Ch 2: Ep 1| The Art of Hello and Goodbye Ft. A Renee

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When is it time to say hello to new beginnings and when is it time to say goodbye to what no longer serves us? This powerful conversation with special guest Renee explores the delicate balance of transitions in our lives, relationships, and personal growth journeys.

Renee candidly shares her recent post-breakup healing process, revealing how she's learning to embrace peace while working through grief and anger after a painful relationship ending. Her vulnerability around breaking her own rules—like dating a coworker—offers profound lessons about maintaining boundaries and recognizing red flags early on. Meanwhile, I open up about my 18-month healing journey and how I'm finally ready to say hello to love again, but with much greater discernment and self-awareness.

We dive deep into assessing compatibility beyond physical attraction, building trust early in relationships, and the importance of honesty even when the truth is uncomfortable. One of the most powerful metaphors we explore involves seeing obstacles like boulders in a river—sometimes the healthiest approach isn't forcing your way through but allowing yourself to flow around them toward better paths.

Whether you're healing from heartbreak, considering ending a relationship, or preparing to open yourself to love again, this episode offers practical wisdom for navigating life's transitions with grace and authenticity. The conversation reminds us that true growth happens when we have the courage to both embrace new beginnings and release what's holding us back.

Ready to transform how you approach hellos and goodbyes in your life? Listen now, and don't forget to share your questions for our upcoming Q&A episodes through our TikTok or Instagram.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the good, the bad and the great podcast,
where we shine a light onwellness, personal growth and
relationships.
Together, we'll discuss highsand lows and the in-betweens,
offering different perspectiveson health and wellness.
Tune in as we peel back thelayers of life, revealing the

(00:46):
good, the bad and the greatpodcast.
Uh, this podcast, this episode,will be hello and goodbye.
Uh, we'll talk a little bitmore about why I have a special
guest to bring the podcast backtoday with me a renee.
A renee I've been known for likeseven, seven years yeah
something like seven years andman like you've seen like a

(01:08):
couple different versions of meand I've seen some versions of
you, obviously, yes, um, yeah,we met.
What's 2018?
2018 yeah, pre-pandemic man,when you met me, I was skinny.
Yeah, you were like 100 pounds,let's not do that you said

(01:29):
skinny though, keep going, don'ttalk about weight.
Alright, cool, say less.
So I met Avery In 2018.
That's when I.
That's, I think, when I firststarted my personal training
journey.
I was still in grad school Atthe time.
And yeah, my personal trainingjourney I was still in grad
school at the time and, yeah, Iwas trying to figure out some
stuff.
But yeah, we're here today.

(01:50):
Thank you for joining us.

Speaker 2 (01:52):
Oh, thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 (01:53):
Yeah, I mean who else ?
I mean you reached out and saidhey yo bro, where's the pot?
So, yeah, we're back and Ithink I'm excited about this
episode, because this episode ishello and goodbye and I think
that in itself kind of says alot.
Right, we could talk.
We're going to talk about somedifferent things that we kind of

(02:15):
discuss over text messages andalso a few things that piqued
our interest in a YouTube videothat we saw, which was a great
podcast podcast, by the way, oneof my favorite podcasts, uh,
diary of the ceo, I think.
He's, uh he's a good, good host.
Um, have some great interviewson there as well.
So, yeah, welcome to the podman, talk to me, what's up

(02:36):
thanks for having me catch youup.

Speaker 2 (02:38):
Yes, what's been going on?
I was, I was, well, not I was.
I had my own podcast.

Speaker 1 (02:45):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (02:46):
So that is no longer, and that was one of the reasons
I reached out to you, cause Iwas like, don't you got a
podcast?

Speaker 1 (02:55):
Yeah, everybody got a podcast today.

Speaker 2 (02:57):
Everybody does have a podcast.
I got a pair of tennis shoes, apair of Jordans Everybody does
have a podcast.
But I remember, I remember whenI told you I saw your podcast
pop up on my tiktok.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
That's crazy and I was like we tiktok famous I know
him.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
Then it's like a couple weeks later I saw you and
I was like I'm about to start apodcast and I did, and then
that was my hello when I startedthe podcast and I just said
goodbye To the podcast A coupleweeks ago.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
Yo, that's crazy.
Things come and go, especiallypodcasts.
A lot of podcasts have startedA few episodes in and that's it.
Yeah, and yeah, it's aninteresting thing.
I don't know if, obviously,podcasts Is not for everybody.
Everybody feels like they havesomething to say, but they may
have like only an episode worthof things to say versus the

(03:48):
actual season or correct yeah,and I think you have to know
yourself, versus, like uh, justthinking that, oh, I got
something to talk about today, Ishould have something to talk
about next year.

Speaker 2 (03:58):
Nah, that's not the case that wasn't my case, though
, because I always havesomething to say, because I'm
educated, so I'm always havesomething to say.
Asu period anyway but it wasn'tthe podcast per se.
It was the person that I wasdoing it with yeah because I was
doing it with my significantother and it was understood that

(04:19):
if things didn't work like, wewere still going to be
podcasting.
But once everything wasrevealed, I was like I don't
want to do my podcast with thisperson.
So that's why my podcast is nolonger.

Speaker 1 (04:34):
I found it very difficult to wear a lot of hats
with your person.
You know, especially inbusiness it's difficult and
that's because we have differentthings tied to you know, the
business aspect but also priorto the business, is usually the
personal, the intimate, and Iwas told by, like, one of my

(04:56):
close friends she's a therapistthat you know typically once you
sleep with a person it'sdifficult to go to another level
with them because you're alwaysgoing to fall back on that,
that moment, and you've alreadycrossed that, that line.
Not saying that's the case withyou, but she was just saying
like yeah, it's, and she wasspeaking from her own experience
.
She's like yeah this is why youknow we can't work out together.

Speaker 2 (05:18):
This is why we can't do all these different type of
things, but everybody'sdifferent, I feel yeah, yeah, I
think everyone is differentbecause it's a lot of people,
famous or not, that are businesspartners and, yeah, real
partners, like marriedrelationship or whatever.
It's just every.
Both parties have to be on thesame page.
Yeah, so if it's gonna becheating or infidelity or

(05:42):
whatever, then it's not gonnawork, which was my case, by the
way.
So why do I want to continue todo this with you?
That may become somethinglucrative for us, like I don't
want to share that with you.

Speaker 1 (05:54):
So bye, that was my goodbye so, so you gotta have a
solid foundation.
All right, cool, let's get intoit.
So this episode is titled helloand goodbye.
This, this is the hello segment, so I want to pose a question
what are you saying hello totoday?

Speaker 2 (06:10):
Today I'm saying hello to peace, peace OK To
peace and happiness.

Speaker 1 (06:18):
Unpack that.
Give me some.
Give me some more on that.

Speaker 2 (06:20):
I mean I'm on a healing journey, so I I'm not
I'm not gonna say like I'munhappy.
There are Parts of my life thatI'm Happy about, right now.
And then there's other partswhen I'm like I need to work on.
So I'm Working towards LikeJust being a hundred percent

(06:41):
Like where you are In your liferight now.
That's what.

Speaker 1 (06:43):
I'm trying to be hey look, being a hundred percent,
like where?

Speaker 2 (06:45):
you are in your life right now.
That's what I'm trying to be,and I know it's gonna take work,
like I'm.
I'm fine with the work, but I'mI'm saying hello to peace and
and happiness, like I mean.
That's this amen it's nothingto unpack, it's.
That's literally.
I just want peace and happinessand I want to be past the
situation and that's what I'mtrying to.

