April 24, 2025 • 25 mins
In this episode, Mike shares a raw and personal reflection on how the belief that we have to earn or deserve love, success, and connection can quietly sabotage what we want most. When business slowed down and pressure mounted, Mike found himself pulling away — not just from his mission, but from the woman who’s stood by him the entire time.
Through the lens of a powerful conversation with his wife, he unpacks the shame, the old conditioning, and the realization that he was withholding affection and intimacy because deep down, he didn’t feel worthy.
This episode invites you to look at where you’re still proving, performing, or waiting to feel “enough” — and offers a path back to wholeness, power, and presence.
If you’ve ever questioned whether you’re worthy of the life you want… listen in.
Key Takeaways
- You Already Deserve What You’re Waiting For
Love and abundance aren’t earned — they’re received when we decide we’re ready. - Vulnerability Builds Trust and Resonance
Your people don’t want your polish. They want your presence. - Comparison Creates Illusions
You’re not behind. You’re just comparing your back office to someone else’s front stage. - We Teach What We Need to Heal
Even teachers carry blind spots. That’s why we all need mirrors. - Letting Go Creates New Power
The minute you stop needing to prove yourself, you unlock a new level of freedom and connection.
Notable Quotes
- “I started making a living by telling the truth about my pain.”
- “I was coaching people not to earn their worth… while secretly still believing I had to.”
- “She didn’t want me to change. She just wanted to feel me again.”
- “Coaching is just reading the instructions written outside the box.”
- “When you believe you have to earn love… you forget it’s been yours the whole time.”
Music Credit: "What's Left of Me" by Wes Hoffman & Friends
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Subscribe to my YouTube: / @mikekitko
Mike Kitko is an executive self-mastery coach, speaker and author. He found external success through powerful titles, incomes, and material possessions. He ultimately fell into depression, toxic abuse of alcohol, and the near collapse of his family before he began a journey of internal happiness and success.
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Do you ever wake up feeling like there's something
missing in your life?
Do you ever feel the need toescape your business?
Are you running your life or isyour life running you?
I'm Mike Kitko and I'll helpyou design and create a life so
authentic and aligned with whoyou really are you'll get
excited just to wake up.
I'll help you create realwealth, success and freedom from
(00:22):
the inside out.
Welcome to the Inner WealthPodcast, where we learn and
choose to live inspired each andevery day.
I've made a living on beingvulnerable, all right.
So over the last since 2016,when I hit the reset, I started
(00:45):
all over and put my body backtogether, put my marriage back
together, put this businesstogether.
Later I started this podcastand became a published author.
When I hit that reset, Istarted making a living on being
vulnerable and being raw.
That reset, I started making aliving on being vulnerable and
(01:09):
being raw.
The very first chapter in myfirst book, the Imposter in
Charge.
It talks about kind of thedarkness that I had been hiding
from family and from friends andfrom people that I worked with.
I was kind of playing pretendin life.
I was kind of being twodifferent people At work.
I would say I had it allfigured out at home, and home
(01:30):
life was great and we wereawesome.
And meanwhile there's timeswhere I struggled at work and
then I would go home and homewas an absolute train wreck and
I would pretend like I had itall together at work.
And I lived these two lives.
And the first chapter in theImpostor in Charge I talk about
(01:55):
how abusive I was to my wife andmy kids and how neglectful I
was of myself and how I feltlike I was an imposter at work,
and that's why it's called theImpostor in Charge.
I felt like a fraudful I was ofmyself and how I felt like I
was an imposter at work, andthat's why it's called the
imposter in charge.
I felt like a fraud.
I was keeping secrets.
I just didn't want anybody tofigure out that I didn't.
I wasn't, I didn't think I wasthat good.
It was just so much.
You know, I had so many maskson and I was keeping so many
(02:19):
secrets.
And in when I started thisbusiness, the first thing I did
and well, when I started this, Iguess I don't know teaching,
coaching, influencing space whenI, when I did, one of the first
things I did is.
I made a video that a liveFacebook live, and I started
(02:40):
telling the story of all thedarkness that had settled into
my life and what I was doing toovercome it and how who I was
becoming through releasing andfrom transmuting this pain into
the light, from pain intopurpose.
And that video was probably thefirst time that I really shared
(03:02):
with anyone the struggles thatI was going through and it was
cathartic.
In a way it was a relief.
There was some catharsis andfrom there there wasn't many
people that watched that video.
I didn't have a following.
There was probably like fivepeople that watched it.
The following videos, thesubsequent videos as I kept
(03:22):
doing more lives, as I keptsharing on Facebook.
I kept sharing my struggles andI kept sharing what I was doing
to overcome those struggles.
