Stories make a case for love in many forms on Valentines day.
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MacBook Air Microphone & Fac (00:00):
Hi this is Ishi Abel with the Horse
Human Connection I'm going totalk about all kinds of random
things that seem ratherunrelated but I think by the end
of the podcast you'll see howmaybe they loosely tie together.
Today is Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day to me is allabout love and I have spent the
entire day by myself fullyenjoying my own company and
(00:25):
doing all kinds of fun thingslike Cleaning the house with
lots of joy, going to the riverwith my dog, going out for a
hamburger and fries to celebratelosing a few pounds.
Things that might not make senseto you, but they make sense to
me.
What a lot of you probably don'tknow, because I don't talk about
(00:45):
it, Some of my background is innatural building, natural
building as in building mudhouses, mud ovens, mud benches,
and when I say mud, I mean sand,clay, and straw in a combination
called cob.
That's cob with one b c o b.
And I had a teacher of this,Yonto Evans, and his lovely
(01:08):
wife, Linda Evans, hadrediscovered How to make this
natural building material thatwas used to build houses.
Oh back, I think maybe in the 15and 17 hundreds in Great
Britain.
And people in the 1970s, arepopularity of these type of
(01:30):
homes, and they began to getsold even the very old ones,
because this type of buildingcan last.
300, 500 years, but it may fallinto some disrepair.
So this man, Yonto Evans,decided to, right here in
Oregon, he was a, anarchitectural professor at the U
of O, I believe figure out howto reinvent this building
(01:53):
material.
He was a Welshman and he wantedto be able to.
Recreate and teach people torepair these old homes because
he thought they were so, sobeautiful.
And the original Cobb homes, ifyou know Reuben Kincaid as an
artist, is like these well litlittle cottages by streams with
thatched roofs.
A lot of those were Cobb houses.
(02:14):
So they have very thick walls,which allows the light to come
in quite softly.
And they're super charming.
They're akin to adobe, butthey're sculpted, not brick.
And they often have a plaster onthem.
Anyway, I'm making this reallylong, but it might be important.
So I went to go study and Istudied there with Yanto and
(02:37):
Yanto is also a gardener, had ahalf acre garden that would feed
all the people that came to theworkshops.
And we were in the garden oneday and he was showing me some
things.
And I remarked that I thoughtthe plants were doing well.
No doubt because of his attention
and care.
MacBook Air Microphone & Fa (02:56):
And he looked at me and he said,
yes, and so are you because ofmy attention.
And I got the feeling that Yantodidn't necessarily like
everybody, but he, he taught.
And, and I felt, I felt specialthat he recognized that I asked
a lot of questions and was very,very focused on learning.
(03:18):
And what he said.
was so true and so important.
And so I went home and decidedto build a cob house.
They said, start small, build anoven or a bench.
And I didn't hear that part.
I just heard the part that whenwe left, we were ready to build.
So I started to build a house.
It was a rather large house fora cob house, but a rather small
(03:40):
house for a conventional home.
I'm not going to go into thatwhole story.
Maybe that's another podcast.
But.
One of the people I met in thejourney of building this cub
house, which ended up taking meten summers was a man who was a
mason.
And I don't remember, I think,but one of, either his first
(04:02):
name or his last name was Irwin,I think.
He was about 10 years older thanme, maybe a little bit more.
And I had found his website.
He did all of these incrediblyartistic chimneys and buildings
and whole homes.
And he was a master Mason.
Anyways, he'd retired here inOregon and.
(04:24):
He would work sometimes.
So he came out to take a look atmy project and decided he could
take the job and that I might beable to work with him or one of
my kids might be able to workwith him we decided he would
come out and he would start thisbuilding and I watched.
I watched him and after one ofmy kids tried and another one of
my friends tried, he said, whydon't you give it a try?
(04:46):
So I got in there and I learnedhow to lay stone.
Which is some serious work, butI loved it.
I absolutely loved it.
And with this man's gentleattention, his conversation and
the disciplined hours that hekept.
(05:07):
And the discipline of the work,now mind you, we were working in
the sun, there was an oak treenearby which we were able to sit
under to eat our lunch everyday, but we started at 7, we
stopped for lunch at noon, wewent back to work at 1, and we
worked until 3.
30.
