Ch 2: Ep 7| Love Languages or Red Flags? Ft. Christian Brown

Send us a text

What if the love language that draws you to someone is actually masking a relationship red flag? In our latest episode, we're joined by returning guest CJ (Big Siege) for a raw, unfiltered conversation about modern dating challenges that will have you rethinking your approach to relationships.

The conversation takes an unexpected turn when Dr. Gray reveals his surprising 45-minute rule for determining compatibility. "Women tell you everything you need to know within the first 45 minutes of meeting them," he explains, breaking down exactly what signals to watch for and how most men miss them completely. This insight alone might save you months of dating the wrong person.

We tackle the concept of the "representative" – that carefully crafted version of ourselves we present when first dating someone – and how to quickly disarm it to see who someone truly is. CJ shares personal stories about being misjudged for setting boundaries, while A-Renee offers the valuable woman's perspective on recognizing authentic connection versus manipulation.

The most shocking moment? Our unanimous agreement about what it means when you receive that random 1 AM "I love you" text from someone you've been dating for a few months. Trust us, you'll never view those late-night messages the same way again.

Whether you're actively dating, taking a break from relationships, or committed but curious, this episode offers practical wisdom about authenticity, recognizing red flags, and the courage to slow down rather than rushing into relationships that aren't right for you. Follow us @goodbadgray on TikTok and @thegoodthebadandthegray on YouTube and Instagram for more conversations that navigate the complex terrain between the good, the bad, and all the gray areas in between.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the good, the bad and the gray podcast,
where we shine a light onwellness, personal growth and
relationships.
Together, we'll discuss highsand lows and the in-betweens,
offering different perspectiveson health and wellness.
Tune in as we peel back thelayers of life, revealing the
good, the bad and the gray.

(00:22):
Welcome back to the good, thebad and the gray podcast.
So we got a special guest inthe building.

(00:43):
This is a recurring guest, myguy, my brother, big Siege.
What's up, bro?
What's up?

Speaker 3 (00:49):
man, how you doing.

Speaker 1 (00:50):
Man, I can't what you been up to, bro, since the last
episode, which was a goodepisode.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
It really don't change, bro.
I do the same thing Wake up, goto work, work out Go back to
the career.

Speaker 1 (01:03):
Well, I do have an update.

Speaker 3 (01:04):
I did graduate my apprenticeship.
Congrats, bro.
It was a five-yearapprenticeship.

Speaker 1 (01:07):
Yes, sir, other than that, it ain't been nothing.
It's been the same thing.
It's been the same thing.
I mean you still kind of like.
I know you said you're gettingready to go off somewhere and do
your thing with that.
Dating-wise, though, bro, likeare you still?

Speaker 3 (01:18):
I ain't going to lie Like I really can't Because I'm
finna go, but it's like I'mchillin.

Speaker 1 (01:25):
I'm chillin?

Speaker 3 (01:26):
Yeah, I'm chillin.
What about you though?

Speaker 1 (01:28):
man man there's some changes.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
There's some changes From From Stopping pod.
Stopping pod.
You've been pursuing, I guess.

Speaker 1 (01:36):
Pursuing what I don't know.
Oh, yeah, man, honestly, yeah,man, good things, definitely
blessed, I think.
A lot of Traveling, yeah, man,good things Definitely blessed,
I think.
A lot of traveling, obviously,man, a lot of different, just

(01:59):
seeing purpose in differentthings, details, paying
attention, been like meeting,man, some good people in the
world, obviously some also, youknow, some other type of people.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
But yeah, I think that's a good thing, just
meeting new people, the morewhen I lose on a game like I
lose a bad one, I gain a goodone.
Yeah, man, I feel you there.

Speaker 1 (02:16):
I think the difficult thing is like you're going to
some of the time the good thingsturn bad bro, and you're gonna
gain those new things that aregood things in the moment.
So you like fruit man, just yo,just like fresh fruit bro.
It spoils so dude, quick, quick, but it's.
You know how do we keep it asfresh as possible?

(02:38):
You?

Speaker 3 (02:38):
gotta be like a grape .
Grapes, don't rot that fast orthey turn into raisins.

Speaker 1 (02:44):
So, dang, you eat raisins, bro.
Nah, I mean yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
For old people.
Nah, I'm with a good grape man.

Speaker 1 (02:53):
Yeah, but I think it's like, in terms of
relationships and friendships,bro, like you said, bro, like a
lot of fruit spoil man, a lot ofgood things go bad quickly,
depending on the people I meanfor me, you know, I'm cool, I'm
just flowing, that's how we Igot to the point where it's like
I don't need to try to fight itno more because it's like
what's the point?

Speaker 3 (03:12):
once I, if I have to like, say, if I feel a weird
vibe, I just gonna remove myselfbecause, like man, there's
meant to be.
I wouldn't be feeling like thisand I overthink, but it's like
Am I really overthinking?
Yeah, yeah so.

Speaker 1 (03:28):
That's a thought man.

Speaker 3 (03:30):
You know what I'm saying.
That's a thought.
Think about it.
We've been knowing each otherFor a minute.
I ain't never got no weirdthought.
You know what I'm saying.
So it's like Am I expectingSomething to happen?
Nah, but it's like we grown,like we grown men.
So like, at the end of the day,like nah, if I'm at this stage
of life and I'm hanging aroundpeople that kind of in the same

(03:50):
stage of life, if I'm feelingweird about this one person or a
particular person, like that'sa sign, like I guess we got our
own intuition.

Speaker 1 (03:58):
It's interesting you say that because man, I walked
in this year I told myself likeI'm not having any ambivalent
relationship, so anybody I feellike I'm in the middle with, I'm
like no, I'm saying there's nopoint, no point it ain't?

Speaker 3 (04:11):
it ain't gonna do nothing if you say something's
gonna either turn into turmoilor like you're gonna get to the
point to where that person'salways questioning you because
you questioned them.
Yeah, so it's like nah, Ishouldn't even have to question
you if you're around me man, Iain't pulling on no coattails
Like hey, stay here.

Speaker 1 (04:25):
Nah, nah, no, it's all right If you walking see you
on the other side.
It's like middle school, highschool man, but I think like
society today, bro is all aboutlike everybody, about me.

Speaker 3 (04:45):
Everybody's about me, so it's kind of like hard to
know who's really like you knowvibing with you.

Speaker 1 (04:47):
You can still be about you, but, at the same time
, understand what's around youthough.
Yeah, that's true, that's true.
Hey, renee, what's up, what'sup to the pod?
Hey, hey, y'all I didn't.

Speaker 2 (04:53):
You know, I don't interrupt men when they talking.

Speaker 1 (04:55):
Oh my god okay, respect, I respect that.
Okay, what's been up with you?
You good I'm great.

Speaker 2 (05:02):
Just I do the same thing Every day, like CJ.

Speaker 1 (05:05):
See y'all Same thing.
Wake up, go to the gym.

Speaker 2 (05:08):
Work on music.
That's it.
What time you go?

Speaker 3 (05:11):
to the gym oh 4 am Nah 3 am she be in there with 3
am, bro, the one that drive thatblack Denali?

Speaker 2 (05:21):
I don't know, oh, oh.

Speaker 1 (05:23):
Yo.

Speaker 3 (05:24):
I don't know who that is.
Yo, you be in there with theregulars.

Speaker 2 (05:28):
No, they be gone by the time I come, don't nobody be
in there when I used to workthere.

Speaker 3 (05:33):
Normally people that come in there they're saying
it's scheduled.

Speaker 2 (05:35):
Yeah, but whoever you talking about, I don't think
they work there anymore or workout there anymore.

Speaker 3 (05:41):
I don't know I be sleeping them times I used to be
.
I ain't know I be sleeping themtimes I used to be.
I ain't dedicated.

Speaker 2 (05:46):
Yes, you are, you still go.
I'ma get there, but I ain'tgonna get there At that time?

Speaker 3 (05:51):
I don't.
It's great.
Out of the gym.
Out of a week.
I probably don't show up To thegym At the same time, twice At
seven days.
It's a different time.

Speaker 2 (06:01):
Busy man, but I get there.

Speaker 3 (06:03):
I get there.
I be there like three, fourhours, though Two, three hours.

Speaker 2 (06:07):
We just talked about this.
What's wrong with you mentally,why you work out so long?

Speaker 3 (06:11):
It's like therapy for me.
If I don't go to the gym, I'mgoing to crash out.
Somebody going to get cussedout.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
You know you need some mental.

Speaker 3 (06:18):
Nah, See what talking about it going to do.
If I go talk about it withsomebody, I still got to deal
with it at home, so it's likeI'd rather just lift heavy
circles.

Speaker 2 (06:26):
For now, you're going to still have to deal with it
at home.
I deal with it Over time.

Speaker 3 (06:32):
The person that get cussed out, get it.
That's me dealing with it.
Oh, have mercy.

Speaker 2 (06:36):
Yeah, you just proved your little study.

Speaker 3 (06:38):
But you know, but I'm saying, If I gotta do cardio,
abs Workout and sit in the sun,I do that Two hours.

Speaker 2 (06:53):
Two three hours, not three.

