July 30, 2024 • 47 mins
You Good? A great way to check in with a friend and a fantastic writer! This week's episode of The Hidden Egg podcast is an interview with this vulnerable writer and her history with Medium. It was a delightful talk between friends and brings you a (probably) relatable look at someone trying to find the time to devote to some creation. Check out this writer's deep and personal look at life, mental health, and the desire to create! :D
You Good?’s Showcased Articles:
- Microdosing with Panic Disorder
- To Celebrate a Lifetime of Being Fine
- A Hundred Duck-Sized Horses or One Horse-Sized Duck
- The Ghost that Won’t Leave: My Twin Flame
- Ask and Ye Shall Receive
- A Blast From the Past That Threw me on My Ass(t)
- What Cracked First, the Chicken or the Egg?
To watch the video version of this podcast, go to our Substack. For more about writing with vulnerability and information on articles discussed in the episodes, visit themonsteralley.com.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hi, I'm Tam I'm eternally mortal and this is the hidden egg podcast where we talk about vulnerability
(00:08):
Yay, was there more to say there after that?
Stuffing things thank you mine and articles on medium.com
What are we doing again, who are we what's going on you're listening to season 5 episode 6 and today's theme is
(00:29):
an interview with you good
Welcome you good you can say some stuff now and introduce yourself
Hello, and you can actually call me Christine is fine, but I hope you're good
Hell yeah nice
Okay
So uh into the program and a writer we both adore so you actually have the notes this time mortal
(00:55):
So if you wanted to do any of the talking feel free. I don't want to take the stage from you
Understood. I'll do my best. Okay
But don't wait for me
Okay, so so Christine you are you good on medium and
I
(01:16):
Would say that like I I feel like you're well known but like that might just be my bias because you've got
442 followers on this account and I didn't count how many articles but it's
It's not quite as many as Sturge. I mean that was our last interview
(01:36):
So I would say like I hope this isn't offensive but I would say that you act or it kind of represent the average
Medium writer. I don't consider you average and skilled by any means but you
You kind of come and go and and you're not completely like day to day writing every single
Chance you get you're not on the grind as they would say right, right?
(02:00):
Yeah, so I and I also am not offended by any means because I feel like kind of embarrassed that you picked me to be
On your interview because there's so many amazing writers on medium. So thank you for even thinking about having me on
Appreciate that. I mean I I get that you would say that but you you're writing is even though
(02:20):
you don't write a lot and you don't focus on trying to write like
like
Fantastic stuff like you don't do feedback very much. You just kind of put it out there
It's still like yeah, like Sturge is just saying there your writing is still really phenomenal
So I think you're just you know, you're downplaying yourself because you just don't know
(02:41):
You don't know how to see yourself from the outside
But really glad that we're not sharing video because my face is bright red
Based on that though. What kind of medium writer would you consider yourself to be because like, you know, there's like hobbyists
There's people that just do like journaling or venting or memoirs or comedy or whatever. Where would you put your your writing?
(03:06):
For me, I feel like I don't really have a specific type of writing because it all depends on my mood and and what needs to
Get accomplished with that piece that I'm writing
so sometimes it's just because something silly happened in my life and I want to share it or sometimes it's because I had a sad
Moment or you know something that I'm trying to work through that I just need to get the words out of me
(03:27):
So I like the memoir style writing and that's kind of where I'm going with my writing
But I would say sometimes it's more just hobby. Sometimes it's event. Sometimes it has that journal aspect to it
So I don't fit in a box actually. I'm all over the place
Speaking of all the place, mortal you messed me up because we didn't do the shoutouts at all. Oh my god, we didn't do the shoutouts
(03:50):
Just rewind
I'm so sorry. We get on the we get on the thing with with Christine and for some reason everything we're just like, what are we doing?
Who are we?
Right. We're just we're just we're just buddies hanging out. What do you mean? We have things to do
No, I didn't send these to you. So it's completely on me. It's totally my fault
(04:13):
But I did have some shoutouts if it's okay since you totally sent them to me. I have them upright in front of me
No, I didn't send you the shoutouts today. Yeah, I've got four of them from you know, several of our awesome audience
Okay. Well, I take that back. It's not completely on me. It's a little bit. No, we just completely forgot
So we got a we got a we got a one question intro to the interview
(04:36):
That's kind of like a teaser. Now we're gonna just segue straight into shoutouts. Let's do it. Yeah, so I
Stuck with I stuck with the the core the core of the pod
So I got no you can't move to Canada when Trump is elected by Robin Wilding, which is hilarious
Super recommend to check it out. I really am gonna say out loud the subtitle
(05:02):
Which is I'm sorry that you elected Cito Mussolini, but we're full. Oh my god alone is hilarious
It's full of those like she has so many different things that she calls Trump
It's that alone is worth reading through
That's fantastic
But yeah, I really loved that and I was like I have to
Shout that out and then since I found Robbins, I was like I might as well do all of our core, you know
(05:28):
viewer people and went to
Sturges most recent. Well, not most recent because he published another one. I think maybe no. This is this is most recent
Which of my writing skills are brilliant, which?
That was a prompt that we are doing in our writing group, which is by the way
(05:49):
It's a forum base now. We're not
We're doing we're doing some experimentation there, but okay
I don't know if you were able to read this before we did the show since I just sent them all to you
but this one like it says it goes into the things that
Sturge does well so that
(06:10):
You know, we kind of know what he has to offer what he wants to offer and what he enjoys doing
That's such an amazing I completely like fell off the the writing group train last week or so
And so I didn't even pay look at the prompt really
But I think this is awesome because like Sturges going through what he thinks about own writing and that
And looking at the positives. Did I understand that correctly? Is that is that it's more looking at his skills in relation to writing
(06:38):
Yeah, but still doing the self-reflection like that can really show you what your strengths are and
How you're advancing. I think that's awesome. It's a very good prompt
So then the next one was by Murphy's law
It's called I was called crazy for quitting my job. Then this happened
Which would like I don't know what to say man Murphy's just really great at writing a story
(07:01):
And he's had some really great stories to write
So I don't I don't know if it's just luck that he has all these wonderful experiences or if he's
Actually this skilled to be able to put them all together is probably both
Probably both probably both but yeah, this one. I didn't even know that he I thought he was still teaching
I didn't know that he had quit his job. So this this was kind of like a oh goodness
(07:26):
Yeah, current affairs. I'm behind. I'm a lot. I'm a lot newer to Murphy than a lot of the other people
And so I I've been I haven't really gotten to know him too. Terribly well yet
But I kind of did a quick little skim and I think these two prominent pictures in this article are both of him and like
very different
vibes
(07:48):
There's a third at the bottom like lower down and the third one is particularly attractive
I really like the third one
Yes
Yeah, so but it looks really good. I have it up to read later
I only was able to actually really read one of the shout outs before we got started
I just kind of skimmed the rest of them, but I read something else by Murphy and it was great
(08:13):
So he's great, right and then last but definitely not least was Ben your lancies vacuous
ver similitude in this
Similitude is this I'm so bad at that word
The ponticating groups of bilingual you are I think anyone
(08:35):
And this poem is hilarious
It was so much fun to read it may or may not be
A sort of spoof on other kinds of poetry. Let's just say that
I don't know what else to say, but it just like this was just go read it like there's nothing just go read it trust me
(09:05):
And it's it's it's such a it's such a fun dance with words. It's so amazing. I really enjoy it
I would say there's even probably a little bit of absurdism in it that really appealed to me, but I don't know that that was Ben's intention
I have no idea
Because poetry I always get concerned. I don't understand it the way the reader intended or the way the writer intended
(09:29):
So poetry is always a weird place for me, but I really enjoy reading it
I think I think I got it caught on I mean salad of words as part of it. Yeah, so
You know, it is kind of a word salad, but a beautiful one
On purpose anyway, absolutely. So that was a shout out. That was my shout outs. Sorry. I
(09:54):
I should have put it a lot sooner
Good now. Sorry. Thanks for your patience. Christine. We really appreciate that
We got a transition. Yeah, absolutely. Oh right notes
I put them in there
(10:16):
What are we doing? Where are we? Who am I?
Okay, so we had just talked about what kind of writer you could consider to herself and
Not to speak for you, but you said kind of a little bit a little bit of everything but you kind of like the
Memoirist I believe path a little bit right?
