Ch 2: Ep. 2| Hookups, Hype, and Healing Ft. Christian Brown

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What does it truly mean to be a man in today's world? CJ "Big Siege" joins us for a powerful, unfiltered conversation about masculinity, mental health, and navigating relationships in an increasingly complex landscape.

From the moment we dive in, CJ shares his journey toward embracing positive change while letting go of toxic situations and people. This sets the stage for a vulnerable exploration of how social media distorts our expectations—particularly for young men trying to find their footing in the world. "Your whole personality should not be from the internet," CJ cautions, highlighting how digital culture often rewards harmful behaviors while devaluing genuine connection.

The conversation takes an insightful turn when we tackle what defines authentic manhood. Rather than relying on stereotypes, CJ offers a refreshing perspective: "If you stand for your principles and hold yourself to your standards—not everybody else's—that's what makes you a man." We explore how father figures shape male development at different life stages, and what happens when that guidance is missing.

Mental health emerges as the cornerstone issue affecting men today. "Mental health is everything. If you ain't got your head on straight, you really just running idle," CJ explains. We discuss practical approaches to developing mental toughness, regulating ego, and finding balance between vulnerability and strength. For men struggling with depression, the advice is straightforward: prayer, physical activity, therapy, and intentional solitude can all be powerful tools.

The dating segment pulls no punches as we examine modern relationship challenges—from unrealistic expectations fueled by social media to the prominence of hookup culture. Through personal stories and honest reflection, we unpack what healthy masculinity looks like in relationships and why it's centered on presence rather than power.

Join us for this essential conversation about what men need to thrive in today's world. Subscribe for more discussions that dive beneath the surface of wellness, personal growth, and relationships.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the good, the bad and the great podcast,
where we shine a light onwellness, personal growth and
relationships.
Together, we'll discuss highsand lows and the in-betweens,
offering different perspectiveson health and wellness.
Tune in as we peel back thelayers of life, revealing the
good, bad and the great.

(00:24):
Welcome back to the good, thebad and the great podcast.
I got a special guest in thebuilding.
We've actually recorded threeor four podcasts before.
Nothing has made it.
Nothing has made it to theactual Stop and pod.

(00:50):
Hey, yo shout out to you Stopand pod is going to be a thing
actually, so we'll talk moreabout that.
Today.
I got a special guest in thebuilding.
This is my guy.
I've seen him grow from, likeyou know, being an occasional
gym goer to an advocate, an avidgym, a person that is in the
gym every single day.
Let me see your face.

(01:10):
But welcome to the pod, bro.
Cj Big Siege.

Speaker 2 (01:17):
What it do, man.
What it do For those who don'tknow my name is Christian.
Everybody call me Siege man.
Tell us a little bit about you,Siege, when you from.
I'm from, Tuscaloosa, I'm 24.
And you know, just growingevery day, man.
That's what it's all about.

Speaker 1 (01:28):
Straight up, straight up.
So this is a new chapter in thepod and what we're doing for
every guest.
So we want to kind of start offby asking them one simple
question.
Well, it's two questions all inone.
What?

Speaker 2 (01:43):
are you saying hello to and what are you saying
goodbye to?
What I'm saying hello to Ischange, so like changes that I
can control and that I can'tcontrol.
So it's like I never want to bestagnant or complacent, so I'm
saying hello to change.
What I'm saying goodbye to Istoxic situations and toxic
people.
It don't serve me no purpose,so I'm saying goodbye to that.

(02:04):
And yeah, what about you?

Speaker 1 (02:06):
Me Today.
Oh, today, Today I got to dothis again.
All right, every episode Iguess I'm saying hello to man.
Man, You're saying hello tosomething.
What is that about, bro, whatyou trying to say?
Yo, I'm saying hello to you,know last episode.

(02:29):
I would say hello to love andService.

Speaker 2 (02:32):
I think today, though , Like love as in Not to cut you
off love as in like justSpreading love, but like
personal.
What type of love we talkinghere?

Speaker 1 (02:44):
It's a good question, my brother, yo, all of the
above Spreading love, I thinkyou know.
Just to kind of put it in anutshell, last podcast if you
guys haven't listened, thatepisode is Hello, the Art of
Hello and Goodbye.
But last episode I was talkingabout, you know, saying hello to
love in terms of relationship,but I also mean that in terms of

(03:08):
like spreading it.

Speaker 2 (03:09):
That's a big step, because in the stopping pod it
wasn't too bright for that.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
Yeah, that was a different time.

Speaker 2 (03:15):
That's what?

Speaker 1 (03:15):
two months?
Different Two months yeah 60days can do some stuff bro.

Speaker 2 (03:19):
Okay, man.

Speaker 1 (03:21):
Man been looking in the mirror.
Yeah, yes, sir.

Speaker 2 (03:26):
That's what it's all about.
Man Ain't nothing wrong withthat.

Speaker 1 (03:27):
So, yeah, I'm saying hello to that as well.
I think also, you know, justkind of thinking about what I've
been going through Recently isI'm also saying hello To
allowing people to flow,allowing people to go through
their own personal ebbs and flowand not take it personal, and
that's something I've donepretty good in the past, but I
want to continue to do that.
Just say hello to people, beingthem, like hey, they're not

(03:49):
always going to flow in thisdirection.
Yeah, sometimes they're goingto flow in, like you know
everybody can't flow in thedirection you're flowing.
100 everybody get their owncurrent man.
There you go.
You see what I'm saying.
But you know, I think thesaying is rising tides lift all
boats.
So as I flow, he looked.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
Hey bro, ain't no ocean man, ain't no semen man.

Speaker 1 (04:14):
Look for me when I'm, you know, semen.
For me what that means is like,as I'm starting to climb and
push forward, you know, I wantto make sure I lift every single
individual that is in thatcircle or that's in my proximity
, um, any best way I can.
I'm not saying I'm going toforce someone to do something,
but I'm going to support them asmuch as I can, as I'm going on
that, that, that incline, ifthat makes sense.

(04:35):
So, yeah, I'm saying goodbye totoxic people.
I think I'm.

Speaker 2 (04:40):
I'm similar to that with you on that toxic people
everybody need, Everybody needto open up a book how to Not Be
Toxic.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
Break that.
Unpack that, bro.
What is toxic about theindividuals that you've been?

Speaker 2 (04:52):
with, and it don't even have to be like
relationship toxicness, it'sjust like people, like social
media controls a lot of people,whether they believe it or not.
Oh, my God bro, and the thingsthat social media push or like
that, a lot of things thatyounger, the younger generation
looks into or pays attention to,they ain't gonna say they
shouldn't be.

(05:12):
Like, there should be certainthings that you shouldn't learn
of the internet.
Your whole personality shouldnot be from the internet, like
and it's just all abouttoxicness, like they push these
shows, and of just fighting orbeing toxic, and that's not a
good look because, like, noteverybody is open to that.
Not everybody is going to wantthat.
Everybody shouldn't want that.

(05:32):
You shouldn't.
Whether you're in arelationship or being in a
friendship.
You should not be a personthat's constantly bringing
somebody down or always in themiddle of some BS.
You get what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (05:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (05:43):
So it's like nah, it ain't cute on nobody, man nor
woman, or you know so you'rebasically saying it's social
media that forces, or that ismaking more people toxic.
I'm saying like, yes, it'smostly social media, but some
people are just ugly inside andout, Dang.

Speaker 1 (06:02):
You can be pretty on the outside but ugly on the
inside.

