November 6, 2024 • 47 mins
Ever wondered how co-parenting can be both a challenge and a rewarding journey? This episode of the Hangry Parent Podcast offers Part 2 of a fascinating conversation with Lay-Cee from The Dottedline Podcast, providing an insider's view into her family's co-parenting dynamics. We uncover how Lay-Cee and her husband have mastered the art of balancing household chores, school runs, and those unexpected parenting curveballs.
You can listen to Part 1, "Power of Routine..." using the link below:
linktr.ee/thedottedlinepodcast
News Articles Covered:
Savings tips for first-time parents:
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/savings-tips-first-time-parents-220424797.html
Parents are often told it takes a village to raise a child. So, where is it?
https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/parenting-village-1.7347040
Sabrina Carpenter Criticized for Provocative Tour Performances
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YXT5jNui4qk&t=221s
Other Links:
The Total Money Makeover
https://www.amazon.com/Total-Money-Makeover-Classic-Financial/dp/1595555277
Spice Girls: 2 Become 1
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FA5jsa1lR9c
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TikTok: tiktok.com/@hangryparentpodcast
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Demetrius (00:00):
All right.
So welcome to the Hangry ParentPodcast, where you can find the
latest parenting news, insightsand other things that you need
when you're hungry for answersto make informed decisions for
your family.
I'm your host, Demetrius, andI'm joined today by a special
guest.
Her name is Lacey.
She's from the Dotline Podcast.
Now this is a continuation thisis a part two, if you will from
(00:25):
her episode.
We first kind of met up andtalked and discussed, so that'll
be in the link in descriptionin this episode.
Make sure you watch that first,Then you can mosey back on over
here and continue with part two.
But how's it going, Lacey?
Lay-Cee (00:42):
Yeah, that's going good .
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm excited.
Demetrius (00:44):
Yeah, definitely.
So you tell us a little bitabout what your podcast is
usually about.
Lay-Cee (00:50):
for any new listeners or people listening to you for
the first time, yeah, so it'sthe dotted line podcast and so I
have real transparent, honestcommunications and episodes more
on the heavier things of likeharder conversations to have.
But I'm branching out obviously, um, even with this collab
right and doing something alittle bit different than what
(01:12):
I'm used to, and I'm excitedabout that of branching out.
So definitely take a listenawesome, awesome, no, definitely
.
Demetrius (01:18):
Um.
So again, that'll be in thelink in the description of this
episode, so make sure you clickon that.
Watch that first.
Come on back.
So a couple of things we'll betalking about.
We'll be talking aboutco-parenting dynamics, sharing
parenting responsibilitiesreally important Coping with
parenting challenges, becauseyou know, as a parent, there's
so many things that go on Goalsetting, future planning, things
(01:40):
I'm terrible at, so we'll talkabout that.
Also, life lessons fromparenting and some news things I
saw that were like ah, caughtmy eye, so we'll probably
discuss those a little bit aswell.
But so first then talking aboutco-parenting dynamics and
really specifically discussingroles and responsibilities in
co-parenting.
(02:00):
So, if we some of the stuff maydivvy into what we talked about
in your episode, lacy, but, um,when we're talking about
responsibilities and likeco-parenting, maybe saying hey,
you know what dad, maybe dad canfocus on, maybe do it just
breaking stereotypes here, maybedad can focus on the cooking
you know is, is that cooking?
(02:21):
Uh, you know lately, maybe mom,maybe mom is helping kids with
the homework, but not talkingabout that and just kind of
going off on your day just like,hey, we'll figure it out, I
mean that kind of feel likehurts a little bit, without
figuring out what those rolesare.
What are your dayresponsibilities with you and
(02:42):
your husband, and how do youguys figure that out?
Lay-Cee (02:45):
Yeah, so I'm definitely not the typical because I do
not like cooking at all.
I will wash the dishes and makesure everything is clean, but I
do not like cooking at all.
I will do it in emergencies,like if my husband is, like, you
know, having some late meetingsand things like that because he
works in education.
He just finished his master'sprogram, so like if he had stuff
(03:07):
to do with that, then I would,you know, step in, cook, if not
order something.
He's the predominant cook.
He loves to cook, his familycooks, everyone in his family
can cook and it's like awesome.
So I just support that.
So that's kind of like hisresponsibility.
My responsibility is we kind ofdivide and conquer when it comes
(03:27):
to taking them to school.
So my older ones that are nineand 10, he takes those kids to
school.
They're in middle school andthen I take my youngest, who's
three, to daycare.
I come back and work, I workfrom home and then I pick up in
the evening.
So I'm kind of doing, you know,dance practice right, making
sure everyone has everything fordance practice.
My son's in soccer, so then hehas soccer on certain days and
(03:50):
so I have to go pick him up andthen go drop him off with my
husband so he can take him tosoccer.
So we divide and conquer thatway.
As far as like just householdresponsibilities and stuff like
that, we work on that together.
I may do laundry in the heapholds, or I really like have a
jam with cleaning the kitchen.
Demetrius (04:07):
You say have a jam with it.
Lay-Cee (04:08):
Yes, have a whole jam session.
Like I have my headset on andI'm like ready to go, don't
nobody bother me, like let meclean up everything you know
baseboards and all the thingsRight, and so I'll clean that
kind of stuff up.
And then he definitely helpswith like just you know, the
week to week stuff.
But I'm more of kind of likethe deep cleaner.
So we definitely work togetherwhen it comes to just our
household responsibilities,everything with the kids.
(04:29):
I'm super grateful for that,just because I know that's not
everyone's dynamic and thingslike that.
But we are definitely strive to, you know, divide and conquer
and kind of get everythingtogether as we can.
And some days it may not lookthe same.
Some days, you know, he may belike hey, I have this to do and
I take on a little bit more, andvice versa.
But having that flexibility andgrace is like absolute best.
It's key.
Demetrius (04:50):
Like that flexibility and grace, super important,
especially when you get intolike decision making, because
you may have those roles,responsibilities, but you know,
some things may fall out of line.
You know life happens.
So can you talk a little bitmore about, uh, decision making?
So, uh, if a decision has to bemade I'm trying to think of an
(05:15):
example, maybe, um, like, forexample, my son this hasn't
happened in a while.
He's a good student.
He comes back, let's say, hegets, you know, an f in math or
something and uh, okay, how areokay?
How are we going to handle it?
Or am I going off the rails?
Am I talking with him?
Am I talking with mom first?
You know, how does that work.
What do you guys usually dowhen it comes to like decisions
of that sort, and how do youcome to a resolution?
Lay-Cee (05:37):
Yeah.
So one of the things I'm reallygrateful for my husband is in
education.
He works in education, he's abehavior coach, so he's very
patient with kids and things notgoing the way that we expect as
a parent, right, like we sendthem to school and think that
they're just supposed to belearning, coming back with the
grades, right, minimal effortthat you have to put in.
So when my kids have had maybebad grades or let's just say,
(05:58):
bad behavior in school or justsomething that's like not you
know what you want to hear as aparent school or just something
that's like not you know whatyou want to hear as a parent he
has been very helpful withsaying, okay, I'm going to take
the lead.
This is kind of my area and Isupport.
There have been some times that, like I think it kind of goes
into that generational, the wayyou were raised, right, because
if I would have got a bad grade,like I would have gotten in
(06:20):
trouble, right, something'sgetting, you know, getting taken
away until that grade comes up,type of thing.
So when I've kind of had thatand that's like my go-to,
there's times for that.
If it's something that's likerepetitive, and I know that you
can you know, do better, andthings like that.
So we kind of assess that, okay, is this something?
That is a pattern?
Is there something wrong?
Is something going on with theteacher?
Is something going on with theyou know the actual kid, things
(06:41):
like that.
So we'll kind of talk throughthat and problem solve that way.
As far as how we should handlethat, again, I'm always about
the way that I grew up and likeif you didn't have good grades,
like you know, you're grounded,right.
But in certain situations, inmost situations right,
especially with the kids thesedays, it's not always that cut
and dry to where it's like, okay, you didn't make the grade that
(07:02):
I'm expecting.
So like now I'm going to takethis away, right, it's more so.
Conversations, what?
Let's get to the root of theissue.
Why are you making the badgrade?
Do we need tutoring?
Do we need to have a conferencewith the you know the teacher
and things like that.
And it's super helpful.
I think if I did not have ahusband that was in education,
that's where we would have theissue, because I would literally
just go based off of what Igrew up with and, hey, you're
(07:24):
grounded.
And that doesn't necessarilyfix the issue right.
That doesn't say, hey, like,what is the problem?
Why are you making the badgrade?
Do we need tutoring?
What do we need, like, how canI support and really stepping
into that role of saying, hey, Ido have some responsibility in
your education, not to just sendyou to school.
So I'm very grateful for that,because he kind of, you know,
takes his his work hat off rightand put parent hat on to be
(07:47):
able to help me to understandthat perspective.
So that's.
I think that's only happenedmaybe a few times where I'm like
, hey, you're grounded and thatmay have lasted a week or two
until you start figuring out,okay, wait, it's maybe not the
grade, or maybe it's not, youknow, the student, maybe
something else, or whatever likethat.
So that's been really reallyhelpful.
So kind of again dividing andconquer, but more so he kind of
takes the lead in that becausethat's his area of expertise oh,
(08:09):
it's perfect?
Demetrius (08:10):
no, definitely.
I remember having bad gradeswhen I was younger.
My parents would literally takethe entire tv out of the room.
Yes, what's going on like?
Is this like?
Lay-Cee (08:20):
so the box tv right, yeah, right the box tv it's
getting taken out, or becausethat's back when we had cable
right, so like have to have that.
Or I'm gonna take the dvdplayer or the vc vcr player out
or like a phone out.
I remember one time I had likethe hinges on my door taken off,
like stuff like that, like ininsane right, which now it's
like I'm not gonna make thingsharder on myself.
Demetrius (08:43):
Yeah, it's like if you're punished, then I'm
punished, but how can wecompromise on on this punishment
because like can't you just getgood grades like, come on, I
don't want you yeah, it'sterrible.
It's terrible, it's funny andthe worst part is you just come
home to it so that you don't seethe teeth.
You just go home in your roomand it's like oh it's gone.
Lay-Cee (09:01):
Yeah, I already know it gone.
And I think too, like in thisgeneration, like back then we
kind of hide our grades.
Right, you actually got a paperand like you know your parents
like either they got it or theydidn't get it, but then like
something had to get signed andthen maybe they got an email or
a call home, depending you knowwhatever.
But like now it's on, we have asystem called Skyward right, so
(09:21):
like they literally say a systemcalled Skyward right.
So like they literally say, hey, it's available there, so I
will see the grades before mykids see the grades Right.
So that kind of helps too towhere I can see it before I see
them and then say, okay, how dowe process this?
And then, looking at what theprogress report was to the
actual report card, okay, wasthere a decrease, increase Like
what do we need to do?
Are there certain things youneed to work on?
Demetrius (09:42):
that type of thing what do we need to do?
Are there certain things weneed to work on?
That type of thing?
Right so, definitely so.
So, going from that challengeto other challenges, like other
common issues, like getting tosleep or sleep tantrums, other
struggles, sibling right Causeyou have, you know, more than
one kid, right so siblingrivalries, or battles you know
(10:02):
with each other, like how do youcope with those?
Lay-Cee (10:05):
like specific parenting challenges, that is a good
question, because I'm a single.
Demetrius (10:10):
I'm my only child and also my son's only child too.
So I'm like I always hear aboutthose battles of oh wow, that's
, that's crazy.
Lay-Cee (10:16):
I can't relate and I'm an only child Right and I have
step siblings, but they werelike six, seven years older than
me, so we never like all livedin the same house.
So like I still was like theonly child, right.
And, honestly, when my kids,it's not necessarily like they
don't.
I have a son and a daughter,right?
So my daughter's the oldest andthen my son is 17 months behind
(10:37):
her.
They're 10 and nine Right, mydaughter will be 11 this year.
