August 4, 2023 • 26 mins
This episode is part of the four-part series on Being & Doing. You will learn why we do certain things and why we may not do what we want to do. I introduce The Heart Scan Process as a way of gaining a deeper understanding of your life and creating change. You will discover:
- Relatable examples of clients who are unhappy with their actions not aligning with their values and not achieving desired results.
- Four parts of Heart Scanning: Expose, Renew, Engage, and Press On.
- The Self-Coaching Model is introduced as a tool to analyze problems and break them down into five components: circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, and results.
- Circumstances are things outside of our control, while thoughts, feelings, actions, and results can be controlled.
- Trusting in God's sovereignty over circumstances is discussed.
- The importance of awareness of our thoughts and how they create feelings and fuel actions is emphasized.
- The relationship between thoughts, feelings, actions, and results is explained.
- The process of doing a Thought Capture is introduced as a way to observe and analyze our thoughts and feelings.
- The importance of approaching this process with grace instead of judgment is emphasized.
- The benefits of exposing hidden thoughts and feelings are discussed, including the ability to consciously decide how to deal with them.
- The connection between hiding and being unable to experience God's presence is mentioned.
- The podcast emphasizes examining our hearts and emotions for sustainable change rather than relying solely on external actions.
Clarity + Courage is my monthly coaching membership for Christian women who want to become the woman God says they already are—and finally think clearly, feel better, and move forward.
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Questions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are listening to the Happiest Lives podcast with
Jill Lillard, episode number 14.
Welcome to the Happiest Livespodcast, where you'll learn to
think better, feel better andbecome the woman God says you
already are.
Here's your host, jill Lillard.
Hello everyone, let's do it.
(00:22):
Let's talk about why you dowhat you do.
If you want to do things youaren't doing, then to start
doing them, you need tounderstand why you aren't doing
them already and why you'redoing what you currently are
doing.
I often have clients who comesee me because they aren't happy
with how they're showing up intheir life.
(00:43):
They're discouraged and somefeel defeated because their
actions aren't lining up withtheir values.
They aren't getting the resultsthat they want in their life
because they're not doing thethings that are going to create
those results.
Just this week I had a clientfrustrated that she wasn't going
(01:03):
to the gym like she wanted, butinstead she found herself lying
in bed scrolling on her phonein the morning.
Another client was constantlyquestioning a decision she made
so much that she was notsleeping well and she found
herself getting really short andgrumpy with her family and she
was beating herself up againstthis about all of this.
(01:24):
But another client felt guiltybecause she was yelling at her
kids and she felt like this wasjust happening against her will,
because she felt like she justcouldn't stop herself.
Each of these clients was at aloss of how to change.
(01:45):
A tool that I use with all mycoaching clients, i use it with
my therapy clients, i use it inmy coaching groups and it is the
process of doing a heart scan.
I love the heart scan becauseit helps you learn to think like
(02:06):
I think, to think like atrained clinician.
That way, you are able to learnhow to approach problems when
you have them.
The heart scan is going to helpyou look at a problem so that
you have a deeper understandingof what's going on.
It's going to help youconstrain and focus so that
(02:28):
you're not going this way andthat way and spinning in a
circle when you're trying tosolve a problem or you're trying
to process through your pain.
It's going to help you gaininsight so that you can create
change.
It's going to help you figureout why you're doing what you're
doing.
The four parts of this processof heart scanning are expose,
(02:56):
renew, engage and press on Toexpose the problem and renew it.
I like to use this linearformat that the Life Coach
School uses the self-coachingmodel.
It's basically cognitivebehavioral therapy.
It includes the five componentsof circumstances thoughts,
(03:17):
feelings, actions and results.
We use it.
We organize it in a way wherewe're just going to plug in a
problem.
We're going to break down theparts and identify which of
those five things the part ofthe problem fits into so that we
can look at it.
In your life you havecircumstances.
(03:39):
These are factual, everybodywould agree.
Everything that is happeningoutside of you, including the
words people are saying, thethings that they're doing, the
things they're not doing that isthe circumstance in your life.
These are the only things inyour life you cannot control.
(04:00):
You can't control the weather.
You can't control how otherpeople are behaving or acting,
as much as you would like to Therest of the components of the
model your thoughts, feelings,actions and results you can
control those.
If you feel like life ishappening to you and everything
(04:23):
is out of your control.
That is simply not true.
80% of the problem is in yourcontrol.
Only one out of the five partsis off the table for you.
You can't control thecircumstances.
You may be able to influence it.
However, god is in control.
He is sovereign over allcircumstances.
(04:46):
So, though we all have freewill, other people have free
will and that's going toinfluence our circumstance.
We can trust that God issovereign over all.
He is allowing things to happen.
