July 3, 2025 • 63 mins
How many of these five essential people do you have in your corner? In this deeply insightful conversation, Dr. Gray and A Renee unpack the critical roles we all need filled in our lives: the comforter who provides emotional safety, the confronter who speaks truth with love, the challenger who pushes us beyond comfort, the counselor who offers wisdom, and the celebrator who acknowledges our victories.
The hosts share personal revelations about which roles they naturally embody and which they struggle to find in their own lives. Dr. Gray confesses that despite often serving as a challenger to others, he treasures comfort most—revealing how even those who appear strongest need safe spaces for vulnerability. Meanwhile, A Renee opens up about her current season of intentional emotional isolation as part of her healing journey, distinguishing this temporary withdrawal from unhealthy emotional laziness.
Perhaps most thought-provoking is their discussion about romantic relationships—should your partner fulfill all five roles? Both hosts caution against this expectation, noting the immense pressure it places on one person. "I think it's when you're wearing so many hats for one person, it can overburden your person," A Renee reflects, sharing from experience how impossible it feels to meet every need simultaneously.
The conversation takes a surprisingly touching turn when discussing physical connection, with Dr. Gray revealing how meaningful unexpected embraces have been during his healing process: "For the people that stole those hugs, I was like, dang bro, I needed these." It's a powerful reminder that sometimes we need connection in ways we don't even recognize.
Whether you're examining your own support system or wondering which roles you play in others' lives, this episode offers valuable insight into creating balanced, nurturing relationships. Subscribe now and join the conversation about building your emotional foundation with the right people in the right roles.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to the good, the bad and the great podcast,
where we shine a light onwellness, personal growth and
relationships.
Together, we'll discuss highsand lows and the in-betweens,
offering different perspectiveson health and wellness.
Tune in as we peel back thelayers of life, revealing the
good, the bad and the great.
(00:24):
Welcome back to the good, thebad.
Oh man, Yo, welcome back to thepodcast.
(00:46):
Yo, we're back.
What's up?
What's up, A Renee?
What's good?
Talk to me.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Hi Dr Gray.
Welcome back to the Good, theBad and the Gray with Dr Gray
and resident A Renee.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Nice.
I like the intro.
Actually, while we got time, Ithink let's do a it's the
perfect time to do like areiteration of what the podcast
is and about.
So, guys, this is the good, thebad and the great podcast.
I'm your host, dr Justin Gray,and she's a Renee, our resident.
(01:22):
This podcast is essentially aspace where we talk
relationships, we talk mentalhealth, we talk business, we
talk career and everything inbetween, even the messy parts.
I think it's super important tounderstand that this podcast
we're going to talk about, youknow, things that may be
beautiful in a sense, maybebroken in a sense, or things
that we don't even have a labelfor, and that's what you can
(01:45):
find here.
And that's what you can findhere and that's what you can
count on in terms of what wetalk about in this pod.
So, yeah, if you guys arelistening I'm going to say this
at the beginning of the episodeIf you're interested in
listening to the podcast in full, you can find us at the good.
You can find us at the good,the bad and the great podcast on
all platforms.
Anywhere you listen to youraudio podcast, and if you're
(02:08):
interested in a full episode,you can find us on YouTube at Dr
Justin Gray.
Again, that's on YouTube at DrJustin Gray.
Yeah, but welcome in guys.
Thank you for tuning in.
I know the past episodes we'vebeen getting pretty.
You know we've been taking ourlisteners on a journey, I think.
I think the past episodes we'vebeen getting pretty.
(02:29):
You know we've been taking ourlisteners on a journey.
I think I think the lastepisode was good.
Obviously, most episodes aregood.
So, yeah, give us a littlequick update.
You know we do this in thebeginning.
Matter of fact, let's do this.
It's been almost a month or two, right since we talked about
what are you saying hello to andwhat are you saying goodbye to.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
It's been about three months.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Okay, so let's start that, because I think you know,
as human beings, we evolve andwe change every single day.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
What are you saying hello to and what are you saying
goodbye to?
Don't put me on the spot.
What am I saying hello to?
I'm saying hello.
I hope I'm not making noisewith my fan.
It's a little warm in here, youguys.
What am I saying hello to?
I'm saying hello to experiencesand opportunities that put me
(03:21):
outside of my comfort zone,which I'm a routine person.
So for me to say hello tosomething that's not something I
would typically do or say yesto, I'm working on saying yes.
Now, I'm not like Chrissy andDr Gray saying yes to everything
, but I am having an open mindand saying yes to more things
than I usually would.
What am I saying goodbye to?
I'm saying goodbye to hurt.
(03:42):
I'm still healing.
I'm still on a healing journey,so I'm working through, you
know, anger Sometimes andDecisions that I may have made
that may affect me or may haveaffected me.
So I'm Saying Goodbye to hurt.
What are you saying?
(04:04):
Hello and Goodbye to.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I start with hello.
I think I'm saying hello to.
I wrote something down on myphone, all right, so this, this
may help me um, all right, I'msaying hello to, um, the energy
that is supporting you know,resilience, my sensitivity, my
capacity to nurture.
I think that's super importantin terms you know resilience, my
sensitivity, my capacity tonurture.
I think that's super importantin terms of you know me saying
(04:31):
hello.
I'm saying goodbye to.
Ooh, this is what I'm sayinggoodbye to.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I'm saying goodbye to worrying about the end
destination and outcome.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
So I think, and outcome, so I, I, I think and
that's super important,especially in this phase that
I'm in cause, I'm like expanding, you know, my horizon and
spending in so many differentareas and I have to let go of,
like, that destination of whereI'm landing or what the outcome
is going to be for, especiallyfor, like you know, business
ventures, especially forrelationships.
So I think, truly, right now,I'm letting go or saying goodbye
(05:09):
to the outcome and the end goal, the, the end destination to,
um, everything that I am today.
I just gonna, I'm just going tobe in a moment and let it
happen.
Being present in the moment isvery important yeah, and I guess
also what I'm saying goodbye tois the same thing, but it's
(05:31):
just like not caring what theend destination is.
As long as I'm in this journeyand I feel like what I'm doing
is worth doing and is purposeful, especially now for me forget
how it ends, forget what I'mrecognized for, forget you know
how much money or the end goalor what I look like at the end.
(05:54):
I'm just doing it.
So, yeah, I'm saying goodbye tothat Cool.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
That's loaded.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, it's loaded, very loaded.
I had to think about it becausethat's something I've been
thinking about often, uh,recently, so yeah, so talk to me
, hey, renee, um, give us anupdate on life in the pursuit of
happiness brief update on lifestill busy, still make it why
you make that face what is busy?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
what do you mean?
You, your whole life is busy.
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (06:24):
you know what?
Don't?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
don't let our listeners, please don't give our
listeners that first of all,our listeners know you wear a
thousand hats.
I do not, you got 10 000 keyson your key change.
You're a busy man literally.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
No, I'm not that yo I have time like I've been having
a.
What it is is, I think I knowwhy you think I'm always busy.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I'm listening.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Because I always have something more to say or do.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
To do specifically.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Anyways, you've been busy.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Like I said the first time, while he making faces and
noises I've been busy.
I just busy is good.
Busy, yeah, like productive,busy with the production, the
show and working on my bodygoals.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
You've been in the gym grinding yo.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, I'm working.
I'm working through some things, being positively influenced to
change my diet, which we talkedabout a little bit.
So I'm working through that andjust trying to stay positive
and continue my healing I meanmy update is pretty short and
(07:34):
simple.
I'm just you know.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Same old, same old.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, same, I think for me I've been, I'm still in a
, in a, I'm like, I'm in a placeof like extreme creativity.
I've been able to kind of likeput moments together and create
things from it.
Uh.
So, but busy wise, I don't knowif it's busy, it's just staying
, I don't know present andmoving.
(08:02):
I don't think I'm, but I have,because you make it seem like I
don't have time to do anything.
But we're here today.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I mean as long as I call you better answer this.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Oh, I got you.
Yeah, for sure, If I matter offact, yeah, if I, if I, if you
call me, I'm probably going.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
By the way, if I call anybody else.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Answer the phone, because it's either money or
we're about to make a move.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Trust, and if it goes straight to voicemail, you
should call them again.
Oh, I don't do.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
First, let's just address that, All right.
So I'm going to get this on mychest right now Do not disturb.
This do not disturb culture istoo extreme.
First and foremost, if you'rethat busy to where you have your
phone on do not disturb, thenyou don't need a phone once
Cause, because at the same time,you don't need a phone, but I
(08:52):
don't.
Here's the thing I don't.
I think majority of people thathave their phone on do not
disturb are not even that busy.
If I'm busy, I do not have myphone.
Do not disturb.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
And your phone be dead all the time.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
But again, I don't get no calls.
My call is probably from likeseriously, that's why I had to
put my phone.
Do not disturb, Because if I'mbusy, people know I'm busy If
I'm busy.
But no bro, you don't need toput your phone.
If I got to call you, hold on.
If I got to call you twice, Iain't calling you once.
I'm going to call you once,that's it.
You get one call and it goesstraight to the voicemail.
Alright, I'm done.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
May I please address the elephant in the room Really
quickly.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
A lot of people have that, do not disturb.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
A lot of people have do not disturb when they're
driving.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Okay, sure.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
That's fine, which was?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
case this morning.
Hold on, bro, you're textingand driving.
I don't text and drive, okaygood.
Sometimes, and drive, Okay good.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Sometimes people not busy, they sleep and they don't
want their phone to interrupttheir sleep.
That might be why they havetheir phone not disturbed.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
What if you at work?
Why don't you just don't answeryour phone?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
When I used to work a day job where it was more
structured.
I'm answering.
I don't care, my phone wasn't.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
I don't do not disturb so your problem is that
you will answer if you hear ringduh I don't know what's going
on?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I need to see you.
Hello you good, okay.
Okay, I'm at work.
I'll call you back.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Like that's how my phone calls would go so now,
since do not disturb is on you,no it's not.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
It's on right now because we're podcasting, but
typically my phone isn't well,I'm saying since it's on right
now because we're podcasting,but typically my phone isn't
Well.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I'm saying, since it's on and somebody call you,
you won't care if it's anemergency or not.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
If it's an emergency trust and believe they're going
to call again my sister, don'tplay that.
She a nosy little thing.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, I don't, I don't.
Yeah, I still don't get it.
Do not stir, or whatever.
I mean, I see if you'reextremely busy.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Different strokes for different folks.
Yeah, all right, some peopledon't like to hear their phone
going off too, which is yeahWell, I'm blessed to not have
that many people in my life.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I guess, dang, maybe that's a good and bad thing.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Well, I don't get a lot of phone calls, so I don't
have to pull up, but you have alot of people in your life
support you.
I'm not finna name drop on thispodcast episode we can talk
about the three people that'sbeen on this episode four this
podcast is actually about that.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
It's that topic what having people?
The five most important peopleyou should have, or five types
of people you should have, inyour life.
This is a good segue.
Do you want to play this?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
this was not a good segue, but we can move on.
No, you weren't done updatingus.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Oh, okay, I'm not finished updating guys.
We'll segue in a minute whatelse you got.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
You was telling us.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
When you said something, you said I'm not that
busy, and I was like yes, you,Seriously, if I have time to be
alone, I'm not that busy.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Hey, what kind of shirt do you have on by the?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
way, guys, if you're interested in this new drop for
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It just wasn't hitting right,or maybe the style or the themes
(12:05):
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Maybe they didn't donate tolike a nonprofit of your liking?
If that's the case, I guaranteeyou this brand, welders and
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So if you're interested, pleasego to wwwweldersandathleticscom
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(12:26):
It's all about service for thatcompany.
Thank you, wellness andAthletics.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Shameless.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That was just random, because.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I'm just like when you say you're not busy like sir
.
Okay, I think about the thingsthat I know about.
There are other things like.
I'm not that busy bro okay, soto segue into our conversation
for today, mr Not Busy yeah, youwant to bring us in.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
So the conversation today is about the five types of
people you need in your life,and this uh stem from a
conversation that we had.
Uh after I sent you a video.
Do you want to share that videowith us?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
yeah, let me make sure my volume.
I don't want to be too loud.
All right, y'all ready?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
five types of people that you need in your life a
comforter, a confronter, achallenger, a counselor and a
celebrator.
So you need a comforter, aconfronter, a challenger, a
counselor and a celebrator.
So you need a comforter in yourlife because life is guaranteed
to hurt you and you needsomeone there to comfort you,
because if you don't havesomeone who's there to comfort
you, then you'll end up going tothe person who hurt you to heal
(13:38):
you.
A confronter you need someonein your life who's going to tell
you when you're wrong.
You ain't always right, but youneed a person to play the role
to confront you when you'rewrong.
A challenger Someone who lovesso greatly, who listens so
greatly, who serves so greatly,and the way in which they live
their life it challenges you tobe better.
(13:58):
You need a counselor.
You desperately need acounselor, someone whose wisdom
you can just garner things from,someone who's there to just
lend you a wise idea.
And, lastly, you need acelebrator, someone who will not
let you go through a daywithout celebrating the small
victories and, obviously, thelarge victories.
Now what?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
ready, that's good, that's good.
Oh so, guys, what I'm gonna dois I'm gonna break down each of
those um roles so you canunderstand a little bit more.
So our counselor offers clarity, wisdom and perspective.
They might be a mentor, aparent, therapist or friend.
A comforterter offers a safespace, emotional support, warmth
(14:46):
.
They often are found in a longtime, on longtime friends or
siblings, partners, somethinglike that.
Celebrators they're your hype,men slash women.
They affirm most of your winsor all of your wins.
This could be your best friendor a little cousin, or maybe a
barber or someone that you know,or just you know, a regular
(15:08):
friend.
Challengers they push you tolevel up, they don't let you
settle, and sometimes this islike a coach, boss or ambitious
peer that you're working with.
Confronter confronter tells youthe truth with love.
