May 7, 2024 • 43 mins
eternallymortal & TAM found articles dealing with some of the struggles that women are going through. For this HIdden Egg episode, come with us as we delve deeper into what it is like to be a woman.
We kicked off the episode with author Ajah Hales teaching us about Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder with an emotional and also educational article. Our middle article by Aabha Gopan walked us through the nightmare of having to make one of the most difficult choices to make. And we rounded out with Bonnie J Sludikoff's piece about the Netflix series "Baby Reindeer' and how it made her feel, having had a relating experience.
For more about writing with vulnerability and information on articles discussed in the episodes, visit themonsteralley.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, I'm Tam and I'm eternally mortal and this is the hidden egg podcast where we talk about vulnerability and
(00:08):
Stuff and things and articles on medium comm this is season
for
Right. Yep episode six. I believe seven seven. Is this really already seven?
This is already seven Wow. This week's theme is
females or women's struggles
Things that pertain specifically to women
(00:32):
Now we have
We have some shoutouts
I'll have have some fun with the picking up your your food then I had some Chinese over the weekend. It was
delightful
Yeah, enjoy that grub
So we have a few shoutouts that we want to say first, but they don't I don't think they necessarily
(00:55):
Like I don't think they have anything to do with the theme
No, they were a little off topic
It's kind of why they became shoutouts because they're pretty awesome articles. They're pretty vulnerable
Yeah, I mean to be honest to be awesome
So the first one what go ahead go ahead first one is from the Sturge
(01:19):
Surprise he comes out with some really good stuff
And this one's the art of discrimination at a truck stop
Yeah, the subtitle being just make sure you look the right way when traveling or else you might be asked to leave for no reason
Yeah, and it's it's about a recent experience that he had at a truck stop where he and his
(01:39):
Husband partner
They were discriminated against and
Asked him to leave
Yeah
And rightfully so pissed search off and search wrote a very
A very well worded article what article that really lets you feel what happened from my perspective and I
(02:01):
Was I was impressed. It was very good
And then we have
One from Richard Morel, which I'm not very familiar with this person
I think they're new
And it's a poem called upon learning of Garen's passing
(02:23):
And it was what I was just gonna do the subtitle, okay, is that okay if I keep doing it? Yeah
He helped me at the time. I needed it most
Yeah, and honestly when I read it, I didn't really pick up poem vibes, but that's okay. I liked it
for whatever it was the the
the story and the way it flowed and how the
(02:47):
The intentionality behind it like you can just feel
I don't know. I just felt kind of like I was there with him in third grade
Going through that experience and then meeting this Garen person
Yeah
It's amazing
(03:08):
What one interaction even if it's just one person
What one interaction even if brief can do to to help shape who we are
I certainly have people that I
only hung out with for a brief period of time in my
distant distant youth
There's this one girl that I only knew for like two weeks before she moved again
(03:31):
That she's the whole reason why I know that I'm bisexual
Because she was a lesbian and she was like, well, you know, i'm a lesbian and I had never even
considered like
Being able to be attracted outside of girl boy
Right, so two weeks two weeks and she made this enormous impact on my life of just causing me to question
(03:54):
Am I attracted to women? I don't know
So yeah, yep, and this definitely reads as like a free-form poem to me, um, and it was
It was it was breathtaking like I genuinely came to tears over it like it was it was it was very good
(04:15):
Sorry, i'm kind of low energy today folks we both are
yeah
the irony about um us doing the theme of women's suffering or women's issues is
I'm having my own suffering right now
That is very very female. So
Yep
Good times good times. It's it's fantastic. All right
(04:38):
So the other shout out is to you good's very recent article just came out a few hours ago
Called shot to the heart
Yeah
And this one also made me cry. We had a very we've had
We've had to take pets into vets for the final time not too terribly long ago and
(05:02):
Not to ruin parts of the article
But like there was some very relatable material in here that like immediately hit me and it was it was just incredibly
Like I I felt it through and through and it doesn't that's not all the articles about the articles about
More than just that. Yeah, it's actually about a pet that is currently
(05:22):
still alive and
Kind of responding to her anxiety of about being in the same place
And I totally get that
Yeah, and it's delightful really when you get to see your pet try and protect you or take care of you
And stuff like that because like most pets usually get around to that. They usually
(05:43):
Care enough about their master that like they see them as part of the hierarchy that they live by and try and do their best
For them, you know, we had a cat that used to bring us birds, you know, oh, yeah and and squirrels
I I ended up kind of being a little bit of an asshole because I was like, you know, you might want to
Work on that because I don't think it's healthy for the dog to feel anxious every time it goes to the vet
(06:08):
You know, but at the same time I was like have you considered
like getting um
Like getting the dog registered or trained as an emotional support dog because obviously it can tell when you're an animal
Anxious and it's very sensitive to that. So like with a little bit of training
he could he can help her with
(06:29):
that part of her life and
It be a more healthy
Kind of exchange
Yeah, I don't necessarily know if I feel the same direction about it because like, you know
She's just experiencing her life as it is and the dog is just reacting in a way that a friend does, you know
Like we're friends and when either one of us are in pain it affects the other
(06:53):
Yeah, that's that's true. But I'm also in therapy
True absolutely as am I so you know, there's there's a middle area
I'm not saying like I'm not saying that she has to do any of these things
Just just kind of putting it out there because it could be a good idea or it could be a terrible idea. I don't know
Right. You just had thoughts and shared them
(07:15):
So our first article of the day, are you ready?
Yeah, let's get into it
Is what is premenstrual dysphoric disorder? And why don't we know more about it?
Subtitle mic drop
Right
Exactly. Um, but so the subtitles is giving all genitals matter and like it's more of a reference to later on but the
(07:40):
article itself is um, it's very evocative. I did not grow up with uh,
the
Feminine aspects of of gender and whatever and so like I
Have never been able to go through any of the experiences that I've heard of with regards to the female
reproductive system
(08:01):
Yes, so part of what I'm going through right now is
Likely linked to my PMDD. That's what it is for short PMDD
And it's it it causes like it's it's very little very little is known about it
In even in medicine and it's barely at all understood or known
(08:23):
outside of medicine
And I hadn't heard of it
I'm you know, I've been in the hospital for a while now
I hadn't heard of it. I'm you may have mentioned this to me before but I hadn't heard this specifically
I don't remember hearing this specific
The premenstrual dysphoric disorder
(08:43):
I didn't remember hearing that before
Reading this article. So i'm glad the article exists just for letting people know about it
Yeah
So when I was growing up as a kid going through all of these issues
I thought that I just had pms and I thought that there were women that just didn't have pms
And that their periods just had
You know some really light symptoms that were
(09:06):
like reminiscent of what I went through but like not really
And now i've i've learned in my in my adult years what I was going through was PMDD and what they were going through was pms
Pms is normal pms is like every woman has some degree of pms
Not every woman
at you know
(09:27):
starting around age 13
doubles over in agony
Before their period even starts
Yeah
Not every woman before they start the actual bleeding part
goes into such a mood dysfunction that they
(09:49):
Literally could justify killing themselves
Like that's not actually pms
Is no and it's interesting because it's one of those situations where like there's probably going to be women out there that are like
Oh, I go through that but they don't know the exactly you're trying you're trying to use the words to describe how
(10:09):
How how big the pain is but like you're also like just relating?
Exact exact events that happen to you. You know what I mean?
