December 20, 2023 • 17 mins
Within the syllables of a poem, I, Jenn Wynn, share where I am in 2023 in my healing journey, and the mind-body-soul unison that brought me to this point. I've stood at the crossroads of healing, where the convergence of past and future, pain and relief intersected. This season finale of The H.I. Note invites you, the listener, to witness my metamorphosis of internal growth and the discovery that our own being harbors key tools for our healing journeys.
Gratitude blossoms in the space created by heartfelt collaboration, and in this final episode, I extend my deepest thanks to the souls who've woven their talents into the tapestry of our healing podcast. From the phenomenal Producer & Editor Torrey Crosby to the amazing guests to the talented heroes behind the scenes to my beloved family and friends and to YOU, I acknowledge the symphony of support that has animated our mission. Join us as we close this chapter with an embrace of appreciation and a loving glance toward what's possible through more healing conversations.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:15):
Hi everyone, welcome to the High Note Healing
Inspirations from Life.
It's Jen Nguyen here.
This is the last episode ofSeason 1.
I can't believe it.
In today's episode, I share mypoem that I referenced in my
conversation with Nita butdidn't include in that episode.
(00:38):
If you haven't listened to theeighth episode with Nita yet,
then you may want to do thatfirst before listening to this
episode.
In this episode, you'll hear mypoetry plus the context setting
part of our conversation, andin that part you'll hear me
speak briefly about mygreat-grandmother from the
Dominican Republic.
(00:59):
One small correction, though,is that I call her my tátara
abuela.
I should have said my bisabuela, perdóname bisabuela.
I said in my introductionepisode of the season, pulling
from a James Baldwin quote, thatmy guests and I take off our
masks together for the purposeof love, a word that Baldwin
(01:23):
uses in quote the tough anduniversal sense of quest and
daring and growth, and quotethis poem is an example of my
healing growth.
So here's my poem that Ireferenced in Nita's episode,
plus a few minutes of upfrontcontext that you'll hear first.
(01:44):
Together, the context plus thepoem give you a feel for where I
am in 2023 in my healingjourney ready integrating many
lessons across my life andbreaking cycles from the inside
out.
Let's get started.
I've only had a few sessionswith Jay and in every single one
(02:08):
talk about a mindset shift likemy mind gets blown.
I point out a stuckness in mybody that connects to a
stuckness in my heart, my spirit, my past, et cetera.
So after maybe the thirdsession, when I had one of these
discoveries of the mind-bodysoul connection, I laughed
(02:31):
because I've heard these words,I know these things conceptually
and I lived and felt themdifferently after each session
with Jay.
And I should say Jay is notjust a Pilates instructor,
although that unto itself isamazing.
Right, jay is also a musician.
Jay is also does cranial sacralwork like, has many, many
(02:53):
modalities for listening andcreating and sharing love in
this world.
So after one of the sessions Iwas reflecting on what I'd
learned in the session a lot.
And then I was reflecting on mymom's grandmother, so mom from
the Dominican Republic.
So this is my Dominicandaughter-a-wela
(03:13):
great-grandmother, whom I nevermet, but furthermore, my mom
never met, but she's always felta connection to her.
She told me this whenever she'dwalk by pictures of her
grandmother as a child.
She felt a pull, a strongconnection to her and didn't
know why.
And interestingly, my mom isthe first-born daughter after
(03:36):
her grandmother passed away andin certain cultures there's a
name for the first-born daughterafter grandmother passes and
son after a grandfather passes.
So this is a known connection,right?
Talk about pulling from bodiesof wisdom beyond our own
cultures.
So I've been reflecting on theconnections and questions in my
(04:30):
family's lineage and I've beenreflecting on the connections in
(05:21):
my family's lineage and I'vebeen reflecting on the
connections in my family'slineage and I've been reflecting
(06:14):
on the connections in myfamily's lineage and I've been
reflecting on the connections inmy family's lineage and I've
(06:36):
been reflecting on theconnections in my family's
lineage.
Sharp knife up my throat, justleft of center, dislodged from
the right side of my heart,about 10% in from the right
Midpoint between heart centerand sternum.
I breathed for in, seven out.
(06:58):
She slipped right out, aware ofmy heart had gripped her
tightly for centuries.
I swallowed a sword to shieldthe family.
It came right out Without atrace of blood, instantaneously
lighter.
I breathed to heal her.
(07:18):
More air coming out.