Speaker 3 (06:55):
Three is I'm just saying Two Like or three, cause
you gotta think about it.
I sit in the sun 15 minutes.
This is a little gym breakdown.
All right, this is how I go tothe trip.
I take my pre in the car.
Give me a little tune in youdon't need that, but go ahead.
Who what pre-workout?

Speaker 1 (07:09):
Pre.

Speaker 3 (07:11):
I go sit in the sauna 15 minutes.
Then, when they going to kickin after them 15 minutes, I go
sit on the bike 15 minutes Getyour blood flowing, I think.
But then I go work out, I do myworkout.
I probably do eight to tenworkouts or like six of what I'm
doing for that day.
Then I do abs and then I docardio and get back into

(07:32):
something.

Speaker 2 (07:33):
Eight to ten.

Speaker 3 (07:35):
Like say, if I'm doing like, I have my day.
Say, if my day is chest andshoulders, I do four chest, four
shoulders, that's eight.

Speaker 2 (07:42):
Oh, okay, yeah okay, I do that, but I like to
supersit so I can get the hellout of there.

Speaker 3 (07:46):
No, See, I like to hit something.
Then I look at my phone scroll.

Speaker 2 (07:51):
That's why you in there that long I don't think
that, take that long Nah,because you got to have?

Speaker 3 (07:56):
what is it called?
It's the little I know if.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
That's long.

Speaker 3 (08:04):
Then you know people be talking to me and stuff.

Speaker 2 (08:06):
Yeah, because you're popular.

Speaker 3 (08:07):
I am not popular, I am a regular guy.

Speaker 2 (08:10):
Popular, Regular popular guy Justin popular to me
.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
I'm just a nice wholesome guy, Regular.

Speaker 2 (08:15):
Justin can't do nothing without somebody walking
.
That's true, bro.

Speaker 3 (08:17):
You know what I'm saying you got to think about it
.
I ain't had a membership atCrunch, I probably ran up a lot.
Them annual fees, but no, Ilike it.
You know what I'm saying Ispeak, I'm chill, I'm overheaded

(08:38):
, but yeah, that's my gymschedule.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
That's how I go.

Speaker 1 (08:45):
That Schedule, that high go, that's your gym regimen
.
So I speak too.
Yeah, some people don't speak,but let's Look, let's jump into,
let's jump into.
It always goes back to fitness.

Speaker 2 (08:50):
I mean, that's what happens when you surround
yourself With people that workout.
That's true.
The conversation gonna go there.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
That's true, that's true.
So Topic of today Is Lovelanguage, or Red flags in
disguise.
So Jizzle.
We got you on the podcast today, obviously because A Renee says
she loves your perspective ondating.
Okay, so you got like uniqueperspective, tender perspective.
You have a unique perspectiveon dating, okay.

(09:18):
So, yeah, she got somequestions for us.
So I told her we're going totag team, we're going to answer
those questions to the best ofour abilities and get your
perspective on it, and thenwe'll go from there.
Okay, what you got for us, aRenee.

Speaker 2 (09:33):
Let's see, let's start off with something easy.
What are your love languages?
Cj, you can start off, or doyou Subscribe to that or
anything?

Speaker 3 (09:48):
My love language is I don't know I get a lot of Flack
If you would Call it that.
My love language is Physicaltouch and affection.
Like I'm very affectionate.

Speaker 1 (09:57):
Controversial there.
Yeah, physical touch yeah.

Speaker 3 (09:59):
They would just be thinking I'll just be trying to
crack, like no, no, maybe I justWant to hold you and go to
sleep, or like I'm playing agame when I say like physical
touch, like it's not evennecessarily like me with my
hands touching you, like I couldbe playing a game and you could
be on your phone or doingsomething, but like I'll
probably have my foot on you orsomething.

Speaker 2 (10:20):
When you say crack, you mean like Her legs open.
Yeah, they be thinking that'swhat.

Speaker 3 (10:26):
Cause you know they put it on me and like we be the
ones that's always trying To getinto something.
When it really don't be us.
It be y'all.

Speaker 1 (10:34):
Ah, ah, ah, ah no no, no, no.

Speaker 2 (10:37):
Wait yeah he right, we be trying to crack I need
another woman Right here.
Cause y'all not to do this.

Speaker 3 (10:42):
Y'all going to be a girl's girl.
Y'all going to take her.
She can say something so wrong.
You going to sit up here andsupport her, no Right here.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
No, let me tell you something about that Real quick.
It's kind of relatable.
I just saw a clip the other day.
A lady was at Some big podcastthing and the lady was like I've
been cheating on my husbandwith a side piece for, say, she
said a year, two years.
She said my husband found out.
How do I go about making himlet me keep my side piece?

(11:14):
And the lady came and went offon her.
She thought the lady was gonnahave her back and be like girl,
you need to, you know.
But the lady came back and waslike First of all, are you
really asking this question?
What type of woman are you?
You said your vows.
So when somebody wrong, I saythat.
To say, if somebody wrong, I'mnot going to have that.

(11:35):
He does.

Speaker 3 (11:38):
The fact that she's having a conversation About how
do I get?
Him to let me keep it.

Speaker 2 (11:43):
It was like a thousand people In the crowd
heard this.

Speaker 1 (11:46):
That's crazy.

Speaker 3 (11:48):
It's trifling, he's still around, he probably still
he tender.

Speaker 1 (11:52):
That's crazy.

Speaker 2 (11:53):
Yeah, but anyway.
So like I was saying, no, it bey'all, it's always y'all.
Okay, it's not 50-50.
It's like 75-25.

Speaker 3 (12:04):
We're used to it.
At this point, you know we knowthe real yeah yeah, that's fine
, dr gray.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
What show love languages I used to be a uh, a
physical touch guy, but now Ihate you in terms of giving and
taking.
I'm an acts of service guy likeI.
I like to serve and I like, ofcourse, you women that prefer
serving as well.

Speaker 2 (12:26):
Oh, like the exchange .

Speaker 1 (12:28):
Got to do that, you know.

Speaker 2 (12:29):
I tried that.

Speaker 3 (12:31):
I'm telling you, bro, it's like they be adding to it.
Since when was reassurance of alove language?
I don't think I've ever heardit until recently.

Speaker 2 (12:43):
It's a sub love language.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
I didn't know we had divisions.
I thought it was just like agood solid five yeah, I thought
it was just five what are allthe love?

Speaker 2 (12:52):
yeah matter of fact in school us what are the?
Words of affirmation.
Okay, so acts of service yepyou got to come in on each one,
go ahead.

Speaker 3 (12:59):
Words of affirmation is that in the re is the
reassurance in the subcategoryit.

Speaker 1 (13:04):
It would have to be a subcategory.

Speaker 3 (13:06):
Yeah, because it's a synonym.

Speaker 2 (13:10):
Yeah.
That's a big word, ain't it,don't play with me with this
master's degree I got.

Speaker 3 (13:15):
No, I was talking about for you, I was talking
about for me.
Oh, I see, I was finna go.
Yeah, I was finna go.
Wait a minute, don't do that.
You're very intelligent.
You young and tender, but youintelligent.

Speaker 1 (13:27):
I just don't use it Sometimes.
Alright, give us the last two.

Speaker 2 (13:31):
Acts of service.
Receiving gifts Okay, qualitytime and physical touch.

Speaker 1 (13:38):
Yeah, okay, from what I experienced, I think most
women have that QT, quality time, love language.
Is that true?

Speaker 2 (13:45):
I love to.
I true, I love to.
I told you I love to be aroundmy significant other, yeah.

Speaker 1 (13:49):
I've always had, like I've always dated women that
like had the quality time.

Speaker 2 (13:53):
Yeah, cause they don't?
They don't cost no money.
I'm simple.
They just want you around.

Speaker 3 (13:57):
Yes, there's people out here that don't like the
quality time you know what it'slike a general, because?

Speaker 2 (14:02):
y'all men Hate women for real.

Speaker 1 (14:04):
We want to be honest.
What did that come from?

Speaker 3 (14:08):
Past hurt.
What men has she been around?
I was going to say we can siton the couch All day, right?
Nah, I ain't going to lie.
I understand when you're comingfrom.
Nah, go ahead.
Nah, I do like have like unclesand stuff and like I'd rather
just Hang out with the guys, soI get what you're saying yes Be

(14:28):
like that.

Speaker 2 (14:29):
I guess if you get tired of your person, but if you
get tired of your person, thenthat shouldn't be your person.

Speaker 1 (14:34):
There you go.

Speaker 2 (14:35):
You should never get tired.
Look now, I'm a fan of spacetoo, so I'm not saying Be all
clingy and stuff All the time.
You gotta have Some distance inbetween.

Speaker 3 (14:45):
So like, do you think , like, say, if a person, a
couple, been married Like, let'sjust say, 10 years and they
trying to make it To that 30year mark, in between that 10
and 30 years, you don't thinkthey gonna get tired Of that
person?
Maybe, I get tired of me,sometimes From time to time.

Speaker 2 (15:03):
But that don't mean you're going to go spend some
quality time with somebody else.

Speaker 3 (15:07):
How long is the tired time frame?
How long should that be?

