March 14, 2025 • 34 mins
Ever wondered why therapists also need therapists? This revealing conversation dives deep into the critical role support systems play in our lives, regardless of profession or expertise. Our guest therapist shares powerful personal insights about the importance of having trusted people who can provide perspective when we're too close to our own challenges.
The discussion explores how finding the right mentors for different aspects of our lives creates a comprehensive support network. Rather than expecting one person to fulfill all our needs, we benefit from building connections with individuals who excel in specific areas—whether that's meditation, spiritual guidance, or personal growth. As our guest beautifully explains, "I'm not expecting one person to be an expert in everything in my life."
We tackle the fascinating concept that "beliefs are just things we think over and over again," highlighting how external perspectives help us break free from limiting thought patterns. The metaphor of a therapist as a "coach on the sidelines of life" perfectly illustrates how outside viewpoints can transform our approach to challenges.
The conversation takes an unexpected turn into comparing natural healing modalities with pharmaceutical interventions. You'll learn why lavender can be scientifically as effective as certain prescription medications and why plant medicine isn't "alternative medicine" but the original healing practice.
Most powerfully, the discussion reveals that genuine connection might be the most healing aspect of being human. Finding communities where you feel truly heard without judgment—where others believe in your capacity to find your own answers—creates the foundation for deep healing and personal growth. Whether you're struggling to find your tribe or hesitant to seek support, this episode offers practical guidance for building the connections that will sustain you through life's challenges.
Explore our wide range of organic products here: https://www.hempdelsoul.com/ or email us at HempDelSoul@gmail.com
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Hemp Del Sol podcast.
All health, no high.
Here's your host, Mary LisaLawless.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Well, hello, hello, friends, family, great universe.
We are back in full force, andtoday we are going to talk about
support systems, because it'sdifficult to go at it alone in
life, right, marilisa?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Absolutely, it is.
It's very challenging.
You know, we often need thehelpers, need helpers.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
The helpers need helpers Indeed.
Yeah, so kick us off off talk.
I know what you do through.
Your business is largelycentered around counseling.
I know that that you work.
You've worked with your sisterfor for decades now offering
support systems for those aroundyou.
Talk a little bit about whatthat role looks like, and then
(00:59):
we'll kind of get into that morebroadly.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Okay, so my mom, my sister and I got into being
family therapists based on ourown healing work and things that
we had done and learned throughdoing our own healing, doing
our own trauma work, doing ourown experiences or healing our
(01:23):
own experiences in life, andwhen we became therapists, we
realized that we need alsosupport in what it is that we're
doing.
So it's always been where wehad.
We would have, you know,sometimes weekly meetings, other
therapists.
We would get together, we wouldbrainstorm ideas.
You know, hey, I'm dealing withthis.
(01:44):
We would get together, we wouldbrainstorm ideas.
You know, hey, I'm dealing withthis.
How has you know?
And talking about how thingsthat were going on in the work
world may have impacted uspersonally and what do we need
to do for ourselves.
So one of the things that I hadalways and we've always said to
people is you should reallyfind out what your own therapist
believes about therapy.
(02:05):
Have they been in therapy?
Before you start therapy, askyour therapist, and they should
be comfortable saying whetherthey've had their own therapy or
not, because I have met otherpeople who have said you know
it's, you know what, what do weneed to do to heal?
(02:27):
And then I've had.
Other therapists who I've spokenwith are like we don't do
therapy.
You know this community doesn'tdo therapy.
Why would we be?
I'm like, but you're atherapist, yeah, but that's not
us.
You know, a lot of people getinto being therapists because
they come from reallydysfunctional families that
haven't done their healing.
So they think that if theybecome a healer they'll be able
(02:48):
to heal that mess.
And you can't.
You have to do your own work,otherwise your mess gets spilled
on to your clients.
So throughout our whole careers,everything that we've done has
always been about also seekingsupport for ourselves when we
need it and being able to hearfrom people that we trust, love
(03:12):
and respect, to say, hey, youknow what?
There's something not quiteright with you right now and
maybe you need to talk aboutthis.
Um, and it's not something Ican help you with, but call your
therapist.
So we've always been aboutsupport Moving forward.
It's my sister and I, but wehave other therapists that have
(03:35):
been in and out of here andagain we would have meetings.
We would do staffing, so tospeak, and a lot of agencies do
that.
They staff clients I still have.
When a peer has a client that'sreally triggered them.
They'll call me and say, hey, Ineed to run this by you.
Is this my stuff?
Is this their stuff?
Suggestions.
So we always are reaching outto each other.
(04:00):
The other piece that's reallyimportant, and what we've always
done, is we keep learning, wekeep adding to our toolbox the
proverbial toolbox and what wedo to keep our own lives in
order.
You know, I don't go home andall of a sudden I'm not a
therapist anymore.
I go home and I still have allof that training and everything
(04:22):
else.
You know, and my kid used tosay mom, be my therapist.
Like no, you need your owntherapist, I'm your mom here.
And but it it.
You know it's so, it's so crazy, so, but with our kids, with
our families, you know, beingable to honestly say yeah, no, I
can't, I can't do this one, yougot to go get some professional
(04:44):
help honestly say, yeah, no, Ican't, I can't do this one, you
got to go get some professionalhelp.
But also knowing what we dohave the capacity to do for each
other and the compassion andempathy that we can have for
each other and ourselves, that'sreally really important stuff
for getting the support that youneed.
The other thing that I do is Ihave mentors.
(05:05):
I have specific mentors thatare teaching me specific skill
sets.
One is my meditation Dave Smith.
He is my meditation mentor.
He is who I connected best withwhen learning about silent
meditation.
Barry Ocotillo he's somebodythat I'm using as a mentor right
(05:26):
now and learning all new thingsand it's a different form of
healing, but it's about changingthe vibration and the frequency
with which I function in theworld and how am I bringing this
positivity to the world?
So he's one that does that.
I have Mauriceice israel, who'sa medium.
When I am feeling like there'sstuff that's going on that I
(05:49):
don't understand on the spiritworld.
He's who I reach out to, hementors me, I study with him on
how to listen to myself andlisten to both sides.
So, sides, so knowing who.
Who are the skills?
What are the skills that I needto learn?
Who is the best at teachingthat?
(06:11):
And that's who I'm going to goafter.
So does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Yes, yes, putting a good system, support system in
place is crucial.
I'm curious, though what wouldyou say to somebody out there
who?
I mean, there's a lot of peoplethat are raised kind of with
the thought that therapy is alittle bit taboo, right, going
to get help like it's a sign ofweakness, right, and so there's
a lot of people out there thatare reluctant to the idea of
(06:40):
creating a support systemthrough outside help, right?