So Like they don't have likethe rivalry of like I think two
sisters would have or twobrothers would have, because
they're really kind of notcompeting against each other
because they're differentgenders, right.
But the bickering is insane.
(10:58):
Just like my son's birthday wasyesterday.
My youngest son is three'sthree.
We went to Target and like we'regetting him stuff right, like
what you know, taking him downthe toy aisle and then like okay
, hey, like there I love graphictea.
So like let's go look over here, whatever.
And all of a sudden, like theystart arguing about like this.
I don't even remember what theywere arguing about, but I
literally walked away.
I was like let me go look atthe shoes and like get away,
(11:21):
because all of this bickeringand we're in the middle of a
store, like chill out.
So one of them came to me.
It's like hey, mom.
And then the other one comesback and I'm like so y'all came
over here to argue again in mypresence.
When I walked away from y'alland I think that was kind of
when the light went off Causethey were like wait, like I
didn't realize.
So we ended up having to talklater and I was like that was
kind of embarrassing.
(11:42):
Right, we're in public, y'allare arguing, y'all are old
enough to know better.
Right, your three-year-oldbrother is sitting in the car
just living his life and nothaving an issue.
And they're like my daughterwas like I didn't realize I was
coming off like that and thatwas kind of like that, like
light bolt, right, a simplecommunication of like hey, that
was embarrassing, that's why Iwalked off.
(12:03):
And it like okay, I got it,cause I was like hey, like what
if I'm at the store and I'marguing with your dad, right,
aren't you going to beembarrassed?
And they were like, yeah, so Ithink that part of parenting, of
where we're, I'm taking theapproach of my husband's, taking
the approach of more liketalking through issues and not
at being like you're bad or youcan't say that or we can't have
(12:25):
a conversation, going back andforth, I think, really really
changes their trajectory of howthey process things and how they
act Right and think in themoment and be able to make their
own decisions.
So that's just one instance,right, this just happened
yesterday.
But most of the time when itcomes to like the bickering and
everything like that, they arevery like.
With me they'll kind of be late, laid back and not think it's a
(12:46):
big deal, but with our dad theykind of don't do that because
he's like, you know, the, theone that's like he has the dad
voice Right and he's like soon.
They say something they're likeright Like it's like kind of
like everyone's like zipped, soit depends where we're at.
We happen to all be at thestore together and we were kind
of able to capture that momentthere.
But like, if they're with me,like in afternoons, when I'm
(13:07):
picking them up and they'rebickering, I'm like why are
y'all doing that?
And they'll keep going.
We're in the car and I'm like,ok, I'm turning up the music
Right.
When they're with their dad,it's like completely different
thing because they have and it'snot like dads have that like
just authoritative voice.
Like you know, they're notplaying right and it can still
be with love, right.
(13:28):
So it's not like I fear you and, oh my gosh, I'm gonna get beat
.
It's more so like okay, dad'snot playing, mom's a little bit
more like laid back right, okay,let's talk through it, that
type of thing that's not a badthing either too, because people
it's not like oh well, you knowdad need to be less well.
Demetrius (13:42):
This is why, in my opinion, uh, that it's good to
have both parents, because youwant both you don't have being a
single parent.
You know and you can't help.
You know that if that's whathappens, yes having to play both
roles, like that's not the youmight have to, but that's not
the goal.
The goal shouldn't have to bethat way.
Now, if you have to, you haveto, but that's why it's.
(14:04):
But it's good, when you can, tohave both roles in there to to
kind of mitigate and balancethat out Right.
Lay-Cee (14:11):
So yeah, it is, and I mean coming from you know, like
I grew up in a single parenthousehold right until my mom got
remarried.
My husband grew up with both ofhis parents and his parents got
divorced.
We are really treading in anarea that we really knew nothing
about or remember seeing Right.
So that's one of the goodthings about having both of us
there, because we're able totalk through our traumas and say
(14:35):
like, hey, like you know, thatdidn't work when we were growing
up, so like what can work right, and kind of trial and error
with that type of stuff.
So it's really beneficial and Idon't take it for granted that
it's both of us here for both ofour kids.
Right, having two sons and adaughter.
Right, they need both parents.
Right, I can't teach my sonshow to be men, right, like.
I can't do that I'm not a man,and vice versa with my daughter.
(14:57):
My husband cannot teach her howto be a woman, because Right,
exactly.
Demetrius (15:03):
And again, if you're listening and you're a single
parent, it's not because I canhear it now.
I can hear it now.
Well, I'm a single mom or I'm asingle father.
I am a father's day is also forme and I'm a mom and a mother's
day is for me.
Yes, I get it, but you know, ifthere's a point where you can
and you're not, in that point,you know.
You know we get it.
(15:24):
Like having both, uh, parentsis important, but you're not
short-changing all the singleparents out there too, because,
um, I was once also a singleparent, uh, as well, and it's
hard to try to beat me as a man.
You hear the voice talk aboutauthoritative.
How am I gonna sound, you know?
Oh, okay, okay, you know, let's, it's gonna be all right.
I was like he doesn't believeme, like it's to be all right,
(15:45):
and I was like he doesn't evenbelieve me, like it's going to
be all right.
Why are you, why are you sayingit like that?
I'm just talking.
What do?
you mean I'm automatically justsounding authoritative and um,
you know it's, it's, it's hard,it's hard.
Um so, again, kudos to thosesummer parents out there trying
to a lot, um, so then, oh, so Ihave a question.
So, because you're thoseresponses you gave as far as
(16:13):
like oh, you know what, I'mgonna walk away like, that is
amazing, not just the responsethat you gave, but also the
response of your kids, like oh,oh, something is going on.
Maybe I shouldn't do that yeahis there other times where it's
like they don't listen, orbecause I just feel like, okay,
yeah, they, they had thatepiphany.
But I feel like certain kidswon't have that epiphany, like,
yeah, it's fine, but I'm justgonna, and then back in a day
(16:36):
it's kind of like all right,cool, let me grip you up then or
let me wear the belt, becauseyou're not understand what I'm
saying.
So I'm like the fact thatthey're going off like oh, yeah,
we get it, we get it.
Lay-Cee (16:46):
mom, like oh, it's like wow, you got some good kids it
like that Majority of the timethey are bickering about the
(17:07):
stupidest thing who didn't dothe dishes?
Why do I have to do the dishes?
And this is everyone else'sstuff.
They share a bathroom.
The bathroom's dirty.
I didn't want to put my stuffin here because so-and-so's
dirty.
I mean, this is constant, and Ithink one of the biggest things
for me, like you mentionedbefore, being a only child is
something that no one willreally understand unless you've
been through that.
Right.
You kind of like your alonetime, right.
(17:29):
Sometimes you wish you had asibling.
That you know.
You see your friends that havethe siblings and things like
that, and you're like man, Iwish I had that bond with you
know someone, you know whatever,and so it's a really complex
like territory that you're in.
On top of that, then you'reraising multiple kids, right.
So, like, their upbringing iscompletely different than mine,
because I was literally like alatchkey kid, right, coming home
(17:51):
and able to, you know, popsomething in the oven, pop
something in the microwave tofix myself something to eat.
You know in the time that mymom was getting home, right, so
I was by myself a couple ofhours at their age.
There's no way in the world, Iwould leave them home at nine
and 10, at this point, right,they're very resourceful and
they can cook and things likethat, but like I'm not leaving
(18:11):
them at home, like I'm going tobe here, so there are.
It's a different thing of beinga single child and then you know
, or only child and then having,you know, multiple children,
right, because again, you can'trelate on that level.
The stuff that they're doing.
It's like well, I don't get it,but they argue all the time.
It's always bickering, it'salways like why are y'all
(18:33):
arguing?
And they'll listen for a littlebit and then kind of be quiet
and go back upstairs and then Ihear them arguing again.
Right, why are y'all getting oneach other, blah, blah, blah.
So there's definitely majorityof the time.
So there's definitely majorityof the time it's very back and
forth.
Hey, okay, well, you know, myhusband will take my son and
they may go to the store.
I'll take my daughter, like wedo dance practice and stuff like
that, and I'll try to splitthem up in that way, because I
(18:54):
noticed that having multiplekids especially because my
youngest is three, so it wasjust them two for so long that,
like now my youngest son, hewent from being the baby to the
middle child, right Now myyoungest son, he went from being
the baby to the middle child,right.
So like that's a differentthing.
So trying to take that time outindividually and kind of talk
through things helps, but theystill argue all the time there's
(19:15):
no getting around, that there'sno like why are y'all arguing?
Why don't y'all get along today?
Right, they're at the sameschool but different grades and
it's still like in the car.
And why did you say that?
This is every day.
So I'm learning to be okay andthrive in the chaos of all of
that, because it used to justreally be like y'all argue all
the time like how does this work?
And I really kind of just gotthat like aha moment for my
(19:37):
husband, right because he's theyoungest of three yeah, that's
normal that's normal.
I'm like what like?
And they're like kind of hisbrothers.
They're kind of the same agedifference between my kids, so
like it's like interesting tosee, with him being the youngest
and then he has an olderbrother it's like seven years
older than him, and here in thesame it's all the same, and they
were all boys, right.
(19:57):
So it was even worse becausethey're all boys and they're
doing all that.
So that really helped to havingthat insight from him, because
I was like I don't get it, likeI would love to have a sibling.
I don't think I would arguewith them type of thing, right,
but I'm I wasn't in thatsituation, but yes, they don't
listen all the time.
Demetrius (20:12):
In another life you're bickering with a sister
that you've never had yes, yesexactly exactly.
So we're talking about gradesbefore and, uh, I mean just
having kids in general.
But grades education.
You think of college thingslike that later on.
But you know money, you knowall that's money.
(20:33):
Take education out of it.
Money Gotta feed your kids,gotta, you know, maintain their
lifestyle.
Gotta keep the roof over yourhead right.
So a couple of things, becauseearlier we were talking about
you know I might go over somenews articles here.
So there's one that I foundfrom Yahoo Finance that just
came out recently.
They released some informationabout, like, the average cost
(20:57):
that is to raise a child.
I'm like I don't know if that's, if I was expecting more or
less.
I don't know, I want to getyour take on it.
So they say the cost of raisinga child has been steadily
increasing over the years.
According, uh, to a bank ratestudy, the average cost to raise
a child from birth to age 17 tothe us is estimated to be about
313 939, which breaks down toabout 18 000 a year.
(21:23):
Um, this does include expenseslike housing, food, child care,
education and health costs.
So my question is was that moreor less about on par Like?
What are your thoughts?
Lay-Cee (21:35):
I feel like it's on par , but it's crazy.
When you like total it out, ohmy gosh, Like I'm thinking in my
head.
I'm like I'm going to spendlike a million dollars on my
kids Right, Like all three ofthem right is insane.
But when you put it intohousing, right Like our mortgage
is fairly, fairly, cheap justbecause we bought our house in
2015.
So it's not these, you know,two, three $5,000 mortgages
(21:58):
Absolutely not.
But when I think about,especially like my daughter
being in dance, I'm paying like150 a month just for her to go
to class.
That doesn't include gas, thatdoesn't include snacks, that
doesn't include any type ofmaterials or, you know, clothes,
whatever.
And then on top of that you'retalking about recitals, right?
(22:19):
So we just figured out she's inthree dances this year and it's
like $400 just for her to be inthe recital and then also to
have her costumes, right.
Again, this doesn't include gas.
This doesn't include any of thethings.
Now, thankfully I'm prettyresourceful and I can do makeup
and I can do hair, so I don'thave to pay anybody for that,
right.
But that's just my daughter indance.
My son is in soccer.
(22:39):
His is a little bit cheaperbecause I think it's like 200 a
season, right, 200 a season,right.
So that season is maybe liketwo or three months, not bad, so
maybe $400 a year.
But then, literally I'm thinkingof like clothes, like insane,
like my, my youngest son, wejust bought clothes and shoes
and I think maybe I spent like Igot him three pairs of shoes
(22:59):
and like six outfits, and Ithink it was like 300 bucks,
which is pretty decent.
