June 24, 2024 • 30 mins
Imagine enduring the trials of multiple brain surgeries, traumatic brain injuries, and chronic conditions like Central Pain Syndrome. How do you find genuine hope amidst such chaos? Join me, Jason Hopkins, on the Hopeful Perspective Podcast, where I reveal the powerful journey from mere survival to thriving with authentic resilience. In this episode, "Overcoming Trials and Finding Hope," I share the intimate details of my recovery process, highlighting the miracles that defied medical expectations, including the remarkable disappearance of my Dissociative Identity Disorder following my son’s heartfelt prayer. This testimony is a testament to the power of faith and the human spirit.
Further, we explore a life-altering divine visitation that took place during a late-night seizure. This profound experience reignited my sense of purpose, illustrating God’s enduring presence through my darkest times. With scriptural insights from John 10:10, Isaiah 43:2, and Romans 8:18, I lay bare the spiritual foundations that have anchored my hope and perseverance. Tune in to discover how these redemptive chapters continue to unfold, inspiring not just my journey, but offering a beacon of hope for others grappling with life's severe trials.
*The intro and outro music is entitled "Lite Saturation" composed by 'Epic,' utilized from the source Free Music Archive (FMA) and licensed for commercial and person use (CC BY-ND
Are you inspired by what you hear today? Jason deeply appreciates his listeners taking their time to listening, downloading, and sharing The Hopeful Perspective Podcast. Please help me spread 'hope' to others by writing a review for the podcast making it reachable for all who need to be inspired, encouraged, and changed by hoping once again. Further, understand that downloading the podcast is a surefire way to help increase the algorithm thus the reach of The Hopeful Perspective, even if you delete the episode after listening so as to not affect your data storage. I have also provided a (Support the Show) link DIRECTLY ABOVE THIS PARAGRAPH to click on for those who have shared with me they are "all in" and feel called to financially support the mission and vision of The Hopeful Perspective. A special thank you to those who have made this humble step to financially support the podcast. Without you, there is no US!
Jason Hopkins can also be reached on Facebook as well as Instagram and Threads (jayhop9953). You can also follow 'The Hopeful Perspective' FB page; where you can find more information as well as learn about upcoming news and episodes on the The Hopeful Perspective Podcast.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Hopeful Perspective Podcast.
I am your host, jason Hopkins.
Today we finally reach theconclusion of my story, of my
personal testimony.
Not that the story isnecessarily concluding, see.
There are new and redemptivechapters contributing to the
narrative of my life on thedaily basis, and today I share
(00:23):
how I overcame the trials andtrauma of my past, the trials of
today, and who it is that givesme authentic hope.
Real hope, not a genericanticipation or wishful thinking
.
True hope for the future, bothin this life as well as the hope
of heaven that awaits hisbeloved.
(00:44):
How was I transformed from asurvivor to thriver and changed
from a victim to a victor?
I am so stoked to answer thesequestions and get to the heart
of the matter today, so Iencourage you to grab your
favorite snack, hot or coldbeverage, get comfortable and
come on this journey with me asI bring our story to the present
(01:05):
day.
I concluded, or rather put acomma, last episode, having
described a little bit of whatcurrent everyday life, full of
challenges, that I endure.
Also, I put us on the ledgeregarding the answered prayer of
my nine-year-old son, but wewill get to that later.
Prayer of my nine-year-old son,but we will get to that later.
(01:28):
We can thank my bride who madethe suggestion that I need to go
into a little more detailregarding my healing process
following two brain surgeries.
You have heard that in thefirst year of healing my mental
and cognitive capacitydiminished greatly due to
traumatic brain injury or TBI.
I live today having lost mostof my hearing in my right ear
due to the meningitis Icontracted following surgery.
(01:50):
Perhaps the clear personalitychange that was difficult for my
family and I to become familiarwith, combined with the other
cognitive deficiencies, would beenough for a story.
But the real thorn in my fleshquite literally.
Enough for a story.
But the real thorn in my fleshquite literally occurred with
the surgery being on mybrainstem.
You see, I ended up, followingthe surgeries, having a pain
(02:11):
condition on the right side ofmy body, head to toe.
Any contact with my right sideexperiences a wide array of
changes in sensitivity.
The condition varies fromfeeling like a bad sunburn at
one end of the spectrum, which Ican deal with that, to feeling
like someone is digging into myflesh down to the bone.
(02:31):
I've been hospitalized a fewtimes due to the level of pain.
Tests were run, differenttherapies and medications
prescribed, yet no one had ananswer for three years.
Then a neurologist in thenetwork talked to me and read
off the clinical criteria for adiagnosis that described my
condition to a T Central PainSyndrome, or CPS as the
(02:57):
Cleveland Clinic describes it.
It is a chronical neurologicalcondition that affects how you
feel pain.
It happens because of damage toyour brain or spinal cord.
It also can happen when chronicpain alters how your nervous
system handles pain signals.
This condition often has severeeffects and is often difficult
to treat.
Despite these facts, I wasactually overjoyed that a
(03:20):
diagnosis had been reached, andI am eternally grateful to the
neurologist for his contributionto my therapy plan.
After numerous attempts toreach a conclusion, we finally
found the answer, even if thatconclusion was that I would have
this proverbial thorn in myflesh for the rest of my days.
In addition to CPS, I began toexperience seizures atonic
(03:43):
seizures.
I began to experience seizuresatonic seizures and myeloconic
seizures.
Yes, seizures are disturbing,but do not let the big names
intimidate you.
I would say they are on themore chill side of the spectrum
when it comes to things that Ican handle.
I was dealing with an array ofthree different kinds of
seizures, in all Absent seizures, which are staring spells that
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can start suddenly and can bemistaken for daydreaming.
Atonic seizures, which havedrop attacks.
I ended up in the hospital oneday because my legs absolutely
gave out on me because of thesudden loss of muscle strength
and tone.
And then there's myoclonicseizures, causing short, quick
movements of the arms, head andneck.
Yet as difficult as the physicalconditions I now deal with,
(04:28):
even the thorns in my flesh andbrain felt tolerable compared to
the emotional, mental andspiritual challenges that I
faced During my healing period.