I could heave for real.
Now my chest could empty and goconcave.
I am letting go.
I can breathe more completelynow that I am not holding the
sword I swallowed to protect myfamily and had to stay rigid to
(07:40):
make sure it didn't slice myheart in half.
It's all within me, the way inand the way out.
Am I my family's Pandora's box?
Nope, things slash.
I will be lighter, bloodlessand more breathful after coming
out.
I have everything I need.
(08:02):
Now is the time, and I am ready, integrated.
And I'll say one other piece ofcontext.
When the panic attack stopped,it literally felt like the wind,
like a suction cup, and it feltliterally like a knife went
(08:22):
straight up my throat and out mymouth and it was so precise.
It didn't hurt, but it was soprecise.
You know when you get an itch,like a tingle, a tickle in your
throat and you can feel exactlywhere it is, but you can't reach
it and you're like trying toget it out.
The knife went through a spotas precise as that on the left
(08:45):
side.
So the relief was immensebecause it left.
It not only took a whole lotout, it left like a clean hole
from where it had dislodged.
And it felt in line with who Iwas as a child, growing up in a
(09:05):
home that experienced domesticviolence, where the violence was
coming from.
Someone much bigger than I wasright, I was a child, this was a
parent, and so it was as thoughsomeone bigger than me was
wielding a huge sword.
But I could tell they didn'thave the emotional maturity or
(09:28):
capacity to be wielding thatsword.
But I could also tell that Ididn't have the physical
maturity or capacity to combatthat sword or remove that sword
in any visible way, and so whatI tried to do, like a little kid
, was hide it.
I got ahold of it, I tried tohide it, but I didn't know where
(09:49):
to put it because I didn't wantit to get found, and as a
little kid, you don't own much,can't be like.
Let me just take it to mystorage closet up Atlantic
Avenue.
And so what did I do?
I ate it, I swallowed it, andone thing I had was my body, and
I held it tightly and knewenough not to move too much
(10:14):
because otherwise it destroyedme.
And those were words I couldhave never used, metaphors,
language that I could have neverput to the survival mechanisms
I had used as a child and howthey might be connected to the
survival mechanisms of myancestors, and that I might have
(10:34):
been carrying a sword that wasnever mine to wield.
Thanks for sticking around formy love and learning reflection,
my last one of the season.
Wow, I did it and I feel reallygrateful to get to this point
(10:56):
in my journey where I can sharemoments of healing with you all
and have more healingconversations.
So, instead of reflecting onthis one episode, I'm going to
do a closing reflection on thisinaugural season, and it's going
to have a whole lot ofgratitude.
Here's what I'm loving andlearning from season one the
(11:19):
bigness of love.
Healing happens from the insideout.
Gratitude so much of it.
I'll say a little more abouteach of those three things.
The bigness of love I mean thison many levels.
Conversation after conversation, I was blown away by what love
(11:41):
made possible.
Love in all its forms Love ofself, love of others, love of
mother nature, and on and onKept showing up as a creative,
generative force that opens uppossibilities where there seem
to be none before.
It's the opposite of fear,which is a destructive and
(12:01):
defensive force that shuts downoptions, and love is the one
force that consistently seemedto be bigger than all the pain
that my guests and I described.
Love is so expansive and ableto hold such complexity.
I guess that's why they saylove conquers all.
Also, though, I see how acts oflove produce more acts of love.
(12:26):
I knew doing this season wouldbe an act of self-love, because
I was finally living out a dreamI'd had since 2021 and living
more in my purpose.
What I didn't anticipate wasthat each time I poured love
into my guests, for example, Isurprised each of them right
before our conversation withthree things that I loved about
(12:49):
them.
They would say that reflectingon this journey together was a
part of their healing journey.
Their sharing felt like an actof love being poured into me.
I started the season off bysharing a James Baldwin quote
about love, and I'll end withone, too.
This one came to me from Igorright after we recorded the
(13:10):
first episode of the season,which is fitting because I just
said, love produces more love,and that's what I felt with this
James Baldwin quote from IgorBaldwin writes quote.
The longer I live, the moredeeply I learn that love,
whether we call it friendship orfamily or romance, is the work
(13:34):
of mirroring and magnifying eachother's light.
Gentle work, steadfast work,life-saving work in those
moments when life and shame andsorrow occlude our own light
from our view, but there isstill a clear-eyed, loving
person to beam it back In ourbest moments.
