December 16, 2024 • 28 mins
As 2024 comes to a close, join Peta for a special highlight episode of The I Can’t Stand Podcast. Reflecting on her favourite moments from Season Four, Peta revisits powerful stories of acceptance, resilience, allyship, and the importance of disability employment. Whether you’re a long-time listener or new to the podcast, this episode celebrates the voices and experiences that made this season unforgettable.
Want to hear more? You can listen to the full episodes featured in this highlights episode, just check the links below and dive into the incredible conversations that shaped season four.
Maya Dove: https://omny.fm/shows/the-i-cant-stand-podcast/the-art-of-confidence-with-maya-dove
Fiona Murphy: https://omny.fm/shows/the-i-cant-stand-podcast/exploring-the-beauty-of-sound-through-deafness-wit
Chloe Tear: https://omny.fm/shows/the-i-cant-stand-podcast/navigating-the-pressure-to-succeed-when-you-have-a
Flic Manning: https://omny.fm/shows/the-i-cant-stand-podcast/flic-manning
Deanna: https://omny.fm/shows/the-i-cant-stand-podcast/reframing-ms-transforming-mri-scans-into-art-with
Annabelle Moult: https://omny.fm/shows/the-i-cant-stand-podcast/annabelle-moult
Jarrod Sandell-Hay: https://omny.fm/shows/the-i-cant-stand-podcast/jarrod-sandell-hay
Michael Hingson: https://omny.fm/shows/the-i-cant-stand-podcast/surviving-9-11-how-fear-and-guide-dogs-can-teach-u
Khadija Gbla: https://omny.fm/shows/the-i-cant-stand-podcast/from-refugee-to-advocate-khadija-gbla-on-being-bla
Emma Bennison: https://omny.fm/shows/the-i-cant-stand-podcast/emma-bennison
Connect with Peta:
Instagram: @petahooke
Website: www.icantstandpodcast.com
Email: icantstandpodcast@gmail.com
Episode Transcript:https://www.icantstandpodcast.com
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:03):
Hello, and welcome to this very special episode of the
I Can't Stand Podcast, the podcast answering your questions about
what life is like when you have a disability. My
name is Peter, I have cerebral palsy, and I'm your host.
(00:24):
As twenty twenty four comes to a close, I've taken
a moment to bring you some of my favorite guests
that I had on the podcast in season four this
year of the I Can't Stand Podcast. While many of
these conversations can be defined under certain themes of acceptance, allyship, resilience,
(00:48):
low expectations, and the importance of disability employment, each person's
perspective I think is really worth listening to. So, whether
this is your first time listening to the I Can't
Stand Podcast, welcome, or you've been with me since the
(01:09):
very beginning, enjoy me in your ears for the last
time in twenty twenty four and hear these powerful stories
and perspectives of these amazing disabled individuals. So, without any
further ado, let's get into it. This first segment has
(01:39):
a group of amazing, strong disabled women talking about the
power of acceptance in their disability identity. While for some
of us it is an innate thing that we've had
since day one. We've accepted our disabilities. For others, the
journey is a little bit more complicated. I hope you
(02:02):
enjoy Let's kick off with Maya.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I think I've really I've worked really hard to get
to the level of confidence that I have right now.
I've seen a therapist since I was sixteen, because when
I was in high school, it kind of was showing
that I was struggling a little bit with I'm having disability,
and I was the only person with a physical disability
and in wilcher at my school, and so I think I
(02:30):
really struggled with that, and my identity and relationship towards
having disability really changed. I remember when I was younger,
I used to always be a bit upset because I mean,
when people have crutches, you're so popular, and then when
you have a wheelchair, it's like the complete opposite. And
I was just annoyed because I've got a spinal cord injuries,
so it's like it's no different to having a broken leg,
(02:51):
but I'm treated so different. So that's when like therapy
was really helpful for me, and I've really worked with
my therapist. I've had the thepist I've got now since
I was nineteen, So she really knows. She really calls
me out on some stuff. She really knows how to
get into that internalized ableism and just call me out.
And she's been really helpful with kind of like working
(03:13):
through a lot of that stuff that I had and
a lot of the anxieties around being disabled. So now
that I'm really confident, and I don't think I would
have been out a detata to the level that I
did it if I hadn't have gone through that journey.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Death culture to me is it has utterly transformed my
entire life and sense of self. I went from very
much acting and assimilating into the hearing world. I didn't
even know that that's what I was doing, that that
is the only pathway that I knew existed until I
(03:51):
was in my mid twenties. I didn't have deaf friends,
I wasn't surrounded by death conversation art, literally, I was
just very much in the hearing world. And the amount
of doors that have opened to me of discovering that
there's a deaf world, a world that is so vibrant
(04:14):
and diverse. It's honestly, I think some of the most
exciting art and thinking is happening in that space. And
it's a space where there is so much diversity of ethnicity, sexuality,
political perspective, comfort with language and communication is really diverse
(04:39):
as well, and it's been really impacted by policy and institutions.