What would you say to somebodythat has that mentality?
Because I know from my ownexperience it is incredibly
important to have somebody totalk to, because we all go
through a bunch of shit in lifeand we're all human beings and
we all have problems processing,and it is a lot of dark, deep
(07:00):
work sometimes and having anoutside objective already there
that, like you said, is notimmediately related to you,
right, it's one thing to call afriend to kind of vent to them
and have a conversation, butit's another thing entirely to
have, again, an outside thirdparty sit down and listen to you
and then give you thoughts andfeedback from an objective
standpoint.
(07:20):
So what would you say tosomebody that has that view to
kind of open their mind to thepossibility of getting some help
getting somebody to talk to.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
One of the things that I've done recently is
created lawless coaching forpeople that really don't want to
do something labeled as therapy, but they want some direction.
That's one piece.
When I started in this industryas a psychotherapist, as a
family therapist, I have alwaysdescribed myself to people as a
(07:54):
coach.
Coaching has become a thing now, but I've always described
myself as a coach, and to men inparticular that are sports
oriented, it made perfect senseto say I'm the coach on the
sidelines of your life.
You're on the field, you haveall the players around you and
(08:16):
you've been running your ownplays.
I'm on the sidelines and have adifferent perspective and I can
call out different plays to youand then you can choose if you
want to try them or not.
So coaching and that metaphorhas always been present, because
as a therapist, I am on thesidelines.
I'm not in your life on a dailybasis or a regular basis.
(08:40):
You see me in general for anhour a week, an hour and a half,
maybe two hours a week.
That's a lot of free time andoption availability to make
choices For people that havenever, and that's for somebody
who stepped through the doors toeven come once.
(09:00):
Someone that's questioning andthey're like I don't know if I
want to do therapy, I'm notreally sure about this whole
thing.
And I don't know if I want todo therapy.
I'm not really sure about thiswhole thing.
And you know why?
Would I pay somebody to listento me?
So what I tell people is youpay for expertise.
When it comes to sports, whenit comes to a restaurant, when
(09:23):
it comes to a movie, when itcomes to anything that we do in
our life, it comes with arecommendation.
Everybody will give you adviceabout parenting.
Everybody will give you adviceabout how to live your life or
how to clean your house or howto organize things.
Therapy is just about how do weorganize our minds, how do we
(09:44):
organize what's going on in ourlife, and creating a different
perspective.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Yeah, you just nailed the word you hit.
I was going to.
I was going to chime in and saythat same word about
perspectives like you.
You hire professionals and allthese other aspects of your life
.
Why wouldn't you want somebodyto come in and kind of help you
analyze your own perspectivefrom which you see the world, to
potentially open you up to newideas and thoughts?
Because we we get so caught upin our heads right, marilisa,
(10:12):
like we get.
We have comfort, we haveconfirmation bias, we feed these
.
In many cases, we developbelief systems within our
thought process that in manycases aren't even true and we're
so blinded by the fact that weare stuck in these loops.
And for me, therapy has beeninstrumental throughout my life
(10:33):
to really sit down and havesomebody kind of dissect how I'm
seeing the world, how I'mprojecting myself and what I
find the more and more work I dois that I've said this before
the things that trigger me themost more often than not are my
own shit.
It's things I'm projecting outto others and I'm seeing things
like, especially with my kids,when they misbehave, my son will
(10:55):
have a temper tantrum and ittriggers me to my core and I sit
and reflect upon it and Irealized that I act like that
many times in front of him andhe's just mirroring that back to
me and it's like wow, andsometimes you don't.
You don't have thoserealizations without doing the
work and sitting down withsomebody and having them dissect
how you're behaving.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I had that happen once, and I think it was in a
laundromat or something with myson and he did something or said
something.
I was like, oh my, he haspicked up that bad habit from me
.
He sounded just like me, theway he was speaking or yelling
or what.
I don't remember what he wasdoing, I just remember the
feeling of wow, he's listening,he's paying attention, you know,
(11:39):
and our children do.
Our children pay attention toeverything that we think and say
out loud, and sometimes they'rejust watching us.
So in our everyday life, what dowe need to do to be transparent
with ourselves and the way wesee ourselves in the world and
knowing what it is we have tooffer the world?
(12:01):
So and what that means is, isabout how do I project kindness?
I'd be kind.
You know I am kind.
I'm not by am I perfect, butoverall I try to be a kind and
loving person.
I try to call people on theirbehavior when necessary.
(12:24):
I let a lot of things go bybecause it's just a control
issue on my part and it's like,not my life, I don't have to do
this.
But perspective is the mostimportant aspect of how our days
go, how our world moves forward, because beliefs are things
(12:44):
that we think over and overagain.
That's all.
A belief is so what we hear,what we see.
It is altered by the thingsthat we think.
We see.
It is altered by the thingsthat we think, and learning how
to pay attention to the thingsthat we think and not believing
everything we think.
(13:05):
I actually had it as a bumpersticker.
I got a new refrigerator so Idon't have it anymore, but I had
a bumper sticker on myrefrigerator that said don't
believe everything you think.
And it's true.
Actually, reaching out to otherpeople to bounce ideas off of
them, whether it's a particulartype of treatment, whether it's
(13:26):
about substance use, whetherit's about religion, politics
there's so many different waysto alter our perception of the
world, which ultimately altersour perspective in the world.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
When I'm treating trauma, when I'm treating
addiction, when I'm treating allof these different things, it
often goes back to where did youlearn that?
Where did that become the waythat was acceptable in your
house, in your family, to moveforward?
My mom used to make fun of me.
I've always been someone that'sa little on the fringe of
(14:09):
general society.
If you can't tell by my hair,if you can't tell by my hair, um
, my um mom one time said why doyou do chiropractor and
acupuncture and herbs and allthis stuff?
And my mom was a verytraditional woman.
She, she had her moments, butshe was catholic.
(14:32):
She said the rosary every day.
She had these very rigidbeliefs for herself.
She never wanted anybody elseto have to believe the things
that she did.
But that was her.
And so she looked at me onetime and she's like why do you
do all these things?
And I looked at her and I saidbecause you're a perfect example
(14:52):
of what not to do for self-care, because you're a perfect
example of what not to do forself-care.
She started to laugh and she'slike you're so fresh, you know.
But that was the thing.
Everything that I was doingfunctional medicine, acupuncture
, chiropractor, herbs andvitamins and all these things
that I was doing were outside ofthe traditional medical model.
(15:12):
It wasn't going and having adoctor tell me that this is what
I have to do, period.
What pharmaceutical I should betaking, because I did that
round as well.
You know I went around that Itook antidepressants for a
period of time.
