June 5, 2025 • 38 mins
Beloved Hoffman teacher and coach, Corey Campbell, had no thought of becoming a Hoffman teacher when he arrived for his week at the Process. Rather, he came because he was exhausted and didn't know why. He hoped to find something that would help him change his approach to life.
Often, people believe that if they have good parents and/or a happy childhood, there is nothing to be gained from looking at their parents' or caregivers' behaviors. But Corey's story is a beautiful example of that not being true. When he came, Corey was sure most of the patterns he needed to release didn't come from his mother. It turns out that the exhaustion he was experiencing from serving others could be directly traced to his mother's patterns. Often, even 'good' behavior is driven by unconscious needs not being met. What matters is what's driving the behavior. When driven by patterns, we will attempt to meet that need in a way that doesn't work.
At the Process, Corey saw through the patterns and opened to deep Presence. Lying in the cold creek water, staring up at the sunlight through the trees, he had a moment of realization. Corey realized that he is enough just as he is. This pure clarity has changed his approach to life. He now understands that loving and caring for his wife and son, Cayden, is enough. If he does other things in his life, great. But he no longer lets his patterns convince him he needs to be more because he is enough. (Listen in to hear why Corey was lying in the cold water!)
We hope you enjoy this insightful and loving conversation with Corey and Sadie.
Content warning: This conversation references grief and loss.
More about Corey Campbell:
Corey Campbell is a Hoffman Process Teacher & Coach. He is also the CEO and Founder of Akamai Training & Consulting, where he serves as a nationally recognized executive coach and leadership consultant. Through Akamai, Corey builds high-performance cultures rooted in mindset, emotional intelligence, and authentic leadership. His coaching and training programs challenge people to be open, real, and courageous. They learn to embrace the tough conversations that foster genuine trust, alignment, and unity.
Corey brings a personalized, insight-driven approach to every engagement. He is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach and a certified practitioner of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI®), the iEQ9 Integrative Enneagram, and Tracom’s Social Styles & Versatility. He has over 20 years of experience transforming people and teams across hospitality, healthcare, finance, and government.
Corey resides in Honolulu with his wife, Cherise, their son Cayden, and their dog, Scooby. He enjoys being outdoors, hiking, traveling, and reading. Corey has a special affinity for Japanese culture after spending three years teaching English there after college. He wakes up every day fueled by his purpose: to help others live a more energized, engaged, and inspired life.
“I came to Hoffman totally burnt out on life – exhausted from trying to make everyone else around me happy while feeling empty inside and trying to mask it. During my Process, I realized how deeply set and unconscious my childhood patterns were around playing the role of helper and, ultimately, people pleaser. The Process allowed me to get in touch with my authentic self, for perhaps the first time ever, and to start to love myself simply for who I am, not for what I do. It’s a gift that keeps on giving. Teaching Hoffman now is an honor to walk alongside others as they discover or reconnect to their own light and sense of self-love.”
Social Media:
Follow Corey on Instagram and LinkedIn.
As mentioned in this episode:
Bubba Gump Shrimp Company
Jon Kabat-Zinn - Wherever You Go, There You Are
White Sulphur Springs in St. Helena, CA
• The Hoffman Process was held at Whilte Sulphur Springs for two decades. In September 2020, the retreat site burned in the Glass Fire.
Hoffman Process Terminology
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:01):
My grieving process lasted years. From that point
forward, there was something in me in learning
how to actually have a voice and communicate
the pain that was in me. And what
I love about Hoffman is I think it
gave me and it gives people a chance
to actually, at times, communicate things that maybe
we've never said that we feel inside.
(00:21):
And I needed that. I I needed that
in so many different ways beyond just my
brother. And but that was just where I
kinda learned the power of that moment.
Hello, and welcome to Love's Everyday Radius, a
podcast brought to you by the Hoffman Institute.
My name is Sadie Hanna, and in this
podcast, you'll hear real conversations and stories
with graduates about their courageous journey inward and
(00:44):
how their love and light are living in
the world around them. Love's everyday radius.
Thank you for being here and welcome.
Before we dive in, please note that this
episode references
grief and loss.
Please use your discretion as you listen.
(01:07):
Hey, everyone, and welcome. I'm Sadie, and I'm
here with
Corey Campbell,
my colleague,
my friend,
and so much more. Corey, thank you for
being here with us. Yeah. What's up, Sadie?
This is kind of fun. I listen to
the Hoffman podcast when I walk my dog
most mornings, so this is kinda cool to
be on.
(01:27):
Yeah. Wonderful.
I know many of the people listening are
Hoffman graduates, and so they may have some
sense of you already either from
being with you as a teacher,
hearing you and your teaching through the app,
or online various different ways they may have
accessed
you.
I would love for you to take us
into
(01:48):
a much more whole view of who you
are.
What's happening for you?
What are you doing in the world, how
did you get here?
Yeah. You know, it's neat, I think, in
Hoffman because we don't actually share much of
ourselves, and so I often feel like I
learned so much about these people that I
get to work with.
And, yeah, there's very little shared on the
(02:08):
other end. So I would just start off
by saying my primary roles in life, I'm
a husband, I'm a father, a son, a
brother.
And on the work front, in addition to
Hoffman teaching and coaching, I'm an entrepreneur and
a leadership consultant.
And what I would say just
purpose wise, just really trying to inspire people
(02:28):
to live more energized, engaged, and connected to
themselves in their lives. That's really what drives
me every day. Wonderful.
Give us a little bit of the backstory.
How did you come to do the work
that you're doing right now?
Yeah. I'd go all the way back to
college and studying psychology. I've just been this
lover of, like, understanding why do people do
(02:49):
what they do. I even love studying animals
and insects and just watching behaviors.
And I took kind of an interesting route.
I had done my sophomore year of college
at the University of Hawaii. It was an
exchange program for Virginia Tech. I fell in
love with Hawaii. I decided
I was gonna go home, graduate from BT,
and then move straight back to Hawaii, and
that's what I did. Got here, you know,
(03:11):
lived in a hostel for a number of
weeks. No one would hire me because I
think I didn't have a Hawaiian address.
And then finally got a job at Bubba
Gump Shrimp Company, which was amazing
and so much fun. And I was bartending
there. And then that led into, moved to
Japan, and I taught English for three years.
And I had always wanted this experience of
(03:31):
living outside The US
that felt like a perfect medium. I knew
I wanted to stay in Hawaii and, you
know, having some connection to Japan and Japanese
language ability, I knew would be helpful. So
that's led me there.
That was a really wonderful experience. And one
of the a few moments where I think
I realized
that my views on this world
(03:52):
are so limited and narrow
And that when I got outside
The US, I started to really feel like,
okay.
I need to expand how I see this
world.
I came back to Hawaii. I got kinda
fell into a job in hotels. I was
a guest services manager at Sharon Waikiki
getting
yelled at for about twelve to fourteen hours
(04:13):
a day, and I can remember thinking, like,
this is the worst job in the world.
Like, who wants to be this guest services
manager?
I really I I often share this story.
Like, I had a moment where I decided
I either quit this job
or I choose to look at it differently,
and I think it's been very instructive for
my life. I just decided I was gonna
go back to being myself and not allowing
(04:35):
the negativity of the role to just beat
me down every day. And I think somewhere
in there, I started to really understand, like,
energy.
If I bring a certain type of energy
to an experience, I can definitely interject that
into the other person. And as we talk
about Hoffman, I mean, I think that's one
of the core concepts is if we own
a % of our 50, we actually have
(04:56):
the power to shift the other person. And
then just briefly on my roles, then I
moved from guest services. I opened up a
bar called Rumfire at Sheridan Waikiki as the
AGM. Then
I moved over to the Royal Hawaiian as
a learning and development manager,
found my passion in training and people, and
I left Hawaii and took a role as
a corporate trainer for Starwood Hotels and Resorts
(05:18):
and traveled for about three years doing leadership
training
across America and Canada and Puerto Rico and
was just kind of feeling exhausted.
Came back to Hawaii. I was overseeing training
for Starwood's four kind of big brands, which
you can add the Mortar Surfrider and the
Sherna PK. And then I broke off on
my own in 2015 and started Akamai training
consulting
with just this desire to train and do
(05:40):
things that impacted people's lives. And then just
to bring the whole picture together, I and
I guess it was right before COVID was
hitting. Hoffman sent out an email saying they
were doing teacher training.