Speaker 2 (06:04):
You might.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
That actually is going to segue into our topic
today.
We got a few topics we want tocover.
First topic is friendships.
In terms of that, friendshipsokay, I do want to kind of dive
into that because I think in thelast part we kind of briefly
talked about those Friendshipsare relationships, yes, and you

(06:25):
kind of see who you bond withbased off of what they serve.
And I think a lot of times wemeet people and we are like, oh
cool, this person is so dope,but and we get into this like,
oh, we say we put expectationson those individuals, like I
have a bad problem with that,like I treat somebody how I want
to be treated and then I'd belike, oh, they wouldn't do that
you put those expectations onthem.

Speaker 2 (06:46):
And I got to learn to stop doing that.
You know what I'm saying.
I got to learn to be more stoicand, just you know, move the
way I should move instead of theway that I do move 100%.
Nah, everybody ain't like that.
Nah, that's what I'm, that'sprobably what I need to let go
of For real.

Speaker 1 (07:03):
Oh, that's what you're saying goodbye to.

Speaker 2 (07:04):
Yeah, like trying to Make sure everybody's straight
the whole time.
I don't need to do that.

Speaker 1 (07:09):
I've been there, bro, like when you try to like Make
sure you check in, like youSupporting every single person,
and you start to realize thosepeople are not reciprocating
that energy, that shit draining.
It takes a lot out of you, bro,it's draining it takes a lot out
of you.
But here's the thing and thisis like on my past journey I
started to realize, and I kindof will segue into it is like

(07:30):
you have to figure out whothey're serving in the moment
and I think you alluded to thatin the beginning too with social
media.
A lot of people now are servingsocial media.
A lot of people serve toxicbullshit, right.
And so when you get in thatbond or that friendship with
them, you need to understandthat that's how you stay stoic.
You say, okay, cool, I knowthis person is really serving

(07:50):
that intention.
They get on social media.
So I need to not setexpectations, but also I need to
set a boundary with this person, because if not, you're going
to fall and get caught up inthat toxic, and then you know
what happened with that.

Speaker 2 (08:01):
When you do that, what's that Now they be like oh
you moving, funny You're movingtoxic.
There's a lot of manipulationgoing on when it comes in terms
of that.
Sometimes you just got toignore that shit.
So it's like you can't just sitthere.
Somebody can't make you feelbad for doing what's best for
you.

Speaker 1 (08:17):
It's your life.

Speaker 2 (08:20):
And that may sound selfish, but sometimes you got
to be selfish.
That's true, that's what I'msaying.
You have to be selfish becauseif you don't stand for nothing,
you'll fall for anything.
You'll fall for somebodytreating you like shit the whole
time.
You trying to be that niceperson and get in the world.
Amen, amen.
Preaching up there I ain'tgonna necessarily say preaching,
I had to realize that you knowwhat I'm saying.
I'm super nice.

(08:42):
And then, like nala nala saidto them, tell me, you can't be
nice to everybody.
Like what you mean.
Like I had to really deep diveinto, like what she was saying
and, as coming into this year,like I really realized I can't
be nice to everybody yeah somepeople.
Some people think I'm flirtingwith them whole time.
I wouldn't want to talk to them.
Some people think I'm like apushover, some shit, whole time.
I'm not.

(09:02):
It's just like you can't justbe nice, like sometimes you
gotta stand up.

Speaker 1 (09:05):
Yeah, I think, man, you just dropped some bars in In
terms of nice, now I agree youcan't be nice, you can be kind
now.

Speaker 2 (09:14):
Yeah, but that's, that's what I'm saying, that's
how you know You're not going Inthe right direction, cause,
like being nice the word is soused to toxicness, and it's like
it shouldn't be like that, so Ithink so let's break those two
down, like the differencebetween nice and kind.

Speaker 1 (09:31):
I think nice is when someone can take advantage of
what you're doing for them,right?
I think kind is like you'reshowing an act but you're not,
you know, changing the way youmove or the time you're moving
for someone else.
But if you're nice, you you'lllay everything out for that
person, yeah, and they're gonnatake full advantage of you.
Got, we gotta stop doing that.
You can't be nice in thesestreets.
But but, on that note, man likeand this is something I um I've

(09:55):
heard today, this weekend islike you can't let cement dry,
um, in terms of relationships.
So what I mean by that, youknow, when cement is kind of wet
you still can kind of mold it.
So when you get into like afriendship or a relationship,
you need to make sure thatyou're able to mold those things
in the beginning, because onceit's dry, and you're trying to

(10:16):
change it, it's going to getmessy man boy.

Speaker 2 (10:19):
you said something there.
It's going to get messy, bro itis Bro, and when you walk away,
you just gotta, you just gonnahave to walk away.
You can't fix it, yeah, youcan't Imagine putting cement
Back together.

Speaker 1 (10:29):
What happened?
They had to drop more cementand that's even more, you know,
chaos, nah.
So yeah, I think that's hugewhat you just said, but let's
get into Some questions, alright.
So what we got?
We got A Renee in the building.
She's going to help us out withsome questions today.
A Renee, what's our firstquestion?

Speaker 3 (10:48):
Well, y'all having a good conversation up there.
I want to know, as far asfinding purpose as a man, what
does it mean to be a man?

Speaker 1 (10:56):
Ooh, masculinity, let's go Jizzle, it's on you, I
ain't going to lie when it comesto that.

Speaker 2 (11:01):
I really don't have a definition for that, because
it's like I had to raise myself,in a sense, to be a man.
I was, like I'm a mama.
So it's like when it's put intothe forefront of like we got to
be strong, like we can't nevershow a sign of weakness or this,
that or that, or it's like youeither got to be real or tough
or gangsta or whatever.
My thing is it's just when itcomes to being a man, bro, like

(11:29):
a man can stand for manyprinciples.
If you don't have no principles, or, like you, you follow the
wrong things or you carryyourself in foul or flawed ways,
you're not a man to me, butlike, if you can go up, get up
every day, try to be better oncea day, every day, and get after
it, and I can, I can respectthat you know, what I'm saying,
but that may be different foryou.

(11:50):
Like, everybody got their ownthing, but I had to teach myself
how to be a man, so when Ithink about manhood, I think
about, I go straight intomasculinity.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
You know, and that you know, each male and female
have a certain amount masculineenergy or feminine energy.
I think masculine energy today,when you're talking
specifically about a man, isdifferent from when it was 50
years ago.
It's different from 10 yearsago, right, because we're

(12:19):
evolving as a species, we'reevolving as a— Evolving the
wrong way.

Speaker 2 (12:22):
Yeah, you paint your nails the wrong way.
Hell, no, I'm just asking,that's what.
I'm saying we gonna Like comeon, bro, we can't, we can't.

Speaker 1 (12:31):
Yo, that's wild, but you know.
So hold on Jizzle Now.
At the same time, yeah, wegotta make sure that we we
approach those individuals Withjudgment.
No.

Speaker 2 (12:40):
It's no judgment Like .
You know what I'm saying.
You know what I'm saying.
Everybody had their own thingas their thing.
Yeah, and everybody, loveeverybody.
I ain't judging nobody, it'snothing.
But at the same time it's likeyou can't to me.
You cannot sit up here and callyourself a man.
And you walking around withsmiley faces on your nails, bro.
That's crazy.
Why not?
Because it's like I get youshowing your personality, but

(13:07):
it's like Certain thingsShouldn't be for us.
You know what I'm saying.
And it's like Certain peoplehave their thing and certain
people Don't have their thing.
I'm not.
I can't respect you.
You walk around With your nailspainted Like I, and there's
nothing Against people that dothat.
Because I have people Of allwalks of life Around me Gay,
straight, bisexual.
Like I have an uncle who is gayand I love him to death.
I treat him just like a regularperson.

