Outgrowing Your Comfort Zone? That's the Point!

Have you ever noticed that sometimes the growth you've prayed for arrives wrapped in discomfort rather than peace? That moment when you realize you're changing—not reacting the way you used to, feeling uncomfortable in spaces that once felt safe, grieving connections you thought were permanent. 

This powerful exploration dives into the paradox of personal transformation: how progress can feel like loss. When we genuinely grow, we don't just add new perspectives to our existing selves—we fundamentally transform who we are. And in that becoming, we must say goodbye to who we once were, even when that version of ourselves feels comfortingly familiar. This shedding process creates a unique form of grief that's rarely discussed in conversations about personal development.

The episode offers five essential strategies for navigating this "becoming season": expecting identity disruption, building in genuine rest (not just strategic breaks), consulting your future self for wisdom, honoring the grief of transformation, and giving your nervous system time to catch up with your spirit. You'll learn to reframe your experiences—seeing falling apart as divine strategy rather than sabotage, people walking away as realignment rather than rejection, and quiet moments as sacred space-making rather than emptiness.

Whether you're in the midst of a major life transition or feeling the subtle shifts of ongoing growth, this conversation validates the complex emotions of transformation while providing practical tools to navigate them. Ready to embrace the powerful affirmation "I'm not broken; I'm just no longer pretending to be who I'm not"? Listen now, and discover how to honor both who you were and who you're becoming.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
All right, friends.
So last week we talked aboutprogress and how sometimes it
shows up quietly, wrapped insmall, sacred moments that
nobody sees Right, and wehonored the soft winds, the
silent growth, the becoming thatdoesn't need a spotlight.
But this week we're talkingabout what happens when that

(00:21):
progress starts shakingeverything around you.
Because no one talks about thispart.
Yes, the growth sounds gooduntil it starts costing you the
life you built from survival.
So let's go ahead and get intoit, because I know that you have
prayed for healing, that you'vejournaled for alignment, that

(00:41):
you fasted, cried, surrendered,and now things are changing.
But instead of you feeling atpeace, you're feeling
disoriented.
You're not reacting the waythat you used to, you're not
interested in the sameconversations, you're
uncomfortable in spaces you oncefelt safe in.
You're grieving connectionsthat you thought were permanent.

(01:03):
I kidded y'all, but can I freeyou?
That doesn't mean something iswrong.
That means something is working.
So I know that you're askingthe question so why does
progress feel like a loss?
And here's the truth.
Here's what people don'tusually say about growth.

(01:25):
In this becoming someone new,it means you're going to have to
bury the old one and that part.
That's the part that hurts,because even if the old you was
overworked, underloved andoverfunctioning guess what?
It's familiar.
So letting go of her, that'snot just a shift, that's a grief

(01:50):
process.
So you're not just growing,you're also shedding at the same
time, and shedding can feellike confusion, silence and even
loneliness, especially when noone around you is evolving at
the same pace.
And can I just throw in thispiece as well, it can feel like

(02:14):
loneliness when the othersaround you also can't understand
what you're going through.
So sometimes we go throughcertain things that no one else
in our circle has been through,and so, although you may have
these conversations with them,they don't really understand.

(02:34):
They can sympathize with you,but they don't understand the
weight of it.
They can't truly understand howit feels.
Yes, so today I'm going toprepare you for this becoming
season.
So do you have your notepad?
Are you ready to take somecopious notes?

(02:55):
Because if you have beenfollowing this podcast for long
enough, you know that we're notjust here to hear what it is
that I'm saying.
I don't just show up each andevery week to give you some cute
message that is not going tochange your life.
No, I need you to really leaninto this person that you are

(03:19):
becoming.
I really need you to lean intothe authenticity that is going
to come from you showing up andbeing this new person, and it
requires work.
Anytime you are getting readyto do something new, there is
going to be a learning process,and in order for you to learn it
, how about you take notes fromsomeone who has already gone

(03:40):
through it?
All right, so with that rant,you should have gone and grabbed
your notepad and your pen andbeen ready, because here's the
first thing that I need to tellyou on how to prepare for this
becoming season to expectidentity disruption, so you may
feel like I don't even recognizemyself anymore.

