November 19, 2024 • 48 mins
CONTENT WARNING: This episode contains discussions of domestic abuse and may therefore be upsetting to some listeners.
What does it take to rise from a life filled with hardships to one of success and inspiration? On this episode of the Hangout Podcast, we are joined by Erica Alfaro. Erica opens up about her childhood spent between Tijuana and San Diego, grappling with language barriers and the challenges of teen motherhood, before finding the courage to change her life's trajectory inspired by her parents’ unwavering support.
In this heartfelt episode, Erica shares her transformative journey from fearing public speaking to commanding international stages with authenticity and passion. Her encounter with Toastmasters becomes a pivotal chapter, illustrating how embracing one's true self can lead to unexpected opportunities and profound personal growth. As we reflect on the themes of resilience and perseverance, Erica’s story serves as a powerful reminder that adversity can indeed be a stepping stone to greatness.
Check out Erica’s book Harvesting Dreams: https://a.co/d/hQoPziQ
To learn more about Erica and to book a speaking engagement visit her website: https://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.ericaalfaro.com/&sa=U&ved=2ahUKEwj40IDK4OmJAxW_FDQIHR-sFxEQFnoECB8QAQ&usg=AOvVaw3T-7eucYKBbAeC_Czn9we2
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Hangout Podcast.
I'm your host, David Shoretta.
Come on in and hang out.
In this episode, I wasprivileged to have a
conversation with Erika Alfaro.
Erika is an internationalkeynote speaker.
(00:23):
She's also an award-winningauthor and an education advocate
who inspires audiences with herstory of overcoming adversity
and achieving academic successthat had gone viral.
This was a very inspiring andmotivational conversation and
learning process for me, and Ihope you enjoy it as much as I
(00:51):
did.
Thank you, Erica.
Welcome to the Hangout podcast.
It's a real honor and aprivilege to have you joining us
today from I think you're inGuadalajara, Mexico, right now.
Right?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
That is correct.
Thank you so much for having me.
The honor is mine.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I thought we would start with, rather than me
asking you to tell your lifestory, I wanted to give you a
prompt, which is this photo,which is the famous photo, and
obviously this is an audiopodcast.
So maybe you could start bydescribing the history of that
(01:34):
photo and then kind of what ledup to it.
Then we'll go from there as youkind of unpack your story for
us.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Oh yes, of course Well.
Oh yes, of course Well.
My name is Erica Alfaro.
I am the proud daughter ofmigrant farm workers.
In 2019, my graduation picturewhere I'm standing in a
strawberry field with my parentswent viral and made headlines
around the world, and that isthe famous picture that made my
(02:02):
story known among other studentsin my community.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
And tell us you're very humble with that in terms
of famous and well-known, buttell us a little bit more about
what was so significant aboutthat photo.
You didn't need to go out tothe strawberry field to have a
photographer take that right.
What was so deeply meaningfulabout that for you?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
There's three things that are very meaningful for me.
One of them is that both of myparents came to this country
looking for a better life, andthey have always worked in the
fields.
The second reason is because,when I was 13 years old, my
mother took me to work in thetomato fields, and when I was
complaining about the job, mymother told me if you want a
(02:54):
better life, you need to get aneducation.
That memory completely changedmy life, because when I was
going through a difficult moment, that memory of my mom made me
decide to go back to school.
And the third reason why I tookthat picture is because when, a
week before my graduationceremony, I wanted to surprise
(03:16):
my mother, I put my cap and gown, I walk into her room and I
told her mamita lo logramos.
And in that moment, seeing mymom get very emotional, this
strong woman who I have neverseen vulnerable when I was a
child, in that moment I decidedthat I wanted to do something
(03:37):
special, something meaningful,because I'm not the only.
Not only am I the first womanin my family to get a master's
degree, but I'm also the firstwoman in my family to get a
formal education.
I'm the first one that knowshow to read and write.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
In my family, Talk to us a little bit about what led
up to you kind of jumped aheadto a master's degree, which is
what this photo is for, rightFrom San Diego State.
Correct?
That is correct, yes, but takeus back to the trials and
tribulations that you had as ayoung girl, because from reading
(04:19):
your book I recall that you didpart of your elementary
education in Tijuana, part inSan Diego.
You kind of went back and forth, depending on the fortunes of
your family, and then you endedup kind of moving into the
northern part of San DiegoCounty and the challenge.
So talk us, talk our listenersthrough that.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Oh yes, so I was born in Fresno, california, but I
was little when my mom wasdeported, and so I grew up in
Tijuana, mexico.
I was 13 years old when myfamily decided to return to the
United States, and when I cameback to the United States, I
didn't know how to speak English.
I struggled so much in schoolthat I used to think the school
(05:02):
was just not for me.
Then, at the age of 15, I foundout that I was pregnant.
I dropped out of high school, Imoved to Fresno with my baby's
father and I lived many years ofdomestic abuse.
But my life took a turn thenight that my baby's father
forced me and my nine-month babyto sleep outside the house and
(05:24):
in the midst of despair.
That's when the memory came tomy mind, the memory of my mother
telling me if you want a betterlife, you need to get an
education.
And that is the reason why Idecided to go back to school and
I enrolled in New MillenniumCharter School in Fresno,
california, in.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
New Millennium Charter School in Fresno,
california.
Before I ask you about thecharter school, I was so touched
.
Well, there were a lot of partsof the book that I was touched
by.
I'm not a big crier, but when Ithought of the moment when you
were forced to sleep outside andyou kind of had to choose
between your own warmth and thewarmth of your son, right To
(06:04):
kind of shelter your son withyour jacket as you're forced to
sleep out there, what gave you?
I know you had this memory ofyour mom, but there's so many
moments in the book when I think, wow, this young girl because
you were a girl at the time hadsuch internal strength and
(06:26):
fortitude.
Does that come from yourparents?
Does that come from watchingthe struggles that your parents
went through and also perhapsthe struggle that your
grandmother went through?
Can you talk to us kind ofabout those multiple generations
of really strong but alsoreally tough women?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yes, well, in my family and my culture, both of
my grandmothers they were forcedinto marriage when they were 13
years old, and all my life Isaw my grandma sacrificing
everything for her family, andthen it was almost the same with
my mother.
My mother didn't experiencedomestic violence, but I saw her
(07:09):
sacrificing so much for us, herchildren, and when it was my
turn to be a mother, my biggestgoal was to protect my son.
And I learned that from thefemale around me, from my
grandma, my mom.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
When it was the moment to decide between my son
and me, I decided my son,because that's what I learned in
my family that as a mother, Ihad to put my son first a lot in
your story, but I was alsotouched by the part of the book
where you talk about going backto visit your grandmother as
(07:49):
she's near the end of her lifeand you were ashamed by having
left the father of your childand you kind of didn't know if
you should tell her that.
And can you walk us through andthen what she said to you?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yes, and so when I decided to end the abusive
relationship, my aunts, or somemembers of the family females
they will tell me that I have tostay with him because he was my
baby's father and then,regardless of the violence, that
I had to be strong and do itfor my son.
But when I decided to end theabusive relationship, I was
(08:29):
criticized by many people in myfamily and also my community,
because no one before has donewhat I did.
But grandma being the mostsubmissive woman and not knowing
how to speak Spanish, shespeaks a dialect, mixteco.
She was very submissive.
She never made a comment, shenever criticized me, she'll just
(08:52):
observe what I was doing.
She was just like, look at mebut never say anything.
And for a long time I wonderwhat she was thinking.
But I never there to ask, notuntil she was sick and I was
taking care of her.
And in that, in that moment,out of impulse, I just asked her
(09:12):
Grandma, do you think that I,that I did wrong, that I took
the wrong decision for leavingmy son without a father?
When my mother, when my grandma, responded I wish I was as
brave as you.
She did two things to me.
First, it's like it's like ifshe broke those chains of shame.
(09:38):
And second, she made me realizethat that she admired me and
that I didn't do nothing wrong.
And somehow she created astronger version of me, because
in that moment I decided that Iwas going all in and that I was
going to dream big and thateverything that my grandma
(09:58):
couldn't accomplish I was goingto accomplish, because now it
was in honor to her.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
And at that time was your grandfather still alive.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
No, he wasn't my grandfather.
He passed away like four yearsbefore my grandma.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
So, but the men in your family of that generation,
they saw your educationalachievements correct as you
continued to yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Well, even my grandpa .
I was in community college.
I graduated from communitycollege.
When grandpa came to visit meand I showed him some pictures
and grandpa was just verysurprised because when I took
him to eat I was driving a carand for him that was very
(10:44):
impressive.
And he was like, wow, my, my,my nieta.
And he would say my nieta, mynieta es una chingona, like
she's a badass.
And seeing my grandpa feel soproud to have a strong woman in
the family, for him it was likesomething new knew.
And the last memory that I haveof grandpa is when I was showing
(11:07):
him the pictures of mygraduation from community
college.
I told him, grandpa, I'm goingto continue my education and one
day I will have a career and Iwill buy you shoes, I will buy
you the boots that you want.
