Ch. 2: Ep 8 | Navigating the Maze of Gender Dynamics Ft. A Renee

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Ever wondered why the checkout lane you choose says everything about your dating preferences? Welcome to a candid exploration of how men and women navigate the complex world of relationships across racial lines and communication styles.

Dr. Gray and A Renee dive into a fascinating discussion triggered by comedian Carlos Miller's viral take on why Black men date White women - suggesting it comes down to availability and pursuit styles. Using a brilliant grocery store checkout analogy, they unpack how people naturally gravitate toward those who actively welcome them, regardless of race. This opens up a deeper conversation about dating dynamics: do Black women play "hard to get" while other women make themselves more approachable? The hosts share personal experiences dating across racial lines, revealing that while women share similar emotional responses, their upbringing and cultural backgrounds create unique relationship experiences.

The conversation evolves into examining whether platonic friendships between men and women are truly possible. Both hosts believe they are - with the right boundaries and maturity. A Renee shares that most of her close friends are men with whom she's never considered romantic involvement, while Dr. Gray emphasizes the importance of wanting what's best for your friend even if that doesn't include yourself. They reference Blair Underwood, who eventually married his longtime best friend after his 30-year marriage ended, raising fascinating questions about friendship's hidden romantic potential.

Gender roles, communication differences, and conflict resolution styles round out this compelling episode. When asked who's more likely to walk away from conflict, both immediately agree: women. As A Renee explains, "When a woman's fed up, it's a wrap" - women often disengage gradually, piece by piece, before making their final exit. This observation reveals deeper truths about how men and women process relationship disappointment differently and why recognizing these patterns matters.

Ready to understand the opposite sex better? Subscribe to The Good, The Bad and The Gray podcast on all major platforms and join the conversation about relationships, personal growth, and the fascinating dance between masculine and feminine energy.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the good, the bad and the great podcast,
where we shine a light onwellness, personal growth and
relationships.
Together, we'll discuss highsand lows and the in-betweens,
offering different perspectiveson health and wellness.
Tune in as we peel back thelayers of life, revealing the
good, bad and the great.

(00:24):
Welcome back to the good, thebad and the great podcast.
I am your host, dr gray, and wehave our resident in the
building which is A Renee.

(00:46):
What's up?
A Renee Back again.

Speaker 3 (00:49):
What's up, Dr Gray?

Speaker 1 (00:51):
So, man, it's been an eventful weekend actually for
both of us.
So, yeah, let's just update thepod on what's going on and
what's going on with your life,you first.
Me.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
Or ladies first.

Speaker 1 (01:02):
Ladies are always first.

Speaker 3 (01:07):
I'm glad you know that yeah, for sure uh, I've
been so busy.
Okay, I've been working in inrehearsals.
I've basically been survivingoff naps.
I didn't think that that waspossible, but I I get up early,
I still I'm still 4 am gym girlyfor now and then I go home
after I work out and take a napand then I get up and go to

(01:28):
school, which is where I work.
And then I'm at school all daybecause I'm there from like noon
until like 930 because we haverehearsals now.
So I work in the daytime andthen nighttime rehearsals.
Then I go home and I take a napand then I get up and go to the
gym.
That's been my schedule thislast week.
It's been very interesting,different.

(01:50):
I'm not accustomed to splittingmy sleep up.

Speaker 1 (01:54):
So napping is your thing, basically.

Speaker 3 (01:55):
Right now I'm surviving off naps.

Speaker 1 (01:57):
Naps are good, though I like naps.
If I can squeeze a nap in, oh,100%.

Speaker 3 (02:03):
I mean technically, it's not.
You know, they say thatanything over 30 minutes is not
a nap, it's sleep.

Speaker 1 (02:08):
And you take more than 30 minutes.

Speaker 3 (02:10):
That'd be like four hours.
Some people survive the wholeday in four hours, but that's
some people's night.
Every night I need more thanfour hours of sleep.

Speaker 1 (02:19):
Yeah, I've trained myself to nap, if I can.

Speaker 3 (02:22):
I know how to just go straight to sleep.
Yeah, that's real interestingbecause I can talk to you and
I'll be like.
You sound tired, you need totake a nap.
Nah, I'm not taking no nap.

Speaker 1 (02:29):
Nah, I'm not taking a nap unless I need to take a nap
.

Speaker 3 (02:32):
You needed to take a nap yesterday.

Speaker 1 (02:34):
Look, typically people that are getting up like
extremely early, like we arethey have room.
Take a nap Like bro.
If you're going to be up forthe entire day and you're up at
4 am, yeah, take a nap at somepoint.

Speaker 3 (02:46):
Oh, don't worry.

Speaker 1 (02:47):
Post-GEM.
If you could post-GEM for sure,I'm squeezing one in today
before rehearsal.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (02:53):
Don't worry, I'm getting a nap in today, okay.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
What you been up to, yeah, traveling, I would say,
man, a lot of brand businessstuff, a lot of things, actually
a lot of things, and I thinkmore of like kind of getting
everything together.
A lot of people bring a lot ofpeople on board for business,
which is good, I say a lot ofgood people, a lot of skillful

(03:20):
people too, which is good, Ithink.
Just looking back, I had thisconversation with, uh, one of
our people that are kind ofintern with our um business last
year.
She was like yeah, I know, lastyear we had so many, we had few
people, so it was like a lot ofhats everybody was wearing,
especially you.
And she said this year I cantell you're wearing less hats
and it's a lot more organizedbecause we have more people to

(03:41):
kind of do a lot of things.
Right, are you looking at?

Speaker 3 (03:44):
like you wearing less hats.

Speaker 1 (03:46):
100 oh, this is just for the brand this is for
everything yeah I'm wearing lesshats, so it you, you're
thinking about so and oh man,this is crazy.
I heard uh I think it was aclip, uh, maybe on youtube
yesterday and the guy was likeyou know, people have to
understand, sometimes beingsecond is actually being in

(04:06):
command and not being the one.
You know being the supporterand we can talk about this in
relationship wise but being asupporter to whatever, um, you
know person that is in charge orin the lead at the time is
sometimes being in commandbecause you're dictating and
controlling a lot because ofyour support, and if they didn't
have that support, typicallythat would be maybe not as far

(04:31):
on as they are at that pointwith you.
So, a lot of being that, thereason I said that is because a
lot of areas I've been takingsecond to and no longer taking
lead to, you know because butI'm involved, obviously, and
this, I think that's how youshould run a business, or you
know, if you are, you know, likejay, like jay-z say I'm not a
business, I'm a businessman, I'mnot a businessman, I'm a

(04:53):
businessman.
If you are in that position, youhave to take second to a lot of
things, meaning allowing peopleto be great at what they do and
instead of you trying to leadthem at what they should be
doing.
That makes sense.
You just support him, you know.
But yeah, a lot of that, a lotof support, um, a lot of getting

(05:14):
things planned for thesummertime.
Summer's going to be super busyfor me, and busy in terms of
good, not like a busy in termsof exhaustion and oh, I got to
do this no, in terms ofexhaustion.
And oh I gotta do this no, I'mexcited about everything that's
about to happen.

Speaker 3 (05:24):
Yeah, like I'm tired but I'm excited yeah, like I
can't, like I'm tired, I can't,I am tired, but I'm excited.
I mean I'm enjoying thisexperience that's good.

Speaker 1 (05:32):
Yeah, that's good dating life.
How are you updates?

Speaker 3 (05:36):
uh, casual, I'm still healing a little bit yeah, so
it's real very, very, very, verycasual.

