August 14, 2025 • 34 mins
Join Caroline Biesalski as she chats with Aaron Helton about overcoming resistance and its impact on authentic leadership. Using the marshmallow test as a metaphor, they explore moving beyond comfort and fear. Discover how community and cognitive behavioral psychology enhance leadership. Aaron shares personal experiences with anxiety, communication, martial arts, and fitness coaching, emphasizing tailored approaches. He reflects on the best coach he's had and discusses his goals and projects. The episode closes with Caroline's final thoughts and a special offer for listeners.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
But together, we'll figure out what is the nextdirection, and we'll always be moving just a
little bit towards whoever you want to be.
But when it comes to that resistance, there aretwo ways to live life.
It's living in fear or leading with passion.
So when your passion outweighs your fear, thenyou move towards change.
(00:21):
You push past resistance.
Welcome to Inspired Choice Today.
I'm your host, Caroline Biesalski, here tobring you authentic stories, surprising
lessons, and powerful takeaways to fuel yourjourney in business and life.
In each episode, I'll take you from oneinspiring guest to the next, blending their
(00:41):
experiences with my expertise to uncoverpractical strategies you can use right away.
Whether you're starting out or stepping up,stay tuned for insights and actionable tips
that make a difference.
And stick around until the end for a specialfreebie just for our listeners.
Hello, and welcome, inspired podcast community.
(01:04):
This is your new episode.
My name is Caroline, and my today's guest isAaron Helton, and I'm so happy that he said yes
to our interview.
How are you doing today?
I'm doing well, and thank you so much forhaving me on the podcast today, Caroline.
I'm excited to talk about all thingsinspiration.
Yes.
All things inspiration.
(01:25):
I would like to introduce you to the audiencefirst.
You are an executive coach and leadershipconsultant at Integrated Leadership Systems,
helping individuals and organizations growthrough authenticity and heart-first processes.
With an MS in what is it?
Master of Science in industrial — yeah.
(01:49):
Master of — it is MS.
In industrial-organizational psychology, youapply cognitive-behavioral strategies to
enhance collaboration, inclusion, and personaldevelopment.
That is a lot.
Welcome to the Inspired podcast, Aaron Helton.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yes.
(02:09):
It is a lot, but it's also a lot of potentialcomes from it.
I mean, when you live a life where, you know,with the industrial-organizational psychology,
you know, the industrial side is theassessments and surveys, and a lot of people
look into, like, management consulting and usethe surveys to say, okay.
Here's an issue.
But having that organizational side to followup with, okay.
(02:30):
We have to think about the people.
And so you're juggling a lot of differentaspects.
But, thankfully, that's what lets us makelasting change in an organization is we come at
it from multiple angles and consider multiplefactors.
So it's a lot, but, you know, to make bigchange, you gotta juggle a lot.
So
I love it.
(02:51):
Thank you so much for this bio, for doing this.
My first question is, how can leaders cultivateauthenticity while maintaining strong
organizational performance?
So anytime that we want to make a change,there's always going to be a slight reduction
(03:16):
in productivity and performance because we aretrying something new.
If you do the same thing constantly, you becomemore efficient at it.
And so a lot of times what I'll see in culturesand in organizations is as we start to
transform the organization to moreauthenticity, yes, there'll be a dip, and it's
short-term loss for long-term gain.
(03:38):
And that's what matters.
You know, I think of what I do as personaltraining for the heart.
And so if you go to the gym, you're gonna get ashort term you're gonna get tired, you're gonna
feel sore, it's not gonna be great, and thenyou start to run better.
You start to lift better.
You get better at whatever your fitness goalsare.
And so it's the same with the business.
If you say I want to be more authentic and Iwant to lead with my heart in my company and
(04:02):
then you start to model that, it's gonna behard because you will be, in some cases, the
black sheep or the odd person out because youare living with authenticity.
Even if you are not the CEO, for instance, buta different leader in that team or something
like that.
I've worked with a lot of individual managersor senior-level directors that I work with them
(04:23):
and maybe we're not able to get to the CEO orsomething similar.
And so you will be the odd one out in somecases.
But what will happen over time is people willstart to say, whoa.
You know, you've changed.
You're happier.
You're lighter.
You know, you're listening more.
Whatever changes and goals that we worked ontogether as coaches when I was coaching.
(04:43):
And over time, you'll start to inspire othersto chase after similar.
So for instance, I've been going throughcoaching and therapy and all sorts of
self-improvement for my whole life, really, butespecially the last three years focusing on our
processes and how we at Integrated LeadershipSystems transform people.
And so the friendships and the relationshipsthat I've developed from that have been
(05:06):
stronger and stronger, and there have beenmoments when I challenge people.
You know, I want my friends to challenge me,similar again to personal fitness.
I don't want to just do the same thingconstantly.
I want to continue to grow.
And because I am true to my values and theperson that I am, that starts to inspire the
people around me.
So to cut all that off and go back to youroriginal question of how do you chase
(05:30):
authenticity while maintaining performance,understand that you are chasing authenticity to
reach the next level of performance.
If you want to jump higher, you have to squatdown in order to jump higher.
So understand that the short-term discomfort ispart of the process, and it's trusting the
process.
Usually, about six to nine months, about a yearor so of a transformational process, you'll
(05:54):
start to see incredible changes.
But it takes the first three to six months.
That's the storming phase.
That's the experimentation phase, and that'sthe phase of, okay, am I actually going to do
this?
It's the New Year's resolution of it's been amonth and it's the end of January as we're
recording this.
Some people have been finishing up their NewYear's resolutions.
Some people have been leaving the gym, andthat's okay because, you know, they've reached
(06:18):
the hurdle.
But understand that when chasing authenticity,you'll reach continuous hurdles, and it will
require the discipline within yourself to pushpast the short-term discomfort for the
long-term change.
Oh, you explained it so beautifully.
Thank you so much.
And I was thinking the whole time about thisfamous marshmallow test.
(06:38):
You remember this when you are, yeah, yousettle down for one marshmallow immediately, or
you wait for the bigger result in 15 minutes,which are six to nine months.
You talked about that.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I never thought of it that way, that you havesetbacks for us.
(06:59):
And I was thinking about the people.
