November 15, 2023 • 36 mins
SURPRISE DROP (not really lol I shared a story on my ig saying I was doing this) SPECIAL EPISODE. Due to our poor audio quality in episode 3, I decided to summarize what was discussed in episode 3 & shared some of stories from my personal relationships. No LukeDaGreatest this time, but we'll be back this weekend to get episode 4 ready for everyone! I'll be back Thursday for discuss what'll be in store for episode 4. Be blessed & protect your mental!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Yo, what's good everybody?
(00:18):
Thank you for tuning in.
This is the healing club podcast special episode.
We really don't usually do this during the week.
So I guess that's what makes it very special.
No but um, what makes this special is if you had the chance to tune into episode three,
you'll notice that the audio quality is um, is in is uh, is very poor, very opposite of
(00:46):
rich.
So I wanted to make up for it with a um, with a special episode for y'all.
I plan on plan on doing this every so often once in a blue moon.
I think it'd be cool to drop a special episode just out of nowhere.
So yeah, expect that in the future.
(01:08):
That should be cool for real.
But um, I won't have Luke the greatest with me this week.
Well for this special episode, but he'll be back with me this um, this weekend.
So we'll get episode four out for y'all on Monday.
So be on the lookout for that.
All right.
So um, in this special episode, I um, I wanted to summarize go over what we talked about
(01:32):
in episode three, we're gonna, we're gonna skip the the the sport talk and all that we'll
let that accumulate throughout the week.
It's still a lot of a lot of basketball and football to watch right now.
So I'll let that I'll let that build up for the week and then we'll talk about that this
weekend.
But going back, going back to the topic, um, in episode three, we talked about relationships.
(01:58):
We went over the definition what it meant to us.
The relationships that we hold right now and how they impact our our mental well being.
So let's let's just go over that.
I I'm pretty sure you guys didn't really get to hear all the good points that we get that
(02:21):
we had talked about in episode three.
So I'll just go ahead and regurgitate it all.
So uh, relationship.
So a relationship is the way in which two or more people are connected or the way they
behave toward each other.
So I'm not talking about romantic relationship.
(02:44):
So I will get more in depth into that later on in the episode as as this is a special
episode.
I'll make it very special and go go in depth into romantics.
But later on, you have your romantic relationship with your lover.
You have a relationship with your father, your mother, your sister, your friends, your best
(03:08):
friend.
Um, you even have a relationship with with the coworker that you see.
Um, see any any any anyone that that is the description of being connected.
Um, and I think what establishes a relationship is the mutual interaction between one another.
(03:33):
Definitely, you cannot build a relationship without interaction.
And I guess what, uh, what I'm leaning towards to is communication.
That is the key.
Well, honestly, that that say that is, yeah, that is the key.
(03:55):
It literally opens all the doors to, um, to all opportunities, all connections.
It all it all starts all with a hey, how you doing?
Or hello, my name is so and so.
Um, so forth and so on.
By the way, I think I forgot to forgot to introduce myself.
(04:16):
My name is Sean.
I am one half of the healing club healing club podcast moving on.
But that that is what establishes a relationship.
A mutual interaction, um, I say there are there has to be common ground as well within
(04:38):
a within a relationship.
Um, so everyone knows what what what makes a relationship.
You it's literally the person that you talk to almost every day.
There are the people that you know.
I'll put it like that, that or probably that you think, you know, um, and why is the relationship
(05:01):
so important in mental health and mental well-being?
Um, so are all relationships perfect?
Think about the connections that you have with the people right now.
Are they healthy?
Or do they feel toxic?
(05:23):
If they are toxic, what made it toxic?
So I want to go back to communication and why I think communication is a big, big deal,
a very big deal, and especially in today's modern society.
Um, specifically, I think we do not speak enough.
(05:45):
I don't think we communicate enough.
I don't think there is enough conversations.
Um, and what I mean by conversations, I'm I mean real conversations.
You know, I don't mean I don't mean small talk.
I don't mean, you know, the hey, how you doing?
(06:06):
Oh, nice day.
We're having I, you know, the talk where you can establish common ground.
No talks are, you know, are direct as such.
I'm pretty sure with, um, with one conversation of of small talk, you can establish well,
actually a lot of relationships, a lot of friendships are established that way with,
(06:30):
um, with a little bit of small talk.
Um, I'll go, I'll go deeper in depth what I mean when I say deep conversations, when
we get into, um, when we get into romantic relationships, because I think that's, that's
where that would apply more.
But I'm pretty sure, uh, deep, like deep conversations you can, you can also have with your friends.
(06:58):
Um, I'd say with mental health and a relationship, common ground is also a, um, a key factor
in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Um, so I'll put my age out there.
I am 28 years old.
(07:21):
I used to have a lot of friends.
I, um, I think I went on a bridge burning path, but more so I, uh, I understood myself
more and I, uh, I looked back at those connections and to me, it, you know, everyone, everyone
(07:49):
knows what, what, what it is in 2023, the vibes, right?
If the vibes I ain't there, then it is what it is.