Speaker 2 (15:12):
You know what?
I really don't know, because Idid see.
It's a girl, she's fromTuscaloosa, she with the UA.
She said they came back fromtheir vacation and her husband
went back to work and she wassad and bored because she was
like my husband, literally mybest friend.
So I guess it just depends onthe person what is she?

Speaker 1 (15:28):
does she have a job?

Speaker 2 (15:30):
she's a nurse.
She's a nurse and he's a he.
I don't want to say what hework at, but he's a trainer okay
I think it's still.
He still works in town here Ithink it's crunch no, it's not.
It's not.
It's not crunch, it's a.
It's the other, one's anotherone.
I tell y'all we're notrecording.
I don't want to put theirbusiness out there, but she
literally made a video.

(15:50):
They had just came back fromItaly and she was like y'all, my
husband really is my bestfriend.
He gone to work and I'm stuckat home by myself and I'm so
bored and so sad.

Speaker 3 (15:59):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:02):
They've been married for like A year or so.
They known each other.
He went to Auburn, she went toAlabama and they've known each
other Since high school.
So they high school sweethearts.

Speaker 3 (16:11):
I'm thinking it was more so Like he just went to
work.
Maybe he just had to Go back towork.
He probably who really wanna goto work.

Speaker 2 (16:18):
Nobody, but I'm saying, I mean he.

Speaker 3 (16:20):
He can't just.

Speaker 2 (16:21):
That's what I'm saying, so I get.

Speaker 3 (16:22):
It's being an RN Kind of A little bit more lenient.

Speaker 2 (16:25):
For real, though, Well, I guess she was still off,
but my, I'm saying that it just.
I guess it depends on thepeople.

Speaker 3 (16:32):
Yeah, like.

Speaker 2 (16:32):
Some people don't have to be around their partner
All the time, like my sister.
I know she loves mybrother-in-law but she travels.
She literally goes out theherself without him oh wow so it
just depends.

Speaker 3 (16:43):
I ain't got that much discernment what you're doing
and my sister.

Speaker 2 (16:47):
She's also a travel agent, so it comes with the oh
nice.

Speaker 1 (16:50):
I didn't know if you would have told me that we got
it.
We got to set up some traveldestinations.
Okay, international, onlyinternational.
Cool, oh, passport just gotrenewed, I'm ready.
Oh, don't even have one oh,please work, I'll get one soon
it come with the yeah, what'sgonna happen.

Speaker 2 (17:06):
I got you, I understand all right, so let's
move on.
What's the biggestmisconception you had about
dating before you started?
So, before you started dating,what was the biggest
misconception that you had?

Speaker 1 (17:20):
come on, dr gray conception um, I think biggest
misconception.
Come on, dr Gray.
I think actual traditionalroles were the biggest
misconception, I think, for me.
You see your grandparents andall that stuff growing up, those
traditional roles, and nowyou're like the roles have
changed, obviously because weevolved.

(17:42):
I think that's been the biggestmisconception for me about you.

Speaker 3 (17:47):
I think the biggest misconception is like I guess
they go for what, what, whatarea you?
Not necessarily what age range,the little 50, 50, like most.
Oh, oh my god, it's like a lotof most females I've been with
or been around, they reallydon't care about that.
But then you got other people,like in a different era of life,

(18:13):
where they be like no, I ain'tdoing that, I ain't going 50-50.
He got to do this, this, thatand the third.
So I think my misconceptionwent before I started dating was
like oh, I got to do everything, I got to be the provider, this
, that and the third.
But then when I actuallystarted dating and got a little
older, instead of out of likepuppy love and just young and

(18:33):
doing stuff, I think it was moreso like that really don't
matter, it depends on whatperson you got.
What they willing.
It depends on the person.

Speaker 2 (18:39):
Yeah, yeah, that's good, that's good, you said
something about puppy love.
How do you tell the differencebetween love and lust when
you're early on in arelationship?

Speaker 3 (18:52):
I can't say nothing.
I like to partake in activities.
So it's like, oh Lord, what do?

Speaker 1 (18:59):
you mean by partake in activities.

Speaker 2 (19:01):
Don't do that you know what he mean, read between
the lines.

Speaker 3 (19:04):
You know what I'm saying.
So, like I wouldn't, if I'mdoing that with you, like you
can tell, so you be in flesh.

Speaker 2 (19:12):
Who.

Speaker 1 (19:13):
In flesh.

Speaker 3 (19:14):
In the flesh.
Nah, if I'm doing that with aperson, I care about that person
and I'm doing that.
I'm not doing that Withmultiple people.
Where I look at somebody and belike yeah, but no, like I can't
really say nothing because likeif you are with me it's not a
requirement, but like it's goingto be a lot.

Speaker 2 (19:32):
Yeah, I hope I understand Justin.

Speaker 1 (19:37):
Yeah, I think for me, how you tell the difference is
time.
I think time is the biggestdifference.
So lust dies out, you knowquick.
It's time.
I think time is the biggestdifference.
So lust Dies out, you knowquick.

Speaker 2 (19:44):
And then you gonna find out If you really like them
After that lust Right and thatPost.

Speaker 1 (19:50):
Clarity, yeah, but you gotta have that Pre-clarity
too.
Now, that's discernment, butwe'll talk about that Another
time.

Speaker 3 (19:57):
How long does your Like?
Do you Like After how many days?
Cause I know for me I say everyman can know if he's going to
actually take somebody seriousafter three days.

Speaker 1 (20:08):
Three days, I only need 45 minutes.

Speaker 3 (20:11):
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
So it's like so you need 45minutes Me.
I need like three days.
I need like two goodconversations and like a day of
texting, a day of texting,because it's like we can talk
about a good amount.
And then it's like say like ifwe're in person I can see, but
45 minutes, nah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 (20:31):
The reason I say 45 minutes, bro, because if you
really like, pay attention,women tell you every single
thing you need to know.
A lot of men look over thosethings, looking at the flesh,
but women really tell you Everysingle thing.
You need to know Everything.

Speaker 2 (20:45):
When he told me that CJ, I was like Mind blown too,
cause he told me that I'mtelling you now.

Speaker 1 (20:50):
Bro, like it could be .
Just I'm a little bit more likeObserving over now.
But women man, I can literallyhave A 45 minute conversation,
interact with somebody For 45minutes and know exactly what
they're about.

Speaker 3 (21:02):
See, I ain't got that yet.
It takes time my third eyeain't my third eye.

Speaker 1 (21:08):
I need them three days.
My third eye ain't.

Speaker 3 (21:11):
Yeah, I need them three days.
Man, I need them three days.

Speaker 1 (21:13):
Three days, yeah, but that's good.
You take a little bit more time.
Me, I've just been able to kindof like pick up on it a lot
quicker.
So, like how you do it, though,is it like you giving them like
an interview or you like youdone?
Mastered it to where it's likethey don't need.
No, I should teach the courseon this.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (21:29):
Because, like me, I'm thinking 45 minutes, you
drilling them 45 minutes.

Speaker 1 (21:33):
Well, okay, first and foremost, you have to.
You can tell what someone andthis is anybody what they value
by what they present.
I play, I pay, I pay closeattention To that first, and
then, from there, conversationwise, what are they putting out?
What are they advertising?
Because everybody, most people,are putting out their, their
representative.
It's cool, I'm the type ofperson Go ahead what you got.

Speaker 2 (21:53):
Absolutely Go ahead.

Speaker 1 (21:55):
But I'm the type of person that I want you to put
out your representative, becauseyour representative Is going to
tell me Exactly who you want tobe in that moment.
So that's when I started reallyto observe I can't get out.
I started to really observe therepresentative and then I break
the representative down inthose next 30 minutes Because,

(22:16):
like I said, they're going totell you what they value by what
they show and say, and thenthat representative, honestly,
you can disarm therepresentative a lot faster, you
can disarm the actual, realperson.
So what's the first question?
You guys, oh man, you trying toget I just need.

Speaker 3 (22:29):
I just need one question like what is it to know
where it's finna go?
What's that?

Speaker 1 (22:33):
first initial question oh, I can't get.
I can.
I'm trying to see how I cangive it to you, actually
disclosing all the information.

Speaker 3 (22:42):
Okay, well, let me ask you like this, let's just
put it in gym terms.
If they in the gym, yeah, yeah,is it what they're wearing,
what they're doing, or liketheir body, uh, what's the word?
What's the word the bodylanguage, body?

Speaker 1 (22:58):
language is huge, yeah, you.
So, body language wise, you cantell when a woman is like
trying to hit on you.
You've probably seen a lot ofwomen like when they when they
come around, but I think bodylanguage.
So if you want to go off whatthey're wearing, with how they
present themselves, that's cool.
That's one way you can go aboutit.
I think most, most men nowadaysare kind of like bitter about

(23:18):
it because women are more nakedthan ever.

Speaker 3 (23:20):
I appreciate the one that, like like they wear the
sweats to cover it up but theytake it off just to take their
picture Like it would besomething like that A little bit
more modest.
Yeah, because it's like theywear like the Define, the Able,
the Wellness and Athletics, butthey have it.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
Shameless plug.

Speaker 3 (23:40):
They'll have that on, but they'll have some sweats on
there.
Full workout there.

