Why so many special needs marriages break down—one dad’s story of what helps - John Fela

Our guest, John Fela, shares his personal journey of raising a nonverbal son with autism and finding his role as a caregiving father—after years of not knowing where he fit in.

We cover:

• How dads process disability differently than moms

• What dads actually need but rarely ask for

• What saved John’s marriage… until it didn’t – and how he rebuilt again

• The emotional cost of “not being the breadwinner” in a special needs family

• The power of a single dad friendship – and why it matters more than you think

Episode Highlights

2:14 – “There’s this huge gap in the support space for dads.”

6:45 – John opens up about growing up with an emotionally absent father and how it shaped his commitment to being present

12:13 – “I had no community. I had to get community.” – John’s “Tale of Two Parking Lots” shows how connection saved him after deep isolation

19:59 – The divorce he didn’t see coming and how support networks made all the difference

32:20 – “If it’s not on the calendar, it doesn’t happen.” – How penciling in self-care and couple time helped protect his marriage

34:37 – “Moms become best friends over wine. Dads need a reason to show up.” – What it takes to build authentic dad groups

48:04 – John shares how local legend Wayne Messmer sang at his wedding and why that gesture still chokes him up

50:00 – The celebrities who quietly support the disability world—and the surprising network John is part of