(10:38):
Yeah, yeah
Cool. I don't know if I necessarily like follow a specific writing style enough to be considered in one
You know one genre really. Yeah, you're just a box dodger. It's dodge them boxes. I like that
I like that a lot. Uh-huh
So sometimes yeah, sorry
(11:01):
Sometimes you you publish more sometimes you publish less. How do you balance your writing with your life?
And so I don't do it. Well, obviously if you can see it
It's very difficult because I am constantly writing in my mind
like things come in my mind all the time that I want to get out and I want to write and I'll jot little notes down in
(11:26):
My phone and and I just never get back to them
So it kind of sucks because the things that I have to do my responsibility is then take over what I want to do
Which is writing and I am working now two different jobs and I've got two little ones
So unfortunately my writing gets pushed to the side and then when I do have time
(11:49):
It's the middle of the night and I'm falling asleep on my computer. So it's been a struggle to try to make time to write
But there's certain things that I feel passionate about or if I have enough feelings about
I'm gonna just get it out of me because I can't even sleep otherwise
That's actually why I wanted you on as an interview
(12:10):
Because I think a lot of people in that situation would look at everything and be like, you know what?
Something's got to give goodbye medium, but you you look at it and you're like, I mean
I don't want to stop but I can't do it right now. So I'm just gonna set it to the side and come back to it later
Yeah, and that's hard because when I started so I mean we might get into this a little bit later
(12:36):
But I started medium in 2018 on my old account and then even that one no one knew about it
I had no followers and I just used it as my private journal kind of
So now moving to this account where I actually was trying to get it off the ground and engage at the beginning
And I just couldn't keep up with it and then I felt guilty like oh crap
(12:57):
I can't read everybody's stories and I can't interact with all these people that I want to be interacting with
And then I realized it was kind of defeating my whole purpose because I I wanted to write ultimately
As much as I want to engage with people it was originally my intention was to just have a place for my words to live
So it's been a balancing act, but I've never wanted to completely give it up
(13:20):
But there were times where I was thinking, you know, maybe I should just shut it down and just write in my OneDrive and let it live there
Like why does it need to live on medium? But I found enough. I don't know. I get a lot of reward from writing on medium
So I like to keep that avenue open
I'm glad too because I really enjoy reading your writing. You have some of the most vulnerable stuff
(13:45):
And I can I think I can honestly say that you're a significant portion of how I got to write on medium in the first place
Tam was the ultimate like inspiration for me, but with the connection that you and I made I was able to look at medium a little bit more favorably
And get back to it if I remember correctly
So I like that. It's good to hear
(14:08):
Yeah, I think I introduced you to medium, but you didn't really get excited about trying to write on medium until you and Christine kind of met
Now let's all inspire him to write a lot more says Sturge
Don't worry. I haven't forgotten about the Rocket League piece. It's still cooking
(14:29):
So like like mortal said you write really personal vulnerable stories
Just some of the ones that I like came up with off the top of your profile were like micro dosing with panic disorder
Which is very very personal
It's not something that I think a lot of people would write about there's to celebrate a lifetime of being fine
(14:56):
Which you dig into some really deep concepts. I don't think people even think about half the time much less discuss in public
And then there was the 100 duck sized horses or one horse sized duck
Which was an experience that you had that you just had to share that I don't know that most people like most people I think would have
(15:18):
Lived through that and just gone home and been like I just need to put that out of my head
I just wonder is like well like each each of these is like a peek into your life in your mind and who you are as a person
But are there are there things that you're not comfortable sharing
Well from the idea that my name is you good instead of Christine and it's my identity that I have hidden
(15:44):
So I write behind this this name because I don't really want everyone to know who I am
And I guess that part of me is ashamed of it that I'm not proud enough that I would share my identity
But my name is unique and I feel like I would put people that I love potentially in an awkward situation
(16:12):
If I was able to use my name, but I would not be able to speak unfiltered like this if that makes sense
So by going behind this pen name now I can say everything that's in my brain which is a liberating feeling for me
And there are things that I've wanted to say for so long and kind of felt silenced that I couldn't say it or I shouldn't say it
(16:35):
And I just say it I just say everything and anything that I want to and it's kind of an amazing feeling to have that platform to do it
Heck yeah I think I think we understand exactly what you mean considering there's no way that our birth names are the accidental monster or eternally mortal
(16:56):
Oh it's not? Really? But yeah the freedom to be able to say the things that are in your heart and mind to say but that you're worried might affect people around you negatively
Just to be able to put that out into the world and you know not feel well I don't know how to describe it but like the reservations about sharing that kind of stuff are kind of evaporated with medium so I get it absolutely
(17:25):
And it's not so much that I'm trying to protect myself because even in my real life I'll talk to anyone about anything like I'm not generally embarrassed of my experiences
But I know my family is not keen on me sharing all the details and I guess that's a them problem not a me problem but I'm just super aware of the fact that they feel uncomfortable
(17:50):
And I don't want anyone to have pain associated with something that's bringing me pleasure so I feel like by doing it this way I can still express myself without potentially harming anybody that I care about
Heck yeah
Yeah I mean we kind of have that same thing too you just want to respect the people that you care about and not do things that could potentially harm them or bring things that they didn't ask for into their life
(18:17):
Yeah I can get that. Hostage.
So where do you get the inspiration to your stories? Like what life events make it to the page versus the ones that don't?
So most of the things that I write about are things that are just rocking around in my head for a long time and I'm trying to process them myself and when I'm just thinking about it I can't get to a resolution
(18:45):
But when I start writing about it and then I reread my own articles before I ever publish them probably 20 times and then I actually can see it in a new perspective
So it's most of the time something that I'm just trying to reason or trying to figure out but a lot of times it's driven by sadness or anxiety or just experiences
(19:08):
Just things that I've experienced and I'm wondering if other people had the same experiences just to feel a little less alone I guess I want to put it out there to see if anyone else had something similar happen to them or if they could relate
I like that a lot and then of course the funny stuff like every now and then I'll just write something that happened to me that I feel like I'm on a hidden camera show and I'm like what the hell just happened
(19:31):
No one's got to know about this I can't keep it to myself so I like to share those ones too when I get them
Yeah, it's like the horse the horse size duck article which is this yeah it was the it was. I mean in being in that situation is certainly like just nerve wracking but like after the fact and not being the person that was in that situation that's hilarious.
(19:56):
I was still talking about it but everyone in the district like knows this guy still.
It never died.
That's so funny. It was it was a pretty crazy thing. So you used to have another account, one that no longer exists on medium so nobody can like go track it down.
What about that decision do you feel comfortable sharing with us today.
(20:20):
Oh, that first account like I said I had opened it in 2018, and I didn't really start writing on it until 2022. And that account was when I started reconnecting. Well, when I started writing more frequently on it was when I reconnected with one of my childhood best
friends who we could, I'm air quoting twin flame I'm air quoting soulmate. I didn't really know how to place him, but that was an emotional affair that I had gotten myself involved in.
(20:51):
And I had written a lot of really vulnerable pieces on that account. And when that happened, there were some people in my real life that had access to that account, and I was very paranoid because they were using what I thought, well, I'm still not sure about.
They were using it against me to manipulate me and got me in a bad situation so I kind of had one foot in the door one foot out debating whether to keep it open. There was a time where I had a lot of the stories just hidden.
(21:23):
I just didn't have them accessible but I didn't want to delete it. And then finally, I thought that I was going to be brave and delete it like that was going to show the world that I was strong and now I do kind of regret that I did that because once you hit that delete
button, which is inactivated it's gone. So I've got my, my little archive PDF that Tam made me which I'm so glad that I did that. But, um, I wish I had it I wish I still had it intact so that's kind of a bummer in hindsight but at the moment.
(21:56):
I thought it was like a power move. So, it's a good lesson, a good life moment to teach you something about yourself so that's hard though, I get that.
So, with your you go to count you you did still talk some about that twin flame thing so you said that that was a lot of what you started doing on the other account.
And so I pulled up that.
(22:19):
I think it's the first of the twin flames ones that I don't know that you've written a whole lot about it on you good but the ghost that won't leave my twin flame was one of the articles that you kind of like tried to try to wrap it up.
I think there's one other after this where you wrapped it up again.
(22:40):
But, sort of like a shout out to that old account.
So there was a time where there was some, if you were, if you were sneaky enough you could have found the old account I did have links that were linking back to the old account.
I had kept it open because I had been ghosted by my twin flame at that point or what I thought was ghosted, which was would have been the third time that that had happened with him.