Speaker 1 (23:43):
And then they'll take a picture and they get up yeah,
so I think those individualsare typically still the same
because what they take thepicture for Social media, yeah,
so they're loyal to social mediaand I get it.
There's no shame in that youtry and make that dollar, you
try to get those followers.
Cool yeah, now.

(24:07):
I think those followers coolyeah now.
I think if you're looking forthe right one, I tell you like
from what I've seen, like a lotmore modesty is with you've seen
like the, the little loosershorts, but still you can kind
of like see, yeah, and as a man,you know we're visual, quick
creatures.
Women are like more like youknow they can see things.

Speaker 2 (24:24):
Intellectual.

Speaker 3 (24:26):
See, I just do more so of the look, keep moving.

Speaker 1 (24:31):
Yeah, but if you're trying to figure out which ones,
it's about actions, what theyvalue and the conversation, a
lot will tell you more.
Anyway, I think if you find agirl that presents herself like
she's taken but she's not,that's a good girl, okay.

Speaker 3 (24:49):
That's a good girl.
I don't talk to them, so Idon't even be knowing.

Speaker 1 (24:51):
But you got to get to that part.
So that's why I say 45 minutesis like observe, interact and
then from there you got it.

Speaker 3 (24:59):
When is the right time to suggest a date for
Justin?
When was the last time Justinbeen on a?

Speaker 1 (25:05):
date.
What is a date?
What is considered a date?
We not finna.
Do that.

Speaker 3 (25:12):
I don't have the formal definition.
You're treating a person thatyou have Interest in.

Speaker 2 (25:19):
Get them together, cj .

Speaker 1 (25:21):
To dinner.

Speaker 3 (25:23):
Or whatever.
Is a date spending money or notspending money?
I think a date is.

Speaker 1 (25:31):
My time is money.
If I'm spending time, that's adate.
If you have intimate isolatedtime time, that's a date.
Like, if we, if you haveintimate isolated time with me,
that's a date Okay, and I think,uh, especially you know, if
we're going out somewhere.
But it's been, it's been aminute.
You know, I've been kind oflike super focused on other
stuff, but yeah, what would takeme to was your question.
Yeah, bet see, that's the,that's the issue is like man, I

(25:59):
gotta come across somebody witha different type of mindset.

Speaker 3 (26:01):
Okay, I've been coming across people with the
same type of mindset, so it'slike for for you to be
interested in somebody they gotto take you out of being
adjusted like meaning, likeyou're in a mode I, I would say
grind mode.

Speaker 1 (26:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:16):
They would have to like cut it off.

Speaker 1 (26:19):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (26:20):
So you need the exact opposite.

Speaker 1 (26:22):
I can't have anybody like me, bro.
Okay, I can't have like a uber,you know uber ambitious person.

Speaker 3 (26:29):
I've seen.
I've seen like it wasn't like aquote but it was like a meme,
like you have a fire, but it'slike they come in, they dim it,
but it's not in a bad way, theysoothe it they soothe the burn,
so you need somebody.
That's gone.
Yeah, you're like alright, Ican't have nobody.

Speaker 1 (26:43):
That's gone.
We both try to Nah, that's toomuch.
We can't have the same strengthand the same weaknesses.
That's too much.
I'm a boy, we're diagnosing.
I'm just asking Get him.
That was good, bro, what about?

Speaker 3 (26:56):
you bro Hold on the last time.

Speaker 1 (26:57):
I went on a date.
Yeah, last time you went on adate, man, what was the date?
Again, right, so isolated,intimate time with someone.
How about that?
Isolated meaning you and them.
Intimacy meaning that there's asharing of some like or some
liking in terms of it could belove, it could be lust it could

(27:20):
be.

Speaker 3 (27:21):
I went on two recently.
One of them was lust, I ain'tgonna lie, we don't even talk
anymore.
And then the one that I went tosee Sinners oh, you went to see
Sinners.

Speaker 1 (27:33):
Oh Okay, so you asked her out.

Speaker 3 (27:34):
She asked me wanted to see.

Speaker 1 (27:35):
Sinners.
Oh, okay, so you asked her out.

Speaker 3 (27:37):
She asked me out we were just sitting in the park.
She was like you want to gowatch movies, that's what's up?

Speaker 2 (27:43):
That's what's up?

Speaker 1 (27:46):
How do I get to that level where we're asking me out?
You know what?

Speaker 3 (27:51):
I mean.
I mean, we were just chillingin the park, so I guess you're
just like.
It was cool, though.

Speaker 1 (27:55):
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Okay okay.

Speaker 3 (27:57):
Hey.

Speaker 1 (27:57):
Renee.

Speaker 2 (27:58):
What.

Speaker 3 (28:00):
Everybody asks when they.
When my last date was oh, bythe Lord, yeah, I'm on a healing
journey, baby.
Ain't no dates right now.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
I'm waiting on him to ask me, though I got a prospect
.

Speaker 3 (28:12):
Okay, okay, good, if he ask you right now?

Speaker 2 (28:16):
What's dancing?
Yes, cause I haven't seen him.
You haven't seen him.
Hold on bro.

Speaker 3 (28:19):
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
He watch the podcast.

Speaker 2 (28:21):
You told him you be doing the podcast.
Yeah, he know about the podcast, but he ain't listen how you
know he ain't listen.
Oh, I know.
Hey, she say yo and you lookingin the camera.

Speaker 3 (28:31):
I'm so weak.

Speaker 2 (28:32):
She said yes no, we cool though, and that's what
that's what tell them.

Speaker 3 (28:37):
You're doing a podcast today.
She said yes first of all.

Speaker 2 (28:42):
First of all, no, I did say yes, but, justin, don't
be fussing at me.
I am healing and this is how.
Let me tell you, I am takingtime, though this is how I'm.
My issue in the past, cj stop.
My issue in the past is that Ispend a lot of time with people
when I first meet them.
I haven't seen him in two weeks.

(29:04):
He lives in this city, oh wow.
I have not seen him in twoweeks.

Speaker 3 (29:09):
In two weeks, we talk pretty much every day okay, yes
, sir, how is that a problem toactually want seeing somebody?
Yeah, what you mean meaninglike I'm not saying see him
every day no, no I will gettired of seeing somebody every
day, um, but I'm saying you saidyour problem was you'd be
around him too much, but in thepast and it's like we spent so

(29:30):
much time together.

Speaker 2 (29:32):
When we first started talking, I did used to see,
like my ex, I used to see himevery day.
When we first started talking,I did used to see, like my ex, I
used to see him every day whenwe first started talking, every
single day, ever, I swear everyday.
Then, once he, once that, dieddown, the red, the, the little
question marks start coming,because I'm like what's going on
?
Why where you been like we usedto spend all the time together,
so that's a that's an issue,though okay, and I've I've

(29:55):
learned that that's not healthy,you get attacked.
I do, but I'm amazing, I'm veryamazing.

Speaker 3 (30:01):
There's nothing wrong with being attacked.

Speaker 2 (30:02):
No, it's not, but I'm just saying, like my energy,
I'm amazing Like this person hastold me that like being around
me, so it's not hard to want tobe around me all the time, but
he a working man, so he was.

Speaker 1 (30:18):
But this one he worked, he grinds.

Speaker 2 (30:22):
He grinds.
So yeah, but it's been a minutesince I've been on a date.
But when the question comes, ifI'm itch, all right.

Speaker 1 (30:30):
That's enough, cj.
She said, yes, knock it off.
Cj.
All right, cool, let's move onto the next question you had to
finish that, go ahead.

Speaker 2 (30:38):
Next question.
Alright, justin, you saidsomething about the
representative.
When do you show the real you?
Because the representative isnot the real you, you said like
in general In dating, whenyou're dating someone, there is
a shield up.
Yeah, you talking about for me,yes, oh or are you genuinely

(30:58):
authentic throughout, so I knowyou watch?

Speaker 1 (31:02):
yeah, I'm flexible in in each moment, right.
So I think that's what it is,and I think a lot of people get
lost in that, so they may thinkI'm like professional all the
time, but I'm not like I'mflexible in just every moment.
So I think there's really noRepresentative, it's just like
Whatever moment we're in.
That's where I'm at.
What is the point of a?

Speaker 3 (31:22):
representative though .

Speaker 1 (31:23):
Manipulation.

Speaker 3 (31:26):
If you want this Person to like you, why would
you?

Speaker 2 (31:30):
Because If you got the representative, like your
authentic self might not be Ish,you know what I'm saying,
authentic self might not be ish,right, you know what I'm saying
.
Like you might actually be ahorrible person, yep, but to be
a manipulator you got to showthat.
You got to have thatrepresentative to reel the woman
, women in.
And then, once you got themwhere you want them, then you
start showing the real you.

Speaker 3 (31:51):
So I got to do some third eye work.
Y'all been doing some thirdoutward.

Speaker 2 (31:54):
We older than you though.

Speaker 1 (31:55):
But they don't so.

Speaker 2 (31:57):
So no, we're older.

Speaker 1 (31:59):
But the representative, like she said,
is a manipulation tactic.
It's like that representativeknows what you like and
everything will be what you wantthem to be in that moment.
So I think I observed that alot better, because it tells me
okay, this is the person thatyou're trying to present to me,
but the question for me willalways be what else?

(32:20):
What else?
And at some point you're goingto have to say what it really is
.