I can't say that that's a very, uh, good mindset.
Um, reason being is because I've, I've held this mindset for, for a while and I can tell
you that it's, um, it's not a very good mindset when, when, when I guess you want to hold
(08:16):
relationships.
Um, but I think back on it, toxic relationships are just not there to hold, um, because the
lack of common ground, um, we're going to go back to communication.
(08:39):
So do we, do we communicate enough?
Do you, do you talk, do you talk with your, with this person enough in this toxic relationship?
So with communication are the, are the, um, conversations that we're having are honest
and sincere.
Um, do you know the person's intentions?
(09:02):
So in relationships, we, we, we, we really get into relationships.
It is, it is a human nature and it is nothing to be ashamed of, but in human nature, we
find the most advantageous relationship.
We find the one that we can have the most advantages in.
(09:25):
Um, one that we can benefit the most.
Um, and I, I'm saying it to be real because that is who we are.
We, uh, we're always looking for the best deal.
Um, but it's important to know that in a relationship.
(09:45):
And I think it's important that everyone, um, is aware of, of the human nature.
Um, for instance, I, um, during, during the episode with, uh, episode three, um, with
Luke, I told him, I, I needed him on this podcast because I could not do a wolf out
(10:07):
of them.
And I would say that is a, uh, advantage in having a brother relationship with Luke.
Um, because since we're, since we're bros, we're, we're, we're close, we're good.
We're great friends.
I can, I can have the trust in him and I know that he'll be honest with me back that I can
(10:36):
land this podcast with him, that I can, that I, that I can actually do this with him, um,
because I really cannot do this without, without, without him.
So, uh, think of that as all about in how you use your advantages.
And I think we, we tend to exploit it.
(10:57):
We take advantage.
We, um, I guess abuse it.
Um, that can definitely cause a stir, a, uh, very, very, a very toxic, um, I guess environment.
Um, and I have a, I have a, uh, an example of that for you guys.
(11:20):
So I felt like I was in a toxic, uh, work relationship.
I to this day, it probably was, and I'll let you guys be the judge of that.
But when me and Luke were in the Navy, um, we had the same jobs.
We were, um, we're working with helicopters, doing paperwork, this down to third.
(11:41):
I had to manage a server who would do right.
But um, I was the only person that could manage the server that had the training out of, uh,
let's see how many people we had in our, in our office.
I don't know, 10, whatever it's, it's a good number, but, but, but this, this is no knock
(12:03):
on them.
It is what it is.
Like I said, that this is the way of life.
But I felt it was a very toxic relationship because it was more take and not enough give
because well, another, another aspect, another, another factor that makes a healthy relationship
(12:27):
is, is given take equal it and an equal exchange.
Um, and whatever your definition of equal may be.
So because, because it's that, that, that's all subjective.
(12:49):
Um, and, and you'll know what I mean when, um, when, when you have relationships.
Um, but going back to my work relationship, I, I thought I was being taken advantage of
I was, since I was the only one that knew, knew a damn about anything in there.
I'd hate to say it, but, um, just running circles everywhere and shit.
(13:13):
It was, uh, it was stressful and it was very toxic because I'm the only one I was, I was
really the only one I felt prick, prick in my damn back working.
I was always the one, I was always the one being sent out to do, you know, special activities,
(13:33):
this that and that third, um, I, because I guess I just had the training, whatever.
I got sick of it.
It was, it, it overwhelmed me and it was a bad timing for me because, um, I, I, I'm,
I tend to think a lot.
(13:53):
I have a lot going through my head.
I feel like, I feel like I have a hundred thoughts in a minute.
So this, this was a very sensitive time for me, I'd say, because, uh, the last three years
(14:13):
I spent it, um, I spent it healing from, from my last relationship, um, my romantic relationship
and, uh, I'll, uh, I will definitely get into that with you guys and what I learned and
what I could do to improve my mental wellbeing so that I won't make the same mistakes as
(14:36):
I go forward and I can continue to live, to live a peaceful and happy life.
Cause that is all what we're looking for is peace and happiness.
But to wrap up with, um, my work story, one thing I failed to do was communicate.
(15:02):
I didn't, I didn't really get to the bottom of it.
I, um, I really, I really took it personally and I felt, I felt, yeah, I felt, felt, I
felt it was personal.
I felt being attacked, um, and I should have, I should have had more conversations, but
(15:22):
that is, that is why, you know, that's, that's why, that's why I'm here now is to let you
guys know, have more conversations.
That's that's how, that's how important communication is in a relationship because it either makes
or it breaks depending on how you use it.
And I didn't use it at all.
I, um, like I said, over the very sensitive time for me, so I stayed to myself.
(15:46):
I thought if I just duck my head, um, stayed low, people leave me alone.
Nope.
Especially, especially niggas, especially, excuse me, young black men that can work that,
I mean, that are, that are smart, that are, that, that, that get it.
You guys know what I mean.
(16:07):
The ones that actually carries, put, put people in their damn backpack and actually carry
them.
I'm talking about, I was exploited.
I, Jesus, but we'll, uh, we'll move past that.
