August 11, 2023 • 20 mins
What if you could unlock the secret to living a life fueled by emotions on purpose? As we explore the relationship between Being & Doing, we delve into why we want what we want and what it is that we think will make us happy. You will learn how to feel on purpose, owning your emotional experiences. In this episode Jill shares valuable techniques for identifying the desired feelings and sensations you want to experience, as well as crafting thoughts that lead to those emotions. Learn from three essential scriptures that emphasize choosing our thoughts to redirect our lives.
Check out all my resources and ways to work together at www.thehappiestlives.com.
Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.com
Questions? Email Jill directly at Jill@thehappiestlives.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
You're listening to the Happiest Lives Podcast with
Jill Lillard, episode number 15.
Welcome to the Happiest LivesPodcast, where you'll learn to
think better, feel better andbecome the woman God says you
already are.
Here's your host, jill Lillard.
Hi everybody, welcome to thepodcast.
It really means so much to methat you're here And if you've
(00:22):
been following me over the pastseveral months, allowing me to
walk with you on this journey ofyour life to some capacity, i
want to say thank you.
It really is my heart's desirein this podcast to give you a
better understanding of theconcepts that are interwoven
throughout my coaching business,so you can understand what an
asset these tools can be in yourown life.
(00:43):
Learning how to talk toyourself and look at your inner
world is foundational to betterrelationships, not just with
other people, but with yourselfand with the Lord, and I really
think it's such fun andworthwhile work.
So all month long, we aretalking about being and doing.
(01:04):
Some of you may consideryourself to be more of a doer,
while others aspire to simply be.
My husband tells me I'm a doerand I definitely agree that I
find value in taking action.
It feels like an expression ofmy true self when I can make my
values and beliefs tangible, andhe would probably say that I
could learn to be a better beyour.
(01:25):
And I agree with that to someextent, as sometimes I have a
hard time seeing my valueoutside of my actions.
An example of this is he tellsme that I'm our dog's favorite
person.
I see it's because of the wayI'm there for her.
I always make sure she's fedand that there's water in her
dish.
I'm constantly tuning into herneeds and responding to it.
(01:46):
And he says that is not why sheloves me and that this is a
another example of me thinkingabout it being my doing, and not
simply being who I am, thatmakes me lovable.
I know I am simply lovablebecause God loves me and my
actions don't increase mylovability.
But it is hard for me to knowwho I am outside of expressing
(02:09):
myself through my actions.
As I teach here, our actionsare doing flows from our
thoughts and feelings, which areall aspects of being.
If I didn't tune into my dog'sneeds and love her the way I do,
i would not be connecting withher in a meaningful way And I
don't think I would be herfavorite person.
(02:29):
Now, that's not true or nottrue.
We don't know if I'm herfavorite person or not.
We don't know if she wouldrespond to me any different.
She may not respond to me anydifferent if I wasn't doing
those things, because it's notbased on really what I'm doing,
but based on my dog's experienceof me, of whatever's going on
(02:51):
in her dog brain.
Now I don't do those things totry to manipulate and be my
dog's favorite person.
They are just an expression ofmy heart, my attitude.
They are an expression of who Iam.
So I'm still not entirely surehow to separate the being and
the doing, though I do see myhusband has some good points of
(03:12):
the value of just being able tobe still and do nothing, which
to me is still some form ofdoing.
I would say that being anddoing are both essential to
human life and really they areso interdependent And so it's
hard to separate them.
I know some people like to goto one camp or the other,
(03:32):
highlighting one as the way todo life, but I don't think that
we can truly separate them.
I consider being to be aninternal state of your existence
, and so it includes yourself-identity, your subjective
experience.
So that's all your thoughts.
This embodies your sense ofworth, values and character, as
(03:52):
well as your emotions.
There are intentional andconscious actions happening as
you recognize this state ofconsciousness or unconsciousness
.
There are actions that aregoing to spring and flow from
the being.
So doing is focused on yourexternal actions, how you are
(04:12):
engaging with the world, andthat includes your behaviors,
your accomplishments, all thethings you do and don't do.