I had profound difficultyregulating strong emotions.
My family and I walked, and arecurrently walking, through some
difficult scenarios due to thedifferences that I now present.
(04:48):
I even had difficulty as a fanof my kids' basketball games.
In the role of spectator, Iwalked through different
scenarios that ordinarily PBS orwhat I call pre-brain surgery.
I would be able to discern andremain present.
I was once able to navigatesocial situations with ease, and
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now this once-upon-a-timeextrovert was essentially
transforming into an introvert.
Here is the thing I remembereverything pre-surgery who I was
, my passions, my long-termmemories, my personalities, my
gifts and my dreams.
Now I feel trapped and alongfor a ride, while in a body that
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is now forever changed.
Whereas I remember my life fromthe long-term, my short-term
memory has been severelyaffected.
Long-term, my short-term memoryhas been severely affected.
Now we've discussed how mypersonality changed post-surgery
, yet there was now somethingelse that was missing.
You see, I was having toexperience these emotions and
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strength and impact in waysnever before in my surgery and
what had become commonplace inmy life since surgery was
confirmed in my one-yearneurological review.
And this was the answer to mynine-year-old son's prayer prior
to the surgery, a sweet andgenuine request he wrote down,
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quote I pray that you, god, takemy dad's DID away.
I pray that you, god, take mydad's DID away.
And, friends, myneuropsychologist was amazed as
much as we were to see that thevery thing my son prayed for was
answered by the Lord.
Dissociative identity disorderhas no cure.
Rather, as I expressed before,you have to learn tools and
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submit to intensive therapy towork through the level of trauma
that formed your system.
So this truly was a miracle.
At the end of the day, now, nothaving DID led to a new and
foreign concept.
As I expressed before, I nowhad strong and profound feelings
in a truly overwhelming mannerin which I'd never experienced
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before.
Though the origins of DID hadbeen evil, I had relied upon its
protective mechanism for 38years and now I literally had to
navigate feeling levels ofanxiety, pain and panic attacks,
with only me, the Christianhost.
This was particularly difficultdue to the fact that, as that
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first few years of healing andaccepting this new normal, most
of all my close friends appearedto withdraw.
Now, please key into this part.
I know there are friends, andperhaps some of the ones that
withdrew listening and evensubscribing to this podcast.
I am in no way assigning blameto you by having this
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observation, nor do I see myselfas a victim whatsoever.
Instead, I have found that Iwas learning a lesson that Jesus
taught his disciples in thefirst century.
Progress is impossible when welive in the land of presumptions
or assumptions that gounresolved.
The enemy loves to steal, killand destroy.
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When we read John 10.10,referring to the enemy of our
souls, we first read that Jesusis the good shepherd and he is
the gate for the sheep.
He uses a figure of speech andessentially a parable with his
disciples, though they didn'tunderstand the underlying truth.
The enemy a thief in thispicture maybe, perhaps a false
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prophet, false teacher, or evenfalse Messiah, which today could
also be a false pastor.
Well, the enemy will attempt todistract the sheep and convince
them to follow his deceitfulplan.
Jesus says in John 10, all whoever came before me were thieves
and robbers, but the sheep didnot listen to them.
I am the gate.
Whoever enters through me willbe saved.
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He will come in and go out andfind pasture.
The thief comes only to steal,kill and destroy.
I have come that they may havelife and have it to the full.
We need to remember that thedevil will not be dressed in
absurd and obvious red pajamas,horns or anything else that
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reveals his identity.
When he's trying to deceive you, the thief and the liar will
subtly use partial truths andappealing arguments that cater
to your wants, justifications,and he will even plant doubts in
your mind about the way you arechoosing.
That is, your walk as aChristian believer.
(09:37):
Remember this the way was areference that the early Jewish
Christians referred to withtheir walk to Christ.
Some scholars believe that thename the way came as a reference
to Isaiah 40, verse 3, where weread A voice of one calling in
the wilderness prepare the wayfor the Lord, make straight in
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the desert, a highway for ourGod.
Scholar Derek Rishmaway hasanother take on how.
The way refers to returning toGod.
This name for the Christianmovement, the way, thus
designates that the Christianswere the true end-time Israel
beginning to fulfill theprophecies of Israel's returning
from exile.
They were on the way out ofexile to returning to God.
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The name, the Way, indicatesthat one could begin to
participate in this restorationjourney by believing in Christ
and joining others who alreadybelieved and were walking on the
way, progressing in their newExodus journey.
Consequently, the way describedboth those first joining it and
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those who had belonged to itfor some time, so that the name
included reference to a mannerof ongoing Christian living as
part of a restoration journey.
Does this sound familiar?
As part of a restorationjourney, does this sound
familiar?
Now we take a look at a littletheological detour here to
interact with the deception ofthe enemy to our souls.
(11:02):
And now I have an admission tomake.
Only a few years ago, Ideveloped perhaps the worst
depression of my life.
I literally couldn't andwouldn't get out of bed, and I
also had a lot of pent-up anger,overlaying feelings of
abandonment, isolation,rejection and even judgment.
Many of these feelings Iinitially thought were directed
(11:24):
at the people in my life who Isaw as withdrawing from me,
whereas I had alwaysdemonstrated attributes of
compassion and love, had alwaysdemonstrated attributes of
compassion and love,encouragement for others in
their times of need.
Now can you see how the liethat quote people have left me
unquote further led me to fillin the blanks and assumptions.
(11:46):
Friends, it is a thin line.
I was walking as a one-timediscerning, communicative,
theologically confident andsocial follower of the way, and
now I felt like my discernmentturned into judgment.
My communication was difficult,given my limited capacity and
delayed speech, and mytheological confidence so low I
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was considering giving up theway.
I was considering turning myback on Jesus.
You see, all the while thisdangerous concoction within my
depression was brewing, I waschecking out atheist debates,
questions and answers on YouTubeand I was discouraged the
further down the rabbit hole Iwent.
(12:28):
Friends, I hope you see howeasy it is to be deceived,
particularly when you are mostvulnerable.
Further, I want to demonstrateanother battle that I was waging
.
You see, I had staked my lifeon faith.
My occupation, my calling, mypurpose were all devoted to
sharing my story for God's glory.