(23:05):
And I just knew he was still reading that other account so I didn't want to close it because I thought that was the only doorway that relationship.
And I did leave different articles on there on purpose.
And then finally when I closed it.
I was able to get some, I don't even want to say it's closure because it was closure on his end and I did write about this, he finally wrote me an email. And there's a chat GPT summary on one of my articles, what is this article we just were talking about it, I forgot already.
(23:40):
But there's some.
Do I have it.
Oh, is it always at the end, shall receive. Is that the one.
It's asking you shall receive. So this one was when I finally got the last email from him and it was like a ridiculously long rambling email and we put it into chat GPT gave me a nice little summary of what the hell he was saying.
(24:03):
But that was that was the last one. So I don't have a ton of twin flame stories on the you good account because I had told the entire story on the previous account and now looking back I almost want to reopen that whole series and rewrite it, knowing what I know now.
It's funny how a little bit of time shifts, everything that you thought you knew. So, that would be really kind of interesting I think.
(24:28):
Yeah, it's something I play with because that ended up being like 126 page book.
It's a PDF when I put all the stories together like it's a book. And there's so much more to it now in hindsight that I would love to dig it up and and start to go through it again with the knowledge that I have now but I haven't had the time to do that but it's on, it's on the
(24:53):
list of to do.
It says you should publish that book after you update it. Hi, guys. Yeah, and look, I don't want to pressure you into that if you do but like I've read some romance novels that are 126 pages and they don't all end happy so like, you know, might be a decent idea, if you
wanted to. Yeah.
(25:14):
And it's what you learn from that experience and like you've got the ups and the downs but the growth that happens. That's really, that's the what the story is about. It's not really about the romance or anything else is about how I changed as a person.
Yeah.
Exactly.
So based on that other account, what would you do differently, if anything, if you could do it again.
(25:43):
I think I'm, like I said I'm kind of bummed that I did disconnected but the people that I had trusted with, knowing that that that was my account in real life.
I mean obviously I need to make better decisions about who I led in my life and who I should probably keep out of my life so that was a hard lesson to learn.
(26:04):
But I'm, I'm just like an, I'm very open person, and I'm a very trusting person and that's what got me in. So, with this account I was a little bit more hesitant to let anybody know about it, and little by little, every now and then I'll write something and I share it with
somebody in real life.
And it's a matter of time before the people in my life know that this is my account but I think, what would I do differently. Is that the question.
(26:32):
Yeah, yeah.
Um, I don't know I don't think I would do anything differently because it got me the lessons that I have today I know that's a cliche type of answer but I think I needed to go through it that way.
Heck yeah, I love that answer. Isn't it so weird that sometimes we can regret doing things but then look at it and be like yeah but I wouldn't change it.
(26:54):
Yeah, definitely. Love that, because you wouldn't get to where you are if you didn't. That's what they always say you've got to go through the hard stuff in order to come out on the other side.
Everything went great. You have a boring story.
And I mean we can't change the past anyway.
So, let's look to the future.
What are your plans for you that on medium.
(27:18):
What are my plans. That's a great question because I don't have any.
I really, I had like moments where I was going to just, you're writer and I was going to write a book and I'm going to do just like all in on the writing and then when I realized I just don't have the time and energy for it.
It was kind of a downer moment because I thought I had to give it up. And now I'm just keeping it as there when I can and when I can I'm trying not to give myself any shame over it, because I can't if I, if I force myself to write it shit like I know what comes out of me when I'm
(27:58):
not in the mood or if I don't have the energy I have to be in the right headspace. And I've got to have something that I need to say. So, now that I'm kind of getting to know who I am.
My writing is just, it's changing along with me so the plan is to just continue with the stories that I've already started, and just finish. I have so many things I have to want.
(28:21):
I want, I can't talk anymore. So many things that I want to write about that I haven't gotten to go. The plan is to at least get those completed at some point.
That's such a right on such a common problem with writing, but you don't even have any drafts my drafts like gives you anxiety. You told me. Yeah. Yeah. Well you know what my dresser on my one drive, so I guess in a way I do have, I have an unfinished folder
(28:49):
but I will not put them on medium because when I signed into medium if I saw them all there I'd be like oh my god, I need to get these published immediately. Truth be told I have almost 50 of those. So, oh man, I can't.
I don't want emails I never want to have any emails sitting in my inbox either. I'm gonna do a quick little bye to Ben I might have missed him. Is he still, yeah Ben's still here, Ben's taken off so I wanted to say bye to Ben. Bye Ben. Oh, bye Ben.
(29:20):
So, you know, I'm not sure if you have any goals like outside of medium I know that you were talking about wanting to write a book is that still on the table and do you have like other things that you wanted to do with writing or.
I've always kind of dabbled in it but it would be amazing to write a book about my, just a book of my stories, and what you did for me when you put together that PDF of all my stories and I have that.
(29:50):
I can hold it in your hand like I did this I wrote all of this. It's kind of an amazing feeling so I would like to at some point, all of those stories and figure out how I can intertwine them together to make cohesion sense but right now it's just still putting
pieces and then one day. Hopefully, I could take all of this writing that I'm doing and then make, make the book, because I've written before like for my doctorate I think I told you guys this I had to write my dissertation and it's a huge leather bound book and I held
(30:25):
it in my hand and I was like, I was impressed, I was pissed. I was mad that I had to go back to school I was mad that I spent all that money and I wasn't proud of that at all, which is like so disappointing so having my work of something that I actually
had a passion about and I wanted to do. That's, that's the goal. Sounds like a nice goal. I hope you make that that goal because I'm excited to read the book.
(30:57):
Me too. I hope so too. It's a lot of pressure though when you think like, because then, yeah.
Maybe you're gonna do some or for myself like if I put that out there then I hold myself like you must do this and no one is holding my arm, like you must do this but in my mind, then I get this kind of unhealthy expectation there.
(31:22):
Yeah, yeah.
I think we all, we all can understand that pretty well.
Yeah, I think we, we, we share that a little bit, three of us in certain regards.
So I wanted to ask you a few more questions about the name that you chose your pseudo name, because not everybody uses their real name whether it looks like it could be a real name or it's not.
(31:44):
Have you found any difference between how others interact with your account versus when they were interacting with your other account?
My other account also was a pseudonym, so I can't really speak to it because, I mean people who knew me in real life and they've read it they were surprised I think it's some of the things that I wrote, just because they were things I probably didn't talk about out in regular conversations
(32:13):
but I don't, I can't really compare it because I've never used my real name. But that's even now I wish I could, because I'm a teacher, and I have a lot of my students and I feel like they would get a lot out of my stories too.
But I could potentially get fired for things that I want to share or I could potentially ruin relationships for things that I want to share. So, I don't think I have that liberty to use my real name unfortunately.
(32:45):
I understand that.
That's fair.
Same boat, same boat. Yeah.
I think in today's world like, because people get fired for what they put on social media, it just makes sense to have a pseudonym out there so that you can kind of protect yourself in your real life against your online life.
(33:09):
It doesn't feel safe, like if I had my name out there I would be, I wouldn't be writing what I'm writing.
But let's be fair, it's not that like we're like out there spreading hate.
I know that that's also a thing that people try to protect themselves from they go around and they spread hate and then like, I don't want to pay for these consequences. This is, this is just us being honest about our feelings and our experiences and that that can have dire consequences when linked to your actual, like in person real life information.
(33:46):
And that's kind of why I had to shut down that old account was because the person who bought was a friend was taking that information, my vulnerability and things that I was sharing freely and using it to manipulate me and to, to kind of
Yeah, to just pretend that he knew things that he didn't really know he was just looking at my, my articles and picking all these pieces and now I see it but at the time I didn't realize and I thought he was this guru that was seeing from another world that you, you know he had these superpowers and then, silly me.
(34:25):
He was just taking things from my work and using it against me.
Yep.
That's rough.
So did you want to that burned. Did you want to talk about like how you came up with you good and what it represents.
Yeah, so this account.
(34:46):
I don't know, the actual name you good was I could not think of a name, and I went through every different thing trying to figure out because I felt like it had to be perfect. And then I always say you good.
Good. I say it all the time people say to me I say to everyone and depending on the tone, like, it takes on a whole nother meaning.
(35:09):
I was just kind of asking myself like as I was sitting there trying to figure out like yo you good. And I wasn't good but I'm wondering like how is everybody. So I said, that's it. That's the name, and I just, I put it down and I'm so glad that I did it because I love.
I really love that name and it makes me smile every time I see it.
