In this episode, Mike delves into the transformative power of emotional intelligence and self-mastery, key pillars for living authentically and leading effectively. He shares a coaching session with a new leader struggling to hold her team accountable, revealing how people-pleasing often masks a deeper emotional sensitivity tied to the solar plexus chakra. With his background in corporate leadership and personal development, Mike blends practical advice with mystical frameworks like the chakra system and human design to unpack why we avoid tough conversations. He argues that true mastery—over mind, emotions, and life—requires emotional courage, not just external skills, and challenges listeners to stop being “wagged” by feelings and step into sovereignty.
Key Takeaways
- Self-Mastery is the Foundation of an Inspired Life
- Controlling mind and emotions prevents a compromised, fear-driven life.
- People-Pleasing Reflects Emotional Sensitivity, Not Weakness
- Deep feelers avoid others’ emotions to protect themselves, not to please.
- Emotional Intelligence Fuels Effective Leadership
- Leadership hinges on emotional courage, not just external skills.
- Emotions Are Energy in Motion—And Harmless When Mastered
- Emotions are manageable energy; courage lets you feel without fear.
- The Inner Game Outweighs External Skills
- True growth comes from internal awareness, not just outward tactics.
Notable Quotes
“Self-mastery, it’s about understanding what’s happening in your mind and being able to be the master of your mind instead of mastered by your mind.”
“When you are on the receiving end and being wagged by your mind and emotions, it’s very easy to give up all your personal power, all your personal authority, all your sovereignty over yourself and over life.”
“It has nothing to do with their emotions or their feelings. It has everything to do with you can’t handle feeling their emotions.”
“Emotion stands for energy in motion. And when you don’t, when you are a deep feeler, when you have that empathy center that’s wide open… you’re ultimately gonna say things that allow you to feel what you can handle.”
“A lot of leadership training isn’t just building skills outside. It’s building healthier mindsets. It’s building healthier heartsets. It’s building healthier emotional intelligence.”
Music Credit: "What's Left of Me" by Wes Hoffman & Friends
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Mike Kitko is an executive self-mastery coach, speaker and author. He found external success through powerful titles, incomes, and material possessions. He ultimately fell into depression, toxic abuse of alcohol, and the near collapse of his family before he began a journey of internal happiness and success.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Do you ever wake up feeling like there's something
missing in your life?
Do you ever feel the need toescape your business?
Are you running your life or isyour life running you?
I'm Mike Kitko and I'll helpyou design and create a life so
authentic and aligned with whoyou really are you'll get
excited just to wake up.
I'll help you create realwealth, success and freedom from
the inside out.
(00:23):
Welcome to the Inner WealthPodcast, where we learn and
choose to live inspired each andevery day.
If you guys have listened forany length of time to the Inner
Wealth Podcast any of the 180,whatever 188 episodes now, I
(00:45):
believe If you listen to any ofthem you know that what I focus
on in the world through myteachings and in my mastermind
and in the interwealth communityand in my private coaching and
in my workshops and in mywebinars I've got a new webinar
coming up that I'm going to bedoing some promoting for In all
(01:13):
of these trainings, in all of mywork, I really focus on
self-mastery.
That's really what this is allabout.
Self-mastery.
It's about understanding what'shappening in your mind and
being able to be the master ofyour mind instead of mastered by
your mind.
We call it mindset, but alsobeing the master of your body,
instead of being mastered byyour body, and when you are the
(01:35):
controlling authority of yourmind, and when you are the
controlling authority of yourbody.
When I say body, I'm talkingabout what's happening in your
body, like your emotions, like,like the stress levels, and how
to deal with with the volatilityof of emotion and feeling and
the chemical cocktails that areflying through your body, all of
(01:57):
the adrenaline and cortisol andand just understanding these
things at a deeper level andbeing able to do the master be
the master of your mind and youremotions instead of their slave
.
And if you really look at theworld in general, and most
people in this world are beingmastered by their mind and
(02:20):
emotions, by their mind andemotions.
They they celebrate Fridaysbecause they, they get off work.
They hate Mondays because theythey go to work somewhere that
that they don't love and they'recompromising themselves and
they're sacrificing who they areand they're.
They're doing things that theydon't want to do out of
obligation.
They're saying yes when theywant to say no and say no when
(02:42):
they want to say yes.
They they're they say yes.
Sometimes we're inrelationships that we hate and
we don't love.
And all of this, all of thatmadness that I just mentioned,
is all because someone doesn'tunderstand how to become the
master of their mind and theiremotions of their mind and their
(03:09):
emotions.
And when you are on thereceiving end and being wagged
by your mind and emotions, it'svery easy to give up all your
personal power, all yourpersonal authority, all your
sovereignty over yourself andover life, and start to live a
compromised, watered down,haphazard life that you don't
get excited to wake up to everyday because you're living in a
(03:30):
state of fear and insecurity andinadequacy and insignificance,
and that is not an inspired life.