And there were, you know, therocks weigh a bit, and we're
(05:29):
picking up these rocks, they'reall spread out where we're
making this, this foundation,stem wall, and it was amazing.
the things that he taught me,like how to use the level, how
to make the mix of the mortar,how to make sure the mortar was
right, how to keep the mortar soit would last the longest, how
(05:49):
to tell when it was too old, howto pick the stones, how to lay
the stones out, and like doing ajigsaw puzzle where you become
familiar with all the pieces andnear the end of the puzzle you
Your mind without thinking aboutit or knowing knows where the
next right piece is.
It was like that with thestones.
After a little while you knewwhich one was going to fit
(06:12):
perfectly into the space you hadjust built for it.
Anyways.
It was some of the best three ofmy life.
And I think back at that time, Ineeded the hard work, I needed
the discipline, I neededsomebody to show me that I could
do this, that I could build ahouse.
I didn't know how to build ahouse.
Sure, I'd been to Ianto'sworkshop for two weeks, and I
(06:36):
thought I knew how to build ahouse.
Ten years later, I knew how tobuild a house.
But those three weeks, I learnedhow to lay stone.
And that was the beginning.
And you know, a foundation is agood beginning to anything,
whether it's course training ora new relationship or your home.
(07:00):
I have so much gratitude forthat man, those teachings, and
that three weeks of my life.
And it was hot.
It was the beginning of August.
And here in Southern Oregon, thebeginning of August is often 95
to 105.
And so we weren't just likeworking in the sun.
We were working in the sun.
And, and, and sweating and.
(07:22):
But it was fabulous.
It was absolutely fabulous.
Oh, at some point, I remembereither reading part of, or
hearing, hearing someone elsetalk about it, or perhaps I read
a summary of it, or maybe it wasa talk show about Dr.
(07:43):
Wayne Dyer.
And, yeah.
In this, I know he's written alot of books, he said a lot of
wise things, but this one thingthat sticks in my head is he was
doing this experiment and livingin Hawaii and the experiment was
to greet everybody with thewarmest hello and smile he could
(08:06):
for a year and see how itchanged things for him.
And I think he wrote a bookabout it.
I'm not, I'm not even sure.
But I remember at the timethinking, wow, that's a lot of
work.
Like people have to be ready totake on that kind of thing.
Because not all of us are in agood mood all of the time.
(08:26):
But we can get there and.
Even when I heard that, Ithought, what a lovely thing to
aspire to.
And of course it's going to comeback to you in many, many
shades.
And of course it's easier to dowhen you're in Hawaii, where
it's sunny every day andeverybody's open and friendly,
but it's something to aspire to.
(08:48):
And I bring it up because.
Like everybody, we've all beenthrough some stuff in our lives.
We've all been through sometraumas, and bad times, and good
times, and sad times, and peopledying in grief, and at some
point, it shifts and changes.
(09:11):
And Dr.
Dyer's experiment can get to aplace where it's not just an
experiment, it's your life.
And it's not an effort.
It just happens.
I don't know if my life is goingto be like this forever, but
right now, it's probably thebest it's ever been.
(09:32):
And I've been through some, I'vebeen through some pretty rough
things in the last four years.
I'm not going to talk about allthat.
I'm going to talk about the goodstuff and the people that have
affected me in really positiveways.
So, my very first therapistshe's probably deceased by now.
But she might not be.
Her name was Barbara and she waswonderful.
(09:52):
After the therapy was done, westill kept in touch.
I actually worked for her as acook for a while.
She decided to go and leave theSan Francisco Bay Area and the
Stanford, near Stanford, whereher husband was a professor, and
go to Montana, where herdaughter had horses.
And way back then, she said tome, she wasn't a rider, and I
(10:14):
didn't really understand, butshe said to me, I just like to
be around them, to brush them,to sit in the stall with them.
And I'm thinking, man, Montanagets cold.
You must really like thosehorses a lot.
Like it must be fulfilling herin some way that I did not
understand.
And I'm talking, this is likeprobably just before 1990.
(10:37):
So I don't think there was a lotof horse therapy going on.
I don't think there was, LindaKohav had written her wonderful
book, The Tao of Equus, thatseemed to be like, She seems to
be the grandmother of equineassisted practices to me.
I mean, maybe I, maybe there'ssomething I don't know.
But there was definitelysomething I didn't know back
then that Barbara did, andthat's that horses soothed her
(10:59):
soul.