Usually is rare but deeplyvalued.
(15:29):
Yeah, so those are the fiveroles counselor, comforter,
celebrator, challenger andconfrontor why are you saying
I'm out of order?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
what's in?
Speaker 1 (15:43):
my order.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yes, okay, the order is confronter, confronter,
challenger, counselor,celebrator and I like celebrator
last, because it's like a Idon't know.
I feel like that's the betterone of them all.
Okay, because I feel like in inanother way.
Some of them, some somebodythat plays a role of like a
(16:04):
confronter, is also.
They're confronting you, butthat can also be a challenge for
you.
But what I want to preface theconversation with was when you
brought this.
When I listened to this clipand I was just like dang.
It kind of made me feelslightly inadequate, because I
was like bro, where am I Like?
Where do I fall in these fivedifferent traits?
(16:27):
Am I?
It made me question myself.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
No lie.
I was like am.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
I, this person, for somebody which I'm sure I am,
but for me to be questioning itis like am I, maybe I don't know
, but I do still feel like it'sa, it's a good conversation and
it's a something that'll kind ofmake me think more.
(16:54):
You know even before today that,like I, said when I first
listened to the clip I was likequestioning myself yeah and my
relevancy in certain people'slives and that's which I don't
communicate with a lot of people, so it's not like it's a whole
band of people that I can bethis person for, but the few
that I do converse with.
(17:15):
Often am I this role for them.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
So I'm going to pose a question, and I think this is
related to what you're sayingwhich role do you think you play
the most, or do well, in thepeople people lives that you are
in?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Celebrator for sure.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
So you're the celebrator for most people.
I can attest to that, because Ithink you showed me like, yeah,
bro, that's like yeah,celebrators for sure.
I took great.
I guess I need to answer it too, right, of course.
So which one do you think?
Oh, my son.
Which role do you think youplay the most?
(17:52):
Do, uh, I think I do well atcomforter.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Um, okay, honestly, I think I do well at multiple ego
, right exactly no but, no, thatis so true now that I think
about it like the comforter is,like someone that brings like
peace and calm to the situation.
Yes, I think I do very well atcomforters.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Oh my gosh.
I think it's because and thereason I say comforters is
because I realize a lot ofpeople, when they come in, like
my presence is like they feellike it's family, they feel like
they can just say whateverwithout being judged.
And I've seen it and felt that.
And I've seen it and felt thatand I'm like, oh wow, so this
(18:28):
person is comfortable here.
So I think comforter is what Iplayed the best.
Um question.
Next question for you.
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, you got another one.
Oh, go ahead.
Okay, I was gonna say the nextquestion.
I only have two questionsoutside before we go straight
into the topics.
The second question is uh,which one do you think is harder
for you to fulfill or doesn'treally come natural?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Maybe the confronter, because I can see myself easily
being a confronter.
Confronter for me is not likebeing combative, but like giving
constructive criticism.
Comforter for me is not likebeing combative, but like giving
constructive criticism, Like asa friend.
You got to be able to give theconstructive criticism while
also celebrating, so that's easyfor me.
(19:15):
Like challenging you, that'seasy for me.
Counseling like I mean I cancounsel you, I can be a
counselor for you based off ofthe decisions that I've made as
an individual.
And, of course, celebrating iseasy.
So I think that comforterbecause I'm such a to myself
person that my initial energylike people love me literally,
(19:39):
but they will tell me they'll behonest with me after the fact
and be like when I first met youI was scared of you.
You look mean because I, let'sremember, I have rbf sometimes.
So like they'll be honest withme and tell me that when they
first met me they didn't thinkthat this is the personality
that I have.
So initially coming off bad, Iwould say.
Comfort, it would probably bethe hardest one for me okay,
(20:03):
most unnatural, the hardest onefor me, man.
This is difficult because Idon't um, I would say I don't
know bro, this is difficultbecause, because I have a trait
of all of these things no, stopit.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Um, the most unnatural one, oh, I don't know
like I feel, like I've.
I've unfortunately been able tokind of do a lot of these,
naturally, because I I usuallystart with comforting and
assessing what people are andthen, depending on what they
(20:40):
need, I'll give them that.
But if I had to choose one, itwould be the one that comes most
unnatural, I would saychallenger.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Really why.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
But here's the thing I think when people see me
automatically and they just meetme and they kind of see, oh,
that is how I move, I become achallenger, I motivate them to
level up, right, I think so andI'm like, nah, that's not the
role I'm trying to take, butmost people see that and that's
(21:18):
what they do.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
You having a background I have to say having
a background in training people.
That's a way of challenging,though.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
I know, but my goal has never been for them to level
up, like I'm not trying to.
Oh, we need you to level up.
If they need that in a moment,sure, but it's moment.
Sure, sure, I can do it.
But I think out of all five,it's probably the one that I'm
not naturally, that I naturallytake Okay, because initially I'm
(21:50):
not jumping into being yourchallenger.
That's not my first game plan,unless you come and say, hey,
look, I need somebody to.
Unless you come and say, hey,look, I need somebody to push me
.
Okay, cool.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I need somebody to cuss me out.
Right me, look, do right I gotyou.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
You finna work, trust um.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
But I think naturally for me, believe it or not, the
challenger would be the one thatthat is like the most unnatural
so the question was like whichI don't know if that would be
like a um, a rapid question, butit's just making me think again
.
The question was posed like doyou have someone that is all
(22:26):
five of these in your life?
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Are you one of these in someone's life, or are you
all five?
And I can say, just knowing you, I feel like you have um.
Your personality is like summedup of all five of.
I can say, just knowing you, Ifeel like you have a um.
Your personality is like summedup of all five of them in some
way and here's the.
Thing making me feel inadequateover here.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Challenger you see, bro, people be like I feel like,
when we talk, I'm not doingenough.
And I'm like, bro, I'm nottrying to push you to do like
more, I'm just.
I'm just saying what we're Idon't know, like I, it's like I
can't run from being achallenger, because that's what
I motivate people to level upyeah but all right, yeah, I
(23:07):
personally think on that note.
I think I thought and I stillkind of think, like someone
being all five for theirsignificant other.
I don't agree with, no, I don'tthink you should be all five
you're yeah it's different.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Wait, hold on, now what?
Speaker 1 (23:22):
yes, I think it's controversial.
This is gonna be a topic.
Actually, let's start rollinginto our topic.
So we got some topics we wantto roll into.
First and foremost, we're goingto get into that.
But, um, too many hats or toolittle compassion.
I think that's going to be thetopic in the segment here.
So, you know, when it comes tosomeone that you're dating, I
(23:45):
actually I just skipped over toyeah, let's notice I did.
Too many hats, too many topics.
Cool, here we go.
Cool, I wrote these why, are youlooking like that bro?
I'm just listening um so, yeah,too many hats.
I think I mentioned this on oneof our past podcasts.
I said I felt like in the pastI was wearing too many hats for
(24:06):
people maybe the businessepisode?
I think so do we overburden oneperson to play all roles?
Speaker 2 (24:16):
do we overburden one person to play all roles?
That's how much I talk, twister, yeah, I mean, if it's
something that's like notnatural, which I again I feel
like it's naturally falls inline for you.
But if you're like trying tocoerce them to be all five of
these for you, then yeah.
(24:38):
But if it's, if it's literallyjust them, them like you, if you
have you having a significantother, like they're gonna be,
they gonna be real happy, likeyou're gonna be all five of them
for them, even though you say Idon't want to be off, but I'm
(24:59):
telling you, it's just naturally, I don't want to be I know it's
naturally going to happen.
It's going to happen I know, Iknow can I, can I figure out
which can I?
Speaker 1 (25:10):
can I just stay in this moment of of not wanting to
do it, so I can prepare myselfExplain why.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Well, answer your question, I think.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I mean, I think it's when you're wearing so many hats
for one person.
It can overburden you know yourperson.
If this is your person and youwant them to wear all those hats
Now, granted, I think mostpeople would you know nationally
, say, oh well, I want my personto be all of these different
things for me.
But that's a lot of work and itcan be exhausting because if
(25:41):
they're dealing with somethingand you know they can't put on
the challenger role becausethey're in a lower point or
maybe depressed or maybe somemental state, then they fail you
.
At that point you have theexpectation for them to be your
challenger and they're notmentally there.
And I I was there.
I was at a point to where Iknow I was dating someone and
(26:05):
they wanted me to be a mentalthat challenger for them and I
couldn't do it like to the levelthat they expected it because I
knew I wasn't like mentally ina good place.
So I think it can be, it can beoverburdened at times.
So I don't like mentally in agood place.
So I think it can be.
It can be overburdened at times.
So I don't.
I think you can wear multiplehats, but when all five man, if
(26:26):
you're going to wear all five,you got to have grace from your
other part, your partner, that'srequiring that.
She has to know, like okay, heor she has to know, like in that
moment, like okay to know.
Like okay, he or she has toknow, like in that moment, like
okay, cool, right now he can'tbe.
You know the confronter whenshe needs you to tell her like
nah, sit down, get in your place.
Like, put her in a place, I do,because he's not focused right
(26:47):
now.
He's, you know, his mind is onx, y and z?
Um, there has to be grace, butit can work.
One person can do all five.
But I just think like man, Ijust know how much work it takes
to do all five.
But it's a beautiful thing whenit happens, you know, in
harmony.
When is we?
When that person, or when bothof them are able to kind of flow
(27:10):
into each of those respectiveroles.
So, yeah, for me, yeah.
Why are you laughing?
What's the look bro?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I'm just I'm just listening to you fight fate
listening to you fight fatecause you finna be all of them.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
But I can't.
It's like my, my personalitycan't help it, because I have
experience in every single roleand I also understand myself
enough to know like, okay, cool,I can be the counselor, I can
be the comforter, I could be thecelebrators to hell.
I probably can celebrate peoplemore, better than celebrate
themselves yes um, and I, youknow, you know, when I realized
(27:49):
that, oh man, like I realizedthat, because a lot of people
come to me when they have winsand I genuinely I love to see
people win and I genuinely Ithink I can like transfer that,
that emotion with them, becauseI can empathize that that win,
or you know, and it feels, goodso yeah, I think of all of them
(28:13):
with the a, a genuine personlike a, a real, genuine person
celebrating is going to be theeasiest of them all, because the
other ones are a little harderto do.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
That's why I said that I know for a fact I'm a
celebrator.
Oh, you got extra 500.
Yes, congratulations.
Oh, you got extra $500?
Yes, congratulations.
Oh, you got your doctoraldegree, you got your PhD?
Yes, oh, you got that role.
Yeah, like, and then I play alot.
I play a role of.
I play the role of helpingpeople to get those wins too.
I've helped people.
(28:49):
I've not helped.
I've been a part of helpingpeople get roles, like with
theater or whatever, where theyneed me to play their part so
they can hear it, and then theycome back.
I got that role and I be likeyes, like it's so easy to
celebrate, like if you don'tcelebrate other people wins,
then you just a hater.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I just wanted to whisper that.
I want to say something aboutthe celebrator.
I think from my observationI've realized a lot of people
kind of fake the celebrator.
I think from my observationI've realized a lot of people
kind of fake the celebrator roleyeah you see a lot of people
fake being a celebrator like ohman, I'm so happy for you, blah,
blah blah.
But they're not happy for you.
They're actually like hating thefact that you got to a certain
(29:30):
point and they didn't yeah andI'm like you and I, so I think
true celebrators though you feelit, you don't just hear it.
You feel that genuine emotionthat transfers from them because
they're like genuinely happyfor you.
Like Gary, like man, I rememberwhen I was like just the
accomplishments I've shared withhim and in the short period of
(29:55):
time I've noticed, like knownhim, he's always been to
celebrate like bro, let'scelebrate that.
And it's a few more people thatI have in my life.
It's just genuinely likethey're not forced saying great
job because other people can seethem say it but, more.
it's like bro, let's, let's golike you're.
You know, I mean like just justthose small things, but when
(30:16):
it's genuine it's like a breathof fresh air versus you having a
homeboy or a buddy saying, broman, I'm happy for you, bro,
good job.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
And they just saying it out of formality, yeah, just
saying it because they need they.
Had they better Right.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Like it's their job, right, right, like nah, bro,
don't, don don't celebrate me ifit's your job.
Don't.
Don't say that, though, if youdon't mean it, because I I feel
like there's a lot of uh, youknow um fake people, that people
that play the celebrating rolethat don't really you know, that
shouldn't be there if thatmakes sense so yeah, all right,
(30:51):
you ready to get into thecontroversial topics here?
Um?
Speaker 2 (30:54):
yeah, go ahead.
Okay, we love controversy allright.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
So this topic are you emotionally lazy or emotionally
isolated?
So relying on relying on oneperson to be everything versus
not trusting anyone to beanything?
So so you have people who relyon one person to be everything,
and then you also have thoseindividuals who don't trust
people to be anything that's meright now.
(31:19):
Yeah, like so I figured it wasyou side on everybody.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
That's why I was like hold on say it again, because I
heard myself he's describing me, you guys so is that yeah,
finish it is that emotionally?
Speaker 1 (31:34):
or are you emotionally lazy, or are you
emotionally isolated?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Emotionally isolated.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Explain.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
I'm healing.
It's a simple explanation.
I'm healing, I am reevaluating,like I said at the beginning,
with the goodbye of reevaluatingmy choices, and like decisions
that I made that have, you know,put me in the circumstance that
I'm in now, which I'm gratefulfor.
But I don't think it's a badthing.
(32:02):
It's temporary, I know that forsure.
Like the isolation is temporary, I don't think I'm lazy, I'm
actually could be, sometimesfeel like I could be a little
bit too emotionally attached oravailable.
So the isolation is justtemporary, is I'm protecting
myself right now?
So I don't think it's bad.
(32:23):
Do you think it's bad?