I just had this deep desire to be
in a space. I love leadership training, but
I always found my best days were when
I was working with someone and it dropped
(06:01):
beneath
the surface of leadership into why do they
operate the way they operate? You know, I
did Hoffman with zero intentions of being a
Hoffman teacher.
And years later, something hit me when I
saw that email. I was like, I really
would like to be a part of an
organization
that helps people connect to themselves. And so
that's what led me into Hoffman as well.
Can you describe for me what happened for
(06:24):
you
when you fell in love with Hawaii? How
did you know?
Yes. Oh, gosh. It's,
it was this I don't know. It's just
since when I got to Hawaii,
just that there was something
spiritually beautiful about this place, you know, not
religious based. Just like
I felt very connected to nature.
(06:44):
You know, life in college was going to
class and then typically going hike, going to
a beach, getting under a waterfall.
And I often reflect on that time in
my life, and I realized I was most
in touch with myself.
I remember I took a, interpersonal psychology class.
We had to read Jon Kabat Zinn's Wherever
You Go, There You Are meditation book, and
(07:05):
we had to write about our own personal
meditations.
And I just remember feeling like I could
sit outside
and just feel this total sense of peace
and comfort.
It was really, really powerful. And so I
think that's what drew me here. I felt
that in the people here as well.
You know, if you can drop beneath the
surface
(07:25):
greetings in Hawaii, there it's just this beautiful
heart and connection that people offer.
What led you to decide
to take the process?
Oh, yeah. I wanna mention one thing, Sadie,
that,
is coming up for me. I, as a
kid,
moved schools almost every year. My parents were
like my mother was very involved in education.
(07:47):
So it would be, you know, this is
a better school for you this year. This
is a better teacher this year. My mom
was a previous third grade teacher.
I hated it, and I would get sick
each day.
Now what I realize is
almost every school year when I was a
kid, I had to relearn
how to, like, make friends
and become accepted.
And I think
somewhere in that, I was a shy kid
(08:09):
actually growing up. But then somewhere when I
hit my teenage years,
that turned into energy.
I assume that it was it came from
just
this need for acceptance, which drove a lot
of my patterns as well. And then one
other big part of my story is when
I was in high school, I was chasing
a basketball dream, and I left my parents
(08:29):
in Virginia, and I went to a school
in New Jersey. I had done a basketball
camp at Syracuse. This coach had come, asked
for volunteers to do drills. I did some
ball handling drills. He was like, give me
your address. I'll send you a pair of
shoes.
And my AU coach at that time was
like, you're gonna go play at that school.
This was Saint Patrick High School. It was
one of the top schools in the nation.
I was like, yeah. That's funny. And he's
like, no. You're gonna go play at that
(08:51):
school. And I was a good player, but
that was nowhere near that ability.
I went up and scrimmaged with this team,
Sadie. I had probably the best day I've
ever had playing basketball.
And I remember this coach was like, come
up. Come live with us. I lived in
an assistant coach's basement. And I went from
a predominantly white school to an all black
inner city school,
(09:11):
and it was tough in the beginning.
You know, my whole career is really funny.
I played with a six eight guy named
Corey White. That was his name, white guy.
And so, he was Corey White, and I
was white Corey my two years at Saint
Pat's. Yeah. I was one of the only
white guys in the school. I was the
only white guy in the team. And I'm
so grateful to that experience in reflection back
(09:34):
because I think even energy wise,
I mean, a, it taught me so much.
I I understand,
you know, this concept of privilege differently, I
think, from that experience because
I felt judged when I first got there
for being a white guy. Everywhere we traveled,
it was like, who's this white boy? Why
is he with this team? And now, like,
I can see
how blinded I was to to the experience
(09:56):
of most of the world being judged
for color skin, the way you look, all
these things.
And so I think all this wraps into
my just energy. Like, I I feel like
I've become this study of energy because I've
kind of been in a place in my
life where I've always needed to understand it
better. So that hit me as you were
talking about that. And then what brought me
(10:16):
to Hoffman actually, ironically,
was that I was
losing my energy.
I was in a space where from the
outside, I think if you looked at me,
people were like, wow. You you have your
stuff together, Corey. You're you know, you've got
this business.
You know, you're healthy.
But inside, what I was feeling was just
absolute exhaustion.
(10:36):
I truly like, without knowing it, and this
is why I'm so grateful to Hoffman. Without
knowing it,
I was placing
a %
of my value on external validation.
And I can remember, it was all work
based. If I did a training for someone
and it went well and we had this
connection, I'd feel great when it ended.
(10:57):
And then oftentimes,
you know, I wouldn't even get feedback. It's
like the training ended. The next morning, I
would wake up and be like, was that
even real? Like, you know, who are you,
Corey? You're you're nothing unless you're doing something
today.
It was interesting. I just felt like something
is wrong in my life.
Relationship wise, I was drawing in wrong energy
to me. I had a really traumatic experience
(11:18):
of a woman faking a pregnancy after we
broke up and leading me for four months
thinking she was pregnant when she wasn't.
And and I think, and this is where
I love Hoffman because what I came to
understand is
I went to Hoffman thinking it was my
dad's patterns that really were kinda creating pain
for me, but it was
my mom who was loving
(11:40):
and giving. I was replicating her pattern of
saving, if I was to name it, being
a martyr. Like my mom put herself beneath
me and my two brothers, my dad. You
know, as I became an adult, I understood
that more, and I didn't realize I was
doing that. And I was drawing that energy
towards me of people that just wanted to,
in my opinion, suck energy, you know. And
(12:02):
I was so glad to give it, Sadie.
It was like, yes. Take. Take. Like, this
makes me feel good when I give, but
it was leading me into just exhaustion.
You're bringing up something
an interesting thing, this exchange of energy,
this feeling of it being sucked away from
you, this recognition that if I
(12:23):
have a lot and give a lot and
demonstrate a lot, maybe I can be accepted,
maybe even
transactional
nature to energy.
It's very interesting for me. Doing this role
in Hoffman, I feel like sometimes I can
see or sense energy between
me and another person.
But at that time, I had zero ability,
(12:44):
and I never understood it. And I think
what was happening for me, you know, in
a nutshell, I think my mom gave up
her entire life for her boys. I mean,
there's a whole story. They were both my
parents are from Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
My dad wanted to be out on the
West Coast, and so we moved to Oregon
as a kid. I just grew up thinking,
like, yeah. My parents love Oregon. This is
(13:05):
all great. I found out as an adult
that my mom had made a deal with
my dad to maybe go there for, like,
a year or two just to experience it
and then move back to the South and
be near family.
And at some stage, that didn't happen. I
mean, it sounds like that was probably an
argument between them.
And my mom, I think, just sucked it
(13:25):
up and said, I'll pour everything into these
boys, into this family.
And I believe and this is why when
people come to Hoffman,
sometimes they're like, you know, I had amazing
parents. I actually don't understand negative love syndrome.
I don't understand how I got patterns. And
for me, I can totally identify
with that because I thought I had nothing
(13:45):
from my mom. She was great. And then
I realized,
oh my gosh, like the patterns that hold
me back that actually suck my energy
are from my mom
of trying to live up to this model
of what life can be when you
take care of everyone around you. And the
ironic thing is is, like, all the people
around me loved that. You know? When Corey's
(14:08):
here, it's great.
I loved it. I'm like, I can give
to you. I can give to you. And
then I can remember times after friend gatherings
going home and being like,
I'm just, like, exhausted.
And there was an emptiness to it. I
think it was because I wasn't respecting myself
in the sense of, like,
even looking at my own needs. It was
just modeling my mom.
(14:28):
So you're speaking about the negative love syndrome,
which is this human experience
of learning what you need to do to
be loved, accepted, safe within your family. And
oftentimes, that's modeling after what you see
your caregivers doing.
Yeah. So I grew up with two brothers.
My middle brother had diabetes as my father
(14:50):
does, and they would just butt heads.
I think it was partly diabetes driven. I
think it was partly middle child to to
father kind of driven.
But I remember as a kid, what this
meant for me was,
okay. I need to be funny
and connecting.
And, I mean, I really believe this as
a kid. I thought my role was to
(15:12):
make everyone else happy. I can remember seeing
my brother fight with my dad. I can
see my mom fight with my dad and
thinking like,
okay, I'll go take care of them. You
know, I mean, I think this was subconscious
for me as a kid, but that became
what I could do.