And like there's going to be people that feel like oh no, that's just pms
But that's that's yeah, that's the problem. This is a real this is a this is a different thing
Like the people that think that this is pms are exactly the way I was before I learned about
(10:31):
PMDD and this article wasn't what taught me about it. I actually learned about it about five years ago
And things started really making sense once I realized that there was an actual disorder that like explained all of it
And what we do know about it
There is a little bit that we do know about and what we do know about it is that there seems to be a correlation between
(10:53):
the severity of the symptoms
and a serotonin
dysregulation
so like the body is during that week right before men's the menstrual cycle happens the
female body is
It's using serotonin wrong in ways that
(11:14):
Are actually not not harmful long term because I don't think there's any like
Difference in life expectancy for it, but it's using it in ways that hurt physiologically
It caused pain or that cause mood swings. They don't understand the mechanism
For why it's using serotonin in a weird way?
(11:35):
They don't understand all the different ways of how it's using serotonin incorrectly
but they do know that serotonin is the the main component of PMDD because SSRIs are very effective
Strategy at you know figuring out like how to manage it
(11:59):
Unless you don't want to take SSRIs or you can't which this uh Ajah hails. I never mentioned that that's who
Who wrote it? I hope that her name is Ajah
It could be Ajah. I'm not sure how to pronounce it
Um, but she can't take SSRIs
So like she can't take any of the medications that would help
(12:25):
Right exactly like when she was going through the specifics of her, you know
Her her case it was seemed very
Very difficult because like, you know, there's so many like we can give you this and it'll help
But not if this is true and if we can do this if that'll help but not if this is true
And it's like all of those if not, not if this is true, but those are all true for her and it's like wow
(12:47):
That's rough. That just it's the worst
I mean
Like I said, she she was able to explain the experience well enough that I feel like I understand
Um, I I certainly don't experientially understand but I feel like I understand more intellect and
Intellectually more than you could imagine it you can envision it by what she gave
I hope this isn't tmi
(13:09):
Um about you, but like a lot of the stuff that I read in here. I'm like that sounds really familiar
Yeah, and so, um
Yeah, so but she also
No, that's actually no before you go on. I just want to say that's actually extremely validating
Because i'm like, I know that it sounds like me but for you to say that i'm like see that means that i'm not insane
(13:30):
I'm not just making shit up
No, definitely not. This is the stuff that I've heard you talk about for years
Um, and you've watched me go through a lot of that
Exactly. Um
But she goes through and she like like links, uh studies and stuff. Does she in this article?
Yeah, yeah, there's there's some studies. I believe she she puts in there
(13:51):
But there's not a whole lot of studies to be had and that's kind of what the focus of this article is is that
We don't have a lot of information. We've like apparently
The medical community has known about it for 30 plus years and nothing has really changed
And that that's scary
(14:12):
When they estimate potentially up to 30 percent a third of women
Are dealing with this they don't even know what the name of the disorder is. They think they're just having pms
Like really shitty pms and we don't have any information about it
And let's not gloss over the fact that up until very very recently and depending on where you live
(14:35):
Maybe not even it's still to this day
Uh women are just regularly told to just get over whatever they're going through with their period like most most of the time
A lot of people don't want to hear about it. Hopefully that's getting better. I think it is getting better in certain areas
Slowly. Yeah, but there are some some doctors and some medical folks that are like
Doctors and some medical professionals that are always going to be that way
(14:57):
It it comes from this misunderstanding about okay, so we know physiologically
That women have twice as many pain receptors as men
So we actually feel pain
More acutely than men do like physiologically. This is just proven science. We have
More ability to feel the pain, which means we feel it more deeply
(15:19):
Does that mean that our pain is invalid? No
It could mean the opposite it could mean that
Men may not feel pain where they should be feeling pain or they could be feeling pain in ways that could be really harmful
That they can't they can't sense but women can
And and i'm sorry just to add real quick even though this is a woman-centric episode here
(15:43):
Men are just regularly told to ignore their pain. That's also true
And so like we're like socially breeding it out of ourselves to feel pain at all
And it's ridiculous because pain is so important
As if pain were somehow something that we were supposed to ignore like what do you think the purpose of pain is?
(16:03):
My therapist said that to me very recently. It's a good question almost in that exact same tone
And so a lot so
I want to I want to tell a story. Do you mind if I tell a personal story? Please go ahead tell a story
So I was with um, one of my sisters and my mom and we were watching
One of those, you know murder porn's what was it svu or whatever?
(16:28):
And the the episode i'm pretty sure i've told you this before the episode had like some woman
That her blood was found on a bed
And when they questioned her she was like, yeah, I spun her
She was like, yeah, I spontaneously started bleeding and like I left right after that
(16:49):
And then so the episode continued on and my sister was like, yeah, whatever. She's obviously lying
That's not even possible and my mom and I looked at each other and looked over at her and we were like
That happens to us like literally every month
It doesn't just trickle out. It's like oh now you are you are gushing with you know
(17:12):
Everything just bleed everywhere
You also you don't get some sort of fucking like internal brain reminder about it, right?
Well, my mom used to throw up right before she would have you know, the tsunami so she actually kind of did
It's a talk about a brain reminder. Yeah, right, but I don't I don't I don't have anything like that
It's I just have to remember to you know
(17:35):
Prepare for that to happen and it's really difficult sometimes. Sometimes I end up bleeding all over everything
And now I know that actually heavy bleeding like that is part of pmdd
So my whole family has had pmdd this whole time
I have a feeling that pmdd has some
(17:56):
root or some some correlation to
My grandma's endometriosis and my potential adenomyosis, which are very similar
Things that also have very little information about them. So there's there's like this whole host of
disorders that have to do with a
uterus not necessarily women but a uterus female bodies that
(18:21):
Nobody's nobody's really got answers for and nobody's really studying it
Yeah, that kind of ties into the subtitle of
All genitals matter because like we need to stop having this male centric
Medical system that is still to this day
(18:43):
denying women
Yeah, I I thought it was a real sick burn
And the author was talking about like how there's
An enormous amount of money go that goes into research and production and and popularization of uh,
ed medication
Yeah, where these things are not researched at all. No, I will say that I do I do believe that ed is uh,
(19:10):
I'm not gonna say serious disorder, but it is a life affecting disorder
And i'm not gonna put that down and say that there shouldn't have been research or that there shouldn't be medications
but when we compare
ed
And the effects of it which are they're they are serious, you know
There's a lot of mental health difficulties that come along with that
(19:32):
But you can you compare that to women literally bleeding so much that they pass out that they become anemic that they
you know because of pmdd
Become extremely emotionally volatile without knowing why without understanding what they can do about it
They end up in horrible horrible pain before they've even started bleeding
(19:55):
Which is where i'm at right now
And they don't have anything and when they go to the doctor
Half at least half the time they're told that they're making a big deal out of nothing or in my case
Then I should just go to the hospital instead of getting instead of them writing a $10 prescription
(20:18):
Yeah, exactly and
It was very nice of you to you know, really
Talk about how ed actually affects people that have to deal with that situation and how painful and difficult it can be for them
but there's certainly going to be a lot of people that are like
Dismissing that as arbitrary and ridiculous because they're not thinking about how it actually affects people
(20:41):
And that's the reality that women have had to go through if their bodies aren't like perfectly normal with no irregularities
Right for the entire time right all of time
Right and it's not just oh, I can't do something. It's actively
There is something that is trying to claw out my insides and actively working to destroy me
(21:04):
to destroy me on a mental level like
pretty serious life altering
circumstances
Right because when you go through when your month
Is like two and a half weeks of bleeding and like a week a week and a half of leading up to that bleeding
It's like that's your whole month
