May 30, 2024 • 10 mins
Is mindfulness the key to navigating our turbulent times? Join us for a compelling conversation with Marilisa Lawless, a distinguished marriage and family therapist with a wealth of experience in trauma therapy, addictions, hypnotherapy, Reiki, and herbalism. Marilisa offers invaluable insights on embracing mindfulness and simple yet powerful practices like deep breathing to maintain mental well-being. She also delves into the transformative power of silent retreats and the importance of attuning to your body’s needs through individualized approaches to diet and health. Forget the myths about meditation being complicated—Marilisa reveals how its simplicity can be accessible to everyone.
But what happens when mindfulness isn't enough? In this episode, we tackle the difficult yet crucial topic of seeking help during mental health crises. We discuss how anonymous hotlines like the national 988 suicide hotline and Broward County's 211 service provide a lifeline for those who prefer not to confide in family members. These resources offer 24/7 access to live counselors, ensuring that no one has to endure their struggles alone. This conversation highlights the urgent need for mental health first responders to be as readily available as medical professionals, creating a support network that can make the difference between hope and despair. Tune in for a deeply informative and potentially life-changing discussion.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Ry Rossano (00:00):
Maril isa Lawless.
And what do you do Sometimes?
Marilisa Lawless (00:05):
it's hard to say what I do it's easier to
say what I don't do.
I am a marriage and familytherapist who specializes in
treating trauma.
Okay, I have been doing thiswell over 30 years.
So over the course of thoseyears, I've also educated myself
on a master's level.
Besides being a licensedmarriage and family therapist,
I'm also a master's levelcertified addictions
(00:27):
professional.
Then also, I am ahypnotherapist, a clinical
hypnotherapist.
I am a Reiki master, which is aform of Japanese energy healing
, and I am an herbalist becauseI believe in using some natural
things.
Ry Rossano (00:42):
That is so cool everyone listening.
Now you know what degrees youneed to go get and
certifications, because she's agirl boss.
So I know you just mentionedthat you are a mental health
counselor, so you specialize intrauma therapy.
I think something me and myviewers want to know is what
would you tell someone who isstruggling with the current
state of our world?
Marilisa Lawless (01:02):
Take a breath At the end of the day, just take
a deep breath.
Yes, you know, one of thethings that's been that I didn't
even mention.
One of the things that I do formyself is I do silent retreats.
I go to and attend silentretreats week long in the woods
with the mentor and a group ofpeople, but it it's silent and
(01:24):
that place of mindfulness andsilence is truly healing.
It helps with anxiety, it helpswith sleep, it helps with so
many different pieces as a base.
So when somebody is feelingreally ramped up, stop and take
three deep breaths.
Ry Rossano (01:39):
That is absolutely amazing and I feel like it's
healing.
Because it's so quiet, you cankind of tune out the noise of
the world.
Marilisa Lawless (01:49):
Well, I don't know that.
It's about tuning out the noiseof the world.
Ry Rossano (01:52):
It's just about noticing it and not grabbing a
hold of it.
You can get kind of be more zen.
Marilisa Lawless (01:55):
Yeah, that's amazing.
Ry Rossano (01:56):
So what coping mechanisms would you share if
you could give a few for anyonelistening struggling with, maybe
coping with anxiety, depression, um, ptsd?
What are your go-to copingmechanisms?
Marilisa Lawless (02:09):
well, the post-traumatic stress is like an
over overlying.
It's an umbrella for a lot ofdifferent things, because
anxiety is part of thedepression can be a part of it
physical pain can be a part ofit.
There's so many differentcomponents to post-traumatic
stress.
Yes, and at this point, mostpeople are suffering on some
level from post-trauma, whetherit's from what's happened in the
(02:31):
past few years or from earlierin their own lives.
It could be as a result ofanything.
So, with post-traumatic stressat its core, the basics of eat
right and exercise that reallydoes do a lot for you know,
across the board, for a lot ofdifferent things, absolutely,
and people don't always.
(02:51):
It really is that simple, eventhough it's that challenging,
you know, because our foodquality is not great.
So, really trying to find thefoods that work best for you and
your body and everybody isdifferent.
I couldn't agree more.
People are really strong aboutyou have to do it this way or do
it this way.
You know what.
Figure out what works best foryou it's individualized mm-hmm,
(03:13):
and it's really pay attention toyour body absolutely what's
going on.
Ry Rossano (03:17):
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Um what do you gravitatetowards?
Marilisa Lawless (03:24):
nutrition wise um, probably for me.