Speaker 1 (05:46):
Yeah, what is casual dating?

Speaker 3 (05:48):
Like we'll just converse and hang out Like
nothing serious.
We haven't been on a date oranything, but we're both very
busy.

Speaker 1 (06:01):
So why is this?

Speaker 3 (06:01):
person important right now for you to be talking
about them then Because we talkevery day.

Speaker 1 (06:05):
Oh, so if you talk every, day is that casual dating
?

Speaker 3 (06:07):
I, I mean, I wouldn't even throw dating in there,
which is cool, we're gettingeach other oh but it's nothing
serious I'm.

Speaker 1 (06:13):
I'm not in a hurry for that, I'm good on that part
of my life I'm just learningthese levels of dating and and
casual like all that type ofstuff, because I think you can
say it's casual, like I'm opento do.

Speaker 3 (06:29):
I want to say entertaining other people.
I'm open to talking to otherpeople.

Speaker 1 (06:33):
As you should in this state.

Speaker 3 (06:34):
But I don't go out there fishing.
If you want to talk to me, cometo me.
I'm done with that.

Speaker 1 (06:41):
But what if they feel the same way?

Speaker 3 (06:43):
Well, I guess we're just going to be walking past.

Speaker 1 (06:45):
each other know there's a lot of that going on,
because I just shot my shotbefore I was thinking about it,
I said everybody's like oh, Iwas just waiting for something
to come to me.
On that note, I think it's moreof and this is just my opinion
I think it's more of womenputting themselves in the
proximity of the man thatthey're attracted to and the man
putting the initiative toapproach the woman based off of

(07:08):
his attraction to her.
That's how the connectionshould work.

Speaker 3 (07:11):
Okay, but then let's be, I don't do anything.
I went out yesterday when wegot done.
When we was done yesterday, Iwent to the store, I went to the
mall and it was too many people.
I went home Like I don't doanything.
So the places I go it's notreally going to be anyone new,
so it's not like I'm just.

(07:31):
If somebody wants to talk to me, they're going to have to see
me on the internet, they'regoing to have to see me on
social media Because I don't goanywhere.
Like, I don't like people likethis.
I like to be in my own space, inmy own everything.
Like I said, I was outyesterday.
I was like wait hold on it'sthe summertime.

(07:51):
What's all these people doingoutside?
It really shocked me how muchtraffic and how many people were
out yesterday.
It made me go home.
So that's the space I'm in,like I'm in the same place every
day.
I go to the gym at the sametime every day, so I see the
same people, which is usually,for the most part, older people.
You know, most of them aremarried or whatever.

Speaker 1 (08:13):
And I'm not interested.

Speaker 3 (08:14):
Plus, I don't go to the gym for that.
I don't go to the gym to find aman.
If that happens, it happens.

Speaker 1 (08:20):
But Gym love.

Speaker 3 (08:22):
But yeah, I've put myself out there.
I've approached men before yeah, there's nothing wrong with
that, oh I don't see anythingwrong with it, but I'm not doing
it right now yeah, I see.

Speaker 1 (08:34):
I see it's a lot of like for most men, believe it or
not.
Some men are very attracted towomen that are that bold.
So you believe, if you shootyour shot, believe it or not,
you might like actually makethat thing 80, 85 percent of the
time with the right man, that'strue, also I would, but it's.

Speaker 3 (08:50):
I haven't seen anybody worth just me
approaching yeah, well, you'rein the healing journey.

Speaker 1 (08:55):
So I, I personally, would say relax, it's coming
exactly everything.

Speaker 3 (08:59):
You don't need to come right now.

Speaker 1 (09:00):
Don't come okay, wait till next twin, twin seats
you're gonna hide me, you'regonna push it off just chilling
right now.
Please leave me alone yeah, Ifeel you okay okay please leave
me alone, not in the mood I knowthat feeling man listen yeah
but it's all good.

Speaker 3 (09:16):
I'm glad that I have experienced the things that I've
experienced.
It helps me in the future it ishelping me now and you know we
talked about that a little bitwith cj, so okay cool no worries
.

Speaker 1 (09:28):
Anything else you want to talk about before we
jump into the topic?

Speaker 3 (09:31):
topics or topics no, you good though about what?

Speaker 1 (09:36):
life life is.
Yeah, life is good.
Um, I don't want to keepbragging on the podcast.
Oh, life is just so amazing.
No, it's just.
I think it is what I'm makingit right.
Like they're sure they'reobstacles, there are things that
are not, you know, in my favor,but like I don't put energy
into those things, I like,literally, I, a lot of detailed,

(09:59):
small things that you know Ithink are beautiful and exciting
and I I got a whole fast ofthose, versus just going in and
just like, oh man, everything,no, bro, it's like I'm living a
similar life and I think a lotof people need to understand
that.
Um, I think a lot of peopleunderstand that, like it's what
you make it, like you're gonnaput stress into what you think

(10:20):
is stressful yeah I mean I wouldadvise you to like if it's not
good energy, like, get away fromit, don't entertain it or, if
it takes your energy, avoid it.
So I think I've been doingthose things and I've been very
good at that and I'm man andwith that mindset I've been
seeing some good people, likeI've been been reciprocated some

(10:42):
great, some good energy, youknow, in terms of like just
people in general.
So what you give you andapparently I've been giving some
good energy.

Speaker 3 (10:54):
I don't know what was wrong through this morning at
the gym, but I guess he was intraining mode.

Speaker 1 (10:58):
But yeah, so okay, let's, let's go ahead and break
this down of the psyche of justor Dr.
Yeah because sometimes when Ilook, listen, when I'm in a gym
not all the time when I'm in agym I think there's these.
There's this side of me thatpeople enjoy.
That is like like bubbly.

(11:18):
A lot of it is super energetic.
But there's also this side andwork mode.
There's no, like I don't havean issue, I'm not mad, it's just
like.
Just like I mean okay, this iswhat I gotta get done, let me
get this done.
And I think some people theywant me to adjust in the moment
and I'm like we got to get thisdone first.
So my brain works that way.
Like, for instance, when we'resetting up, you're like what's
wrong?
I was like no, I'm just tryingto get us set up so we don't

(11:40):
have to waste a bunch of time.
Because I've noticed, when wedo have to like get in and just
set up for a whole 30 minutes,we waste a lot of time and we
get to the podcast and most ofthe conversation is kind of
shorter.
So I'm like, how do we maximizeour time?
So I'm like focused on gettingus set up and I think people
think I'm angry, like no, likeI'm literally in the same state,
I'm just in work mode, but wecan still talk, talk, it's just

(12:03):
you won't get like all the goodjokes, the 100% smile the entire
time.
You'll get focused just.

Speaker 3 (12:09):
I was getting mean mood when I walked in here y'all
I was like dang, what'd I do?

Speaker 1 (12:13):
I was only five minutes late, I wasn't even
thinking about you.
God late, yeah.
So for anybody that actuallylistens in, know me and that are
, like you know, maybe around,I'm not angry about anything.
It's just like if I'm in workmode, I'm in work mode, not
saying you can't like, you canstill talk and we can still
converse or whatever, but justknow I'm at work, I'm trying to

(12:33):
get whatever the task is in themoment done and that's it yo,
how I know that you really didearn your phd why you said that
because you didn't sayconversate, you said, said,
converse.

Speaker 3 (12:44):
I'm so proud of you.

Speaker 1 (12:45):
Oh, thank you.
You know, Like people don'tknow that.

Speaker 3 (12:48):
No, people do not, and.
I be like.

