In this episode, we confront a pervasive question many women grapple with: "Why do you think you have to do it all?" This inquiry probes the deep-seated beliefs and societal pressures that compel women to strive for perfection across all areas of life—career, family, personal health, and social obligations.
We'll dissect the roots of this mindset, examining how cultural narratives and gender roles shape our expectations of ourselves and others. The compulsion to juggle everything perfectly isn't just exhausting; it can detract from our deeper purpose and personal well-being.
Our discussion will guide listeners toward strategies for setting realistic expectations, prioritizing self-care, and learning to delegate or say no. We'll emphasize the importance of identifying what truly matters to us, rather than adhering to external standards of success. By doing so, we empower ourselves to make choices that align with our values and life goals.
Join us as we explore how to dismantle the myth of 'doing it all' and how to embrace a more balanced, fulfilling approach to life. This is a call to action for women to redefine success on their own terms and reclaim their right to peace and satisfaction.
Join us as we dive deep into understanding the delicate balance of offering support without overshadowing the personal agency and insights of those we aim to help. This conversation is about enhancing our effectiveness as supporters by fostering an atmosphere of respect, understanding, and true empowerment.
Don't miss this conversation on aligning your career with personal values and goals!
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Welcome to "The Heart of Success," where we redefine success with Larisa Vakulina – a multi-awarded entrepreneur, healer, and mentor.
Feeling unfulfilled despite your achievements? Larisa knows your journey. Each week, she shares powerful insights to help you blend professional success with personal fulfillment. Through her unique blend of business strategies and spiritual principles, you'll discover your true self and build a heart-aligned life.
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Episode Transcript
Hello everyone.
You are on the Heart of Successshow and I'm your host, larissa
Vakulina.
Go live every Wednesday at 2 pmSouth Australian time zone.
And here on this show, I'msharing with you different tools
, tips, motivation, inspirationhow you can make your life much
(00:21):
more enjoyable, happy, healthy,satisfied, fulfilled and
absolutely amazing and full ofexperiences that we can actually
have here in this form.
So today I wanted to continuethe series of my episodes
(00:54):
talking about successful, strongwomen.
Why do we assume, or why do wethink, by others?
(01:17):
I have to do it all foreveryone.
I have to take responsibilityfor friends, for family, for
children, for parents, forbusiness, for all the external
aspects of my life, in order forme to feel good inside.
(01:43):
In order for me to feel goodinside, it's because, starting
very early in our physicaljourney, when we are kids, when
we go to kindergarten, when wego to school, we've always been
(02:09):
taught to be nice, to be goodgirls, to behave, and we've
always been taught to beexternally focused and make
other people happy, make otherpeople feel good, make other
people to feel comfortablearound us, and that's what I did
.
And that's what I did.
I stretched myself all the timeto be over-loyal, over-giving,
(02:41):
over-understanding, supportingpeople that are around me and
I'm not saying we don't do this,but the difference from
supporting them from thefullness of your own personal
club, your heart, and from theplace of deficit, from the place
of limitation, it's twodifferent stories.
(03:04):
Well, I didn't know that and Iwas just so rigidly giving to
others and supporting themwithout even realizing that I
did it all from that place ofnot enoughness, from the place
(03:27):
of limit and from the place ofnot completed me, because I was
not value myself, I was nothaving my worthiness in the
(03:48):
total sense of it.
I was doing it allunconsciously, of course,
unconsciously, without evenhaving any awareness that I was
doing it from the place ofneediness and receiving back
that love, respect, admiration,without understanding that if
(04:14):
I'm doing it from the place ofthe deficit in me, I only will
receive that same deficit fromothers, because that's deficit
from others, because that's theuniversal law, that's how
everything is relating to eachother.
(04:34):
We only can receive from othersor external world what we
actually putting back into theothers or the external world in
terms of from which place we'redoing it.
It is really confusing and theborder of understanding from
(05:01):
which space we're living andfrom which space we are relating
to ourselves and others can bereally confusing.
But we need to develop thatawareness of what place within
(05:21):
ourselves we are relating toothers and to ourselves first.
So when I was just over-loyal,over-giving, over-understanding
deep inside, I was hoping thatall my over-loyalty will come
(05:46):
back to me in the same form.
But it never did, because itwas coming out from me, from the
place of not enoughness, fromthe place of wanting love and
acceptance and connection andrespect.
(06:09):
But it was from that limited,very fearful, not respected
place within myself which Ididn't understand back then and
a lot of women still notunderstanding this and a lot of
women still not understandingthis.
They still operating from thatsame place of being not enough,
(06:30):
of having limitations within, ofI'm not worthy, not valuing
yourself enough, not lovingyourself enough.
And this is the difference.
It's a very minute, very subtle, internal energetic output that
(07:00):
we're actually sending outthere.
But I'm sending it, I wassending it.
I was sending it unconsciouslyand other people unconsciously
picking it up in the right sense.
Yes, that's from deficit.
That's really this.
You know, she wants somethingfrom me, she wants something
(07:24):
from us, and these dynamicsgoing on everywhere around.
I'm observing from my clients,from groups, I'm teaching from
all of these people around methat come for help, displaying
these same dynamics.
