How to Embrace Servant Leadership with Andrew Kolikoff

Embracing Servant Leadership can bolster your business and change your personal life. I discuss how to do that in this episode with my guest, Andrew Kolikoff. Andrew helps leaders create better journeys and greater profitability through the elevation of their people, teams, culture and customer experiences. He is considered to be one of the leading thought leaders in the world on the topic of Servant Leadership.     Andrew grew up in a remarkable home where his parents were madly in love and openly affectionate and his grandparents were the same way. His parents lived their lives completely in service; it was just who they were at heart. His home was like Grand Central Station every day, it was the place of joy, love, laughter and safety for the world.  That dramatically affected Andrew’s early outlook on life. As a child and teenager, Andrew thought all of that was normal. It wasn’t until he was ejected from the bubble and went to college that he learned two things very quickly. One, the world was not what he thought it was. And two, his parents were heroes, he just didn’t know it at the time. So, this got him very early on in his life to really think about who he wanted to be in this world, both daily and for the remainder of this life. The Importance of Your "One Thing" Andrew believes the hardest thing to do in life is to know what your “One Thing” is. Andrew decided that his “One Thing” is that he had to pay it forward, he wanted to live his life in service too. But he was single, young, and he didn’t have a house or have a way to replicate what his parents and grandparents did. He had to come up with a way that he was going to keep himself accountable to that way of living his life. So, Andrew developed this metric that he was going to live by every day. He decided he was going to do two things every single day of his life, which he’s done now for over thirty years. One, to have a coffee, breakfast, lunch, or now Zoom with somebody that he has not met. And two, he would find out what their personal and professional challenges were and help them. He changed the traditional radio station of WIIFM (What’s In It For Me) to WIFFT (What’s In It For Them). Andrew would show up to serve, not to get anything. He still averages making five introductions a day to help people with their challenges. It All Comes Back to You What Andrew has experienced is so much has come back to him as a result of giving without expectations. He becamse a 40 under 40 of the top 40 business leaders in New York City amongst other accolades. It wasn’t because of his status as the Chief Science Officer of an international company and a University Adjunct Professor. It was not because of what he did, it was a result of who he was. That laid the groundwork for the reinvention of himself post-corporate-career. So far in the second act of his life he has spent his time building great cultures inside of organizations and his own organization, "The Secret Sauce Society". Not only are those organizations more profitable and their people more productive; Andrew always facilitates more purpose and meaning for everyone involved. If anyone wants to strive for alignment with their “One Thing” in life, it may not be easy at first, but it’s worth it in the long run. Andrew told me it’s always provided him with more joy and purpose in his life. Bridging the Gap Between Giving and Getting When it comes to Andrew's giving without expectations advice people often tell him “I did what you say to do and it just doesn’t work.” He responds with this very simple question: “Do you do it every day and are you committed to it every day?” The answer is almost always “No.” Everybody wants breakthroughs in their life. Andrew reminds them how breakthroughs happen. Andrew uses the example of learning how to ride a bicycle. At first you had training wheels, you kept falling off and getting on, and then somebody helped you. Eventually,

Episode Transcript

(00:01):
Welcome to the Idea Climbing podcast.
If you want to grow your business faster
in a meaningful way, servant leadership is for
you. I discuss how to adopt servant leadership
and apply it to your personal and professional
lives in this episode with my guest, Andrew
Kolokoff.
Andrew helps leaders create better journeys and greater
profitability
through the elevation of their people, teams, culture,

(00:23):
and customer experiences,
and he's someone who is considered to be
one of the leading thought leaders in the
world on servant leadership.
We dive into topics including what servant leadership
is in its essence,
examples of your responsibilities
to those around you once you become a
servant leader, the one thing above all else
that you need to do to become a
servant leader, and more golden nuggets of advice.

(00:44):
You're gonna love this show.
Thank you for making time for to be
on the Idea Climbing podcast, Andrew. I appreciate
you.
I appreciate you, sir. I watch your podcast.
You're very good at what you do, and
it's an honor to be here.

(01:05):
Thank you. We're gonna talk about servant leadership
or conscious leadership. Before we get into the
tips and tricks, the strategies, nuts, and bolts,
when it comes to servant leadership again or
conscious leadership,
how did you get so good at it?
You live it. You teach it. What is
your story there?
So I'm gonna start in a place,

(01:25):
Mark, where maybe your audience may first say,
what the why is he even
bringing this up?
But I'll tie it all together. So just
roll with me. So
I grew up in this remarkable home
where my parents were actually madly in love,
openly affectionate.