Now, if you've listened for anyperiod of time, you know that.
You know that that's what Ifocus on is helping people and
helping you, hopefully, masteryour mind and master your body.
But today I'm going to do alittle bit of a trick-a-roo.
(03:50):
I'm going to start down thispath where it's almost like
we're going to go, start to talkabout some things in the
external world and in how weshow up in the world, but then
I'm going to.
But then I'm going to do aquick pivot and I'm going to
show you how what's happening inyour body is actually
(04:12):
responsible for what you thinkmight just be the lack of a
skill?
All right, so I do someleadership training.
I I work with teams of leadersand I help them understand
themselves at a deeper level,get clarity about their mission
and their values and themselvesand what they do, and I help
(04:33):
solidify teams.
And in some of the episodes Isay the only things that I love
to do are and what I do at ahigh level is develop people and
develop teams.
I love developing people and Ilove developing teams, so I'm
(05:01):
blessed that I took my 16, 20that into leadership training
and working with these leadersto help make sure they're
showing up as the most powerfulversion of themselves from a
self-mastery perspective andunderstanding themselves and the
role, where their lane is andhow they can best serve
themselves and the companiesthat they work for.
Now I get to do this on aregular basis and I love it.
(05:25):
And I was sitting with a newlyminted leader yesterday a newly
minted leader and it's a galthat works for a local company
that I work with and when I satdown with her, what we started
talking about is and what Istarted asking and getting
(05:47):
information about is, shestruggles to have a direct
conversation honest, direct,forthright conversation with
some of the people that work forher, and she talks about being
(06:07):
a people pleaser and she talksabout not wanting to hurt
people's feelings and we werehaving a really good discussion.
It was just a really simple,basic, raw, vulnerable
discussion and she was sharingsome of this stuff that this was
the background and this is whatshe knows that she needs to
work through and it was reallyawesome for her to acknowledge
(06:28):
that.
And there's a certain personthat she works with that
struggles on the receivingaccountability side, and the
leader that I'm sitting withknows that in order for her team
to really solidify and gel andperform, that, this one employee
(06:48):
needs to reach the next level,and that is going to come
through accountability andfollow through and owning her
role.
Now it was really awesome tohear her say and I also need to
stop worrying about how toplease this employee and how to
(07:09):
hold her accountable.
Now, when I say not the peopleplease, I'm not suggesting
becoming an asshole.
I am not suggesting becominglike this, intense authoritarian
.
What I'm talking about is justmaking sure they understand that
employees understand that theyare there to perform and if
they're not performing, then wemight need to find somebody who
(07:32):
will perform.
You set expectations and youcan ultimately provide some
coaching into those expectations, but at the same time, if
they're not driven and ifthey're not willing to be
accountable, and if they're notwilling to own their role,
they're probably not going toreach those expectations.
And as soon as you see thatthey don't have that drive and
(07:53):
as soon as you see that theydon't have the raw skills to be
able to achieve the expectations, then you probably have to move
on to somebody who will.
Now, when we were having thisdiscussion, she said I need to
develop the skill of holdingpeople accountable.
And I said you know, I want togive you the basics of being a
(08:18):
people pleaser, because and I'vegot my hand up right now for 40
freaking three years I was theepitome of a people pleasing.
So I've got like the doctorateon people pleasing and I know
all the ins and outs about it.
I know why you do it, I knowwhy you show up in people
pleasing and I want to make surethat we peel back the layers
(08:41):
and I want you to understandwhat people pleasing is all
about.
Because when you understandwhat people-pleasing is all
about.
Then you can walk it back andit's not a skill, it's a
self-mastery tool.
Technique, okay, or lack ofself-mastery, but anyway, the
point being is when you have,let's say, you're a leader in
(09:05):
corporate America or in theworkforce, and you're a leader
and you struggle to speak truthto someone you're sitting across
the table with, let's say, theyare a low performer and you
want to tell them you'reobligated as a leader to
(09:26):
actually share this that they'renot performing with the person
that's sitting across the table,but you struggle to say this
because you don't want to hurttheir feelings and I'm using air
quotes you don't want to hurttheir feelings.
Now, here's what this reallymeans, and I'm going to get
really woo again and get reallymystical.
(09:46):
If you look at the I guessSanskrit, the Hindu, the
Buddhist chakra system, you'llknow that there's seven energy
centers.
There's your root center,there's your sacral center.
There's your solar plexus.
There's your heart.
There's your throat.
There's your root center.
There's your sacral center.
There's your solar plexus,there's your heart, there's your
throat, there's your Ajna,which is your third eye, and
(10:08):
there's the crown.
Now, going up those and going alittle slower, your root is
responsible, your root center,which is like where your
perineum is.
It's right where your legs meet, if you know what I mean when
the inside of your legs.