I have battled sometimes even, like, concepts in
my life. And when I learned some of
(15:32):
Hoffman's, I was like,
woah. Okay.
It's true. It's true. This is why this
goes so deep. And I had done a
lot of self work before Hoffman,
different programs,
and had great experiences, but none of that
ever stuck.
And I realized when I did Hoffman, like,
I think the reason why is I never
went deep enough
and really understanding, like, wow, negative love is,
(15:55):
you know, beginning from zero to 18 months.
I was like, wow. This now connects for
me. Like, this is deeply
set in me. And it's why,
you know, I think post Hoffman, I still
have to continue the tools and practices
or I can easily drop back into this
for your value is in taking care of
others.
(16:15):
So it's interesting, yeah, how it still lives
in me in a way that
I've gotta still continue to do the work.
Even now as a Hoffman teacher,
years after the process and years after teaching,
you still have to
pay attention and do
do the work.
Yeah. I'm just picturing you in the back
(16:36):
of the car on the way to the
airport with your hands in your heart
and this beautiful intimate moment.
Yeah. What's neat is in that space,
I often actually fall asleep in that car
ride.
And I think I fall asleep because it's
finally allowed
my heart to breathe.
(16:56):
That experience itself allows me to relax and
just kinda sink into
I mean, truly sink into
the reversal of my shame statement,
which is you are enough just as you
are, Corey.
You know, it's so fascinating
to me when I hear people's shame statements
in the process and I think about mine.
(17:18):
You know, I see people every day and
it's just like this assumption that can happen
automatically for me, which is, everybody looks good
and okay. They're walking their dog, you know,
they're happy. And I think all the time
about how I was just walking around
with this message inside me of
I'm not enough. I have to do
in order to get love.
(17:40):
And again, at a subconscious level, I wouldn't
have had words to describe that before Hoffman.
And that moment in the process of like
actually uncovering
this first pattern that was learned,
it was instrumental for me even in my
world today.
I can hear that dark side message in
my own brain of,
(18:01):
you're not enough, Corey. You gotta do. Go
do. Go do.
I hear that when I come home from
Hoffman. I walk back in and my wife's
had the baby for a week. I I
have this automatic response of I've gotta go
do
to prove
to her that, like, it was okay for
me to have left Hoffman.
My wife and I have a beautiful connection
(18:23):
now and we can conversate about that. And
one of the things that was really hard
for me was actually,
initially we would go hiking together, which was
great. I need to be out in nature.
And then I realized
if I'm around her, I still feel, especially
after being away for so long, that my
energy wants to go towards her
and that actually to fully fill my own
(18:46):
heart, I need to do this on my
own. And so it was tough for me
to ask. We obviously talk about in Hoffman
about
advocating for your needs and
compassion with boundaries. And one thing I realized
is I would love to just do one
hour nature on my own, just go hiking,
and then flip that around and see how
we can get her this time and the
space that she needs.
(19:07):
But being able to ask that question was
totally new for me. It is a way
of me reversing my shame message. Like I
have enough value inside to ask that question
and then she and I can work through
how that can happen and it can look.
And it's just for me listening to myself.
I think Sadie has been the answer that
I never knew I could really do.
(19:29):
Now Hoffman's given me ability to do that.
This is a big difference, a huge shift
you've just described.
How did that happen?
I have this moment in my process that
is popping up into my head right now.
I oftentimes
will share this with my small group that
I almost missed the entire point of the
process.
I did my process in Saint Helena at
(19:51):
the old site,
and there's a moment where, you know, we're
asked to go out in nature and just
connect with nature. And I was drawn towards
this creek that ran through Saint Helena,
And I went and sat by it and
I was, you know, in this beautiful space
of listening to my spiritual self, which said,
Corey, like get in that water. I've always
had this great feeling and connection to water.
(20:12):
I lay down in this creek and it's
freezing.
And I feel my whole body shut down,
like, just from the temperature of the water.
And then I started breathing.
And I opened my eyes. The sun
is shining through the leaves. The leaves are
dancing above me. And I had this moment
(20:32):
of like recognition of like, Corey, this is
what your patterns do. They clamp you down.
You shut down.
You go in these little spirals, vicious cycles,
and you miss everything around you. And just
from having stopped and breathe and let things
move through surrender, right? The true meaning that
I took on of that word surrender.
(20:54):
Look at this beauty that surrounds you. And
it was amazing. And then
I'm now walking back to the classroom. I'm
soaking wet.
I'm shaking. I'm so cold. My body is
cold even though my heart is like on
fire with love and warmth.
And I start to have like a a
shame spiral. I'm like, oh my gosh. And
I walk back to this classroom wet.
(21:14):
You're so stupid, Corey. Why'd you do this?
So fast forward, we have this experience of
sharing that. And I did share like this
magical moment that I just went through. And
then, you know, a little later in the
process, one of the students kind of said
to me in one of the experiences, you
know, like, hey,
you know, I had this negative reaction to
you, Coconut, and, you know, you came back
(21:35):
in soaking wet and then you're drawing attention
to yourself. And
I just remember hearing these words and going,
oh my gosh. See, this is what happens,
Corey. Like, when I'm just myself, like, letting
me do what I want, like, I it
impacts people in a negative way. I was
just in this shame spiral.
The beautiful part of this whole story is
this
(21:56):
guy who I'd not really spoken to the
whole process. He was just, you know, in
a different space.
I went to him at a break and
I I can remember this like it was
yesterday. I just said, hey, you know, his
childhood in the ass, and I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to, like, you know, mess
with your experience or whatever. And he looks
me dead in the eye, and he had
this beautiful robust Texan accent. He's still a
(22:17):
friend of mine today, which is actually a
really neat part of the story. He looks
me right in the eyes, and he says,
Coconut,
you're missing the effing point, man. He said,
I love that you got in that water.
I love that. He goes, That's my own
stuff. I would have never been able to
do that. My father would have never done
that. Like, and I I just remember
(22:37):
my whole body
flushed.
I was like, oh my gosh, man, I'm
getting tingly just sharing this story
because
that brief encounter,
I was like, oh my gosh, I almost
walked out of here thinking
I need to just be small because I
can impact
other people negatively.
And in that one moment of him saying
(22:58):
that I realized what the process is trying
to teach us is that all we can
offer this world is to be ourselves. And
all I can offer is to be myself,
to be aware and acknowledge when I'm in
patterns. And if that's causing me to do
something that's not right, then, yeah, I have
my work to do. But if I'm in
touch with my spirit as I was in
that moment, that I truly can't change and
(23:18):
chameleon my way into making it perfect for
everyone else, which was a a huge pattern
of mine. And so I've come to reference
this whole concept in my own brain is
this, like, idea of permission to shine.
Like, each human and little coconut inside me,
we have permission to shine. And I I
heard a student reference it that way one
time, and I was like, I love that.
(23:39):
That's exactly what it is.
Trust yourself. Trust your light. And this is
the story that I tell myself always. Like,
Corey,
notice when you're in patterns, % do that
work. And when you are connected and you're
being yourself,
trust your light, radiate that light out. It's
kind of a little bit of like a
mantra that I think I have in me.
And because I'm a visual thinker, like, I
(24:01):
oftentimes sense, like, this my heart, what does
it feel like when it's radiating,
when it's, like, pulsing love to myself, to
others? And, yeah, that moment in my process,
I I think, taught me the most critical
lesson I could have learned
walking away. Wow. It's this moment of
I can actually make myself
(24:22):
happy. I can do what feels good to
me
even if that doesn't make someone else happy.
Right. And, oh my gosh, for a guy
who grew up with patterns of people pleasing
and helping and saving and martyr,
that was such a foreign topic and an
idea for me.
I keep in touch with him. About once
(24:43):
every six months or so, we have a
call,
and I am so grateful to him for
giving me that lesson.
It's just amazing.
You know what I've come to appreciate is,
like, there's so much happening in the process
that it can be hard to capture all
these moments.
And that's why I think I often share
this with my students is, like, the real
(25:04):
process begins post process, right, which is as
I think we commonly talk about at Hoffman
because that's where the integration really occurs.
