March 22, 2024 • 50 mins
TAM and mort begin Ep 2 with a couple of article shout-outs and flow into a very deep and vulnerable article about being an early millennial. They round out the episode discussing another article from AbuseRD and end with an article celebrating Medium as a platform and reminiscing about the decline of an old fav writing platform. Come along and experience the vulnerability ride! :D
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Hey, I'm Tam.
(00:02):
And I'm Eternally Mortal.
And this is the Hidden Egg Podcast where we talk about vulnerability.
And stuff and things.
I almost forgot how we begin these things.
That's okay, no big deal. Welcome, one and all, back to the show, back to the program.
And we're doing season four. Season four is new and different and awesome and fantabulous.
(00:27):
And shiny.
So because we're doing season four we have more of a slightly stricter main show format.
And so we're going to do a few article shoutouts because we like some of these articles and we wanted to shout them out.
That makes sense, right?
(00:48):
And we're supportive of Medium as well, in general.
Alright. First one is going to be from Sturge, who is currently with us.
In chat, absolutely. The superhero Sturge hanging out with us, chatting in chat, keeping us entertained with memes and GIFs galore.
(01:12):
Thank you, Sturge.
And he did a poem a few weeks ago called Hope in Despair.
And he published it in Right Under the Moon. I don't know how you want to do these shoutouts or anything.
I'm just going to say a couple things because this was one that I kind of was like, hey, can we add this?
Because I read it today and it was a beautiful poem.
(01:33):
The subject matter was anxiety inducing and it brought real emotion to me when I read it.
And it's a very vulnerable piece about a real feeling that someone goes through.
And I just thought it was really, really cool.
So check out Sturge's poem, Hope in Despair, if you want to.
Yeah. And we'll have these links in the article and wherever, like whatever post I put these in, either on Substack or on Medium.
(02:07):
If you're coming to the podcast from one of the purely audio sources, you may want to check us out on Medium because we put the links in those things.
Or check us out on Discord and we'll find we'll make sure you get to it.
So then there was another one that was published earlier this week. It was two days ago.
(02:29):
So that was the 19th of March. And this one's by Ugood, about a hundred duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck.
Yeah. But it wasn't really about that at all.
No. Similarly, actually, it was an experience that Ugood had in real life and how it felt to be in that experience.
(02:53):
It was a very touching article to me as well. Did you want to say anything else about it?
I just really enjoyed the way that she formatted it.
I honestly, except for a tiny little section where there was like some swearing, I actually thought that this was completely boostable,
which for people not on Medium, it just means that like Medium may have selected it to be distributed even further than normal.
(03:21):
So, but like she posted it in Swearie Mommy. So I don't know if she'd want to take the curse words out to be boosted.
You know what I mean? Like it's kind of...
I didn't really know that Medium didn't really boost articles of swearing in it.
I don't know that they don't, but from what I understand, it doesn't usually add to it.
(03:43):
Like they're trying to go for a more professional thing. I mean, you'd have to ask the nominators.
Sturge is also a nominator and he says it doesn't help. So yeah, it's good for some audiences.
But like if you're trying to get boosted, probably leave out the curse words.
(04:06):
I think hell might be fine. Maybe. But I don't know. Anyway.
And then, well, I wanted to just really quick shout out to my article because, you know, shameless plug.
Absolutely. And I don't think you should be shameless at all. I think it should be shameless.
(04:27):
I think it should be full of pride also because it's such a wonderful article.
Like you really also very clearly depicted an experience that you went through in kind of a larger format, you know,
kind of the experience of decades that you've watched happen. I thought it was very well done.
I thought it was also brave, too. It's. Thanks.
(04:49):
It's a topic that I would I would absolutely be nervous to write about myself.
So I'm actually learning a lot from the comments and not like because people are telling me things that I didn't know.
It's more of the like how I'm responding to the comments is a little unexpected.
(05:11):
And it's teaching me that like I need to I need to have a thicker skin.
Absolutely. I really didn't think that it was going to affect me in the ways that it did.
But, you know, I'll put a link to that in our description thing as well.
I don't want to talk too much about that one.
I can understand. But it is it is really amazing.
(05:34):
Before I'm glad you're going to put a link in there before I move on, should I check?
Should I click on this to make this lobster move or should I leave it as PG?
Maybe maybe you could probably just leave it as PG.
OK, it's just it's just a secret. It's a secret for me and Sturge.
I will check it out later because the chat doesn't go anywhere.
So anybody who's listening in on this, if you want to see what lobster we're talking about
(05:57):
and you want to see what the gift does, come to our discord.
The channel will have the gift in there for like ever.
It'll just be there. So, yeah, we'll we'll move on from that.
Absolutely. So section section one of of our podcast.
Well, I guess the section one was the shout outs, but.
(06:22):
The lab portion, what's the lab portion?
Probably part of the thick skin class. Oh, right.
Yeah, the thick skin class. I think we actually need one of those.
I'm just saying I might sign up for one anyway.
So section two of our podcast is going to be this article that we are going to go over.
(06:43):
Yeah, because wow.
And talk about sharing an experience. My goodness.
I just read this one before the podcast, just to be super clear.
And so before you start talking about it, can I can I say what the article is?
Because audio audio wise, we haven't actually said what it is.
(07:04):
So this this article is called As Children of the 80s and 90s,
We Grew Up Without Hope by Nicole Dake.
And she published it in an injustice.
So go ahead and continue. Yeah, I'm going to.
(07:25):
Yeah, I mean, as a child of the 80s and it seems that I am very close in age to the author
based on what the article says, like it so much of it hit home and like I had a very
privileged and sheltered run through my first 20 years and I still felt so much of this,
(07:49):
so much of the like the despair and the disdain for for for the future and for the society and everything like that.
I think that a lot of a lot of us millennials grew up very cynical in our teens and early 20s.
And I don't think a lot of us never got out of it, too.
I don't even know that I've gotten out of it. I'm being completely honest.
(08:11):
But this is a very long article and it for me, I'm just a little.
Well, it's 11 minutes. It's longer than your usual article.
But it was compelling. Yeah.
And also, I just want to point out, like there were a couple of moments that like song lyrics were picked out from the day
(08:32):
and age from artists of that day and age and they reading them as opposed to just hearing them in the song was super impactful to me in a way I didn't expect.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever actually read anything by Nicole Dake before.
She's been around on medium for a while, but I've never come across her, I don't think.
And just reading this one, I was just like, are you like, were you here with me?
(08:58):
Did we did we go to school together? Is that like because this you're talking my language.
I went through this same thing and it like I realized how kind of ubiquitous the feeling of growing up was for us in this like probably five year age bracket where we grew up being in school when Columbine started and and just kind of watching the American dream fade away.
(09:26):
Yeah. Yeah, there was some mention of Columbine and there was a really impactful line. Is it spoilers to say a really impactful line or is it?
Well, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna go like scroll through it because I want people to read it.
But but I don't think that it's spoilers to talk about specific lines in the thing because I was going to say there's one line where she you know likened like her running away to the same kind of like
(09:54):
theme of acting out as the Columbine kids and like I, I very much disagree. I understand that there's a like it's a response. It's another type of response to that kind of
oppression. I don't want to say oppression because I don't know that it was oppression, but I don't know what word fits, you know, you know what I mean?
(10:17):
It's like a casual neglect. Yeah, but at the same time, at the same time running away is not the same because you're just trying to do the best you can for you.
You're trying to save yourself. You're not trying to hurt other people and and and you know, visit onto them what you feel has been visited onto you.
(10:38):
Those are two very different perspectives. They may be reacting to the same thing, but they're very different reactions. Yeah.
And people may not remember and I hope I'm not getting this wrong because I'm not fact checking this necessarily, but I don't remember hearing about any school shootings myself before Columbine.
No, I thought that was the first and like, you know, people, Gen Z and even Gen Alpha, once they start listening to podcasts, may not really feel like it matters that it was so it was like that because their school shootings all the time.
(11:14):
It seems like especially in America, but like it was so impactful at the time, like they wanted to take away video games, music and D&D. Like they wanted to just completely take all of the things that we used to escape what reality had turned into for us.
Right. And they were like, they still do that. It's like it's like we can't blame the things that are actually causing it. We have to blame something superfluous like video games or or a movie or musicians.
(11:46):
Like, let's not think about the fact that maybe it has something to do with the wealth disparity or minimum wage hasn't gone up and you know so long and we're trying to work at that. But like that had been a huge factor that was on the decline at the time or maybe it was because we don't have any mental health care issues.
(12:07):
Like, but we have a booming population and no way like no infrastructure like there's so many different things. Real world things they knew were problematic. Oh, but no, it's the music.