(07:05):
I can't have peace until I'mcompletely over it.
Okay, what are you saying helloto?

Speaker 1 (07:12):
what am I saying hello to, uh first.
So love is one, okay, uh,service is another thing.
I've been serving, but I'm Ijust I want to say hello to
service every single day becauseI realized the benefit of just
being able to serve and thenpeople being able to kind of
like, receive that service andsee that there's, you know, love

(07:34):
in in in society.
But love, I'm saying hello tolove because I didn't allow a
lot of people to love me in thepast friends, relationships.
I didn't allow it and I think ifyou truly are to have a
friendship, you have to allowpeople to be your friend yeah
you have to allow the like, letyourself lean on them, because

(07:58):
that's what they're there for,if they're willing to be that
type of in that type offriendship.
And I didn't, I didn't allow alot of that.
That's why I wasn't, because Irealized, man, why do I, why
don't I not have a lot of?
obviously because I'm weird, I'ma loner, I like personal space
at times, depending on theperson, always on the go-to I'm
always on the go, especially now, for sure, uh, but I do, I

(08:20):
don't mind having someone around, like you know, I mean most of
the time.
But I think the biggest thingis like I didn't allow friends
To be friends, and so I'm sayinghello to that In terms of love,
because I think you should.
You have to allow people tolove you, not in a way you want

(08:41):
them to love you, becauseeverybody loves differently
Service, so I'm saying hello toservice, so I'm saying hello to
service.
I'm also saying hello to newbeginnings.
Man, like I'm saying hello,hello.
Um, I think a lot, of, a lot ofgood things are happening and
I'm just gonna be, I'm justgonna let it happen that's a
heel black man right, oh my god,you no idea.

(09:03):
I can't even express the wordsright now.
Like if I could find the wordsto express, like how, if there
was a word past blessed, like aword that would express I would
say that Past blessed.
Or if there was a word just interms of saying where I am and

(09:23):
how I feel, like joyful is 100%.
I've never felt this much joyin my life Never, and obviously
I want to share that withsomeone.
So that's why I'm saying helloto love now.
I couldn't.
I couldn't say that last yearit was a lot of nose lash Like
yeah, you know, yeah, not noneof that.

(09:45):
And I think that helped me togrow.
Like I said, saying no helps yougrow yeah uh, because you have
to realize the, the patterns,because a lot of time I realize
this and I'm getting off topic,we're going to the goodbye, but
a lot of the uh no's I Imentioned were no no's that I
made mistakes to, yes no's thatI said yes to in the past.

(10:08):
That were patterns, likecertain situations with someone
of the opposite sex that I wouldtypically say no to, but I said
I typically say yes to, but Isaid no to because I was like
nah, that's not who I want to betoday your discernment yeah, so
discernment is big this yearand I think I've been, I've
strengthened in that area times10, but tests are still coming.

(10:32):
Tests are still coming.
Oh my god, all right, so yeahenough about me.

Speaker 2 (10:36):
That's funny so let's talk about it that's refreshing
, though, to see like yourjourney like and just the
conversations that we've had Atthe gym or whatever Like that's,
that's good and that's bigCause.
A lot of men Don't givethemselves the opportunity to Be
at the point that you're in.

Speaker 1 (10:53):
That shows your maturity.

Speaker 2 (10:55):
But you've grown for real, but Some people that have
grown and they just don't.
They don't give themselves Anopportunity to be In the point
or the place that you're at nowit takes a.
You don't see it a lot andthat's a part of the problem.
That is especially on therelationship tip.
That's a part of the problem.
They are unhealed and they are,they are.
They spread their unhealednesstowards or throughout the world

(11:19):
to other people, and if we hadmore people like you healing,
taking a healing journey for 18months, the world would be a
better place.

Speaker 1 (11:28):
I think we don't have a lot of people going back to
teach or coach that healingprocess.

Speaker 2 (11:36):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (11:37):
And that's part of the issue, and sure that could
be a responsibility or a callingfor me to kind of like, hey bro
, you're here, how can youduplicate?
Or calling for me to kind oflike, hey bro, you, you're here,
how can you duplicate, how canyou help?

Speaker 2 (11:48):
you know, and you know, increase that number of
men that that aren't here, uh,that are here, but yeah, um I
have a question for you how doyou since we're on, we're gonna
talk about hello first how doyou approach women like yes, how
do you?
What is your hello?

Speaker 1 (12:05):
like, oh, like in the past or now, because this is a
different version of me yes, itis a different version of you.

Speaker 2 (12:12):
We've talked about that.
Okay, I'll say the currentversion.
We're not gonna talk about thepast the current version.

Speaker 1 (12:16):
What is in the hell?
What is a hello?

Speaker 2 (12:18):
uh like, how do you say hello?
How do you approach women?
Do you approach women?
I know you on the healingjourney.

Speaker 1 (12:25):
So you, I'm like on the tail end of that healing.
But if I'm interested in them,how do I approach them?

Speaker 2 (12:32):
yeah oof.

Speaker 1 (12:34):
Um, I have to gauge their intellect in a sense,
because I, I do and I findintellect women that are
intelligent attractive for sure100.
So I gauge their intellectfirst and you know, we'll have,
if we, if they have great banterwe can laugh.
If she's not uptight, then yeah, I'll probably gauge intellect

(12:55):
and then move from there has awoman ever approached you?
Oh my god yo every day.

Speaker 2 (13:01):
What you're talking about?

Speaker 1 (13:02):
every single day no, no, I said that because yo women
.
So I I'm gonna be honest, Ilike a, I like bold women.
I'm not saying I want women toapproach me, but I like bold
women.
I think that's attractive.
But yes, to answer yourquestion, I've had women
approach.
You've had, like, how do youhandle that?

Speaker 2 (13:25):
how do I handle what?

Speaker 1 (13:26):
first and foremost, how do you approach men?

Speaker 2 (13:31):
I don't.
I am on a I don't like menjourney right now because I'm
healing.

Speaker 1 (13:36):
I'm fresh out of relationship.
Well, that's so how long areyou pretty fresh about, about
almost a month what's thathealing journey like?

Speaker 2 (13:44):
um, I've been working out a lot.
So working out I've beenworking out a lot because it's
helping me, this particularrelationship.
I don't want to be bashing.
I don't want to be a bashingperson right now, but I will say
I broke some rules.

Speaker 1 (14:00):
You cheated.

Speaker 2 (14:01):
No, I didn't cheat.
Okay, say that again.
Like I'm saying, like we workedtogether yeah so I had.
I had a rule like no co-workersand I broke that rule.
Yeah, broke that rule.
Um, I did lower a couplestandards to be with him, and
that's not on the bashing side,but but in hindsight I'm like,

(14:25):
was he really my type of man?
Maybe the initial attraction itwas just I don't know, maybe it
was something he said or thewords that he was saying to me
and it kind of turned me alittle bit to where I kind of
was like, okay, I'll overlookthis to to be with him, but I

(14:49):
work out a lot right now, whichis nothing wrong with it, I work
it out anyway, I work outanyway, but I've been hitting
the gym pretty heavy, like I.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
Actually I'm making myself take a rest day on
Tuesday so is that like isworking out the best way to heal
from relationship?