Yeah, well that was hers mine is like now mine's the whole month if I don't take progesterone. I am
(21:29):
I am non-stop bleeding all the time
Yeah
And she's I think talking about for while she is
On certain medications. I don't know whether she was able to find any actually
I don't remember. Yeah, I don't remember either. It was a really good but deep article
There was a lot of data in it and I don't yeah, she was very vulnerable about her own situation and
(21:52):
And also added in some facts about
You know what we do know about it, but it was really good. I I totally
I
I just want people to like go and read it because I'm very passionate about explaining to people that PMDD even exists
Every time I mention it to somebody new it is the first time they've ever heard of it
(22:16):
Yeah
Well good get the word out. I will say just as a
Just as an aside. I love the article
I'm not super happy about the subtitle and how it's formed
It's fine about all genitals matter it's about the giving part
Because that doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand how we're giving genitals matter matter
(22:41):
Genitals are already made of matter
so like I don't
Like linguistically, I just don't feel like the words match
up, but that is a very tiny tiny
part of
The point and I just my brain just couldn't let it go
Right and she were just so well in a lot of it that like, you know, it's forgivable. We both point at it
(23:07):
it's like, you know going and seeing the beautiful sculpture that is the
That is Michelangelo's David and just being like completely distracted by his ankles
And just looking at his ankles constantly
These look funny. Is that what ankles look like? I'm sure somebody has done that
Sure somebody has
(23:28):
Okay, so we can move on to the next one, right
Yeah, absolutely. All right. Do you want to introduce this one? Because this one I believe is one you found. Yeah, this is one I found
The article is called what quote unquote baby reindeer
Which is a Netflix show means to someone who's been in a relationship with a baby reindeer
Show means to someone who has been stalked and harassed the last 18 months
(23:51):
By bonnie j. Slutikoff. I could be missing that my apologies if I am
The subtitle is failing to report abuse does not protect you and it certainly does not protect others
So i'm gonna real quick follow this one because I didn't follow her yet
Understood
Um, so this author
(24:13):
watched the show
baby reindeer
Which we haven't watched it
No, I have no idea what it's about even well, I know a little bit because of the context but um
It very clearly was about you know
a person that had some sort of fame and had a stalker stalking him and then the experiences of that event
and this author has also had a stalker
(24:37):
And it really hit her in a place that caused her to want to share her story
and uh
Also kind of do a little bit of a comparison
I think call out the film a little bit but she also you know allowed that most films have to
Fictionalize bits or maybe this one intended to fictionalize bits. I didn't really catch that through reading the article
Yeah, I got the impression that the series baby reindeer did intentionally fictionalize certain things
(25:03):
maybe because
They were still worried about calling out the actual people
and and because there was some talk in there about like
the discussion of whether or not
we should
Worry about calling out
People who do like crimes like this like this is a crime
(25:24):
So why should they be protected from like that's on the news?
You know, the most protection you get is allegedly that is what your protection is. You don't get protection on
You know your name not being said
If you are suspected of a crime you you get to be suspected of a crime in public
(25:45):
So yeah, I kind of agree. I don't know if I don't know if like protecting the name
is really
important but
The guy who wrote it I assume was the same guy that had been stalked
and that was that was his
Decision as a writer you get that that choice
(26:06):
As a writer you get that that choice i'd probably make the same choice myself, honestly
Yeah, because of the certain point it's like, you know, it's a little you know that there's a you're you're attacking or at least you're pointing
If you go ahead and name somebody and he just may not have been willing to do that. Also
I can't truly like say that I I certainly haven't experienced anything in the way of stalking but uh, I
(26:30):
like if someone has
Followed you everywhere and surprised you in many ways and like badmouthed you to the point where like other people have
been involved with it and like
when you feel
harassed
Like you're chased in every moment
Like you probably just want to do anything to not have to mention it, right? I mean, yeah
(26:53):
You also don't want to poke the bear
In a certain way like I want to tell my story
But I don't necessarily want that person to know that i'm telling my story. So like
Especially in this don't use their name
Especially in this climate of this world right now where you know
If you say something about somebody specific you might have a mob that goes and attacks them for no reason, right?
(27:15):
Or comes back to attack you because you don't know what like maybe his stalker has their own audience
You don't know maybe
Absolutely, it could be crazy and the interesting thing about this one is that she took a story about a guy being stalked by a woman
and
Like I know that that is sort of
That's an anomaly. It's not as common
(27:38):
um, but it the the it's it's not really gendered necessarily in what happens to
the person being stalked
But it is gendered in the sense that more women get stalked than men. Yeah, and you know what?
I'm sure that there's a lot of there's there's a lot of talk about it
I mean you get to hear about like some of the famous people famous women that have been stalked and how terrible it is
(28:02):
Especially if you like get into people's stories if you want to for celebrities, I know streamers that have had less than 200
like
Viewers at a time that gets stalked and have to move and change things to try and get away from them
But you know what the main media portrayal I remember
Of someone being so into someone that they go crazy a little bit. Did they lose their mind bones fucking misery?
(28:27):
misery, have you ever seen misery?
I can't remember the name of the actress. It was the same actress that was in fried green tomatoes
And it was a portrayal of someone who liked a writer so much
That I don't remember how it happened
But the writer ended up in her house and she basically like captured and tortured him until he wrote the next book or something
(28:48):
Maybe it was scary
spoilers for misery, um, I think a movie made in the 70s or 80s, uh,
But that's the big portrayal of someone that is such a fan that they're willing to go to lengths that no one wants
Right and that's the one that you can really point to and say that of course, obviously people don't know it anymore apparently
but
(29:09):
Yeah
the remember the do you know the hype around the beetles and everything like that everyone had that whole hype around the beetles like it's
Men getting swarmed by women, but they love it typically
But like on the other side the ugliest other side of that is that women get all this attention
From that they don't want from people that feel like they know or have the right to be a part of that person's life
(29:33):
And it happens fucking all the time and the reality even of like the beetles is that they only like it when they like the other person
They got they they got their own stalkers. It's just that the beetles had people managing that crap
So it wasn't them by themselves and the reality of of women
(29:53):
Is that they don't have to be famous for somebody to have that feeling that depth of feeling to stalk them
And they certainly don't have a manager or producer
Trying to keep them safe. They just have themselves
Maybe they have a husband if they're lucky or a significant other that's you know, non-binary or female
(30:14):
But even in those cases that doesn't necessarily protect them
No, absolutely not
And that's why the
Response to catcalling and women is so varied because a lot of those women are going to understand that the catcalling
Potentially just means that guy's going to say a few words and laugh to his buddies
But who knows maybe he thought he saw something in you and now he's going to fucking follow you home
(30:38):
right and
I'm sorry
And and I felt like the the main message that bonnie was trying to get at with this article was that
We need to stop protecting the people that are doing the abuse
We need to start talking about it and talking telling other people this person did this
(31:02):
Yeah, absolutely and I was really I was really happy with how uh bonnie did portray her own stalker because
She was respectful and she was saying
That like I don't want I don't want him
To be like hurt or imprisoned or in or anything necessarily. It depends on the imprisonment
(31:23):
I don't know how far he went, but
I just want him to not be able to hurt him to himself or others
Do you know what I mean? Yeah, like there was there was a lot of respect shown to the stalker as a human
Not as a necessarily as the specific person and what they want or what they want
Not necessarily as the specific person and what they want or care for or dream about life, but as a human being
(31:47):
Showing that respect to somebody that has wronged her
For years if I if I remember correctly
Um, so I a year and a half after reading this article with you
I started wondering like am I doing the world a disservice by not calling out the guy that raped me?