Right. Well, I mean, there's been a whole fucking hunk of the country that has been looking for the perfect scapegoat the whole like the decades, if not centuries at this point, you know, and just being something to be angry about that seems like it's against what their culture wants like that's
(12:42):
that's been a thing the whole time.
Because out of context quotes are killing me a little bit right now.
Yeah.
But like you know the whole culture war that's happening right now that it's just being framed as culture wars being talked about directly as a culture war that's happening in the world nowadays that's just the word that we're using for something that's been going on for a very very long time.
(13:08):
People like easy answers and get really frustrated when it you realize it's actually a complicated situation, because everything is kind of a complicated situation.
Well, I think that that's laziness.
I get that that's a lot. It's a lot of work to put in but our, aren't our children worth it. Why weren't we worth it, you know what I mean like our entire generation was stuck in front of a in front of computer screens in front of TV screens in front of radios.
(13:40):
We weren't parented we were contained.
Or entertained.
Well I mean that was part of the containment, but sometimes it was boring, you know wasn't really entertaining so like, and she brings up in the article, Nicole talks about the the latch key kids and I never did latch key, but the feeling even if you didn't even if you weren't a part of latch key
(14:07):
was still there. There was still the understanding that like, after a certain age, you can fend for yourself right just just just sit in front of the TV and and shut up, you're fine.
Right, and that I mean I literally, Sturge was too, I was I was in latch that they literally called it latch key that was a thing that I did after school and like there was no entertainment at all. It was do homework read a book, or, you know, hang out with the rowdy kids that were probably going to get in trouble.
(14:40):
That was like the entirety of it for me. And I just read a lot of books. That was the whole thing I did.
Yeah, it was just a space for you to be contained within, because nobody else want like nobody wanted to deal with you.
Yes, and you get you got that kind of feeling like nobody wants to deal with me I'm just here because nobody cares enough about me in this moment that has any a bit availability to do anything.
(15:05):
Yeah, and you don't feel like your parents don't care about you but in the in those hours you're kind of like, Yeah, I don't have a family I'm just here.
Yeah, but it wasn't different for me it wasn't terribly different for me being at latch key and being at home, like genuinely, like, the person, I don't have any memories from whoever supervised the latch key program and the years that I was in it at all, I assume because they didn't really interact much.
(15:36):
If you showed me a memory from my childhood as the latch key auditorium that I was in, and no adult supervision, it would not surprise me in the slightest.
And my parents just kind of let me do my own thing for the most part anyway also so like that was.
I don't, I don't think I ever really knew exactly how much that was part of the generation I thought it might just be me, but I think that the only thing that was just me was that like, maybe not even that but like I had I did have a lot of privileges like I had a lot of safety net to be able to catch me,
(16:14):
not if I like fell on my bike away from the house because no one knew where I was, but, you know, I don't know. Blah.
Such a personal story.
Anyway, and yeah, Nicole goes into a lot of her personal stuff as well. Just, it's really good. I know it's 11 minute read but it didn't feel like 11 minutes I don't know that it actually took me 11 minutes to read, but even if it did it didn't feel like it.
(16:45):
In reading it before the podcast.
Because like I couldn't stop I wanted to get to the end. So, it's a very good article. Yeah.
(17:06):
Yeah and vulnerable.
Very vulnerable. Which is why it's why it's kind of the focal point of this episode for at least the first little section because it did it did feel like kind of examining the life of us as teens in the 90s.
(17:28):
And just just exposing that that stuff that like nobody was looking at at the time.
Right. Exactly. Someone that didn't have the experience might read it and doubt or question certain aspects, I didn't question a single word. Right. Every single word made sense to me.
Yep.
(17:49):
Yeah.
Okay, so
Sturg with your comments. Nobody was looking at stuff we were exposing tam 2024.
Okay, what a way to come up for air.
Yeah, we need that. That's what we do. It's good. Thank you Sturg for the levity might start calling you coach coach coach Sturg did say in chat up above there that we're probably all around the same age so maybe, maybe I can't call.
(18:24):
Maybe I can't call search coach. Yeah, I think we, I think we found out he's between you and me, and like his birthday. Oh yeah, 82. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
So you know we're all millennials, basically the same age at this point we're all millennials here. Well not all of us all of us, but yeah.
(18:45):
In the podcast currently yes we are.
Oh yes, the three of us.
That's very true. Yeah, I am 42 and less than a month.
Yeah.
Okay, so the next one was.
It's the it's the deeper, you know, more dark area of talking about abuse and I want before we go into the article I want to preface this by saying I'm working on adding the submission guidelines to the abuse road publication.
(19:23):
Excuse me.
So that we can get people writing in the publication.
Right, I understand. Absolutely.
But yeah this is this is, was it your second article on abuse road. Yes, yes. Yes, this was your second article on abuse road, and on abuse road you were doing.
(19:49):
You're looking at Reddit Reddit posts and just writing about the abuse inherent within those Reddit posts. Is that about how you would describe what you were doing. Yeah.
And this is a member only story but I will come down to here for the original post.
Do we read it. Do you want to read it it's pretty long.
(20:10):
It's I'm okay with reading it but it's up to whether or not you're okay with taking the time for it. That's fine.
I almost wish surgery back already but that's okay.
Alright, here we go. Hello Reddit. I have just downloaded Reddit because my niece said I should post this story to the Am I the asshole board so here I am.
I'm not very good with technology so forgive me. I'll probably be messing this whole post up. Emojis emojis emojis.
(20:36):
So basically here's what happened.
Me and my wife hired our babysitter who we've been going to for years. We have two sons and a daughter and we've been hiring her as my oldest son was a baby, though it was mostly her mama looking after the baby while she was, quote unquote, helping.
So we gave her a couple of dollars for that emojis again.
(20:57):
She's now 16 and can look after the kids all on her own and my oldest to love her. My youngest is only seven months so I'm not sure he really gets it yet.
More emojis, but he seems relatively happy when he's with her. That's a lot of emojis for someone who doesn't understand.
You know you don't have to say the emojis. You can just read it. Like it's, we don't need the emojis.
Okay, sorry.
(21:20):
This Friday my kids daycare had been closed for renovations and Daisy our babysitter has kindly offered to take care of them after school.
From 330 to 6pm. I get home from work at 6 and my wife gets home at half 6. However, I got home early from work at half 5. When I got home I found my wife yelling at Daisy while Daisy was just sobbing and apologizing.
(21:43):
I asked my wife what was going on and all she did was start yelling that Daisy had cost us a bunch of money. My first thought was that she'd broken something, but my wife wasn't telling me what it was.
She told Daisy she wouldn't be paying for her time and to get the fuck out of our house and never come back or she'd call the police.
Daisy then ran out crying and I left my wife to calm down while I comforted my kids. They were all crying in a different room while my wife yelled at Daisy.
(22:10):
When everyone had calmed down I got the full story from my wife. So here's what happened.
My mother had been looking after the kids until 3.30 while we were at work. This was Daisy's first time looking after my youngest son.
Though we knew we could trust her with the babies since she looked after my daughter alone when she was a baby.
Something important that you should know is that my youngest son has breath holding episodes which occur when he gets frustrated or is in pain.
(22:38):
He will just hold his breath. To stop them you just have to blow on the baby or they will just snap out of it on their own. They're completely normal and relatively safe in babies.
However, the episodes can sometimes cause passing out and blueness. And it's normal and he usually wakes up within a few seconds.
To cut a long story short, my mom forgot to tell Daisy what to do if that happens and when my son passed out Daisy panicked and called 911 and then my wife... and then my wife.
(23:03):
My wife is now angry that Daisy called 911 for quote unquote nothing and has now wasted our money on an ambulance ride.
Me and my wife are now arguing because I think Daisy did the right thing but my wife doesn't.
Yesterday we got into a heated argument. We both said some hurtful stuff and she is now staying with her mother for a few days while she quote thinks over my priorities in the relationship.
Quote. That's the whole story right? Yeah.
(23:25):
There's more. That's good enough though I think. But yeah the more is really just like updates and stuff.
So since I've written the thing I already know where I stand on it. What do you think?
Because I think this is your first time actually going over it right? This one? Isn't it? No I've read this already. Oh have you read it? Oh okay.
(23:47):
Yeah I think I commented too. But it's madness. It's madness to me because like I understand losing out on money that you didn't expect.
It's a big hit and for any family especially an ambulance ride could be a huge deal.
I get that but this is a this is a this is a teenager that you're yelling at for trying to save a child's life from their perspective.
(24:12):
And I would support that impulse every single time. It's it's it showed that the babysitter was caring and willing to do what was necessary to try and keep the kids from getting hurt.