Speaker 1 (32:26):
so bad would be emotionally lazy okay, well then
it's not bad um I think I thinkpart of it could be you're
emotionally lazy because youknow how much work it takes to
kind of build those bonds, thatbond with a person to be one of
those roles or to be you know,but how?
(32:50):
however, I do understand thatbecause I was in that healing
phase where it was just you youknow you and your immediate
family or whoever else yourelied on, but essentially you
still kind of relied on yourselfto be those roles.
That helps build you up.
But what helps you get throughthat healing journey is
community.
So having people that arestrong in these roles but
(33:13):
genuine in these roles, yes,that's the heart Genuine.
Yeah yeah, it's, it's different.
It's not easy to find someoneas genuine today.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
That's why I have to be isolated for now to to see
yeah you know, you, you learn alot just by.
You don't even have to talk,just by listening.
Yeah, oh my gosh, oh my god youlearn stuff you don't need dang
.
I don't think I was supposed toknow that, but I know it you
know, it's just a side note.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
You know I've learned the most About women In the
last Year or two, and it wasduring my healing journey,
because I was just moreObserving and listening.
I wasn't interacting, I wasobserving and listening.
And now I'm like, oh, for 45minutes I get it.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
No, not, not like that.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
But I'm saying like I've had women that were in my
life, as you know, friends orwhatever, and conversations, and
just kind of seeing how they goabout things and seeing how
they think it just brought somuch insight.
So but it helped me because Iwas in an emotional, isolated
(34:15):
point to where I'm like, okay,cool, let me take this from this
moment, let me take this fromthis, let me make sure I
emphasize this, because this iswhat they're looking for in this
moment because of theconversations I've had.
So, yeah, you can learn a lotjust by listening.
Like you said, but, also thewhole listening and seeing.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Pay attention to people's actions yes, I think
that's super important.
Actions now that's for likelistening and seeing.
Oh, you might get hurt, but Ithink that's so important.
It's something that I'velearned, not in the journey that
I'm on now, but just throughoutmy adulthood like within the
last five years which I talkedabout that I used to be real
(34:56):
quick to come back at you.
You say something, be realquick to come back at you.
You say something, I'm going tocome back real quick, but I've
learned to stop and just let yougo, listen to what you're
saying, and then I respondaccordingly.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Let them go All right .
So the next question is doesthis is a good one?
Speaker 2 (35:14):
You didn't answer that last question.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
What was the last Wait?
How didn't answer that lastquestion?
What was the last wait?
How did I answer that?
The last question was am Iemotionally lazy or emotionally
isolated?
Yeah I'm neither.
Well, I guess this one doesn'tpertain to me, but that's fine
so it was uh relying on oneperson to be everything versus
(35:37):
not trusting anyone to beanything.
I think I've never relied onone person to be everything yes
and I would never, never, youshouldn't be everything even
though there are people who can,but you still should have that
small part of you.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
that's not necessarily relying on them,
because anything can happen.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Like people that are taken care of is what I'm
getting at.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
I think and this question can be an extension, or
this can be an extension fromthis question I think, for me,
though, is like I feel like weall have this one role that we
want to have in certain moments.
Like some people in everymoment may want a celebrator,
some people in every moment maywant a challenger at all times
(36:24):
in their lives.
I think for me, just looking atthe roles, I think I've always
really wanted a comforter.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Stop.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Stop Not someone to kind of like and comforting in
terms of like, you know, believeit or not, and I think this is
what men are overlooked.
We are.
We are overlooked in this pointbecause I think a lot of times
we're supposed to be tough torock, sure, but comforter is is
(37:02):
something that every man wants.
Maybe they may not directly sayit, maybe they may directly,
you know, allude to it, but justhaving someone that can either
be there for your emotionalsupport not directly give it to
you, but just you know you haveit there if it happens and you
need that emotional support,it's huge Because we're taught
(37:22):
to keep work, we are taught towork through every single thing.
So I think, for me, comforteris something that I was like oh,
you know what?
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I'm not having a comfort in every moment.
Right, you need one, we allneed one.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Because we, we all need one.
Yeah, I agree.
I agree because of we all needa safe space.
Like it's like just based offof like how men are taught to be
, versus now, like it's notrealistic.
I mean it can be, but let's bereal, it's 2025.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Like yeah, now I think there's a balance and you,
you should, you know, as as a,you know, a person that is on
your own.
You shouldn't always like havea comforter there, because they
can make you feel a little bitmore like, you know, helpless if
(38:07):
you're always like, oh I know,I got somebody to comfort me at
the end of the day, then it can,it can, it can be a um, a
slippery slope there, but Ithink in some form a comforter
is always needed in your life.
What about you?
What do you think?
What role do you think in mostmoments or maybe in your life
you've always wanted to have?
Speaker 2 (38:31):
I'd probably say the same and just because I thought
that in the past I've had thatsomebody to be that for me but
yeah it's turned out that theyweren't you know what I'm saying
like it wasn't genuine.
So to be able to go to someonefreely and just be my emotional
self, because I'm a little so acomforter yeah, I said the same.
(38:52):
So yeah, okay, okay so.
Comfort yeah, yeah, okay.
We we gotta have somebody wecan.
So yeah, okay, okay so comfort.
Yeah, yeah, okay, we got to havesomebody we can lean on Lean on
in those trying times.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Correct, all right.
The next question here is whatyou got.
Oh, go ahead with your question.
My bad bro, I forgot about yourquestion, go ahead.
No, your questions are.
My bad bro, I forgot about yourquestions, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
No, your questions are good.
On the confronter.
Have you had someone that waslike a confronter for you?
Speaker 1 (39:25):
Tell you the truth with love, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Like constructive criticism.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
I've had I've never had anyone that tells me the
truth.
Told me the truth with love.
I've had people tell me thetruth because they hate it.
Well, they didn't say hate it,but they didn't like me.
So, oh yeah, here's the truth.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Oh, they didn't like you.
Yeah, oh, no.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Yeah, I've never had anyone like hey, man, and
actually I value that, like ifit's some truth that needs to be
spoken, please.
I love constructive criticism,like give it to me Like I need
to.
That's how I get better atanything.
Whether that's creativity,design work, I don't care.
Give it to me and I guaranteeyou I can make an adjustment.
If it's you know, valuable,then I'll make an adjustment and
(40:10):
make, make it better.
But I think I do value aconfronter.
For sure you got to have aconfronter in your life.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
My best friend.
She would not hesitate to tellme about myself.
She'd be like I love you.
But I just got to say again ifX, y, z, then we wouldn't.
I'd be like okay.
So the question is have youever cut someone off just
because they told you the truth?
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Oh no, no, no, no, no .
Okay, that's bad.
That's about you.
You're valuable at that point.
Hey you, what?
Oh cool, tell me more.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
I mean only if it's coming from a good place I was
just about to say, because whatyou just said at first was they
was telling you that not out oflove.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
I had that person in my life and I thought they were
good to be in my life.
But I started to realize likethat negative energy they always
had even though they came toconfront they would confront at
any given moment, they wereready like that was their
superpower and I was like, oh,maybe I need this in my life,
but they did teach me something.
They taught me not likedirectly, but from dealing with
(41:07):
them.
I had to evolve my personalities, to kind of figure out how to
um mesh with them yeah and I didit so many different times, so
I learned, I picked up a lot ofqualities in terms of that, but
I realized that the 10th timethat I evolved, I can't mesh
with this person it's not meit's them yeah, so but if they
(41:29):
had my best interest at heart,if it was out of love, then they
would still be in my life.
Yeah, you know.
But yeah, I had to realize likeyeah, bro this is so.
You did cut them off, just notright away yeah, but they
weren't a confronter aconfronter you want in your life
yeah, this is somebody.
It's a negative, negative yeah,you have to be very careful with
that, because some people justin your life just try to tear
(41:51):
you down, even though it'd bethey.
Just they're just waiting for amoment for them to put their
input in, and it could be somegood input.
But it's just like, hey, I'mgoing to tell you this because I
want to bring you back down,you know so you have to be very
careful of those people let'sjust go in order with the
challenger oh okay.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
Um, so, with the challenger, somebody that pushes
you, I can say, my best frienddoes that for me too.
They see your potential andwon't let you settle.
She's she been on me real heavythese last couple months for
real.
Um what, why are you so?
(42:33):
I'm in thought.
Cause I'm thinking about whohas played that role in my life
well, clearly I don't talk to alot of people, so my best friend
plays a lot of these roles forme.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Shout out to your best friend for being all shout
out to k hey girl um challengercan somebody that challenges you
become somebody that'scontrolling?
Oh, a challenger can becontrolling not my case, she.
She's not controlling.
That's good.
(43:04):
I don't think I've ever had achallenger in my life.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Really.
Yeah, you ain't had no person,but you might have had a
doctoral program that challengedyou.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
That doctoral program definitely did challenge me.
Because what is a challenger?
Speaker 2 (43:21):
A challenger is what they see your potential and
won't let you settle.
They motivate you, inspire youfeel, fuel your ambition.
But the bad part of it is theymay ignore your capacity or
emotional state, so they maypush you even for when you may
need a little break, yeah I'venever had, you know, Even in my
(43:42):
advisors it's never been that.
Really.
Yeah, I think the advisor roleis to push you yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Yeah, I've never had the challenger in my life.
Well, I haven't, Ooh if I everdid have a challenger, Imagine
I'm already a hard worker.
Now, Ooh, if I ever did have achallenger, imagine I'm already
hardworking I would probably.
I was just thinking likesomebody to push me to be like
even better is crazy work.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
What's the difference between the confronter and the
challenger?
Speaker 1 (44:16):
So the confronter is that person is going to say it's
going to be 100% upfront withyou about you know a mistake,
something that they know, aboutsomething that they saw, but
it's all with love.
The challenger is one whopushed you just to grow and it's
(44:37):
not all the time they're goingto confront you, but they can go
hand in hand with the rightperson.
Yeah, the right person canconfront you, um, but they can
go hand in hand with the rightperson.
Yeah, right person can'tconfront you with love, but also
challenge you to do better bypushing you in that next step.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
so yeah, the challenge are like they try to
get you out your comfort zone,right so not all the time it's
gonna be critiqued to do betterit could be like no, you can.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Oh, you don't want to work.
I say no you.
You need to work out todaybecause x, y, y and Z.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
You know what happens when those endorphins start
pumping through your body.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
There you go.
What other one do you have?
Counselor.
The counselor role is tricky.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
You got to be careful who you take advice from.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
You got to be careful 100%.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
That type of advice.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
You have to be careful with.
If you are a counselor you haveto be careful with.
If you are a counselor, youhave to be careful with how you
give advice oh, that's good.
I think the counselor one isvery tricky cause.
Oh man, like if you havesomeone that is a counselor and
they're always giving advice,that can seem overbearing for
you.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
It can become a crutch for you.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
It can become a crutch too, um, bearing for you.
It can become a crutch.
For you, it can become a crutchtoo um, and for them it could
seem like they are know-it-alland they're less compassionate
about your situation becausethey, in their mind, oh, I've
experienced this, I know more,so let me give you this
information.
But you're like I don't evenwant to hear you, I don't want
to get wisdom or advice, I justneed you here to be a comforter.
(46:03):
So I think a lot of times inwhich those two, the comforter
and the counselor are, like youknow, on two ends of the
spectrum, because the counseloris trying to like like, hey,
this is what you need to do, thecomfort like oh, so.
So how do you feel?
You know what I mean, and Ithink I personally, for some
(46:23):
reason, I'm good at hybridcomfort and counseling, because
I've been able to kind of likelead with the comfort, and when
a person is ready, I can givethem that wisdom and that
counsel of like okay, this iswhat needs to happen.
These are the things you'regoing to see, and this, these
are things you can do to makesure that it doesn't happen
again.
I think that is probably a giftthat I do have because, I always
(46:45):
leave with the comfort becauseI understand, like I've been
through some stuff.
This person may have beenthrough some stuff and they may
just need you to meet them wherethey are, and I think that's
where the term comes Meet thatperson where they are.
It's just being in the comfort,their comfort zone.
Give them a safe space and thenallow them to ask for your help
.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (47:05):
mentor.
Yes, I do.
I'm actually looking intoexpanding that um role for some
people.
I have two mentees now.
Um, I just took on one lastweek.
Actually shout out to her.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
Shout out to her.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
Hey, her, her.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
We got the same name.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
No, you're supposed to like shout out, like talk
about your mentees and mentorAnyway, but I think you know the
men, the person, the people Itry to I bring on are definitely
for, like you know, growthpurposes, Especially if I have
information that can kind ofassist them purposes, especially
if I have information that cankind of system.
But I also want to make surethat that the you know the
(47:48):
mentorship, mentor andmenteeship is important to where
they're getting what they need,not just because I want to see
them and I see their potentiallike nah, what do you want to
get out of this?
I want to know more about x, yand z, but I also want to see
how I can go about doing thiscool.
That's the structure.
Well, that is the goal.
Let me give you the structurearound how we're going to get
(48:09):
there.
So, yeah, have you ever been amentor for any?
Speaker 2 (48:14):
No, simple answer is no, but I have had a mentor.
Um, I could be and I said noquick because I haven't.
But I do have the, thequalities and the potential to
be.
But you know, again, I don'treally surround myself with a
lot of people.
I do have, okay, my, my students.
(48:37):
They they come to me for a lot,so not like a as far as like a
continuous role, but as needed,I am a mentor.
So I'll let me change my answerfrom no to yes okay, okay, all
right, I got two questions foryou one question is who plays?
Speaker 1 (48:58):
do you have someone that plays each role in your
life separately?
No, it's the same person so youhave one person that plays all
roles, okay.
Second question is are youexpecting something from your?
If you have a partner, allright.
If you have a partner, whatroles are you expecting them to
play in your life?
Speaker 2 (49:15):
comforter for sure that's it I mean, yes, of course
I want them to play other roles.
But the comforter for sure, thechallenger, like I do have an
ex where he was like you're notgoing to the gym today, what?