But at the heart of it is this unflinching pride
in that we are death. It is in our bodies,
it's in our brains, it's in our hands. It's how
we move and how we think and how we experience.
(05:00):
It's the world. It is a language in four dimensions,
and the things that excite me the most about it
is how having that language makes me feel so at
ease in my body and delighted as well. I think
that's a real delight and humor that is in deaf
(05:21):
culture as well. Knowing that there isn't a void in silence.
Silence is just a space of possibility.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Ah phase explanation of the beauty of deaf culture was
so amazing. I will be linking all the episodes if
you want to have a deeper listen of each person
in the description of this episode, but Fee was an
absolutely amazing guest. Now we have Chloe, who is based
(05:58):
in the UK who is blind and also has cereral
palsy and uses a service dock. She does a lot
of work not only in her professional life but also
in her advocacy, and she goes into schools in her
spare time to educate people about living with their disability,
(06:20):
and just this short exert of her episode really exemplifies
the importance of open communication and creating an environment where
disabled people feel comfortable.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
I've had a few times where I've gone into a
classroom and there is a visibly disabled student in that
and there's been a few occasions were actually, by the
end of my session, they've been the one talking about
their disability to their class and it's like it just
(06:57):
warms my heart, like the fact that they kind of
they felt that I created such safe space that they
could do that. And I think a lot of them,
you know, like I've had to just come up and
be like I've never even heard them like speak to
their colleagues, you know, speak to their peers, never mind
talk about their disability. So I think that is that's
(07:19):
like the goal.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
So many disabled people are resilient, and that is because
it is a practice skill. That's my belief. Anyway, the
more challenges you face, the more you have to dig
deep and find that resilience to keep going. For this
next segment, this group of people are absolutely no different.
(07:47):
They are the definition of resilience. Flick, Deanna, and Annabelle
all share how they faced resilience, manage resilience, and how
they keep having to be resilient every day, even in
small little actions, are proving themselves and their disabilities.
Speaker 5 (08:12):
You know, there's a lot of mental resilience that you
have to develop over the years. But even with all that,
of course, your trauma is going to be retriggered because
you're finding yourself in all of those same sort of
scenarios again, So for me, it's a lot of doing
a lot of polyvagel breathing. It's doing a lot of meditation,
it's doing a lot of mental health sort of supports.
(08:34):
It's writing things down, it's listening to, you know, specific
types of music. It's stretching my body, and it's doing
all sorts of things that sometimes might even seem counterintuitive,
like if you've dropped a whole bunch of weight, you've
dropped ten or fifteen kilos in the space of a week,
which can happen with my condition. It doesn't probably seem
like super advisable to you know, get out and go running.
(08:56):
But sometimes there's certain things that you just have to
do because you require your mental well being to be
in a state of good resolve and in check for
you to then deal with what is going to come
forward for you. Because it's not just dealing with a
medical system. There's thousands of small, intricate things. It's all
(09:19):
of the medical admin it's dealing with an overwhelming and
over full health system. It's the cost. It's the huge
cost that appears out of nowhere where you're spending thousands
and thousands of dollars on getting tests that are required
to keep you alive. But it's not like you've got
necessarily thousands of dollars sitting in the bank account just
(09:40):
ready for all that to happen. So you've kind of
got stresses coming in from every angle, and so you've
really got to know yourself, have such self awareness, be
able to recognize that you have been triggered, that your
trauma is at the forefront and it's doing some of
the talking and the behaving for you in order to
(10:01):
try and protect you. And there's kind of that I
won't say battle, but there's a conversation going on between
the two parts of yourself, the traumatized version of yourself
and the sort of mature, experienced, resilient self that are
having a conversation at all times about like which one
needs to be at the forefront right now, and like
is this the appropriate time to be showing your anger,
(10:24):
to be showing your frustration, to be showing your fear.
And it's making calculated decisions about when and where to
operate in that emotional space. And I think you know,
when you've been doing it for twenty something years, that's
part of it just becomes second nature. But there is
also definitely an aspect that is very conscious and very
much about the self awareness and just sort of going,
(10:47):
I need to do this for me, and it might
not make sense for you, but that's because you don't
live in my body.
Speaker 6 (10:54):
The disability discrimination stigma that stuck with me as living
with as a person within him really illness as well
to this day that that was one of the bigger
things that I had to experience and still experience throughout
my life. Like as you mentioned, you know, like figuring
out who I like dating that kind of thing that
was fraught territory. When I was first coming into all that,
(11:16):
I would disclose to partners and like, once again, a
partner thought I had an STI that I was disclosing
MS was an STI I think that's hilarious now, but
at the time, I was horrified.
Speaker 7 (11:26):
I was shocked.
Speaker 6 (11:27):
I was like, what I've had partners said, do I
want to be with me because my disability as well
as so many other people just like a lot of oh,
just like what's the word sanctions? People trying to put
on your body so that I shouldn't have kids, that
I shouldn't travel that. The other day, just very recently,
I parked a disabled bay I do have the disabled
(11:48):
the blue cut. I needed to go to the toilet urgently.