He's allowing people to havefree will, and they may not
always make the decisions wewant them to make, and we may
think they need to makedecisions that they don't feel
(05:08):
inclined to make, but when wetrust the Lord, we can trust Him
with the circumstances of ourlife, knowing He has a plan in
and for it all.
So, though we can't changecircumstances like our past, the
past is done and over, it'salready happened.
We can't change the weather.
(05:28):
You may have an event plannedfor outdoors and then a storm
comes, even though theweatherman told you it wasn't
going to.
We can't affect that.
We went through a pandemic,there was a virus that we were
experiencing in this world.
We can't affect sometimes eventhings that are happening in our
body sickness.
We cannot control all thepeople.
(05:49):
You can't control your husband.
You can't control your kids,the words they say, the things
they do.
However, instead of putting allof our energy into the
circumstance that we can'tcontrol, we can route our energy
, we can focus on what we arethinking, feeling, doing and the
(06:12):
result that our actions arecreating.
That is our responsibility.
We are in charge of that.
This is the beauty of free will.
Now, when other people get freewill and don't do the things we
want them to do.
We don't like the free will,but it feels pretty good that we
(06:34):
are free to make decisions andthink what we want and do what
we want, that we get that choice.
We're not robots.
We get a choice in the matter.
So your thoughts they includeyour assessments, your opinions,
your beliefs about acircumstance.
Your brain is like a filter.
It takes in the factualinformation and your mind is
(06:57):
thinking something about it.
It is a signing meaning, andthen your brain releases a
chemical cascade which I call afeeling, and a feeling is going
to fuel all your actions, allthe things you do and don't do
it, and those actions.
The sum of those actions is aresult.
(07:17):
So often many of us aren't evenaware of what we are thinking.
We are just reacting to life.
We are having thoughts thatwe're not even aware of, they're
in our unconsciousness And weare acting on default mode.
We're feeling things as thoughit's all just happening, as
though we have no choice.
We may feel like a victim ofour circumstances and situation.
(07:41):
It's a helpless, powerlessfeeling, and so we're doing
things that we don't want to dobecause we don't even know the
thoughts that we're thinkingthat are creating the feelings,
that are fueling the actions.
So it's important to know whatyou are thinking, because your
thoughts create your feelingsAnd everything you do in your
life really it's just to feel acertain way.
(08:04):
We want to experience a certainresult, we want to reach a
certain goal, we want to havesomething because we think it's
going to create a feeling for us.
So if your feelings are causedby your thoughts and everything
you do in life is to feel better, don't you want to know what
you're thinking So you can learnhow to think on purpose and
(08:24):
generate new feelings?
Those feelings do matter.
They are so important becausethey're fueling your actions and
your feeling is really, as Isaid earlier, it's what you end
up pursuing.
It's kind of what you're goingafter.
So when I ask you, why did youeat that whole basket of chips
(08:48):
last night?
So maybe you're asking yourselfthat question Why do you keep
shutting down with your husband?
Why do I keep shutting downwith my husband, why can't I get
my house clean?
Why am I yelling at my kids?
It's because of the way youfeel.
Your feelings are driving youractions and your actions are
creating the result you areexperiencing in your life.
(09:11):
Okay, so here's a recap.
Something happens.
That's a circumstance.
You have a thought about it.
The thought is a sentence inyour head that assigns meaning
to the circumstance.
That sentence creates yourfeelings and the feelings fuel
your actions and your actionscreate your results.
I had a client whose husband.
(09:32):
He criticized a decision shemade.
Okay, so he said some words.
This is a circumstance that sheis experiencing.
She made his words meansomething.
She had a thought.
There was a sentence in herhead and it was I cannot be
myself.
The feeling this thoughtcreated for her was fear.
(09:55):
She felt afraid and when shewas feeling afraid thinking she
couldn't be herself her actionswere that she started
questioning herself.
She was walking on eggshellsaround him.
She started worrying about therelationship.
She found herself giving intoself-righteous anger and pulling
away from him and dealing withthings on her own.
Now, before she came intocoaching, she was doing these
(10:17):
things, but she was notconscious of why she was
behaving this way.
She hadn't pinpointed thethought and the feeling that
we're fueling these actions, butnow she could see the cause of
her actions.
The reason she was doing whatshe was doing was because of
what she was believing about hiswords and how that made her
feel.
The sum of all those actionswere that she couldn't be
(10:42):
herself.
This was her unintentionalmodel.
She could fill in the blanks byseparating the parts of her
problem and this helped her seewhy she was doing the things she
was doing, rather than tryingto show up differently by
forcing new actions.
She now had a deeperunderstanding of what was going
on in her heart and she could dothe deeper work required for
(11:06):
real change.
She had done the first part ofheart scanning in that session.
We did that first part theexposing and the next step would
be to renew, engage and presson The next step of the renewing
.
We would create a newintentional model.
