May 1, 2025 • 59 mins
What happens when we stop living for ourselves and begin to truly serve others? This transformative question forms the heart of our conversation with Chrissy, whose journey from people-pleaser to purposeful servant offers profound wisdom for anyone seeking deeper meaning.
"To serve or not to serve, that is the question." Starting with this Shakespearean-inspired prompt, we dive into what service truly means—not as obligation, but as a pathway to purpose. Chrissy vulnerably shares how her eight-year relationship ending became a catalyst for spiritual transformation, teaching her to surrender pride and develop a new identity rooted in service to others. Her story reveals how serving others paradoxically fills our own cups when done with the right heart posture.
We explore the critical difference between people-pleasing and genuine service. While people-pleasers seek validation and acceptance, true servants connect to something higher than themselves, creating space for authentic impact. This distinction helps explain why some grow resentful in their giving while others find increasing joy. Chrissy's journey from seeking acknowledgment to finding purpose illustrates this evolution beautifully.
Perhaps most fascinating is our discussion of "pouring points"—those moments when someone is genuinely ready to receive what you have to offer. Learning to recognize these opportunities requires discernment and patience, qualities developed through consistent service. As Chrissy notes, sometimes the greatest service is simply making someone feel seen and heard, allowing them space to be themselves without forcing change.
The conversation culminates with a powerful vision: relationships where partners compete to serve one another, creating a virtuous cycle of giving. This model of mutual service applies not just to romantic relationships but to all connections in our lives. By dying to ourselves and prioritizing others' needs, we discover a world transformed from gray to vibrant color.
Ready to discover your own service journey? Listen now and join our community on TikTok @goodbadgray where we're continuing this vital conversation about finding purpose through serving others.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the good, the bad and the gray podcast,
where we shine a light onwellness, personal growth and
relationships.
Together, we'll discuss highsand lows and the in-betweens,
offering different perspectiveson health and wellness.
Tune in as we peel back thelayers of life, revealing the
good, the bad and the gray.
(00:22):
Welcome back to the good, thebad and the gray podcast.
I am your host, dr gray, and Ihave a special guest in the
building um Chrissy P Coach Tina, you want to carry on All the?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
things I go by, so many different titles.
I'm Chrissy.
I have so many different thingsthat I do, so many different
hats that I wear.
Where are you from.
I'm from Hawaii.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Yeah, hawaii, yeah Hawaii.
Why would you choose Hawaiiover Alabama?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
That's a great question, the million dollar
question that everybody alwaysasks me.
So actually I really didn'twant to go to Alabama.
I wanted to stay in Californiaor go to California.
I had a dream to play soccer incollege.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Athlete.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Athlete, you know, all-star, Olympian, whatever.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Whoa, I wish.
Okay, were you like?
Rate yourself, if you don'tmind, like realistically right.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I think I was a solid , maybe 8.5 whoa, that's pretty
high.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Yeah, who's your 10?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
who's my 10 like professionally?
Sure okay, um Sydney LaRue okay, that's my girl.
She actually is taking a hiatusfrom soccer for the time being.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Mental health, yeah, mental health, a lot of mental
health breaks for people.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
It's okay, it's okay.
And then all my soccer greatsare starting to retire, so it's
getting sad in the soccer world.
But hey, I'm excited for thenew generation that's coming.
Yeah, so grew up in Hawaii.
I was actually fun fact, I wasactually born here in Tuscaloosa
.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Yeah, Okay, very interesting.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Born in Tuscaloosa, moved to Hawaii, back to
Tuscaloosa, so actually I'velived in so many different
places my dad's military, so Iclaim Hawaii as home because
that's where I did a lot of myformative growth.
Also, that's where I felt likemore at home as opposed to
anywhere else I've been.
I've lived in Miami, I've livedin Memphis, I lived in Georgia.
(02:31):
I guess that will also be mysecond home, just because that's
where my parents actually havea house Georgia.
Yeah, in Georgia.
But other than that, yeah, I'vebeen pretty much all over the
world.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Well, not all over the world, uh well, not all over
the world, all over theamericas.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Yeah, um, my favorite city to go to is new york.
I love the food in new york.
I love the, the culture in newyork.
Um, oh, we're, we're feelingsome type of way about new york
no, no, it's fine, it's fine,keep continuing it's fine.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Um, new york is fine for sure.
Uh, okay, so welcome to thepodcast.
Thank you before we get alittle bit more into it.
So this new chapter of thepodcast.
So this is the good, the bad,the great podcast, um, and we're
doing something for chapter two.
This is our chapter two, andwhat we're doing now is we're
asking each and every guest twoquestions what are you saying
(03:23):
hello to and what are you sayinggoodbye to?
Speaker 2 (03:26):
what am I saying hello to?
Um?
I think I'm saying hello to alot of new adventures.
Um 2025?
Well, 2024, 2025, um has justbeen a lot of new things.
Um, I kind of deemed 2025 to bemy year to say yes to a lot of
different things, like thingsthat I didn't think I would ever
(03:46):
do, or say yes to doors thatare opening that I never thought
would open.
I'm saying yes to people that Inever thought I would be
friends with, or anything, ordifferent endeavors I'm saying
yes to, like I'm getting readyto start another master's in
Christian clinical psychology ormental health counseling.
(04:08):
I've said yes to training agroup of college girls in the
gym.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Handful.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Goodness, gracious, talk about learning patience
right there.
I've said yes to being a smallgroup women's coordinator at
church, so just a lot of thingsthat I'm saying yes to, and I
think that's what I'm sayinghello to a lot.
It's just new adventures anddifferent endeavors.
Something that I'm sayinggoodbye to is the last eight
years of my life.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Wow, eight years is a long time.
It is a long time.
You're picking up that eightyears and just throwing it away.
We're just throwing it away,we're erasing it.
There's no way you should.
Yo Okay, unpack that.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
You have to, okay yeah, so I was in a relationship
for the last eight-ish years.
Yeah, we were engaged and wewere getting ready to get
married and we ended up breakingup Holy smokes.
So the last eight years I'mjust like you know what?
We got a new house, we'restarting a new job, or not
necessarily a new job, butentering a new like career path.
(05:18):
So now I'm just ready to say yesor say goodbye to the last
eight years of my life to justreally start fresh, letting go
of all the baggage, all the pain, all the hurt.
We're just saying goodbye.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
What did you learn from that, chrissy?
Those in those eight years,that person you were.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I learned a lot, um, so I always tell people when I
talk about my past relationshipand whatnot, I was not the
person that I should have beenin that relationship, um, also,
that person wasn't the personthat they should have been.
Um.
I love who I've become becauseof that relationship, because of
that breakup, mainly becauseI've experienced so many
(05:52):
different things in life learnedto become as a woman, as a
mentor, as a coach, as a sister,as a daughter, as a friend,
whatever.
(06:13):
I've learned a lot of patience.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I've also learned to surrender pride.
Um, literally for a woman tosay that.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
All right.
So just learning a lot aboutwho I am and who I want to be
going forward is what I learned.
A lot, it was.
One of my biggest things islearning who God is.
So I have always been aChristian.
I've always been someone thathas gone to church, read my
(06:40):
Bible, blah, blah, blah.
It wasn't until, literally, Iwas sitting in California in my
hotel room at a recruiting event, um, and I opened up my Bible
and literally in James I thinkit was, and it was talking about
pride, and I said, ooh, this isgoing to be good.
Um, on my floor, bawling myeyes out, I was just like whew.
(07:03):
Toes are being stepped on,heart is being crushed.
We're getting ready toexperience a whole new, like
different, type of breakthrough.
Um and honestly like through.
From that day forward it's justbeen a different world, Like I,
have been truly transformed, Um, like people that I used to be
friends with I'm not friendswith because I just couldn't
(07:23):
bring them into this new season,Things that I didn't see myself
.
I now see.
I have like a new identity andit's just been a beautiful thing
.
It's been a beautifultransformation.
I would honestly go back and doit all over again Like granted.
Yeah, there was a lot of pain.
I would honestly go back and doit all over again.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
That's amazing, like just to hear your journey in
that like short period of time.
You explain it like that ishuge, like, and then your
homeowner.
So congratulations on that.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Thank you, I love my house Wow.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
So today, and the topic of today is, in my
Shakespearean voice, to be, no,not to be, but to be is not.
You guys know Shakespeare.
I'm assuming everybody knowsShakespeare.
To serve or not to serve, thatis the question.
I couldn't get it out the firsttime.
I've been thinking about it allfreaking week.
So, um man, when I when I hearthat and when I say it to me,
(08:20):
it's like asking myself, likeit's like asking myself what is
my purpose?
What am I here for?
How can I make society better?
How can I do somethingdifferent each individual day?
And I think a lot of timesservice to many people means
different things.
(08:40):
So this podcast, this episode, Iwant to kind of go dive deep
into service, because it soundslike, from what you just said,
you're heavy in service.
Now.
Oh yeah, and I think you knowthere are some questions.
The basic question of what isservice?
We're going to get into that.
But I want to get into, like,different forms of service,
whether that's in the church ornot in the church, or I mean
(09:00):
family service, like what doesthat look like?
And things of that nature.
So I'm going to let A Reneestart off with our first
question in this topic.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Let's go Okay.
Well, obviously it's going tobe.
What does serving mean to you?
But I want to add a word in themiddle of that.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
What does serving well mean to you?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Or you can answer them both Wait is that like a
which is first serving orserving well?
Speaker 3 (09:26):
do the serving first and then serving well.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I mean honestly.
I think in order to be aneffective server or servant, you
do have to do it well.
I feel like if it's not donewell, it's not serving yeah yeah
.
So to answer your question, Ithink what does it mean?
To be an effective server or toserve well is to just basically
(09:51):
humbly lay your needs down topick up the needs of others, or
to humbly lay down your wants topick up the wants of others.
Whatever it might be, you justhave to do it with humility
first, because if you don't,then pride seeps in.
Or you're going to be expectingsomething in return, or you're
(10:16):
just going to be looking forsomething and it's not going to
be done out of the goodness ofyour heart.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yeah, that's good To serve.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
I think similar to what you're saying my phrase
would be to die to oneself.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Yeah Right, that's when you're serving someone else
, like you're literally, youknow, looking externally or
picking up on what that personthat you're serving or what that
higher power that you'reserving needs, wants or is
desiring in those moments needs,wants or is desiring in those
(10:48):
moments, and I think dying tooneself is death of ego, yeah,
death of your pride, like everyall of that, because nothing
that is in terms of like it'sdealing with you matters.
I think there's a lot of powerin service.
Oh, yeah, a lot of power, andpeople underestimate that one,
and I can do a quick examplebefore we get to the next
question is if you really thinkabout it.
(11:09):
Serving is your way of learningsomeone's strength and
weaknesses.
Yeah, like, for example, thinkabout a king who's his closest
person, not his queen, yeah, hisservants, yeah, they know his
strengths and his weaknesses,his secrets, everything and the
things that he may not tell hisqueen Bryce Berks is a queen as
(11:31):
well.
Who's closer to her?
Her servants.
They're in the room with herwhen she's doing all getting
dressed.
She's sad, happy.
They know what's going on.
I think when you're at thatpoint of service and you're
serving someone or something,you learn the strengths and
weaknesses of that person orthat thing.
And I think it's superimportant because a lot of
(11:51):
people think of you know serviceas in following, right, like,
oh, I'm a follower of thisperson, I'm a follower of this,
and I think the differencebetween service and following or
a follower is this is myopinion I think following is
like mimicking, copying withoutthought right.
Serving takes actual disciplineright.
(12:12):
You have to be present, youhave to observe, like a follower
is not going to tell me whatI'm, what I'm weak at or what
I'm missing.
A servant, though whoa, becausethey know, they've been there,
they observed it.
So I think it's super importantto understand the difference
between a follower and a servant.
Yeah, so that's my take on whatservice is, and I think serving
well so I can be short-windedbecause I think I'm getting
(12:33):
long-winded Serving well isbeing able to pick up on those
strengths and weaknesses.
That's a piggyback from mydefinition.
And if you're able to servewell, you know in terms of a
person or you know a missionorganization, you will know
exactly what that organizationis missing because you're
serving it, you're dying toyourself and you putting
whatever you're serving first.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Yeah, it's almost like it's a it's.
It's another form of intimacy.
Yes, it is it is literallyanother form of intimacy.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah.
Honestly, I think it's the mostimportant form of intimacy, so
like relationships, so that'swhat you're alluding to.
So I think that when you're ina relationship, you and your
significant other should serveone another.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I saw something the other day and it was a podcast I
was listening to.
I can't remember what it was orwho it was.
I think it was like Lecrae orChand Chandler, stephen.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Chandler or someone like that.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I was gonna send it to you um, but basically they
said um couples or people inrelationships should compete in
serving each other 100 and I waslike oh man it.
Can you imagine if people inrelationships literally like
competed in serving each other,like like trying to one up each
other?
That's the only type of one upbattle.
(13:49):
I would literally insert myselfinto.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
I agree.
I think that that would be amake a relationship.
It's amazing, right?
Why don't you think peopleserve one another?
This is my question.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Yeah, that's a great question.