I've done all of these thingsbut none of them really helped
(15:34):
me find me.
So what I do now, besides thetalk therapy, is I you know, I'm
into the crystals.
I last time we talked about whathappened with the tourmaline
and, as a side note, my sisterhas been one of my sisters has
taken the same type of necklacewith the tourmaline and she's
(15:55):
wearing it and she says it'sreally weird.
She told me yesterday I woke upyesterday.
She said I woke up this morningand I was just like I just
didn't know distressed andwhatnot.
And she says, oh, where's mynecklace?
Where's my necklace?
And she went and put thenecklace on and it's just a
(16:16):
piece of black tourmaline and acap.
And she's like all of a suddenI put this on and it was so
weird.
I started to feel anxious and Iwas just like just work it
through, Just work it throughand all of a sudden she said I
was like on.
She said all that negativitywas gone.
She said I had an amazing daytoday.
(16:42):
I was like cool.
And then it blew up, right, andthen it didn't explode because
apparently it's not full.
You know, and everybody in myfamily has a few crystals around
.
Everybody's got a little bit ofsomething, but at the end of
the day, whether you believe inthe energy of the crystal or not
, it doesn't matter.
If it works for you, it worksfor you.
(17:03):
You know, I pulled a couple inmy place right here where I'm
sitting in my office, andamethyst.
You know, I just like holdingorbs, the smooth, polished, but
they have all this, this kind ofweird feeling when you're
holding it.
You know so, and it's a prettycool stone, you know, and this
(17:24):
is called a Chevron amethyst,it's.
It's just like a cool stone so,and I like that, you know.
So it's, it's like I'll pick adifferent shape each day to just
sort of have in my offices withme.
Or a different essential oillavender, lemongrass, cinnamon,
so there's all these differentthings that just depends on my
(17:46):
mood and I'll bring it in and itseems to also assist other
people.
Sometimes they're just fun,like this one.
This is huge and it's a rosequartz.
A rose quartz is for sharingthe love, bringing the love,
opening the heart.
Chakra.
Bring me the love share with me,share the love with me.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Yes, yes, Very interesting.
I want to go back for a momentabout the medications.
It's such an important thingbecause this is something I find
myself coming back to over andover again.
It's this human kind ofcapacity for instant
(18:31):
gratification and wanting aquick fix and how we have access
to all of these medications,which it's a wonderful thing and
there's many good uses forthese things, but it's become
ever increasingly a crutch forso many and they really don't.
From what I understand about alot of these medications, like
(18:52):
antidepressants and things likethat, they don't fix the actual
root problem.
They just address the symptomsand I think they kind of
reprogram and rewire your brainaround the underlying problem.
So it's not again, it's not asolution.
For some, maybe it might be theonly thing to get them back on
(19:13):
course.
It's not a solution.
For some, maybe it might be theonly thing to get them back on
course, but I don't think itshould be kind of pitched as a
lifelong effort.
Right Like, people at some levelneed to learn how to use
holistic tools to improvethemselves and ultimately
reprogram their minds withoutthe use of external medications
(19:35):
that are really kind of rewiringyou in odd ways in many cases.
I think if you can get onething out of listening to this
podcast, it's just that it'sthat there are no shortcuts.
Right.
Progress and getting better andself-improvement all comes off
(19:55):
the heels of discomfort.
In many cases, pain, Right.
It's something that I've beenimmersed in now for the better
part of five years, and it neverceases to amaze me how
fascinating this topic is.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
I agree, I agree.
So I think that one of thethings that we have, as a
culture, have forgotten is thatplant medicine is not
alternative medicine.
It's the original medicine.
You know, midwives andherbalist and women that were
burned at the stake for beingwitches were women who were
(20:34):
herbalists and healers.
They were the ones that youwent to in a community and they
would give you an herb to healor to do something for yourself.
We've lost that art and many ofus are bringing it back.
It's like lavender, lav.
Lavender is one of these.
(20:55):
It's a plant, it's a beautifulflower, it has a fragrance and
there's multiple types oflavender and I carry three of
them here in the store.
But lavender they have donedouble blind studies with
lavender and different ummedications lorazepam, diazepam,
(21:16):
so in the benzodiazepine familywhich are considered
tranquilizers.
They've done double blindstudies multiple times and they
have equal results, equal takingone or the other.
It's not like the medicationwas this much better or the
(21:38):
lavender was this much betterequal.
And they're double blind,meaning nobody knows what
anybody's getting.
So I have, and one of thethings I do with essential oils
here is when people don't knowabout you know well what's this
or what's this?
Smell them.
(21:58):
There are some people that willsmell lemongrass, which I love
the smell of, and they're like,oh, that's awful.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
What if you can't smell, like me?
I got no sense of smell.
What do I do?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
That's one of the things.
A lot of people with COVID havelost their sense of smell.
It's very interesting and thataffects our taste.
It affects so many pieces.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
If I was going to lose one sense that's got to be
smell.
I think that's probably theleast important of all the
senses.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
They all balance us out.
But herbs and plant medicineand what we're learning more
about, even with psilocybin andin that world and the whole
world where they have, you know,the ayahuasca, there's so many
different plant-based medicinesthat are in and of themselves
(22:51):
would be considered medications,but they're considered
plant-based medications.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Natural medicines.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Natural medicines, one of the Alzheimer's
medications.
I can't remember the name of it, but I remember when I was
studying to be an herbalist.
Daffodils is actually amedication for, I believe,
treating Alzheimer's.
It's one of the medicationsthey make into a medication but
daffodils was the first Daffodilpills.
And think about it.
Poppy poppy plants were madeinto opium and then it's been
(23:21):
made into a million other things.
They created the synthetic withoxycodone and oxy you know the
oxys.
So I mean that they take plantsand they try to remake it
chemically.
They find the active ingredientin the plant.
Why not just continue to usethe plant?
Speaker 3 (23:41):
So you led me right where I was going in my mind and
it's this idea of and this isinteresting.
I want to get your perspectiveon it.
You have a compound likewhatever.
Just take a psychedeliccompound, for instance, that
occurs naturally in nature.
And then you go to apsychedelic compound, for
instance, that occurs naturallyin nature, and then you go to a
lab and let's say you couldsynthesize that same compound.
(24:04):
So it's identical to the actualone that occurs in nature.
So there's no discernibledifference in a lab.
It's the same chemicalcomposition.
One is found naturally innature, naturally in nature, the
other is synthesized in the lab.
Like science would say thatthere is no distinction, these
are the same compounds.
(24:24):
I don't think you wouldnecessarily agree with that and
I'm starting to think thatthere's something I think that
there's something that gets lostin translation.