And grandpa will smile.
And then I remember he told meI don't think I'll be here, but
(11:28):
I know that you will do it.
And so he didn't get to see themagnitude of my accomplishments
.
But something that grandpaalways said throughout our
childhood was the pridness thata Mexican man feels for his last
name, alfaro, and grandpa'sAlfaro.
(11:49):
So we will always say us,alfaros, we're strong.
He will always feel so proud ofhis last name and now that his
last name was all over the news,even though that grandpa was no
longer here, I feel that like,somehow, like he was there with
me because their national cityput a mural with my picture.
(12:12):
San Diego County declaredOctober 5th as Erika Alfaro's
day.
My picture is in the SanFrancisco Museum.
Harvesting Dreams won theInternational Latino Book Award.
There's like a mini movieportrayed by actors.
There's so many things in mygrandpa's last name is
(12:32):
everywhere.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
It's really powerful to think about the fact that you
know it's almost like evenafter death we still have the
opportunity to change right.
If you think about I mean notliterally, but symbolically you
think about your grandfather ashe's getting near the end of his
life and he's impressed that awoman in the family can do these
(12:53):
, as you say, badass things, andthen, even after death, you
continue to bring even morehonor to the family name, and so
that must give you a lot ofpeace.
It gives you a lot of peace.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
It gives me a lot of peace because grandpa, even
though that he didn't get to seein person everything that is
happening right now, he was ableto see that he has, that he has
a strong granddaughter, and hewas able to see a different type
of woman in the family,something that he has never seen
.
And so, before he passed away,he was able to tell me how proud
(13:28):
he was of me, and when I toldhim that I was going to continue
my education, he did look at me.
He said I know you will do it.
And just with that, I can seethat he did try to change
somehow.
Even the last memory that Ihave of him is when I went to
visit him and he was makingsalsa for my grandma, something
(13:49):
that he has never touched thekitchen before and seeing that
on his last days he tried tochange, and that means a lot to
me.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
That's a beautiful story.
That means a lot to me.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
That's a beautiful story.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
I want to pivot a little bit and talk about your
son.
Yes, I won't say too much, I'lllet you tell us about the
journey, right?
You and your son grew uptogether.
Yes, I didn't really say that,right?
So talk us through that uptogether.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Yes, let me say that right.
So talk us through that.
My son is now 19 years old, butI became a single mom at the
age of 18.
He was almost three, and so Iwas.
Now that I see my son, I wasliterally a baby raising another
baby, and I had to be a singlemom.
I had to be a mom and a dad forhim, because his dad, once we
separated, he, was no longerpart of our lives, and and so
(14:52):
for me, being a student in acharter school, the only reason
why I was able to graduate fromfrom high school, was thanks to
the support that I received frommy professors, from my teacher,
mr Lee, at the charter school.
But there were so many timesthat I wanted to give up.
I almost gave up like three orfour times, but Mr Lee didn't
(15:14):
let me.
And, being a single mother, and, and for me, there was a lot of
shame, there was a lot of guilt, there was a lot of sacrifices,
and I feel that now that Ithink about it, I'm not really
sure where I got the strengthfrom, because all I wanted to do
(15:37):
was survive and I just wantedto give my son a better life.
Give my son a better life.
That was my major goal, and mybiggest goal was to get a high
school diploma so that I couldstart working at 99 cents as a
cashier and make a little bitmore of money.
So that was my biggest goal.
But I didn't know that therewas a different world out there,
and so, being a single mom,your main focus is to give a
(15:59):
better life to your son, andthat was mine, and I thought
that by getting a high schooldiploma and having a good job as
a cashier, I was able I wasgoing to be able to raise my son
without struggling.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
And your son.
Your son had had significanthealth challenges.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yes.
Well, when I graduated fromhigh school, my Luisito he was
two.
He was three years old, andthen I started community college
.
When I graduated from communitycollege, I was admitted at Cal
State San Marcos and my son wasdiagnosed with cerebral palsy
when he was five years old.
(16:41):
He was five years old, Hisspeech level was of a
two-year-old, he couldn't run.
And when he was diagnosed, as amother, all I wanted to know
was why, and I asked thespecialist what causes cerebral
palsy?
He gave me many explanations,but as soon as he said brain
injury during pregnancy, it'slike everything stopped.
(17:10):
That was the beginning of manymonths of depression.
I was academically disqualifiedfrom Cal State San Marcos and I
just focused on my son'soccupational therapy speech
therapy.
As a single mom, getting abachelor's was no longer my goal
.
Well, I was disqualified, so Ithought that I couldn't go back.
(17:31):
But two years later, a year anda half later, when I was
getting Luisito ready for school, he asked Mom, do you have a
career already?
Remember that every day youused to say that one day you
were going to have a career,that we were going to buy a
house and have a puppy, and whenyou make a promise.
(17:52):
This is something that Ilearned from my parents when you
make a promise, you have to doit.
And when I realized that my sonremembered all those promises
and not only that, hearing himspeak so clearly for the first
time, it was like a miracle, andso in that moment, I told him
(18:15):
Papi, mommy just took a smallbreak, and when I decided to go
back, giving up was no longer anoption.
Back, giving up was no longeran option, and I was elected to
be the commencement speaker ofmy graduation ceremony in 2017.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
I know that the doctors had given you a range of
explanations, but it's prettyclear in the book that you
believe that that was due to thedomestic abuse that you
suffered correct.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
That is correct, yes, and that is because when I was
pregnant, his father will abuseme, he will hit me.
He consumed drugs so he was notcareful of the places where he
hit me and even though thedoctors didn't tell me oh, it
was because of injury duringpregnancy, but the doctors
(19:09):
mentioned it as an option.
And in my mind all thosememories made me think that, yes
, it's because of that.
And then I started blamingmyself and also having a lot of
resentment against his fathermyself and also having a lot of
resentment against his father.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
But then you reach a point in your life correct,
where you reach a place offorgiveness.
There's a beautiful letter thatyou include in your book where
you write a letter to Hector,the father of your son.
Can you tell us about that?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yes.
So when my son was diagnosed, Ihave never in my life hated
someone so much the way I hatedhis father, and that caused a
lot of depression, anxiety, andthen I realized that everything
that I was feeling was onlyhurting me and not the other
(20:09):
person, and I decided that Iwanted to live in peace, and to
do that I had to be able toforgive, and at first it was
difficult because I never got totell him hey, I forgive you,
but I wrote it, and I wrote aletter saying I forgive you for
everything that happened.
(20:30):
And also I put myself in hisshoes and I realized not to
justify him, but I realized thathe had a very difficult
childhood, extremely difficult,and that a person that is hurt
is a person that hurts anotherperson.
And so I decided to write aletter to him telling him I've
(20:50):
noticed all those scars in yourback, I noticed all those
injuries in your body.
I've noticed.
I know that you went through alot and I just want to let you
know that I forgive you, likefrom the bottom of my heart.
I forgive you and I wish thebest for you and till this day,
I have no resentment against noone and I still pray for him.
(21:11):
I hope he's okay, but thatletter liberated me and that is
the reason why I live in so muchpeace.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
And I'm assuming, at some point you talked to your
son about it as well- yes, well,my son, now that he's 19.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Well, in the book I didn't put a story because it
has not.
Once I wrote the book, like afew months later, luisito wanted
to see his father.
So we went to visit him inprison and Luisito got very
vulnerable.
When he saw his father hestarted crying.
And Luisito was not at thattime, he was 13,.
(21:51):
But he was not a boy that willeasily cry, he's like a little
bit strong.
And seeing my Luisito cry likebreaking down, crying the way
that he was crying as soon as hesaw his dad, breaking down,
crying the way that he wascrying as soon as he saw his dad
, it made me understand thatdeep inside it hurt him that he
didn't have a father next to him.
(22:12):
And I never told Luisito aboutthe domestic abuse but his
father did, because every timethat Luisito will ask me well,
what happened between my dad and?
Speaker 1 (22:21):
you and I just.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
I would just tell him well, things didn't work out.
We used to fight a lot.
And his father did tell himyour mom was nice to me, but I
messed up, I did this, I, I, Ihit her and she didn't deserve
the way I treated her.
And then, in that moment,luisito heard it from his father
and not me.
(22:43):
And ever since then, for awhile, he didn't ask for his
father anymore the way he usedto ask.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
And then it also in some way must have been somewhat
of a liberation for him as well.
At least it answered somequestions, right.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
It did, it did.
But I also told him hey,luisito, I don't know how you
feel about what your fathershared with you, but if there's
any resentment that you mighthave, you also need to forgive
him.
And he just nodded.
And Luisito is also a boy, thathe's a very happy boy, very
(23:21):
positive, and so I don't see myson as a person that has
resentment.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
In learning about your life.
There were so many things thatwere very humbling, but what
really struck me was they'relike these critical times that
are times of darkness, and thenthere's some ray of light that
happens.
So, for example, describe beingoutdoors in the middle of the
night with your infant, and thenyou think of you think of your
(23:47):
mom.