Your root center is responsiblefor your ability to actually
(10:31):
live on this planet and createthe resources that you need to
survive.
Your root center is really thecenter that's going to help you
feel safe in navigating theearthly plane.
Right up from that is yoursacral center and that's right
below your belly button, andthis is your creativity.
(10:53):
This is where creativity comesfrom and this is where your
energy and where your drive andwhere your, I guess, propulsion
center to move you forwardthrough life.
This is where reproduction isand this is where artistry comes
from.
It's in our ability to create.
It's in that center right belowyour belly button.
(11:15):
It's your center for energy.
Right above that, right below,actually, your rib cage, is your
solar plexus.
Your solar plexus is the seat ofpersonal power.
It's your seat of personalauthority.
It's your emotional seat.
It's where you feel emotions.
It's where you receive and yougive energy, emotional energy,
(11:40):
into the world.
What we're going to touch onyour heart center is your center
for self-worth, for self-love,for feeling like you're worthy,
for feeling like you'redeserving, your center for
giving and receiving love.
Your throat center, whichobviously is at your throat, is
your center for speaking truthinto the world.
(12:02):
It's for recognizing andspeaking your truth.
Your third eye is which isright between your eyes, also
called your Ajna.
It's the center so that you cansee into the future, so that
you can anticipate what thefuture holds, so that you can
cast a vision in the world.
It's a center for knowingthings that otherwise you would
(12:26):
think you shouldn't know.
And your crown is right at thetop of your head and this is
your connection to divinity.
This is where.
This is where you and Godconnect right, the energy of God
.
Now.
So we're going to come back tothe solar plexus.
Solar plexus, that area rightbelow your rib cage, is your
(12:46):
seat of emotions.
Now, if you were living in myworld and what I mean by that is
if you were part of my closecircle or my mastermind, or just
, I guess, in my community or inthe people that I do life with
a lot, you would notice thatalmost everybody in my life
(13:12):
they're deep, deep feelers.
Deep feelers to a point ofsometimes of it being a
detriment.
Now, when you are a deep feelerand you don't know how to
handle the volatility ofemotions and the depth of
(13:32):
emotions that comes with livingas this human being or this
human life, when you struggle tofeel things.
Oftentimes that in itself isgoing to start to determine and
dictate how you actually show upin life, going to start to
determine and dictate how youactually show up in life.
Maybe you'll isolate because itfeels awful out there.
(13:53):
Maybe you'll cut off peoplethat are a little more volatile
because you can't handle theirvolatility.
But it's also your seat forpersonal authority and for your
personal sovereignty and yourpersonal power, and maybe you
turn over your, your power, yourauthority, to other people.
(14:14):
And there's a reason for this.
If you're a deep feeler and youstruggle to feel and you don't
have the emotional intelligenceto feel, then what you're going
to do in relationship with otherpeople is you're going to do
things that to help somebodyfeel the emotions that you can
(14:34):
handle, because their emotionsare easily going to penetrate
your solar plexus.
And that's why you're a deepfeeler, because your solar
plexus, that solar plexus center, that seat of emotion, is more
sensitive than others.
And some people call it beingan empath.
(14:57):
But it's not just being anempath, it's just having an open
solar plexus where energyeasily penetrates your solar
plexus center.
And if you don't know how tofeel and you don't have
emotional intelligence, thenyou're going to avoid saying
things that make them angry orupset or agitated or irritated.
Why?
Because you can't handlefeeling those things.
(15:20):
It has nothing to do with theiremotions or their feelings.
It has everything to do with.
You can't handle feeling theiremotions.
It's not so that you pleasethem.
It's so that you don't have tofeel their disappointment.
It's that you don't have tofeel their embarrassment, you
(15:41):
don't have to feel their anger,you don't have to feel their
frustration, you don't have tofeel their resentment.
And if you're a deep feeler likeme, you know exactly what I'm
saying is, when someone elsegets really happy, you get happy
, and when somebody else getsupset, you can't be happy
because they're upset, becauseyou're feeling what they're
(16:04):
feeling and you don't know howto manage it feeling what
they're feeling and you don'tknow how to manage it.
And if you are a deep feeler,like me and most of the people
in my life, if you are a deepfeeler, if you have, if you show
up in a way or you're designedand you're built and all you
have to do is look at your humandesign and you could ultimately
(16:26):
see in a lot of cases like whenyou have an open emotional
center, when you have an opensolar plexus center, when you
have an open it's also called anempathy center and you're going
to have some volatility,feeling the emotions of other
(16:48):
people, because you're easilypenetrated with whatever they're
feeling.
Whatever they're feeling,you're going to naturally feel.