And I talked about the stepsthat I took the meditation, the
workout, the journaling, thehiring a mentor, these things.
I would share these with myFacebook community.
(03:43):
And the community started togrow and it continued to grow.
And then I was coaching peopleand then I was being invited to,
you know, on stages, allbecause I started sharing the
reality of what was happening inmy life and I started getting
real raw, honest and transparentwith people, and you know what?
There's a lot of people in theworld who only show you the good
(04:08):
that's happening in their lifeand it's easy to fall into the
comparison trap.
When you're going throughstruggles and challenges, it's
really easy to go through thecomparison trap where you're
looking at someone's frontoffice and you're comparing it
to your back office.
And that's what happens whensomebody shares.
Only their light is they'reshowing you their front office,
(04:32):
you're comparing it to your backoffice and you feel like
there's something wrong with you, even though that person
probably since they're scared toshare who they really are they
probably have a more clutteredand a dirtier back office than
you do.
(04:53):
So I started making a living onsharing the reality of what I
was going through and thedarkness that I was transcending
on a daily basis when I teach,and recently I've been talking a
lot about you don't need toearn and you don't need to
deserve that you.
Maybe you take a little actionin the world to unlock what you
(05:16):
want, but to me, the worddeserve and the word earn means
that there's almost like aself-worth gap, there's a
self-esteem gap, there's asacrifice gap that you haven't
that you haven't closed thosegaps, that gap you haven't
closed it and by, by strugglingenough, by suffering enough, by
(05:37):
toiling enough, by, by stressingenough, you'll, you'll close
that gap and then you can say,okay, I've earned it, now I
deserve it.
But until you feel like you'veearned it, it's hard to really
step into it, because if youfeel like you need to earn and
(05:59):
deserve, it's like your heartisn't open to receiving yet.
It's like your heart isn't opento receiving yet.
You keep your heart closed andyou don't let the goodness in
because you still have somesuffering to do, you still have
some punishment to give yourself.
And recently, in workshops andin my mastermind and in the
(06:36):
four-week virtual container thatI'm running the program I'm
running right now, winning theInner Game of Wealth I've been
talking a lot about not needingto earn or deserve, and I could
say that most people would callme a hypocrite at this point and
I'm going to share why Allcoaching is.
When you boil coaching down toits primary elements, it's the
rudiment of what coaching is andwhat training and teaching is.
What having a, what a mentordoes, is.
Everybody puts themselves inboxes and likely seals up the
(07:00):
box.
We create our own prison, thebox.
We create our own prison.
And when we have the rightallies in our life, the
directions of how to get out ofthat box are written on the
outside of the box and that allyjust reads those instructions
to us and from reading thoseinstructions inside the box we
can take the appropriate action,generate the appropriate
(07:21):
responses and get out of the box.
But we put ourselves in thatbox and it's up to us to get out
of the box.
The guide, the mentor, theteacher, the coach can only read
the instructions.
That's it.
The guide, the mentor, thecoach, your influencer, the
person that's helping you.
(07:43):
They can only read theinstructions.
They can't actually do the workfor you.
And we all need these folks inour life or we'll stay smaller
than we need to be.
Here's the hypocritical part,which I'm going to tell you why
it's really not hypocritical,but why I'm sharing this with
(08:05):
you, because I want to share theshit as well as share the
goodness.
My wife carries a lot ofresponsibility and a lot of
burden in this family and shemakes sure.
You know, our older daughter isgraduating from college this
year and she's organizing, youknow, parties and graduation and
(08:29):
cap and gown and, you know,getting the right people to go
and celebrate with us.
She's making those plans.
She's running a real estateinvestment business.
She's walking properties everyweek.
Her and her business partnerare making offers.
They're doing a lot in theirreal estate investing business.
(08:50):
She also collaborates inside ofthe Interwealthalth Mastermind.
She shows up on Inner Wealthcommunity calls.
She plans all of our retreatsand intensives to make sure that
we have great spaces and thatthey're set up properly and that
we have a great physicalcontainer for coaching and for
(09:11):
sharing and for release.
She does all these things.
She makes sure that our cars'oils change.
She makes sure that we havehealth insurance.
She does so.
So so many things for thisfamily and I don't have a whole
lot of responsibility except tobuild and grow this business and
(09:35):
serve powerfully and make surethat I'm making a proper impact
in the world with my gifts andmy talents, and I'm very, very
blessed that my wife sees mytalents and sees my gifts in the
world that I possess andinfluences me, inspires me,
(09:55):
encourages me to share thesethings with the world.
Interwealth Global has a missionof raising the level of global
consciousness and we do that bygetting one person at a time to
let go of some limitation.