When you are in companies, then you faceresistance, right, when you change as a person?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
You have resistance when people—how do I wannasay this?
The way that we are wired is for comfort.
(07:20):
You know, that is how we survive as a speciesis we chase after community and comfort and
sameness.
And so you see a lot of it in today's worldjust because we as a species are now so
diverse.
And so it requires that we push past the baseinstincts of fear, which is you're different,
(07:41):
and I don't like that.
So we have to push past that resistance andsay, okay.
What's the belief system that's in place?
Well, if I change, I lose who I am.
It's like, no.
You don't.
The person that you are at your core is alwaysgoing to be that person.
You are changing.
Yes.
The person you show up as might be different,but the core person, you're actually gonna be
moving closer to being the person that youactually are if you push into the change and
(08:05):
really look into the mirror of, okay, what aresome of the things I need to work on?
You know, we use a 360 assessment, and soyou'll get the people around you to give
feedback on the person that they see as yourstrengths and the pieces of you that might be
either coming out too intensely or they're notseeing enough of.
(08:28):
Like, for instance, some people are really goodlisteners, but they aren't good talkers.
Other people talk a lot, and they should belistening more.
And there's no right or wrong in either ofthose.
There's no good or bad in either of those.
And so when you fear change inherently, you'reessentially choosing stagnation over growth.
You know?
What we always say is there's no great way tobe safe, and there's no safe way to be great.
(08:53):
Again, you have to push through thatdiscomfort.
Thinking of it from personal training orfitness, if you are ashamed of your body and so
you won't go to the gym, well, but you wanna goto the gym to get a better body or whatever
your goal is, your cardio or your ability to,you know, jump up or even just lift up your
kids more, like, better.
You have to push through the discomfort, and itwill be scary, and that is always the hardest
(09:17):
part.
So I always encounter resistance.
But part of it, part of solving the struggle ofresistance is community and safety.
So as a coach, part of my role is just to sitthere and say, okay.
You're not ready.
That's alright.
What is the next step you want to take towardsyour goal?
We don't have to lift, you know, 500 pounds offthe ground right now.
(09:40):
If you're struggling with 20 pounds, let's workon that, and let's push for 25.
It's still moving you towards your goal.
You know?
And that's where the resistance comes in of,okay.
I'm scared, and I say, I'll hold your handthrough it.
That's it.
Wow.
I love it.
Thank you so much.
So it was about goals as well, and, of course,we are encouraged to dream big.
(10:02):
But if it's too much, then we have the tendencyto give up.
Absolutely.
You have to push yourself.
I always say about 10% discomfort is what I saywith my clients.
I say I always want you to feel heard.
I always want you to feel empowered in oursessions.
That's always my goal.
So whatever you're struggling with, I want youto feel heard in what that is.
(10:23):
So I wanna meet you where you're at, and I alsowant you to feel empowered to take a next step.
It might not be the same next step that you hadin your mind, might not be the same next step
that I had in my mind.
But together, we'll figure out what is the nextdirection, and we'll always be moving just a
little bit towards whoever you wanna be.
But when it comes to that resistance, there'stwo ways to live life.
(10:44):
It's living in fear or leading with passion.
So when your passion outweighs your fear, thenyou move towards change.
You push past resistance.
A lot of times, especially in, like, theAmerican culture, there's a lot of
individualism.
And so we think of these big moments of glory,like, oh, you know, in a relationship, oh, I
(11:07):
would die for you.
It's like something my mom would always say tomy dad.
So, yes.
Yes.
You would die for me.
Let's start small.
Will you take out the trash?
Right?
And so that's kinda how I approach the coachingis let's start small.
Yes.
You want this grand passionate thing, but wecan also push.
We can incrementally increase your feeling ofpassion around this concept, or we can
(11:29):
incrementally reduce your fear.
And so either way, we'll get to where thepassion outweighs the fear and creates that
push past resistance.
Wow.
What a great answer and analogy.
I'm inspired now.
Thank you so much for the reminder as well andfor doing the work you do because what I
witnessed out there, no.
(11:51):
I can tell you there are coaches out there.
They are not meeting the clients where theyare, and they are not holding hands or
listening, not even listening.
And like you said, I hear you.
I see you.
Something like that.
That that feels really good when you when youtell this to me now.
Okay.
Thank you.
I have another question.
(12:12):
Absolutely.
Of course.
What role does cognitive behavioral psychologyplay in effective leadership and teamwork?
Absolutely.
So cognitive behavioral psychology as a wholeis a little bit controversial, and the reason
for that is it operates from what's called anA, B, C, D model.
(12:33):
So I'll explain all of this, and then we'llcircle all the way back.
And I will just say as a disclaimer, the reasonit's controversial is some people it doesn't
work for, others it does.
So I want to state, find what resonates withyou.
Again, I mentioned that I try and hear and meetclients where they're at.
So sometimes the cognitive behavioralpsychology framework is not helpful.
(12:54):
So we talk about somatic work, breathwork.
Maybe you want to move into your body.
Maybe you want to externalize things in adifferent way.
You know, it's not always just talking yourselfout of it because a lot of us are already very
cognitive.
I, myself, have struggled with it sometimes,and so I practice a lot of different aspects of
(13:16):
my coaching.
But the bread and butter is that cognitivebehavioral psychology framework.
So how it works is we have A, B, C, D.
A is an activating event.
B is a belief system, C is a consequentemotion, and D is dependent behavior.
For right now, we're gonna focus on A and D.
(13:37):
A to D behavior, which is activating eventsstraight to dependent behavior, is referred to
as reactivity.
And the theory of adult development states that75 to 80% of adults emotionally are still
teenagers.
And that teenager mindset is reactivity, and itis quickly appropriate.
(13:59):
However, when you get to the age of an adultand you are expected to look into your belief
system and your emotions, a lot of us are nottaught the tools that we need.
So let's look into that.
So the A to D behavior.
Let's say that you and I, Caroline, are justsitting here and having a podcast, and suddenly
you look down and you feel something slitheringon your leg and there's a snake.
So that's your A, your activating event.
(14:20):
So what would your dependent behavior be?
Would you run or kick or scream or whatever?
Are you a runner or, you know, how would youreact to that snake?
I would pick it, and I would continue myinterview because there it is.
I'm used to.