He's he's three, though, right,so he doesn't require to get his
approval on the certain shoes.
So I can buy him cute Jordansthat are on sale for like 40
bucks, right, as opposed to mydaughter wants Uggs that are 70
bucks.
Right.
(23:19):
My son's like, hey, I wantthese Jordans.
Right, and I mean all thethings.
Like it was cheaper.
I felt like when they wereyounger because I could go and
pick out their stuff and go tochildren's place, like I did my
youngest son and get everything.
And so now it's like, hey, no,I like this type of thing, I
want this type of thing.
So it gets more expensive asthey get older, right.
Then you're talking about cars.
(23:40):
You're talking about you know,um, gas, if you're helping,
right, like if, if my daughteris going to be in dance, and
like I don't know if we'llrequire her to get a job, like
will she even have time?
So like we're paying for her.
You know expenses and thingslike that, so that's right on
par.
It's crazy when you put it thatway of you know that in a
lifetime of their 17 years.
(24:00):
But that makes sense.
It's.
It's super expensive to havekids.
Demetrius (24:04):
It's super, super expensive yeah, and it just
makes you reflect on this ummeme I saw recently.
Uh, trying to remember what itwas okay, so there was a um
birth control, I think they werelike a box of condoms that were
there, and then they werepampers and they said the box
condoms are like what?
Four or five bucks and thediapers are like twenty dollars.
(24:26):
And it was like you decide, orsomething like that, and I'm
like that's just diapers.
Lay-Cee (24:29):
So that's twenty dollars for diapers.
I'm wondering what the quantityis because my son and I
remember like diapers, like abox of diapers, like a hundred
dot hundred diapers right in abox, whatever size, are
literally like 40 bucks exactly,so it's like it's.
Which one do you want to do?
What do you want to do?
You protect?
Demetrius (24:48):
yourself.
You know it's a whole otherdiscussion, but that's crazy.
So so going into the financesof that right because this goes
in discussion.
What I was talking aboutseparately from this even
article at all, but kind ofconnects here, um, is like
financial planning and separateeven from financial planning,
just even just getting yourselfout of the hole, because you
hear that and you hear peoplethat maybe don't have the money
(25:10):
and funding, and it's likethat's great, you know, yeah,
that is the amount of money thatI need to pay with this child
and I barely have it as it islike what do you go through as
far as financial planning?
What are your goals that youhave in mind of?
You and your husband have thesetalks of like OK, we need to
save X, y and Z.
Here's how we're going to do it.
Here's how we're going toinvest.
(25:31):
Here's how we're going to likehow are those conversations like
and what tools you have, ifanybody's listening to say like
hey, you know what, here's somethings, that kind of work for us
.
Lay-Cee (25:41):
So I want to first say, before you have kids, I don't
care what anybody says, you'renever going to be prepared
financially Right To take careof a kid.
Right, raise a kid.
I feel like the easiest partwas to actually like just make
sure the kid is alive, right,and saying up, you're very tired
, but that's the easy part.
Right Is just.
(26:01):
They're just alive, right,they're fed, they're good,
they're changed.
You know things like that,right.
They're fed, they're good,they're changed, you know things
like that.
But when it comes to planning,as we've had kids, right, my two
oldest ones are 17 months apart, like I mentioned.
So we've talked about cars.
Okay, how much do we want tospend on a car?
Well, like back in my day, likeI remember getting a cash car
(26:23):
for like 4,000 bucks.
Where is that happening rightnow?
Where are you getting a carthat's even going to be like
reasonable, like for it to lastfor a decent amount of time?
Right, so we did start puttingaway for that.
We just did a savings accountfor that.
Right, we put away so muchevery check.
Okay, cool, we're going tostart doing that.
So that you know, my daughterhas a car, things like that.
Right, cause, we want to pay itin cash.
(26:44):
I don't want to get a paymentfor her and Lord, Lord forbid
that she gets into a wreck orsomething like that and wrecks
the car.
Right, cause teams areresponsible, like that.
Um, when it comes to investing,we both invest within our jobs.
He works at a school district,I work, um, in the healthcare
field and things like that.
So we invest, like through our401ks and things like that,
(27:04):
through our jobs and stuff likethat.
The other part is that, thedebt portion.
So I feel like we've kind ofwent up and down.
Because you know spending, youhave to really figure out what
your spending is.
I personally am an emotionalspender.
So if I'm stressed out aboutsomething, I'm like, yes, let's
go to Amazon and like, get allthese boxes Right and get all
(27:25):
these packages, and we need this.
I saw it on Instagram.
And then, finally, when I'm notstressing anymore, I'm like why
do I have all this crap?
Now I need to declutter, right.
Like what am I going to do?
You know what I mean.
So we went up and down to wherewe've had debt.
We paid it off and did thewhole.
You know, went Gazette andPence and did all the things and
paid off the debt.
(27:45):
But you have to realize howyour spending works, because you
can roll back into that cyclereally easy.
Just as quick as you can getout, you can get right back in,
right.
So I would say, when it comes toplanning, you know, as you have
kids, however that pans outlike how many kids do you want
to have I would really focus onyour future and how you want
(28:06):
things to look, because thetemporary is right now.
Like I mentioned, having thechild, keeping the child alive,
is the most tiresome part ofbeing a parent, but it's the
easiest part, because you don'thave kids talking back, you
don't have behaviors, you don'thave grades, you don't have all
of that, right.
But it also you have daycare.
That's super expensive, right?
So that's the kind of you knowyou're always going to have
(28:28):
something.
That's like, man, I wish Icould save here, cause as soon
as you're able to save, it'ssomething else that comes up.
So I'd really say what are yourfinancial goals If you are not,
you know, a homeowner, causehomeownership is not for
everybody, right?
So do I want to be a homeownereventually?
Okay, what do I need to do tosave up for that?
Do I want my child to have acar or do I want my child to
work for a car?
(28:48):
Right?
Like you have to really look atwhat is going to work for your
child, right?
Because I got a car when I was16, but my husband did not.
So that was kind of a push andpull of like I want Candy to
have a car, and he's like why Ididn't get a car until I was 21.
And I'm like what?
Demetrius (29:05):
Yeah, I was going to say I didn't.
I was taking a bus still atthat time, like, yeah, and so
that's what and so you have tofigure out what you want for
your child.
Lay-Cee (29:14):
What's going to work, what is the benefit of giving a
child a car Right?
Like, yes, that's what theywant, but like, what is the
benefit?
Is that going to teach themresponsibility?
What are they going to have toexchange to get that?
Because you're not going tojust give your child a car right
?
So really figure out what youwant your children to have, what
kind of life you want them tohave.
On top of that, you want tothink of you first because, like
(29:35):
I mentioned that homeownerthing, if you want to be a
homeowner, that's one of themost expensive purchases you
make, probably in your lifetime,right?
So is that something I want?
Well, you want to make sure youhave that before you start
saying, hey, I want to give mykid a car Right.
The same thing with college, youknow.
Do I want my child to do?
I want to save money forcollege?
Or like, am I going to make mychild work for a scholarship?
(29:56):
Right, are they athletic or isthere anything they can get a
scholarship in?
So it's really figuring outwhat works best for you, your
budget, what, how you want yourkids to be raised.
How does that impact?
You know the way you wereraised or the things that you
want to take from that, andthere are things that you don't
like and implement that as well,cause I think it's a push and
pull with that.
There's some things that youknow I grew up with and I'm like
(30:18):
yep.
Demetrius (30:26):
I like that, some things I grew up with and I'm
like, no, I don't think I wantthat for my child, right?
No, no, I completely agree.
You mentioned Dave Ramsey.
You talk a little bit aboutthat.
Lay-Cee (30:30):
Was that a?
Demetrius (30:30):
method that he talks about, or can you talk about
that a little bit?
Lay-Cee (30:32):
Yeah.
So I have a love haterelationship with it because I
think when I originally got intodebt and really understood what
it was right, this was like thesecond time you know you have
your debt when you're youngerand you have bad credit, and I
learned how to, you know, repairmy credit, bought my house and
then got into the debt of allthe things that you buy, get in
the house, right.
You know furniture.
Um, you know everything, right,appliances, you know redoing
(30:57):
the home.
However, you know whatever yougo into debt for.
So when, covet, I was like hey,we got to get out of this debt.
This isn't it, right, like it'sit's.
Things are looking funny and wewere very fortunate enough to
have very secure jobs at thatpoint Right, like I said, my
husband's in um education andthen I'm in the healthcare field
Right, so very fortunate forthat.
(31:19):
But I started reading his bookand I'll have oh my God, what is
this?
book Um do I even have it withme, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give it
to you so you can link it, okay, but it was a book that he had.
It's like one of his firstbooks.
He had a few different booksand he basically explained how
he went into debt, how he, youknow, was able to pay it off.
And one of the things that hesaid is like the first thing you
(31:40):
need to do is have a thousanddollars at least saved, right
like that's for emergencies andthings like that.
Now, now, if your family sizeis like mine five people in your
home a thousand dollars isgoing to go like that, right
Between food and you know allthe things.
So you have you start that upand then you take your.
I did the snowball method, whereI took the smallest balance
first and paid that off.
(32:01):
So, while I was still makinglike minimum payments on
whatever cards and things likethat, I would take that first
card.
Let's say it's $500.
I'm going to pay that off.
Okay, cool.
Well, that minimum payment mayhave been a hundred bucks, so
I'm able to roll that now intoadditional payments and I'm kind
of saving money that way.
It gives you momentum, it makesyou feel like you accomplish
things.
Hey, I got two credit cardspaid off in three months,
(32:23):
whatever it is they also have.
He also explains another way,as far as like the interest way,
of looking at all your balancesand seeing which has the most
interest and you pay that offfirst.
That's for the numbers.
People that are saying, hey, Icould take the you know the easy
way out and get the small winof paying the smaller balance
off first, but financially, if Ido that, I'm going to be paying
(32:44):
more interest overall.
Right, and I want it kind oflike the instant gratification
type of thing.
So we literally were able topay off about 30,000 in credit
card debt in about 18 months.
Right, between COVID stimuluschecks, right, like literally
getting our budget down to barebones.
Right, where can we save?
Do we need all of thesedifferent you know streaming
(33:06):
channels?
Right, like where can we save?
And things like that.
The thing of it was is that Iin that book the reason why I
said I have a love hate.
It gives you the tools of whatyou need to do and get you
started, but it does not giveyou the tools of, like, how do I
stay out of debt?
I know how to pay it off.
But how do I stay?
Stay out of debt?
And then really understandingwhat your triggers are of how do
(33:27):
I spend?
Am I an emotional spender Right, like what value am I spending
my money on Right?
Or is it things and experienceslike things like that?
So it was.
It helps me get out of debt,for sure, but it did not help me
stay out of debt.
So that's why I say I have alove, love, hate relationship
with it but it was a great bookand helped and it, you know, did
(33:48):
all the things you know for meand things like that.
So I was very grateful for that.
But I had to kind of learn whatwere my triggers with spending
and what I spent my money on.
Demetrius (33:59):
So yeah, so yeah, once we have that, we'll, we'll
link up and we'll put that inthe link in the description too,
because I think that's veryhelpful.
That's awesome.
Um, you also mentioned, youknow, daycare, daycare, another
love hate relationship.
I need somebody to take care ofmy kids, but where am I coming
up with this money to take careof them?
Um, this actually came umanother news article, since you
(34:20):
brought that up, um cbc news outof canada, excuse me, which
kind of talked about that alittle bit as far as not really
daycare, but really the breakupof what traditional, like child
care was, because before it waslike you know what?
I gotta go, hey mom, hey dad,you might watch my kid, you know
the kids for me while I go.
(34:41):
Oh yeah, I got you no problem,you just would it go.
I'm saying like I lived thatlife.
I didn't, but I'm just I'massuming that's how that was.
Lay-Cee (34:49):
It was my grandma was like that.