She was a wonderful influence onme, and, and probably really
saved me.
Many, many more years of painfulexperiences by, by seeing her in
my early 20s.
And she did a lot of Santre andJungian work.
So I mentioned that because itkind of comes full circle.
So not that long ago, my currenttherapist told me she was
(11:22):
leaving the office.
We're not done with the EMDR.
I panicked.
She's like, she's leaving.
I'm like, Oh no.
I didn't tell you yet.
I said, no.
Well, she has been a big fan ofmy podcasts my new therapist.
Turns out that all of thistalking about horses has
inspired her to go to adifferent office where she has
(11:43):
the opportunity to work as thetherapist part of a horse horse
professional therapist team in.
serious equine therapy.
And I just, I can't help butnote like the full circle there,
first therapist, hopefully lasttherapist, and and how they're
both leaving at the end of, ofmy treatment to go and be with
(12:06):
horses.
So people that have helped me,right?
That's the subject here.
How we can help each other.
The impact we sometimes make onpeople without really realizing
it.
So recently, I started chattingwith somebody and I got a little
bit of attention.
And it's not like I never getattention.
(12:27):
It's not like that at all.
I, I, I enjoy attention from theopposite sex here and there.
Including my second ex husband,and I have people tell me that
I'm beautiful, whether I am ornot, doesn't really matter.
I don't think of myself thatway, but I've been wondering
why.
(12:48):
It is very odd for me at my age,my advanced age of 62, to be
admired physically because Idon't feel attractive physically
necessarily.
I've kind of been hiding inmen's clothes and doing ranch
chores in muck boots with nomakeup and beanie caps for
several years now.
(13:09):
Not thinking too much aboutmakeup or shoes or any of those
things.
And when I do get recognized,it's for things like this
podcast.
Or my skill sets in buildingthat I learned in Cobb.
Or, you know, driving a tractorwell.
Or just kind of being smart.
Because I think I'm a little bitof that.
(13:31):
But not for physical beauty.
That's, that's an odd thing.
And so most of the time Idismiss that, like, Oh, what's
not real or somebody saying thatbecause they want something.
Somehow, this attention landedin a place that woke me up in a
(13:52):
way that I wanted to respondwhere I hadn't before.
And reminded me reminded itisn't a strong enough word.
When you've so completelyforgotten that you ever felt
like a woman, to be reminded isa big deal.
(14:12):
So, it's, it's true that withthe help of My massage
therapist, who is an awakened,joyful person, my therapist that
I'm doing EMDR with, that I'malmost finished with, and other
people in my life, lots of goodfriends and family, that I'm,
(14:35):
I'm at a cusp where blossomingagain, that I'm at a cusp where
blossoming again.
It was ripe, but to, to be ableto pay attention to without
understanding why something is,but when we have attractions,
sometimes it's God or spirit orhowever you think of that, the
(14:57):
God of your understanding,letting you know to pay
attention.
Sometimes I think attractionswith people are about coveting
qualities that they have.
I mean, I think about some ofthe people I've been attracted
to.
Or that have been attracted tome.
And I think it's not so much me,it's something that I, it's a
(15:17):
quality that I possess that theywould like to have and vice
versa.
Whatever all of that is, orwhatever, whatever wakes people
up and makes them pay attention,whatever spark happens between
two people, not knowing what thereason is ever.
But knowing how we can open eachother's hearts and inspire each
(15:41):
other to the umpteenth degree.
I am enjoying girly thingsagain, like makeup and high
heels, and I've gone back todance classes, even though, you
know, I talked about them alittle bit in the podcast.
I really was thinking, well, Iprobably won't do that again.
I'm, you know, I'm 62.
(16:03):
Do I really need to be in adance class?
But I'm loving it.
I don't want to perform.
You know, I don't want thepressure of all that you know,
in a recital or what have you,but I love being in the dance
class with other women and theexercise and the challenge of
it.
I am putting myself out inpublic more, and COVID affected
(16:25):
a lot of us very, very deeply.
And I am just now getting to theplace where.
I can be out again around largergroups of people or in a city or
driving at night.
These things that I've beeninspired to do all because of
(16:45):
some attention.
Like it boggles my mind, but I'mgrowing as a person.
I'm happy.
So here's the thing that I did.
I don't talk about that much.
I'm not really going to go intoit, but some of the dark things.