And then there are other things, like when you went to.
Is it called New Millennium?
Yes, and so tell us how youactually.
I mean, mr Lee wasinspirational, but before you
got to, mr Lee, you had toenroll there.
So talk us through that process, cause I read it and I just
started laughing out of likerelief and also like wow, this
(24:11):
is a tough girl.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Oh, thank you.
When I took the decision to goback to school is one of those
moments when you're determinedto do it Like.
And when I arrive at NeoMillennium Charter School, when
I arrived at the reception area,I arrived by myself, with my
son, and the receptionist toldme that my parents had to enroll
(24:33):
me, and at that time I was 16.
My parents were living inTijuana, Mexico, four hours like
almost five hours away from NeoMillennium Charter School, and
for me to get to that school Ihad to count the coins.
I didn't have any more money tojust go back and I said, no, I
need to enroll.
(24:53):
And when I saw a Hispanic womanwith her son they were just
leaving I didn't think twice.
I just went and I told her canyou tell them that you're my
mother?
And at first she was confused,but I was very persistent and so
she decided to go back with me.
(25:15):
I had just told thereceptionist, less than five
minutes ago, that my parentswere in Tijuana, Mexico, and
when I walked back with thislady and I said she's my mother,
she couldn't say nothing.
She just handed the paperworkand that day I got enrolled and
I never saw that lady again.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Clearly, the woman working at the school knew, the
mom knew and they just.
It was one of those beautifulmoments, right when it was like
we're going to help this personwho needs it.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Yes, the receptionist , that lady and I, we all went
(26:14):
then one day say no, I'll comeback.
My parents were not around, andthat is something that, till
this day, I'm very grateful withthis lady I don't know.
I don't know her name, I don't.
I only have like a small imageof her, but it was because of
her that I was able to enroll tothis charter school and meet Ms
(26:36):
Shelley.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
It's so interesting how tiny little moments they
actually are not little at allright, they completely can
change the trajectory of ourlives.
Yes, that really struck meabout your story.
Tell us about the role ofToastmasters, because I was very
(26:59):
touched by that story and theyalways say that we're all afraid
of two things in life taxes andpublic speaking.
So talk to us aboutToastmasters and then what you
learned, and then also bring usup to the present moment in
terms of what you do as part ofyour professional duties.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Of course.
Well, first of all, not knowinghow to speak English, coming
from an abusive relationshipwith low self-esteem, I was not
only afraid of public speaking,I was terrified, and for a long
time when I was in college, Iwould rather take the lower
(27:40):
grade instead of making apresentation, instead of
presenting, the lower grade,instead of making a presentation
instead of presenting.
But when I was in my lastsemester of Cal State, san
Marcos, I was given anassignment where I had to
present for 25 minutes and I waslike there's no way I'll be
able to do that.
And when I went to talk to theteacher as usual and I told her
I cannot present in public, I'mafraid of public speaking, she
(28:01):
told me that that presentationwas 25% of my grade and that if
I didn't give that presentation,I wouldn't pass her class.
And that's when I started.
By that time I was listening tomotivational videos, I was
reading some personal growthbooks and Toastmasters was
(28:22):
mentioned several times.
And so when I decided, ok, Ineed to face my fear of public
speaking, and I decided toGoogle Toastmasters and I
realized that there were so manylocal clubs of Toastmasters
around me, but it took meanother like two months to
finally they meet everyone.
(28:43):
So I remember driving home,like from school to home, and I
will put my my direction to goto the left because Toastmasters
was on the left and I will putit.
And I was like never mind, andI'll go back.
And I did that for like twomonths.
But when I finally decided tojoin, the first thing noticed, I
(29:06):
joined a Toastmasters inCarlsbad it's like a fancy place
.
And so I was the only Latina inthat club.
Everyone was white, american intheir 60s, 70s and with perfect
English, and I was like, oh no,as soon as they look away, I'm
(29:27):
just walking out.
This is not for me, butToastmasters, if you ever visit
Toastmasters, everyone is verywelcoming and if there's a new
guest, they make sure that thenew guest is like well received.
And when I joined Toastmastersat first, I didn't like see
(29:52):
myself presenting or anything.
I just wanted to face the fearof public speaking.
And I remember my firstpresentations, presenting for
four minutes, and the feeling oflike not being able to look at
the audience, looking in thefloor, shaking, like it was
terrible.
And but I was committed intofacing that fear in maybe like
(30:17):
six months later.
Toastmasters every year has thisevent where they there's like a
speech contest, and a reporterwas going to run against another
person, and so they preparethat meeting to have a speech
contest, but the other persondidn't show up, and so they.
(30:39):
So they asked me erica, and wehave already planned this
meeting to be a speech contest.
Will you be able to help?
Her name was Diane, diane, sothat she can present and so that
I can be a speech contest.
And I said yes, of course I cando that.
And I presented a little, asmall part of my story, the
(31:04):
story where I talk aboutforgiveness, and like I made it
into a story and I won.
I won the speech contest and Iwas in shock.
I didn't think I was going towin.
I even got a standing ovation.
And then they sent me to thespeech contest, the bigger, the
biggest one, and people willtell me you have a beautiful way
(31:26):
of telling stories.
And I'm like, really, but I wasnot.
I didn't have that ability ofbeing able to speak in public.
I was still shaking, I wasstill looking in the floor, I
was um, and, and so I decided tokeep practicing and practicing
and eventually I became thepresident of that club and then
(31:47):
the area director, and then Istarted training with people
like Les Brown, lisa Nichols andother famous keynote speakers.
And then one day, collegeinvited me to speak in college
and they said what are?
They asked me, what are yourspeaking piece?
And I said oh, no, no, no.
I do it this out of my heart.
(32:08):
It's my passion to help others.
And what I didn't know is thatToastmasters was going to be the
beginning of my career as aninternational keynote speaker,
because that's what I do now.
I speak in 10 to 12 differentplaces around the country,
across the country and Mexico,sharing my story, and that's
(32:32):
what I do for a living.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
So that's, yeah, what a journey, right?
I think it sounds like part ofthe well.
Not, it sounds like it reallyis, at least from my perspective
.
It's that authenticity in astory is more powerful than than
anything else.
Yeah, and have, as you say,perfect English, but if the
(32:59):
story is not authentic, it doesdoesn't resonate with people.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Yes, and something that I forgot to put in my book.
Not that I forgot to put in mybook, but I didn't become the
commencement speaker of mygraduation ceremony for having
the best grades.
So it turns out that Cal State,san Marcos, every year before
the commencement ceremony theylet the students from the
(33:26):
communication departmentaudition so that they can be the
commencement speakers.
And when I decided to audition,I didn't know that, I just
decided to do it.
And when I was in line anotherthing that I noticed again I was
the only Latina line.
(33:47):
Another thing that I noticedagain, I was the only Latina and
there were, like the studentsthat were in line with me.
They were white, american andone of them turns and asks me
what are you planning to do withyour communication major?
And I said oh no, no, mybachelor's is in psychology.
And so he looked at me veryconfused and then said oh well,
(34:09):
all the students that areauditioning are communication
majors, and that made me feel solittle.
But then there's something thata Toastmasters will always say
during the meeting and they willalways say this is the best
club in the universe.
And so I started telling myselfthat, well, maybe you're not,
(34:29):
you didn't study communication,but you're a member of the best
club in the universe.
And when I auditioned I decidedto do it from my heart, not
expecting to win.
But then I was selected to bethe commencement speaker and I
auditioned against hundreds ofother communication students and
(34:50):
that's what really completelychanged my life Toastmasters and
auditioning.
Because Toastmasters preparedme and gave me that confidence
to think okay, I come from thebest club in the universe.
I took it as literal, likeliteral literal, and because of
that audition my story becameknown in the community and they
(35:13):
published an article that theytitled From Teen Mom to College
Graduate.
A business owner read thatarticle and decided to pay for
my master's program.
And then my master's picturewent viral and I became a
speaker on demand.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Wow, I was going to read this excerpt from your book
, but you got there ahead of mewhere you said you received an
email and you use a pseudonym inthe book.
Obviously, this person wants toremain anonymous.
She had read that article andshe says I read the article that
(35:49):
was published about you.
This is my number.
There's something important Iwant to talk to you about.
I'll be waiting for your call.
That gave me chills.
When I read that I was like ah.
So you called her up and shesaid I'm going to pay for your
continued studies.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
And then when she said that no one has ever done
something like that for me and Icome from a background where I
was criticized I was in ajourney that felt very lonely.
And then getting her email andhearing that from her, I didn't
know how to process it.
(36:24):
At first I was like, is shepranking me?
Like, is this for real?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
So what types of organizations?
I'm curious, what types oforganizations do you speak at?
You said you do 10 to 12speeches a year.
Is that about what you do?
One a month or so?
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I do about 55 keynotes a year and I do about
10 to 12 per month.
Just this week I was in El Paso, texas, I was in Manchester and
today I'm in Guadalajara,mexico.