(13:54):
We are that person.
For another end quoteReflection two healing happens
from the inside out.
In multiple conversations withguests, it became clear that by
each of us working to heal ourown pain internally, we are
creating space for others toheal externally too.
(14:15):
So I'm curious where are you inyour healing journey?
Wherever you are, you are notalone, and I'm learning that
when it comes to taking the nextstep in our healing journeys,
we are not alone.
My wish is that we cannormalize healing, because it's
necessary for creating the worldwe want to live in, a world
(14:38):
rooted, hopefully, inunconditional love rather than
fear.
And my last reflection, butcertainly not least, is
gratitude.
I'm ending this season on a highnote by sharing my immense
gratitude for all the people whohelped make this heart project
of mine a reality.
Thank you, thank you.
(14:58):
Thank you to Tori Crosby, thephenomenal producer, editor and
human without whom thisinaugural season would not exist
.
There are no words, tori, tocapture my immense appreciation,
admiration and love for you.
Thank you to the phenomenalguests of season one who so
(15:21):
generously shared your inspiringstories and immense wisdom.
Speaking with you has been oneof the most beautiful and
rewarding experiences I've everhad.
So I'll say thanks to each ofyou and, out of fairness, I'll
do it in alphabetical order byfirst name Felipe Teoes, igor
(15:42):
Lomansky, jay Grinnelli, jessicaNeville, lacy, chisholm, lee
Smart and Nita Baum.
You are the best.
Love you all so much.
Thank you to the fantasticgraphic designers, audio
engineers and music producers.
Thank you for making us lookand sound great.
(16:04):
Thank you to Team HealingPodcast.
These are the amazing loved onesin my life who volunteered
their time and talent to getthis podcast to launch when I
wondered how I was going to makeit.
That includes my husband andthe love of my life Damien
Williams, my sisters, alexandraWynn, alexis Wynn and Erica Wynn
(16:28):
, my very first teacher andinspiring mama, maria Collado.
My kids, who managed to stayquiet for many, many hours when
I was recording episodes at home.
Thank you, I love you AriaFlorent, brian Collado, diane
Leonard, felipe Teoes, carlaMore, kwame Awuzukesi, laura
(16:53):
Moore, stephanie Ip andStephanie Lillivoy.
I appreciate you all so muchand I could not have done this
without you.
Thank you to everyone who hasencouraged me.
There are more than I have timeto list.
However, my gratitude isinfinite.
I'm so grateful for each andevery one of you and thank you,
(17:18):
the listeners, for coming onthis journey with me.
I can't wait to hear aboutmoments of healing in your lives
and what is made possible foryou through healing.
Much love everyone.
Hi everyone, welcome to the High Note Healing
Inspirations from Life.
It's Jen Nguyen here.
This is the last episode ofSeason 1.
I can't believe it.
In today's episode, I share mypoem that I referenced in my
conversation with Nita butdidn't include in that episode.
(00:38):
If you haven't listened to theeighth episode with Nita yet,
then you may want to do thatfirst before listening to this
episode.
In this episode, you'll hear mypoetry plus the context setting
part of our conversation, andin that part you'll hear me
speak briefly about mygreat-grandmother from the
Dominican Republic.
(00:59):
One small correction, though,is that I call her my tátara
abuela.
I should have said my bisabuela, perdóname bisabuela.
I said in my introductionepisode of the season, pulling
from a James Baldwin quote, thatmy guests and I take off our
masks together for the purposeof love, a word that Baldwin
(01:23):
uses in quote the tough anduniversal sense of quest and
daring and growth, and quotethis poem is an example of my
healing growth.
So here's my poem that Ireferenced in Nita's episode,
plus a few minutes of upfrontcontext that you'll hear first.
(01:44):
Together, the context plus thepoem give you a feel for where I
am in 2023 in my healingjourney ready integrating many
lessons across my life andbreaking cycles from the inside
out.
Let's get started.
I've only had a few sessionswith Jay and in every single one
(02:08):
talk about a mindset shift likemy mind gets blown.
I point out a stuckness in mybody that connects to a
stuckness in my heart, my spirit, my past, et cetera.
So after maybe the thirdsession, when I had one of these
discoveries of the mind-bodysoul connection, I laughed
(02:31):
because I've heard these words,I know these things conceptually
and I lived and felt themdifferently after each session
with Jay.
And I should say Jay is notjust a Pilates instructor,
although that unto itself isamazing.