So you're just not going to goto the gym and I'd be like, okay
(49:38):
, I'm going to go.
So that was like him trying tochallenge me a little bit,
challenge my routine, challengeme as a person, but that wasn't
consistent from him.
But Comforter for sure, I sayChallenger just because I know
it'll come from a place of loveper se and yeah, I don't need my
(50:04):
significant other counseling me.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no okaywhat about you?
Speaker 1 (50:12):
um.
So the questions.
I answer the first questionfirst.
So the first question was doyou have?
Speaker 2 (50:19):
I remember the question, do I?
Speaker 1 (50:20):
have a person playing .
So I think currently, let's seeman.
Do I have a person playing anyof those roles right now?
Do I have multiple?
I definitely.
I have plenty of celebrators.
Speaker 2 (50:33):
I was going to throw this fan over there.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
I got a lot of celebrators.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
You definitely have a lot of celebrators.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
Yo, I got a lot of celebrators, which is crazy work
.
Speaker 2 (50:47):
You can never have too many celebrators.
That's good I 100%.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
I've never had that in my life, so I am grateful for
all my celebrators.
I don't have a counselor.
I think me I don't.
I don't know.
I don't have a challenger rightnow.
(51:12):
I think I don't know if I havea confronter either.
Comforter, safe space.
(51:33):
I think I'm emotionallyisolated.
Speaker 2 (51:36):
Oh, we're going to go back to that question.
Speaker 1 (51:37):
Yeah, because I'm starting to realize like for a
person to comfort me, I have tobe willing to like Emotionally
available.
I have to be realize like forthe for a person to comfort me,
I have to be willing to likeemotionally available.
I have to be emotionallyavailable for them.
So, yeah, maybe I don't have.
I don't have celebrators.
I need to increase my capacityfor all of these roles.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
Yeah, is that why I said that being emotionally
unavailable or emotionallyisolated, I mean, is temporary.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
that's a temporary thing, like it's not gonna stay
forever yeah, but just thinkingback on it, like my intentions
are to like I want to have theseroles right right.
But I also feel like, likeyou're saying, it's hard to
trust some certain people tolike what's your intentions?
Um, even if I'm looking for achallenger, like okay, like I
(52:31):
don't mind having someone pushme, at the same time I do
understand, like I'm alwayspushing myself.
So, like do I need a challengerbecause I'm like I'm always
going to work, you know, and tryto work hard as I can,
counselor wise, though?
No, I don't think I need acounselor right now.
I think to answer that question, this goes to our question of
(52:53):
you got to answer the secondpart of the question the second
part was wait what was that soif.
I had a significant other, whatroles would I want them to play?
Comforter for sure.
Celebrator I love a goodcelebrator.
Significant other.
So if I had a significant other, what roles would I want them
to play?
Um, comforter for sure.
Celebrator I love a goodcelebrator.
When it's january, for sure.
Um, I don't know if I wanted tobe the confronter or the
(53:18):
challenger probably both maybeno, I think, confronter.
I would prefer to be a Confirmerinstead of a Challenger.
So, like, just tell me thetruth with love.
Like not not saying, createsome stuff that you know me,
like, oh, let me just confrontthem about it.
No, bro, no, we ain't playingthat game.
Stop it.
Um, I definitely can't have mysignificant other being a
(53:42):
counselor.
Nah, bro.
No, With my personality though Idon't need a counselor, Like I
got perspective.
I'm not saying I knoweverything, but typically if I'm
in a place where I need support, it's probably I need comfort,
so I can have time to find thewisdom myself.
Speaker 2 (54:02):
So I can have time to find the wisdom myself.
So I didn't say celebrator,because, though that's important
, they're like, my significantother celebrates me.
I'm celebrating myself, like Isee.
I see I'm going to congratulatemyself every single time, no
hesitation, so that I do feellike that's important though, to
have someone in that role, forsure Interesting.
Speaker 3 (54:26):
Huh, what's interesting.
Speaker 2 (54:27):
What was the last question that you had?
Speaker 3 (54:29):
Before we wrap it up.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
I don't know, you might have lost your train of
thought no, I did not.
Okay, my bad.
Speaker 1 (54:36):
Should you normalize getting pushed and hugged by
different people?
Speaker 2 (54:42):
What say it again?
Speaker 1 (54:43):
Should you normalize getting pushed and hugged by
different people?
Speaker 2 (54:50):
Hugged like yeah, normalize that.
No, don't touch me, please.
Pushed as in like push you toyour potential.
Speaker 1 (55:01):
Correct Hugged as in showing love by different people
, show me love by differentpeople.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
Show me love by saying hello, don't touch me if
I don't.
I'm one of those that practicesocial distancing before COVID.
I do not like being touched.
Speaker 1 (55:17):
All right, so let's get you answer that.
Speaker 2 (55:19):
Stop skipping over stuff.
Speaker 1 (55:21):
Answer what.
Speaker 2 (55:22):
What you just asked me.
Speaker 1 (55:23):
Yes, I think you should normalize getting pushed
and hugged by different peoplehugged we have never hugged,
ever in life, me and you.
Speaker 2 (55:30):
We are real friends.
What?
Why are?
Speaker 1 (55:31):
we, why we have, why do we have to hug?
Speaker 2 (55:35):
well, I'm saying like because you wouldn't want a
random person coming up to you.
Speaker 1 (55:39):
You don't want random people to push you, you know
what, and you don't want randompeople listen.
Hey, renee, listen.
I had a random person give me ahug that I did not know and I
haven't had a hug in two yearsand that then probably made you
feel like a way, like a good way, right?
yes, I'm like dang, like Ididn't know I needed this g.
(56:02):
This Gary gave me a hug in agym and I was like dang, I
didn't know I needed this.
Like I've been so emotionallyisolated that my second nature
isn't to embrace someone.
Speaker 2 (56:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (56:15):
But I found that when people steal hugs or embrace me
, it's comforting, it's like,dang, you know what I needed.
This hug Like it's comforting,it's like, dang, you know what I
needed.
This hug like it's okay, and Ithink I'm not saying like don't
be pulling up exactly.
Don't be pulling up exactly, butI'm saying like I think it
should be normalized, becausewe're so disconnected as a
(56:40):
society that no one knows how toshow love generally anymore.
So people are like don't touchme, but I'm saying your person
or your people, like yourfriends, should be able to be
like man, give me a hug, bro.
You know what I mean.
I think that is important andcause you never know who's going
five years without even huggingsomebody.
(57:00):
But for me, like those momentswhere people stole like was
still hugs, I was like man, Ineeded this and I didn't even
know, I didn't even think aboutit in the moment, and it was
like dang.
I appreciate this.
So, yes, I think we shouldnormalize that in terms of
people pushing us.
If they're, if they have ourbest interest at heart, sure, if
(57:21):
it's like they see us, likeokay, I see.
No, this person can do waybetter.
They are, they have our bestinterest at heart.
Sure.
If it's like they see us, likeokay, I see.
No, this person can do waybetter.
They are, they have it.
They just need someone to sayman, look, you got this.
Let's go in the gym, bro.
I see you, I see you grinding,or you on set 15, you're about
to go to set 16.
You don't want to do it, yougot it.
That's pushing you, normalizingthat.
So I think it's okay to do thatnow.
(57:43):
Granted, I understand you.
You need to make sure you havethe capacity for it.
Because, that's what you'resaying.
You may not have the capacityto receive a hug from somebody,
but for me and this is just likea vulnerable moment I think I
really appreciated the momentsthat I was like man and this was
like this healing year wasn'teasy and for the people that
(58:08):
stole those hugs, I was likedang bro, I needed these.
Speaker 2 (58:14):
You know how some men are, is the hug the equivalent
of like a DAPA?
You know, like not even ahandshake I'm talking about like
the Obama.
So the embrace, yeah, theembrace, yeah, embrace.
Speaker 1 (58:24):
So I think now god believe it or not, I think now
guys are getting morecomfortable with embracing each
other a little bit more.
So the dap and then the embraceyeah that is, that is becoming
more, more, um, what's the termlooking for like regular now,
because I think guys arestarting to realize, like man, I
need to express bro you good,we straight, showing a little
(58:46):
bit more love and affection in asense.
So, yes, that is important,because if somebody already
messaged you, what's up, bro yougood, yeah good, what's up man,
and they wrap around.
Speaker 2 (58:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:56):
And they tap you on that back.
That's a small hook.
Speaker 2 (59:04):
So that's, that's the equivalent of just a hook,
because I feel like a man likethey gotta do the dab before
some men.
I was just about to say somemen.
I swear I was about to say somemen, but I also.
Speaker 1 (59:11):
I think it's just how that person sees you and I and
I think man just talking withgary gary kind of expressed me
like like bro, he was like youknow, just to be transparent,
bro, you amazing human being,and I think by him knowing what
I went through, my you know myentire who be transparent.
He's like bro, you're anamazing human being and I think
by him knowing what I wentthrough my you know my entire
who I am, how I love.
He just said, nah, bro, he justgave me a hug, bro, and I was
(59:31):
like dang, like I appreciatedthat.
So I think it depends on theperson, like if like see that
you're you're, you're goingthrough some things and or
you've been through some things,that want to embrace you and
show genuine love, I thinkthat's important.
Speaker 2 (59:47):
So yeah, and it must not be you.
I mean the little context,because gary is is older yeah,
so he's not worried about.
Speaker 1 (59:55):
You know, some men also aren't as I don't want to
say affectionate, but you knowwhere they're so free to embrace
because just of what they thinkother people might think like,
yeah, they ain't gonna care, butI think if it's like more like
it feels like family, yeah,nobody's thinking about that,
like so, yeah, uh, we'reactually coming to an end man,
(01:00:16):
we're an hour in, so all right,so let's wrap this up so, um, I
think is important and do somereflection here.
So we talked about all fiveroles and how important it is to
have some, uh, someone in yourlife that plays over those roles
(01:00:36):
, cause I think that helps givesyou a more harmonic um mental
space, or mental um mind frame,if that makes sense.
More harmonic mental space ormental um mind frame, if that
makes sense.
more harmonic mental mind frame,harmonic mental mind frame wow,
I just created something I'mpretty sure a better term for
that made it a harmonic mentalmind frame yeah, I think it's
(01:00:59):
important to have those fivepeople in your life because it
brings you, know, a sense of apurpose, fulfillment, support,
um, you can they help.
You know, if there's achallenge or confronting, help
you better themselves, betteryourself, they'll be better
yourself.
Or you know it could be someonethat is able to give you the
truth when it's hard, but you'rewilling to receive it because
(01:01:21):
you know it's in love.
Um, yeah, I think it'simportant to have all five of
those kind of like ocho said.
Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Ocho said in that video I think that I think it's
important as well, but I alsofeel like you shouldn't.
You shouldn't feel a way ifthose somebody that feels that
role rotates out and someoneelse comes and feels it because
they may outgrow that role foryou in your life yeah so I don't
(01:01:49):
feel like you should.
Um, people shouldn't beconfined to having or being that
role, in that role for someone,because you, what you give, may
outgrow them correct and thensomeone else with more to give
fills that role for them.
So I just feel like youshouldn't and if you don't, then
(01:02:12):
that's good too but don't feellike that.
Somebody that moves on out ofthat role for you, that's a bad
thing.
It can be a good thing.
So just be open to knowing thatsomebody that fills those roles
for you, it might change yeah,which is a good thing I agree, I
agree, okay, guys.
Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
Um, like I said in the beginning of the podcast, if
you're looking for our podcast,you can find us on all podcast
platforms by searching the good,the bad and the gray podcast.
Yes, if you're looking for theentire full visual experience on
(01:02:54):
YouTube, you can find us atDrJustinGray, and if you guys
are seeing this video on TikTok,like, share and follow.
Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
And favorite your favorite clips.
Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
Cool and also submit us some questions.
If you guys want to hear usanswer some questions, either
during the pod or directlythrough our chats or iMessage or
whatever, we'll do that.
Other than that, we are out.
Thank you, guys for joining us.
Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
Bye.
Guys, Bye.
Welcome to the good, the bad and the great podcast,
where we shine a light onwellness, personal growth and
relationships.
Together, we'll discuss highsand lows and the in-betweens,
offering different perspectiveson health and wellness.
Tune in as we peel back thelayers of life, revealing the
good, the bad and the great.
(00:24):
Welcome back to the good, thebad.
Oh man, Yo, welcome back to thepodcast.
(00:46):
Yo, we're back.
What's up?
What's up, A Renee?
What's good?
Talk to me.
Speaker 2 (00:52):
Hi Dr Gray.
Welcome back to the Good, theBad and the Gray with Dr Gray
and resident A Renee.
Speaker 1 (00:57):
Nice.
I like the intro.
Actually, while we got time, Ithink let's do a it's the
perfect time to do like areiteration of what the podcast
is and about.
So, guys, this is the good, thebad and the great podcast.
I'm your host, dr Justin Gray,and she's a Renee, our resident.
(01:22):
This podcast is essentially aspace where we talk
relationships, we talk mentalhealth, we talk business, we
talk career and everything inbetween, even the messy parts.
I think it's super important tounderstand that this podcast
we're going to talk about, youknow, things that may be
beautiful in a sense, maybebroken in a sense, or things
that we don't even have a labelfor, and that's what you can
(01:45):
find here.
And that's what you can findhere and that's what you can
count on in terms of what wetalk about in this pod.
So, yeah, if you guys arelistening I'm going to say this
at the beginning of the episodeIf you're interested in
listening to the podcast in full, you can find us at the good.
You can find us at the good,the bad and the great podcast on
all platforms.
Anywhere you listen to youraudio podcast, and if you're
(02:08):
interested in a full episode,you can find us on YouTube at Dr
Justin Gray.
Again, that's on YouTube at DrJustin Gray.
Yeah, but welcome in guys.
Thank you for tuning in.
I know the past episodes we'vebeen getting pretty.