I always have a snake on
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
(14:41):
Do you have a pet snake?
Yeah.
Oh, that's wonderful.
I love that.
You know, that's actually perfect becausethat's always how I lead this example.
So let me circle back a bit.
So A to D, a lot of people would be scared ofsnakes, and so they might run or, you know,
freak out or something.
So we call that fight or flight, which isperfectly fine with a snake if you are scared.
(15:03):
It's not fine when it's, like, 2 p.m.
It's a long work day, and suddenly you get atext from your boss or your spouse, and it just
reads on an email or a text that says we needto talk, and you panic.
So that's where that reactivity comes in of,hold on.
That's not an actual threat.
Discomfort is not danger.
And so now let's take that snake and then lookat the B and the C, the belief and the emotion.
(15:26):
So most people will flip out with a snake.
A to D, activating event is your snake.
Your D, your dependent behavior is flippingout, fight or flight.
So we ask why is that.
So we look at the emotion, which is your C, andthey say, well, I'm scared.
So your emotion is fear.
You circle that back.
Okay.
Why are you scared?
Because your belief is any snake that comesnear me is dangerous, can kill me, and it's a
(15:50):
threat.
Okay.
Perfectly understandable.
Now let's take your example.
You have a pet snake.
Excuse me.
I hit something here.
You have a pet snake, and so your belief systemis not going to be this snake is dangerous and
can hurt me.
It's, oh, here's my little baby.
Right?
This is my pet snake.
So your emotion, your belief is this snake issafe, and I love the snake.
(16:11):
Your emotion is passion, maybe curiosity.
Oh, how'd you get out of your cage?
Or, you know, joy at, oh, you came to visit meduring the podcast.
How sweet.
So your dependent behavior will change tosomething more appropriate, like pick up the
snake and put it somewhere else.
It's, hey.
I'm doing a podcast right now.
You're being a bit of a distraction.
I'll play with you later.
Something like that.
Take that same example of the 2 p.m., you know,panic text.
(16:35):
You think of your belief of whenever somebodysays, come to my office or we need to talk, I'm
in trouble.
So I'm scared.
So your behavior might be, oh, I'm gonna putthat off, or I'm gonna come in swinging because
it's gonna be a fight or something.
And if you sit for a second with those emotionsof, say, where is this coming from?
What's the belief?
That's where the cognitive behavioralpsychology comes in.
(16:55):
As mentioned, a lot of times when it just comesto just believe something else, it can be very
helpful for many individuals, especially thosein business.
Others, it doesn't resonate as well.
So I will restate that disclaimer.
Find what works for you.
I do a lot of meditation, a lot of somatic workbecause I ruminate a lot.
I have a lot of cognitive energy, and I'm veryanxious.
(17:18):
And so if I operate from cognitive behavioralpsychology purely, then I'm just gonna talk
myself into a circle.
So I have to externalize an emotion or get intomy body.
So it's always different for every person.
So try a couple different things.
If you're interested in trying out cognitivebehavioral psychology from my coaching, and
then if that doesn't work, you wanna try out acouple somatic, things like breath work,
(17:40):
meditation, etc.
Come, message me on LinkedIn.
We'll see what we can come up with.
But yeah.
So that's the basic framework that we operatefrom.
Oh, thank you so much for sharing.
I'm inspired now, and I have to say, yes.
It was about responding, not reacting.
So the reacting and for me, the whole podcastthing in the beginning was the the what is the
(18:08):
a?
What's the a?
Activating event.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The activating because I was scared for 17years, and then I but my passion was how do you
call this?
The passion was more more Yeah.
Than I wanted to
do this.
Wait.
I'm you see, I I cannot even speak.
I mean, properly.
I was not speaking before.
(18:29):
So now now I train.
But and and but I I can, give you an example ofof what another a for me is is the opposite.
It's not when people, texting me come into myoffice.
It's when people are not replying when Imessage them.
And then I have this down spiral, like like,they will never, reply again in never ever.
(18:55):
You know?
And then I panic, and and I write, more.
I text for I text 100 messages, and then it'snot so, helpful for the relationship with the
people.
Yeah.
You know, funny enough, I've actually been I amstill in many cases that same person, that that
anxiety of, oh, they're not messaging me.
(19:17):
I'm scared of distance.
And so the belief system there and I'm going tomake an assumption for the sake of time, but
this is a great modeling of coaching.
But an assumption I might make in that becauseI've been there is, you know, when you don't
get a reply, you think the relationship isgetting damaged.
There's distance.
And so you immediately say, I want to feelcloser with this person.
(19:39):
And so you're seeking another bid forconnection, which is a dependent behavior.
You reach out again, and that's where it can beoverwhelming to people.
In some cases, you know, as somebody who's beenvery anxious, when you say, hold on.
I'm gonna triple, quadruple, you know, text youa 100 times, and they say, hold up.
Listen.
I was in a meeting for 20 minutes.
Like, please.
(19:59):
And so I would like to actually ask you thatquestion of is that similar to your belief of
when you feel that that distance?
Is the fear there that you are losing therelationship?
Yes.
I found out that it has to do with the behaviorof my father.
You know?
He came to visit me every other week because myparents were divorced, and he was an alcoholic.
(20:28):
He was not always showing up, and I was sittingthere in front of the house on a wall or on a—I
was sitting there waiting for him, and I, ofcourse, I panicked with the hours.
The hours went by, and I, yeah, you know, and Ionly found out one year or two years ago that
this pattern is still—or it was still alive.
(20:50):
Now that I faced it or I discovered it, I cando something about it.
And I'm happy that we can talk about it today.
Absolutely.
It's always hard when you've had that wound,you know, that abandonment wound that says,
okay.
Hold on.
This is a situation with just a friend or acolleague.
(21:13):
They're not responding, and yet it comes allthe way back to that.
Okay.
My father's leaving.
He's not gonna come back.
He's unreliable.
And so it is amazing that you had thatawareness because that's the first step to
making that change.
You know, meeting you where you're at in thepast, you know, two years ago or however long,
when you gain that awareness, I'm sure over thelast couple years, you've started to notice it
(21:33):
more and more.
And now you're at a point where you'recomfortable speaking about it.
And so from a coach perspective, I would meetyou where you're at right now of, wow, it's
great you have that knowledge.