I had a woman really I nearly bowled her over,
but she blocked my path and demanded to know why
I was parking disabled spot while I was trying to
like shimmy around her to go and run to the bathroom.
I was so embarrassing my pants in front of that
lady because she kept she actually spread out her arms
and was demanding to like ask me why, And I
(12:09):
I just I have a mess. I had to scream
at her and like run around, so I was about
to an accident. But yeah, just it just seems to
be never ending, unfortunately. And yeah, I feel like you
can't say something nice. Please don't say anything at all,
especially you know, keep your opinions away from me. But yeah,
that's probably one of the bigger impacts that I still face.
I feel like everyone does with disabilities.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
You've just heard Flick and Deanna, both people with hidden disabilities,
talking about resilience and the fact that you have to
employ resilience often every day, even when you're not expecting it.
Simply going to the toilet can mean you need to
practice resilience. But I thought they were fantastic examples, and
(12:52):
Flick's explanation of how she employs her resilience practices I
found to be really helpful. So go have listen to
either of those people's episodes if you feel like they resonated.
I now have Annabelle, who is based in the UK.
Her life changed overnight becoming disabled, and she spoke about
(13:15):
having to employ her own resilience, but also being aware
that her loved ones have gone through her diagnosis and
her disability too, and how traumatic it can be in
that medical system when your life has changed literally overnight.
Speaker 8 (13:36):
You have to accept and take on your own emotions,
which in itself is a roller coaster, and it's important
to the work for yourself in that area. But it
is important to understand that there will be emotions from others.
(13:56):
There are going to be the emotions from your loved ones. Initially,
my loved ones were extremely strong.
Speaker 9 (14:02):
They're still strong now, but we are able to have
better conversation now. I am in a stronger, healthier mental
state to ask how they are, and we just support
one another. And there's lots of wonderful charities I'm out there.
I know in the UK there's one called the Backup Trust,
(14:26):
where you can get mentoring for yourself and your family
can get support, and it's really important if you need
to lean into that. But that happens.
Speaker 8 (14:34):
I haven't ever needed to lean into that, but it's
important to know where your support is coming from and
to support everyone, because although the story is about you
and it's happening to you, it's also happening to all
those around you as well.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
I could have included so many segments about the low
expectations that disabled people face in society today. It's such
an unfortunate and yet pervasive thing that many of us
face all the time. The conversation that struck me the most, though,
(15:16):
was the one with Jared. His experience with special school,
while positive initially, has resulted in a life of playing
catch up. I hope you enjoy and keep keeping on, Jared, Well.
Speaker 10 (15:35):
I had the best time at specific school. I was
with our people that I could relate to. I didn't
even you wouldn't do any academic work, and lucky for me,
special schools weren't very academic. The experience at the time one,
(16:00):
I'm a positive one to an extent. But the day
after I left special school here was the day my
will got turned upside down because I was now because
I said to my mom and dad said, there was
no way I'm going to a day service or the
(16:26):
spy or whatever you want. Or I said, I'm not
doing it. I am so far behind society in my education.
Why am I supposed to do here? And so those
expectations that we used to talk about I set about
(16:51):
really low. Now we go drinking and like and hanging
around and spending all my money on people in myself
in pretty much dangerous situations. And what's even more ridiculous
(17:15):
is that my parents were both teachers and in the
mainstream school, but I was never story of there. I
would that there would be a way for me to
it and mainstream school. It's always a good idea to
(17:37):
tide people think, but the work that I've had to
do afterwards has been really hard.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Every year I always like to include a segment where
I had an unexpected answer to a question from one
of my guests. This year, there is no competition. I
knew it straight away, and that was my conversation with
Michael Hinson, the individual. He is blind. He survived nine
(18:10):
to eleven with his guide dog, an amazing story that
I'm sure many of you will already know. So I
thought I knew the answers to the questions as I
was going into this interview, but certainly was not the case.
When he spoke about disability and how he viewed non
disabled people, it changed my mind, or at least opened
(18:32):
my mind to a different perspective. So, without any further ado,
he's Michael.
Speaker 7 (18:40):
Well, the reality is, if you want to get very
technical about it, Peter, everyone on this planet has a disability,
and for most people, their disability is they're late dependent.
Put a bunch of people in a room, people with eyesight,
and then suddenly have all the power fail so that
they're locked or they're lost in that room without any lights.
(19:01):
People scrambled around to try to find a smartphone or
a flashlight or something to get light back on. Because
in eighteen seventy eight, Thomas Edison invented the electric light bulb, which,
as the Americas with Disabilities Act would say, was a
reasonable accommodation to allow light dependent people to continue to function.
But the fact of the matter is all it does
(19:23):
is it covers up their disability.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
This segment that you're about to hear is with Kalidra.