Speaker 1 (12:51):
These are my two pet peeves, jesus Not knowing that
it's converse and not conversate, and also not knowing that it's
not.
Couldn't care less.
Like, could care less, like,could care less is couldn't care
less or could not care lesslike people don't know the
difference between that and andit's, and obviously I think it's

(13:12):
not a big deal.
But if they understood what itmeant, then they would really
say the proper word a lot betterlike oh that could be a whole
podcast of just how peoplepronounce it you words in the
wrong way.
I'm by no means like the bestarticulating graph, like no,
that's not me, but in certainthings I think, if they really
understood, they were like okay,cool, I should probably say it

(13:32):
this way I just wanted to saysomething about your phd.
I feel like that's veryimportant yeah, I wanted to
throw that out there, dr.

Speaker 3 (13:38):
Great well, you've been a huge advocate of me I've
been calling this man dr gracesince, like november, he's like
you have my phd.
I was like for real.
I changed your name and myphone and everything you didn't
know before.
No, it was like a time whereyou know, I think I fell off for
a minute but yeah there's atime where I wasn't in the gym
as much, and I think that'swhere I don't know but you know

(14:02):
what I'm starting to realizelike people that I'm meeting.

Speaker 1 (14:05):
I don't know if it was me like I don't know.
You know what I'm starting torealize like people that I'm
meeting.
I don't know if it was me LikeI don't know.
I'm not like a.
I don't share my life with theworld, I just kind of like you
just do it.
Yeah, I just do it and I try tolike if I'm interacting with
someone I don't want to like, Iwant to like to make it about me
.
So it's like, how can I learnthis person?
So we're talking about youhaving great conversations.

(14:26):
I don't want to come and say,oh yeah, I have my PhD.
Oh yeah, actually I'm a biker.
Oh yeah, I do all this othertype of stuff.

Speaker 3 (14:35):
I think it's like egocentric if I do something
like that.
I think what happened was I waslike I didn't even know you
were still in town and you waslike I'm working on my PhD.
And I was like for real,because I think once you, you
know you didn't do the job thatyou used to do.
I didn't think I was going tosee you and I think so I was
like what you doing here, I'mworking on my PhD for real.
And then that's when I startedcalling Dr Gray.

(14:56):
That's so cool.

Speaker 1 (14:57):
Thank you.
You're so cool, really cool guythank you, um, I don't know how
I should take that, no, but lookseriously and this is this
could be a lesson to ourlisteners is I think that you
need to understand that somethings that you're working on
you shouldn't broadcast.
Yeah, um, because a lot oftimes you have you put that

(15:18):
other energy, you put thatenergy out there and people
bring negative energy towardswhat your goal is and what
you're trying to accomplish.
So that's another reason Idon't like go in and just
advertise things, like if yousee it, sure good.
But if I don't advertise it isbecause I'm not trying to bring
so many different energies in itand until it's ready, until the
baby is birth yeah you know,then I can kind of show it off,

(15:39):
but yeah, that mindset kind ofhelped me with on my journey.
So that's a nugget Cool.
Let's jump in the topic of theday.

Speaker 3 (15:46):
Okay, that was a long update.

Speaker 1 (15:48):
That was.
We can cut that down.
No, don't cut it.
It's cool, that's 15 minutesbro.
That was long as hell, 15minutes bro.

Speaker 3 (15:56):
What are we talking about today?
We talked about a couple things.

Speaker 1 (15:58):
I think so all y'all, justin, be on YouTube.
Excuse me, dr Gray, be onYouTube hard.
You stay sending me clips.
Youtube has some decent clips.
I like YouTube, so shout out toChatGPT first and foremost.

Speaker 3 (16:14):
ChatGPT or.
Deepseek, either one we gotogether real bad.

Speaker 1 (16:18):
They are some great collabs on different ideas.
I realize I don't know if it'schat, gpt or deep seek stroke of
my ego, but check this outWhenever I ask a question it
could be a deep question andthey'll be like oh, that's deep.

Speaker 3 (16:34):
They're like oh, I love that topic.

Speaker 1 (16:37):
I love that question, like don't stroke my ego, but
the question was it was a topicaround um perspectives about men
and women coexisting, and Ithink that's the broader topic.
But we're going to talk about alot of uh, more specifically,
communication styles, friendshipboundaries.

(16:57):
Also, we're going to start thiswith a clip, though, to kind of
, you know, dive intointerracial dating yes, yes,
y'all ready, let's go.

Speaker 3 (17:06):
I hope it's not too loud.
Why do black men date whitewomen in your opinion?
Just be honest, is it becausethey're more easy?
And I say that.
How you gonna say they're moreeasy.
I'm asking.
I say quote on quote.

Speaker 4 (17:19):
There's a lot of different reasons.
Okay, I think this is myopinion.
Alright, no doubt.
These are just like myobservations and the things that
I've seen White women makethemselves more available In
what ways?
They be around.
They show up, they know wherethe athletes gonna be at.

Speaker 3 (17:38):
I have heard that.

Speaker 4 (17:39):
And then with the athletes and all that shit like
you gotta keep in mind.
It's like tears to the likecollege and then like the
professional and shit like that,they hang around and linger.
That's what Tushman saidyesterday.
They'll watch you strike outall night and it don't affect
your chances with them ornothing.
They want to be down.
So they make themselves moreavailable to the shit as opposed

(18:01):
to playing hard to get.
Act like you don't know thismotherfucker.
They know it, they know thestatus.

Speaker 3 (18:06):
But I'm gonna say this and I really want everyone
to hear me when I say this youcan stop it right there.

Speaker 1 (18:13):
Carlos.

Speaker 3 (18:13):
Villa is crazy Dude.

Speaker 1 (18:15):
Carlos Villa is one of my favorite personalities for
a long time, when they firststarted the 85 South Show 85
South Show is insane.
I was watching that when itstarted.
It's that he's.
He's hilarious.
He's one of the funniest peopleout there.

Speaker 3 (18:28):
I think so don't get distracted, come on, reel
yourself back in because youknow you will go off on a
tangent white women chasing downokay.
So I took notes on that clipy'all because when dr gray sent
it to me it was some things inthere that actually triggered me
.
But I want to start with thetriggers.
White women make themselvesmore available.
So first of all, I feel like Iknow and you, I mean you can't

(18:52):
say, you don't have to, but likeyou, date anyone, right, not
like anyone, but Not Whoa, youdon't restrict yourself to just
you date outside of your race.

Speaker 1 (19:03):
I date outside my race, absolutely yeah.

Speaker 3 (19:05):
Okay, yeah, I mean, you seem like, just like you
just seem like you're open toit's not about the color of the
skin.
It's more like the character Idate in and outside of race.

Speaker 1 (19:14):
Just to be specific, you know I've dated black women
I think obviously more blackwomen than anything but I've
dated white women, hispanic.
Yeah, I dated outside my raceso wait, what's the difference?
Besides culture, inside therelationship or like the actual

(19:35):
connection piece.
What are you asking here?

Speaker 3 (19:39):
inside the relationship I mean, or is there
a difference?
Inside the relationshipabsolutely is not a big
difference in terms of a girl isa girl I think women are a
woman is a woman women are verysimilar in a lot of aspects.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Uh, depending on their background and their
example of relationships, theymay treat the relationship
different or they may serve therelationship different.
Um, you have women that like,especially nowadays.
You have women that are more,let's say, aggressive, but more,
um, uh, heady or what's thewhat's the term looking for when

(20:14):
they're in front, more max.
You want to say masculine, moremasculine in terms of like how
they go about operating in theirrelationship.
But that also depends on theman.
I don't think I ever had like amasculine woman.
Or if they've been masculine,when they're in a relationship
with me, they're pretty muchmore submissive because I think
I do carry that masculine role alot better than they would.