One thing, one thing that I did learn is like, yeah, like I said, that's, that's how, that's
(16:30):
how important communication is, um, within all relationships because it literally made
or break.
Um, how can I word this?
It's, I was going to get out anyway, but it really, it really left the sour taste in my
(16:54):
mouth and I, and I, and I still have it.
So I, and I'm still, still working and healing on that.
Make sure you have those communications, those talks, those conversations.
So you won't have to, so you won't have to heal like I am right now.
(17:14):
Still.
It's, it's, it's only, it's only ever when I think about it.
So it's no big deal.
I can, I can literally probably live the rest of my life now and not thinking about it,
but moving on that's, that's that with, um, with, uh, with connections.
Um, so when you think about your connections, think about your mental wellbeing, the state
(17:41):
of your mental wellbeing, the relationship with this person, with that person.
Are you having conversations with people to know what, um, what that person might be going
(18:02):
through, um, because it could all be misunderstanding. Um, a big example of misunderstanding was,
like I said, I am, I, I have a, I think I have a lot of problems, but I am, uh, I'm
working through it, working through it.
(18:24):
Um, and then I talked to my dad for, for over three years and thinking about it now that,
uh, it really hurt. Um, but at the time I was, um, I misunderstood, um, a lot of, uh,
(18:51):
a lot, a lot of the minor downfalls that I experienced, um, early in early in, in, in,
well later on in the, in the military, I, um, I blamed it on my father and I, uh, I
know now that it's not, it's not the right thing to do it. It's, it's not the right
way to go. Um, why, why did I blame it on my father? Um, at the time and I, and I, and
(19:29):
I say this is a, uh, a big misunderstanding is because the times that we grow up in my,
um, my father's up there in age. So I won't, I won't tell y'all that, but we grew up in
a different time. He grew up in a, in a, in a, in a different time than what I grew up
(19:54):
in or what you probably grew up in. Um, because, Hey, I w I was, I was, I was brought up in,
in what the late nineties to, I graduated high school out of 2013. So I was definitely
brought up a different time from, from definitely, definitely from my pops. Um, and my very
(20:23):
emotional person, I take, take things personal sometimes I really don't want to, but it happens.
I hate saying it is what it is. That's really something I need to work on is, um, being
more, more control of my emotions. I got more intact with them as I became more aware of
myself and, um, and, uh, the people around me. So I'm doing better with emotions. Um,
(20:54):
but yeah, going back to my pops, big, the, it was a big misunderstanding because we,
it's definitely, it's definitely from the time, from the time he grew up, it's definitely
different from the time I grew up because I, I don't get the things that he say or
do sometimes I still don't, but I have, uh, what I, what I forgot was, um, unconditional
(21:23):
love and understanding for my family. Um, forgot, I forgot, forgot a lot of, uh, values
along the way with, um, with a shut of my pops out. So communication, see it, it, uh,
it breaks, it breaks me up a little bit. So communication, communication is, is that important?
(21:47):
It's, um, we had a big misunderstanding. What brought us together was, um, rest in peace.
My, um, my, my aunt passed away this summer. Um, and I hate, and I hate that, uh, the sadness
brought us together, but I'm glad that I'm glad that we can talk now. I'm glad that,
(22:08):
um, I remember what it is, you know, what it means to have family values, excuse me,
what it means to have family values and to, um, to have unconditional love and understanding
for your family.
(22:28):
So how did I learn how important communication was? Um, I'd say it was taught to me. Um,
and I'm going to get into romantic relationships now. Oh yeah. We're going, we're going, we're
going to get into the dating scene of the 21st century of 2023. Jesus. Honestly, the
(22:56):
dating scene now is, is, is, is a, is a whole episode in itself. So, um, I won't, I won't
take too much time. I, uh, I'll use the rest of my time now to, um, to go over relationships,
um, romantic relationships and, uh, what I learned from my relapse, my last relationship
(23:21):
and how'd I learn communication. So I'd say it was, yeah, it was definitely 2017, but
2016, fall, 2016, I'd say October, November. I had just got selected to go to Italy. Yes.
(23:50):
Italy. I was Euro step in for real. For two years I was in Italy. I, um, let's see where
that station is. Oh, I was stationed in Naples everywhere else. They call it Napoli. You
know, Americans are different. I don't know why, whatever. But yeah. And I'd say first
(24:16):
to second weekend, I, I met my ex and, uh, it's, um, it's funny. It's funny how we, it's
funny how we got things going. So she at the time didn't speak any English, zero whatsoever.
