When Conflict Hijacks Your Marriage 😤

Why do we keep doing the things in marriage we know we don’t want to do? In this episode, Brad sits down with Ron and Nan Deal to unpack the core concepts behind their new book The Mindful Marriage—a practical, accessible tool built on decades of clinical marriage therapy work from Dr. Terry Hargrave.

Ron and Nan explain what “dysregulation” actually is, why your brain reacts before you can think, and why couples get stuck in repeating patterns of blame, shame, control, and escape. They share how the cycle forms, how it fueled their own marriage struggles, and how learning to map their “pain cycle” and “peace cycle” changed everything.

This conversation is loaded with insight, neuroscience, honesty, and hope. If you’ve ever wondered “Why do I keep reacting like this,"  this episode could be a breakthrough.

👉 Don’t forget to subscribe, share, and leave a review to help more couples discover the hope of a grace-filled marriage.

• Blended & Blessed – https://blendedandblessed.com
• Ron Deal’s Resources – https://rondeal.org
• Grace Marriage – https://gracemarriage.com


🔑 KEY IDEAS:
• What “dysregulation” really means — and why your brain shuts off in conflict
• The four predictable responses: blame, shame, control, escape
• How triggers form and why they happen in nanoseconds
• The “pain cycle” vs. the “peace cycle” in marriage
• Why your spouse can’t heal your pain — and why that’s actually freeing
• How to move from emotional reactivity to intentional, Christ-centered responses
• Practical steps to rewiring your brain toward love, peace, patience, and self-control


📚 KEY VERSES
📖 Romans 7:15 “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate.”
📖 Romans 6:14 “For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.”
📖 Matthew 7:3 “Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?”
📖 Galatians 5:22–23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.”


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