Yeah, it makes me smile every time I see it too.
(35:33):
Great name. It's just a funny thing.
Yeah, everyone knows you good.
Absolutely.
Oh, as far as like the origin of the account. So I have the stalker series on you good at the beginning, far down.
But that kind of tells the whole story about why I had to shift.
(35:59):
So, it called the I have a lot of stories now. It's called. I'm pretty sure.
So far.
It's like one of the very first couple stories that I wrote.
I think there's six of them.
Oh, you know what it's called the guru, the, the something grew in the wolf's.
(36:21):
There's anatomy of a username.
That one just talks about why I picked you good blast from the past. That's the beginning of it.
How do you how do you good account came to be. That's it.
Yep. So there's, I think, a couple of different parts.
Yeah, that's the story.
Yeah, and they're all linked. So I tried to at the end of each article, I put a little link so that if people want to follow it.
(36:47):
Oh, I forgot to mention also at the beginning of your account kind of maybe it's more in the middle was your what cracked first series, which I think.
Yeah, so it's really personal that it's it's a more of a medical mental health journey.
I have been working on the last one. I never finished it.
And I never finished this one either because I forgot an ending to the story. I don't, I don't have.
(37:14):
I've given this to people to read and they're like, so what happened?
And you're like, I don't know. I don't have an ending.
Nothing happens because we don't know.
It just kind of leaves you on a cliffhanger, not on purpose, just because we really don't have all the pieces for that puzzle.
So, I mean, maybe one day down the line, I will find out the real truth about this story.
(37:35):
But that I don't know.
And then the what cracked first series is really important to me because that's my mental health journey.
And I've been writing about that for the last 10 years.
So that one also, I think I left on a cliffhanger because I didn't know how to end it.
I didn't. I had one more article to write to kind of complete the series.
And because I wasn't 100 percent well, I didn't feel like I could write it.
(38:01):
I couldn't give that conclusion because I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
I could be misremembered.
But I could have sworn that the last one that you currently have written in the what crack first series, it has a sort of ending of kind of like,
like accepting that it may never have an ending.
It's not quite the ending. I left it like open.
(38:23):
Yeah. And you did say that, like, as things develop, you'll still add to it.
Like there was sort of a closure in the acceptance that like maybe this is just life now.
And that's where Matt is trying to come to accept, which is tough.
(38:45):
Yeah. So based on all of that, did you have any like words of encouragement or wisdom for other writers that are in similar positions to you?
I just I mean, for me, I hate to give people words of wisdom because I don't feel like who am I to say what anyone else should or shouldn't do.
But I know that I love reading stories of people's own experiences and their journeys and just them being real.
(39:14):
So when they're writing, I think a lot of people try to imagine who their audience is and they try to fit into that box again.
And I love the stories that go outside.
I love the stories that are just so uniquely them.
So I just hope that people can write with that authentic style and kind of love themselves through their writing and not try to, I don't know, try to meet the expectations of their audience,
(39:43):
but just enjoy what they're doing because your writing is always going to come out better when you actually enjoy what you're doing.
Agreed. Love that. Absolutely.
Did you want to promote anything while you're here?
It can be your stuff. It can be somebody else's stuff.
You know, promote whatever you can thank God, the universe, Buddha or the flying spaghetti monster, whatever you want to do.
(40:05):
All of the above.
Well, we talked about some of my stories and I mean, especially the mental health series.
That is one that's close to my heart because I want to reach other people that were struggling and and just give them some hope and see that they can resonate with the story or hope.
That anyone could resonate with that story, not that I want them to because it's terrible experience, but it just feels good to to not feel so isolated and alone when you're dealing with those kinds of situations.
(40:33):
So that's one that I would, you know, really like people to read if they were going to read anything.
But as far as thanking and all this, I mean, I love medium and medium brought me the two of you.
So I feel like I'm super lucky.
It's just crazy because we've never met each other.
(40:55):
And I think you guys know me more than the people that I see every day in my life.
And you listen and you hear me. You don't just listen.
But I'm just very grateful to find you.
So even if nothing else happens and I make one dollar forever more on medium, it's it's all right.
All right.
So Sturgis screaming right back at you, right back at you completely.
(41:22):
I got to say one of the biggest the biggest perks of medium is just meeting people and making these kinds of connections.
Absolutely. Yeah.
And doing things like this, like you guys don't realize when you speak about vulnerability, then other people will feel more comfortable after they see you modeling it and then they want to go.
(41:46):
Hey, they're not afraid to do that.
They're not afraid to talk about something that's a little bit uncomfortable.
And the more people that normalize it, then we don't all have to pry in corners.
We could just cry together.
Absolutely. And you wonder why we chose you for an interview.
Come on. You get it.
(42:07):
When people hear you, they're going to be like, oh, I'm just like that.
That sounds so great. Blah, blah, blah. You know, just like you do.
Those are the stories that I connect with, like the readers that I always go back and I actually look them up by name.
Like, I know certain people that I go to look for because they're so real.
(42:29):
And when they write things and you just feel it, you feel every emotion they're feeling through their words.
And it's not because maybe they're fantastic writers, but you just you can kind of tune into that. It's really cool.
I love it. Yeah, I agree. Yeah.
I think the ability to use words to express your feelings, like sometimes that's different from being able to weave the words in a, you know, appropriate way or an expert way.
(42:58):
Like, they're two different skills. They're both writing.
But like one of them is writing their spirit and the other one's writing, you know, kind of intellectually, which neither of them are bad.
Right, right. It's more technical, I guess.
But I think I think you're right. I think a lot of people tend to gravitate more towards the people that write with spirit rather than the ones that just know what words actually fit what they're trying to say.
(43:25):
Yeah, well, we're all just trying to belong somewhere.
Like you we read Brené Brown. Brené, how do I say your name? Brené Brown.
Why am I saying it's so strange?
Either way, she talks about belonging and when you find this group of people that you never knew existed, like you guys are halfway across the country and I was able to connect with you and that gives me hope in the world.
(43:49):
Like, okay, there are people out there and maybe I'm just not seeing them around me because I'm not giving people enough chance to really speak their mind either.
Because when you're reading someone's work, you don't have time to do the back and forth or like think about what they're thinking of you.
It's just all spilled out right there on the table. So it's a different you get like that inside view quicker to somebody.
(44:16):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was gonna say I think that the whole world is leaning more towards vulnerability.
I think there's a lot of fighting to try and stay away from that because there's a lot of people out there that don't want to be vulnerable. They don't want to share who they are and what they're about to themselves.
But but I really think that the pandemic and 2020 when all of our performers that we watch all the time, all the you know, the big stars that we all care about, they all had to go inside or they all had to quarantine for a little bit, even the ones that didn't believe in the shit.
(44:50):
Like, everyone saw people be a little more real. And we were all fascinated. And like, I got so into the internet during that time. I do hear it doggo.
Sorry, he's going nuts. He's ruining everything. No, it's not ruined at all. It's not ruined at all. It's so relatable, actually.
(45:12):
There's a ton of people. He's like, I hear you, mortal. Keep talking.
But yeah, I think the vulnerability is really killing it out there. And I think that it's kind of slow, like we're all kind of slowly getting there. But eventually the vulnerability is going to be the juiciest shit out there. Everyone's going to love it.
Yeah.
(45:34):
All right. You want me to mute my microphone. I feel bad.
Well, actually, let's go ahead and do our outro, I think. And if if if doggo decides to quiet down, you're welcome to pop back in.
Did you have any final words?
Bruno, there's some stories about Bruno that you might be finding on my page, too, because he pops in every now and then.
(45:55):
Yeah.
It's going to be some entertainment. So you guys can check out Bruno if you want to see him.
Heck yeah.
Thank you so much for talking to me, for being my friends.
Heck yeah.
Hell yeah.
Thank you so much for coming on on you. Good. It's a delight to talk to you anytime we get the chance to and to showcase you on our little our little tiny little corner of show and the Internet is a delight and an honor, honestly.
(46:23):
And I'd also like to thank the people that showed up for the live recording, Sturge, Gerald Sturgell. There's also Ben Ulliancy and I think Peter Murphy popped in for a little bit, too. So thank you for being part of the live recording.
And you, dear listener, can be a part of the live action by joining our discord through the monster rally dot com, which also has links to our articles, Spotify and Substack. And special bonus, the Substack is the only place to get the un-censored version.