I think it's because somepeople are just selfish.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Selfish.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah, and they don't really want to take that
initiative to pick up the needsof someone else, because they
want to be served, they don'twant to die to themselves, they
don't want to put man.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Now I think in terms of that, like you talked about,
service is like a form ofintimacy, right?
I think a lot of people aren'ttaught or they haven't observed
that form of intimacy or service, so they don't know.
A lot of times people enter inwhich I think, ideally you enter
in that form of service afteryou found, you know God, after
(14:41):
you surrendered, because youstart to connect with something
right.
And I even think for men, mostimportantly for a man, and I
think this is why this isprobably the biggest disconnect
and men don't understand whywomen want a man that's in
church or that is serving God,because that's the highest
example of their love andintimacy to someone.
And a woman sees that, oh, shesees that it changes, like her
(15:05):
perception of that man, right,that's why you see a lot of
women in the church and we canget to that topic.
That's a whole different topic.
I actually want to dive in deepinto that.
But our next question, ariana,unless you had a comment, no, I
don't not yet.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Um, this is two-part question.
This is a two-part question, soif I need to repose it, I will.
But how do you know if you'recalled to serve?
And I love this question.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I've been waiting yes , I need to know what this is
how do you keep yourself full?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I'll take the second, you take the first I mean, you
can do it like that okay okay,um whichever way you want to way
, you want to answer, actuallyOkay read the first part again.
How do you know if you'recalled to serve?
How do you know if you'recalled to serve?
I think it really just dealswith your heart posture.
Not everybody's called toservice.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
And I think it really just depends on what is in your
heart.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Can I stop you for a second Before you go?
What do you mean?
Call to service, like so?
We need to understand that callto service is like that's way
specific.
That's divine.
That's like a little bit morethan just serving every single
day, right?
So can you unpack that if youfeel comfortable with talking
about what it's like?
Call to service mean.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yeah.
So in a spiritual side, like areligious side, um, I think what
called service is is justbasically, either you serving in
a church, um, either youbecoming a pastor, um, either
you joining like a I know at mychurch we call it the dream team
Uh, so this is an opportunityfor you to just be a volunteer
(16:41):
in the church.
So whether, like for me, Iserve on the prayer team, so I
get to be the person that servesat the altar when people are
coming up at the end of theservice for prayer, or we're,
like in the background prayingfor everybody in the church as
they're watching the service.
I think being called to serviceit really depends on your
(17:02):
personality, it depends on yourheart, it depends on what brings
you joy, Because if you are notdoing something that brings you
joy, it's probably not going tobe an effective serve for you,
like for me personally I knowI'm not one to serve kids- oh,
(17:23):
man Like anyone under the age offive years old.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
You're picking what to serve Whoa.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I know that is not my calling.
Yo, she's picking service.
It is not my calling.
The Lord did not call me tothat service, so I know that I
will not be an effective personto serve in that area.
I mean I could.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Patience huh.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Yeah, patience.
Yikes person to serve in thatarea, I mean I could Patience,
huh, yeah, patience.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Yeah, I'm still learning.
I'm still learning.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
So I know that if if I was to serve in kids ministry,
um, it won't be as effective.
I won't be an effective servantbecause I'm just going to be
like oh these kids, oh my goshVomit, oh my gosh Snotty nose.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Ooh, can't do it yeah .
Speaker 2 (18:04):
So it really just depends on those, those things,
your personality, um, your heartfor the, the specific, the
specific area that you're goingto serve in Um, and then also,
does it bring you joy?
Does it bring you peace?
Does it bring you happiness,and so on.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Nice.
So a second part of thatquestion was how?
Speaker 3 (18:23):
How do you keep yourself full while you're still
pouring out?
How?
Speaker 1 (18:26):
do you keep yourself full?
This is a very complex question.
So how do you keep yourselffull?
Now I'm going to just talkabout my personal journey and
what I observe for me that youknow I've realized that has
aided me in being able to stayfull and serving right.
I think, first and foremost wealready said this you have to
(18:49):
die to yourself, die to oneself.
That's service in general.
Um, so, like last year, what Irealized last year when I went
on my journey of service, ofserving more, um, it became more
of being present.
So, basically, I justcompletely just started being
(19:10):
more present in the moment and Istarted to realize service.
If you're not used to it, it itfeels like a job you know kind
of similar to you serving kids,right and um.
So I became more present in themoment and I was serving, but I
started to realize like a lot ofit was like me forcing it.
So what I'm getting at is, ifyou're serving and you're trying
(19:33):
to stay in the abundant, youneed to fill the service versus
force it.
Now here's the thing You're notalways going to be serving this
great thing that you think, oh,I'm going to be serving this
good thing or whatever you like.
Some serving moments would besomething that you do not like
for a short period of time, oreven for an extended period of
(19:55):
time, but there's a lesson and ablessing in there in terms of
that serving moment For me,though.
Last year, I went through thisjourney of serving, and it was
just being present and justbeing like completely open to
people and compassionate, and Istarted to realize in the
beginning I would get drainedLike, oh man, like I'm just so
(20:18):
open to so many people and it'sbecause my capacity, I didn't
have the capacity to serve.
So, just like a muscle, justlike you're in a gym, right, if
you don't have a capacity forsomething you're not going to
have a big endurance, for you'renot gonna have a high tolerance
for it.
So what I did is, each andevery single day, I worked at
serving, like I work at beingpresent.
I worked at being present, Iworked at, you know, listening
(20:39):
to people serving.
You know, present in the momentfor the opportunity to present
itself.
Right, because there are somany serving moments in every
opportunity, and I can evenbreak it down to an example, and
I'm trying to be a little bitshort winded here.
So, right, so there is.
So for me, it was aboutstrengthening my capacity, so
(21:02):
making sure that I can handle,you know, the serving that I'm
needing.
So once you strengthen andincrease your capacity to serve,
then you figure out what fillsyou.
Yeah, right, because you haveto have something pouring in if
you're pouring out a lot.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
And I think for me, the first thing is first, and I
think everyone talks about this,but you have to find out like
you have to start loving you ohmy gosh, yes and when I mean
loving you, like intimately,what speaks to my heart.
How can I tap into that part ofme that you know makes me feel
joy?
So that's the next partcapacity and joy, right yeah you
(21:40):
have to figure out how toincrease your joy.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
So, just like we have , we're in the gym, working out,
we have all these thoughts andwhatever going through our head.
We're increasing our capacityfor anger.
Most people go in the gym andthey're angry or sad or upset
about something and they'reincreasing their capacity for it
, but they don't realize it,right?
So I started to work onincreasing my capacity to serve,
but also increasing my capacityof feeling joy.
(22:04):
Yeah, like actually feeling it.
Yeah, and I was just lovingmyself and I started to realize,
as I increased my capacity forjoy, increased my capacity to
serve and also increased myfeeling of joy, I was able to
kind of pour into myselfslightly.
Right, because I'm only oneperson.
We're here to connect, right?
(22:24):
I can do so much by myself, andthen from there I started
finding other people that wereeasily uh, that could pour
without needing something inreturn.
That's super important that'ssuper important you have to have
those um individuals in yourlife that are able to kind of
give without needing somethingin return, that helps fill your
(22:45):
cup.
Now, you shouldn't rely on it.
It shouldn't be your source,right, you're, you're.
You're like people that arepouring into you should never be
your source.
So once I identify individualsthat were able to pour into me
without you know being a sourceor being um, without me needing
something returned, then Iidentify ways to refill my cup.
Right, and you have to do that.
Whether that's being alone,yeah, but mostly, I think,
(23:07):
through connection.
You can figure out how to stayin the abundant flow once you're
blessed with that, because it'sa blessing when you're able to
kind of pour as much as you can.
You want to say something onthat?
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah, I think for me, like I had a hard time learning
when, when I started pouringinto a lot of people Um so, with
my college girls I have like 17or so of them that I constantly
just speak life over and pour,uh, pour myself into them or
just pray over them and I, likeat first, I started feeling so,
(23:41):
so, so drained.
I was just like I don't know ifI could do this.
I don't know if I could, if Icould just be effective in their
lives.
And it wasn't until I wastalking to my mentor and she was
telling me you need to haveyour, your rock, you need to
have a rock.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Anchor rock.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Anchor rock, something to hold you down,
someone that you can pick up thephone and call and say hey, I'm
struggling with this.
I need you to speak some lifeover me yeah or even just
someone to sit in silence withyou, because that that's another
way for someone to pour backinto you.
It's just spending someintentional time, just what.
Like I'm a person who I alwaystell my my friends, I'm like if
(24:20):
we can't sit on the couchtogether in silence, we probably
don't need to be friends,because I sometimes I just need
the way that I get filled up isjust sitting on the couch with
the people that make me happy,the people that I'm comfortable
with, and we could just watch TVor scroll on our phones and not
say a single word to each other, so just have it.
(24:41):
It is super important to havepeople that you can lean on,
that you can depend on, but youalso can't weigh yourself down
on those people, because theyalso need people that can pour
into them.
But also they're probably notgoing to be there 24-7 or be
readily available for you 24-7.
So that's community is such abig thing and I literally.
(25:05):
2024 was my.
It started off as my year ofisolation um everybody, for a
lot of people it literallystarted off as a year of
isolation for me and honestly Ithis is.
This led to my awakening ofwhere I was in my life.
I was so unhappy being here inTuscaloosa.
(25:28):
I hated this place.
I was like I'm ready to go.
I don't have anybody here, I'malone.
I don't like it.
So it wasn't until I had ahealth scare at the beginning of
2024, where I thought I hadbreast cancer.
I found a tumor and I was justlike I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
(25:48):
So it was like Januarytimeframe 21 days of prayer was
going on, and this is when Iliterally found my person.
My community started buildingit up and I was just vulnerable
with them, telling them what wasgoing on in my life.
And that's when a group ofpeople just cindered around me
(26:10):
and started pouring into me andI realized I was like wow,
community, is that important?
Like you need somebody that youcould literally just lean on.
Like when you can't carry theweight yourself, somebody else
can carry it with you yeah um.
So yeah, community's big,especially in your service,
because you do need somebody topour into you so that you can
continue to be effective andimportant to other people.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Wow, that's huge, that's good.
Man, like you said, you had ahealth scare and that's wow.
I personally, like you know, Ican relate to that year of
isolation because I went throughsomething similar and it, you
know, I found some of the mostimportant people in my life
today last year yeah, and someof the most.
(26:48):
There's so many people I thoughtthey were super important to me
at that point, like before that, prior to that year, I lost
them in that year, yeah, or, andit was just like.
It was so, so like confusing,because it was like I thought
this person you were supposed tobe my bro, yeah, you're my bro,
like you know, whatever Right.
But I started to realize andthis is something you know I can
(27:11):
attest to like when yousurrender, you typically start
to lose the people that are nolonger aligned with this next
chapter of your life, andimmediately.
I don't know some what happenedwas happening to me last year.
Immediately, a person that waswhat I needed became, you know,
(27:31):
um present yeah.
I'm like whoa, like huh, butwhat, what kind of made it more
supernatural, is like it washappening back to back as a
person started to fade out, aperson started to fade in and
they were the version that ohwow, I needed this.
In the moment, it was likealmost like God was like.
I got you, bro.
Like you know, this is what'sbeen holding us back.
(27:54):
Don't follow him, still love himunconditionally, but here's
what is going to get you to thatnext level, and I thought it
was so.
So you know, beautiful, becauseI was like man, like this is
what I needed, yeah, like, butwhat did I, what did I do to
deserve all of this?
You know how, when you're so,you're in a moment, you're,
you're doubtful right becauseeverything is so good right, or
(28:17):
things, great things happening,waiting for the fall.
You're like hold on, bro, thisis not real.
Yo, this is too.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Right, you're just so suspicious.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
It's a crazy.
I had like two clients of minethat I used to train.
I used to be a personal trainer.
They literally came back in mylife last year and it was so
interesting because they came ata time where they were
providing something, that Ineeded to get something done in
(28:47):
terms of the community, and Iwas like wait, what Like?
I don't know where they both.
Hey, we're, we're coming back.
Oh, you need this, we got you.
I'm like what Like?
And anyways, things are likethat were happening.
So, but anyways, things likethat were happening, so many
things were happening that Ijust couldn't explain and I was
like there's no such thing ascoincidence.
Like last year, 100% proved tome undoubtedly that there's no
(29:11):
such thing as a coincidence,like God is real and I think
that a lot of individuals thatdo not believe they just haven't
experienced those momentsbecause they haven't been
present and they haven'texperienced those moments
because they haven't beenpresent and they haven't served
and I think once you get thatserving part there and you're
surrendering, you're dying toself, to someone else you become
(29:32):
so.
Your eye starts to open to somany different things, oh my,
the world becomes so much better.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
You're like whoa it's no longer gray.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
There's color in the world and I think you kind of
related to that feeling.
Um, as you said, like you know,tuscaloosa is the worst thing.
And then you started like toserve and meet people.
You're like whoa, it's like Ithink that's a part of service.
Um, I'll try to slow it downthere because I know erin a has
some questions for us.
What's the next question, yo?
Speaker 3 (30:01):
um?