As we discussed on the lastpodcast, there is a direct
relationship between ourthoughts, feelings and actions.
They are interrelated.
Who you think you are flowsinto what you do.
(04:32):
Your sense of purpose or worthimpacts you emotionally, which
will create a fuel for all youractions and inactions.
So today, on this topic of beingand doing, i want to focus on
emotions, feeling and, inparticular, feeling on purpose.
What does that mean?
Most of us want to feel happy.
(04:55):
We want to experience positiveemotions.
Everything we do is a pursuitof feeling better.
We do things because we thinkit will make us happy.
We evaluate our life by thesense of satisfaction or
dissatisfaction.
So oftentimes, many of usbelieve happiness or unhappiness
(05:15):
is just happening to us andthat our state of being is not
something we Can control.
And this brings my mind to allthe conversations I heard in
college and graduate schoolabout altruistic actions like
our.
Is there such a thing asaltruism?
are or Are we all reallyselfish, that we are motivated
(05:35):
because something makes us feelgood And so there may be
something nice that you're doingfor something else Which could
create good feelings in you, andso it kind of becomes a way
that you you do that, evenobeying and following the Lord.
We do that because we believeit is the best way for ourselves
.
So having a happy life, it hasnothing to do with your
circumstance.
(05:56):
It's not determined by wealthor material things and it's not
created by a perfect job orfriend group or whether we have
kids.
It's not caused by a number onthe scale or the size that you
wear.
Have you ever thought, if youlooked a certain way, that you
would be happier, whether it wasclearer skin, thicker hair,
more curves, less curves?
(06:17):
yet We know changing thecircumstance won't make you
happier.
There are plenty of people whoare thin, a perfect skin and
hair, and they are miserable.
There are people playing at thetop of their sport or who made
top-selling blockbuster moviesand performed at sold-out
concerts, and while they mayenjoy the perks of those
(06:38):
accomplishments or a temporaryAdrenaline rush, it doesn't
change their state of feelingand being in a sustainable way.
They are still left with whothey are on the inside, all
their feelings, all theirthoughts.
What is that goal or achievementthat you think would make you
happier?
Now let me ask you it this wayif you were happier, would you
(07:01):
even care about that goalanymore?
or do you believe the achievedgoal and happiness are the same
thing?
What is it that you want?
Is it really the accomplishment, or is it what you think the
accomplishment would make youfeel?
Do you think the doing willcreate the being?
Consider this if you reach thegoal lose the weight, hit the
(07:24):
mark, make the sale, get thehouse, have the kids if your
husband Does all the things youhoped he would do, what will be
different and what will be thesame?
really think about that,because Oftentimes we get our
eyes set on something we wantthat we imagine will make our
life Magical and beautiful andamazing and perfect, when that
(07:46):
simply is not true.
We may put a goal or desire outthere because if we achieve it
or get it, then we believe wehave some sense of control over
our lives.
How many of you thought, whenyou found that perfect person
and got married, then your lifewould be complete.
And Then if you had kids, thenyour life would be better.
(08:08):
Then if your kids just grew upand we're out of diapers, then
life would be better.
And then, when they left thehouse, life would be better.
And then if all your kids wereback home, then life would be
better.
So the only reason Why any ofus ever want something is
because of how we believe wewill feel if we had it.
So how would you feel if youdid or got the thing that you
(08:31):
wanted?
You can then ask if you couldfeel however you wanted to feel,
how would that be?
does that feeling match thefeeling you believe the
fulfilled desire would give you?
a client Told me the reason shewanted her husband to
compliment her more was then shewould feel lovable and worthy.
And another client told me ifshe lost 20 pounds she would
feel competent.
(08:51):
And Another client believed ifshe had $20,000 in the bank, she
would feel secure.
What is it that you want tofeel?
ask yourself what you thinkwould give you that feeling.
Is your answer somethingexternal, something that you
need to achieve, or somethingsomeone else needs to give you.
What if I told you the answerwas not anything external, but
(09:14):
rather it was your thoughts thatwould create the feeling.
Whatever you think you wouldfeel by doing or having the
thing.
That feeling is available now.