I have an event tomorrow, andso I speak for universities,
colleges, conferences, and mostof the people that invite me are
(37:09):
community colleges anduniversities so that we can talk
to students, because one of thebiggest problems for
first-generation collegestudents is retention.
They don't feel motivated orthey feel like an imposter, and
so by hearing my story, they gethope and it shows them that
(37:30):
hard moments in life are notthere to stop them but to make
them stronger.
And so I present.
I give about like 10 to 12presentations per month so you
you just came from.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Tina told me that you came from New Hampshire.
Right, you did Manchester toGuadalajara so you had East
Coast cold weather and nowyou're in weather again.
Yeah, I went to college inmaine, so I I I remember how
those the east coast at the windin the wintertime can be, can
be chilly, so you get to travela lot then for for the game yes,
(38:07):
I get to travel a lot and it'smany schools use my books.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
My book is available in many libraries in California
and many schools, especially theESL programs, community
colleges, some charter schoolsthey use my books in their
classrooms and so I also do Qand A's with students.
I actually offer free 30 minuteQ and A's with students that
read my book so that they canhave a conversation with me and
(38:38):
ask me any questions.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
But the main thing that I do is the presentations
in person, the keynotes thisbecause just because you get
good at something doesn't meanthat it doesn't make you nervous
, right?
I'm sure that you know thereare these stories about Michael
Jordan before important gamesand LeBron James.
They still feel like they'regoing to throw up.
(39:01):
Right, they get nervous.
Do you still?
Do you have a little bit ofnerves right before?
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Yes, so I have delivered over 350 paid keynotes
in the last five years.
I started my career as akeynote speaker seven years ago,
but in the last five years iswhen I've been super busy.
And that was a question that Ihad for a long time, like when
am I going to stop feelingnervous Because I feel super
(39:30):
nervous like before presenting,nervous because I feel super
nervous like before presenting?
And when I was training withthis keynote speaker that is
very well known, let me shareLes Brown.
I asked him that question whenam I going to stop feeling
nervous?
And he said never.
You're never going to stopfeeling nervous, and the day
that you stop feeling nervous,please look for something else
(39:51):
to do.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
And.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
I'm like, oh, okay, and that is because I truly care
.
Every time before I speak, Iknow that there's someone out
there that needs to hear themessage.
I care so much and that gets menervous.
I care so much and that gets menervous, but at the same time,
I change that energy and Ichange it from okay, I feel very
(40:18):
excited.
I'm here to serve, I'm here tomake a difference, and then so I
start switching it and I'velearned how to manage it in a
point that when I'm on stage,people will think that I'm not
nervous because I look veryconfident.
But that's the training that Ihave received to look very
confident in the outside, eventhough I feel that my heart is
(40:39):
going to pop out.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
There's this story about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the
famous basketball player thatsupposedly before every game he
would get sick.
He would throw up in thebathroom and they would be in
the locker room, would get sick.
He would throw up and in thebathroom and they would be in
the locker room and they'd hearhim throw up and then they'd say
, okay, we're ready to go outand play, like he's our
superstar and he's ready.
And there was one game yeah,they were out on the court and
(41:04):
the coach turns to him and says,hey, did you get sick?
He said no, no, thank thank god, I didn't get sick.
The coach said go back in thereand get sick before we start.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
It's that little edge , right as you say, the
butterflies that remind you thathow much you care.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Yes, exactly Exactly.
And there has been some likelittle minute like moments not
that I don't feel nervous, likemaybe I'm like, okay, I got this
and I feel confident, but thenwhen I'm presenting, it doesn't
sound the same.
And maybe I'm like, okay, I gotthis and I feel confident, but
then when I'm presenting itdoesn't sound the same, and so
I'm like, okay, just letyourself feel it.
(41:41):
Like the same way is like it'sokay to feel it.
So I always feel it, I alwaysfeel nervous.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
In your book you mention in several occasions
kind of reflecting back on theyounger yourself.
Kind of reflecting back on theyounger yourself.
What if you could go back intime?
Now?
You're an adult with a greatcareer and a beautiful son and,
just as you say, your familyname even more proud than before
(42:12):
?
You've honored your parents,your grandparents, but what
advice would you give your I'mgoing to go all the way back to
like age 13, before you reallyspoke fluent English.
What would you go back and tellyour young self then?
(42:32):
That you know now about whatlife would turn out to be?
Speaker 2 (42:36):
well, I think that the first thing that I will tell
her is that I'm proud of her.
Um, I think that for a longtime, she was looking for that
attention or that love outsideof her and I.
So that's the first thing.
I will tell her that I'm proudof her, and I will tell her that
no one is responsible of herhappiness or her life, that she
(42:57):
is, and that, whatever decisionshe takes, that she will either
learn something or that she willwin something, and so I will
encourage her to be strong andto keep moving forward and give
her a hug.
I would just tell her that I'mproud of her, because I feel
that one of the most difficultthings to do is to tell yourself
(43:19):
that you're proud of you, evenif you're doing so much.
And we're always thinking like,oh, I could have done it better
or you should have done this.
But at the end of the day,we're humans, we're not perfect,
and as long as we're movingforward and we're trying but at
the end of the day, we're humans, we're not perfect, and as long
as we're moving forward andwe're trying, we're doing the
right thing, and that's what Iwant her to understand.
That's what I want her to know.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
And I think that that's a story.
I'm sure that you find that inyour speeches all around the
world that you go to makepresentations, that there's so
many people who don't givethemselves permission to be
gracious with themselves, toforgive themselves for things to
(44:00):
care about themselves.
They blame themselves or theylook to external things to
validate themselves Exactly.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Yes to external things to validate themselves.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
Exactly.
Yes, you've been very generouswith your time.
I have one last question foryou, but before I get there, is
there anything that I haven'ttouched on, that you were hoping
to share today or that havekind of been rattling around in
your head, and I've interruptedyou too many times for you to
get it out.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
No, I think that that's pretty much it.
I just want especially students.
I just want them to know thatthey don't have to be the
smartest ones in their classroom, they just have to be the most
persistent ones, and that'ssomething that I always tell
(44:54):
students that if you'repersistent with your goals and
if you understand that giving upis not an option, you will
accomplish big things.
But you have to enjoy thejourney, that you have to make
sure that it's not, that youunderstand that it's not only
about the final destination, butthe person that you become once
you get there, and so it's veryimportant to enjoy the journey.
(45:17):
Sometimes we reserve ourhappiness for the future, and I
think that that's the biggestmistake that I have made in the
past, and that's a mistake thata lot of people make.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
And especially with a story like yours, right where
it was you from the time yourmom said hey, here's your choice
.
You can either pick tomatoesall day, or whatever it was, and
have your back feel like it'sgoing to be in half, or you can
get your education and keepgoing, keep going.
Sometimes we can get lost inthat and not enjoy the journey.
(45:51):
Yes, exactly.
Okay, the last question is ahypothetical.
So let's say you have thechance to design a billboard for
the side of the freeway,whatever the closest freeway is
to where you live.
You get to design thisbillboard and remember people
(46:13):
are driving by.
Usually we're going 70 miles anhour, sometimes they're going
seven miles an hour, but they'regoing by, so you have to make
an impression on them beforethey forget about it.
What does Erica's billboard sayto the world about what you
believe in, what you feel isimportant, where you've come
(46:34):
from and where you're going?
Speaker 2 (46:36):
What does your billboard say my billboard will
say you can use your adversitiesas an excuse to stop or as a
reason to keep moving forward.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
An excuse to stop or as a reason to keep moving
forward.
That's and that's such abeautiful message.
I think that's a great place toto wrap up today, and you've
got to get prepared for for toget nervous for tomorrow.
Yes, night sleep, and you needto get nervous for tomorrow
(47:15):
night's sleep and you need toget nervous for tomorrow.
It's been such a pleasure andan honor to just have this
chance to learn about your lifeand you know, at my age I don't
get that inspired about too manystories very often.
But when I heard about yoursand started to do research and
just put myself in in your shoesand being a father of a of a
(47:37):
daughter as well, there were somany things in your story that
resonated with me.
So, of your book and and yourlife story and and today's
conversation, Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
I really appreciate the time that you took to first
of all research a little bitabout me and read my book and
also interview much.
I really appreciate the timethat you took to first of all
research a little bit about me,read my book and also interview
me.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Thanks for joining us on the Hangout Podcast.
You can send us an email atpodcastinfo at protonme.
Many thanks to my daughter,maya, for editing this episode
dot me.
Many thanks to my daughter,maya, for editing this episode.
I'd also like to underline thatthis podcast is entirely
separate from my day job and, assuch, all opinions expressed
herein are mine and mine alone.
(48:21):
Thanks for coming on in andhanging out.
Welcome to the Hangout Podcast.
I'm your host, David Shoretta.
Come on in and hang out.
In this episode, I wasprivileged to have a
conversation with Erika Alfaro.
Erika is an internationalkeynote speaker.
(00:23):
She's also an award-winningauthor and an education advocate
who inspires audiences with herstory of overcoming adversity
and achieving academic successthat had gone viral.