I try to do organic.
I try to just eat the fruitthat I grow in my backyard.
Ry Rossano (03:31):
That's amazing.
Marilisa Lawless (03:32):
I seldom that I buy anything.
I follow basically aplant-based diet, but I will
also do fish on occasion, so Ido pescetarian.
I guess would be the label thatI attached to myself and that,
and I gave up meat, not for anyhealth reasons.
I gave up meat because I wasraising these animals and I
(03:53):
realized they had like thesepersonalities and I just
couldn't you know.
Ry Rossano (03:57):
So you do you, but for me that's where I am and
yeah, you know everybodyeverybody's different.
Marilisa Lawless (04:04):
Everybody is different.
Ry Rossano (04:05):
Have you noticed that it helped with your own
mental health and you know maybethe challenges that you face,
or would you recommend that kindof diet to anyone struggling
with their own mental healthissues?
Marilisa Lawless (04:16):
Um, again, I think that people have to learn
to listen to their own bodiesAbsolutely.
I know that there are somebasics that we know are really.
You know that we've been toldover and over too much red meat
is just not good for the body.
You know.
Pork the other white meatsometimes is also not good for
that.
It's just not good for the body.
You have to be able to listen towhat your body needs Absolutely
(04:39):
and really that comes down topaying attention, and that's
what we don't do.
We don't pay attention.
Often, by the time we arepaying attention, it is crisis
and we end up at a doctor andthe doctor gives you a
pharmaceutical, then thepharmaceuticals have side
effects, then they're giving youanother pharmaceutical to take
care of the side effects fromthat pharmaceutical, and the
list goes on and on.
It's a whole process, yeah, somy wish for each individual is
(05:04):
that they start paying attentionagain.
The simplest of tasks is takethree deep breaths and just
check in with yourself and say,literally, talk to yourself and
say what do I need to do for metoday?
Ry Rossano (05:15):
Absolutely.
I love that and I feel likewhen you notice how things make
you feel you kind of are able togo through your day better and
kind of cognitively think aboutthat throughout your entire day,
which is amazing, Absolutelyyou know which is amazing?
Marilisa Lawless (05:27):
Absolutely, you know it is.
It's very challenging, but oncewe get used to it it's a lot
easier.
It's like meditation.
Yeah, you know, I tell peoplemeditation is super, super
simple.
Oh, I can't meditate.
I can't meditate.
Ry Rossano (05:41):
And in reality.
Marilisa Lawless (05:42):
Everyone can.
People have been mistaught onwhat meditation is.
They think that their mindsgonna be a blank slate.
Your mind is going to go likein five seconds, like oh, I
forgot to do that, oh, I need todo that.
What if I haven't for lunch?
You?
know, it's just, and the wholegoal is to just come back to
your breath.
Yeah, everything truly justconnects back to the breath.
(06:04):
Whether it's anxiety,depression, you know depression.
Get outside in the Sun, putyour shoulders back in your face
up.
Yeah, absolutely Everythingtruly just connects back to the
breath.
Ry Rossano (06:10):
Whether it's anxiety , depression, you know
depression get outside in thesun, put your shoulders back and
your face up yeah, absolutely,face up in the sun.
Get some sunlight and some youknow good energy, and you'll
feel so much better.
I'm sure what I want to talkabout is I know there are five
stages of grief and healing, andI'm pretty sure they are denial
, anger, bargaining, depressionand acceptance.
(06:30):
Do you want to touch on those?
Marilisa Lawless (06:34):
Absolutely so.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, when shewrote that book she's actually
talked about it it wasn't meantas five stages of death.
She actually meant it assomething else.
But most people understandthose stages as something and
they're not linear.
Yeah, you know, it could be.
One day I feel like I'm prettyokay with the losses I've had in
my life, because death anddying isn't necessarily about a
(06:56):
person.
Absolutely, it could be arelationship, it could be
something coming to an end yeah,absolutely yes, and that the
denial is, you know, I reallyjust life is just better if I
just think about it this way,you know, and deny that it's
even an issue.
Right, the bargaining, you know, the if only Right, it is just,
(07:19):
it can be very complicated,it's not really that complicated
.
Again, taking care of yourself,yet focusing on what it is you
need as an individual, yeah, andlearning to ask for help
Absolutely, when you can learnto ask to say I feel really sad
and I could use a hug.
Yeah, I feel really angry, Ithink I'm gonna go for a walk.
You know, taking a walk aroundthe lake is an expression for
(07:42):
dealing with anger Absolutely.