Speaker 2 (15:05):
Well, I was.
I was doing counseling too.
I've never done counseling, notherapy or nothing like this.
This situation really messed meup, like it really did, and
people, when I talk to peopleabout it, they don't believe me,
because I guess how I'mhandling it.

Speaker 1 (15:22):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:22):
But I can say, like the last 10 years of my life
I've been in 3 seriousrelationships and I have learned
something In each one of them.

Speaker 1 (15:31):
As you should.

Speaker 2 (15:32):
Like, and I.
That's why I'm not so LikeBitter or just like Sad or like,
of course I was sad, you knowwhat I'm saying, but I'm not
finna, just walk around Justlike Cause.
Of course I would say you knowwhat I'm saying, but I'm not
finna, just walk around Justlike Cause.
Why, like I learned my lesson,I learned what I needed to learn
, and I'm, like I said, I'm nottrying to Be on the bashing side

(15:53):
and like, just say I hate men,cause I Eventually I'll probably
Somebody gonna find me, causeI'm not finding nobody.

Speaker 1 (16:00):
They gotta come to me .
Yeah, come find you.
But nobody.

Speaker 2 (16:01):
They gotta come to me , yeah, come find me.
But I'm just, I'm just takingit all in like I'm, it's like
I'm getting acquainted withmyself again, like I love being
in a relationship I do.
But when you're not and yourealize like the extra things,
the little things about yourselfthat you kind of forgot when
you were in a relationship, I'mlike, oh yeah, I was like this,

(16:22):
like that's literally how I amright now and I'm enjoying it,
like, yeah, I'm fine.
Oh yeah, I was like this, likethat's literally how I am right
now and I'm enjoying it, likeI'm fine being by myself.
Like you know, I do, I work, Igo to the gym, I go to the house
and I'm fine with it.

Speaker 1 (16:34):
So I've been there on that journey, man I'm almost
like I'm like 18 months in Yo,maybe even more that, more a
year and a half a long time, broit is, but I think I needed a
full year a full year to reallylike heal from the relationship

(16:57):
and, like you're saying, on thatjourney you learn a lot of
stuff about yourself.
I personally like, not only didI learn a lot by myself, I was
able to kind of get better atthe things that I wasn't so good
at, and, yeah, I think that'simportant.
I don't know how long you planon Taking this journey, because
there are some moments where youget Weak, yo, in terms of like

(17:21):
wanting to.

Speaker 2 (17:22):
You're going to want somebody.

Speaker 1 (17:23):
You're going to want some attention and I think when
you say no the first time,that's when you know you've
grown a little bit.
So you might have to continueto say no on that journey,
because I know I had to say no alot, not saying no to a person,
but there were opportunitieswhere I was like, yeah, no to
sending that text, yeah, yeah,yeah, so and I think that helped

(17:45):
me grow a lot.
And now, like I'm past thatmoment and I'm like yo, I can
like say I'm healthy enough toget in something and grow with
someone and there's nothing likethat feeling.
But, like we talked about onetime in the gym, it's like when
you're so specific about and youknow what you want, it's hard
to find what you want.

Speaker 2 (18:05):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (18:06):
So that's a double edged sword, because you know,
not everyone's going to beperfect, no one's going to be
exactly what you want.
So you got to be willing totake the good and the good with
the bad, obviously, and if not,if not, you're not going to find
that person.
But go ahead, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (18:22):
Well, no, I understand what you're saying.
I'm confident, I'm fine.
Like I'm confident how I feel.
Like if I really just said howI want to be in life right now,
y'all and you would be lookingat me like I'm crazy, what do
you mean?
Unpack that.
What you mean?

(18:47):
No, because no, I don't want tobe that person, but like how I
feel like when I say this manlike really did me bad, like I
want to be to that point whereI'm not gonna say I hate men,
but like I just want to be tothat point where, like I have my
male friends that I communicatewith, but like I don't think
I'm weak.
I feel like if somebodyApproached me right now, like

(19:07):
I'd be, like I might engage inthe conversation, but I want to
be to the point when I'm like Idon't got time, like it's women
like that they literally areHappy.

Speaker 1 (19:16):
Get out of my face Like yeah, I've seen, I know a
couple women like that and Idon't think that's rude, that's
just like a boundary for them orsomething I don't want.

Speaker 2 (19:23):
I don't I don't want to cut my face, being rude or
mean or anything, but I'm justlike I don't want to be hurt
again.
That's why I feel how I feellike when you hurt, like that's
rough, it is like I'm hurting,but I'm handling it very well,
yeah, and the things that I'mdoing help me like especially

(19:45):
working out, like I'm able torelease that in my workouts the
anger yeah, the, the anger, thehurt, whatever.
But I don't know, I, I, I don't,I don't, I don't want to go
there, I don't, I don't want tobe that person, but I don't know

(20:05):
this man, he, he, he did hisbig one.
He definitely did his big one.
He scarred me.
I'm like bro this is the firsttime you've been hurt to this
extent like with yes when I can,if I just think about maybe
like three things that he did,yeah, yeah, yeah he did his big

(20:29):
one man.
Y'all got it.
Hey live happily ever.
After Y'all got it, I'm good,I'm going to be the fine single
auntie forever.

Speaker 1 (20:36):
Single with cats.
No cats, no animals.
Hey, cats are in now for somereason.
I don't like animals, you don'tlike animals I barely like
people or you can't be alone byyourself.

Speaker 2 (20:44):
I barely like people.
I don't like animals.
I'm not alone.
I have friends.

Speaker 1 (20:48):
Okay, that's good.

Speaker 2 (20:49):
I can call you.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
Yeah, hit me up, I'm going to be at your wedding.
Oh, please, you got it.
You get it, you're going to geta full-blown invitation.

Speaker 2 (21:00):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (21:01):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (21:03):
I'm good though.

Speaker 1 (21:04):
So I've been on the other side Of hurt In terms of
hurting someone, and I can, Ican honestly admit that that's
accountability, obviously, Ithink.
I think and the thing is and Idon't know where he comes from
in terms of inflicting that painon you A lot of times
immaturity it could be pasttrauma.

(21:26):
I'm not making excuses for himbecause at some point he'll have
to hold himself accountable.
I think and this is what helpedme, because I've been hurt
before too I think what helps isforgiveness.
You know, I could say that, butit means nothing to someone
that doesn't truly understand it.

(21:47):
Uh, if you forgive yourself forgetting into that, holding
yourself accountable for gettinginto that with him, because you
already said in the beginningman, I told myself I wasn't
gonna date anybody at.
At work, I told myself you knowwhat I mean.
So you need to forgive her atthat point and then work your
way back.
But if you don't, you're goingto always feel that hurt and

(22:09):
every time you step intosomething or you attempt to do
it, you're going to withdrawbecause you're afraid of that
hurt again.
And unfortunately I'm going tosay this I don't know how
spiritual you are, but you'veheard in the bible that you know
we are here to endure, yeah, soI think love is a part of that

(22:30):
endurance.
So in order to like love someone, you really have to be, and
typically no one reallyunderstands.
You have to be insane becauseat some point you're going to
lose them through death, uh,adultery or whatever you know
they're.
They're going to inflict sometype of pain on you in some form
.
Maybe it's unintentional, butyou're going to have to endure
that.
And love again and that's thewhole point of love is insanity.

(22:53):
What do they say?
you keep doing something andexpecting a different yeah,
that's what love truly is that'swhy I'm not doing it.

Speaker 2 (23:00):
What you mean, y'all?

