Navigating Desire: Balancing Pleasure Practices, Worthiness, and the Search for True Connection, Day 10

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Ever find yourself caught in the intricate dance between everyday habits and your deepest desires? Join me on day 10 of the orgasmic alchemy portal as I open up about my personal journey with pleasure practices, and the resistance and emotions they stir. We touch on the delicate balance between sensuality and habits like eating, exploring how they intertwine with our sexual energy. I'll share my own struggles with worthiness and presence, inviting you to reflect on your experiences and questions in a safe and open space.

Navigating the holiday season while single can stir a unique mix of emotions and longings. This episode offers a raw look at my reflections on past relationships, the healing process from trauma, and the ongoing quest for a fulfilling partnership. If you've ever felt the tension between the desire for connection and the fear of settling, you'll find a relatable companion in this conversation. We'll explore the importance of aligning with our true selves and what it means to be truly available for love, all while keeping hope alive for a future that matches our deepest desires.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
hey, babe, it is day 10 of this orgasmic alchemy
portal.
I'd love to know where you'reat.
Are you doing the practices?
Are you enjoying them?
Do you have questions?
Are you feeling lit up andturned on?
Are you feeling some resistance, like I am?

(00:23):
Leave me comments below or sendme a DM.
I would love to hear whereyou're at and answer any
questions.
So, yeah, I noticed today that Iwas like I can do this and then
I'll do my practice.
Well, I can just do this and Ican just do this and I can just
do this and I'm trying to keepmyself from doing it.

(00:46):
So I was like, okay, why am Idoing this?
And I think it feels like thereis a little bit of not allowing
myself the experience, thepleasure of maybe feeling a
little unworthy, undeserving ofit, yeah, for some reason, not

(01:13):
wanting myself to have theexperience.
When I went into the practice,I was, I had to be very, I had

(01:36):
to really be present with the I,with the wanting to hurry
through it, and so Iintentionally made it way slower
and way softer and way moresensual.
And it was, it was quiteexquisite.
But also also, my head was likecan we just finish and go eat
something.
That seems to be all I want todo and there's's a there's a

(02:04):
correlation, I know, like themore sex I have, the less I eat.
The more I eat, the less sexI'm having sort of thing.
Um, probably some hormonalstuff too, but, um, and there's
like energy that I'm trying tonot feel.

(02:25):
There's some sensations I'mtrying to not feel through the
eating.
So my intention today wasspecifically to heal what's
going on in my digestive system,in my intestines, that I don't
want to feel, and so I thinkthat made it more not wanting to

(02:50):
be in that experience, andprobably that was what was
leading up to it.
I was like I don't want to feelthe feelings that I'm trying to
eat my way through, um, and alittle bit of like I'm doing

(03:14):
another Christmas and New Yearsingle.
So I have a friend who sayswell, ultimately we all die
alone and I for me, it wasimportant to recognize that I
could change that dynamic and bewith myself.

(03:37):
So I called in my divinemasculine that part of me that I
want to connect with and in mypersonal wholeness and anyway,
the, the energy of this futurebeloved came in.
But it really just made me sosad to be single.

(04:02):
So so it was a lot, of, a lotof stuff coming up, um, and
still really feeling it stir inmy belly and knowing that I need
to stay present with thesesensations, not eat through

(04:27):
these sensations.
I did ask Santa Claus for aboyfriend for Christmas, but
since I didn't meet him in myone outing at Costco today, it
looks like that might not happen.
But there's always a reason,and I feel like all the stuff

(04:56):
that's unfolded since I falsestarted this process has really
cleared the way and made meactually available for romantic
love.
And I said that to someone andhe was like you said that before
, what's different this time?
And he was like you said thatbefore, like what's different
this time?
And I do think there is a bigdifference in my sovereignty and

(05:20):
the trauma that I healed fromthe previous marriage.
But there's also like somethingthat needs to come into
alignment.
Maybe it's me, maybe it's him.
I'm going to keep bringingmyself into that space of of

(05:47):
feeling what it is to be in thathappy, healthy, romantic
relationship.
I'm going to go back and watchmy videos that I posted
previously, follow along, and Ihave a friend who says if you
wanted to be with someone.
You would be with someone,right.
So that's the thing, likewhat's the not wanting?

(06:07):
What part of me doesn't wantthat?
And she's like there's plentyof guys you could just pick
somebody and be with them, but Ihaven't met anyone since I got
here to Austin that I would wantto be in a long-term
relationship with.
Like there's a thing, there's aspecial something about a

(06:32):
compatible person and I can'tjust be like I'm just going to
be with someone.
To be with someone, um, I'm not.
I don't feel like I'm ready togive up quite yet.
Give up um, settle, I don'twant to settle.
I want this great love Like shehas.
Um, she met someone like 10minutes after her divorce was

(06:57):
final.
We have very different soulpaths, apparently, but I
realized that if I'm talkingabout my love life on this vlog
and in the upcoming podcastwhich will be coming in January
Erotic Evolution you can gothrough the link in my bio and
subscribe on Spotify or whateverother ones, and we know who I

(07:22):
use and be, be there, be readywhen it starts.
It's gonna it's gonna be asimilar but different vibe.
Okay.
So I realized that if I'mtalking about my love life on
this.
Dating is part of my work andas part of my work, I can write

(07:43):
off a subscription to a datingapp, which made me feel way more
excited about actually doing it.
And it's not like a dating appsare super pricey, although I
was like, if I am like, I canwrite it off as a business
expense is what was happening inmy head.
That's why I was excited aboutit and, um, and then I was like,
well, if I'm writing it off,why don't I just like go big and

(08:05):
like get a do like a datingmatch made, match making agency?
Um, if I'm going to be writingit off, so there's an idea and
I'm happy to be feeling moreexcited about the idea of online
dating and I'm going to startgoing more new places.

(08:30):
Just be open that maybe hecomes to the places I'm already
going.
Yeah, I think that's all I have.
I'm sending you tons of loveand I look forward to seeing you

(08:52):
tomorrow and being with you onthe podcast coming in January.
Thanks for listening to thisepisode of the good, the bad and
the sexy.
I hope that it served you insome way and, if it did, please
reach out to me on Instagram atthe good, the bad and the sexy
and tell me about it.
Also, is there someone in yourlife who needs to get in on this

(09:15):
conversation?
I would love it if you wouldshare the show with them.
It's so much more fun to talkthrough these things together.
Remember to get your freefollow along.
Orgasmic alchemy self pleasureaudio guide in the show notes
below.
I look forward to connectingwith you again next time.
Ciao for now.