How can you differentiatebetween passion versus pressure
when you're serving?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
that's good, or do?
Speaker 3 (30:09):
they coexist I.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
I think they can coexist to an extent, but it's
like a very, very, very smallwindow that they do coexist.
I think it's more of it'spassion, but I think it's more
of purpose.
What is your purpose?
Because you can, you can serve,but you know you have to have a
(30:33):
purpose for your serve.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Like the last two years of my life, has just been
me realizing what my purpose is,what is my calling, and that is
why I am so effective in myserving and so effective in what
I do.
Because of my purpose and wheremy calling is and what I'm
supposed to be doing, what I'mcalled to do, what I'm assigned
(30:55):
to do, and so on and where mycalling is and what I'm supposed
to be doing, what I'm called todo, what I'm assigned to do,
and so on.
I think.
As far as pressure, I thinkpressure is more of you serving
in an area where you're workingin a sense.
Like, yeah, I love my job, butsometimes it feels like pressure
that.
I have to do that.
I have to meet with thesestudents from all over the world
(31:16):
and I have to sell theuniversity to them, um, and get
them to come to the university,um.
So I think, in a sense of, like, I know my purpose is not to be
a recruiter forever, love it,love it so much, but I know it's
not my purpose.
My purpose is is somethinggreater.
It's something, something moreto bring me joy.
(31:37):
So, instead of like more of itbeing passion, I think it's more
of like your purpose in life,what?
What are you called to do?
What are you supposed to beassigned to your area or your
people, whatever it might be?
And then pressure, like I said,it's just more of like you
doing something because you haveto do it yeah, not because you
(31:59):
want to do it or you need to doit or whatever.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
It's interesting you say that, because I kind of see
it like this is you know, youhave, so you have people that
are people pleasers and you youhave people that are serving for
a purpose.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
I think it's important to have.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
This is why it's so important to connect to a higher
purpose or connect to somethinghigher than yourself.
Because if you don't, you'll bestuck trying to please people,
and that turns into pressure,that's the pressure.
Right.
So I think in today's societywe have more people pleasers
than actual people servers.
One of my clients were talkingabout church, right, like why
(32:37):
did she?
She was like I don't want to goto church because people, you
know, they look at me certainways, et cetera.
And I asked her it's like sowhat do you think that comes
from?
And she said I don't know.
I just don't want people tothink blah, blah, blah.
I said so are you there toplease them?
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Right.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Or are, please them right, or are you there to serve
something?
Speaker 2 (32:54):
else right yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
So I think it's important to know the difference
of people pleasing, peopleserving, or serving something
higher than oneself.
And, like I say, I think todaypeople are just more people
pleasers right, especially whenthey're on social media.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I used to be a people pleaser.
I used to be someone I know.
I used to be someone who Iwanted everybody around me to be
happy to be, joyful.
I wanted them to have whateverthat they needed Draining.
Yeah, very draining, verydraining, and it wasn't until
like I got to my wit's end and Iwas just like, whew, I can't, I
(33:27):
can't literally lay myself downfor everybody, I can't continue
to keep giving off my shirt,off my back for people, because
you know, it got to that pointwhere it was more of like not
wanting.
It was more of not serving, um,just because I wanted to.
It was more of serving becauseI wanted some validation or
acceptance or for them to toacknowledge me or whatever it
(33:51):
might be.
Um, and literally I think italso comes to like um, just my
background in a sense, uh,growing up as a middle child oh
man, you're the middle child.
I'm a middle child.
Uh, growing up as a middlechild, sometimes you, you don't
necessarily get theacknowledgement um that that you
(34:13):
want or that you crave or needor whatever.
And then, like, on top of mebeing a middle child, I have an
older brother that has cerebralpalsy and then I have a little
sister that I needed caring for.
So I was the person that had togrow up super fast, had to
serve at such a young age, andso with that it came to more of
(34:35):
like okay, I have to do this forpeople, I have to do this for
people, I have to do this forthat, that person, I have to be
there for that person, I have tobe the, the big sister for
everybody around me.
Um and it.
It just led to a lot of justlike losing myself as a person
um it led to me being drained,it led to me not having peace in
(34:57):
the world in a sense and justoverall, just losing that light.
I literally fell into the grayworld and lost the color.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Wow.
The gray world.
The gray world.
Is that a pun there?
Like the gray is good.
What are we talking about here?
I need you to call thissomething else.
We need to call this the blackworld.
What would you?
What advice would you givesomeone in terms of choosing
where to serve?
Yeah, like maybe a church orsomething like that.
(35:28):
What would you advise you wouldgive someone that wants to go
to church?
Speaker 2 (35:32):
but, doesn't know where to start or is afraid to
go because of certain reasons,yeah, or people yeah, I always
say well, in our church that Igo to, I go to church of the
highlands.
Um, we always say give it threetries.
Um, the first try, you're justgoing in to experience, see what
it's about, see what's there,see who's there.
(35:54):
The second time you're probablylike oh, okay, you know, I
don't know if I like it, I don'tknow if I don't not like it,
and so it's just anotheropportunity for you to kind of
just seize things that youdidn't see the first time.
The third time is that prettymuch that time where you're like
okay, I know I like this church, I know that I can kind of see
(36:14):
myself there.
The message is feeding me orwhatever might be, or it could
be that you know what this placeis not for me.
I need to move somewhere else,and that's when you start that
process over again.
Of that, those three visits perse.
But I think for someone thathasn't or does or wants to kind
(36:34):
of get involved in a church toserve and any of that sort, I
think it comes to you feelingcomfortable.
So you know, when you walk intoa building, you're going to
know.
You're going to know by theconversations that you have with
people, by the environment thatthere is, by even just watching
the people interact with otherpeople in the church or even in
(36:56):
the services.
I know that's what led me to mychurches, because I saw that
people had so much joy and somuch and they just felt like
they had so much peace.
So I was just like, oh, this iswhere I need to be, because I
have been to churches where youwalk in and everyone's like, oh
my gosh, I need the pastor tohurry up, I need, I need this,
this AC to be turned on orwhatever it might be.
(37:19):
Everyone's just pickingsomething apart and you're just
like, okay, where's where's thepeace, where's the joy at Um?
So, literally when I walkedinto Highlands for the first
time, I was just like, wow, thisjust feels like community to me
, um, and it was something thatI need, that I needed somewhat.
It was also a place where Ifelt like I was going to be fed
and encouraged to do somethingmore.
Um, because, you know, go in achurch.
(37:41):
You go to the church to get themessage, but you also go to
grow, and if you're not growingin your church, that's probably
not going to be a place that youneed to stay at.
Um, you, you should be able tospend a year of your life going,
just attending.
You know, start looking andfilling it out, start getting
(38:05):
into the membership things orwhatever small groups, whatever
it might be, and then, after thefirst year, that's when you
should start taking that extrastep of serving, of going into
more leadership positions of youknow, branching out to
experience something new,getting into a small group,
leading a small group, whateverit might be.
You just can't stay in thatspace of complacency for too
(38:29):
long because you're not going toget what you need to get so
that you can be an impact forthe people around you, per se
yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Wow, yeah, okay, so that's good.
You got a question for us.
Hey, renee, don't do that.
Hey, renee, don't do that.
Speaker 3 (38:50):
What's the difference between being a leader and
being a servant, or is that thesame?
Go ahead, yeah, between being aleader and being a server.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
A servant, or is that the same?
So, yeah, um, I don't thinkthere really much is a different
.
I think you should be a servantleader yeah, um, and a servant
leader is someone that is goingto serve the people that they're
leading.
Yeah, um, because you have tolead by example.
You just can't be like, oh, letme just bark a few orders here
and this is what you're going todo.
Like, your people that you'releading have to see you actually
(39:20):
putting yourself down for theirneeds or for others needs.
So, when it comes down to beinga leader versus being a server,
I don't think it's a difference.
I think it's the same thing.
You have to be a servant leaderin order to be a very effective
leader.
You have to be a servant leaderin order to be a very effective
leader.
You can't just say you know,hey, little Timmy, I need you to
go get all the packets and dishit out there if you're not
(39:45):
doing it either.
There's been so many times whereI've worked with leaders who
just barked orders and it justit really didn't make for a
productive and effectiveenvironment for the people that
were on the team.
Everybody just felt like theywere drained.
It didn't have that family feel.
It didn't have that communityfeel per se.
(40:08):
But then I've been with leaderswho who actually put in the
action and put in the work forthe people that they are working
with and the people that theyare serving per se, and so
that's where I get a lot of myleadership qualities, for
because I want to be someonethat is going to serve the
people that I have working forme or the people that I'm
(40:28):
leading or so on, so that I canbe an example for them, so that
they can go out there and becomeservant leaders, so then they
can impact the people thatthey're going to one day lead or
one day serve, and then it'sjust like a.
it's like a a general, yeah,domino effect per se.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Okay, nice, I like that Cause I I see firsthand.
You help people work out, butyou don't just say you need to
push the sled Like you push thesled.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
Like you push the sled first.
Yes, that's good.
She's been working, so I seethat you could be a great person
in training, if you ever decide, because I think there's a lot
of We'll see you know we've beentoying with it.
What else we got for the nextquestion.
What's?
Speaker 3 (41:04):
one mistake you've made while serving, and what did
you learn from it?
Speaker 1 (41:20):
I'll take this one because you know you've been one
mistake I made while serving.
Oh man, I made a lot ofmistakes.
Um, I think the first mistake Imade is the biggest mistake is
me thinking that I have to behappy in every serving moment.
Oh, this is just gotta be thegreatest thing ever.
Like just because I'm serving,or the moment that I'm serving
in is not always going to begreat.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
And I have to.
I had to understand I made thatmistake and I had to kind of
really sit back and realize like, okay and I, every serving
moment is going to be the greatmoment.
You know you want to take it.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
Yeah, I think for me, like some of the mistakes that
I've made in serving, is justfear.
So letting fear keep me fromfrom serving people?
Um, for example, I'm gettingready to go on a mission trip to
Serbia in a couple of weeks andfor the longest time I was like
(42:06):
I'm not going to go on thistrip because I've one.
I've never been out of thecountry, uh.
Two, I don't know what toexpect.
Um, three, I don't know if Iwant to do a mission trip.
But then I, you have yourcommunity that continues to push
you and encourage you and speaklife over you, and I was just
(42:26):
like you know what?
This is the year of saying yes.
So we're going to say yes andstill, to this day, I don't know
what to expect.
I don't know what we're goingto be doing.
But I know that I'm not goingto let the fear keep me from
walking into that andexperiencing something new,
because you know, it could bethat I am called there to be a
(42:50):
light in someone's lifespecifically.
Or I'm called there to evenjust pick up a soccer ball and
play with a student and you justnever know don't underestimate
your serving right.
So I think that's one of mymistakes when it comes down to
serving is just letting fearkeep me from serving in a
specific area.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
I think that you can serve with fear, but then I
think that it won't be yeah,it's not gonna be effective.
You won't serve't be.
Yeah, it won't be good, it'snot gonna be good, you won't
serve properly, right?
Speaker 2 (43:18):
yeah, yeah, you'll be doing it for something other
than that higher calling, orthat it'll be turning to
pleasing.
It'll turn into people pleasing.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
At that point, you won't be serving correctly at
that point no, and it couldpossibly transpire to something
much worse with whoever andwhatever you're serving yeah,
you could.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
You could break someone or something all right.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
What advice would you give to someone who wants to
serve but doesn't know where tostart?
Speaker 1 (43:47):
oh, I'll.
So I'll start here by saying um, most importantly, I always say
this to people that aresearching for I think this is
this question can can be layered?
So if you're searching for yourpurpose, you're searching for
what you need to do in yourcareer, you're searching for
something.
Serve a little bit.
(44:08):
Yeah, it doesn't have to be alot.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
Right.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
It could be something small and you can just be
committed to that Something at asmall amount of time, for a
week or two.
Whatever, serve a little bitand whatever speaks to your
heart, I think you'll know.
Essentially, you know what thatis you want is your purpose and
what that is you want to serve.
So but to answer your question,I think if you want to start
(44:31):
serving, just find what speaksto you First, figure out what
you're.
If you're not passionate aboutanything, yeah, that's cool.
right, serve a little bit, justserve anyways like go somewhere
and do something, and Iguarantee you, either you're
gonna, either something's gonnaspeak through you, speak to you
through people, or speak to youthrough some action.
(44:52):
Right, and you feel like wow I,I like that yeah I want to do
more of that.
Speaker 3 (44:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
And then you find out a little bit what you prefer to
serve and what you will want tofocus on in serving in those
moments.
But a lot of times it comes toyou not in your timing, it
doesn't come to you like.
Oh, let me write down what I'mgoing to do.
A lot of times, the greatestmoments of you serving is a
moment that you don't expect.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Exactly.
You just have to be completelypresent to it.
You gotta be open.
Yeah, what are your thoughts?
I think it's look at youreveryday life, because every day
you're serving it might besomething small, it might be
something big.
You just look at your everydaylife.
What comes natural to you?
I know for me, naturally I liketo just speak positivity over
(45:35):
people's life.
I know for me, naturally I liketo just speak positivity over
people's life.
I like to encourage people.