(07:44):
It is a really painful place tobe, it is a really limited place
to be and it is always like apuzzle, like there's always this
thought well, how come I amconstantly putting myself out
there to look after everyone,and why I'm not feeling the same
(08:08):
giving from them?
It's because first we need tofind that love, that respect,
that worthiness, that valuewithin ourselves.
And when we become aware ofthat, when we start this process
of understanding, that first ismy own personal complete
(08:45):
comfort within who I am, onlythen we can have relationship
with the other, inviting them toshare the same.
So when we are going throughthis period of our time, I'm
(09:09):
talking to you successful,powerful, strong woman.
You already achieved everything, you already have it all, have
it all, but that deep inunfulfillment within you, you
always having this puzzlingthought like why?
(09:31):
Why I am having it all but Istill feel off.
But like why I am justachieving everything I'm
successful I'm, but why I amjust achieving everything, I'm
successful, I'm doing so muchand I check all the boxes, but
(09:53):
within I feel like something ismissing and you cannot nail it.
You cannot nail it and you'rejust puzzled all the time, and
then you're wasting your energyjust sitting and keep puzzling
instead of just reflecting andsaying, yes, I need some help, I
(10:19):
need some guidance.
Saying, yes, I need some help,I need some guidance.
So, but for strong woman it isso hard, because strong women
believes that she can do itherself.
She believes that she's sostrong and she actually can
drive herself into deepestcrisis that she eventually will
(10:39):
collapse.
She eventually will collapse.
She eventually will feel thatpeople betraying her, the ones
that she was over-loyal,over-giving, over-understanding
they will betray her.
She will find out that her bodycannot hold it anymore.
She would find out that shecannot control anything anymore
(11:02):
other people or situations andbusinesses and children and
things.
That's painful.
That is really not necessary.
That struggle is not necessaryto be in your life.
You put in so much effort intobuilding your life.
(11:22):
You're putting so much effortinto building your life,
building success and buildingthe life you want to live.
You believe that when you'resuccessful, you're going to be
happy, but you only findyourself experiencing
disconnection from other people,from your children, from your
(11:43):
loved ones, from your parents,from friends.
So I'm just inviting you toreflect on your life and if
there is a feeling of somethingmissing and that you believe
(12:05):
that you are in control, youhave to do it all.
Only in that belief you feelcomfort, you feel comforting,
you feel that you are feelinglike I'm fine, because this is
(12:26):
defense, this is protection, youfunctioning from that very,
very wounded place in yourself.
That control can give youcomfort of managing everything
and managing everyone, but inreality it will bring you deep,
(12:47):
deep pain eventually.
How long can you keep managingsomething that doesn't need to
be managed?
What needs to be managed isyour internal space.
You need to start to build yourself-awareness.
You need to start to flip thatfunctioning from the place of
(13:11):
deficit to the place of peace.
Confidence within yourself,true confidence, abundance, just
that inner knowing that you areworthy.
You are worthy, you are abrilliant, you are a diamond
(13:33):
that needs to be just polished alittle bit.
You already done it all.
You just need to have a littlestep from here, from the place
of proving yourself, to theplace of I am worthy and I know
(13:56):
what I want and I know how mylife needs to be.
I know we are strong women andsuccessful women.
We think that I can do it all.
And if we have this, you knowtiredness, we have the
(14:20):
depression, we have the anxietyof things.
We go to doctor because webelieve that doctors can help us
possibly, but they only canhelp, maybe slightly to improve
your symptoms for a day or two,maybe a week, but then it will
(14:42):
hit you more.
It will hit you more.
So I'm going to run aface-to-face program, the Ascara
Principles, where we can divedeeper into that internal space
(15:03):
of your brilliant self and getthe awareness of why, why we are
creating pain in our lives, whywe are achieving so much and
we're doing so much, as we'retaught to be good, nice girls
(15:25):
and behave, but we forget aboutwho we are and we're just
chasing this success in the nameof being successful, in the
(15:48):
name of fitting into thesocietal definition of success,
forgetting about ourselves,forgetting about who we are and
how we can give more and giveunlimited, from the place of
(16:08):
enoughness, from the place ofbeing worthy, from the place of
valuing ourselves, from theplace of that inner divine
abundance that you are.
You just need to flip it.
You need to transform thatlimited, painful, distorted
(16:32):
belief that you can do it allinto the belief of okay, I stuck
, I stuck and I hit the wall.
I don't know what to do and Ihit the wall.
I don't know what to do, I haveit all, but I don't have that
internal happiness andfulfillment.
(16:54):
Ask for help, asking for help,is actually a very.
It is the strength, it's notthe weakness.
So I love you strong,successful woman, and I really
want to help you.
(17:14):
I don't want you to go throughwhat I went through, because I
believed that I can do it alland at the end, I couldn't and I
needed to start from thatbottom line of the deep, deep,
deep crisis and lift myself upslowly, one step at a time, and
(17:41):
it's painful and it's painful.
So I want to help you not to gointo that bottom of deep crisis
.
So just keep tuning in and I'mgoing to have and send a lot of
(18:03):
information about my DaskaraPrinciples program so that you
can register yourself and comephysically here at my property
to learn about how strong,beautiful, powerful, authentic
you can be in your life and havemore success, happiness,
fulfillment and live your lifefully.
(18:26):
Thank you so much.
I'll come and speak to you nextweek.
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