Demetrius (34:50):
Yeah, she definitely said okay, see someone making it
up.
Um, so, according to cbc theywere talking about.
So they say, experts say thatthe concept of the traditional
village that supports parents,where extended families,
communities, neighbors,neighborhoods all lend a hand,
so that village to raise a child, kind of concept.
(35:11):
They say that it's outdated now.
Part of it is the nature ofWestern families living in
individual households.
People living further away fromtheir relatives change
expectations of grandparentsbecause, you know, grandparents
now they're not retired likethey were now, they're still
working.
So it's like, how do you battlethat concept?
We talked about money.
(35:31):
We talked about finances.
We talked about, okay, cool,now I want to get the money, but
now how am I going to get thismoney if I'm using that money
now to pay for daycare?
Now I'm still in the same kindof boat.
Yeah, separately that, who can Iget to kind of watch my kids?
Who should I listen to, even toas far as knowledge, to get
that?
Because another thing he talkedabout was like, oh, you know,
we aren't really listening toparents or our parents anymore.
(35:53):
Now we're listening to podcasts.
Maybe you're listening to thispodcast now, um, and getting
information.
So how does that all work foryou?
I know I said a lot there, but,uh, maybe we focus on, like,
the outdatedness of child care,like, um, how, how, how do you,
how did you guys handle thatwith um, or even when your kids
were younger?
Lay-Cee (36:14):
Yeah, so, um, I've been fortunate and blessed enough to
when I've had all my kids, evenmy son now they started at
in-home daycares.
My son now they started atin-home daycares.
So I moved right from the NorthTexas area to South Texas, which
is about four hours, andbecause Texas is huge, like
(36:35):
they're not lying about that,and so I moved down here to my
husband's area.
So he, when who watched mychildren when they were younger,
like my older children, andeven now it's a, it's a
different lady.
They were friends of the family, right Of, like hey, she used
to babysit me back then, orwhatever the case may have been
(36:57):
Right.
So I was very fortunate enoughto have that opportunity to have
an in-home daycare.
So that's a low teacher to kidratio.
They only kept about like fivekids at a time and then the cost
was really low.
Even right now, like I havedaycare for my son, I pay 160 a
week Unheard of Right Now.
Mind you, my son is not fullypotty trained, ok, so he he can
(37:19):
tell you like, yeah, I need togo, but like he still is going
to have some accidents, thatprice range is going to go up.
You're talking about like twoto $300 a week for that, for one
kid, right, when I'm paying 160.
So I'm very fortunate for thatUm, and, like I said, I got to
do the same thing with my kids,um as well.
So that, I feel like, is ablessing within itself.
(37:41):
Um, small ratio, don't have toworry about, like.
I literally never worry abouthim being over there.
I work and I go on about mybusiness and I don't have to
worry about, like, do they havecomplaints?
So on and so forth.
But one of the points that youmade about, like the village,
right, and just theirtraditional grandparent, my
grandma I remember being with mygrandma all the time.
My grandma, like I remember shestill worked.
(38:02):
At one point I remember, likeon Saturday she would go to the
office and she would bring mewith her.
I'd be sitting under her deskand playing on typewriters and
all the things.
Right Would be with my grandmaevery weekend, right, and we
just have that close-knitrelationship.
Right, my kids, they have thatrelationship with my husband's
mother because she's herelocally, right, so they spend
(38:23):
time with her, spend the night,things like that.
But my parents, they stay fourhours away.
Right, so they spend time withher, spend the night, things
like that, but my parents, theystay four hours away, right, so
they don't have that type ofrelationship Right, like maybe a
once a year, twice a year, typeof thing, right?
In addition to that youmentioned, like I said, you
mentioned the village.
It's not the same.
Like I feel like we're at adifferent age and I don't want
(38:44):
to blame it on COVID, but I dofeel like COVID opened up the
door to see, number one, hownasty people are and how you
don't trust people.
You know what I mean.
Like my daughter has friendsand like she's been to their
parties, but like I've beenthere at the party, right, like
it's a party at a public place.
Like I'm not letting her spendthe night at someone's house,
(39:06):
right.
So that kind of takes away thatvillage, because I used to go
spend the night at my friend'shouses.
But the way that you meet otherparents, it's not the same
anymore.
You can't trust everyone withyour child, right.
So I think the way that peopleare now and I feel I feel like
there are people back then I'mnot going to say, like you know,
because every generation has,like their evils and things like
(39:27):
that but it's so different theway that people collaborated
back in the day, right, you hadyour aunties that were your
mom's best friends, that youcould go to their houses or
whatever like that Things aredifferent now, right, it's not
really like that.
You kind of have your ownindividual family and I don't
think that has anything to dowith you know, know, staying
outside of different homes,because I think that we were
doing that years ago, but it'sjust the the climate is
(39:50):
different.
You know of who you can trustand who you want around your kid
, and you know what they'rebeing subjected to for sure
right?
Demetrius (39:58):
no, definitely.
Uh, it's a, it's a differentlife.
It's, um, yeah, I think so.
My son, his grandmother tookcare of him in a big early
beginning, and then it shiftedbetween that and his mom, which
is great, and then it's shiftedagain to more of just me, and
and then the weird thinghappened was okay, it was me,
(40:19):
and then it was like me and himgets the world kind of thing,
kind of like I know I can, onlyI Don't need help.
That's another problem.
Maybe again for another podcast.
It it's just like asking forhelp, especially any single
parents out there, it's likethat breaking that mentality of
like hey, I need help, like it'sokay to ask for help.
Yeah, you don't have to do itsolo, you know.
So that's another hard thing.
But again, maybe something willbring up another time,
(40:41):
hopefully, potentially so.
Uh, one other question here um,I have separate from this.
I'm kind of trying to segue toit, but I don't have a good
segue.
But Sabrina Carpenter in thenews a little bit.
Have you heard of SabrinaCarpenter?
Isn't she a singer?
She's a singer, right, I'm likeis she on?
TV.
What does she do?
(41:02):
Yeah, I've heard of her beforelike tell me, tell about.
I'm like damn, it's showing,it's showing.
But um she's local to 7pa, soshe's a local from here.
So that's the only reason Iknow about it.
But now she's kind of becomingmainstream, okay, and the thing
they're talking about now andI'm like this isn't really new
(41:22):
in general with music, but likeshe's pretty provocative with
her music and she's okay at hershows and talking about you know
, sensual things and all thatand it's like, oh, they're
blaming her, why.
Why are you allowing kids tocome to your shows?
And you're talking about this.
That kind of verbiage is goingon right.
I'm thinking to myself likethat's not.
I mean, insert nikki minaj, uh,insert you know other artists
(41:46):
and stuff like that and.
I'm like it brings up theconversation to me of, like, all
right, is it the artist's faultor, okay, now I'm, this is the
type of music I have and theseare the type of kids that listen
to my music.
Or is it really the parentsfault?
Like, listen like it's.
You're allowing them to listen,yeah, you're allowing them to
go to the concerts.
It's not right.
She's grown like.
(42:07):
She can do whatever she's gonnado.
She's like 25, I think she is.
So it's like so how?
What do you feel about that?
Is it the artist, is it theparents or the kids?
Like who?
Not that there's fault, but Iguess there is some fault.
What do you think about this?
Lay-Cee (42:21):
the parents and let me tell you why, quick story when I
was younger I'm really tellingmy age too.
I love the spice girls.
Right, spice girls was hot.
I had like all the barbies andthings.
I didn't get to go to theirconcerts but I had like the vhs
tape, the movie that they made.
Yeah, there was a song thatthey had and please link this,
okay, because I like literallylike it took me years to
(42:42):
understand what they were sayingbecause I knew the words but I
wasn't understanding the context.
The song is called to becomeone, okay, okay.
Demetrius (42:50):
And some of the number two like to become one
like two people become one.
Okay, gotcha.
Lay-Cee (42:56):
The the words I remember.
The chorus was I need some love, like I never needed love
before.
And then they said want to makelove to you.
Okay, mind you, I was in thefourth grade.
I'm singing this with my wholechest.
My mom comes in.
That's when we still had CDs.
Mom comes in and was like whatis this?
(43:17):
Absolutely not Right, becauseI'm blasting the music.
She took the CD for years.
We moved.
When I was a senior in highschool she gave me all the CDs,
the CD back, that, along withlike little Kim ladies night,
right, whatever Get older, havekids go back and listen to the
song, right, cause everything isnostalgic these days and I was
(43:38):
like, wait a minute, why was Ilistening to this in the fourth
grade?
But I think everything that waslike.
I think now I like some of themusic that my children listen to
, right, but I do listen toolder music, right, like stuff I
came up on, like older stuff,like back when my parents came
on.
So I do believe it's theparent's responsibility to stay
(44:01):
in tune of what your childrenare listening to.
An artist is not going to stopproducing music based on an age
group, because if that age groupthat may not be able to listen
to them.
Guess what?
They have another age groupthat they can market to and they
can go ahead and make theirmusic, sell their you know, sell
their music, sell concerts out,so on and so forth.
So I do believe it's theparent's responsibility to be in
(44:23):
tune with what your childrenare doing right Like and
listening to and bonding overthat.
Some of the music I like, rightLike, but then some of it like
I like Cardi B and I love thesong WAP, but I'm not listening
to that with my kids right,that's something I'm gonna
listen to on my own, and I'm notlistening to that because
there's no way around that.
I don't want to subject them tothat right.
So so I think questions and likelisten, this is not, I mean,
(44:45):
they're already going to askquestions anyway, right, like,
like I know for a fact, mychildren have listened to that
song.
Right, I'm just waiting forthem to ask me what.
What means?
I'm not going to bring it up toyou, but if you come and ask me
, like you know, that's anotherconversation.
But willingly putting them inthat, as me, as a parent,
absolutely not.
It's the children, it's theparents responsibility to make
(45:09):
sure that, hey, what you'relistening to is appropriate for
your age group, for sure.
Demetrius (45:11):
And you can't show them from the world too.
So it's like, yeah, it's almostlike cursing with my son.
So he, uh, well, he's now gonnabe 18, so it's whatever, I'm
gonna tell you that oh, oh yeahit's funny enough.
So two things.
One, it's like I know whatyou're doing, but I dare you to
do it around me, that type ofthing, and it means different
now, but like like don't, don'tdo it around me.
(45:33):
And if you get caught doing itaround teachers or everything,
then that's it like you're done,like that's it.
I don't have it, you don't have.
I'll take computer out of yourroom, whatever that is, you know
it's not tv anymore.
Now it's the monitor right.
And then the other thing wasit's like yeah, I think I lost
my train of thought, I don'tremember, but anyway, so.
So yeah, it's like, it's not,it's just I don't know.
(45:55):
I think a lot of it falls backon the parents.
Lay-Cee (45:57):
It does Right and you can't like you mentioned, you
can't shield your kids fromeverything.
So, like, do I know everythingthat my kids are listening to?
No, I do facilitate andcultivate a space for them.
So when they're in the car, hey, what are we listening to?
Let's look on iTunes and kindof listen to what, because I
want to know what they'relistening to.
Demetrius (46:15):
I may like it, I may not.
Lay-Cee (46:16):
Right and be proactive, to see what they're saying and
what are these artists thatthey're listening to.
So I know and I think that'sthe part about being a parent
you have to build thatrelationship and meet your kids
on their level.
Demetrius (46:27):
Right.
Lay-Cee (46:28):
So you can relate to them.
They're not always going tocome to you and relate to you.
You have to kind of go back andyou know, hey, like I want to
relate to my kid, I want to knowwhat they're listening to Right
, and find that out and kind ofkeep that constant communication
with them for sure.
Demetrius (46:41):
Definitely.
Well, I want to thank you forjoining in.
Yes, being a part of thisconversation is part two.
Again, I'll remind everybodythat we did have a part one
already.
And if you listen to thisentire episode and haven't
listened to part one, what areyou doing?
The link is in the descriptionof this episode.