You know we've been taking ourlisteners on a journey, I think.
I think the past episodes we'vebeen getting pretty.
(02:29):
You know we've been taking ourlisteners on a journey.
I think I think the lastepisode was good.
Obviously, most episodes aregood.
So, yeah, give us a littlequick update.
You know we do this in thebeginning.
Matter of fact, let's do this.
It's been almost a month or two, right since we talked about
what are you saying hello to andwhat are you saying goodbye to.
Speaker 2 (02:43):
It's been about three months.
Speaker 1 (02:46):
Okay, so let's start that, because I think you know,
as human beings, we evolve andwe change every single day.
Speaker 2 (02:57):
What are you saying hello to and what are you saying
goodbye to?
Don't put me on the spot.
What am I saying hello to?
I'm saying hello.
I hope I'm not making noisewith my fan.
It's a little warm in here, youguys.
What am I saying hello to?
I'm saying hello to experiencesand opportunities that put me
(03:21):
outside of my comfort zone,which I'm a routine person.
So for me to say hello tosomething that's not something I
would typically do or say yesto, I'm working on saying yes.
Now, I'm not like Chrissy andDr Gray saying yes to everything
, but I am having an open mindand saying yes to more things
than I usually would.
What am I saying goodbye to?
I'm saying goodbye to hurt.
(03:42):
I'm still healing.
I'm still on a healing journey,so I'm working through, you
know, anger Sometimes andDecisions that I may have made
that may affect me or may haveaffected me.
So I'm Saying Goodbye to hurt.
What are you saying?
(04:04):
Hello and Goodbye to.
Speaker 1 (04:07):
I start with hello.
I think I'm saying hello to.
I wrote something down on myphone, all right, so this, this
may help me um, all right, I'msaying hello to, um, the energy
that is supporting you know,resilience, my sensitivity, my
capacity to nurture.
I think that's super importantin terms you know resilience, my
sensitivity, my capacity tonurture.
I think that's super importantin terms of you know me saying
(04:31):
hello.
I'm saying goodbye to.
Ooh, this is what I'm sayinggoodbye to.
Speaker 2 (04:43):
I'm saying goodbye to worrying about the end
destination and outcome.
Speaker 1 (04:45):
So I think, and outcome, so I, I, I think and
that's super important,especially in this phase that
I'm in cause, I'm like expanding, you know, my horizon and
spending in so many differentareas and I have to let go of,
like, that destination of whereI'm landing or what the outcome
is going to be for, especiallyfor, like you know, business
ventures, especially forrelationships.
So I think, truly, right now,I'm letting go or saying goodbye
(05:09):
to the outcome and the end goal, the, the end destination to,
um, everything that I am today.
I just gonna, I'm just going tobe in a moment and let it
happen.
Being present in the moment isvery important yeah, and I guess
also what I'm saying goodbye tois the same thing, but it's
(05:31):
just like not caring what theend destination is.
As long as I'm in this journeyand I feel like what I'm doing
is worth doing and is purposeful, especially now for me forget
how it ends, forget what I'mrecognized for, forget you know
how much money or the end goalor what I look like at the end.
(05:54):
I'm just doing it.
So, yeah, I'm saying goodbye tothat Cool.
Speaker 2 (05:59):
That's loaded.
Speaker 1 (06:00):
Yeah, it's loaded, very loaded.
I had to think about it becausethat's something I've been
thinking about often, uh,recently, so yeah, so talk to me
, hey, renee, um, give us anupdate on life in the pursuit of
happiness brief update on lifestill busy, still make it why
you make that face what is busy?
Speaker 2 (06:21):
what do you mean?
You, your whole life is busy.
What do you mean?
Speaker 1 (06:24):
you know what?
Don't?
Speaker 2 (06:25):
don't let our listeners, please don't give our
listeners that first of all,our listeners know you wear a
thousand hats.
I do not, you got 10 000 keyson your key change.
You're a busy man literally.
Speaker 1 (06:35):
No, I'm not that yo I have time like I've been having
a.
What it is is, I think I knowwhy you think I'm always busy.
Speaker 2 (06:47):
I'm listening.
Speaker 1 (06:48):
Because I always have something more to say or do.
Speaker 2 (06:54):
To do specifically.
Speaker 1 (06:55):
Anyways, you've been busy.
Speaker 2 (06:56):
Like I said the first time, while he making faces and
noises I've been busy.
I just busy is good.
Busy, yeah, like productive,busy with the production, the
show and working on my bodygoals.
Speaker 1 (07:11):
You've been in the gym grinding yo.
Speaker 2 (07:13):
Yeah, I'm working.
I'm working through some things, being positively influenced to
change my diet, which we talkedabout a little bit.
So I'm working through that andjust trying to stay positive
and continue my healing I meanmy update is pretty short and
(07:34):
simple.
I'm just you know.
Speaker 1 (07:37):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (07:39):
Same old, same old.
Speaker 1 (07:40):
Yeah, same, I think for me I've been, I'm still in a
, in a, I'm like, I'm in a placeof like extreme creativity.
I've been able to kind of likeput moments together and create
things from it.
Uh.
So, but busy wise, I don't knowif it's busy, it's just staying
, I don't know present andmoving.
(08:02):
I don't think I'm, but I have,because you make it seem like I
don't have time to do anything.
But we're here today.
Speaker 2 (08:07):
I mean as long as I call you better answer this.
Speaker 1 (08:10):
Oh, I got you.
Yeah, for sure, If I matter offact, yeah, if I, if I, if you
call me, I'm probably going.
Speaker 2 (08:19):
By the way, if I call anybody else.
Speaker 1 (08:21):
Answer the phone, because it's either money or
we're about to make a move.
Speaker 2 (08:26):
Trust, and if it goes straight to voicemail, you
should call them again.
Oh, I don't do.
Speaker 1 (08:32):
First, let's just address that, All right.
So I'm going to get this on mychest right now Do not disturb.
This do not disturb culture istoo extreme.
First and foremost, if you'rethat busy to where you have your
phone on do not disturb, thenyou don't need a phone once
Cause, because at the same time,you don't need a phone, but I
(08:52):
don't.
Here's the thing I don't.
I think majority of people thathave their phone on do not
disturb are not even that busy.
If I'm busy, I do not have myphone.
Do not disturb.
Speaker 2 (09:02):
And your phone be dead all the time.
Speaker 1 (09:04):
But again, I don't get no calls.
My call is probably from likeseriously, that's why I had to
put my phone.
Do not disturb, Because if I'mbusy, people know I'm busy If
I'm busy.
But no bro, you don't need toput your phone.
If I got to call you, hold on.
If I got to call you twice, Iain't calling you once.
I'm going to call you once,that's it.
You get one call and it goesstraight to the voicemail.
Alright, I'm done.
Speaker 2 (09:25):
May I please address the elephant in the room Really
quickly.
Speaker 1 (09:29):
A lot of people have that, do not disturb.
Speaker 2 (09:30):
A lot of people have do not disturb when they're
driving.
Speaker 1 (09:33):
Okay, sure.
Speaker 2 (09:35):
That's fine, which was?
Speaker 1 (09:35):
case this morning.
Hold on, bro, you're textingand driving.
I don't text and drive, okaygood.
Sometimes, and drive, Okay good.
Speaker 2 (09:42):
Sometimes people not busy, they sleep and they don't
want their phone to interrupttheir sleep.
That might be why they havetheir phone not disturbed.
Speaker 1 (09:50):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (09:51):
Okay.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
What if you at work?
Why don't you just don't answeryour phone?
Speaker 2 (09:57):
When I used to work a day job where it was more
structured.
I'm answering.
I don't care, my phone wasn't.
Speaker 1 (10:05):
I don't do not disturb so your problem is that
you will answer if you hear ringduh I don't know what's going
on?
Speaker 2 (10:11):
I need to see you.
Hello you good, okay.
Okay, I'm at work.
I'll call you back.
Speaker 1 (10:15):
Like that's how my phone calls would go so now,
since do not disturb is on you,no it's not.
Speaker 2 (10:20):
It's on right now because we're podcasting, but
typically my phone isn't well,I'm saying since it's on right
now because we're podcasting,but typically my phone isn't
Well.
Speaker 1 (10:25):
I'm saying, since it's on and somebody call you,
you won't care if it's anemergency or not.
Speaker 2 (10:31):
If it's an emergency trust and believe they're going
to call again my sister, don'tplay that.
She a nosy little thing.
Speaker 1 (10:37):
Yeah, I don't, I don't.
Yeah, I still don't get it.
Do not stir, or whatever.
I mean, I see if you'reextremely busy.
Speaker 2 (10:42):
Different strokes for different folks.
Yeah, all right, some peopledon't like to hear their phone
going off too, which is yeahWell, I'm blessed to not have
that many people in my life.
Speaker 1 (10:51):
I guess, dang, maybe that's a good and bad thing.
Speaker 2 (10:54):
Well, I don't get a lot of phone calls, so I don't
have to pull up, but you have alot of people in your life
support you.
I'm not finna name drop on thispodcast episode we can talk
about the three people that'sbeen on this episode four this
podcast is actually about that.
Speaker 1 (11:12):
It's that topic what having people?
The five most important peopleyou should have, or five types
of people you should have, inyour life.
This is a good segue.
Do you want to play this?
Speaker 2 (11:24):
this was not a good segue, but we can move on.
No, you weren't done updatingus.
Speaker 1 (11:28):
Oh, okay, I'm not finished updating guys.
We'll segue in a minute whatelse you got.
Speaker 2 (11:32):
You was telling us.
Speaker 1 (11:34):
When you said something, you said I'm not that
busy, and I was like yes, you,Seriously, if I have time to be
alone, I'm not that busy.
Speaker 2 (11:43):
Hey, what kind of shirt do you have on by the?
Speaker 1 (11:44):
way, guys, if you're interested in this new drop for
Weldon's and Athletics this dopecompany, by the way, we're
sponsored by Weldon's Athleticshave you ever felt like you
needed a brand to support?
Have you ever felt like youknow the brands that you were
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It just wasn't hitting right,or maybe the style or the themes
(12:05):
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Maybe they didn't donate tolike a nonprofit of your liking?
If that's the case, I guaranteeyou this brand, welders and
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So if you're interested, pleasego to wwwweldersandathleticscom
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(12:26):
It's all about service for thatcompany.
Thank you, wellness andAthletics.
Speaker 2 (12:31):
Shameless.
Speaker 1 (12:35):
That was just random, because.
Speaker 2 (12:38):
I'm just like when you say you're not busy like sir
.
Okay, I think about the thingsthat I know about.
There are other things like.
I'm not that busy bro okay, soto segue into our conversation
for today, mr Not Busy yeah, youwant to bring us in.
Speaker 1 (12:56):
So the conversation today is about the five types of
people you need in your life,and this uh stem from a
conversation that we had.
Uh after I sent you a video.
Do you want to share that videowith us?
Speaker 2 (13:09):
yeah, let me make sure my volume.
I don't want to be too loud.
All right, y'all ready?
Speaker 3 (13:17):
five types of people that you need in your life a
comforter, a confronter, achallenger, a counselor and a
celebrator.
So you need a comforter, aconfronter, a challenger, a
counselor and a celebrator.
So you need a comforter in yourlife because life is guaranteed
to hurt you and you needsomeone there to comfort you,
because if you don't havesomeone who's there to comfort
you, then you'll end up going tothe person who hurt you to heal
(13:38):
you.
A confronter you need someonein your life who's going to tell
you when you're wrong.
You ain't always right, but youneed a person to play the role
to confront you when you'rewrong.
A challenger Someone who lovesso greatly, who listens so
greatly, who serves so greatly,and the way in which they live
their life it challenges you tobe better.
(13:58):
You need a counselor.
You desperately need acounselor, someone whose wisdom
you can just garner things from,someone who's there to just
lend you a wise idea.
And, lastly, you need acelebrator, someone who will not
let you go through a daywithout celebrating the small
victories and, obviously, thelarge victories.
Now what?
Speaker 1 (14:21):
ready, that's good, that's good.
Oh so, guys, what I'm gonna dois I'm gonna break down each of
those um roles so you canunderstand a little bit more.
So our counselor offers clarity, wisdom and perspective.
They might be a mentor, aparent, therapist or friend.
A comforterter offers a safespace, emotional support, warmth
(14:46):
.
They often are found in a longtime, on longtime friends or
siblings, partners, somethinglike that.
Celebrators they're your hype,men slash women.
They affirm most of your winsor all of your wins.
This could be your best friendor a little cousin, or maybe a
barber or someone that you know,or just you know, a regular
(15:08):
friend.
Challengers they push you tolevel up, they don't let you
settle, and sometimes this islike a coach, boss or ambitious
peer that you're working with.
Confronter confronter tells youthe truth with love.
Usually is rare but deeplyvalued.
(15:29):
Yeah, so those are the fiveroles counselor, comforter,
celebrator, challenger andconfrontor why are you saying
I'm out of order?
Speaker 2 (15:43):
what's in?
Speaker 1 (15:43):
my order.
Speaker 2 (15:44):
Yes, okay, the order is confronter, confronter,
challenger, counselor,celebrator and I like celebrator
last, because it's like a Idon't know.
I feel like that's the betterone of them all.
Okay, because I feel like in inanother way.
Some of them, some somebodythat plays a role of like a
(16:04):
confronter, is also.
They're confronting you, butthat can also be a challenge for
you.
But what I want to preface theconversation with was when you
brought this.
When I listened to this clipand I was just like dang.
It kind of made me feelslightly inadequate, because I
was like bro, where am I Like?
Where do I fall in these fivedifferent traits?
(16:27):
Am I?
It made me question myself.
Speaker 3 (16:30):
No lie.
I was like am.
Speaker 2 (16:34):
I, this person, for somebody which I'm sure I am,
but for me to be questioning itis like am I, maybe I don't know
, but I do still feel like it'sa, it's a good conversation and
it's a something that'll kind ofmake me think more.