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Given the fact that I had atumultuous childhood as well as
a rare personality disorder.
As an adult, I had to remainintegrous to the reality that,
though I had an incredibletestimony of restoration and
redemption through Jesus Christ,that I needed to avoid the
portrayal that I now possess therecipe for some special plan to
work through future trials.
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Following my diagnosis,surgeries and subsequent health
issues, I was battling internallies that other people expected
me to be an overcomer once again.
After all, look at all theredemption of my past.
I am a pastor, a biblicalcounselor, and have all the eyes
of my church, family andsurrounding community.
If you recall, in the previousepisodes, I was involved in a
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youth basketball program with mykiddos.
For a long time I felt pressureto live out Hopkins Strong.
In reality, my faith waswavering as I was now feeding my
doubts by ingestinganti-Christian content.
I struggled immensely,connecting and communicating
with my family.
The dynamic of my marriagechanged as both of us were
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having to adapt to the newnormal post-surgery.
Physically, I was experiencingnumerous flare-ups with my
central pain syndrome as I wastriggered by the emotional and
mental state I was now living.
I was residing in my own doublebind and on all this time
without the protectivepersonalities that I could push
all my feelings andresponsibilities on.
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Living in isolation, deepdepression, absent of a clear
purpose and little, if any,communion with God.
I began relapsing as I gaveinto temptations and behavioral
patterns I long ago hadabandoned and overcome, and
behavioral patterns I long agohad abandoned and overcome.
I found myself in the darknight of my soul, and this is
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where I was tempted to not onlywalk out of my marriage but was
contemplating once again takingmy own life.
You see, I have experiencedliving without food and water
and entertainment money, but Igenuinely believe we suffer a
different kind of death, notalways physically, though we
know there are many who areconfronted with this double bind
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live without hope or not liveat all.
I believe people finally givein to such a drastic measure
once they suffer this spiritual,psychological, mental and
emotional death, once hope isgone.
Overwhelmed by my experiencesand clouded by emotions, I was
now questioning myself whether Ieven believed in Jesus anymore.
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And that's when, only a coupleyears ago I can attest, another
miracle occurred.
So yeah, I am that 44-year-oldman who still loves to play
video games.
It was during one of mylate-night video game sessions
that I received a most uniquevisit from the Lord.
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To this point in my journey, Ican't say that I had ever had
visions or auditory experienceswithin my faith.
That is what made thisexperience most extraordinary.
I was actually in the middle ofanother seizure when I saw what
can only be described as abright light that I had to look
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away from In the course of thenext few minutes, I experienced
the most tangible presence ofthe Lord I had ever felt.
Initially, I questioned whetherI was merely hallucinating, yet
, as though my thoughts werebeing read, I remember an
audible voice asking me who doyou think I am?
I remember the feeling ofconviction coming over me,
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followed by this intense warmth.
It was as though my very doubtsand questions, and even my
fears, were being addressed inthat very moment.
There are parts of that nightand of that experience that were
intended to be just for me andnot a book or a podcast.
Yet what I do feel free toexpress is that this experience
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was the catalyst that drew mefrom the deep and dark night of
my soul.
You see, one of the mostprofound aspects was God showing
me how he had been present atevery point I experienced
failure and pain.
When I felt abandoned.
He was there.
When I was hopeless, he gave mestrength.
We were now full circle on myfeelings of friends and family
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who had grown distant.
I was needing to find myreliance and hope on the Creator
and not His creation, and thiswas the only way.
And do you want to know whatelse came from that night?
I was to be a messenger forothers who need to experience
the hope that I have.
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This was the beginning of thevision for the hopeful
perspective that those with earslet them hear and eyes let them
see who truly is the hope ofthe world.
He says the enemy comes tosteal, kill and destroy.
He says the enemy comes tosteal, kill and destroy.
And then he says I have come,that they may have life and have
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it to the full.
My life experiences testify toJohn 10.10.
They also testify to Isaiah43.2.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
And to Romans 8.18.
The pain that you have beenfeeling can't compare to the joy
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that's coming.
And to Romans 8.18,.
To Psalm 34.18,.
The Lord is near thebrokenhearted and saves the
crushed in spirit.
Friends, loved ones andfaithful listeners, I would say
that this vision that happenedthat fateful night, in the
middle of a seizure, no less,where I became confident not
only in what I believed to betrue about the heart of the
Father, but what His purpose andHis call in my life was to
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become that.
This all marks the conclusionof my story up to the present
time.
This most recent experienceserved to shape and form a
podcast where you, my listeners,could experience the hopeful
perspective.
You see, I had to look back andsee how God had indeed been
present all throughout my life.
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He was the source of therestoration and the strength
that enabled me to carry on.
1 Peter 5.10 declares and theGod of all grace, who called you
to his eternal glory in Christ,after you have suffered a
little while, will himselfrestore you and make you strong,
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firm and steadfast.
My trials and tribulations arewhat helped me to see his hand
on my life.
Romans 5, one of my favoriteverses, speaks to this
restoration that leads up tohope.
Therefore, since we have beenjustified through faith, we have
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peace with God through our LordJesus Christ, through whom we
have gained access, by faith,into this grace in which we now
stand and we boast in the hopeof the glory of God.
Not only so, but we also gloryin our sufferings, because we
know that suffering producesperseverance, perseverance,
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character and character.
Hope, perseverance,perseverance, character and
character.
Hope and hope does not put usto shame, because God's love has
been poured out into our heartsthrough the Holy Spirit who has
been given to us.
Do you see it?
We were granted access by hisgrace through our faith, as well
as we were granted perspective.
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We don't just boast in theglory of God, we boast in a hope
that is founded through therigorous demands that suffering
has placed on us, that when wepersevere, we are granted
life-changing character.
As we make it through, we donot suffer for suffering's sake.
1 Peter 4 even says Therefore,since Christ suffered in his
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body, arm yourselves also withthe same attitude.
And what attitude ofperspective are we armed with?
We see, his suffering was notin vain, but rather as the
sacrifice that was needed inorder for you and I to be
granted access by grace, intothe faith.
We now stand Again.
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I did not suffer forsuffering's sake or for the
enemy's gain.
While I lose.