And I'm flabbergasted that the response was so big that the wife thought that she needed to call the police if the woman if the daisy came back.
(24:37):
Do you do you see the abuse in this? Oh right sorry. No no no no I I'm really happy for what you gave.
I'm just very pointedly I want to see what you like if you can identify the abuse in here.
I assume I assume abuse has specific kind of definitions and stuff like that but the the screaming the screaming originally alone by itself is is abuse like when you're screaming but you're not letting them talk you're not caring about their perspective.
(25:15):
You don't see them as being equal to you. That's abusive to them from my perspective.
Right and she was a 16 year old kid and having this full grown adult woman yelling at her that is definitely abusive. That is one one example of abuse in this. It is not the only one.
And the the yelling itself is intended to make the babysitter feel bad like there was no other reason for those words but to try and punish the babysitter.
(25:43):
That's it. Well yeah I mean there's there's also the the intent to control. Right. Because she believed that calling 911 was not the right action and so she's basically trying to change this 16 year old and their idea their understanding of when it is acceptable and necessary to call 911.
(26:08):
And at its heart abuse is always about control. So right. So that that I think that is the biggest example of abuse in this. But there's one more. There's one more. I didn't think about it until I saw somebody in the comments and stuff.
Well it's also it's also gaslighting. The my wife is now angry that Daisy called 911 for quote unquote nothing. So clearly in the yelling the wife was yelling at Daisy for overreacting for taking an action that was unjustified for doing the wrong thing.
(26:47):
Like I don't know like for nothing. It makes the babysitter feel like they're going crazy. Yeah yeah. And also the husband also the husband. I didn't think about that. That's a fourth one because she's thinking over his priorities in the relationship which is basically a way of an abuser to say you're wrong.
So so wrong that I'm questioning how you know how you prioritize even our family and relationship. Right. I have a profound point to make in a moment. Well I might not really be profound but it's I think it is. But if you want to say something else first you can.
(27:25):
Well there was the the other the other instance of abuse that I wanted to point out because this one was it was difficult for me to see. So I wanted to like make sure that I pointed that out here when when he's talking about how when he got home he was she was yelling his wife was yelling at Daisy and the kids were in the other room crying.
That's called neglect.
(27:49):
Because they needed tending to what regardless of what had happened it had already happened there was nothing that that yelling was going to change that those kids were just just crying in a room by themselves completely unattended being neglected.
Right. And that is another form of abuse. And we don't even know if the kids were crying because like the ambulance got them to the point where they were upset or if it was just the moms yelling.
(28:17):
It doesn't matter. The point is that they were emotionally distraught. Right. And as a mother that was her job to notice that and figure out what they needed because that's the whole point of children crying is to get the get the attention of their parents or other other authorities that are in their you know responsible for their care to get their needs met.
(28:41):
And they were crying and not being heard.
Right. I agree.
So anyway, go on with your your profound thing. I don't know if it who knows.
I think it's pretty likely not knowing this woman at all that she doubled down. You know, she made a decision. And then in some way she felt like a fool for making that decision deep down and then decided that the only way to protect herself was to double down and say that she was definitely in the right, which in this situation.
(29:19):
I don't even know whether or not you really need to worry about right and wrong. Like after you've yelled you just need to take care of the damage you've caused first and foremost.
But like, it's not about, I mean, I, I would bet that this woman still to this day is like that babysitter wasted my money and I was right to cut off that relationship.
She should never been a part of it or whatever. You know, I would bet that that because the when you get into a moment when you get emotional like that and then someone or something makes you feel like you're doing something wrong.
(29:51):
A lot of people just immediately double down to protect themselves. Yeah, on their own mind.
The thing I want to, I want to say about that though is that it's a normal thing for people to do, and it's common.
I'm not going to say that there's a right or wrong about that doubling down but in this particular case it's pretty clear that what she was doing with whatever her beliefs were whatever her her decisions and opinions were the way she went about it was abusive.
(30:25):
I don't think that she is lost like I don't think that I think she can come back from it, but she'd have to understand that doubling down made it worse.
And it's gonna it's gonna take a lot of time and effort for her to accept that other people's viewpoints were just as valid as that doubled down perspective and level the playing field a little bit to see that oh you know what, even if I am in the right, maybe it's not a good idea to scream at a 16 year old.
(31:01):
Maybe it's not a good idea to do that while my kids need my attention.
Maybe it's not a good idea to to cause my husband to question whether or not he is, you know, being a good father and husband, just because he didn't think that it was right for me to yell at a 16 year old child, like, those are thoughts that won't come into her head until she gets to
(31:26):
a point where she can see that she can believe what she wants but other people's beliefs are just as valid.
Right.
And the very least, people's actions are understandable.
Right, you can get it.
So, right, I mean, because we've had.
Look, okay.
We do we want to get real here like the whole transmission thing going on in our life I could be really mad about certain things about that transmission.
(31:58):
But it doesn't do us any good we're here, it's happened, whatever could have happened in the past didn't, you know, and and there's a point at which, like, there's, there's maybe inside this woman there's this, this child self that has been struggling with financial
difficulty for a long long time, and is triggered by any any major cost that wasn't predicted.
(32:27):
Right, but like, it's already happened and dealing with those triggers and not ripping off the heads of everybody around you just because you're afraid.
That that's what it takes like you know it doesn't help anybody to scream at them because you're afraid.
Right.
(32:48):
All you'll get is people leaving you alone.
Yep.
From my perspective, I mean, not that there aren't people that are worth screaming at.
Like, I don't know that there are.
Yeah, I don't really know that there are two, but it's, it's just that like, I've screamed before at people that I care about and that care about me and we know and it's like, okay, at a certain point it's been many many years because you know I haven't done it to you.
(33:18):
I'm more thinking about like, Oh, I was about to name them.
I don't know I think I think maybe screaming the only thing I can think of where screaming has a place is like when, like there was an altercation, like years ago up the street, and there was like two people fighting in the front yard.
And like I screamed at them that that seems like an acceptable place to scream I'm not getting in there to like physically break them up but I want them to know that like they're, they're not like this is not okay.
(33:49):
Right. I still don't even know if I can still support it because it's like that's that's basically saying like screaming to be able to be heard amongst screaming people.
And it's like, yeah, I get that. Well sometimes it can jar people out of their, their fight because they maybe they thought that they were unseen.
And then they hear that there's other people that are watching.
(34:12):
Yeah, that's that's what I thought might happen. It's not what happened. I thought it might, you know. Yeah, understood.
And you wrote a really good article about that and pointing out the abuse and so people should check that out too. Yeah, I'll have that in the, in the comments as well.
But yeah, I don't think this is a lost cause situation. I want to I want to like put that out there because sometimes sometimes I look at it and I'm like there's no way this guy just usually a guy but sometimes it's a woman.
(34:44):
They just don't understand they just, they need professional help, and I'm not sure that that would get them there but it would be the best bet that they have this woman I don't like she could probably use some therapy, let's be honest there's obviously trauma here.
But even without it I think that she could come back from this she just needs to do a lot of inner work, you know, right.
(35:08):
A little bit of self reflection, yeah, dash a dash of humbleness. Yeah.
Also, thank you, Sturg for saying that we're profound. That's so cute. She could come back from this Tam on the crazy bitch 2024 Thank you so much Sturg.
I'm giving you pics of Tam on the crazy bitch let me know.
(35:30):
Okay, so for the video's sake I gotta, I gotta see what this old lady.
Worth it.
Whoa.
Goodness.
He just takes the opportunity.
Killing me.
All right, so we have our last one with. Whoa, no, not me, not with crazy bitches.
(36:03):
Like it's not the action that I have a problem with it's it's it's the crazy bitch part like that's the part. Anyway, so I like to wrap up the, the episode with something that's more positive because that's what you good suggested and I really liked the idea.
So, it's delightful idea.
We found Binky ink writings article from the end of February I know it's a little bit, little bit ago, nearly a month ago but it. I liked it so much that I presented it and she is she is a doll she is amazing.
(36:38):
She usually writes fiction, but this was one of the few opportunities that she wrote nonfiction.
She wrote about another writing platform that was like medium, but wasn't medium and had a different pace structure, and it apparently fractured into. She said cyan and red I'll just say blue and red, it just, it fractured into two groups that then went on to like spout hate at each other.
(37:14):
I don't know what the platform was, it's probably something that if you know about it you know what I'm talking about if you don't know about it you're just as clueless as I am.
But at the end of the day, it was very much like, hey medium has problems, but it's still a wonderful place to be like there's still so much joy in, in being able to talk to people being able to connect with other writers other readers.