(13:28):
I treat people like peoplebecause that's what they are.
I'm not judging you on this orthat thing, but like if he had
come up to me and be like I'mnot doing that shit, like it's
just certain things I wouldn'tdo you know what, bro?

Speaker 1 (13:41):
It's crazy that you mention that.
I used to talk to a girl Inundergrad and she asked me a
question.
She was like how would you feelIf your son played with dolls
and painted their nails?
And I was, and you know I'mgonna be honest, at the time I
was like what?
Yeah, nah, you shut down Likewe ain't doing that.

Speaker 2 (13:57):
But it's Like certain things do change, like at the
same time you can instillprinciples or how to carry
themselves as a man, as a child,to your child, but at the same
time your child is going to bewho your child is.
It's up to you to love thatchild.
Certain people disarm.
I'm never going to disarm mykids.
My kids can do whatever theywant, but at the same time
they're going to carrythemselves in how they need to

(14:20):
carry themselves.
I'm not against nothing, but atthe same time, some some things
like it's just like yourprinciples and your morals are
going to be there.

Speaker 1 (14:29):
I I think, you know, when she said it I react that
way and we kind of got in theback and forth and it's kind of
like more of a a good, bad and agreat moment in terms of like
our perspective.
Because I couldn't meet her inthe middle.
I was like no, because in mymind he starts doing that he
could think he could do Allthese other things that attach
to it.
Yeah, and this is how I wasthinking at the time.
So, but what you said Is what Ikind of learned and taught

(14:51):
myself Over the past years Past.
That Is like, if you'reteaching them Principles and
morals that are that embody Inmy eyes what a masculine man or
what a protector or provider manor what a protector or provider
is supposed to be, then youdon't have anything to worry
about.
Yeah, that's what.

Speaker 2 (15:04):
I'm saying so.
It's like they can love or dowhatever they want, but at the
same time, if you're going to docertain things, still carry
yourself how you need to carryyourself.
Don't let nobody disrespect you, don't overly do too much at
the same time and then go for aboy or go for a girl, but like,

(15:26):
just don't, don't let peopledevalue who you are.
Yeah, you know what I'm sayingand there's a lot of judgment
that goes across a lot of people.
What's the saying?
You throw a stone and hide yourhand?
Yeah, you know what I'm sayingso like a lot of people going to
do that.
And with social media, a lot ofpeople do that.
Like I know people that getmessed up because of the
comments.
These people don't know you Atall.
Don't know you at all.

Speaker 1 (15:43):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (15:45):
They don't even know how old you are, right, they
just see what you put out thereand you take that to heart.

Speaker 1 (15:49):
Nah, nah, that's true .

Speaker 2 (15:52):
You got to learn how to stand up for yourself and
believe in yourself.
If you don't believe inyourself, then what's the point?

Speaker 1 (15:58):
You know what I'm saying.
So what does it mean to be aman?
And I think you're saying like,essentially it's different for
everybody.

Speaker 2 (16:05):
But to put it all in one box.
A man is to stand for yourpurpose and your principles.

Speaker 1 (16:13):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (16:14):
Hold yourself to your standard.
Okay, not to everybody else'sstandard 100%.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
Okay, I like that.
I like that.
Hey, renee, what's our nextquestion?

Speaker 3 (16:23):
Okay, this is.
I'm interested to see what CJis going to say.

Speaker 1 (16:27):
Let's go Jizzle.

Speaker 3 (16:28):
Because why do men need other men in their life?

Speaker 1 (16:32):
Or do you?

Speaker 3 (16:32):
think men need other men Because your situation is a
little unique you didn't have afather figure.

Speaker 2 (16:40):
It depends on what phase of life you're in.
Like, if you're a child, youneed certain need, certain
things from a father figure,like I had.
I had uncles and stuff.
Those are my father figures, um.
But as far as actually having adad as a child, you're gonna
want those days you go to school, you see their kids having
their father daughter dance, or,like you, seeing kids actually

(17:02):
have their father in their life.
So you're gonna want thatbecause those are core memories.
Those are things, things you'regoing to remember forever.
As you get a little older, theycan show you things that your
mom can't show you, like how toshave, what to do as far as
changing attire, changing oil,or like being on your own out
there, how to carry yourselfwhen it comes to people messing

(17:23):
with you, when it comes tofights, when it comes to dating,
like it's important to havethat because, for one, they can
give you their perspective ofhow their life was and it also
can give you that advice on howto carry you when you become
your own man, because not notsaying you have to take
everything that they say andmake it you.

(17:43):
You can be your own man, but atthe same time, in different
phases of life, you do need that.
That Right now, I would say.
For me, the reason I would sayI don't need that now is because
I'm older.
Only thing you can give me nowis advice.
But back when I was like from16 to 20, I needed that because
it was more so.
I was in a space of, like,finding out the other side of my

(18:04):
family.
You know what I'm saying,saying so now it's like I've
accepted it.
It would bother me sometime,yeah, but like it's very
important coming up, come in theyounger years of your life, of
having that father figure.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
Now you, you probably can speak a little different
yeah, um, so I was raised in asingle parent home.
Uh, for like the second part ofmy childhood first part I was
raised with my grandparents, soI kind of like had my granddad
up until like 10 or 10-ish, butafter that I just had my mom and
that's it.
And it was a house full of girlsme and three girls.

(18:37):
A house full of girls too.
Wild work, yeah, so that waswild.
But what I've seen and this issomething I can attest to is I
think I would say yes, I thinkyou need a male presence in your
life for majority of your life.
Now, the first phase as kids,and you know as a teenager, you

(18:57):
need a man.
If you're a boy or a man, a boy, at the time I feel like you
need a man to show you what todo, so you don't make the bad
decisions right, because if not,you're going to make all the
bad decisions, but you're goingto teach yourself.

Speaker 2 (19:10):
You're going to learn the hard way.
You're either going to teachyourself or somebody's going to
teach you Meaning.
You're either going to learnwhat not to do or you're going
to be in jail, and it's sad tosay that but either they're
going to teach you or your mom'sgoing to teach you or somebody,
and typically she's not goingto teach you the correct way to
handle things, no way.

Speaker 1 (19:27):
And uh, I know my mom did the best she did she could,
uh.
But yeah, and I think, as youget into like young adult, young
man 20s, 30s I think you shouldhave a mentor or someone that
you can lean on and have certainconversations with because, as
we kind of talked about earlier,masculinity is kind of evolving
now.
Yeah, so back.
So back then you said this man,you couldn't talk about how you

(19:48):
feel, no, you couldn't saycertain things.
But I think now, being that youknow women are calling on in
society, it's calling on adifferent type of masculinity,
because the world is goingtowards a different way.

Speaker 2 (20:00):
I think, I don't know , it's just when they come to
you.
You hit a nail on the head.
Go ahead, it's that you hit anail on the head.
Go ahead Like they calling fora different type of masculinity.

Speaker 1 (20:06):
They are, they are.

Speaker 2 (20:08):
More so in my generation.
They masculinity is a check,like they not.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
They're bad.

Speaker 2 (20:14):
Like you know what I'm saying.
Like if you don't have that,you're not, you can't do nothing
for them.

Speaker 1 (20:18):
Yeah, you know what I'm saying, that's true.
Well, it Like now.

Speaker 3 (20:23):
Excuse me, that's not all women, just so y'all know.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
No, I'm not saying it's all women, but you are what
you attract.
I'm not going to lie, though,certain women that I attract, or
most women that I've beenintroduced to in this generation
, if you ain't coming with nobag, they not.