There's an intangible, there's aspiritual component of whatever
that is, something that can't,at least yet anyway, be touched
by science.
It's maybe called supernatural,godly, otherworldly, spiritual,
(24:45):
whatever that is.
But there's something therethat gets lost in translation,
where it's not the same, and I'dbe interesting to see.
Surely there's been studiesdone with that, I'd imagine, but
I'd be interested to see whatthat looks like.
What are your thoughts on that?
I mean, like I said, I suspectthat you think there's something
else there, but what are yourthoughts on that subject?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Well, I think, as a country and it's not every
country that's like this, but inour country the pharmaceutical
industry is such a powerfulindustry and the lobbying that
goes on at a governmental levelfrom the pharmaceutical
companies, there is such a pushto medicate versus heal, and I
(25:29):
think that that's thedistinction we want to.
And it comes back to thebeginning of our conversation,
which is about healing thewounds, healing the hole in the
soul, healing these things thathave happened to us.
We all have negative thingshappen to us.
It's how is it treated?
How is it heard?
How do we try to heal eachother in community?
(25:49):
People give up, people getoverwhelmed and they think that
a medication is the only option.
And yet we know thatmedications are only, in general
, 30 or 40 effective.
Think about the flu shot.
It's only 30 effective ingeneral.
You know it's it's.
(26:12):
There are some things that helpto make things a little easier,
but they don't actually addressthe core issue, and the core
issue often is about how do wefeel connected in community.
Do we have a shaman?
Do we have a priest?
(26:32):
Do we have a rabbi?
Do we have a spiritual leader?
We can go to priest.
Do we have a rabbi?
Do we have a spiritual leaderwe can go to?
Do we have family that we cango to?
Who do we talk to?
Who do we commune with?
All of it comes back to that,and when we're listening to
people that have been in similarexperiences, that's what
support groups are often aboutis listening to other people's
(26:55):
ways of seeing the world ordoing things and say, oh, I'll
try that, or now that doesn'treally fit for me.
But being open to saying we arenot cookie cutters, we are not
all the same.
We all feel differently and, atthe end of the day, is, how do
we hear each other and whatsupport do we seek from the
(27:19):
world?
And that's where I had said Ihave different mentors for
different things.
I don't expect one person to bean expert in everything.
In my life, a husband and wife,or a husband, husband, wife and
wife partners can't always be100% there for each other.
Everybody needs a village.
We all need a community that wecan reach out to and a safe
(27:45):
community, one where there's notgoing to be judgment and
opinions thrown like you need todo that or you have to do that,
but I can hear that you're inpain, let's sit together.
I can hear that that's upsetyou.
Let's talk about it, withoutjudging the situation.
But truly being able to heareach other and knowing who it is
(28:07):
you're going to for support,does that bring you a sense of
comfort?
Or is it just you looking forallies?
And there's a difference.
When you can have a communitythat is truly there for you and
(28:27):
is hearing you, without tellingyou what to do, but believing
that you have the skills tofigure this out yourself, you
have found the right community.
Yep, we don't need people inour lives to tell us what to do.
We need people in our lives togive us an alternative
perspective.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Yep, don't tell us what to do.
Help lead us to our ownrealizations.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
So, coming to therapy for the first time, what I tell
people is try it once, comethrough the door, because what
we do know is that every schoolis different.
They all have different skillsets that they teach you.
None of it matters unless youhave a connection with the
person that you're talking to.
So, when looking for atherapist, look for somebody
(29:18):
who's done their own work.
Look for somebody who is opento hearing what you have to say
and is not there to judge you ortell you oh, that's messed up,
you shouldn't be doing that.
But somebody that wants to bethere on the journey with you.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
But somebody that wants to be there on the journey
with you.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I think there's probably a lotof people out there that have
gone to get help with therapyand they went to a therapist and
it didn't resonate with thatperson and it left a bad taste
in their mouth to the pointwhere they're resistant to
getting help from somebody else.
But it's important toacknowledge that.
Yeah, you don't just need to gowith any old person.
(29:59):
You got to.
You got to find the rightperson for you.
So if you're meeting withsomebody and you're finding that
it's not resonating, go findsomebody else, right, don't stay
with somebody for the sake ofstaying with them.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Yeah, yeah, and that's true of a support group,
that's true of any society ofany type that you join.
Don't judge it based on thefirst one.
Do it a couple of times and seewhat you think and how do you
feel.
Do you feel a sense ofconnection?
Do you feel like you belong?
I feel, I can I can, I can throwin one little piece about a
(30:31):
church.
You know I I was raisedCatholic went to church.
No, you know, I was raisedCatholic went to church no, you
know, did the right thing, youknow, for fear of going to hell.
What I found is that I found achurch that has, or a
congregation that has, the samebeliefs.
But even the particularcongregation that I went to
(30:51):
initially, while I enjoyed it,it wasn't, it still didn't feel
like home to me and I went to anew congregation with the same
spiritual beliefs.
And I went to a newcongregation and I literally
walked in the door and I waslike I'm home, sign me up.
And I've been there for 27, 27,28 years now with the same
(31:19):
congregation because it feltlike home.
River of Grass UnitarianUniversalist congregation became
my spiritual home and myextended family, because I don't
have a lot of extended familyhere and that's part of where a
spiritual community comes in.
Extended family here and that'spart of where a spiritual
(31:40):
community comes in.
But you have to find, no matterwhether it's a therapist,
whether it's a support group,whether it's a, whatever it is.
You have to feel like youbelong.
Feeling connected is the mosthealing part of being human.
And when we have a tribe andthat's the those people that
(32:01):
that love us and are willing tocall us on our stuff they're not
abusive about it, they, youknow.
They just say, hey, that that'skind of messed up.
You might want to think aboutthat.
Or you know what you're doing,really great, and you just go.
But it's connection.
It's all about connection and Iknow we've been talking a lot
(32:22):
longer than we normally talk,but I feel really passionate
about the topic of finding yourtribe and healing in community.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
Yeah, that's one of the things that I think is
missing from a lot of people'slives nowadays is community,
sense of connection.
I think, say what you willabout religion, love it or hate
it, there's an unbelievableutility in the sense of
community that it brings forpeople that get together and
(32:52):
that sense of connectedness.
If you go through life withoutthat, it could be very, very
challenging and you have to havethe bigger the tribe.
The more folks there are therein your support system, the more
likely you are to succeed.
It's just that simple.
Yes indeed, yes indeed.
All right, well, let's leave itat that.
(33:15):
Okay, for anyone out therethat's listening, if you've
found any interesting supportsystems in your own life, maybe
something that's off the cuff,maybe something that's worked
for you, let us know about it inthe comments.