When I notice those patterns which are always
in me of, oh, I should just people
please do,
it's this moment where I can catch myself
and realize
there is a right road here for me
with consciousness
(25:25):
and choice and presence and connection to my
own spiritual self. Like, I can choose
that right road. And so, yeah, that was
a very foreign idea for me that now
lives in access for me. It still takes
work to access. Right? I can't go on
autopilot,
But when I bring consciousness to myself, I
know how to choose that road.
Your
(25:45):
description of getting into the creek and laying
down and just feeling yourself
opening
and you saying all I need when I
get home
from teaching is a few moments to fill
my own heart and an hour
in nature.
The source
of energy
(26:06):
for you sounds like it's your own love
and nature.
Yeah. I think that is very true. Like,
I have this deep connection to just feeling
my feet on the ground even, you know,
in shoes hiking. There's one other thing for
me that just is one of the most
visceral experiences.
I love to get under waterfalls.
Very lucky in Hawaii there are, you know,
(26:28):
it's very accessible, like, waterfalls aren't blocked off.
But for me to either hike out in
nature or to just go sit underneath
a waterfall
shifts everything.
One other, like, important part of my story
which connects to this,
my middle brother passed away from a diabetic
reaction.
My last time spent with Micah
(26:49):
was
in Hawaii, in Hana, Maui, which is the
most lush, beautiful spot in the world, in
my opinion,
full of waterfalls. And he had come out
here and we had just gotten under tons
of waterfalls.
And so for me, when I'm able to
do that, it's my one deep connection to
my brother. Like, I have this little song
(27:09):
or I it to myself.
It's from Braveheart, I think. But when I
get under the waterfall, I this song and
I can feel my brother's presence in me.
And so I think there's this connection
to me with him, with nature, with water.
Somehow it's all
kind of molded together into this beautiful way
(27:30):
for me to just replenish.
The
people pleaser,
the energy giver, the must make others happy
becomes
more self full and doesn't sound like very
much.
A moment of breathing into your heart and
our nature.
I've come to appreciate that the word selfish,
(27:51):
which I think has a negative connotation in
the world,
might actually be one of the most important
words
for us to reframe.
Self centered, I think, is a perhaps a
pattern driven way of being, but selfish.
And I tell all my students as they're
starting the process in the pre call actually
to get really selfish this week, to just
(28:12):
worry about themselves,
to try to
change that word even for myself. As I
look at, like, what needs I have and
how could they be met, you know, sometimes
it's actually just taking a moment
to be selfish, to fill,
you know, my own heart, which then allows
me, I think, to operate in this world
where I can fill others.
One final question.
(28:34):
Can you describe for us what it's like
to come home and
hold Caden in your arms after having
filled your heart
and spent time in nature?
And here you are present as a father.
Take us to
a moment.
Oh my god. It's the greatest thing in
(28:55):
the world. I have to say,
I just adore being a father, and
I love that little dude so much.
I just like to, like, look in his
eyes,
see his little smile, hear his giggle.
There is something
so pure and so beautiful
about
(29:16):
babies, which I fully admit, I think I
was completely unaware until I had a child.
I remember not really noticing babies that much.
And now I'm like, wow. How did I
not? Because
just to
feel this connection
with him, it's almost like
visually, sometimes I sense when I'm holding him
and especially coming back from a process
(29:37):
where I haven't seen him,
I feel there is no
barrier between him and I. It was one
of the neatest things when I learned that
babies feel this way. You know, their world
is a %
internalized. Like, if you hold their hand, they
think it's their hand. And, like, I think
I steal that in that moment and try
to envision that
he and I are one, as I do
with my wife too. Like, we are one
(29:59):
in this moment of coming back.
And it's beautiful, Sadie. Yeah. Thank you for
asking about that, man. I got this big
smile on my face just thinking about
holding him
and just feeling his joy.
And if I may just add, it is
also something I harness.
In the process, we
talk about pain with another human in this
world and oftentimes thinking of that person as
(30:21):
a baby
to understand like, Hey, something happened to them
in this world that put them in a
place to do whatever it is that they
did to you. And I go back to
thinking about Caden and I'm like, Wow, like,
Yeah, this is the purity that every human
comes into this world as.
And it connects that point so much for
me because there is no way a baby
(30:43):
could do anything to hurt anyone.
So it truly is, if that ever happens,
what has happened to that person? Beautiful moment
of connection
with purity
in a sense. I love that you said
he and I are one, and I think
about
attunement.
What a beautiful gift to offer.
Yeah. Oh, I love it. It's so funny
(31:04):
you say you often talk with people, and
they're like, are you gonna have more kids?
And I'm like, I hope so. I initially
planned maybe one or two, but now doing
it, if we could afford it, I would,
like, have five or six kids. Like, I
just I totally get now these families that
grow and just grow big.
There's nothing like it in the world. And
what's neat for me is
(31:26):
having been a person who has patterns of
I've gotta take care of everyone in this
world to get value,
what's neat for me now as a father
is I noticed internally
that sometimes that messaging is, I just need
to take care of this little being, you
know, and my wife.
And if I can take care of them,
I'm doing a good job in this world.
(31:48):
And that's something that would not have ever
made sense to me before. It would have
been like, no. You gotta help more people,
Corey, to get value. And so it's made
my world very, like, microscopic in that sense.
Like, I just really need to love this
child
as much as I can. And that that
is enough, You know? Hopefully, I'm doing other
things too, but that is enough.
(32:09):
That is enough.
I am enough just as I am. I
love hearing you say these things and hearing
your story.
Wonderful.
And before we go,
is there anything you wanted to say
that I didn't ask or that you didn't
say?
You know, the only thing that came up
for me, Sadie, was, I had this really
(32:29):
interesting experience when my brother passed.
I was in Japan.
I had been in Japan about a year
and a half, and I was running late
to work.
And I had one of those old school
answering machines that would, like, speak out loud
when a message was being left. And I
remember the phone rang, and I was like,
I'm not gonna answer it. I gotta get
to work, but I'm just gonna listen to
see who it is.
(32:50):
And it was my father
telling me that my brother had died. He
said, Corey,
sit down.
Micah has died.
I mean, it was just that straightforward.
I don't remember anything after that, ironically.
And what was really
tough and interesting culturally is
I remember receiving a call and thinking it
(33:10):
was my office asking me where I was.
And I just said, you know, my brother's
died. Hang up the phone. About thirty minutes
later, two of my friends, other English teachers
in Japan showed up at my door, and
they're like, hey, we heard what happened.
I I couldn't understand how they even knew.
And then soon after that, I had three
(33:30):
of the kind of bosses at my office
my education office in Japan
show up, and they came in and they
sat Seizo style, like, on their knees in
my living room
for I don't remember how long. And in
the moment, I remember thinking, like, I don't
like this. Like, I don't want anyone around
me. I just wanna be by myself.
In reflection afterwards,
(33:50):
I came to realize there was this beautiful
cultural moment there that was like with deep
respect. They came and sat there in silence
in my living room as I was just
coming to terms with what had happened.
Then what was really hard for me is
I just feel like I buried
my brother's death inside. You know, I went
back to The States, and I remember I
(34:12):
had this weird emotional moment of, this is
so strange. I'm seeing people that I haven't
seen for a while because I've been in
Japan, so I'm supposed to be happy. And
yet
I can't be happy.
And so I remember, like, I think I
just compartmentalized
my brother's death, like, a %.
I mean, truly, I think it took me
about three years
(34:32):
where I would just have these really adverse
emotional reactions. I'd be in the middle of
parties, and I would just leave. I was
like, I can't even be in this space.
And I remember times even in Japan where
I would walk
miles
because maybe I'd had a few drinks, and
I was like, I can't drive, and so
I'm just gonna walk to get home.
One thing I wish I had done differently
(34:53):
is, like, I wish I had tried to
process and work with it,
because I just truly buried it. And I
had a moment with a friend where I
actually I had drinks, and I was sitting
on this hotel balcony,
and I just spoke to the sky
about everything I wanted to say to my
brother. And some of it was anger about
how he took care of his own diabetes.
(35:13):
And there was something
so healing
in that expression of energy for me that
I remember I woke up the next day
and I was like, wow, I feel something
has moved in me. I'm not holding on
to all this anymore.
And that truly was the opening for me
to actually really start grieving.