Where is it still coming up today?
And that's where we would start to work onthose beliefs that are still there or the
behaviors that will give you new data pointsand say, look.
Listen.
You can use these tools to reach out, or youcan self-regulate in the time in between and
(21:56):
say, it's okay if they don't message me.
I trust them.
In the next couple of days, they will.
And if they don't, I will reach out in, youknow, four or five days and say, hey.
It's been a bit.
I haven't heard from you, and, you know, Iexpected to within the week or so.
Yes.
What great advice.
Thank you so much.
Because I think many people out there havepatterns, and they don't know where it comes
(22:17):
from or how to respond, how to do itdifferently.
Yes.
Thank you so much.
I have another question.
Let's see what this is.
How has your experience in martial arts andfitness influenced your coaching approach?
Oh, wow.
Funny enough, you've actually touched onsomething very interesting.
(22:39):
First off from the fitness, as I mentioned, Ido see my coaching as personal training for the
heart, and so I use a lot of fitness metaphorsand compare a lot with that.
However, with martial arts, funny enough, myexperience with martial arts showed me that
there are a lot of shared frameworks in theworld.
(23:01):
You know, I actually very recently looked intothe Society for Creative Anachronism, which is
essentially, you know, Renaissance and timeperiods.
And, you know, I was looking into getting intoarmored combat, which is my goal for the year
is to get a full suit of armor and have fungetting beat up in a suit of armor.
But I was learning some stances for thegreatsword to use like a greatsword, and the
(23:28):
person that was teaching me looked at myfootwork and asked me what I had done before.
And so I said, I've done Muay Thai and a coupledifferent martial arts.
He said, okay.
Let's look at this from a boxer stance becauseMuay Thai has a little bit of that similarity,
and, of course, they're not
But I was just amazed that they were usingexamples of a high stance similar to, like,
(23:53):
with a high sword stance, similar to a highboxer stance of, hey.
You can feint here, and you can, you know, youwant to swivel your feet in this way, and I
say, oh, this is very transferable from whatI've done with martial arts.
And it just kind of opened my eyes to theframework is always different, but it's always
the same.
And I know that's an odd answer, but I'mactually finishing up a book right now about
(24:18):
creating breakthroughs in any person, and it'sbecause change happens in the same way, but
it's received differently in every person.
So I mentioned, you know, cognitive behavioralpsychology and, okay, if you operate from a
place of cognition, if you are an analyticalperson, then you may come at a problem
(24:39):
analytically, but you may also love music.
And so the idea of creating a breakthroughthere is, okay.
Are we using your analytical mind, or are weusing your musical mind right now?
How do you interact with music?
You know?
What if you are a martial arts person?
Well, how can we use examples from that becauseyour brain is already resonating with it?
You already like it.
(25:00):
You know, if you collect trading cards, okay,what is it that appeals to you out of trading
cards?
It's, oh, I love the organization.
I love the sameness, and I love the maybe thecompetition of saying, look at how big my
collection is compared to others.
Like, okay.
So if competition is a value to you or youvalue organization, how can we help add that to
your life in other ways?
(25:21):
And so all everything is transferable in someway, shape, or form.
So that's where I talk about meeting clientswhere they're at.
And so martial arts and fitness has affected mycoaching by basically showing me that it's all
the same, but it's different, essentially.
(25:42):
Everybody has a framework that works for them,and I have a framework that works for me.
And together, we have multiple frameworksbecause every person is a multifaceted being.
I might have a client that is very artistic,musically inclined, and loves organized chaos,
whereas I'm more analytical.
I love my boxes.
I love organization.
(26:02):
I say, okay.
How can you teach me to help coach you, and howcan I teach you to see things slightly
differently?
And we'll help each other, and we'll growtogether because, again, you are navigating a
fear or you want to move toward a change, and Iwill hold your hand along it.
And so there will be moments where I haveadvice that will help from an analytical state
or analytical side, and there will be momentswhere I want to go down a path.
(26:25):
And I say, well, hold on.
What do you want in this as a client?
And you will challenge me to say, okay.
Well, I'm just kinda sitting in the abstractright now, and I go, I hate that.
I'm so bad at that, but I have a mentor who'svery abstract and artistic.
And so I need that reflection also.
So in that moment, that's where the beauty ofcoaching is, I get to also grow alongside you
(26:49):
as we challenge each other in different ways.
So my ideal coaching, it turns almost into afriendship where I get to sit and say, hey.
Well, how have things been?
Oh, have you, you know, would you like to trythis, or what path would you like to go, or how
can I support you?
And they say, Aaron, you know, I'm dealing witha lot of mess right now.
I could really use somebody to help me clean itup.
I say, okay.
Well, thankfully, that's my strength.
(27:10):
In some cases, they might sit there and I say,you know, I could help you clean this up, but
right now, I think you and I both know thatsitting in the abstract is just what needs to
be done.
You know?
This is your strength.
This is who you are.
Play in that puddle of mess because that's whoyou are and that's your strength, and giving
them that permission and that allowance to justbe who they are.
(27:33):
Wow.
What a great answer.
Thank you so much.
And what I take away from this is theindividual approach versus having one program
for all these big ones or right?
And it doesn't fit.
But this is the approach of not, experts.
(27:54):
Non expert.
Okay.
And yes.
And I learned so much.
Thank you so much about that.
I have so many more questions.
For example, you talked about your goals, thatthis is one of your next goals.
This would be a question or also what was thebest coach you ever had.
And and then, of course and I do this threequestions in one.
(28:15):
Okay.
Okay.
That where can we find you when people want toreach out to you?
You mentioned already LinkedIn, and I'm sohappy.
We are connected.
So please tell us.
Absolutely.
So ask me that first question again.
I heard about the best coach and then, where tofind me.
What was your first question again?
(28:35):
Yes.
It was about your goals.
Do you set goals?
What is one of your next projects?
Then the best coach you ever had, we need this.
And, it's where we can find you.
Excellent.
So as far as goals, I actually just finishedmaking my yearly goals.
I follow the Dream Manager format, and so Ihave 12 goals.
(28:56):
I believe it's 12.
A goal that is spiritual, intellectual,physical, material, legacy, etc., character.