They are an amazing disability advocate and they made my
job so easy this day. They spoke with such eloquence
and conviction that I barely needed to speak. In this
small segment from our amazing conversation, Kalegia talks about the
(19:52):
importance of inclusion and allyship and where that all should start.
How they are not asking us to burn down the
whole system, but to start with small steps towards true acceptance.
And inclusion. I hope you enjoy it.
Speaker 11 (20:11):
I think in a lot of ways, helping ourselves helps others.
Because I don't want anyone to think they're going to
save any community or all that is on them. But
I think, and I've always said this as a human
rights activist, we are all these solutions to the challenges
our family, community, and natal are facing. If you focus
(20:31):
on what you can influence, your speed of influence, how
you raise your kids, the conversations you have around gender,
racial equality, sexual equality, those values, what you take to
your workplace, the decisions you make, who you hire, the
accommodations you put in place for cultural and risky diverse people,
for neuro divergent people. When you apply to put out
(20:54):
for jobs, who are you asking to recruit? Are you
bringing consults like me who knows their community re Rather
there's some white consultants who has not lived experienced. Maybe
are you having not to be part of your advisory
group so we can be have a seat at the
table to inform the services you deliver for us. Maybe
(21:15):
next time you're on a panel, pass the mic, think
of who doesn't have a seat at the table. Who
needs to have that seat? You have podcasts interview more
diverse voices. I think too often people think when they
ask me that question, or they think what they think
I'm answering that question, I am going to say, I
need you to go to the street and burn it down.
Now do the bitch you can do. Where you have
(21:39):
influence and we all have it from our partners and
the conversations we have or the things we stand for
at home, the gender equality, the jokes you make about
disabled people, the TV shows you watch, and how you
talk about disabled people or people are not white. These
are every day things that you're taking in and influences
(21:59):
where you stop, who you support, who you hire, your workplace,
your sports club, your religious communities, all of these spaces
we have speed of influence. What we do in these spaces,
the conversations we have, who we invite, who will welcome,
how we accommodate them, because to welcome somebody is one thing.
(22:21):
To accommodate them and we know this better as willchair users. Right,
there's a difference between inviting me somewhere that without check
is gonna be wilty accessible. I can get to the
door but not enter. What use is that? So don't
just invite us, accommodate us, put the accommodations in place,
in place so that then we can contribute, so that
(22:44):
then we can give that page that you want. We
can be meaningful in our presence and impact. If you're
going to life and you're thinking of how your actions
and decisions impact all the members of your community, I
think we're already along way.
Speaker 6 (23:00):
I head.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I can never predict the episodes that will resonate with
you guys, the audience. Some episodes that I think are
absolutely amazing never get the listenership that I expect. And
then there are other ones that I think I was
probably being a bit naive because of course, this next
(23:24):
segment would be one of my most downloaded episodes for
twenty twenty four, and that was Emma Benison talking about
the importance of not giving up on disabled employment, a
really important topic for so many of us and so
(23:44):
many of our friends and family who want to see
us realize our potential. So, without any further ado, here
is Emma.
Speaker 12 (23:55):
It's going to sound really cliched, but I mean, I
just can't enough. Don't give up. Like you know, there's
that old old adage. You know, this too shall pass.
And it sounds really cliched, but you know, I think
I spent a couple of years in just trying to
find employment, and it was it was really depressing and
(24:20):
really really difficult. And I still haven't lost that sense
of appreciation for the fact that I have a job,
and I hope I never do lose that sense of
appreciation because I think it's it's just so important. But yeah,
(24:42):
I definitely would say don't give up. I would also say,
don't be afraid to step into a role that isn't
exactly what you want. I think there's often a sense
particular regularly, if like me, you've done a university degree,
(25:06):
that you kind of think, well, I'm qualified now, so
I'm not going to settle for anything less. The reality is,
and this was a hard reality, and I think it's
a hard reality for many of us to learn. The
reality is that you might have a qualification, but you
might not have what I call the soft skills that
(25:28):
you need to be an employee. And you can only
get those skills by actually, you know, getting work experience.
And unfortunately, a lot of us, a lot of us
being people with disability, don't necessarily always get those opportunities
to go and get a part time job at McDonald's
(25:48):
or you know, do part time work when we're at
school or at UNI. And so we've often never been
in the workforce before, and while that's not our fault,
sometimes that means we do perhaps need to just go
and do some volunteering, or go and do a lower
(26:08):
level position than what we're qualified for, recognizing that that's
not going to be where we're going to end up
long term. We know that it's not about selling yourself short.
It's about saying, Okay, I just need to get some
work experience on my CV, and then I can go
and do whatever I'm actually qualified for. My story is
(26:29):
that I did a government training, so I got a
bachelor's degree, and then I did a government traineeship and
office administration, where I spent quite a lot of time
answering phones and stuffing envelopes, but I learned a huge
amount about how government works, and that has stood me
in very good stead for my advocacy since. And so
(26:51):
you might it's very important never to discount anything that
comes onto your path because you just never know where
it's going to lead you.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
And that, my friends, is a wrap on this season
of the I Can't Stand Podcast. I hope you enjoyed
this very special highlight episode of the podcast and the
stories have left you feeling inspired, connected, and proud to
be disabled. As always, thank you for listening, thank you
(27:28):
for sharing your time with me, and for being part
of this little community. Your support really does mean the world.