Speaker 1 (20:43):
They don't want to see if you ain't got no money.
I had a conversation withsomebody today.
I was like, yeah, bro, oh, myacademic advisor, he teaches.
He was like, yeah, I'm gettingin the gym.
I was like, doc, you got money.
Like that's all he reallywanted.

Speaker 2 (20:54):
You don't need to get in the gym.
No, I'm telling you, dude, youdon't need the gym.

Speaker 3 (21:00):
But you can walk out with something that love you to
death, right, but if you ain'tgot that, check dang that's,
that's tough, man, that's toughno, I'm not gonna say like a
woman doesn't want, like a brokeman but, as long as you you
know providing in a sense, thenthat works it for me
specifically.

Speaker 2 (21:21):
But that, like certain people, that only comes
when you hit that.
You hit that maturity level,like that's why I'm like I still
deal with some people thatdon't even have that maturity
level and that's on me fordealing with them.
But at the same time it's likeit's rare to come across that
woman that's going to understandthat there's also going to want
to be with you and that doesn'thave nothing on the side
providing her with thatexpectation that she's requiring

(21:44):
.
So it's rare to find that.
Most of the time it ain't goingto lie, like I say, if a female
walked down to me or I walkeddown on a female, but then the
first five minutes is wherewe're going on a date or like
there's something monetary.
Or you can suggest a date andbe like let's go to the park,
let's do a picnic, somethingcute, something actually
thoughtful, and actually what adate is to be considered and

(22:06):
actually what a date is to beconsidered Nah they ain't going.

Speaker 3 (22:09):
You're younger, so y'all still having fun.
Nobody really trying to.
A lot of people in your agerange aren't trying to settle
down yet.

Speaker 2 (22:16):
Y'all having fun, they over there, I ain't having
fun.

Speaker 1 (22:19):
I'm trying to lock it in.

Speaker 2 (22:20):
I'm trying to lock it in.
I ain't getting no younger.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
Okay, okay, go ahead with y'all.
I think we're moving on for thealbum then.

Speaker 3 (22:28):
Yeah, so let's kind of shift from being a man or
finding the purpose, as a man,to mental health and dating Oof.
So what does mental health meanto y'all?

Speaker 2 (22:37):
before I ask these other questions, To me, mental
health is everything, BecauseI've not me personally.
I just dealt with having tohelp one of my friends through a
deep mental like didn't want tobe here, no more crisis.
So it's like that's everything.
If you ain't got your head onstraight, you really just

(22:58):
running idle at this pointbecause it's like certain things
can change, affect how you arementally.
If you don't have that mentaltoughness, like it is gonna be
hard for you.
You gotta develop that mentaltoughness.
You have to sit up here andwork on yourself.
You gotta pray, get in the gym,do something that actually
elevates you and your mentalhealth.
If you, if you have to go talkto somebody, do that, try, at

(23:21):
least try.
If you're not trying to work onyour mental health, mental
health, then it, then it's justlike it's GG's man.

Speaker 3 (23:29):
It's what.

Speaker 2 (23:31):
Good game, oh, gg's.

Speaker 3 (23:33):
She's like what is GG's Until you're a little older
.
You're older now.

Speaker 1 (23:39):
No you're good, yo Go ahead and pose that question
again.

Speaker 3 (23:44):
What does mental health mean to you?

Speaker 1 (23:46):
He kind of like bodied it pretty much.

Speaker 3 (23:48):
You're older, you can't have the same answer.

Speaker 1 (23:50):
So, I think, when it comes to mental health, I think
mental health means to me isknowing your emotional state of
mind, knowing how and what youcan handle in certain
circumstances, in certaincircumstances Most importantly,

(24:13):
relationships, friendships orintimate relationships I think
mental health also is knowinghow to deal with your emotions.
When you're in your career,because a lot of people deal
with the imposter syndrome, andthat could be even in school,
like your classwork Some peopleyou get into situations where
you think that everyone aroundyou is, you know, legit and
you're not and you're not youknow worth or you don't measure

(24:35):
up to those levels, and I thinkyour mental health plays a huge
part in that.
I think ultimately though thisis one of the things I kind of
dealt with in the past and Ithink most men don't talk about
is depression right when you gothrough that depression phase?
I think mental health is alsoknowing how to regulate your ego
, because your ego can assistyou in those depressing moments,

(24:55):
and what I mean by that is, ifyou think about it, what does
your ego even use for right?
It boosts you up, it makes youfeel you know big right, but the
opposite of that is you're notfeeling big is, which is
depression.
So a lot of people don't knowhow to manage their ego enough
to support them when they'redepressed, in a way when they
don't have something, where theydon't have someone, when

(25:16):
they're losing, uh, something,when they're grieving, that ego
is really there to assist you inthose moments.
But what happens is we get somuch of it that dopamine hit
that ego feels good, we, we'rebigger than the world, and then
we lose ourselves.
Know where that come from.

Speaker 2 (25:32):
So a haircut can't tell you, it ain't nothing.
The haircut can't feed you.

Speaker 1 (25:37):
But hey, but hold on.
You know who boosts your ego?
Hey, send me a picture, willyou get the friend?

Speaker 2 (25:43):
you be hitting everything, but you don't even
want to go home that day.
But they, you know them girls,well, I'm telling you as soon as
I get a haircut straight to thegym, yo, straight to the gym,
straight to the gym.

Speaker 1 (25:57):
I'm not playing but I think what I'm saying is we
have to learn to regulate that,and that is killing the ego.
When we get to that point, towhere it's more than sufficient,
when it's like an abundantstate, that's when you have to
really kill the ego, because ifnot, you'll go through a place
where you're literally losingyourself and you're not thinking
about everybody around youbecause you're so focused on

(26:18):
yourself.

Speaker 2 (26:19):
So what are some solutions to pulling yourself
out of that deep?
Oh, that's good.

Speaker 3 (26:23):
Oh yeah, he a doctor.
What is that?
What that's good.
Oh yeah, he a doctor.

Speaker 1 (26:25):
He can heal you what, first and foremost, I
personally think you know whathelps me regulate my ego is not
believing all the compliments orbelieving what people tell you.
Like, you can accept acompliment when somebody says
something is good or say, hey,you look X, y and Z.
Thank you, I ain't going to lie.

Speaker 2 (26:44):
I don't want to be accepting them Okay good.
I can Y and Z, thank you, but Iain't gonna lie, I'm gonna be
accepting Okay, good, that'sgood.

Speaker 1 (26:47):
Don't hold on to it.
I think it's okay.
It's okay to accept something,but don't hold on to it.
You don't have to believe itFor me.
I accept it, but I don't holdon to it.
Like I literally Like thatcompliment it.
Just it rolls off me Cause Idon't say that I know what

(27:10):
you're talking about.

Speaker 2 (27:11):
Because it's like when I get home, it's like in
the mirror.
My thing to me is like I wantto be that guy to myself, so
it's like I'd rather have thatperson, if somebody be like come
, that's you, that's you 100%.
I don't want to fully believethat you know reverse them.
That's what I'm saying, so it'slike I'd rather, I'd rather.
My thing is spreading love,like.

(27:31):
I just spread it, I just spreadit, I spread it till I can't no
more.
But when I get home, oh, I'mthat guy.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
You can't tell me no more yourself.
That's on you.
But I think when we're insociety, we're around people, we
need to humble ourselves, andthat's one thing I like about
you is that you're humble.
You're like you know, bro, I'mgonna do my thing, but I'm
always gonna kind of like big upsomebody else when they try to
big up me.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
I, I'm the same way, because it's like it ain't gonna
like growing up, bro.
It's like me being me.
A lot of people try to likedown, like throw rocks.
It's like for what I don't?
I don't do nothing.