In the last few years, I'm justgoing to list some of them.
(17:06):
I had two car accidents.
They weren't, they weren'tmajor, but they were
inconvenient.
I had a very bad computer viruson my phone and my computer.
Had to have that taken care of.
I had an identity theft.
That's kind of a lot in one yearfor most people, right?
(17:26):
I also had, had bought a house.
that was full of mold that Ididn't know about that had to be
torn down.
I lost almost all of my personalbelongings.
I lived in a garage and thenthankfully in a garage in a yurt
for two years.
And my son died.
(17:50):
There were a lot of things thatspiraled me into a really dark
place.
So the mere fact that I Wake upwith joy in my heart every day
is a miracle.
The fact that I'm open again tohaving new experiences and
moving past the trauma is amiracle.
(18:16):
The fact that I somehow managedto pull a podcast together with
very low tech skills, very, verylow.
I've mentioned Buzzsprout beforeand they have been wonderful.
So my question with thesestories, Is, and it's rather in
the title, can the rightattention, can somebody giving
(18:38):
you loving attention and holdingspace and teaching you a skill
and imbuing a time in your lifewith discipline and positive
feedback for what you'relearning?
(18:58):
Could that be all that we'rereally after?
Could that be the secret tohappiness and joy?
It's probably a little morecomplicated than that, but what
I don't want to do isunderestimate those things.
And certainly parents, goodparents, even mediocre parents
(19:21):
do those things for their kids.
And horse trainers and horselovers and horse owners and
horse keepers do those thingsfor their horses.
And those things are love.
And it's Valentine's Day.
(19:42):
So all of that just seems soappropriate.
To be joyous, happy, and free.
I think that's what we all want.
And I know those things meandifferent things to different
people, but I feel that waytoday.
Much more so than I did fourmonths ago.
(20:04):
And then I felt it much morethan I had a year ago.
And when I look at the darktime, and then I look at people
that have come back into my lifeand come into my life, even for
brief periods, the impact.
That we have on each other whenwe have open hearts, when we
have love for each other, whenwe slow down and pay attention,
(20:27):
give attention, give positivefeedback and teach and teach
with discipline.
It is true magic.
Happy Valentine's day.
Hi this is Ishi Abel with the Horse
Human Connection I'm going totalk about all kinds of random
things that seem ratherunrelated but I think by the end
of the podcast you'll see howmaybe they loosely tie together.
Today is Valentine's Day.
Valentine's Day to me is allabout love and I have spent the
entire day by myself fullyenjoying my own company and
(00:25):
doing all kinds of fun thingslike Cleaning the house with
lots of joy, going to the riverwith my dog, going out for a
hamburger and fries to celebratelosing a few pounds.
Things that might not make senseto you, but they make sense to
me.
What a lot of you probably don'tknow, because I don't talk about
(00:45):
it, Some of my background is innatural building, natural
building as in building mudhouses, mud ovens, mud benches,
and when I say mud, I mean sand,clay, and straw in a combination
called cob.
That's cob with one b c o b.
And I had a teacher of this,Yonto Evans, and his lovely
(01:08):
wife, Linda Evans, hadrediscovered How to make this
natural building material thatwas used to build houses.
Oh back, I think maybe in the 15and 17 hundreds in Great
Britain.
And people in the 1970s, arepopularity of these type of
(01:30):
homes, and they began to getsold even the very old ones,
because this type of buildingcan last.
300, 500 years, but it may fallinto some disrepair.
So this man, Yonto Evans,decided to, right here in
Oregon, he was a, anarchitectural professor at the U
of O, I believe figure out howto reinvent this building
(01:53):
material.
He was a Welshman and he wantedto be able to.
Recreate and teach people torepair these old homes because
he thought they were so, sobeautiful.
And the original Cobb homes, ifyou know Reuben Kincaid as an
artist, is like these well litlittle cottages by streams with
thatched roofs.
A lot of those were Cobb houses.
(02:14):
So they have very thick walls,which allows the light to come
in quite softly.
And they're super charming.
They're akin to adobe, butthey're sculpted, not brick.
And they often have a plaster onthem.
Anyway, I'm making this reallylong, but it might be important.
So I went to go study and Istudied there with Yanto and
(02:37):
Yanto is also a gardener, had ahalf acre garden that would feed
all the people that came to theworkshops.