And every time anyone any oneof us lets go of a little bit of
(10:18):
limitation, the level of globalconsciousness increases, and
I'm not over-exaggerating this.
Whenever somebody'sconsciousness increases, the
level of global consciousnessincreases.
So every time I invite someoneto let go of a little bit of a
limitation, a belief, aperspective, a false thought, a
(10:41):
disempowered mindset, adisempowered heart set, every
time I help someone, I challengesomeone, I invite someone to
fall a little deeper in lovewith themselves, it literally is
having a global impact andwe're raising the level of
global consciousness and if weall continue to do this, this
will be a different world in afew years.
(11:01):
My wife understands my missionin the world and the impact I
make and she creates space andcreates a container.
That sometimes makes me.
It makes me feel a littlefreaking, shameful and guilty
that she carries all this burdenand load and I don't have as
(11:23):
much burden and load in my lifeI've got.
My primary responsibility is tomake sure that we're growing the
business, that we're growingour mission, that we're growing
our impact in the world and weare having a massive impact, but
we're also running a business.
Interwealth Global is abusiness.
(11:46):
See, I don't have a job.
This is my job.
I don't have various streams ofrevenue.
Interwealth Global is ourprimary stream of revenue and I
am responsible in my family tomake sure that I am generating
(12:11):
business growth and that I amgenerating growth in our
mastermind, in our community, inour workshops, in our coaching
programs, in our containers, sothat not only are we growing the
impact, but that our family hasthe quality of life that we
desire and that we have createda vision for.
(12:34):
And that's kind of my singularfocus Now.
I do some laundry and I go tothe grocery store and I pay some
bills, and my wife also payssome bills, but I do some
cooking and I do some of thesethings, but my primary
responsibility is to make surethe family has the financial
(12:57):
wherewithal that we need tocarry out our vision, to live
our vision.
Now, recently my wife came up tome and I'm a very, very
affectionate guy.
I love being touched, I lovehugging I at our mastermind,
when we go on retreats andintensives, we hug in and out.
(13:20):
I love, I've always loved,being touched.
You know I'm not talking aboutsexually, I'm just talking about
, you know, physically, embracesand and just making sure that
you know that my primary lovelanguage is touch, sure that you
know that my primary lovelanguage is touch.
And I remember in first graderunning into my first grade
teacher's desk, grabbing her andhugging her so tight it's like
(13:42):
after a while she had to, like,fight the breakout because I
love, I love physical contactand I also have a healthy sexual
relationship with my wife andI'm a very sexually driven man
and sometimes it's hard for her,for her to keep up and
sometimes, sometimes you know, Icould be a little overwhelming,
(14:05):
let's just say that.
And recently she's come up to meand she said Mike, listen, I've
got a lot on my plate and I'vegot a lot going on and I
initiate, like all the adminthings that we have going on in
(14:26):
our life, that we need to keepthings moving forward in the
material world.
And I got my business and shestarted sharing all these things
.
She said you've backed offphysically and both with
non-sexual contact and sexualcontact.
(14:47):
And you know I can't initiateeverything and I can see some
tears in her eyes, everythingand I can see some tears in her
eyes.
I can't initiate everything allthe time and in that moment I
think she thought I was going todefend and I said you know what
You're right?
(15:12):
You're right.
I have been absolutely 100%focused on this business because
we are down tremendously yearover year.
We are, the impact that we'remaking is still strong but the
number of people that we'reteaching within our containers,
although still at a nice level,they've decreased dramatically
and that has had an impact onour income and our wealth
(15:35):
building mechanisms and we relyon the income and wealth
building mechanisms so we canlive the quality of life that we
want.
And I have been laser freaking,focused in, in some cases
ignoring my wife from anaffection standpoint she's not
as affectionate as I am and atmy expense.
(15:56):
The sexual contact and I had toadmit, you're right, the last
few weeks and we're talkingabout the few weeks the last few
weeks I have been completelydisconnected from you, not
emotionally, but that level ofphysical connection that's
(16:16):
healthy for a marriage, for arelationship.
And when I told her she wasright, we had a really, really
nice embrace and I got up fromthat and I was already in my
running clothes, I was gettingready to go for a five miler and
I asked for forgiveness andtold her I love her and that I
(16:37):
still cherish her beyondanything and I love her and
we're deeply connected and we'redeeply bonded.
I asked for forgiveness and shesaid there's nothing to forgive
.
We're still in lockstep.
I went for my run and while Iwas on my run, I pondered what
had just transpired and whatI'll share, what I can share.
(17:01):
That sounds hypocritical, butI'm going to unpack this.