Whether you want to feel worthy, lovable, joyful, peaceful,
confident, secure, whatever youdesire the most, that is
available to you.
Today, i teach my clients thatemotions are physical sensations
(09:38):
inside our bodies.
That's it.
So, whether it's a positive ornegative emotion, you want to be
willing to feel it.
To feel, we must become awitness to our experience.
To do this, to become a witness, try to describe the sensations
you are experiencing in yourbody as you have a feeling,
almost like you would try todescribe physical pain to a
(10:01):
doctor.
So, just like we do certainthings to feel positive emotion,
we avoid doing certain thingsbecause we don't want to feel
something.
However, if you're willing tofeel any emotion and get good at
consciously feeling things, youwill stop resisting certain
things in life because you willno longer be afraid to feel.
That's when we're willing tostep outside of our comfort zone
(10:23):
and do things despite our fear,uncertainty and other
vulnerable emotions.
Being willing to feel anythingand having the skill set to
create new feelings by changingyour mindset will help you
become the woman God says youalready are.
So what do you do with yourfeelings?
I have a whole course on this,inside Clarity and Courage
(10:44):
coaching.
In fact, there's severalcourses on this subject, but my
favorite one is How to Feel, andif you go inside Clarity and
Courage, you will want to checkit out.
Along with the lesson and theworksheet that you get, you can
also access coaching callreplays that will help you learn
this powerful skill set.
If you want to generate morepositive emotions, i recommend
(11:07):
identifying the particularfeeling you want to experience
and then identifying what itfeels like in your body.
How does it feel compared tohow you have been feeling?
What are the physicalsensations?
Next, ask what would you bethinking if you felt this
feeling?
So, if I felt peaceful, whatwould I be thinking without
(11:28):
changing the circumstance thatmakes me feel peace?
If I was happy, what would I bethinking If I felt loved?
what would the thought be?
If you're having a hard timeidentifying the thought, let me
ask you another way.
What circumstance do you thinkwould make you happy?
Imagine you had this thing thatyou longed for and desired and
(11:51):
wanted.
Imagine it's yours.
How do you feel?
What is the feeling thatcreates?
What are you thinking that iscreating that feeling?
What is your thought about thecircumstance?
That's what's creating yourfeeling And that thought is
available to you now.
For example, you may want yourhusband to be a person who
(12:13):
shares his feelings andcompliments you and is really
emotionally connected.
Now imagine you get this.
He compliments you on theregular, telling you how
beautiful you are, and he shareshis feelings with you.
What would you be thinking thatyou weren't thinking before?
My husband is so amazing.
He's so supportive.
I feel so confident andbeautiful.
(12:33):
I'm lovable.
I don't have to doubt my worthand value anymore.
May have some thoughts thatsound something like that, and
if you believe those thoughts,you're going to feel wonderful.
The truth is, all of us areworthy and lovable and none of
us needs to doubt ourselves.
(12:54):
So maybe your husband does notstart complimenting you, but you
decide you don't have toquestion your worth and value.
You start to believe you arelovable because God knit you
together with intention and youare his daughter.
When you purposefully choosethis thought, you start to
notice you feel better becausethere's so much truth to it.
(13:17):
Nothing externally has changedjust what you chose to think.
Maybe it sounds ridiculous tothink that changing your
thoughts can change yourphysiology and emotional
vibrations, but it is so true.
I want to highlight threepassages of scripture that
reiterate the importance ofchoosing our thoughts to
redirect our lives.
In Philippians 4-8, which Irefer to as the whatsoever think
(13:41):
passage, we are encouraged tofocus our minds on what is true,
noble, right, pure, lovely,admirable, excellent and
praiseworthy.
Proverbs 23-7 says for as hethinks in his heart, so is he.
This passage reminds us thatyour mind shapes your character
and actions.
The thoughts we entertain arefruitful.
(14:02):
Our thoughts invite thepresence of the Holy Spirit or
our thoughts can reject the HolySpirit, and Romans 12-2
emphasizes the need for mindrenewal and transformation.
By aligning our thoughts withGod's truth and renewing our
minds, we will experiencepositive emotional changes and
better discern God's will forour lives.