Um
(32:07):
I don't know. I know that his father was in politics and that's as far as I want to go into that
because
From what I gathered like if I were to mention his name
It could cause a lot of trouble for me because I don't know how
(32:28):
How big in politics that man is anymore? I don't know
I don't know what systems they have
to silence people
you know
and so that was that was like a really
that was a big fear for me because like
It's one thing if the guy
Is just you know a normal guy and yeah
(32:49):
They they may still have some power like, you know, they are
I don't know head of the
Volleyball team or whatever, you know, like they might have some clout but
But having a relative that's in politics or having a relative that is a
police officer like those
Those get into some places where like saying something gets dangerous for the person for the whistleblower
(33:16):
Yeah, it can and it doesn't even have to just be those there's other places that you don't even know that you could come
Into contact with danger in that regard. You know what I mean? Right? So like it's it's a concerning thing. Absolutely
So but I got the feeling I got the feeling that she would be understanding of my situation be like no
Yours is probably the situation where it's reasonable to not because the political climate
(33:40):
of the world right now
It's not ready for people like me
To take that risk because if if I take that risk, i'm just going to disappear. It's not going to really make
a difference
Her general point though
Certainly circumstances are going to matter but her general point that like, you know
If you're being attacked if you're being abused if you're being stalked if especially if whoever is doing this is breaking laws
(34:07):
then
If you can find a support system to help you report that
Right, please do
It only does all a favor for the abuser to get help at least
You know or if you're maybe future victims to not have to get through that
right exactly and
Whether you whether the abuser is beyond help and needs to be locked up or can be helped because not all abusers are beyond
(34:32):
We can definitely help people out there
Right, but you know, sometimes people are beyond a certain point
Um, but whatever's done it it just helps all of society
But I also I don't want to I don't want to underscore how difficult it is to step up when you're being abused
I totally get it. It's very difficult
Right and I feel like she respectfully towed the line between trying to give a public outcry to say speak up more and also
(34:58):
understanding that like there are certain cases where you can't
And that's understandable
Yeah
And then we move on to the last one
Yes, we usually try to make it happy
And there's a little bit of happy in it, but i'm sorry. This is kind of a
Kind of a heavy-hitting episode
(35:20):
It was definitely a heavy-hitting article
Yeah, go ahead and say the name the name of it if you want to
The article is called I said yes to fetal reduction
By I I am gonna butcher this name and i'm really sorry
Abha Gopal
I don't know if that's how it's actually pronounced if
Please correct me, please
(35:41):
Um, Abha talked about her experience
Um years back. This is not a current thing that happened
And I wouldn't expect it to be I don't think you can write about something like this right after it happens
I think you have to get a few years under your belt of really processing what happened and
(36:02):
accepting things
Um, and she kind of walks you through
The process of her being pregnant
Finding out and I think their first um
ultrasound that there's triplets
And then almost immediately learning that
The fact the type of triplets that they were
(36:24):
They wouldn't be viable and they had to make a decision
to
Have a fetal reduction
Which what's the fetal reduction?
Which is what it sounds like
Yeah, but I am going to still explain it to a certain extent because I didn't get it right away because i'm a silly
I'm a silly person don't understand words
(36:45):
Ben's back by the way. Hi ben good timing good timing
He came back for the really heavy one
Yeah
so um
you know
Fetal reduction is not
Like some some people would think that that's a nice word for abortion and it is not it is abortion is abortion
Abortion ends a pregnancy
(37:07):
reduction reduces the number of
fetuses in the pregnancy, but it does not end the pregnancy it's
it's actually done to
maintain the pregnancy
Because
I mean, I don't know how many people know twins, but having twins is not it's not easy having kids is not easy period
(37:32):
um, but
Having twins is is significantly more difficult from what I understand and there have probably been a lot of women over the years that have died
Just trying to have multiple children at the same time and triplets my goodness
And she didn't even do anything like she didn't do ivf. She wasn't on medication
There was nothing that she did to increase the number of eggs that were released for this to even happen. This was
(37:57):
Literally one of those miracle moments
Unfortunately, it was also a scenario where if they had done nothing
They were probably going to at the worst or at the at the best at the absolute best
One of the triplets was going to be
severely impacted
(38:17):
and malformed
At worst they could lose all of them and it was really high chance
That that was going to happen
Yeah, this has been 150 years ago or more like the this woman would have potentially died in childbirth and would have had
probably a regular like I would say how do I say it correctly like a
(38:41):
Regular human baby, I don't know regular seems judgmental in that context
but then also like potentially conjoined twins or
Twins that died very shortly after childbirth like there's a whole bunch of these were conjoined
But it does say somewhere in there that she had she did end up having even with having to do the fetal reduction
She ended up with preeclampsia, which is high blood pressure. I believe
(39:06):
That only happens during pregnancy. It's a type of high blood pressure condition and
It would not like the the baby that she did end up being able to save was in danger from that
Yeah, having three of them. She would not have survived and the babies would not have survived
Right and she couldn't know that beforehand and this is this is such a vulnerable article about the feeling of the decision
(39:32):
By the way, I looked up at the end
Uh when she's writing it she's referring to her seventh month seven month old. So she oh, I thought it was seven years
Yeah, just wow that is still pretty recent then
Yeah, but you know still seven months to get past it
And it's not a lot of time. There's there's probably still some processing to be had there but
(39:54):
but yeah, and and she was
you know, she cared about the lives that that her and her partner had produced and
even though like
Can you imagine you're even trying for a baby and all of a sudden you hear you're gonna have three like the the feeling of
Like oh my god all the logistics that then have to be changed, you know what I mean?
Like everything changes in your life. Even if you were planning to have kids imagine if you weren't but
(40:20):
She was just so good about being able to take us through how she felt through the whole thing
Yeah, I felt it right there with the vulnerability was spot on through this whole thing
I don't feel that she went too far and I I don't I
Didn't find any place that I felt like she could have gone farther. It was perfect
the amount of vulnerability in it and then just
(40:42):
The conclusions that she came to were her own. She didn't like try to tell people how to feel about it
It was I don't know it was a really well done article this this article is just amazing
Yep, absolutely
Ah
I know
(41:02):
Hey, how's it going? Yeah, the biggest positive that we have from there is that she was able to save
one of the children
And she had such a positive outlook on the life going forward
You know like raising your child and being her miracle baby because at the end of the day
Like she said as she said the article like she had that I don't you you knew the word
I don't remember the word the the difficulty with the pregnancy as it was that would have potentially taken all their lives
(41:28):
Pre-eclampsia
Yeah that and you know living through that and your child living through that is amazing to begin with so
Yep. Yep
Yep
Check out all these good articles we've mentioned because they're good articles and we mentioned them
And uh, well i'll have those on the articles now
(41:52):
on the website
Because I did that
Yep, the website is updating. It's not up to date right now now that I think about it
Because I didn't do it after the last episode but
It's that's why you know, i'm like a week behind on them. It's fine
That's why I said updating. Yeah, it's updating. It's kind of constantly updating. You're kind of tweaking it a lot recently
(42:12):
So, you know, well i'll be doing that less going forward because that was mostly because I was doing a lot of things for april
Yeah, but I will stay I will have to stay up to date on the uh, the articles for these episodes
Yeah
Yep. Yep. Yep
I think that rounds out our episode. Oh, we've lost ben ben is left again probably to eat the chinese food
(42:35):
Maybe but um
Well, um, i'll say my my little spiel are you ready?
Oh, okay. Yeah
Um, I wanted to thank ben new lancy and even
Sierran lane, even though he didn't stick around for very long both of them for being part of the live recording
(42:56):
If you dear listener would like to join in the live action fun visit the monster alley.com
We've got the spotify links to specific episodes
Specific episodes we've got the article links. We've got merch a bunch of other stuff
But more importantly you can get your invite to the alley's discord server and join us in the stage channel on a weekly basis
When we do these recordings, so visit the monster alley.com today
(43:20):
t h e m o n s t e r a l l e y dot com
It'll make us super happy and as a bonus, you'll get a thanks at the end of each episode
If you join if you're here during the recording
Ta-da
How do you do great to add on to that? Um, we really appreciate your time and attention
(43:41):
Um, i'm eternally mortal and I hope you find some miles to stay and i'm the accidental monster
You can find us both on medium.com and follow yourself always
Hi, I'm Tam and I'm eternally mortal and this is the hidden egg podcast where we talk about vulnerability and
(00:08):
Stuff and things and articles on medium comm this is season
for
Right. Yep episode six. I believe seven seven. Is this really already seven?