And we were in the garden oneday and he was showing me some
things.
And I remarked that I thoughtthe plants were doing well.
No doubt because of his attention
and care.
MacBook Air Microphone & Fa (02:56):
And he looked at me and he said,
yes, and so are you because ofmy attention.
And I got the feeling that Yantodidn't necessarily like
everybody, but he, he taught.
And, and I felt, I felt specialthat he recognized that I asked
a lot of questions and was very,very focused on learning.
(03:18):
And what he said.
was so true and so important.
And so I went home and decidedto build a cob house.
They said, start small, build anoven or a bench.
And I didn't hear that part.
I just heard the part that whenwe left, we were ready to build.
So I started to build a house.
It was a rather large house fora cob house, but a rather small
(03:40):
house for a conventional home.
I'm not going to go into thatwhole story.
Maybe that's another podcast.
But.
One of the people I met in thejourney of building this cub
house, which ended up taking meten summers was a man who was a
mason.
And I don't remember, I think,but one of, either his first
(04:02):
name or his last name was Irwin,I think.
He was about 10 years older thanme, maybe a little bit more.
And I had found his website.
He did all of these incrediblyartistic chimneys and buildings
and whole homes.
And he was a master Mason.
Anyways, he'd retired here inOregon and.
(04:24):
He would work sometimes.
So he came out to take a look atmy project and decided he could
take the job and that I might beable to work with him or one of
my kids might be able to workwith him we decided he would
come out and he would start thisbuilding and I watched.
I watched him and after one ofmy kids tried and another one of
my friends tried, he said, whydon't you give it a try?
(04:46):
So I got in there and I learnedhow to lay stone.
Which is some serious work, butI loved it.
I absolutely loved it.
And with this man's gentleattention, his conversation and
the disciplined hours that hekept.
(05:07):
And the discipline of the work,now mind you, we were working in
the sun, there was an oak treenearby which we were able to sit
under to eat our lunch everyday, but we started at 7, we
stopped for lunch at noon, wewent back to work at 1, and we
worked until 3.
30.
And there were, you know, therocks weigh a bit, and we're
(05:29):
picking up these rocks, they'reall spread out where we're
making this, this foundation,stem wall, and it was amazing.
the things that he taught me,like how to use the level, how
to make the mix of the mortar,how to make sure the mortar was
right, how to keep the mortar soit would last the longest, how
(05:49):
to tell when it was too old, howto pick the stones, how to lay
the stones out, and like doing ajigsaw puzzle where you become
familiar with all the pieces andnear the end of the puzzle you
Your mind without thinking aboutit or knowing knows where the
next right piece is.
It was like that with thestones.
After a little while you knewwhich one was going to fit
(06:12):
perfectly into the space you hadjust built for it.
Anyways.
It was some of the best three ofmy life.
And I think back at that time, Ineeded the hard work, I needed
the discipline, I neededsomebody to show me that I could
do this, that I could build ahouse.
I didn't know how to build ahouse.
Sure, I'd been to Ianto'sworkshop for two weeks, and I
(06:36):
thought I knew how to build ahouse.
Ten years later, I knew how tobuild a house.
But those three weeks, I learnedhow to lay stone.
And that was the beginning.
And you know, a foundation is agood beginning to anything,
whether it's course training ora new relationship or your home.
(07:00):
I have so much gratitude forthat man, those teachings, and
that three weeks of my life.
And it was hot.
It was the beginning of August.
And here in Southern Oregon, thebeginning of August is often 95
to 105.
And so we weren't just likeworking in the sun.
We were working in the sun.
And, and, and sweating and.
(07:22):
But it was fabulous.
It was absolutely fabulous.
Oh, at some point, I remembereither reading part of, or
hearing, hearing someone elsetalk about it, or perhaps I read
a summary of it, or maybe it wasa talk show about Dr.
(07:43):
Wayne Dyer.
And, yeah.
In this, I know he's written alot of books, he said a lot of
wise things, but this one thingthat sticks in my head is he was
doing this experiment and livingin Hawaii and the experiment was
to greet everybody with thewarmest hello and smile he could
(08:06):
for a year and see how itchanged things for him.
And I think he wrote a bookabout it.
I'm not, I'm not even sure.
But I remember at the timethinking, wow, that's a lot of
work.
Like people have to be ready totake on that kind of thing.