(24:40):
How, how did I learn communication from someone that I could not communicate with? Um, so
I'll, I'll, I'll start from the beginning, how I met her, how I got her number and, um,
how we lasted three years and how it became the, the greatest relationship and the best
(25:04):
thing that's happened to me since. Um, so yes, it was my second weekend in Italy. I
was Euro stepping, eating pizza, drinking that damn vino, doing, doing the thing. Um,
(25:26):
but I was in the club. It's fucking 3 AM. I can't see it's time to go home. I want to
go. So I'm sitting down, I'm tired, I'm hurting, I'm suffering. She sits next to me. I'm like,
oh shit, it's time to go. Anyway, might as well get this number. La la la la la la la
(25:47):
la la. She can't speak. She, she, she said, huh, you know, excuse me. She starts, she
starts speaking in Italian and I can understand what, what was going on. And that liquor was
hitting me. Ooh, we, I'm telling you, it was, it was time to go home, but luckily she has
(26:13):
a cousin that did that, that, that was fluent in English, the coincidences. And she's just
so happened to be next to us as well. So she translated for me, I think, I think you're
really cute. I want to, I want to get your number so I can talk to you, whatever. This
(26:34):
9 to 3rd. And yeah, we started rolling baby. But it was difficult. It was, it was difficult
to, to be in a relationship, to talk to someone every day that did not speak English. So yes,
(26:58):
I did have to learn some Italian. Some compromises were made and I'm glad I did it because it,
it built a stronger relationship. And I'll, and I'll continue to make compromises today
because I, what she also taught me was a relationship should be equal. And how she showed me was
(27:29):
she made compromises of her own learning English for her, for, for just to speak to me. I,
I'm not going to get too in depth with our, with, with, you know, how that, that will
be a conversation for another day. But she, she, she, um, I was the first time with a
(27:54):
lot of things and I, and I say that that takes a lot of compromise because it's really hard.
It's really, it's really hard. You, you'll understand how, how important communication
is until you really cannot communicate with that person. That's how hard, that's, that's
(28:18):
how important communication is because it's, it's, it's, it's a, it's, it's a transfer
of information for one. It's a way of expressing, a way of conveying your feelings. It's, communication
(28:40):
does a lot for us. And I don't want, and I don't want to say that, oh, you're, Sean,
you're telling me I don't, I don't, I don't talk to my boyfriend enough. I don't talk
to my girlfriend enough. La la la la la la la. You full of shit. I'm saying what kind
(29:01):
of communications are we having? And this is where I'm going to get into deep conversations.
I understand, you know, sometimes there's just nothing to talk about. There's always
(29:27):
something to talk about, big or small, but there's always something to talk about big.
I want to say growing up, married couples did this, renewing, renewing their vows. And
(29:58):
how else can you renew your vows? You return back to the conversation that you had when
you made the vows in the first place. I feel like we need to talk about big things repetitively.
Because believe it or not, the human, the human mind is a lot weaker than you think.
(30:24):
We were a lot, we break down a lot easier than you think we do. Not some, I guess some
people have words of affirmation as their love language. It's, it's, it's a real thing.
(30:51):
It reestablishes, it can even reignite what you've, what you think you've lost with that
person that you're in love with. So going back to me and my, my ex, as time progressed,
(31:19):
we got better. My, my Italian got better and she was getting better at her English and
soon we stopped speaking without the Google translator. Yeah. That's how, that's how we
were, that's how we talked for the first, I'd say year on that Google translate baby.
(31:42):
I had that shit downloaded. Well, excuse me, but communication is, is always possible.
Thank God for technology. I don't know what I would do without, without, without that,
without Google translator, but communication is what kept us together. We had talks, we,
(32:20):
we've, we always have talks and in my next relationship, I, I definitely will use what
I learned from my last relationship, which was having more conversations. Communication
(32:47):
is key. Communication is a bridge. Communication upholds connections. Communication heals connections.
When all else fails and there's nothing left, there's always communication. There's always
(33:16):
there's always an opportunity to talk to that person. And for better or worse, what you
get out of that conversation at the end of the day, I'm, I think you'll be happy that
you'll, you'll have that conversation because you, I don't, I don't know how else you'll,
(33:40):
you'll establish a healthy relationship for your wellbeing, for your mental wellbeing.
And that's it. Yeah. That's it on relationships. It's a lot, it's a lot in relationships, honestly,
(34:04):
but we, we can start off, we can start off with communication. Well, Sean, what if I
don't have a friend relationship? Well, I encourage you to go outside and find some
friends on, no, I don't, I don't mean that in a, in a sarcastic manner. I, this, I am,
(34:31):
I'm actually challenging all those that are shut in or introverted to, to reach out and
make relationships with people. You, you see that, you see that woman or that man walking
that damn dog or, or, or whatever, you know, say, Hey, Hey, good morning. Good afternoon.
How you doing? And you know, maybe there's a conversation, a great conversation and,
(34:58):
and a great relationship, you know, we'll just waiting for you, waiting for you at the
door there, but you need the key to open that door. And what is that key? It's the C word.
Oh, I forgot this recording. Y'all can't talk to me. It's communication. That's real. It's,
(35:21):
it's so important guys. So important. And yeah, that is my challenge. So it's all those
that, that, that don't, that feel they don't have relationships that feel they have toxic
relationships or relationships that they want to fix. I promise you, it all starts with
(35:44):
communication. Um, and to those that are, that are unsure of the type of relationship
that are, that they are in, I'll tell you this. Um, I think that relationships are supposed
to be nurturing and supportive. Um, and I said it early in the episode, if the vibes
(36:07):
ain't there, it is what it is. It is what it is. Excuse me. I still said it wrong. It
is what it is. And with that peace, I will see y'all Monday.