This is already seven Wow. This week's theme is
females or women's struggles
Things that pertain specifically to women
(00:32):
Now we have
We have some shoutouts
I'll have have some fun with the picking up your your food then I had some Chinese over the weekend. It was
delightful
Yeah, enjoy that grub
So we have a few shoutouts that we want to say first, but they don't I don't think they necessarily
(00:55):
Like I don't think they have anything to do with the theme
No, they were a little off topic
It's kind of why they became shoutouts because they're pretty awesome articles. They're pretty vulnerable
Yeah, I mean to be honest to be awesome
So the first one what go ahead go ahead first one is from the Sturge
(01:19):
Surprise he comes out with some really good stuff
And this one's the art of discrimination at a truck stop
Yeah, the subtitle being just make sure you look the right way when traveling or else you might be asked to leave for no reason
Yeah, and it's it's about a recent experience that he had at a truck stop where he and his
(01:39):
Husband partner
They were discriminated against and
Asked him to leave
Yeah
And rightfully so pissed search off and search wrote a very
A very well worded article what article that really lets you feel what happened from my perspective and I
(02:01):
Was I was impressed. It was very good
And then we have
One from Richard Morel, which I'm not very familiar with this person
I think they're new
And it's a poem called upon learning of Garen's passing
(02:23):
And it was what I was just gonna do the subtitle, okay, is that okay if I keep doing it? Yeah
He helped me at the time. I needed it most
Yeah, and honestly when I read it, I didn't really pick up poem vibes, but that's okay. I liked it
for whatever it was the the
the story and the way it flowed and how the
(02:47):
The intentionality behind it like you can just feel
I don't know. I just felt kind of like I was there with him in third grade
Going through that experience and then meeting this Garen person
Yeah
It's amazing
(03:08):
What one interaction even if it's just one person
What one interaction even if brief can do to to help shape who we are
I certainly have people that I
only hung out with for a brief period of time in my
distant distant youth
There's this one girl that I only knew for like two weeks before she moved again
(03:31):
That she's the whole reason why I know that I'm bisexual
Because she was a lesbian and she was like, well, you know, i'm a lesbian and I had never even
considered like
Being able to be attracted outside of girl boy
Right, so two weeks two weeks and she made this enormous impact on my life of just causing me to question
(03:54):
Am I attracted to women? I don't know
So yeah, yep, and this definitely reads as like a free-form poem to me, um, and it was
It was it was breathtaking like I genuinely came to tears over it like it was it was it was very good
(04:15):
Sorry, i'm kind of low energy today folks we both are
yeah
the irony about um us doing the theme of women's suffering or women's issues is
I'm having my own suffering right now
That is very very female. So
Yep
Good times good times. It's it's fantastic. All right
(04:38):
So the other shout out is to you good's very recent article just came out a few hours ago
Called shot to the heart
Yeah
And this one also made me cry. We had a very we've had
We've had to take pets into vets for the final time not too terribly long ago and
(05:02):
Not to ruin parts of the article
But like there was some very relatable material in here that like immediately hit me and it was it was just incredibly
Like I I felt it through and through and it doesn't that's not all the articles about the articles about
More than just that. Yeah, it's actually about a pet that is currently
(05:22):
still alive and
Kind of responding to her anxiety of about being in the same place
And I totally get that
Yeah, and it's delightful really when you get to see your pet try and protect you or take care of you
And stuff like that because like most pets usually get around to that. They usually
(05:43):
Care enough about their master that like they see them as part of the hierarchy that they live by and try and do their best
For them, you know, we had a cat that used to bring us birds, you know, oh, yeah and and squirrels
I I ended up kind of being a little bit of an asshole because I was like, you know, you might want to
Work on that because I don't think it's healthy for the dog to feel anxious every time it goes to the vet
(06:08):
You know, but at the same time I was like have you considered
like getting um
Like getting the dog registered or trained as an emotional support dog because obviously it can tell when you're an animal
Anxious and it's very sensitive to that. So like with a little bit of training
he could he can help her with
(06:29):
that part of her life and
It be a more healthy
Kind of exchange
Yeah, I don't necessarily know if I feel the same direction about it because like, you know
She's just experiencing her life as it is and the dog is just reacting in a way that a friend does, you know
Like we're friends and when either one of us are in pain it affects the other
(06:53):
Yeah, that's that's true. But I'm also in therapy
True absolutely as am I so you know, there's there's a middle area
I'm not saying like I'm not saying that she has to do any of these things
Just just kind of putting it out there because it could be a good idea or it could be a terrible idea. I don't know
Right. You just had thoughts and shared them
(07:15):
So our first article of the day, are you ready?
Yeah, let's get into it
Is what is premenstrual dysphoric disorder? And why don't we know more about it?
Subtitle mic drop
Right
Exactly. Um, but so the subtitles is giving all genitals matter and like it's more of a reference to later on but the
(07:40):
article itself is um, it's very evocative. I did not grow up with uh,
the
Feminine aspects of of gender and whatever and so like I
Have never been able to go through any of the experiences that I've heard of with regards to the female
reproductive system
(08:01):
Yes, so part of what I'm going through right now is
Likely linked to my PMDD. That's what it is for short PMDD
And it's it it causes like it's it's very little very little is known about it
In even in medicine and it's barely at all understood or known
(08:23):
outside of medicine
And I hadn't heard of it
I'm you know, I've been in the hospital for a while now
I hadn't heard of it. I'm you may have mentioned this to me before but I hadn't heard this specifically
I don't remember hearing this specific
The premenstrual dysphoric disorder
(08:43):
I didn't remember hearing that before
Reading this article. So i'm glad the article exists just for letting people know about it
Yeah
So when I was growing up as a kid going through all of these issues
I thought that I just had pms and I thought that there were women that just didn't have pms
And that their periods just had
You know some really light symptoms that were
(09:06):
like reminiscent of what I went through but like not really
And now i've i've learned in my in my adult years what I was going through was PMDD and what they were going through was pms
Pms is normal pms is like every woman has some degree of pms
Not every woman
at you know
(09:27):
starting around age 13
doubles over in agony
Before their period even starts
Yeah
Not every woman before they start the actual bleeding part
goes into such a mood dysfunction that they
(09:49):
Literally could justify killing themselves
Like that's not actually pms
Is no and it's interesting because it's one of those situations where like there's probably going to be women out there that are like
Oh, I go through that but they don't know the exactly you're trying you're trying to use the words to describe how
(10:09):
How how big the pain is but like you're also like just relating?
Exact exact events that happen to you. You know what I mean?
And like there's going to be people that feel like oh no, that's just pms
But that's that's yeah, that's the problem. This is a real this is a this is a different thing
Like the people that think that this is pms are exactly the way I was before I learned about
(10:31):
PMDD and this article wasn't what taught me about it. I actually learned about it about five years ago
And things started really making sense once I realized that there was an actual disorder that like explained all of it
And what we do know about it
There is a little bit that we do know about and what we do know about it is that there seems to be a correlation between
(10:53):
the severity of the symptoms
and a serotonin
dysregulation
so like the body is during that week right before men's the menstrual cycle happens the
female body is
It's using serotonin wrong in ways that
(11:14):
Are actually not not harmful long term because I don't think there's any like
Difference in life expectancy for it, but it's using it in ways that hurt physiologically
It caused pain or that cause mood swings. They don't understand the mechanism
For why it's using serotonin in a weird way?