And so one of my goals is I am going to finishthat breakthrough book talking about the
different frameworks and how to apply themindividually.
So you can look on, for that.
I'm hoping by summer, I'll have the rough draftfinished.
And so, hopefully, by the end of the year, itwill be rolled out.
(29:18):
So that's what I'm working on currently.
My next goal is just to connect with as manypeople as possible, honestly.
I'm always looking to connect because as you'veheard, so many coaches use a framework and they
apply it to everybody, and they just wait forthe clients that work for them.
And that's perfectly fine because if you'restrong at something and you have a niche, do
(29:38):
it.
I want to operate from a place of flexibilityand variety with my clients.
I want to meet you where you are and help youto create an amazing business or just an
amazing life.
I do personal coaching.
I do executive coaching.
I do consulting and transformation forbusinesses.
So I do want you to reach out to me.
As far as the best coach I've ever had, it hasto be my coworkers, all of them, honestly.
(30:03):
My boss, Steve Anderson, the president ofIntegrated Leadership Systems, he took a chance
on me straight out of college and helped tocultivate my coaching ability.
He saw this in me, and it was a long threeyears of both of us learning and growing and
adjusting.
But he was an incredible mentor.
And now I have Michael "Don" Mike O'Donnell,Mike O'Donnell, excuse me, who is my current
(30:30):
coworker and mentor who, as I mentioned, thatabstract individual, that artist who helps me
to really see the beauty in essentially mess.
You know?
I see a big swath of look at this, you know,big puzzle, and he says, you know, the Aurora
Borealis or something.
And he says, look at how beautiful this wholepiece is.
Like, look at how beautiful the colors blend.
(30:51):
And I say, yes.
I see this color and this color and this color,like, specific boxes.
He says, no.
Look at the whole thing.
And I say, oh, I forgot.
You're right.
And so he helps me so much in seeing the wavyand the abstract and the grays.
And, you know, it's just it's a beautifulrelationship, and I'm thankful for all of them,
honestly.
And finally, where you can find me is LinkedIn.
(31:12):
I believe that is linked in the description.
And then also, you can find our site for othercoaches if you want somebody that is more, you
know, a different background, male or female,or, you know, somebody that operates in the
spectrum.
I am neurodivergent, so I am autistic.
We have a variety of coaches, and you can findthem on integratedleader.com.
(31:33):
So that's integratedleader.com, or you canmessage me personally on LinkedIn.
Send me a follow or connection request, and Iwill always offer a free, at very least
15-minute phone call.
But currently, I'm doing 1 hour where you cansit down and connect.
So please take advantage of that.
That'll be going for probably about one moremonth after this video comes out.
(31:55):
But take advantage of that, and let's connect.
I always love meeting new people.
So
I love it.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Please connect to Aaron.
He's amazing.
He shares this knowledge and wisdom andindividual coaching approaches.
This is important nowadays, I think.
Thank you so much.
I learned so much.
(32:15):
I have to relisten to this episode, of course,again about this name.
And now it's time for your final thoughts tothe audience, please.
I guess I would leave you with one of thebiggest struggles I've had in the last three
years is we talk about authenticity.
I had the misconception or misperception thatbeing authentic meant being my whole self all
(32:43):
the time.
And so I tried to push pieces of myself intoplaces where they weren't appropriate because
we think of the person who is, well, I'mbrutally honest.
That's just who I am, but they're more oftenthan not more brutal than they are honest.
And so I use the example of when I sit and dospeeches or even podcasts.
You know, I love the Renaissance fair.
(33:04):
I just talked about doing armored combat.
I'm not gonna show up in a suit of armor tocome talk to people in speeches.
Right?
That's still a big part of me.
I love being the theater kid.
I love Broadway, all this stuff.
However, being my whole self in every situationsometimes caused more harm than good because I
was trying to force things.
(33:24):
So my statement to the audience is when youthink of authenticity, you do not need to be
your whole self all the time to be authentic.
You have to have a life that honors your wholeself.
So for instance, I get to honor my silence andmy empathy when I operate with clients.
I sit and listen to them.
I get to be the main character and, you know,play around and be goofy when I am at the Ren
(33:47):
Fair, and I'm in a costume or something.
I get to be silly with my personal friends, andI get to be serious with my professional
friends.
And so I have a life I've crafted that honorsmy whole self.
So I hope that helps.
And if you wanna go on that journey, contact meon LinkedIn.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Yes.
It helps.
I'm inspired now.
(34:08):
Well, thank you.
And I see you in the next.
Thank you for listening to "Inspired ChoiceToday." I'm thrilled to have you on this
journey of growth and transformation.
Don't forget to hit follow or subscribe to stayconnected and never miss an episode.
And here's something special.
Grab your free 20-minute breakthrough sessionwith me.
(34:32):
It's designed to help you kick-start or levelup your business.
Just check out the show notes for more.
Until next time, keep making those inspiredchoices, and we'll see you in the next episode.
But together, we'll figure out what is the nextdirection, and we'll always be moving just a
little bit towards whoever you want to be.
But when it comes to that resistance, there aretwo ways to live life.
It's living in fear or leading with passion.
So when your passion outweighs your fear, thenyou move towards change.
(00:21):
You push past resistance.
Welcome to Inspired Choice Today.
I'm your host, Caroline Biesalski, here tobring you authentic stories, surprising
lessons, and powerful takeaways to fuel yourjourney in business and life.
In each episode, I'll take you from oneinspiring guest to the next, blending their
(00:41):
experiences with my expertise to uncoverpractical strategies you can use right away.
Whether you're starting out or stepping up,stay tuned for insights and actionable tips
that make a difference.
And stick around until the end for a specialfreebie just for our listeners.
Hello, and welcome, inspired podcast community.
(01:04):
This is your new episode.
My name is Caroline, and my today's guest isAaron Helton, and I'm so happy that he said yes
to our interview.
How are you doing today?
I'm doing well, and thank you so much forhaving me on the podcast today, Caroline.
I'm excited to talk about all thingsinspiration.
Yes.
All things inspiration.
(01:25):
I would like to introduce you to the audiencefirst.
You are an executive coach and leadershipconsultant at Integrated Leadership Systems,
helping individuals and organizations growthrough authenticity and heart-first processes.
