May 14, 2024 • 47 mins
TAM & mort (that's us) discovered several banger articles dealing with parenthood that we wanted to share with you all! As parents ourselves, vulnerable articles about raising a human connects with us very closely and we just had to give you this little peak at some of the great content on Medium!
We started this week's episode with author Jacqueline Dooley heart-breaking, yet uplifting recounting of how she got through the death of her child. This week's middle child gave us a detailed view of what it is like for a mother of 6 to be diagnosed with Bipolar I, written by Lindy Vogel. Our feel-good ending article was written by Michelle A. Cmarik taking us through her decision to split her family, for the sake of everyone's happiness, and the struggles along the path. We hope you enjoy listening and that you find smiles! :D And follow yourself, always.
For more about writing with vulnerability and information on articles discussed in the episodes, visit themonsteralley.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, I'm Tam.
(00:02):
And I'm Eternally Mortal.
And this is the Hidden Egg Podcast where we talk about vulnerability.
And stuff. And things.
And articles on medium.com.
And you're listening to season 4, episode 8, right?
Yep, that's correct.
This week's theme is parenting, or parenthood.
Some parenting element.
(00:24):
The concept of parents. Something along those lines.
I almost titled the stage broadcast we're doing as parent stuff.
Oh, yeah, that would have been perfect if you had.
Okay, I'll post, I'll do that in the future.
Season 4 has been such a season of learning and evolving for us, honestly.
(00:47):
Yeah, and it's weird because we're learning these things,
which learning makes things more difficult because you're learning them.
All the things we're learning are how to make things simpler for us in the future.
So it's actually simplifying things so that we can learn new things.
To then simplify things, to then learn new things.
(01:08):
It's really fun.
Absolutely. It's been delightful.
So.
So, yeah, our theme this week was parenthood.
We found some really good and vulnerable articles that kind of seemed to theme towards parenting,
and we're both parents, so we related to good bits of it.
(01:34):
And we have also had parents, so we related to good bits of it.
So, yeah, do you want to hit our shout outs?
We actually struggled a bit with the shout outs this week,
partially because most of the articles that we got for this episode
were when we were looking for last week's episodes articles.
We found so many that were like, OK, we need to cut these out.
(01:58):
And so many of like all of them, all of them had to do with parenting.
And we're like, obviously, that's the theme.
So this week, we didn't really do a whole lot of deep diving
to find new shout outs from the community that we tend to start with.
These are all articles that we were like, were, you know, they could have been
(02:23):
any one of them could have been in the main three is basically what I'm going for.
Yeah, absolutely. And it was really difficult.
It was. And also these past week has been kind of taxing on the both of us.
You can hear more about that if you listen to the pre show.
So, you know, we didn't really have the extra energy to put into finding more articles
(02:45):
to potentially shout out. But we found just so many really good ones.
And I agree. Like any one of these could have been a feature article, you know.
Yeah. And I just want to mention just for the listeners out there, like, this is really difficult.
We found so many fantastic articles trying to determine which ones are going to be one of the main three that we discussed,
(03:08):
which ones are going to be shout outs and which ones we are going to just have to not bring up at all
has been really challenging.
Yeah, because there's a lot of good shit on Medium.
Oh, my God, there's so much good shit on Medium.
So like not a sponsor.
And I don't know. I don't know if there's other people out there.
(03:30):
Certainly our audience is miniscule, like itty bitty bitty.
But like, I don't know that there's a whole lot of people out there that are just like showcasing the fact that there's really good art being made on this platform.
Look, I'm not I'm not like whole hogging Medium as a platform for who the creators of the platform or everything.
(03:51):
It's just it's just a place where artists can art like crazy.
And that's what I love. It doesn't matter where it's at that I find it. You know what I mean?
Medium is a pretty well structured place to be able to find that kind of stuff, which is why we continue to work with there.
But like, yeah, I just like the art.
I agree. Anyway, anyway, we could go on for days about Medium in good and bad ways.
(04:17):
Yeah. But the point point here is that like, you know, it's it's a struggle to for us to.
They fit in the amount of articles we can fit in because there's just a lot of really good, good stuff being especially just vulnerable stuff.
Yeah, we're probably just one corner of Medium is looking at the vulnerability.
I don't even think we're we're a corner. We're like a dot.
(04:39):
Right. Exactly. There's so much out there.
There are like I think he I think Tony had said Tony Stubblebean, Stubblebine.
I don't know how to say his last name. He's the CEO of Medium.
I think he said there's like several hundred thousand that are published articles that are published every day.
There's no way there's just no way we can get through all of that stuff.
(05:03):
Well, of course not. Like we wouldn't be expected to. But I would think that there would be multiple different like programs like ours, people out there, you know, talking about if not their own articles, then the articles that they think are awesome from other people.
Hey, you know, dear listener, if you know of any other communities that are talking about exclusively Medium articles in a similar way that we do, let us know.
(05:26):
Please, please let us know. I would love to connect with people that are doing that same thing. Yeah. Anyway, so.
So the first the first shout out is by Barbara Carter and her article is If you knew you were dying, would you tell your family?
And if not, why? Yeah.
(05:49):
And this one is kind of an outlier from the other articles where she is the child in this situation. She's talking about one of her parents.
Yeah. And he didn't.
He didn't tell his family, right? Right. He didn't tell his family that he was dying and then he just suddenly died without.
(06:12):
Like without any answers. And I really relate to this because my grandma, to be honest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because she she was very suddenly just sick and then dead in a day.
And I still look back at that and I think, you know, she had been losing weight like her doctor was like telling her to force herself to eat.
(06:33):
There had to be some information that she knew that we didn't that would have made that way more like.
I don't know, make more sense, possibly less of a shock when it happens. Right.
I don't know that, you know, that the levels of shock actually get to change with that. But maybe it's nice.
(06:55):
It's nice to look back and be like, you know, maybe it could have been softer. But the point is that this kind of thing does kind of happen.
I'm sure that everybody knows somebody that has experienced somebody losing somebody suddenly.
Wow. That was too many somebody's anyway. And it's a very emotional and vulnerable thing to talk about in the first place.
(07:20):
And Barbara really took us through like a good number of like the what the past experiences like were like leading up to this and how it how it made her feel through the entirety of the process of learning of his death and having to do things for it.
Yeah. And how many questions it created as a result of not knowing anything.
(07:44):
There were so many mysteries that as soon as he died, it was like they just popped up out of the framework for her.
And I kind of relate. It was it was a little bit like that with my grandma.
We found out that my grandma apparently was like a low key hoarder. Yeah. Never knew.
And that she apparently had like a cleaning OCD thing and like all these things that like we didn't know during the life life and Barbara Carter had various not not the same kind of things, but like different different pictures in the wallet that made no sense to be in there.
(08:25):
And just missed just mysteries.
It's like almost like someone had decided to die with weird stuff to make an ARG like a real life mystery that you have to go solve with clues. What's the ARG.
I might be using that incorrectly but it's like a MatPat did one for the game theory. It's like you put little clues into like merchandise or web pages to have people like look stuff up in specific ways to find something somewhere.
(08:55):
I don't know. I'm not experienced enough to really talk about it competently.
Anyway, but yeah, Barbara Carter's article is amazing. It's very deep and intense. So I'd recommend to take checking it out intense might be too strong a word, but I thought it was amazing.
Yeah, I did too and it shows a unique perspective of parenting from the adult child's perspective that I don't think we really think about very often.
(09:22):
Agreed. Absolutely.
Okay, the other shout out we only had two because like I said we didn't really do a whole lot of reading this past week.
The second shout out. This was really difficult. I really wanted to be to make this one part of the three.
It's by Claire Frankie, and it's called I spent my childhood with an imposter. And the only real like a best reason that we had for why this one ended up being a shout out is because it is hilarious.
(09:54):
First and foremost, is a fantastic article.
But in order to fully appreciate it.
We can't give any information about what happens, because we're telling the punch lines.