Speaker 2 (32:28):
And that's how you get past that representative.
And that's why I told you and Isent you that clip, cj, to tell
you, if a woman asks you like,what do you like in a woman,
don't, don't give her too much.
Let her be her real self.
Don't tell her, I like when awoman she works out, this lady
probably ain't never been to thegym.

Speaker 3 (32:45):
She gonna start going now because you they don't ever
ask me that, though they justlike.
Most of the time, the onlyquestion that I really give is
be like oh, I thought I wouldn'tBe your type.

Speaker 1 (32:55):
I've heard that before they be like.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
Cause you be in the gym and you think?

Speaker 2 (32:59):
No, the gym is for me , the gym ain't for like that's
good, you know what I'm saying Ilike that, yeah, but so Just be
careful, don't Don't give themtoo much.
That's what I told Justin Don'tgive him too much.

Speaker 3 (33:12):
If that, justin, you been giving him too much.

Speaker 2 (33:14):
I don't give Nah.

Speaker 1 (33:15):
Justin, go ween him out anyway, until you hear him,
say he for five minutes, justin.

Speaker 2 (33:20):
I ain't gonna lie it sound like you, strict brother I
think I'm.
I think now you strict aroundhere.

Speaker 1 (33:24):
I ain't gonna say strict.
I'm a little bit more selectivenow.
For sure, I thought I wasselective.
Be honest like I've.
I've worked hard to be whereI'm at now and I can be with
someone that wants to have acareer, that doesn't want to
have a career, because I can.
I can pretty much provide atthat point.
So most women and every womanhas has told me this like, bro,

(33:47):
like watch out for the womanthat just want to take advantage
of what you got and whereyou're at.
So now I gotta be moreselective, because if she's here
just because she wants to be X,y, z, I mean I'm gonna be
honest, bro.
I'm looking forward today tohear introducing Dr and Mrs
Justin Gray, that's gonna bedope.
At the wedding, I think that'sgonna be super dope.

Speaker 2 (34:06):
I can't wait to see that.

Speaker 3 (34:08):
You think?

Speaker 1 (34:08):
she's here though, in Tuscaloosa, or in general, like
what?

Speaker 2 (34:14):
or in general like what you mean the standards my
standards are not that high brooh lord it's not like through
the roof it's just like oh mygod alright, what you?
Saying what you saying bro itwasn't me, it was A-René what?
You saying do you think thatshe's here and I said no, no,
she's not she could be.

Speaker 3 (34:33):
Is there any potential?
Nevermind it?
No, she's not.
She could be.
Is there any potential?
Never mind it, ain't need noprospect.

Speaker 2 (34:37):
Don't do it on the podcast.

Speaker 3 (34:39):
I was just going to say he could have just said a
yes or no, but now from how the45 minutes going.

Speaker 1 (34:45):
Let me put it like this bro, I've seen a lot of
good qualities recently, as I'vebeen kind of like in this state
.
I've seen a lot of bad state,I've seen a lot of bad, but I've
seen a lot of good qualities,even when it comes to like.
I mean, I've dated black, white, I've dated all types of women,
but I think I've seen a lot ofgreat qualities recently that's

(35:06):
good which is good, which isdateable.
Qualities for me, for sure.

Speaker 2 (35:09):
Yeah, um yeah where do you what, what kind of woman
you see yourself marrying though?

Speaker 1 (35:15):
and that the question you just said avoid what kind
of woman you see yourselfmarrying, though Isn't that the
question you just said?

Speaker 2 (35:19):
before.
What kind of what?
No, like what?
Yeah?

Speaker 3 (35:20):
she just said Nevermind I'm being messy,
nevermind I'm not gonna lie, itain't really, it ain't just been
Just dating for that aspect,but I've been A lot of mine Been
going to like I would say likeDead ends, cause I feel like my
time here is wrapping up.
So it's like, literally, oneafter the other, it's just signs
showing me.
It's like, yeah, it's time forme to.

Speaker 2 (35:40):
Y'all don't believe in long distance dating.

Speaker 3 (35:42):
Oh, no, nah Dang.
That's so bad.

Speaker 2 (35:46):
I don't know why I asked you CJ.

Speaker 3 (35:47):
Of course not.
No, it don't even be justbecause of me, though I just
it's a hard no.

Speaker 2 (35:57):
If you really like them, you'll make it work.

Speaker 3 (36:00):
I think I would rather them, I wouldn't even put
them through that.
And it's not saying like I'mnot saying like I'm going to do
something or like I'm going tohave infidelity.
It's just like like that is alot like how, what?
How long is long this?
How long are we talking?

(36:20):
I mean, this is not gonna bepermanent um.

Speaker 2 (36:25):
I have a classmate.
She lives in Alabama and herhusband lives in California.
I think, uh, cheryl Lee Ralph,a whole Actress.
She lives in California and herhusband's, like a senator,
works in the government In awhole nother state.

Speaker 3 (36:42):
That's easy though she could just, but not.

Speaker 2 (36:44):
No, not if she working.

Speaker 1 (36:46):
Well, I think Like he's alluding to it, like if you
could pay for that?
Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (36:50):
If you could pay to just Regularly travel, you
travel, but.

Speaker 3 (36:52):
I'm saying like, I'm just saying Like, for me, I
ain't gonna lie If we here, wein Tuscaloosa, columbus, that's
an hour away no, Wait OutColumbus Mississippi.

Speaker 2 (37:03):
Yeah, I'm just saying like I talked to somebody that
lived in Columbus, Georgia andthey came.
They used to come visit me.
I didn't have to do nothing.

Speaker 3 (37:12):
Y'all made it work.
That's good.

Speaker 2 (37:15):
Until he stopped making it work.
So yeah, I actually feel younow.
What's our next?

Speaker 1 (37:20):
question.

Speaker 2 (37:22):
My next question is kind of like following up to
some of the stuff y'all wastalking about.
What's one thing a woman coulddo to make you seriously
consider a committedrelationship?
So first, before you answerthat, cj, I know, you just cj.
Well, you I know, but you'llhave to tell the people how have

(37:44):
you ever been in like a reallyserious committed relationship?
I?

Speaker 3 (37:50):
don't count it.
But I say yes because it waslike my first love.
We dated from 14 to 18, but Idon't that's the only one I say
I was in, but I've had likeserious situations like we never
made it yeah, we never made itto.
Oh, this is my girl, but it'slike seeing each other every day
.
She's been a nice.

(38:11):
Staying there had a key.
I had a key like that is sotoxic it was.

Speaker 2 (38:14):
That's a key.
I had a key Like that is sotoxic.

Speaker 3 (38:16):
It was.

Speaker 2 (38:17):
That's.
That's a lesson I learned.
That's toxic.

Speaker 3 (38:20):
It's toxic, it's okay .

Speaker 2 (38:22):
We live and we learn, but um.

Speaker 3 (38:24):
What would really make me Seriously consider
Dating somebody?
Um, it would have to be Hmm,probably have to be like I ain't
going to say liking me, with nolimits, but it's like
understanding, like we'reworking together, like don't try

(38:47):
to work against me, or likeshow, or what did I say, love
has no limits.
It's kind of like that, butlike we haven't made it to that
point.
But like if you can do if I'measily irritated, I already know
it's not going to work.
But like if you and I bring upmy mom Because it's like my mom
and only one other person hasever made me Like this.

(39:07):
Like if I can get mad at youLike my mom, but still like
treat you Like my mom, orwhatever that would make me
consider it.

Speaker 2 (39:14):
So you can be In a committed relationship With
someone and still not like Be inlove with them.
You know like.
Loving somebody and being inlove Is two different things.

Speaker 3 (39:24):
If I'm in a committed Relationship, I gotta be in
love Like.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
The love has to.

Speaker 3 (39:29):
Has to be there Cause if I'm just like, if we just
here, and I'm like, oh, youstill around, I guess we'll make
it work Like nah, I'm not, I'mnot doing that.
Whole time it's finna besomebody else.
Either one of our phones, Ipromise you Dang Okay.

Speaker 2 (39:46):
No ain't no.
Next question.

Speaker 3 (39:47):
You said you knew his answer.

Speaker 2 (39:48):
Right?
No, I said I did, but thepeople don't.

Speaker 1 (39:51):
Dr Gray, you ever been in a committed relationship
.

Speaker 3 (39:53):
She trying to get you to sneak.

Speaker 1 (39:54):
No, I'm not.

Speaker 2 (39:55):
What's the question?
Have you been in a committedrelationship?

Speaker 3 (39:58):
She doing third word for somebody.

Speaker 1 (40:00):
Okay Now.

Speaker 2 (40:02):
What would make you Consider yes?

Speaker 1 (40:05):
Committing.

Speaker 2 (40:06):
Yes, don't.

Speaker 1 (40:07):
You don't know the question I can't be giving away
these answers, man.
Oh my lord I can't?

Speaker 2 (40:11):
We gotta get a pass Right, I gotta get a pass.

Speaker 1 (40:13):
Hold on, give me the button Like a pass button.

Speaker 3 (40:15):
I know no square.

Speaker 1 (40:16):
You just said Don't be giving everybody.
Our likes and dislikes, thenthey gonna going to try to morph
into that.
I told you.