(37:42):
And just share your ideas and thoughts and it's it is wonderful.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely and the article like really went in into how like when when when Binky, can I call, can I call her Binky. When Binky ink started on that platform, you know she found some good people and they were interested and people were writing stuff for fun and enjoying it, and then once the split happened.
(38:12):
And once the split happened, it, you know, it just like degraded and all the cool people ran away to get away from the hate, and it's like, it really, when I read this, it really like put into my mind it's like how do the people that want to spread hate and want to engage in hate not realize that
their hate pushes everyone away.
(38:33):
Like, where is that realization and why doesn't it come through, I don't get it.
Do I answer that or is that a. Let me just do my personal thing that I was about to say but like I'm so like aware of all the people around me and how they feel about stuff, it just is baffling to me that you couldn't realize that like, because you want to fight, everyone wants to get away from you.
(38:57):
So I think, and I could be wrong but I think the reason why they don't tend to see that is because they are afraid of anybody that's different and want to call out anybody that isn't in their like the in group that they want to be around so it's almost like they are pushing
(39:19):
people away by design there. They don't realize the people that they're pushing away are sometimes better than the people that they're not pushing away because they're busy pushing them away and they don't get to know those people they don't, they don't understand what it's like to not be on a side of hatred.
They don't know that that's actually objectively a better feeling than being on the side of hatred so yeah I think it perpetuates itself because they're doing exactly what they want to be doing they're just, they don't realize that what they're doing is actually harmful to them.
(39:57):
They're putting themselves into an echo chamber. People, there's a lot of people out there that are like want to be part of an exclusive club you know or an exclusive group of people to feel like they're cool right, or some people because they want to feel like they're cooler than others, specifically.
And it's like you're just putting yourself, you're just, you're just putting, if you, if you're framing in around hate and fighting then you're pushing yourself into an echo chamber where you never get out of it.
(40:28):
And Sturge is right it's all about them having a sense of belonging and they only feel like they belong in these very specific, highly specific groups of people that if, if they're, you know, if it's you know white on black for instance like it's a white person,
and they're around a black person they don't feel like they belong because they have this idea that the color of their skin separates that separates them. They can't celebrate the differences.
(40:59):
Those differences are our points of aggravation and fear.
And they want to get to know what the difference in culture is because it's not what they want to experience and so it's no longer. It's not not something that they can enjoy it's it's so they don't feel like they belong with them.
It's really weird.
(41:22):
Yeah, and I, I'm a big fan of community, not the show, the idea, but you should be a big fan of the show to maybe the show.
Maybe the show someday.
But the idea of it I totally get wanting to find community wanting to find people whose presence makes your heart sing like that's delightful and I love it.
(41:45):
I also worry about it because like, Andrew fucking Tate started building a community, and that community, I'm worried about all the people that choose to exclusively get in there. Do they find belonging and camaraderie in that community, probably, they probably do
I want to take that feeling from them. No, I don't really want to take that kind of feeling away from them, but it's just when it's centered around hate I get I get real, I struggle real hard to figure out what the right answer is because like, it, it's just going to go poorly.
(42:21):
It's really something terrible. It's really just people taking advantage of people who are vulnerable, and they don't realize it but hatred makes people vulnerable.
If you have hatred in your heart you are vulnerable.
That's just that that is just a fact you are then vulnerable to because as soon as as soon as the anger gets turned on as soon as that hatred flips that switch your executive functions of your brain just go offline.
(42:48):
And you don't have logic anymore. You don't, you're not thinking with your full brain anymore and that's a part of, that's a part of the process, people that know that that is how it works.
Take advantage of that flip switch they take advantage of whatever your hatred is, they know it comes from a fear. They know that they can use that fear to get something that they want out of it.
(43:13):
And so they deepen it to make that happen. Right, right. And to bring it back to the article. That's kind of why I keep coming back to medium, they, they don't put up with that shit.
You can't spout hatred and use that vulnerability against people.
(43:35):
Right.
Yeah, I totally get it.
They will they will boot you and then you know you could in theory, created a new account but they'll boot that one too. It's just, they don't, they're really good at being in the, in the habit of weeding out hate groups.
Yeah.
(43:56):
Although I do think that you could probably make a coleslaw hating group and it would probably be fine.
I'm pretty sure that the alien infestation is strong enough that I would find resistance. Pretty sure.
Like, there's a whole, I don't think anybody would take it seriously enough for it to be considered a hate thing.
(44:17):
There's definitely a Bob Evans cabal that is going to, you know, underneath the scenes trying to erase my existence from the world, and I'm not sure if I want to go that route yet.
I'm just saying like your hate group of, of, of, I hate coleslaw isn't going to try to take away people's rights, it's not going to dehumanize people.
(44:39):
It's, I mean, except for the, in the fact that you believe that the cold people that have eaten coleslaw are now under the influence of the almighty coleslaw overlord.
But yeah, I don't think that it breaks any laws. I don't think it actually spreads any hatred. It's not going to make people start attacking people that like coleslaw.
(45:03):
Well, if I were to try and like launch a movement about it now, it certainly would be a lot different than it was because once upon a time, I definitely did want the, well, the, the story of it to be that the people that
were into coleslaw had been taken over by the alien hive mind, which does dehumanize them to a certain extent. And so like, you know, that's not the direction I would like to go anymore because
(45:29):
there's a bunch of people out there that are delightful and wonderful people that love deeply and fully that also like coleslaw. And so I can't hate them for liking coleslaw.
They're just wrong about coleslaw. That's fine.
They could be misguided.
Yeah, exactly.
They're just wrong.
(45:50):
Actually, okay, just to be real for a minute, like I have, I have, I don't know if I'm like mentally picky or like if it's actually like that, I just taste things slightly different.
But like I, there's a lot of things that people like that I really will not put in my mouth. Like to watch me, if you, Sturge, you lovingly made me a, the best coleslaw that had ever been made, you watching me try and eat it would be the funniest and most insulting thing you could imagine because I would struggle to even put it in my mouth at all.
(46:27):
You would come at it like you were trying to figure out how to get a tarantula on your hand.
Right, exactly. And then when I did put it in my mouth, there's, there's, there's, there's very specific elements of coleslaw that I do not like ketchup is also another thing that I hate and like vinegar is something that I just do not just does not agree with me.
As soon as I get anything that has a hint of vinegar on it into my mouth, I immediately feel like I want to throw up. Like it's just an immediate reaction. I don't think I was traumatized by vinegar growing up, but who knows.
(47:02):
Maybe somebody waterboarded you with vinegar.
Oh God, I can't even, God, I'm, we're updating my personal hell. We're updating.
It's no longer cheese sauce.
How dare you.
Okay. Anyway, anyway.
This was a beautiful article by Binky Inc.
(47:26):
You know, is that what we're still talking about? Yeah, we're still talking about Binky's. The split that destroyed a community.
And I support finding community out there. It can be very difficult. Sometimes, sometimes it can happen upon you without you paying attention.
Just, I would recommend, I would personally recommend to everyone to try and make sure your, your community group. It isn't about hating somebody else or some other culture or whatever. That's just my opinion.
(47:59):
I think that wraps up the Binky Inc.
Yeah, I think so.
I think the gifts are all about.
Thanks Binky Inc. for writing that article. That's what I should have said. Yeah, nothing's been submitted. I haven't done the guidelines for hidden egg either. So when I do, it will go up. If anybody wants to be a writer for the hidden egg podcast, podcast publication.
(48:26):
We are accepting like articles of vulnerability that we can talk about on the podcast. Just being vulnerable in general.
Those are good moments, bad moments, preferably good moments, but you know, vulnerability goes all the ways. So people can just ask about it until I get the guidelines article.
(48:49):
And also the Abuse Road article as well. Pub, the Abuse Road Pub. Yeah, I sat down to write them both yesterday and then I got really into the graphics of Abuse Road and five hours later I was like I need to just stop because all the colors are bleeding together and everything looks terrible.
(49:10):
Yeah, take your time. Yeah, you know, there's really no rush.
Yeah, and a little bit of it was Sturge's fault because he looked at it and he was like, I don't know, man. This doesn't look right. I was like, God damn it. I got to do it all over again.
Good job, Sturge.
It's all right. It's not your fault. It's not your fault I have a little bit of OCD. It's fine.
(49:36):
Well, I think we probably did an episode, eh? Yeah, this was an episode.
I want to thank everybody that came along with the podcast and listened to us or watched the video on Substack, right? Is where the video is at? Substack? Yeah, Substack is where the video goes.
Yeah, so thanks for coming along. We really appreciate your time here.
(49:59):
I'm eternally mortal and I hope you find smiles.