My grieving process lasted years. From that point
(35:35):
forward,
there was something in me and learning how
to actually have a voice and communicate the
pain that was in me. And what I
love about Hoffman is I think it gave
me and it gives people a chance to
actually, at times, communicate things
that maybe we've never said that we feel
inside,
and I needed that. I I needed that
(35:55):
in so many different ways beyond just my
brother and but that was just where I
kinda learned the power of that moment.
You're describing
such
a presence
with yourself.
What you describe in just speaking it up
to the skies,
giving a voice to it and allowing it.
Yes.
Now when I am around people who have
(36:15):
experienced death, like one of the things I
always try to do is just get people
talking about it, about the person, about it,
because I've realized like that expression of the
energy is what releases it. Truly, right, as
we name the second step of the cycle
of transformation expression, I it's very real for
me on why that's so important.
I just go back to that image of
you sitting with your son.
(36:37):
All I have to do is be here
to love him and that is enough.
It sounds like
you are doing that for yourself.
Yeah. I will forever try to
live by the words, I am enough just
as I am. I'm saying it with my
hands and my heart right now
and allowing it to move into my heart,
(36:58):
which is, what keeps me on solid footing.
Thank you so much for being here. Yeah.
Thanks, Sadie. I appreciate it. And love to
this entire Hoffman community. I feel so grateful
to be a part of it.
Thank you for listening to our podcast. My
(37:19):
name is Liza Ingrassi. I'm the CEO and
president of Hoffman Institute Foundation.
And I'm Razi Ingrassi,
Hoffman teacher and founder of the Hoffman Institute
Foundation.
Our mission is to provide people greater access
to the wisdom and power of love. In
themselves, in each other and in the world.
To find out more, please go to hompaninstitute.org.
My grieving process lasted years. From that point
forward, there was something in me in learning
how to actually have a voice and communicate
the pain that was in me. And what
I love about Hoffman is I think it
gave me and it gives people a chance
to actually, at times, communicate things that maybe
we've never said that we feel inside.
(00:21):
And I needed that. I I needed that
in so many different ways beyond just my
brother. And but that was just where I
kinda learned the power of that moment.
Hello, and welcome to Love's Everyday Radius, a
podcast brought to you by the Hoffman Institute.
My name is Sadie Hanna, and in this
podcast, you'll hear real conversations and stories
with graduates about their courageous journey inward and
(00:44):
how their love and light are living in
the world around them. Love's everyday radius.
Thank you for being here and welcome.
Before we dive in, please note that this
episode references
grief and loss.
Please use your discretion as you listen.
(01:07):
Hey, everyone, and welcome. I'm Sadie, and I'm
here with
Corey Campbell,
my colleague,
my friend,
and so much more. Corey, thank you for
being here with us. Yeah. What's up, Sadie?
This is kind of fun. I listen to
the Hoffman podcast when I walk my dog
most mornings, so this is kinda cool to
be on.
(01:27):
Yeah. Wonderful.
I know many of the people listening are
Hoffman graduates, and so they may have some
sense of you already either from
being with you as a teacher,
hearing you and your teaching through the app,
or online various different ways they may have
accessed
you.
I would love for you to take us
into
(01:48):
a much more whole view of who you
are.
What's happening for you?
What are you doing in the world, how
did you get here?
Yeah. You know, it's neat, I think, in
Hoffman because we don't actually share much of
ourselves, and so I often feel like I
learned so much about these people that I
get to work with.
And, yeah, there's very little shared on the
(02:08):
other end. So I would just start off
by saying my primary roles in life, I'm
a husband, I'm a father, a son, a
brother.
And on the work front, in addition to
Hoffman teaching and coaching, I'm an entrepreneur and
a leadership consultant.
And what I would say just
purpose wise, just really trying to inspire people
(02:28):
to live more energized, engaged, and connected to
themselves in their lives. That's really what drives
me every day. Wonderful.
Give us a little bit of the backstory.
How did you come to do the work
that you're doing right now?
Yeah. I'd go all the way back to
college and studying psychology. I've just been this
lover of, like, understanding why do people do
(02:49):
what they do. I even love studying animals
and insects and just watching behaviors.
And I took kind of an interesting route.
I had done my sophomore year of college
at the University of Hawaii. It was an
exchange program for Virginia Tech. I fell in
love with Hawaii. I decided
I was gonna go home, graduate from BT,
and then move straight back to Hawaii, and
that's what I did. Got here, you know,
(03:11):
lived in a hostel for a number of
weeks. No one would hire me because I
think I didn't have a Hawaiian address.
And then finally got a job at Bubba
Gump Shrimp Company, which was amazing
and so much fun. And I was bartending
there. And then that led into, moved to
Japan, and I taught English for three years.
And I had always wanted this experience of
(03:31):
living outside The US
that felt like a perfect medium. I knew
I wanted to stay in Hawaii and, you
know, having some connection to Japan and Japanese
language ability, I knew would be helpful. So
that's led me there.
That was a really wonderful experience. And one
of the a few moments where I think
I realized
that my views on this world
(03:52):
are so limited and narrow
And that when I got outside
The US, I started to really feel like,
okay.
I need to expand how I see this
world.
I came back to Hawaii. I got kinda
fell into a job in hotels. I was
a guest services manager at Sharon Waikiki
getting
yelled at for about twelve to fourteen hours
(04:13):
a day, and I can remember thinking, like,
this is the worst job in the world.
Like, who wants to be this guest services
manager?
I really I I often share this story.
Like, I had a moment where I decided
I either quit this job
or I choose to look at it differently,
and I think it's been very instructive for
my life. I just decided I was gonna
go back to being myself and not allowing
(04:35):
the negativity of the role to just beat
me down every day. And I think somewhere
in there, I started to really understand, like,
energy.
If I bring a certain type of energy
to an experience, I can definitely interject that
into the other person. And as we talk
about Hoffman, I mean, I think that's one
of the core concepts is if we own
a % of our 50, we actually have
(04:56):
the power to shift the other person. And
then just briefly on my roles, then I
moved from guest services. I opened up a
bar called Rumfire at Sheridan Waikiki as the
AGM. Then
I moved over to the Royal Hawaiian as
a learning and development manager,
found my passion in training and people, and
I left Hawaii and took a role as
a corporate trainer for Starwood Hotels and Resorts
(05:18):
and traveled for about three years doing leadership
training
across America and Canada and Puerto Rico and
was just kind of feeling exhausted.
Came back to Hawaii. I was overseeing training
for Starwood's four kind of big brands, which
you can add the Mortar Surfrider and the
Sherna PK. And then I broke off on
my own in 2015 and started Akamai training
consulting
with just this desire to train and do
(05:40):
things that impacted people's lives. And then just
to bring the whole picture together, I and
I guess it was right before COVID was
hitting. Hoffman sent out an email saying they
were doing teacher training.
I just had this deep desire to be
in a space. I love leadership training, but
I always found my best days were when
I was working with someone and it dropped
(06:01):
beneath
the surface of leadership into why do they
operate the way they operate? You know, I
did Hoffman with zero intentions of being a
Hoffman teacher.
And years later, something hit me when I
saw that email. I was like, I really
would like to be a part of an
organization
that helps people connect to themselves. And so
that's what led me into Hoffman as well.
Can you describe for me what happened for
(06:24):
you
when you fell in love with Hawaii? How
did you know?
Yes. Oh, gosh. It's,
it was this I don't know. It's just
since when I got to Hawaii,
just that there was something
spiritually beautiful about this place, you know, not
religious based. Just like
I felt very connected to nature.
(06:44):
You know, life in college was going to
class and then typically going hike, going to
a beach, getting under a waterfall.
And I often reflect on that time in
my life, and I realized I was most
in touch with myself.
I remember I took a, interpersonal psychology class.
We had to read Jon Kabat Zinn's Wherever
You Go, There You Are meditation book, and
(07:05):
we had to write about our own personal
meditations.
And I just remember feeling like I could
sit outside
and just feel this total sense of peace
and comfort.
It was really, really powerful. And so I
think that's what drew me here. I felt
that in the people here as well.
You know, if you can drop beneath the
surface
(07:25):
greetings in Hawaii, there it's just this beautiful
heart and connection that people offer.
What led you to decide
to take the process?
Oh, yeah. I wanna mention one thing, Sadie,
that,
is coming up for me. I, as a
kid,
moved schools almost every year. My parents were
like my mother was very involved in education.