Speaker 1 (23:01):
like.
But here's, here's the part ofit that's a part of our nature
as human.
We're.
We're put here to love, um, notto be alone, isolated, maybe
for a small period of time, towork on yourself, but not for
and this is and we got to walkinto this conversation the
dating crisis.
Um, that's part of our hello.

(23:22):
But, anyways, I wanted to saythat I think forgiveness is big,
but you also have to realizelove is an insane cycle because
at some point there's hurt onthe other side and you have to
accept that hurt.
But if you accept that hurt inthe beginning, when you decide
to love you're, then you can.

(23:43):
You can transition a little bitbetter after the fact and I
think that's what I've learnedafter being hurt, but also after
inflicted pain, like, oh man,like like I, I need to.
If I'm going into something now, I'm going into with that
mindset okay, this person willhave the ability to hurt me and
will I accept that you?
You know, regardless of whothey are, no matter if they're
going to be the best partnerever, they still will have that,

(24:05):
that ability to hurt me.
So, but I truly want to love.
I love love.
I love to see people inrelationship.

Speaker 2 (24:11):
I love love too, I'm a hopeless romantic.

Speaker 1 (24:14):
I love, love, like I literally love love.

Speaker 2 (24:18):
I love being able to genuinely love somebody and tell
them I love them, like I lovethat.
So it kind of makes me mad too.
But on the part of what you'resaying about forgiveness, like I
already beat my ass my own assfor breaking my rules.
Like I'm like bro, I shouldn'thave did it.
Like I already done, beatmyself up for it On the tip of

(24:45):
forgiving him, even though Iknow he's not going to be
apologetic.
He's not going to apologize,you know, I know that a part of
healing and getting back towhatever happiness or whatever
is forgiving him, even if he'snot forgiving.
You know what I'm saying, Iknow that.
So that's what I'm workingthrough right now and it's a
little helpful because, like, Idon't see him as much now, so
that's very helpful.

Speaker 1 (25:05):
You don't see him as much.
No, oh, you don't see him a lot.
I don't see him at all.
Actually, that's good Out ofsight, out of mind.
Is that what it is?
Amen too, though, likeforgiving him, and I'm working
on it I am, but I mean, overallI'm fine, but yeah, I just all

(25:27):
right, let's not sit there.

Speaker 2 (25:27):
Rules, stick to your rules, your boundaries 100.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
Gotta set those boundaries yeah we talked about
some topics I want to jump into.
And how do you assess combatbeyond attraction, beyond
physical attraction?

Speaker 2 (25:46):
It's going to be real helpful, because that's my
problem too.
When you got to, you can't givetoo much Like you can't give
too much and you can't takepeople.
You can't take what people aregiving you like at face value,
like you have to.
It takes time and I think thatwas a part of my issue too, like
Jumping, moving too fast.

Speaker 1 (26:07):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:08):
Like you might look good and what you said today
Might sound good, but Maybe aconversation that we had
tomorrow or the next day.
I might be a little bit likeHold on.
Yeah, I I might be a little bitlike hold on, I don't agree
with that, and that's like apart of my problems too.
So I think you, you can't beafraid to Give a little space.

Speaker 1 (26:30):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (26:31):
And Maybe miss a couple days talking or maybe a
little check in.
But Don't get attached too fastBecause you're going to confuse
that.
You're going to confuse the twowith what you say attraction
and what compatibility andcompatibility like you can make

(26:52):
you gonna.
You can psych yourself up tothink that this is the person
that you want to be with, justbecause y'all talking all the
time about whatever yeah and youcan't.
You can't do that.

Speaker 1 (27:01):
You gotta give a little space how you feel about
it um, so let me, let me, let me, uh, pose a question again.
Well, the topic is basicallyassessing compatibility beyond
attraction.
So, personally, for me, I thinkthat.
So one of my biggest I'm goingto say biggest fears, but one of

(27:24):
my fears now is like I've beenso removed from a lot of that
type of intimacy with theopposite sex.
Yeah, that, how do I know ifit's like compatibility and not
just and just attraction, notand not compatibility?

(27:45):
You know, because I'm like, ohman, like she's everything right
right, like let's go right.
So, um, I think for me, what I'mworking on is, like you kind of
said, taking a step back, likegoing in, but not like full,
kind of like seeing things forwhat they are.
And this is something that Ilearned and I was it's crazy,

(28:07):
because a lot of times I've beenlearning a lot of things
without having a directconversation about the subject.
And a lady was telling me.
She was like, and we weren'teven talking about, so she, we
were talking about like I wastelling her like yeah, I got
these decisions, I need to knowif I'm gonna go here, do this.
So we were talking about like Iwas telling her like yeah, I
got these decisions, I need toknow if I'm gonna go here Do
this, If I'm gonna make thisdecision To do that.
I was just speaking out loud,she was just listening and she
was like Hold on.
She was like Be careful,because the first one that comes

(28:30):
Is gonna be exactly what youwant them to be and not what you
need them to be.

Speaker 2 (28:34):
Exactly.

Speaker 1 (28:35):
And I was like what I said what she's like, bro she
gave.
She's like you're single, you'reattractive, you're intelligent.
I mean I can go down the list.
A woman's going to see that.
She said that I'm not trying to.
You know, big up myself.
Hey, look, whatever.
She said that and I was like,okay.

(28:56):
She was like, yeah, a woman'sgoing to try to exploit that
Because she's gonna see that shecould be exactly what she needs
To be for you and you're gonnathink that she's the best thing
ever.
When she's not, she said passup on her and that next one that
comes Is gonna be exactly whatyou need.

Speaker 2 (29:12):
And then that, to your point, you gotta be careful
, cause those, what you like ina woman, what you like in a man,
questions.
Is gonna be a way for them tomanipulate.
That's how they feel to be like.
Oh oh, he said he like women.

Speaker 1 (29:27):
That's healthy oh, I'm gonna be a gym, yeah, like,
yeah, I'll be very careful withthose yes, okay, I haven't had
nobody ask me that question andI haven't asked because so you
say don't, don't give them mylikes and dislikes.

Speaker 2 (29:41):
Not too much.
Keep it real basic, Because ifyou really tell her what you
like in a woman, she's going totry to be that even if she's not
.

Speaker 1 (29:52):
Here's the thing about me now, now that I've had
a lot of time to kind of observewomen, is I know I can see them
, for them, so I can see.
I don't know if this person istruly being themselves or
they're putting on right yeah um, now some people have the
effect on other people to wantthem to change and form into

(30:15):
something better or be seen in adifferent light, because they
see that this person is moreclean cut.
They are driven ambitious.
Now they feel like, okay, Igotta be this other person, when
on the other side of that I waslike sleeping with all these
guys and I was out here in thestreets.
But no, this guy looks at me ina different light.
I need to be what he know.
I've learned that it's okay ifthat person is truly trying to

(30:38):
change.
But I don't think if, if I weresomebody giving me advice, I
would get in a relationship withthat person that just wants to
be who they think I want,because that's dangerous.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
Yes.

Speaker 1 (30:50):
Very dangerous it is, and I realized I've done that
in the past.
You know what I mean.
I would meet a girl and shecompletely who she wasn't like,
completely different person thanshe was before.
I'm like bro, like be yourself,just be yourself.

Speaker 2 (31:07):
But I've already.

Speaker 1 (31:08):
I've already made up my mind that I know she is, but
I'm okay, I'm gonna go, I'll godown this road, you know,
completely erase the boundary,but anyways, yeah.
So I think that answers that.
Let's move to the next one.