(20:36):
Um, but yeah, I think sure in arelationship is different.
Women are pretty similar, butthey're different attitudes and
I think it's just.
It's different in terms of um,connecting, like the, the
beginning of relationship, likegetting there, that's a better
question, but in a relationshipmost women are similar okay

(20:56):
except oh man, hold on, I don'tknow that goes careful.
Yeah, that goes back to thebeginning, like their upbringing
.
So I have to say that theirupbringing makes the
relationships different.

Speaker 3 (21:08):
Okay, so how they?
That makes sense because thatmakes I don't even have to.
Yeah, you don't have to expandon that.
No, that makes a lot of sense.

Speaker 1 (21:17):
Inside the relationship.
Their upbringing makes therelationship different.

Speaker 3 (21:21):
That's anybody though .

Speaker 1 (21:22):
Correct.
But their emotions and how theytypically go about, you know,
processing things are almostsimilar in terms of like
emotions when they're hurt, whenthey need to be more
forthcoming, and they're notlike, uh, the typical, you know
woman thing yeah, woman, I'mglad you said it.
I didn't say it I did.

Speaker 3 (21:41):
It's okay, okay, go ahead, yeah, okay.
So, um, this is not in my notesfrom the clip, but but it made
me think of, like Saquon Barkley, like his did I say yeah,
children's mom, whatever.
Like you have to think about itwhen you think of interracial
dating sometimes, because Saquonwas to Penn State that's a PWI,

(22:03):
so most of the women therearen't going to be black women,
so it sometimes it's like theenvironment that, because we're
talking about this thisparticular clip was talking
about, like white women, um,pursuing black athletes.
So sometimes it's theenvironment because it's not

(22:23):
like all the, the all the maleblack athletes that date white
women or Hispanic or whomeverthey don't, just, you know, come
across them in theirprofessional life.
A lot of them start dating themor meet them before they get to
where they are and the womenjust stick around Like they were
saying, like Karlo said yo, youcould have struck out all night

(22:44):
, All night in your baseballgame, you didn't get a home run
at all, but she sees yourpotential and she's going to
stay.
But I just wonder, like y'alldon't think black women do the
same.

Speaker 1 (22:56):
So let me give you the full bird's eye view of that
, and also this is going to bean example that relates to
Carlos Miller, but also SaquonBarkley.
So put yourself in thisposition.
I'm going to try to walk with,with you, so say you're shopping
at a grocery store, right, andyou know you go through each
aisle, get all your products.
You're like man, maybe you'regonna cook spaghetti that night.

(23:16):
You get all this.
You get the ground beef, youget the noodles, you get the
sauce.
It's going down right, and youjust want to get out of there as
fast as possible because yousee a rush of people coming in.
Just say that.
So you walk to walk to the frontof the line.
Say you're at Publix or H-E-B,whichever grocery store.
You walk to the front of theline and you see two lanes open.

(23:36):
All right, you follow me.
Two lanes open.
One lane there's a cashier.
Let's say lane one, the closestlane to you.
There's a cashier that issitting in her cashier cube,
ready to check you out.
She sees you, she's looking,she's ready to check you out.
Lane two right next to her,right, there's a cashier
standing at the front of theaisle, literally outside of her

(24:00):
her cube, by the front of theaisle, and she sees you and
she's like hey, you ready tocheck out and you like.
Let me ask you this questionwhich one are you going to?

Speaker 3 (24:09):
that one, you, you going to.

Speaker 1 (24:10):
That one.
You're going to lane two.
That is exactly what he'sreferring to in that clip.
White women are usually moreenthused, or they show more
enthusiasm in terms of gettingthat person, or effort, if you
want to call it.
They show more effort in termsof getting that guy, that
athlete or whoever a black guythat's attractive, and that's

(24:35):
usually what happens, and let'ssay that the transaction happens
.
He goes to lane two.
What happens to black woman,the black in lane one?
She's bitter, she's like well,I don't care, but all she had to
do was what come to the frontof the line and I guarantee you,
if both of them were a littlebit more enthused or showed the
same enthusiasm and at the topof your line, who would the guy
go to?
probably, one yeah, right, soit's all about, and he mentioned

(24:55):
it like it's all about hard toget like bro, like drop that,
like you don't need to have that, that that mindset, literally,
if you are interested insomebody and you're searching,
pursuing, let them know and thenhonestly, if it's competitive
out here, which it is, theperson that shows the most
enthusiasm is probably going towin, especially in the beginning
.
Maybe you know I don't knowwhat the aftermath after he

(25:20):
checks out or after you checkout what it is, but at the end
of the day you got to yourcheckout, somebody showed you a
little bit extra service andyou're like cool, I'm cool with
this.
That's a lot of cases now, somecases you may have small cases
where men are very like oh Idon't date, and I don't date
black women because x, y and z.
That could be a case where aperson's getting ready to check
out they saw a black woman likeman, she's gonna give me a hard
time.

(25:41):
That predetermined yeahpreconceived notion of, oh, this
is going to happen, and he goesto the, the line, the other
line, just because right.
But in most cases, I think, ifwe're talking about the pursuer
of in, the pursuer in this casebeing the clerks at the uh, the
grocery store, the one thatactually shows the enthusiasm,
the more enthusiasm of checkingyou out, would probably be the

(26:02):
one you go to.
That's what I see and that'show I feel about the situation.
My perspective, kind of likecarlos Miller said, it's just my
perspective.

Speaker 3 (26:16):
Okay, so, like I said , I have shot my shot before,
but I've never shot my shot withno professional athlete.
But okay, so I get what he wassaying, because he was like
white women will make themselvesmore available.
They know what hotel y'allgonna be at, which that's kind
of interesting because most ofthe time they're gonna block the
hotels off.
But they know what they know, Iguess the area, the vicinity,

(26:38):
the city, they know all thosethings.
So they like trying to be there.
Yeah, hey, hey.
Oh, I guess they fixated on aspecific person, but also that's
.
Do you not think that's alittle much, though?

Speaker 1 (26:54):
don't you want someone to show you that they
want you?
That's a lot, that's a lot well, I don't think the athletes
know that, and they're thinkingmuch about how they got access
and how they know where they are.
They're just like, oh, this ishere, cool, let's let me give
them you know that's a lot, theyso they it's like they're

(27:14):
hunting yes but see they huntingso that they can have a easy
100, life 100, because once they,
get that, they, once they getthem, they gonna be locked in do
you feel that the black womenshould compete more when it
comes to dating black men?
Like you know, no, we goodwe're not.

Speaker 3 (27:34):
I'm not competing for nobody.
You want me, you want me.
What's the chase?
What's the chase versus theconquer?
What like specifically?
What does that mean?
The chase versus the conquer?
Like what?

Speaker 1 (27:46):
the pursuit, so like being in action, to get you know
signs of of uh, I would say,accomplishment of your gain.
So each step there should be ina process of like, oh cool,
like I did this and this was thereward for okay, um, if I do
something else, these are thingsthat are going to come as I

(28:07):
create the action.
Um, the conqueror is like okay,I got it.
I'm the man I know.
I played in the work here, so Ithink that's important too,
though, but it depends on theperson.

Speaker 3 (28:20):
Well, okay, I'm not going to say that I play hard to
get, but if I'm not interestedthen I will play hard to get,
but if I'm not interested then Iwill play hard to get.
That's like a double negativethat I just said.
But it's like I'm telling you,like Dr Gray, for real,
sometimes we just don't want tobe bothered.