Yo, what's good everybody?
(00:18):
Thank you for tuning in.
This is the healing club podcast special episode.
We really don't usually do this during the week.
So I guess that's what makes it very special.
No but um, what makes this special is if you had the chance to tune into episode three,
you'll notice that the audio quality is um, is in is uh, is very poor, very opposite of
(00:46):
rich.
So I wanted to make up for it with a um, with a special episode for y'all.
I plan on plan on doing this every so often once in a blue moon.
I think it'd be cool to drop a special episode just out of nowhere.
So yeah, expect that in the future.
(01:08):
That should be cool for real.
But um, I won't have Luke the greatest with me this week.
Well for this special episode, but he'll be back with me this um, this weekend.
So we'll get episode four out for y'all on Monday.
So be on the lookout for that.
All right.
So um, in this special episode, I um, I wanted to summarize go over what we talked about
(01:32):
in episode three, we're gonna, we're gonna skip the the the sport talk and all that we'll
let that accumulate throughout the week.
It's still a lot of a lot of basketball and football to watch right now.
So I'll let that I'll let that build up for the week and then we'll talk about that this
weekend.
But going back, going back to the topic, um, in episode three, we talked about relationships.
(01:58):
We went over the definition what it meant to us.
The relationships that we hold right now and how they impact our our mental well being.
So let's let's just go over that.
I I'm pretty sure you guys didn't really get to hear all the good points that we get that
(02:21):
we had talked about in episode three.
So I'll just go ahead and regurgitate it all.
So uh, relationship.
So a relationship is the way in which two or more people are connected or the way they
behave toward each other.
So I'm not talking about romantic relationship.
(02:44):
So I will get more in depth into that later on in the episode as as this is a special
episode.
I'll make it very special and go go in depth into romantics.
But later on, you have your romantic relationship with your lover.
You have a relationship with your father, your mother, your sister, your friends, your best
(03:08):
friend.
Um, you even have a relationship with with the coworker that you see.
Um, see any any any anyone that that is the description of being connected.
Um, and I think what establishes a relationship is the mutual interaction between one another.
(03:33):
Definitely, you cannot build a relationship without interaction.
And I guess what, uh, what I'm leaning towards to is communication.
That is the key.
Well, honestly, that that say that is, yeah, that is the key.
(03:55):
It literally opens all the doors to, um, to all opportunities, all connections.
It all it all starts all with a hey, how you doing?
Or hello, my name is so and so.
Um, so forth and so on.
By the way, I think I forgot to forgot to introduce myself.
(04:16):
My name is Sean.
I am one half of the healing club healing club podcast moving on.
But that that is what establishes a relationship.
A mutual interaction, um, I say there are there has to be common ground as well within
(04:38):
a within a relationship.
Um, so everyone knows what what what makes a relationship.
You it's literally the person that you talk to almost every day.
There are the people that you know.
I'll put it like that, that or probably that you think, you know, um, and why is the relationship
(05:01):
so important in mental health and mental well-being?
Um, so are all relationships perfect?
Think about the connections that you have with the people right now.
Are they healthy?
Or do they feel toxic?
(05:23):
If they are toxic, what made it toxic?
So I want to go back to communication and why I think communication is a big, big deal,
a very big deal, and especially in today's modern society.
Um, specifically, I think we do not speak enough.
(05:45):
I don't think we communicate enough.
I don't think there is enough conversations.
Um, and what I mean by conversations, I'm I mean real conversations.
You know, I don't mean I don't mean small talk.
I don't mean, you know, the hey, how you doing?
(06:06):
Oh, nice day.
We're having I, you know, the talk where you can establish common ground.
No talks are, you know, are direct as such.
I'm pretty sure with, um, with one conversation of of small talk, you can establish well,
actually a lot of relationships, a lot of friendships are established that way with,
(06:30):
um, with a little bit of small talk.
Um, I'll go, I'll go deeper in depth what I mean when I say deep conversations, when
we get into, um, when we get into romantic relationships, because I think that's, that's
where that would apply more.
But I'm pretty sure, uh, deep, like deep conversations you can, you can also have with your friends.
(06:58):
Um, I'd say with mental health and a relationship, common ground is also a, um, a key factor
in maintaining a healthy relationship.
Um, so I'll put my age out there.
I am 28 years old.
(07:21):
I used to have a lot of friends.
I, um, I think I went on a bridge burning path, but more so I, uh, I understood myself
more and I, uh, I looked back at those connections and to me, it, you know, everyone, everyone
(07:49):
knows what, what, what it is in 2023, the vibes, right?
If the vibes I ain't there, then it is what it is.
I can't say that that's a very, uh, good mindset.
Um, reason being is because I've, I've held this mindset for, for a while and I can tell
you that it's, um, it's not a very good mindset when, when, when I guess you want to hold
(08:16):
relationships.