(01:47):
My brother and I were the center of
the universe. My grandparents were exactly the same
in love, and they came over every day
because they lived nearby.
But more than that, my parents
lived their lives completely in service, and it
was not connected to a face a a
faith
or organized

(02:09):
religion.
It was just who they were. And my
home
was like Grand Central Station every day. Anybody
that needed a place to stay,
it was the place of joy
joy, love, laughter, and safety for the world.
And I thought all this was normal.
And it wasn't till I was ejected from

(02:29):
the bubble and went to college that I
learned two things very quickly. One,
the world was not what I thought it
was, and
two, that my parents were heroes,
and I just I didn't know.
So it got me
very early on in my life to really
think about
who I wanted to be in this

(02:51):
world, in this life.
And I I always ask people, who are
you? Because I don't think people really
you know, the hardest thing to do in
life, Mark, is
to know what your one thing is.
Right? What's your one thing? What
you know, like that famous scene in the
movie City Slickers with Billy Crystal,

(03:12):
which some of you may have seen or
not seen, but he he's in this midlife
crisis, and he goes to this dude ranch
to kind of sort out his life.
And,
you know, the cowboy who's the actor Jack
Palance asks him, do you wanna know the
meaning to life?
And Billy Crystal goes, yeah, what's the meaning
to life? And he goes like this, one

(03:34):
thing.
And he goes, well, what's the one thing?
He goes, well, that's what you gotta figure
out.
And for me, I decided that my one
thing was I had a choice to make
that I could have either been privileged
because my dad was also a dentist,
on top of all the love we received
and all this service around me and helping

(03:56):
people.
And it was the hub. I mean, all
my parents' friends, our friends all hung out
there,
people that strangers that needed a place,
and that I wanted to pay it forward,
that I wanted to live my life in
service too.
But
I was single,
young. I didn't have a house. I didn't

(04:16):
have a way to replicate
what my parents did, so I had to
come up with
this way that I was gonna keep myself
accountable
to this
way of living my life. So I developed
this metric,
this thing that I was gonna live by
every day. And so what I decided, I
was gonna do two things every single day

(04:38):
of my life, which I've done now for
over thirty years.
One
is have a coffee, breakfast, lunch, and now
zoo or Zoom
every day with somebody who I've not met
or would like to meet or I've been
connected to or reconnected to.
And two,
and I averaged these every day,
I would find out what their challenges were,

(05:00):
personal, professional. Most people
show up for a coffee meeting or go
to a networking event
with that radio station in their head, w
I I f m, what's in it for
me.
But I changed the radio station in my
head to what's in it for them,
you know, w I I f t.

(05:21):
And
I would always only show up to serve,
not to get anything. So I would find
out what their challenges were, personal, professional.
And I would average
five door openings a day, five introductions a
day to help them with that challenge. And
I would continually

(05:41):
do that after meeting them.
And what I realized
was,
not only did my
did so much come back to me.
I wound up being, becoming a 40 under
40 in New York City,
top 40 business leaders under 40, which is

(06:02):
kind of a big deal. And it wasn't
because of my status of who I was
in business. And I was a chief science
officer of an international company.
I was a university adjunct professor. It really
was not because of what I did. It
was because of who I was.
And,

(06:23):
that kind
of laid the groundwork
for
a reinvention of myself. The first half of
my life,
I spent
as
a scientist.
And
but anything that I did was with this
service mindset. So I wound up building great
cultures

(06:43):
inside of these organizations
that I was
leading.
And
I realized that not only were they more
profitable,
but and people more productive,
but
it provided more purpose and meaning
inside of these workplaces.
And

(07:04):
so I got to a point after halfway
through my career
that I realized that I needed to do
that for a living,
whatever that was,
and had to and wound up reinventing myself
the second half of my life and career
and aligning
myself
not just to who I was and decided

(07:26):
who I wanted to be
and how I was that person,
but also what I did.
So,
servant leadership, which I now considered a thought
leader in the world.
I have a newsletter in LinkedIn called the
servant leader with incredible followers all over the
world,
and I've done

(07:47):
keynote speaking gigs at NASA, Northrop Grumman,
or, you know, around the country.
Mhmm.
But it's what I do for a living
as a consultant. It's an organization
I created called the Secret Sauce Society,
which is the home for heart centered,
servant,
more conscious leaders, people that want to provide