But, lacey, where can peoplefind you?
Lay-Cee (47:03):
Yeah, so I do have Instagram.
It's at the dotted line podcast, right?
That's the best way to reach meand then having the link to my
actual podcast to be able tolisten to it.
I am on Apple Spotify andthings like that.
But, yeah, definitely Instagramis the best way to reach me.
Demetrius (47:19):
Awesome, awesome, all right, well, I want to thank
everybody for listening in.
My name is Demetrius and you'vebeen listening to the Hangry
Parrot podcast, and take it easy, we'll see you next time.
All right.
So welcome to the Hangry ParentPodcast, where you can find the
latest parenting news, insightsand other things that you need
when you're hungry for answersto make informed decisions for
your family.
I'm your host, Demetrius, andI'm joined today by a special
guest.
Her name is Lacey.
She's from the Dotline Podcast.
Now this is a continuation thisis a part two, if you will from
(00:25):
her episode.
We first kind of met up andtalked and discussed, so that'll
be in the link in descriptionin this episode.
Make sure you watch that first,Then you can mosey back on over
here and continue with part two.
But how's it going, Lacey?
Lay-Cee (00:42):
Yeah, that's going good .
Thank you so much for having me.
I'm excited.
Demetrius (00:44):
Yeah, definitely.
So you tell us a little bitabout what your podcast is
usually about.
Lay-Cee (00:50):
for any new listeners or people listening to you for
the first time, yeah, so it'sthe dotted line podcast and so I
have real transparent, honestcommunications and episodes more
on the heavier things of likeharder conversations to have.
But I'm branching out obviously, um, even with this collab
right and doing something alittle bit different than what
(01:12):
I'm used to, and I'm excitedabout that of branching out.
So definitely take a listenawesome, awesome, no, definitely
.
Demetrius (01:18):
Um.
So again, that'll be in thelink in the description of this
episode, so make sure you clickon that.
Watch that first.
Come on back.
So a couple of things we'll betalking about.
We'll be talking aboutco-parenting dynamics, sharing
parenting responsibilitiesreally important Coping with
parenting challenges, becauseyou know, as a parent, there's
so many things that go on Goalsetting, future planning, things
(01:40):
I'm terrible at, so we'll talkabout that.
Also, life lessons fromparenting and some news things I
saw that were like ah, caughtmy eye, so we'll probably
discuss those a little bit aswell.
But so first then talking aboutco-parenting dynamics and
really specifically discussingroles and responsibilities in
co-parenting.
(02:00):
So, if we some of the stuff maydivvy into what we talked about
in your episode, lacy, but, um,when we're talking about
responsibilities and likeco-parenting, maybe saying hey,
you know what dad, maybe dad canfocus on, maybe do it just
breaking stereotypes here, maybedad can focus on the cooking
you know is, is that cooking?
(02:21):
Uh, you know lately, maybe mom,maybe mom is helping kids with
the homework, but not talkingabout that and just kind of
going off on your day just like,hey, we'll figure it out, I
mean that kind of feel likehurts a little bit, without
figuring out what those rolesare.
What are your dayresponsibilities with you and
(02:42):
your husband, and how do youguys figure that out?
Lay-Cee (02:45):
Yeah, so I'm definitely not the typical because I do
not like cooking at all.
I will wash the dishes and makesure everything is clean, but I
do not like cooking at all.
I will do it in emergencies,like if my husband is, like, you
know, having some late meetingsand things like that because he
works in education.
He just finished his master'sprogram, so like if he had stuff
(03:07):
to do with that, then I would,you know, step in, cook, if not
order something.
He's the predominant cook.
He loves to cook, his familycooks, everyone in his family
can cook and it's like awesome.
So I just support that.
So that's kind of like hisresponsibility.
My responsibility is we kind ofdivide and conquer when it comes
(03:27):
to taking them to school.
So my older ones that are nineand 10, he takes those kids to
school.
They're in middle school andthen I take my youngest, who's
three, to daycare.
I come back and work, I workfrom home and then I pick up in
the evening.
So I'm kind of doing, you know,dance practice right, making
sure everyone has everything fordance practice.
My son's in soccer, so then hehas soccer on certain days and
(03:50):
so I have to go pick him up andthen go drop him off with my
husband so he can take him tosoccer.
So we divide and conquer thatway.
As far as like just householdresponsibilities and stuff like
that, we work on that together.
I may do laundry in the heapholds, or I really like have a
jam with cleaning the kitchen.
Demetrius (04:07):
You say have a jam with it.
Lay-Cee (04:08):
Yes, have a whole jam session.
Like I have my headset on andI'm like ready to go, don't
nobody bother me, like let meclean up everything you know
baseboards and all the thingsRight, and so I'll clean that
kind of stuff up.
And then he definitely helpswith like just you know, the
week to week stuff.
But I'm more of kind of likethe deep cleaner.
So we definitely work togetherwhen it comes to just our
household responsibilities,everything with the kids.
(04:29):
I'm super grateful for that,just because I know that's not
everyone's dynamic and thingslike that.
But we are definitely strive to, you know, divide and conquer
and kind of get everythingtogether as we can.
And some days it may not lookthe same.
Some days, you know, he may belike hey, I have this to do and
I take on a little bit more, andvice versa.
But having that flexibility andgrace is like absolute best.
It's key.
Demetrius (04:50):
Like that flexibility and grace, super important,
especially when you get intolike decision making, because
you may have those roles,responsibilities, but you know,
some things may fall out of line.
You know life happens.
So can you talk a little bitmore about, uh, decision making?
So, uh, if a decision has to bemade I'm trying to think of an
(05:15):
example, maybe, um, like, forexample, my son this hasn't
happened in a while.
He's a good student.
He comes back, let's say, hegets, you know, an f in math or
something and uh, okay, how areokay?
How are we going to handle it?
Or am I going off the rails?
Am I talking with him?
Am I talking with mom first?
You know, how does that work.
What do you guys usually dowhen it comes to like decisions
of that sort, and how do youcome to a resolution?
Lay-Cee (05:37):
Yeah.
So one of the things I'm reallygrateful for my husband is in
education.
He works in education, he's abehavior coach, so he's very
patient with kids and things notgoing the way that we expect as
a parent, right, like we sendthem to school and think that
they're just supposed to belearning, coming back with the
grades, right, minimal effortthat you have to put in.
So when my kids have had maybebad grades or let's just say,
(05:58):
bad behavior in school or justsomething that's like not you
know what you want to hear as aparent school or just something
that's like not you know whatyou want to hear as a parent he
has been very helpful withsaying, okay, I'm going to take
the lead.
This is kind of my area and Isupport.
There have been some times that, like I think it kind of goes
into that generational, the wayyou were raised, right, because
if I would have got a bad grade,like I would have gotten in
(06:20):
trouble, right, something'sgetting, you know, getting taken
away until that grade comes up,type of thing.
So when I've kind of had thatand that's like my go-to,
there's times for that.
If it's something that's likerepetitive, and I know that you
can you know, do better, andthings like that.
So we kind of assess that, okay, is this something?
That is a pattern?
Is there something wrong?
Is something going on with theteacher?
Is something going on with theyou know the actual kid, things
(06:41):
like that.
So we'll kind of talk throughthat and problem solve that way.
As far as how we should handlethat, again, I'm always about
the way that I grew up and likeif you didn't have good grades,
like you know, you're grounded,right.
But in certain situations, inmost situations right,
especially with the kids thesedays, it's not always that cut
and dry to where it's like, okay, you didn't make the grade that
(07:02):
I'm expecting.
So like now I'm going to takethis away, right, it's more so.
Conversations, what?
Let's get to the root of theissue.
Why are you making the badgrade?
Do we need tutoring?
Do we need to have a conferencewith the you know the teacher
and things like that.
And it's super helpful.
I think if I did not have ahusband that was in education,
that's where we would have theissue, because I would literally
just go based off of what Igrew up with and, hey, you're
(07:24):
grounded.
And that doesn't necessarilyfix the issue right.
That doesn't say, hey, like,what is the problem?
Why are you making the badgrade?
Do we need tutoring?
What do we need, like, how canI support and really stepping
into that role of saying, hey, Ido have some responsibility in
your education, not to just sendyou to school.
So I'm very grateful for that,because he kind of, you know,
takes his his work hat off rightand put parent hat on to be
(07:47):
able to help me to understandthat perspective.
So that's.
I think that's only happenedmaybe a few times where I'm like
, hey, you're grounded and thatmay have lasted a week or two
until you start figuring out,okay, wait, it's maybe not the
grade, or maybe it's not, youknow, the student, maybe
something else, or whatever likethat.
So that's been really reallyhelpful.
So kind of again dividing andconquer, but more so he kind of
takes the lead in that becausethat's his area of expertise oh,
(08:09):
it's perfect?
Demetrius (08:10):
no, definitely.
I remember having bad gradeswhen I was younger.
My parents would literally takethe entire tv out of the room.
Yes, what's going on like?
Is this like?
Lay-Cee (08:20):
so the box tv right, yeah, right the box tv it's
getting taken out, or becausethat's back when we had cable
right, so like have to have that.
Or I'm gonna take the dvdplayer or the vc vcr player out
or like a phone out.
I remember one time I had likethe hinges on my door taken off,
like stuff like that, like ininsane right, which now it's
like I'm not gonna make thingsharder on myself.
Demetrius (08:43):
Yeah, it's like if you're punished, then I'm
punished, but how can wecompromise on on this punishment
because like can't you just getgood grades like, come on, I
don't want you yeah, it'sterrible.
It's terrible, it's funny andthe worst part is you just come
home to it so that you don't seethe teeth.
You just go home in your roomand it's like oh it's gone.
Lay-Cee (09:01):
Yeah, I already know it gone.
And I think too, like in thisgeneration, like back then we
kind of hide our grades.
Right, you actually got a paperand like you know your parents
like either they got it or theydidn't get it, but then like
something had to get signed andthen maybe they got an email or
a call home, depending you knowwhatever.
But like now it's on, we have asystem called Skyward right, so
(09:21):
like they literally say a systemcalled Skyward right.
So like they literally say, hey, it's available there, so I
will see the grades before mykids see the grades Right.
So that kind of helps too towhere I can see it before I see
them and then say, okay, how dowe process this?
And then, looking at what theprogress report was to the
actual report card, okay, wasthere a decrease, increase Like
what do we need to do?
Are there certain things youneed to work on?
Demetrius (09:42):
that type of thing what do we need to do?
Are there certain things weneed to work on?
That type of thing?
Right so, definitely so.
So, going from that challengeto other challenges, like other
common issues, like getting tosleep or sleep tantrums, other
struggles, sibling right Causeyou have, you know, more than
one kid, right so siblingrivalries, or battles you know
(10:02):
with each other, like how do youcope with those?
Lay-Cee (10:05):
like specific parenting challenges, that is a good
question, because I'm a single.
Demetrius (10:10):
I'm my only child and also my son's only child too.
So I'm like I always hear aboutthose battles of oh wow, that's
, that's crazy.
Lay-Cee (10:16):
I can't relate and I'm an only child Right and I have
step siblings, but they werelike six, seven years older than
me, so we never like all livedin the same house.
So like I still was like theonly child, right.
And, honestly, when my kids,it's not necessarily like they
don't.
I have a son and a daughter,right?
So my daughter's the oldest andthen my son is 17 months behind
(10:37):
her.
They're 10 and nine Right, mydaughter will be 11 this year.
So Like they don't have likethe rivalry of like I think two
sisters would have or twobrothers would have, because
they're really kind of notcompeting against each other
because they're differentgenders, right.
But the bickering is insane.
(10:58):
Just like my son's birthday wasyesterday.
My youngest son is three'sthree.
We went to Target and like we'regetting him stuff right, like
what you know, taking him downthe toy aisle and then like okay
, hey, like there I love graphictea.
So like let's go look over here, whatever.
And all of a sudden, like theystart arguing about like this.
I don't even remember what theywere arguing about, but I
literally walked away.
