E17: Failure

What if the key to success lies in our failures? Buckle up for a riveting conversation where we dissect failure and how it shapes our identity. This episode is the last in our series on Being & Doing, and it's a game-changer!  When we stop perceiving failure as a setback, we experience it as a stepping stone to resilience, confidence, and determination. After listening to today's podcast, you'll realize that avoiding failure could actually be costing you more by disconnecting you from the very essence of your life. This thought-provoking discussion aims to reimagine and redefine failure as a catalyst for growth, opening doors to new experiences and opportunities.

This episode will fuel you with the courage to take risks, learn from your mistakes and create the life you've always envisioned. I'll share my insights on how our beliefs about failure mold our identity and how being receptive to failure can lead us to our true selves. I can't wait to hear your personal stories of failure and how you've transformed them into stepping stones. Here's a toast to embracing failure and perseverance despite the occasional stumble.

Check out all my resources and ways to work together at www.thehappiestlives.com. 

Discover ways to work with me at www.thehappiestlives.com or www.myhappyvault.com
Questions? Email Jill directly at [e-mail]

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
You are listening to the Happiest Lives podcast with
Jill Lillard, episode number 17.
Welcome to the Happiest Livespodcast, where you'll learn to
think better, feel better andbecome the woman God says you
already are.
Here's your host, jill Lillard.
Hey, hey, everybody, it's Jilland I am back for another

(00:22):
exciting episode here on theHappiest Lives podcast.
Thank you, guys, for joining me.
It makes me so happy.
You are listening And if youlove what you've been hearing, i
want to ask will you leave areview on your podcast player?
Of course you don't have to, butit does help this brand new
podcast get noticed so morepeople can find us.

(00:43):
And if you have left a review,know that I genuinely appreciate
your contribution to theHappiest Lives podcast algorithm
.
Okay, so now on to theimportant stuff.
Today we finish the seriesBeing and Doing.
As we talk about failure Tofail, failing, failure.

(01:07):
Does this feel like a bad wordto you?
Don't worry, i'm not going totalk about bad words.
Failure is actually a reallygood thing If you're
experiencing it.
It means you are living yourlife the way you're supposed to.
What we believe about failingand how we respond to failure
reflects in shapes who we are.

(01:28):
Who we are is our sense ofidentity and being.
When we embrace failure, wedevelop resilience, authenticity
and a growth mindset that helpsus persevere and take new
actions again and again.
Remember we are daughters ofthe king, and so we don't have

(01:50):
to prove ourselves or earn ourworth.
We have that already.
In fact, we have all we need.
We already are.
You don't have to fear failing,because who you are is not at
stake.
When you imagine failing, howdo you feel?
Does it make you feel terrible?
Do you try to avoid failure atall costs?

(02:12):
If we ask the word hippo whatfailure means, it, is this A
state or condition of notmeeting a desirable or intended
objective?
That's it.
That's what it means to fail.
Things don't go as you wantedor expected.
Is that really so scary?
What are you making it meanwhen you do not meet your

(02:34):
desired results?
It doesn't mean you're a badperson, you aren't somehow
defective or less than.
It doesn't mean anything aboutyou, except what you are making
it mean.
When you make it mean certainthings about your identity,
value or worth, you will feeldisappointment, frustration,

(02:56):
shame, fear.
If you worry, others will judgeyou as incompetent, you will
feel anxious and avoid failingat all costs.
Sometimes failure does cost usmoney, wasted time and effort or
missed opportunities, but thatis part of winning.
We lose some time.
However, when we are fixated onthe belief that we wasted or

(03:20):
lost something because we tried,we may feel significant stress,
and that thought is optional.
You don't have to think that.
I like to think that I am neverwasting my time because I
refuse to waste it.
I learn and grow from eachfailure.
That is a gift, that is a gain.

(03:42):
Another reason failure can feelterrible is if we are comparing
our outcome with someone else's,we may feel inadequate as we
judge ourselves.
This leads to lowering ourexpectations and playing it safe
.
It feels so good when you set agoal for yourself and you
achieve it, or when everythinggoes as you wanted it to go.

(04:04):
Yet it is unrealistic tobelieve that life works this way
.
When I don't do as I expectedor the outcome isn't what I
desired, i like to take it as areminder that I am a fallible
human who needs the grace of God.
When I fall short and miss themark I set for myself, i'm
humbled and I have learned to bemore okay with that.

(04:26):
Most of us are so afraid to failbecause we think if we do, we
will feel terrible, and we don'twant to feel terrible.
So there are two solutions tothis.
Option one is to play it safeand avoid failing avoid feeling.
Or option two be willing tofail and feel.
Let's look at option one Playit safe to avoid the pain of

(04:50):
failing.
Avoid feeling.
Avoid feeling terrible.
Safety and comfort soundamazing.
Who doesn't want that?
I love to be safe andcomfortable, and yet I have
learned to embrace discomfortand, honestly, i love that too,
because I know it is thecurrency for success.