If you've loved this season, please don't forget to share
the podcast with a friend, or rate and review the
podcast on Apple or Spotify. I'll be back later in
(27:50):
twenty twenty five with more conversations of amazing individuals. Because
there are so many amazing decame individuals, I'm not likely
to run out of content anytime soon, but until then,
take care and I'll see you next year. I would
(28:14):
like to respectfully acknowledge they were wondery and bunner wrong
people of the call and nation of which I record
the podcast today, and I pay my respects to both
elders past and present, along with and especially to those
in the First Nation's communities who are disabled themselves.
Hello, and welcome to this very special episode of the
I Can't Stand Podcast, the podcast answering your questions about
what life is like when you have a disability. My
name is Peter, I have cerebral palsy, and I'm your host.
(00:24):
As twenty twenty four comes to a close, I've taken
a moment to bring you some of my favorite guests
that I had on the podcast in season four this
year of the I Can't Stand Podcast. While many of
these conversations can be defined under certain themes of acceptance, allyship, resilience,
(00:48):
low expectations, and the importance of disability employment, each person's
perspective I think is really worth listening to. So, whether
this is your first time listening to the I Can't
Stand Podcast, welcome, or you've been with me since the
(01:09):
very beginning, enjoy me in your ears for the last
time in twenty twenty four and hear these powerful stories
and perspectives of these amazing disabled individuals. So, without any
further ado, let's get into it. This first segment has
(01:39):
a group of amazing, strong disabled women talking about the
power of acceptance in their disability identity. While for some
of us it is an innate thing that we've had
since day one. We've accepted our disabilities. For others, the
journey is a little bit more complicated. I hope you
(02:02):
enjoy Let's kick off with Maya.
Speaker 2 (02:07):
I think I've really I've worked really hard to get
to the level of confidence that I have right now.
I've seen a therapist since I was sixteen, because when
I was in high school, it kind of was showing
that I was struggling a little bit with I'm having disability,
and I was the only person with a physical disability
and in wilcher at my school, and so I think I
(02:30):
really struggled with that, and my identity and relationship towards
having disability really changed. I remember when I was younger,
I used to always be a bit upset because I mean,
when people have crutches, you're so popular, and then when
you have a wheelchair, it's like the complete opposite. And
I was just annoyed because I've got a spinal cord injuries,
so it's like it's no different to having a broken leg,
(02:51):
but I'm treated so different. So that's when like therapy
was really helpful for me, and I've really worked with
my therapist. I've had the thepist I've got now since
I was nineteen, So she really knows. She really calls
me out on some stuff. She really knows how to
get into that internalized ableism and just call me out.
And she's been really helpful with kind of like working
(03:13):
through a lot of that stuff that I had and
a lot of the anxieties around being disabled. So now
that I'm really confident, and I don't think I would
have been out a detata to the level that I
did it if I hadn't have gone through that journey.
Speaker 3 (03:28):
Death culture to me is it has utterly transformed my
entire life and sense of self. I went from very
much acting and assimilating into the hearing world. I didn't
even know that that's what I was doing, that that
is the only pathway that I knew existed until I
(03:51):
was in my mid twenties. I didn't have deaf friends,
I wasn't surrounded by death conversation art, literally, I was
just very much in the hearing world. And the amount
of doors that have opened to me of discovering that
there's a deaf world, a world that is so vibrant
(04:14):
and diverse. It's honestly, I think some of the most
exciting art and thinking is happening in that space. And
it's a space where there is so much diversity of ethnicity, sexuality,
political perspective, comfort with language and communication is really diverse
(04:39):
as well, and it's been really impacted by policy and institutions.
But at the heart of it is this unflinching pride
in that we are death. It is in our bodies,
it's in our brains, it's in our hands. It's how
we move and how we think and how we experience.
(05:00):
It's the world. It is a language in four dimensions,
and the things that excite me the most about it
is how having that language makes me feel so at
ease in my body and delighted as well. I think
that's a real delight and humor that is in deaf
(05:21):
culture as well. Knowing that there isn't a void in silence.
Silence is just a space of possibility.
Speaker 1 (05:34):
Ah phase explanation of the beauty of deaf culture was
so amazing. I will be linking all the episodes if
you want to have a deeper listen of each person
in the description of this episode, but Fee was an
absolutely amazing guest. Now we have Chloe, who is based
(05:58):
in the UK who is blind and also has cereral
palsy and uses a service dock. She does a lot
of work not only in her professional life but also
in her advocacy, and she goes into schools in her
spare time to educate people about living with their disability,
(06:20):
and just this short exert of her episode really exemplifies
the importance of open communication and creating an environment where
disabled people feel comfortable.