(16:54):
You know even before today that,like I, said when I first
listened to the clip I was likequestioning myself yeah and my
relevancy in certain people'slives and that's which I don't
communicate with a lot of people, so it's not like it's a whole
band of people that I can bethis person for, but the few
that I do converse with.
(17:15):
Often am I this role for them.
Speaker 1 (17:19):
So I'm going to pose a question, and I think this is
related to what you're sayingwhich role do you think you play
the most, or do well, in thepeople people lives that you are
in?
Speaker 2 (17:29):
Celebrator for sure.
Speaker 1 (17:30):
So you're the celebrator for most people.
I can attest to that, because Ithink you showed me like, yeah,
bro, that's like yeah,celebrators for sure.
I took great.
I guess I need to answer it too, right, of course.
So which one do you think?
Oh, my son.
Which role do you think youplay the most?
(17:52):
Do, uh, I think I do well atcomforter.
Speaker 2 (17:54):
Um, okay, honestly, I think I do well at multiple ego
, right exactly no but, no, thatis so true now that I think
about it like the comforter is,like someone that brings like
peace and calm to the situation.
Yes, I think I do very well atcomforters.
Speaker 1 (18:08):
Oh my gosh.
I think it's because and thereason I say comforters is
because I realize a lot ofpeople, when they come in, like
my presence is like they feellike it's family, they feel like
they can just say whateverwithout being judged.
And I've seen it and felt that.
And I've seen it and felt thatand I'm like, oh wow, so this
(18:28):
person is comfortable here.
So I think comforter is what Iplayed the best.
Um question.
Next question for you.
Oh, wait a minute.
Oh, you got another one.
Oh, go ahead.
Okay, I was gonna say the nextquestion.
I only have two questionsoutside before we go straight
into the topics.
The second question is uh,which one do you think is harder
for you to fulfill or doesn'treally come natural?
Speaker 2 (18:55):
Maybe the confronter, because I can see myself easily
being a confronter.
Confronter for me is not likebeing combative, but like giving
constructive criticism.
Comforter for me is not likebeing combative, but like giving
constructive criticism, Like asa friend.
You got to be able to give theconstructive criticism while
also celebrating, so that's easyfor me.
(19:15):
Like challenging you, that'seasy for me.
Counseling like I mean I cancounsel you, I can be a
counselor for you based off ofthe decisions that I've made as
an individual.
And, of course, celebrating iseasy.
So I think that comforterbecause I'm such a to myself
person that my initial energylike people love me literally,
(19:39):
but they will tell me they'll behonest with me after the fact
and be like when I first met youI was scared of you.
You look mean because I, let'sremember, I have rbf sometimes.
So like they'll be honest withme and tell me that when they
first met me they didn't thinkthat this is the personality
that I have.
So initially coming off bad, Iwould say.
Comfort, it would probably bethe hardest one for me okay,
(20:03):
most unnatural, the hardest onefor me, man.
This is difficult because Idon't um, I would say I don't
know bro, this is difficultbecause, because I have a trait
of all of these things no, stopit.
Speaker 1 (20:19):
Um, the most unnatural one, oh, I don't know
like I feel, like I've.
I've unfortunately been able tokind of do a lot of these,
naturally, because I I usuallystart with comforting and
assessing what people are andthen, depending on what they
(20:40):
need, I'll give them that.
But if I had to choose one, itwould be the one that comes most
unnatural, I would saychallenger.
Speaker 2 (20:56):
Really why.
Speaker 1 (20:57):
But here's the thing I think when people see me
automatically and they just meetme and they kind of see, oh,
that is how I move, I become achallenger, I motivate them to
level up, right, I think so andI'm like, nah, that's not the
role I'm trying to take, butmost people see that and that's
(21:18):
what they do.
Speaker 2 (21:21):
You having a background I have to say having
a background in training people.
That's a way of challenging,though.
Speaker 1 (21:28):
I know, but my goal has never been for them to level
up, like I'm not trying to.
Oh, we need you to level up.
If they need that in a moment,sure, but it's moment.
Sure, sure, I can do it.
But I think out of all five,it's probably the one that I'm
not naturally, that I naturallytake Okay, because initially I'm
(21:50):
not jumping into being yourchallenger.
That's not my first game plan,unless you come and say, hey,
look, I need somebody to.
Unless you come and say, hey,look, I need somebody to push me
.
Okay, cool.
Speaker 2 (21:58):
I need somebody to cuss me out.
Right me, look, do right I gotyou.
Speaker 1 (22:02):
You finna work, trust um.
Speaker 2 (22:06):
But I think naturally for me, believe it or not, the
challenger would be the one thatthat is like the most unnatural
so the question was like whichI don't know if that would be
like a um, a rapid question, butit's just making me think again
.
The question was posed like doyou have someone that is all
(22:26):
five of these in your life?
Speaker 3 (22:28):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (22:29):
Are you one of these in someone's life, or are you
all five?
And I can say, just knowing you, I feel like you have um.
Your personality is like summedup of all five of.
I can say, just knowing you, Ifeel like you have a um.
Your personality is like summedup of all five of them in some
way and here's the.
Thing making me feel inadequateover here.
Speaker 1 (22:45):
Challenger you see, bro, people be like I feel like,
when we talk, I'm not doingenough.
And I'm like, bro, I'm nottrying to push you to do like
more, I'm just.
I'm just saying what we're Idon't know, like I, it's like I
can't run from being achallenger, because that's what
I motivate people to level upyeah but all right, yeah, I
(23:07):
personally think on that note.
I think I thought and I stillkind of think, like someone
being all five for theirsignificant other.
I don't agree with, no, I don'tthink you should be all five
you're yeah it's different.
Speaker 2 (23:21):
Wait, hold on, now what?
Speaker 1 (23:22):
yes, I think it's controversial.
This is gonna be a topic.
Actually, let's start rollinginto our topic.
So we got some topics we wantto roll into.
First and foremost, we're goingto get into that.
But, um, too many hats or toolittle compassion.
I think that's going to be thetopic in the segment here.
So, you know, when it comes tosomeone that you're dating, I
(23:45):
actually I just skipped over toyeah, let's notice I did.
Too many hats, too many topics.
Cool, here we go.
Cool, I wrote these why, are youlooking like that bro?
I'm just listening um so, yeah,too many hats.
I think I mentioned this on oneof our past podcasts.
I said I felt like in the pastI was wearing too many hats for
(24:06):
people maybe the businessepisode?
I think so do we overburden oneperson to play all roles?
Speaker 2 (24:16):
do we overburden one person to play all roles?
That's how much I talk, twister, yeah, I mean, if it's
something that's like notnatural, which I again I feel
like it's naturally falls inline for you.
But if you're like trying tocoerce them to be all five of
these for you, then yeah.
(24:38):
But if it's, if it's literallyjust them, them like you, if you
have you having a significantother, like they're gonna be,
they gonna be real happy, likeyou're gonna be all five of them
for them, even though you say Idon't want to be off, but I'm
(24:59):
telling you, it's just naturally, I don't want to be I know it's
naturally going to happen.
It's going to happen I know, Iknow can I, can I figure out
which can I?
Speaker 1 (25:10):
can I just stay in this moment of of not wanting to
do it, so I can prepare myselfExplain why.
Speaker 2 (25:15):
Well, answer your question, I think.
Speaker 1 (25:16):
I mean, I think it's when you're wearing so many hats
for one person.
It can overburden you know yourperson.
If this is your person and youwant them to wear all those hats
Now, granted, I think mostpeople would you know nationally
, say, oh well, I want my personto be all of these different
things for me.
But that's a lot of work and itcan be exhausting because if
(25:41):
they're dealing with somethingand you know they can't put on
the challenger role becausethey're in a lower point or
maybe depressed or maybe somemental state, then they fail you
.
At that point you have theexpectation for them to be your
challenger and they're notmentally there.
And I I was there.
I was at a point to where Iknow I was dating someone and
(26:05):
they wanted me to be a mentalthat challenger for them and I
couldn't do it like to the levelthat they expected it because I
knew I wasn't like mentally ina good place.
So I think it can be, it can beoverburdened at times.
So I don't like mentally in agood place.
So I think it can be.
It can be overburdened at times.
So I don't.
I think you can wear multiplehats, but when all five man, if
(26:26):
you're going to wear all five,you got to have grace from your
other part, your partner, that'srequiring that.
She has to know, like okay, heor she has to know, like in that
moment, like okay to know.
Like okay, he or she has toknow, like in that moment, like
okay, cool, right now he can'tbe.
You know the confronter whenshe needs you to tell her like
nah, sit down, get in your place.
Like, put her in a place, I do,because he's not focused right
(26:47):
now.
He's, you know, his mind is onx, y and z?
Um, there has to be grace, butit can work.
One person can do all five.
But I just think like man, Ijust know how much work it takes
to do all five.
But it's a beautiful thing whenit happens, you know, in
harmony.
When is we?
When that person, or when bothof them are able to kind of flow
(27:10):
into each of those respectiveroles.
So, yeah, for me, yeah.
Why are you laughing?
What's the look bro?
Speaker 2 (27:18):
I'm just I'm just listening to you fight fate
listening to you fight fatecause you finna be all of them.
Speaker 1 (27:28):
But I can't.
It's like my, my personalitycan't help it, because I have
experience in every single roleand I also understand myself
enough to know like, okay, cool,I can be the counselor, I can
be the comforter, I could be thecelebrators to hell.
I probably can celebrate peoplemore, better than celebrate
themselves yes um, and I, youknow, you know, when I realized
(27:49):
that, oh man, like I realizedthat, because a lot of people
come to me when they have winsand I genuinely I love to see
people win and I genuinely Ithink I can like transfer that,
that emotion with them, becauseI can empathize that that win,
or you know, and it feels, goodso yeah, I think of all of them
(28:13):
with the a, a genuine personlike a, a real, genuine person
celebrating is going to be theeasiest of them all, because the
other ones are a little harderto do.
Speaker 2 (28:28):
That's why I said that I know for a fact I'm a
celebrator.
Oh, you got extra 500.
Yes, congratulations.
Oh, you got extra $500?
Yes, congratulations.
Oh, you got your doctoraldegree, you got your PhD?
Yes, oh, you got that role.
Yeah, like, and then I play alot.
I play a role of.
I play the role of helpingpeople to get those wins too.
I've helped people.
(28:49):
I've not helped.
I've been a part of helpingpeople get roles, like with
theater or whatever, where theyneed me to play their part so
they can hear it, and then theycome back.
I got that role and I be likeyes, like it's so easy to
celebrate, like if you don'tcelebrate other people wins,
then you just a hater.
Speaker 1 (29:09):
I just wanted to whisper that.
I want to say something aboutthe celebrator.
I think from my observationI've realized a lot of people
kind of fake the celebrator.
I think from my observationI've realized a lot of people
kind of fake the celebrator roleyeah you see a lot of people
fake being a celebrator like ohman, I'm so happy for you, blah,
blah blah.
But they're not happy for you.
They're actually like hating thefact that you got to a certain
(29:30):
point and they didn't yeah andI'm like you and I, so I think
true celebrators though you feelit, you don't just hear it.
You feel that genuine emotionthat transfers from them because
they're like genuinely happyfor you.
Like Gary, like man, I rememberwhen I was like just the
accomplishments I've shared withhim and in the short period of
(29:55):
time I've noticed, like knownhim, he's always been to
celebrate like bro, let'scelebrate that.
And it's a few more people thatI have in my life.
It's just genuinely likethey're not forced saying great
job because other people can seethem say it but, more.
it's like bro, let's, let's golike you're.
You know, I mean like just justthose small things, but when
(30:16):
it's genuine it's like a breathof fresh air versus you having a
homeboy or a buddy saying, broman, I'm happy for you, bro,
good job.
Speaker 2 (30:26):
And they just saying it out of formality, yeah, just
saying it because they need they.
Had they better Right.
Speaker 1 (30:30):
Like it's their job, right, right, like nah, bro,
don't, don don't celebrate me ifit's your job.
Don't.
Don't say that, though, if youdon't mean it, because I I feel
like there's a lot of uh, youknow um fake people, that people
that play the celebrating rolethat don't really you know, that
shouldn't be there if thatmakes sense so yeah, all right,
(30:51):
you ready to get into thecontroversial topics here?
Um?
Speaker 2 (30:54):
yeah, go ahead.
Okay, we love controversy allright.
Speaker 1 (30:59):
So this topic are you emotionally lazy or emotionally
isolated?
So relying on relying on oneperson to be everything versus
not trusting anyone to beanything?
So so you have people who relyon one person to be everything,
and then you also have thoseindividuals who don't trust
people to be anything that's meright now.
(31:19):
Yeah, like so I figured it wasyou side on everybody.
Speaker 3 (31:23):
That's why I was like hold on say it again, because I
heard myself he's describing me, you guys so is that yeah,
finish it is that emotionally?
Speaker 1 (31:34):
or are you emotionally lazy, or are you
emotionally isolated?
Speaker 2 (31:38):
Emotionally isolated.
Speaker 1 (31:40):
Explain.
Speaker 2 (31:41):
I'm healing.
It's a simple explanation.
I'm healing, I am reevaluating,like I said at the beginning,
with the goodbye of reevaluatingmy choices, and like decisions
that I made that have, you know,put me in the circumstance that
I'm in now, which I'm gratefulfor.
But I don't think it's a badthing.
(32:02):
It's temporary, I know that forsure.
Like the isolation is temporary, I don't think I'm lazy, I'm
actually could be, sometimesfeel like I could be a little
bit too emotionally attached oravailable.
So the isolation is justtemporary, is I'm protecting
myself right now?
So I don't think it's bad.
(32:23):
Do you think it's bad?