And they're all human emotions,they're all natural.
They're all normal.
We all do it right.
People aren't punching bags.
Ry Rossano (07:54):
We can't treat them like that and no matter what
we're dealing with inside, wecan't take that out on others.
So I love that you mentionedthat and I feel like taking a
walk would be so much betterthan, like you know, screaming
at someone or taking it out onsomeone else, because that
affects everybody Absolutely.
Marilisa Lawless (08:10):
When you see road rage, right you know when
you see somebody cut you off,especially in Florida, Miami,
you know, instead of gettingangry to just say oh okay,
you're in a hurry, Go ahead,Right?
Ry Rossano (08:20):
Maybe we need to think maybe they're having a bad
day or maybe something's goingon in their life, because I feel
like everyone is dealing withsomething that we don't know
behind closed doors, whetherthey share it or not, or they
look like they're dealing withsomething or not.
There's so many things, frominvisible illnesses to invisible
mental illnesses.
Um, I think smiling depressionis real.
I think you could know thehappiest person and they could
(08:41):
be really sad and really goingthrough it, and I think that's
something that I want to talkabout in a little bit.
But something that you saidthat I want to touch on is how
do you ask for help?
What would you tell somebodywho maybe they're not shy maybe
they're shy or maybe they're notsomeone that wants to feel
comfortable, to talk to theirparents or talk to anybody and
be like I'm struggling, I needhelp?
(09:02):
What would you say to thatperson or those people in the
world?
Marilisa Lawless (09:06):
if people are not comfortable asking for help.
It's know what hotline numbersare like 988.
It's a national hotline forsuicide help.
You know when you're thinkingabout it, when you're feeling it
, broward county actually has211, which is the same about it.
When you're feeling it, browardCounty actually has 211, which
is the same as 988.
(09:27):
And there's all kinds ofrecorded things.
There's actually live people.
There's live counselors.
There people are often willingto ask strangers for help before
they ask their family.
That's so sad, it is and itreally.
Every family culture isdifferent, so it's it's about
what, what is most comfortablefor you?
Absolutely.
The suffering and silence hasnever, never been beneficial for
(09:47):
anyone.
Yeah, and yet people do it.
So being able to reach out inan anonymous way to one of these
hotlines, yeah, is an optionthat's amazing yeah, and it's,
and again, it's something that'savailable 24 7, because that's
another piece.
They don't want to disturbanybody.
It's the middle of the nightand they're woke up.
(10:08):
You know they've woken andthey've had these.
You know they're having anightmare.
They had need to somebody totalk to these numbers.
Ry Rossano (10:14):
There's somebody there, 24 7, that's amazing and
that's, and it's a live personit's kind of like a first
responder in a way, for yourmental health, absolutely.
I feel like we often thinkabout medical professionals
always being there, but we needthe same with mental health
professionals, because mentalillness is real.
Maril isa Lawless.
And what do you do Sometimes?
Marilisa Lawless (00:05):
it's hard to say what I do it's easier to
say what I don't do.
I am a marriage and familytherapist who specializes in
treating trauma.
Okay, I have been doing thiswell over 30 years.
So over the course of thoseyears, I've also educated myself
on a master's level.
Besides being a licensedmarriage and family therapist,
I'm also a master's levelcertified addictions
(00:27):
professional.
Then also, I am ahypnotherapist, a clinical
hypnotherapist.
I am a Reiki master, which is aform of Japanese energy healing
, and I am an herbalist becauseI believe in using some natural
things.
Ry Rossano (00:42):
That is so cool everyone listening.
Now you know what degrees youneed to go get and
certifications, because she's agirl boss.
So I know you just mentionedthat you are a mental health
counselor, so you specialize intrauma therapy.
I think something me and myviewers want to know is what
would you tell someone who isstruggling with the current
state of our world?
Marilisa Lawless (01:02):
Take a breath At the end of the day, just take
a deep breath.
Yes, you know, one of thethings that's been that I didn't
even mention.
One of the things that I do formyself is I do silent retreats.
I go to and attend silentretreats week long in the woods
with the mentor and a group ofpeople, but it it's silent and
(01:24):
that place of mindfulness andsilence is truly healing.
It helps with anxiety, it helpswith sleep, it helps with so
many different pieces as a base.
So when somebody is feelingreally ramped up, stop and take
three deep breaths.
Ry Rossano (01:39):
That is absolutely amazing and I feel like it's
healing.
Because it's so quiet, you cankind of tune out the noise of
the world.