(05:11):
And there is a price.
When I'm unwilling to beuncomfortable, let's look at the
cost of this alternative.
Staying in the comfort zone andprizing comfort and safety over
all else, we miss out onopportunities for growth.
Here is why, when we arewilling to fail, we open

(05:32):
ourselves up to actually failing, and when we fail, the growth
process is to analyze what wentwrong, identify your mistakes or
weaknesses and learn from them.
When we learn from what didn'tgo well, we create new
strategies and skill sets, webuild resilience and the ability
to bounce back from setbacks,we learn how to adapt to

(05:55):
challenges, overcoming obstacles, and we keep moving forward
despite our failures.
We overcome failure When youare unwilling to fail, however,
you never overcome it.
It rules you.
You are waiting until you thinkyou will get it perfect and in
doing so, you miss out onstrengthening your determination

(06:17):
, building your confidence andgrowing your ability to
persevere.
You disconnect from your life.
You also miss out on newinformation you would have by
failing.
You don't try the things andlearn what works and doesn't
work.
So you think you are avoidingpain by playing it safe, but you

(06:39):
actually cause more discomfortand pain in the long game
because you have not built upthose muscles.
It's like the comfort of thecouch and the snacks and the TV.
If you think that this is yourbest life and that exercise is
no fun and terrible, then youwill choose the couch,
overtaking a walk or liftingweights, which feels good in the

(07:00):
moment.
But when you have lived thatway for years or you've sat on
the couch for hours, you pay ahefty price tag of comfort and
safety as your body grows weaker, loses resilience and
flexibility.
This brings us to alternativenumber two Be willing to fail

(07:21):
and feel.
Be willing to feel terrible.
When you are willing to failand feel uncomfortable, you
change the game.
You want to find a new way tothink about your failure so you
don't feel so terrible.
But you also want to be willingto feel terrible.
Just don't make it feel worsethan it has to feel.
Let's use the exercise analogy.

(07:43):
If, mentally, you are focusedon how bad it feels to work out
and how great the couch is, youwill avoid working out.
But if you shift your focus tothink about exercise differently
, you will be more likely towork out.
The truth is, sore muscles don'tfeel good.
However, when I lift weights tothe point of failure, to the

(08:06):
point where I can't lift anymore, i set my muscles up to break
down, which means they willbuild back up and I will be
stronger.
This process of failing isactually my friend.
So when I feel sore afterworking out, i remind myself I
am becoming stronger, ratherthan agonizing over how terrible

(08:29):
I feel.
I become willing to feelterrible because I know that
means I'm becoming better.
It is the cost of being madestrong, which has a huge payoff.
Unlike sitting on the couch forhours, failure often pushes us
to be creative as we look fornew solutions and perspectives.
Some of the most groundbreakinginventions and discoveries have

(08:52):
risen from failure and setbacks.
When you play it safe byavoiding failure.
You fail in advance.
You miss out on what could havebeen.
You never give yourself theopportunity to reach the goal
And even if you try to reach thegoal and you miss it, you miss
the mark.
Think about who you become inthe process of trying.

(09:12):
That is the gift.
If you don't try, you miss outon all of that.
As I said earlier, failurereminds me that I am a fallible
human being.
That is so humbling.
It puts you in your position.
But I welcome the humbling asit binds my heart to the Lord's

(09:33):
And it promotes empathy,understanding and compassion for
others who face similarchallenges.
It helps me connect with thegreater whole, the body of all
the believers, so that I canbuild up the members.
I can encourage others who needencouragement.
I'm grateful that things don'talways go my way, as this is

(09:54):
when I broaden my perspective onlife and priorities and learn
to focus on what matters themost.
If you want to appreciatesuccess, you must fail.
Success is not meaningful orrewarding when we have not
tasted failure.
There is a sweet appreciationof your own efforts and
dedication when you havepersevered through trials and

(10:17):
failures.
Because I have failed so manytimes, i savor and experience a
deep sense of gratitude for allof my wins And I can look back
and appreciate missing the mark,because in that humbling
process, i lose my pride,replacing it with gratitude and

(10:37):
compassion which are solife-giving and feel so amazing.
My wish for you is that you arewilling to look your fears in
the eyeballs, facing themhead-on.
When we stop letting failuredefine us, we are willing to
take calculated risks.
When we embrace failure, westep outside of our comfort zone

(11:01):
and start really living ourlives.
As we pursue new opportunitiesand aim for bigger aspirations,
we connect to our hearts and weconnect to the heart of the Lord
, which positions us to connectbetter with other people.
We move from simply existing toexperience fleeting pleasures,

(11:22):
to really living our lives forwhat matters and satisfies most
of all.
What would you do if you couldnot fail?
If you have a clear answer forthat, then the only thing
standing in the way of youtrying is your fear of failing.
The alternative to failure isto keep recycling the same life.

(11:44):
Avoid risks, expect little, soyou won't be disappointed.
Disconnect.
However, if you're willing tofail and willing to feel, you
open yourself up to so many moreopportunities Any time you try
something new or step outsideyour comfort zone, there is a

(12:05):
risk of failure, but don'tsabotage yourself preemptively
by failing to act.
You don't have to know how to dothe new thing You won't know
until you actually do it And tofind out how, you're going to
have to fail many times.
The more you fail, the more youwill learn, if you do it
consciously.
Sometimes we will say that weare confused, that we're not

(12:30):
sure what to do.
We don't know how to do it, butwe don't have to know how You
figure it out as you go along bytrying the thing.
So stop saying you're confusedabout it and just make a
decision and move forward.
Fear, confusion and overwhelmthey can be ways that we buffer.
They can be the perfect excusenot to try, which is just

(12:52):
another way to avoid failing.
I hope all of this resonateswith you today and that you have
found a new way to think aboutfailure.
I would love to hear what youhave cried because of listening
to this podcast and how it didnot work out.
I want to hear about thefailure, what risk you took and

(13:14):
maybe how it didn't go as youhoped it would, because the more
you're willing to fail andlearn, the more you will become
the woman who you already are.
I am here.
I am cheering you on.
Thank you, guys, so much forshowing up today and listening.
We will talk again soon.
Bye.