Speaker 1 (32:26):
so bad would be emotionally lazy okay, well then
it's not bad um I think I thinkpart of it could be you're
emotionally lazy because youknow how much work it takes to
kind of build those bonds, thatbond with a person to be one of
those roles or to be you know,but how?
(32:50):
however, I do understand thatbecause I was in that healing
phase where it was just you youknow you and your immediate
family or whoever else yourelied on, but essentially you
still kind of relied on yourselfto be those roles.
That helps build you up.
But what helps you get throughthat healing journey is
community.
So having people that arestrong in these roles but
(33:13):
genuine in these roles, yes,that's the heart Genuine.
Yeah yeah, it's, it's different.
It's not easy to find someoneas genuine today.
Speaker 2 (33:21):
That's why I have to be isolated for now to to see
yeah you know, you, you learn alot just by.
You don't even have to talk,just by listening.
Yeah, oh my gosh, oh my god youlearn stuff you don't need dang
.
I don't think I was supposed toknow that, but I know it you
know, it's just a side note.
Speaker 1 (33:36):
You know I've learned the most About women In the
last Year or two, and it wasduring my healing journey,
because I was just moreObserving and listening.
I wasn't interacting, I wasobserving and listening.
And now I'm like, oh, for 45minutes I get it.
Speaker 2 (33:52):
No, not, not like that.
Speaker 1 (33:54):
But I'm saying like I've had women that were in my
life, as you know, friends orwhatever, and conversations, and
just kind of seeing how they goabout things and seeing how
they think it just brought somuch insight.
So but it helped me because Iwas in an emotional, isolated
(34:15):
point to where I'm like, okay,cool, let me take this from this
moment, let me take this fromthis, let me make sure I
emphasize this, because this iswhat they're looking for in this
moment because of theconversations I've had.
So, yeah, you can learn a lotjust by listening.
Like you said, but, also thewhole listening and seeing.
Speaker 2 (34:33):
Pay attention to people's actions yes, I think
that's super important.
Actions now that's for likelistening and seeing.
Oh, you might get hurt, but Ithink that's so important.
It's something that I'velearned, not in the journey that
I'm on now, but just throughoutmy adulthood like within the
last five years which I talkedabout that I used to be real
(34:56):
quick to come back at you.
You say something, be realquick to come back at you.
You say something, I'm going tocome back real quick, but I've
learned to stop and just let yougo, listen to what you're
saying, and then I respondaccordingly.
Speaker 1 (35:08):
Let them go All right .
So the next question is doesthis is a good one?
Speaker 2 (35:14):
You didn't answer that last question.
Speaker 1 (35:16):
What was the last Wait?
How didn't answer that lastquestion?
What was the last wait?
How did I answer that?
The last question was am Iemotionally lazy or emotionally
isolated?
Yeah I'm neither.
Well, I guess this one doesn'tpertain to me, but that's fine
so it was uh relying on oneperson to be everything versus
(35:37):
not trusting anyone to beanything.
I think I've never relied onone person to be everything yes
and I would never, never, youshouldn't be everything even
though there are people who can,but you still should have that
small part of you.
Speaker 2 (35:54):
that's not necessarily relying on them,
because anything can happen.
Speaker 1 (35:58):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (35:59):
Like people that are taken care of is what I'm
getting at.
Speaker 1 (36:03):
I think and this question can be an extension, or
this can be an extension fromthis question I think, for me,
though, is like I feel like weall have this one role that we
want to have in certain moments.
Like some people in everymoment may want a celebrator,
some people in every moment maywant a challenger at all times
(36:24):
in their lives.
I think for me, just looking atthe roles, I think I've always
really wanted a comforter.
Speaker 2 (36:37):
Stop.
Speaker 1 (36:38):
Stop Not someone to kind of like and comforting in
terms of like, you know, believeit or not, and I think this is
what men are overlooked.
We are.
We are overlooked in this pointbecause I think a lot of times
we're supposed to be tough torock, sure, but comforter is is
(37:02):
something that every man wants.
Maybe they may not directly sayit, maybe they may directly,
you know, allude to it, but justhaving someone that can either
be there for your emotionalsupport not directly give it to
you, but just you know you haveit there if it happens and you
need that emotional support,it's huge Because we're taught
(37:22):
to keep work, we are taught towork through every single thing.
So I think, for me, comforteris something that I was like oh,
you know what?
Speaker 2 (37:29):
I'm not having a comfort in every moment.
Right, you need one, we allneed one.
Speaker 1 (37:33):
Yeah, I agree.
Speaker 2 (37:38):
Because we, we all need one.
Yeah, I agree.
I agree because of we all needa safe space.
Like it's like just based offof like how men are taught to be
, versus now, like it's notrealistic.
I mean it can be, but let's bereal, it's 2025.
Speaker 1 (37:46):
Like yeah, now I think there's a balance and you,
you should, you know, as as a,you know, a person that is on
your own.
You shouldn't always like havea comforter there, because they
can make you feel a little bitmore like, you know, helpless if
(38:07):
you're always like, oh I know,I got somebody to comfort me at
the end of the day, then it can,it can, it can be a um, a
slippery slope there, but Ithink in some form a comforter
is always needed in your life.
What about you?
What do you think?
What role do you think in mostmoments or maybe in your life
you've always wanted to have?
Speaker 2 (38:31):
I'd probably say the same and just because I thought
that in the past I've had thatsomebody to be that for me but
yeah it's turned out that theyweren't you know what I'm saying
like it wasn't genuine.
So to be able to go to someonefreely and just be my emotional
self, because I'm a little so acomforter yeah, I said the same.
(38:52):
So yeah, okay, okay so.
Comfort yeah, yeah, okay.
We we gotta have somebody wecan.
So yeah, okay, okay so comfort.
Yeah, yeah, okay, we got to havesomebody we can lean on Lean on
in those trying times.
Speaker 1 (39:03):
Correct, all right.
The next question here is whatyou got.
Oh, go ahead with your question.
My bad bro, I forgot about yourquestion, go ahead.
No, your questions are.
My bad bro, I forgot about yourquestions, go ahead.
Speaker 2 (39:17):
No, your questions are good.
On the confronter.
Have you had someone that waslike a confronter for you?
Speaker 1 (39:25):
Tell you the truth with love, yeah.
Speaker 2 (39:29):
Like constructive criticism.
Speaker 1 (39:32):
I've had I've never had anyone that tells me the
truth.
Told me the truth with love.
I've had people tell me thetruth because they hate it.
Well, they didn't say hate it,but they didn't like me.
So, oh yeah, here's the truth.
Speaker 2 (39:45):
Oh, they didn't like you.
Yeah, oh, no.
Speaker 1 (39:47):
Yeah, I've never had anyone like hey, man, and
actually I value that, like ifit's some truth that needs to be
spoken, please.
I love constructive criticism,like give it to me Like I need
to.
That's how I get better atanything.
Whether that's creativity,design work, I don't care.
Give it to me and I guaranteeyou I can make an adjustment.
If it's you know, valuable,then I'll make an adjustment and
(40:10):
make, make it better.
But I think I do value aconfronter.
For sure you got to have aconfronter in your life.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
My best friend.
She would not hesitate to tellme about myself.
She'd be like I love you.
But I just got to say again ifX, y, z, then we wouldn't.
I'd be like okay.
So the question is have youever cut someone off just
because they told you the truth?
Speaker 1 (40:31):
Oh no, no, no, no, no .
Okay, that's bad.
That's about you.
You're valuable at that point.
Hey you, what?
Oh cool, tell me more.
Speaker 2 (40:37):
I mean only if it's coming from a good place I was
just about to say, because whatyou just said at first was they
was telling you that not out oflove.
Speaker 1 (40:44):
I had that person in my life and I thought they were
good to be in my life.
But I started to realize likethat negative energy they always
had even though they came toconfront they would confront at
any given moment, they wereready like that was their
superpower and I was like, oh,maybe I need this in my life,
but they did teach me something.
They taught me not likedirectly, but from dealing with
(41:07):
them.
I had to evolve my personalities, to kind of figure out how to
um mesh with them yeah and I didit so many different times, so
I learned, I picked up a lot ofqualities in terms of that, but
I realized that the 10th timethat I evolved, I can't mesh
with this person it's not meit's them yeah, so but if they
(41:29):
had my best interest at heart,if it was out of love, then they
would still be in my life.
Yeah, you know.
But yeah, I had to realize likeyeah, bro this is so.
You did cut them off, just notright away yeah, but they
weren't a confronter aconfronter you want in your life
yeah, this is somebody.
It's a negative, negative yeah,you have to be very careful with
that, because some people justin your life just try to tear
(41:51):
you down, even though it'd bethey.
Just they're just waiting for amoment for them to put their
input in, and it could be somegood input.
But it's just like, hey, I'mgoing to tell you this because I
want to bring you back down,you know so you have to be very
careful of those people let'sjust go in order with the
challenger oh okay.
Speaker 2 (42:12):
Um, so, with the challenger, somebody that pushes
you, I can say, my best frienddoes that for me too.
They see your potential andwon't let you settle.
She's she been on me real heavythese last couple months for
real.
Um what, why are you so?
(42:33):
I'm in thought.
Cause I'm thinking about whohas played that role in my life
well, clearly I don't talk to alot of people, so my best friend
plays a lot of these roles forme.
Speaker 1 (42:43):
Shout out to your best friend for being all shout
out to k hey girl um challengercan somebody that challenges you
become somebody that'scontrolling?
Oh, a challenger can becontrolling not my case, she.
She's not controlling.
That's good.
(43:04):
I don't think I've ever had achallenger in my life.
Speaker 2 (43:08):
Really.
Yeah, you ain't had no person,but you might have had a
doctoral program that challengedyou.
Speaker 1 (43:17):
That doctoral program definitely did challenge me.
Because what is a challenger?
Speaker 2 (43:21):
A challenger is what they see your potential and
won't let you settle.
They motivate you, inspire youfeel, fuel your ambition.
But the bad part of it is theymay ignore your capacity or
emotional state, so they maypush you even for when you may
need a little break, yeah I'venever had, you know, Even in my
(43:42):
advisors it's never been that.
Really.
Yeah, I think the advisor roleis to push you yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1 (43:53):
Yeah, I've never had the challenger in my life.
Well, I haven't, Ooh if I everdid have a challenger, Imagine
I'm already a hard worker.
Now, Ooh, if I ever did have achallenger, imagine I'm already
hardworking I would probably.
I was just thinking likesomebody to push me to be like
even better is crazy work.
Speaker 2 (44:12):
What's the difference between the confronter and the
challenger?
Speaker 1 (44:16):
So the confronter is that person is going to say it's
going to be 100% upfront withyou about you know a mistake,
something that they know, aboutsomething that they saw, but
it's all with love.
The challenger is one whopushed you just to grow and it's
(44:37):
not all the time they're goingto confront you, but they can go
hand in hand with the rightperson.
Yeah, the right person canconfront you, um, but they can
go hand in hand with the rightperson.
Yeah, right person can'tconfront you with love, but also
challenge you to do better bypushing you in that next step.
Speaker 2 (44:50):
so yeah, the challenge are like they try to
get you out your comfort zone,right so not all the time it's
gonna be critiqued to do betterit could be like no, you can.
Speaker 1 (44:58):
Oh, you don't want to work.
I say no you.
You need to work out todaybecause x, y, y and Z.
Speaker 2 (45:03):
You know what happens when those endorphins start
pumping through your body.
Speaker 1 (45:06):
There you go.
What other one do you have?
Counselor.
The counselor role is tricky.
Speaker 2 (45:15):
You got to be careful who you take advice from.
Speaker 1 (45:17):
You got to be careful 100%.
Speaker 2 (45:19):
That type of advice.
Speaker 1 (45:21):
You have to be careful with.
If you are a counselor you haveto be careful with.
If you are a counselor, youhave to be careful with how you
give advice oh, that's good.
I think the counselor one isvery tricky cause.
Oh man, like if you havesomeone that is a counselor and
they're always giving advice,that can seem overbearing for
you.
Speaker 2 (45:39):
It can become a crutch for you.
Speaker 1 (45:40):
It can become a crutch too, um, bearing for you.
It can become a crutch.
For you, it can become a crutchtoo um, and for them it could
seem like they are know-it-alland they're less compassionate
about your situation becausethey, in their mind, oh, I've
experienced this, I know more,so let me give you this
information.
But you're like I don't evenwant to hear you, I don't want
to get wisdom or advice, I justneed you here to be a comforter.
(46:03):
So I think a lot of times inwhich those two, the comforter
and the counselor are, like youknow, on two ends of the
spectrum, because the counseloris trying to like like, hey,
this is what you need to do, thecomfort like oh, so.
So how do you feel?
You know what I mean, and Ithink I personally, for some
(46:23):
reason, I'm good at hybridcomfort and counseling, because
I've been able to kind of likelead with the comfort, and when
a person is ready, I can givethem that wisdom and that
counsel of like okay, this iswhat needs to happen.
These are the things you'regoing to see, and this, these
are things you can do to makesure that it doesn't happen
again.
I think that is probably a giftthat I do have because, I always
(46:45):
leave with the comfort becauseI understand, like I've been
through some stuff.
This person may have beenthrough some stuff and they may
just need you to meet them wherethey are, and I think that's
where the term comes Meet thatperson where they are.
It's just being in the comfort,their comfort zone.
Give them a safe space and thenallow them to ask for your help
.
Speaker 2 (47:04):
Do you?
Speaker 1 (47:05):
mentor.
Yes, I do.
I'm actually looking intoexpanding that um role for some
people.
I have two mentees now.
Um, I just took on one lastweek.
Actually shout out to her.
Speaker 2 (47:22):
Shout out to her.
Speaker 1 (47:23):
Hey, her, her.
Speaker 2 (47:26):
We got the same name.
Speaker 1 (47:27):
No, you're supposed to like shout out, like talk
about your mentees and mentorAnyway, but I think you know the
men, the person, the people Itry to I bring on are definitely
for, like you know, growthpurposes, Especially if I have
information that can kind ofassist them purposes, especially
if I have information that cankind of system.