Marilisa Lawless (01:49):
Well, I don't know that.
It's about tuning out the noiseof the world.
Ry Rossano (01:52):
It's just about noticing it and not grabbing a
hold of it.
You can get kind of be more zen.
Marilisa Lawless (01:55):
Yeah, that's amazing.
Ry Rossano (01:56):
So what coping mechanisms would you share if
you could give a few for anyonelistening struggling with, maybe
coping with anxiety, depression, um, ptsd?
What are your go-to copingmechanisms?
Marilisa Lawless (02:09):
well, the post-traumatic stress is like an
over overlying.
It's an umbrella for a lot ofdifferent things, because
anxiety is part of thedepression can be a part of it
physical pain can be a part ofit.
There's so many differentcomponents to post-traumatic
stress.
Yes, and at this point, mostpeople are suffering on some
level from post-trauma, whetherit's from what's happened in the
(02:31):
past few years or from earlierin their own lives.
It could be as a result ofanything.
So, with post-traumatic stressat its core, the basics of eat
right and exercise that reallydoes do a lot for you know,
across the board, for a lot ofdifferent things, absolutely,
and people don't always.
(02:51):
It really is that simple, eventhough it's that challenging,
you know, because our foodquality is not great.
So, really trying to find thefoods that work best for you and
your body and everybody isdifferent.
I couldn't agree more.
People are really strong aboutyou have to do it this way or do
it this way.
You know what.
Figure out what works best foryou it's individualized mm-hmm,
(03:13):
and it's really pay attention toyour body absolutely what's
going on.
Ry Rossano (03:17):
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Um what do you gravitatetowards?
Marilisa Lawless (03:24):
nutrition wise um, probably for me.
I try to do organic.
I try to just eat the fruitthat I grow in my backyard.
Ry Rossano (03:31):
That's amazing.
Marilisa Lawless (03:32):
I seldom that I buy anything.
I follow basically aplant-based diet, but I will
also do fish on occasion, so Ido pescetarian.
I guess would be the label thatI attached to myself and that,
and I gave up meat, not for anyhealth reasons.
I gave up meat because I wasraising these animals and I
(03:53):
realized they had like thesepersonalities and I just
couldn't you know.
Ry Rossano (03:57):
So you do you, but for me that's where I am and
yeah, you know everybodyeverybody's different.
Marilisa Lawless (04:04):
Everybody is different.
Ry Rossano (04:05):
Have you noticed that it helped with your own
mental health and you know maybethe challenges that you face,
or would you recommend that kindof diet to anyone struggling
with their own mental healthissues?
Marilisa Lawless (04:16):
Um, again, I think that people have to learn
to listen to their own bodiesAbsolutely.
I know that there are somebasics that we know are really.
You know that we've been toldover and over too much red meat
is just not good for the body.
You know.
Pork the other white meatsometimes is also not good for
that.
It's just not good for the body.
You have to be able to listen towhat your body needs Absolutely
(04:39):
and really that comes down topaying attention, and that's
what we don't do.
We don't pay attention.
Often, by the time we arepaying attention, it is crisis
and we end up at a doctor andthe doctor gives you a
pharmaceutical, then thepharmaceuticals have side
effects, then they're giving youanother pharmaceutical to take
care of the side effects fromthat pharmaceutical, and the
list goes on and on.
It's a whole process, yeah, somy wish for each individual is
(05:04):
that they start paying attentionagain.
The simplest of tasks is takethree deep breaths and just
check in with yourself and say,literally, talk to yourself and
say what do I need to do for metoday?
Ry Rossano (05:15):
Absolutely.
I love that and I feel likewhen you notice how things make
you feel you kind of are able togo through your day better and
kind of cognitively think aboutthat throughout your entire day,
which is amazing, Absolutelyyou know which is amazing?
Marilisa Lawless (05:27):
Absolutely, you know it is.
It's very challenging, but oncewe get used to it it's a lot
easier.
It's like meditation.
Yeah, you know, I tell peoplemeditation is super, super
simple.
Oh, I can't meditate.
I can't meditate.
Ry Rossano (05:41):
And in reality.
Marilisa Lawless (05:42):
Everyone can.
People have been mistaught onwhat meditation is.
They think that their mindsgonna be a blank slate.
Your mind is going to go likein five seconds, like oh, I
forgot to do that, oh, I need todo that.
What if I haven't for lunch?
You?
know, it's just, and the wholegoal is to just come back to
your breath.
Yeah, everything truly justconnects back to the breath.
(06:04):
Whether it's anxiety,depression, you know depression.