This was a very inspiring andmotivational conversation and
learning process for me, and Ihope you enjoy it as much as I
(00:51):
did.
Thank you, Erica.
Welcome to the Hangout podcast.
It's a real honor and aprivilege to have you joining us
today from I think you're inGuadalajara, Mexico, right now.
Right?
Speaker 2 (01:05):
That is correct.
Thank you so much for having me.
The honor is mine.
Speaker 1 (01:10):
I thought we would start with, rather than me
asking you to tell your lifestory, I wanted to give you a
prompt, which is this photo,which is the famous photo, and
obviously this is an audiopodcast.
So maybe you could start bydescribing the history of that
(01:34):
photo and then kind of what ledup to it.
Then we'll go from there as youkind of unpack your story for
us.
Speaker 2 (01:40):
Oh yes, of course Well.
Oh yes, of course Well.
My name is Erica Alfaro.
I am the proud daughter ofmigrant farm workers.
In 2019, my graduation picturewhere I'm standing in a
strawberry field with my parentswent viral and made headlines
around the world, and that isthe famous picture that made my
(02:02):
story known among other studentsin my community.
Speaker 1 (02:15):
And tell us you're very humble with that in terms
of famous and well-known, buttell us a little bit more about
what was so significant aboutthat photo.
You didn't need to go out tothe strawberry field to have a
photographer take that right.
What was so deeply meaningfulabout that for you?
Speaker 2 (02:29):
There's three things that are very meaningful for me.
One of them is that both of myparents came to this country
looking for a better life, andthey have always worked in the
fields.
The second reason is because,when I was 13 years old, my
mother took me to work in thetomato fields, and when I was
complaining about the job, mymother told me if you want a
(02:54):
better life, you need to get aneducation.
That memory completely changedmy life, because when I was
going through a difficult moment, that memory of my mom made me
decide to go back to school.
And the third reason why I tookthat picture is because when, a
week before my graduationceremony, I wanted to surprise
(03:16):
my mother, I put my cap and gown, I walk into her room and I
told her mamita lo logramos.
And in that moment, seeing mymom get very emotional, this
strong woman who I have neverseen vulnerable when I was a
child, in that moment I decidedthat I wanted to do something
(03:37):
special, something meaningful,because I'm not the only.
Not only am I the first womanin my family to get a master's
degree, but I'm also the firstwoman in my family to get a
formal education.
I'm the first one that knowshow to read and write.
Speaker 1 (03:54):
In my family, Talk to us a little bit about what led
up to you kind of jumped aheadto a master's degree, which is
what this photo is for, rightFrom San Diego State.
Correct?
That is correct, yes, but takeus back to the trials and
tribulations that you had as ayoung girl, because from reading
(04:19):
your book I recall that you didpart of your elementary
education in Tijuana, part inSan Diego.
You kind of went back and forth, depending on the fortunes of
your family, and then you endedup kind of moving into the
northern part of San DiegoCounty and the challenge.
So talk us, talk our listenersthrough that.
Speaker 2 (04:39):
Oh yes, so I was born in Fresno, california, but I
was little when my mom wasdeported, and so I grew up in
Tijuana, mexico.
I was 13 years old when myfamily decided to return to the
United States, and when I cameback to the United States, I
didn't know how to speak English.
I struggled so much in schoolthat I used to think the school
(05:02):
was just not for me.
Then, at the age of 15, I foundout that I was pregnant.
I dropped out of high school, Imoved to Fresno with my baby's
father and I lived many years ofdomestic abuse.
But my life took a turn thenight that my baby's father
forced me and my nine-month babyto sleep outside the house and
(05:24):
in the midst of despair.
That's when the memory came tomy mind, the memory of my mother
telling me if you want a betterlife, you need to get an
education.
And that is the reason why Idecided to go back to school and
I enrolled in New MillenniumCharter School in Fresno,
california, in.
Speaker 1 (05:44):
New Millennium Charter School in Fresno,
california.
Before I ask you about thecharter school, I was so touched
.
Well, there were a lot of partsof the book that I was touched
by.
I'm not a big crier, but when Ithought of the moment when you
were forced to sleep outside andyou kind of had to choose
between your own warmth and thewarmth of your son, right To
(06:04):
kind of shelter your son withyour jacket as you're forced to
sleep out there, what gave you?
I know you had this memory ofyour mom, but there's so many
moments in the book when I think, wow, this young girl because
you were a girl at the time hadsuch internal strength and
(06:26):
fortitude.
Does that come from yourparents?
Does that come from watchingthe struggles that your parents
went through and also perhapsthe struggle that your
grandmother went through?
Can you talk to us kind ofabout those multiple generations
of really strong but alsoreally tough women?
Speaker 2 (06:47):
Yes, well, in my family and my culture, both of
my grandmothers they were forcedinto marriage when they were 13
years old, and all my life Isaw my grandma sacrificing
everything for her family, andthen it was almost the same with
my mother.
My mother didn't experiencedomestic violence, but I saw her
(07:09):
sacrificing so much for us, herchildren, and when it was my
turn to be a mother, my biggestgoal was to protect my son.
And I learned that from thefemale around me, from my
grandma, my mom.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
When it was the moment to decide between my son
and me, I decided my son,because that's what I learned in
my family that as a mother, Ihad to put my son first a lot in
your story, but I was alsotouched by the part of the book
where you talk about going backto visit your grandmother as
(07:49):
she's near the end of her lifeand you were ashamed by having
left the father of your childand you kind of didn't know if
you should tell her that.
And can you walk us through andthen what she said to you?
Speaker 2 (08:07):
Yes, and so when I decided to end the abusive
relationship, my aunts, or somemembers of the family females
they will tell me that I have tostay with him because he was my
baby's father and then,regardless of the violence, that
I had to be strong and do itfor my son.
But when I decided to end theabusive relationship, I was
(08:29):
criticized by many people in myfamily and also my community,
because no one before has donewhat I did.
But grandma being the mostsubmissive woman and not knowing
how to speak Spanish, shespeaks a dialect, mixteco.
She was very submissive.
She never made a comment, shenever criticized me, she'll just
(08:52):
observe what I was doing.
She was just like, look at mebut never say anything.
And for a long time I wonderwhat she was thinking.
But I never there to ask, notuntil she was sick and I was
taking care of her.
And in that, in that moment,out of impulse, I just asked her
(09:12):
Grandma, do you think that I,that I did wrong, that I took
the wrong decision for leavingmy son without a father?
When my mother, when my grandma, responded I wish I was as
brave as you.
She did two things to me.
First, it's like it's like ifshe broke those chains of shame.
(09:38):
And second, she made me realizethat that she admired me and
that I didn't do nothing wrong.
And somehow she created astronger version of me, because
in that moment I decided that Iwas going all in and that I was
going to dream big and thateverything that my grandma
(09:58):
couldn't accomplish I was goingto accomplish, because now it
was in honor to her.
Speaker 1 (10:04):
And at that time was your grandfather still alive.
Speaker 2 (10:07):
No, he wasn't my grandfather.
He passed away like four yearsbefore my grandma.
Speaker 1 (10:14):
So, but the men in your family of that generation,
they saw your educationalachievements correct as you
continued to yeah.
Speaker 2 (10:21):
Well, even my grandpa .
I was in community college.
I graduated from communitycollege.
When grandpa came to visit meand I showed him some pictures
and grandpa was just verysurprised because when I took
him to eat I was driving a carand for him that was very
(10:44):
impressive.
And he was like, wow, my, my,my nieta.
And he would say my nieta, mynieta es una chingona, like
she's a badass.
And seeing my grandpa feel soproud to have a strong woman in
the family, for him it was likesomething new knew.
And the last memory that I haveof grandpa is when I was showing
(11:07):
him the pictures of mygraduation from community
college.
I told him, grandpa, I'm goingto continue my education and one
day I will have a career and Iwill buy you shoes, I will buy
you the boots that you want.
And grandpa will smile.
And then I remember he told meI don't think I'll be here, but
(11:28):
I know that you will do it.
And so he didn't get to see themagnitude of my accomplishments
.
But something that grandpaalways said throughout our
childhood was the pridness thata Mexican man feels for his last
name, alfaro, and grandpa'sAlfaro.
(11:49):
So we will always say us,alfaros, we're strong.
He will always feel so proud ofhis last name and now that his
last name was all over the news,even though that grandpa was no
longer here, I feel that like,somehow, like he was there with
me because their national cityput a mural with my picture.
(12:12):
San Diego County declaredOctober 5th as Erika Alfaro's
day.
My picture is in the SanFrancisco Museum.
Harvesting Dreams won theInternational Latino Book Award.
There's like a mini movieportrayed by actors.
There's so many things in mygrandpa's last name is
(12:32):
everywhere.
Speaker 1 (12:33):
It's really powerful to think about the fact that you
know it's almost like evenafter death we still have the
opportunity to change right.
If you think about I mean notliterally, but symbolically you
think about your grandfather ashe's getting near the end of his
life and he's impressed that awoman in the family can do these
(12:53):
, as you say, badass things, andthen, even after death, you
continue to bring even morehonor to the family name, and so
that must give you a lot ofpeace.