Yeah, exactly. It's, and we've done it before to articles in the past. And we're trying not to write it but it's, it's a really good relating of a of the past that was worded well and played with perspective I think a little bit and in a way that I didn't see some stuff coming
(10:28):
and it was, it was nice. So that's probably too much to say even it's great. Go check it out.
I know, we can't really talk a lot about it without giving things away so we're just going to leave it here and say, go read it it's hilarious you'll love it.
Yeah.
Link in the article.
Okay.
Are we ready for this next one.
(10:51):
Yes.
Yes, we'll try.
This one's by Jacqueline Dooley or Jacqueline, I don't know how to say names anymore.
And it's called there's inherent heartache in growing up.
And the title for this one is I love Disney's Inside Out for many reasons but mostly because it reminds me of both my girls, and it's a very long subtitle, but really gives you some context.
(11:21):
If you're looking at the video of this, you probably have noticed that it says it's published in grief book club.
And that is a big hint to what this story is actually about.
Can we give away.
Can we give away parts of this one. I don't know I don't feel like the reveal was integral to the depth of the story.
(11:52):
No, and the reveals very quick.
It's very quick I just scrolled through slightly and it's like second paragraph so you know it's part of the whole thing. So one of her children passed away from cancer.
Yeah.
And I think it was the last movie that they watched together possibly the last one in the theaters I don't remember exactly if it was in theaters or out of theaters.
(12:18):
But the last real movie that they saw together was Disney's Inside Out, because the kid was like 11 or something really young, it was tragic.
Yeah, sickness, one of those cancer, one of those like heart wrenching things that all parents are afraid of.
They're, they're children, not living longer than them.
(12:44):
And,
yeah I already like the movie Inside Out like as it is because it's it's a fantastic movie that helps walk kids and teenagers or preteens through the process of feeling and being able to accept their feelings.
(13:05):
And that's something that I think the world needs more of.
I fully agree. And they, I think they addressed a lot of the like for Disney I think that they addressed a lot of the angst of that time period in life in a really, really important way, like a really actual way, which I was really surprised by.
(13:27):
Of course it's been a while since I've seen that movie too but it was really really good.
I cried immensely multiple times over and over again I cried at that movie it was so so good. It was really good.
Jacqueline has taken it to an even higher point where the movie helped her, and possibly also her other daughter, to process their grief.
(13:57):
Yeah.
Yeah, because losing a child will send you into like the most grief you can imagine, I would think. I would think.
And so, you're going to need a mountain to be able to, you know, a mountain of tools or whatever to be able to get over that sort of thing and this movie became an enormous tool for, what was her name, Jacqueline?
(14:21):
Yeah, for Jacqueline to get through that and,
I mean, I don't know, it was just it was beautifully worded the way that she talked about how it got her through it. I don't know, I liked it a lot.
Also, Sturge just popped into the audience. I don't want to, I don't want to out him.
I don't want to make him say anything. You're welcome to just chill and vibe but it's good to see you buddy. Hope you're doing okay.
(14:46):
Yeah, I haven't talked to Sturge in a while. I hope you're doing good Sturge.
Again, no pressure.
Yeah. Tired.
Yeah, I understand.
Yeah, yeah.
Feel free to vibe.
So yeah, I don't know how much to really say about this article that it doesn't say itself.
(15:09):
This particular article was just, it was heart wrenching but also kind of uplifting because it also seemed like this experience helped her form a deeper bond with her other daughter.
It's something, it was a shared trauma experience and that can sometimes bring people closer together than anything else can.
(15:37):
Right.
But, but yeah, it did end with a very happy like they're both able to take the lessons they learned from that movie and like just thrive in the future, it seems like so.
It was a really really good article.
I want to take, I want to take a small moment and ask Sturge, why on earth with your near 1500 articles, are you suddenly deciding to stop writing because that seems worrying to me.
(16:10):
I've seen how many articles you have, that's just not something that I would expect you to decide.
I mean, hey, we know you're tired and so you may not want to talk about it right now and that's okay, but it is, it is a little worrying, but having no energy makes sense.
But, you know, don't make any long lasting decisions just take care of yourself now and what you need now. I think that's most most important. Of course, I don't know shit about shit.
(16:37):
So, you know, it sounds it sounds kind of like you know how sometimes I'll be in a place where like, like this past week almost where I've just been exhausted and just being hit by everything.
There have definitely been points where that is drawn on for weeks on end and I've just been like, you know what, I'm not going to do anything.
All the plans that I had. Nope, just going to drop all of them, because just thinking about the things I wanted to do was too much. It was too much energy just thinking about them.
(17:08):
So I'm wondering if that's maybe where Sturge is at and if that's where you're at.
I am so sorry buddy.
Grieving your brilliance. This isn't actually a grief segment. This this episode is about parenting. It just so happens that this particular article was also grief.
(17:29):
Yeah, it was a parent dealing with the grief that way. Yeah, but you know, pretty close, pretty close.
Yeah, it could be. Grieving your brilliance. Your brilliance will stay with you forever, my friend.
That is true. I don't think you could get rid of it if you tried.
I agree. It's dead. Oh goodness.
Well, how about how about we talk about the the next article and see if it helps you feel any better because it's it's the quote unquote abuse lot.
(17:59):
It's not actually abuse, but you'll understand why it's in that slot.
When we get there.
Yeah, I think it's time to move on to the next one.
Are you ready to do that? So this one was sent in to me by You Good earlier this morning and I read it and I was like this, this has to be part of the episode.
It has to. It's perfect.
(18:22):
So, Lindy Vogel wrote it who apparently is the founder of the Swearie Mommy Pub on Medium, which I didn't know that.
Yep. And it's called I'm a bipolar mother of six. Here's what I want you to know about being a crazy parent.
It's not what you think. Yeah. Good Lord.
(18:47):
The vulnerability expressed in this is is is amazing. Yes.
So much that like a lot of people would not be willing to share that she put down on this paper and the courage and that is amazing to me.
I have to be very honest here. She has lived my nightmare.
That is my nightmare. Right.
(19:10):
I have been afraid for what 25 almost 30 years now that I am like on the edge of bipolar and that it's just waiting for that one moment that one one weird moment where the chemicals align improperly enough that I just go bat shit.
(19:31):
And that's what happened to her.
And I've always been at any time.
I've always been fascinated by that.
I'm sorry. This hopefully doesn't sound too patronizing.
Cross my fingers.
I've always been fascinated by what the brain what it looks like through the perception when you are losing touch with reality in certain regards like that.
(19:53):
And so she had several moments that she talked about several different events that she talked about where she literally took actions that didn't make sense to even her potentially in the moment and tried to explain like the reasons why those actions seemed like the right thing to do at that time.
It sounded to me like she like they made sense to her in the moment but after the fact she looks at them and was like that doesn't make any sense.
(20:24):
And I've been there I've I've been there you've seen me have have moments like that and it's like is that.
I've always worried that I've had like Bipolar 2 which is technically just a less lessened version of Bipolar 1. Although a lot of people contest that and say the Bipolar 2 doesn't really exist the Bipolar 2 is just what happens when Bipolar 1 people haven't had a full like manic episode yet.
(20:54):
Oh, okay.
So it's yeah there's there's a lot of people that don't even believe Bipolar 2 exists. So it's just bipolar to them.
But yeah, the idea that because she mentioned somewhere in there one of the things that she did was she just stripped down nude in front of her gardener in her backyard and was completely fine with it.
(21:20):
There was no shame no embarrassment she was like yeah this is what I'm doing.
And I don't I don't know I that's it's a night that's a nightmare. That is a nightmare.
For all of the things that we know like we shouldn't do or that we don't want to do and then suddenly the inhibitions come off.
(21:43):
And then it's replaced by like a justification for why you should do this thing.
And then later on you're like I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to do that at all.
That's terrifying.
I can imagine and there's a lot of people I know I think myself included although maybe I don't say it's hard for me I think to conceptualize.
(22:07):
Even though I've been drunk, you know, right. Do you think drunk when you don't really that wasn't be what you chose to do.