Speaker 4 (06:36):
I've had a few times where I've gone into a
classroom and there is a visibly disabled student in that
and there's been a few occasions were actually, by the
end of my session, they've been the one talking about
their disability to their class and it's like it just
(06:57):
warms my heart, like the fact that they kind of
they felt that I created such safe space that they
could do that. And I think a lot of them,
you know, like I've had to just come up and
be like I've never even heard them like speak to
their colleagues, you know, speak to their peers, never mind
talk about their disability. So I think that is that's
(07:19):
like the goal.
Speaker 1 (07:23):
So many disabled people are resilient, and that is because
it is a practice skill. That's my belief. Anyway, the
more challenges you face, the more you have to dig
deep and find that resilience to keep going. For this
next segment, this group of people are absolutely no different.
(07:47):
They are the definition of resilience. Flick, Deanna, and Annabelle
all share how they faced resilience, manage resilience, and how
they keep having to be resilient every day, even in
small little actions, are proving themselves and their disabilities.
Speaker 5 (08:12):
You know, there's a lot of mental resilience that you
have to develop over the years. But even with all that,
of course, your trauma is going to be retriggered because
you're finding yourself in all of those same sort of
scenarios again, So for me, it's a lot of doing
a lot of polyvagel breathing. It's doing a lot of meditation,
it's doing a lot of mental health sort of supports.
(08:34):
It's writing things down, it's listening to, you know, specific
types of music. It's stretching my body, and it's doing
all sorts of things that sometimes might even seem counterintuitive,
like if you've dropped a whole bunch of weight, you've
dropped ten or fifteen kilos in the space of a week,
which can happen with my condition. It doesn't probably seem
like super advisable to you know, get out and go running.
(08:56):
But sometimes there's certain things that you just have to
do because you require your mental well being to be
in a state of good resolve and in check for
you to then deal with what is going to come
forward for you. Because it's not just dealing with a
medical system. There's thousands of small, intricate things. It's all
(09:19):
of the medical admin it's dealing with an overwhelming and
over full health system. It's the cost. It's the huge
cost that appears out of nowhere where you're spending thousands
and thousands of dollars on getting tests that are required
to keep you alive. But it's not like you've got
necessarily thousands of dollars sitting in the bank account just
(09:40):
ready for all that to happen. So you've kind of
got stresses coming in from every angle, and so you've
really got to know yourself, have such self awareness, be
able to recognize that you have been triggered, that your
trauma is at the forefront and it's doing some of
the talking and the behaving for you in order to
(10:01):
try and protect you. And there's kind of that I
won't say battle, but there's a conversation going on between
the two parts of yourself, the traumatized version of yourself
and the sort of mature, experienced, resilient self that are
having a conversation at all times about like which one
needs to be at the forefront right now, and like
is this the appropriate time to be showing your anger,
(10:24):
to be showing your frustration, to be showing your fear.
And it's making calculated decisions about when and where to
operate in that emotional space. And I think you know,
when you've been doing it for twenty something years, that's
part of it just becomes second nature. But there is
also definitely an aspect that is very conscious and very
much about the self awareness and just sort of going,
(10:47):
I need to do this for me, and it might
not make sense for you, but that's because you don't
live in my body.
Speaker 6 (10:54):
The disability discrimination stigma that stuck with me as living
with as a person within him really illness as well
to this day that that was one of the bigger
things that I had to experience and still experience throughout
my life. Like as you mentioned, you know, like figuring
out who I like dating that kind of thing that
was fraught territory. When I was first coming into all that,
(11:16):
I would disclose to partners and like, once again, a
partner thought I had an STI that I was disclosing
MS was an STI I think that's hilarious now, but
at the time, I was horrified.
Speaker 7 (11:26):
I was shocked.
Speaker 6 (11:27):
I was like, what I've had partners said, do I
want to be with me because my disability as well
as so many other people just like a lot of oh,
just like what's the word sanctions? People trying to put
on your body so that I shouldn't have kids, that
I shouldn't travel that. The other day, just very recently,
I parked a disabled bay I do have the disabled
(11:48):
the blue cut. I needed to go to the toilet urgently.
I had a woman really I nearly bowled her over,
but she blocked my path and demanded to know why
I was parking disabled spot while I was trying to
like shimmy around her to go and run to the bathroom.
I was so embarrassing my pants in front of that
lady because she kept she actually spread out her arms
and was demanding to like ask me why, And I
(12:09):
I just I have a mess. I had to scream
at her and like run around, so I was about
to an accident. But yeah, just it just seems to
be never ending, unfortunately. And yeah, I feel like you
can't say something nice. Please don't say anything at all,
especially you know, keep your opinions away from me. But yeah,
that's probably one of the bigger impacts that I still face.
I feel like everyone does with disabilities.
Speaker 1 (12:30):
You've just heard Flick and Deanna, both people with hidden disabilities,
talking about resilience and the fact that you have to
employ resilience often every day, even when you're not expecting it.