(46:56):
I want to thank all our listeners for coming along and hanging out with us, whether it's your first time on the hidden egg or whether you've been here the whole time.
We really appreciate you lending your holes to us very much. I'm eternally mortal and I hope you find smiles this day. And I'm the accidental monster dot com. You can find us both on medium dot com.
(47:18):
Did I say dot com after my name? You did. You did. You can start over.
I am the accidental monster. I know, right. I am a website now. You find us on medium dot com or through the monster rally dot com. And remember to follow yourself always.
Hi, I'm Tam I'm eternally mortal and this is the hidden egg podcast where we talk about vulnerability
(00:08):
Yay, was there more to say there after that?
Stuffing things thank you mine and articles on medium.com
What are we doing again, who are we what's going on you're listening to season 5 episode 6 and today's theme is
(00:29):
an interview with you good
Welcome you good you can say some stuff now and introduce yourself
Hello, and you can actually call me Christine is fine, but I hope you're good
Hell yeah nice
Okay
So uh into the program and a writer we both adore so you actually have the notes this time mortal
(00:55):
So if you wanted to do any of the talking feel free. I don't want to take the stage from you
Understood. I'll do my best. Okay
But don't wait for me
Okay, so so Christine you are you good on medium and
I
(01:16):
Would say that like I I feel like you're well known but like that might just be my bias because you've got
442 followers on this account and I didn't count how many articles but it's
It's not quite as many as Sturge. I mean that was our last interview
(01:36):
So I would say like I hope this isn't offensive but I would say that you act or it kind of represent the average
Medium writer. I don't consider you average and skilled by any means but you
You kind of come and go and and you're not completely like day to day writing every single
Chance you get you're not on the grind as they would say right, right?
(02:00):
Yeah, so I and I also am not offended by any means because I feel like kind of embarrassed that you picked me to be
On your interview because there's so many amazing writers on medium. So thank you for even thinking about having me on
Appreciate that. I mean I I get that you would say that but you you're writing is even though
(02:20):
you don't write a lot and you don't focus on trying to write like
like
Fantastic stuff like you don't do feedback very much. You just kind of put it out there
It's still like yeah, like Sturge is just saying there your writing is still really phenomenal
So I think you're just you know, you're downplaying yourself because you just don't know
(02:41):
You don't know how to see yourself from the outside
But really glad that we're not sharing video because my face is bright red
Based on that though. What kind of medium writer would you consider yourself to be because like, you know, there's like hobbyists
There's people that just do like journaling or venting or memoirs or comedy or whatever. Where would you put your your writing?
(03:06):
For me, I feel like I don't really have a specific type of writing because it all depends on my mood and and what needs to
Get accomplished with that piece that I'm writing
so sometimes it's just because something silly happened in my life and I want to share it or sometimes it's because I had a sad
Moment or you know something that I'm trying to work through that I just need to get the words out of me
(03:27):
So I like the memoir style writing and that's kind of where I'm going with my writing
But I would say sometimes it's more just hobby. Sometimes it's event. Sometimes it has that journal aspect to it
So I don't fit in a box actually. I'm all over the place
Speaking of all the place, mortal you messed me up because we didn't do the shoutouts at all. Oh my god, we didn't do the shoutouts
(03:50):
Just rewind
I'm so sorry. We get on the we get on the thing with with Christine and for some reason everything we're just like, what are we doing?
Who are we?
Right. We're just we're just we're just buddies hanging out. What do you mean? We have things to do
No, I didn't send these to you. So it's completely on me. It's totally my fault
(04:13):
But I did have some shoutouts if it's okay since you totally sent them to me. I have them upright in front of me
No, I didn't send you the shoutouts today. Yeah, I've got four of them from you know, several of our awesome audience
Okay. Well, I take that back. It's not completely on me. It's a little bit. No, we just completely forgot
So we got a we got a we got a one question intro to the interview
(04:36):
That's kind of like a teaser. Now we're gonna just segue straight into shoutouts. Let's do it. Yeah, so I
Stuck with I stuck with the the core the core of the pod
So I got no you can't move to Canada when Trump is elected by Robin Wilding, which is hilarious
Super recommend to check it out. I really am gonna say out loud the subtitle
(05:02):
Which is I'm sorry that you elected Cito Mussolini, but we're full. Oh my god alone is hilarious
It's full of those like she has so many different things that she calls Trump
It's that alone is worth reading through
That's fantastic
But yeah, I really loved that and I was like I have to
Shout that out and then since I found Robbins, I was like I might as well do all of our core, you know
(05:28):
viewer people and went to
Sturges most recent. Well, not most recent because he published another one. I think maybe no. This is this is most recent
Which of my writing skills are brilliant, which?
That was a prompt that we are doing in our writing group, which is by the way
(05:49):
It's a forum base now. We're not
We're doing we're doing some experimentation there, but okay
I don't know if you were able to read this before we did the show since I just sent them all to you
but this one like it says it goes into the things that
Sturge does well so that
(06:10):
You know, we kind of know what he has to offer what he wants to offer and what he enjoys doing
That's such an amazing I completely like fell off the the writing group train last week or so
And so I didn't even pay look at the prompt really
But I think this is awesome because like Sturges going through what he thinks about own writing and that
And looking at the positives. Did I understand that correctly? Is that is that it's more looking at his skills in relation to writing
(06:38):
Yeah, but still doing the self-reflection like that can really show you what your strengths are and
How you're advancing. I think that's awesome. It's a very good prompt
So then the next one was by Murphy's law
It's called I was called crazy for quitting my job. Then this happened
Which would like I don't know what to say man Murphy's just really great at writing a story
(07:01):
And he's had some really great stories to write
So I don't I don't know if it's just luck that he has all these wonderful experiences or if he's
Actually this skilled to be able to put them all together is probably both
Probably both probably both but yeah, this one. I didn't even know that he I thought he was still teaching
I didn't know that he had quit his job. So this this was kind of like a oh goodness
(07:26):
Yeah, current affairs. I'm behind. I'm a lot. I'm a lot newer to Murphy than a lot of the other people
And so I I've been I haven't really gotten to know him too. Terribly well yet
But I kind of did a quick little skim and I think these two prominent pictures in this article are both of him and like
very different
vibes
(07:48):
There's a third at the bottom like lower down and the third one is particularly attractive
I really like the third one
Yes
Yeah, so but it looks really good. I have it up to read later
I only was able to actually really read one of the shout outs before we got started
I just kind of skimmed the rest of them, but I read something else by Murphy and it was great
(08:13):
So he's great, right and then last but definitely not least was Ben your lancies vacuous
ver similitude in this
Similitude is this I'm so bad at that word
The ponticating groups of bilingual you are I think anyone
(08:35):
And this poem is hilarious
It was so much fun to read it may or may not be
A sort of spoof on other kinds of poetry. Let's just say that
I don't know what else to say, but it just like this was just go read it like there's nothing just go read it trust me
(09:05):
And it's it's it's such a it's such a fun dance with words. It's so amazing. I really enjoy it
I would say there's even probably a little bit of absurdism in it that really appealed to me, but I don't know that that was Ben's intention
I have no idea
Because poetry I always get concerned. I don't understand it the way the reader intended or the way the writer intended
(09:29):
So poetry is always a weird place for me, but I really enjoy reading it
I think I think I got it caught on I mean salad of words as part of it. Yeah, so
You know, it is kind of a word salad, but a beautiful one
On purpose anyway, absolutely. So that was a shout out. That was my shout outs. Sorry. I
(09:54):
I should have put it a lot sooner
Good now. Sorry. Thanks for your patience. Christine. We really appreciate that
We got a transition. Yeah, absolutely. Oh right notes
I put them in there
(10:16):
What are we doing? Where are we? Who am I?
Okay, so we had just talked about what kind of writer you could consider to herself and
Not to speak for you, but you said kind of a little bit a little bit of everything but you kind of like the
Memoirist I believe path a little bit right?
(10:38):
Yeah, yeah
Cool. I don't know if I necessarily like follow a specific writing style enough to be considered in one
You know one genre really. Yeah, you're just a box dodger. It's dodge them boxes. I like that
I like that a lot. Uh-huh
So sometimes yeah, sorry
(11:01):
Sometimes you you publish more sometimes you publish less. How do you balance your writing with your life?