(07:47):
So it would be, you know, this is
a better school for you this year. This
is a better teacher this year. My mom
was a previous third grade teacher.
I hated it, and I would get sick
each day.
Now what I realize is
almost every school year when I was a
kid, I had to relearn
how to, like, make friends
and become accepted.
And I think
somewhere in that, I was a shy kid
(08:09):
actually growing up. But then somewhere when I
hit my teenage years,
that turned into energy.
I assume that it was it came from
just
this need for acceptance, which drove a lot
of my patterns as well. And then one
other big part of my story is when
I was in high school, I was chasing
a basketball dream, and I left my parents
(08:29):
in Virginia, and I went to a school
in New Jersey. I had done a basketball
camp at Syracuse. This coach had come, asked
for volunteers to do drills. I did some
ball handling drills. He was like, give me
your address. I'll send you a pair of
shoes.
And my AU coach at that time was
like, you're gonna go play at that school.
This was Saint Patrick High School. It was
one of the top schools in the nation.
I was like, yeah. That's funny. And he's
like, no. You're gonna go play at that
(08:51):
school. And I was a good player, but
that was nowhere near that ability.
I went up and scrimmaged with this team,
Sadie. I had probably the best day I've
ever had playing basketball.
And I remember this coach was like, come
up. Come live with us. I lived in
an assistant coach's basement. And I went from
a predominantly white school to an all black
inner city school,
(09:11):
and it was tough in the beginning.
You know, my whole career is really funny.
I played with a six eight guy named
Corey White. That was his name, white guy.
And so, he was Corey White, and I
was white Corey my two years at Saint
Pat's. Yeah. I was one of the only
white guys in the school. I was the
only white guy in the team. And I'm
so grateful to that experience in reflection back
(09:34):
because I think even energy wise,
I mean, a, it taught me so much.
I I understand,
you know, this concept of privilege differently, I
think, from that experience because
I felt judged when I first got there
for being a white guy. Everywhere we traveled,
it was like, who's this white boy? Why
is he with this team? And now, like,
I can see
how blinded I was to to the experience
(09:56):
of most of the world being judged
for color skin, the way you look, all
these things.
And so I think all this wraps into
my just energy. Like, I I feel like
I've become this study of energy because I've
kind of been in a place in my
life where I've always needed to understand it
better. So that hit me as you were
talking about that. And then what brought me
(10:16):
to Hoffman actually, ironically,
was that I was
losing my energy.
I was in a space where from the
outside, I think if you looked at me,
people were like, wow. You you have your
stuff together, Corey. You're you know, you've got
this business.
You know, you're healthy.
But inside, what I was feeling was just
absolute exhaustion.
(10:36):
I truly like, without knowing it, and this
is why I'm so grateful to Hoffman. Without
knowing it,
I was placing
a %
of my value on external validation.
And I can remember, it was all work
based. If I did a training for someone
and it went well and we had this
connection, I'd feel great when it ended.
(10:57):
And then oftentimes,
you know, I wouldn't even get feedback. It's
like the training ended. The next morning, I
would wake up and be like, was that
even real? Like, you know, who are you,
Corey? You're you're nothing unless you're doing something
today.
It was interesting. I just felt like something
is wrong in my life.
Relationship wise, I was drawing in wrong energy
to me. I had a really traumatic experience
(11:18):
of a woman faking a pregnancy after we
broke up and leading me for four months
thinking she was pregnant when she wasn't.
And and I think, and this is where
I love Hoffman because what I came to
understand is
I went to Hoffman thinking it was my
dad's patterns that really were kinda creating pain
for me, but it was
my mom who was loving
(11:40):
and giving. I was replicating her pattern of
saving, if I was to name it, being
a martyr. Like my mom put herself beneath
me and my two brothers, my dad. You
know, as I became an adult, I understood
that more, and I didn't realize I was
doing that. And I was drawing that energy
towards me of people that just wanted to,
in my opinion, suck energy, you know. And
(12:02):
I was so glad to give it, Sadie.
It was like, yes. Take. Take. Like, this
makes me feel good when I give, but
it was leading me into just exhaustion.
You're bringing up something
an interesting thing, this exchange of energy,
this feeling of it being sucked away from
you, this recognition that if I
(12:23):
have a lot and give a lot and
demonstrate a lot, maybe I can be accepted,
maybe even
transactional
nature to energy.
It's very interesting for me. Doing this role
in Hoffman, I feel like sometimes I can
see or sense energy between
me and another person.
But at that time, I had zero ability,
(12:44):
and I never understood it. And I think
what was happening for me, you know, in
a nutshell, I think my mom gave up
her entire life for her boys. I mean,
there's a whole story. They were both my
parents are from Baton Rouge, Louisiana.
My dad wanted to be out on the
West Coast, and so we moved to Oregon
as a kid. I just grew up thinking,
like, yeah. My parents love Oregon. This is
(13:05):
all great. I found out as an adult
that my mom had made a deal with
my dad to maybe go there for, like,
a year or two just to experience it
and then move back to the South and
be near family.
And at some stage, that didn't happen. I
mean, it sounds like that was probably an
argument between them.
And my mom, I think, just sucked it
(13:25):
up and said, I'll pour everything into these
boys, into this family.
And I believe and this is why when
people come to Hoffman,
sometimes they're like, you know, I had amazing
parents. I actually don't understand negative love syndrome.
I don't understand how I got patterns. And
for me, I can totally identify
with that because I thought I had nothing
(13:45):
from my mom. She was great. And then
I realized,
oh my gosh, like the patterns that hold
me back that actually suck my energy
are from my mom
of trying to live up to this model
of what life can be when you
take care of everyone around you. And the
ironic thing is is, like, all the people
around me loved that. You know? When Corey's
(14:08):
here, it's great.
I loved it. I'm like, I can give
to you. I can give to you. And
then I can remember times after friend gatherings
going home and being like,
I'm just, like, exhausted.
And there was an emptiness to it. I
think it was because I wasn't respecting myself
in the sense of, like,
even looking at my own needs. It was
just modeling my mom.
(14:28):
So you're speaking about the negative love syndrome,
which is this human experience
of learning what you need to do to
be loved, accepted, safe within your family. And
oftentimes, that's modeling after what you see
your caregivers doing.
Yeah. So I grew up with two brothers.
My middle brother had diabetes as my father
(14:50):
does, and they would just butt heads.
I think it was partly diabetes driven. I
think it was partly middle child to to
father kind of driven.
But I remember as a kid, what this
meant for me was,
okay. I need to be funny
and connecting.
And, I mean, I really believe this as
a kid. I thought my role was to
(15:12):
make everyone else happy. I can remember seeing
my brother fight with my dad. I can
see my mom fight with my dad and
thinking like,
okay, I'll go take care of them. You
know, I mean, I think this was subconscious
for me as a kid, but that became
what I could do.
I have battled sometimes even, like, concepts in
my life. And when I learned some of
(15:32):
Hoffman's, I was like,
woah. Okay.
It's true. It's true. This is why this
goes so deep. And I had done a
lot of self work before Hoffman,
different programs,
and had great experiences, but none of that
ever stuck.
And I realized when I did Hoffman, like,
I think the reason why is I never
went deep enough
and really understanding, like, wow, negative love is,
(15:55):
you know, beginning from zero to 18 months.
I was like, wow. This now connects for
me. Like, this is deeply
set in me. And it's why,
you know, I think post Hoffman, I still
have to continue the tools and practices
or I can easily drop back into this
for your value is in taking care of
others.
(16:15):
So it's interesting, yeah, how it still lives
in me in a way that
I've gotta still continue to do the work.
Even now as a Hoffman teacher,
years after the process and years after teaching,
you still have to
pay attention and do
do the work.
Yeah. I'm just picturing you in the back
(16:36):
of the car on the way to the
airport with your hands in your heart
and this beautiful intimate moment.
Yeah. What's neat is in that space,
I often actually fall asleep in that car
ride.
And I think I fall asleep because it's
finally allowed
my heart to breathe.
(16:56):
That experience itself allows me to relax and
just kinda sink into
I mean, truly sink into
the reversal of my shame statement,
which is you are enough just as you
are, Corey.
You know, it's so fascinating
to me when I hear people's shame statements
in the process and I think about mine.