Speaker 1 (28:06):
Like man what.

Speaker 2 (28:08):
Oh, my god Like.
And then it amazes me to thisday.
And then it's like when I saysomething yeah, oh no, it wasn't
that.

Speaker 3 (28:16):
Nah, bro, it wasn't that I'm like.

Speaker 2 (28:17):
Oh, you know, g, what was the point?
Like, like, there's no way.

Speaker 1 (28:22):
So this podcast is, you know, and in this episode
we're more focused on mentalhealth and finding your purpose
as a man, and I think that's ahuge topic, so let's narrow it
down.
I had a couple of questions foryou.
You know, in terms of men'smental health, how do you, or
have you ever dealt with thefear of failure as a man?

Speaker 2 (28:43):
That's a fear that I face every day.
But at the same time, fearwasn't instilled in us so I'm
not going to sit there and justlet they get the best of me.
I'll pray and keep it moving.
Sometimes it do get me.
I do have them days, but when Ihave them days I just get up
and go to the gym.
But as far as like, my fearisn't necessarily that my fear

(29:05):
is not being happy.

Speaker 1 (29:06):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (29:07):
So it's like I don't care if I make the money, I
don't care if I'm working atDollar General, I don't care if,
like, everything can be takenaway.
If I'm not happy, that's myfear.
Okay, I like that.
When it comes to me facing that, I just gotta give it one day.
If I ain't having the best daythis day, we got tomorrow.
If we ain't got tomorrow, I'mgonna try today, as long as I
try.
That's why I'm met with it okay, okay.

Speaker 1 (29:28):
next question when is the worst time to date a man?
I ask this question to or, inmy opinion, to as well At your
age.

Speaker 2 (29:42):
When do you feel like the worst time to date a man?
The worst time to date a man iswhen they feel like they got
everything.
Okay, unpack that, because it'snot necessarily that you don't
need somebody, but when youcoming up, there's somebody
that's right there, that'ssupporting you no matter what.
That's when you need it themost.
But when you're at the top andyou got everything, you can come
across somebody that does carethe whole time.

(30:04):
You're not going to care if youlose them or not, because you
feel like you got everything.
So I would say the worst timeis when they got everything.
The best time is when theydon't got nothing.
That's when you're going to getthe realest version of them.

Speaker 3 (30:17):
So it's like you know some, I don't, I don't.

Speaker 2 (30:21):
I don't take a walk in the park.

Speaker 1 (30:24):
So you're speaking from the standpoint of when a
woman should lock in with a manright.
Okay, all right, so I like, Ilike that answer.
That was good.
I didn't even think about itthat way.
In my opinion, the worst timeto date a man is when he's
grieving.
You know, when you're walkingin, he's like broken and you're
trying to like figure you're asa woman and I think you know I'm

(30:47):
not a woman, obviously, but Ithink when you're looking at a
man, he's grieving, he's gonnamake a lot of mistakes, he's
gonna hurt you unintentionallybecause he's trying to figure
things out in terms of fixinghimself, because he's broken and
he could be grieving from arelationship or a loss.
Uh, that's why they say youshouldn't get in a relationship
immediately after you get out ofone.

Speaker 2 (31:05):
Right, yeah, because you're still grieving the other
relationship, but if you'redealing with somebody that
understand that's not the trueversion of you.

Speaker 1 (31:11):
That's what that's right, but she's gonna get hurt
though, bro.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
She's gonna get hurt, bro if she know, like he mean,
that she may get hurt.
Yes, you can get hurt, butsometimes that that love, if she
really rocking with you as nowway to hurt if she's locked in
and she stays, oh it's hard.
It's hard.
It's rare to feel you find thatit's but fool, but hold on

(31:36):
that's like that old phone,honda Accord gonna crank up
every time.

Speaker 1 (31:40):
We're gonna do an oil change next week I'm making
some new tires man, 250 000miles, don't even hesitate,
crank up like look, I'm jumpingin every single day, brother,
you're gonna pay 2,500, oh 25.
There's a steal.
But here's the thing, though.
I think, as we Sure, we wouldlove for them to lock in In
those moments, but we as a manhave to grow enough To come back

(32:04):
and nurture Like the hurt thatwe delivered, and we don't do a
good job of that.

Speaker 2 (32:09):
But we can't take none of the stuff we put out and
that I've seen people put out.
They can't take it.
They can't take it if it wasdead to them.

Speaker 1 (32:16):
I speak for myself, bro, take it.

Speaker 3 (32:19):
No, they can't take it if you did no one of the
things for myself, so that won'teven play.

Speaker 1 (32:23):
No more like yeah I ain't trying to play those games
, yeah, but the crazy part is islike they're now.
Women are doing the things thatwe do, so men are actually
getting hurt and also are seenas less than because they're
they're being I can say they'vebeen more than because they're
being.
I can say they're being morevulnerable, but they're being
more susceptible to the hurtthat we delivered, we dished out

(32:43):
, in the past.
So I think it's important,though, like to kind of circle
back, and I think it's importantfor us to figure out if we do
have somebody that champions usand they are standing in there
in those moments and receivingthat hurt because women carry a
lot, bro, especially when we'redishing out that hurt.
We just need to figure out, asmen, how to circle back and

(33:04):
nurture the hurt and acknowledgeit too, because it's difficult
to acknowledge something thatyou don't feel.
So I think it's important tofigure that piece out.

Speaker 2 (33:15):
Next.

Speaker 3 (33:18):
You pulled out your own question.

Speaker 1 (33:20):
Yeah, I had cause.
I know my boy was ready.
He needed to get in his bag.
Okay.

Speaker 3 (33:24):
So, since we're here, what types of pressures do you
feel when you're dating, and dothey positively or negatively
affect you?
That's a good question.

Speaker 2 (33:32):
Um, pot is is going to sound negative, but it's
positive.
My mama always told me it'salways going to be somebody
bigger, better, better.
You just got to.
Better looking.
It positively affects mebecause it's like it keeps me
humble but at the same time it'slike it's show their character.
They go for the next name andsee that it's them.
But the pressures, I'll say youfeel them more at the beginning

(33:57):
stages of dating, like wouldshe like me?
What if she don't like this,this, that, and the third, like
the little cute shit.
But as far as like Biggerpressure than that, I don't
think.

Speaker 3 (34:06):
What's the puppy love ?
Yeah, you good, yeah, what youthink, dr Gray.

Speaker 1 (34:11):
So the question is what?

Speaker 3 (34:13):
What types of pressures Do you feel while
dating?
And do they positively ornegatively affect you.
I should have said something.

Speaker 2 (34:20):
Go ahead, finish up.
Man.
Ain't a lot of worse pressurethan when you cook for them the
first time?

Speaker 1 (34:24):
Nah, oh you out here cooking, but I throw down those
like Pressure.
This is going to sound.
I don't think this is going tosound cocky, but I don't think I
have.
Well, I don't know, I haven'tdated in a minute.

Speaker 2 (34:36):
So in the past, when the last time you cooked for
somebody.
It's been a while bro, I cookedfor somebody.

Speaker 3 (34:43):
What you going to find out, man, what Cooked
something?

Speaker 2 (34:46):
Real quick.
It ain't your meal.
It ain't something that you youlike cooking food.
Who me you, yeah, I ain't goingto lie bro.