Speaker 2 (31:22):
Building trust early on, don't ignore the signs.
That was a part of my problemtoo.
I caught him and I relate a lotof this to me, which helps me
to grow.
But I caught him in a lie earlyon and the response like every
time I caught him in something,it was a simple lie.
It was about a phone call.

(31:43):
Somebody called him and it wasa female and I know the female
very well and I said so-and-socalled you.
Oh, that's not the so-and-sothat we know, that's another
so-and-so.
But I knew the number because Iused to talk to this person all
the time.
So like I called him out on itand he was like, well, I just

(32:03):
didn't want you to feel no typeof way.
I'm like you could haveanswered the phone or just told
the truth, like, and it was like, well, if you don't want to
talk to me anymore, then Iunderstood like just that.
So it's like man sometimes justtell the truth, like you lying
about small stuff, and then justfrom that alone should have

(32:28):
been like one of the red flags,Like he going to lie about this.

Speaker 1 (32:32):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
Then ain't no telling what else he'll lie about.

Speaker 1 (32:39):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
What you think about In your unhealed life.

Speaker 1 (32:44):
Un unhealed life because you healed.
Now right, so I can talk, youheal now um, well, so in the
past I I've been there.
I I know, you know the smalllies lead up to big lies.
Um, I've also been on the otherside of lies, from even
friendships and and I realizedthat, you know, typically a

(33:07):
person will lie for a fewdifferent reasons.
One is because they're servingsomething else and they don't
want to give up their loyalty toserving that.
It could be money if they'reserving, if their main
motivation is money, they willlie to you to make sure they
stay loyal to that money yeahand I've seen, I've seen
somebody do that and I reallyhad to cut them off because,

(33:27):
like bro, like I see what yourloyalty lies, your loyalty lie,
and I'm like, okay, I gotta,gotta get out of that.
But I've been on the other sideof lying and for me, at the
time when I was like unhealed, Iwas I would lie because I was
afraid of the person leaving, Iwas like man, if I, like you

(33:48):
know, if I, if I tell the truth,they gonna leave, when that's
not being a man, that's immature, um, so many different things
and so many levels to that.
And I realized, like, justlooking back on it, like man, if
I was just told the truth, theyprobably would have stayed and
we probably could have got alittle bit further, right yeah
um.
so yes, I think I've seen bothsides of it and typically it's

(34:10):
because that person that's lyingis serving something else and
they're loyal to something else.
And if you know what that is,it's not your, it's not your job
to kind of challenge it.
And this is what I realized inthis past.
So I had a guy I was real coolwith and out of nowhere he would
just start lying.
I'm like, why is he lying?

(34:32):
I'm like, okay, I'm going tostay here and I'm trying to
figure out why he was lying.
And I figured out why and I waslike, okay, he's going to
continue to lie to me about thisparticular thing.
So I got to remove myself tohelp him heal, because I'm the
reason he's lying at this point,because he's like you know, I
got to lie to this guy becausethis guy's going to see me in a
different light.

(34:52):
I'm like, bro, I accept you forwho you are.
I'm not going to judge you.
So, anyways, fast forward.
I stopped being friends withhim because that's what he would
do, and I stopped trying tounderstand it and I just kind of
let him be.
And he kind of came back aroundlike, bro, I wasn't honest with
you.
This is where I was, sosometimes you got to give those
people space and figure out whothey're really loyal to or who

(35:15):
they really want to serve.
They want to serve this money,or they want to serve this
friendship, and and I kind oflike.
Sometimes you just got to givepeople space to figure that out.
Remove yourself quick, though,or you will continue to get hurt
yes, remove yourself quickquickly, expeditiously quick,
fast and in a hurry yeah so that.

Speaker 2 (35:36):
but that's a lesson though, though for me personally
, like when you clock the T callit out.
Call it out, don't just let itkeep riding.
And it was always like if youdon't want to talk to me anymore
, then I understand.
So to your point of you knowyou don't want to lose them.

Speaker 1 (35:53):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (35:53):
That's why you told the lie.

Speaker 1 (35:55):
But just tell the truth, the truth going to get
you way farther than the lie100%.
It is so true that the truthwill set you free.

Speaker 2 (36:02):
It will Just be honest Because it's going to
make you feel lighter.
Yes.

Speaker 1 (36:06):
And it's also going to put everything out front.
And this is one of the mostimportant things I've learned
and I wish I would have knewback then is if you tell the
truth a lot earlier, then itgives them more time to work
through it.
But if you hold that, that,that lie, to the very end,
they'll be hurt way more becauseso much stuff is going to
transpire in that in that timeframe.

(36:27):
So go ahead and get ahead of it.
Hey, right now, look, this iswhat happened.
But if you wait a year down theroad and they find out, oh,
it's worse, just go ahead andget ahead of it.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
Tell the truth up front and not later and then
again to your point that thatfirst lie once.
You lie one time.

Speaker 1 (36:44):
You gotta lie and keep lying because you gotta
tell a lot of cover that one andyou gotta tell another lot of
cover that one and that one likeyou, just like.

Speaker 2 (36:53):
You're just a liar you can't lie to what women are
detectives, bro, they are goodwhether they good detect,
whether they detected in thebeginning, the middle of the end
, they gonna find everything outeventually, especially if
you're not.

Speaker 1 (37:04):
If you're like an intelligent guy and they're
attracted to you because you'reintelligent, they're probably
intelligent as well, wherethey're gonna pick up some of
that stuff up from you yeah andit kind of be able to assess the
situation.
But yeah, all right, moving on,what's the next point?
So let's get into the goodbyefirst.
Let's start off this segment bysaying what are you saying
goodbye to?

Speaker 2 (37:25):
Dang, I don't want to go first, because you know what
I'm saying goodbye to you.
Know what I'm saying goodbye toAll.
Right Dang, I'll go first, okay, I mean.

Speaker 1 (37:34):
Okay, go ahead, you got it.

Speaker 2 (37:35):
Clearly what I'm saying goodbye to.
I'm saying goodbye to.
I'll say I'm saying goodbye to,like the, I don't.
I'm not bitter, but whatever isright before bitter.
That's where I'm at and I don'twant to be that, I just want to
be like it is what it is yeahlike.
So I'm saying goodbye to thishurt that I, that I have you

(38:00):
know, what I'm saying.
I genuinely want peace, and I'mfeeling it more and more every
day.

Speaker 1 (38:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (38:07):
But I genuinely just want peace in my life.
So I'm saying goodbye to this,to this hurt and the anger that
pops up here and there.
That's what I'm saying goodbyeto.
Okay, but again, we know whatkind of pathway I'm on right now
, so your answer is gonna becompletely different from mine
yeah, for sure.

Speaker 1 (38:28):
What are we talking about today?
We're not talking about lastyear.
We're talking about what areyou saying?
Goodbye or hello?
to today uh, man, what am Isaying goodbye to today?
I would have to say Tuscaloosafor sure.
Uh, no, no, no, no, I got.
There's a lot of, there's a lotof work to be done here, so I

(38:51):
put some things in place to makesure that I that process is you
know the things that I I thinkI want to contribute to this
area is what still happened.
Uh, I'm saying goodbye to man.
I've already said goodbye.
I said a lot of goodbyes a longtime ago, so, oh, it's a true

(39:13):
hill man.
I'm trying to figure out whatI'm saying goodbye to, because
I've been saying hello to a lotof things.