And that's the only thing that's closest thing I can come to experientially to describe it to myself which is like I said why I was so excited to have her try and explain what it looked like through the perception to go through those events.
(22:28):
I think that we should have so much more of this out there to be able to let us to be able to share that with everybody to let people know what it looks like to find common ground on it to be able to potentially make it easier.
I don't know. I just maybe I'm just curious and nosy and getting into stuff that's not my business because I'm sure it's super difficult to share when you've lost control in a certain in that in that regard.
(22:53):
That's terrifying as you said. And so relating it might also be like horrible.
That's cute.
Sturge with the gifts.
Right. And to top it off, this person is a mother of six that had those six kids when this up when these episodes happened.
(23:16):
And so many people out there that are parents that I know have no greater anxiety than the thought that maybe they fucked up as a parent excuse me impersonal out this episode I'll try to tame it in.
That maybe they messed it up. This is a sweary mommy episode I mean there you go literally that's the name of the pub so I think this particular episode maybe we'll just market explicit.
(23:42):
Okay cool.
But yeah, she did the feeling that maybe you fucked up being a parent, damn it.
We already said that's fine. Yeah, we already said that's fine.
That feeling, a feeling is just really difficult for people to get through, you know, and as a parent myself I worry all the time, and even as an older brother, you know, a decade older brother I feel, I feel that that sort of responsibility as well that maybe I had some sort of negative
(24:12):
impact on the development of people that I care very deeply about.
But we all be individual people.
We all, and so, while everything that we do affects other people and the parent child relationship is huge. At some point, it has to be realized that those that's two entirely separate entities responsible for themselves.
(24:40):
Yeah, and like she focuses Lindy focuses on what the events did to her family, which I totally understand and agree with. But I want to point out.
That's got to be terrifying for her, because I know what it's like to feel like I don't have control over my mind and to be afraid of my mind deciding that something is right for me to do in a moment that I don't personally believe is right for me to do.
(25:12):
That's just terrifying to me. And I can only imagine, like, as she because she mentions that like she has to learn to rebuild trust with between her and her family, but she's got to build that trust between her and herself too.
Yeah, absolutely. And that's got to be one of the most difficult things as someone that doesn't trust themselves. And I can't claim to be in the same camp here as Lindy, but as someone that just like amateurly doesn't trust themselves.
(25:44):
A nightmare sometimes.
Just, just trying to say okay but I sense this thing I see this. Is this even real.
But like one of the, like one of the biggest reasons why this went into the abuse slot because we have slots so like we try to fit the articles into three different positions and the middle one is, you know, abuse related or abuse adjacent.
(26:08):
And the stories that she was able to share with us about moments of manic insanity. I don't think she's crazy but those moments definitely were out of sanity.
Right.
And those moments some of them bordered on, or even one of them cross the line into being an abusive parent. And like, she's getting help. It's not her fault that this is something her brain is doing.
(26:43):
Think of all the people out there that they don't have supportive loving families that are paying attention to who they are. They don't pay attention to the weird wacky things and be like, hmm, what's going on let's get you some help they think what the hell is wrong with you.
Why you being a bitch.
And how many women out there and mothers out there. They don't have the benefit of thinking about whether or not this is a condition that could be cured. This is something that their brains are like, I need to protect myself from people thinking I'm crazy so I need to bolster the justification for these things, even though I don't believe that I was right and doing them.
(27:25):
And that can lead to a very abusive situation.
So condemning somebody in her position actually causes more abuse than it than it saves people from.
And it's difficult for the abused, which I think many, many, many of us have been abused, but it's difficult for the abuse to remember that the abusers are also human. And it's always, always going to be very, very difficult to set up the lines between how much, how much abuse a person has done, and whether or not they're irredeemable.
(28:01):
And that's got to be a, that's a subjective thing. Well it's not even just that, but also you have to set the line between like, could you, could you imagine if her husband didn't know her completely enough to know that the things that she was saying didn't add up to the who she had been.
Right. Absolutely. If he actually thought that she was just being this way that this was just who she was.
(28:28):
Like there wouldn't be any, okay, let's go to a doctor and see if we can get you some help there. It would have been immediately.
I'm getting a divorce from you and then she couldn't handle her mental health while going through a divorce. So obviously bad things are going to happen through there and then once the divorce takes place.
Would she feel, would she have felt safe to go to a mental health institution to find out what was actually wrong or would she be worried that he would take her six children away from her like, imagine the fear for people who don't have partners that are willing to draw the line and say you know what, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that this isn't who you are, that this is something happening to you.
(29:16):
You will see what can be done to get you some help so that this can protect you and our children.
Right. Exactly. Taking the time to how many women end up on the street because they didn't have a support network like she did.
Right. And a lot of people that deal with that particular, you know, malady, a lot of times turn to drugs, I believe, you know, like the street variety of drugs.
(29:47):
How many times have you heard me say I already feel messed up I might as well, you know, get drunk or get high. I never took anything hard, you know when I was feeling that way but there were definitely moments where I was like my mind doesn't feel right anyway if I'm going to feel messed up I might as well do it on purpose.
(30:08):
Right.
I can imagine that's not a unique thing to me I'm not that special.
Yeah, and, and this, this article, this article just just shouts how strong this woman support network is because like the ability to not only get through it work on rebuilding those relationships while also dealing with this new level of, of the, of the illness.
(30:37):
If that's what it's called.
Yeah, so as scary as the story is, on one hand, it's also a really beautiful story on the other.
(31:00):
I'm really glad she was able to share it. That had to be really hard.
Yeah, and and I agree with with Sturges gift I know that it was probably done as a joke but this whole like won't somebody please think of the children like before you decide that you're going to separate a child from their mother, because their mother's being crazy.
(31:22):
Maybe see if the mother needs help.
And there are sometimes reasons that aren't their fault. And it doesn't help the mother and it doesn't help the children to just decide that a parent is a bad parent, and that the children would be better off in the system than being with them, because it's not, it's not usually true.
(31:45):
I mean, I'm pretty sure this dad would have taken all six kids and figured it out but in this situation. Yeah, but that is not the norm. Yeah, there's not the norm. There are other situations where like the bipolar presented itself earlier and the husband, you know, fucked off.
And maybe there weren't six kids maybe there's only two. You know what I mean. Like, everybody's got a different story and bipolar disorder is actually a lot more common than people think.
(32:15):
Yeah. Yeah, and I don't want to, I don't want to take away what you're saying about, you know, what women have gone through in regards to this as well but I'm sure that the toxic masculine culture that kept men from talking about their problems, made it to where like there's a bunch of undiagnosed people out there that deal with this that are just afraid to go talk to somebody afraid to ask for help.
(32:40):
Yeah, dudes, you know, yeah, I don't even know what the like most people that end up being diagnosed with bipolar disorder are female, and they don't know if that's because women have a higher risk of being bipolar because of the hormonal fluctuations, or if we report it more often, because we don't already have all of those other
(33:02):
toxicities involved. For all we know as a society men could be just as likely to be bipolar but it manifests so differently that we don't see it as bipolar disorder. We see it as an anger management problem, or a gambling addiction or addiction in general.
Yeah, any of that stuff.
Any of those things like we don't, we just don't know.
(33:25):
Yeah.
Yeah, I just thought it was a little side point to bring up.
Yeah, it's a good side point.
So check out that article.
Sorry I'm laughing at the gifts.
I don't have much to say about it but they're, they're pretty on brand.
(33:46):
I will say, when reading the article I, the six mother of six is just astronomical, it is astronomical to me, like, I know it exists I've heard of people that had like freaking 13 or 14 kids from the same parents, so like I know it exists and is possible to happen.
I know but just raising one was hard.
(34:08):
Yeah, we should imagine six.
We're also pretty autistic so yeah that's true I guess maybe there's some, some differences but still it can't have been easy.
It can't be easy.
Right, just why I want to continue want to shout out the praises of this, of the husband in this situation because a husband that's willing to go with six kids six children, and a wife that is, you know, discovering bipolar one, like, wow.