What sounds hypocritical isthat since the business is down
and since the income is down andsince the wealth generation,
the mechanism to generate wealth, is down, I haven't felt like
I've earned or deserved her love.
(17:23):
I haven't felt like I earned ordeserved being touched.
I haven't felt like I earned ordeserved having a healthy
sexual relationship with my wife.
And when I landed on this, itwas kind of like and I'm doing
the mind blown thing it was likemind blowing that this was so
(17:50):
easy, is so easy to see in otherpeople, it is so easy to see in
my choose your destiny, liveintensive.
When I was working directlywith someone in the audience or
in the group, I was workingdirectly with them and it was so
obvious that they heldthemselves to a standard.
(18:11):
They needed to do so much todeserve, to be okay and they
needed to earn and that earningcould only come through stress
and struggle.
It's so easy to see that inother people.
It was a struggle to see itwithin me, and all coaching is
(18:33):
is we put ourselves in a box andthe directions are written
outside the box and the personoutside the box reads them to us
and we get to let ourselves outof the box.
And in that moment, when mywife held up that mirror, she
was basically reading theinstructions of how to get out
of the box and all I had to dowas take the action, put the
(18:53):
pieces together, just did somequick thought and connection and
understanding the puts andtakes of what had transpired and
why, if I'm such anaffectionate, affectionately
driven guy and a sexually drivenguy, why, you know why I have
disconnected and it was prettyeasy for me in that moment to
back into wow, I still feel likeI need to earn it, deserve it.
(19:16):
And as soon as I get thebusiness at a place where, where
we can, we can have thatquality of life that we want,
then I'll have earned anddeserve her life or her love.
And I came home and I gave heran embrace and I told her what I
had learned.
And there's a new level ofpower, a new level of insight
(19:38):
inside the Kitco home.
There's a new level of power,there's a new level of insight
inside of me.
Now, why is this nothypocritical?
I served five years in theUnited States Marine Corps and
although none of that was incombat, everyone goes through
combat training and one of thekey elements of combat training
(20:02):
is they say listen, we're goingto put together an awesome plan,
battle plan, before we stepfoot onto the battlefield.
But understand that it's notuncommon that when the first
shots are fired, the plan goesto shit and that's because of
the fog of war.
All battle plans become lessclear and less understood as
(20:31):
soon as the shots start beingfired.
As soon as there's a little bitof smoke on the battlefield,
everything becomes moreconfusing.
As stress goes up, as anxietygoes up, then the clarity and
the understanding of the battleplan starts to become shaky.
(20:55):
And this is why militarydiscipline is so important and
this is why in the Marine Corpsthey stress you out so much is
so that they create conditionswhere you're under stress and
you're under duress but youstill have to maintain some
military bearing, because therewill be stress in our minds.
(21:16):
Mike Tyson said it Everybodyhas a great plan until they get
(21:37):
hit in the face, right, untilthey get punched in the face.
Although this could soundhypocritical, and in some sense
it is, what really happened iswhen I got caught in the
confusion and the fog of life,the fog of the stress of and the
discomfort of the business andbeing able to making sure that
(22:02):
the one major responsibility Ihave in this family, that I'm
actually productive in that oneresponsibility.
Then the story started flyingin my mind and body about the
fact that I needed to earn anddeserve the love that I wanted
for my wife and although it felttrue internally, it's not a
(22:34):
true statement.
I never needed to earn ordeserve the love of my wife.
If you need to earn or deservethe love of your wife or your
spouse, then you might want toreconsider who you're married to
, because the love of my spouseisn't conditional.
It's not conditional upon moneyor business or how I show up or
(22:55):
how much impact I'm making myspouse, my bride.
She loves me, not the output ofmy work or the input of my work
, although all of that's niceand the business and money and
the success.
(23:15):
Although all of these are nice,they are not mechanisms that
determine if I've earned ordeserve anything.
It's easy for me to teach otherpeople that they don't need to
earn and deserve, but sometimeswe get trapped in our own
stories and we don't even seethat we're living in them.
(23:35):
We're living in, through them,and this is why the Buddhists
say if we all sat around acampfire all 8 billion of us and
told our deepest, darkeststories, we'd all laugh at each
other out of lack of originality.
Because just because I canteach it doesn't mean that I'm
absolved of it and free of it,and this is why we all need
allies in this world.
(23:56):
Guys, I hope this is makingsense.
I hope this has been helpfulfor you.
I hope you're starting to see,not just in the stories I'm
telling about my life, but maybehow it's true for you.
Where are you acting?