(11:35):
They don't understand all the different ways of how it's using serotonin incorrectly
but they do know that serotonin is the the main component of PMDD because SSRIs are very effective
Strategy at you know figuring out like how to manage it
(11:59):
Unless you don't want to take SSRIs or you can't which this uh Ajah hails. I never mentioned that that's who
Who wrote it? I hope that her name is Ajah
It could be Ajah. I'm not sure how to pronounce it
Um, but she can't take SSRIs
So like she can't take any of the medications that would help
(12:25):
Right exactly like when she was going through the specifics of her, you know
Her her case it was seemed very
Very difficult because like, you know, there's so many like we can give you this and it'll help
But not if this is true and if we can do this if that'll help but not if this is true
And it's like all of those if not, not if this is true, but those are all true for her and it's like wow
(12:47):
That's rough. That just it's the worst
I mean
Like I said, she she was able to explain the experience well enough that I feel like I understand
Um, I I certainly don't experientially understand but I feel like I understand more intellect and
Intellectually more than you could imagine it you can envision it by what she gave
I hope this isn't tmi
(13:09):
Um about you, but like a lot of the stuff that I read in here. I'm like that sounds really familiar
Yeah, and so, um
Yeah, so but she also
No, that's actually no before you go on. I just want to say that's actually extremely validating
Because i'm like, I know that it sounds like me but for you to say that i'm like see that means that i'm not insane
(13:30):
I'm not just making shit up
No, definitely not. This is the stuff that I've heard you talk about for years
Um, and you've watched me go through a lot of that
Exactly. Um
But she goes through and she like like links, uh studies and stuff. Does she in this article?
Yeah, yeah, there's there's some studies. I believe she she puts in there
(13:51):
But there's not a whole lot of studies to be had and that's kind of what the focus of this article is is that
We don't have a lot of information. We've like apparently
The medical community has known about it for 30 plus years and nothing has really changed
And that that's scary
(14:12):
When they estimate potentially up to 30 percent a third of women
Are dealing with this they don't even know what the name of the disorder is. They think they're just having pms
Like really shitty pms and we don't have any information about it
And let's not gloss over the fact that up until very very recently and depending on where you live
(14:35):
Maybe not even it's still to this day
Uh women are just regularly told to just get over whatever they're going through with their period like most most of the time
A lot of people don't want to hear about it. Hopefully that's getting better. I think it is getting better in certain areas
Slowly. Yeah, but there are some some doctors and some medical folks that are like
Doctors and some medical professionals that are always going to be that way
(14:57):
It it comes from this misunderstanding about okay, so we know physiologically
That women have twice as many pain receptors as men
So we actually feel pain
More acutely than men do like physiologically. This is just proven science. We have
More ability to feel the pain, which means we feel it more deeply
(15:19):
Does that mean that our pain is invalid? No
It could mean the opposite it could mean that
Men may not feel pain where they should be feeling pain or they could be feeling pain in ways that could be really harmful
That they can't they can't sense but women can
And and i'm sorry just to add real quick even though this is a woman-centric episode here
(15:43):
Men are just regularly told to ignore their pain. That's also true
And so like we're like socially breeding it out of ourselves to feel pain at all
And it's ridiculous because pain is so important
As if pain were somehow something that we were supposed to ignore like what do you think the purpose of pain is?
(16:03):
My therapist said that to me very recently. It's a good question almost in that exact same tone
And so a lot so
I want to I want to tell a story. Do you mind if I tell a personal story? Please go ahead tell a story
So I was with um, one of my sisters and my mom and we were watching
One of those, you know murder porn's what was it svu or whatever?
(16:28):
And the the episode i'm pretty sure i've told you this before the episode had like some woman
That her blood was found on a bed
And when they questioned her she was like, yeah, I spun her
She was like, yeah, I spontaneously started bleeding and like I left right after that
(16:49):
And then so the episode continued on and my sister was like, yeah, whatever. She's obviously lying
That's not even possible and my mom and I looked at each other and looked over at her and we were like
That happens to us like literally every month
It doesn't just trickle out. It's like oh now you are you are gushing with you know
(17:12):
Everything just bleed everywhere
You also you don't get some sort of fucking like internal brain reminder about it, right?
Well, my mom used to throw up right before she would have you know, the tsunami so she actually kind of did
It's a talk about a brain reminder. Yeah, right, but I don't I don't I don't have anything like that
It's I just have to remember to you know
(17:35):
Prepare for that to happen and it's really difficult sometimes. Sometimes I end up bleeding all over everything
And now I know that actually heavy bleeding like that is part of pmdd
So my whole family has had pmdd this whole time
I have a feeling that pmdd has some
(17:56):
root or some some correlation to
My grandma's endometriosis and my potential adenomyosis, which are very similar
Things that also have very little information about them. So there's there's like this whole host of
disorders that have to do with a
uterus not necessarily women but a uterus female bodies that
(18:21):
Nobody's nobody's really got answers for and nobody's really studying it
Yeah, that kind of ties into the subtitle of
All genitals matter because like we need to stop having this male centric
Medical system that is still to this day
(18:43):
denying women
Yeah, I I thought it was a real sick burn
And the author was talking about like how there's
An enormous amount of money go that goes into research and production and and popularization of uh,
ed medication
Yeah, where these things are not researched at all. No, I will say that I do I do believe that ed is uh,
(19:10):
I'm not gonna say serious disorder, but it is a life affecting disorder
And i'm not gonna put that down and say that there shouldn't have been research or that there shouldn't be medications
but when we compare
ed
And the effects of it which are they're they are serious, you know
There's a lot of mental health difficulties that come along with that
(19:32):
But you can you compare that to women literally bleeding so much that they pass out that they become anemic that they
you know because of pmdd
Become extremely emotionally volatile without knowing why without understanding what they can do about it
They end up in horrible horrible pain before they've even started bleeding
(19:55):
Which is where i'm at right now
And they don't have anything and when they go to the doctor
Half at least half the time they're told that they're making a big deal out of nothing or in my case
Then I should just go to the hospital instead of getting instead of them writing a $10 prescription
(20:18):
Yeah, exactly and
It was very nice of you to you know, really
Talk about how ed actually affects people that have to deal with that situation and how painful and difficult it can be for them
but there's certainly going to be a lot of people that are like
Dismissing that as arbitrary and ridiculous because they're not thinking about how it actually affects people
(20:41):
And that's the reality that women have had to go through if their bodies aren't like perfectly normal with no irregularities
Right for the entire time right all of time
Right and it's not just oh, I can't do something. It's actively
There is something that is trying to claw out my insides and actively working to destroy me
(21:04):
to destroy me on a mental level like
pretty serious life altering
circumstances
Right because when you go through when your month
Is like two and a half weeks of bleeding and like a week a week and a half of leading up to that bleeding
It's like that's your whole month
Yeah, well that was hers mine is like now mine's the whole month if I don't take progesterone. I am
(21:29):
I am non-stop bleeding all the time
Yeah
And she's I think talking about for while she is
On certain medications. I don't know whether she was able to find any actually
I don't remember. Yeah, I don't remember either. It was a really good but deep article
There was a lot of data in it and I don't yeah, she was very vulnerable about her own situation and
(21:52):
And also added in some facts about
You know what we do know about it, but it was really good. I I totally
I
I just want people to like go and read it because I'm very passionate about explaining to people that PMDD even exists
Every time I mention it to somebody new it is the first time they've ever heard of it
(22:16):
Yeah
Well good get the word out. I will say just as a
Just as an aside. I love the article
I'm not super happy about the subtitle and how it's formed
It's fine about all genitals matter it's about the giving part
Because that doesn't make sense to me. I don't understand how we're giving genitals matter matter
(22:41):
Genitals are already made of matter
so like I don't
Like linguistically, I just don't feel like the words match
up, but that is a very tiny tiny
part of
The point and I just my brain just couldn't let it go
Right and she were just so well in a lot of it that like, you know, it's forgivable. We both point at it
(23:07):
it's like, you know going and seeing the beautiful sculpture that is the
That is Michelangelo's David and just being like completely distracted by his ankles
And just looking at his ankles constantly
These look funny. Is that what ankles look like? I'm sure somebody has done that
Sure somebody has
(23:28):
Okay, so we can move on to the next one, right
Yeah, absolutely. All right. Do you want to introduce this one? Because this one I believe is one you found. Yeah, this is one I found
The article is called what quote unquote baby reindeer
Which is a Netflix show means to someone who's been in a relationship with a baby reindeer
Show means to someone who has been stalked and harassed the last 18 months
(23:51):
By bonnie j. Slutikoff. I could be missing that my apologies if I am
The subtitle is failing to report abuse does not protect you and it certainly does not protect others
So i'm gonna real quick follow this one because I didn't follow her yet
Understood
Um, so this author
(24:13):
watched the show
baby reindeer
Which we haven't watched it
No, I have no idea what it's about even well, I know a little bit because of the context but um
It very clearly was about you know
a person that had some sort of fame and had a stalker stalking him and then the experiences of that event
and this author has also had a stalker
(24:37):
And it really hit her in a place that caused her to want to share her story
and uh
Also kind of do a little bit of a comparison
I think call out the film a little bit but she also you know allowed that most films have to
Fictionalize bits or maybe this one intended to fictionalize bits. I didn't really catch that through reading the article
Yeah, I got the impression that the series baby reindeer did intentionally fictionalize certain things
(25:03):
maybe because
They were still worried about calling out the actual people
and and because there was some talk in there about like
the discussion of whether or not
we should
Worry about calling out
People who do like crimes like this like this is a crime
(25:24):
So why should they be protected from like that's on the news?