I hope you find smiles this day.
And I'm the accidental monster. You can find us both on medium.com and follow yourself always.
Hey, I'm Tam.
(00:02):
And I'm Eternally Mortal.
And this is the Hidden Egg Podcast where we talk about vulnerability.
And stuff and things.
I almost forgot how we begin these things.
That's okay, no big deal. Welcome, one and all, back to the show, back to the program.
And we're doing season four. Season four is new and different and awesome and fantabulous.
(00:27):
And shiny.
So because we're doing season four we have more of a slightly stricter main show format.
And so we're going to do a few article shoutouts because we like some of these articles and we wanted to shout them out.
That makes sense, right?
(00:48):
And we're supportive of Medium as well, in general.
Alright. First one is going to be from Sturge, who is currently with us.
In chat, absolutely. The superhero Sturge hanging out with us, chatting in chat, keeping us entertained with memes and GIFs galore.
(01:12):
Thank you, Sturge.
And he did a poem a few weeks ago called Hope in Despair.
And he published it in Right Under the Moon. I don't know how you want to do these shoutouts or anything.
I'm just going to say a couple things because this was one that I kind of was like, hey, can we add this?
Because I read it today and it was a beautiful poem.
(01:33):
The subject matter was anxiety inducing and it brought real emotion to me when I read it.
And it's a very vulnerable piece about a real feeling that someone goes through.
And I just thought it was really, really cool.
So check out Sturge's poem, Hope in Despair, if you want to.
Yeah. And we'll have these links in the article and wherever, like whatever post I put these in, either on Substack or on Medium.
(02:07):
If you're coming to the podcast from one of the purely audio sources, you may want to check us out on Medium because we put the links in those things.
Or check us out on Discord and we'll find we'll make sure you get to it.
So then there was another one that was published earlier this week. It was two days ago.
(02:29):
So that was the 19th of March. And this one's by Ugood, about a hundred duck-sized horses or one horse-sized duck.
Yeah. But it wasn't really about that at all.
No. Similarly, actually, it was an experience that Ugood had in real life and how it felt to be in that experience.
(02:53):
It was a very touching article to me as well. Did you want to say anything else about it?
I just really enjoyed the way that she formatted it.
I honestly, except for a tiny little section where there was like some swearing, I actually thought that this was completely boostable,
which for people not on Medium, it just means that like Medium may have selected it to be distributed even further than normal.
(03:21):
So, but like she posted it in Swearie Mommy. So I don't know if she'd want to take the curse words out to be boosted.
You know what I mean? Like it's kind of...
I didn't really know that Medium didn't really boost articles of swearing in it.
I don't know that they don't, but from what I understand, it doesn't usually add to it.
(03:43):
Like they're trying to go for a more professional thing. I mean, you'd have to ask the nominators.
Sturge is also a nominator and he says it doesn't help. So yeah, it's good for some audiences.
But like if you're trying to get boosted, probably leave out the curse words.
(04:06):
I think hell might be fine. Maybe. But I don't know. Anyway.
And then, well, I wanted to just really quick shout out to my article because, you know, shameless plug.
Absolutely. And I don't think you should be shameless at all. I think it should be shameless.
(04:27):
I think it should be full of pride also because it's such a wonderful article.
Like you really also very clearly depicted an experience that you went through in kind of a larger format, you know,
kind of the experience of decades that you've watched happen. I thought it was very well done.
I thought it was also brave, too. It's. Thanks.
(04:49):
It's a topic that I would I would absolutely be nervous to write about myself.
So I'm actually learning a lot from the comments and not like because people are telling me things that I didn't know.
It's more of the like how I'm responding to the comments is a little unexpected.
(05:11):
And it's teaching me that like I need to I need to have a thicker skin.
Absolutely. I really didn't think that it was going to affect me in the ways that it did.
But, you know, I'll put a link to that in our description thing as well.
I don't want to talk too much about that one.
I can understand. But it is it is really amazing.
(05:34):
Before I'm glad you're going to put a link in there before I move on, should I check?
Should I click on this to make this lobster move or should I leave it as PG?
Maybe maybe you could probably just leave it as PG.
OK, it's just it's just a secret. It's a secret for me and Sturge.
I will check it out later because the chat doesn't go anywhere.
So anybody who's listening in on this, if you want to see what lobster we're talking about
(05:57):
and you want to see what the gift does, come to our discord.
The channel will have the gift in there for like ever.
It'll just be there. So, yeah, we'll we'll move on from that.
Absolutely. So section section one of of our podcast.
Well, I guess the section one was the shout outs, but.
(06:22):
The lab portion, what's the lab portion?
Probably part of the thick skin class. Oh, right.
Yeah, the thick skin class. I think we actually need one of those.
I'm just saying I might sign up for one anyway.
So section two of our podcast is going to be this article that we are going to go over.
(06:43):
Yeah, because wow.
And talk about sharing an experience. My goodness.
I just read this one before the podcast, just to be super clear.
And so before you start talking about it, can I can I say what the article is?
Because audio audio wise, we haven't actually said what it is.
(07:04):
So this this article is called As Children of the 80s and 90s,
We Grew Up Without Hope by Nicole Dake.
And she published it in an injustice.
So go ahead and continue. Yeah, I'm going to.
(07:25):
Yeah, I mean, as a child of the 80s and it seems that I am very close in age to the author
based on what the article says, like it so much of it hit home and like I had a very
privileged and sheltered run through my first 20 years and I still felt so much of this,
(07:49):
so much of the like the despair and the disdain for for for the future and for the society and everything like that.
I think that a lot of a lot of us millennials grew up very cynical in our teens and early 20s.
And I don't think a lot of us never got out of it, too.
I don't even know that I've gotten out of it. I'm being completely honest.
(08:11):
But this is a very long article and it for me, I'm just a little.
Well, it's 11 minutes. It's longer than your usual article.
But it was compelling. Yeah.
And also, I just want to point out, like there were a couple of moments that like song lyrics were picked out from the day
(08:32):
and age from artists of that day and age and they reading them as opposed to just hearing them in the song was super impactful to me in a way I didn't expect.
Yeah, I don't think I've ever actually read anything by Nicole Dake before.
She's been around on medium for a while, but I've never come across her, I don't think.
And just reading this one, I was just like, are you like, were you here with me?
(08:58):
Did we did we go to school together? Is that like because this you're talking my language.
I went through this same thing and it like I realized how kind of ubiquitous the feeling of growing up was for us in this like probably five year age bracket where we grew up being in school when Columbine started and and just kind of watching the American dream fade away.
(09:26):
Yeah. Yeah, there was some mention of Columbine and there was a really impactful line. Is it spoilers to say a really impactful line or is it?
Well, I'm not gonna I'm not gonna go like scroll through it because I want people to read it.
But but I don't think that it's spoilers to talk about specific lines in the thing because I was going to say there's one line where she you know likened like her running away to the same kind of like
(09:54):
theme of acting out as the Columbine kids and like I, I very much disagree. I understand that there's a like it's a response. It's another type of response to that kind of
oppression. I don't want to say oppression because I don't know that it was oppression, but I don't know what word fits, you know, you know what I mean?
(10:17):
It's like a casual neglect. Yeah, but at the same time, at the same time running away is not the same because you're just trying to do the best you can for you.
You're trying to save yourself. You're not trying to hurt other people and and and you know, visit onto them what you feel has been visited onto you.
(10:38):
Those are two very different perspectives. They may be reacting to the same thing, but they're very different reactions. Yeah.
And people may not remember and I hope I'm not getting this wrong because I'm not fact checking this necessarily, but I don't remember hearing about any school shootings myself before Columbine.
No, I thought that was the first and like, you know, people, Gen Z and even Gen Alpha, once they start listening to podcasts, may not really feel like it matters that it was so it was like that because their school shootings all the time.
(11:14):
It seems like especially in America, but like it was so impactful at the time, like they wanted to take away video games, music and D&D. Like they wanted to just completely take all of the things that we used to escape what reality had turned into for us.
Right. And they were like, they still do that. It's like it's like we can't blame the things that are actually causing it. We have to blame something superfluous like video games or or a movie or musicians.
(11:46):
Like, let's not think about the fact that maybe it has something to do with the wealth disparity or minimum wage hasn't gone up and you know so long and we're trying to work at that. But like that had been a huge factor that was on the decline at the time or maybe it was because we don't have any mental health care issues.
(12:07):
Like, but we have a booming population and no way like no infrastructure like there's so many different things. Real world things they knew were problematic. Oh, but no, it's the music.