So that led to me servingfreedom groups or, you know,
small groups, or speaking lifeover my college girls in the gym
at four o'clock in the morning.
So it just really is.
Look at what you are doing inyour daily, everyday life,
whether it's at work, whetherit's in your families, whether
it's in your friendships, andsee what you do.
(45:57):
Well, See what brings youhappiness, what brings you joy,
what brings you peace, whateverit may be.
And then also, like you said,just starting somewhere whether
it's going to your local humanesociety and petting a couple of
dogs for a few hours, or whetherit's just carrying the grocery
bags for somebody at a grocerystore, whatever it might be I
(46:20):
think you should just needs tostart like, just do it as as
Nike says just do it, okay.
Speaker 3 (46:25):
What's the hardest part about serving?
Speaker 2 (46:28):
I think the hardest part about serving is just
continuing to have a fire for it.
Um, you know, you, that firecan be ignited in so many ways,
but that fire can also beextinguished in so many ways.
So I think that's the hardestpart about serving is just
continuing to have that passionand that fire for it and that
(46:48):
encouragement to continue to doit.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (46:53):
What's the hardest part about serving?
Speaker 1 (46:55):
the hardest part about serving to me, I would say
, is oh, serving people that youdon't like.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah, I was gonna say that, oh my gosh, so I had to
do that I had to serve someonethat well I had.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
I had to serve in a moment where someone that I
didn't care for benefited.
Yeah, and, and I think I thinkat time, well, most of the time
in service when I say you diedto oneself, if you want to see
it this way of your competitor,you're taking a loss and
somebody is taking a W,somebody's winning.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
However, you can't see it as a loss to like your,
you know, your currency, yourpride and all that type of stuff
.
You have to see it as okay.
This is a moment where it's notabout me, right, and it's more
about this person, right.
And if they're taking advantageof it yeah, to the extent to
where you feel that way down theroad, I guarantee your service
in that moment will be a lessonfor them.
They, I guarantee your servicein that moment will be a lesson
(47:54):
for them.
They'll look back on it and belike man, like dang, this guy,
just this girl, just like, didthis and they didn't even ask
for anything in return, wow.
But I think a lot of times,though, like, we do have those
moments where we serve peoplethat we don't really, that are
benefiting from what we aredoing, that we don't really care
for.
Speaker 3 (48:14):
So yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
That takes a lot of maturity.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
that takes a lot of maturity, that takes a lot of
man.
It lays down that pride or eventhough, and even most of the
time, when you're servingsomething or someone, or someone
in the moment, and then youguys fall out and you're like
you know.
I think here's the thingsometimes you have to continue
to serve, not give them what youwant, give them what they want,
but you have to continue toserve until that time of your
service is called to stop.
(48:40):
Like you can't, like you know,lose your character because
they're, because it it takes alot of you.
I'm gonna be honest, like I wasin a relationship at one point
and this is a while back and Iwas talking to this girl and I
felt like in the moment where wewere in, she had a lot going on
(49:01):
and I needed to shift to serve.
And this is probably was myfirst, I can say my first
opportunity and interest intoserving, and what I mean by that
is dying to myself and notwanting to receive anything from
her.
Like I literally fell to thatLike OK, cool, what do you need?
Let's make sure you're good.
And obviously it was aone-sided service and I started
(49:23):
to realize, as I was serving her, she was benefiting, obviously,
but it made, when we fell out,it made me resent her in a bit
Like it made me feel a certaintype of way because I'm doing
all these things in servicebecause I see that you need it
and you know we, we fall out.
It's like wow, like you know,like I did all that for what you
(49:45):
know.
So I think you know, in timesthat could be a relationship for
sure.
Oh yeah, in serving arelationship and like as we
about alluded to in thebeginning, you know, I think, if
it's one party serving man, itcan.
It can be very, it can belonely, but it can also can hurt
a lot.
Speaker 3 (50:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
Because that person is receiving all that service,
right Yo.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
But also at the same time, I think it comes with
seasons, Like I think sometimesyou will have some seasons and
relationships where you have toput in a lot more service than
the other person oh, yeah,absolutely um, but it's, it's.
It's when you're servingconstantly and we're out of that
season where that person needsthat like what are you doing,
bro?
And they're not doing anythingand you're like are you gonna
(50:31):
rub my feet right?
Speaker 1 (50:35):
literally, it's like I have a hard day too yeah, and
I think that's why it's soimportant, and I uh, for people
to serve, especiallyrelationships.
So let's jump into that, uh,just a little bit.
Let's unpack the relationshipserving part.
So what do you think um wouldmake a successful serving
(50:58):
relationship, or makes asuccessful relationship in terms
of two-party serving Like?
What does that look like?
Speaker 2 (51:05):
I think it's not necessarily equally carrying the
load, but there has to be likea good balance of the load being
transformed.
What is it?
The woods with the words today?
They're not existing.
But the load being balancedbetween two people, yeah it is
literally the light lowbalancing yes, yes, I think that
(51:27):
that is where it comes to.
Um, the service in relationshipsis that the load has to be
equally balanced, because if theload is on one side more so
than the other side, thensomeone's gonna get drained,
someone's gonna get tired andsomeone's gonna not be happy,
yeah, um, and then vice versa,and you, you can't have that you
got.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
It has to be a good balance between the two yeah, I
think and this is another pointum I want to talk about is
pouring points.
That's like the topic of thisyear.
Speaker 2 (51:55):
Yeah, obviously.
Speaker 1 (51:56):
Yeah, hashtag pouring points.
What is a pouring point?
So I think, well, a pouringpoint is a moment where someone
is ready to receive what you'reready to give.
I think a lot of times we are alot of people that have great
advice or all of this knowledge.
They're just pouring all thetime, or that they want to help
(52:17):
everybody.
Hey, here you go, I got you.
It's just pouring like crazy,crazy.
You know, that's the worstthing to do when you don't have
your reservoir develop, yourcapacity built up, because you
can just be all over the place.
But, yeah, in terms of pouringpoints, I think in service is
super important to understandyour pouring points, because the
(52:39):
person you're serving may notneed and this is why I say it's
important to learn strength andweaknesses may not need what
you're trying to give them in amoment now and I've always been
talked about my mom is like ifyou're, if what you have is is
of nutrients if it is of is offruit.
Yeah, it won't decay.
You can just put it on thetable and when they're ready to
(53:00):
receive it they'll come back forit if you give it to them in a
certain moment.
I think pouring points arebeing patient enough with the
person to know when they'rethere at that point to where
they're ready to receive.
That's why it's important toknow when your person, your
person's strength and weaknessbecause you know when they're
vulnerable and they're like,okay, I need this right now.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
You got to have that discernment.
Speaker 1 (53:22):
Right and not a lot of people are like taking in you
know that into um to site CauseI think I had a couple of
friends there.
They would get mad at otherpeople because they wouldn't
listen.
Oh, I told him to do this.
He, you know, I'm like bro,like like no bro.
It doesn't work that way.
People are not going to bereceptive to that and you
(53:43):
shouldn't like feel anexpectation or have an
expectation for that person toreceive what you're giving them
in every single moment.
Like who are you?
You're not God.
Like, oh, I'm God.
So I say you should do this,you should do that.
Oh, you didn't do it.
Man, like bro, like no.
I said, and I think that goesinto great friendships in terms
of serving.
It's like if you're in a greatfriendship, serve one another.
(54:05):
And that could be like momentsthat are spaced apart once a
year.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (54:12):
It could be like hey, happy birthday bro.
Hey, happy birthday Right Likeyou, good, checking in Blah,
blah blah.
Like every friendship is builtdifferent, but I think great
friendships are ones of serviceas well as relationships and
intimate relationships.
Speaker 2 (54:26):
Yeah, I think sometimes for some people, like
the best way that you can servethem is just letting them do it.
Yeah, letting like the the bestway that you can serve them is
just letting them do it yeah,letting them do them, letting
them just be and you just beinga support for them whenever
whenever they fall yeah orwhatever might happen.
That is important, oh man.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
I've been there, like I think a lot of people that
I'm super close with is that'show I am with them, like I like
you fall, I'm, I'm there, myhand is there to pick you up,
literally but I won't force youto do something that you're not
ready to do.
Yeah, and I think people aremore receptive when they see you
there, ready to pick them up,right.
Prime example, even when itcomes to like clients, I had a
(55:03):
client that she was doing a dyeworking out and completely just
fell off the rockers and all Isaid like oh cool, yeah, all
right.
And all I say like oh cool,yeah, all right, we can just
let's reset, we're gonna getstarted back tomorrow.
She's like what she thought Iwas gonna literally like
completely go off on her, but no, I said we've been here before
and we can get back to where weneed to go easy.
And I think sometimes peoplejust need that compassion, um,
(55:25):
and that that feel that someoneis patient enough with them,
because I guarantee you, theperson that serves the best is
the patient most patient personyeah, it's difficult time
because I could the serving is.
It's difficult, but I know, Iknow you're gonna say something
or you know, oh you weren't allright so um last question what
(55:47):
do you think your superpower is?
Speaker 2 (55:50):
what do I think my superpower is?
I feel like I have many okayyou're just a jack of all trades
.
Master of a jack of all trades,master of everything, just
kidding.
Um, I think my superpower isbeing able to, um, make people
feel seen, um, I am someone thatcould literally sit and listen
(56:11):
to someone talk all day long,and sometimes for people, that's
just what they need.
Literally sit and listen tosomeone talk all day long, and
sometimes for people that's justwhat they need Someone to just
listen to them.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (56:22):
It's like I was doomed for this.
You should get paid for thatRight Literally just to sit here
and listen.
Speaker 2 (56:28):
But I think that is my superpower is just being able
to hear people and see people.
Speaker 1 (56:33):
Hear people and see people.
Yeah, that's deep.
Speaker 3 (56:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (56:36):
Okay, um questions.
Do you have any questions?
This is our opportunity to goback and forth.
You got questions for the pod,or questions for me, or a Renee
Cause she's a.
The best Is that you or yourshirt.
Speaker 2 (56:48):
Yeah, I have that same question.
Speaker 1 (56:50):
Holy smokes, that was my question uh, do you have any
questions for the pot?
Speaker 2 (56:56):
um me or a renee I did have a question for you okay
I should have wrote it downjust cool.
Speaker 1 (57:05):
I have a another question though.
Okay, like four minutes, allright, so last question, um, all
(57:28):
right, so last question.
Speaker 2 (57:31):
This is a tough one.
I think we kind of answer thisthis is best lesson that I've
learned.
I think the best lesson thatI've learned is just going out
there and just being me.
Just being me in the areas thatI serve.
Being authentic is probably thebest thing that you could have
(57:51):
ever done for a person.
As you're serving them.
It's just showing who you areauthentically.
So, with me doing what I dowith my college girls and just
serving them in that aspect andjust being me and not being a
coach.
That's like dogging them downfor not showing up at the gym or
dogging them for not eatingproperly.
(58:12):
Just being me because I have mydownfalls, and that just makes
them want to come back more yeah, okay good.
Speaker 1 (58:19):
Do you have any final questions for us?
Speaker 3 (58:22):
no, I love her oh.
I love you too, thank you allright, uh, oh, my god.
I mean, you know, I love you.
Speaker 1 (58:32):
Dr Gray, god me bro.
So where can our listeners findyou?
Speaker 2 (58:37):
You can find me on Instagram.
My Instagram handle is Chrissywith three S's C-H-R-I-S-S-S-Y
dot A-P.
Speaker 1 (58:46):
Okay, instagram Guys, find her.
Chrissy is awesome.
She has a lot of stuff going on.
She's a server, so let me wrapthis up, guys.
If you have any questions,please dm us on tiktok or
youtube.
We're not doing instagram rightnow, so just dm us um any
questions.
We can just answer those on apod for our next episode.
(59:07):
If you have any questions forchrissy, please find her on
instagram.
Uh, yeah, stay, stay ready,stay prepared, stay present.
Hey Renee, you have anythingyou want to say before we bounce
out?
Speaker 3 (59:17):
Good bad gray on TikTok.
While he's saying, follow it'sat good bad gray on TikTok.
Speaker 1 (59:22):
We're dropping more clips.
We'll have clips from thisepisode, obviously good ones.
Follow us, share, like andsubscribe.
That's YouTube, said itbackwards.
Guys, we're awesome, thank youand we're out.
Speaker 2 (59:38):
Thanks for having me.
Welcome to the good, the bad and the gray podcast,
where we shine a light onwellness, personal growth and
relationships.
Together, we'll discuss highsand lows and the in-betweens,
offering different perspectiveson health and wellness.
Tune in as we peel back thelayers of life, revealing the
good, the bad and the gray.
(00:22):
Welcome back to the good, thebad and the gray podcast.
I am your host, dr gray, and Ihave a special guest in the
building um Chrissy P Coach Tina, you want to carry on All the?
Speaker 2 (00:46):
things I go by, so many different titles.
I'm Chrissy.
I have so many different thingsthat I do, so many different
hats that I wear.
Where are you from.
I'm from Hawaii.
Speaker 1 (00:58):
Yeah, hawaii, yeah Hawaii.
Why would you choose Hawaiiover Alabama?