Simply going to the toilet can mean you need to
practice resilience. But I thought they were fantastic examples, and
(12:52):
Flick's explanation of how she employs her resilience practices I
found to be really helpful. So go have listen to
either of those people's episodes if you feel like they resonated.
I now have Annabelle, who is based in the UK.
Her life changed overnight becoming disabled, and she spoke about
(13:15):
having to employ her own resilience, but also being aware
that her loved ones have gone through her diagnosis and
her disability too, and how traumatic it can be in
that medical system when your life has changed literally overnight.
Speaker 8 (13:36):
You have to accept and take on your own emotions,
which in itself is a roller coaster, and it's important
to the work for yourself in that area. But it
is important to understand that there will be emotions from others.
(13:56):
There are going to be the emotions from your loved ones. Initially,
my loved ones were extremely strong.
Speaker 9 (14:02):
They're still strong now, but we are able to have
better conversation now. I am in a stronger, healthier mental
state to ask how they are, and we just support
one another. And there's lots of wonderful charities I'm out there.
I know in the UK there's one called the Backup Trust,
(14:26):
where you can get mentoring for yourself and your family
can get support, and it's really important if you need
to lean into that. But that happens.
Speaker 8 (14:34):
I haven't ever needed to lean into that, but it's
important to know where your support is coming from and
to support everyone, because although the story is about you
and it's happening to you, it's also happening to all
those around you as well.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
I could have included so many segments about the low
expectations that disabled people face in society today. It's such
an unfortunate and yet pervasive thing that many of us
face all the time. The conversation that struck me the most, though,
(15:16):
was the one with Jared. His experience with special school,
while positive initially, has resulted in a life of playing
catch up. I hope you enjoy and keep keeping on, Jared, Well.
Speaker 10 (15:35):
I had the best time at specific school. I was
with our people that I could relate to. I didn't
even you wouldn't do any academic work, and lucky for me,
special schools weren't very academic. The experience at the time one,
(16:00):
I'm a positive one to an extent. But the day
after I left special school here was the day my
will got turned upside down because I was now because
I said to my mom and dad said, there was
no way I'm going to a day service or the
(16:26):
spy or whatever you want. Or I said, I'm not
doing it. I am so far behind society in my education.
Why am I supposed to do here? And so those
expectations that we used to talk about I set about
(16:51):
really low. Now we go drinking and like and hanging
around and spending all my money on people in myself
in pretty much dangerous situations. And what's even more ridiculous
(17:15):
is that my parents were both teachers and in the
mainstream school, but I was never story of there. I
would that there would be a way for me to
it and mainstream school. It's always a good idea to
(17:37):
tide people think, but the work that I've had to
do afterwards has been really hard.
Speaker 1 (17:46):
Every year I always like to include a segment where
I had an unexpected answer to a question from one
of my guests. This year, there is no competition. I
knew it straight away, and that was my conversation with
Michael Hinson, the individual. He is blind. He survived nine
(18:10):
to eleven with his guide dog, an amazing story that
I'm sure many of you will already know. So I
thought I knew the answers to the questions as I
was going into this interview, but certainly was not the case.
When he spoke about disability and how he viewed non
disabled people, it changed my mind, or at least opened
(18:32):
my mind to a different perspective. So, without any further ado,
he's Michael.
Speaker 7 (18:40):
Well, the reality is, if you want to get very
technical about it, Peter, everyone on this planet has a disability,
and for most people, their disability is they're late dependent.
Put a bunch of people in a room, people with eyesight,
and then suddenly have all the power fail so that
they're locked or they're lost in that room without any lights.
(19:01):
People scrambled around to try to find a smartphone or
a flashlight or something to get light back on. Because
in eighteen seventy eight, Thomas Edison invented the electric light bulb, which,
as the Americas with Disabilities Act would say, was a
reasonable accommodation to allow light dependent people to continue to function.
But the fact of the matter is all it does
(19:23):
is it covers up their disability.
Speaker 1 (19:27):
This segment that you're about to hear is with Kalidra.
They are an amazing disability advocate and they made my
job so easy this day. They spoke with such eloquence
and conviction that I barely needed to speak. In this
small segment from our amazing conversation, Kalegia talks about the
(19:52):
importance of inclusion and allyship and where that all should start.
How they are not asking us to burn down the
whole system, but to start with small steps towards true acceptance.
And inclusion. I hope you enjoy it.
Speaker 11 (20:11):
I think in a lot of ways, helping ourselves helps others.
Because I don't want anyone to think they're going to
save any community or all that is on them. But
I think, and I've always said this as a human
rights activist, we are all these solutions to the challenges
our family, community, and natal are facing. If you focus
(20:31):
on what you can influence, your speed of influence, how
you raise your kids, the conversations you have around gender,
racial equality, sexual equality, those values, what you take to
your workplace, the decisions you make, who you hire, the
accommodations you put in place for cultural and risky diverse people,
for neuro divergent people. When you apply to put out
(20:54):
for jobs, who are you asking to recruit? Are you
bringing consults like me who knows their community re Rather
there's some white consultants who has not lived experienced. Maybe
are you having not to be part of your advisory
group so we can be have a seat at the
table to inform the services you deliver for us. Maybe
(21:15):
next time you're on a panel, pass the mic, think
of who doesn't have a seat at the table. Who
needs to have that seat? You have podcasts interview more
diverse voices. I think too often people think when they
ask me that question, or they think what they think
I'm answering that question, I am going to say, I
need you to go to the street and burn it down.