(14:22):
Every feeling you have goes backto a thought.
If I lost my child, i wouldfeel immense sorrow, but it is
not because my child died, butrather because of what I would
be thinking about my child dying.
You would not have the samethoughts as I did about my child
dying, and so we would not havethe same feelings.
Can you see it?
(14:43):
It is the thought creating thefeeling, not the circumstance
creating the feeling In yourrelationship with other people.
What you are thinking about theother person determines how you
feel about them.
You may think that yourhusband's words or actions
determine how you feel, but theydon't.
He cannot tell you how to thinkor feel.
You get to decide all of that.
(15:03):
That doesn't mean you will wantto feel happy about everything,
but you consciously get tochoose Whatever you decide to
think about.
That will determine how youfeel.
Your joy, peace and happinessstarts in your mind.
When I meditate on scriptureand biblical truths, i
experience increased peace,security and centeredness.
(15:24):
If I practice believing that Ihave all I need and that God has
assigned me my portion in mycup and my lot is secure in him,
then I feel secure.
When I think that God is goodand faithful and that he will
never, ever stop being good tome, i have confidence.
I could have the same life andthink that I don't have all that
(15:45):
I need, nor appreciate what Ihave.
I could worry that it will allunravel and that God's goodness
will end and suddenly, withthese thoughts, my life would be
miserable.
The only difference is whatthoughts I'm investing in, what
truths I'm declaring and livingout.
How I think determines how Ifeel, because thoughts create
(16:06):
feelings.
So if you want to know why youare feeling the way you are, ask
what am I thinking?
If you are feeling somethingyou don't want to feel, the good
news is your brain is creatingit, which means you can change
it.
You have free will to think,feel and do what you want.
Your circumstances don't haveto change for you to feel better
Now.
(16:27):
this does not mean you shouldtry and feel exuberant all the
time, and you don't want to tryand outrun negative emotions by
swapping your thoughts.
Thought swapping never works.
We must be willing to feelanything, even as we generate
new feelings.
If someone I love dies, i wantto feel sad.
When my friend gets alife-altering medical diagnosis,
(16:49):
i want to agree with her.
When I go to a concert, i wantto feel excited, but when I'm
walking through the woods, imight want to feel more
contemplative.
I get to decide.
My feelings aren't justhappening to me Inside one of my
programs, the Happiest LivesAcademy.
It is an intensive five-monthprogram where I work with
Christian women who want toundergo these five
(17:11):
transformations in five months.
We spend one entire monthdedicated to doing this
emotional work, learning how toallow and experience emotions
without indulging or resistingthem.
And for that month the ladiespick three feelings They
typically find themselveswanting to avoid.
It could be boredom, discomfort, fear.
And we do the work of beingwilling to feel those things on
(17:35):
purpose, without believing orobeying the feeling, without
reacting from it.
And when they're willing tofeel the feeling, they're no
longer falling into itunconsciously or wasting energy
trying to outrun the feeling.
They relax into it withoutreacting to it.
It's a very powerful skill set.
I think we all need to have it,and when you're willing to feel
(17:57):
anything, you will no longer bespinning in your emotions.
In this program they alsoidentify three feelings they
would like to create more of intheir life.
We identify the thoughts thatgenerate the feeling and then we
practice feeling the emotion intheir bodies.
If we haven't felt thoseemotions before, we are kind of
(18:18):
they're kind of foreign to usand we're more familiar with
more negative emotions.
We do have to practice allowingourselves to have that
experience so that we canrecognize the emotion.
If you have any interest ingoing through the Academy.
It will run again from Januaryto May next year And this fall I
will be offering a test driveof the Academy which is free to
(18:41):
anyone who is in clarity andcourage.
We test drive for one week andit's such an engaging and
inspiring week for the women.
I really enjoy this week, sofeel free to email me if you
would like to get on thewaitlist for that, and you can
find my email in my podcastdescription.
It's Jill at thehappiestlivescom.
(19:01):
So the Academy is a biginvestment.
I just like to put it out thereif it's something you want to
consider.
And you can also do some lessintensive but very powerful work
, starting today inside clarityand courage.