We're interested to hear yourthoughts and we are so happy to
have you with us along on thisjourney.
(33:35):
We wish you all a wonderful day.
Much love, aho.
Be kind out there and rememberwe only have this one life to
live, so let's make the most ofit.
Everyone, take care, have ablessed day.
Bye-bye.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Thank you for listening to the Hemp Del Sol
podcast.
Bye-bye.
Welcome to the Hemp Del Sol podcast.
All health, no high.
Here's your host, Mary LisaLawless.
Speaker 3 (00:15):
Well, hello, hello, friends, family, great universe.
We are back in full force, andtoday we are going to talk about
support systems, because it'sdifficult to go at it alone in
life, right, marilisa?
Speaker 2 (00:30):
Absolutely, it is.
It's very challenging.
You know, we often need thehelpers, need helpers.
Speaker 3 (00:37):
The helpers need helpers Indeed.
Yeah, so kick us off off talk.
I know what you do through.
Your business is largelycentered around counseling.
I know that that you work.
You've worked with your sisterfor for decades now offering
support systems for those aroundyou.
Talk a little bit about whatthat role looks like, and then
(00:59):
we'll kind of get into that morebroadly.
Speaker 2 (01:03):
Okay, so my mom, my sister and I got into being
family therapists based on ourown healing work and things that
we had done and learned throughdoing our own healing, doing
our own trauma work, doing ourown experiences or healing our
(01:23):
own experiences in life, andwhen we became therapists, we
realized that we need alsosupport in what it is that we're
doing.
So it's always been where wehad.
We would have, you know,sometimes weekly meetings, other
therapists.
We would get together, we wouldbrainstorm ideas.
You know, hey, I'm dealing withthis.
(01:44):
We would get together, we wouldbrainstorm ideas.
You know, hey, I'm dealing withthis.
How has you know?
And talking about how thingsthat were going on in the work
world may have impacted uspersonally and what do we need
to do for ourselves.
So one of the things that I hadalways and we've always said to
people is you should reallyfind out what your own therapist
believes about therapy.
(02:05):
Have they been in therapy?
Before you start therapy, askyour therapist, and they should
be comfortable saying whetherthey've had their own therapy or
not, because I have met otherpeople who have said you know
it's, you know what, what do weneed to do to heal?
(02:27):
And then I've had.
Other therapists who I've spokenwith are like we don't do
therapy.
You know this community doesn'tdo therapy.
Why would we be?
I'm like, but you're atherapist, yeah, but that's not
us.
You know, a lot of people getinto being therapists because
they come from reallydysfunctional families that
haven't done their healing.
So they think that if theybecome a healer they'll be able
(02:48):
to heal that mess.
And you can't.
You have to do your own work,otherwise your mess gets spilled
on to your clients.
So throughout our whole careers,everything that we've done has
always been about also seekingsupport for ourselves when we
need it and being able to hearfrom people that we trust, love
(03:12):
and respect, to say, hey, youknow what?
There's something not quiteright with you right now and
maybe you need to talk aboutthis.
Um, and it's not something Ican help you with, but call your
therapist.
So we've always been aboutsupport Moving forward.
It's my sister and I, but wehave other therapists that have
(03:35):
been in and out of here andagain we would have meetings.
We would do staffing, so tospeak, and a lot of agencies do
that.
They staff clients I still have.
When a peer has a client that'sreally triggered them.
They'll call me and say, hey, Ineed to run this by you.
Is this my stuff?
Is this their stuff?
Suggestions.
So we always are reaching outto each other.
(04:00):
The other piece that's reallyimportant, and what we've always
done, is we keep learning, wekeep adding to our toolbox the
proverbial toolbox and what wedo to keep our own lives in
order.
You know, I don't go home andall of a sudden I'm not a
therapist anymore.
I go home and I still have allof that training and everything
(04:22):
else.
You know, and my kid used tosay mom, be my therapist.
Like no, you need your owntherapist, I'm your mom here.
And but it it.
You know it's so, it's so crazy, so, but with our kids, with
our families, you know, beingable to honestly say yeah, no, I
can't, I can't do this one, yougot to go get some professional
(04:44):
help honestly say, yeah, no, Ican't, I can't do this one, you
got to go get some professionalhelp.
But also knowing what we dohave the capacity to do for each
other and the compassion andempathy that we can have for
each other and ourselves, that'sreally really important stuff
for getting the support that youneed.
The other thing that I do is Ihave mentors.
(05:05):
I have specific mentors thatare teaching me specific skill
sets.
One is my meditation Dave Smith.
He is my meditation mentor.
He is who I connected best withwhen learning about silent
meditation.
Barry Ocotillo he's somebodythat I'm using as a mentor right
(05:26):
now and learning all new thingsand it's a different form of
healing, but it's about changingthe vibration and the frequency
with which I function in theworld and how am I bringing this
positivity to the world?
So he's one that does that.
I have Mauriceice israel, who'sa medium.
When I am feeling like there'sstuff that's going on that I
(05:49):
don't understand on the spiritworld.
He's who I reach out to, hementors me, I study with him on
how to listen to myself andlisten to both sides.
So, sides, so knowing who.
Who are the skills?
What are the skills that I needto learn?
Who is the best at teachingthat?
(06:11):
And that's who I'm going to goafter.
So does that make sense?
Speaker 3 (06:17):
Yes, yes, putting a good system, support system in
place is crucial.
I'm curious, though what wouldyou say to somebody out there
who?
I mean, there's a lot of peoplethat are raised kind of with
the thought that therapy is alittle bit taboo, right, going
to get help like it's a sign ofweakness, right, and so there's
a lot of people out there thatare reluctant to the idea of
(06:40):
creating a support systemthrough outside help, right?
What would you say to somebodythat has that mentality?
Because I know from my ownexperience it is incredibly
important to have somebody totalk to, because we all go
through a bunch of shit in lifeand we're all human beings and
we all have problems processing,and it is a lot of dark, deep
(07:00):
work sometimes and having anoutside objective already there
that, like you said, is notimmediately related to you,
right, it's one thing to call afriend to kind of vent to them
and have a conversation, butit's another thing entirely to
have, again, an outside thirdparty sit down and listen to you
and then give you thoughts andfeedback from an objective
standpoint.
(07:20):
So what would you say tosomebody that has that view to
kind of open their mind to thepossibility of getting some help
getting somebody to talk to.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
One of the things that I've done recently is
created lawless coaching forpeople that really don't want to
do something labeled as therapy, but they want some direction.
That's one piece.
When I started in this industryas a psychotherapist, as a
family therapist, I have alwaysdescribed myself to people as a
(07:54):
coach.