And so I don't do it. Well, obviously if you can see it
It's very difficult because I am constantly writing in my mind
like things come in my mind all the time that I want to get out and I want to write and I'll jot little notes down in
(11:26):
My phone and and I just never get back to them
So it kind of sucks because the things that I have to do my responsibility is then take over what I want to do
Which is writing and I am working now two different jobs and I've got two little ones
So unfortunately my writing gets pushed to the side and then when I do have time
(11:49):
It's the middle of the night and I'm falling asleep on my computer. So it's been a struggle to try to make time to write
But there's certain things that I feel passionate about or if I have enough feelings about
I'm gonna just get it out of me because I can't even sleep otherwise
That's actually why I wanted you on as an interview
(12:10):
Because I think a lot of people in that situation would look at everything and be like, you know what?
Something's got to give goodbye medium, but you you look at it and you're like, I mean
I don't want to stop but I can't do it right now. So I'm just gonna set it to the side and come back to it later
Yeah, and that's hard because when I started so I mean we might get into this a little bit later
(12:36):
But I started medium in 2018 on my old account and then even that one no one knew about it
I had no followers and I just used it as my private journal kind of
So now moving to this account where I actually was trying to get it off the ground and engage at the beginning
And I just couldn't keep up with it and then I felt guilty like oh crap
(12:57):
I can't read everybody's stories and I can't interact with all these people that I want to be interacting with
And then I realized it was kind of defeating my whole purpose because I I wanted to write ultimately
As much as I want to engage with people it was originally my intention was to just have a place for my words to live
So it's been a balancing act, but I've never wanted to completely give it up
(13:20):
But there were times where I was thinking, you know, maybe I should just shut it down and just write in my OneDrive and let it live there
Like why does it need to live on medium? But I found enough. I don't know. I get a lot of reward from writing on medium
So I like to keep that avenue open
I'm glad too because I really enjoy reading your writing. You have some of the most vulnerable stuff
(13:45):
And I can I think I can honestly say that you're a significant portion of how I got to write on medium in the first place
Tam was the ultimate like inspiration for me, but with the connection that you and I made I was able to look at medium a little bit more favorably
And get back to it if I remember correctly
So I like that. It's good to hear
(14:08):
Yeah, I think I introduced you to medium, but you didn't really get excited about trying to write on medium until you and Christine kind of met
Now let's all inspire him to write a lot more says Sturge
Don't worry. I haven't forgotten about the Rocket League piece. It's still cooking
(14:29):
So like like mortal said you write really personal vulnerable stories
Just some of the ones that I like came up with off the top of your profile were like micro dosing with panic disorder
Which is very very personal
It's not something that I think a lot of people would write about there's to celebrate a lifetime of being fine
(14:56):
Which you dig into some really deep concepts. I don't think people even think about half the time much less discuss in public
And then there was the 100 duck sized horses or one horse sized duck
Which was an experience that you had that you just had to share that I don't know that most people like most people I think would have
(15:18):
Lived through that and just gone home and been like I just need to put that out of my head
I just wonder is like well like each each of these is like a peek into your life in your mind and who you are as a person
But are there are there things that you're not comfortable sharing
Well from the idea that my name is you good instead of Christine and it's my identity that I have hidden
(15:44):
So I write behind this this name because I don't really want everyone to know who I am
And I guess that part of me is ashamed of it that I'm not proud enough that I would share my identity
But my name is unique and I feel like I would put people that I love potentially in an awkward situation
(16:12):
If I was able to use my name, but I would not be able to speak unfiltered like this if that makes sense
So by going behind this pen name now I can say everything that's in my brain which is a liberating feeling for me
And there are things that I've wanted to say for so long and kind of felt silenced that I couldn't say it or I shouldn't say it
(16:35):
And I just say it I just say everything and anything that I want to and it's kind of an amazing feeling to have that platform to do it
Heck yeah I think I think we understand exactly what you mean considering there's no way that our birth names are the accidental monster or eternally mortal
(16:56):
Oh it's not? Really? But yeah the freedom to be able to say the things that are in your heart and mind to say but that you're worried might affect people around you negatively
Just to be able to put that out into the world and you know not feel well I don't know how to describe it but like the reservations about sharing that kind of stuff are kind of evaporated with medium so I get it absolutely
(17:25):
And it's not so much that I'm trying to protect myself because even in my real life I'll talk to anyone about anything like I'm not generally embarrassed of my experiences
But I know my family is not keen on me sharing all the details and I guess that's a them problem not a me problem but I'm just super aware of the fact that they feel uncomfortable
(17:50):
And I don't want anyone to have pain associated with something that's bringing me pleasure so I feel like by doing it this way I can still express myself without potentially harming anybody that I care about
Heck yeah
Yeah I mean we kind of have that same thing too you just want to respect the people that you care about and not do things that could potentially harm them or bring things that they didn't ask for into their life
(18:17):
Yeah I can get that. Hostage.
So where do you get the inspiration to your stories? Like what life events make it to the page versus the ones that don't?
So most of the things that I write about are things that are just rocking around in my head for a long time and I'm trying to process them myself and when I'm just thinking about it I can't get to a resolution
(18:45):
But when I start writing about it and then I reread my own articles before I ever publish them probably 20 times and then I actually can see it in a new perspective
So it's most of the time something that I'm just trying to reason or trying to figure out but a lot of times it's driven by sadness or anxiety or just experiences
(19:08):
Just things that I've experienced and I'm wondering if other people had the same experiences just to feel a little less alone I guess I want to put it out there to see if anyone else had something similar happen to them or if they could relate
I like that a lot and then of course the funny stuff like every now and then I'll just write something that happened to me that I feel like I'm on a hidden camera show and I'm like what the hell just happened
(19:31):
No one's got to know about this I can't keep it to myself so I like to share those ones too when I get them
Yeah, it's like the horse the horse size duck article which is this yeah it was the it was. I mean in being in that situation is certainly like just nerve wracking but like after the fact and not being the person that was in that situation that's hilarious.
(19:56):
I was still talking about it but everyone in the district like knows this guy still.
It never died.
That's so funny. It was it was a pretty crazy thing. So you used to have another account, one that no longer exists on medium so nobody can like go track it down.
What about that decision do you feel comfortable sharing with us today.
(20:20):
Oh, that first account like I said I had opened it in 2018, and I didn't really start writing on it until 2022. And that account was when I started reconnecting. Well, when I started writing more frequently on it was when I reconnected with one of my childhood best
friends who we could, I'm air quoting twin flame I'm air quoting soulmate. I didn't really know how to place him, but that was an emotional affair that I had gotten myself involved in.
(20:51):
And I had written a lot of really vulnerable pieces on that account. And when that happened, there were some people in my real life that had access to that account, and I was very paranoid because they were using what I thought, well, I'm still not sure about.
They were using it against me to manipulate me and got me in a bad situation so I kind of had one foot in the door one foot out debating whether to keep it open. There was a time where I had a lot of the stories just hidden.
(21:23):
I just didn't have them accessible but I didn't want to delete it. And then finally, I thought that I was going to be brave and delete it like that was going to show the world that I was strong and now I do kind of regret that I did that because once you hit that delete
button, which is inactivated it's gone. So I've got my, my little archive PDF that Tam made me which I'm so glad that I did that. But, um, I wish I had it I wish I still had it intact so that's kind of a bummer in hindsight but at the moment.
(21:56):
I thought it was like a power move. So, it's a good lesson, a good life moment to teach you something about yourself so that's hard though, I get that.
So, with your you go to count you you did still talk some about that twin flame thing so you said that that was a lot of what you started doing on the other account.
And so I pulled up that.
(22:19):
I think it's the first of the twin flames ones that I don't know that you've written a whole lot about it on you good but the ghost that won't leave my twin flame was one of the articles that you kind of like tried to try to wrap it up.
I think there's one other after this where you wrapped it up again.
(22:40):
But, sort of like a shout out to that old account.
So there was a time where there was some, if you were, if you were sneaky enough you could have found the old account I did have links that were linking back to the old account.
I had kept it open because I had been ghosted by my twin flame at that point or what I thought was ghosted, which was would have been the third time that that had happened with him.
(23:05):
And I just knew he was still reading that other account so I didn't want to close it because I thought that was the only doorway that relationship.
And I did leave different articles on there on purpose.
And then finally when I closed it.
I was able to get some, I don't even want to say it's closure because it was closure on his end and I did write about this, he finally wrote me an email. And there's a chat GPT summary on one of my articles, what is this article we just were talking about it, I forgot already.
(23:40):
But there's some.
Do I have it.
Oh, is it always at the end, shall receive. Is that the one.
