:28):
support and encouragementthrough their journey and
hopefully they have an amazing,beautiful pregnancy and labor
and don't have to go anythingout through anything else aside
from the infertility part.
Speaker 1 (01:09:42):
Yeah, yeah, I honestly thought mac was so much
older because of how well macyeah, making a miracle is doing
like I.
I honestly had no idea.
Speaker 2 (01:09:57):
No.
So I've watched my husband Likehe's had worked with a few
nonprofits, helped people withnonprofits.
I think it's just that I'm anentrepreneur and an advocate by
nature and I think that justkind of there's that.
But then there's also the need.
Speaker 1 (01:10:17):
Yeah, Love it, you know yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:10:19):
The need is it's there.
Yeah, also the need.
Yeah, love it, you know, theneed is it's there, it's there,
and I think that I hope that wecan grow and be able to help
more, but I'm okay until I canhire somebody.
Speaker 1 (01:10:38):
I can see like the ideas.
Oh, they're constantly there.
Speaker 2 (01:10:42):
I mean even you know, today I was at in Jeff City and
I was talking with people aboutdifferent bills that are going
on right now, about infertilityinsurance, those types of things
, and I kind of want to get intothe advocacy game.
You know a little bit more,because there are other
(01:11:04):
organizations that do thefinancial piece.
I think Making a Miracle can goa little wider, you know a
little broader, and get more ofthe support in other ways.
Yeah, plus, I mean if listen, Idon't know that this is ever
going to happen, knock on wood,I hope it does, but if Missouri
(01:11:25):
can mandate insurance, thatwould help so much.
Speaker 1 (01:11:28):
And it would be huge for so many people yeah.
Speaker 2 (01:11:32):
I won't keep my fingers.
I will keep my fingers crossed,but I won't hold my breath.
I will keep my fingers crossed,but I won't hold my breath.
But we also need people outthere to, you know, speak their
truth and tell their story,especially with what's going on
in Alabama.
And yeah, so hopefully we'll,you know we'll find some more
(01:11:56):
avenues of support.
But yeah, it's definitely, it'sconstantly in my head just like
going in circles, like what areyou going to do next?
Speaker 1 (01:12:03):
You know.
Speaker 2 (01:12:04):
I have so much that I want to do, but there's just me
.
There isn't just me, cause Igot amazing volunteers too.
But yeah, it should be, shouldbe fun, yeah, fun ride.
Um, how can people reach you?
Yeah, so I am on instagram atmaking a miracle 8421, and also
(01:12:28):
on facebook, which isfacebookcom slash m-a-k-s
m-a-m-a 8421.
Now see, that's where I wentwith the mama thing I was.
I had mama everywhere.
I would listen.
I did not hold back as soon asI had Michaela.
I was like Facebook namechanged and then I couldn't
(01:12:48):
change it back when Making aMiracle actually became an
organization.
So that's that.
But you can also reach me.
My website iswwwmakingamiracleorg.
You can also reach me at mywebsite is wwwmakingamiracleorg.
There's lots of resources onthere.
There's the NationalInfertility Awareness Week
shirts, lots of different thingsthat you can check out.
(01:13:11):
Make a donation if you wouldlove to, because that would be
great too.
And if you know of anybody likea vendor or a resource that
isn't on there, let me know too,because I love to add them
daily.
Speaker 1 (01:13:27):
Thank you so much for sharing the start to the finish
.
Speaker 2 (01:13:32):
It's a lot.
We could be here all night.
And the dot, dot, dot.
Yeah, no, seriously, it's a lot.
Speaker 1 (01:13:38):
I'm so excited to see where this goes and follow you.
Thank you, come to your event.
Yeah, no, seriously, it's a lot.
I'm so excited to see wherethis goes and follow you.
Thank you, come to your event.
Speaker 2 (01:13:44):
Yes, I would love to have you guys there.
It's going to be a lot of fun.
Speaker 1 (01:13:49):
Cool.
Speaker 2 (01:13:49):
Thank you guys, thank you so much, thank you Thank
you guys.
Speaker 1 (01:13:52):
We'll see you next episode.
Thank you for joining us onthis episode of the Golden Hour
Birth Podcast.
We hope you've enjoyed ourdiscussion and found it
insightful and beneficial.
Remember, the Golden Hour BirthPodcast is made possible by the
support of listeners like you.
If you appreciate the contentwe bring you each week, consider
leaving us a review on yourfavorite podcast platform or
(01:14:14):
sharing the show with yourfriends and family.
Your support helps us reachmore people and continue
creating valuable episodes.
If you have any questions,suggestions or topics you'd like
us to cover in future episodes,we'd love to hear from you.
You can reach us on our website, wwwgoldenhourbirthpodcast, or
(01:14:35):
connect with us on social media.
We value your feedback and wantto make sure that we're
delivering the content you wantto hear.
Before we sign off, we'd liketo express our gratitude to our
incredible guests who joined ustoday.
We are honored that they trustus enough to be so open and
vulnerable.
We're grateful for their timeand willingness to share their
stories with us.
(01:14:55):
If you're interested in takingthe conversation further with us
, join us on our Facebook group,the Golden Hour Birth Circle.
We'll be back next week withanother exciting episode, so be
sure to tune in.
Until then, stay golden andremember to take care of
yourself.
We'll catch you on the nextepisode of the Golden Hour Birth
Podcast.
Bye.
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On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Crime Junkie
Does hearing about a true crime case always leave you scouring the internet for the truth behind the story? Dive into your next mystery with Crime Junkie. Every Monday, join your host Ashley Flowers as she unravels all the details of infamous and underreported true crime cases with her best friend Brit Prawat. From cold cases to missing persons and heroes in our community who seek justice, Crime Junkie is your destination for theories and stories you won’t hear anywhere else. Whether you're a seasoned true crime enthusiast or new to the genre, you'll find yourself on the edge of your seat awaiting a new episode every Monday. If you can never get enough true crime... Congratulations, you’ve found your people. Follow to join a community of Crime Junkies! Crime Junkie is presented by audiochuck Media Company.
Ridiculous History
History is beautiful, brutal and, often, ridiculous. Join Ben Bowlin and Noel Brown as they dive into some of the weirdest stories from across the span of human civilization in Ridiculous History, a podcast by iHeartRadio.