I highly recommend that programas well.
As many of our Academygraduates started off in CNC.
Hopefully I'm going to get tomeet some of you there and that
(19:23):
I can help you learn how to feelon purpose And this whole month
I can help you learn this artof being and doing.
And, by the way, if you lovethis podcast and want to leave
me a review on your podcastplayer, that would mean so much
to me.
I hope you all have a beautifulday and I look forward to
talking to you again next week.
You're listening to the Happiest Lives Podcast with
Jill Lillard, episode number 15.
Welcome to the Happiest LivesPodcast, where you'll learn to
think better, feel better andbecome the woman God says you
already are.
Here's your host, jill Lillard.
Hi everybody, welcome to thepodcast.
It really means so much to methat you're here And if you've
(00:22):
been following me over the pastseveral months, allowing me to
walk with you on this journey ofyour life to some capacity, i
want to say thank you.
It really is my heart's desirein this podcast to give you a
better understanding of theconcepts that are interwoven
throughout my coaching business,so you can understand what an
asset these tools can be in yourown life.
(00:43):
Learning how to talk toyourself and look at your inner
world is foundational to betterrelationships, not just with
other people, but with yourselfand with the Lord, and I really
think it's such fun andworthwhile work.
So all month long, we aretalking about being and doing.
(01:04):
Some of you may consideryourself to be more of a doer,
while others aspire to simply be.
My husband tells me I'm a doerand I definitely agree that I
find value in taking action.
It feels like an expression ofmy true self when I can make my
values and beliefs tangible, andhe would probably say that I
could learn to be a better beyour.
(01:25):
And I agree with that to someextent, as sometimes I have a
hard time seeing my valueoutside of my actions.
An example of this is he tellsme that I'm our dog's favorite
person.
I see it's because of the wayI'm there for her.
I always make sure she's fedand that there's water in her
dish.
I'm constantly tuning into herneeds and responding to it.
(01:46):
And he says that is not why sheloves me and that this is a
another example of me thinkingabout it being my doing, and not
simply being who I am, thatmakes me lovable.
I know I am simply lovablebecause God loves me and my
actions don't increase mylovability.
But it is hard for me to knowwho I am outside of expressing
(02:09):
myself through my actions.
As I teach here, our actionsare doing flows from our
thoughts and feelings, which areall aspects of being.
If I didn't tune into my dog'sneeds and love her the way I do,
i would not be connecting withher in a meaningful way And I
don't think I would be herfavorite person.
(02:29):
Now, that's not true or nottrue.
We don't know if I'm herfavorite person or not.
We don't know if she wouldrespond to me any different.
She may not respond to me anydifferent if I wasn't doing
those things, because it's notbased on really what I'm doing,
but based on my dog's experienceof me, of whatever's going on
(02:51):
in her dog brain.
Now I don't do those things totry to manipulate and be my
dog's favorite person.
They are just an expression ofmy heart, my attitude.
They are an expression of who Iam.
So I'm still not entirely surehow to separate the being and
the doing, though I do see myhusband has some good points of
(03:12):
the value of just being able tobe still and do nothing, which
to me is still some form ofdoing.
I would say that being anddoing are both essential to
human life and really they areso interdependent And so it's
hard to separate them.
I know some people like to goto one camp or the other,
(03:32):
highlighting one as the way todo life, but I don't think that
we can truly separate them.
I consider being to be aninternal state of your existence
, and so it includes yourself-identity, your subjective
experience.
So that's all your thoughts.
This embodies your sense ofworth, values and character, as
(03:52):
well as your emotions.
There are intentional andconscious actions happening as
you recognize this state ofconsciousness or unconsciousness
.
There are actions that aregoing to spring and flow from
the being.
So doing is focused on yourexternal actions, how you are
(04:12):
engaging with the world, andthat includes your behaviors,
your accomplishments, all thethings you do and don't do.
As we discussed on the lastpodcast, there is a direct
relationship between ourthoughts, feelings and actions.
They are interrelated.
Who you think you are flowsinto what you do.
(04:32):
Your sense of purpose or worthimpacts you emotionally, which
will create a fuel for all youractions and inactions.