Speaker 3 (40:22):
She's doing some dirty work for somebody.
No.

Speaker 2 (40:24):
I'm not Somebody trying to get some information
and she's trying to get it out.
That's not Okay, that's fine.
She's trying to move it on.
Y'all said something aboutsocial media, so how much do you
care about someone that youcould or could not be, have a
you might end up dating, or youactually are dating.

(40:44):
How much do you care abouttheir online presence or their
follow account, like, like,could you date a influencer?

Speaker 3 (40:49):
at first, I at first, like it, had a big present, but
then I actually ended up like,I want to say, being with
somebody that had a high socialmedia presence, like just
because they because they gotlike 40, 50,000 followers they
probably ain't even got $5 totheir name, like, and I legit

(41:10):
just experienced it Like theyhad 40, 50k with Keneem.
Yeah, you know what I'm saying,not to down that person, but
like, as far as the social mediapresence, they did care about
it a lot, like they tried careabout it a lot, they tried to
make it like oh, I got to putthis out today, I got to do this
, that and the third.
That can get a little annoying,but the numbers don't mean

(41:30):
nothing to me.

Speaker 1 (41:34):
There's not no intimidation there.
Yeah, oh no, it doesn't make adifference to me.
Yeah, I mean, as long asmentally they can handle can
handle that, that attention theycool.

Speaker 2 (41:44):
But if not, what if they wanted to include you in it
?
Ooh, oh Cause, we got a mutualfriend.
She started out, she was she aninfluencer, and she started out
didn't include her, hersignificant other, and now he's
included in it.
So what if they want to includeyou?

Speaker 3 (42:01):
in their content.
I mean, I make content, so it'slike that would be, cool.
Yeah, I mean, just put mytattoo in there.

Speaker 1 (42:09):
I know you.

Speaker 3 (42:10):
Just get my good side .

Speaker 1 (42:11):
I don't know, I don't know.
It depends on the type ofcontent.

Speaker 2 (42:13):
What you say, posting what.

Speaker 1 (42:15):
Huh, I said it depends on the type of content.

Speaker 3 (42:19):
Oh yeah, it does.
It does depend on the type ofcontent.
We're not doing that Ain'tgoing to lie Right.
Moving on how much do yourfriends' opinions matter when

(42:40):
you start dating someone?
I include them at first, butlike after, probably after like
for two, three weeks, I don'treally care about their opinion
because it's like, at the end ofthe day, that's who I got to
lay down with, or like be around24-7.
I'm not going to be with myhomeboys 24-7, like no.
So like it matters in segmentsLike if we're.

(43:01):
If I need another opinion, Iask for it, but I ain't just
taking it and running with itJust because LeTerry said he
don't like you, but at the sametime.
An outside perspective is alwaysnot appreciated, but it's more

(43:22):
so.
It's cool to get An outsideperspective.

Speaker 2 (43:25):
What if she dated One of your friends?

Speaker 3 (43:27):
Oh no, I'm not doing that.
So like you, she walk in andthen your homeboy Be like hey,
come and see me, see like I'mnot, I'm not dating or being
with somebody that my homeboyhas dated, but it's been Times
with somebody that I've Uh,dated, somebody that I've dated
or like been around.

(43:47):
Yeah, we had some activeactivities.
They may be like that's you andI'll be like nah, and then
they'll be like you cool with it.

Speaker 2 (43:56):
Got you, we in.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
Tuscaloosa, it's small.

Speaker 2 (43:59):
It's small.
It's not that small.
We got North Fort Cotton deal.

Speaker 1 (44:04):
It's not that small, we got.

Speaker 2 (44:04):
Northport, you got Cottondale.

Speaker 1 (44:08):
Oh, you can't.

Speaker 2 (44:09):
CJ is not even the only one Answering questions.

Speaker 1 (44:12):
He got some good answers.
It depends on the friend,though.
It depends on the friend, likeif it's somebody that I know
that makes Good decisions andthey got a good, a big, a good
handle on discernment andthey're like bro, but majority
of the time, nah, I don't listento their opinions, are in terms
of who I I'm dating, because Imean, like I kind of see, like
cj alluded to, like at a certainperiod of time, is like it's

(44:32):
not even about what your friendsthink, because you already yeah
, you gotta think about itnaturally, like say, say like,
um, if you, if you know a female, a woman, yeah, and you're say,
in the gym, you're working outwith your friend or something,
they be like, hey, man, who isthat?

Speaker 3 (44:47):
And you kind of like set it up and then at first
they're both going to be comingto you, but after a while
they're not going to be comingto you and you don't want to be
in the middle of their drama.
So it's like the outsideperspective is, like always, you
can ask for it, but like no,it's not, it's gonna cause
issues because, like, excuse me,he may do something wrong and

(45:09):
you also, knowing her, you'regonna feel some type of way.
So it's gonna put you in themiddle of something and you
don't want to be there or shecould do something wrong, and
that's your boy.
And if he know, if he find outyou knew, then yeah, yeah, so
it's gonna cause friction, so ata certain point you just gotta
Remove yourself.
Yeah, hmm.

Speaker 2 (45:27):
Have you ever ghosted someone?

Speaker 3 (45:29):
I ghost people.
I was not.
Yeah, are you asking why, orare?

Speaker 2 (45:34):
you just yes, and why Um?

Speaker 3 (45:37):
Cause I'm I'm really nice and some people, like we
was talking about the last timeI was here, I'm really nice and
a lot of people don't understandthat like I'm a man at the end
of the day.
So it's like they try to likethat nice guy.
He can get cut off.
So it's like either I don't saynothing or I cuss you out and
ghost you, and I'd rather justghost you, laughter yeah.

Speaker 2 (46:01):
Dr Gray, have you ever ghosted?

Speaker 1 (46:03):
I think the reason I ghosted that person because they
reminded me Of the old me, like, literally that old version of
me.

Speaker 3 (46:10):
I was like, like, don't bring this guy back.

Speaker 1 (46:13):
I'm telling you like that, yeah but the thing is it
was like man, like I was like,oh, this is it.
But then I was like, dang, thisis the old you, bro.
I was like, yeah, when you lookin the mirror and you see it,
do you block people, though this?

Speaker 3 (46:24):
is it?
But then I was like Dang, thisis the old you, bro.
I was like, yeah, it's not agood look when you look in the
mirror and you see it.
But do you block people though?
See, I got a catch to him toowhen it come to blocking.
Like I be feeling like it'skind of like I ain't gonna say
feminine, but like I be feelinglike If I had to block somebody,
that's doing too much.
But do't block people.
Oh, they gotta see this yeah,okay, yeah, 100.

Speaker 1 (46:43):
You block people, though I block people, oh man, I
block and then sometimes Iunblock you didn't see this.

Speaker 3 (46:53):
I got to the point once you block, I ain't, I ain't
unblocking because they're likeyou had I asked that question,
though, because I was ghosted.

Speaker 2 (47:03):
Um, it was a guy I was dating.
It was a few years ago.
We went on two dates and afterthe second date I like hit him
up or whatever, and he juststopped responding.
I was like damn, what did I do?
What?

Speaker 3 (47:14):
did I do?
What led up to that?
If you don't mind, I don't evenremember.
I can tell you it was either afemale or he knew.
He found out that you wasn'toffering goods for his services,
it died.
I'm sorry you kicked me off.

Speaker 2 (47:31):
Yes, it died.
We good, yeah, we good.

Speaker 3 (47:34):
He probably figured out you wasn't offering goods
for his services.

Speaker 2 (47:39):
He didn't offer services though I'm talking
about.
It was like I used to dotastings at the ABC store and he
came up and he had a he's aKappa, so he had like a Kappa
umbrella.
And I saw his Alabama State keychain that's my alma mater and
so I was like, oh, you went toState.
And he's like, yeah, I went toState.
I was like me too, and I thinkit was like coming up on Classic

(48:01):
weekend, so I was like yougoing to classic.
He was like, yeah, so it justkind of went from there and so
we kind of bonded over the factthat we went to state and you
know, talked about it.

Speaker 3 (48:11):
There's so many people that I don't know
everybody.
How often did y'all talk beforethe date?

Speaker 2 (48:14):
It was pretty often, maybe like every day, every
other day.
I remember he told me downtownat the sheriff's office downtown
tuscaloosa.
But I just thought it was socrazy that I want to say that
maybe, like his, somethinghappened to his granddad, if I'm

(48:34):
not mistaken, but I think Ithink he had a girlfriend, he
just wanted the goods.
Well, he never said that, but Ithink he had a girlfriend.
Honestly, I really do, I don'tknow.
It was weird, though, likebecause I ain't doing nothing
like that, you're gonna ghost me, ghost me, like that.
He did one of the good.
That's all he didn't get themAlright we got two more?
Have you ever been friend zonedand how do you handle it?

(48:54):
How did you handle it?

Speaker 3 (48:57):
I got friend zoned in a weird way Because it's like
she friend, she's like we wasokay.
So her friend wanted me but Ididn't want her friend.
But me and the girl have hadconversations and things have
happened to where I feel likethe friend should respect what

(49:19):
we had going on, but she wantedto respect that her friend liked
me.