Coaching has become a thing now, but I've always described
myself as a coach, and to men inparticular that are sports
oriented, it made perfect senseto say I'm the coach on the
sidelines of your life.
You're on the field, you haveall the players around you and
(08:16):
you've been running your ownplays.
I'm on the sidelines and have adifferent perspective and I can
call out different plays to youand then you can choose if you
want to try them or not.
So coaching and that metaphorhas always been present, because
as a therapist, I am on thesidelines.
I'm not in your life on a dailybasis or a regular basis.
(08:40):
You see me in general for anhour a week, an hour and a half,
maybe two hours a week.
That's a lot of free time andoption availability to make
choices For people that havenever, and that's for somebody
who stepped through the doors toeven come once.
(09:00):
Someone that's questioning andthey're like I don't know if I
want to do therapy, I'm notreally sure about this whole
thing.
And I don't know if I want todo therapy.
I'm not really sure about thiswhole thing.
And you know why?
Would I pay somebody to listento me?
So what I tell people is youpay for expertise.
When it comes to sports, whenit comes to a restaurant, when
(09:23):
it comes to a movie, when itcomes to anything that we do in
our life, it comes with arecommendation.
Everybody will give you adviceabout parenting.
Everybody will give you adviceabout how to live your life or
how to clean your house or howto organize things.
Therapy is just about how do weorganize our minds, how do we
(09:44):
organize what's going on in ourlife, and creating a different
perspective.
Speaker 3 (09:49):
Yeah, you just nailed the word you hit.
I was going to.
I was going to chime in and saythat same word about
perspectives like you.
You hire professionals and allthese other aspects of your life
.
Why wouldn't you want somebodyto come in and kind of help you
analyze your own perspectivefrom which you see the world, to
potentially open you up to newideas and thoughts?
Because we we get so caught upin our heads right, marilisa,
(10:12):
like we get.
We have comfort, we haveconfirmation bias, we feed these
.
In many cases, we developbelief systems within our
thought process that in manycases aren't even true and we're
so blinded by the fact that weare stuck in these loops.
And for me, therapy has beeninstrumental throughout my life
(10:33):
to really sit down and havesomebody kind of dissect how I'm
seeing the world, how I'mprojecting myself and what I
find the more and more work I dois that I've said this before
the things that trigger me themost more often than not are my
own shit.
It's things I'm projecting outto others and I'm seeing things
like, especially with my kids,when they misbehave, my son will
(10:55):
have a temper tantrum and ittriggers me to my core and I sit
and reflect upon it and Irealized that I act like that
many times in front of him andhe's just mirroring that back to
me and it's like wow, andsometimes you don't.
You don't have thoserealizations without doing the
work and sitting down withsomebody and having them dissect
how you're behaving.
Speaker 2 (11:15):
I had that happen once, and I think it was in a
laundromat or something with myson and he did something or said
something.
I was like, oh my, he haspicked up that bad habit from me
.
He sounded just like me, theway he was speaking or yelling
or what.
I don't remember what he wasdoing, I just remember the
feeling of wow, he's listening,he's paying attention, you know,
(11:39):
and our children do.
Our children pay attention toeverything that we think and say
out loud, and sometimes they'rejust watching us.
So in our everyday life, what dowe need to do to be transparent
with ourselves and the way wesee ourselves in the world and
knowing what it is we have tooffer the world?
(12:01):
So and what that means is, isabout how do I project kindness?
I'd be kind.
You know I am kind.
I'm not by am I perfect, butoverall I try to be a kind and
loving person.
I try to call people on theirbehavior when necessary.
(12:24):
I let a lot of things go bybecause it's just a control
issue on my part and it's like,not my life, I don't have to do
this.
But perspective is the mostimportant aspect of how our days
go, how our world moves forward, because beliefs are things
(12:44):
that we think over and overagain.
That's all.
A belief is so what we hear,what we see.
It is altered by the thingsthat we think.
We see.
It is altered by the thingsthat we think, and learning how
to pay attention to the thingsthat we think and not believing
everything we think.
(13:05):
I actually had it as a bumpersticker.
I got a new refrigerator so Idon't have it anymore, but I had
a bumper sticker on myrefrigerator that said don't
believe everything you think.
And it's true.
Actually, reaching out to otherpeople to bounce ideas off of
them, whether it's a particulartype of treatment, whether it's
(13:26):
about substance use, whetherit's about religion, politics
there's so many different waysto alter our perception of the
world, which ultimately altersour perspective in the world.
Speaker 3 (13:43):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (13:44):
When I'm treating trauma, when I'm treating
addiction, when I'm treating allof these different things, it
often goes back to where did youlearn that?
Where did that become the waythat was acceptable in your
house, in your family, to moveforward?
My mom used to make fun of me.
I've always been someone that'sa little on the fringe of
(14:09):
general society.
If you can't tell by my hair,if you can't tell by my hair, um
, my um mom one time said why doyou do chiropractor and
acupuncture and herbs and allthis stuff?
And my mom was a verytraditional woman.
She, she had her moments, butshe was catholic.
(14:32):
She said the rosary every day.
She had these very rigidbeliefs for herself.
She never wanted anybody elseto have to believe the things
that she did.
But that was her.
And so she looked at me onetime and she's like why do you
do all these things?
And I looked at her and I saidbecause you're a perfect example
(14:52):
of what not to do for self-care, because you're a perfect
example of what not to do forself-care.
She started to laugh and she'slike you're so fresh, you know.
But that was the thing.
Everything that I was doingfunctional medicine, acupuncture
, chiropractor, herbs andvitamins and all these things
that I was doing were outside ofthe traditional medical model.
(15:12):
It wasn't going and having adoctor tell me that this is what
I have to do, period.
What pharmaceutical I should betaking, because I did that
round as well.
You know I went around that Itook antidepressants for a
period of time.
I've done all of these thingsbut none of them really helped
(15:34):
me find me.
So what I do now, besides thetalk therapy, is I you know, I'm
into the crystals.
I last time we talked about whathappened with the tourmaline
and, as a side note, my sisterhas been one of my sisters has
taken the same type of necklacewith the tourmaline and she's
(15:55):
wearing it and she says it'sreally weird.
She told me yesterday I woke upyesterday.
She said I woke up this morningand I was just like I just
didn't know distressed andwhatnot.
And she says, oh, where's mynecklace?
Where's my necklace?
And she went and put thenecklace on and it's just a
(16:16):
piece of black tourmaline and acap.
And she's like all of a suddenI put this on and it was so
weird.
I started to feel anxious and Iwas just like just work it
through, Just work it throughand all of a sudden she said I
was like on.
She said all that negativitywas gone.