No, you see, as I go throughthe suffering and then am
brought through his restoration,I get to live out Philippians
3.10, where I am brought into adeeper knowledge of Christ, his
resurrection power that saved mefrom death, whereas the enemy
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of our souls wants everythingfrom us in return for nothing.
Christ gave up everything inreturn for forever with us.
Jesus looked at them and saidwith man this is impossible, but
with God all things arepossible.
Friends, we live in a time whenwe are presented with more
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options and possibilities topursue as it pertains to
spirituality and psychology thanany time before.
We also live in a postmoderntime where truth has become
arbitrary.
These factors can lead toconfusion and discouragement
when a person is seekingrestoration and healing
concerning their own personaljourney.
I have not established theHopeful Perspective podcast to
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present an additional optionthat one can pursue in Jesus
Christ as it pertains tosuffering and hope.
Make no mistake about it.
I am proposing that JesusChrist is the only answer to
understand suffering and hope.
This conclusion is drawn frommy own journey of seeking
respite and coping with the painof my trauma, my past trials
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and even my present tribulations.
When the enemy presented reliefthrough the various temptations
to anesthetize my pain, I wasinstead sabotaging what the Lord
intended for my growth andhealing.
1 Corinthians 13 may be one ofthe most recognized passages of
scripture in the Bible.
To people inside and outsidethe church alike, the Apostle
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Paul is addressing the heartbehind our gifts and attributes
and that, regardless of howgifted we are, if we are not
imitating Jesus Christ,submitting to him, worshiping
him and serving others, then wehave not love.
Rather, we have missed thewhole point.
While in this limited time thatis our lifetime, the spiritual
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gifts and the submitted serviceto one another together, done in
love, paint a powerful picturethat displays his hope to a
broken and hurting world.
Jesus constructed his church insuch a way that the different
office gifts found in Ephesians4, apostle, prophet, evangelist,
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pastor and teacher as well asthe spiritual gifts that
believers in Jesus are given bythe power of the Holy Spirit.
Paul lists the followingspiritual gifts words of wisdom,
word of knowledge, faith, giftsof healing, working of miracles
, prophesying, distinguishingspirits, various kinds of
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tongues and then interpretationof tongues.
Both the office gifts as wellas the spiritual gifts are given
for the common good of thewhole body.
Every person in Jesus isessential for the whole church
body to function as it wasdesigned, and the message of 1
Corinthians 13 is that, whilethe gifts represent the body,
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that the circulatory system ofthe church body, or the blood
flow, if you will, is faith,hope and love, whereas the need
for office gifts and spiritualgifts will be no more once we
reach eternity.
Paul assures us that faith,hope and love will be forever,
and then it says Yet thegreatest of these is love.
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I find it appropriate to sharewith you a special word of
wisdom I was given during mytime in Baldwin, michigan, while
I was undergoing intensivetherapy for DID.
The woman who received thisword was a counselor who worked
with survivors of satanic ritualabuse and afflicted with
dissociative identity disorder.
At the time I was given thisword, I struggled not only with
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the above afflictions, but alsoif I could possibly be forgiven
for the trespasses I committed.
While in the struggle, I readthis as a love letter from the
father's heart to his son.
It's a boy.
How he was present the day ofyour birth.
How he delighted as he cradledyou in his strong and loving
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arms and cried as he saw thecost of your redemption.
He smoothed your baby silk-likehair and tenderly touched your
face and said yes, father, Iwill.
I will die for this one, thathe can receive my spirit and be
whole and one in me.
It's a boy and he's mine, and Isee the enemy wants him because
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he's so precious to me, I willnot let his devices prevail.
I will fight and die for myJason that he might live and win
.
I have you, jason.
I have you.
I have you.
Strength, honor and glory aremine to give and I give them to
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you.
This is your day.
You shall overcome the works ofthe enemy in your life and
countless others with you as youput your hand in mine and take
the next step.
Friends, I could keep going withthe books, passages and verses
of God's love letters to us thatdeclare his glory and define
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our purpose.
Yet we have a whole podcastlife to further look into the
truth as to why possessing ahopeful perspective is crucial
to a believer's faith andtherefore their life.
I have spent the last sixepisodes sharing from my heart
my life, my struggles and myredemption, how a hopeful
perspective has saved my life,my struggles and my redemption.
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How a hopeful perspective hassaved my life physically and
spiritually.
Going forward, I'm excited toshare biblical truths, stories,
interviews, faith-building toolsand whatever else the Lord
brings to light, to share withyou, for the edification of your
faith and the expression of hishope.
This has been a difficultcouple of months since I started
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sharing my life with all of you, yet I count it as joy to share
my story for Christ's glory.
Finally, I want to conclude bygiving an opportunity for those
listeners who are not yet sayingyes to Jesus, as well as I want
to give an opportunity to thosewho have felt distant and are
compelled to draw closer to him.
Friends, the gospel is goodnews and, after listening to six
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episodes of hardship, my prayeris that you see the hope I have
and that it is only because Ihave had to humble myself in the
sight of the Lord, repent formy sin that separates me from
God and receive his gift ofsalvation.
As you have heard, having faithdoes not end our hardships.
Rather, having faith helps usthrough them.
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So, if you have not said yes toJesus, I want to encourage you
to consider being in a quiet,non-distracting location and
praying some version of thisprayer from the heart,
non-distracting location.
And praying some version ofthis prayer from the heart Lord
Jesus, I repent of my sins and Isurrender my life Wash me clean
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.
I believe that Jesus Christ isthe Son of God, that he died on
the cross for my sins and roseagain on the third day for my
victory.
I believe that in my heart andmake confessions with my mouth
that Jesus is my Savior and Lord.
Amen, and listen.
If you've prayed that prayerand it has come from the heart,
I congratulate and welcome youto the family of the beloved.
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I encourage you to find a faithcommunity that is
Bible-believing, has an orthodoxdoctrine and worships the Lord
passionately.
Also, devote yourself toreading the New Testament.
These are his love letters andthe whole foundations for how we
are to walk in faith.
For us.
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So, hopeful family, this iswhere I leave you.
Thank you for granting meaccess to your ears and your
heart through this process, andI look forward to joining you in
the next episode.