Speaker 2 (01:04):
That's a great question, the million dollar
question that everybody alwaysasks me.
So actually I really didn'twant to go to Alabama.
I wanted to stay in Californiaor go to California.
I had a dream to play soccer incollege.
Speaker 1 (01:17):
Athlete.
Speaker 2 (01:18):
Athlete, you know, all-star, Olympian, whatever.
Speaker 1 (01:21):
Whoa, I wish.
Okay, were you like?
Rate yourself, if you don'tmind, like realistically right.
Speaker 2 (01:27):
I think I was a solid , maybe 8.5 whoa, that's pretty
high.
Speaker 1 (01:32):
Yeah, who's your 10?
Speaker 2 (01:34):
who's my 10 like professionally?
Sure okay, um Sydney LaRue okay, that's my girl.
She actually is taking a hiatusfrom soccer for the time being.
Speaker 1 (01:47):
Mental health, yeah, mental health, a lot of mental
health breaks for people.
Speaker 2 (01:52):
It's okay, it's okay.
And then all my soccer greatsare starting to retire, so it's
getting sad in the soccer world.
But hey, I'm excited for thenew generation that's coming.
Yeah, so grew up in Hawaii.
I was actually fun fact, I wasactually born here in Tuscaloosa
.
Speaker 1 (02:07):
Yeah, Okay, very interesting.
Speaker 2 (02:10):
Born in Tuscaloosa, moved to Hawaii, back to
Tuscaloosa, so actually I'velived in so many different
places my dad's military, so Iclaim Hawaii as home because
that's where I did a lot of myformative growth.
Also, that's where I felt likemore at home as opposed to
anywhere else I've been.
I've lived in Miami, I've livedin Memphis, I lived in Georgia.
(02:31):
I guess that will also be mysecond home, just because that's
where my parents actually havea house Georgia.
Yeah, in Georgia.
But other than that, yeah, I'vebeen pretty much all over the
world.
Speaker 3 (02:42):
Well, not all over the world, uh well, not all over
the world, all over theamericas.
Speaker 2 (02:45):
Yeah, um, my favorite city to go to is new york.
I love the food in new york.
I love the, the culture in newyork.
Um, oh, we're, we're feelingsome type of way about new york
no, no, it's fine, it's fine,keep continuing it's fine.
Speaker 1 (03:02):
Um, new york is fine for sure.
Uh, okay, so welcome to thepodcast.
Thank you before we get alittle bit more into it.
So this new chapter of thepodcast.
So this is the good, the bad,the great podcast, um, and we're
doing something for chapter two.
This is our chapter two, andwhat we're doing now is we're
asking each and every guest twoquestions what are you saying
(03:23):
hello to and what are you sayinggoodbye to?
Speaker 2 (03:26):
what am I saying hello to?
Um?
I think I'm saying hello to alot of new adventures.
Um 2025?
Well, 2024, 2025, um has justbeen a lot of new things.
Um, I kind of deemed 2025 to bemy year to say yes to a lot of
different things, like thingsthat I didn't think I would ever
(03:46):
do, or say yes to doors thatare opening that I never thought
would open.
I'm saying yes to people that Inever thought I would be
friends with, or anything, ordifferent endeavors I'm saying
yes to, like I'm getting readyto start another master's in
Christian clinical psychology ormental health counseling.
(04:08):
I've said yes to training agroup of college girls in the
gym.
Speaker 1 (04:12):
Handful.
Speaker 2 (04:15):
Goodness, gracious, talk about learning patience
right there.
I've said yes to being a smallgroup women's coordinator at
church, so just a lot of thingsthat I'm saying yes to, and I
think that's what I'm sayinghello to a lot.
It's just new adventures anddifferent endeavors.
Something that I'm sayinggoodbye to is the last eight
years of my life.
Speaker 1 (04:36):
Wow, eight years is a long time.
It is a long time.
You're picking up that eightyears and just throwing it away.
We're just throwing it away,we're erasing it.
There's no way you should.
Yo Okay, unpack that.
Speaker 2 (04:49):
You have to, okay yeah, so I was in a relationship
for the last eight-ish years.
Yeah, we were engaged and wewere getting ready to get
married and we ended up breakingup Holy smokes.
So the last eight years I'mjust like you know what?
We got a new house, we'restarting a new job, or not
necessarily a new job, butentering a new like career path.
(05:18):
So now I'm just ready to say yesor say goodbye to the last
eight years of my life to justreally start fresh, letting go
of all the baggage, all the pain, all the hurt.
We're just saying goodbye.
Speaker 1 (05:25):
What did you learn from that, chrissy?
Those in those eight years,that person you were.
Speaker 2 (05:29):
I learned a lot, um, so I always tell people when I
talk about my past relationshipand whatnot, I was not the
person that I should have beenin that relationship, um, also,
that person wasn't the personthat they should have been.
Um.
I love who I've become becauseof that relationship, because of
that breakup, mainly becauseI've experienced so many
(05:52):
different things in life learnedto become as a woman, as a
mentor, as a coach, as a sister,as a daughter, as a friend,
whatever.
(06:13):
I've learned a lot of patience.
Speaker 1 (06:13):
I've also learned to surrender pride.
Um, literally for a woman tosay that.
Speaker 2 (06:18):
All right.
So just learning a lot aboutwho I am and who I want to be
going forward is what I learned.
A lot, it was.
One of my biggest things islearning who God is.
So I have always been aChristian.
I've always been someone thathas gone to church, read my
(06:40):
Bible, blah, blah, blah.
It wasn't until, literally, Iwas sitting in California in my
hotel room at a recruiting event, um, and I opened up my Bible
and literally in James I thinkit was, and it was talking about
pride, and I said, ooh, this isgoing to be good.
Um, on my floor, bawling myeyes out, I was just like whew.
(07:03):
Toes are being stepped on,heart is being crushed.
We're getting ready toexperience a whole new, like
different, type of breakthrough.
Um and honestly like through.
From that day forward it's justbeen a different world, Like I,
have been truly transformed, Um, like people that I used to be
friends with I'm not friendswith because I just couldn't
(07:23):
bring them into this new season,Things that I didn't see myself
.
I now see.
I have like a new identity andit's just been a beautiful thing
.
It's been a beautifultransformation.
I would honestly go back and doit all over again Like granted.
Yeah, there was a lot of pain.
I would honestly go back and doit all over again.
Speaker 1 (07:43):
That's amazing, like just to hear your journey in
that like short period of time.
You explain it like that ishuge, like, and then your
homeowner.
So congratulations on that.
Speaker 2 (07:52):
Thank you, I love my house Wow.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
So today, and the topic of today is, in my
Shakespearean voice, to be, no,not to be, but to be is not.
You guys know Shakespeare.
I'm assuming everybody knowsShakespeare.
To serve or not to serve, thatis the question.
I couldn't get it out the firsttime.
I've been thinking about it allfreaking week.
So, um man, when I when I hearthat and when I say it to me,
(08:20):
it's like asking myself, likeit's like asking myself what is
my purpose?
What am I here for?
How can I make society better?
How can I do somethingdifferent each individual day?
And I think a lot of timesservice to many people means
different things.
(08:40):
So this podcast, this episode, Iwant to kind of go dive deep
into service, because it soundslike, from what you just said,
you're heavy in service.
Now.
Oh yeah, and I think you knowthere are some questions.
The basic question of what isservice?
We're going to get into that.
But I want to get into, like,different forms of service,
whether that's in the church ornot in the church, or I mean
(09:00):
family service, like what doesthat look like?
And things of that nature.
So I'm going to let A Reneestart off with our first
question in this topic.
Speaker 3 (09:08):
Let's go Okay.
Well, obviously it's going tobe.
What does serving mean to you?
But I want to add a word in themiddle of that.
Speaker 1 (09:17):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (09:18):
What does serving well mean to you?
Speaker 1 (09:21):
Or you can answer them both Wait is that like a
which is first serving orserving well?
Speaker 3 (09:26):
do the serving first and then serving well.
Speaker 2 (09:29):
I mean honestly.
I think in order to be aneffective server or servant, you
do have to do it well.
I feel like if it's not donewell, it's not serving yeah yeah
.
So to answer your question, Ithink what does it mean?
To be an effective server or toserve well is to just basically
(09:51):
humbly lay your needs down topick up the needs of others, or
to humbly lay down your wants topick up the wants of others.
Whatever it might be, you justhave to do it with humility
first, because if you don't,then pride seeps in.
Or you're going to be expectingsomething in return, or you're
(10:16):
just going to be looking forsomething and it's not going to
be done out of the goodness ofyour heart.
Speaker 1 (10:19):
Yeah, that's good To serve.
Speaker 3 (10:22):
I think similar to what you're saying my phrase
would be to die to oneself.
Speaker 1 (10:28):
Yeah Right, that's when you're serving someone else
, like you're literally, youknow, looking externally or
picking up on what that personthat you're serving or what that
higher power that you'reserving needs, wants or is
desiring in those moments needs,wants or is desiring in those
(10:48):
moments, and I think dying tooneself is death of ego, yeah,
death of your pride, like everyall of that, because nothing
that is in terms of like it'sdealing with you matters.
I think there's a lot of powerin service.
Oh, yeah, a lot of power, andpeople underestimate that one,
and I can do a quick examplebefore we get to the next
question is if you really thinkabout it.
(11:09):
Serving is your way of learningsomeone's strength and
weaknesses.
Yeah, like, for example, thinkabout a king who's his closest
person, not his queen, yeah, hisservants, yeah, they know his
strengths and his weaknesses,his secrets, everything and the
things that he may not tell hisqueen Bryce Berks is a queen as
(11:31):
well.
Who's closer to her?
Her servants.
They're in the room with herwhen she's doing all getting
dressed.
She's sad, happy.
They know what's going on.
I think when you're at thatpoint of service and you're
serving someone or something,you learn the strengths and
weaknesses of that person orthat thing.
And I think it's superimportant because a lot of
(11:51):
people think of you know serviceas in following, right, like,
oh, I'm a follower of thisperson, I'm a follower of this,
and I think the differencebetween service and following or
a follower is this is myopinion I think following is
like mimicking, copying withoutthought right.
Serving takes actual disciplineright.
(12:12):
You have to be present, youhave to observe, like a follower
is not going to tell me whatI'm, what I'm weak at or what
I'm missing.
A servant, though whoa, becausethey know, they've been there,
they observed it.
So I think it's super importantto understand the difference
between a follower and a servant.
Yeah, so that's my take on whatservice is, and I think serving
well so I can be short-windedbecause I think I'm getting
(12:33):
long-winded Serving well isbeing able to pick up on those
strengths and weaknesses.
That's a piggyback from mydefinition.
And if you're able to servewell, you know in terms of a
person or you know a missionorganization, you will know
exactly what that organizationis missing because you're
serving it, you're dying toyourself and you putting
whatever you're serving first.
Speaker 2 (12:53):
Yeah, it's almost like it's a it's.
It's another form of intimacy.
Yes, it is it is literallyanother form of intimacy.
Speaker 1 (13:02):
Yeah.
Honestly, I think it's the mostimportant form of intimacy, so
like relationships, so that'swhat you're alluding to.
So I think that when you're ina relationship, you and your
significant other should serveone another.
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:16):
I saw something the other day and it was a podcast I
was listening to.
I can't remember what it was orwho it was.
I think it was like Lecrae orChand Chandler, stephen.
Speaker 3 (13:28):
Chandler or someone like that.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
I was gonna send it to you um, but basically they
said um couples or people inrelationships should compete in
serving each other 100 and I waslike oh man it.
Can you imagine if people inrelationships literally like
competed in serving each other,like like trying to one up each
other?
That's the only type of one upbattle.
(13:49):
I would literally insert myselfinto.
Speaker 1 (13:51):
I agree.
I think that that would be amake a relationship.
It's amazing, right?
Why don't you think peopleserve one another?
This is my question.
Speaker 2 (14:00):
Yeah, that's a great question.
I think it's because somepeople are just selfish.
Speaker 1 (14:06):
Selfish.
Speaker 2 (14:07):
Yeah, and they don't really want to take that
initiative to pick up the needsof someone else, because they
want to be served, they don'twant to die to themselves, they
don't want to put man.
Speaker 1 (14:19):
Now I think in terms of that, like you talked about,
service is like a form ofintimacy, right?
I think a lot of people aren'ttaught or they haven't observed
that form of intimacy or service, so they don't know.
A lot of times people enter inwhich I think, ideally you enter
in that form of service afteryou found, you know God, after
(14:41):
you surrendered, because youstart to connect with something
right.
And I even think for men, mostimportantly for a man, and I
think this is why this isprobably the biggest disconnect
and men don't understand whywomen want a man that's in
church or that is serving God,because that's the highest
example of their love andintimacy to someone.
And a woman sees that, oh, shesees that it changes, like her
(15:05):
perception of that man, right,that's why you see a lot of
women in the church and we canget to that topic.
That's a whole different topic.
I actually want to dive in deepinto that.
But our next question, ariana,unless you had a comment, no, I
don't not yet.
Speaker 3 (15:19):
Um, this is two-part question.
This is a two-part question, soif I need to repose it, I will.
But how do you know if you'recalled to serve?