I was like let me go look atthe shoes and like get away,
(11:21):
because all of this bickeringand we're in the middle of a
store, like chill out.
So one of them came to me.
It's like hey, mom.
And then the other one comesback and I'm like so y'all came
over here to argue again in mypresence.
When I walked away from y'alland I think that was kind of
when the light went off Causethey were like wait, like I
didn't realize.
So we ended up having to talklater and I was like that was
kind of embarrassing.
(11:42):
Right, we're in public, y'allare arguing, y'all are old
enough to know better.
Right, your three-year-oldbrother is sitting in the car
just living his life and nothaving an issue.
And they're like my daughterwas like I didn't realize I was
coming off like that and thatwas kind of like that, like
light bolt, right, a simplecommunication of like hey, that
was embarrassing, that's why Iwalked off.
(12:03):
And it like okay, I got it,cause I was like hey, like what
if I'm at the store and I'marguing with your dad, right,
aren't you going to beembarrassed?
And they were like, yeah, so Ithink that part of parenting, of
where we're, I'm taking theapproach of my husband's, taking
the approach of more liketalking through issues and not
at being like you're bad or youcan't say that or we can't have
(12:25):
a conversation, going back andforth, I think, really really
changes their trajectory of howthey process things and how they
act Right and think in themoment and be able to make their
own decisions.
So that's just one instance,right, this just happened
yesterday.
But most of the time when itcomes to like the bickering and
everything like that, they arevery like.
With me they'll kind of be late, laid back and not think it's a
(12:46):
big deal, but with our dad theykind of don't do that because
he's like, you know, the, theone that's like he has the dad
voice Right and he's like soon.
They say something they're likeright Like it's like kind of
like everyone's like zipped, soit depends where we're at.
We happen to all be at thestore together and we were kind
of able to capture that momentthere.
But like, if they're with me,like in afternoons, when I'm
(13:07):
picking them up and they'rebickering, I'm like why are
y'all doing that?
And they'll keep going.
We're in the car and I'm like,ok, I'm turning up the music
Right.
When they're with their dad,it's like completely different
thing because they have and it'snot like dads have that like
just authoritative voice.
Like you know, they're notplaying right and it can still
be with love, right.
(13:28):
So it's not like I fear you and, oh my gosh, I'm gonna get beat
.
It's more so like okay, dad'snot playing, mom's a little bit
more like laid back right, okay,let's talk through it, that
type of thing that's not a badthing either too, because people
it's not like oh well, you knowdad need to be less well.
Demetrius (13:42):
This is why, in my opinion, uh, that it's good to
have both parents, because youwant both you don't have being a
single parent.
You know and you can't help.
You know that if that's whathappens, yes having to play both
roles, like that's not the youmight have to, but that's not
the goal.
The goal shouldn't have to bethat way.
Now, if you have to, you haveto, but that's why it's.
(14:04):
But it's good, when you can, tohave both roles in there to to
kind of mitigate and balancethat out Right.
Lay-Cee (14:11):
So yeah, it is, and I mean coming from you know, like
I grew up in a single parenthousehold right until my mom got
remarried.
My husband grew up with both ofhis parents and his parents got
divorced.
We are really treading in anarea that we really knew nothing
about or remember seeing Right.
So that's one of the goodthings about having both of us
there, because we're able totalk through our traumas and say
(14:35):
like, hey, like you know, thatdidn't work when we were growing
up, so like what can work right, and kind of trial and error
with that type of stuff.
So it's really beneficial and Idon't take it for granted that
it's both of us here for both ofour kids.
Right, having two sons and adaughter.
Right, they need both parents.
Right, I can't teach my sonshow to be men, right, like.
I can't do that I'm not a man,and vice versa with my daughter.
(14:57):
My husband cannot teach her howto be a woman, because Right,
exactly.
Demetrius (15:03):
And again, if you're listening and you're a single
parent, it's not because I canhear it now.
I can hear it now.
Well, I'm a single mom or I'm asingle father.
I am a father's day is also forme and I'm a mom and a mother's
day is for me.
Yes, I get it, but you know, ifthere's a point where you can
and you're not, in that point,you know.
You know we get it.
(15:24):
Like having both, uh, parentsis important, but you're not
short-changing all the singleparents out there too, because,
um, I was once also a singleparent, uh, as well, and it's
hard to try to beat me as a man.
You hear the voice talk aboutauthoritative.
How am I gonna sound, you know?
Oh, okay, okay, you know, let's, it's gonna be all right.
I was like he doesn't believeme, like it's to be all right,
(15:45):
and I was like he doesn't evenbelieve me, like it's going to
be all right.
Why are you, why are you sayingit like that?
I'm just talking.
What do?
you mean I'm automatically justsounding authoritative and um,
you know it's, it's, it's hard,it's hard.
Um so, again, kudos to thosesummer parents out there trying
to a lot, um, so then, oh, so Ihave a question.
So, because you're thoseresponses you gave as far as
(16:13):
like oh, you know what, I'mgonna walk away like, that is
amazing, not just the responsethat you gave, but also the
response of your kids, like oh,oh, something is going on.
Maybe I shouldn't do that yeahis there other times where it's
like they don't listen, orbecause I just feel like, okay,
yeah, they, they had thatepiphany.
But I feel like certain kidswon't have that epiphany, like,
yeah, it's fine, but I'm justgonna, and then back in a day
(16:36):
it's kind of like all right,cool, let me grip you up then or
let me wear the belt, becauseyou're not understand what I'm
saying.
So I'm like the fact thatthey're going off like oh, yeah,
we get it, we get it.
Lay-Cee (16:46):
mom, like oh, it's like wow, you got some good kids it
like that Majority of the timethey are bickering about the
(17:07):
stupidest thing who didn't dothe dishes?
Why do I have to do the dishes?
And this is everyone else'sstuff.
They share a bathroom.
The bathroom's dirty.
I didn't want to put my stuffin here because so-and-so's
dirty.
I mean, this is constant, and Ithink one of the biggest things
for me, like you mentionedbefore, being a only child is
something that no one willreally understand unless you've
been through that.
Right.
You kind of like your alonetime, right.
(17:29):
Sometimes you wish you had asibling.
That you know.
You see your friends that havethe siblings and things like
that, and you're like man, Iwish I had that bond with you
know someone, you know whatever,and so it's a really complex
like territory that you're in.
On top of that, then you'reraising multiple kids, right.
So, like, their upbringing iscompletely different than mine,
because I was literally like alatchkey kid, right, coming home
(17:51):
and able to, you know, popsomething in the oven, pop
something in the microwave tofix myself something to eat.
You know in the time that mymom was getting home, right, so
I was by myself a couple ofhours at their age.
There's no way in the world, Iwould leave them home at nine
and 10, at this point, right,they're very resourceful and
they can cook and things likethat, but like I'm not leaving
(18:11):
them at home, like I'm going tobe here, so there are.
It's a different thing of beinga single child and then you know
, or only child and then having,you know, multiple children,
right, because again, you can'trelate on that level.
The stuff that they're doing.
It's like well, I don't get it,but they argue all the time.
It's always bickering, it'salways like why are y'all
(18:33):
arguing?
And they'll listen for a littlebit and then kind of be quiet
and go back upstairs and then Ihear them arguing again.
Right, why are y'all getting oneach other, blah, blah, blah.
So there's definitely majorityof the time.
So there's definitely majorityof the time it's very back and
forth.
Hey, okay, well, you know, myhusband will take my son and
they may go to the store.
I'll take my daughter, like wedo dance practice and stuff like
that, and I'll try to splitthem up in that way, because I
(18:54):
noticed that having multiplekids especially because my
youngest is three, so it wasjust them two for so long that,
like now my youngest son, hewent from being the baby to the
middle child, right Now myyoungest son, he went from being
the baby to the middle child,right.
So like that's a differentthing.
So trying to take that time outindividually and kind of talk
through things helps, but theystill argue all the time there's
(19:15):
no getting around, that there'sno like why are y'all arguing?
Why don't y'all get along today?
Right, they're at the sameschool but different grades and
it's still like in the car.
And why did you say that?
This is every day.
So I'm learning to be okay andthrive in the chaos of all of
that, because it used to justreally be like y'all argue all
the time like how does this work?
And I really kind of just gotthat like aha moment for my
(19:37):
husband, right because he's theyoungest of three yeah, that's
normal that's normal.
I'm like what like?
And they're like kind of hisbrothers.
They're kind of the same agedifference between my kids, so
like it's like interesting tosee, with him being the youngest
and then he has an olderbrother it's like seven years
older than him, and here in thesame it's all the same, and they
were all boys, right.
(19:57):
So it was even worse becausethey're all boys and they're
doing all that.
So that really helped to havingthat insight from him, because
I was like I don't get it, likeI would love to have a sibling.
I don't think I would arguewith them type of thing, right,
but I'm I wasn't in thatsituation, but yes, they don't
listen all the time.
Demetrius (20:12):
In another life you're bickering with a sister
that you've never had yes, yesexactly exactly.
So we're talking about gradesbefore and, uh, I mean just
having kids in general.
But grades education.
You think of college thingslike that later on.
But you know money, you knowall that's money.
(20:33):
Take education out of it.
Money Gotta feed your kids,gotta, you know, maintain their
lifestyle.
Gotta keep the roof over yourhead right.
So a couple of things, becauseearlier we were talking about
you know I might go over somenews articles here.
So there's one that I foundfrom Yahoo Finance that just
came out recently.
They released some informationabout, like, the average cost
(20:57):
that is to raise a child.
I'm like I don't know if that's, if I was expecting more or
less.
I don't know, I want to getyour take on it.
So they say the cost of raisinga child has been steadily
increasing over the years.
According, uh, to a bank ratestudy, the average cost to raise
a child from birth to age 17 tothe us is estimated to be about
313 939, which breaks down toabout 18 000 a year.
(21:23):
Um, this does include expenseslike housing, food, child care,
education and health costs.
So my question is was that moreor less about on par Like?
What are your thoughts?
Lay-Cee (21:35):
I feel like it's on par , but it's crazy.
When you like total it out, ohmy gosh, Like I'm thinking in my
head.
I'm like I'm going to spendlike a million dollars on my
kids Right, Like all three ofthem right is insane.
But when you put it intohousing, right Like our mortgage
is fairly, fairly, cheap justbecause we bought our house in
2015.
So it's not these, you know,two, three $5,000 mortgages
(21:58):
Absolutely not.
But when I think about,especially like my daughter
being in dance, I'm paying like150 a month just for her to go
to class.
That doesn't include gas, thatdoesn't include snacks, that
doesn't include any type ofmaterials or, you know, clothes,
whatever.
And then on top of that you'retalking about recitals, right?
(22:19):
So we just figured out she's inthree dances this year and it's
like $400 just for her to be inthe recital and then also to
have her costumes, right.
Again, this doesn't include gas.
This doesn't include any of thethings.
Now, thankfully I'm prettyresourceful and I can do makeup
and I can do hair, so I don'thave to pay anybody for that,
right.
But that's just my daughter indance.
My son is in soccer.
(22:39):
His is a little bit cheaperbecause I think it's like 200 a
season, right, 200 a season,right.
So that season is maybe liketwo or three months, not bad, so
maybe $400 a year.
But then, literally I'm thinkingof like clothes, like insane,
like my, my youngest son, wejust bought clothes and shoes
and I think maybe I spent like Igot him three pairs of shoes
(22:59):
and like six outfits, and Ithink it was like 300 bucks,
which is pretty decent.
He's he's three, though, right,so he doesn't require to get his
approval on the certain shoes.
So I can buy him cute Jordansthat are on sale for like 40
bucks, right, as opposed to mydaughter wants Uggs that are 70
bucks.
Right.
(23:19):
My son's like, hey, I wantthese Jordans.
Right, and I mean all thethings.
Like it was cheaper.
I felt like when they wereyounger because I could go and
pick out their stuff and go tochildren's place, like I did my
youngest son and get everything.