And if you don't understandthis and you haven't trained
yourself, if you don't have theemotional intelligence to be
able to understand what you'refeeling and how to feel it, and
(17:09):
that emotional wave is constantin life and there's no stability
in your emotional state thatwhen somebody else is riding an
emotional wave, you're going tofeel that emotional wave, and
when you feel that emotionalwave, you're probably going to
lash out at other people becauseyou don't know how to handle
the emotional wave that you'reriding.
And this is all calledemotional intelligence and the
(17:33):
greatest thing we can do if wetruly want to show up authentic,
raw, powerful, sovereign andreally take full control,
authority and sovereignty overour life, the greatest thing we
can do is to develop a superpowerfully healthy relationship
(17:58):
with emotions and becomeemotionally courageous, and what
that means is being willing tofeel any and all emotions that
come along and still be okay,know how to navigate it, not try
to avoid feeling some thingsand prefer feeling others.
You allow yourself to feelwhatever you feel and be okay,
(18:18):
because you recognize thatemotions can't hurt you.
Sometimes they're a littleuncomfortable, but emotions in
general cannot hurt you.
They are just a chemicalcocktail going through your body
.
It's energy.
Emotion stands for energy inmotion, and when you don't, when
you are a deep feeler, when youare, when you have that empathy
(18:39):
center that that's wide open,that there's no door, no window
wanted to shut, like me, whenyou're sitting across the table
from somebody you're ultimatelygoing to if you don't know
otherwise, you're ultimatelygoing to say things that allow
you to feel what you can handleand in this case, typically how
(19:02):
that shows up is you try to helpthem avoid feeling angry, upset
, resentful, frustrated,irritated.
So you quote unquote and I'mair quoting.
So you people, please, and youalways say what they want to
hear and you always do what theywant to do and you always say
(19:23):
yes to whatever they want.
Say yes to whatever they want,because saying no or speaking
your truth or saying somethingthat is out of alignment with
what they want to hear, in thatmoment is likely going to draw
and create some emotion and ifyou don't know how to handle it,
(19:44):
then it's going to make youuncomfortable and that's what
you can't handle.
So when I was sitting down withthis newly minted leader, she
said it's a skill that I need tolearn.
And when I explained all thisto her and I explained and I
(20:06):
also got to dig into herchildhood with her mom and her
dad and understand that wherethe people pleasing came from
and and how, how she gave up herauthority and her autonomy and
authority and her autonomy andher sovereignty and all these
and when I said, when Iexplained what having an open
(20:27):
solar plexus and what having anopen emotional center, when I
explained all these things toher, she went oh my God, like I
didn't.
I never understood this and itraised her level of emotional
intelligence and in that momentshe could understand why, having
that direct, honest, forthrightconversation, raw conversation
(20:51):
with her employee, why it was sodifficult Because ultimately,
the employee didn't want to hearwhat was being said and it was
going to piss her off.
So, instead of making her angry, this newly minted leader just
(21:20):
kept telling her what she wantedto hear and that was getting
her and the team nowhere.
And we call this accountability.
But it's not accountability.
It is on outside of you it isaccountability, but really what
it is is just emotionalpreservation.
You're just trying to make surethat you can feel okay and
function as a human being.
(21:40):
So you withhold your truth, youwithhold your preferences, you
withhold your needs, youwithhold your wants, because
those are ways to help controlthe emotions of other people so
that you can feel okay.
But when we become emotionallyintelligent and when we become
(22:02):
emotionally courageous and whenwe allow ourselves to learn how
to feel any and all emotions andbe okay, then we can speak our
truth and we can show upauthentically and we can just be
ourselves and let everybodysort out their own emotions and
not try to rearrange them forthem own emotions and not try to
(22:26):
rearrange them for them.
This new leader, yes, needs tolevel up in the accountability
game, but ultimatelyself-mastery is what's going to
help her level up, because ifshe's not willing to feel the
anger of other people, if she'snot willing to feel the judgment
of other people, she's going tobe a failed leader pretty.
If she's not willing to feelthe judgment of other people,
she's going to be a failedleader pretty soon because she's
not going to get the tractionthat she needs with her team
(22:50):
Guys, I hope this really reallymakes sense and I told you I was
going to do a little bit of atrick-a-roo.
A lot of leadership training isreally self-awareness training.
A lot of leadership trainingisn't just building skills
outside.
It's building healthiermindsets.
It's building healthier heartsets.
It's building healthieremotional intelligence.
(23:11):
It's building healthier clarityand these are all things that
are inside of you, and the mostpowerful leaders are the most
powerfully self-aware andself-attuned and self-adjusted
and that's all inside.
It's the inner game ofleadership.
(23:31):
I hope this made sense.
I hope this clicked.
I hope this is useful andhelpful for you.
I hope it's valuable, usefuland helpful for you.
I hope it's valuable and Iwould say, if, if this is you,
if you are this deep feeler andyou are feel like you're getting
wagged around by life, I wouldlove to have a conversation with
you in the.