Speaker 1 (34:56):
I cooked for somebody recently, bro Okay, but it was
some simple shit, it wasbarbecue, so you just cook it
like anybody can get CJ cooking.

Speaker 2 (35:04):
When it comes to my people, yeah, okay, I bring my
partner a plate, my mama a plate, but when it comes to me
actually bringing somebody likeI just met, or they trying my
food for the first time, okay, alittle nervous.

Speaker 1 (35:19):
I, I don't know, bro, I don't feel like I have
pressure when it comes to thatand I I think, okay, this may be
a pressure point, it could benegative.
I think when you set theexpectations in the beginning,
like when you, when you'redating and you go into that
initial phase, you're trying tobe, do and be everything to that
person and then down the roadfor me and this is in the past,

(35:42):
this is the pressure I felt inthe past, so I guess I do have
one is wearing so many hats in arelationship.
So now let me unpack that.
Let me unpack that, bro.
I've done that and I realizedyou cannot be everything for
even one person.
You can't be everything foreven one person.
You can't be everything for her.
So at what point do it change?
You need to, in the beginning,establish what it is.

(36:02):
Now you could support her indifferent areas, but I mean, I
would recommend her if you, youknow her having like other
support systems, friends andstuff like that, but and not
relying on you for everything.
And I think me that was a lotof pressure being able to like,
be your coach, be your guy, bebusiness partners, be that be

(36:23):
this like.
That's a lot, bro, andobviously I'm, I can do a lot of
that, but if you think about it, when you're wearing all those
hats, you have to approach thatperson in so many different ways
and they don't realize itbecause they're still thinking
like, oh, oh, this is my guy,but he has all these hats, so he
should be able to approach meas my guy and no, bro we're
business partners, so at whatpoint do they get the

(36:45):
readjustment like?

Speaker 2 (36:47):
is it after the day, is it after you, if you have
them, or like speaking, speaking, I'm saying, I'm saying like
after?
After what stage of therelationship Do they?
Get truly authentic Justin, meI'm the same all around, like
most people think, after I getthe box, like I'm a change.

(37:08):
So at what point do they getthe sad Justin, the goofy Justin
?

Speaker 1 (37:14):
The serious Justin, when they get overall, justin,
that's a lot.
When is the?

Speaker 2 (37:20):
right time to get at to him.

Speaker 1 (37:23):
I think the goofy Justin is who is the authentic.
I mean, I'm always authentic,but I do have different modes I
have different modes.
I have to switch on Initially.
If I'm genuine with youinitially and this is something
I don't think people noticeabout me but if I'm, if I'm
genuine with you initially andthis is this is something I you
know I don't think people noticeabout me but if I'm already
creating friction and talking,talking that ish to you in the

(37:45):
beginning, I like you, yeah, butif I'm just super nice, super
nice see, I'm too nice thoughlike I get that a lot like I'm
too nice, like yeah but at thesame time it's like if I got to
be mean to you.
Not so much mean, but just morecreated like banter and friction
.
Because I think you know, forme I want someone that is a

(38:05):
little bit more.
You don't want to push over.
Yeah, because I know what typeof energy I bring and I know
what type of energy they'regoing to have, because I think a
woman naturally is there withone of the individuals that well
, she supports and holds a manup.
So in order to hold me up,you're going to have to
understand that there aredifferent phases.
But also I'm going to be yeah,not saying like I want you to
stay in your feminine.

(38:27):
I think for me, my energybrings that out, no matter what.

Speaker 2 (38:34):
But I also want someone that can kind of like go
back and forth if we need to.

Speaker 1 (38:37):
You got to have that little pit bull in your pocket,
yeah because when I'm not there,I know she can take care of
business.

Speaker 2 (38:41):
I know she's going to handle herself, so at what
point do you feel like you canfully trust her?
Ooh it takes.

Speaker 1 (38:47):
So for me, I think, all right, so I'm going to
unpack something.
This is off topic, I think so.
I think now I'm at a statewhere my discernment is kind of
high and that could be adouble-edged sword.
I think that if you got a lotof discernment, you have a
tradeoff of, you know not, youcan see a lot in terms of people

(39:08):
, you can understand a lot, andthat's the issue is, you see too
much and you don't want to givetoo much in the beginning
because you know what thisperson's strength and weaknesses
is.
So I think for me, yeah, it'llhave to be like, I'll have to

(39:29):
see something in the beginningbefore we actually get to that
point.
If I don't see it, you're goingto be like oh, justin's always
serious, justin is all aboutbusiness, and you know me, I'm
goofy, I'm like bro, I'm sayingbut not a lot, not a lot of
women.
And here's the thing and Ithink this is the type of woman

(39:49):
I I prefer to attract is a womanthat can actually speak to that
, that goofy, that kid andjustin, instead of just seeing
me and like, oh, he's like this.
So let me be like no, beyourself.
If you're yourself, I going tobe flexible a little bit to that
and we're going to have goodbanter, we're going to have a
good conversation, we're goingto laugh, joke, but if you're
just like, oh, he's all serious,I'm going to be serious, we're
just going to be serious theentire time that ain't going to

(40:10):
last long.

Speaker 2 (40:23):
It ain't gonna say I give 100 but you're gonna get cj
.
Okay, if I gotta give youchristian, we might well start
talking you said, if I gottagive you the professional side
like I'm like I ain't gonna sayI just stopped dealing with
somebody, but like I was dealingwith somebody for like.
Like I was dealing with somebodyfor like a year on and off,
right, and we ended it like amonth ago where I ended it,

(40:44):
because it's like I'm not goingto keep dealing with the BS.
You don't tighten up, you ain'ttighten up.
But, like for me, if I got toshow you I can just walk past
you and act like I don't knowyou.
Yeah, you my way.

Speaker 3 (40:57):
I shouldn't have to show you that you know what I'm
saying.

Speaker 2 (40:59):
That's not I'm going to.
I ain't that, ain't that's me,but it ain't me.
You know what I'm saying?
Right?
So like no Once.

Speaker 1 (41:07):
I don't care, I don't care, okay, okay, so you
basically clock out.
I got one question before we goback into Renee, then we'll
wrap it up soon.
Why is the hookup culturethriving?
Why is the hookup culturethriving today?
Fucking?

Speaker 2 (41:24):
Why is the?

Speaker 1 (41:24):
hookup culture thriving.

Speaker 2 (41:25):
I ain't going to lie, Justin.
I'm not going to lie.
I can't.
This is where I'm low on thatlist Because, like I stand on
business but I'm a man at theend of the day, like I'm
thugging with something rightnow yeah for sure, and I told
her I wasn't going to do thatbecause I want a girl.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
Okay, but you still fell into it.

Speaker 2 (41:47):
One thing led to another.
I'm in now.
I would say hookup culture isrelevant right now, because
that's all we see.

Speaker 3 (42:00):
Yeah, and social media is all about hookup
culture.

Speaker 2 (42:02):
It's nothing left to the imagination as far as
clothes, what we watch, what'son TV, what's being put out
there.
Yeah, as always, if you can situp here and watch a girl
talking about God on TikTok,what are most people going to do
?
Scroll, yep, swipe and the nextvideo could be a guy
interviewing a girl about what'sthe nastiest?

(42:24):
Thing she did.
She got on booty shorts withher cheeks out, or she got on
the poster girl fit with thelittle pearls and nothing's
covered up.
Yeah, it's too much it is.
And I ain't saying like somethings should just be left to
imagination.
It's crazy because it's likegrowing up I used to think my
mama would trip.
I used to think my mama wasjust like telling me stuff.