It gives you a lot of peace.
Speaker 2 (13:05):
It gives me a lot of peace because grandpa, even
though that he didn't get to seein person everything that is
happening right now, he was ableto see that he has, that he has
a strong granddaughter, and hewas able to see a different type
of woman in the family,something that he has never seen
.
And so, before he passed away,he was able to tell me how proud
(13:28):
he was of me, and when I toldhim that I was going to continue
my education, he did look at me.
He said I know you will do it.
And just with that, I can seethat he did try to change
somehow.
Even the last memory that Ihave of him is when I went to
visit him and he was makingsalsa for my grandma, something
(13:49):
that he has never touched thekitchen before and seeing that
on his last days he tried tochange, and that means a lot to
me.
Speaker 1 (14:02):
That's a beautiful story.
That means a lot to me.
Speaker 2 (14:04):
That's a beautiful story.
Speaker 1 (14:07):
I want to pivot a little bit and talk about your
son.
Yes, I won't say too much, I'lllet you tell us about the
journey, right?
You and your son grew uptogether.
Yes, I didn't really say that,right?
So talk us through that uptogether.
Speaker 2 (14:28):
Yes, let me say that right.
So talk us through that.
My son is now 19 years old, butI became a single mom at the
age of 18.
He was almost three, and so Iwas.
Now that I see my son, I wasliterally a baby raising another
baby, and I had to be a singlemom.
I had to be a mom and a dad forhim, because his dad, once we
separated, he, was no longerpart of our lives, and and so
(14:52):
for me, being a student in acharter school, the only reason
why I was able to graduate fromfrom high school, was thanks to
the support that I received frommy professors, from my teacher,
mr Lee, at the charter school.
But there were so many timesthat I wanted to give up.
I almost gave up like three orfour times, but Mr Lee didn't
(15:14):
let me.
And, being a single mother, and, and for me, there was a lot of
shame, there was a lot of guilt, there was a lot of sacrifices,
and I feel that now that Ithink about it, I'm not really
sure where I got the strengthfrom, because all I wanted to do
(15:37):
was survive and I just wantedto give my son a better life.
Give my son a better life.
That was my major goal, and mybiggest goal was to get a high
school diploma so that I couldstart working at 99 cents as a
cashier and make a little bitmore of money.
So that was my biggest goal.
But I didn't know that therewas a different world out there,
and so, being a single mom,your main focus is to give a
(15:59):
better life to your son, andthat was mine, and I thought
that by getting a high schooldiploma and having a good job as
a cashier, I was able I wasgoing to be able to raise my son
without struggling.
Speaker 1 (16:15):
And your son.
Your son had had significanthealth challenges.
Speaker 2 (16:21):
Yes.
Well, when I graduated fromhigh school, my Luisito he was
two.
He was three years old, andthen I started community college
.
When I graduated from communitycollege, I was admitted at Cal
State San Marcos and my son wasdiagnosed with cerebral palsy
when he was five years old.
(16:41):
He was five years old, Hisspeech level was of a
two-year-old, he couldn't run.
And when he was diagnosed, as amother, all I wanted to know
was why, and I asked thespecialist what causes cerebral
palsy?
He gave me many explanations,but as soon as he said brain
injury during pregnancy, it'slike everything stopped.
(17:10):
That was the beginning of manymonths of depression.
I was academically disqualifiedfrom Cal State San Marcos and I
just focused on my son'soccupational therapy speech
therapy.
As a single mom, getting abachelor's was no longer my goal
.
Well, I was disqualified, so Ithought that I couldn't go back.
(17:31):
But two years later, a year anda half later, when I was
getting Luisito ready for school, he asked Mom, do you have a
career already?
Remember that every day youused to say that one day you
were going to have a career,that we were going to buy a
house and have a puppy, and whenyou make a promise.
(17:52):
This is something that Ilearned from my parents when you
make a promise, you have to doit.
And when I realized that my sonremembered all those promises
and not only that, hearing himspeak so clearly for the first
time, it was like a miracle, andso in that moment, I told him
(18:15):
Papi, mommy just took a smallbreak, and when I decided to go
back, giving up was no longer anoption.
Back, giving up was no longeran option, and I was elected to
be the commencement speaker ofmy graduation ceremony in 2017.
Speaker 1 (18:33):
I know that the doctors had given you a range of
explanations, but it's prettyclear in the book that you
believe that that was due to thedomestic abuse that you
suffered correct.
Speaker 2 (18:44):
That is correct, yes, and that is because when I was
pregnant, his father will abuseme, he will hit me.
He consumed drugs so he was notcareful of the places where he
hit me and even though thedoctors didn't tell me oh, it
was because of injury duringpregnancy, but the doctors
(19:09):
mentioned it as an option.
And in my mind all thosememories made me think that, yes
, it's because of that.
And then I started blamingmyself and also having a lot of
resentment against his fathermyself and also having a lot of
resentment against his father.
Speaker 1 (19:33):
But then you reach a point in your life correct,
where you reach a place offorgiveness.
There's a beautiful letter thatyou include in your book where
you write a letter to Hector,the father of your son.
Can you tell us about that?
Speaker 2 (19:48):
Yes.
So when my son was diagnosed, Ihave never in my life hated
someone so much the way I hatedhis father, and that caused a
lot of depression, anxiety, andthen I realized that everything
that I was feeling was onlyhurting me and not the other
(20:09):
person, and I decided that Iwanted to live in peace, and to
do that I had to be able toforgive, and at first it was
difficult because I never got totell him hey, I forgive you,
but I wrote it, and I wrote aletter saying I forgive you for
everything that happened.
(20:30):
And also I put myself in hisshoes and I realized not to
justify him, but I realized thathe had a very difficult
childhood, extremely difficult,and that a person that is hurt
is a person that hurts anotherperson.
And so I decided to write aletter to him telling him I've
(20:50):
noticed all those scars in yourback, I noticed all those
injuries in your body.
I've noticed.
I know that you went through alot and I just want to let you
know that I forgive you, likefrom the bottom of my heart.
I forgive you and I wish thebest for you and till this day,
I have no resentment against noone and I still pray for him.
(21:11):
I hope he's okay, but thatletter liberated me and that is
the reason why I live in so muchpeace.
Speaker 1 (21:23):
And I'm assuming, at some point you talked to your
son about it as well- yes, well,my son, now that he's 19.
Speaker 2 (21:30):
Well, in the book I didn't put a story because it
has not.
Once I wrote the book, like afew months later, luisito wanted
to see his father.
So we went to visit him inprison and Luisito got very
vulnerable.
When he saw his father hestarted crying.
And Luisito was not at thattime, he was 13,.
(21:51):
But he was not a boy that willeasily cry, he's like a little
bit strong.
And seeing my Luisito cry likebreaking down, crying the way
that he was crying as soon as hesaw his dad, breaking down,
crying the way that he wascrying as soon as he saw his dad
, it made me understand thatdeep inside it hurt him that he
didn't have a father next to him.
(22:12):
And I never told Luisito aboutthe domestic abuse but his
father did, because every timethat Luisito will ask me well,
what happened between my dad and?
Speaker 1 (22:21):
you and I just.
Speaker 2 (22:22):
I would just tell him well, things didn't work out.
We used to fight a lot.
And his father did tell himyour mom was nice to me, but I
messed up, I did this, I, I, Ihit her and she didn't deserve
the way I treated her.
And then, in that moment,luisito heard it from his father
and not me.
(22:43):
And ever since then, for awhile, he didn't ask for his
father anymore the way he usedto ask.
Speaker 1 (22:52):
And then it also in some way must have been somewhat
of a liberation for him as well.
At least it answered somequestions, right.
Speaker 2 (22:59):
It did, it did.
But I also told him hey,luisito, I don't know how you
feel about what your fathershared with you, but if there's
any resentment that you mighthave, you also need to forgive
him.
And he just nodded.
And Luisito is also a boy, thathe's a very happy boy, very
(23:21):
positive, and so I don't see myson as a person that has
resentment.
Speaker 1 (23:27):
In learning about your life.
There were so many things thatwere very humbling, but what
really struck me was they'relike these critical times that
are times of darkness, and thenthere's some ray of light that
happens.
So, for example, describe beingoutdoors in the middle of the
night with your infant, and thenyou think of you think of your
(23:47):
mom.
And then there are other things, like when you went to.
Is it called New Millennium?
Yes, and so tell us how youactually.
I mean, mr Lee wasinspirational, but before you
got to, mr Lee, you had toenroll there.
So talk us through that process, cause I read it and I just
started laughing out of likerelief and also like wow, this
(24:11):
is a tough girl.
Speaker 2 (24:12):
Oh, thank you.
When I took the decision to goback to school is one of those
moments when you're determinedto do it Like.
And when I arrive at NeoMillennium Charter School, when
I arrived at the reception area,I arrived by myself, with my
son, and the receptionist toldme that my parents had to enroll
(24:33):
me, and at that time I was 16.