(04:02):
Good, you're not supposed to,because you're becoming.
The second thing is build inrest, not just strategy.
Can I tell you that there aresome days when I want to push
through and my body and my mindis like, no, we need to rest.
Can you just go in color and dosomething creative to turn off

(04:26):
that part of your brain that youfeel like you just need to keep
doing something, becauseprogress is exhausting when you
don't give yourself room tobreathe.
So I need you to make space forstillness.
Don't do anything, don't planfor anything, and when your body
tells you to slow down better,yet when your mind is racing and

(04:49):
you can't turn it off, that's asign that you need to just get
still.
Get still enough to hear whatis going on, wherever you are.
If it's in the house I knowthat if I get still long enough,
I'll hear the refrigerator kickon.
You will hear stuff going on inyour house and you, like my

(05:11):
gosh, are all of these thingsgoing on at one time, but you
don't hear it because you'realways going.
So I need you to turn it.
Turn it down a few notches,okay.
The third thing I need you to dois talk to your future self,
literally Ask yourself what doyou need?

(05:35):
Hey, kiana, what do you needtoday?
See, the woman that you'rebecoming has insight that
survival you didn't have.
So it's okay to have aconversation with you about what
you need to do next.
The fourth thing is I need youto honor the grief.

(05:58):
You can miss who you were andstill be proud of who you're
becoming, because, guess what,they can coexist at the same
time.
And, number five, I need you tolet your system catch up to
your spirit, because justbecause your mindset has changed

(06:21):
doesn't mean your nervoussystem has.
So be patient with the parts ofyou that still feel scared.
And when we're talking toourselves, I need you to be able
to articulate how you'refeeling.
For some of you, all you mayneed to get a feeling chart, and

(06:44):
what that feeling chart does isit gives you sometimes this the
broad perspective of how wewill name our feelings, of how
we will name our feelings, andthen the next layer on that
chart will give you the exactfeeling of why you're feeling
that way, got it.
So I need you to ask yourselfwhat version of me am I grieving

(07:09):
in this season of growth?
And then I need you to writeher a goodbye letter, if you
need to.
And then you know I give youwork, so you don't just come on
here and show up and hear metalk Absolutely not.
She got work to do.
So then write a welcome letterto who you are becoming, because

(07:36):
this version of you, you'vebeen doing some work.
You have cried tears that youhave never cried before, from a
different space.
You have had conversations withyourself and maybe with others
about how you are feeling,because now you have found the

(07:57):
words to articulate what exactlyis going on.
You have had to walk away fromthings that you thought were
going to be in your life forever, and realizing that everybody
can't go, everything can't go,because how are you going to
pick up all of these new thingsthat are coming into your life

(08:21):
as you are becoming this newversion of you?
So I need you to affirmyourself this week by not saying
that you're broken.
I'm not saying that you'rebroken, but I'm just no longer
pretending to be who I'm not.
That's your affirmation.

(08:52):
I am no longer pretending to bewho I'm not.
So, friend, don't be afraid ofthe shaking.
Sometimes, when things arefalling apart, I need you to
realize that it's not sabotage,it's strategy.
Sometimes, when people walkaway, it's not rejection, it's
realignment.
Sometimes, when the quiet hits,it's not emptiness, it's God

(09:16):
making room.
So, this week, as your growthbegins to stir things up, let
this be a reminder that you arenot losing your way.
You are finding your truth, andI need you to thank you for
sitting with you.
I need you to pat yourself onthe back, give yourself a hug

(09:39):
for doing this work, because youdeserve it.
I need you to stay anchored,stay authentic and stay open
Until next week.