With an MS in what is it?
Master of Science in industrial — yeah.
(01:49):
Master of — it is MS.
In industrial-organizational psychology, youapply cognitive-behavioral strategies to
enhance collaboration, inclusion, and personaldevelopment.
That is a lot.
Welcome to the Inspired podcast, Aaron Helton.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Yes.
(02:09):
It is a lot, but it's also a lot of potentialcomes from it.
I mean, when you live a life where, you know,with the industrial-organizational psychology,
you know, the industrial side is theassessments and surveys, and a lot of people
look into, like, management consulting and usethe surveys to say, okay.
Here's an issue.
But having that organizational side to followup with, okay.
(02:30):
We have to think about the people.
And so you're juggling a lot of differentaspects.
But, thankfully, that's what lets us makelasting change in an organization is we come at
it from multiple angles and consider multiplefactors.
So it's a lot, but, you know, to make bigchange, you gotta juggle a lot.
So
I love it.
(02:51):
Thank you so much for this bio, for doing this.
My first question is, how can leaders cultivateauthenticity while maintaining strong
organizational performance?
So anytime that we want to make a change,there's always going to be a slight reduction
(03:16):
in productivity and performance because we aretrying something new.
If you do the same thing constantly, you becomemore efficient at it.
And so a lot of times what I'll see in culturesand in organizations is as we start to
transform the organization to moreauthenticity, yes, there'll be a dip, and it's
short-term loss for long-term gain.
(03:38):
And that's what matters.
You know, I think of what I do as personaltraining for the heart.
And so if you go to the gym, you're gonna get ashort term you're gonna get tired, you're gonna
feel sore, it's not gonna be great, and thenyou start to run better.
You start to lift better.
You get better at whatever your fitness goalsare.
And so it's the same with the business.
If you say I want to be more authentic and Iwant to lead with my heart in my company and
(04:02):
then you start to model that, it's gonna behard because you will be, in some cases, the
black sheep or the odd person out because youare living with authenticity.
Even if you are not the CEO, for instance, buta different leader in that team or something
like that.
I've worked with a lot of individual managersor senior-level directors that I work with them
(04:23):
and maybe we're not able to get to the CEO orsomething similar.
And so you will be the odd one out in somecases.
But what will happen over time is people willstart to say, whoa.
You know, you've changed.
You're happier.
You're lighter.
You know, you're listening more.
Whatever changes and goals that we worked ontogether as coaches when I was coaching.
(04:43):
And over time, you'll start to inspire othersto chase after similar.
So for instance, I've been going throughcoaching and therapy and all sorts of
self-improvement for my whole life, really, butespecially the last three years focusing on our
processes and how we at Integrated LeadershipSystems transform people.
And so the friendships and the relationshipsthat I've developed from that have been
(05:06):
stronger and stronger, and there have beenmoments when I challenge people.
You know, I want my friends to challenge me,similar again to personal fitness.
I don't want to just do the same thingconstantly.
I want to continue to grow.
And because I am true to my values and theperson that I am, that starts to inspire the
people around me.
So to cut all that off and go back to youroriginal question of how do you chase
(05:30):
authenticity while maintaining performance,understand that you are chasing authenticity to
reach the next level of performance.
If you want to jump higher, you have to squatdown in order to jump higher.
So understand that the short-term discomfort ispart of the process, and it's trusting the
process.
Usually, about six to nine months, about a yearor so of a transformational process, you'll
(05:54):
start to see incredible changes.
But it takes the first three to six months.
That's the storming phase.
That's the experimentation phase, and that'sthe phase of, okay, am I actually going to do
this?
It's the New Year's resolution of it's been amonth and it's the end of January as we're
recording this.
Some people have been finishing up their NewYear's resolutions.
Some people have been leaving the gym, andthat's okay because, you know, they've reached
(06:18):
the hurdle.
But understand that when chasing authenticity,you'll reach continuous hurdles, and it will
require the discipline within yourself to pushpast the short-term discomfort for the
long-term change.
Oh, you explained it so beautifully.
Thank you so much.
And I was thinking the whole time about thisfamous marshmallow test.
(06:38):
You remember this when you are, yeah, yousettle down for one marshmallow immediately, or
you wait for the bigger result in 15 minutes,which are six to nine months.
You talked about that.
Thank you so much for sharing.
I never thought of it that way, that you havesetbacks for us.
(06:59):
And I was thinking about the people.
When you are in companies, then you faceresistance, right, when you change as a person?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
You have resistance when people—how do I wannasay this?
The way that we are wired is for comfort.
(07:20):
You know, that is how we survive as a speciesis we chase after community and comfort and
sameness.
And so you see a lot of it in today's worldjust because we as a species are now so
diverse.
And so it requires that we push past the baseinstincts of fear, which is you're different,
(07:41):
and I don't like that.
So we have to push past that resistance andsay, okay.
What's the belief system that's in place?
Well, if I change, I lose who I am.
It's like, no.
You don't.
The person that you are at your core is alwaysgoing to be that person.
You are changing.
Yes.
The person you show up as might be different,but the core person, you're actually gonna be
moving closer to being the person that youactually are if you push into the change and
(08:05):
really look into the mirror of, okay, what aresome of the things I need to work on?
You know, we use a 360 assessment, and soyou'll get the people around you to give
feedback on the person that they see as yourstrengths and the pieces of you that might be
either coming out too intensely or they're notseeing enough of.
(08:28):
Like, for instance, some people are really goodlisteners, but they aren't good talkers.
Other people talk a lot, and they should belistening more.
And there's no right or wrong in either ofthose.
There's no good or bad in either of those.
And so when you fear change inherently, you'reessentially choosing stagnation over growth.
You know?
What we always say is there's no great way tobe safe, and there's no safe way to be great.
(08:53):
Again, you have to push through thatdiscomfort.
Thinking of it from personal training orfitness, if you are ashamed of your body and so
you won't go to the gym, well, but you wanna goto the gym to get a better body or whatever
your goal is, your cardio or your ability to,you know, jump up or even just lift up your
kids more, like, better.
You have to push through the discomfort, and itwill be scary, and that is always the hardest
(09:17):
part.
So I always encounter resistance.
But part of it, part of solving the struggle ofresistance is community and safety.