(17:18):
You know, I see people every day and
it's just like this assumption that can happen
automatically for me, which is, everybody looks good
and okay. They're walking their dog, you know,
they're happy. And I think all the time
about how I was just walking around
with this message inside me of
I'm not enough. I have to do
in order to get love.
(17:40):
And again, at a subconscious level, I wouldn't
have had words to describe that before Hoffman.
And that moment in the process of like
actually uncovering
this first pattern that was learned,
it was instrumental for me even in my
world today.
I can hear that dark side message in
my own brain of,
(18:01):
you're not enough, Corey. You gotta do. Go
do. Go do.
I hear that when I come home from
Hoffman. I walk back in and my wife's
had the baby for a week. I I
have this automatic response of I've gotta go
do
to prove
to her that, like, it was okay for
me to have left Hoffman.
My wife and I have a beautiful connection
(18:23):
now and we can conversate about that. And
one of the things that was really hard
for me was actually,
initially we would go hiking together, which was
great. I need to be out in nature.
And then I realized
if I'm around her, I still feel, especially
after being away for so long, that my
energy wants to go towards her
and that actually to fully fill my own
(18:46):
heart, I need to do this on my
own. And so it was tough for me
to ask. We obviously talk about in Hoffman
about
advocating for your needs and
compassion with boundaries. And one thing I realized
is I would love to just do one
hour nature on my own, just go hiking,
and then flip that around and see how
we can get her this time and the
space that she needs.
(19:07):
But being able to ask that question was
totally new for me. It is a way
of me reversing my shame message. Like I
have enough value inside to ask that question
and then she and I can work through
how that can happen and it can look.
And it's just for me listening to myself.
I think Sadie has been the answer that
I never knew I could really do.
(19:29):
Now Hoffman's given me ability to do that.
This is a big difference, a huge shift
you've just described.
How did that happen?
I have this moment in my process that
is popping up into my head right now.
I oftentimes
will share this with my small group that
I almost missed the entire point of the
process.
I did my process in Saint Helena at
(19:51):
the old site,
and there's a moment where, you know, we're
asked to go out in nature and just
connect with nature. And I was drawn towards
this creek that ran through Saint Helena,
And I went and sat by it and
I was, you know, in this beautiful space
of listening to my spiritual self, which said,
Corey, like get in that water. I've always
had this great feeling and connection to water.
(20:12):
I lay down in this creek and it's
freezing.
And I feel my whole body shut down,
like, just from the temperature of the water.
And then I started breathing.
And I opened my eyes. The sun
is shining through the leaves. The leaves are
dancing above me. And I had this moment
(20:32):
of like recognition of like, Corey, this is
what your patterns do. They clamp you down.
You shut down.
You go in these little spirals, vicious cycles,
and you miss everything around you. And just
from having stopped and breathe and let things
move through surrender, right? The true meaning that
I took on of that word surrender.
(20:54):
Look at this beauty that surrounds you. And
it was amazing. And then
I'm now walking back to the classroom. I'm
soaking wet.
I'm shaking. I'm so cold. My body is
cold even though my heart is like on
fire with love and warmth.
And I start to have like a a
shame spiral. I'm like, oh my gosh. And
I walk back to this classroom wet.
(21:14):
You're so stupid, Corey. Why'd you do this?
So fast forward, we have this experience of
sharing that. And I did share like this
magical moment that I just went through. And
then, you know, a little later in the
process, one of the students kind of said
to me in one of the experiences, you
know, like, hey,
you know, I had this negative reaction to
you, Coconut, and, you know, you came back
(21:35):
in soaking wet and then you're drawing attention
to yourself. And
I just remember hearing these words and going,
oh my gosh. See, this is what happens,
Corey. Like, when I'm just myself, like, letting
me do what I want, like, I it
impacts people in a negative way. I was
just in this shame spiral.
The beautiful part of this whole story is
this
(21:56):
guy who I'd not really spoken to the
whole process. He was just, you know, in
a different space.
I went to him at a break and
I I can remember this like it was
yesterday. I just said, hey, you know, his
childhood in the ass, and I'm so sorry.
I didn't mean to, like, you know, mess
with your experience or whatever. And he looks
me dead in the eye, and he had
this beautiful robust Texan accent. He's still a
(22:17):
friend of mine today, which is actually a
really neat part of the story. He looks
me right in the eyes, and he says,
Coconut,
you're missing the effing point, man. He said,
I love that you got in that water.
I love that. He goes, That's my own
stuff. I would have never been able to
do that. My father would have never done
that. Like, and I I just remember
(22:37):
my whole body
flushed.
I was like, oh my gosh, man, I'm
getting tingly just sharing this story
because
that brief encounter,
I was like, oh my gosh, I almost
walked out of here thinking
I need to just be small because I
can impact
other people negatively.
And in that one moment of him saying
(22:58):
that I realized what the process is trying
to teach us is that all we can
offer this world is to be ourselves. And
all I can offer is to be myself,
to be aware and acknowledge when I'm in
patterns. And if that's causing me to do
something that's not right, then, yeah, I have
my work to do. But if I'm in
touch with my spirit as I was in
that moment, that I truly can't change and
(23:18):
chameleon my way into making it perfect for
everyone else, which was a a huge pattern
of mine. And so I've come to reference
this whole concept in my own brain is
this, like, idea of permission to shine.
Like, each human and little coconut inside me,
we have permission to shine. And I I
heard a student reference it that way one
time, and I was like, I love that.
(23:39):
That's exactly what it is.
Trust yourself. Trust your light. And this is
the story that I tell myself always. Like,
Corey,
notice when you're in patterns, % do that
work. And when you are connected and you're
being yourself,
trust your light, radiate that light out. It's
kind of a little bit of like a
mantra that I think I have in me.
And because I'm a visual thinker, like, I
(24:01):
oftentimes sense, like, this my heart, what does
it feel like when it's radiating,
when it's, like, pulsing love to myself, to
others? And, yeah, that moment in my process,
I I think, taught me the most critical
lesson I could have learned
walking away. Wow. It's this moment of
I can actually make myself
(24:22):
happy. I can do what feels good to
me
even if that doesn't make someone else happy.
Right. And, oh my gosh, for a guy
who grew up with patterns of people pleasing
and helping and saving and martyr,
that was such a foreign topic and an
idea for me.
I keep in touch with him. About once
(24:43):
every six months or so, we have a
call,
and I am so grateful to him for
giving me that lesson.
It's just amazing.
You know what I've come to appreciate is,
like, there's so much happening in the process
that it can be hard to capture all
these moments.
And that's why I think I often share
this with my students is, like, the real
(25:04):
process begins post process, right, which is as
I think we commonly talk about at Hoffman
because that's where the integration really occurs.
When I notice those patterns which are always
in me of, oh, I should just people
please do,
it's this moment where I can catch myself
and realize
there is a right road here for me
with consciousness
(25:25):
and choice and presence and connection to my
own spiritual self. Like, I can choose
that right road. And so, yeah, that was
a very foreign idea for me that now
lives in access for me. It still takes
work to access. Right? I can't go on
autopilot,
But when I bring consciousness to myself, I
know how to choose that road.
Your
(25:45):
description of getting into the creek and laying
down and just feeling yourself
opening
and you saying all I need when I
get home
from teaching is a few moments to fill
my own heart and an hour
in nature.
The source
of energy
(26:06):
for you sounds like it's your own love
and nature.
Yeah. I think that is very true. Like,
I have this deep connection to just feeling
my feet on the ground even, you know,
in shoes hiking. There's one other thing for
me that just is one of the most
visceral experiences.
I love to get under waterfalls.
Very lucky in Hawaii there are, you know,
(26:28):
it's very accessible, like, waterfalls aren't blocked off.
But for me to either hike out in
nature or to just go sit underneath
a waterfall
shifts everything.
One other, like, important part of my story
which connects to this,
my middle brother passed away from a diabetic
reaction.
My last time spent with Micah
(26:49):
was
in Hawaii, in Hana, Maui, which is the
most lush, beautiful spot in the world, in
my opinion,
full of waterfalls. And he had come out
here and we had just gotten under tons
of waterfalls.
And so for me, when I'm able to
do that, it's my one deep connection to
my brother. Like, I have this little song
(27:09):
or I it to myself.
It's from Braveheart, I think. But when I
get under the waterfall, I this song and
I can feel my brother's presence in me.
And so I think there's this connection
to me with him, with nature, with water.