(42:45):
Man, some things need to beleft up to the imagination 100%.

Speaker 1 (42:49):
Everybody don't need to see what she's doing.
He man to that, bro.

Speaker 2 (42:51):
Then it's so much, it's so easy to access
pornography and stuff like thatand they destroy you real shit.
So it's like a dude.
Most men don't get affectioncoming up, so it's like when
that female touching them, whenthey kissing them, they get a
little bit that instantly turninto oh, she trying to fuck.

Speaker 1 (43:14):
Nah.

Speaker 2 (43:15):
So it's like hook up, it's easy to hook up, and then
most females when they get anaffection they think, oh, he's
just trying to fuck.

Speaker 1 (43:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (43:22):
Like the amount of females that I've talked to that
have been mentally, physicallyand abused in that aspect.
It's crazy.

Speaker 3 (43:28):
It shouldn't be like that, Dang, so it's like hookup
culture, but it's so to yourpoint.
They putting it out there.
It's like they want you to wantthem.

Speaker 2 (43:39):
That's what I'm saying.
That's the only way they feelwhen it comes to some women
putting themselves out therelike that.
That's what they feel specialat.

Speaker 1 (43:47):
Yeah, I think hookup culture it's going to like.
You know our past conversationwith, uh, the dating crisis.
I think they go hand in handand to blame is social media.
Yeah, I think social mediaproduces the abundance mindset
of man.
There's so many differentoptions out there and you're
like cool, like I want to kindof play this field, play that
field, play this field, man, butI want to stay in a

(44:09):
relationship.
But no, it's so much.
It's that abundance mindset interms of social media that kind
of destroys the dating culture.
You know what killed me, though.
What's that?

Speaker 2 (44:19):
The first thing they're going to say man, I'm
trying to be like my grandma.
They've been together 67, 30years.
Ain't no way you can't sit upthere and say you like grandma.
And if you ain't willing to gothrough the hardships, they go
through.
If you don't chew your gum theright way, they ready to be on
old.
Tyler down there Like come on,bro, like y'all, they ain't

(44:40):
ready to like actually sit downand be like look bro, I know
you're not perfect.
We both want this certain thing.
Let's work towards that.
Nah, if he end up being you orshe ain't treating you right,
then yeah, get on.
But don't sit up there and putyour eggs in this basket, this
basket, this basket.
You ain't gonna have no eggs.
Look bro, I don't care what yousay, but you ain't got that
many eggs.
But come on, bro, you ain't gotthat much money If you my age

(45:01):
and you dating, unless youplaying football or Are you
doing something Not legal.
You ain't getting that muchbread and I'm in a different tax
bracket Than most people.
I know my age and I ain't gotthat much bread, so dating.
I just went on a date Yesterday.

Speaker 1 (45:16):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (45:17):
Honey, you spending how?
Then you gotta put gas when youThen Then you feel me, she
still be hungry, still gottaGotta feed up, come on boy.
Nah, you ain't got that muchbread oh.
Bad, ay, okay, I like thatCheap side my meal, fucking $15.

Speaker 3 (45:35):
What you think about the.
Did he say hook up?

Speaker 1 (45:37):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (45:38):
What do you think?

Speaker 1 (45:39):
Yeah.
So I would say I think it'sthriving Because there's, you
know, there's abundance In termsof social media Gives us that
Abundance perception and, interms of social media, gives us
that abundance perception and somany options and so many things
in our mind.
So the opposite of abundance isscarcity, right, and I think
that when you're thinkingabundantly in terms of like

(45:59):
options, you're, you're likeokay, nothing else has value,
nothing has a lot of valuebecause I have so much of it.
If you think about water, wehave so much water, we're not.
It's so abundant that you'renot thinking about if it goes
away.
Oh, everything goes to, youknow, right, so think about it.
Um, if we have.
But you have scarcity mindset.
You have that mindset ofscarcity.

(46:20):
Then you're thinking of, okay,cool, like there's not a lot of
men out there and you can datemen to figure out where the
value is, instead of just havingyour mindset like, okay,
there's not a lot of value inmen because there's so many of
them.
And I think what we need andwhat will fix this is to have
more of a sufficient mindset,which is difficult with social

(46:40):
media.
Obviously, sufficient is thatin that in between between the
in between, um of abundance andscarcity.
So you're thinking of a lot tooexcess or not, you know, too
scarce to to figure out, to haveto fight for it.
You have that mindset of okay,cool, like if something's for me
, it's for me and I have thebalanced mindset of being able
to assess it and assess thevalue of it because it's in

(47:03):
front of me.
And what social media does?
It takes us away from thepresent moment.
No one is present.
Everybody's on their phonelooking like oh man, she looks
tough okay.

Speaker 2 (47:13):
So would you say this is.
I got two, two kind ofquestions.
Would you say that's on the?
Is that part of our community,more so the hookup culture being
trash like the black community?
Or would you say that's thelack of ain't a lot, the lack of
father figures and and motherlyfigures in the black community?

(47:34):
I think it's because, I'm notgonna lie, I'm not on the white
community, but you, you see morewhite people, people other
races, getting married at youngages and actually being locked
in at young age.
And then you see, I at I,because it's frowned upon on
them if.

Speaker 1 (47:48):
If you have a white woman that's in her 30s and
she's not married, it's reallyfrowned upon.
But it's not taught in ourhousehold in the black.
You know, as a black woman I'mnot a black woman, but Aaron
Akin speaks to this but it's nottaught in a lot of households.
As a black woman in her 30 know, it's like okay, it's fine,
because her mom probably is 40,50 plus, still single and

(48:10):
mingling and got friends Rightand got friends Like man.
One thing I kind of respect mymom so much, bro.
She didn't date from like mymom wasn't married until I got
it Until I hit 18 and got out ofthe house.
After she got married she keptme like all right, cool and I
don't know if she did that forme or it was just her time.
At the time I think my mamajust cheered up.

Speaker 2 (48:29):
I think she, yeah, she like she didn't just like
have people over, she would justbe like they, her friend.

Speaker 1 (48:36):
Yeah, my mama ain't seen me.

Speaker 2 (48:37):
She didn't let me see like what it was, but I did
catch her a couple times I feltbad.

Speaker 1 (48:42):
I did Because I was like, and all the kids said, mom
, you ain't gonna never, youain't gonna never have nobody.
And I wasn't thinking about itat the time.
But looking back, bro, that'strash.
I was trash for a second.

Speaker 2 (48:51):
I ain't gonna lie me and my mama got cool as I got
older, like me, and my mama usedto butt heads Like bro I ain't
gonna lie.
I called my mama one time.
Like you know what I'm sayingyeah, she's like, she's like my
friend coming over.

(49:11):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
That's what I'm saying.
I'm like, I'm like, bro, we'regrown.
I'm like 20 plus, bro, likeyou're good what you had to say.
Are you well?

Speaker 3 (49:19):
I think it.
It goes back to the initialthing, because both of y'all
grew up a little different thanme, I grew up with both parents
in the household they're stillmarried they got married in 82,
so it'll be 43 years, but mysister is married.
My brother isn't.
He's 42 and I'm in my 30s.

Speaker 2 (49:42):
I do got a question though you think you think your
dad messed you up, like as faras like when it comes to dating
because I know a lot of peoplethat have their father in their
life but the expectations thattheir dad put on them, it wasn't
really realistic to date likenow.
Now, Like I mean, like theirdad spoiled them and was like,

(50:03):
oh for a man to come with you.
He got to come like this.
But they don't understand.
Their dad is like 60 or 40 plus60 yeah, and I'm 20, 21, 22, 23
trying to establish myself, so Iain't got the bread that
somebody that they had the breadfor years at okay, well, not

(50:25):
necessarily say messed you up.