What determines what we think?
(11:27):
If my thoughts are drivingeverything, then I need to know
what I am thinking.
I also need to know how tochange my thoughts and what I
want to think on purpose If mythoughts aren't getting me the
results that I am wanting?
I want to find some newthoughts.
As believers, we willinglychoose to believe God's word.
(11:49):
That's part of that decisionthat we make as we enter a
relationship with Him, and thatdecision is made by exposing, by
bringing our heart, ourbehavior, our thinking, our
feeling all of that into thelight and we choose to believe
the truth of the gospel.
That's how we enter thatrelationship.
It starts with our mind.
The Bible then becomes oursource of truth and we look to
(12:14):
it for direction on how to thinkabout our life and how to live.
We know that God's ways are thebest ways, and if they are the
best, then that's what we wantto align our hearts with our
thoughts, our feelings and ouractions.
So we want to take captive anythoughts that are not serving us
(12:34):
and thoughts that are notglorifying the Lord in building
up the body.
However, if you don't know whatthe thoughts actually are that
are running on the back burnerof your life, how can you take
them captive?
You have to be able to witnessyour own thinking and own it,
and I think a lot of timespeople are afraid to look at
what they're thinking as thoughit's making it more of a reality
(12:56):
, even though it's alreadyhappening.
So to observe your mind.
I teach my clients the processof doing a thought capture, and
you can do that too.
It's basically freeriding, soyou can get the thoughts from
outside of you on paper.
You can just freeride, you canbullet point all the thoughts
that you're thinking and onceyou write them down, we can look
(13:17):
at them and you will be able tosee the relationship between
your thoughts, feelings andactions.
As we pull one thought fromthat download and we put it
inside an unintentional model.
As you do this, it's reallyimportant to bring grace into
this process Rather thanjudgment and condemnation.
(13:37):
We're not looking at all ofthese things to judge yourself,
and that is why I always invitethe Holy Spirit to search my
heart.
I invite him into the processand I know that he will convict
me, but I know his presence iskind and it is full of grace.
(13:58):
Many of you may be journalers.
You like to journal, you liketo write, and that really is
what thought capturing is.
We just take it a step further.
You might dump all yourthoughts and feelings onto paper
, and sometimes that alone maybring relief, as it's no longer
just unexposed sentences racingin your head.
(14:20):
This is often what happens intherapy You come in and you free
talk to capture all thethoughts and feelings, as
someone sits beside you andhelps you look at them.
Your coach or therapist, then,is going to help you look at
your thoughts.
They're going to help youconstrain and focus by asking
you questions that allow you tobecome an observer of your life.
(14:45):
When we thought capture, it'sthe equivalent of turning on the
lights in a dark room as weexpose all that is hiding.
We aren't creating anythingthat isn't already there.
We're just bringing it into thelight and looking at the
eyeballs so we can consciouslydecide what we want to do with
it.
So if there's dust in a room,by turning on the lights we're
(15:06):
not creating the dust, we'rejust exposing the dust to the
dirt, the clutter that isalready there.
And so for some people this isreally uncomfortable.
They would rather just turn thelights off and pretend the
stuff's not there, and they maywant to just stay in this place
of unawareness, ofunconsciousness, and I think
(15:27):
that's really unfortunate,because when we hide in the dark
, when we turn off the lights,when we don't look at it, we
aren't able to live in the light.
This is what Adam and Eve didafter they sinned.
They hid in the bushes, eventhough God himself already saw
everything.
The hiding kept them fromexperiencing God's presence.
(15:48):
In hiding, we become prisonersof ourselves.
The path to our salvation andour continual sanctification
becoming more like Christ itbegins with this exposing what
is hidden.
It requires repentance, honestyand turning toward the Lord.
We can't do that when we'reunwilling to look honestly at
(16:14):
our hearts.
If you ever try to change youractions without examining your
mind and emotions, you will findthat change is very difficult.
In the church we call thislegalism.
It is following rules andregulations without examining
your heart and there's adisconnect there.
It bypasses any sort ofrelationship with yourself or
(16:35):
with the Holy Spirit.
It's not.
This sort of change is notlife-giving and it's very hard
to sustain because you'reworking against your thoughts
and feelings.
This is why, when I work withcouples who want better
relationships, i don't startwith some suggested actions.
Rather, i teach them thisprocess of doing a heart scan so
(16:57):
they can create new actionsfrom new thoughts and new
feelings.
This is the only way that we'regoing to experience real change
.
When you discover the thoughtand the feeling that is fueling
your actions, then you can workon changing your thoughts and
feelings, which will makechanging the action so much
easier.
(17:18):
At the heart of the work iswillingness and a relationship.
It's very relational work.
You are having a relationshipand becoming aware of the
relationship between yourthoughts, your feelings and your
actions, so that's veryintegrated.