Because not all of us are in agood mood all of the time.
(08:26):
But we can get there and.
Even when I heard that, Ithought, what a lovely thing to
aspire to.
And of course it's going to comeback to you in many, many
shades.
And of course it's easier to dowhen you're in Hawaii, where
it's sunny every day andeverybody's open and friendly,
but it's something to aspire to.
(08:48):
And I bring it up because.
Like everybody, we've all beenthrough some stuff in our lives.
We've all been through sometraumas, and bad times, and good
times, and sad times, and peopledying in grief, and at some
point, it shifts and changes.
(09:11):
And Dr.
Dyer's experiment can get to aplace where it's not just an
experiment, it's your life.
And it's not an effort.
It just happens.
I don't know if my life is goingto be like this forever, but
right now, it's probably thebest it's ever been.
(09:32):
And I've been through some, I'vebeen through some pretty rough
things in the last four years.
I'm not going to talk about allthat.
I'm going to talk about the goodstuff and the people that have
affected me in really positiveways.
So, my very first therapistshe's probably deceased by now.
But she might not be.
Her name was Barbara and she waswonderful.
(09:52):
After the therapy was done, westill kept in touch.
I actually worked for her as acook for a while.
She decided to go and leave theSan Francisco Bay Area and the
Stanford, near Stanford, whereher husband was a professor, and
go to Montana, where herdaughter had horses.
And way back then, she said tome, she wasn't a rider, and I
(10:14):
didn't really understand, butshe said to me, I just like to
be around them, to brush them,to sit in the stall with them.
And I'm thinking, man, Montanagets cold.
You must really like thosehorses a lot.
Like it must be fulfilling herin some way that I did not
understand.
And I'm talking, this is likeprobably just before 1990.
(10:37):
So I don't think there was a lotof horse therapy going on.
I don't think there was, LindaKohav had written her wonderful
book, The Tao of Equus, thatseemed to be like, She seems to
be the grandmother of equineassisted practices to me.
I mean, maybe I, maybe there'ssomething I don't know.
But there was definitelysomething I didn't know back
then that Barbara did, andthat's that horses soothed her
(10:59):
soul.
She was a wonderful influence onme, and, and probably really
saved me.
Many, many more years of painfulexperiences by, by seeing her in
my early 20s.
And she did a lot of Santre andJungian work.
So I mentioned that because itkind of comes full circle.
So not that long ago, my currenttherapist told me she was
(11:22):
leaving the office.
We're not done with the EMDR.
I panicked.
She's like, she's leaving.
I'm like, Oh no.
I didn't tell you yet.
I said, no.
Well, she has been a big fan ofmy podcasts my new therapist.
Turns out that all of thistalking about horses has
inspired her to go to adifferent office where she has
(11:43):
the opportunity to work as thetherapist part of a horse horse
professional therapist team in.
serious equine therapy.
And I just, I can't help butnote like the full circle there,
first therapist, hopefully lasttherapist, and and how they're
both leaving at the end of, ofmy treatment to go and be with
(12:06):
horses.
So people that have helped me,right?
That's the subject here.
How we can help each other.
The impact we sometimes make onpeople without really realizing
it.
So recently, I started chattingwith somebody and I got a little
bit of attention.
And it's not like I never getattention.
(12:27):
It's not like that at all.
I, I, I enjoy attention from theopposite sex here and there.
Including my second ex husband,and I have people tell me that
I'm beautiful, whether I am ornot, doesn't really matter.
I don't think of myself thatway, but I've been wondering
why.
(12:48):
It is very odd for me at my age,my advanced age of 62, to be
admired physically because Idon't feel attractive physically
necessarily.
I've kind of been hiding inmen's clothes and doing ranch
chores in muck boots with nomakeup and beanie caps for
several years now.
(13:09):
Not thinking too much aboutmakeup or shoes or any of those
things.
And when I do get recognized,it's for things like this
podcast.
Or my skill sets in buildingthat I learned in Cobb.
Or, you know, driving a tractorwell.
Or just kind of being smart.
Because I think I'm a little bitof that.
(13:31):
But not for physical beauty.
That's, that's an odd thing.
And so most of the time Idismiss that, like, Oh, what's
not real or somebody saying thatbecause they want something.
Somehow, this attention landedin a place that woke me up in a
(13:52):
way that I wanted to respondwhere I hadn't before.