Right, jay is also a musician.
Jay is also does cranial sacralwork like, has many, many
(02:53):
modalities for listening andcreating and sharing love in
this world.
So after one of the sessions Iwas reflecting on what I'd
learned in the session a lot.
And then I was reflecting on mymom's grandmother, so mom from
the Dominican Republic.
So this is my Dominicandaughter-a-wela
(03:13):
great-grandmother, whom I nevermet, but furthermore, my mom
never met, but she's always felta connection to her.
She told me this whenever she'dwalk by pictures of her
grandmother as a child.
She felt a pull, a strongconnection to her and didn't
know why.
And interestingly, my mom isthe first-born daughter after
(03:36):
her grandmother passed away andin certain cultures there's a
name for the first-born daughterafter grandmother passes and
son after a grandfather passes.
So this is a known connection,right?
Talk about pulling from bodiesof wisdom beyond our own
cultures.
So I've been reflecting on theconnections and questions in my
(04:30):
family's lineage and I've beenreflecting on the connections in
(05:21):
my family's lineage and I'vebeen reflecting on the
connections in my family'slineage and I've been reflecting
(06:14):
on the connections in myfamily's lineage and I've been
reflecting on the connections inmy family's lineage and I've
(06:36):
been reflecting on theconnections in my family's
lineage.
Sharp knife up my throat, justleft of center, dislodged from
the right side of my heart,about 10% in from the right
Midpoint between heart centerand sternum.
I breathed for in, seven out.
(06:58):
She slipped right out, aware ofmy heart had gripped her
tightly for centuries.
I swallowed a sword to shieldthe family.
It came right out Without atrace of blood, instantaneously
lighter.
I breathed to heal her.
(07:18):
More air coming out.
I could heave for real.
Now my chest could empty and goconcave.
I am letting go.
I can breathe more completelynow that I am not holding the
sword I swallowed to protect myfamily and had to stay rigid to
(07:40):
make sure it didn't slice myheart in half.
It's all within me, the way inand the way out.
Am I my family's Pandora's box?
Nope, things slash.
I will be lighter, bloodlessand more breathful after coming
out.
I have everything I need.
(08:02):
Now is the time, and I am ready, integrated.
And I'll say one other piece ofcontext.
When the panic attack stopped,it literally felt like the wind,
like a suction cup, and it feltliterally like a knife went
(08:22):
straight up my throat and out mymouth and it was so precise.
It didn't hurt, but it was soprecise.
You know when you get an itch,like a tingle, a tickle in your
throat and you can feel exactlywhere it is, but you can't reach
it and you're like trying toget it out.
The knife went through a spotas precise as that on the left
(08:45):
side.
So the relief was immensebecause it left.
It not only took a whole lotout, it left like a clean hole
from where it had dislodged.
And it felt in line with who Iwas as a child, growing up in a
(09:05):
home that experienced domesticviolence, where the violence was
coming from.
Someone much bigger than I wasright, I was a child, this was a
parent, and so it was as thoughsomeone bigger than me was
wielding a huge sword.
But I could tell they didn'thave the emotional maturity or
(09:28):
capacity to be wielding thatsword.
But I could also tell that Ididn't have the physical
maturity or capacity to combatthat sword or remove that sword
in any visible way, and so whatI tried to do, like a little kid
, was hide it.
I got ahold of it, I tried tohide it, but I didn't know where
(09:49):
to put it because I didn't wantit to get found, and as a
little kid, you don't own much,can't be like.
Let me just take it to mystorage closet up Atlantic
Avenue.
And so what did I do?
I ate it, I swallowed it, andone thing I had was my body, and
I held it tightly and knewenough not to move too much
(10:14):
because otherwise it destroyedme.
And those were words I couldhave never used, metaphors,
language that I could have neverput to the survival mechanisms
I had used as a child and howthey might be connected to the
survival mechanisms of myancestors, and that I might have
(10:34):
been carrying a sword that wasnever mine to wield.
Thanks for sticking around formy love and learning reflection,
my last one of the season.
Wow, I did it and I feel reallygrateful to get to this point
(10:56):
in my journey where I can sharemoments of healing with you all
and have more healingconversations.
So, instead of reflecting onthis one episode, I'm going to
do a closing reflection on thisinaugural season, and it's going
to have a whole lot ofgratitude.
Here's what I'm loving andlearning from season one the
(11:19):
bigness of love.