(08:10):
meaning and purpose inside the workplace.
And there's memberships and I run mastermind groups,
Mhmm. And I'm a consultant in that space.
So now who I am,
how I be, what I do is all
in alignment, one thing. And I'd like to
tell you that, you know, you know, if
anybody thinks

(08:31):
that wants to strive for alignment
in their life,
like anything, nothing is easy. I, you know,
got kicked in the teeth. I that went
through lots of struggle,
which I'm not now, but
making that choice to that invented
more,

(08:54):
purposeful
way I wanted to live my life
took time, but I'm here now. So
that's
really
kind of why I do what I do
because it was literally
I was surrounded by it in my childhood,
and I saw what it did for people.
And then I started injecting it

(09:16):
into
work, into everything I did. And I realized
that,
not only was it better for people
inside of these companies
and better
for productivity and innovation
and profitability.

(09:37):
But it also provided me more joy and
purpose in my life.
So that's how I got here.
I gotta ask. When it comes to servant
leadership, you mentioned giving and what's in it
for them.
How do you bridge how did you or
how do you bridge the gap between, you
know, giving and this many meetings a day,

(09:57):
and it's all about them. How does it
come back to you? Because I've I've heard
of people just give and give and give
and their business is going nowhere, and then
you hear about the tyrants and whatnot and
the go getters. What's in it for me
that become millionaires or billionaires
when you give as a servant leader? How
does it come back to you? What's that
So I will that's a great question. And
and people tell me, look, Andrew, you know,

(10:18):
I did I do what you say to
do,
and it just doesn't work.
And I asked him this very simple question.
Do you do it, and are you committed
to it every day?
And
the answer is
almost always no.
I do it sporadically.

(10:40):
And let me tell you
something. Everybody wants breakthrough in their life,
Mark. Everybody does.
Their personal life, at work.
And I I ask them, how does breakthrough
happen?
And they're like, well, I don't know. I'm
like, okay. Well, then how did you learn
how to ride a bicycle?
There was that moment where you're like, oh

(11:00):
my god. I got it. I can balance,
and I can do this. And I asked
them. They're like, well, the answers I get
back is, well, I had training wheels. I
felt it just kept falling off and getting
on, or somebody helped me. And I said,
those are good answers, but here's the best
answer. You got on it every day. If
you had got on it once every other

(11:21):
week, once every other month,
breakthrough would never happen.
Breakthrough
happens
from a commitment
to one thing
every day. And I
was and have been committed to it
every single
day, and that's how it comes back.

(11:43):
Because
consistency
matters, my friend.
So how do you I I gotta ask.
Because because I'm thinking it now. Someone listening
or watching is probably thinking it too. How
do you find the one thing?
Oh, well, that's a great question, and that's
a lot of soul searching. But I think,

(12:05):
you really most people don't take the time
to regularly reflect on their days.
I take the time every day. I take
ten to fifteen minutes a day at the
end of my day to reflect
what went well,
what didn't. If it didn't, what could I
have done better?
What could I have,

(12:28):
changed
to make that outcome better?
Even though
we like to blame
bad outcomes
on things outside of us, which those are
real
forces,
but if you focus on what you can
control,
which are the things
that we're doing, how we're thinking,

(12:50):
how we're behaving, how we're reacting.
There is this false narrative
that we think outside forces are more in
control of us
than us. But the real truth is
to learn how to get out of your
own way is a big part of it.
So how you get to that

(13:11):
one thing
that you're asking,
I think, is on reflection
and what
you
feel, you know, you should start thinking about
where your happy places are.
And to me, I define a happy place
as something you're doing or a physical place
you're you are, where you've

(13:32):
time, you're just naturally present.
You're naturally
just happy,
whether they be occupational
things or things for pleasure.
Where are those happy places a lot? When
I ask people
where are their happy places,
very often they choose places like, well, I

(13:52):
love to go to the beach or I
love the mountains. Well, how often do you
go? Well,
you know, I go once, you know, a
few times a year.
You know? I'm like, no. No. No. You
have to have happy places
that you can visit every day or almost
every day because consistency.
If you go to that happy place, it's

(14:12):
in those places
usually where
those one things will show up,
for you.
For me, it was very evident, Marc, because
I was surrounded
by
people that were larger than life. My mother,
my father, my grandparents,
they were larger than life. And I was