Speaker 2 (39:17):
Yeah, that's the only thing I can say goodbye to.
Uh, I've been saying hello to alot of things.

Speaker 1 (39:20):
Tuscaloosa.
Yeah, that's the only thing Ican say.
Goodbye to Tuscaloosa.
I'm saying goodbye to.
I think that's it.
Honestly, oof, I would say,okay.
One thing I can say I'm sayinggoodbye to and this is a work in
progress here is to not fullywalking in the light.

(39:40):
Not fully walking in the lightLike I realized.
Okay, I'm saying goodbye to notusing my superpowers.
I didn't realize I had.
I realized I had them, but Ididn't know how to use them,
like I didn't know how to speak.
I really use my words to speaklife Really use my smile to

(40:00):
affect someone, really use myeyes to see, affect someone you
really use to my eyes to see,but also for them to see me for
truly, for who I am, because Ihad a lot of dark clouds over
there.
So I'm really saying goodbye to, you know, not like walking
with my light, like I'm.
I have it, so I'm gonna walkwith it and I'm hoping that it
could, you know, impact somepeople in in positive ways.

Speaker 2 (40:21):
So I don't think I've ever seen you have a bad day
like if you have, like you,masked it very well, yeah you.
You usually most of the time Isee you at the gym, so I can use
that as an example.
But if you're not just pushingsomebody to work a little harder
in their their exercise, likeyou, real happy you be singing

(40:42):
out loud.

Speaker 1 (40:43):
Singing.
Oh yeah, I'll be in fullconcert, don't stop clapping,
I'll be like Yo.

Speaker 2 (40:47):
I hear you over my music.

Speaker 1 (40:49):
I'll be in full.
This is the new version.
The old version Wasn't doingthat.

Speaker 2 (40:52):
You was locked in.
I mean you be locked in now,but like you're a little bit
more Like Approachable.

Speaker 1 (40:56):
You're not as like yes, you're very much more
approachable.

Speaker 2 (41:00):
Or I've heard like I mean, I never felt no type of
way about approaching you, butother people might have yeah
I've heard people describe it as, like you feel more like family
like yeah I bring the familyenergy.

Speaker 1 (41:10):
But I think that's what I want to, you know,
project like there is love hereunconditionally, there's
kindness here, but there's aline, yeah, calm, but there's a
line like don't get it twisted.
I'm calm, but there's a linedon't get it twisted.
Um, and I think we don't have alot of people in the world

(41:33):
that's like that.
So gotta lead by example, Igotta be the change.
So I'm literally walking intothat change and every single day
my mind is like okay, how can Ibe what I need?
Like I was telling um one ofthe pastors that I, we kind of
talk almost every single day.
He'll call me at 10 o'clockwhile he's at work and we, I'll
start talking.
He'll get some ideas about, uh,you know, a sermon or something

(41:56):
he's going to preach on Sundayand say, oh, just, man, man,
justin, we're talking about this.
It's funny, man, because we'vebeen talking about some good
stuff.
But, um, I was telling him I waslike man, like I really truly
feel like I'm the man that Ineeded growing up as a kid and I
was like I've I never thought Iwould get there like, and I
feel like me.
That's, that's one of thebiggest accomplishment outside

(42:18):
of my PhD, outside of knowwhatever amount of money that is
being thrown at me, like I'mthe guy that I needed growing up
and I think I have aresponsibility now to be that
man for a lot of young men.
So, um, that's another thingthat that's on my docket.
This this year is to be thatlight for young men because,

(42:40):
let's be honest, based off thatpodcast we talked about, men are
in a different place andthere's no leadership among us
to speak about or even practicehealthy emotions or emotional
intelligence that women wantyeah um, when there's a
trade-off, we'll have to getinto that.
But yeah, so I.
So I think I'm saying goodbyeto that.

(43:00):
That's the answer to yourquestion.
Let's move to the next.
Close it.
I got to get long-winded man.
Yes, you do.

Speaker 2 (43:08):
That's your superpower.
So, on the goodbye side, whatare some signs that it's time to
end things?
Ooh.

Speaker 1 (43:17):
Yo, you want me to start, start, you want to start.
You got it.
Take away even friendship.
So I've realized this, and thisis recently for me.
Typically, when your heart andmind are in line, that's 100%
time to move on.
I think, though, sometimesthey're not aligned.
Um, when you feel and this isjust me now when I feel like I'm

(43:41):
in an ambivalent place withsomeone, it's time to move on,
because I'm in the middle, I'mnot sure about you and I'm not
uncertain about you, so it'stime to move on, it's time to
make some space, or it's time tomove on.
So I think, for anyone,typically, your heart knows If
you truly listen to your heart,your brain probably gonna put

(44:04):
all these other equations in thefront of it be like you know
where.
If he does this, well, he'sgoing to church and you know
he's a good guy.
I gotta stick with.
He could be the worst thing evergoing to church, but your brain
said it.
But your heart knows, yourheart knows yo like.
So, if you're in a, in a placelike that, and your heart knows,
your heart knows yo Like.
So, if you're in a, in a placelike that, and your heart is

(44:24):
saying like, it's time to likemove on.
Typically, you and that personAre not in line Because I'm
telling you and this is justfrom experience Like I've had
Two occasions last year when itwas as loud it could have been,
god could have been saying,justin, it's time, it's time and
it's time to let this person go.
Literally one of my closestpeople, my boys, he was like

(44:53):
they can't go with you on thisjourney.

Speaker 2 (44:55):
You have to let them go.

Speaker 1 (44:56):
And I'm like what?
I couldn't sleep that night,the night before.
And let me tell you how I knewand this is just some
supernatural stuff, maybe Idon't know they literally
prompted a text message and mybrain was already there and I
was like this is the sign I'vemade the decision last night.
And maybe God is saying look,I'm going to help you out by

(45:19):
showing you that this is this iswhat you should do and I was
like you know what?
hey, man, move on, uh.
But yeah, I think, to answeryour question, I think if you're
in the middle about someone,especially if your heart is just
not like there, it's probablytime to move on and it could be
time to take a break.
But just move out of the spacewith them so you can truly

(45:41):
listen to what you need, becauseif you can't hear what you need
and you're with that person,probably the wrong person.

Speaker 2 (45:50):
I agree, like if things Feel different, then they
probably are, and maybe notwhen you can see it, but you can
feel it.
So if If it seems like it'sSomething else, then it probably
is, and that's a part of my, ofwhat I've learned.

(46:12):
Like you, you not crazy, you,you probably right and sometimes
, like you said, your brain andyour and your heart, like they
be clashing.

Speaker 1 (46:27):
Yeah, they clash, they clash For sure.

Speaker 2 (46:29):
Then for the woman, you gotta add the women's
intuition Into that thing.
Men have intuition too, butthing.

Speaker 1 (46:33):
So men have to wish intuition too.
But we don't have to talk aboutthat.

Speaker 2 (46:35):
I apologize, yeah don't try to discount our power.
So sorry, but when you thinkingabout all these different
things, it's like hold on.
So when I, for me when itstarts to feel like the everyday
things are not happeninganymore yeah then it's something

(46:56):
else going on and it's time tobreak away and it's hard to
especially.
Well, you said on the friendshiptip, which that's that's.
That's very relevant too, butit can be hard.
I'm not gonna say it's hard,but it can be hard To end things
and that's A lot of times.