And I love this question.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
I've been waiting yes , I need to know what this is
how do you keep yourself full?
Speaker 2 (15:36):
I'll take the second, you take the first I mean, you
can do it like that okay okay,um whichever way you want to way
, you want to answer, actuallyOkay read the first part again.
How do you know if you'recalled to serve?
How do you know if you'recalled to serve?
I think it really just dealswith your heart posture.
Not everybody's called toservice.
Speaker 3 (15:56):
Okay.
Speaker 2 (15:58):
And I think it really just depends on what is in your
heart.
Speaker 1 (16:01):
Can I stop you for a second Before you go?
What do you mean?
Call to service, like so?
We need to understand that callto service is like that's way
specific.
That's divine.
That's like a little bit morethan just serving every single
day, right?
So can you unpack that if youfeel comfortable with talking
about what it's like?
Call to service mean.
Speaker 2 (16:20):
Yeah.
So in a spiritual side, like areligious side, um, I think what
called service is is justbasically, either you serving in
a church, um, either youbecoming a pastor, um, either
you joining like a I know at mychurch we call it the dream team
Uh, so this is an opportunityfor you to just be a volunteer
(16:41):
in the church.
So whether, like for me, Iserve on the prayer team, so I
get to be the person that servesat the altar when people are
coming up at the end of theservice for prayer, or we're,
like in the background prayingfor everybody in the church as
they're watching the service.
I think being called to serviceit really depends on your
(17:02):
personality, it depends on yourheart, it depends on what brings
you joy, Because if you are notdoing something that brings you
joy, it's probably not going tobe an effective serve for you,
like for me personally I knowI'm not one to serve kids- oh,
(17:23):
man Like anyone under the age offive years old.
Speaker 1 (17:27):
You're picking what to serve Whoa.
Speaker 2 (17:30):
I know that is not my calling.
Yo, she's picking service.
It is not my calling.
The Lord did not call me tothat service, so I know that I
will not be an effective personto serve in that area.
I mean I could.
Speaker 1 (17:42):
Patience huh.
Speaker 2 (17:43):
Yeah, patience.
Yikes person to serve in thatarea, I mean I could Patience,
huh, yeah, patience.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Yeah, I'm still learning.
I'm still learning.
Speaker 2 (17:48):
So I know that if if I was to serve in kids ministry,
um, it won't be as effective.
I won't be an effective servantbecause I'm just going to be
like oh these kids, oh my goshVomit, oh my gosh Snotty nose.
Speaker 1 (18:02):
Ooh, can't do it yeah .
Speaker 2 (18:04):
So it really just depends on those, those things,
your personality, um, your heartfor the, the specific, the
specific area that you're goingto serve in Um, and then also,
does it bring you joy?
Does it bring you peace?
Does it bring you happiness,and so on.
Speaker 1 (18:18):
Nice.
So a second part of thatquestion was how?
Speaker 3 (18:23):
How do you keep yourself full while you're still
pouring out?
How?
Speaker 1 (18:26):
do you keep yourself full?
This is a very complex question.
So how do you keep yourselffull?
Now I'm going to just talkabout my personal journey and
what I observe for me that youknow I've realized that has
aided me in being able to stayfull and serving right.
I think, first and foremost wealready said this you have to
(18:49):
die to yourself, die to oneself.
That's service in general.
Um, so, like last year, what Irealized last year when I went
on my journey of service, ofserving more, um, it became more
of being present.
So, basically, I justcompletely just started being
(19:10):
more present in the moment and Istarted to realize service.
If you're not used to it, it itfeels like a job you know kind
of similar to you serving kids,right and um.
So I became more present in themoment and I was serving, but I
started to realize like a lot ofit was like me forcing it.
So what I'm getting at is, ifyou're serving and you're trying
(19:33):
to stay in the abundant, youneed to fill the service versus
force it.
Now here's the thing You're notalways going to be serving this
great thing that you think, oh,I'm going to be serving this
good thing or whatever you like.
Some serving moments would besomething that you do not like
for a short period of time, oreven for an extended period of
(19:55):
time, but there's a lesson and ablessing in there in terms of
that serving moment For me,though.
Last year, I went through thisjourney of serving, and it was
just being present and justbeing like completely open to
people and compassionate, and Istarted to realize in the
beginning I would get drainedLike, oh man, like I'm just so
(20:18):
open to so many people and it'sbecause my capacity, I didn't
have the capacity to serve.
So, just like a muscle, justlike you're in a gym, right, if
you don't have a capacity forsomething you're not going to
have a big endurance, for you'renot gonna have a high tolerance
for it.
So what I did is, each andevery single day, I worked at
serving, like I work at beingpresent.
I worked at being present, Iworked at, you know, listening
(20:39):
to people serving.
You know, present in the momentfor the opportunity to present
itself.
Right, because there are somany serving moments in every
opportunity, and I can evenbreak it down to an example, and
I'm trying to be a little bitshort winded here.
So, right, so there is.
So for me, it was aboutstrengthening my capacity, so
(21:02):
making sure that I can handle,you know, the serving that I'm
needing.
So once you strengthen andincrease your capacity to serve,
then you figure out what fillsyou.
Yeah, right, because you haveto have something pouring in if
you're pouring out a lot.
Speaker 3 (21:16):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:17):
And I think for me, the first thing is first, and I
think everyone talks about this,but you have to find out like
you have to start loving you ohmy gosh, yes and when I mean
loving you, like intimately,what speaks to my heart.
How can I tap into that part ofme that you know makes me feel
joy?
So that's the next partcapacity and joy, right yeah you
(21:40):
have to figure out how toincrease your joy.
Speaker 3 (21:42):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (21:43):
So, just like we have , we're in the gym, working out,
we have all these thoughts andwhatever going through our head.
We're increasing our capacityfor anger.
Most people go in the gym andthey're angry or sad or upset
about something and they'reincreasing their capacity for it
, but they don't realize it,right?
So I started to work onincreasing my capacity to serve,
but also increasing my capacityof feeling joy.
(22:04):
Yeah, like actually feeling it.
Yeah, and I was just lovingmyself and I started to realize,
as I increased my capacity forjoy, increased my capacity to
serve and also increased myfeeling of joy, I was able to
kind of pour into myselfslightly.
Right, because I'm only oneperson.
We're here to connect, right?
(22:24):
I can do so much by myself, andthen from there I started
finding other people that wereeasily uh, that could pour
without needing something inreturn.
That's super important that'ssuper important you have to have
those um individuals in yourlife that are able to kind of
give without needing somethingin return, that helps fill your
(22:45):
cup.
Now, you shouldn't rely on it.
It shouldn't be your source,right, you're, you're.
You're like people that arepouring into you should never be
your source.
So once I identify individualsthat were able to pour into me
without you know being a sourceor being um, without me needing
something returned, then Iidentify ways to refill my cup.
Right, and you have to do that.
Whether that's being alone,yeah, but mostly, I think,
(23:07):
through connection.
You can figure out how to stayin the abundant flow once you're
blessed with that, because it'sa blessing when you're able to
kind of pour as much as you can.
You want to say something onthat?
Speaker 2 (23:17):
Yeah, I think for me, like I had a hard time learning
when, when I started pouringinto a lot of people Um so, with
my college girls I have like 17or so of them that I constantly
just speak life over and pour,uh, pour myself into them or
just pray over them and I, likeat first, I started feeling so,
(23:41):
so, so drained.
I was just like I don't know ifI could do this.
I don't know if I could, if Icould just be effective in their
lives.
And it wasn't until I wastalking to my mentor and she was
telling me you need to haveyour, your rock, you need to
have a rock.
Speaker 1 (23:56):
Anchor rock.
Speaker 2 (23:57):
Anchor rock, something to hold you down,
someone that you can pick up thephone and call and say hey, I'm
struggling with this.
I need you to speak some lifeover me yeah or even just
someone to sit in silence withyou, because that that's another
way for someone to pour backinto you.
It's just spending someintentional time, just what.
Like I'm a person who I alwaystell my my friends, I'm like if
(24:20):
we can't sit on the couchtogether in silence, we probably
don't need to be friends,because I sometimes I just need
the way that I get filled up isjust sitting on the couch with
the people that make me happy,the people that I'm comfortable
with, and we could just watch TVor scroll on our phones and not
say a single word to each other, so just have it.
(24:41):
It is super important to havepeople that you can lean on,
that you can depend on, but youalso can't weigh yourself down
on those people, because theyalso need people that can pour
into them.
But also they're probably notgoing to be there 24-7 or be
readily available for you 24-7.
So that's community is such abig thing and I literally.
(25:05):
2024 was my.
It started off as my year ofisolation um everybody, for a
lot of people it literallystarted off as a year of
isolation for me and honestly Ithis is.
This led to my awakening ofwhere I was in my life.
I was so unhappy being here inTuscaloosa.
(25:28):
I hated this place.
I was like I'm ready to go.
I don't have anybody here, I'malone.
I don't like it.
So it wasn't until I had ahealth scare at the beginning of
2024, where I thought I hadbreast cancer.
I found a tumor and I was justlike I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do.
(25:48):
So it was like Januarytimeframe 21 days of prayer was
going on, and this is when Iliterally found my person.
My community started buildingit up and I was just vulnerable
with them, telling them what wasgoing on in my life.
And that's when a group ofpeople just cindered around me
(26:10):
and started pouring into me andI realized I was like wow,
community, is that important?
Like you need somebody that youcould literally just lean on.
Like when you can't carry theweight yourself, somebody else
can carry it with you yeah um.
So yeah, community's big,especially in your service,
because you do need somebody topour into you so that you can
continue to be effective andimportant to other people.
Speaker 1 (26:27):
Wow, that's huge, that's good.
Man, like you said, you had ahealth scare and that's wow.
I personally, like you know, Ican relate to that year of
isolation because I went throughsomething similar and it, you
know, I found some of the mostimportant people in my life
today last year yeah, and someof the most.
(26:48):
There's so many people I thoughtthey were super important to me
at that point, like before that, prior to that year, I lost
them in that year, yeah, or, andit was just like.
It was so, so like confusing,because it was like I thought
this person you were supposed tobe my bro, yeah, you're my bro,
like you know, whatever Right.
But I started to realize andthis is something you know I can
(27:11):
attest to like when yousurrender, you typically start
to lose the people that are nolonger aligned with this next
chapter of your life, andimmediately.
I don't know some what happenedwas happening to me last year.
Immediately, a person that waswhat I needed became, you know,
(27:31):
um present yeah.
I'm like whoa, like huh, butwhat, what kind of made it more
supernatural, is like it washappening back to back as a
person started to fade out, aperson started to fade in and
they were the version that ohwow, I needed this.
In the moment, it was likealmost like God was like.
I got you, bro.
Like you know, this is what'sbeen holding us back.
(27:54):
Don't follow him, still love himunconditionally, but here's
what is going to get you to thatnext level, and I thought it
was so.
So you know, beautiful, becauseI was like man, like this is
what I needed, yeah, like, butwhat did I, what did I do to
deserve all of this?
You know how, when you're so,you're in a moment, you're,
you're doubtful right becauseeverything is so good right, or
(28:17):
things, great things happening,waiting for the fall.
You're like hold on, bro, thisis not real.
Yo, this is too.
Speaker 2 (28:23):
Right, you're just so suspicious.
Speaker 1 (28:25):
It's a crazy.
I had like two clients of minethat I used to train.
I used to be a personal trainer.
They literally came back in mylife last year and it was so
interesting because they came ata time where they were
providing something, that Ineeded to get something done in
(28:47):
terms of the community, and Iwas like wait, what Like?
I don't know where they both.
Hey, we're, we're coming back.
Oh, you need this, we got you.
I'm like what Like?
And anyways, things are likethat were happening.
So, but anyways, things likethat were happening, so many
things were happening that Ijust couldn't explain and I was
like there's no such thing ascoincidence.
Like last year, 100% proved tome undoubtedly that there's no
(29:11):
such thing as a coincidence,like God is real and I think
that a lot of individuals thatdo not believe they just haven't
experienced those momentsbecause they haven't been
present and they haven'texperienced those moments
because they haven't beenpresent and they haven't served
and I think once you get thatserving part there and you're
surrendering, you're dying toself, to someone else you become
(29:32):
so.
Your eye starts to open to somany different things, oh my,
the world becomes so much better.
Speaker 2 (29:39):
You're like whoa it's no longer gray.
Speaker 1 (29:41):
There's color in the world and I think you kind of
related to that feeling.
Um, as you said, like you know,tuscaloosa is the worst thing.
And then you started like toserve and meet people.
You're like whoa, it's like Ithink that's a part of service.
Um, I'll try to slow it downthere because I know erin a has
some questions for us.
What's the next question, yo?
Speaker 3 (30:01):
um?
How can you differentiatebetween passion versus pressure
when you're serving?
Speaker 2 (30:08):
that's good, or do?
Speaker 3 (30:09):
they coexist I.
Speaker 2 (30:12):
I think they can coexist to an extent, but it's
like a very, very, very smallwindow that they do coexist.
I think it's more of it'spassion, but I think it's more
of purpose.
What is your purpose?