To try to feel like you earned,that you have earned or deserve
something, whether it be in yourrelationships, whether it be in
(24:16):
your business, whether it be inyour wealth, whether it be in
the love of your children.
You buy gifts for your kids sothat you can feel like you
deserve their love.
Look at where these things areshowing up for you and when you
see them, allow them, embracethem and let that shit go,
(24:42):
because it's not serving you.
And then the next time the samething happens, allow it,
embrace it and let that shit go,but I guarantee you that next
time it's going to be a lot lessthan the first time.
And then the next time ithappens, allow it, embrace it
(25:03):
and let that shit go, but I betyou the third time there's going
to be a whole lot less of itthan the second time.
And lather, rinse, repeat forthe rest of your life.
But every time you see it,every time you experience it, it
all comes back to let that shitgo.
Grow in your power and show upas the more powerful, impactful,
(25:29):
loving and worthy and deservinghuman being that you really are
at your core.
If you enjoyed what you heardand you want to learn more, go
to wwwinnerwealthglobalcom formore tools and resources.
Do you ever wake up feeling like there's something
missing in your life?
Do you ever feel the need toescape your business?
Are you running your life or isyour life running you?
I'm Mike Kitko and I'll helpyou design and create a life so
authentic and aligned with whoyou really are you'll get
excited just to wake up.
I'll help you create realwealth, success and freedom from
(00:22):
the inside out.
Welcome to the Inner WealthPodcast, where we learn and
choose to live inspired each andevery day.
I've made a living on beingvulnerable, all right.
So over the last since 2016,when I hit the reset, I started
(00:45):
all over and put my body backtogether, put my marriage back
together, put this businesstogether.
Later I started this podcastand became a published author.
When I hit that reset, Istarted making a living on being
vulnerable and being raw.
That reset, I started making aliving on being vulnerable and
(01:09):
being raw.
The very first chapter in myfirst book, the Imposter in
Charge.
It talks about kind of thedarkness that I had been hiding
from family and from friends andfrom people that I worked with.
I was kind of playing pretendin life.
I was kind of being twodifferent people At work.
I would say I had it allfigured out at home, and home
(01:30):
life was great and we wereawesome.
And meanwhile there's timeswhere I struggled at work and
then I would go home and homewas an absolute train wreck and
I would pretend like I had itall together at work.
And I lived these two lives.
And the first chapter in theImpostor in Charge I talk about
(01:55):
how abusive I was to my wife andmy kids and how neglectful I
was of myself and how I feltlike I was an imposter at work,
and that's why it's called theImpostor in Charge.
I felt like a fraudful I was ofmyself and how I felt like I
was an imposter at work, andthat's why it's called the
imposter in charge.
I felt like a fraud.
I was keeping secrets.
I just didn't want anybody tofigure out that I didn't.
I wasn't, I didn't think I wasthat good.
It was just so much.
You know, I had so many maskson and I was keeping so many
(02:19):
secrets.
And in when I started thisbusiness, the first thing I did
and well, when I started this, Iguess I don't know teaching,
coaching, influencing space whenI, when I did, one of the first
things I did is.
I made a video that a liveFacebook live, and I started
(02:40):
telling the story of all thedarkness that had settled into
my life and what I was doing toovercome it and how who I was
becoming through releasing andfrom transmuting this pain into
the light, from pain intopurpose.
And that video was probably thefirst time that I really shared
(03:02):
with anyone the struggles thatI was going through and it was
cathartic.
In a way it was a relief.
There was some catharsis andfrom there there wasn't many
people that watched that video.
I didn't have a following.
There was probably like fivepeople that watched it.
The following videos, thesubsequent videos as I kept
(03:22):
doing more lives, as I keptsharing on Facebook.
I kept sharing my struggles andI kept sharing what I was doing
to overcome those struggles.
And I talked about the stepsthat I took the meditation, the
workout, the journaling, thehiring a mentor, these things.
I would share these with myFacebook community.
(03:43):
And the community started togrow and it continued to grow.
And then I was coaching peopleand then I was being invited to,
you know, on stages, allbecause I started sharing the
reality of what was happening inmy life and I started getting
real raw, honest and transparentwith people, and you know what?
There's a lot of people in theworld who only show you the good
(04:08):
that's happening in their lifeand it's easy to fall into the
comparison trap.
When you're going throughstruggles and challenges, it's
really easy to go through thecomparison trap where you're
looking at someone's frontoffice and you're comparing it
to your back office.
And that's what happens whensomebody shares.
Only their light is they'reshowing you their front office,
(04:32):
you're comparing it to your backoffice and you feel like
there's something wrong with you, even though that person
probably since they're scared toshare who they really are they
probably have a more clutteredand a dirtier back office than
you do.