Um, but I think back on it, toxic relationships are just not there to hold, um, because the
lack of common ground, um, we're going to go back to communication.
(08:39):
So do we, do we communicate enough?
Do you, do you talk, do you talk with your, with this person enough in this toxic relationship?
So with communication are the, are the, um, conversations that we're having are honest
and sincere.
Um, do you know the person's intentions?
(09:02):
So in relationships, we, we, we, we really get into relationships.
It is, it is a human nature and it is nothing to be ashamed of, but in human nature, we
find the most advantageous relationship.
We find the one that we can have the most advantages in.
(09:25):
Um, one that we can benefit the most.
Um, and I, I'm saying it to be real because that is who we are.
We, uh, we're always looking for the best deal.
Um, but it's important to know that in a relationship.
(09:45):
And I think it's important that everyone, um, is aware of, of the human nature.
Um, for instance, I, um, during, during the episode with, uh, episode three, um, with
Luke, I told him, I, I needed him on this podcast because I could not do a wolf out
(10:07):
of them.
And I would say that is a, uh, advantage in having a brother relationship with Luke.
Um, because since we're, since we're bros, we're, we're, we're close, we're good.
We're great friends.
I can, I can have the trust in him and I know that he'll be honest with me back that I can
(10:36):
land this podcast with him, that I can, that I, that I can actually do this with him, um,
because I really cannot do this without, without, without him.
So, uh, think of that as all about in how you use your advantages.
And I think we, we tend to exploit it.
(10:57):
We take advantage.
We, um, I guess abuse it.
Um, that can definitely cause a stir, a, uh, very, very, a very toxic, um, I guess environment.
Um, and I have a, I have a, uh, an example of that for you guys.
(11:20):
So I felt like I was in a toxic, uh, work relationship.
I to this day, it probably was, and I'll let you guys be the judge of that.
But when me and Luke were in the Navy, um, we had the same jobs.
We were, um, we're working with helicopters, doing paperwork, this down to third.
(11:41):
I had to manage a server who would do right.
But um, I was the only person that could manage the server that had the training out of, uh,
let's see how many people we had in our, in our office.
I don't know, 10, whatever it's, it's a good number, but, but, but this, this is no knock
(12:03):
on them.
It is what it is.
Like I said, that this is the way of life.
But I felt it was a very toxic relationship because it was more take and not enough give
because well, another, another aspect, another, another factor that makes a healthy relationship
(12:27):
is, is given take equal it and an equal exchange.
Um, and whatever your definition of equal may be.
So because, because it's that, that, that's all subjective.
(12:49):
Um, and, and you'll know what I mean when, um, when, when you have relationships.
Um, but going back to my work relationship, I, I thought I was being taken advantage of
I was, since I was the only one that knew, knew a damn about anything in there.
I'd hate to say it, but, um, just running circles everywhere and shit.
(13:13):
It was, uh, it was stressful and it was very toxic because I'm the only one I was, I was
really the only one I felt prick, prick in my damn back working.
I was always the one, I was always the one being sent out to do, you know, special activities,
(13:33):
this that and that third, um, I, because I guess I just had the training, whatever.
I got sick of it.
It was, it, it overwhelmed me and it was a bad timing for me because, um, I, I, I'm,
I tend to think a lot.
(13:53):
I have a lot going through my head.
I feel like, I feel like I have a hundred thoughts in a minute.
So this, this was a very sensitive time for me, I'd say, because, uh, the last three years
(14:13):
I spent it, um, I spent it healing from, from my last relationship, um, my romantic relationship
and, uh, I'll, uh, I will definitely get into that with you guys and what I learned and
what I could do to improve my mental wellbeing so that I won't make the same mistakes as
(14:36):
I go forward and I can continue to live, to live a peaceful and happy life.
Cause that is all what we're looking for is peace and happiness.
But to wrap up with, um, my work story, one thing I failed to do was communicate.
(15:02):
I didn't, I didn't really get to the bottom of it.
I, um, I really, I really took it personally and I felt, I felt, yeah, I felt, felt, I
felt it was personal.
I felt being attacked, um, and I should have, I should have had more conversations, but
(15:22):
that is, that is why, you know, that's, that's why, that's why I'm here now is to let you
guys know, have more conversations.
That's that's how, that's how important communication is in a relationship because it either makes
or it breaks depending on how you use it.
And I didn't use it at all.
I, um, like I said, over the very sensitive time for me, so I stayed to myself.
(15:46):
I thought if I just duck my head, um, stayed low, people leave me alone.
Nope.
Especially, especially niggas, especially, excuse me, young black men that can work that,
I mean, that are, that are smart, that are, that, that, that get it.
You guys know what I mean.
(16:07):
The ones that actually carries, put, put people in their damn backpack and actually carry
them.
I'm talking about, I was exploited.
I, Jesus, but we'll, uh, we'll move past that.
One thing, one thing that I did learn is like, yeah, like I said, that's, that's how, that's
(16:30):
how important communication is, um, within all relationships because it literally made
or break.
Um, how can I word this?