My contact information is inthe show notes on the audio
(23:56):
version of this podcast.
There's a text me now, a littleconnection where you can text
me and it sends a message to myphone.
But my website,interwealthglobalcom there's a
way to get in touch with me.
You can email me at mike atinterwealthglobalcom.
Connect with me.
I would love, love, love theopportunity to have a discussion
(24:18):
and see how we can worktogether to help you become more
emotionally intelligent, moreemotionally courageous and more
personally powerful, so that youstop getting wagged around by
life and you start masteringyour life and your circumstances
.
Guys, thank you for being loyalto the podcast.
I would love it if you like, ifyou love this.
(24:38):
I would love it if you thepodcast run on on ratings and
reviews.
So, if you love this, I wouldlove you to crush some five
stars.
Leave me an awesome review.
If you're on Apple, uh, applepodcast, help me reach more
people so that I could helpraise the global level of
consciousness on the planet, andwe do that by mastering
(25:00):
ourselves.
If you got any value, lean in.
I'd love to support you.
See you next week.
If you enjoyed what you heardand you want to learn more, go
to wwwinnerwealthglobalcom formore tools and resources.
Do you ever wake up feeling like there's something
missing in your life?
Do you ever feel the need toescape your business?
Are you running your life or isyour life running you?
I'm Mike Kitko and I'll helpyou design and create a life so
authentic and aligned with whoyou really are you'll get
excited just to wake up.
I'll help you create realwealth, success and freedom from
the inside out.
(00:23):
Welcome to the Inner WealthPodcast, where we learn and
choose to live inspired each andevery day.
If you guys have listened forany length of time to the Inner
Wealth Podcast any of the 180,whatever 188 episodes now, I
(00:45):
believe If you listen to any ofthem you know that what I focus
on in the world through myteachings and in my mastermind
and in the interwealth communityand in my private coaching and
in my workshops and in mywebinars I've got a new webinar
coming up that I'm going to bedoing some promoting for In all
(01:13):
of these trainings, in all of mywork, I really focus on
self-mastery.
That's really what this is allabout.
Self-mastery.
It's about understanding what'shappening in your mind and
being able to be the master ofyour mind instead of mastered by
your mind.
We call it mindset, but alsobeing the master of your body,
instead of being mastered byyour body, and when you are the
(01:35):
controlling authority of yourmind, and when you are the
controlling authority of yourbody.
When I say body, I'm talkingabout what's happening in your
body, like your emotions, like,like the stress levels, and how
to deal with with the volatilityof of emotion and feeling and
the chemical cocktails that areflying through your body, all of
(01:57):
the adrenaline and cortisol andand just understanding these
things at a deeper level andbeing able to do the master be
the master of your mind and youremotions instead of their slave
.
And if you really look at theworld in general, and most
people in this world are beingmastered by their mind and
(02:20):
emotions, by their mind andemotions.
They they celebrate Fridaysbecause they, they get off work.
They hate Mondays because theythey go to work somewhere that
that they don't love and they'recompromising themselves and
they're sacrificing who they areand they're.
They're doing things that theydon't want to do out of
obligation.
They're saying yes when theywant to say no and say no when
(02:42):
they want to say yes.
They they're they say yes.
Sometimes we're inrelationships that we hate and
we don't love.
And all of this, all of thatmadness that I just mentioned,
is all because someone doesn'tunderstand how to become the
master of their mind and theiremotions of their mind and their
(03:09):
emotions.
And when you are on thereceiving end and being wagged
by your mind and emotions, it'svery easy to give up all your
personal power, all yourpersonal authority, all your
sovereignty over yourself andover life, and start to live a
compromised, watered down,haphazard life that you don't
get excited to wake up to everyday because you're living in a
(03:30):
state of fear and insecurity andinadequacy and insignificance,
and that is not an inspired life.
Now, if you've listened for anyperiod of time, you know that.
You know that that's what Ifocus on is helping people and
helping you, hopefully, masteryour mind and master your body.
But today I'm going to do alittle bit of a trick-a-roo.
(03:50):
I'm going to start down thispath where it's almost like
we're going to go, start to talkabout some things in the
external world and in how weshow up in the world, but then
I'm going to.
But then I'm going to do aquick pivot and I'm going to
show you how what's happening inyour body is actually
(04:12):
responsible for what you thinkmight just be the lack of a
skill?
All right, so I do someleadership training.
I I work with teams of leadersand I help them understand
themselves at a deeper level,get clarity about their mission
and their values and themselvesand what they do, and I help
(04:33):
solidify teams.
And in some of the episodes Isay the only things that I love
to do are and what I do at ahigh level is develop people and
develop teams.
I love developing people and Ilove developing teams, so I'm
(05:01):
blessed that I took my 16, 20that into leadership training
and working with these leadersto help make sure they're
showing up as the most powerfulversion of themselves from a
self-mastery perspective andunderstanding themselves and the
role, where their lane is andhow they can best serve
themselves and the companiesthat they work for.