It's asking you shall receive. So this one was when I finally got the last email from him and it was like a ridiculously long rambling email and we put it into chat GPT gave me a nice little summary of what the hell he was saying.
(24:03):
But that was that was the last one. So I don't have a ton of twin flame stories on the you good account because I had told the entire story on the previous account and now looking back I almost want to reopen that whole series and rewrite it, knowing what I know now.
It's funny how a little bit of time shifts, everything that you thought you knew. So, that would be really kind of interesting I think.
(24:28):
Yeah, it's something I play with because that ended up being like 126 page book.
It's a PDF when I put all the stories together like it's a book. And there's so much more to it now in hindsight that I would love to dig it up and and start to go through it again with the knowledge that I have now but I haven't had the time to do that but it's on, it's on the
(24:53):
list of to do.
It says you should publish that book after you update it. Hi, guys. Yeah, and look, I don't want to pressure you into that if you do but like I've read some romance novels that are 126 pages and they don't all end happy so like, you know, might be a decent idea, if you
wanted to. Yeah.
(25:14):
And it's what you learn from that experience and like you've got the ups and the downs but the growth that happens. That's really, that's the what the story is about. It's not really about the romance or anything else is about how I changed as a person.
Yeah.
Exactly.
So based on that other account, what would you do differently, if anything, if you could do it again.
(25:43):
I think I'm, like I said I'm kind of bummed that I did disconnected but the people that I had trusted with, knowing that that that was my account in real life.
I mean obviously I need to make better decisions about who I led in my life and who I should probably keep out of my life so that was a hard lesson to learn.
(26:04):
But I'm, I'm just like an, I'm very open person, and I'm a very trusting person and that's what got me in. So, with this account I was a little bit more hesitant to let anybody know about it, and little by little, every now and then I'll write something and I share it with
somebody in real life.
And it's a matter of time before the people in my life know that this is my account but I think, what would I do differently. Is that the question.
(26:32):
Yeah, yeah.
Um, I don't know I don't think I would do anything differently because it got me the lessons that I have today I know that's a cliche type of answer but I think I needed to go through it that way.
Heck yeah, I love that answer. Isn't it so weird that sometimes we can regret doing things but then look at it and be like yeah but I wouldn't change it.
(26:54):
Yeah, definitely. Love that, because you wouldn't get to where you are if you didn't. That's what they always say you've got to go through the hard stuff in order to come out on the other side.
Everything went great. You have a boring story.
And I mean we can't change the past anyway.
So, let's look to the future.
What are your plans for you that on medium.
(27:18):
What are my plans. That's a great question because I don't have any.
I really, I had like moments where I was going to just, you're writer and I was going to write a book and I'm going to do just like all in on the writing and then when I realized I just don't have the time and energy for it.
It was kind of a downer moment because I thought I had to give it up. And now I'm just keeping it as there when I can and when I can I'm trying not to give myself any shame over it, because I can't if I, if I force myself to write it shit like I know what comes out of me when I'm
(27:58):
not in the mood or if I don't have the energy I have to be in the right headspace. And I've got to have something that I need to say. So, now that I'm kind of getting to know who I am.
My writing is just, it's changing along with me so the plan is to just continue with the stories that I've already started, and just finish. I have so many things I have to want.
(28:21):
I want, I can't talk anymore. So many things that I want to write about that I haven't gotten to go. The plan is to at least get those completed at some point.
That's such a right on such a common problem with writing, but you don't even have any drafts my drafts like gives you anxiety. You told me. Yeah. Yeah. Well you know what my dresser on my one drive, so I guess in a way I do have, I have an unfinished folder
(28:49):
but I will not put them on medium because when I signed into medium if I saw them all there I'd be like oh my god, I need to get these published immediately. Truth be told I have almost 50 of those. So, oh man, I can't.
I don't want emails I never want to have any emails sitting in my inbox either. I'm gonna do a quick little bye to Ben I might have missed him. Is he still, yeah Ben's still here, Ben's taken off so I wanted to say bye to Ben. Bye Ben. Oh, bye Ben.
(29:20):
So, you know, I'm not sure if you have any goals like outside of medium I know that you were talking about wanting to write a book is that still on the table and do you have like other things that you wanted to do with writing or.
I've always kind of dabbled in it but it would be amazing to write a book about my, just a book of my stories, and what you did for me when you put together that PDF of all my stories and I have that.
(29:50):
I can hold it in your hand like I did this I wrote all of this. It's kind of an amazing feeling so I would like to at some point, all of those stories and figure out how I can intertwine them together to make cohesion sense but right now it's just still putting
pieces and then one day. Hopefully, I could take all of this writing that I'm doing and then make, make the book, because I've written before like for my doctorate I think I told you guys this I had to write my dissertation and it's a huge leather bound book and I held
(30:25):
it in my hand and I was like, I was impressed, I was pissed. I was mad that I had to go back to school I was mad that I spent all that money and I wasn't proud of that at all, which is like so disappointing so having my work of something that I actually
had a passion about and I wanted to do. That's, that's the goal. Sounds like a nice goal. I hope you make that that goal because I'm excited to read the book.
(30:57):
Me too. I hope so too. It's a lot of pressure though when you think like, because then, yeah.
Maybe you're gonna do some or for myself like if I put that out there then I hold myself like you must do this and no one is holding my arm, like you must do this but in my mind, then I get this kind of unhealthy expectation there.
(31:22):
Yeah, yeah.
I think we all, we all can understand that pretty well.
Yeah, I think we, we, we share that a little bit, three of us in certain regards.
So I wanted to ask you a few more questions about the name that you chose your pseudo name, because not everybody uses their real name whether it looks like it could be a real name or it's not.
(31:44):
Have you found any difference between how others interact with your account versus when they were interacting with your other account?
My other account also was a pseudonym, so I can't really speak to it because, I mean people who knew me in real life and they've read it they were surprised I think it's some of the things that I wrote, just because they were things I probably didn't talk about out in regular conversations
(32:13):
but I don't, I can't really compare it because I've never used my real name. But that's even now I wish I could, because I'm a teacher, and I have a lot of my students and I feel like they would get a lot out of my stories too.
But I could potentially get fired for things that I want to share or I could potentially ruin relationships for things that I want to share. So, I don't think I have that liberty to use my real name unfortunately.
(32:45):
I understand that.
That's fair.
Same boat, same boat. Yeah.
I think in today's world like, because people get fired for what they put on social media, it just makes sense to have a pseudonym out there so that you can kind of protect yourself in your real life against your online life.
(33:09):
It doesn't feel safe, like if I had my name out there I would be, I wouldn't be writing what I'm writing.
But let's be fair, it's not that like we're like out there spreading hate.
I know that that's also a thing that people try to protect themselves from they go around and they spread hate and then like, I don't want to pay for these consequences. This is, this is just us being honest about our feelings and our experiences and that that can have dire consequences when linked to your actual, like in person real life information.
(33:46):
And that's kind of why I had to shut down that old account was because the person who bought was a friend was taking that information, my vulnerability and things that I was sharing freely and using it to manipulate me and to, to kind of
Yeah, to just pretend that he knew things that he didn't really know he was just looking at my, my articles and picking all these pieces and now I see it but at the time I didn't realize and I thought he was this guru that was seeing from another world that you, you know he had these superpowers and then, silly me.
(34:25):
He was just taking things from my work and using it against me.
Yep.
That's rough.
So did you want to that burned. Did you want to talk about like how you came up with you good and what it represents.
Yeah, so this account.
(34:46):
I don't know, the actual name you good was I could not think of a name, and I went through every different thing trying to figure out because I felt like it had to be perfect. And then I always say you good.
Good. I say it all the time people say to me I say to everyone and depending on the tone, like, it takes on a whole nother meaning.
(35:09):
I was just kind of asking myself like as I was sitting there trying to figure out like yo you good. And I wasn't good but I'm wondering like how is everybody. So I said, that's it. That's the name, and I just, I put it down and I'm so glad that I did it because I love.
I really love that name and it makes me smile every time I see it.
Yeah, it makes me smile every time I see it too.
(35:33):
Great name. It's just a funny thing.
Yeah, everyone knows you good.
Absolutely.
Oh, as far as like the origin of the account. So I have the stalker series on you good at the beginning, far down.
But that kind of tells the whole story about why I had to shift.
(35:59):
So, it called the I have a lot of stories now. It's called. I'm pretty sure.
So far.
It's like one of the very first couple stories that I wrote.
I think there's six of them.