Speaker 2 (49:23):
So I got friends that don't like that.
I didn't like that.
I didn't, I ain't like that.

Speaker 3 (49:25):
But me and a friend never did nothing, no, barely
any conversation, anything.
It ain't my fault, she like meyeah, yeah, I think.

Speaker 1 (49:36):
Yeah, I've been friends on, but I I don't think
I've you probably ain't takingthat away.
I mean, I think, I think Itried to get in the friend zone.

Speaker 3 (49:45):
It was more like he probably put him in the friend
zone.

Speaker 1 (49:48):
I think that's what it was.
I think they wanted me to shootmy shot, but then I was like
nah bro, and we were kind ofcool and she probably thought
you was gay.

Speaker 2 (49:55):
Remember, we had that conversation.

Speaker 1 (49:57):
Possibly she probably was like damn think she wasn't
attractive to me.
Like that, is it stock.

Speaker 3 (50:05):
No, is it not toxic that a female think just because
you don't want her?
Or like don't want to donothing that they think you gay
yeah but I'm saying just becausewe don't want to just go and
bust you through the mattressthat don't mean we gay.
I'm saying, like maybe weactually are nice people.
That's what I said.

Speaker 2 (50:23):
I said maybe they're gentlemen, I don't get it.

Speaker 1 (50:26):
That's their defense mechanism in saying like, oh
cool, he don't like me becausesomething must be.
I literally had a conversationwith a girl and we were talking
about it.
She was like, oh yeah, I thinkhe's gay.
He didn't try to smash.
I'm like bro, what Dude.

Speaker 3 (50:42):
I was literally Go ahead.
No, you good, I'm saying like,and not to cut you off Like I
literally, like, was chillingwith somebody and she literally
blurted out oh, you don't wantto do nothing with me.
Something must be wrong withyou.

Speaker 1 (50:54):
You see what I'm saying, bro.

Speaker 3 (50:58):
I don't get it.
That's scary, like you, justLike no.
That means you don't need To bein it, bro, no, and get mad at
me To this day Still, causeshe'll Like text me, she'll be
like Dang.
So we just Not gonna.
Do nothing or like We'll have aregular conversation.
We'll be sitting there Talking,asking how your day went.
She was like Good, I just needsomebody.

(51:19):
It would be better If somebodywas laying beside me.
Hey, man, go on.

Speaker 2 (51:23):
That's who you need to block.

Speaker 3 (51:26):
I don't talk to her, I ghost her, like I promise you,
I've known her probably liketwo years on and off, and every
time I ghost her because it'slike that.
Every time it's like nah,that's a little scary if
somebody keep like theybasically trying to force you,
that ain't a person, that's aspirit.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
Yo, but yeah, that's good.
What else you got for us?

Speaker 2 (51:56):
CJ so funny.
What's one piece of advice yougive your younger self about
Approaching women?

Speaker 3 (52:04):
Be like Justin piece of advice you give your younger
self about approaching women.

Speaker 1 (52:09):
Be like, just like, be like just 45 minutes.

Speaker 3 (52:11):
No, because I ain't gonna lie like if I ain't never
start working out like justin totell you, like the growth and
development that I've had in theshort amount of time when it
comes to women or dating period,it's been.
I'm looking at the mirror.
I don't even see the sameperson.
Um, but reality, the advice Iwould give to my younger self

(52:32):
when it comes to dating slowdown, bro.

Speaker 1 (52:33):
You ain't, it, ain't no rush yeah, I would say kind
of similar.
They're gonna be there likeyeah, like especially when you
get to a point to where you'relike you, good, they're gonna be
there.
Oh, it'll be a lot of themthere too.

Speaker 2 (52:46):
There is plenty of fish in the sea.
That's real, 100%.

Speaker 1 (52:49):
And just traveling a lot and seeing so many different
people, you're like bro, likeman, it's like a person out
there for everything, everything, and that's how many people
that's in this world.

Speaker 3 (53:01):
So yeah, do you feel like you let one get away though
?

Speaker 1 (53:04):
Oh, did I let one get away?
Okay, yo, the question.
You know, I asked myself thatquestion a while back, man Like,
did I let one get away?

Speaker 3 (53:14):
Um, what does that even mean, though, bro Like,
Like Right now, the, just the,the person that Justin Is
looking for.
She was that, but she wasn'tthat person you needed to be.
Because I can answer that I cansay yes, I let one get away,
but I can also say no, I didn'tlet her get away.

Speaker 1 (53:32):
So I'm going to say this.
I think the version of me thatdated a good girl, or a good
girl at the time.
I don't know what she's doingnow.
I think we could have been moretoday if she would have met
this version of me today.
So if that's the getting awayaspect, then yeah, but if it's

(53:53):
me saying like I don't, becauseI don't know who, who she's
evolved to today, because shecould be like in the streets
hard today, maybe, but thatversion of her when I met her
and she, she would have met thatversion of this version of just
, oh yeah, we've probably beenlike somewhere with mr and mrs
gray oh doctor and mrs gray yeah, I think I don't think anyone

(54:17):
got away, but I think you knowthat version of me, uh that
version of them when I met themwere probably better with more
compatible with this version.

Speaker 3 (54:28):
Okay, so I wouldn't.
We can change that from sayinglet them get away.
It's just saying we could havebeen a better version of
ourselves.
Yeah, yeah, for sure, yeah,because I was going to say like
it ain't, like I don't miss themor nothing.
I don't miss them or nothing,but it was just like they was a
good person.
Oh yeah, and it wasn't reallythe best.

Speaker 1 (54:45):
I think I dated some good girls bro, and I think I
screwed up some good girls too,For sure.

Speaker 3 (54:55):
I've done things.

Speaker 1 (54:56):
You got to hold yourself accountable too.

Speaker 3 (54:57):
You know what I'm saying I've done things that I'm
not proud of.
Yeah, I have the same it wascool in the moment, though Like
Younger me was like I'm the man.

Speaker 1 (55:05):
Man.

Speaker 3 (55:06):
Looking back, it was like dude.

Speaker 1 (55:08):
I think I was.
I was more ruthless Undergradbro Like, yeah, I I had.
No, that was J Stone Central.
I had no feelings Kickingpeople out Like that type of
deal.

Speaker 2 (55:19):
I think everybody was ruthless In undergrad.
Yeah, I was ruthless back then,bro.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
But now I think it's more like yeah, but yeah, I mean
you going to ask him thatquestion too.

Speaker 3 (55:30):
What.

Speaker 2 (55:31):
I thought you answered it.
Did I let somebody get?

Speaker 1 (55:33):
it yeah.

Speaker 3 (55:34):
I answered it.

Speaker 1 (55:35):
Oh, you said you answered it, okay, cool.

Speaker 3 (55:38):
Yeah, I said like I said.
I could have been a betterversion of myself.
They didn't get away though.

Speaker 2 (55:42):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (55:42):
They gone.
But Right, I ain't worriedabout it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:46):
I like that what.

Speaker 3 (55:47):
You didn't answer the question.
You're here too.

Speaker 2 (55:49):
What was?
Can you pose the question?

Speaker 3 (55:51):
again.
Do you feel like you letsomeone get away?

Speaker 2 (55:54):
Heck.
No, these bums that I dated.

Speaker 3 (55:57):
I'm good.
You know what I she letsomebody get away.

Speaker 2 (56:00):
Oh no, I didn't no.

Speaker 3 (56:02):
Okay, so there was not One prospect when you was
like what we could have been.

Speaker 2 (56:07):
No.

Speaker 3 (56:08):
Okay, they suck.

Speaker 2 (56:09):
They were that bad, bro.
Horrible, I'm good no.

Speaker 3 (56:13):
I haven't.

Speaker 2 (56:15):
Somebody.
Probably I may have felt likethey let me get away, but in
hindsight, nah, I'm glad theylet me run, okay, uh, uh, I'm
good, okay.
Nah, I'm glad they let me run.
Okay, uh, uh, I'm good.
Okay, that's why I'm.
That's why I said, like I said,I ain't seen Mr man in two
weeks.

Speaker 3 (56:30):
But Mr man, mr man.

Speaker 2 (56:32):
I haven't seen him in two weeks, but I'm good with
that, like it's.
That's different for me, butsometimes you gotta do things A
different way To get a differentresult, cause I Doing the same
thing all the time, you're goingto get the same result A little
space Ain't nothing wrong witha little space.
I have one last question, lastquestion let's go.
When you say that, like you kindof put the girls in the friend

(56:56):
zone, is that your way of liketurning them down?
Like, how do you, is that a waythat you turn women down?

Speaker 1 (57:05):
To be honest, like I don't think it's a bad thing to
be in the friend zone for asmall amount of time, because I
get to see how you operate, youget to see you should be.
I think everyone should kind ofcross that threshold In the
beginning, at least briefly.
You kind of see how you operateand how the other person
operates so you can say, okayperson operates, so you can say,
okay, how, this is how we wereoperated with friends and but
also when your friends typicallyyou reveal a little bit more,

(57:27):
their representative is gone,you reveal a lot more to that
person and then that otherperson can see, like dang, can I
really be?
Do I really want to be withthis person, right?
So I think it's a goodopportunity to to at least cross
that threshold early on in thebeginning and be okay with it, I
mean.
But I know lust is still goingto be there as long as you like
that person like that.
So but yeah, yeah, I thinkintentionally to answer your

(57:51):
question, yes, okay I, Iintentionally try to get there
sometimes.