Healing happens from the insideout.
Gratitude so much of it.
I'll say a little more abouteach of those three things.
The bigness of love I mean thison many levels.
Conversation after conversation, I was blown away by what love
(11:41):
made possible.
Love in all its forms Love ofself, love of others, love of
mother nature, and on and onKept showing up as a creative,
generative force that opens uppossibilities where there seem
to be none before.
It's the opposite of fear,which is a destructive and
(12:01):
defensive force that shuts downoptions, and love is the one
force that consistently seemedto be bigger than all the pain
that my guests and I described.
Love is so expansive and ableto hold such complexity.
I guess that's why they saylove conquers all.
Also, though, I see how acts oflove produce more acts of love.
(12:26):
I knew doing this season wouldbe an act of self-love, because
I was finally living out a dreamI'd had since 2021 and living
more in my purpose.
What I didn't anticipate wasthat each time I poured love
into my guests, for example, Isurprised each of them right
before our conversation withthree things that I loved about
(12:49):
them.
They would say that reflectingon this journey together was a
part of their healing journey.
Their sharing felt like an actof love being poured into me.
I started the season off bysharing a James Baldwin quote
about love, and I'll end withone, too.
This one came to me from Igorright after we recorded the
(13:10):
first episode of the season,which is fitting because I just
said, love produces more love,and that's what I felt with this
James Baldwin quote from IgorBaldwin writes quote.
The longer I live, the moredeeply I learn that love,
whether we call it friendship orfamily or romance, is the work
(13:34):
of mirroring and magnifying eachother's light.
Gentle work, steadfast work,life-saving work in those
moments when life and shame andsorrow occlude our own light
from our view, but there isstill a clear-eyed, loving
person to beam it back In ourbest moments.
(13:54):
We are that person.
For another end quoteReflection two healing happens
from the inside out.
In multiple conversations withguests, it became clear that by
each of us working to heal ourown pain internally, we are
creating space for others toheal externally too.
(14:15):
So I'm curious where are you inyour healing journey?
Wherever you are, you are notalone, and I'm learning that
when it comes to taking the nextstep in our healing journeys,
we are not alone.
My wish is that we cannormalize healing, because it's
necessary for creating the worldwe want to live in, a world
(14:38):
rooted, hopefully, inunconditional love rather than
fear.
And my last reflection, butcertainly not least, is
gratitude.
I'm ending this season on a highnote by sharing my immense
gratitude for all the people whohelped make this heart project
of mine a reality.
Thank you, thank you.
(14:58):
Thank you to Tori Crosby, thephenomenal producer, editor and
human without whom thisinaugural season would not exist
.
There are no words, tori, tocapture my immense appreciation,
admiration and love for you.
Thank you to the phenomenalguests of season one who so
(15:21):
generously shared your inspiringstories and immense wisdom.
Speaking with you has been oneof the most beautiful and
rewarding experiences I've everhad.
So I'll say thanks to each ofyou and, out of fairness, I'll
do it in alphabetical order byfirst name Felipe Teoes, igor
(15:42):
Lomansky, jay Grinnelli, jessicaNeville, lacy, chisholm, lee
Smart and Nita Baum.
You are the best.
Love you all so much.
Thank you to the fantasticgraphic designers, audio
engineers and music producers.
Thank you for making us lookand sound great.
(16:04):
Thank you to Team HealingPodcast.
These are the amazing loved onesin my life who volunteered
their time and talent to getthis podcast to launch when I
wondered how I was going to makeit.
That includes my husband andthe love of my life Damien
Williams, my sisters, alexandraWynn, alexis Wynn and Erica Wynn
(16:28):
, my very first teacher andinspiring mama, maria Collado.
My kids, who managed to stayquiet for many, many hours when
I was recording episodes at home.
Thank you, I love you AriaFlorent, brian Collado, diane
Leonard, felipe Teoes, carlaMore, kwame Awuzukesi, laura
(16:53):
Moore, stephanie Ip andStephanie Lillivoy.
I appreciate you all so muchand I could not have done this
without you.
Thank you to everyone who hasencouraged me.
There are more than I have timeto list.
However, my gratitude isinfinite.
I'm so grateful for each andevery one of you and thank you,
(17:18):
the listeners, for coming onthis journey with me.
I can't wait to hear aboutmoments of healing in your lives
and what is made possible foryou through healing.
Much love everyone.
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