Speaker 3 (50:27):
I know what you're saying first of all, I can't
date nobody in their 20s becauseI'm in my 30s.
But no, I don't feel like mydad messed me up.
I am spoiled, but I'm realisticLike I know that they're
established.

Speaker 2 (50:41):
So you cool with the word no.

Speaker 3 (50:43):
Yeah.
I've been told no before.
I mean I be mad for like aminute.

Speaker 1 (50:48):
Not that long.
Then I let it go.

Speaker 3 (50:50):
Spoil people, spoil girls, but I'm not spoiled like
that because I'm notmaterialistic Like you.
Talking about like, especiallyfor people your age, they all
about the bag Like I like time,I like to be around someone
that's the most valuable thing,Like I don't care about, we can
have a date at the house.
I don't care about that.

(51:10):
I don't care about no money.
I can buy my own stuff, yeahthat's what I'm saying, just
spend time with me.
That's all I like, that's sorare, but yeah.

Speaker 1 (51:16):
Okay.

Speaker 3 (51:24):
So kind of to circle back on my parents like there's
no pressure.
Okay, like you, almost 35, andyou're not like I don't get that
, I don't hear that.

Speaker 1 (51:34):
And more pressure on yourself, though, than anything.
No, absolutely not.

Speaker 3 (51:37):
We just had this conversation two weeks ago.
Okay, I'll just make sure I'mgood, I'm fine.

Speaker 1 (51:40):
Just make sure to check in, girl.
You know, I got you, I'm happyover here.
Okay, all right, you want to goto our last question?

Speaker 3 (51:48):
Yeah, because we got about like five minutes.

Speaker 1 (51:50):
All right, let's go Last question.

Speaker 3 (51:56):
Since we then got over here into the love section.
To wrap it up what does healthymasculinity look like when
you're in love?
Have you ever been in love?

Speaker 2 (52:03):
And then, what does healthy masculinity look like?
I'm a simp?
Oh yeah, as a self.

Speaker 1 (52:06):
I'm a self.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, as a self, I just have to you know you
got to lock in.

Speaker 3 (52:12):
I got to stand.
I have to stand on business.

Speaker 2 (52:14):
you know I don't really be wanting to.
It's all good man, healthymasculinity.
Everything with me is going tobe different from.
It is like because I'm 24.
I ain't going to lie.
I ain't going to lie.
I ain't had nobody that wasolder than me in probably like a
year or two.

Speaker 3 (52:29):
You just said baby.

Speaker 2 (52:30):
So like, disregard her.
You know what I'm saying, butno, I ain't going to lie.
It's different, because it'slike healthy masculinity, the
person on the receiving end.
They're not going to take it asthat.
That's what I'm saying.
A lot of social media hasaffected a lot because it turns
into oh, you're controlling ormanipulation, no, it's not that.
At the same time, like you knowwhat I'm saying, leave

(52:51):
something for that imagination.
Say we finna, go out, right, yo, you ain't got to have your ass
out bro.
Like you get, that's stuff youdo when you not you not with
somebody.
You know what I'm saying.
And then it's like they don't,let's go change that.
They think, oh, I can't bemyself.
Yeah, you can be yourself.
But you don't know how muchunwanted attention that's going
to bring and that may turn intosomething else.

(53:13):
That's me trying to preventthat, or like, at the same time,
it's like me just overall justhelping yeah, me trying to help.
A lot of people don't want help.
They're not used to thatconstructive criticism, they're
not used to Accountability yeah,they're not used to that.
And when they get that theyshut down.
Oh, he coming for me.

Speaker 1 (53:31):
Call now Trying to try.

Speaker 2 (53:33):
No, it's just certain things.
Let certain things be certainthings, certain things that
don't need to be, certain thingsthey don't need to be.

Speaker 1 (53:39):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (53:39):
So I would say, only thing I can say as far as
healthy masculinity is like metrying to tell you like what's
what's okay to wear or not, what.
Yeah, not necessarily that,because a lot of people that's a
catch-22 like you can make thatthat can be an issue, but it
can't be an issue.
But other than that, that's allI got.

Speaker 1 (53:58):
I don't yeah, I don't need to show you I'm a man, I'm
a man regardless, I think.
I think for me, healthymasculinity is kind of like it's
basically showing, it's knowingyou have the power and not
having to use that power,because that power is already
seen in that aura of masculinity.
Like you just said, you don'thave to tell me I'm a man, I

(54:19):
know I'm a man, right?
I think that's healthymasculinity when your presence
speaks for itself and that comesfrom a lot of you still being
stoic but also being able tomake good decisions.
And I think a lot of timeswomen look for that, that man
that can make great decisions,but a lot of time, but most of
the time women are just makingdecisions already predetermined

(54:42):
before they get in thatsituation and that clashes with
some of the masculine, the men'smasculinity.
But I think most of it is justLike I said is Knowing you have
the power, the power to do orover something, and not having
to use it.

Speaker 2 (54:56):
I mean as far I can say more so on the healthy
masculinity Outside of like arelationship, like you can tell
when somebody don't got it Likewhen it comes to Like an example
would be in the gym A man canlook at a man and be like, oh,
nah, he's a front Like.
It's been times where I'm inthe gym I'm like yeah, nah,

(55:18):
because it's like you got tooverly show it all the time.

Speaker 1 (55:21):
For sure, Me and you have had that conversation while
in the gym Like nah, buddy,need to sit and look in the
mirror.

Speaker 2 (55:25):
Nah, buddy, need to sit and look in the mirror, and
hey, so it's like I can speakmore On the outside Looking at
somebody With health.

Speaker 1 (55:34):
So that's important.
So us men we recognize.
That masculinity I talked about.
You see it in other.
You're like okay, yeah, that'srespect.
And the other guys You're likehuh, nah, something ain't right
Over there, bro, something wrongwith him?
We gotta wrap up real quick howmuch time we got.

Speaker 3 (55:50):
About two minutes.

Speaker 1 (55:51):
All right, cool, so Jizzle.
What are your takeaways?
So, just to wrap it up, what doyou want our listeners to know
about, either mental health orfinding your purpose as a man,
or just in terms of masculinityas a whole?
What do you want our listenersto know?

Speaker 2 (56:05):
The takeaway would be as far as, when it comes to
your mental health, activelywork on it.
Everybody has their thing thatthey work on, but some things
they neglect to work on.
Work on your mental health asfar as like doing I ain't going
to say exercises but like taketime to sit by yourself.
You ain't got to be aroundeverybody Sometimes.
That silence you need that.

(56:26):
Sometimes you need to sit thereand hold yourself accountable.
So it's like work on yourmental health, because it's a
lot of suicides out there andit's not women so it's like work
on that talk, it's okay um,I'll kind of lock that in.

Speaker 1 (56:42):
Exactly what he said is work on yourself, um figure
out how to regulate your ego, umjust strengthen yourself in
terms of who you are, and Ithink that's you pretty much
said majority of it.
So that's it.
So tell us, tell everybody,where they can find you at uh,
it's your boy, big siege man.

Speaker 2 (56:58):
You can find me on all platforms at big siege with
two eyes cool, cool, big siegeguys.

Speaker 1 (57:03):
We are out.
Uh like, share, subscribe.
We're gonna do more pods, we'regonna drop more episodes, good
content, and we're out yes, sir,y'all be easy.