So as a coach, part of my role is just to sitthere and say, okay.
You're not ready.
That's alright.
What is the next step you want to take towardsyour goal?
We don't have to lift, you know, 500 pounds offthe ground right now.
(09:40):
If you're struggling with 20 pounds, let's workon that, and let's push for 25.
It's still moving you towards your goal.
You know?
And that's where the resistance comes in of,okay.
I'm scared, and I say, I'll hold your handthrough it.
That's it.
Wow.
I love it.
Thank you so much.
So it was about goals as well, and, of course,we are encouraged to dream big.
(10:02):
But if it's too much, then we have the tendencyto give up.
Absolutely.
You have to push yourself.
I always say about 10% discomfort is what I saywith my clients.
I say I always want you to feel heard.
I always want you to feel empowered in oursessions.
That's always my goal.
So whatever you're struggling with, I want youto feel heard in what that is.
(10:23):
So I wanna meet you where you're at, and I alsowant you to feel empowered to take a next step.
It might not be the same next step that you hadin your mind, might not be the same next step
that I had in my mind.
But together, we'll figure out what is the nextdirection, and we'll always be moving just a
little bit towards whoever you wanna be.
But when it comes to that resistance, there'stwo ways to live life.
(10:44):
It's living in fear or leading with passion.
So when your passion outweighs your fear, thenyou move towards change.
You push past resistance.
A lot of times, especially in, like, theAmerican culture, there's a lot of
individualism.
And so we think of these big moments of glory,like, oh, you know, in a relationship, oh, I
(11:07):
would die for you.
It's like something my mom would always say tomy dad.
So, yes.
Yes.
You would die for me.
Let's start small.
Will you take out the trash?
Right?
And so that's kinda how I approach the coachingis let's start small.
Yes.
You want this grand passionate thing, but wecan also push.
We can incrementally increase your feeling ofpassion around this concept, or we can
(11:29):
incrementally reduce your fear.
And so either way, we'll get to where thepassion outweighs the fear and creates that
push past resistance.
Wow.
What a great answer and analogy.
I'm inspired now.
Thank you so much for the reminder as well andfor doing the work you do because what I
witnessed out there, no.
(11:51):
I can tell you there are coaches out there.
They are not meeting the clients where theyare, and they are not holding hands or
listening, not even listening.
And like you said, I hear you.
I see you.
Something like that.
That that feels really good when you when youtell this to me now.
Okay.
Thank you.
I have another question.
(12:12):
Absolutely.
Of course.
What role does cognitive behavioral psychologyplay in effective leadership and teamwork?
Absolutely.
So cognitive behavioral psychology as a wholeis a little bit controversial, and the reason
for that is it operates from what's called anA, B, C, D model.
(12:33):
So I'll explain all of this, and then we'llcircle all the way back.
And I will just say as a disclaimer, the reasonit's controversial is some people it doesn't
work for, others it does.
So I want to state, find what resonates withyou.
Again, I mentioned that I try and hear and meetclients where they're at.
So sometimes the cognitive behavioralpsychology framework is not helpful.
(12:54):
So we talk about somatic work, breathwork.
Maybe you want to move into your body.
Maybe you want to externalize things in adifferent way.
You know, it's not always just talking yourselfout of it because a lot of us are already very
cognitive.
I, myself, have struggled with it sometimes,and so I practice a lot of different aspects of
(13:16):
my coaching.
But the bread and butter is that cognitivebehavioral psychology framework.
So how it works is we have A, B, C, D.
A is an activating event.
B is a belief system, C is a consequentemotion, and D is dependent behavior.
For right now, we're gonna focus on A and D.
(13:37):
A to D behavior, which is activating eventsstraight to dependent behavior, is referred to
as reactivity.
And the theory of adult development states that75 to 80% of adults emotionally are still
teenagers.
And that teenager mindset is reactivity, and itis quickly appropriate.
(13:59):
However, when you get to the age of an adultand you are expected to look into your belief
system and your emotions, a lot of us are nottaught the tools that we need.
So let's look into that.
So the A to D behavior.
Let's say that you and I, Caroline, are justsitting here and having a podcast, and suddenly
you look down and you feel something slitheringon your leg and there's a snake.
So that's your A, your activating event.
(14:20):
So what would your dependent behavior be?
Would you run or kick or scream or whatever?
Are you a runner or, you know, how would youreact to that snake?
I would pick it, and I would continue myinterview because there it is.
I'm used to.
I always have a snake on
Oh, yeah.
Absolutely.
(14:41):
Do you have a pet snake?
Yeah.
Oh, that's wonderful.
I love that.
You know, that's actually perfect becausethat's always how I lead this example.
So let me circle back a bit.
So A to D, a lot of people would be scared ofsnakes, and so they might run or, you know,
freak out or something.
So we call that fight or flight, which isperfectly fine with a snake if you are scared.
(15:03):
It's not fine when it's, like, 2 p.m.
It's a long work day, and suddenly you get atext from your boss or your spouse, and it just
reads on an email or a text that says we needto talk, and you panic.
So that's where that reactivity comes in of,hold on.
That's not an actual threat.
Discomfort is not danger.
And so now let's take that snake and then lookat the B and the C, the belief and the emotion.
(15:26):
So most people will flip out with a snake.
A to D, activating event is your snake.
Your D, your dependent behavior is flippingout, fight or flight.
So we ask why is that.
So we look at the emotion, which is your C, andthey say, well, I'm scared.
So your emotion is fear.
You circle that back.
Okay.
Why are you scared?
Because your belief is any snake that comesnear me is dangerous, can kill me, and it's a
(15:50):
threat.
Okay.
Perfectly understandable.
Now let's take your example.
You have a pet snake.
Excuse me.
I hit something here.
You have a pet snake, and so your belief systemis not going to be this snake is dangerous and
can hurt me.
It's, oh, here's my little baby.
Right?
This is my pet snake.
So your emotion, your belief is this snake issafe, and I love the snake.
(16:11):
Your emotion is passion, maybe curiosity.
Oh, how'd you get out of your cage?
Or, you know, joy at, oh, you came to visit meduring the podcast.
How sweet.
So your dependent behavior will change tosomething more appropriate, like pick up the
snake and put it somewhere else.