(34:40):
Yeah, that's rough.
And he seems to have not only survived but, you know, been been the rock, and that's amazing. Truly. Yeah, shout out to him, whoever this this behind the scenes husband is because he's obviously awesome.
(35:01):
It is so hard being a parent being a parent.
I'm ready to move on to the last article. All right, the final one and hopefully the one that will give us a little bit of a smile and hope for the future is from Michelle, a, I'm going to butcher this last name and I'm so sorry.
(35:23):
I think maybe, maybe, I am so sorry Michelle I am sure that I have butchered your last name, but I have no idea how to say that it looks like maybe it's a check name.
And I don't know how to pronounce things on that search side.
You as well Sturge I hope you find all the smiles.
(35:46):
Yeah.
Take care of yourself buddy.
The next article is called my fears of divorce kept me stuck in a loveless marriage for years.
Yep.
Subtitle was until I confronted the fear head on I couldn't see what awaited me on the other side.
And I just read this one today, I thought it was a different article entirely from before.
(36:10):
One of those I think we had to cut me.
But,
I really see, I have to scroll through it again for some reason, my brain just kind of like stopped.
So this one was about a mother that was unhappy in her relationship, they just didn't click anymore romantically.
(36:32):
They were going through the motions.
And at a certain point, she stopped just fantasizing about leaving and decided she was going to leave.
And that's kind of what happened between me and the father of my child.
Where like it just didn't, it wasn't working.
(36:53):
It wasn't like I could say that something terrible happened.
It just wasn't working.
And that's a hard decision to make.
It's easier when you can point to the guy and be like as a woman and be like, this is why I left and everybody be like, yeah, obviously you can't live with that.
And as you know, quote unquote, minor as just the love left the relationship.
(37:16):
Society tells us we're doing something wrong because we've left the safety of the relationship just because it's not enough.
And I'm really happy that she was able to overcome that and do it anyway, because she's a lot happier on the other side.
We were raised with the whole concept of, you know, stay together for the kids.
(37:40):
We heard that as kids all the time, not even just from our parents, but from like society, like colloquially colloquially colloquially that one.
Well done.
Ten out of ten.
I mean, there's even a song that's literally titled Stay Together for the Kids.
I'm not even aware that well, but the song the song points out how damaging that is as a concept.
(38:07):
Like, yeah, you know, you're teaching your kids what the kind of relationship you don't want them to have.
Yeah, but that's all they know.
So that's all they're going to look for because they don't know what to look for.
That's better.
We all try to do the best for our family.
(38:29):
Exactly.
Exactly.
I wish I knew more part to really get the reference, but it's probably hilarious.
I want to say that that had something to do with her German porn thing.
Oh, OK. Cool.
I think because that stands, mom.
Right.
I think that is.
Yeah. I need to watch more South Park.
(38:51):
So anyway, so uncultured.
Anyway, Sturge is so distracting.
I love it.
We love it so much.
But the biggest part about this article is that she didn't blame him and she wasn't trying to make excuses for what she did.
She was honest with herself about the situation.
(39:14):
And it's still OK.
That was my cut now. That was my like why the art that I think this article works as, you know, our closing article for the day, because like it's a person that was afraid to do something for a long time and made the decision to do it and suffered with that decision because consequences and change is hard.
(39:38):
But after a year, just a year, there's already positives that are starting to show through. There's already the feeling that the change was worth it.
And there's all, you know, not to ruin the end, I guess, but like, sorry, I keep doing this.
It's fine.
I mean, like, that's kind of why we put it as the feel good articles, because like there's some feel good. And it's hard for us to really get that across the way she did in the article.
(40:09):
So obviously, we're going to we're going to suggest for you to go read it, listener.
But it was it was a very like I ended the article like after reading the whole thing, I just felt really good for her.
That she had opened this corner, this this this doorway into her life that was scary and maybe a little bit shameful or not shameful, not like she needed to be ashamed, but she might have felt ashamed at some point.
(40:42):
Yeah, I'm almost certain. I'm almost certain she said that directly.
And and at the end, it's like, but this isn't the end of the world. It's going to be OK.
Right. We can get through this.
She was on an upswing and it's great to see.
And yeah, it's it was it was great.
You don't get that very often.
(41:04):
No, a lot of people end up focusing on the fear or they focus on the shame.
They don't focus on, you know, I got through those power points and I've accepted where I'm at.
And it's not the end of the world.
We can rebuild.
Yep.
And it seemed like they took an interesting path towards like co-parenting.
(41:30):
Yeah.
Did you catch that in the article?
I did catch that at the at the end.
Because like I was kind of almost touched that like it seemed like in a lot of ways they were still working together.
Yeah, I guess they go on vacations together.
I've heard of people doing that.
Yeah. And, you know, it seemed like if I remember, if I understood the article correctly,
(41:52):
they rented an apartment for the other person to live in when they're not with the, you know, living in the family home with the kids.
So like, you know, they're working together in a certain regard.
And so, you know, it was it's almost like they I mean, I hope this isn't too close to home,
but it's almost like they just could quite get to our level.
(42:15):
You know what I mean?
Right. Where we all just live together and find a harmony with it.
Right. Because we discovered that there wasn't a romance at a certain point and just easily.
Well, not super easy.
Yeah, I don't know if it was easy.
We had a lot of tear filled moments and difficulties.
Yeah. But, you know, in the grand scope of things and the way that a lot of relationships have ended,
(42:41):
like we transitioned to the friendship aspect, I think pretty well.
Well, we had been relying on the friendship aspect as the major anchor in our relationship for such a long time.
It it was almost like what this is going to sound terrible.
So if it if it ends up sounding super horrible, I'm sorry.
(43:04):
But it was almost like our relationship had a sort of rot to it in the romantic aspect.
And cutting that out was painful, but it allowed everything else to survive and thrive and grow even deeper.
Yeah, exactly.
(43:28):
So like sometimes trying to save the romance in a relationship is actually harmful.
I just and you know, this is like eight years later.
I look back and like, oh, you know, we weren't really as compatible in that way as we had thought.
(43:49):
Right. And that's OK.
I have a feeling Michelle and her ex-husband probably had something similar that went on,
that like there was a friendship, a deep friendship there.
But the relationship maybe wasn't as strong as it seemed like it was going to be.
Yeah. I mean, let's hope it's possible that maybe their friendship isn't quite as deep.
(44:13):
But who knows? But I hope that I just hope that, you know, everything works out and goes well for them.
That's a good story. I love reading it.
Yes. Now, moving on a little bit, I am loving this little gift that that that Sturge put up, how to care for a sad person.
(44:34):
I want to now roll people into blanket sushis.
Yeah, I know. It's cute. It is adorable.
Play sad role on couch. Can you play sad role on couch, please?
I don't know if I could do that. I'm like, I don't know if I'm the smallest or the second smallest in the house, but I am small.
(44:59):
You're small. I'm pretty small. Just a little guy. Just a little guy.
That's what our kid says all the time. I say it all the time. We say it because they say it.
I started saying that from Hearth Coven Games, the podcast. I'm sorry, the D&D live play that I watch on Wednesdays.
(45:26):
They say that constantly and have for years.
And what the task bar came up and was making me click things.
I was just trying to click on the things so I could see the gift.
I'm going to continue. Is it OK? Yeah, yeah, sorry.
(45:49):
But like I think that it was on the Internet.
And so I think that like Kai and I started saying it somewhere around the same time.
I think that hearing Kai say it made it to where I felt comfortable being able to maybe I know I said it a lot before you did.
Yeah. So still.
(46:12):
OK, well, do I start? Do we? How we?
Well, I start off by saying thank you to Sturge for being part of the live recording.
If you, dear listener, would like to join into the live action fun, visit the Monster Alley dot com. That's T H E M O N S T E R A L L E Y dot com.
(46:37):
We've got Spotify links to the episodes. We've got article links, merch, et cetera.
But more importantly, you can get your invite to the Alley's Discord server and join us in the stage channel weekly.
Visit the Monster Alley dot com. It will make us super happy if you do.