Now I get to do this on aregular basis and I love it.
(05:25):
And I was sitting with a newlyminted leader yesterday a newly
minted leader and it's a galthat works for a local company
that I work with and when I satdown with her, what we started
talking about is and what Istarted asking and getting
(05:47):
information about is, shestruggles to have a direct
conversation honest, direct,forthright conversation with
some of the people that work forher, and she talks about being
(06:07):
a people pleaser and she talksabout not wanting to hurt
people's feelings and we werehaving a really good discussion.
It was just a really simple,basic, raw, vulnerable
discussion and she was sharingsome of this stuff that this was
the background and this is whatshe knows that she needs to
work through and it was reallyawesome for her to acknowledge
(06:28):
that.
And there's a certain personthat she works with that
struggles on the receivingaccountability side, and the
leader that I'm sitting withknows that in order for her team
to really solidify and gel andperform, that, this one employee
(06:48):
needs to reach the next level,and that is going to come
through accountability andfollow through and owning her
role.
Now it was really awesome tohear her say and I also need to
stop worrying about how toplease this employee and how to
(07:09):
hold her accountable.
Now, when I say not the peopleplease, I'm not suggesting
becoming an asshole.
I am not suggesting becominglike this, intense authoritarian
.
What I'm talking about is justmaking sure they understand that
employees understand that theyare there to perform and if
they're not performing, then wemight need to find somebody who
(07:32):
will perform.
You set expectations and youcan ultimately provide some
coaching into those expectations, but at the same time, if
they're not driven and ifthey're not willing to be
accountable, and if they're notwilling to own their role,
they're probably not going toreach those expectations.
And as soon as you see thatthey don't have that drive and
(07:53):
as soon as you see that theydon't have the raw skills to be
able to achieve the expectations, then you probably have to move
on to somebody who will.
Now, when we were having thisdiscussion, she said I need to
develop the skill of holdingpeople accountable.
And I said you know, I want togive you the basics of being a
(08:18):
people pleaser, because and I'vegot my hand up right now for 40
freaking three years I was theepitome of a people pleasing.
So I've got like the doctorateon people pleasing and I know
all the ins and outs about it.
I know why you do it, I knowwhy you show up in people
pleasing and I want to make surethat we peel back the layers
(08:41):
and I want you to understandwhat people pleasing is all
about.
Because when you understandwhat people-pleasing is all
about.
Then you can walk it back andit's not a skill, it's a
self-mastery tool.
Technique, okay, or lack ofself-mastery, but anyway, the
point being is when you have,let's say, you're a leader in
(09:05):
corporate America or in theworkforce, and you're a leader
and you struggle to speak truthto someone you're sitting across
the table with, let's say, theyare a low performer and you
want to tell them you'reobligated as a leader to
(09:26):
actually share this that they'renot performing with the person
that's sitting across the table,but you struggle to say this
because you don't want to hurttheir feelings and I'm using air
quotes you don't want to hurttheir feelings.
Now, here's what this reallymeans, and I'm going to get
really woo again and get reallymystical.
(09:46):
If you look at the I guessSanskrit, the Hindu, the
Buddhist chakra system, you'llknow that there's seven energy
centers.
There's your root center,there's your sacral center.
There's your solar plexus.
There's your heart.
There's your throat.
There's your root center.
There's your sacral center.
There's your solar plexus,there's your heart, there's your
throat, there's your Ajna,which is your third eye, and
(10:08):
there's the crown.
Now, going up those and going alittle slower, your root is
responsible, your root center,which is like where your
perineum is.
It's right where your legs meet, if you know what I mean when
the inside of your legs.
Your root center is responsiblefor your ability to actually
(10:31):
live on this planet and createthe resources that you need to
survive.
Your root center is really thecenter that's going to help you
feel safe in navigating theearthly plane.
Right up from that is yoursacral center and that's right
below your belly button, andthis is your creativity.
(10:53):
This is where creativity comesfrom and this is where your
energy and where your drive andwhere your, I guess, propulsion
center to move you forwardthrough life.
This is where reproduction isand this is where artistry comes
from.
It's in our ability to create.
It's in that center right belowyour belly button.
(11:15):
It's your center for energy.
Right above that, right below,actually, your rib cage, is your
solar plexus.
Your solar plexus is the seat ofpersonal power.
It's your seat of personalauthority.
It's your emotional seat.
It's where you feel emotions.
It's where you receive and yougive energy, emotional energy,
(11:40):
into the world.
What we're going to touch onyour heart center is your center
for self-worth, for self-love,for feeling like you're worthy,
for feeling like you'redeserving, your center for
giving and receiving love.
Your throat center, whichobviously is at your throat, is
your center for speaking truthinto the world.