Because you can, you can serve,but you know you have to have a
(30:33):
purpose for your serve.
Speaker 3 (30:34):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (30:35):
Like the last two years of my life, has just been
me realizing what my purpose is,what is my calling, and that is
why I am so effective in myserving and so effective in what
I do.
Because of my purpose and wheremy calling is and what I'm
supposed to be doing, what I'mcalled to do, what I'm assigned
(30:55):
to do, and so on and where mycalling is and what I'm supposed
to be doing, what I'm called todo, what I'm assigned to do,
and so on.
I think.
As far as pressure, I thinkpressure is more of you serving
in an area where you're workingin a sense.
Like, yeah, I love my job, butsometimes it feels like pressure
that.
I have to do that.
I have to meet with thesestudents from all over the world
(31:16):
and I have to sell theuniversity to them, um, and get
them to come to the university,um.
So I think, in a sense of, like, I know my purpose is not to be
a recruiter forever, love it,love it so much, but I know it's
not my purpose.
My purpose is is somethinggreater.
It's something, something moreto bring me joy.
(31:37):
So, instead of like more of itbeing passion, I think it's more
of like your purpose in life,what?
What are you called to do?
What are you supposed to beassigned to your area or your
people, whatever it might be?
And then pressure, like I said,it's just more of like you
doing something because you haveto do it yeah, not because you
(31:59):
want to do it or you need to doit or whatever.
Speaker 1 (32:03):
It's interesting you say that, because I kind of see
it like this is you know, youhave, so you have people that
are people pleasers and you youhave people that are serving for
a purpose.
Speaker 2 (32:14):
I think it's important to have.
Speaker 1 (32:16):
This is why it's so important to connect to a higher
purpose or connect to somethinghigher than yourself.
Because if you don't, you'll bestuck trying to please people,
and that turns into pressure,that's the pressure.
Right.
So I think in today's societywe have more people pleasers
than actual people servers.
One of my clients were talkingabout church, right, like why
(32:37):
did she?
She was like I don't want to goto church because people, you
know, they look at me certainways, et cetera.
And I asked her it's like sowhat do you think that comes
from?
And she said I don't know.
I just don't want people tothink blah, blah, blah.
I said so are you there toplease them?
Speaker 2 (32:52):
Right.
Speaker 1 (32:52):
Or are, please them right, or are you there to serve
something?
Speaker 2 (32:54):
else right yeah.
Speaker 1 (32:55):
So I think it's important to know the difference
of people pleasing, peopleserving, or serving something
higher than oneself.
And, like I say, I think todaypeople are just more people
pleasers right, especially whenthey're on social media.
Speaker 2 (33:07):
I used to be a people pleaser.
I used to be someone I know.
I used to be someone who Iwanted everybody around me to be
happy to be, joyful.
I wanted them to have whateverthat they needed Draining.
Yeah, very draining, verydraining, and it wasn't until
like I got to my wit's end and Iwas just like, whew, I can't, I
(33:27):
can't literally lay myself downfor everybody, I can't continue
to keep giving off my shirt,off my back for people, because
you know, it got to that pointwhere it was more of like not
wanting.
It was more of not serving, um,just because I wanted to.
It was more of serving becauseI wanted some validation or
acceptance or for them to toacknowledge me or whatever it
(33:51):
might be.
Um, and literally I think italso comes to like um, just my
background in a sense, uh,growing up as a middle child oh
man, you're the middle child.
I'm a middle child.
Uh, growing up as a middlechild, sometimes you, you don't
necessarily get theacknowledgement um that that you
(34:13):
want or that you crave or needor whatever.
And then, like, on top of mebeing a middle child, I have an
older brother that has cerebralpalsy and then I have a little
sister that I needed caring for.
So I was the person that had togrow up super fast, had to
serve at such a young age, andso with that it came to more of
(34:35):
like okay, I have to do this forpeople, I have to do this for
people, I have to do this forthat, that person, I have to be
there for that person, I have tobe the, the big sister for
everybody around me.
Um and it.
It just led to a lot of justlike losing myself as a person
um it led to me being drained,it led to me not having peace in
(34:57):
the world in a sense and justoverall, just losing that light.
I literally fell into the grayworld and lost the color.
Speaker 1 (35:06):
Wow.
The gray world.
The gray world.
Is that a pun there?
Like the gray is good.
What are we talking about here?
I need you to call thissomething else.
We need to call this the blackworld.
What would you?
What advice would you givesomeone in terms of choosing
where to serve?
Yeah, like maybe a church orsomething like that.
(35:28):
What would you advise you wouldgive someone that wants to go
to church?
Speaker 2 (35:32):
but, doesn't know where to start or is afraid to
go because of certain reasons,yeah, or people yeah, I always
say well, in our church that Igo to, I go to church of the
highlands.
Um, we always say give it threetries.
Um, the first try, you're justgoing in to experience, see what
it's about, see what's there,see who's there.
(35:54):
The second time you're probablylike oh, okay, you know, I
don't know if I like it, I don'tknow if I don't not like it,
and so it's just anotheropportunity for you to kind of
just seize things that youdidn't see the first time.
The third time is that prettymuch that time where you're like
okay, I know I like this church, I know that I can kind of see
(36:14):
myself there.
The message is feeding me orwhatever might be, or it could
be that you know what this placeis not for me.
I need to move somewhere else,and that's when you start that
process over again.
Of that, those three visits perse.
But I think for someone thathasn't or does or wants to kind
(36:34):
of get involved in a church toserve and any of that sort, I
think it comes to you feelingcomfortable.
So you know, when you walk intoa building, you're going to
know.
You're going to know by theconversations that you have with
people, by the environment thatthere is, by even just watching
the people interact with otherpeople in the church or even in
(36:56):
the services.
I know that's what led me to mychurches, because I saw that
people had so much joy and somuch and they just felt like
they had so much peace.
So I was just like, oh, this iswhere I need to be, because I
have been to churches where youwalk in and everyone's like, oh
my gosh, I need the pastor tohurry up, I need, I need this,
this AC to be turned on orwhatever it might be.
(37:19):
Everyone's just pickingsomething apart and you're just
like, okay, where's where's thepeace, where's the joy at Um?
So, literally when I walkedinto Highlands for the first
time, I was just like, wow, thisjust feels like community to me
, um, and it was something thatI need, that I needed somewhat.
It was also a place where Ifelt like I was going to be fed
and encouraged to do somethingmore.
Um, because, you know, go in achurch.
(37:41):
You go to the church to get themessage, but you also go to
grow, and if you're not growingin your church, that's probably
not going to be a place that youneed to stay at.
Um, you, you should be able tospend a year of your life going,
just attending.
You know, start looking andfilling it out, start getting
(38:05):
into the membership things orwhatever small groups, whatever
it might be, and then, after thefirst year, that's when you
should start taking that extrastep of serving, of going into
more leadership positions of youknow, branching out to
experience something new,getting into a small group,
leading a small group, whateverit might be.
You just can't stay in thatspace of complacency for too
(38:29):
long because you're not going toget what you need to get so
that you can be an impact forthe people around you, per se
yeah.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
Wow, yeah, okay, so that's good.
You got a question for us.
Hey, renee, don't do that.
Hey, renee, don't do that.
Speaker 3 (38:50):
What's the difference between being a leader and
being a servant, or is that thesame?
Go ahead, yeah, between being aleader and being a server.
Speaker 2 (38:57):
A servant, or is that the same?
So, yeah, um, I don't thinkthere really much is a different
.
I think you should be a servantleader yeah, um, and a servant
leader is someone that is goingto serve the people that they're
leading.
Yeah, um, because you have tolead by example.
You just can't be like, oh, letme just bark a few orders here
and this is what you're going todo.
Like, your people that you'releading have to see you actually
(39:20):
putting yourself down for theirneeds or for others needs.
So, when it comes down to beinga leader versus being a server,
I don't think it's a difference.
I think it's the same thing.
You have to be a servant leaderin order to be a very effective
leader.
You have to be a servant leaderin order to be a very effective
leader.
You can't just say you know,hey, little Timmy, I need you to
go get all the packets and dishit out there if you're not
(39:45):
doing it either.
There's been so many times whereI've worked with leaders who
just barked orders and it justit really didn't make for a
productive and effectiveenvironment for the people that
were on the team.
Everybody just felt like theywere drained.
It didn't have that family feel.
It didn't have that communityfeel per se.
(40:08):
But then I've been with leaderswho who actually put in the
action and put in the work forthe people that they are working
with and the people that theyare serving per se, and so
that's where I get a lot of myleadership qualities, for
because I want to be someonethat is going to serve the
people that I have working forme or the people that I'm
(40:28):
leading or so on, so that I canbe an example for them, so that
they can go out there and becomeservant leaders, so then they
can impact the people thatthey're going to one day lead or
one day serve, and then it'sjust like a.
it's like a a general, yeah,domino effect per se.
Speaker 3 (40:45):
Okay, nice, I like that Cause I I see firsthand.
You help people work out, butyou don't just say you need to
push the sled Like you push thesled.
Speaker 1 (40:53):
Like you push the sled first.
Yes, that's good.
She's been working, so I seethat you could be a great person
in training, if you ever decide, because I think there's a lot
of We'll see you know we've beentoying with it.
What else we got for the nextquestion.
What's?
Speaker 3 (41:04):
one mistake you've made while serving, and what did
you learn from it?
Speaker 1 (41:20):
I'll take this one because you know you've been one
mistake I made while serving.
Oh man, I made a lot ofmistakes.
Um, I think the first mistake Imade is the biggest mistake is
me thinking that I have to behappy in every serving moment.
Oh, this is just gotta be thegreatest thing ever.
Like just because I'm serving,or the moment that I'm serving
in is not always going to begreat.
Speaker 2 (41:36):
Right.
Speaker 1 (41:37):
And I have to.
I had to understand I made thatmistake and I had to kind of
really sit back and realize like, okay and I, every serving
moment is going to be the greatmoment.
You know you want to take it.
Speaker 2 (41:46):
Yeah, I think for me, like some of the mistakes that
I've made in serving, is justfear.
So letting fear keep me fromfrom serving people?
Um, for example, I'm gettingready to go on a mission trip to
Serbia in a couple of weeks andfor the longest time I was like
(42:06):
I'm not going to go on thistrip because I've one.
I've never been out of thecountry, uh.
Two, I don't know what toexpect.
Um, three, I don't know if Iwant to do a mission trip.
But then I, you have yourcommunity that continues to push
you and encourage you and speaklife over you, and I was just
(42:26):
like you know what?
This is the year of saying yes.
So we're going to say yes andstill, to this day, I don't know
what to expect.
I don't know what we're goingto be doing.
But I know that I'm not goingto let the fear keep me from
walking into that andexperiencing something new,
because you know, it could bethat I am called there to be a
(42:50):
light in someone's lifespecifically.
Or I'm called there to evenjust pick up a soccer ball and
play with a student and you justnever know don't underestimate
your serving right.
So I think that's one of mymistakes when it comes down to
serving is just letting fearkeep me from serving in a
specific area.
Speaker 3 (43:10):
I think that you can serve with fear, but then I
think that it won't be yeah,it's not gonna be effective.
You won't serve't be.
Yeah, it won't be good, it'snot gonna be good, you won't
serve properly, right?
Speaker 2 (43:18):
yeah, yeah, you'll be doing it for something other
than that higher calling, orthat it'll be turning to
pleasing.
It'll turn into people pleasing.
Speaker 3 (43:26):
At that point, you won't be serving correctly at
that point no, and it couldpossibly transpire to something
much worse with whoever andwhatever you're serving yeah,
you could.
Speaker 2 (43:36):
You could break someone or something all right.
Speaker 3 (43:42):
What advice would you give to someone who wants to
serve but doesn't know where tostart?
Speaker 1 (43:47):
oh, I'll.
So I'll start here by saying um, most importantly, I always say
this to people that aresearching for I think this is
this question can can be layered?
So if you're searching for yourpurpose, you're searching for
what you need to do in yourcareer, you're searching for
something.
Serve a little bit.
(44:08):
Yeah, it doesn't have to be alot.
Speaker 2 (44:09):
Right.
Speaker 1 (44:10):
It could be something small and you can just be
committed to that Something at asmall amount of time, for a
week or two.
Whatever, serve a little bitand whatever speaks to your
heart, I think you'll know.
Essentially, you know what thatis you want is your purpose and
what that is you want to serve.
So but to answer your question,I think if you want to start
(44:31):
serving, just find what speaksto you First, figure out what
you're.
If you're not passionate aboutanything, yeah, that's cool.
right, serve a little bit, justserve anyways like go somewhere
and do something, and Iguarantee you, either you're
gonna, either something's gonnaspeak through you, speak to you
through people, or speak to youthrough some action.
(44:52):
Right, and you feel like wow I,I like that yeah I want to do
more of that.
Speaker 3 (44:57):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (44:57):
And then you find out a little bit what you prefer to
serve and what you will want tofocus on in serving in those
moments.
But a lot of times it comes toyou not in your timing, it
doesn't come to you like.
Oh, let me write down what I'mgoing to do.
A lot of times, the greatestmoments of you serving is a
moment that you don't expect.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
Exactly.