Rather than this being thisincongruence or the separation,
you're coming into thisrelationship and knowing of
(17:40):
what's going on in yourself, andso that's going to feel more
congruent and you're steppinginto this relationship with the
Lord as you invite him into thatprocess.
So everything that I learn inpsychology and behavioral
sciences, i like to put it underthe light of Scripture.
So all these cognitivebehavioral therapy techniques
(18:06):
and insights, i want to ask whatdoes the Bible say about this
And what does the Bible sayabout this topic?
What does the Bible tell usabout why we do what we do?
Is this consistent?
And as I studied, i boiled thisdown to just four things, four
observations in Scripture aboutwhy we do what we do.
(18:27):
Number one We read in Luke12-34, matthew 6-21 and many
other places that everything youdo flows from your heart.
Proverbs 4-23 tells us aboveall else guard your heart, for
everything you do flows from it.
Your heart, which is your mind,will and emotions, is where all
(18:52):
your actions come from.
It's telling us the same thing.
A second thing the Bible tellsus about our actions is that sin
and conflict arise from thefallen nature of mankind.
So selfish desires, pride andworldly thinking drive our
sinful, unloving behaviors.
James 4, 1-2, reads What causesfights and quarrels among you?
(19:15):
Don't they come from yourdesires, that battle within you?
You desire, but you do not have.
So you kill, you covet, but youcannot get what you want.
So you quarrel and fight.
You do not have because you donot ask God.
Also, romans 7, 15, i do notunderstand what I do, for what I
want to do, i do not do, butwhat I hate, i do.
(19:38):
It later tells us that it is notour redeemed self doing these
things, but it is the sin livingin us.
So, though we've been saved,there is still this battle of
the flesh and spirit and wecontinually have to work out
what God has already done in us.
And, as Philippians reminds us,we are not working for our
(19:59):
salvation, because that'simpossible.
We are working from oursalvation.
This leads us to the thirdprinciple Examine your heart and
make sure your thoughts andyour desires align with the
Lord's.
And this is where we will usethe renew you know of how we
(20:22):
renew our minds and we createour new intentional model, which
we're not going into all ofthat today.
But Galatians 3, 1 and 2 tellsus Since then you have been
raised with Christ.
Set your hearts on things abovewhere Christ is seated on the
right hand of God.
Set your mind on things above,not on earthly things.
Also, 1 Timothy 6, 17encourages us to anchor our
(20:44):
hearts and God, recognizing thatHe is the ultimate source of
provision and satisfaction.
The last thing, my fourthobservation, that the Bible
tells us about our actions, isthat we should repent and rely
on the Spirit rather than theflesh.
So you can think of that battlebetween the flesh and the
(21:05):
spirit.
Oftentimes I see that as yourunintentional model, what you
are thinking just on default.
And then there's yourintentional model, which can be
the Spirit, right, the flesh andthe Spirit.
We have to choose one to feedone.
Galatians 5, 16 and 17,.
So I say Walk by the Spirit andyou will not gratify the
desires of the flesh, for theflesh desires what is contrary
(21:28):
to the Spirit and the Spiritwhat is contrary to the flesh?
They are in conflict with eachother, so that you are not to do
whatever you want.
This means, as believers, wesubmit our thinking to the
authority of Scripture and theSpirit.
We do this by our free will.
This working of renewing ourminds requires us to engage with
(21:50):
the Holy Spirit.
We participate in the work Hedoes for us.
It requires our willingness and, as we do, we learn how to
press on and take new actionsdespite unwanted feelings and
beliefs that no longer serve us.
This is the process of change,one that is found in the
relationship with Jesus.
The heart scan.
(22:11):
I think it's just fun.
It is so helpful.
You know, god gives us tools,he gives us medicine, he gives
us interesting ways we canexplore the world, we can create
cars and we can learn how tofix cars, and we can learn how
to cook and watch cooking shows,and there's all sorts of
(22:31):
different things that we can do.
We can study science, we canstudy how He has created us, and
I think that's part of what theheart scan process is.
It's understanding thisrelationship of the components
and the parts that God has putwithin us, and I think it's a
really fun tool to use to helpcreate some life-giving
(22:53):
relationships with yourself,with the Lord and with other
people.
The Holy Spirit, he's the onewho changes us, he's the one who
works in us and He gives usthese tools So as we persevere
and work out our salvation andchange our actions, we start in
our minds, our emotions and ourwill, and we invite His Spirit
(23:17):
into that process.
So I love to do this work ingroup coaching.
I believe that is another toolthat the Lord can use to help us
step in the light, developing arelationship with ourselves and
Him, and we can do that in thecontext of other people.