And as a bonus, you'll get thanks at the end of each episode for stopping in.
(47:00):
Yep, we appreciate you coming along and listening to us.
Dear, dear listener, I'm eternally mortal and I hope you find smiles this day.
And I'm the accidental monster. You can find us both on medium dot com.
And I hope you wait. What's your thing? What's my thing?
Follow yourself always.
You did it. Good job.
Hi, I'm Tam.
(00:02):
And I'm Eternally Mortal.
And this is the Hidden Egg Podcast where we talk about vulnerability.
And stuff. And things.
And articles on medium.com.
And you're listening to season 4, episode 8, right?
Yep, that's correct.
This week's theme is parenting, or parenthood.
Some parenting element.
(00:24):
The concept of parents. Something along those lines.
I almost titled the stage broadcast we're doing as parent stuff.
Oh, yeah, that would have been perfect if you had.
Okay, I'll post, I'll do that in the future.
Season 4 has been such a season of learning and evolving for us, honestly.
(00:47):
Yeah, and it's weird because we're learning these things,
which learning makes things more difficult because you're learning them.
All the things we're learning are how to make things simpler for us in the future.
So it's actually simplifying things so that we can learn new things.
To then simplify things, to then learn new things.
(01:08):
It's really fun.
Absolutely. It's been delightful.
So.
So, yeah, our theme this week was parenthood.
We found some really good and vulnerable articles that kind of seemed to theme towards parenting,
and we're both parents, so we related to good bits of it.
(01:34):
And we have also had parents, so we related to good bits of it.
So, yeah, do you want to hit our shout outs?
We actually struggled a bit with the shout outs this week,
partially because most of the articles that we got for this episode
were when we were looking for last week's episodes articles.
We found so many that were like, OK, we need to cut these out.
(01:58):
And so many of like all of them, all of them had to do with parenting.
And we're like, obviously, that's the theme.
So this week, we didn't really do a whole lot of deep diving
to find new shout outs from the community that we tend to start with.
These are all articles that we were like, were, you know, they could have been
(02:23):
any one of them could have been in the main three is basically what I'm going for.
Yeah, absolutely. And it was really difficult.
It was. And also these past week has been kind of taxing on the both of us.
You can hear more about that if you listen to the pre show.
So, you know, we didn't really have the extra energy to put into finding more articles
(02:45):
to potentially shout out. But we found just so many really good ones.
And I agree. Like any one of these could have been a feature article, you know.
Yeah. And I just want to mention just for the listeners out there, like, this is really difficult.
We found so many fantastic articles trying to determine which ones are going to be one of the main three that we discussed,
(03:08):
which ones are going to be shout outs and which ones we are going to just have to not bring up at all
has been really challenging.
Yeah, because there's a lot of good shit on Medium.
Oh, my God, there's so much good shit on Medium.
So like not a sponsor.
And I don't know. I don't know if there's other people out there.
(03:30):
Certainly our audience is miniscule, like itty bitty bitty.
But like, I don't know that there's a whole lot of people out there that are just like showcasing the fact that there's really good art being made on this platform.
Look, I'm not I'm not like whole hogging Medium as a platform for who the creators of the platform or everything.
(03:51):
It's just it's just a place where artists can art like crazy.
And that's what I love. It doesn't matter where it's at that I find it. You know what I mean?
Medium is a pretty well structured place to be able to find that kind of stuff, which is why we continue to work with there.
But like, yeah, I just like the art.
I agree. Anyway, anyway, we could go on for days about Medium in good and bad ways.
(04:17):
Yeah. But the point point here is that like, you know, it's it's a struggle to for us to.
They fit in the amount of articles we can fit in because there's just a lot of really good, good stuff being especially just vulnerable stuff.
Yeah, we're probably just one corner of Medium is looking at the vulnerability.
I don't even think we're we're a corner. We're like a dot.
(04:39):
Right. Exactly. There's so much out there.
There are like I think he I think Tony had said Tony Stubblebean, Stubblebine.
I don't know how to say his last name. He's the CEO of Medium.
I think he said there's like several hundred thousand that are published articles that are published every day.
There's no way there's just no way we can get through all of that stuff.
(05:03):
Well, of course not. Like we wouldn't be expected to. But I would think that there would be multiple different like programs like ours, people out there, you know, talking about if not their own articles, then the articles that they think are awesome from other people.
Hey, you know, dear listener, if you know of any other communities that are talking about exclusively Medium articles in a similar way that we do, let us know.
(05:26):
Please, please let us know. I would love to connect with people that are doing that same thing. Yeah. Anyway, so.
So the first the first shout out is by Barbara Carter and her article is If you knew you were dying, would you tell your family?
And if not, why? Yeah.
(05:49):
And this one is kind of an outlier from the other articles where she is the child in this situation. She's talking about one of her parents.
Yeah. And he didn't.
He didn't tell his family, right? Right. He didn't tell his family that he was dying and then he just suddenly died without.
(06:12):
Like without any answers. And I really relate to this because my grandma, to be honest. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Because she she was very suddenly just sick and then dead in a day.
And I still look back at that and I think, you know, she had been losing weight like her doctor was like telling her to force herself to eat.
(06:33):
There had to be some information that she knew that we didn't that would have made that way more like.
I don't know, make more sense, possibly less of a shock when it happens. Right.
I don't know that, you know, that the levels of shock actually get to change with that. But maybe it's nice.
(06:55):
It's nice to look back and be like, you know, maybe it could have been softer. But the point is that this kind of thing does kind of happen.
I'm sure that everybody knows somebody that has experienced somebody losing somebody suddenly.
Wow. That was too many somebody's anyway. And it's a very emotional and vulnerable thing to talk about in the first place.
(07:20):
And Barbara really took us through like a good number of like the what the past experiences like were like leading up to this and how it how it made her feel through the entirety of the process of learning of his death and having to do things for it.
Yeah. And how many questions it created as a result of not knowing anything.
(07:44):
There were so many mysteries that as soon as he died, it was like they just popped up out of the framework for her.
And I kind of relate. It was it was a little bit like that with my grandma.
We found out that my grandma apparently was like a low key hoarder. Yeah. Never knew.
And that she apparently had like a cleaning OCD thing and like all these things that like we didn't know during the life life and Barbara Carter had various not not the same kind of things, but like different different pictures in the wallet that made no sense to be in there.
(08:25):
And just missed just mysteries.
It's like almost like someone had decided to die with weird stuff to make an ARG like a real life mystery that you have to go solve with clues. What's the ARG.
I might be using that incorrectly but it's like a MatPat did one for the game theory. It's like you put little clues into like merchandise or web pages to have people like look stuff up in specific ways to find something somewhere.
(08:55):
I don't know. I'm not experienced enough to really talk about it competently.
Anyway, but yeah, Barbara Carter's article is amazing. It's very deep and intense. So I'd recommend to take checking it out intense might be too strong a word, but I thought it was amazing.
Yeah, I did too and it shows a unique perspective of parenting from the adult child's perspective that I don't think we really think about very often.
(09:22):
Agreed. Absolutely.
Okay, the other shout out we only had two because like I said we didn't really do a whole lot of reading this past week.
The second shout out. This was really difficult. I really wanted to be to make this one part of the three.
It's by Claire Frankie, and it's called I spent my childhood with an imposter. And the only real like a best reason that we had for why this one ended up being a shout out is because it is hilarious.
(09:54):
First and foremost, is a fantastic article.
But in order to fully appreciate it.
We can't give any information about what happens, because we're telling the punch lines.
Yeah, exactly. It's, and we've done it before to articles in the past. And we're trying not to write it but it's, it's a really good relating of a of the past that was worded well and played with perspective I think a little bit and in a way that I didn't see some stuff coming
(10:28):
and it was, it was nice. So that's probably too much to say even it's great. Go check it out.
I know, we can't really talk a lot about it without giving things away so we're just going to leave it here and say, go read it it's hilarious you'll love it.
Yeah.
Link in the article.
Okay.
Are we ready for this next one.
