Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hello again, my
darling.
We're back.
I have completely messed up onthe days, so I'm not going to
say what day it is, but this is,on the whole, the 28 day
orgasmic alchemy portal, and Idon't have enough time to go
back home, so we're going tohave a new set and do it in the
car, and so what has been comingup for you, tell me, tell me
(00:27):
all the things and for me, youmight remember, in another video
, if you've been watching, Irealized that if I do a dating
app, and then I obviously willbe talking about it on these
vlogs, and that makes the datingapp, and then I obviously will
be talking about it on thesevlogs, and that makes the dating
app a business expense.
Speaker 2 (00:49):
And.
Speaker 1 (00:49):
I was like now I'm
excited, I was going to wait
until the new year to put it onthe correct taxes and now it is
a week into the new year and Istill haven't done it.
Now it is a week into the newyear and I still haven't done it
.
And you know, for someone whospends, I was feeling into doing
(01:33):
the dating app and the amountof tension and fear and anxiety
that arose was surprising.
It felt like my arms werefilled with shame.
(01:58):
It felt like they were tooheavy and too wobbly, like not
enough strength to like pickthem up, to like pick up my
phone and get on a nap.
Um, yeah, so lots of like fearthrough my throat and my solar
plexus and, um, I think there'smore to it.
(02:23):
No, you know what it is.
It is excitement, energy that Iam, I am somewhere in my head
has decided that that sensationis anxiety and fear when it is
is anxiety and fear when it isenergy.
(02:46):
It is energy and enthusiasm todo the damn thing.
I was like I don't know whatthe fuck it is.
I'm going to get on this videoand I'm going to talk it out and
I think, I think that's thething it's.
Yeah, oh my God, thank you forlistening.
(03:07):
It's.
Yeah, oh my god, thank you forlistening.
I so, yeah, there's fear, butthat, like, there's this, like I
don't mean, I don't know, Idon't want to say it's like a
fine line between fear andanxiety.
I think they are so much thesame thing that we can get them
mixed up, that we can get themtwisted, and we've been, I don't
know, sort of taught that thatfeeling is something that's
(03:30):
saying no, don't do it, it'sscary and it's wrong.
When, maybe, when we tune intothat sensation and recognize
that like, oh, actually I canfind pleasure in that sensation,
then it can just be power, itcan be energy to do the thing.
And so, since I am declaringthat it is the energy and the
(03:55):
enthusiasm and the excitement todo the thing and I'm telling
you now I have to do it.
And, on the same note, there issome stuff there, like there's
a little bit of stuff that maybewe could talk out, what piece
(04:19):
of that is.
Fear is saying to me don't do it, because you will not be chosen
, don't do it because you willnot be chosen, don't do it
because you will not find yourmatch, you will be rejected and
so save yourself.
Okay, I hear that.
(04:45):
I hear that, and that is afairly valid response.
I am a conundrum wrapped in ariddle.
No, I am looking for somethingspecific because I am how can I
(05:10):
say, in a generous way, I'munique, right?
So I'm looking for somethingunique and I believe than it
(05:36):
exists.
So, like, in all odds, in allprobability, there is more than
one compatible person living inthis area, and I am totally
willing to believe that, tobelieve that there is someone
wanting me just as much as I'mwanting them.
And it might be fun.
(06:02):
It might be fun to go find him,to go find him, or at least put
myself on a dating app and beaccessible for him to find me,
cause actually that sounds waybetter, cause I think we both
know I won't spend that muchtime on the app, so he better
(06:22):
find me and have some damn goodphotos.
Um, and say something funny.
Sir, please say something funny, because that is what will get
me.
And then, um, I realized on thedance floor today, so many
realizations on the dance floor,have you noticed?
(06:42):
Um, if you are not dancing andyou need a realization, if you
are not dancing and you need arealization.
Come on, come on to the dancefloor.
Um, I, you know I've beentalking about what's going on in
my digestion and this lack ofdating situation and I put
(07:03):
together today how they're kindof going together.
I have gained some weight thisyear and I had this
understanding this morning thatbecause I felt that it was
unsafe to be in a relationship,at least in part.
(07:26):
Um, there's lots of, lots ofparts of this, like the
accepting what is stuff.
Um, is a big, big part.
Um, but I, I'm now in a, a placein my body where I don't feel
(07:47):
as sexy as I would like to.
It's almost like I'm pleasedon't judge me for saying this
but I feel like I am too heavyat the moment and just too
freaking uncomfortable most ofthe time to be with someone
romantically, sexually.
(08:07):
So I have, I've been keepingmyself safe with this space I'm
putting between me and the world.
So that was an interestingrealization.
Um, and you know, I know peopledo that and I've worked with
people who do that and I totallyget it, but I didn't think that
(08:27):
I was doing it.
I have continually been like Iam open and ready and available
and so, yes, I keep opening andI keep opening, and I keep
opening and becoming moreavailable, um, but there's
there's that stuff like that, um, you know, and I look at women
who are bigger than me and Iimagine that they're having.
(08:50):
They're having sex, they'repotentially having phenomenal
sex and you know, I think somany of them look amazing and,
yeah, some more self judgment,just for funsies and and it's a
hair situation Like I probablywouldn't date someone with this
(09:27):
sort of purple monstrosity andI'm willing to accept where I am
and I'm willing to date, justso I can tell you all about it
and thank you for holding meaccountable.
So I'm sending you tons of loveand I will see you tomorrow.
Speaker 2 (09:48):
Thanks for listening
to this episode of the good, bad
and the sexy.
I hope that it served you insome way and, if it did, please
reach out to me on instagram atthe good, the bad and the sexy
and tell me about it.
Also, is there someone in yourlife who needs to get in on this
conversation?
I would love it if you wouldshare the show with them.
It's so much more fun to talkthrough these things together.
(10:09):
Remember to get your freefollow along.
Orgasmic alchemy self pleasureaudio guide in the show notes
below.
I look forward to connectingwith you again next time.
Ciao for now.