And reminded me reminded itisn't a strong enough word.
When you've so completelyforgotten that you ever felt
like a woman, to be reminded isa big deal.
(14:12):
So, it's, it's true that withthe help of My massage
therapist, who is an awakened,joyful person, my therapist that
I'm doing EMDR with, that I'malmost finished with, and other
people in my life, lots of goodfriends and family, that I'm,
(14:35):
I'm at a cusp where blossomingagain, that I'm at a cusp where
blossoming again.
It was ripe, but to, to be ableto pay attention to without
understanding why something is,but when we have attractions,
sometimes it's God or spirit orhowever you think of that, the
(14:57):
God of your understanding,letting you know to pay
attention.
Sometimes I think attractionswith people are about coveting
qualities that they have.
I mean, I think about some ofthe people I've been attracted
to.
Or that have been attracted tome.
And I think it's not so much me,it's something that I, it's a
(15:17):
quality that I possess that theywould like to have and vice
versa.
Whatever all of that is, orwhatever, whatever wakes people
up and makes them pay attention,whatever spark happens between
two people, not knowing what thereason is ever.
But knowing how we can open eachother's hearts and inspire each
(15:41):
other to the umpteenth degree.
I am enjoying girly thingsagain, like makeup and high
heels, and I've gone back todance classes, even though, you
know, I talked about them alittle bit in the podcast.
I really was thinking, well, Iprobably won't do that again.
I'm, you know, I'm 62.
(16:03):
Do I really need to be in adance class?
But I'm loving it.
I don't want to perform.
You know, I don't want thepressure of all that you know,
in a recital or what have you,but I love being in the dance
class with other women and theexercise and the challenge of
it.
I am putting myself out inpublic more, and COVID affected
(16:25):
a lot of us very, very deeply.
And I am just now getting to theplace where.
I can be out again around largergroups of people or in a city or
driving at night.
These things that I've beeninspired to do all because of
(16:45):
some attention.
Like it boggles my mind, but I'mgrowing as a person.
I'm happy.
So here's the thing that I did.
I don't talk about that much.
I'm not really going to go intoit, but some of the dark things.
In the last few years, I'm justgoing to list some of them.
(17:06):
I had two car accidents.
They weren't, they weren'tmajor, but they were
inconvenient.
I had a very bad computer viruson my phone and my computer.
Had to have that taken care of.
I had an identity theft.
That's kind of a lot in one yearfor most people, right?
(17:26):
I also had, had bought a house.
that was full of mold that Ididn't know about that had to be
torn down.
I lost almost all of my personalbelongings.
I lived in a garage and thenthankfully in a garage in a yurt
for two years.
And my son died.
(17:50):
There were a lot of things thatspiraled me into a really dark
place.
So the mere fact that I Wake upwith joy in my heart every day
is a miracle.
The fact that I'm open again tohaving new experiences and
moving past the trauma is amiracle.
(18:16):
The fact that I somehow managedto pull a podcast together with
very low tech skills, very, verylow.
I've mentioned Buzzsprout beforeand they have been wonderful.
So my question with thesestories, Is, and it's rather in
the title, can the rightattention, can somebody giving
(18:38):
you loving attention and holdingspace and teaching you a skill
and imbuing a time in your lifewith discipline and positive
feedback for what you'relearning?
(18:58):
Could that be all that we'rereally after?
Could that be the secret tohappiness and joy?
It's probably a little morecomplicated than that, but what
I don't want to do isunderestimate those things.
And certainly parents, goodparents, even mediocre parents
(19:21):
do those things for their kids.
And horse trainers and horselovers and horse owners and
horse keepers do those thingsfor their horses.
And those things are love.
And it's Valentine's Day.
(19:42):
So all of that just seems soappropriate.
To be joyous, happy, and free.
I think that's what we all want.
And I know those things meandifferent things to different
people, but I feel that waytoday.
Much more so than I did fourmonths ago.
(20:04):
And then I felt it much morethan I had a year ago.
And when I look at the darktime, and then I look at people
that have come back into my lifeand come into my life, even for
brief periods, the impact.
That we have on each other whenwe have open hearts, when we
have love for each other, whenwe slow down and pay attention,
(20:27):
give attention, give positivefeedback and teach and teach
with discipline.
It is true magic.
Happy Valentine's day.
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