You just have to be completelypresent to it.
You gotta be open.
Yeah, what are your thoughts?
I think it's look at youreveryday life, because every day
you're serving it might besomething small, it might be
something big.
You just look at your everydaylife.
What comes natural to you?
I know for me, naturally I liketo just speak positivity over
(45:35):
people's life.
I know for me, naturally I liketo just speak positivity over
people's life.
I like to encourage people.
So that led to me servingfreedom groups or, you know,
small groups, or speaking lifeover my college girls in the gym
at four o'clock in the morning.
So it just really is.
Look at what you are doing inyour daily, everyday life,
whether it's at work, whetherit's in your families, whether
it's in your friendships, andsee what you do.
(45:57):
Well, See what brings youhappiness, what brings you joy,
what brings you peace, whateverit may be.
And then also, like you said,just starting somewhere whether
it's going to your local humanesociety and petting a couple of
dogs for a few hours, or whetherit's just carrying the grocery
bags for somebody at a grocerystore, whatever it might be I
(46:20):
think you should just needs tostart like, just do it as as
Nike says just do it, okay.
Speaker 3 (46:25):
What's the hardest part about serving?
Speaker 2 (46:28):
I think the hardest part about serving is just
continuing to have a fire for it.
Um, you know, you, that firecan be ignited in so many ways,
but that fire can also beextinguished in so many ways.
So I think that's the hardestpart about serving is just
continuing to have that passionand that fire for it and that
(46:48):
encouragement to continue to doit.
Speaker 1 (46:51):
Okay.
Speaker 3 (46:53):
What's the hardest part about serving?
Speaker 1 (46:55):
the hardest part about serving to me, I would say
, is oh, serving people that youdon't like.
Speaker 2 (47:06):
Yeah, I was gonna say that, oh my gosh, so I had to
do that I had to serve someonethat well I had.
Speaker 1 (47:11):
I had to serve in a moment where someone that I
didn't care for benefited.
Yeah, and, and I think I thinkat time, well, most of the time
in service when I say you diedto oneself, if you want to see
it this way of your competitor,you're taking a loss and
somebody is taking a W,somebody's winning.
Speaker 3 (47:32):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (47:32):
However, you can't see it as a loss to like your,
you know, your currency, yourpride and all that type of stuff
.
You have to see it as okay.
This is a moment where it's notabout me, right, and it's more
about this person, right.
And if they're taking advantageof it yeah, to the extent to
where you feel that way down theroad, I guarantee your service
in that moment will be a lessonfor them.
They, I guarantee your servicein that moment will be a lesson
(47:54):
for them.
They'll look back on it and belike man, like dang, this guy,
just this girl, just like, didthis and they didn't even ask
for anything in return, wow.
But I think a lot of times,though, like, we do have those
moments where we serve peoplethat we don't really, that are
benefiting from what we aredoing, that we don't really care
for.
Speaker 3 (48:14):
So yeah.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
That takes a lot of maturity.
Speaker 1 (48:19):
that takes a lot of maturity, that takes a lot of
man.
It lays down that pride or eventhough, and even most of the
time, when you're servingsomething or someone, or someone
in the moment, and then youguys fall out and you're like
you know.
I think here's the thingsometimes you have to continue
to serve, not give them what youwant, give them what they want,
but you have to continue toserve until that time of your
service is called to stop.
(48:40):
Like you can't, like you know,lose your character because
they're, because it it takes alot of you.
I'm gonna be honest, like I wasin a relationship at one point
and this is a while back and Iwas talking to this girl and I
felt like in the moment where wewere in, she had a lot going on
(49:01):
and I needed to shift to serve.
And this is probably was myfirst, I can say my first
opportunity and interest intoserving, and what I mean by that
is dying to myself and notwanting to receive anything from
her.
Like I literally fell to thatLike OK, cool, what do you need?
Let's make sure you're good.
And obviously it was aone-sided service and I started
(49:23):
to realize, as I was serving her, she was benefiting, obviously,
but it made, when we fell out,it made me resent her in a bit
Like it made me feel a certaintype of way because I'm doing
all these things in servicebecause I see that you need it
and you know we, we fall out.
It's like wow, like you know,like I did all that for what you
(49:45):
know.
So I think you know, in timesthat could be a relationship for
sure.
Oh yeah, in serving arelationship and like as we
about alluded to in thebeginning, you know, I think, if
it's one party serving man, itcan.
It can be very, it can belonely, but it can also can hurt
a lot.
Speaker 3 (50:05):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (50:06):
Because that person is receiving all that service,
right Yo.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
But also at the same time, I think it comes with
seasons, Like I think sometimesyou will have some seasons and
relationships where you have toput in a lot more service than
the other person oh, yeah,absolutely um, but it's, it's.
It's when you're servingconstantly and we're out of that
season where that person needsthat like what are you doing,
bro?
And they're not doing anythingand you're like are you gonna
(50:31):
rub my feet right?
Speaker 1 (50:35):
literally, it's like I have a hard day too yeah, and
I think that's why it's soimportant, and I uh, for people
to serve, especiallyrelationships.
So let's jump into that, uh,just a little bit.
Let's unpack the relationshipserving part.
So what do you think um wouldmake a successful serving
(50:58):
relationship, or makes asuccessful relationship in terms
of two-party serving Like?
What does that look like?
Speaker 2 (51:05):
I think it's not necessarily equally carrying the
load, but there has to be likea good balance of the load being
transformed.
What is it?
The woods with the words today?
They're not existing.
But the load being balancedbetween two people, yeah it is
literally the light lowbalancing yes, yes, I think that
(51:27):
that is where it comes to.
Um, the service in relationshipsis that the load has to be
equally balanced, because if theload is on one side more so
than the other side, thensomeone's gonna get drained,
someone's gonna get tired andsomeone's gonna not be happy,
yeah, um, and then vice versa,and you, you can't have that you
got.
Speaker 1 (51:46):
It has to be a good balance between the two yeah, I
think and this is another pointum I want to talk about is
pouring points.
That's like the topic of thisyear.
Speaker 2 (51:55):
Yeah, obviously.
Speaker 1 (51:56):
Yeah, hashtag pouring points.
What is a pouring point?
So I think, well, a pouringpoint is a moment where someone
is ready to receive what you'reready to give.
I think a lot of times we are alot of people that have great
advice or all of this knowledge.
They're just pouring all thetime, or that they want to help
(52:17):
everybody.
Hey, here you go, I got you.
It's just pouring like crazy,crazy.
You know, that's the worstthing to do when you don't have
your reservoir develop, yourcapacity built up, because you
can just be all over the place.
But, yeah, in terms of pouringpoints, I think in service is
super important to understandyour pouring points, because the
(52:39):
person you're serving may notneed and this is why I say it's
important to learn strength andweaknesses may not need what
you're trying to give them in amoment now and I've always been
talked about my mom is like ifyou're, if what you have is is
of nutrients if it is of is offruit.
Yeah, it won't decay.
You can just put it on thetable and when they're ready to
(53:00):
receive it they'll come back forit if you give it to them in a
certain moment.
I think pouring points arebeing patient enough with the
person to know when they'rethere at that point to where
they're ready to receive.
That's why it's important toknow when your person, your
person's strength and weaknessbecause you know when they're
vulnerable and they're like,okay, I need this right now.
Speaker 2 (53:21):
You got to have that discernment.
Speaker 1 (53:22):
Right and not a lot of people are like taking in you
know that into um to site CauseI think I had a couple of
friends there.
They would get mad at otherpeople because they wouldn't
listen.
Oh, I told him to do this.
He, you know, I'm like bro,like like no bro.
It doesn't work that way.
People are not going to bereceptive to that and you
(53:43):
shouldn't like feel anexpectation or have an
expectation for that person toreceive what you're giving them
in every single moment.
Like who are you?
You're not God.
Like, oh, I'm God.
So I say you should do this,you should do that.
Oh, you didn't do it.
Man, like bro, like no.
I said, and I think that goesinto great friendships in terms
of serving.
It's like if you're in a greatfriendship, serve one another.
(54:05):
And that could be like momentsthat are spaced apart once a
year.
Speaker 2 (54:12):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (54:12):
It could be like hey, happy birthday bro.
Hey, happy birthday Right Likeyou, good, checking in Blah,
blah blah.
Like every friendship is builtdifferent, but I think great
friendships are ones of serviceas well as relationships and
intimate relationships.
Speaker 2 (54:26):
Yeah, I think sometimes for some people, like
the best way that you can servethem is just letting them do it.
Yeah, letting like the the bestway that you can serve them is
just letting them do it yeah,letting them do them, letting
them just be and you just beinga support for them whenever
whenever they fall yeah orwhatever might happen.
That is important, oh man.
Speaker 1 (54:43):
I've been there, like I think a lot of people that
I'm super close with is that'show I am with them, like I like
you fall, I'm, I'm there, myhand is there to pick you up,
literally but I won't force youto do something that you're not
ready to do.
Yeah, and I think people aremore receptive when they see you
there, ready to pick them up,right.
Prime example, even when itcomes to like clients, I had a
(55:03):
client that she was doing a dyeworking out and completely just
fell off the rockers and all Isaid like oh cool, yeah, all
right.
And all I say like oh cool,yeah, all right, we can just
let's reset, we're gonna getstarted back tomorrow.
She's like what she thought Iwas gonna literally like
completely go off on her, but no, I said we've been here before
and we can get back to where weneed to go easy.
And I think sometimes peoplejust need that compassion, um,
(55:25):
and that that feel that someoneis patient enough with them,
because I guarantee you, theperson that serves the best is
the patient most patient personyeah, it's difficult time
because I could the serving is.
It's difficult, but I know, Iknow you're gonna say something
or you know, oh you weren't allright so um last question what
(55:47):
do you think your superpower is?
Speaker 2 (55:50):
what do I think my superpower is?
I feel like I have many okayyou're just a jack of all trades
.
Master of a jack of all trades,master of everything, just
kidding.
Um, I think my superpower isbeing able to, um, make people
feel seen, um, I am someone thatcould literally sit and listen
(56:11):
to someone talk all day long,and sometimes for people, that's
just what they need.
Literally sit and listen tosomeone talk all day long, and
sometimes for people that's justwhat they need Someone to just
listen to them.
Oh my gosh.
Speaker 3 (56:22):
It's like I was doomed for this.
You should get paid for thatRight Literally just to sit here
and listen.
Speaker 2 (56:28):
But I think that is my superpower is just being able
to hear people and see people.
Speaker 1 (56:33):
Hear people and see people.
Yeah, that's deep.
Speaker 3 (56:35):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (56:36):
Okay, um questions.
Do you have any questions?
This is our opportunity to goback and forth.
You got questions for the pod,or questions for me, or a Renee
Cause she's a.
The best Is that you or yourshirt.
Speaker 2 (56:48):
Yeah, I have that same question.
Speaker 1 (56:50):
Holy smokes, that was my question uh, do you have any
questions for the pot?
Speaker 2 (56:56):
um me or a renee I did have a question for you okay
I should have wrote it downjust cool.
Speaker 1 (57:05):
I have a another question though.
Okay, like four minutes, allright, so last question, um, all
(57:28):
right, so last question.
Speaker 2 (57:31):
This is a tough one.
I think we kind of answer thisthis is best lesson that I've
learned.
I think the best lesson thatI've learned is just going out
there and just being me.
Just being me in the areas thatI serve.
Being authentic is probably thebest thing that you could have
(57:51):
ever done for a person.
As you're serving them.
It's just showing who you areauthentically.
So, with me doing what I dowith my college girls and just
serving them in that aspect andjust being me and not being a
coach.
That's like dogging them downfor not showing up at the gym or
dogging them for not eatingproperly.
(58:12):
Just being me because I have mydownfalls, and that just makes
them want to come back more yeah, okay good.
Speaker 1 (58:19):
Do you have any final questions for us?
Speaker 3 (58:22):
no, I love her oh.
I love you too, thank you allright, uh, oh, my god.
I mean, you know, I love you.
Speaker 1 (58:32):
Dr Gray, god me bro.
So where can our listeners findyou?
Speaker 2 (58:37):
You can find me on Instagram.
My Instagram handle is Chrissywith three S's C-H-R-I-S-S-S-Y
dot A-P.
Speaker 1 (58:46):
Okay, instagram Guys, find her.
Chrissy is awesome.
She has a lot of stuff going on.
She's a server, so let me wrapthis up, guys.
If you have any questions,please dm us on tiktok or
youtube.
We're not doing instagram rightnow, so just dm us um any
questions.
We can just answer those on apod for our next episode.
(59:07):
If you have any questions forchrissy, please find her on
instagram.
Uh, yeah, stay, stay ready,stay prepared, stay present.
Hey Renee, you have anythingyou want to say before we bounce
out?
Speaker 3 (59:17):
Good bad gray on TikTok.
While he's saying, follow it'sat good bad gray on TikTok.
Speaker 1 (59:22):
We're dropping more clips.
We'll have clips from thisepisode, obviously good ones.
Follow us, share, like andsubscribe.
That's YouTube, said itbackwards.
Guys, we're awesome, thank youand we're out.
Speaker 2 (59:38):
Thanks for having me.
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