(04:53):
So I started making a living onsharing the reality of what I
was going through and thedarkness that I was transcending
on a daily basis when I teach,and recently I've been talking a
lot about you don't need toearn and you don't need to
deserve that you.
Maybe you take a little actionin the world to unlock what you
(05:16):
want, but to me, the worddeserve and the word earn means
that there's almost like aself-worth gap, there's a
self-esteem gap, there's asacrifice gap that you haven't
that you haven't closed thosegaps, that gap you haven't
closed it and by, by strugglingenough, by suffering enough, by
(05:37):
toiling enough, by, by stressingenough, you'll, you'll close
that gap and then you can say,okay, I've earned it, now I
deserve it.
But until you feel like you'veearned it, it's hard to really
step into it, because if youfeel like you need to earn and
(05:59):
deserve, it's like your heartisn't open to receiving yet.
It's like your heart isn't opento receiving yet.
You keep your heart closed andyou don't let the goodness in
because you still have somesuffering to do, you still have
some punishment to give yourself.
And recently, in workshops andin my mastermind and in the
(06:36):
four-week virtual container thatI'm running the program I'm
running right now, winning theInner Game of Wealth I've been
talking a lot about not needingto earn or deserve, and I could
say that most people would callme a hypocrite at this point and
I'm going to share why Allcoaching is.
When you boil coaching down toits primary elements, it's the
rudiment of what coaching is andwhat training and teaching is.
What having a, what a mentordoes, is.
Everybody puts themselves inboxes and likely seals up the
(07:00):
box.
We create our own prison, thebox.
We create our own prison.
And when we have the rightallies in our life, the
directions of how to get out ofthat box are written on the
outside of the box and that allyjust reads those instructions
to us and from reading thoseinstructions inside the box we
can take the appropriate action,generate the appropriate
(07:21):
responses and get out of the box.
But we put ourselves in thatbox and it's up to us to get out
of the box.
The guide, the mentor, theteacher, the coach can only read
the instructions.
That's it.
The guide, the mentor, thecoach, your influencer, the
person that's helping you.
(07:43):
They can only read theinstructions.
They can't actually do the workfor you.
And we all need these folks inour life or we'll stay smaller
than we need to be.
Here's the hypocritical part,which I'm going to tell you why
it's really not hypocritical,but why I'm sharing this with
(08:05):
you, because I want to share theshit as well as share the
goodness.
My wife carries a lot ofresponsibility and a lot of
burden in this family and shemakes sure.
You know, our older daughter isgraduating from college this
year and she's organizing, youknow, parties and graduation and
(08:29):
cap and gown and, you know,getting the right people to go
and celebrate with us.
She's making those plans.
She's running a real estateinvestment business.
She's walking properties everyweek.
Her and her business partnerare making offers.
They're doing a lot in theirreal estate investing business.
(08:50):
She also collaborates inside ofthe Interwealthalth Mastermind.
She shows up on Inner Wealthcommunity calls.
She plans all of our retreatsand intensives to make sure that
we have great spaces and thatthey're set up properly and that
we have a great physicalcontainer for coaching and for
(09:11):
sharing and for release.
She does all these things.
She makes sure that our cars'oils change.
She makes sure that we havehealth insurance.
She does so.
So so many things for thisfamily and I don't have a whole
lot of responsibility except tobuild and grow this business and
(09:35):
serve powerfully and make surethat I'm making a proper impact
in the world with my gifts andmy talents, and I'm very, very
blessed that my wife sees mytalents and sees my gifts in the
world that I possess andinfluences me, inspires me,
(09:55):
encourages me to share thesethings with the world.
Interwealth Global has a missionof raising the level of global
consciousness and we do that bygetting one person at a time to
let go of some limitation.
And every time anyone any oneof us lets go of a little bit of
(10:18):
limitation, the level of globalconsciousness increases, and
I'm not over-exaggerating this.
Whenever somebody'sconsciousness increases, the
level of global consciousnessincreases.
So every time I invite someoneto let go of a little bit of a
limitation, a belief, aperspective, a false thought, a
(10:41):
disempowered mindset, adisempowered heart set, every
time I help someone, I challengesomeone, I invite someone to
fall a little deeper in lovewith themselves, it literally is
having a global impact andwe're raising the level of
global consciousness and if weall continue to do this, this
will be a different world in afew years.
(11:01):
My wife understands my missionin the world and the impact I
make and she creates space andcreates a container.
That sometimes makes me.
It makes me feel a littlefreaking, shameful and guilty
that she carries all this burdenand load and I don't have as
(11:23):
much burden and load in my lifeI've got.