(10:51):
Yes.
Yes, we'll try.
This one's by Jacqueline Dooley or Jacqueline, I don't know how to say names anymore.
And it's called there's inherent heartache in growing up.
And the title for this one is I love Disney's Inside Out for many reasons but mostly because it reminds me of both my girls, and it's a very long subtitle, but really gives you some context.
(11:21):
If you're looking at the video of this, you probably have noticed that it says it's published in grief book club.
And that is a big hint to what this story is actually about.
Can we give away.
Can we give away parts of this one. I don't know I don't feel like the reveal was integral to the depth of the story.
(11:52):
No, and the reveals very quick.
It's very quick I just scrolled through slightly and it's like second paragraph so you know it's part of the whole thing. So one of her children passed away from cancer.
Yeah.
And I think it was the last movie that they watched together possibly the last one in the theaters I don't remember exactly if it was in theaters or out of theaters.
(12:18):
But the last real movie that they saw together was Disney's Inside Out, because the kid was like 11 or something really young, it was tragic.
Yeah, sickness, one of those cancer, one of those like heart wrenching things that all parents are afraid of.
They're, they're children, not living longer than them.
(12:44):
And,
yeah I already like the movie Inside Out like as it is because it's it's a fantastic movie that helps walk kids and teenagers or preteens through the process of feeling and being able to accept their feelings.
(13:05):
And that's something that I think the world needs more of.
I fully agree. And they, I think they addressed a lot of the like for Disney I think that they addressed a lot of the angst of that time period in life in a really, really important way, like a really actual way, which I was really surprised by.
(13:27):
Of course it's been a while since I've seen that movie too but it was really really good.
I cried immensely multiple times over and over again I cried at that movie it was so so good. It was really good.
Jacqueline has taken it to an even higher point where the movie helped her, and possibly also her other daughter, to process their grief.
(13:57):
Yeah.
Yeah, because losing a child will send you into like the most grief you can imagine, I would think. I would think.
And so, you're going to need a mountain to be able to, you know, a mountain of tools or whatever to be able to get over that sort of thing and this movie became an enormous tool for, what was her name, Jacqueline?
(14:21):
Yeah, for Jacqueline to get through that and,
I mean, I don't know, it was just it was beautifully worded the way that she talked about how it got her through it. I don't know, I liked it a lot.
Also, Sturge just popped into the audience. I don't want to, I don't want to out him.
I don't want to make him say anything. You're welcome to just chill and vibe but it's good to see you buddy. Hope you're doing okay.
(14:46):
Yeah, I haven't talked to Sturge in a while. I hope you're doing good Sturge.
Again, no pressure.
Yeah. Tired.
Yeah, I understand.
Yeah, yeah.
Feel free to vibe.
So yeah, I don't know how much to really say about this article that it doesn't say itself.
(15:09):
This particular article was just, it was heart wrenching but also kind of uplifting because it also seemed like this experience helped her form a deeper bond with her other daughter.
It's something, it was a shared trauma experience and that can sometimes bring people closer together than anything else can.
(15:37):
Right.
But, but yeah, it did end with a very happy like they're both able to take the lessons they learned from that movie and like just thrive in the future, it seems like so.
It was a really really good article.
I want to take, I want to take a small moment and ask Sturge, why on earth with your near 1500 articles, are you suddenly deciding to stop writing because that seems worrying to me.
(16:10):
I've seen how many articles you have, that's just not something that I would expect you to decide.
I mean, hey, we know you're tired and so you may not want to talk about it right now and that's okay, but it is, it is a little worrying, but having no energy makes sense.
But, you know, don't make any long lasting decisions just take care of yourself now and what you need now. I think that's most most important. Of course, I don't know shit about shit.
(16:37):
So, you know, it sounds it sounds kind of like you know how sometimes I'll be in a place where like, like this past week almost where I've just been exhausted and just being hit by everything.
There have definitely been points where that is drawn on for weeks on end and I've just been like, you know what, I'm not going to do anything.
All the plans that I had. Nope, just going to drop all of them, because just thinking about the things I wanted to do was too much. It was too much energy just thinking about them.
(17:08):
So I'm wondering if that's maybe where Sturge is at and if that's where you're at.
I am so sorry buddy.
Grieving your brilliance. This isn't actually a grief segment. This this episode is about parenting. It just so happens that this particular article was also grief.
(17:29):
Yeah, it was a parent dealing with the grief that way. Yeah, but you know, pretty close, pretty close.
Yeah, it could be. Grieving your brilliance. Your brilliance will stay with you forever, my friend.
That is true. I don't think you could get rid of it if you tried.
I agree. It's dead. Oh goodness.
Well, how about how about we talk about the the next article and see if it helps you feel any better because it's it's the quote unquote abuse lot.
(17:59):
It's not actually abuse, but you'll understand why it's in that slot.
When we get there.
Yeah, I think it's time to move on to the next one.
Are you ready to do that? So this one was sent in to me by You Good earlier this morning and I read it and I was like this, this has to be part of the episode.
It has to. It's perfect.
(18:22):
So, Lindy Vogel wrote it who apparently is the founder of the Swearie Mommy Pub on Medium, which I didn't know that.
Yep. And it's called I'm a bipolar mother of six. Here's what I want you to know about being a crazy parent.
It's not what you think. Yeah. Good Lord.
(18:47):
The vulnerability expressed in this is is is amazing. Yes.
So much that like a lot of people would not be willing to share that she put down on this paper and the courage and that is amazing to me.
I have to be very honest here. She has lived my nightmare.
That is my nightmare. Right.
(19:10):
I have been afraid for what 25 almost 30 years now that I am like on the edge of bipolar and that it's just waiting for that one moment that one one weird moment where the chemicals align improperly enough that I just go bat shit.
(19:31):
And that's what happened to her.
And I've always been at any time.
I've always been fascinated by that.
I'm sorry. This hopefully doesn't sound too patronizing.
Cross my fingers.
I've always been fascinated by what the brain what it looks like through the perception when you are losing touch with reality in certain regards like that.
(19:53):
And so she had several moments that she talked about several different events that she talked about where she literally took actions that didn't make sense to even her potentially in the moment and tried to explain like the reasons why those actions seemed like the right thing to do at that time.
It sounded to me like she like they made sense to her in the moment but after the fact she looks at them and was like that doesn't make any sense.
(20:24):
And I've been there I've I've been there you've seen me have have moments like that and it's like is that.
I've always worried that I've had like Bipolar 2 which is technically just a less lessened version of Bipolar 1. Although a lot of people contest that and say the Bipolar 2 doesn't really exist the Bipolar 2 is just what happens when Bipolar 1 people haven't had a full like manic episode yet.
(20:54):
Oh, okay.
So it's yeah there's there's a lot of people that don't even believe Bipolar 2 exists. So it's just bipolar to them.
But yeah, the idea that because she mentioned somewhere in there one of the things that she did was she just stripped down nude in front of her gardener in her backyard and was completely fine with it.
(21:20):
There was no shame no embarrassment she was like yeah this is what I'm doing.
And I don't I don't know I that's it's a night that's a nightmare. That is a nightmare.
For all of the things that we know like we shouldn't do or that we don't want to do and then suddenly the inhibitions come off.
(21:43):
And then it's replaced by like a justification for why you should do this thing.
And then later on you're like I didn't want to do that. I didn't want to do that at all.
That's terrifying.
I can imagine and there's a lot of people I know I think myself included although maybe I don't say it's hard for me I think to conceptualize.
(22:07):
Even though I've been drunk, you know, right. Do you think drunk when you don't really that wasn't be what you chose to do.
And that's the only thing that's closest thing I can come to experientially to describe it to myself which is like I said why I was so excited to have her try and explain what it looked like through the perception to go through those events.
(22:28):
I think that we should have so much more of this out there to be able to let us to be able to share that with everybody to let people know what it looks like to find common ground on it to be able to potentially make it easier.
I don't know. I just maybe I'm just curious and nosy and getting into stuff that's not my business because I'm sure it's super difficult to share when you've lost control in a certain in that in that regard.