(14:33):
like, I wanna be like them.
And that leads me to the last part
of answering your question.
Find somebody in your life
that you know personally
or you've seen in YouTube or professionally
that you admire.
And what is it you admire about them

(14:54):
in how they're living their life?
And is it something you wanna be more
like?
And it really is something you have to
do soul searching on. It isn't just, you
know, oh, there you know,
you write down a list and it's those
things. It's you've gotta reflect. It takes
time.
You know, it's not something

(15:15):
that just,
you know, that, you know, comes to you.
For some people, it is. For some people,
it's very hard. And then they have to
judge, well, I need to make money. I
have a
mortgage. I have bills.
And that doesn't mean you stop what you're
doing, but you still need to do that
soul searching so then you can figure out
a way and a plan to align yourself.

(15:39):
So you have to come to that clarity
first. So I hope that helps.
Oh, it does. And with servant leadership, once
you become
once you embrace servant leadership and you start
living it,
leadership is
one of the two words.
With great power comes great responsibility. Once you
start living servant leadership, what do you think
the what do you think the responsibilities

(16:01):
then become of being a servant leader to
those around you? There are many, but I'll
give an example to your audience what most
can identify with. Did you ever see the
show Ted Lasso?
I saw, like, one episode, but it was
a long time ago. So Ted Lasso is
a very popular show. So many that have
seen the show can will be able to
identify with this.

(16:23):
What he did, it was about it's a
story about this guy
who was a division three football coach in
America who gets this gig
to
manage
a Premier League soccer team, and he didn't
know anything about soccer. Nothing.
And he turns that team into a more

(16:44):
winning team without even knowing anything about soccer.
How did he do that?
He did that, and this is a very
powerful thing.
As a leader, he chose to immerse himself
in their lives, not just in their roles.
I'm gonna say it again.
He immersed themselves
in their lives

(17:05):
and showed up for them in their lives,
not just their work and in their roles.
And servant leaders, that's exactly what they do.
They immerse themselves
in the people that they interact with within
their lives, and they show up for them
in incredible meaningful ways to make them

(17:28):
to help
be that driving force in their life to
be the best they can be
in every way.
And that really truly is servant leadership in
its essence. And when you do that, not
only do people appreciate it, become more loyal,
and
very importantly,

(17:50):
communicate
to you
Very openly and honestly,
what's hard
to talk about
is how you get to the best place
because what's lacking
in most organizations
in the world
People ask me, Yondr, what makes a culture

(18:12):
truly great?
And if you ask an HR person, they'll
give you a more mechanical answer. Well, you
have to have these policies in place, and
you have to run these kind of things
where there's these team building things.
And while that's
true, really what makes a culture truly great,
Marc,
is when

(18:32):
people feel safe to communicate
what isn't safe.
It's called psychological safety. And if you can
create an environment
where people feel safe to communicate what isn't,
now
you can get to
incredible
communication.

(18:52):
And that really is the essence
of building
great productivity,
great cultures,
and great profitability.
And I hope that answered your question.
Well, it does. I have another question about
being a leader. Once you become a leader,
how do you or do you and if
you do, how do you how do you

(19:13):
then develop other servant leaders
to come up and come
to come up in, like, a certain way.
Show up for somebody in their life,
when you show up
and you give them
skills that they're not aware of,
because leadership
I always say that 90% of all leaders

(19:33):
are actually not.
They're just people in positions of authority.
And leadership,
Mark, is not the exercise of authority.
It's the exercise
of influence.
And what more powerful way
is there to influence somebody in their work
and in their life

(19:56):
than through love,
listening,
understanding,
kindness. It's the most powerful force
of influence.
And if you show up in that way
for them, then you're showing them how to
do that for others. Similarly,
in the opposite, if you yell at people,

(20:18):
you're giving your managers the permission
to yell at their people.
And never forget, people don't quit their jobs,
Mark. They quit their managers.
And managers typically don't have leadership skills. They're
very good at what they did.
They produced results, and they get into a
management role, but they don't know

(20:40):
a lot of these soft skills. Like, one
of the things I always say is how
do when you show up for a very
important meeting, do you know how you wanna
be seen?
And most people are like, well, they have
to think it through.
And I'm like, no. No. No. No. You
can't think it through. You have to be
clear. Let's say you wanna be seen as
somebody who's a great listener, somebody who actually

(21:00):
gives a shit, somebody
who,
goes the extra mile.
And let's say you're about to open the
door,
walk into this meeting you're gonna lead, and
you go through those, let's say, five things
in your head. I wanna be seen this
way.
And then
you go in there and you have the
you have you use what I call the