So today, on this topic of beingand doing, i want to focus on
emotions, feeling and, inparticular, feeling on purpose.
What does that mean?
Most of us want to feel happy.
(04:55):
We want to experience positiveemotions.
Everything we do is a pursuitof feeling better.
We do things because we thinkit will make us happy.
We evaluate our life by thesense of satisfaction or
dissatisfaction.
So oftentimes, many of usbelieve happiness or unhappiness
(05:15):
is just happening to us andthat our state of being is not
something we Can control.
And this brings my mind to allthe conversations I heard in
college and graduate schoolabout altruistic actions like
our.
Is there such a thing asaltruism?
are or Are we all reallyselfish, that we are motivated
(05:35):
because something makes us feelgood And so there may be
something nice that you're doingfor something else Which could
create good feelings in you, andso it kind of becomes a way
that you you do that, evenobeying and following the Lord.
We do that because we believeit is the best way for ourselves
.
So having a happy life, it hasnothing to do with your
circumstance.
(05:56):
It's not determined by wealthor material things and it's not
created by a perfect job orfriend group or whether we have
kids.
It's not caused by a number onthe scale or the size that you
wear.
Have you ever thought, if youlooked a certain way, that you
would be happier, whether it wasclearer skin, thicker hair,
more curves, less curves?
(06:17):
yet We know changing thecircumstance won't make you
happier.
There are plenty of people whoare thin, a perfect skin and
hair, and they are miserable.
There are people playing at thetop of their sport or who made
top-selling blockbuster moviesand performed at sold-out
concerts, and while they mayenjoy the perks of those
(06:38):
accomplishments or a temporaryAdrenaline rush, it doesn't
change their state of feelingand being in a sustainable way.
They are still left with whothey are on the inside, all
their feelings, all theirthoughts.
What is that goal or achievementthat you think would make you
happier?
Now let me ask you it this wayif you were happier, would you
(07:01):
even care about that goalanymore?
or do you believe the achievedgoal and happiness are the same
thing?
What is it that you want?
Is it really the accomplishment, or is it what you think the
accomplishment would make youfeel?
Do you think the doing willcreate the being?
Consider this if you reach thegoal lose the weight, hit the
(07:24):
mark, make the sale, get thehouse, have the kids if your
husband Does all the things youhoped he would do, what will be
different and what will be thesame?
really think about that,because Oftentimes we get our
eyes set on something we wantthat we imagine will make our
life Magical and beautiful andamazing and perfect, when that
(07:46):
simply is not true.
We may put a goal or desire outthere because if we achieve it
or get it, then we believe wehave some sense of control over
our lives.
How many of you thought, whenyou found that perfect person
and got married, then your lifewould be complete.
And Then if you had kids, thenyour life would be better.
(08:08):
Then if your kids just grew upand we're out of diapers, then
life would be better.
And then, when they left thehouse, life would be better.
And then if all your kids wereback home, then life would be
better.
So the only reason Why any ofus ever want something is
because of how we believe wewill feel if we had it.
So how would you feel if youdid or got the thing that you
(08:31):
wanted?
You can then ask if you couldfeel however you wanted to feel,
how would that be?
does that feeling match thefeeling you believe the
fulfilled desire would give you?
a client Told me the reason shewanted her husband to
compliment her more was then shewould feel lovable and worthy.
And another client told me ifshe lost 20 pounds she would
feel competent.
(08:51):
And Another client believed ifshe had $20,000 in the bank, she
would feel secure.
What is it that you want tofeel?
ask yourself what you thinkwould give you that feeling.
Is your answer somethingexternal, something that you
need to achieve, or somethingsomeone else needs to give you.
What if I told you the answerwas not anything external, but
(09:14):
rather it was your thoughts thatwould create the feeling.
Whatever you think you wouldfeel by doing or having the
thing.
That feeling is available now.
Whether you want to feel worthy, lovable, joyful, peaceful,
confident, secure, whatever youdesire the most, that is
available to you.
Today, i teach my clients thatemotions are physical sensations
(09:38):
inside our bodies.
That's it.