(28:44):
It's like when you haveexperienced some of the things
as a woman because you're a guy,which I'm not trying to like
downplay your experiences butwhen you have experienced some
of the things as a woman,because you're a guy, which I'm
not trying to downplay yourexperiences but when we've
experienced the things thatwe've experienced, it's like you
kind of just know what's coming.
So let me just avoid this.
I don't want to deal with thissituation again.
I don't want to deal with thistype of person again.

(29:06):
Let me just avoid it.
Let me put this mean face on,because I look what the rbf, my
rbf is strong but that's aanother perceived, conceived,
preconceived notion.

Speaker 1 (29:18):
I can't get it out all right.
That's another preconceivednotion that you're doing and
that's filtering out even, maybeeven good dudes at that point.
So it's like you're playingthat same play and the other
side is too.
So it's like you're playingthat same play and the other
side is too.
So it's like no one isconnecting because everybody has
this preconceived notion ofwhat's going to happen, instead
of opening themselves up, youknow, I would say, to certain

(29:41):
qualities they can see andinitially, versus just kind of
like, open themselves up toeverybody, but no one is opening
themselves up, so no one isconnecting.
So it's less connecting andit's more like oh, cool, I'll go
somewhere.
And what happens is black menusually go other places where
it's like, oh, this person isopen, oh, this is easier here.
So that's why you have thesedisgruntled men talking about oh

(30:02):
, black women are this, this andthat.

Speaker 3 (30:05):
Yeah, we have that angry.
They always think we're mad.

Speaker 1 (30:08):
Both sides have preconceived notions, right,
like so how do we?
I think it's going to take oneside.
It's like you know what?
Nah, I think some black womenfor sure now like, yeah, they
don't have those preconceived.
They are like, open, they willgo get.
They're some go-getters outhere bro, they's wild out here.

(30:29):
I don't know, so I wouldn'tcall it wild.
Don't try to put that.

Speaker 3 (30:32):
I will because I'm a black woman and I'm on black
women's social media.
They're not all wild, though.

Speaker 1 (30:38):
It's some good girls out here that are, you know,
go-getters.
That's what I would say yeah.

Speaker 3 (30:43):
They will go get their man, if that's the case,
so not saying, like you know,wow but it's both sure it's a
subset in the subset I don't gota black little notebook just
like me that's crazy work no, itis, it's not me though but, I'm
, I, I get what you're saying,yeah, and maybe I'll get to that

(31:04):
point, but, like the peoplethat are like me with the rbf,
it's just, I don't want to bebothered like if, but I feel
like I, if I do want toentertain you, I will because,
like, like the person that I'm,you know, just community, I'm
just gonna say I could haveignored him but I did yeah I was
interested just to see whathe's talking about you got bored

(31:27):
bro no, I definitely didn't getbored, let me get bored.

Speaker 1 (31:29):
sometimes they want somebody to entertain them.

Speaker 3 (31:31):
I would throw this fan at you.

Speaker 1 (31:32):
So you're telling me it's a lie.

Speaker 3 (31:34):
Yes, women get bored, but I wasn't bored.

Speaker 1 (31:37):
Every woman has some guy she's entertaining on some
level.
Every woman.

Speaker 3 (31:43):
Have you ever been cheated on?
Because I'm moving past thatAbsolutely.
For real.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
Yeah.

Speaker 3 (31:47):
By both races, all races.

Speaker 1 (31:50):
Ooh, but yeah, by a black girl actually.

Speaker 3 (31:53):
Oh, not by like a white girl or Hispanic, I mean.

Speaker 1 (31:56):
I'm pretty sure it's possible, but younger days, yeah
, for sure.

Speaker 3 (32:00):
Oh okay, because then the clip goes on and the lady
in the clip says she gets alittle disrespectful because she
starts talking about, like ifsomething happens in a
relationship with the opposite,like if you're in a racial
relationship and the.
I don't even want to say whatshe said because it was a little

(32:22):
offensive, but basically shewas saying that if your
relationship don't work out,then y'all want to come back to
the black woman.
If your relationship don't workout, then y'all want to come
back to the black woman.
And then where's this notioncoming from that black men don't
cheat?
And then this is where I gettriggered, because Carlos and
the other guy on the podcast waslike what you mean Black, black

(32:43):
men don't cheat black.
Well, she was saying black mendo cheat.
And they was like what you meanBlack men don't cheat.
What are you doing?
That's making them men do cheat.
And they was like what you meanBlack men don't cheat.
What are you doing?
That's making them cheat on you.
And I was like huh, you'redoing something Like they're
cheating on you.
Why are they cheating on you?
What are you doing for them tocheat on you?
And that really triggered me.
I was told by a man that I wasin a relationship with that.

(33:05):
Men will cheat just becausethat I was in a relationship
with that.
Men will cheat just because.
He said that men don't havethat same mental compass that
women have.
Like, men cheat just because,whereas women have to have a
reason to cheat.
And so that triggered me becauseI was like what is she doing

(33:26):
for them to cheat on her?
Because she said that everyblack man she's been with has
cheated on her.
And I just got really triggeredin that part of the clip and I
got upset that dr gray sent itto me after that but I what?
What do you think about that?
Oh have you ever, oh, have youever cheated, dr gray?

Speaker 1 (33:44):
um, have I ever cheated?

Speaker 3 (33:47):
or did jay Stone cheat?

Speaker 1 (33:48):
Did J Stone cheat.
So I was a big toxic at onepoint where I was failing to
commit and in my mind I wassaying, oh, I'm not committed to
this one person, so I can kindof date and do whatever I need
to do.

Speaker 3 (34:07):
So it was more of a like a situation shit than a
relationship I part, no, I holdmyself accountable.

Speaker 1 (34:14):
Okay, I led them to believe that there was yes,
gross we were in a committedlike but I never like really
committed okay, so in my mind,but that's what happened to me.

Speaker 3 (34:26):
He led me to think that we was in a committed
relationship.
I was committing and he wasn't.
But see, you were younger.

Speaker 1 (34:33):
This is a grown man.
No, I was a grown man this time.
No he's 40.
Oh okay, so yeah.
But well, I mean, I think,anything past 18, well, anything
past 21 is you're grown.

Speaker 3 (34:44):
You're grown, but you're still growing In your 20s
you're.

Speaker 1 (34:48):
Making mistakes.

Speaker 3 (34:49):
Yeah, you're making Like you, literally effing up in
life in your 20s and I say thatas a woman yeah, and in your
30s you start to see theconsequences of your actions and
start to be like dang.
I really did this in my 20s.
So for a 40-year-old man totell me that I'm like what?
But men cheat just because,like you, don't have anything

(35:13):
else to do, you don't know whata commitment is, you don't want
to be monogamous, like if youjust want to be going here and
there, then don't call yourselfyou know, or don't call yourself
being in a committedrelationship.