(21:22):
power of intention. You intend to be seen
that way. What do you think the odds
are you'll be seen that way versus having
no clarity or no intention at all? It's
a duh.
So there's
hundreds of these little things
that most people don't understand
about leadership
that they have to learn and practice

(21:43):
and practice every day.
So servant leadership
happens through not only you being the servant
leader,
but
also
teaching them how because
people think as leaders, all I have to
do is act a certain way and expect
them to act that way
because I'm acting that way. And while some

(22:05):
will,
still most won't.
You have to show up for them in
their life and keep them accountable
and help them see that.
And then once you turn, let's say, a
right hand person
or a manager into that, then you they
can then teach and spread that to others

(22:26):
in the organization.
That is awesome. And we have covered a
lot of ground in a short period of
time. Someone's listening or watching and thinking he
said a lot of great things. I'm digging
servant leadership.
If you were to say if you're gonna
adopt a life of servant leadership, at least
do this. At least do this one thing.
What would you tell them to do?
Self reflection.

(22:48):
So what most people so there's three buckets
of practice.
I always say, if you're not practicing something,
what are you getting good at?
And the answer is, well, nothing. Right? You
gotta practice.
And most people practice two of the three
types of practice.
They practice things related to them making money.

(23:10):
Right? Lawyers have to constantly practice new laws,
doctors, new medicines, new techniques.
All of us practice things related to making
money. The second bucket of practice is we
practice things
that
we derive pleasure from. Like, I love to
play golf. I practice.

(23:31):
Right? The third bucket of practice is the
practice I call of being.
And what is this and very few people
practice it.
And even fewer of those that practice it,
practice it on a daily basis. And that's
how breakthrough happens. Remember?
So this practice of being

(23:53):
reflection is one of those practices. If you
can,
without attachment,
observe your behavior,
observe your thoughts,
observe the outcomes
that habitually
result
from these thoughts, from these behaviors.

(24:13):
And instead of being
the emotion,
look at the emotion,
look at the behavior,
look at your day and say,
what
went well? What didn't go well? What could
I have done better? How do I need
to think about this differently? How do I
need to react about this differently?

(24:35):
Where it's not about
what happens to you
and the emotion you feel from it.
You detach. One of the laws of success,
Mark,
is called
spiritual laws of success is called the law
of detachment.
And the Buddhist said, and I'm not Buddhist,
but Buddha was a pretty rad dude.

(24:55):
He said, all suffering
comes from attachment.
And if you noodle on that, it's so
true. What we have to learn so that
one thing in answer to your question is
spend time
every day
in
reflection.
It will make you better. It will help
you uncover your blind spots.
And when you are working on yourself constantly,

(25:19):
you will be better,
Not just for yourself,
but for others
and the organization
and the directive
that you're all working toward.
This has been awesome. If people wanna find
you online, where's the best place or places
to go?
So,
I'm a big Linkediner. I've maxed out in
LinkedIn. I have 30,000 connections because of my

(25:41):
newsletter.
My name is Andrew Koli Kofff as, you
know, k o l I k o f
f.
Connect with me in LinkedIn.
Check out my newsletter.
I have an organization called the secret sauce
society, which is the home for heart centered,
servant hearted leaders.
Or you can I'm a consultant.

(26:02):
I'm sort of, I am a fractional chief
culture officer for companies. I do leadership development.
You can go to kolikoff.com.
I do lots of speaking. I've been a
keynote
all over,
and I get,
and I'll end on this.
Most people, Mark,

(26:22):
write or speak
to inform.
I would say over 95%.
I do not.
I can get information,
and I can get lots of it
on YouTube from many different viewpoints.
I don't I far less focus on giving
information, and I far more focus on using

(26:43):
information
to make people think and make them think
so much that they may even challenge their
own beliefs.
So I invite you to check me out,
reach out to me, say hello if you're
struggling with something.
You know, maybe I can serve you and
help you in some way.
This has been awesome. Thank you again, Andrew.

(27:04):
I appreciate the time. Mark, you're doing so
good
in what you're doing in this world.
Don't stop.
And the questions that you ask are always
so dead on.
Even if you have a bad day, keep
doing what you do. Keep doing what you
do. You're good at it, and the world
needs more people like you in it.
Thank you again. I appreciate it, Andrew.

(27:29):
And scene.
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