Right. Well, I mean, there's been a whole fucking hunk of the country that has been looking for the perfect scapegoat the whole like the decades, if not centuries at this point, you know, and just being something to be angry about that seems like it's against what their culture wants like that's
(12:42):
that's been a thing the whole time.
Because out of context quotes are killing me a little bit right now.
Yeah.
But like you know the whole culture war that's happening right now that it's just being framed as culture wars being talked about directly as a culture war that's happening in the world nowadays that's just the word that we're using for something that's been going on for a very very long time.
(13:08):
People like easy answers and get really frustrated when it you realize it's actually a complicated situation, because everything is kind of a complicated situation.
Well, I think that that's laziness.
I get that that's a lot. It's a lot of work to put in but our, aren't our children worth it. Why weren't we worth it, you know what I mean like our entire generation was stuck in front of a in front of computer screens in front of TV screens in front of radios.
(13:40):
We weren't parented we were contained.
Or entertained.
Well I mean that was part of the containment, but sometimes it was boring, you know wasn't really entertaining so like, and she brings up in the article, Nicole talks about the the latch key kids and I never did latch key, but the feeling even if you didn't even if you weren't a part of latch key
(14:07):
was still there. There was still the understanding that like, after a certain age, you can fend for yourself right just just just sit in front of the TV and and shut up, you're fine.
Right, and that I mean I literally, Sturge was too, I was I was in latch that they literally called it latch key that was a thing that I did after school and like there was no entertainment at all. It was do homework read a book, or, you know, hang out with the rowdy kids that were probably going to get in trouble.
(14:40):
That was like the entirety of it for me. And I just read a lot of books. That was the whole thing I did.
Yeah, it was just a space for you to be contained within, because nobody else want like nobody wanted to deal with you.
Yes, and you get you got that kind of feeling like nobody wants to deal with me I'm just here because nobody cares enough about me in this moment that has any a bit availability to do anything.
(15:05):
Yeah, and you don't feel like your parents don't care about you but in the in those hours you're kind of like, Yeah, I don't have a family I'm just here.
Yeah, but it wasn't different for me it wasn't terribly different for me being at latch key and being at home, like genuinely, like, the person, I don't have any memories from whoever supervised the latch key program and the years that I was in it at all, I assume because they didn't really interact much.
(15:36):
If you showed me a memory from my childhood as the latch key auditorium that I was in, and no adult supervision, it would not surprise me in the slightest.
And my parents just kind of let me do my own thing for the most part anyway also so like that was.
I don't, I don't think I ever really knew exactly how much that was part of the generation I thought it might just be me, but I think that the only thing that was just me was that like, maybe not even that but like I had I did have a lot of privileges like I had a lot of safety net to be able to catch me,
(16:14):
not if I like fell on my bike away from the house because no one knew where I was, but, you know, I don't know. Blah.
Such a personal story.
Anyway, and yeah, Nicole goes into a lot of her personal stuff as well. Just, it's really good. I know it's 11 minute read but it didn't feel like 11 minutes I don't know that it actually took me 11 minutes to read, but even if it did it didn't feel like it.
(16:45):
In reading it before the podcast.
Because like I couldn't stop I wanted to get to the end. So, it's a very good article. Yeah.
(17:06):
Yeah and vulnerable.
Very vulnerable. Which is why it's why it's kind of the focal point of this episode for at least the first little section because it did it did feel like kind of examining the life of us as teens in the 90s.
(17:28):
And just just exposing that that stuff that like nobody was looking at at the time.
Right. Exactly. Someone that didn't have the experience might read it and doubt or question certain aspects, I didn't question a single word. Right. Every single word made sense to me.
Yep.
(17:49):
Yeah.
Okay, so
Sturg with your comments. Nobody was looking at stuff we were exposing tam 2024.
Okay, what a way to come up for air.
Yeah, we need that. That's what we do. It's good. Thank you Sturg for the levity might start calling you coach coach coach Sturg did say in chat up above there that we're probably all around the same age so maybe, maybe I can't call.
(18:24):
Maybe I can't call search coach. Yeah, I think we, I think we found out he's between you and me, and like his birthday. Oh yeah, 82. Yeah, that's right. Yeah.
So you know we're all millennials, basically the same age at this point we're all millennials here. Well not all of us all of us, but yeah.
(18:45):
In the podcast currently yes we are.
Oh yes, the three of us.
That's very true. Yeah, I am 42 and less than a month.
Yeah.
Okay, so the next one was.
It's the it's the deeper, you know, more dark area of talking about abuse and I want before we go into the article I want to preface this by saying I'm working on adding the submission guidelines to the abuse road publication.
(19:23):
Excuse me.
So that we can get people writing in the publication.
Right, I understand. Absolutely.
But yeah this is this is, was it your second article on abuse road. Yes, yes. Yes, this was your second article on abuse road, and on abuse road you were doing.
(19:49):
You're looking at Reddit Reddit posts and just writing about the abuse inherent within those Reddit posts. Is that about how you would describe what you were doing. Yeah.
And this is a member only story but I will come down to here for the original post.
Do we read it. Do you want to read it it's pretty long.
(20:10):
It's I'm okay with reading it but it's up to whether or not you're okay with taking the time for it. That's fine.
I almost wish surgery back already but that's okay.
Alright, here we go. Hello Reddit. I have just downloaded Reddit because my niece said I should post this story to the Am I the asshole board so here I am.
I'm not very good with technology so forgive me. I'll probably be messing this whole post up. Emojis emojis emojis.
(20:36):
So basically here's what happened.
Me and my wife hired our babysitter who we've been going to for years. We have two sons and a daughter and we've been hiring her as my oldest son was a baby, though it was mostly her mama looking after the baby while she was, quote unquote, helping.
So we gave her a couple of dollars for that emojis again.
(20:57):
She's now 16 and can look after the kids all on her own and my oldest to love her. My youngest is only seven months so I'm not sure he really gets it yet.
More emojis, but he seems relatively happy when he's with her. That's a lot of emojis for someone who doesn't understand.
You know you don't have to say the emojis. You can just read it. Like it's, we don't need the emojis.
Okay, sorry.
(21:20):
This Friday my kids daycare had been closed for renovations and Daisy our babysitter has kindly offered to take care of them after school.
From 330 to 6pm. I get home from work at 6 and my wife gets home at half 6. However, I got home early from work at half 5. When I got home I found my wife yelling at Daisy while Daisy was just sobbing and apologizing.
(21:43):
I asked my wife what was going on and all she did was start yelling that Daisy had cost us a bunch of money. My first thought was that she'd broken something, but my wife wasn't telling me what it was.
She told Daisy she wouldn't be paying for her time and to get the fuck out of our house and never come back or she'd call the police.
Daisy then ran out crying and I left my wife to calm down while I comforted my kids. They were all crying in a different room while my wife yelled at Daisy.
(22:10):
When everyone had calmed down I got the full story from my wife. So here's what happened.
My mother had been looking after the kids until 3.30 while we were at work. This was Daisy's first time looking after my youngest son.
Though we knew we could trust her with the babies since she looked after my daughter alone when she was a baby.
Something important that you should know is that my youngest son has breath holding episodes which occur when he gets frustrated or is in pain.
(22:38):
He will just hold his breath. To stop them you just have to blow on the baby or they will just snap out of it on their own. They're completely normal and relatively safe in babies.
However, the episodes can sometimes cause passing out and blueness. And it's normal and he usually wakes up within a few seconds.
To cut a long story short, my mom forgot to tell Daisy what to do if that happens and when my son passed out Daisy panicked and called 911 and then my wife... and then my wife.
(23:03):
My wife is now angry that Daisy called 911 for quote unquote nothing and has now wasted our money on an ambulance ride.
Me and my wife are now arguing because I think Daisy did the right thing but my wife doesn't.
Yesterday we got into a heated argument. We both said some hurtful stuff and she is now staying with her mother for a few days while she quote thinks over my priorities in the relationship.
Quote. That's the whole story right? Yeah.
(23:25):
There's more. That's good enough though I think. But yeah the more is really just like updates and stuff.
So since I've written the thing I already know where I stand on it. What do you think?
Because I think this is your first time actually going over it right? This one? Isn't it? No I've read this already. Oh have you read it? Oh okay.
(23:47):
Yeah I think I commented too. But it's madness. It's madness to me because like I understand losing out on money that you didn't expect.
It's a big hit and for any family especially an ambulance ride could be a huge deal.
I get that but this is a this is a this is a teenager that you're yelling at for trying to save a child's life from their perspective.
(24:12):
And I would support that impulse every single time. It's it's it showed that the babysitter was caring and willing to do what was necessary to try and keep the kids from getting hurt.
And I'm flabbergasted that the response was so big that the wife thought that she needed to call the police if the woman if the daisy came back.