Speaker 1 (35:29):
Yeah, I think you know that mindset of in don't
call yourself being in acommitted relationship.
Yeah, I think you know thatmindset of where he's at is
typically, or where he was Meand life crisis.
No, it's typically a mindsetmost men have at a certain point
where they're like okay, mencheat just because Men, at that
point you're cheating becauseyou're truly not ready to commit
mentally but you may commit,because you're truly not ready

(35:49):
to commit mentally, but you maycommit because you don't want to
lose that girl that you thinkis great.
You know at that point.
So we still have that childishmindset.
We haven't matured yet.
We still have that childishmindset at that point.
Now what Carlos Miller and Iguess Paul Pierce on the episode
was saying is like they're at acertain age now so in their

(36:10):
mind they're probably notcheating or they're probably not
even getting in relationships.
So technically, black men don'tcheat no, baby, they do well,
you just missed the entire, theentire thing.
Why I said I'm saying it?
Because at that point they'renot in relationships, or them,
yes, or they're.
If they are in a relationship,they're matured enough to where

(36:32):
they are not, you know,exploring other other options.
But at a certain age the guysaid, like you said, he's like,
oh, I'm gonna cheat.
You know, all men cheat justbecause it's because at that
point mentally they're not readyto commit, but they're, they
verbally committed because theydon't want to lose this option
that they had.
So they're going to kind ofcontinue to have that mental

(36:52):
battle between what they wantand what you know is in front of
them and I think a lot of times, that's when we hurt people and
that's why I said midlifecrisis.

Speaker 3 (37:02):
This man is 40 years old and this is the type of
rhetoric that you're spewing outof your mouth.
Midlife crisis, dr gray.
Okay, you're not there yet andyour mindset is different, like
this that's, that's kid mindset,right there yeah it's only 24
hours in the day, man.
Look, this is what they.

(37:22):
They go by fast these days itdoes and you, you, you, out here
doing Wild Doing.
That that's too much, alright.
Anyway, moving on.
Oh child, I'm getting triggeredagain.
Uh oh, let's Move on.
Let us please move on.
Gonna get all sick.

Speaker 1 (37:40):
Alright, so I got you want me to go with the question
.

Speaker 3 (37:42):
Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 1 (37:42):
Okay, cool.
This is a question Kind of likein terms of the topic I was
Talking about, coexisting, whenmen and women, men, the multiple
perspectives of of um, aboutmen and women, women, coexisting
.
I didn't get that right.
Uh, first one is um.
Hmm, this is a good one.
So why do men and women oftenmisread each other?

Speaker 3 (38:07):
Why do men and women often misread each other as
they're while they're dating?
Sure.
Um, maybe to avoid a certaintype of conversation okay I
don't know why do they misreadeach other?

(38:28):
Why?
What's your perspective?

Speaker 1 (38:30):
I think, it's obviously because men are
logical thinkers and women areemotional thinkers and usually
they're looking at theiremotions and they're they're
thinking, they're projecting,like what they would feel and
how that person would feel basedoff what they're feeling, and
men are like oh, this, this ishow this is logically correct.
So she should understand whythis is correct, or she should

(38:53):
do this and do that because it'slogical.
So it's just two mindsets ofthe logic and the emotional
though women are very emotionalcreatures, can't lie.

Speaker 3 (39:03):
We're logical too.
We have the quality of both,but we are very emotional.
You need that.
You need that balance.
Yeah.
So that's funny, because thatquestion right there is very
similar to what you just asked.

(39:25):
What do you think men and womenmost commonly misunderstand
about each other?

Speaker 1 (39:30):
That's it.

Speaker 3 (39:32):
What do you mean when you say coexisting?

Speaker 1 (39:35):
Just like in general, like interacting on a
professional level, interactingon a friendship level,
interacting in a relationship oran intimate relationship or
whatever.
I think there are certainlevels of coexistence that we
have, we share with opposite sex, but there are a lot of the
similar, you know, uh,disconnects that we have in

(39:59):
those interactions.
So I think you know that's whyI asked that question in a
manner like coexist, because atsome point we're coexisting just
on a certain level, like I said, business, you know, friendship
or an intimate relationship orwhatever uh, what do you think
about gender roles?
oh, what do you mean?

Speaker 3 (40:18):
like back in the day.
It was like the the man goes towork and the woman stays at
home.

Speaker 1 (40:26):
Yeah, my personal perspective or.

Speaker 3 (40:30):
Yeah, your personal perspective.

Speaker 1 (40:32):
I think gender roles as we are should evolve, yes,
but I also think, on that note,they should.
They should, kind of likegender roles should, I would say

(40:53):
, conform to the situation athand.
So if you have two people in arelationship and the guy doesn't
have certain strengths that thewomen have that are more
masculine, then if that worksfor them, then it should conform

(41:14):
to that.
Vice versa, like depending onstrength and weaknesses.
So I think nowadays, like thereshould be a conformity to
gender roles, like if, dependingon that, you and that person's
connection, back in the day itwas more of like, okay, cool,
like the god does provide,protect, and I think those main
principles are still in effect.
As a man, you want to provideand protect, and I think women
look for that because you know,um, they are not.

(41:37):
You know everybody.
Men and women are builtdifferently.

Speaker 3 (41:41):
So I think certain qualities that men have that men
, women can't have physically,so that works to the advantage
of the relationship If the manis the protector, because
typically he is bigger, strongerand you know whatnot and can
you know, yeah, I, I think mydream I don't even want to say
dream, but like, uh, an idealrelationship for me is to be

(42:04):
with someone that like, not evenjust like be with someone
because we got to be married, tobe in the same household for me
, like, yeah just having livedlife.
I want to be married if weliving together, but where?
If I don't feel like cooking,then you do it.
You know what I'm saying.

(42:25):
Like to where it's not just all.
It all falls what you weresaying.
Times evolve, things change, soI don't just feel like the
woman just stays in the houseand just does all the household
things while the man works.
Because I like to work, I can'tI'm sorry, I can't sit at home.
I like to get my hands dirty too, so I want to be with someone

(42:45):
that can pick up where I fall.
You know, what I'm saying, likeif I don't feel like cooking at
night or washing clothes,whatever I want to be with
someone that's going to be ableto do those things and not, like
, have to show them that theyalready know how to do it.
Because, let's be real a lot ofmen now you know they live on
their own, so, for the most part, how to do it.

(43:06):
Because most let's be real alot of men now you know they
live on their own, so, for themost part, they don't do it well
, they're doing that stuffanyways.
Now some men like to eat out.
Do you cook?
uh, if I can sure if you can,what does that mean?

Speaker 1 (43:19):
if I have time to cook.

Speaker 3 (43:20):
Oh, if you have time, yeah it's like you, okay, but
so some men can't cook, so Iwouldn't expect you to come.
If you can't cook, then I don'tneed you playing in the kitchen
.

Speaker 1 (43:31):
Grocery's too high for that I got it.
Yeah, I enjoy like.
So, on that note, I think forme, in terms of gender roles or
I can say gender roles I think,if I'm okay with both, if my
woman wants to work, let's gosupport.
If she doesn't, cool too.
I mean, I think that's alwaysbeen my mindset I don't want to

(43:54):
like, keep her from being thebest version of herself, but
also I don't, I really don'twant to see her grind hard every
single day like my mom, youknow.
So it's kind of like a balance,and for I was, you know,
fortunate to see two differentsets of grandparents.
One side, one with mygrandparents were the guy my
granddad hardest working manprobably in the world I see him

(44:17):
sweat every single day and mygrandmother was a stay-at-home
mom she's retired, um.
And then vice versa.
On the other side, mygrandmother worked every single
day and my granddad was at home,but both, in both situations,
they both were the alpha and theomega of their freaking homes,
like they were the head hunchos,no questions yeah so I've seen

(44:40):
both you know, aspects of womenworking and women not working.
So I'm like I mean it can workboth ways.
Yeah, it just depends on theperson, right?