So, whether it's a positive ornegative emotion, you want to be
willing to feel it.
To feel, we must become awitness to our experience.
To do this, to become a witness, try to describe the sensations
you are experiencing in yourbody as you have a feeling,
almost like you would try todescribe physical pain to a
(10:01):
doctor.
So, just like we do certainthings to feel positive emotion,
we avoid doing certain thingsbecause we don't want to feel
something.
However, if you're willing tofeel any emotion and get good at
consciously feeling things, youwill stop resisting certain
things in life because you willno longer be afraid to feel.
That's when we're willing tostep outside of our comfort zone
(10:23):
and do things despite our fear,uncertainty and other
vulnerable emotions.
Being willing to feel anythingand having the skill set to
create new feelings by changingyour mindset will help you
become the woman God says youalready are.
So what do you do with yourfeelings?
I have a whole course on this,inside Clarity and Courage
(10:44):
coaching.
In fact, there's severalcourses on this subject, but my
favorite one is How to Feel, andif you go inside Clarity and
Courage, you will want to checkit out.
Along with the lesson and theworksheet that you get, you can
also access coaching callreplays that will help you learn
this powerful skill set.
If you want to generate morepositive emotions, i recommend
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identifying the particularfeeling you want to experience
and then identifying what itfeels like in your body.
How does it feel compared tohow you have been feeling?
What are the physicalsensations?
Next, ask what would you bethinking if you felt this
feeling?
So, if I felt peaceful, whatwould I be thinking without
(11:28):
changing the circumstance thatmakes me feel peace?
If I was happy, what would I bethinking If I felt loved?
what would the thought be?
If you're having a hard timeidentifying the thought, let me
ask you another way.
What circumstance do you thinkwould make you happy?
Imagine you had this thing thatyou longed for and desired and
(11:51):
wanted.
Imagine it's yours.
How do you feel?
What is the feeling thatcreates?
What are you thinking that iscreating that feeling?
What is your thought about thecircumstance?
That's what's creating yourfeeling And that thought is
available to you now.
For example, you may want yourhusband to be a person who
(12:13):
shares his feelings andcompliments you and is really
emotionally connected.
Now imagine you get this.
He compliments you on theregular, telling you how
beautiful you are, and he shareshis feelings with you.
What would you be thinking thatyou weren't thinking before?
My husband is so amazing.
He's so supportive.
I feel so confident andbeautiful.
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I'm lovable.
I don't have to doubt my worthand value anymore.
May have some thoughts thatsound something like that, and
if you believe those thoughts,you're going to feel wonderful.
The truth is, all of us areworthy and lovable and none of
us needs to doubt ourselves.
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So maybe your husband does notstart complimenting you, but you
decide you don't have toquestion your worth and value.
You start to believe you arelovable because God knit you
together with intention and youare his daughter.
When you purposefully choosethis thought, you start to
notice you feel better becausethere's so much truth to it.
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Nothing externally has changedjust what you chose to think.
Maybe it sounds ridiculous tothink that changing your
thoughts can change yourphysiology and emotional
vibrations, but it is so true.
I want to highlight threepassages of scripture that
reiterate the importance ofchoosing our thoughts to
redirect our lives.
In Philippians 4-8, which Irefer to as the whatsoever think
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passage, we are encouraged tofocus our minds on what is true,
noble, right, pure, lovely,admirable, excellent and
praiseworthy.
Proverbs 23-7 says for as hethinks in his heart, so is he.
This passage reminds us thatyour mind shapes your character
and actions.
The thoughts we entertain arefruitful.
(14:02):
Our thoughts invite thepresence of the Holy Spirit or
our thoughts can reject the HolySpirit, and Romans 12-2
emphasizes the need for mindrenewal and transformation.
By aligning our thoughts withGod's truth and renewing our
minds, we will experiencepositive emotional changes and
better discern God's will forour lives.
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Every feeling you have goes backto a thought.
If I lost my child, i wouldfeel immense sorrow, but it is
not because my child died, butrather because of what I would
be thinking about my child dying.
You would not have the samethoughts as I did about my child
dying, and so we would not havethe same feelings.
Can you see it?