It's, I was going to get out anyway, but it really, it really left the sour taste in my
(16:54):
mouth and I, and I, and I still have it.
So I, and I'm still, still working and healing on that.
Make sure you have those communications, those talks, those conversations.
So you won't have to, so you won't have to heal like I am right now.
(17:14):
Still.
It's, it's, it's only, it's only ever when I think about it.
So it's no big deal.
I can, I can literally probably live the rest of my life now and not thinking about it,
but moving on that's, that's that with, um, with, uh, with connections.
Um, so when you think about your connections, think about your mental wellbeing, the state
(17:41):
of your mental wellbeing, the relationship with this person, with that person.
Are you having conversations with people to know what, um, what that person might be going
(18:02):
through, um, because it could all be misunderstanding. Um, a big example of misunderstanding was,
like I said, I am, I, I have a, I think I have a lot of problems, but I am, uh, I'm
working through it, working through it.
(18:24):
Um, and then I talked to my dad for, for over three years and thinking about it now that,
uh, it really hurt. Um, but at the time I was, um, I misunderstood, um, a lot of, uh,
(18:51):
a lot, a lot of the minor downfalls that I experienced, um, early in early in, in, in,
well later on in the, in the military, I, um, I blamed it on my father and I, uh, I
know now that it's not, it's not the right thing to do it. It's, it's not the right
way to go. Um, why, why did I blame it on my father? Um, at the time and I, and I, and
(19:29):
I say this is a, uh, a big misunderstanding is because the times that we grow up in my,
um, my father's up there in age. So I won't, I won't tell y'all that, but we grew up in
a different time. He grew up in a, in a, in a, in a different time than what I grew up
(19:54):
in or what you probably grew up in. Um, because, Hey, I w I was, I was, I was brought up in,
in what the late nineties to, I graduated high school out of 2013. So I was definitely
brought up a different time from, from definitely, definitely from my pops. Um, and my very
(20:23):
emotional person, I take, take things personal sometimes I really don't want to, but it happens.
I hate saying it is what it is. That's really something I need to work on is, um, being
more, more control of my emotions. I got more intact with them as I became more aware of
myself and, um, and, uh, the people around me. So I'm doing better with emotions. Um,
(20:54):
but yeah, going back to my pops, big, the, it was a big misunderstanding because we,
it's definitely, it's definitely from the time, from the time he grew up, it's definitely
different from the time I grew up because I, I don't get the things that he say or
do sometimes I still don't, but I have, uh, what I, what I forgot was, um, unconditional
(21:23):
love and understanding for my family. Um, forgot, I forgot, forgot a lot of, uh, values
along the way with, um, with a shut of my pops out. So communication, see it, it, uh,
it breaks, it breaks me up a little bit. So communication, communication is, is that important?
(21:47):
It's, um, we had a big misunderstanding. What brought us together was, um, rest in peace.
My, um, my, my aunt passed away this summer. Um, and I hate, and I hate that, uh, the sadness
brought us together, but I'm glad that I'm glad that we can talk now. I'm glad that,
(22:08):
um, I remember what it is, you know, what it means to have family values, excuse me,
what it means to have family values and to, um, to have unconditional love and understanding
for your family.
(22:28):
So how did I learn how important communication was? Um, I'd say it was taught to me. Um,
and I'm going to get into romantic relationships now. Oh yeah. We're going, we're going, we're
going to get into the dating scene of the 21st century of 2023. Jesus. Honestly, the
(22:56):
dating scene now is, is, is, is a, is a whole episode in itself. So, um, I won't, I won't
take too much time. I, uh, I'll use the rest of my time now to, um, to go over relationships,
um, romantic relationships and, uh, what I learned from my relapse, my last relationship
(23:21):
and how'd I learn communication. So I'd say it was, yeah, it was definitely 2017, but
2016, fall, 2016, I'd say October, November. I had just got selected to go to Italy. Yes.
(23:50):
Italy. I was Euro step in for real. For two years I was in Italy. I, um, let's see where
that station is. Oh, I was stationed in Naples everywhere else. They call it Napoli. You
know, Americans are different. I don't know why, whatever. But yeah. And I'd say first
(24:16):
to second weekend, I, I met my ex and, uh, it's, um, it's funny. It's funny how we, it's
funny how we got things going. So she at the time didn't speak any English, zero whatsoever.