Somehow it's all
kind of molded together into this beautiful way
(27:30):
for me to just replenish.
The
people pleaser,
the energy giver, the must make others happy
becomes
more self full and doesn't sound like very
much.
A moment of breathing into your heart and
our nature.
I've come to appreciate that the word selfish,
(27:51):
which I think has a negative connotation in
the world,
might actually be one of the most important
words
for us to reframe.
Self centered, I think, is a perhaps a
pattern driven way of being, but selfish.
And I tell all my students as they're
starting the process in the pre call actually
to get really selfish this week, to just
(28:12):
worry about themselves,
to try to
change that word even for myself. As I
look at, like, what needs I have and
how could they be met, you know, sometimes
it's actually just taking a moment
to be selfish, to fill,
you know, my own heart, which then allows
me, I think, to operate in this world
where I can fill others.
One final question.
(28:34):
Can you describe for us what it's like
to come home and
hold Caden in your arms after having
filled your heart
and spent time in nature?
And here you are present as a father.
Take us to
a moment.
Oh my god. It's the greatest thing in
(28:55):
the world. I have to say,
I just adore being a father, and
I love that little dude so much.
I just like to, like, look in his
eyes,
see his little smile, hear his giggle.
There is something
so pure and so beautiful
about
(29:16):
babies, which I fully admit, I think I
was completely unaware until I had a child.
I remember not really noticing babies that much.
And now I'm like, wow. How did I
not? Because
just to
feel this connection
with him, it's almost like
visually, sometimes I sense when I'm holding him
and especially coming back from a process
(29:37):
where I haven't seen him,
I feel there is no
barrier between him and I. It was one
of the neatest things when I learned that
babies feel this way. You know, their world
is a %
internalized. Like, if you hold their hand, they
think it's their hand. And, like, I think
I steal that in that moment and try
to envision that
he and I are one, as I do
with my wife too. Like, we are one
(29:59):
in this moment of coming back.
And it's beautiful, Sadie. Yeah. Thank you for
asking about that, man. I got this big
smile on my face just thinking about
holding him
and just feeling his joy.
And if I may just add, it is
also something I harness.
In the process, we
talk about pain with another human in this
world and oftentimes thinking of that person as
(30:21):
a baby
to understand like, Hey, something happened to them
in this world that put them in a
place to do whatever it is that they
did to you. And I go back to
thinking about Caden and I'm like, Wow, like,
Yeah, this is the purity that every human
comes into this world as.
And it connects that point so much for
me because there is no way a baby
(30:43):
could do anything to hurt anyone.
So it truly is, if that ever happens,
what has happened to that person? Beautiful moment
of connection
with purity
in a sense. I love that you said
he and I are one, and I think
about
attunement.
What a beautiful gift to offer.
Yeah. Oh, I love it. It's so funny
(31:04):
you say you often talk with people, and
they're like, are you gonna have more kids?
And I'm like, I hope so. I initially
planned maybe one or two, but now doing
it, if we could afford it, I would,
like, have five or six kids. Like, I
just I totally get now these families that
grow and just grow big.
There's nothing like it in the world. And
what's neat for me is
(31:26):
having been a person who has patterns of
I've gotta take care of everyone in this
world to get value,
what's neat for me now as a father
is I noticed internally
that sometimes that messaging is, I just need
to take care of this little being, you
know, and my wife.
And if I can take care of them,
I'm doing a good job in this world.
(31:48):
And that's something that would not have ever
made sense to me before. It would have
been like, no. You gotta help more people,
Corey, to get value. And so it's made
my world very, like, microscopic in that sense.
Like, I just really need to love this
child
as much as I can. And that that
is enough, You know? Hopefully, I'm doing other
things too, but that is enough.
(32:09):
That is enough.
I am enough just as I am. I
love hearing you say these things and hearing
your story.
Wonderful.
And before we go,
is there anything you wanted to say
that I didn't ask or that you didn't
say?
You know, the only thing that came up
for me, Sadie, was, I had this really
(32:29):
interesting experience when my brother passed.
I was in Japan.
I had been in Japan about a year
and a half, and I was running late
to work.
And I had one of those old school
answering machines that would, like, speak out loud
when a message was being left. And I
remember the phone rang, and I was like,
I'm not gonna answer it. I gotta get
to work, but I'm just gonna listen to
see who it is.
(32:50):
And it was my father
telling me that my brother had died. He
said, Corey,
sit down.
Micah has died.
I mean, it was just that straightforward.
I don't remember anything after that, ironically.
And what was really
tough and interesting culturally is
I remember receiving a call and thinking it
(33:10):
was my office asking me where I was.
And I just said, you know, my brother's
died. Hang up the phone. About thirty minutes
later, two of my friends, other English teachers
in Japan showed up at my door, and
they're like, hey, we heard what happened.
I I couldn't understand how they even knew.
And then soon after that, I had three
(33:30):
of the kind of bosses at my office
my education office in Japan
show up, and they came in and they
sat Seizo style, like, on their knees in
my living room
for I don't remember how long. And in
the moment, I remember thinking, like, I don't
like this. Like, I don't want anyone around
me. I just wanna be by myself.
In reflection afterwards,
(33:50):
I came to realize there was this beautiful
cultural moment there that was like with deep
respect. They came and sat there in silence
in my living room as I was just
coming to terms with what had happened.
Then what was really hard for me is
I just feel like I buried
my brother's death inside. You know, I went
back to The States, and I remember I
(34:12):
had this weird emotional moment of, this is
so strange. I'm seeing people that I haven't
seen for a while because I've been in
Japan, so I'm supposed to be happy. And
yet
I can't be happy.
And so I remember, like, I think I
just compartmentalized
my brother's death, like, a %.
I mean, truly, I think it took me
about three years
(34:32):
where I would just have these really adverse
emotional reactions. I'd be in the middle of
parties, and I would just leave. I was
like, I can't even be in this space.
And I remember times even in Japan where
I would walk
miles
because maybe I'd had a few drinks, and
I was like, I can't drive, and so
I'm just gonna walk to get home.
One thing I wish I had done differently
(34:53):
is, like, I wish I had tried to
process and work with it,
because I just truly buried it. And I
had a moment with a friend where I
actually I had drinks, and I was sitting
on this hotel balcony,
and I just spoke to the sky
about everything I wanted to say to my
brother. And some of it was anger about
how he took care of his own diabetes.
(35:13):
And there was something
so healing
in that expression of energy for me that
I remember I woke up the next day
and I was like, wow, I feel something
has moved in me. I'm not holding on
to all this anymore.
And that truly was the opening for me
to actually really start grieving.
My grieving process lasted years. From that point
(35:35):
forward,
there was something in me and learning how
to actually have a voice and communicate the
pain that was in me. And what I
love about Hoffman is I think it gave
me and it gives people a chance to
actually, at times, communicate things
that maybe we've never said that we feel
inside,
and I needed that. I I needed that
(35:55):
in so many different ways beyond just my
brother and but that was just where I
kinda learned the power of that moment.
You're describing
such
a presence
with yourself.
What you describe in just speaking it up
to the skies,
giving a voice to it and allowing it.
Yes.
Now when I am around people who have
(36:15):
experienced death, like one of the things I
always try to do is just get people
talking about it, about the person, about it,
because I've realized like that expression of the
energy is what releases it. Truly, right, as
we name the second step of the cycle
of transformation expression, I it's very real for
me on why that's so important.
I just go back to that image of
you sitting with your son.
(36:37):
All I have to do is be here
to love him and that is enough.
It sounds like
you are doing that for yourself.
Yeah. I will forever try to
live by the words, I am enough just
as I am. I'm saying it with my
hands and my heart right now
and allowing it to move into my heart,
(36:58):
which is, what keeps me on solid footing.
Thank you so much for being here. Yeah.
Thanks, Sadie. I appreciate it. And love to
this entire Hoffman community. I feel so grateful
to be a part of it.
Thank you for listening to our podcast. My
(37:19):
name is Liza Ingrassi. I'm the CEO and
president of Hoffman Institute Foundation.
And I'm Razi Ingrassi,
Hoffman teacher and founder of the Hoffman Institute
Foundation.
Our mission is to provide people greater access
to the wisdom and power of love. In
themselves, in each other and in the world.
To find out more, please go to hompaninstitute.org.
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