When we're in a group and doingthis very authentic, deep heart
(23:38):
work, it reminds us that we'renot alone on the journey And as
you watch other people getcoached, your personal defenses
are down And so you're open toseeing something you might not
otherwise see, and we move fromhaving a very looking at our
individual problem, maybefeeling isolated, where we kind
of just become reallyself-centered and focused on our
(24:02):
self And in a sense, our selfbecomes the center of it all, to
a place where we view ourselvesas part of the greater whole,
where Jesus is the life-givingcenter.
So, in summary, why you do whatyou do?
it is because of what you'rethinking, what you're feeling,
and so your circumstances areneutral, but you're gonna have
(24:23):
thoughts that create feelingsand those feelings are gonna
fuel your actions.
So that is enough for today.
I feel like we put a lot outthere.
I hope you enjoyed it.
It's been my pleasure to behere with you and show you what
I teach all my clients insideClarity Encourage Coaching.
I hope that you can join usthere and I hope that I even get
(24:47):
to meet you.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Bye.
You are listening to the Happiest Lives podcast with
Jill Lillard, episode number 14.
Welcome to the Happiest Livespodcast, where you'll learn to
think better, feel better andbecome the woman God says you
already are.
Here's your host, jill Lillard.
Hello everyone, let's do it.
(00:22):
Let's talk about why you dowhat you do.
If you want to do things youaren't doing, then to start
doing them, you need tounderstand why you aren't doing
them already and why you'redoing what you currently are
doing.
I often have clients who comesee me because they aren't happy
with how they're showing up intheir life.
(00:43):
They're discouraged and somefeel defeated because their
actions aren't lining up withtheir values.
They aren't getting the resultsthat they want in their life
because they're not doing thethings that are going to create
those results.
Just this week I had a clientfrustrated that she wasn't going
(01:03):
to the gym like she wanted, butinstead she found herself lying
in bed scrolling on her phonein the morning.
Another client was constantlyquestioning a decision she made
so much that she was notsleeping well and she found
herself getting really short andgrumpy with her family and she
was beating herself up againstthis about all of this.
(01:24):
But another client felt guiltybecause she was yelling at her
kids and she felt like this wasjust happening against her will,
because she felt like she justcouldn't stop herself.
Each of these clients was at aloss of how to change.
(01:45):
A tool that I use with all mycoaching clients, i use it with
my therapy clients, i use it inmy coaching groups and it is the
process of doing a heart scan.
I love the heart scan becauseit helps you learn to think like
(02:06):
I think, to think like atrained clinician.
That way, you are able to learnhow to approach problems when
you have them.
The heart scan is going to helpyou look at a problem so that
you have a deeper understandingof what's going on.
It's going to help youconstrain and focus so that
(02:28):
you're not going this way andthat way and spinning in a
circle when you're trying tosolve a problem or you're trying
to process through your pain.
It's going to help you gaininsight so that you can create
change.
It's going to help you figureout why you're doing what you're
doing.
The four parts of this processof heart scanning are expose,
(02:56):
renew, engage and press on Toexpose the problem and renew it.
I like to use this linearformat that the Life Coach
School uses the self-coachingmodel.
It's basically cognitivebehavioral therapy.
It includes the five componentsof circumstances thoughts,
(03:17):
feelings, actions and results.
We use it.
We organize it in a way wherewe're just going to plug in a
problem.
We're going to break down theparts and identify which of
those five things the part ofthe problem fits into so that we
can look at it.
In your life you havecircumstances.
(03:39):
These are factual, everybodywould agree.
Everything that is happeningoutside of you, including the
words people are saying, thethings that they're doing, the
things they're not doing that isthe circumstance in your life.
These are the only things inyour life you cannot control.
(04:00):
You can't control the weather.
You can't control how otherpeople are behaving or acting,
as much as you would like to Therest of the components of the
model your thoughts, feelings,actions and results you can
control those.
If you feel like life ishappening to you and everything
(04:23):
is out of your control.
That is simply not true.
80% of the problem is in yourcontrol.
Only one out of the five partsis off the table for you.
You can't control thecircumstances.
You may be able to influence it.
However, god is in control.
He is sovereign over allcircumstances.
(04:46):
So, though we all have freewill, other people have free
will and that's going toinfluence our circumstance.
We can trust that God issovereign over all.
He is allowing things to happen.
He's allowing people to havefree will, and they may not
always make the decisions wewant them to make, and we may
think they need to makedecisions that they don't feel
(05:08):
inclined to make, but when wetrust the Lord, we can trust Him
with the circumstances of ourlife, knowing He has a plan in
and for it all.
So, though we can't changecircumstances like our past, the
past is done and over, it'salready happened.
We can't change the weather.
(05:28):
You may have an event plannedfor outdoors and then a storm
comes, even though theweatherman told you it wasn't
going to.
We can't affect that.
We went through a pandemic,there was a virus that we were
experiencing in this world.