(12:02):
It's for recognizing andspeaking your truth.
Your third eye is which isright between your eyes, also
called your Ajna.
It's the center so that you cansee into the future, so that
you can anticipate what thefuture holds, so that you can
cast a vision in the world.
It's a center for knowingthings that otherwise you would
(12:26):
think you shouldn't know.
And your crown is right at thetop of your head and this is
your connection to divinity.
This is where.
This is where you and Godconnect right, the energy of God
.
Now.
So we're going to come back tothe solar plexus.
Solar plexus, that area rightbelow your rib cage, is your
(12:46):
seat of emotions.
Now, if you were living in myworld and what I mean by that is
if you were part of my closecircle or my mastermind, or just
, I guess, in my community or inthe people that I do life with
a lot, you would notice thatalmost everybody in my life
(13:12):
they're deep, deep feelers.
Deep feelers to a point ofsometimes of it being a
detriment.
Now, when you are a deep feelerand you don't know how to
handle the volatility ofemotions and the depth of
(13:32):
emotions that comes with livingas this human being or this
human life, when you struggle tofeel things.
Oftentimes that in itself isgoing to start to determine and
dictate how you actually show upin life, going to start to
determine and dictate how youactually show up in life.
Maybe you'll isolate because itfeels awful out there.
(13:53):
Maybe you'll cut off peoplethat are a little more volatile
because you can't handle theirvolatility.
But it's also your seat forpersonal authority and for your
personal sovereignty and yourpersonal power, and maybe you
turn over your, your power, yourauthority, to other people.
(14:14):
And there's a reason for this.
If you're a deep feeler and youstruggle to feel and you don't
have the emotional intelligenceto feel, then what you're going
to do in relationship with otherpeople is you're going to do
things that to help somebodyfeel the emotions that you can
(14:34):
handle, because their emotionsare easily going to penetrate
your solar plexus.
And that's why you're a deepfeeler, because your solar
plexus, that solar plexus center, that seat of emotion, is more
sensitive than others.
And some people call it beingan empath.
(14:57):
But it's not just being anempath, it's just having an open
solar plexus where energyeasily penetrates your solar
plexus center.
And if you don't know how tofeel and you don't have
emotional intelligence, thenyou're going to avoid saying
things that make them angry orupset or agitated or irritated.
Why?
Because you can't handlefeeling those things.
(15:20):
It has nothing to do with theiremotions or their feelings.
It has everything to do with.
You can't handle feeling theiremotions.
It's not so that you pleasethem.
It's so that you don't have tofeel their disappointment.
It's that you don't have tofeel their embarrassment, you
(15:41):
don't have to feel their anger,you don't have to feel their
frustration, you don't have tofeel their resentment.
And if you're a deep feeler likeme, you know exactly what I'm
saying is, when someone elsegets really happy, you get happy
, and when somebody else getsupset, you can't be happy
because they're upset, becauseyou're feeling what they're
(16:04):
feeling and you don't know howto manage it feeling what
they're feeling and you don'tknow how to manage it.
And if you are a deep feeler,like me and most of the people
in my life, if you are a deepfeeler, if you have, if you show
up in a way or you're designedand you're built and all you
have to do is look at your humandesign and you could ultimately
(16:26):
see in a lot of cases like whenyou have an open emotional
center, when you have an opensolar plexus center, when you
have an open it's also called anempathy center and you're going
to have some volatility,feeling the emotions of other
(16:48):
people, because you're easilypenetrated with whatever they're
feeling.
Whatever they're feeling,you're going to naturally feel.
And if you don't understandthis and you haven't trained
yourself, if you don't have theemotional intelligence to be
able to understand what you'refeeling and how to feel it, and
(17:09):
that emotional wave is constantin life and there's no stability
in your emotional state thatwhen somebody else is riding an
emotional wave, you're going tofeel that emotional wave, and
when you feel that emotionalwave, you're probably going to
lash out at other people becauseyou don't know how to handle
the emotional wave that you'reriding.
And this is all calledemotional intelligence and the
(17:33):
greatest thing we can do if wetruly want to show up authentic,
raw, powerful, sovereign andreally take full control,
authority and sovereignty overour life, the greatest thing we
can do is to develop a superpowerfully healthy relationship
(17:58):
with emotions and becomeemotionally courageous, and what
that means is being willing tofeel any and all emotions that
come along and still be okay,know how to navigate it, not try
to avoid feeling some thingsand prefer feeling others.
You allow yourself to feelwhatever you feel and be okay,
(18:18):
because you recognize thatemotions can't hurt you.
Sometimes they're a littleuncomfortable, but emotions in
general cannot hurt you.
They are just a chemicalcocktail going through your body
.
It's energy.