Speaker 3 (44:47):
and it did.
It just depends on the, therelationship and what y'all
agree with because, like, evenwhen you get to get into the 50,
50, 100, like it, everybody isdifferent yeah, so what works
for you.
This is hypothetical.
Everyone calm down what worksfor you.
This is hypothetical.
Everyone Calm down what worksfor you and your woman might not

(45:11):
work for me and my man, youknow what I'm saying.
So it just depends on the coupleor, you know, it depends on you
, because everybody's not goingto be able to do everything.
It's not for everyone.
I know you don't have one, butI was just hypothetical, yeah
for sure.

Speaker 1 (45:29):
Disclaimer I definitely don't have men right
now.
Justin's single, basically,that's what you're saying he's
good, alright, moving on.

Speaker 3 (45:40):
Do you think men, why are you looking for this
question?
Do you think men and women cantruly be just friends?
Oh, that's actually thequestion see y'all, we really
best friends that's the look.

Speaker 1 (45:52):
That was the question I was just looking for.
I was just listening to ayoutube clip earlier.
Uh, on this woman.
Oh man, I mean, should I playit?
or not, it's a long one oh yeahbut basically in in, um, in the
short, she was saying that shewas dating this, uh, she had
this guy that was a friend and,um, he ended up expressing later

(46:14):
down the road that he was, youknow, in love with her and
attracted to her, but he nevergot the opportunity, oh right,
and you know, she said, you knowshe was saying that she never
knew, etc.
And all that type of stuff.
But you know, she made somepoints about like you know that
and really that she never knew,etc.
And all that type of stuff.
But you know, she made somepoints about like you know that,
and she was like I don't thinkmen and women can be friends, um
, and whatnot.

(46:34):
Now, personally, this is myperspective I think it can
definitely happen, but it takesboth parties being mature and
also, typically it's difficultwhen both parties are attracted
to each other.
But it can happen if bothparties are mature and the
relationship is strictly.
What's the word I'm looking for?

Speaker 3 (46:56):
Platonic.

Speaker 1 (46:56):
Yes, that takes work though that takes like okay,
cool.
I see it's almost like you andyour mind want better for your
friend Always and you know inyour mind want better for your
friend always and you know inyour mind better is not you.
So that's the kind of likeplatonic.
That's like having a betterplace of tonic mindset, because

(47:17):
once you get to the point towhere you don't have that
mindset, then you start to putyourself in the shoe of of their
potential mate.
And you can't do that, becauseif you are to keep their
friendship, then it needs to be.
I want better for my friend andyou're always, you know, look
out, looking that relationshipthat way.
What are your thoughts?

(47:37):
Do you think men and women canbe friends?

Speaker 3 (47:39):
absolutely as a girly that has the majority.
The majority of my friends aremen that I have never looked at
in that way, like in anothertype of way.
Yes, I have one person that's afemale, that is my bestie, but
the rest of my male friends,which a couple of them, are my

(48:01):
besties and then some, are justfriends.
Yes, women and men can be justfriends and you'll know, like
you'll know, the difference, thedifference, yeah, you'll know
if that person, if that personis gonna this, is gonna turn
into something else, like theperson I'm talking to now, like
we, cool, whatever, but I knowthat it could be more later on

(48:24):
down the line.

Speaker 1 (48:25):
I think so.
There's levels to likefriendship, like you have the
friendship level where there'sintention and there's a short
period of time where there'sintention to like actually date.
Yeah, because you guys do sharemore commonalities.
You share like the ability tokind of like you know you're
interested in going out withthis person and doing those
intimate things Right.
But the other friendship islike you're coexisting, because

(48:48):
you know you enjoy the bun youguys have.
You enjoy like relying on thisperson if you need them and vice
versa, or if you guys have acommon goal that you want to
kind of accomplish.
A lot of times it's like man,look this person is, is click,
like they're genuine, they'rehonest and I want to keep doing
my life in that aspect that's me, you guys.

Speaker 3 (49:05):
He's talking about me , so I'm a great friend.

Speaker 1 (49:07):
Yes, it can work in the beginning of it.
So yeah, so I think.
But it's also good to kind ofknow the difference, because you
do have those people, thoselions that are lying and wait
for you to break up with yourperson and jump right um because
you just said that blairunderwood.

Speaker 3 (49:24):
Blair underwood was With his wife for like 30 years.
Yeah.
And they got divorced.
This happened Like out of COVIDand they got a divorce and His
new wife Is his best friend.
That's crazy that he has knownfor years.
Like she, she probably was atthe wedding.
That's crazy.

Speaker 1 (49:43):
How do you know, though, like, if so.
She was playing the whole timeshe was plotting the whole time
she was playing the long game,the long game.

Speaker 3 (49:52):
It's crazy work, no, but that's insane because it's
like I'm pretty sure his ex-wifewas like dang, this is what
y'all was waiting on, becausethey waited until the kids
graduated and everything beforethey did the divorce, until the
kids graduated and everythingbefore they did the divorce.
And I guess, just from what Iheard, like blair underwood is
not is one of those people inhollywood, whereas there's no

(50:12):
scandal at his doorstep wow so Iguess he was committed to the
marriage.
But I guess in the back of hismind maybe his best friend was
always there who he, yeah,always there, maybe who he
wanted in the end.
I might, you know, I don't know,maybe you can have multiple
people.
That's like your person, andhis time with his wife was just

(50:33):
up.
But that's so interesting thatyou said that, though, cause it
made me think of Blair Underwoodhad a whole wife got divorced
and end up remarrying his bestfriend.
Wow, I don't, yeah, that'scrazy, that's insane.
Got divorced and end upremarrying his best friend Wow,
I don't, yeah, that's crazy.
That's insane Hmm.

Speaker 1 (50:51):
That's a long time.
That is, but yeah, I.
So my answer to that is yes,and I see your answer to that is
yes, I think it's possible.
Definitely gonna take somemature people.

Speaker 3 (51:02):
Um, I mean um, we can use our friendship.
Like me and you, cool, we'veknown each other for a while.
We've never, ever been on thatlevel.
Yeah.
And it's just.
I mean, we are mature, right.
But I've just never seen thatLike I love our friendship so I
wouldn't even want to be.
Sometimes, when you cross thatline and it doesn't work, and

(51:23):
then you try to go back.

Speaker 1 (51:24):
Can't go back to it.
You can't go back.
It was a saying that says likefriends can be lovers, but
lovers can't be friends.
Like you can go one way, butyou can't go back.

Speaker 3 (51:33):
No, you can't, and it's so funny cause, like my ex,
all my exes, all three of myexes was like we started out as
friends, so if it don't work, wegonna be friends.
I'm cool with one of them.

Speaker 1 (51:51):
You know what?
That saying, I kind of likedisagree with it.
I think it depends on thepeople, because there are some
people, like Dwayne the RockJohnson, like some people, have
actually married, you know, beenin love with someone, and then
you know divorce or separatedfrom them, but they're still
friends.
So it I think there's certaincases where it can work.

(52:11):
Um, again, it depends on thetwo people.
Are they mature enough right?
Can they separate?

Speaker 3 (52:17):
you know what was and what is now yeah, I think
that's super important so Ithink um people like that, where
it doesn't work, sometimes itmight help if it's not's not
such a bad breakup or whateverwith children, because you have
the co-parent, so they make itwork Because there are some very
healthy co-parentingrelationships out there.

(52:38):
As a matter of fact, one of myclassmates, ben Joe, shout out
to you him and his daughter'smom.
She's married now now and shehas another child with her new
husband.
But him and his, his daughter'smom, they have a very healthy
co-parenting relationship.
He's very cool with her husband, they hang out all of that and
actually he made a post and itwent viral and everything.