We can't affect sometimes eventhings that are happening in our
body sickness.
We cannot control all thepeople.
(05:49):
You can't control your husband.
You can't control your kids,the words they say, the things
they do.
However, instead of putting allof our energy into the
circumstance that we can'tcontrol, we can route our energy
, we can focus on what we arethinking, feeling, doing and the
(06:12):
result that our actions arecreating.
That is our responsibility.
We are in charge of that.
This is the beauty of free will.
Now, when other people get freewill and don't do the things we
want them to do.
We don't like the free will,but it feels pretty good that we
(06:34):
are free to make decisions andthink what we want and do what
we want, that we get that choice.
We're not robots.
We get a choice in the matter.
So your thoughts they includeyour assessments, your opinions,
your beliefs about acircumstance.
Your brain is like a filter.
It takes in the factualinformation and your mind is
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thinking something about it.
It is a signing meaning, andthen your brain releases a
chemical cascade which I call afeeling, and a feeling is going
to fuel all your actions, allthe things you do and don't do
it, and those actions.
The sum of those actions is aresult.
(07:17):
So often many of us aren't evenaware of what we are thinking.
We are just reacting to life.
We are having thoughts thatwe're not even aware of, they're
in our unconsciousness And weare acting on default mode.
We're feeling things as thoughit's all just happening, as
though we have no choice.
We may feel like a victim ofour circumstances and situation.
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It's a helpless, powerlessfeeling, and so we're doing
things that we don't want to dobecause we don't even know the
thoughts that we're thinkingthat are creating the feelings,
that are fueling the actions.
So it's important to know whatyou are thinking, because your
thoughts create your feelingsAnd everything you do in your
life really it's just to feel acertain way.
(08:04):
We want to experience a certainresult, we want to reach a
certain goal, we want to havesomething because we think it's
going to create a feeling for us.
So if your feelings are causedby your thoughts and everything
you do in life is to feel better, don't you want to know what
you're thinking So you can learnhow to think on purpose and
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generate new feelings?
Those feelings do matter.
They are so important becausethey're fueling your actions and
your feeling is really, as Isaid earlier, it's what you end
up pursuing.
It's kind of what you're goingafter.
So when I ask you, why did youeat that whole basket of chips
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last night?
So maybe you're asking yourselfthat question Why do you keep
shutting down with your husband?
Why do I keep shutting downwith my husband, why can't I get
my house clean?
Why am I yelling at my kids?
It's because of the way youfeel.
Your feelings are driving youractions and your actions are
creating the result you areexperiencing in your life.
(09:11):
Okay, so here's a recap.
Something happens.
That's a circumstance.
You have a thought about it.
The thought is a sentence inyour head that assigns meaning
to the circumstance.
That sentence creates yourfeelings and the feelings fuel
your actions and your actionscreate your results.
I had a client whose husband.
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He criticized a decision shemade.
Okay, so he said some words.
This is a circumstance that sheis experiencing.
She made his words meansomething.
She had a thought.
There was a sentence in herhead and it was I cannot be
myself.
The feeling this thoughtcreated for her was fear.
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She felt afraid and when shewas feeling afraid thinking she
couldn't be herself her actionswere that she started
questioning herself.
She was walking on eggshellsaround him.
She started worrying about therelationship.
She found herself giving intoself-righteous anger and pulling
away from him and dealing withthings on her own.
Now, before she came intocoaching, she was doing these
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things, but she was notconscious of why she was
behaving this way.
She hadn't pinpointed thethought and the feeling that
we're fueling these actions, butnow she could see the cause of
her actions.
The reason she was doing whatshe was doing was because of
what she was believing about hiswords and how that made her
feel.
The sum of all those actionswere that she couldn't be
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herself.
This was her unintentionalmodel.
She could fill in the blanks byseparating the parts of her
problem and this helped her seewhy she was doing the things she
was doing, rather than tryingto show up differently by
forcing new actions.
She now had a deeperunderstanding of what was going
on in her heart and she could dothe deeper work required for
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real change.
She had done the first part ofheart scanning in that session.
We did that first part theexposing and the next step would
be to renew, engage and presson The next step of the renewing
.
We would create a newintentional model.
What determines what we think?
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If my thoughts are drivingeverything, then I need to know
what I am thinking.
I also need to know how tochange my thoughts and what I
want to think on purpose If mythoughts aren't getting me the
results that I am wanting?
I want to find some newthoughts.
As believers, we willinglychoose to believe God's word.
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That's part of that decisionthat we make as we enter a
relationship with Him, and thatdecision is made by exposing, by
bringing our heart, ourbehavior, our thinking, our
feeling all of that into thelight and we choose to believe
the truth of the gospel.
That's how we enter thatrelationship.
It starts with our mind.
The Bible then becomes oursource of truth and we look to
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it for direction on how to thinkabout our life and how to live.