(24:40):
How, how did I learn communication from someone that I could not communicate with? Um, so
I'll, I'll, I'll start from the beginning, how I met her, how I got her number and, um,
how we lasted three years and how it became the, the greatest relationship and the best
(25:04):
thing that's happened to me since. Um, so yes, it was my second weekend in Italy. I
was Euro stepping, eating pizza, drinking that damn vino, doing, doing the thing. Um,
(25:26):
but I was in the club. It's fucking 3 AM. I can't see it's time to go home. I want to
go. So I'm sitting down, I'm tired, I'm hurting, I'm suffering. She sits next to me. I'm like,
oh shit, it's time to go. Anyway, might as well get this number. La la la la la la la
(25:47):
la la. She can't speak. She, she, she said, huh, you know, excuse me. She starts, she
starts speaking in Italian and I can understand what, what was going on. And that liquor was
hitting me. Ooh, we, I'm telling you, it was, it was time to go home, but luckily she has
(26:13):
a cousin that did that, that, that was fluent in English, the coincidences. And she's just
so happened to be next to us as well. So she translated for me, I think, I think you're
really cute. I want to, I want to get your number so I can talk to you, whatever. This
(26:34):
9 to 3rd. And yeah, we started rolling baby. But it was difficult. It was, it was difficult
to, to be in a relationship, to talk to someone every day that did not speak English. So yes,
(26:58):
I did have to learn some Italian. Some compromises were made and I'm glad I did it because it,
it built a stronger relationship. And I'll, and I'll continue to make compromises today
because I, what she also taught me was a relationship should be equal. And how she showed me was
(27:29):
she made compromises of her own learning English for her, for, for just to speak to me. I,
I'm not going to get too in depth with our, with, with, you know, how that, that will
be a conversation for another day. But she, she, she, um, I was the first time with a
(27:54):
lot of things and I, and I say that that takes a lot of compromise because it's really hard.
It's really, it's really hard. You, you'll understand how, how important communication
is until you really cannot communicate with that person. That's how hard, that's, that's
(28:18):
how important communication is because it's, it's, it's, it's a, it's, it's a transfer
of information for one. It's a way of expressing, a way of conveying your feelings. It's, communication
(28:40):
does a lot for us. And I don't want, and I don't want to say that, oh, you're, Sean,
you're telling me I don't, I don't, I don't talk to my boyfriend enough. I don't talk
to my girlfriend enough. La la la la la la la. You full of shit. I'm saying what kind
(29:01):
of communications are we having? And this is where I'm going to get into deep conversations.
I understand, you know, sometimes there's just nothing to talk about. There's always
(29:27):
something to talk about, big or small, but there's always something to talk about big.
I want to say growing up, married couples did this, renewing, renewing their vows. And
(29:58):
how else can you renew your vows? You return back to the conversation that you had when
you made the vows in the first place. I feel like we need to talk about big things repetitively.
Because believe it or not, the human, the human mind is a lot weaker than you think.
(30:24):
We were a lot, we break down a lot easier than you think we do. Not some, I guess some
people have words of affirmation as their love language. It's, it's, it's a real thing.
(30:51):
It reestablishes, it can even reignite what you've, what you think you've lost with that
person that you're in love with. So going back to me and my, my ex, as time progressed,
(31:19):
we got better. My, my Italian got better and she was getting better at her English and
soon we stopped speaking without the Google translator. Yeah. That's how, that's how we
were, that's how we talked for the first, I'd say year on that Google translate baby.
(31:42):
I had that shit downloaded. Well, excuse me, but communication is, is always possible.
Thank God for technology. I don't know what I would do without, without, without that,
without Google translator, but communication is what kept us together. We had talks, we,
(32:20):
we've, we always have talks and in my next relationship, I, I definitely will use what
I learned from my last relationship, which was having more conversations. Communication
(32:47):
is key. Communication is a bridge. Communication upholds connections. Communication heals connections.
When all else fails and there's nothing left, there's always communication. There's always
(33:16):
there's always an opportunity to talk to that person. And for better or worse, what you
get out of that conversation at the end of the day, I'm, I think you'll be happy that
you'll, you'll have that conversation because you, I don't, I don't know how else you'll,
(33:40):
you'll establish a healthy relationship for your wellbeing, for your mental wellbeing.
And that's it. Yeah. That's it on relationships. It's a lot, it's a lot in relationships, honestly,
(34:04):
but we, we can start off, we can start off with communication. Well, Sean, what if I
don't have a friend relationship? Well, I encourage you to go outside and find some
friends on, no, I don't, I don't mean that in a, in a sarcastic manner. I, this, I am,
(34:31):
I'm actually challenging all those that are shut in or introverted to, to reach out and
make relationships with people. You, you see that, you see that woman or that man walking
that damn dog or, or, or whatever, you know, say, Hey, Hey, good morning. Good afternoon.
How you doing? And you know, maybe there's a conversation, a great conversation and,
(34:58):
and a great relationship, you know, we'll just waiting for you, waiting for you at the
door there, but you need the key to open that door. And what is that key? It's the C word.
Oh, I forgot this recording. Y'all can't talk to me. It's communication. That's real. It's,
(35:21):
it's so important guys. So important. And yeah, that is my challenge. So it's all those
that, that, that don't, that feel they don't have relationships that feel they have toxic
relationships or relationships that they want to fix. I promise you, it all starts with
(35:44):
communication. Um, and to those that are, that are unsure of the type of relationship
that are, that they are in, I'll tell you this. Um, I think that relationships are supposed
to be nurturing and supportive. Um, and I said it early in the episode, if the vibes
(36:07):
ain't there, it is what it is. It is what it is. Excuse me. I still said it wrong. It
is what it is. And with that peace, I will see y'all Monday.
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