Oh, you know what it's called the guru, the, the something grew in the wolf's.
(36:21):
There's anatomy of a username.
That one just talks about why I picked you good blast from the past. That's the beginning of it.
How do you how do you good account came to be. That's it.
Yep. So there's, I think, a couple of different parts.
Yeah, that's the story.
Yeah, and they're all linked. So I tried to at the end of each article, I put a little link so that if people want to follow it.
(36:47):
Oh, I forgot to mention also at the beginning of your account kind of maybe it's more in the middle was your what cracked first series, which I think.
Yeah, so it's really personal that it's it's a more of a medical mental health journey.
I have been working on the last one. I never finished it.
And I never finished this one either because I forgot an ending to the story. I don't, I don't have.
(37:14):
I've given this to people to read and they're like, so what happened?
And you're like, I don't know. I don't have an ending.
Nothing happens because we don't know.
It just kind of leaves you on a cliffhanger, not on purpose, just because we really don't have all the pieces for that puzzle.
So, I mean, maybe one day down the line, I will find out the real truth about this story.
(37:35):
But that I don't know.
And then the what cracked first series is really important to me because that's my mental health journey.
And I've been writing about that for the last 10 years.
So that one also, I think I left on a cliffhanger because I didn't know how to end it.
I didn't. I had one more article to write to kind of complete the series.
And because I wasn't 100 percent well, I didn't feel like I could write it.
(38:01):
I couldn't give that conclusion because I wasn't sure what was going to happen.
I could be misremembered.
But I could have sworn that the last one that you currently have written in the what crack first series, it has a sort of ending of kind of like,
like accepting that it may never have an ending.
It's not quite the ending. I left it like open.
(38:23):
Yeah. And you did say that, like, as things develop, you'll still add to it.
Like there was sort of a closure in the acceptance that like maybe this is just life now.
And that's where Matt is trying to come to accept, which is tough.
(38:45):
Yeah. So based on all of that, did you have any like words of encouragement or wisdom for other writers that are in similar positions to you?
I just I mean, for me, I hate to give people words of wisdom because I don't feel like who am I to say what anyone else should or shouldn't do.
But I know that I love reading stories of people's own experiences and their journeys and just them being real.
(39:14):
So when they're writing, I think a lot of people try to imagine who their audience is and they try to fit into that box again.
And I love the stories that go outside.
I love the stories that are just so uniquely them.
So I just hope that people can write with that authentic style and kind of love themselves through their writing and not try to, I don't know, try to meet the expectations of their audience,
(39:43):
but just enjoy what they're doing because your writing is always going to come out better when you actually enjoy what you're doing.
Agreed. Love that. Absolutely.
Did you want to promote anything while you're here?
It can be your stuff. It can be somebody else's stuff.
You know, promote whatever you can thank God, the universe, Buddha or the flying spaghetti monster, whatever you want to do.
(40:05):
All of the above.
Well, we talked about some of my stories and I mean, especially the mental health series.
That is one that's close to my heart because I want to reach other people that were struggling and and just give them some hope and see that they can resonate with the story or hope.
That anyone could resonate with that story, not that I want them to because it's terrible experience, but it just feels good to to not feel so isolated and alone when you're dealing with those kinds of situations.
(40:33):
So that's one that I would, you know, really like people to read if they were going to read anything.
But as far as thanking and all this, I mean, I love medium and medium brought me the two of you.
So I feel like I'm super lucky.
It's just crazy because we've never met each other.
(40:55):
And I think you guys know me more than the people that I see every day in my life.
And you listen and you hear me. You don't just listen.
But I'm just very grateful to find you.
So even if nothing else happens and I make one dollar forever more on medium, it's it's all right.
All right.
So Sturgis screaming right back at you, right back at you completely.
(41:22):
I got to say one of the biggest the biggest perks of medium is just meeting people and making these kinds of connections.
Absolutely. Yeah.
And doing things like this, like you guys don't realize when you speak about vulnerability, then other people will feel more comfortable after they see you modeling it and then they want to go.
(41:46):
Hey, they're not afraid to do that.
They're not afraid to talk about something that's a little bit uncomfortable.
And the more people that normalize it, then we don't all have to pry in corners.
We could just cry together.
Absolutely. And you wonder why we chose you for an interview.
Come on. You get it.
(42:07):
When people hear you, they're going to be like, oh, I'm just like that.
That sounds so great. Blah, blah, blah. You know, just like you do.
Those are the stories that I connect with, like the readers that I always go back and I actually look them up by name.
Like, I know certain people that I go to look for because they're so real.
(42:29):
And when they write things and you just feel it, you feel every emotion they're feeling through their words.
And it's not because maybe they're fantastic writers, but you just you can kind of tune into that. It's really cool.
I love it. Yeah, I agree. Yeah.
I think the ability to use words to express your feelings, like sometimes that's different from being able to weave the words in a, you know, appropriate way or an expert way.
(42:58):
Like, they're two different skills. They're both writing.
But like one of them is writing their spirit and the other one's writing, you know, kind of intellectually, which neither of them are bad.
Right, right. It's more technical, I guess.
But I think I think you're right. I think a lot of people tend to gravitate more towards the people that write with spirit rather than the ones that just know what words actually fit what they're trying to say.
(43:25):
Yeah, well, we're all just trying to belong somewhere.
Like you we read Brené Brown. Brené, how do I say your name? Brené Brown.
Why am I saying it's so strange?
Either way, she talks about belonging and when you find this group of people that you never knew existed, like you guys are halfway across the country and I was able to connect with you and that gives me hope in the world.
(43:49):
Like, okay, there are people out there and maybe I'm just not seeing them around me because I'm not giving people enough chance to really speak their mind either.
Because when you're reading someone's work, you don't have time to do the back and forth or like think about what they're thinking of you.
It's just all spilled out right there on the table. So it's a different you get like that inside view quicker to somebody.
(44:16):
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was gonna say I think that the whole world is leaning more towards vulnerability.
I think there's a lot of fighting to try and stay away from that because there's a lot of people out there that don't want to be vulnerable. They don't want to share who they are and what they're about to themselves.
But but I really think that the pandemic and 2020 when all of our performers that we watch all the time, all the you know, the big stars that we all care about, they all had to go inside or they all had to quarantine for a little bit, even the ones that didn't believe in the shit.
(44:50):
Like, everyone saw people be a little more real. And we were all fascinated. And like, I got so into the internet during that time. I do hear it doggo.
Sorry, he's going nuts. He's ruining everything. No, it's not ruined at all. It's not ruined at all. It's so relatable, actually.
(45:12):
There's a ton of people. He's like, I hear you, mortal. Keep talking.
But yeah, I think the vulnerability is really killing it out there. And I think that it's kind of slow, like we're all kind of slowly getting there. But eventually the vulnerability is going to be the juiciest shit out there. Everyone's going to love it.
Yeah.
(45:34):
All right. You want me to mute my microphone. I feel bad.
Well, actually, let's go ahead and do our outro, I think. And if if if doggo decides to quiet down, you're welcome to pop back in.
Did you have any final words?
Bruno, there's some stories about Bruno that you might be finding on my page, too, because he pops in every now and then.
(45:55):
Yeah.
It's going to be some entertainment. So you guys can check out Bruno if you want to see him.
Heck yeah.
Thank you so much for talking to me, for being my friends.
Heck yeah.
Hell yeah.
Thank you so much for coming on on you. Good. It's a delight to talk to you anytime we get the chance to and to showcase you on our little our little tiny little corner of show and the Internet is a delight and an honor, honestly.
(46:23):
And I'd also like to thank the people that showed up for the live recording, Sturge, Gerald Sturgell. There's also Ben Ulliancy and I think Peter Murphy popped in for a little bit, too. So thank you for being part of the live recording.
And you, dear listener, can be a part of the live action by joining our discord through the monster rally dot com, which also has links to our articles, Spotify and Substack. And special bonus, the Substack is the only place to get the un-censored version.
(46:56):
I want to thank all our listeners for coming along and hanging out with us, whether it's your first time on the hidden egg or whether you've been here the whole time.
We really appreciate you lending your holes to us very much. I'm eternally mortal and I hope you find smiles this day. And I'm the accidental monster dot com. You can find us both on medium dot com.
(47:18):
Did I say dot com after my name? You did. You did. You can start over.
I am the accidental monster. I know, right. I am a website now. You find us on medium dot com or through the monster rally dot com. And remember to follow yourself always.
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