We know that God's ways are thebest ways, and if they are the
best, then that's what we wantto align our hearts with our
thoughts, our feelings and ouractions.
So we want to take captive anythoughts that are not serving us
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and thoughts that are notglorifying the Lord in building
up the body.
However, if you don't know whatthe thoughts actually are that
are running on the back burnerof your life, how can you take
them captive?
You have to be able to witnessyour own thinking and own it,
and I think a lot of timespeople are afraid to look at
what they're thinking as thoughit's making it more of a reality
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, even though it's alreadyhappening.
So to observe your mind.
I teach my clients the processof doing a thought capture, and
you can do that too.
It's basically freeriding, soyou can get the thoughts from
outside of you on paper.
You can just freeride, you canbullet point all the thoughts
that you're thinking and onceyou write them down, we can look
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at them and you will be able tosee the relationship between
your thoughts, feelings andactions.
As we pull one thought fromthat download and we put it
inside an unintentional model.
As you do this, it's reallyimportant to bring grace into
this process Rather thanjudgment and condemnation.
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We're not looking at all ofthese things to judge yourself,
and that is why I always invitethe Holy Spirit to search my
heart.
I invite him into the processand I know that he will convict
me, but I know his presence iskind and it is full of grace.
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Many of you may be journalers.
You like to journal, you liketo write, and that really is
what thought capturing is.
We just take it a step further.
You might dump all yourthoughts and feelings onto paper
, and sometimes that alone maybring relief, as it's no longer
just unexposed sentences racingin your head.
(14:20):
This is often what happens intherapy You come in and you free
talk to capture all thethoughts and feelings, as
someone sits beside you andhelps you look at them.
Your coach or therapist, then,is going to help you look at
your thoughts.
They're going to help youconstrain and focus by asking
you questions that allow you tobecome an observer of your life.
(14:45):
When we thought capture, it'sthe equivalent of turning on the
lights in a dark room as weexpose all that is hiding.
We aren't creating anythingthat isn't already there.
We're just bringing it into thelight and looking at the
eyeballs so we can consciouslydecide what we want to do with
it.
So if there's dust in a room,by turning on the lights we're
(15:06):
not creating the dust, we'rejust exposing the dust to the
dirt, the clutter that isalready there.
And so for some people this isreally uncomfortable.
They would rather just turn thelights off and pretend the
stuff's not there, and they maywant to just stay in this place
of unawareness, ofunconsciousness, and I think
(15:27):
that's really unfortunate,because when we hide in the dark
, when we turn off the lights,when we don't look at it, we
aren't able to live in the light.
This is what Adam and Eve didafter they sinned.
They hid in the bushes, eventhough God himself already saw
everything.
The hiding kept them fromexperiencing God's presence.
(15:48):
In hiding, we become prisonersof ourselves.
The path to our salvation andour continual sanctification
becoming more like Christ itbegins with this exposing what
is hidden.
It requires repentance, honestyand turning toward the Lord.
We can't do that when we'reunwilling to look honestly at
(16:14):
our hearts.
If you ever try to change youractions without examining your
mind and emotions, you will findthat change is very difficult.
In the church we call thislegalism.
It is following rules andregulations without examining
your heart and there's adisconnect there.
It bypasses any sort ofrelationship with yourself or
(16:35):
with the Holy Spirit.
It's not.
This sort of change is notlife-giving and it's very hard
to sustain because you'reworking against your thoughts
and feelings.
This is why, when I work withcouples who want better
relationships, i don't startwith some suggested actions.
Rather, i teach them thisprocess of doing a heart scan so
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they can create new actionsfrom new thoughts and new
feelings.
This is the only way that we'regoing to experience real change
.
When you discover the thoughtand the feeling that is fueling
your actions, then you can workon changing your thoughts and
feelings, which will makechanging the action so much
easier.
(17:18):
At the heart of the work iswillingness and a relationship.
It's very relational work.
You are having a relationshipand becoming aware of the
relationship between yourthoughts, your feelings and your
actions, so that's veryintegrated.
Rather than this being thisincongruence or the separation,
you're coming into thisrelationship and knowing of
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what's going on in yourself, andso that's going to feel more
congruent and you're steppinginto this relationship with the
Lord as you invite him into thatprocess.
So everything that I learn inpsychology and behavioral
sciences, i like to put it underthe light of Scripture.
So all these cognitivebehavioral therapy techniques
(18:06):
and insights, i want to ask whatdoes the Bible say about this
And what does the Bible sayabout this topic?
What does the Bible tell usabout why we do what we do?
Is this consistent?
And as I studied, i boiled thisdown to just four things, four
observations in Scripture aboutwhy we do what we do.
(18:27):
Number one We read in Luke12-34, matthew 6-21 and many
other places that everything youdo flows from your heart.