(47:17):
That's why people don't,because it's hard but it's
necessary.

Speaker 1 (47:20):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:22):
And it can Save you from a lot of other things too.
That's true.
That's true If you just End it.
Now, that's a good one Healingand allowing yourself to grieve,
because you have to grieve evenif they're not dead yeah, for
sure no, what I told you.
I was in counseling briefly andshe was like you have to grieve,

(47:44):
even though they, they didn'tpass away and that's very weird
and some people it's not hardfor when I I tell you my TikTok
been TikToking because they'resupposed to be like y'all be sad
about y'all.
Y'all not with a person anymore.
Man, I be acting like they didand move on.
But it's kind of weird becauseit's not dead.
So for me that's very strangefor me, but go ahead.

Speaker 1 (48:09):
That is very strange.
I think you have to work ongrieving them, right.

Speaker 2 (48:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (48:16):
So on my phone I've had this entire year.
Last year I had this wallpaperthat says Accept, grieve,
surrender.
Right Now I can tie that intoactual scripture James 4, verse
9.
Get into that another day, butit's deep.
I found this.
This spoke to me before I evenfound a scripture to relate it

(48:39):
to.
That.
That blew my mind, but whatever, um, so last year on my journey
, every single day, every day, Ipracticed grieving.
So I would feel sad, I wouldallow myself to feel sad About
separation with someone.
I would feel the happy moments,I would get angry.

(49:00):
This is all.
I would do this every singlemorning.
So I would literally work atgrief Like it was a muscle and
at the very end of it I wouldsurrender to my current
situation, like, okay, they'renot here, right now, I'm gonna
surrender to this moment.
I'm gonna be here in this moment, right here, and whatever is
speaking to me, that's what I'm,that's what I am and that's who

(49:23):
I am in this moment, every, Imean every single day.
You know what.
You know what happened.
I got very good at grievingpeople.
Oh, very good at it like I needright write that down now I'm
telling you now, this is this,this is my secret weapon, but
I'm not saying like I don't careabout them.
This goes back to our initialpoint, and my initial point in
the beginning is I understoodthat there's pain with the love

(49:46):
that comes with this person yeahI've accepted that by entering
in this thing with you, even ifit's a friendship, like okay,
cool, you're cool, you're goingto hurt me at some point.
I accept that.
I know I'm going to have togrieve that, but right now I'm
going to show you someunconditional love.
You're going to lie.
If you lie to me, cool, I'mgoing to set that boundaries,
draw that line.
I'm going to still love you butI'm going to separate myself
from you because I don't wantthat in my life.

(50:07):
And if you circle back andthere comes a time where we, we,
we come back around and I kindof relate this to an analogy I
was talking to a man, talk to apastor.
Again, we're talking about water, right, so you know there's and
this is in terms of yourjourney.

(50:28):
Think about this in terms ofyour journey.
Water is always flowing towardwhatever the current is going,
right.
So say, for instance, you got ariver.
Say you throw a big boulderinto that river.
In terms of your journey, wateris always flowing toward
whatever the current is going,right.
So say, for instance, you got ariver.
Say, for this, you throw a bigboulder into that river.
What happens?
The boulder sits up at the topof the river, the water part
ways to find the easiest flowpath.
Right, that's what you have todo, because at some point, that

(50:50):
person is going to be a boulderin your journey and instead of
you trying to force your waythrough it, you just have to
flow around it.
Maybe there's a point on theother end of that, that, that uh
stream where you guys come backagain.
Maybe not.
Maybe the boulder is so bigthat it actually splits the
river yes that's.

(51:11):
But as long as you're trying toforce your way towards and
through that that boulder,you're stuck, You're not going
anywhere.
Yeah, so allow yourself to flowaround and separate.
I call it just separate, notjust separating from the person,
but allow your your energy tojust flow around it and it'll
find a better path.
I think I answered yourquestion.

(51:32):
What was that question?
What find a better path?
I think I answered yourquestion.

Speaker 2 (51:34):
What was that question?
What was?
Oh, healing, yes, healing,healing and allowing yourself to
grieve.

Speaker 1 (51:37):
So yes, just to assert.
Just to wrap it up, I thinkit's important to practice grief
every like.
Do it every day, you're gonnaget really good at I don't want
to be sad, though you gotta yougotta sit in it because, think
about it, if you sit in it, ifyou sit in it multiple times, it
won't just, it won't just beyou hitting you at random times.
It's going to happen becauseit's like a roller coaster.
But if you decide to sit inthere with it, okay, let me

(52:01):
think about these, these momentsand allow yourself to process
it.
I guarantee you you won't bethinking.
It won't just hit you atnowhere and you just start
crying because you missed thatperson.

Speaker 2 (52:11):
It may, may or may not miss who I'm missing, it's
all good, all right you can makeme be angry instead of grieving
next question um learning, petlearning from the past while
embracing new opportunities.
So that's, that's a little.
That's a little relevant to theboulder in the road like yeah,

(52:32):
if the boat in the road, but inthe in the water so you want me
to go on this one, you goinglearning from the past.
Well, I'm not embracing newopportunities, so I'm not gonna
be a good example for this I amlearning from the past, and
that's it.
We're not embracing nothing overhere, I'm good okay.

Speaker 1 (52:52):
So I think learning from the past, embracing new
opportunities uh, learningyourself more than you're
learning a situation.
Learning your past self versuslearning a situation that
happened is more important,because once you walk into that
new opportunity, you know ifit's for you and you'll probably
know what direction is going ifyou know yourself yeah um.

(53:16):
So I think for me, like a lot ofpast situations I probably
wouldn't walk into, but I'm I'mgrateful of those situations
because they taught me, likeokay, justin, not that route,
okay Justin, not this.
Like I'm okay with making,making mistakes, and I also know
that the L's, or the losses youtake in certain moments, sure
they're wins for other people,but down the road they may be a

(53:39):
lesson for that same person thatwon.
They may look back on it and belike man, like yo, like I
wasn't a good person back thenand I took advantage of this
person because I thought theywere kind, let me circle back,
you know.
And if they don't circle back,it's cool.
No expectations here.
But yeah, I think it'simportant to learn yourself from
the past and uh, and so youwill know how situations are

(54:03):
when you're in a currentsituation, what way they would
go.

Speaker 2 (54:07):
I think that everything that we go through is
a lesson, so, and it it can bethe good things or the bad
things.
Like I think, anything that wego through, it's going to be a
learning.
I'm learning here.
I feel like this is a therapyhey look, so if we want to be
for real, dr gray but, I feellike you know you're gonna have

(54:29):
something you know to learn frompretty much anything that you
encounter.
Yeah, I agree, and it's going tobe.
You can learn.
You know whether you can do itagain or learn to, not so I can
receive that, but embracingthings, we embracing gains and

(54:50):
abs right now, that's what we'reembracing?

Speaker 1 (54:53):
Oh for sure, for sure , the physical gains.
Yes, that's what we'reembracing.
Oh for sure, for sure, thephysical gains.
All right, understood.
Wait, are we skipping the powerof hello again, or
understanding the importance ofpain plus the growth of a
breakup?

Speaker 2 (55:03):
the power of hello again.
I mean, that's, that's thejourney you're on now, like,
yeah, you have said hello, yousay yeah.
You're healed and you're readyto say hello again.