You know, the most protection you get is allegedly that is what your protection is. You don't get protection on
You know your name not being said
If you are suspected of a crime you you get to be suspected of a crime in public
(25:45):
So yeah, I kind of agree. I don't know if I don't know if like protecting the name
is really
important but
The guy who wrote it I assume was the same guy that had been stalked
and that was that was his
Decision as a writer you get that that choice
(26:06):
As a writer you get that that choice i'd probably make the same choice myself, honestly
Yeah, because of the certain point it's like, you know, it's a little you know that there's a you're you're attacking or at least you're pointing
If you go ahead and name somebody and he just may not have been willing to do that. Also
I can't truly like say that I I certainly haven't experienced anything in the way of stalking but uh, I
(26:30):
like if someone has
Followed you everywhere and surprised you in many ways and like badmouthed you to the point where like other people have
been involved with it and like
when you feel
harassed
Like you're chased in every moment
Like you probably just want to do anything to not have to mention it, right? I mean, yeah
(26:53):
You also don't want to poke the bear
In a certain way like I want to tell my story
But I don't necessarily want that person to know that i'm telling my story. So like
Especially in this don't use their name
Especially in this climate of this world right now where you know
If you say something about somebody specific you might have a mob that goes and attacks them for no reason, right?
(27:15):
Or comes back to attack you because you don't know what like maybe his stalker has their own audience
You don't know maybe
Absolutely, it could be crazy and the interesting thing about this one is that she took a story about a guy being stalked by a woman
and
Like I know that that is sort of
That's an anomaly. It's not as common
(27:38):
um, but it the the it's it's not really gendered necessarily in what happens to
the person being stalked
But it is gendered in the sense that more women get stalked than men. Yeah, and you know what?
I'm sure that there's a lot of there's there's a lot of talk about it
I mean you get to hear about like some of the famous people famous women that have been stalked and how terrible it is
(28:02):
Especially if you like get into people's stories if you want to for celebrities, I know streamers that have had less than 200
like
Viewers at a time that gets stalked and have to move and change things to try and get away from them
But you know what the main media portrayal I remember
Of someone being so into someone that they go crazy a little bit. Did they lose their mind bones fucking misery?
(28:27):
misery, have you ever seen misery?
I can't remember the name of the actress. It was the same actress that was in fried green tomatoes
And it was a portrayal of someone who liked a writer so much
That I don't remember how it happened
But the writer ended up in her house and she basically like captured and tortured him until he wrote the next book or something
(28:48):
Maybe it was scary
spoilers for misery, um, I think a movie made in the 70s or 80s, uh,
But that's the big portrayal of someone that is such a fan that they're willing to go to lengths that no one wants
Right and that's the one that you can really point to and say that of course, obviously people don't know it anymore apparently
but
(29:09):
Yeah
the remember the do you know the hype around the beetles and everything like that everyone had that whole hype around the beetles like it's
Men getting swarmed by women, but they love it typically
But like on the other side the ugliest other side of that is that women get all this attention
From that they don't want from people that feel like they know or have the right to be a part of that person's life
(29:33):
And it happens fucking all the time and the reality even of like the beetles is that they only like it when they like the other person
They got they they got their own stalkers. It's just that the beetles had people managing that crap
So it wasn't them by themselves and the reality of of women
(29:53):
Is that they don't have to be famous for somebody to have that feeling that depth of feeling to stalk them
And they certainly don't have a manager or producer
Trying to keep them safe. They just have themselves
Maybe they have a husband if they're lucky or a significant other that's you know, non-binary or female
(30:14):
But even in those cases that doesn't necessarily protect them
No, absolutely not
And that's why the
Response to catcalling and women is so varied because a lot of those women are going to understand that the catcalling
Potentially just means that guy's going to say a few words and laugh to his buddies
But who knows maybe he thought he saw something in you and now he's going to fucking follow you home
(30:38):
right and
I'm sorry
And and I felt like the the main message that bonnie was trying to get at with this article was that
We need to stop protecting the people that are doing the abuse
We need to start talking about it and talking telling other people this person did this
(31:02):
Yeah, absolutely and I was really I was really happy with how uh bonnie did portray her own stalker because
She was respectful and she was saying
That like I don't want I don't want him
To be like hurt or imprisoned or in or anything necessarily. It depends on the imprisonment
(31:23):
I don't know how far he went, but
I just want him to not be able to hurt him to himself or others
Do you know what I mean? Yeah, like there was there was a lot of respect shown to the stalker as a human
Not as a necessarily as the specific person and what they want or what they want
Not necessarily as the specific person and what they want or care for or dream about life, but as a human being
(31:47):
Showing that respect to somebody that has wronged her
For years if I if I remember correctly
Um, so I a year and a half after reading this article with you
I started wondering like am I doing the world a disservice by not calling out the guy that raped me?