Proverbs 4-23 tells us aboveall else guard your heart, for
everything you do flows from it.
Your heart, which is your mind,will and emotions, is where all
(18:52):
your actions come from.
It's telling us the same thing.
A second thing the Bible tellsus about our actions is that sin
and conflict arise from thefallen nature of mankind.
So selfish desires, pride andworldly thinking drive our
sinful, unloving behaviors.
James 4, 1-2, reads What causesfights and quarrels among you?
(19:15):
Don't they come from yourdesires, that battle within you?
You desire, but you do not have.
So you kill, you covet, but youcannot get what you want.
So you quarrel and fight.
You do not have because you donot ask God.
Also, romans 7, 15, i do notunderstand what I do, for what I
want to do, i do not do, butwhat I hate, i do.
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It later tells us that it is notour redeemed self doing these
things, but it is the sin livingin us.
So, though we've been saved,there is still this battle of
the flesh and spirit and wecontinually have to work out
what God has already done in us.
And, as Philippians reminds us,we are not working for our
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salvation, because that'simpossible.
We are working from oursalvation.
This leads us to the thirdprinciple Examine your heart and
make sure your thoughts andyour desires align with the
Lord's.
And this is where we will usethe renew you know of how we
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renew our minds and we createour new intentional model, which
we're not going into all ofthat today.
But Galatians 3, 1 and 2 tellsus Since then you have been
raised with Christ.
Set your hearts on things abovewhere Christ is seated on the
right hand of God.
Set your mind on things above,not on earthly things.
Also, 1 Timothy 6, 17encourages us to anchor our
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hearts and God, recognizing thatHe is the ultimate source of
provision and satisfaction.
The last thing, my fourthobservation, that the Bible
tells us about our actions, isthat we should repent and rely
on the Spirit rather than theflesh.
So you can think of that battlebetween the flesh and the
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spirit.
Oftentimes I see that as yourunintentional model, what you
are thinking just on default.
And then there's yourintentional model, which can be
the Spirit, right, the flesh andthe Spirit.
We have to choose one to feedone.
Galatians 5, 16 and 17,.
So I say Walk by the Spirit andyou will not gratify the
desires of the flesh, for theflesh desires what is contrary
(21:28):
to the Spirit and the Spiritwhat is contrary to the flesh?
They are in conflict with eachother, so that you are not to do
whatever you want.
This means, as believers, wesubmit our thinking to the
authority of Scripture and theSpirit.
We do this by our free will.
This working of renewing ourminds requires us to engage with
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the Holy Spirit.
We participate in the work Hedoes for us.
It requires our willingness and, as we do, we learn how to
press on and take new actionsdespite unwanted feelings and
beliefs that no longer serve us.
This is the process of change,one that is found in the
relationship with Jesus.
The heart scan.
(22:11):
I think it's just fun.
It is so helpful.
You know, god gives us tools,he gives us medicine, he gives
us interesting ways we canexplore the world, we can create
cars and we can learn how tofix cars, and we can learn how
to cook and watch cooking shows,and there's all sorts of
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different things that we can do.
We can study science, we canstudy how He has created us, and
I think that's part of what theheart scan process is.
It's understanding thisrelationship of the components
and the parts that God has putwithin us, and I think it's a
really fun tool to use to helpcreate some life-giving
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relationships with yourself,with the Lord and with other
people.
The Holy Spirit, he's the onewho changes us, he's the one who
works in us and He gives usthese tools So as we persevere
and work out our salvation andchange our actions, we start in
our minds, our emotions and ourwill, and we invite His Spirit
(23:17):
into that process.
So I love to do this work ingroup coaching.
I believe that is another toolthat the Lord can use to help us
step in the light, developing arelationship with ourselves and
Him, and we can do that in thecontext of other people.
When we're in a group and doingthis very authentic, deep heart
(23:38):
work, it reminds us that we'renot alone on the journey And as
you watch other people getcoached, your personal defenses
are down And so you're open toseeing something you might not
otherwise see, and we move fromhaving a very looking at our
individual problem, maybefeeling isolated, where we kind
of just become reallyself-centered and focused on our
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self And in a sense, our selfbecomes the center of it all, to
a place where we view ourselvesas part of the greater whole,
where Jesus is the life-givingcenter.
So, in summary, why you do whatyou do?
it is because of what you'rethinking, what you're feeling,
and so your circumstances areneutral, but you're gonna have
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thoughts that create feelingsand those feelings are gonna
fuel your actions.
So that is enough for today.
I feel like we put a lot outthere.
I hope you enjoyed it.
It's been my pleasure to behere with you and show you what
I teach all my clients insideClarity Encourage Coaching.
I hope that you can join usthere and I hope that I even get
(24:47):
to meet you.
I'll talk to you again soon.
Bye.
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