(22:53):
That's terrifying as you said. And so relating it might also be like horrible.
That's cute.
Sturge with the gifts.
Right. And to top it off, this person is a mother of six that had those six kids when this up when these episodes happened.
(23:16):
And so many people out there that are parents that I know have no greater anxiety than the thought that maybe they fucked up as a parent excuse me impersonal out this episode I'll try to tame it in.
That maybe they messed it up. This is a sweary mommy episode I mean there you go literally that's the name of the pub so I think this particular episode maybe we'll just market explicit.
(23:42):
Okay cool.
But yeah, she did the feeling that maybe you fucked up being a parent, damn it.
We already said that's fine. Yeah, we already said that's fine.
That feeling, a feeling is just really difficult for people to get through, you know, and as a parent myself I worry all the time, and even as an older brother, you know, a decade older brother I feel, I feel that that sort of responsibility as well that maybe I had some sort of negative
(24:12):
impact on the development of people that I care very deeply about.
But we all be individual people.
We all, and so, while everything that we do affects other people and the parent child relationship is huge. At some point, it has to be realized that those that's two entirely separate entities responsible for themselves.
(24:40):
Yeah, and like she focuses Lindy focuses on what the events did to her family, which I totally understand and agree with. But I want to point out.
That's got to be terrifying for her, because I know what it's like to feel like I don't have control over my mind and to be afraid of my mind deciding that something is right for me to do in a moment that I don't personally believe is right for me to do.
(25:12):
That's just terrifying to me. And I can only imagine, like, as she because she mentions that like she has to learn to rebuild trust with between her and her family, but she's got to build that trust between her and herself too.
Yeah, absolutely. And that's got to be one of the most difficult things as someone that doesn't trust themselves. And I can't claim to be in the same camp here as Lindy, but as someone that just like amateurly doesn't trust themselves.
(25:44):
A nightmare sometimes.
Just, just trying to say okay but I sense this thing I see this. Is this even real.
But like one of the, like one of the biggest reasons why this went into the abuse slot because we have slots so like we try to fit the articles into three different positions and the middle one is, you know, abuse related or abuse adjacent.
(26:08):
And the stories that she was able to share with us about moments of manic insanity. I don't think she's crazy but those moments definitely were out of sanity.
Right.
And those moments some of them bordered on, or even one of them cross the line into being an abusive parent. And like, she's getting help. It's not her fault that this is something her brain is doing.
(26:43):
Think of all the people out there that they don't have supportive loving families that are paying attention to who they are. They don't pay attention to the weird wacky things and be like, hmm, what's going on let's get you some help they think what the hell is wrong with you.
Why you being a bitch.
And how many women out there and mothers out there. They don't have the benefit of thinking about whether or not this is a condition that could be cured. This is something that their brains are like, I need to protect myself from people thinking I'm crazy so I need to bolster the justification for these things, even though I don't believe that I was right and doing them.
(27:25):
And that can lead to a very abusive situation.
So condemning somebody in her position actually causes more abuse than it than it saves people from.
And it's difficult for the abused, which I think many, many, many of us have been abused, but it's difficult for the abuse to remember that the abusers are also human. And it's always, always going to be very, very difficult to set up the lines between how much, how much abuse a person has done, and whether or not they're irredeemable.
(28:01):
And that's got to be a, that's a subjective thing. Well it's not even just that, but also you have to set the line between like, could you, could you imagine if her husband didn't know her completely enough to know that the things that she was saying didn't add up to the who she had been.
Right. Absolutely. If he actually thought that she was just being this way that this was just who she was.
(28:28):
Like there wouldn't be any, okay, let's go to a doctor and see if we can get you some help there. It would have been immediately.
I'm getting a divorce from you and then she couldn't handle her mental health while going through a divorce. So obviously bad things are going to happen through there and then once the divorce takes place.
Would she feel, would she have felt safe to go to a mental health institution to find out what was actually wrong or would she be worried that he would take her six children away from her like, imagine the fear for people who don't have partners that are willing to draw the line and say you know what, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt that this isn't who you are, that this is something happening to you.
(29:16):
You will see what can be done to get you some help so that this can protect you and our children.
Right. Exactly. Taking the time to how many women end up on the street because they didn't have a support network like she did.
Right. And a lot of people that deal with that particular, you know, malady, a lot of times turn to drugs, I believe, you know, like the street variety of drugs.
(29:47):
How many times have you heard me say I already feel messed up I might as well, you know, get drunk or get high. I never took anything hard, you know when I was feeling that way but there were definitely moments where I was like my mind doesn't feel right anyway if I'm going to feel messed up I might as well do it on purpose.
(30:08):
Right.
I can imagine that's not a unique thing to me I'm not that special.
Yeah, and, and this, this article, this article just just shouts how strong this woman support network is because like the ability to not only get through it work on rebuilding those relationships while also dealing with this new level of, of the, of the illness.
(30:37):
If that's what it's called.
Yeah, so as scary as the story is, on one hand, it's also a really beautiful story on the other.
(31:00):
I'm really glad she was able to share it. That had to be really hard.
Yeah, and and I agree with with Sturges gift I know that it was probably done as a joke but this whole like won't somebody please think of the children like before you decide that you're going to separate a child from their mother, because their mother's being crazy.
(31:22):
Maybe see if the mother needs help.
And there are sometimes reasons that aren't their fault. And it doesn't help the mother and it doesn't help the children to just decide that a parent is a bad parent, and that the children would be better off in the system than being with them, because it's not, it's not usually true.
(31:45):
I mean, I'm pretty sure this dad would have taken all six kids and figured it out but in this situation. Yeah, but that is not the norm. Yeah, there's not the norm. There are other situations where like the bipolar presented itself earlier and the husband, you know, fucked off.
And maybe there weren't six kids maybe there's only two. You know what I mean. Like, everybody's got a different story and bipolar disorder is actually a lot more common than people think.
(32:15):
Yeah. Yeah, and I don't want to, I don't want to take away what you're saying about, you know, what women have gone through in regards to this as well but I'm sure that the toxic masculine culture that kept men from talking about their problems, made it to where like there's a bunch of undiagnosed people out there that deal with this that are just afraid to go talk to somebody afraid to ask for help.
(32:40):
Yeah, dudes, you know, yeah, I don't even know what the like most people that end up being diagnosed with bipolar disorder are female, and they don't know if that's because women have a higher risk of being bipolar because of the hormonal fluctuations, or if we report it more often, because we don't already have all of those other
(33:02):
toxicities involved. For all we know as a society men could be just as likely to be bipolar but it manifests so differently that we don't see it as bipolar disorder. We see it as an anger management problem, or a gambling addiction or addiction in general.
Yeah, any of that stuff.
Any of those things like we don't, we just don't know.
(33:25):
Yeah.
Yeah, I just thought it was a little side point to bring up.
Yeah, it's a good side point.
So check out that article.
Sorry I'm laughing at the gifts.
I don't have much to say about it but they're, they're pretty on brand.
(33:46):
I will say, when reading the article I, the six mother of six is just astronomical, it is astronomical to me, like, I know it exists I've heard of people that had like freaking 13 or 14 kids from the same parents, so like I know it exists and is possible to happen.
I know but just raising one was hard.
(34:08):
Yeah, we should imagine six.
We're also pretty autistic so yeah that's true I guess maybe there's some, some differences but still it can't have been easy.
It can't be easy.
Right, just why I want to continue want to shout out the praises of this, of the husband in this situation because a husband that's willing to go with six kids six children, and a wife that is, you know, discovering bipolar one, like, wow.
(34:40):
Yeah, that's rough.
And he seems to have not only survived but, you know, been been the rock, and that's amazing. Truly. Yeah, shout out to him, whoever this this behind the scenes husband is because he's obviously awesome.
(35:01):
It is so hard being a parent being a parent.
I'm ready to move on to the last article. All right, the final one and hopefully the one that will give us a little bit of a smile and hope for the future is from Michelle, a, I'm going to butcher this last name and I'm so sorry.