My parents were living inTijuana, Mexico, four hours like
almost five hours away from NeoMillennium Charter School, and
for me to get to that school Ihad to count the coins.
I didn't have any more money tojust go back and I said, no, I
need to enroll.
(24:53):
And when I saw a Hispanic womanwith her son they were just
leaving I didn't think twice.
I just went and I told her canyou tell them that you're my
mother?
And at first she was confused,but I was very persistent and so
she decided to go back with me.
(25:15):
I had just told thereceptionist, less than five
minutes ago, that my parentswere in Tijuana, Mexico, and
when I walked back with thislady and I said she's my mother,
she couldn't say nothing.
She just handed the paperworkand that day I got enrolled and
I never saw that lady again.
Speaker 1 (25:39):
Clearly, the woman working at the school knew, the
mom knew and they just.
It was one of those beautifulmoments, right when it was like
we're going to help this personwho needs it.
Speaker 2 (25:51):
Yes, the receptionist , that lady and I, we all went
(26:14):
then one day say no, I'll comeback.
My parents were not around, andthat is something that, till
this day, I'm very grateful withthis lady I don't know.
I don't know her name, I don't.
I only have like a small imageof her, but it was because of
her that I was able to enroll tothis charter school and meet Ms
(26:36):
Shelley.
Speaker 1 (26:38):
It's so interesting how tiny little moments they
actually are not little at allright, they completely can
change the trajectory of ourlives.
Yes, that really struck meabout your story.
Tell us about the role ofToastmasters, because I was very
(26:59):
touched by that story and theyalways say that we're all afraid
of two things in life taxes andpublic speaking.
So talk to us aboutToastmasters and then what you
learned, and then also bring usup to the present moment in
terms of what you do as part ofyour professional duties.
Speaker 2 (27:19):
Of course.
Well, first of all, not knowinghow to speak English, coming
from an abusive relationshipwith low self-esteem, I was not
only afraid of public speaking,I was terrified, and for a long
time when I was in college, Iwould rather take the lower
(27:40):
grade instead of making apresentation, instead of
presenting, the lower grade,instead of making a presentation
instead of presenting.
But when I was in my lastsemester of Cal State, san
Marcos, I was given anassignment where I had to
present for 25 minutes and I waslike there's no way I'll be
able to do that.
And when I went to talk to theteacher as usual and I told her
I cannot present in public, I'mafraid of public speaking, she
(28:01):
told me that that presentationwas 25% of my grade and that if
I didn't give that presentation,I wouldn't pass her class.
And that's when I started.
By that time I was listening tomotivational videos, I was
reading some personal growthbooks and Toastmasters was
(28:22):
mentioned several times.
And so when I decided, ok, Ineed to face my fear of public
speaking, and I decided toGoogle Toastmasters and I
realized that there were so manylocal clubs of Toastmasters
around me, but it took meanother like two months to
finally they meet everyone.
(28:43):
So I remember driving home,like from school to home, and I
will put my my direction to goto the left because Toastmasters
was on the left and I will putit.
And I was like never mind, andI'll go back.
And I did that for like twomonths.
But when I finally decided tojoin, the first thing noticed, I
(29:06):
joined a Toastmasters inCarlsbad it's like a fancy place
.
And so I was the only Latina inthat club.
Everyone was white, american intheir 60s, 70s and with perfect
English, and I was like, oh no,as soon as they look away, I'm
(29:27):
just walking out.
This is not for me, butToastmasters, if you ever visit
Toastmasters, everyone is verywelcoming and if there's a new
guest, they make sure that thenew guest is like well received.
And when I joined Toastmastersat first, I didn't like see
(29:52):
myself presenting or anything.
I just wanted to face the fearof public speaking.
And I remember my firstpresentations, presenting for
four minutes, and the feeling oflike not being able to look at
the audience, looking in thefloor, shaking, like it was
terrible.
And but I was committed intofacing that fear in maybe like
(30:17):
six months later.
Toastmasters every year has thisevent where they there's like a
speech contest, and a reporterwas going to run against another
person, and so they preparethat meeting to have a speech
contest, but the other persondidn't show up, and so they.
(30:39):
So they asked me erica, and wehave already planned this
meeting to be a speech contest.
Will you be able to help?
Her name was Diane, diane, sothat she can present and so that
I can be a speech contest.
And I said yes, of course I cando that.
And I presented a little, asmall part of my story, the
(31:04):
story where I talk aboutforgiveness, and like I made it
into a story and I won.
I won the speech contest and Iwas in shock.
I didn't think I was going towin.
I even got a standing ovation.
And then they sent me to thespeech contest, the bigger, the
biggest one, and people willtell me you have a beautiful way
(31:26):
of telling stories.
And I'm like, really, but I wasnot.
I didn't have that ability ofbeing able to speak in public.
I was still shaking, I wasstill looking in the floor, I
was um, and, and so I decided tokeep practicing and practicing
and eventually I became thepresident of that club and then
(31:47):
the area director, and then Istarted training with people
like Les Brown, lisa Nichols andother famous keynote speakers.
And then one day, collegeinvited me to speak in college
and they said what are?
They asked me, what are yourspeaking piece?
And I said oh, no, no, no.
I do it this out of my heart.
(32:08):
It's my passion to help others.
And what I didn't know is thatToastmasters was going to be the
beginning of my career as aninternational keynote speaker,
because that's what I do now.
I speak in 10 to 12 differentplaces around the country,
across the country and Mexico,sharing my story, and that's
(32:32):
what I do for a living.
Speaker 1 (32:35):
So that's, yeah, what a journey, right?
I think it sounds like part ofthe well.
Not, it sounds like it reallyis, at least from my perspective
.
It's that authenticity in astory is more powerful than than
anything else.
Yeah, and have, as you say,perfect English, but if the
(32:59):
story is not authentic, it doesdoesn't resonate with people.
Speaker 2 (33:04):
Yes, and something that I forgot to put in my book.
Not that I forgot to put in mybook, but I didn't become the
commencement speaker of mygraduation ceremony for having
the best grades.
So it turns out that Cal State,san Marcos, every year before
the commencement ceremony theylet the students from the
(33:26):
communication departmentaudition so that they can be the
commencement speakers.
And when I decided to audition,I didn't know that, I just
decided to do it.
And when I was in line anotherthing that I noticed again I was
the only Latina line.
(33:47):
Another thing that I noticedagain, I was the only Latina and
there were, like the studentsthat were in line with me.
They were white, american andone of them turns and asks me
what are you planning to do withyour communication major?
And I said oh no, no, mybachelor's is in psychology.
And so he looked at me veryconfused and then said oh well,
(34:09):
all the students that areauditioning are communication
majors, and that made me feel solittle.
But then there's something thata Toastmasters will always say
during the meeting and they willalways say this is the best
club in the universe.
And so I started telling myselfthat, well, maybe you're not,
(34:29):
you didn't study communication,but you're a member of the best
club in the universe.
And when I auditioned I decidedto do it from my heart, not
expecting to win.
But then I was selected to bethe commencement speaker and I
auditioned against hundreds ofother communication students and
(34:50):
that's what really completelychanged my life Toastmasters and
auditioning.
Because Toastmasters preparedme and gave me that confidence
to think okay, I come from thebest club in the universe.
I took it as literal, likeliteral literal, and because of
that audition my story becameknown in the community and they
(35:13):
published an article that theytitled From Teen Mom to College
Graduate.
A business owner read thatarticle and decided to pay for
my master's program.
And then my master's picturewent viral and I became a
speaker on demand.
Speaker 1 (35:26):
Wow, I was going to read this excerpt from your book
, but you got there ahead of mewhere you said you received an
email and you use a pseudonym inthe book.
Obviously, this person wants toremain anonymous.
She had read that article andshe says I read the article that
(35:49):
was published about you.
This is my number.
There's something important Iwant to talk to you about.
I'll be waiting for your call.
That gave me chills.
When I read that I was like ah.
So you called her up and shesaid I'm going to pay for your
continued studies.
Speaker 2 (36:04):
And then when she said that no one has ever done
something like that for me and Icome from a background where I
was criticized I was in ajourney that felt very lonely.
And then getting her email andhearing that from her, I didn't
know how to process it.
(36:24):
At first I was like, is shepranking me?
Like, is this for real?
Speaker 1 (36:31):
So what types of organizations?
I'm curious, what types oforganizations do you speak at?
You said you do 10 to 12speeches a year.
Is that about what you do?
One a month or so?
Speaker 2 (36:42):
I do about 55 keynotes a year and I do about
10 to 12 per month.
Just this week I was in El Paso, texas, I was in Manchester and
today I'm in Guadalajara,mexico.
I have an event tomorrow, andso I speak for universities,
colleges, conferences, and mostof the people that invite me are
(37:09):
community colleges anduniversities so that we can talk
to students, because one of thebiggest problems for
first-generation collegestudents is retention.
They don't feel motivated orthey feel like an imposter, and
so by hearing my story, they gethope and it shows them that
(37:30):
hard moments in life are notthere to stop them but to make
them stronger.