Um
(32:07):
I don't know. I know that his father was in politics and that's as far as I want to go into that
because
From what I gathered like if I were to mention his name
It could cause a lot of trouble for me because I don't know how
(32:28):
How big in politics that man is anymore? I don't know
I don't know what systems they have
to silence people
you know
and so that was that was like a really
that was a big fear for me because like
It's one thing if the guy
Is just you know a normal guy and yeah
(32:49):
They they may still have some power like, you know, they are
I don't know head of the
Volleyball team or whatever, you know, like they might have some clout but
But having a relative that's in politics or having a relative that is a
police officer like those
Those get into some places where like saying something gets dangerous for the person for the whistleblower
(33:16):
Yeah, it can and it doesn't even have to just be those there's other places that you don't even know that you could come
Into contact with danger in that regard. You know what I mean? Right? So like it's it's a concerning thing. Absolutely
So but I got the feeling I got the feeling that she would be understanding of my situation be like no
Yours is probably the situation where it's reasonable to not because the political climate
(33:40):
of the world right now
It's not ready for people like me
To take that risk because if if I take that risk, i'm just going to disappear. It's not going to really make
a difference
Her general point though
Certainly circumstances are going to matter but her general point that like, you know
If you're being attacked if you're being abused if you're being stalked if especially if whoever is doing this is breaking laws
(34:07):
then
If you can find a support system to help you report that
Right, please do
It only does all a favor for the abuser to get help at least
You know or if you're maybe future victims to not have to get through that
right exactly and
Whether you whether the abuser is beyond help and needs to be locked up or can be helped because not all abusers are beyond
(34:32):
We can definitely help people out there
Right, but you know, sometimes people are beyond a certain point
Um, but whatever's done it it just helps all of society
But I also I don't want to I don't want to underscore how difficult it is to step up when you're being abused
I totally get it. It's very difficult
Right and I feel like she respectfully towed the line between trying to give a public outcry to say speak up more and also
(34:58):
understanding that like there are certain cases where you can't
And that's understandable
Yeah
And then we move on to the last one
Yes, we usually try to make it happy
And there's a little bit of happy in it, but i'm sorry. This is kind of a
Kind of a heavy-hitting episode
(35:20):
It was definitely a heavy-hitting article
Yeah, go ahead and say the name the name of it if you want to
The article is called I said yes to fetal reduction
By I I am gonna butcher this name and i'm really sorry
Abha Gopal
I don't know if that's how it's actually pronounced if
Please correct me, please
(35:41):
Um, Abha talked about her experience
Um years back. This is not a current thing that happened
And I wouldn't expect it to be I don't think you can write about something like this right after it happens
I think you have to get a few years under your belt of really processing what happened and
(36:02):
accepting things
Um, and she kind of walks you through
The process of her being pregnant
Finding out and I think their first um
ultrasound that there's triplets
And then almost immediately learning that
The fact the type of triplets that they were
(36:24):
They wouldn't be viable and they had to make a decision
to
Have a fetal reduction
Which what's the fetal reduction?
Which is what it sounds like
Yeah, but I am going to still explain it to a certain extent because I didn't get it right away because i'm a silly
I'm a silly person don't understand words
(36:45):
Ben's back by the way. Hi ben good timing good timing
He came back for the really heavy one
Yeah
so um
you know
Fetal reduction is not
Like some some people would think that that's a nice word for abortion and it is not it is abortion is abortion
Abortion ends a pregnancy
(37:07):
reduction reduces the number of
fetuses in the pregnancy, but it does not end the pregnancy it's
it's actually done to
maintain the pregnancy
Because
I mean, I don't know how many people know twins, but having twins is not it's not easy having kids is not easy period
(37:32):
um, but
Having twins is is significantly more difficult from what I understand and there have probably been a lot of women over the years that have died
Just trying to have multiple children at the same time and triplets my goodness
And she didn't even do anything like she didn't do ivf. She wasn't on medication
There was nothing that she did to increase the number of eggs that were released for this to even happen. This was
(37:57):
Literally one of those miracle moments
Unfortunately, it was also a scenario where if they had done nothing
They were probably going to at the worst or at the at the best at the absolute best
One of the triplets was going to be
severely impacted
(38:17):
and malformed
At worst they could lose all of them and it was really high chance
That that was going to happen
Yeah, this has been 150 years ago or more like the this woman would have potentially died in childbirth and would have had
probably a regular like I would say how do I say it correctly like a
(38:41):
Regular human baby, I don't know regular seems judgmental in that context
but then also like potentially conjoined twins or
Twins that died very shortly after childbirth like there's a whole bunch of these were conjoined
But it does say somewhere in there that she had she did end up having even with having to do the fetal reduction
She ended up with preeclampsia, which is high blood pressure. I believe
(39:06):
That only happens during pregnancy. It's a type of high blood pressure condition and
It would not like the the baby that she did end up being able to save was in danger from that
Yeah, having three of them. She would not have survived and the babies would not have survived
Right and she couldn't know that beforehand and this is this is such a vulnerable article about the feeling of the decision
(39:32):
By the way, I looked up at the end
Uh when she's writing it she's referring to her seventh month seven month old. So she oh, I thought it was seven years
Yeah, just wow that is still pretty recent then
Yeah, but you know still seven months to get past it
And it's not a lot of time. There's there's probably still some processing to be had there but
(39:54):
but yeah, and and she was
you know, she cared about the lives that that her and her partner had produced and
even though like
Can you imagine you're even trying for a baby and all of a sudden you hear you're gonna have three like the the feeling of
Like oh my god all the logistics that then have to be changed, you know what I mean?
Like everything changes in your life. Even if you were planning to have kids imagine if you weren't but
(40:20):
She was just so good about being able to take us through how she felt through the whole thing
Yeah, I felt it right there with the vulnerability was spot on through this whole thing
I don't feel that she went too far and I I don't I
Didn't find any place that I felt like she could have gone farther. It was perfect
the amount of vulnerability in it and then just
(40:42):
The conclusions that she came to were her own. She didn't like try to tell people how to feel about it
It was I don't know it was a really well done article this this article is just amazing
Yep, absolutely
Ah
I know
(41:02):
Hey, how's it going? Yeah, the biggest positive that we have from there is that she was able to save
one of the children
And she had such a positive outlook on the life going forward
You know like raising your child and being her miracle baby because at the end of the day
Like she said as she said the article like she had that I don't you you knew the word
I don't remember the word the the difficulty with the pregnancy as it was that would have potentially taken all their lives
(41:28):
Pre-eclampsia
Yeah that and you know living through that and your child living through that is amazing to begin with so
Yep. Yep
Yep
Check out all these good articles we've mentioned because they're good articles and we mentioned them
And uh, well i'll have those on the articles now
(41:52):
on the website
Because I did that
Yep, the website is updating. It's not up to date right now now that I think about it
Because I didn't do it after the last episode but
It's that's why you know, i'm like a week behind on them. It's fine
That's why I said updating. Yeah, it's updating. It's kind of constantly updating. You're kind of tweaking it a lot recently
(42:12):
So, you know, well i'll be doing that less going forward because that was mostly because I was doing a lot of things for april
Yeah, but I will stay I will have to stay up to date on the uh, the articles for these episodes
Yeah
Yep. Yep. Yep
I think that rounds out our episode. Oh, we've lost ben ben is left again probably to eat the chinese food
(42:35):
Maybe but um
Well, um, i'll say my my little spiel are you ready?
Oh, okay. Yeah
Um, I wanted to thank ben new lancy and even
Sierran lane, even though he didn't stick around for very long both of them for being part of the live recording
(42:56):
If you dear listener would like to join in the live action fun visit the monster alley.com
We've got the spotify links to specific episodes
Specific episodes we've got the article links. We've got merch a bunch of other stuff
But more importantly you can get your invite to the alley's discord server and join us in the stage channel on a weekly basis
When we do these recordings, so visit the monster alley.com today
(43:20):
t h e m o n s t e r a l l e y dot com
It'll make us super happy and as a bonus, you'll get a thanks at the end of each episode
If you join if you're here during the recording
Ta-da
How do you do great to add on to that? Um, we really appreciate your time and attention
(43:41):
Um, i'm eternally mortal and I hope you find some miles to stay and i'm the accidental monster
You can find us both on medium.com and follow yourself always
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