(35:23):
I think maybe, maybe, I am so sorry Michelle I am sure that I have butchered your last name, but I have no idea how to say that it looks like maybe it's a check name.
And I don't know how to pronounce things on that search side.
You as well Sturge I hope you find all the smiles.
(35:46):
Yeah.
Take care of yourself buddy.
The next article is called my fears of divorce kept me stuck in a loveless marriage for years.
Yep.
Subtitle was until I confronted the fear head on I couldn't see what awaited me on the other side.
And I just read this one today, I thought it was a different article entirely from before.
(36:10):
One of those I think we had to cut me.
But,
I really see, I have to scroll through it again for some reason, my brain just kind of like stopped.
So this one was about a mother that was unhappy in her relationship, they just didn't click anymore romantically.
(36:32):
They were going through the motions.
And at a certain point, she stopped just fantasizing about leaving and decided she was going to leave.
And that's kind of what happened between me and the father of my child.
Where like it just didn't, it wasn't working.
(36:53):
It wasn't like I could say that something terrible happened.
It just wasn't working.
And that's a hard decision to make.
It's easier when you can point to the guy and be like as a woman and be like, this is why I left and everybody be like, yeah, obviously you can't live with that.
And as you know, quote unquote, minor as just the love left the relationship.
(37:16):
Society tells us we're doing something wrong because we've left the safety of the relationship just because it's not enough.
And I'm really happy that she was able to overcome that and do it anyway, because she's a lot happier on the other side.
We were raised with the whole concept of, you know, stay together for the kids.
(37:40):
We heard that as kids all the time, not even just from our parents, but from like society, like colloquially colloquially colloquially that one.
Well done.
Ten out of ten.
I mean, there's even a song that's literally titled Stay Together for the Kids.
I'm not even aware that well, but the song the song points out how damaging that is as a concept.
(38:07):
Like, yeah, you know, you're teaching your kids what the kind of relationship you don't want them to have.
Yeah, but that's all they know.
So that's all they're going to look for because they don't know what to look for.
That's better.
We all try to do the best for our family.
(38:29):
Exactly.
Exactly.
I wish I knew more part to really get the reference, but it's probably hilarious.
I want to say that that had something to do with her German porn thing.
Oh, OK. Cool.
I think because that stands, mom.
Right.
I think that is.
Yeah. I need to watch more South Park.
(38:51):
So anyway, so uncultured.
Anyway, Sturge is so distracting.
I love it.
We love it so much.
But the biggest part about this article is that she didn't blame him and she wasn't trying to make excuses for what she did.
She was honest with herself about the situation.
(39:14):
And it's still OK.
That was my cut now. That was my like why the art that I think this article works as, you know, our closing article for the day, because like it's a person that was afraid to do something for a long time and made the decision to do it and suffered with that decision because consequences and change is hard.
(39:38):
But after a year, just a year, there's already positives that are starting to show through. There's already the feeling that the change was worth it.
And there's all, you know, not to ruin the end, I guess, but like, sorry, I keep doing this.
It's fine.
I mean, like, that's kind of why we put it as the feel good articles, because like there's some feel good. And it's hard for us to really get that across the way she did in the article.
(40:09):
So obviously, we're going to we're going to suggest for you to go read it, listener.
But it was it was a very like I ended the article like after reading the whole thing, I just felt really good for her.
That she had opened this corner, this this this doorway into her life that was scary and maybe a little bit shameful or not shameful, not like she needed to be ashamed, but she might have felt ashamed at some point.
(40:42):
Yeah, I'm almost certain. I'm almost certain she said that directly.
And and at the end, it's like, but this isn't the end of the world. It's going to be OK.
Right. We can get through this.
She was on an upswing and it's great to see.
And yeah, it's it was it was great.
You don't get that very often.
(41:04):
No, a lot of people end up focusing on the fear or they focus on the shame.
They don't focus on, you know, I got through those power points and I've accepted where I'm at.
And it's not the end of the world.
We can rebuild.
Yep.
And it seemed like they took an interesting path towards like co-parenting.
(41:30):
Yeah.
Did you catch that in the article?
I did catch that at the at the end.
Because like I was kind of almost touched that like it seemed like in a lot of ways they were still working together.
Yeah, I guess they go on vacations together.
I've heard of people doing that.
Yeah. And, you know, it seemed like if I remember, if I understood the article correctly,
(41:52):
they rented an apartment for the other person to live in when they're not with the, you know, living in the family home with the kids.
So like, you know, they're working together in a certain regard.
And so, you know, it was it's almost like they I mean, I hope this isn't too close to home,
but it's almost like they just could quite get to our level.
(42:15):
You know what I mean?
Right. Where we all just live together and find a harmony with it.
Right. Because we discovered that there wasn't a romance at a certain point and just easily.
Well, not super easy.
Yeah, I don't know if it was easy.
We had a lot of tear filled moments and difficulties.
Yeah. But, you know, in the grand scope of things and the way that a lot of relationships have ended,
(42:41):
like we transitioned to the friendship aspect, I think pretty well.
Well, we had been relying on the friendship aspect as the major anchor in our relationship for such a long time.
It it was almost like what this is going to sound terrible.
So if it if it ends up sounding super horrible, I'm sorry.
(43:04):
But it was almost like our relationship had a sort of rot to it in the romantic aspect.
And cutting that out was painful, but it allowed everything else to survive and thrive and grow even deeper.
Yeah, exactly.
(43:28):
So like sometimes trying to save the romance in a relationship is actually harmful.
I just and you know, this is like eight years later.
I look back and like, oh, you know, we weren't really as compatible in that way as we had thought.
(43:49):
Right. And that's OK.
I have a feeling Michelle and her ex-husband probably had something similar that went on,
that like there was a friendship, a deep friendship there.
But the relationship maybe wasn't as strong as it seemed like it was going to be.
Yeah. I mean, let's hope it's possible that maybe their friendship isn't quite as deep.
(44:13):
But who knows? But I hope that I just hope that, you know, everything works out and goes well for them.
That's a good story. I love reading it.
Yes. Now, moving on a little bit, I am loving this little gift that that that Sturge put up, how to care for a sad person.
(44:34):
I want to now roll people into blanket sushis.
Yeah, I know. It's cute. It is adorable.
Play sad role on couch. Can you play sad role on couch, please?
I don't know if I could do that. I'm like, I don't know if I'm the smallest or the second smallest in the house, but I am small.
(44:59):
You're small. I'm pretty small. Just a little guy. Just a little guy.
That's what our kid says all the time. I say it all the time. We say it because they say it.
I started saying that from Hearth Coven Games, the podcast. I'm sorry, the D&D live play that I watch on Wednesdays.
(45:26):
They say that constantly and have for years.
And what the task bar came up and was making me click things.
I was just trying to click on the things so I could see the gift.
I'm going to continue. Is it OK? Yeah, yeah, sorry.
(45:49):
But like I think that it was on the Internet.
And so I think that like Kai and I started saying it somewhere around the same time.
I think that hearing Kai say it made it to where I felt comfortable being able to maybe I know I said it a lot before you did.
Yeah. So still.
(46:12):
OK, well, do I start? Do we? How we?
Well, I start off by saying thank you to Sturge for being part of the live recording.
If you, dear listener, would like to join into the live action fun, visit the Monster Alley dot com. That's T H E M O N S T E R A L L E Y dot com.
(46:37):
We've got Spotify links to the episodes. We've got article links, merch, et cetera.
But more importantly, you can get your invite to the Alley's Discord server and join us in the stage channel weekly.
Visit the Monster Alley dot com. It will make us super happy if you do.
And as a bonus, you'll get thanks at the end of each episode for stopping in.
(47:00):
Yep, we appreciate you coming along and listening to us.
Dear, dear listener, I'm eternally mortal and I hope you find smiles this day.
And I'm the accidental monster. You can find us both on medium dot com.
And I hope you wait. What's your thing? What's my thing?
Follow yourself always.
You did it. Good job.
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