My primary responsibility is tomake sure that we're growing the
business, that we're growingour mission, that we're growing
our impact in the world and weare having a massive impact, but
we're also running a business.
Interwealth Global is abusiness.
(11:46):
See, I don't have a job.
This is my job.
I don't have various streams ofrevenue.
Interwealth Global is ourprimary stream of revenue and I
am responsible in my family tomake sure that I am generating
(12:11):
business growth and that I amgenerating growth in our
mastermind, in our community, inour workshops, in our coaching
programs, in our containers, sothat not only are we growing the
impact, but that our family hasthe quality of life that we
desire and that we have createda vision for.
(12:34):
And that's kind of my singularfocus Now.
I do some laundry and I go tothe grocery store and I pay some
bills, and my wife also payssome bills, but I do some
cooking and I do some of thesethings, but my primary
responsibility is to make surethe family has the financial
(12:57):
wherewithal that we need tocarry out our vision, to live
our vision.
Now, recently my wife came up tome and I'm a very, very
affectionate guy.
I love being touched, I lovehugging I at our mastermind,
when we go on retreats andintensives, we hug in and out.
(13:20):
I love, I've always loved,being touched.
You know I'm not talking aboutsexually, I'm just talking about
, you know, physically, embracesand and just making sure that
you know that my primary lovelanguage is touch, sure that you
know that my primary lovelanguage is touch.
And I remember in first graderunning into my first grade
teacher's desk, grabbing her andhugging her so tight it's like
(13:42):
after a while she had to, like,fight the breakout because I
love, I love physical contactand I also have a healthy sexual
relationship with my wife andI'm a very sexually driven man
and sometimes it's hard for her,for her to keep up and
sometimes, sometimes you know, Icould be a little overwhelming,
(14:05):
let's just say that.
And recently she's come up to meand she said Mike, listen, I've
got a lot on my plate and I'vegot a lot going on and I
initiate, like all the adminthings that we have going on in
(14:26):
our life, that we need to keepthings moving forward in the
material world.
And I got my business and shestarted sharing all these things
.
She said you've backed offphysically and both with
non-sexual contact and sexualcontact.
(14:47):
And you know I can't initiateeverything and I can see some
tears in her eyes, everythingand I can see some tears in her
eyes.
I can't initiate everything allthe time and in that moment I
think she thought I was going todefend and I said you know what
You're right?
(15:12):
You're right.
I have been absolutely 100%focused on this business because
we are down tremendously yearover year.
We are, the impact that we'remaking is still strong but the
number of people that we'reteaching within our containers,
although still at a nice level,they've decreased dramatically
and that has had an impact onour income and our wealth
(15:35):
building mechanisms and we relyon the income and wealth
building mechanisms so we canlive the quality of life that we
want.
And I have been laser freaking,focused in, in some cases
ignoring my wife from anaffection standpoint she's not
as affectionate as I am and atmy expense.
(15:56):
The sexual contact and I had toadmit, you're right, the last
few weeks and we're talkingabout the few weeks the last few
weeks I have been completelydisconnected from you, not
emotionally, but that level ofphysical connection that's
(16:16):
healthy for a marriage, for arelationship.
And when I told her she wasright, we had a really, really
nice embrace and I got up fromthat and I was already in my
running clothes, I was gettingready to go for a five miler and
I asked for forgiveness andtold her I love her and that I
(16:37):
still cherish her beyondanything and I love her and
we're deeply connected and we'redeeply bonded.
I asked for forgiveness and shesaid there's nothing to forgive
.
We're still in lockstep.
I went for my run and while Iwas on my run, I pondered what
had just transpired and whatI'll share, what I can share.
(17:01):
That sounds hypocritical, butI'm going to unpack this.
What sounds hypocritical isthat since the business is down
and since the income is down andsince the wealth generation,
the mechanism to generate wealth, is down, I haven't felt like
I've earned or deserved her love.
(17:23):
I haven't felt like I earned ordeserved being touched.
I haven't felt like I earned ordeserved having a healthy
sexual relationship with my wife.
And when I landed on this, itwas kind of like and I'm doing
the mind blown thing it was likemind blowing that this was so
(17:50):
easy, is so easy to see in otherpeople, it is so easy to see in
my choose your destiny, liveintensive.
When I was working directlywith someone in the audience or
in the group, I was workingdirectly with them and it was so
obvious that they heldthemselves to a standard.
(18:11):
They needed to do so much todeserve, to be okay and they
needed to earn and that earningcould only come through stress
and struggle.
It's so easy to see that inother people.
It was a struggle to see itwithin me, and all coaching is
(18:33):
is we put ourselves in a box andthe directions are written
outside the box and the personoutside the box reads them to us
and we get to let ourselves outof the box.