But I also want to make surethat that the you know the
(47:48):
mentorship, mentor andmenteeship is important to where
they're getting what they need,not just because I want to see
them and I see their potentiallike nah, what do you want to
get out of this?
I want to know more about x, yand z, but I also want to see
how I can go about doing thiscool.
That's the structure.
Well, that is the goal.
Let me give you the structurearound how we're going to get
(48:09):
there.
So, yeah, have you ever been amentor for any?
Speaker 2 (48:14):
No, simple answer is no, but I have had a mentor.
Um, I could be and I said noquick because I haven't.
But I do have the, thequalities and the potential to
be.
But you know, again, I don'treally surround myself with a
lot of people.
I do have, okay, my, my students.
(48:37):
They they come to me for a lot,so not like a as far as like a
continuous role, but as needed,I am a mentor.
So I'll let me change my answerfrom no to yes okay, okay, all
right, I got two questions foryou one question is who plays?
Speaker 1 (48:58):
do you have someone that plays each role in your
life separately?
No, it's the same person so youhave one person that plays all
roles, okay.
Second question is are youexpecting something from your?
If you have a partner, allright.
If you have a partner, whatroles are you expecting them to
play in your life?
Speaker 2 (49:15):
comforter for sure that's it I mean, yes, of course
I want them to play other roles.
But the comforter for sure, thechallenger, like I do have an
ex where he was like you're notgoing to the gym today, what?
So you're just not going to goto the gym and I'd be like, okay
(49:38):
, I'm going to go.
So that was like him trying tochallenge me a little bit,
challenge my routine, challengeme as a person, but that wasn't
consistent from him.
But Comforter for sure, I sayChallenger just because I know
it'll come from a place of loveper se and yeah, I don't need my
(50:04):
significant other counseling me.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no okaywhat about you?
Speaker 1 (50:12):
um.
So the questions.
I answer the first questionfirst.
So the first question was doyou have?
Speaker 2 (50:19):
I remember the question, do I?
Speaker 1 (50:20):
have a person playing .
So I think currently, let's seeman.
Do I have a person playing anyof those roles right now?
Do I have multiple?
I definitely.
I have plenty of celebrators.
Speaker 2 (50:33):
I was going to throw this fan over there.
Speaker 1 (50:37):
I got a lot of celebrators.
Speaker 3 (50:39):
You definitely have a lot of celebrators.
Speaker 1 (50:43):
Yo, I got a lot of celebrators, which is crazy work
.
Speaker 2 (50:47):
You can never have too many celebrators.
That's good I 100%.
Speaker 1 (50:49):
I've never had that in my life, so I am grateful for
all my celebrators.
I don't have a counselor.
I think me I don't.
I don't know.
I don't have a challenger rightnow.
(51:12):
I think I don't know if I havea confronter either.
Comforter, safe space.
(51:33):
I think I'm emotionallyisolated.
Speaker 2 (51:36):
Oh, we're going to go back to that question.
Speaker 1 (51:37):
Yeah, because I'm starting to realize like for a
person to comfort me, I have tobe willing to like Emotionally
available.
I have to be realize like forthe for a person to comfort me,
I have to be willing to likeemotionally available.
I have to be emotionallyavailable for them.
So, yeah, maybe I don't have.
I don't have celebrators.
I need to increase my capacityfor all of these roles.
Speaker 2 (52:00):
Yeah, is that why I said that being emotionally
unavailable or emotionallyisolated, I mean, is temporary.
Speaker 1 (52:09):
that's a temporary thing, like it's not gonna stay
forever yeah, but just thinkingback on it, like my intentions
are to like I want to have theseroles right right.
But I also feel like, likeyou're saying, it's hard to
trust some certain people tolike what's your intentions?
Um, even if I'm looking for achallenger, like okay, like I
(52:31):
don't mind having someone pushme, at the same time I do
understand, like I'm alwayspushing myself.
So, like do I need a challengerbecause I'm like I'm always
going to work, you know, and tryto work hard as I can,
counselor wise, though?
No, I don't think I need acounselor right now.
I think to answer that question, this goes to our question of
(52:53):
you got to answer the secondpart of the question the second
part was wait what was that soif.
I had a significant other, whatroles would I want them to play?
Comforter for sure.
Celebrator I love a goodcelebrator.
Significant other.
So if I had a significant other, what roles would I want them
to play?
Um, comforter for sure.
Celebrator I love a goodcelebrator.
When it's january, for sure.
Um, I don't know if I wanted tobe the confronter or the
(53:18):
challenger probably both maybeno, I think, confronter.
I would prefer to be a Confirmerinstead of a Challenger.
So, like, just tell me thetruth with love.
Like not not saying, createsome stuff that you know me,
like, oh, let me just confrontthem about it.
No, bro, no, we ain't playingthat game.
Stop it.
Um, I definitely can't have mysignificant other being a
(53:42):
counselor.
Nah, bro.
No, With my personality though Idon't need a counselor, Like I
got perspective.
I'm not saying I knoweverything, but typically if I'm
in a place where I need support, it's probably I need comfort,
so I can have time to find thewisdom myself.
Speaker 2 (54:02):
So I can have time to find the wisdom myself.
So I didn't say celebrator,because, though that's important
, they're like, my significantother celebrates me.
I'm celebrating myself, like Isee.
I see I'm going to congratulatemyself every single time, no
hesitation, so that I do feellike that's important though, to
have someone in that role, forsure Interesting.
Speaker 3 (54:26):
Huh, what's interesting.
Speaker 2 (54:27):
What was the last question that you had?
Speaker 3 (54:29):
Before we wrap it up.
Speaker 2 (54:32):
I don't know, you might have lost your train of
thought no, I did not.
Okay, my bad.
Speaker 1 (54:36):
Should you normalize getting pushed and hugged by
different people?
Speaker 2 (54:42):
What say it again?
Speaker 1 (54:43):
Should you normalize getting pushed and hugged by
different people?
Speaker 2 (54:50):
Hugged like yeah, normalize that.
No, don't touch me, please.
Pushed as in like push you toyour potential.
Speaker 1 (55:01):
Correct Hugged as in showing love by different people
, show me love by differentpeople.
Speaker 2 (55:04):
Show me love by saying hello, don't touch me if
I don't.
I'm one of those that practicesocial distancing before COVID.
I do not like being touched.
Speaker 1 (55:17):
All right, so let's get you answer that.
Speaker 2 (55:19):
Stop skipping over stuff.
Speaker 1 (55:21):
Answer what.
Speaker 2 (55:22):
What you just asked me.
Speaker 1 (55:23):
Yes, I think you should normalize getting pushed
and hugged by different peoplehugged we have never hugged,
ever in life, me and you.
Speaker 2 (55:30):
We are real friends.
What?
Why are?
Speaker 1 (55:31):
we, why we have, why do we have to hug?
Speaker 2 (55:35):
well, I'm saying like because you wouldn't want a
random person coming up to you.
Speaker 1 (55:39):
You don't want random people to push you, you know
what, and you don't want randompeople listen.
Hey, renee, listen.
I had a random person give me ahug that I did not know and I
haven't had a hug in two yearsand that then probably made you
feel like a way, like a good way, right?
yes, I'm like dang, like Ididn't know I needed this g.
(56:02):
This Gary gave me a hug in agym and I was like dang, I
didn't know I needed this.
Like I've been so emotionallyisolated that my second nature
isn't to embrace someone.
Speaker 2 (56:14):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (56:15):
But I found that when people steal hugs or embrace me
, it's comforting, it's like,dang, you know what I needed.
This hug Like it's comforting,it's like, dang, you know what I
needed.
This hug like it's okay, and Ithink I'm not saying like don't
be pulling up exactly.
Don't be pulling up exactly, butI'm saying like I think it
should be normalized, becausewe're so disconnected as a
(56:40):
society that no one knows how toshow love generally anymore.
So people are like don't touchme, but I'm saying your person
or your people, like yourfriends, should be able to be
like man, give me a hug, bro.
You know what I mean.
I think that is important andcause you never know who's going
five years without even huggingsomebody.
(57:00):
But for me, like those momentswhere people stole like was
still hugs, I was like man, Ineeded this and I didn't even
know, I didn't even think aboutit in the moment, and it was
like dang.
I appreciate this.
So, yes, I think we shouldnormalize that in terms of
people pushing us.
If they're, if they have ourbest interest at heart, sure, if
(57:21):
it's like they see us, likeokay, I see.
No, this person can do waybetter.
They are, they have our bestinterest at heart.
Sure.
If it's like they see us, likeokay, I see.
No, this person can do waybetter.
They are, they have it.
They just need someone to sayman, look, you got this.
Let's go in the gym, bro.
I see you, I see you grinding,or you on set 15, you're about
to go to set 16.
You don't want to do it, yougot it.
That's pushing you, normalizingthat.
So I think it's okay to do thatnow.
(57:43):
Granted, I understand you.
You need to make sure you havethe capacity for it.
Because, that's what you'resaying.
You may not have the capacityto receive a hug from somebody,
but for me and this is just likea vulnerable moment I think I
really appreciated the momentsthat I was like man and this was
like this healing year wasn'teasy and for the people that
(58:08):
stole those hugs, I was likedang bro, I needed these.
Speaker 2 (58:14):
You know how some men are, is the hug the equivalent
of like a DAPA?
You know, like not even ahandshake I'm talking about like
the Obama.
So the embrace, yeah, theembrace, yeah, embrace.
Speaker 1 (58:24):
So I think now god believe it or not, I think now
guys are getting morecomfortable with embracing each
other a little bit more.
So the dap and then the embraceyeah that is, that is becoming
more, more, um, what's the termlooking for like regular now,
because I think guys arestarting to realize, like man, I
need to express bro you good,we straight, showing a little
(58:46):
bit more love and affection in asense.
So, yes, that is important,because if somebody already
messaged you, what's up, bro yougood, yeah good, what's up man,
and they wrap around.
Speaker 2 (58:56):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (58:56):
And they tap you on that back.
That's a small hook.
Speaker 2 (59:04):
So that's, that's the equivalent of just a hook,
because I feel like a man likethey gotta do the dab before
some men.
I was just about to say somemen.
I swear I was about to say somemen, but I also.
Speaker 1 (59:11):
I think it's just how that person sees you and I and
I think man just talking withgary gary kind of expressed me
like like bro, he was like youknow, just to be transparent,
bro, you amazing human being,and I think by him knowing what
I went through, my you know myentire who be transparent.
He's like bro, you're anamazing human being and I think
by him knowing what I wentthrough my you know my entire
who I am, how I love.
He just said, nah, bro, he justgave me a hug, bro, and I was
(59:31):
like dang, like I appreciatedthat.
So I think it depends on theperson, like if like see that
you're you're, you're goingthrough some things and or
you've been through some things,that want to embrace you and
show genuine love, I thinkthat's important.
Speaker 2 (59:47):
So yeah, and it must not be you.
I mean the little context,because gary is is older yeah,
so he's not worried about.
Speaker 1 (59:55):
You know, some men also aren't as I don't want to
say affectionate, but you knowwhere they're so free to embrace
because just of what they thinkother people might think like,
yeah, they ain't gonna care, butI think if it's like more like
it feels like family, yeah,nobody's thinking about that,
like so, yeah, uh, we'reactually coming to an end man,
(01:00:16):
we're an hour in, so all right,so let's wrap this up so, um, I
think is important and do somereflection here.
So we talked about all fiveroles and how important it is to
have some, uh, someone in yourlife that plays over those roles
(01:00:36):
, cause I think that helps givesyou a more harmonic um mental
space, or mental um mind frame,if that makes sense.
More harmonic mental space ormental um mind frame, if that
makes sense.
more harmonic mental mind frame,harmonic mental mind frame wow,
I just created something I'mpretty sure a better term for
that made it a harmonic mentalmind frame yeah, I think it's
(01:00:59):
important to have those fivepeople in your life because it
brings you, know, a sense of apurpose, fulfillment, support,
um, you can they help.
You know, if there's achallenge or confronting, help
you better themselves, betteryourself, they'll be better
yourself.
Or you know it could be someonethat is able to give you the
truth when it's hard, but you'rewilling to receive it because
(01:01:21):
you know it's in love.
Um, yeah, I think it'simportant to have all five of
those kind of like ocho said.
Speaker 2 (01:01:28):
Ocho said in that video I think that I think it's
important as well, but I alsofeel like you shouldn't.
You shouldn't feel a way ifthose somebody that feels that
role rotates out and someoneelse comes and feels it because
they may outgrow that role foryou in your life yeah so I don't
(01:01:49):
feel like you should.
Um, people shouldn't beconfined to having or being that
role, in that role for someone,because you, what you give, may
outgrow them correct and thensomeone else with more to give
fills that role for them.
So I just feel like youshouldn't and if you don't, then
(01:02:12):
that's good too but don't feellike that.
Somebody that moves on out ofthat role for you, that's a bad
thing.
It can be a good thing.
So just be open to knowing thatsomebody that fills those roles
for you, it might change yeah,which is a good thing I agree, I
agree, okay, guys.
Speaker 1 (01:02:32):
Um, like I said in the beginning of the podcast, if
you're looking for our podcast,you can find us on all podcast
platforms by searching the good,the bad and the gray podcast.
Yes, if you're looking for theentire full visual experience on
(01:02:54):
YouTube, you can find us atDrJustinGray, and if you guys
are seeing this video on TikTok,like, share and follow.
Speaker 2 (01:03:05):
And favorite your favorite clips.
Speaker 1 (01:03:08):
Cool and also submit us some questions.
If you guys want to hear usanswer some questions, either
during the pod or directlythrough our chats or iMessage or
whatever, we'll do that.
Other than that, we are out.
Thank you, guys for joining us.
Speaker 2 (01:03:23):
Bye.
Guys, Bye.
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