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It is the thought creating thefeeling, not the circumstance
creating the feeling In yourrelationship with other people.
What you are thinking about theother person determines how you
feel about them.
You may think that yourhusband's words or actions
determine how you feel, but theydon't.
He cannot tell you how to thinkor feel.
You get to decide all of that.
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That doesn't mean you will wantto feel happy about everything,
but you consciously get tochoose Whatever you decide to
think about.
That will determine how youfeel.
Your joy, peace and happinessstarts in your mind.
When I meditate on scriptureand biblical truths, i
experience increased peace,security and centeredness.
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If I practice believing that Ihave all I need and that God has
assigned me my portion in mycup and my lot is secure in him,
then I feel secure.
When I think that God is goodand faithful and that he will
never, ever stop being good tome, i have confidence.
I could have the same life andthink that I don't have all that
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I need, nor appreciate what Ihave.
I could worry that it will allunravel and that God's goodness
will end and suddenly, withthese thoughts, my life would be
miserable.
The only difference is whatthoughts I'm investing in, what
truths I'm declaring and livingout.
How I think determines how Ifeel, because thoughts create
(16:06):
feelings.
So if you want to know why youare feeling the way you are, ask
what am I thinking?
If you are feeling somethingyou don't want to feel, the good
news is your brain is creatingit, which means you can change
it.
You have free will to think,feel and do what you want.
Your circumstances don't haveto change for you to feel better
Now.
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this does not mean you shouldtry and feel exuberant all the
time, and you don't want to tryand outrun negative emotions by
swapping your thoughts.
Thought swapping never works.
We must be willing to feelanything, even as we generate
new feelings.
If someone I love dies, i wantto feel sad.
When my friend gets alife-altering medical diagnosis,
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i want to agree with her.
When I go to a concert, i wantto feel excited, but when I'm
walking through the woods, imight want to feel more
contemplative.
I get to decide.
My feelings aren't justhappening to me Inside one of my
programs, the Happiest LivesAcademy.
It is an intensive five-monthprogram where I work with
Christian women who want toundergo these five
(17:11):
transformations in five months.
We spend one entire monthdedicated to doing this
emotional work, learning how toallow and experience emotions
without indulging or resistingthem.
And for that month the ladiespick three feelings They
typically find themselveswanting to avoid.
It could be boredom, discomfort, fear.
And we do the work of beingwilling to feel those things on
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purpose, without believing orobeying the feeling, without
reacting from it.
And when they're willing tofeel the feeling, they're no
longer falling into itunconsciously or wasting energy
trying to outrun the feeling.
They relax into it withoutreacting to it.
It's a very powerful skill set.
I think we all need to have it,and when you're willing to feel
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anything, you will no longer bespinning in your emotions.
In this program they alsoidentify three feelings they
would like to create more of intheir life.
We identify the thoughts thatgenerate the feeling and then we
practice feeling the emotion intheir bodies.
If we haven't felt thoseemotions before, we are kind of
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they're kind of foreign to usand we're more familiar with
more negative emotions.
We do have to practice allowingourselves to have that
experience so that we canrecognize the emotion.
If you have any interest ingoing through the Academy.
It will run again from Januaryto May next year And this fall I
will be offering a test driveof the Academy which is free to
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anyone who is in clarity andcourage.
We test drive for one week andit's such an engaging and
inspiring week for the women.
I really enjoy this week, sofeel free to email me if you
would like to get on thewaitlist for that, and you can
find my email in my podcastdescription.
It's Jill at thehappiestlivescom.
(19:01):
So the Academy is a biginvestment.
I just like to put it out thereif it's something you want to
consider.
And you can also do some lessintensive but very powerful work
, starting today inside clarityand courage.
I highly recommend that programas well.
As many of our Academygraduates started off in CNC.
Hopefully I'm going to get tomeet some of you there and that
(19:23):
I can help you learn how to feelon purpose And this whole month
I can help you learn this artof being and doing.
And, by the way, if you lovethis podcast and want to leave
me a review on your podcastplayer, that would mean so much
to me.
I hope you all have a beautifulday and I look forward to
talking to you again next week.
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