(24:37):
Do you do you see the abuse in this? Oh right sorry. No no no no I I'm really happy for what you gave.
I'm just very pointedly I want to see what you like if you can identify the abuse in here.
I assume I assume abuse has specific kind of definitions and stuff like that but the the screaming the screaming originally alone by itself is is abuse like when you're screaming but you're not letting them talk you're not caring about their perspective.
(25:15):
You don't see them as being equal to you. That's abusive to them from my perspective.
Right and she was a 16 year old kid and having this full grown adult woman yelling at her that is definitely abusive. That is one one example of abuse in this. It is not the only one.
And the the yelling itself is intended to make the babysitter feel bad like there was no other reason for those words but to try and punish the babysitter.
(25:43):
That's it. Well yeah I mean there's there's also the the intent to control. Right. Because she believed that calling 911 was not the right action and so she's basically trying to change this 16 year old and their idea their understanding of when it is acceptable and necessary to call 911.
(26:08):
And at its heart abuse is always about control. So right. So that that I think that is the biggest example of abuse in this. But there's one more. There's one more. I didn't think about it until I saw somebody in the comments and stuff.
Well it's also it's also gaslighting. The my wife is now angry that Daisy called 911 for quote unquote nothing. So clearly in the yelling the wife was yelling at Daisy for overreacting for taking an action that was unjustified for doing the wrong thing.
(26:47):
Like I don't know like for nothing. It makes the babysitter feel like they're going crazy. Yeah yeah. And also the husband also the husband. I didn't think about that. That's a fourth one because she's thinking over his priorities in the relationship which is basically a way of an abuser to say you're wrong.
So so wrong that I'm questioning how you know how you prioritize even our family and relationship. Right. I have a profound point to make in a moment. Well I might not really be profound but it's I think it is. But if you want to say something else first you can.
(27:25):
Well there was the the other the other instance of abuse that I wanted to point out because this one was it was difficult for me to see. So I wanted to like make sure that I pointed that out here when when he's talking about how when he got home he was she was yelling his wife was yelling at Daisy and the kids were in the other room crying.
That's called neglect.
(27:49):
Because they needed tending to what regardless of what had happened it had already happened there was nothing that that yelling was going to change that those kids were just just crying in a room by themselves completely unattended being neglected.
Right. And that is another form of abuse. And we don't even know if the kids were crying because like the ambulance got them to the point where they were upset or if it was just the moms yelling.
(28:17):
It doesn't matter. The point is that they were emotionally distraught. Right. And as a mother that was her job to notice that and figure out what they needed because that's the whole point of children crying is to get the get the attention of their parents or other other authorities that are in their you know responsible for their care to get their needs met.
(28:41):
And they were crying and not being heard.
Right. I agree.
So anyway, go on with your your profound thing. I don't know if it who knows.
I think it's pretty likely not knowing this woman at all that she doubled down. You know, she made a decision. And then in some way she felt like a fool for making that decision deep down and then decided that the only way to protect herself was to double down and say that she was definitely in the right, which in this situation.
(29:19):
I don't even know whether or not you really need to worry about right and wrong. Like after you've yelled you just need to take care of the damage you've caused first and foremost.
But like, it's not about, I mean, I, I would bet that this woman still to this day is like that babysitter wasted my money and I was right to cut off that relationship.
She should never been a part of it or whatever. You know, I would bet that that because the when you get into a moment when you get emotional like that and then someone or something makes you feel like you're doing something wrong.
(29:51):
A lot of people just immediately double down to protect themselves. Yeah, on their own mind.
The thing I want to, I want to say about that though is that it's a normal thing for people to do, and it's common.
I'm not going to say that there's a right or wrong about that doubling down but in this particular case it's pretty clear that what she was doing with whatever her beliefs were whatever her her decisions and opinions were the way she went about it was abusive.
(30:25):
I don't think that she is lost like I don't think that I think she can come back from it, but she'd have to understand that doubling down made it worse.
And it's gonna it's gonna take a lot of time and effort for her to accept that other people's viewpoints were just as valid as that doubled down perspective and level the playing field a little bit to see that oh you know what, even if I am in the right, maybe it's not a good idea to scream at a 16 year old.
(31:01):
Maybe it's not a good idea to do that while my kids need my attention.
Maybe it's not a good idea to to cause my husband to question whether or not he is, you know, being a good father and husband, just because he didn't think that it was right for me to yell at a 16 year old child, like, those are thoughts that won't come into her head until she gets to
(31:26):
a point where she can see that she can believe what she wants but other people's beliefs are just as valid.
Right.
And the very least, people's actions are understandable.
Right, you can get it.
So, right, I mean, because we've had.
Look, okay.
We do we want to get real here like the whole transmission thing going on in our life I could be really mad about certain things about that transmission.
(31:58):
But it doesn't do us any good we're here, it's happened, whatever could have happened in the past didn't, you know, and and there's a point at which, like, there's, there's maybe inside this woman there's this, this child self that has been struggling with financial
difficulty for a long long time, and is triggered by any any major cost that wasn't predicted.
(32:27):
Right, but like, it's already happened and dealing with those triggers and not ripping off the heads of everybody around you just because you're afraid.
That that's what it takes like you know it doesn't help anybody to scream at them because you're afraid.
Right.
(32:48):
All you'll get is people leaving you alone.
Yep.
From my perspective, I mean, not that there aren't people that are worth screaming at.
Like, I don't know that there are.
Yeah, I don't really know that there are two, but it's, it's just that like, I've screamed before at people that I care about and that care about me and we know and it's like, okay, at a certain point it's been many many years because you know I haven't done it to you.
(33:18):
I'm more thinking about like, Oh, I was about to name them.
I don't know I think I think maybe screaming the only thing I can think of where screaming has a place is like when, like there was an altercation, like years ago up the street, and there was like two people fighting in the front yard.
And like I screamed at them that that seems like an acceptable place to scream I'm not getting in there to like physically break them up but I want them to know that like they're, they're not like this is not okay.
(33:49):
Right. I still don't even know if I can still support it because it's like that's that's basically saying like screaming to be able to be heard amongst screaming people.
And it's like, yeah, I get that. Well sometimes it can jar people out of their, their fight because they maybe they thought that they were unseen.
And then they hear that there's other people that are watching.
(34:12):
Yeah, that's that's what I thought might happen. It's not what happened. I thought it might, you know. Yeah, understood.
And you wrote a really good article about that and pointing out the abuse and so people should check that out too. Yeah, I'll have that in the, in the comments as well.
But yeah, I don't think this is a lost cause situation. I want to I want to like put that out there because sometimes sometimes I look at it and I'm like there's no way this guy just usually a guy but sometimes it's a woman.
(34:44):
They just don't understand they just, they need professional help, and I'm not sure that that would get them there but it would be the best bet that they have this woman I don't like she could probably use some therapy, let's be honest there's obviously trauma here.
But even without it I think that she could come back from this she just needs to do a lot of inner work, you know, right.
(35:08):
A little bit of self reflection, yeah, dash a dash of humbleness. Yeah.
Also, thank you, Sturg for saying that we're profound. That's so cute. She could come back from this Tam on the crazy bitch 2024 Thank you so much Sturg.
I'm giving you pics of Tam on the crazy bitch let me know.
(35:30):
Okay, so for the video's sake I gotta, I gotta see what this old lady.
Worth it.
Whoa.
Goodness.
He just takes the opportunity.
Killing me.
All right, so we have our last one with. Whoa, no, not me, not with crazy bitches.
(36:03):
Like it's not the action that I have a problem with it's it's it's the crazy bitch part like that's the part. Anyway, so I like to wrap up the, the episode with something that's more positive because that's what you good suggested and I really liked the idea.
So, it's delightful idea.
We found Binky ink writings article from the end of February I know it's a little bit, little bit ago, nearly a month ago but it. I liked it so much that I presented it and she is she is a doll she is amazing.
(36:38):
She usually writes fiction, but this was one of the few opportunities that she wrote nonfiction.
She wrote about another writing platform that was like medium, but wasn't medium and had a different pace structure, and it apparently fractured into. She said cyan and red I'll just say blue and red, it just, it fractured into two groups that then went on to like spout hate at each other.
(37:14):
I don't know what the platform was, it's probably something that if you know about it you know what I'm talking about if you don't know about it you're just as clueless as I am.
But at the end of the day, it was very much like, hey medium has problems, but it's still a wonderful place to be like there's still so much joy in, in being able to talk to people being able to connect with other writers other readers.
(37:42):
And just share your ideas and thoughts and it's it is wonderful.