Speaker 1 (55:14):
Yeah, 100%.
Oh man, this is going to begood.
I'm excited.
Look, I've never been excitedto and this is another thing,
and I want to encourage you todo this.
So Wise Men always said thatwhen there's a time of war,
prepare for peace.
Vice versa.
So, when you're in a place ofisolation, prepare.

(55:36):
If you truly want to be withsomeone, prepare yourself to be
in a relationship.
It's very difficult now.
I think last year I waspreparing like, okay, how do?
Obviously getting myselftogether, but how do I want to?
You know, uh, when I'm with myperson, what do I want to do?
Like, how do I, how do I wantto interact with them?

(55:58):
What do I want to send in termsof love?
And you know all thesedifferent type of things I'm
preparing in my brain.
So now I'm like I'm superexcited because I feel like I'm
well equipped for the journey.
If this is with the rightperson, obviously, um.
But I think hello again for meis being vulnerable and open to

(56:21):
you know, unfortunately hurt.
Hello again is is like, okay,who's gonna hurt me now?
Not now in the, maybe down theroad, because something happens,
maybe they unfortunately have aloss, they pass away, but
that's hurt.
So I think to me, hello againis saying hello to love, but

(56:42):
also hurt again.
And I'm okay with that becauseI'm willing to love again and I
know hurt is going to come withit.
So I'm willing to have newpeople in my life.
I'm willing to have new, youknow people in my life.
Hello again for me isdefinitely opening up to you
know that ability and now youmay not understand that the
reason I keep saying hurt iscoming with this love.

Speaker 2 (57:04):
No, I know what you're saying.
That is why I am as unrealisticas it sounds.
It's why I'm like bro.
I'm good on love, because Iknow hurt is going to come with
it.
It can be.
It can be the smallest thing.

Speaker 1 (57:18):
I know that hurt is going to come and I don't I'm
not saying you should be lookinglike once you get this person,
you should be looking for thehurt that they're going to cause
you.
I'm saying you need tounderstand that that is a
process in love yeah like you'regonna have to experience hurt
in some form.
So yeah, hello again helloagain for justin.
Oh, absolutely, not foreverything um, all right, so

(57:40):
let's take one topic from the uh, the youtube podcast that we we
saw women mature faster thanmen, that's not, that's a given.
That's three minutes, of course,but that means nothing.
That's me.
That means nothing.
That means nothing.
Too many options due totechnology.

Speaker 2 (57:58):
So that's like relating to Online dating.

Speaker 1 (58:02):
Is that?

Speaker 2 (58:02):
something that you.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
I don't.
As a man, I don't want to doonline dating Because I'm so
much of an in person person.
But it's difficult to meetpeople If you don't do Online
dating.
So I haven't Made that step yetit's not Really.

Speaker 2 (58:17):
It's not difficult.
It's not difficult To meetpeople If you're not online,
okay, but but I haven't Onlinedated In a very long time.
It's not something that I'mlike Trying to do either, okay,
it's not something that.
I'm trying to do either.
Okay, by the way, but it's not,and it might just be where you
are Like you need to change yourscenery.

Speaker 1 (58:39):
I just did.
I'm in a whole different statenow.

Speaker 2 (58:41):
Exactly so.
This state has more people.
This is a conversation thatwe've had.

Speaker 1 (58:45):
Yes, this state has more people, so online data
would actually be morebeneficial to me in this state,
based off of the area thatyou're in, so then it might work
In your favor.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (58:54):
But I feel like the what you're doing there you
might not even need that.
You still go into the gym Likeyou might See somebody at the
gym.

Speaker 1 (59:04):
Yeah, but the gym Only like Lustful eyes.

Speaker 2 (59:08):
They just wanna smash Some of the folks at the gym
Only be going to the gym To.

Speaker 1 (59:12):
I want to smash Some of the folks at the gym only be
going to the gym.
To you right to find somebody.
To find somebody.

Speaker 2 (59:16):
They ain't even working out for real.

Speaker 1 (59:18):
I ain't mad at that.
Maybe I need to go to morecoffee shops.
I'm doing a coffee shop tourthis summer too in the new state
.
Go to, like, a bunch ofdifferent coffee shops, not to
find someone but just to kind ofdo coffee reviews.
I'm interested in that.
Interesting do coffee reviews.
I'm interested in that.

Speaker 2 (59:32):
Interesting, so you're going to be doing
different things.

Speaker 1 (59:36):
Yeah, coffee reviews.
It's going to be a lot.

Speaker 2 (59:40):
Hey, you know what I'm cutting you off?
I mean to you coming, do they?

Speaker 1 (59:45):
have a, we'll fly you in.
We'll fly you in for episode,for sure, for sure.

Speaker 2 (59:49):
Do they have a running club?

Speaker 1 (59:51):
Absolutely Plenty of them.
You should, you.
Is that where you?
That's where you find singles.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
That's what hey, that's what I saw on TikTok.
They was like Y'all got arunning club, y'all need to join
a running club, cause the men,the women, you know they gonna
be On their type of time, theygonna be on the workout.

Speaker 1 (01:00:06):
They wanna work out.

Speaker 2 (01:00:06):
Yeah, some people say don't like, people like if you
work out.

Speaker 1 (01:00:10):
They don't want their partner to work out too I mean
we need to work out, nottogether, but like yeah, yeah,
okay and yeah, we'll be doingthat.
Um, I think that's it for ourpod.
It's that second segment, whichis goodbye.
Uh, is there anything else youwant to say to our listeners
about hello and goodbye?

Speaker 2 (01:00:33):
No, just trust your instincts, trust yourself,
believe.
Believe what you feel, but alsobelieve what you see.

Speaker 1 (01:00:45):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:00:47):
And take people for face value what they give you.
Don't overlook that great.

Speaker 1 (01:00:56):
Um, what I would say is, in terms of hello and
goodbye, be open.
Uh, in this chapter I don't.
I don't like to refer to theseas seasons, just because I think
seasons are, you know, cyclical, like they're going, and
they're always the same seasonat some point.

(01:01:18):
I think chapters are ongoing,so you have a new chapter and
you're always moving forward,never backwards.
So just be open to things andwhen it's time to walk away, let
it go, walk away.
I don't know how I feel aboutthe saying if it's meant to walk
away, let it go Walk away.

(01:01:38):
I don't know how.

Speaker 2 (01:01:40):
I feel about the saying if it's meant it'll come
back, maybe, maybe not, I don'tknow.
No, it won't, and don't openyourself up to let it come back.

Speaker 1 (01:01:44):
Yeah.
So just for hello and goodbye,just be open to the new things
and for things that you feellike your heart Is not, is no
longer speaking to, it's okay tomove on from it.

Speaker 2 (01:01:58):
Yeah, let it go.

Speaker 1 (01:01:59):
So Alright, thank you guys.
Oh, share your social media.

Speaker 2 (01:02:03):
My social media Um, my TikTok is Arenayash92.
My Instagram is I sing On thepiano, you sing on the piano,
and that's my snap as well.
I sing on the piano, you singon the piano, and that's my snap
as well.
I sing on the piano.
And my Facebook?
We not gonna Cause it got myreal name on there, that's a lot
of information.

Speaker 1 (01:02:21):
You trying to get people To stalk you, huh.

Speaker 2 (01:02:23):
No, that's why I didn't Give my Facebook Chill
out.

Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
Alright.
Thank you guys for listening.
On the next coming episodes,we're trying to get some q a, so
feel free to send somequestions in our inbox, in
tiktok or uh instagram.
And until next time we are outthanks for having me bye.