Speaker 2 (57:55):
Yeah, I would just try to get there, but you like
respectfully turn them down.
So if you did want to pursuethem, then they wouldn't be like
well, you the last time yousaid you even talked.
If I did want to pursue, if Idid want to turn it, then they
wouldn't be like, well, you thelast time you said you even
talked.

Speaker 1 (58:04):
You know what I'm saying.
If I did want to pursue, if Idid want to turn it out to them,
I was like hey look, there'snothing happening here, we're
cool, I like your vibe, we'rebetter off as friends, or we're
better off as businessacquaintances, or they'll know
where we stand If I haven't likethat.

Speaker 2 (58:23):
CJ.

Speaker 3 (58:24):
I mean I've grown to like.
Just an answer is my answerBecause it's like I've always
been the person to be like thatjumps not necessarily jumps into
it, but I'll be like at the end, whether we work out or not,
like we still going to be cool.
That was a lie.

Speaker 2 (58:39):
We never ended up being cool Right Biggest lie.

Speaker 3 (58:42):
And so it's gotten to that point Because it's like
you, you see that person in adifferent light, so anything
they do can Upset you orwhatever, and y'all will
potentially not be friends.
But if you're mature enough tounderstand Like hey, I'm not in
a rush, you're not in a rush, wecan see where this goes, let's
actually see where this goes,and not like me, say let's see

(59:03):
where this goes, let's actuallysee where this goes, and not
like me say let's see where thisgoes and you texting Paul next
week.
So it's like Texas Paul like youactually get to see that person
in a true light.
They're not trying to besomebody that they're not.
They're being their mouth,their authentic self.
So it was like you really cansee that.
So I've gotten to that pointbecause there's been people that
tried to talk to me and I'mlike let's just get to know each

(59:26):
other first.
You don't even know if you'relike me because, like I said,
sometimes I don't like me.
So it's like I really do havegrown accustomed to Justin's
answer yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 (59:37):
Cool, that's it.
That's all the good questionsyou got for us.
Before we take it out, give usone random question.
One random question Questionsyou got for us before we take it
out.

Speaker 2 (59:45):
Give us one random question, one random question,
just a random question.

Speaker 3 (59:47):
I can't think of no random question Grab one.

Speaker 2 (59:51):
What?
How long do you know?
Dang?
No, brandon Lord, I don't knowwho name I was going to call
Just now.

Speaker 3 (59:56):
She said Brandon.
I did say Brandon.
I don't know why I said that.
Shout out to.

Speaker 2 (01:00:00):
Brandon.
Brandon is actually one of myfriends.

Speaker 3 (01:00:04):
Mr Camaro.

Speaker 2 (01:00:05):
No, that's not his name.
I told you what's the bestlesson a past relationship
taught you.

Speaker 3 (01:00:11):
Damn.

Speaker 2 (01:00:13):
Sorry, you ready for that one, joe, sorry, sorry, I
can change it.
What's the worst tics to get inthe early stages of dating or
talking to someone?
So, Pete, which one do you wantto ask the worst text?

Speaker 3 (01:00:28):
I can say later, like when y'all actually are dating,
the worst text to get is like amiddle of the night, I love you
text, because that means theyjust did something In the
beginning.
They just did something.
You ain't lying, CJ.

Speaker 2 (01:00:43):
That means they just did something.
They take you in the middle ofthe night.
I love you, or something.
Oh, they did something.
Yeah, they did something.
Yes, he ain't lying.
Oh, everything he ain't lying.

Speaker 3 (01:00:51):
You might as well hang it up with me you might as
well.
Don't even Boy.

Speaker 1 (01:00:57):
Boy, that's crazy work, no, that's so true, that's
crazy.
You ain't never got.

Speaker 2 (01:01:01):
They good you ain't never got.
They're good you ain't nevergot.
That I'm telling you, that'sthe worst test, like saying
y'all like three, four months in.

Speaker 3 (01:01:07):
y'all ain't really.
Y'all ain't fresh, but likey'all fresh, yeah that random
like let it be from like onelike 12, one.
I was just thinking about you.
I love you.
It kick rocks, it kick rocks.

Speaker 1 (01:01:23):
It kick rocks.

Speaker 2 (01:01:24):
I get it and then I be like I wake up sometimes, I
be like what you doing?

Speaker 3 (01:01:28):
Oh, I just went to the restaurant, like you know
what.

Speaker 1 (01:01:30):
I'm saying Like it's, it's kind of Crazy work.

Speaker 3 (01:01:33):
Bruh, I'm telling you , bruh, it's deviant.
And then it's like no matter,like who it is, or like it be a
whole nother person.
You get it, your thought gonnago there.
You, we ain't just gettingthese thoughts for no reason
dang you right bro.

Speaker 1 (01:01:46):
I never thought about that yeah, that's crazy work
yeah oh man is that degree, Ithink so I.
I'm gonna go on the flip sideearly, too early text to get uh
would be where you at oh early,oh, it's too early.
It's too early to be.

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
Ask me where I'm at Like are they just Trying to
like, say, like what are youdoing?

Speaker 1 (01:02:08):
Or like yeah, yeah yeah, we're kind of Trying to
get A gaze On you, yeah, likeearly on.
No, bro, you ain't made itthere yet, so yeah, would you
ever get Somebody's name tatted.

Speaker 3 (01:02:20):
No, hell, no.
So Dr Mrs Gray Can't go.

Speaker 1 (01:02:25):
No, no, I ain't never .

Speaker 3 (01:02:27):
Doing that Okay.

Speaker 1 (01:02:28):
Cause she just Mined for the moment.

Speaker 3 (01:02:31):
Your wife.

Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
She just Mined for the moment, bro, do you not know
?
People get divorced.
Oh my god, wait a minute, we'renot getting married To get
divorced.
Jesus, how many people you know.
We ain't gotta go into it, butthe divorce rate is crazy.

Speaker 2 (01:02:43):
It is.
It is but now.

Speaker 1 (01:02:45):
You know why it's dying down now?
Because people not even gettingmarried, people just being
single.
So but nah, I don't think.
No names, no names.

Speaker 3 (01:02:53):
You would See when people you have.
When them people Nah, whenpeople have them conversations,
I just be quiet.
I would get somebody To nametag it on me, or like I'd do the
little cute, little Like say,instead of getting Like a ring.

Speaker 1 (01:03:06):
I'd just get a ring tag.

Speaker 3 (01:03:07):
I think that's dope the ring tag's dope, but it
gotta be A one and done, causeyou can't Really cover that up.

Speaker 2 (01:03:12):
You cannot cover that up.
But you'll get a name Cause youcan cover it up.

Speaker 3 (01:03:15):
Who me?
I love tattoos.

Speaker 2 (01:03:22):
I'll get the name.

Speaker 3 (01:03:23):
I probably wouldn't Cover it up Like if we start
talking I'll just tell somebodythat my cousin had died or
something.

Speaker 2 (01:03:29):
Oh, that's crazy.

Speaker 3 (01:03:31):
You know what I'm saying Put a fake date, put the
date we start talking rightthere, so they'll believe it.
Dang oh Okay.
Like people think my grandma.
It's either Alabama A or Ithink it's a girl Initial, but
it's really my grandma.
So like Hmm, yeah, dope.

Speaker 2 (01:03:46):
Yeah, no, no names getting tatted.

Speaker 3 (01:03:48):
You won't get a name either.
Hell, no, would you get amatching tattoo?

Speaker 2 (01:03:52):
I would get a matching.
I have two matching tattoosWith my sister, so yeah, no, I'm
talking about With your person.

Speaker 3 (01:03:56):
I know what you're saying.
So you'll get a matching, butyou won't get.

Speaker 2 (01:03:59):
Yeah, but it ain't going to be no names in the
matcha tag.
It's going to be something else, like a photo like a picture or
something.

Speaker 3 (01:04:05):
You want a name right here.
You want it on the finger, noAll right.

Speaker 1 (01:04:10):
I guess we need to take this podcast out.
Cj, tell everybody where theycan find you, bro.

Speaker 3 (01:04:15):
Once again, my name is CJ bro, but everybody call me
Big C.
You can find me at Big C's onall social media platforms.
Social media platforms Cool.

Speaker 1 (01:04:21):
Hey, renee, you wanna tell them when they can find us
.

Speaker 2 (01:04:24):
Yes, y'all can find us On TikTok, at good, bad, gray
, and on YouTube and InstagramAt the good, the bad and the
gray.
Yes, sir.
And y'all can actually Alsofollow our Sub brand.
Well, it's not sub brand, butour affiliate Wellness and
athletics.

Speaker 3 (01:04:41):
Wellness and athletics?
Absolutely yes, sir, I ain'tgot it on today.

Speaker 2 (01:04:44):
I went sleeveless today, but normally I wear it
every day.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Yeah, definitely like share.
Subscribe guys.
Appreciate you guys forlistening.
Send in your questions.
If you do have any, feel freeAny questions.
We'll try to answer those oneach episode and other than that
, we out, we out, Bye.