And in that moment, when mywife held up that mirror, she
was basically reading theinstructions of how to get out
of the box and all I had to dowas take the action, put the
(18:53):
pieces together, just did somequick thought and connection and
understanding the puts andtakes of what had transpired and
why, if I'm such anaffectionate, affectionately
driven guy and a sexually drivenguy, why, you know why I have
disconnected and it was prettyeasy for me in that moment to
back into wow, I still feel likeI need to earn it, deserve it.
(19:16):
And as soon as I get thebusiness at a place where, where
we can, we can have thatquality of life that we want,
then I'll have earned anddeserve her life or her love.
And I came home and I gave heran embrace and I told her what I
had learned.
And there's a new level ofpower, a new level of insight
(19:38):
inside the Kitco home.
There's a new level of power,there's a new level of insight
inside of me.
Now, why is this nothypocritical?
I served five years in theUnited States Marine Corps and
although none of that was incombat, everyone goes through
combat training and one of thekey elements of combat training
(20:02):
is they say listen, we're goingto put together an awesome plan,
battle plan, before we stepfoot onto the battlefield.
But understand that it's notuncommon that when the first
shots are fired, the plan goesto shit and that's because of
the fog of war.
All battle plans become lessclear and less understood as
(20:31):
soon as the shots start beingfired.
As soon as there's a little bitof smoke on the battlefield,
everything becomes moreconfusing.
As stress goes up, as anxietygoes up, then the clarity and
the understanding of the battleplan starts to become shaky.
(20:55):
And this is why militarydiscipline is so important and
this is why in the Marine Corpsthey stress you out so much is
so that they create conditionswhere you're under stress and
you're under duress but youstill have to maintain some
military bearing, because therewill be stress in our minds.
(21:16):
Mike Tyson said it Everybodyhas a great plan until they get
(21:37):
hit in the face, right, untilthey get punched in the face.
Although this could soundhypocritical, and in some sense
it is, what really happened iswhen I got caught in the
confusion and the fog of life,the fog of the stress of and the
discomfort of the business andbeing able to making sure that
(22:02):
the one major responsibility Ihave in this family, that I'm
actually productive in that oneresponsibility.
Then the story started flyingin my mind and body about the
fact that I needed to earn anddeserve the love that I wanted
for my wife and although it felttrue internally, it's not a
(22:34):
true statement.
I never needed to earn ordeserve the love of my wife.
If you need to earn or deservethe love of your wife or your
spouse, then you might want toreconsider who you're married to
, because the love of my spouseisn't conditional.
It's not conditional upon moneyor business or how I show up or
(22:55):
how much impact I'm making myspouse, my bride.
She loves me, not the output ofmy work or the input of my work
, although all of that's niceand the business and money and
the success.
(23:15):
Although all of these are nice,they are not mechanisms that
determine if I've earned ordeserve anything.
It's easy for me to teach otherpeople that they don't need to
earn and deserve, but sometimeswe get trapped in our own
stories and we don't even seethat we're living in them.
(23:35):
We're living in, through them,and this is why the Buddhists
say if we all sat around acampfire all 8 billion of us and
told our deepest, darkeststories, we'd all laugh at each
other out of lack of originality.
Because just because I canteach it doesn't mean that I'm
absolved of it and free of it,and this is why we all need
allies in this world.
(23:56):
Guys, I hope this is makingsense.
I hope this has been helpfulfor you.
I hope you're starting to see,not just in the stories I'm
telling about my life, but maybehow it's true for you.
Where are you acting?
To try to feel like you earned,that you have earned or deserve
something, whether it be in yourrelationships, whether it be in
(24:16):
your business, whether it be inyour wealth, whether it be in
the love of your children.
You buy gifts for your kids sothat you can feel like you
deserve their love.
Look at where these things areshowing up for you and when you
see them, allow them, embracethem and let that shit go,
(24:42):
because it's not serving you.
And then the next time the samething happens, allow it,
embrace it and let that shit go,but I guarantee you that next
time it's going to be a lot lessthan the first time.
And then the next time ithappens, allow it, embrace it
(25:03):
and let that shit go, but I betyou the third time there's going
to be a whole lot less of itthan the second time.
And lather, rinse, repeat forthe rest of your life.
But every time you see it,every time you experience it, it
all comes back to let that shitgo.
Grow in your power and show upas the more powerful, impactful,
(25:29):
loving and worthy and deservinghuman being that you really are
at your core.
If you enjoyed what you heardand you want to learn more, go
to wwwinnerwealthglobalcom formore tools and resources.
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