And so I present.
I give about like 10 to 12presentations per month so you
you just came from.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Tina told me that you came from New Hampshire.
Right, you did Manchester toGuadalajara so you had East
Coast cold weather and nowyou're in weather again.
Yeah, I went to college inmaine, so I I I remember how
those the east coast at the windin the wintertime can be, can
be chilly, so you get to travela lot then for for the game yes,
(38:07):
I get to travel a lot and it'smany schools use my books.
Speaker 2 (38:15):
My book is available in many libraries in California
and many schools, especially theESL programs, community
colleges, some charter schoolsthey use my books in their
classrooms and so I also do Qand A's with students.
I actually offer free 30 minuteQ and A's with students that
read my book so that they canhave a conversation with me and
(38:38):
ask me any questions.
Speaker 1 (38:40):
But the main thing that I do is the presentations
in person, the keynotes thisbecause just because you get
good at something doesn't meanthat it doesn't make you nervous
, right?
I'm sure that you know thereare these stories about Michael
Jordan before important gamesand LeBron James.
They still feel like they'regoing to throw up.
(39:01):
Right, they get nervous.
Do you still?
Do you have a little bit ofnerves right before?
Speaker 2 (39:07):
Yes, so I have delivered over 350 paid keynotes
in the last five years.
I started my career as akeynote speaker seven years ago,
but in the last five years iswhen I've been super busy.
And that was a question that Ihad for a long time, like when
am I going to stop feelingnervous Because I feel super
(39:30):
nervous like before presenting,nervous because I feel super
nervous like before presenting?
And when I was training withthis keynote speaker that is
very well known, let me shareLes Brown.
I asked him that question whenam I going to stop feeling
nervous?
And he said never.
You're never going to stopfeeling nervous, and the day
that you stop feeling nervous,please look for something else
(39:51):
to do.
Speaker 1 (39:52):
And.
Speaker 2 (39:53):
I'm like, oh, okay, and that is because I truly care
.
Every time before I speak, Iknow that there's someone out
there that needs to hear themessage.
I care so much and that gets menervous.
I care so much and that gets menervous, but at the same time,
I change that energy and Ichange it from okay, I feel very
(40:18):
excited.
I'm here to serve, I'm here tomake a difference, and then so I
start switching it and I'velearned how to manage it in a
point that when I'm on stage,people will think that I'm not
nervous because I look veryconfident.
But that's the training that Ihave received to look very
confident in the outside, eventhough I feel that my heart is
(40:39):
going to pop out.
Speaker 1 (40:43):
There's this story about Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, the
famous basketball player thatsupposedly before every game he
would get sick.
He would throw up in thebathroom and they would be in
the locker room, would get sick.
He would throw up and in thebathroom and they would be in
the locker room and they'd hearhim throw up and then they'd say
, okay, we're ready to go outand play, like he's our
superstar and he's ready.
And there was one game yeah,they were out on the court and
(41:04):
the coach turns to him and says,hey, did you get sick?
He said no, no, thank thank god, I didn't get sick.
The coach said go back in thereand get sick before we start.
Speaker 2 (41:14):
Yes.
Speaker 1 (41:15):
It's that little edge , right as you say, the
butterflies that remind you thathow much you care.
Speaker 2 (41:21):
Yes, exactly Exactly.
And there has been some likelittle minute like moments not
that I don't feel nervous, likemaybe I'm like, okay, I got this
and I feel confident, but thenwhen I'm presenting, it doesn't
sound the same.
And maybe I'm like, okay, I gotthis and I feel confident, but
then when I'm presenting itdoesn't sound the same, and so
I'm like, okay, just letyourself feel it.
(41:41):
Like the same way is like it'sokay to feel it.
So I always feel it, I alwaysfeel nervous.
Speaker 1 (41:45):
In your book you mention in several occasions
kind of reflecting back on theyounger yourself.
Kind of reflecting back on theyounger yourself.
What if you could go back intime?
Now?
You're an adult with a greatcareer and a beautiful son and,
just as you say, your familyname even more proud than before
(42:12):
?
You've honored your parents,your grandparents, but what
advice would you give your I'mgoing to go all the way back to
like age 13, before you reallyspoke fluent English.
What would you go back and tellyour young self then?
(42:32):
That you know now about whatlife would turn out to be?
Speaker 2 (42:36):
well, I think that the first thing that I will tell
her is that I'm proud of her.
Um, I think that for a longtime, she was looking for that
attention or that love outsideof her and I.
So that's the first thing.
I will tell her that I'm proudof her, and I will tell her that
no one is responsible of herhappiness or her life, that she
(42:57):
is, and that, whatever decisionshe takes, that she will either
learn something or that she willwin something, and so I will
encourage her to be strong andto keep moving forward and give
her a hug.
I would just tell her that I'mproud of her, because I feel
that one of the most difficultthings to do is to tell yourself
(43:19):
that you're proud of you, evenif you're doing so much.
And we're always thinking like,oh, I could have done it better
or you should have done this.
But at the end of the day,we're humans, we're not perfect,
and as long as we're movingforward and we're trying but at
the end of the day, we're humans, we're not perfect, and as long
as we're moving forward andwe're trying, we're doing the
right thing, and that's what Iwant her to understand.
That's what I want her to know.
Speaker 1 (43:40):
And I think that that's a story.
I'm sure that you find that inyour speeches all around the
world that you go to makepresentations, that there's so
many people who don't givethemselves permission to be
gracious with themselves, toforgive themselves for things to
(44:00):
care about themselves.
They blame themselves or theylook to external things to
validate themselves Exactly.
Speaker 2 (44:11):
Yes to external things to validate themselves.
Speaker 1 (44:14):
Exactly.
Yes, you've been very generouswith your time.
I have one last question foryou, but before I get there, is
there anything that I haven'ttouched on, that you were hoping
to share today or that havekind of been rattling around in
your head, and I've interruptedyou too many times for you to
get it out.
Speaker 2 (44:34):
No, I think that that's pretty much it.
I just want especially students.
I just want them to know thatthey don't have to be the
smartest ones in their classroom, they just have to be the most
persistent ones, and that'ssomething that I always tell
(44:54):
students that if you'repersistent with your goals and
if you understand that giving upis not an option, you will
accomplish big things.
But you have to enjoy thejourney, that you have to make
sure that it's not, that youunderstand that it's not only
about the final destination, butthe person that you become once
you get there, and so it's veryimportant to enjoy the journey.
(45:17):
Sometimes we reserve ourhappiness for the future, and I
think that that's the biggestmistake that I have made in the
past, and that's a mistake thata lot of people make.
Speaker 1 (45:27):
And especially with a story like yours, right where
it was you from the time yourmom said hey, here's your choice
.
You can either pick tomatoesall day, or whatever it was, and
have your back feel like it'sgoing to be in half, or you can
get your education and keepgoing, keep going.
Sometimes we can get lost inthat and not enjoy the journey.
(45:51):
Yes, exactly.
Okay, the last question is ahypothetical.
So let's say you have thechance to design a billboard for
the side of the freeway,whatever the closest freeway is
to where you live.
You get to design thisbillboard and remember people
(46:13):
are driving by.
Usually we're going 70 miles anhour, sometimes they're going
seven miles an hour, but they'regoing by, so you have to make
an impression on them beforethey forget about it.
What does Erica's billboard sayto the world about what you
believe in, what you feel isimportant, where you've come
(46:34):
from and where you're going?
Speaker 2 (46:36):
What does your billboard say my billboard will
say you can use your adversitiesas an excuse to stop or as a
reason to keep moving forward.
Speaker 1 (46:50):
An excuse to stop or as a reason to keep moving
forward.
That's and that's such abeautiful message.
I think that's a great place toto wrap up today, and you've
got to get prepared for for toget nervous for tomorrow.
Yes, night sleep, and you needto get nervous for tomorrow
(47:15):
night's sleep and you need toget nervous for tomorrow.
It's been such a pleasure andan honor to just have this
chance to learn about your lifeand you know, at my age I don't
get that inspired about too manystories very often.
But when I heard about yoursand started to do research and
just put myself in in your shoesand being a father of a of a
(47:37):
daughter as well, there were somany things in your story that
resonated with me.
So, of your book and and yourlife story and and today's
conversation, Thank you so much.
Speaker 2 (47:49):
I really appreciate the time that you took to first
of all research a little bitabout me and read my book and
also interview much.
I really appreciate the timethat you took to first of all
research a little bit about me,read my book and also interview
me.
I really appreciate it.
Thank you so much.
Speaker 1 (48:01):
Thanks for joining us on the Hangout Podcast.
You can send us an email atpodcastinfo at protonme.
Many thanks to my daughter,maya, for editing this episode
dot me.
Many thanks to my daughter,maya, for editing this episode.
I'd also like to underline thatthis podcast is entirely
separate from my day job and, assuch, all opinions expressed
herein are mine and mine alone.
(48:21):
Thanks for coming on in andhanging out.
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