She said I had an amazing daytoday.
(16:42):
I was like cool.
And then it blew up, right, andthen it didn't explode because
apparently it's not full.
You know, and everybody in myfamily has a few crystals around
.
Everybody's got a little bit ofsomething, but at the end of
the day, whether you believe inthe energy of the crystal or not
, it doesn't matter.
If it works for you, it worksfor you.
(17:03):
You know, I pulled a couple inmy place right here where I'm
sitting in my office, andamethyst.
You know, I just like holdingorbs, the smooth, polished, but
they have all this, this kind ofweird feeling when you're
holding it.
You know so, and it's a prettycool stone, you know, and this
(17:24):
is called a Chevron amethyst,it's.
It's just like a cool stone so,and I like that, you know.
So it's, it's like I'll pick adifferent shape each day to just
sort of have in my offices withme.
Or a different essential oillavender, lemongrass, cinnamon,
so there's all these differentthings that just depends on my
(17:46):
mood and I'll bring it in and itseems to also assist other
people.
Sometimes they're just fun,like this one.
This is huge and it's a rosequartz.
A rose quartz is for sharingthe love, bringing the love,
opening the heart.
Chakra.
Bring me the love share with me,share the love with me.
Speaker 3 (18:07):
Yes, yes, Very interesting.
I want to go back for a momentabout the medications.
It's such an important thingbecause this is something I find
myself coming back to over andover again.
It's this human kind ofcapacity for instant
(18:31):
gratification and wanting aquick fix and how we have access
to all of these medications,which it's a wonderful thing and
there's many good uses forthese things, but it's become
ever increasingly a crutch forso many and they really don't.
From what I understand about alot of these medications, like
(18:52):
antidepressants and things likethat, they don't fix the actual
root problem.
They just address the symptomsand I think they kind of
reprogram and rewire your brainaround the underlying problem.
So it's not again, it's not asolution.
For some, maybe it might be theonly thing to get them back on
(19:13):
course.
It's not a solution.
For some, maybe it might be theonly thing to get them back on
course, but I don't think itshould be kind of pitched as a
lifelong effort.
Right Like, people at some levelneed to learn how to use
holistic tools to improvethemselves and ultimately
reprogram their minds withoutthe use of external medications
(19:35):
that are really kind of rewiringyou in odd ways in many cases.
I think if you can get onething out of listening to this
podcast, it's just that it'sthat there are no shortcuts.
Right.
Progress and getting better andself-improvement all comes off
(19:55):
the heels of discomfort.
In many cases, pain, Right.
It's something that I've beenimmersed in now for the better
part of five years, and it neverceases to amaze me how
fascinating this topic is.
Speaker 2 (20:12):
I agree, I agree.
So I think that one of thethings that we have, as a
culture, have forgotten is thatplant medicine is not
alternative medicine.
It's the original medicine.
You know, midwives andherbalist and women that were
burned at the stake for beingwitches were women who were
(20:34):
herbalists and healers.
They were the ones that youwent to in a community and they
would give you an herb to healor to do something for yourself.
We've lost that art and many ofus are bringing it back.
It's like lavender, lav.
Lavender is one of these.
(20:55):
It's a plant, it's a beautifulflower, it has a fragrance and
there's multiple types oflavender and I carry three of
them here in the store.
But lavender they have donedouble blind studies with
lavender and different ummedications lorazepam, diazepam,
(21:16):
so in the benzodiazepine familywhich are considered
tranquilizers.
They've done double blindstudies multiple times and they
have equal results, equal takingone or the other.
It's not like the medicationwas this much better or the
(21:38):
lavender was this much betterequal.
And they're double blind,meaning nobody knows what
anybody's getting.
So I have, and one of thethings I do with essential oils
here is when people don't knowabout you know well what's this
or what's this?
Smell them.
(21:58):
There are some people that willsmell lemongrass, which I love
the smell of, and they're like,oh, that's awful.
Speaker 3 (22:06):
What if you can't smell, like me?
I got no sense of smell.
What do I do?
Speaker 2 (22:10):
That's one of the things.
A lot of people with COVID havelost their sense of smell.
It's very interesting and thataffects our taste.
It affects so many pieces.
Speaker 3 (22:21):
If I was going to lose one sense that's got to be
smell.
I think that's probably theleast important of all the
senses.
Speaker 2 (22:28):
They all balance us out.
But herbs and plant medicineand what we're learning more
about, even with psilocybin andin that world and the whole
world where they have, you know,the ayahuasca, there's so many
different plant-based medicinesthat are in and of themselves
(22:51):
would be considered medications,but they're considered
plant-based medications.
Speaker 3 (22:56):
Natural medicines.
Speaker 2 (22:58):
Natural medicines, one of the Alzheimer's
medications.
I can't remember the name of it, but I remember when I was
studying to be an herbalist.
Daffodils is actually amedication for, I believe,
treating Alzheimer's.
It's one of the medicationsthey make into a medication but
daffodils was the first Daffodilpills.
And think about it.
Poppy poppy plants were madeinto opium and then it's been
(23:21):
made into a million other things.
They created the synthetic withoxycodone and oxy you know the
oxys.
So I mean that they take plantsand they try to remake it
chemically.
They find the active ingredientin the plant.
Why not just continue to usethe plant?
Speaker 3 (23:41):
So you led me right where I was going in my mind and
it's this idea of and this isinteresting.
I want to get your perspectiveon it.
You have a compound likewhatever.
Just take a psychedeliccompound, for instance, that
occurs naturally in nature.
And then you go to apsychedelic compound, for
instance, that occurs naturallyin nature, and then you go to a
lab and let's say you couldsynthesize that same compound.
(24:04):
So it's identical to the actualone that occurs in nature.
So there's no discernibledifference in a lab.
It's the same chemicalcomposition.
One is found naturally innature, naturally in nature, the
other is synthesized in the lab.
Like science would say thatthere is no distinction, these
are the same compounds.
(24:24):
I don't think you wouldnecessarily agree with that and
I'm starting to think thatthere's something I think that
there's something that gets lostin translation.
There's an intangible, there's aspiritual component of whatever
that is, something that can't,at least yet anyway, be touched
by science.
It's maybe called supernatural,godly, otherworldly, spiritual,
(24:45):
whatever that is.
But there's something therethat gets lost in translation,
where it's not the same, and I'dbe interesting to see.
Surely there's been studiesdone with that, I'd imagine, but
I'd be interested to see whatthat looks like.
What are your thoughts on that?
I mean, like I said, I suspectthat you think there's something
else there, but what are yourthoughts on that subject?