And so now it's like, hey, no,I like this type of thing, I
want this type of thing.
So it gets more expensive asthey get older, right.
Then you're talking about cars.
(23:40):
You're talking about you know,um, gas, if you're helping,
right, like if, if my daughteris going to be in dance, and
like I don't know if we'llrequire her to get a job, like
will she even have time?
So like we're paying for her.
You know expenses and thingslike that, so that's right on
par.
It's crazy when you put it thatway of you know that in a
lifetime of their 17 years.
(24:00):
But that makes sense.
It's.
It's super expensive to havekids.
Demetrius (24:04):
It's super, super expensive yeah, and it just
makes you reflect on this ummeme I saw recently.
Uh, trying to remember what itwas okay, so there was a um
birth control, I think they werelike a box of condoms that were
there, and then they werepampers and they said the box
condoms are like what?
Four or five bucks and thediapers are like twenty dollars.
(24:26):
And it was like you decide, orsomething like that, and I'm
like that's just diapers.
Lay-Cee (24:29):
So that's twenty dollars for diapers.
I'm wondering what the quantityis because my son and I
remember like diapers, like abox of diapers, like a hundred
dot hundred diapers right in abox, whatever size, are
literally like 40 bucks exactly,so it's like it's.
Which one do you want to do?
What do you want to do?
You protect?
Demetrius (24:48):
yourself.
You know it's a whole otherdiscussion, but that's crazy.
So so going into the financesof that right because this goes
in discussion.
What I was talking aboutseparately from this even
article at all, but kind ofconnects here, um, is like
financial planning and separateeven from financial planning,
just even just getting yourselfout of the hole, because you
hear that and you hear peoplethat maybe don't have the money
(25:10):
and funding, and it's likethat's great, you know, yeah,
that is the amount of money thatI need to pay with this child
and I barely have it as it islike what do you go through as
far as financial planning?
What are your goals that youhave in mind of?
You and your husband have thesetalks of like OK, we need to
save X, y and Z.
Here's how we're going to do it.
Here's how we're going toinvest.
(25:31):
Here's how we're going to likehow are those conversations like
and what tools you have, ifanybody's listening to say like
hey, you know what, here's somethings, that kind of work for us
.
Lay-Cee (25:41):
So I want to first say, before you have kids, I don't
care what anybody says, you'renever going to be prepared
financially Right To take careof a kid.
Right, raise a kid.
I feel like the easiest partwas to actually like just make
sure the kid is alive, right,and saying up, you're very tired
, but that's the easy part.
Right Is just.
(26:01):
They're just alive, right,they're fed, they're good,
they're changed.
You know things like that,right.
They're fed, they're good,they're changed, you know things
like that.
But when it comes to planning,as we've had kids, right, my two
oldest ones are 17 months apart, like I mentioned.
So we've talked about cars.
Okay, how much do we want tospend on a car?
Well, like back in my day, likeI remember getting a cash car
(26:23):
for like 4,000 bucks.
Where is that happening rightnow?
Where are you getting a carthat's even going to be like
reasonable, like for it to lastfor a decent amount of time?
Right, so we did start puttingaway for that.
We just did a savings accountfor that.
Right, we put away so muchevery check.
Okay, cool, we're going tostart doing that.
So that you know, my daughterhas a car, things like that.
Right, cause, we want to pay itin cash.
(26:44):
I don't want to get a paymentfor her and Lord, Lord forbid
that she gets into a wreck orsomething like that and wrecks
the car.
Right, cause teams areresponsible, like that.
Um, when it comes to investing,we both invest within our jobs.
He works at a school district,I work, um, in the healthcare
field and things like that.
So we invest, like through our401ks and things like that,
(27:04):
through our jobs and stuff likethat.
The other part is that, thedebt portion.
So I feel like we've kind ofwent up and down.
Because you know spending, youhave to really figure out what
your spending is.
I personally am an emotionalspender.
So if I'm stressed out aboutsomething, I'm like, yes, let's
go to Amazon and like, get allthese boxes Right and get all
(27:25):
these packages, and we need this.
I saw it on Instagram.
And then, finally, when I'm notstressing anymore, I'm like why
do I have all this crap?
Now I need to declutter, right.
Like what am I going to do?
You know what I mean.
So we went up and down to wherewe've had debt.
We paid it off and did thewhole.
You know, went Gazette andPence and did all the things and
paid off the debt.
(27:45):
But you have to realize howyour spending works, because you
can roll back into that cyclereally easy.
Just as quick as you can getout, you can get right back in,
right.
So I would say, when it comes toplanning, you know, as you have
kids, however that pans outlike how many kids do you want
to have I would really focus onyour future and how you want
(28:06):
things to look, because thetemporary is right now.
Like I mentioned, having thechild, keeping the child alive,
is the most tiresome part ofbeing a parent, but it's the
easiest part, because you don'thave kids talking back, you
don't have behaviors, you don'thave grades, you don't have all
of that, right.
But it also you have daycare.
That's super expensive, right?
So that's the kind of you knowyou're always going to have
(28:28):
something.
That's like, man, I wish Icould save here, cause as soon
as you're able to save, it'ssomething else that comes up.
So I'd really say what are yourfinancial goals If you are not,
you know, a homeowner, causehomeownership is not for
everybody, right?
So do I want to be a homeownereventually?
Okay, what do I need to do tosave up for that?
Do I want my child to have acar or do I want my child to
work for a car?
(28:48):
Right?
Like you have to really look atwhat is going to work for your
child, right?
Because I got a car when I was16, but my husband did not.
So that was kind of a push andpull of like I want Candy to
have a car, and he's like why Ididn't get a car until I was 21.
And I'm like what?
Demetrius (29:05):
Yeah, I was going to say I didn't.
I was taking a bus still atthat time, like, yeah, and so
that's what and so you have tofigure out what you want for
your child.
Lay-Cee (29:14):
What's going to work, what is the benefit of giving a
child a car Right?
Like, yes, that's what theywant, but like, what is the
benefit?
Is that going to teach themresponsibility?
What are they going to have toexchange to get that?
Because you're not going tojust give your child a car right
?
So really figure out what youwant your children to have, what
kind of life you want them tohave.
On top of that, you want tothink of you first because, like
(29:35):
I mentioned that homeownerthing, if you want to be a
homeowner, that's one of themost expensive purchases you
make, probably in your lifetime,right?
So is that something I want?
Well, you want to make sure youhave that before you start
saying, hey, I want to give mykid a car Right.
The same thing with college, youknow.
Do I want my child to do?
I want to save money forcollege?
Or like, am I going to make mychild work for a scholarship?
(29:56):
Right, are they athletic or isthere anything they can get a
scholarship in?
So it's really figuring outwhat works best for you, your
budget, what, how you want yourkids to be raised.
How does that impact?
You know the way you wereraised or the things that you
want to take from that, andthere are things that you don't
like and implement that as well,cause I think it's a push and
pull with that.
There's some things that youknow I grew up with and I'm like
(30:18):
yep.
Demetrius (30:26):
I like that, some things I grew up with and I'm
like, no, I don't think I wantthat for my child, right?
No, no, I completely agree.
You mentioned Dave Ramsey.
You talk a little bit aboutthat.
Lay-Cee (30:30):
Was that a?
Demetrius (30:30):
method that he talks about, or can you talk about
that a little bit?
Lay-Cee (30:32):
Yeah.
So I have a love haterelationship with it because I
think when I originally got intodebt and really understood what
it was right, this was like thesecond time you know you have
your debt when you're youngerand you have bad credit, and I
learned how to, you know, repairmy credit, bought my house and
then got into the debt of allthe things that you buy, get in
the house, right.
You know furniture.
Um, you know everything, right,appliances, you know redoing
(30:57):
the home.
However, you know whatever yougo into debt for.
So when, covet, I was like hey,we got to get out of this debt.
This isn't it, right, like it'sit's.
Things are looking funny and wewere very fortunate enough to
have very secure jobs at thatpoint Right, like I said, my
husband's in um education andthen I'm in the healthcare field
Right, so very fortunate forthat.
(31:19):
But I started reading his bookand I'll have oh my God, what is
this?
book Um do I even have it withme, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give it
to you so you can link it, okay, but it was a book that he had.
It's like one of his firstbooks.
He had a few different booksand he basically explained how
he went into debt, how he, youknow, was able to pay it off.
And one of the things that hesaid is like the first thing you
(31:40):
need to do is have a thousanddollars at least saved, right
like that's for emergencies andthings like that.
Now, now, if your family sizeis like mine five people in your
home a thousand dollars isgoing to go like that, right
Between food and you know allthe things.
So you have you start that upand then you take your.
I did the snowball method, whereI took the smallest balance
first and paid that off.
(32:01):
So, while I was still makinglike minimum payments on
whatever cards and things likethat, I would take that first
card.
Let's say it's $500.
I'm going to pay that off.
Okay, cool.
Well, that minimum payment mayhave been a hundred bucks, so
I'm able to roll that now intoadditional payments and I'm kind
of saving money that way.
It gives you momentum, it makesyou feel like you accomplish
things.
Hey, I got two credit cardspaid off in three months,
(32:23):
whatever it is they also have.
He also explains another way,as far as like the interest way,
of looking at all your balancesand seeing which has the most
interest and you pay that offfirst.
That's for the numbers.
People that are saying, hey, Icould take the you know the easy
way out and get the small winof paying the smaller balance
off first, but financially, if Ido that, I'm going to be paying
(32:44):
more interest overall.
Right, and I want it kind oflike the instant gratification
type of thing.
So we literally were able topay off about 30,000 in credit
card debt in about 18 months.
Right, between COVID stimuluschecks, right, like literally
getting our budget down to barebones.
Right, where can we save?
Do we need all of thesedifferent you know streaming
(33:06):
channels?
Right, like where can we save?
And things like that.
The thing of it was is that Iin that book the reason why I
said I have a love hate.
It gives you the tools of whatyou need to do and get you
started, but it does not giveyou the tools of, like, how do I
stay out of debt?
I know how to pay it off.
But how do I stay?
Stay out of debt?
And then really understandingwhat your triggers are of how do
(33:27):
I spend?
Am I an emotional spender Right, like what value am I spending
my money on Right?
Or is it things and experienceslike things like that?
So it was.
It helps me get out of debt,for sure, but it did not help me
stay out of debt.
So that's why I say I have alove, love, hate relationship
with it but it was a great bookand helped and it, you know, did
(33:48):
all the things you know for meand things like that.
So I was very grateful for that.
But I had to kind of learn whatwere my triggers with spending
and what I spent my money on.
Demetrius (33:59):
So yeah, so yeah, once we have that, we'll, we'll
link up and we'll put that inthe link in the description too,
because I think that's veryhelpful.
That's awesome.
Um, you also mentioned, youknow, daycare, daycare, another
love hate relationship.
I need somebody to take care ofmy kids, but where am I coming
up with this money to take careof them?
Um, this actually came umanother news article, since you
(34:20):
brought that up, um cbc news outof canada, excuse me, which
kind of talked about that alittle bit as far as not really
daycare, but really the breakupof what traditional, like child
care was, because before it waslike you know what?
I gotta go, hey mom, hey dad,you might watch my kid, you know
the kids for me while I go.
(34:41):
Oh yeah, I got you no problem,you just would it go.
I'm saying like I lived thatlife.
I didn't, but I'm just I'massuming that's how that was.
Lay-Cee (34:49):
It was my grandma was like that.
Demetrius (34:50):
Yeah, she definitely said okay, see someone making it
up.
Um, so, according to cbc theywere talking about.
So they say, experts say thatthe concept of the traditional
village that supports parents,where extended families,
communities, neighbors,neighborhoods all lend a hand,
so that village to raise a child, kind of concept.
(35:11):
They say that it's outdated now.
Part of it is the nature ofWestern families living in
individual households.
People living further away fromtheir relatives change
expectations of grandparentsbecause, you know, grandparents
now they're not retired likethey were now, they're still
working.