(53:00):
So it's like you, there'snothing wrong with having not
working out with someone andthen still being able to
especially if children areinvolved, not be, especially if
children are involved, you'reable to co-parent and it not be
like a toxic negative.

(53:20):
Nah, you can't see that youknow type of situation because I
think she, I think his, hischild's mom lives in Mississippi
and he lives in Alabama.
So they make it work acrossstate lines.
So it's not something that'snot doable.
Yeah.
But it's, it's all about thepeople.
Like in all of this that we'retalking about, it's always going

(53:41):
to be about the people, becauseeveryone is different.
Yeah.
But I feel like it, it can.
It can happen and I and I and Idon't have kids, we don't have
kids.
But I feel like if a child isinvolved in you want to kind of
make the make it as positive aspossible, agree, especially if
y'all aren't together.

Speaker 1 (54:01):
So but yeah, it's good, it's good I love how you
know about the rock.

Speaker 3 (54:06):
You really do.
You really do rock with therock.

Speaker 1 (54:08):
Yeah the rock cool guy, cool guy yeah, I know last.
This is last question before weget out here, so oof, um, oh
man, these are actually twoquestions.
I guess I can actually justdoes, um, does it make women
feel overly sexualized orpressured on social media?

(54:29):
Does social media make womenfeel overly sexualized or
pressured?

Speaker 3 (54:39):
I guess it depends on your algorithm and what you're
seeing.
Does social media make womenfeel over sexualized or
pressured?
It just depends.
I don't see a lot of contentwhere I don't see a lot of
things where women are oversexualized, and they just might
be because of the, the contentthat I consume, um, but what do

(55:02):
you mean when you say pressure,like?

Speaker 1 (55:05):
so like.
So now you know most women areconforming to what they see
other women do.

Speaker 3 (55:10):
Oh, so like mimicking .

Speaker 1 (55:13):
No Wearing the same stuff.

Speaker 3 (55:15):
No, I'm very simple.
But that's your personal,that's me yeah no, nah, just
based off of what I see nah.

Speaker 1 (55:23):
From a man point of view, though, I think it does
look like you guys are puttingin a position to Okay.
So this is this is something I100% agree with.
I think women want what otherwomen want.
Typically, there's pressurethere because once a woman sets
a trend, a lot of women followthat trend because they maybe

(55:45):
they like it or they feelpressure to do that because
that's the norm in their mind orsociety's mind.
It's the norm now.
Prime example, activewear.
Activewear has evolved from onething to the next and everybody
is doing the exact trend.
What is the next trend for?
activewear there was one pointwhere you know, I guess women

(56:08):
were wore certain certain thingsto the gym.
Now they're wearing certainthings to the gym, so I think
that could be a pressure aspector that could be over a
sexualization of what they have,you know, because it's a little
more.

Speaker 3 (56:23):
This one I had to type down to say it's a little
more.

Speaker 1 (56:24):
This is what I had to type down to say it's a little
bit more.
It's a little bit morerevealing now, right, but I
think that's the biggest issueis because a lot of people are
typically men now are like womenare coming half naked to the
gym.
I ain't complaining aboutnothing because it ain't none of
my business but a lot of menare complaining about that now

(56:45):
and women are like they need tocome to the gym at 4am, because
we don't do that at 4am, we haveclothes on.

Speaker 3 (56:51):
I was going to say women want what other women want
, or women want what other womenhave.
I guess it's a little bit ofboth, but Perspective versus
reality, because over here I'mgood To that what you just said.
I wear a t-shirt and my bottomsat the gym are gym bottoms, but

(57:12):
my tops are typically t-shirtsbecause whatever pump I got is
for me.
I don't care about you seeingit so.
But CJ said something the otherday.
He was like, or the last partor whatever he said um, the type
of women he's like he don'treally care about women coming
to the gym like that.
Like most of the time, the onesthat come to the gym like that,

(57:34):
they're covered up and theytake their cover-up off to like
take a picture and then they puttheir cover up back on but I
like, I like.
I said I don't really see that.
I guess that's the 12 o'clockcrowd, 12 o'clock, guess that's
the 12 o'clock.

Speaker 1 (57:46):
crowd 12 o'clock.
Yeah, that's the 12 o'clock andthe 5 pm crowd.
You're not going to catch me inthe gym that late.

Speaker 3 (57:51):
It's too late for me.

Speaker 1 (57:52):
Okay, cool, you got any other questions before we
boat out of here?
No.

Speaker 3 (58:03):
I mean it's a lot on here.
It's a lot on here, but it's alot yeah, I can.

Speaker 1 (58:06):
I mean, do you want to answer this question?
It says hello in conflict.
Who's more likely to walk awayand why women?
Women are more likely to walkaway.

Speaker 3 (58:14):
Let me tell you why.
This might be a Tyler Perryreference, I don't know, but
when a woman get ready to do shelike picking, she taking stuff
away little by little, that'strue, I've done that, yeah, I've
taken stuff away little bylittle, and's true.
I've done that.
Yeah, I've taken stuff awaylittle by little, and then, when
it's time to go, she's out shegone like it might be one more
thing she gotta grab.
Hey, I'm gonna see you later andI'm out.

(58:36):
You don't know how many, howmuch I've seen of women.
Um, when they they ready to go,they wait for that man to go to
work and then they pack thehouse up.
One day they took her six hours.
She packed up the house of herstuff only her stuff.
When she got all of her stuffout the house, the house was
empty that's crazy and she didtake his stuff.

(58:58):
He came back from work he waslike wait a minute, so women,
it's like when oh, I hope that'snot an archie it is.

Speaker 1 (59:06):
It is I'm thinking, the song, I think yo I was
literally waiting for you tostop talking, so I can say like,
literally, that is so no, likefor real.

Speaker 3 (59:21):
That's great, you don't that?

Speaker 1 (59:22):
no, I know me right now like I had a conversation
With someone earlier About likewhen a woman's fed.
We were like, bro, when awoman's fed up, it's a wrap,
deuces, there's nothing, nothingyou can do about it and I'm not
coming back.
Yeah, and that song Is so True.

Speaker 3 (59:40):
It is, I'm not coming back.

Speaker 1 (59:42):
And man Just Sorry.

Speaker 3 (59:44):
No doubling back.
I've I have learned I havecircled back and circling back,
I've learned that I shouldn'thave circled back.
Yeah.
I should have ended it thatfirst time, like even with my
reason, is we circle?
We did the double back.
I should have let that thing gothe first time when a woman's
fed up man when a woman's fed up, we getting up out of there.

(01:00:11):
All right, let's get out ofhere before our video clip stops
.
So anything else you want toleave our pod with today.

Speaker 1 (01:00:16):
No, we was all over the place, so I can't give a
closing thought.
Yeah, closing thought I can'teither.
I think, yeah, just tune in tonext time, guys.
Thank you for coming in andlistening to the show.
We're on YouTube and we're onYouTube.

Speaker 3 (01:00:27):
Let me call it out, cause you be wrong.
We're on YouTube, you guys.
It is under the name of DrJustin Gray and you can find all
of good, bad, gray content.
You can listen to us on Appleand Spotify at the good sorry,
not the the good, the bad andthe gray podcast and all of the

(01:00:50):
podcast platforms.
If you type in the good, thebad and the gray podcast in
Google, it'll pop up and you canfollow us on TikTok at good,
bad, gray perfect, thank you,guys like share and subscribe
and we are out deuces.

Speaker 2 (01:01:06):
Thank you guys Like share and subscribe.
Yeah, and we are out Deuces.