Until then, I want to thank youfor joining me along this
journey and, if you would be sokind, to follow, subscribe and,
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most importantly, to rate andwrite a review for others who
may need the hopeful perspective.
And now you can even contributemonetarily with our support to
show link that is embedded onyour platform.
All of the contributions areutilized to grow the podcast, to
broaden my reach and to sharethe hope of Christ.
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A special thank you to thosewho have made this commitment to
support the podcast financiallyalready.
My desire is to reach as manypeople with the message of hope
that have lived lives asdifficult and dark as I have, or
anyone who needs to be remindedthat hope is real.
So thank you so much in advanceand until next time, remember
(30:31):
you are loved.
Welcome to the Hopeful Perspective Podcast.
I am your host, jason Hopkins.
Today we finally reach theconclusion of my story, of my
personal testimony.
Not that the story isnecessarily concluding, see.
There are new and redemptivechapters contributing to the
narrative of my life on thedaily basis, and today I share
(00:23):
how I overcame the trials andtrauma of my past, the trials of
today, and who it is that givesme authentic hope.
Real hope, not a genericanticipation or wishful thinking
.
True hope for the future, bothin this life as well as the hope
of heaven that awaits hisbeloved.
(00:44):
How was I transformed from asurvivor to thriver and changed
from a victim to a victor?
I am so stoked to answer thesequestions and get to the heart
of the matter today, so Iencourage you to grab your
favorite snack, hot or coldbeverage, get comfortable and
come on this journey with me asI bring our story to the present
(01:05):
day.
I concluded, or rather put acomma, last episode, having
described a little bit of whatcurrent everyday life, full of
challenges, that I endure.
Also, I put us on the ledgeregarding the answered prayer of
my nine-year-old son, but wewill get to that later.
Prayer of my nine-year-old son,but we will get to that later.
(01:28):
We can thank my bride who madethe suggestion that I need to go
into a little more detailregarding my healing process
following two brain surgeries.
You have heard that in thefirst year of healing my mental
and cognitive capacitydiminished greatly due to
traumatic brain injury or TBI.
I live today having lost mostof my hearing in my right ear
due to the meningitis Icontracted following surgery.
(01:50):
Perhaps the clear personalitychange that was difficult for my
family and I to become familiarwith, combined with the other
cognitive deficiencies, would beenough for a story.
But the real thorn in my fleshquite literally.
Enough for a story.
But the real thorn in my fleshquite literally occurred with
the surgery being on mybrainstem.
You see, I ended up, followingthe surgeries, having a pain
(02:11):
condition on the right side ofmy body, head to toe.
Any contact with my right sideexperiences a wide array of
changes in sensitivity.
The condition varies fromfeeling like a bad sunburn at
one end of the spectrum, which Ican deal with that, to feeling
like someone is digging into myflesh down to the bone.
(02:31):
I've been hospitalized a fewtimes due to the level of pain.
Tests were run, differenttherapies and medications
prescribed, yet no one had ananswer for three years.
Then a neurologist in thenetwork talked to me and read
off the clinical criteria for adiagnosis that described my
condition to a T Central PainSyndrome, or CPS as the
(02:57):
Cleveland Clinic describes it.
It is a chronical neurologicalcondition that affects how you
feel pain.
It happens because of damage toyour brain or spinal cord.
It also can happen when chronicpain alters how your nervous
system handles pain signals.
This condition often has severeeffects and is often difficult
to treat.
Despite these facts, I wasactually overjoyed that a
(03:20):
diagnosis had been reached, andI am eternally grateful to the
neurologist for his contributionto my therapy plan.
After numerous attempts toreach a conclusion, we finally
found the answer, even if thatconclusion was that I would have
this proverbial thorn in myflesh for the rest of my days.
In addition to CPS, I began toexperience seizures atonic
(03:43):
seizures.
I began to experience seizuresatonic seizures and myeloconic
seizures.
Yes, seizures are disturbing,but do not let the big names
intimidate you.
I would say they are on themore chill side of the spectrum
when it comes to things that Ican handle.
I was dealing with an array ofthree different kinds of
seizures, in all Absent seizures, which are staring spells that
(04:05):
can start suddenly and can bemistaken for daydreaming.
Atonic seizures, which havedrop attacks.
I ended up in the hospital oneday because my legs absolutely
gave out on me because of thesudden loss of muscle strength
and tone.
And then there's myoclonicseizures, causing short, quick
movements of the arms, head andneck.
Yet as difficult as the physicalconditions I now deal with,
(04:28):
even the thorns in my flesh andbrain felt tolerable compared to
the emotional, mental andspiritual challenges that I
faced During my healing period.
I had profound difficultyregulating strong emotions.
My family and I walked, and arecurrently walking, through some
difficult scenarios due to thedifferences that I now present.
(04:48):
I even had difficulty as a fanof my kids' basketball games.
In the role of spectator, Iwalked through different
scenarios that ordinarily PBS orwhat I call pre-brain surgery.
I would be able to discern andremain present.
I was once able to navigatesocial situations with ease, and
(05:10):
now this once-upon-a-timeextrovert was essentially
transforming into an introvert.
Here is the thing I remembereverything pre-surgery who I was
, my passions, my long-termmemories, my personalities, my
gifts and my dreams.
Now I feel trapped and alongfor a ride, while in a body that
(05:35):
is now forever changed.
Whereas I remember my life fromthe long-term, my short-term
memory has been severelyaffected.
Long-term, my short-term memoryhas been severely affected.
Now we've discussed how mypersonality changed post-surgery
, yet there was now somethingelse that was missing.
You see, I was having toexperience these emotions and
(05:56):
strength and impact in waysnever before in my surgery and
what had become commonplace inmy life since surgery was
confirmed in my one-yearneurological review.
And this was the answer to mynine-year-old son's prayer prior
to the surgery, a sweet andgenuine request he wrote down,
(06:19):
quote I pray that you, god, takemy dad's DID away.
I pray that you, god, take mydad's DID away.
And, friends, myneuropsychologist was amazed as
much as we were to see that thevery thing my son prayed for was
answered by the Lord.
Dissociative identity disorderhas no cure.