Emotion stands for energy inmotion, and when you don't, when
you are a deep feeler, when youare, when you have that empathy
(18:39):
center that that's wide open,that there's no door, no window
wanted to shut, like me, whenyou're sitting across the table
from somebody you're ultimatelygoing to if you don't know
otherwise, you're ultimatelygoing to say things that allow
you to feel what you can handleand in this case, typically how
(19:02):
that shows up is you try to helpthem avoid feeling angry, upset
, resentful, frustrated,irritated.
So you quote unquote and I'mair quoting.
So you people, please, and youalways say what they want to
hear and you always do what theywant to do and you always say
(19:23):
yes to whatever they want.
Say yes to whatever they want,because saying no or speaking
your truth or saying somethingthat is out of alignment with
what they want to hear, in thatmoment is likely going to draw
and create some emotion and ifyou don't know how to handle it,
(19:44):
then it's going to make youuncomfortable and that's what
you can't handle.
So when I was sitting down withthis newly minted leader, she
said it's a skill that I need tolearn.
And when I explained all thisto her and I explained and I
(20:06):
also got to dig into herchildhood with her mom and her
dad and understand that wherethe people pleasing came from
and and how, how she gave up herauthority and her autonomy and
authority and her autonomy andher sovereignty and all these
and when I said, when Iexplained what having an open
(20:27):
solar plexus and what having anopen emotional center, when I
explained all these things toher, she went oh my God, like I
didn't.
I never understood this and itraised her level of emotional
intelligence and in that momentshe could understand why, having
that direct, honest, forthrightconversation, raw conversation
(20:51):
with her employee, why it was sodifficult Because ultimately,
the employee didn't want to hearwhat was being said and it was
going to piss her off.
So, instead of making her angry, this newly minted leader just
(21:20):
kept telling her what she wantedto hear and that was getting
her and the team nowhere.
And we call this accountability.
But it's not accountability.
It is on outside of you it isaccountability, but really what
it is is just emotionalpreservation.
You're just trying to make surethat you can feel okay and
function as a human being.
(21:40):
So you withhold your truth, youwithhold your preferences, you
withhold your needs, youwithhold your wants, because
those are ways to help controlthe emotions of other people so
that you can feel okay.
But when we become emotionallyintelligent and when we become
(22:02):
emotionally courageous and whenwe allow ourselves to learn how
to feel any and all emotions andbe okay, then we can speak our
truth and we can show upauthentically and we can just be
ourselves and let everybodysort out their own emotions and
not try to rearrange them forthem own emotions and not try to
(22:26):
rearrange them for them.
This new leader, yes, needs tolevel up in the accountability
game, but ultimatelyself-mastery is what's going to
help her level up, because ifshe's not willing to feel the
anger of other people, if she'snot willing to feel the judgment
of other people, she's going tobe a failed leader pretty.
If she's not willing to feelthe judgment of other people,
she's going to be a failedleader pretty soon because she's
not going to get the tractionthat she needs with her team
(22:50):
Guys, I hope this really reallymakes sense and I told you I was
going to do a little bit of atrick-a-roo.
A lot of leadership training isreally self-awareness training.
A lot of leadership trainingisn't just building skills
outside.
It's building healthiermindsets.
It's building healthier heartsets.
It's building healthieremotional intelligence.
(23:11):
It's building healthier clarityand these are all things that
are inside of you, and the mostpowerful leaders are the most
powerfully self-aware andself-attuned and self-adjusted
and that's all inside.
It's the inner game ofleadership.
(23:31):
I hope this made sense.
I hope this clicked.
I hope this is useful andhelpful for you.
I hope it's valuable, usefuland helpful for you.
I hope it's valuable and Iwould say, if, if this is you,
if you are this deep feeler andyou are feel like you're getting
wagged around by life, I wouldlove to have a conversation with
you in the.
My contact information is inthe show notes on the audio
(23:56):
version of this podcast.
There's a text me now, a littleconnection where you can text
me and it sends a message to myphone.
But my website,interwealthglobalcom there's a
way to get in touch with me.
You can email me at mike atinterwealthglobalcom.
Connect with me.
I would love, love, love theopportunity to have a discussion
(24:18):
and see how we can worktogether to help you become more
emotionally intelligent, moreemotionally courageous and more
personally powerful, so that youstop getting wagged around by
life and you start masteringyour life and your circumstances
.
Guys, thank you for being loyalto the podcast.
I would love it if you like, ifyou love this.
(24:38):
I would love it if you thepodcast run on on ratings and
reviews.
So, if you love this, I wouldlove you to crush some five
stars.
Leave me an awesome review.
If you're on Apple, uh, applepodcast, help me reach more
people so that I could helpraise the global level of
consciousness on the planet, andwe do that by mastering
(25:00):
ourselves.
If you got any value, lean in.
I'd love to support you.
See you next week.
If you enjoyed what you heardand you want to learn more, go
to wwwinnerwealthglobalcom formore tools and resources.
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