Now do the bitch you can do. Where you have
(21:39):
influence and we all have it from our partners and
the conversations we have or the things we stand for
at home, the gender equality, the jokes you make about
disabled people, the TV shows you watch, and how you
talk about disabled people or people are not white. These
are every day things that you're taking in and influences
(21:59):
where you stop, who you support, who you hire, your workplace,
your sports club, your religious communities, all of these spaces
we have speed of influence. What we do in these spaces,
the conversations we have, who we invite, who will welcome,
how we accommodate them, because to welcome somebody is one thing.
(22:21):
To accommodate them and we know this better as willchair users. Right,
there's a difference between inviting me somewhere that without check
is gonna be wilty accessible. I can get to the
door but not enter. What use is that? So don't
just invite us, accommodate us, put the accommodations in place,
in place so that then we can contribute, so that
(22:44):
then we can give that page that you want. We
can be meaningful in our presence and impact. If you're
going to life and you're thinking of how your actions
and decisions impact all the members of your community, I
think we're already along way.
Speaker 6 (23:00):
I head.
Speaker 1 (23:02):
I can never predict the episodes that will resonate with
you guys, the audience. Some episodes that I think are
absolutely amazing never get the listenership that I expect. And
then there are other ones that I think I was
probably being a bit naive because of course, this next
(23:24):
segment would be one of my most downloaded episodes for
twenty twenty four, and that was Emma Benison talking about
the importance of not giving up on disabled employment, a
really important topic for so many of us and so
(23:44):
many of our friends and family who want to see
us realize our potential. So, without any further ado, here
is Emma.
Speaker 12 (23:55):
It's going to sound really cliched, but I mean, I
just can't enough. Don't give up. Like you know, there's
that old old adage. You know, this too shall pass.
And it sounds really cliched, but you know, I think
I spent a couple of years in just trying to
find employment, and it was it was really depressing and
(24:20):
really really difficult. And I still haven't lost that sense
of appreciation for the fact that I have a job,
and I hope I never do lose that sense of
appreciation because I think it's it's just so important. But yeah,
(24:42):
I definitely would say don't give up. I would also say,
don't be afraid to step into a role that isn't
exactly what you want. I think there's often a sense
particular regularly, if like me, you've done a university degree,
(25:06):
that you kind of think, well, I'm qualified now, so
I'm not going to settle for anything less. The reality is,
and this was a hard reality, and I think it's
a hard reality for many of us to learn. The
reality is that you might have a qualification, but you
might not have what I call the soft skills that
(25:28):
you need to be an employee. And you can only
get those skills by actually, you know, getting work experience.
And unfortunately, a lot of us, a lot of us
being people with disability, don't necessarily always get those opportunities
to go and get a part time job at McDonald's
(25:48):
or you know, do part time work when we're at
school or at UNI. And so we've often never been
in the workforce before, and while that's not our fault,
sometimes that means we do perhaps need to just go
and do some volunteering, or go and do a lower
(26:08):
level position than what we're qualified for, recognizing that that's
not going to be where we're going to end up
long term. We know that it's not about selling yourself short.
It's about saying, Okay, I just need to get some
work experience on my CV, and then I can go
and do whatever I'm actually qualified for. My story is
(26:29):
that I did a government training, so I got a
bachelor's degree, and then I did a government traineeship and
office administration, where I spent quite a lot of time
answering phones and stuffing envelopes, but I learned a huge
amount about how government works, and that has stood me
in very good stead for my advocacy since. And so
(26:51):
you might it's very important never to discount anything that
comes onto your path because you just never know where
it's going to lead you.
Speaker 1 (27:03):
And that, my friends, is a wrap on this season
of the I Can't Stand Podcast. I hope you enjoyed
this very special highlight episode of the podcast and the
stories have left you feeling inspired, connected, and proud to
be disabled. As always, thank you for listening, thank you
(27:28):
for sharing your time with me, and for being part
of this little community. Your support really does mean the world.
If you've loved this season, please don't forget to share
the podcast with a friend, or rate and review the
podcast on Apple or Spotify. I'll be back later in
(27:50):
twenty twenty five with more conversations of amazing individuals. Because
there are so many amazing decame individuals, I'm not likely
to run out of content anytime soon, but until then,
take care and I'll see you next year. I would
(28:14):
like to respectfully acknowledge they were wondery and bunner wrong
people of the call and nation of which I record
the podcast today, and I pay my respects to both
elders past and present, along with and especially to those
in the First Nation's communities who are disabled themselves.
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