Yeah, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely and the article like really went in into how like when when when Binky, can I call, can I call her Binky. When Binky ink started on that platform, you know she found some good people and they were interested and people were writing stuff for fun and enjoying it, and then once the split happened.
(38:12):
And once the split happened, it, you know, it just like degraded and all the cool people ran away to get away from the hate, and it's like, it really, when I read this, it really like put into my mind it's like how do the people that want to spread hate and want to engage in hate not realize that
their hate pushes everyone away.
(38:33):
Like, where is that realization and why doesn't it come through, I don't get it.
Do I answer that or is that a. Let me just do my personal thing that I was about to say but like I'm so like aware of all the people around me and how they feel about stuff, it just is baffling to me that you couldn't realize that like, because you want to fight, everyone wants to get away from you.
(38:57):
So I think, and I could be wrong but I think the reason why they don't tend to see that is because they are afraid of anybody that's different and want to call out anybody that isn't in their like the in group that they want to be around so it's almost like they are pushing
(39:19):
people away by design there. They don't realize the people that they're pushing away are sometimes better than the people that they're not pushing away because they're busy pushing them away and they don't get to know those people they don't, they don't understand what it's like to not be on a side of hatred.
They don't know that that's actually objectively a better feeling than being on the side of hatred so yeah I think it perpetuates itself because they're doing exactly what they want to be doing they're just, they don't realize that what they're doing is actually harmful to them.
(39:57):
They're putting themselves into an echo chamber. People, there's a lot of people out there that are like want to be part of an exclusive club you know or an exclusive group of people to feel like they're cool right, or some people because they want to feel like they're cooler than others, specifically.
And it's like you're just putting yourself, you're just, you're just putting, if you, if you're framing in around hate and fighting then you're pushing yourself into an echo chamber where you never get out of it.
(40:28):
And Sturge is right it's all about them having a sense of belonging and they only feel like they belong in these very specific, highly specific groups of people that if, if they're, you know, if it's you know white on black for instance like it's a white person,
and they're around a black person they don't feel like they belong because they have this idea that the color of their skin separates that separates them. They can't celebrate the differences.
(40:59):
Those differences are our points of aggravation and fear.
And they want to get to know what the difference in culture is because it's not what they want to experience and so it's no longer. It's not not something that they can enjoy it's it's so they don't feel like they belong with them.
It's really weird.
(41:22):
Yeah, and I, I'm a big fan of community, not the show, the idea, but you should be a big fan of the show to maybe the show.
Maybe the show someday.
But the idea of it I totally get wanting to find community wanting to find people whose presence makes your heart sing like that's delightful and I love it.
(41:45):
I also worry about it because like, Andrew fucking Tate started building a community, and that community, I'm worried about all the people that choose to exclusively get in there. Do they find belonging and camaraderie in that community, probably, they probably do
I want to take that feeling from them. No, I don't really want to take that kind of feeling away from them, but it's just when it's centered around hate I get I get real, I struggle real hard to figure out what the right answer is because like, it, it's just going to go poorly.
(42:21):
It's really something terrible. It's really just people taking advantage of people who are vulnerable, and they don't realize it but hatred makes people vulnerable.
If you have hatred in your heart you are vulnerable.
That's just that that is just a fact you are then vulnerable to because as soon as as soon as the anger gets turned on as soon as that hatred flips that switch your executive functions of your brain just go offline.
(42:48):
And you don't have logic anymore. You don't, you're not thinking with your full brain anymore and that's a part of, that's a part of the process, people that know that that is how it works.
Take advantage of that flip switch they take advantage of whatever your hatred is, they know it comes from a fear. They know that they can use that fear to get something that they want out of it.
(43:13):
And so they deepen it to make that happen. Right, right. And to bring it back to the article. That's kind of why I keep coming back to medium, they, they don't put up with that shit.
You can't spout hatred and use that vulnerability against people.
(43:35):
Right.
Yeah, I totally get it.
They will they will boot you and then you know you could in theory, created a new account but they'll boot that one too. It's just, they don't, they're really good at being in the, in the habit of weeding out hate groups.
Yeah.
(43:56):
Although I do think that you could probably make a coleslaw hating group and it would probably be fine.
I'm pretty sure that the alien infestation is strong enough that I would find resistance. Pretty sure.
Like, there's a whole, I don't think anybody would take it seriously enough for it to be considered a hate thing.
(44:17):
There's definitely a Bob Evans cabal that is going to, you know, underneath the scenes trying to erase my existence from the world, and I'm not sure if I want to go that route yet.
I'm just saying like your hate group of, of, of, I hate coleslaw isn't going to try to take away people's rights, it's not going to dehumanize people.
(44:39):
It's, I mean, except for the, in the fact that you believe that the cold people that have eaten coleslaw are now under the influence of the almighty coleslaw overlord.
But yeah, I don't think that it breaks any laws. I don't think it actually spreads any hatred. It's not going to make people start attacking people that like coleslaw.
(45:03):
Well, if I were to try and like launch a movement about it now, it certainly would be a lot different than it was because once upon a time, I definitely did want the, well, the, the story of it to be that the people that
were into coleslaw had been taken over by the alien hive mind, which does dehumanize them to a certain extent. And so like, you know, that's not the direction I would like to go anymore because
(45:29):
there's a bunch of people out there that are delightful and wonderful people that love deeply and fully that also like coleslaw. And so I can't hate them for liking coleslaw.
They're just wrong about coleslaw. That's fine.
They could be misguided.
Yeah, exactly.
They're just wrong.
(45:50):
Actually, okay, just to be real for a minute, like I have, I have, I don't know if I'm like mentally picky or like if it's actually like that, I just taste things slightly different.
But like I, there's a lot of things that people like that I really will not put in my mouth. Like to watch me, if you, Sturge, you lovingly made me a, the best coleslaw that had ever been made, you watching me try and eat it would be the funniest and most insulting thing you could imagine because I would struggle to even put it in my mouth at all.
(46:27):
You would come at it like you were trying to figure out how to get a tarantula on your hand.
Right, exactly. And then when I did put it in my mouth, there's, there's, there's, there's very specific elements of coleslaw that I do not like ketchup is also another thing that I hate and like vinegar is something that I just do not just does not agree with me.
As soon as I get anything that has a hint of vinegar on it into my mouth, I immediately feel like I want to throw up. Like it's just an immediate reaction. I don't think I was traumatized by vinegar growing up, but who knows.
(47:02):
Maybe somebody waterboarded you with vinegar.
Oh God, I can't even, God, I'm, we're updating my personal hell. We're updating.
It's no longer cheese sauce.
How dare you.
Okay. Anyway, anyway.
This was a beautiful article by Binky Inc.
(47:26):
You know, is that what we're still talking about? Yeah, we're still talking about Binky's. The split that destroyed a community.
And I support finding community out there. It can be very difficult. Sometimes, sometimes it can happen upon you without you paying attention.
Just, I would recommend, I would personally recommend to everyone to try and make sure your, your community group. It isn't about hating somebody else or some other culture or whatever. That's just my opinion.
(47:59):
I think that wraps up the Binky Inc.
Yeah, I think so.
I think the gifts are all about.
Thanks Binky Inc. for writing that article. That's what I should have said. Yeah, nothing's been submitted. I haven't done the guidelines for hidden egg either. So when I do, it will go up. If anybody wants to be a writer for the hidden egg podcast, podcast publication.
(48:26):
We are accepting like articles of vulnerability that we can talk about on the podcast. Just being vulnerable in general.
Those are good moments, bad moments, preferably good moments, but you know, vulnerability goes all the ways. So people can just ask about it until I get the guidelines article.
(48:49):
And also the Abuse Road article as well. Pub, the Abuse Road Pub. Yeah, I sat down to write them both yesterday and then I got really into the graphics of Abuse Road and five hours later I was like I need to just stop because all the colors are bleeding together and everything looks terrible.
(49:10):
Yeah, take your time. Yeah, you know, there's really no rush.
Yeah, and a little bit of it was Sturge's fault because he looked at it and he was like, I don't know, man. This doesn't look right. I was like, God damn it. I got to do it all over again.
Good job, Sturge.
It's all right. It's not your fault. It's not your fault I have a little bit of OCD. It's fine.
(49:36):
Well, I think we probably did an episode, eh? Yeah, this was an episode.
I want to thank everybody that came along with the podcast and listened to us or watched the video on Substack, right? Is where the video is at? Substack? Yeah, Substack is where the video goes.
Yeah, so thanks for coming along. We really appreciate your time here.
(49:59):
I'm eternally mortal and I hope you find smiles.
I hope you find smiles this day.
And I'm the accidental monster. You can find us both on medium.com and follow yourself always.
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