So it's like, how do you battlethat concept?
We talked about money.
(35:31):
We talked about finances.
We talked about, okay, cool,now I want to get the money, but
now how am I going to get thismoney if I'm using that money
now to pay for daycare?
Now I'm still in the same kindof boat.
Yeah, separately that, who can Iget to kind of watch my kids?
Who should I listen to, even toas far as knowledge, to get
that?
Because another thing he talkedabout was like, oh, you know,
we aren't really listening toparents or our parents anymore.
(35:53):
Now we're listening to podcasts.
Maybe you're listening to thispodcast now, um, and getting
information.
So how does that all work foryou?
I know I said a lot there, but,uh, maybe we focus on, like,
the outdatedness of child care,like, um, how, how, how do you,
how did you guys handle thatwith um, or even when your kids
were younger?
Lay-Cee (36:14):
Yeah, so, um, I've been fortunate and blessed enough to
when I've had all my kids, evenmy son now they started at
in-home daycares.
My son now they started atin-home daycares.
So I moved right from the NorthTexas area to South Texas, which
is about four hours, andbecause Texas is huge, like
(36:35):
they're not lying about that,and so I moved down here to my
husband's area.
So he, when who watched mychildren when they were younger,
like my older children, andeven now it's a, it's a
different lady.
They were friends of the family, right Of, like hey, she used
to babysit me back then, orwhatever the case may have been
(36:57):
Right.
So I was very fortunate enoughto have that opportunity to have
an in-home daycare.
So that's a low teacher to kidratio.
They only kept about like fivekids at a time and then the cost
was really low.
Even right now, like I havedaycare for my son, I pay 160 a
week Unheard of Right Now.
Mind you, my son is not fullypotty trained, ok, so he he can
(37:19):
tell you like, yeah, I need togo, but like he still is going
to have some accidents, thatprice range is going to go up.
You're talking about like twoto $300 a week for that, for one
kid, right, when I'm paying 160.
So I'm very fortunate for thatUm, and, like I said, I got to
do the same thing with my kids,um as well.
So that, I feel like, is ablessing within itself.
(37:41):
Um, small ratio, don't have toworry about, like.
I literally never worry abouthim being over there.
I work and I go on about mybusiness and I don't have to
worry about, like, do they havecomplaints?
So on and so forth.
But one of the points that youmade about, like the village,
right, and just theirtraditional grandparent, my
grandma I remember being with mygrandma all the time.
My grandma, like I remember shestill worked.
(38:02):
At one point I remember, likeon Saturday she would go to the
office and she would bring mewith her.
I'd be sitting under her deskand playing on typewriters and
all the things.
Right Would be with my grandmaevery weekend, right, and we
just have that close-knitrelationship.
Right, my kids, they have thatrelationship with my husband's
mother because she's herelocally, right, so they spend
(38:23):
time with her, spend the night,things like that.
But my parents, they stay fourhours away.
Right, so they spend time withher, spend the night, things
like that, but my parents, theystay four hours away, right, so
they don't have that type ofrelationship Right, like maybe a
once a year, twice a year, typeof thing, right?
In addition to that youmentioned, like I said, you
mentioned the village.
It's not the same.
Like I feel like we're at adifferent age and I don't want
(38:44):
to blame it on COVID, but I dofeel like COVID opened up the
door to see, number one, hownasty people are and how you
don't trust people.
You know what I mean.
Like my daughter has friendsand like she's been to their
parties, but like I've beenthere at the party, right, like
it's a party at a public place.
Like I'm not letting her spendthe night at someone's house,
(39:06):
right.
So that kind of takes away thatvillage, because I used to go
spend the night at my friend'shouses.
But the way that you meet otherparents, it's not the same
anymore.
You can't trust everyone withyour child, right.
So I think the way that peopleare now and I feel I feel like
there are people back then I'mnot going to say, like you know,
because every generation has,like their evils and things like
(39:27):
that but it's so different theway that people collaborated
back in the day, right, you hadyour aunties that were your
mom's best friends, that youcould go to their houses or
whatever like that Things aredifferent now, right, it's not
really like that.
You kind of have your ownindividual family and I don't
think that has anything to dowith you know, know, staying
outside of different homes,because I think that we were
doing that years ago, but it'sjust the the climate is
(39:50):
different.
You know of who you can trustand who you want around your kid
, and you know what they'rebeing subjected to for sure
right?
Demetrius (39:58):
no, definitely.
Uh, it's a, it's a differentlife.
It's, um, yeah, I think so.
My son, his grandmother tookcare of him in a big early
beginning, and then it shiftedbetween that and his mom, which
is great, and then it's shiftedagain to more of just me, and
and then the weird thinghappened was okay, it was me,
(40:19):
and then it was like me and himgets the world kind of thing,
kind of like I know I can, onlyI Don't need help.
That's another problem.
Maybe again for another podcast.
It it's just like asking forhelp, especially any single
parents out there, it's likethat breaking that mentality of
like hey, I need help, like it'sokay to ask for help.
Yeah, you don't have to do itsolo, you know.
So that's another hard thing.
But again, maybe something willbring up another time,
(40:41):
hopefully, potentially so.
Uh, one other question here um,I have separate from this.
I'm kind of trying to segue toit, but I don't have a good
segue.
But Sabrina Carpenter in thenews a little bit.
Have you heard of SabrinaCarpenter?
Isn't she a singer?
She's a singer, right, I'm likeis she on?
TV.
What does she do?
(41:02):
Yeah, I've heard of her beforelike tell me, tell about.
I'm like damn, it's showing,it's showing.
But um she's local to 7pa, soshe's a local from here.
So that's the only reason Iknow about it.
But now she's kind of becomingmainstream, okay, and the thing
they're talking about now andI'm like this isn't really new
(41:22):
in general with music, but likeshe's pretty provocative with
her music and she's okay at hershows and talking about you know
, sensual things and all thatand it's like, oh, they're
blaming her, why.
Why are you allowing kids tocome to your shows?
And you're talking about this.
That kind of verbiage is goingon right.
I'm thinking to myself likethat's not.
I mean, insert nikki minaj, uh,insert you know other artists
(41:46):
and stuff like that and.
I'm like it brings up theconversation to me of, like, all
right, is it the artist's faultor, okay, now I'm, this is the
type of music I have and theseare the type of kids that listen
to my music.
Or is it really the parentsfault?
Like, listen like it's.
You're allowing them to listen,yeah, you're allowing them to
go to the concerts.
It's not right.
She's grown like.
(42:07):
She can do whatever she's gonnado.
She's like 25, I think she is.
So it's like so how?
What do you feel about that?
Is it the artist, is it theparents or the kids?
Like who?
Not that there's fault, but Iguess there is some fault.
What do you think about this?
Lay-Cee (42:21):
the parents and let me tell you why, quick story when I
was younger I'm really tellingmy age too.
I love the spice girls.
Right, spice girls was hot.
I had like all the barbies andthings.
I didn't get to go to theirconcerts but I had like the vhs
tape, the movie that they made.
Yeah, there was a song thatthey had and please link this,
okay, because I like literallylike it took me years to
(42:42):
understand what they were sayingbecause I knew the words but I
wasn't understanding the context.
The song is called to becomeone, okay, okay.
Demetrius (42:50):
And some of the number two like to become one
like two people become one.
Okay, gotcha.
Lay-Cee (42:56):
The the words I remember.
The chorus was I need some love, like I never needed love
before.
And then they said want to makelove to you.
Okay, mind you, I was in thefourth grade.
I'm singing this with my wholechest.
My mom comes in.
That's when we still had CDs.
Mom comes in and was like whatis this?
(43:17):
Absolutely not Right, becauseI'm blasting the music.
She took the CD for years.
We moved.
When I was a senior in highschool she gave me all the CDs,
the CD back, that, along withlike little Kim ladies night,
right, whatever Get older, havekids go back and listen to the
song, right, cause everything isnostalgic these days and I was
(43:38):
like, wait a minute, why was Ilistening to this in the fourth
grade?
But I think everything that waslike.
I think now I like some of themusic that my children listen to
, right, but I do listen toolder music, right, like stuff I
came up on, like older stuff,like back when my parents came
on.
So I do believe it's theparent's responsibility to stay
(44:01):
in tune of what your childrenare listening to.
An artist is not going to stopproducing music based on an age
group, because if that age groupthat may not be able to listen
to them.
Guess what?
They have another age groupthat they can market to and they
can go ahead and make theirmusic, sell their you know, sell
their music, sell concerts out,so on and so forth.
So I do believe it's theparent's responsibility to be in
(44:23):
tune with what your childrenare doing right Like and
listening to and bonding overthat.
Some of the music I like, rightLike, but then some of it like
I like Cardi B and I love thesong WAP, but I'm not listening
to that with my kids right,that's something I'm gonna
listen to on my own, and I'm notlistening to that because
there's no way around that.
I don't want to subject them tothat right.
So so I think questions and likelisten, this is not, I mean,
(44:45):
they're already going to askquestions anyway, right, like,
like I know for a fact, mychildren have listened to that
song.
Right, I'm just waiting forthem to ask me what.
What means?
I'm not going to bring it up toyou, but if you come and ask me
, like you know, that's anotherconversation.
But willingly putting them inthat, as me, as a parent,
absolutely not.
It's the children, it's theparents responsibility to make
(45:09):
sure that, hey, what you'relistening to is appropriate for
your age group, for sure.
Demetrius (45:11):
And you can't show them from the world too.
So it's like, yeah, it's almostlike cursing with my son.
So he, uh, well, he's now gonnabe 18, so it's whatever, I'm
gonna tell you that oh, oh yeahit's funny enough.
So two things.
One, it's like I know whatyou're doing, but I dare you to
do it around me, that type ofthing, and it means different
now, but like like don't, don'tdo it around me.
(45:33):
And if you get caught doing itaround teachers or everything,
then that's it like you're done,like that's it.
I don't have it, you don't have.
I'll take computer out of yourroom, whatever that is, you know
it's not tv anymore.
Now it's the monitor right.
And then the other thing wasit's like yeah, I think I lost
my train of thought, I don'tremember, but anyway, so.
So yeah, it's like, it's not,it's just I don't know.
(45:55):
I think a lot of it falls backon the parents.
Lay-Cee (45:57):
It does Right and you can't like you mentioned, you
can't shield your kids fromeverything.
So, like, do I know everythingthat my kids are listening to?
No, I do facilitate andcultivate a space for them.
So when they're in the car, hey, what are we listening to?
Let's look on iTunes and kindof listen to what, because I
want to know what they'relistening to.
Demetrius (46:15):
I may like it, I may not.
Lay-Cee (46:16):
Right and be proactive, to see what they're saying and
what are these artists thatthey're listening to.
So I know and I think that'sthe part about being a parent
you have to build thatrelationship and meet your kids
on their level.
Demetrius (46:27):
Right.
Lay-Cee (46:28):
So you can relate to them.
They're not always going tocome to you and relate to you.
You have to kind of go back andyou know, hey, like I want to
relate to my kid, I want to knowwhat they're listening to Right
, and find that out and kind ofkeep that constant communication
with them for sure.
Demetrius (46:41):
Definitely.
Well, I want to thank you forjoining in.
Yes, being a part of thisconversation is part two.
Again, I'll remind everybodythat we did have a part one
already.
And if you listen to thisentire episode and haven't
listened to part one, what areyou doing?
The link is in the descriptionof this episode.
But, lacey, where can peoplefind you?
Lay-Cee (47:03):
Yeah, so I do have Instagram.
It's at the dotted line podcast, right?
That's the best way to reach meand then having the link to my
actual podcast to be able tolisten to it.
I am on Apple Spotify andthings like that.
But, yeah, definitely Instagramis the best way to reach me.
Demetrius (47:19):
Awesome, awesome, all right, well, I want to thank
everybody for listening in.
My name is Demetrius and you'vebeen listening to the Hangry
Parrot podcast, and take it easy, we'll see you next time.
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