Speaker 2 (25:06):
Well, I think, as a country and it's not every
country that's like this, but inour country the pharmaceutical
industry is such a powerfulindustry and the lobbying that
goes on at a governmental levelfrom the pharmaceutical
companies, there is such a pushto medicate versus heal, and I
(25:29):
think that that's thedistinction we want to.
And it comes back to thebeginning of our conversation,
which is about healing thewounds, healing the hole in the
soul, healing these things thathave happened to us.
We all have negative thingshappen to us.
It's how is it treated?
How is it heard?
How do we try to heal eachother in community?
(25:49):
People give up, people getoverwhelmed and they think that
a medication is the only option.
And yet we know thatmedications are only, in general
, 30 or 40 effective.
Think about the flu shot.
It's only 30 effective ingeneral.
You know it's it's.
(26:12):
There are some things that helpto make things a little easier,
but they don't actually addressthe core issue, and the core
issue often is about how do wefeel connected in community.
Do we have a shaman?
Do we have a priest?
(26:32):
Do we have a rabbi?
Do we have a spiritual leader?
We can go to priest.
Do we have a rabbi?
Do we have a spiritual leaderwe can go to?
Do we have family that we cango to?
Who do we talk to?
Who do we commune with?
All of it comes back to that,and when we're listening to
people that have been in similarexperiences, that's what
support groups are often aboutis listening to other people's
(26:55):
ways of seeing the world ordoing things and say, oh, I'll
try that, or now that doesn'treally fit for me.
But being open to saying we arenot cookie cutters, we are not
all the same.
We all feel differently and, atthe end of the day, is, how do
we hear each other and whatsupport do we seek from the
(27:19):
world?
And that's where I had said Ihave different mentors for
different things.
I don't expect one person to bean expert in everything.
In my life, a husband and wife,or a husband, husband, wife and
wife partners can't always be100% there for each other.
Everybody needs a village.
We all need a community that wecan reach out to and a safe
(27:45):
community, one where there's notgoing to be judgment and
opinions thrown like you need todo that or you have to do that,
but I can hear that you're inpain, let's sit together.
I can hear that that's upsetyou.
Let's talk about it, withoutjudging the situation.
But truly being able to heareach other and knowing who it is
(28:07):
you're going to for support,does that bring you a sense of
comfort?
Or is it just you looking forallies?
And there's a difference.
When you can have a communitythat is truly there for you and
(28:27):
is hearing you, without tellingyou what to do, but believing
that you have the skills tofigure this out yourself, you
have found the right community.
Yep, we don't need people inour lives to tell us what to do.
We need people in our lives togive us an alternative
perspective.
Speaker 3 (28:50):
Yep, don't tell us what to do.
Help lead us to our ownrealizations.
Speaker 2 (28:57):
So, coming to therapy for the first time, what I tell
people is try it once, comethrough the door, because what
we do know is that every schoolis different.
They all have different skillsets that they teach you.
None of it matters unless youhave a connection with the
person that you're talking to.
So, when looking for atherapist, look for somebody
(29:18):
who's done their own work.
Look for somebody who is opento hearing what you have to say
and is not there to judge you ortell you oh, that's messed up,
you shouldn't be doing that.
But somebody that wants to bethere on the journey with you.
Speaker 3 (29:36):
But somebody that wants to be there on the journey
with you.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I think there's probably a lotof people out there that have
gone to get help with therapyand they went to a therapist and
it didn't resonate with thatperson and it left a bad taste
in their mouth to the pointwhere they're resistant to
getting help from somebody else.
But it's important toacknowledge that.
Yeah, you don't just need to gowith any old person.
(29:59):
You got to.
You got to find the rightperson for you.
So if you're meeting withsomebody and you're finding that
it's not resonating, go findsomebody else, right, don't stay
with somebody for the sake ofstaying with them.
Speaker 2 (30:09):
Yeah, yeah, and that's true of a support group,
that's true of any society ofany type that you join.
Don't judge it based on thefirst one.
Do it a couple of times and seewhat you think and how do you
feel.
Do you feel a sense ofconnection?
Do you feel like you belong?
I feel, I can I can, I can throwin one little piece about a
(30:31):
church.
You know I I was raisedCatholic went to church.
No, you know, I was raisedCatholic went to church no, you
know, did the right thing, youknow, for fear of going to hell.
What I found is that I found achurch that has, or a
congregation that has, the samebeliefs.
But even the particularcongregation that I went to
(30:51):
initially, while I enjoyed it,it wasn't, it still didn't feel
like home to me and I went to anew congregation with the same
spiritual beliefs.
And I went to a newcongregation and I literally
walked in the door and I waslike I'm home, sign me up.
And I've been there for 27, 27,28 years now with the same
(31:19):
congregation because it feltlike home.
River of Grass UnitarianUniversalist congregation became
my spiritual home and myextended family, because I don't
have a lot of extended familyhere and that's part of where a
spiritual community comes in.
Extended family here and that'spart of where a spiritual
(31:40):
community comes in.
But you have to find, no matterwhether it's a therapist,
whether it's a support group,whether it's a, whatever it is.
You have to feel like youbelong.
Feeling connected is the mosthealing part of being human.
And when we have a tribe andthat's the those people that
(32:01):
that love us and are willing tocall us on our stuff they're not
abusive about it, they, youknow.
They just say, hey, that that'skind of messed up.
You might want to think aboutthat.
Or you know what you're doing,really great, and you just go.
But it's connection.
It's all about connection and Iknow we've been talking a lot
(32:22):
longer than we normally talk,but I feel really passionate
about the topic of finding yourtribe and healing in community.
Speaker 3 (32:31):
Yeah, that's one of the things that I think is
missing from a lot of people'slives nowadays is community,
sense of connection.
I think, say what you willabout religion, love it or hate
it, there's an unbelievableutility in the sense of
community that it brings forpeople that get together and
(32:52):
that sense of connectedness.
If you go through life withoutthat, it could be very, very
challenging and you have to havethe bigger the tribe.
The more folks there are therein your support system, the more
likely you are to succeed.
It's just that simple.
Yes indeed, yes indeed.
All right, well, let's leave itat that.
(33:15):
Okay, for anyone out therethat's listening, if you've
found any interesting supportsystems in your own life, maybe
something that's off the cuff,maybe something that's worked
for you, let us know about it inthe comments.
We're interested to hear yourthoughts and we are so happy to
have you with us along on thisjourney.
(33:35):
We wish you all a wonderful day.
Much love, aho.
Be kind out there and rememberwe only have this one life to
live, so let's make the most ofit.
Everyone, take care, have ablessed day.
Bye-bye.
Speaker 1 (33:57):
Thank you for listening to the Hemp Del Sol
podcast.
Bye-bye.
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