Get outside in the Sun, putyour shoulders back in your face
up.
Yeah, absolutely Everythingtruly just connects back to the
breath.
Ry Rossano (06:10):
Whether it's anxiety , depression, you know
depression get outside in thesun, put your shoulders back and
your face up yeah, absolutely,face up in the sun.
Get some sunlight and some youknow good energy, and you'll
feel so much better.
I'm sure what I want to talkabout is I know there are five
stages of grief and healing, andI'm pretty sure they are denial
, anger, bargaining, depressionand acceptance.
(06:30):
Do you want to touch on those?
Marilisa Lawless (06:34):
Absolutely so.
Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, when shewrote that book she's actually
talked about it it wasn't meantas five stages of death.
She actually meant it assomething else.
But most people understandthose stages as something and
they're not linear.
Yeah, you know, it could be.
One day I feel like I'm prettyokay with the losses I've had in
my life, because death anddying isn't necessarily about a
(06:56):
person.
Absolutely, it could be arelationship, it could be
something coming to an end yeah,absolutely yes, and that the
denial is, you know, I reallyjust life is just better if I
just think about it this way,you know, and deny that it's
even an issue.
Right, the bargaining, you know, the if only Right, it is just,
(07:19):
it can be very complicated,it's not really that complicated
.
Again, taking care of yourself,yet focusing on what it is you
need as an individual, yeah, andlearning to ask for help
Absolutely, when you can learnto ask to say I feel really sad
and I could use a hug.
Yeah, I feel really angry, Ithink I'm gonna go for a walk.
You know, taking a walk aroundthe lake is an expression for
(07:42):
dealing with anger Absolutely.
And they're all human emotions,they're all natural.
They're all normal.
We all do it right.
People aren't punching bags.
Ry Rossano (07:54):
We can't treat them like that and no matter what
we're dealing with inside, wecan't take that out on others.
So I love that you mentionedthat and I feel like taking a
walk would be so much betterthan, like you know, screaming
at someone or taking it out onsomeone else, because that
affects everybody Absolutely.
Marilisa Lawless (08:10):
When you see road rage, right you know when
you see somebody cut you off,especially in Florida, Miami,
you know, instead of gettingangry to just say oh okay,
you're in a hurry, Go ahead,Right?
Ry Rossano (08:20):
Maybe we need to think maybe they're having a bad
day or maybe something's goingon in their life, because I feel
like everyone is dealing withsomething that we don't know
behind closed doors, whetherthey share it or not, or they
look like they're dealing withsomething or not.
There's so many things, frominvisible illnesses to invisible
mental illnesses.
Um, I think smiling depressionis real.
I think you could know thehappiest person and they could
(08:41):
be really sad and really goingthrough it, and I think that's
something that I want to talkabout in a little bit.
But something that you saidthat I want to touch on is how
do you ask for help?
What would you tell somebodywho maybe they're not shy maybe
they're shy or maybe they're notsomeone that wants to feel
comfortable, to talk to theirparents or talk to anybody and
be like I'm struggling, I needhelp?
(09:02):
What would you say to thatperson or those people in the
world?
Marilisa Lawless (09:06):
if people are not comfortable asking for help.
It's know what hotline numbersare like 988.
It's a national hotline forsuicide help.
You know when you're thinkingabout it, when you're feeling it
, broward county actually has211, which is the same about it.
When you're feeling it, browardCounty actually has 211, which
is the same as 988.
(09:27):
And there's all kinds ofrecorded things.
There's actually live people.
There's live counselors.
There people are often willingto ask strangers for help before
they ask their family.
That's so sad, it is and itreally.
Every family culture isdifferent, so it's it's about
what, what is most comfortablefor you?
Absolutely.
The suffering and silence hasnever, never been beneficial for
(09:47):
anyone.
Yeah, and yet people do it.
So being able to reach out inan anonymous way to one of these
hotlines, yeah, is an optionthat's amazing yeah, and it's,
and again, it's something that'savailable 24 7, because that's
another piece.
They don't want to disturbanybody.
It's the middle of the nightand they're woke up.
(10:08):
You know they've woken andthey've had these.
You know they're having anightmare.
They had need to somebody totalk to these numbers.
Ry Rossano (10:14):
There's somebody there, 24 7, that's amazing and
that's, and it's a live personit's kind of like a first
responder in a way, for yourmental health, absolutely.
I feel like we often thinkabout medical professionals
always being there, but we needthe same with mental health
professionals, because mentalillness is real.
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