Rather, as I expressed before,you have to learn tools and
(06:42):
submit to intensive therapy towork through the level of trauma
that formed your system.
So this truly was a miracle.
At the end of the day, now, nothaving DID led to a new and
foreign concept.
As I expressed before, I nowhad strong and profound feelings
in a truly overwhelming mannerin which I'd never experienced
(07:06):
before.
Though the origins of DID hadbeen evil, I had relied upon its
protective mechanism for 38years and now I literally had to
navigate feeling levels ofanxiety, pain and panic attacks,
with only me, the Christianhost.
This was particularly difficultdue to the fact that, as that
(07:26):
first few years of healing andaccepting this new normal, most
of all my close friends appearedto withdraw.
Now, please key into this part.
I know there are friends, andperhaps some of the ones that
withdrew listening and evensubscribing to this podcast.
I am in no way assigning blameto you by having this
(07:47):
observation, nor do I see myselfas a victim whatsoever.
Instead, I have found that Iwas learning a lesson that Jesus
taught his disciples in thefirst century.
Progress is impossible when welive in the land of presumptions
or assumptions that gounresolved.
The enemy loves to steal, killand destroy.
(08:08):
When we read John 10.10,referring to the enemy of our
souls, we first read that Jesusis the good shepherd and he is
the gate for the sheep.
He uses a figure of speech andessentially a parable with his
disciples, though they didn'tunderstand the underlying truth.
The enemy a thief in thispicture maybe, perhaps a false
(08:34):
prophet, false teacher, or evenfalse Messiah, which today could
also be a false pastor.
Well, the enemy will attempt todistract the sheep and convince
them to follow his deceitfulplan.
Jesus says in John 10, all whoever came before me were thieves
and robbers, but the sheep didnot listen to them.
I am the gate.
Whoever enters through me willbe saved.
(08:56):
He will come in and go out andfind pasture.
The thief comes only to steal,kill and destroy.
I have come that they may havelife and have it to the full.
We need to remember that thedevil will not be dressed in
absurd and obvious red pajamas,horns or anything else that
(09:16):
reveals his identity.
When he's trying to deceive you, the thief and the liar will
subtly use partial truths andappealing arguments that cater
to your wants, justifications,and he will even plant doubts in
your mind about the way you arechoosing.
That is, your walk as aChristian believer.
(09:37):
Remember this the way was areference that the early Jewish
Christians referred to withtheir walk to Christ.
Some scholars believe that thename the way came as a reference
to Isaiah 40, verse 3, where weread A voice of one calling in
the wilderness prepare the wayfor the Lord, make straight in
(09:58):
the desert, a highway for ourGod.
Scholar Derek Rishmaway hasanother take on how.
The way refers to returning toGod.
This name for the Christianmovement, the way, thus
designates that the Christianswere the true end-time Israel
beginning to fulfill theprophecies of Israel's returning
from exile.
They were on the way out ofexile to returning to God.
(10:21):
The name, the Way, indicatesthat one could begin to
participate in this restorationjourney by believing in Christ
and joining others who alreadybelieved and were walking on the
way, progressing in their newExodus journey.
Consequently, the way describedboth those first joining it and
(10:42):
those who had belonged to itfor some time, so that the name
included reference to a mannerof ongoing Christian living as
part of a restoration journey.
Does this sound familiar?
As part of a restorationjourney, does this sound
familiar?
Now we take a look at a littletheological detour here to
interact with the deception ofthe enemy to our souls.
(11:02):
And now I have an admission tomake.
Only a few years ago, Ideveloped perhaps the worst
depression of my life.
I literally couldn't andwouldn't get out of bed, and I
also had a lot of pent-up anger,overlaying feelings of
abandonment, isolation,rejection and even judgment.
Many of these feelings Iinitially thought were directed
(11:24):
at the people in my life who Isaw as withdrawing from me,
whereas I had alwaysdemonstrated attributes of
compassion and love, had alwaysdemonstrated attributes of
compassion and love,encouragement for others in
their times of need.
Now can you see how the liethat quote people have left me
unquote further led me to fillin the blanks and assumptions.
(11:46):
Friends, it is a thin line.
I was walking as a one-timediscerning, communicative,
theologically confident andsocial follower of the way, and
now I felt like my discernmentturned into judgment.
My communication was difficult,given my limited capacity and
delayed speech, and mytheological confidence so low I
(12:07):
was considering giving up theway.
I was considering turning myback on Jesus.
You see, all the while thisdangerous concoction within my
depression was brewing, I waschecking out atheist debates,
questions and answers on YouTubeand I was discouraged the
further down the rabbit hole Iwent.
(12:28):
Friends, I hope you see howeasy it is to be deceived,
particularly when you are mostvulnerable.
Further, I want to demonstrateanother battle that I was waging
.
You see, I had staked my lifeon faith.
My occupation, my calling, mypurpose were all devoted to
sharing my story for God's glory.
(12:49):
Given the fact that I had atumultuous childhood as well as
a rare personality disorder.
As an adult, I had to remainintegrous to the reality that,
though I had an incredibletestimony of restoration and
redemption through Jesus Christ,that I needed to avoid the
portrayal that I now possess therecipe for some special plan to
work through future trials.
(13:11):
Following my diagnosis,surgeries and subsequent health
issues, I was battling internallies that other people expected
me to be an overcomer once again.
After all, look at all theredemption of my past.
I am a pastor, a biblicalcounselor, and have all the eyes
of my church, family andsurrounding community.
If you recall, in the previousepisodes, I was involved in a
(13:34):
youth basketball program with mykiddos.
For a long time I felt pressureto live out Hopkins Strong.
In reality, my faith waswavering as I was now feeding my
doubts by ingestinganti-Christian content.
I struggled immensely,connecting and communicating
with my family.
The dynamic of my marriagechanged as both of us were
(13:56):
having to adapt to the newnormal post-surgery.
Physically, I was experiencingnumerous flare-ups with my
central pain syndrome as I wastriggered by the emotional and
mental state I was now living.
I was residing in my own doublebind and on all this time
without the protectivepersonalities that I could push
all my feelings andresponsibilities on.
(14:17):
Living in isolation, deepdepression, absent of a clear
purpose and little, if any,communion with God.
I began relapsing as I gaveinto temptations and behavioral
patterns I long ago hadabandoned and overcome, and
behavioral patterns I long agohad abandoned and overcome.
I found myself in the darknight of my soul, and this is
(14:38):
where I was tempted to not onlywalk out of my marriage but was
contemplating once again takingmy own life.
You see, I have experiencedliving without food and water
and entertainment money, but Igenuinely believe we suffer a
different kind of death, notalways physically, though we
know there are many who areconfronted with this double bind
(15:00):
live without hope or not liveat all.
I believe people finally givein to such a drastic measure
once they suffer this spiritual,psychological, mental and
emotional death, once hope isgone.
Overwhelmed by my experiencesand clouded by emotions, I was
now questioning myself whether Ieven believed in Jesus anymore.
(15:24):
And that's when, only a coupleyears ago I can attest, another
miracle occurred.
So yeah, I am that 44-year-oldman who still loves to play
video games.
It was during one of mylate-night video game sessions
that I received a most uniquevisit from the Lord.
(15:44):
To this point in my journey, Ican't say that I had ever had
visions or auditory experienceswithin my faith.
That is what made thisexperience most extraordinary.
I was actually in the middle ofanother seizure when I saw what
can only be described as abright light that I had to look
(16:05):
away from In the course of thenext few minutes, I experienced
the most tangible presence ofthe Lord I had ever felt.
Initially, I questioned whetherI was merely hallucinating, yet
, as though my thoughts werebeing read, I remember an
audible voice asking me who doyou think I am?
I remember the feeling ofconviction coming over me,
(16:29):
followed by this intense warmth.
It was as though my very doubtsand questions, and even my
fears, were being addressed inthat very moment.
There are parts of that nightand of that experience that were
intended to be just for me andnot a book or a podcast.
Yet what I do feel free toexpress is that this experience
(16:50):
was the catalyst that drew mefrom the deep and dark night of
my soul.
You see, one of the mostprofound aspects was God showing
me how he had been present atevery point I experienced
failure and pain.
When I felt abandoned.
He was there.
When I was hopeless, he gave mestrength.
We were now full circle on myfeelings of friends and family
(17:13):
who had grown distant.
I was needing to find myreliance and hope on the Creator
and not His creation, and thiswas the only way.
And do you want to know whatelse came from that night?
I was to be a messenger forothers who need to experience
the hope that I have.
(17:34):
This was the beginning of thevision for the hopeful
perspective that those with earslet them hear and eyes let them
see who truly is the hope ofthe world.
He says the enemy comes tosteal, kill and destroy.
He says the enemy comes tosteal, kill and destroy.
And then he says I have come,that they may have life and have
(17:56):
it to the full.
My life experiences testify toJohn 10.10.
They also testify to Isaiah43.2.
When you go through deep waters, I will be with you.
And to Romans 8.18.
The pain that you have beenfeeling can't compare to the joy
(18:20):
that's coming.
And to Romans 8.18,.
To Psalm 34.18,.
The Lord is near thebrokenhearted and saves the
crushed in spirit.
Friends, loved ones andfaithful listeners, I would say
that this vision that happenedthat fateful night, in the
middle of a seizure, no less,where I became confident not
only in what I believed to betrue about the heart of the
Father, but what His purpose andHis call in my life was to
(18:42):
become that.
This all marks the conclusionof my story up to the present
time.
This most recent experienceserved to shape and form a
podcast where you, my listeners,could experience the hopeful
perspective.
You see, I had to look back andsee how God had indeed been
present all throughout my life.
(19:02):
He was the source of therestoration and the strength
that enabled me to carry on.
1 Peter 5.10 declares and theGod of all grace, who called you
to his eternal glory in Christ,after you have suffered a
little while, will himselfrestore you and make you strong,
(19:23):
firm and steadfast.
My trials and tribulations arewhat helped me to see his hand
on my life.
Romans 5, one of my favoriteverses, speaks to this
restoration that leads up tohope.
Therefore, since we have beenjustified through faith, we have
(19:45):
peace with God through our LordJesus Christ, through whom we
have gained access, by faith,into this grace in which we now
stand and we boast in the hopeof the glory of God.
Not only so, but we also gloryin our sufferings, because we
know that suffering producesperseverance, perseverance,
(20:06):
character and character.
Hope, perseverance,perseverance, character and
character.
Hope and hope does not put usto shame, because God's love has
been poured out into our heartsthrough the Holy Spirit who has
been given to us.
Do you see it?
We were granted access by hisgrace through our faith, as well
as we were granted perspective.
(20:27):
We don't just boast in theglory of God, we boast in a hope
that is founded through therigorous demands that suffering
has placed on us, that when wepersevere, we are granted
life-changing character.
As we make it through, we donot suffer for suffering's sake.
1 Peter 4 even says Therefore,since Christ suffered in his
(20:50):
body, arm yourselves also withthe same attitude.
And what attitude ofperspective are we armed with?
We see, his suffering was notin vain, but rather as the
sacrifice that was needed inorder for you and I to be
granted access by grace, intothe faith.
We now stand Again.
(21:11):
I did not suffer forsuffering's sake or for the
enemy's gain.
While I lose.
No, you see, as I go throughthe suffering and then am
brought through his restoration,I get to live out Philippians
3.10, where I am brought into adeeper knowledge of Christ, his
resurrection power that saved mefrom death, whereas the enemy
(21:34):
of our souls wants everythingfrom us in return for nothing.
Christ gave up everything inreturn for forever with us.
Jesus looked at them and saidwith man this is impossible, but
with God all things arepossible.
Friends, we live in a time whenwe are presented with more
(21:57):
options and possibilities topursue as it pertains to
spirituality and psychology thanany time before.
We also live in a postmoderntime where truth has become
arbitrary.
These factors can lead toconfusion and discouragement
when a person is seekingrestoration and healing
concerning their own personaljourney.
I have not established theHopeful Perspective podcast to
(22:19):
present an additional optionthat one can pursue in Jesus
Christ as it pertains tosuffering and hope.
Make no mistake about it.
I am proposing that JesusChrist is the only answer to
understand suffering and hope.
This conclusion is drawn frommy own journey of seeking
respite and coping with the painof my trauma, my past trials
(22:43):
and even my present tribulations.
When the enemy presented reliefthrough the various temptations
to anesthetize my pain, I wasinstead sabotaging what the Lord
intended for my growth andhealing.
1 Corinthians 13 may be one ofthe most recognized passages of
scripture in the Bible.
To people inside and outsidethe church alike, the Apostle
(23:06):
Paul is addressing the heartbehind our gifts and attributes
and that, regardless of howgifted we are, if we are not
imitating Jesus Christ,submitting to him, worshiping
him and serving others, then wehave not love.
Rather, we have missed thewhole point.
While in this limited time thatis our lifetime, the spiritual
(23:27):
gifts and the submitted serviceto one another together, done in
love, paint a powerful picturethat displays his hope to a
broken and hurting world.
Jesus constructed his church insuch a way that the different
office gifts found in Ephesians4, apostle, prophet, evangelist,
(23:48):
pastor and teacher as well asthe spiritual gifts that
believers in Jesus are given bythe power of the Holy Spirit.
Paul lists the followingspiritual gifts words of wisdom,
word of knowledge, faith, giftsof healing, working of miracles
, prophesying, distinguishingspirits, various kinds of
(24:09):
tongues and then interpretationof tongues.
Both the office gifts as wellas the spiritual gifts are given
for the common good of thewhole body.
Every person in Jesus isessential for the whole church
body to function as it wasdesigned, and the message of 1
Corinthians 13 is that, whilethe gifts represent the body,
(24:31):
that the circulatory system ofthe church body, or the blood
flow, if you will, is faith,hope and love, whereas the need
for office gifts and spiritualgifts will be no more once we
reach eternity.
Paul assures us that faith,hope and love will be forever,
and then it says Yet thegreatest of these is love.
(24:55):
I find it appropriate to sharewith you a special word of
wisdom I was given during mytime in Baldwin, michigan, while
I was undergoing intensivetherapy for DID.
The woman who received thisword was a counselor who worked
with survivors of satanic ritualabuse and afflicted with
dissociative identity disorder.
At the time I was given thisword, I struggled not only with
(25:17):
the above afflictions, but alsoif I could possibly be forgiven
for the trespasses I committed.
While in the struggle, I readthis as a love letter from the
father's heart to his son.
It's a boy.
How he was present the day ofyour birth.
How he delighted as he cradledyou in his strong and loving
(25:41):
arms and cried as he saw thecost of your redemption.
He smoothed your baby silk-likehair and tenderly touched your
face and said yes, father, Iwill.
I will die for this one, thathe can receive my spirit and be
whole and one in me.
It's a boy and he's mine, and Isee the enemy wants him because
(26:06):
he's so precious to me, I willnot let his devices prevail.
I will fight and die for myJason that he might live and win
.
I have you, jason.
I have you.
I have you.
Strength, honor and glory aremine to give and I give them to
(26:26):
you.
This is your day.
You shall overcome the works ofthe enemy in your life and
countless others with you as youput your hand in mine and take
the next step.
Friends, I could keep going withthe books, passages and verses
of God's love letters to us thatdeclare his glory and define
(26:49):
our purpose.
Yet we have a whole podcastlife to further look into the
truth as to why possessing ahopeful perspective is crucial
to a believer's faith andtherefore their life.
I have spent the last sixepisodes sharing from my heart
my life, my struggles and myredemption, how a hopeful
perspective has saved my life,my struggles and my redemption.
(27:10):
How a hopeful perspective hassaved my life physically and
spiritually.
Going forward, I'm excited toshare biblical truths, stories,
interviews, faith-building toolsand whatever else the Lord
brings to light, to share withyou, for the edification of your
faith and the expression of hishope.
This has been a difficultcouple of months since I started
(27:31):
sharing my life with all of you, yet I count it as joy to share
my story for Christ's glory.
Finally, I want to conclude bygiving an opportunity for those
listeners who are not yet sayingyes to Jesus, as well as I want
to give an opportunity to thosewho have felt distant and are
compelled to draw closer to him.
Friends, the gospel is goodnews and, after listening to six
(27:55):
episodes of hardship, my prayeris that you see the hope I have
and that it is only because Ihave had to humble myself in the
sight of the Lord, repent formy sin that separates me from
God and receive his gift ofsalvation.
As you have heard, having faithdoes not end our hardships.
Rather, having faith helps usthrough them.
(28:19):
So, if you have not said yes toJesus, I want to encourage you
to consider being in a quiet,non-distracting location and
praying some version of thisprayer from the heart,
non-distracting location.
And praying some version ofthis prayer from the heart Lord
Jesus, I repent of my sins and Isurrender my life Wash me clean
(28:39):
.
I believe that Jesus Christ isthe Son of God, that he died on
the cross for my sins and roseagain on the third day for my
victory.
I believe that in my heart andmake confessions with my mouth
that Jesus is my Savior and Lord.
Amen, and listen.
If you've prayed that prayerand it has come from the heart,
I congratulate and welcome youto the family of the beloved.
(29:01):
I encourage you to find a faithcommunity that is
Bible-believing, has an orthodoxdoctrine and worships the Lord
passionately.
Also, devote yourself toreading the New Testament.
These are his love letters andthe whole foundations for how we
are to walk in faith.
For us.
(29:23):
So, hopeful family, this iswhere I leave you.
Thank you for granting meaccess to your ears and your
heart through this process, andI look forward to joining you in
the next episode.
Until then, I want to thank youfor joining me along this
journey and, if you would be sokind, to follow, subscribe and,
(29:45):
most importantly, to rate andwrite a review for others who
may need the hopeful perspective.
And now you can even contributemonetarily with our support to
show link that is embedded onyour platform.
All of the contributions areutilized to grow the podcast, to
broaden my reach and to sharethe hope of Christ.
(30:06):
A special thank you to thosewho have made this commitment to
support the podcast financiallyalready.
My desire is to reach as manypeople with the message of hope
that have lived lives asdifficult and dark as I have, or
anyone who needs to be remindedthat hope is real.
So thank you so much in advanceand until next time, remember
(30:31):
you are loved.
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