It's, hey.
I'm doing a podcast right now.
You're being a bit of a distraction.
I'll play with you later.
Something like that.
Take that same example of the 2 p.m., you know,panic text.
(16:35):
You think of your belief of whenever somebodysays, come to my office or we need to talk, I'm
in trouble.
So I'm scared.
So your behavior might be, oh, I'm gonna putthat off, or I'm gonna come in swinging because
it's gonna be a fight or something.
And if you sit for a second with those emotionsof, say, where is this coming from?
What's the belief?
That's where the cognitive behavioralpsychology comes in.
(16:55):
As mentioned, a lot of times when it just comesto just believe something else, it can be very
helpful for many individuals, especially thosein business.
Others, it doesn't resonate as well.
So I will restate that disclaimer.
Find what works for you.
I do a lot of meditation, a lot of somatic workbecause I ruminate a lot.
I have a lot of cognitive energy, and I'm veryanxious.
(17:18):
And so if I operate from cognitive behavioralpsychology purely, then I'm just gonna talk
myself into a circle.
So I have to externalize an emotion or get intomy body.
So it's always different for every person.
So try a couple different things.
If you're interested in trying out cognitivebehavioral psychology from my coaching, and
then if that doesn't work, you wanna try out acouple somatic, things like breath work,
(17:40):
meditation, etc.
Come, message me on LinkedIn.
We'll see what we can come up with.
But yeah.
So that's the basic framework that we operatefrom.
Oh, thank you so much for sharing.
I'm inspired now, and I have to say, yes.
It was about responding, not reacting.
So the reacting and for me, the whole podcastthing in the beginning was the the what is the
(18:08):
a?
What's the a?
Activating event.
Yeah.
Yeah.
The activating because I was scared for 17years, and then I but my passion was how do you
call this?
The passion was more more Yeah.
Than I wanted to
do this.
Wait.
I'm you see, I I cannot even speak.
I mean, properly.
I was not speaking before.
(18:29):
So now now I train.
But and and but I I can, give you an example ofof what another a for me is is the opposite.
It's not when people, texting me come into myoffice.
It's when people are not replying when Imessage them.
And then I have this down spiral, like like,they will never, reply again in never ever.
(18:55):
You know?
And then I panic, and and I write, more.
I text for I text 100 messages, and then it'snot so, helpful for the relationship with the
people.
Yeah.
You know, funny enough, I've actually been I amstill in many cases that same person, that that
anxiety of, oh, they're not messaging me.
(19:17):
I'm scared of distance.
And so the belief system there and I'm going tomake an assumption for the sake of time, but
this is a great modeling of coaching.
But an assumption I might make in that becauseI've been there is, you know, when you don't
get a reply, you think the relationship isgetting damaged.
There's distance.
And so you immediately say, I want to feelcloser with this person.
(19:39):
And so you're seeking another bid forconnection, which is a dependent behavior.
You reach out again, and that's where it can beoverwhelming to people.
In some cases, you know, as somebody who's beenvery anxious, when you say, hold on.
I'm gonna triple, quadruple, you know, text youa 100 times, and they say, hold up.
Listen.
I was in a meeting for 20 minutes.
Like, please.
(19:59):
And so I would like to actually ask you thatquestion of is that similar to your belief of
when you feel that that distance?
Is the fear there that you are losing therelationship?
Yes.
I found out that it has to do with the behaviorof my father.
You know?
He came to visit me every other week because myparents were divorced, and he was an alcoholic.
(20:28):
He was not always showing up, and I was sittingthere in front of the house on a wall or on a—I
was sitting there waiting for him, and I, ofcourse, I panicked with the hours.
The hours went by, and I, yeah, you know, and Ionly found out one year or two years ago that
this pattern is still—or it was still alive.
(20:50):
Now that I faced it or I discovered it, I cando something about it.
And I'm happy that we can talk about it today.
Absolutely.
It's always hard when you've had that wound,you know, that abandonment wound that says,
okay.
Hold on.
This is a situation with just a friend or acolleague.
(21:13):
They're not responding, and yet it comes allthe way back to that.
Okay.
My father's leaving.
He's not gonna come back.
He's unreliable.
And so it is amazing that you had thatawareness because that's the first step to
making that change.
You know, meeting you where you're at in thepast, you know, two years ago or however long,
when you gain that awareness, I'm sure over thelast couple years, you've started to notice it
(21:33):
more and more.
And now you're at a point where you'recomfortable speaking about it.
And so from a coach perspective, I would meetyou where you're at right now of, wow, it's
great you have that knowledge.
Where is it still coming up today?
And that's where we would start to work onthose beliefs that are still there or the
behaviors that will give you new data pointsand say, look.
Listen.
You can use these tools to reach out, or youcan self-regulate in the time in between and
(21:56):
say, it's okay if they don't message me.
I trust them.
In the next couple of days, they will.
And if they don't, I will reach out in, youknow, four or five days and say, hey.
It's been a bit.
I haven't heard from you, and, you know, Iexpected to within the week or so.
Yes.
What great advice.
Thank you so much.
Because I think many people out there havepatterns, and they don't know where it comes
(22:17):
from or how to respond, how to do itdifferently.
Yes.
Thank you so much.
I have another question.
Let's see what this is.
How has your experience in martial arts andfitness influenced your coaching approach?
Oh, wow.
Funny enough, you've actually touched onsomething very interesting.
(22:39):
First off from the fitness, as I mentioned, Ido see my coaching as personal training for the
heart, and so I use a lot of fitness metaphorsand compare a lot with that.
However, with martial arts, funny enough, myexperience with martial arts showed me that
there are a lot of shared frameworks in theworld.
(23:01):
You know, I actually very recently looked intothe Society for Creative Anachronism, which is
essentially, you know, Renaissance and timeperiods.
And, you know, I was looking into getting intoarmored combat, which is my goal for the year
is to get a full suit of armor and have fungetting beat up in a suit of armor.
But I was learning some stances for thegreatsword to use like a greatsword, and the
(23:28):
person that was teaching me looked at myfootwork and asked me what I had done before.
And so I said, I've done Muay Thai and a coupledifferent martial arts.
He said, okay.
Let's look at this from a boxer stance becauseMuay Thai has a little bit of that similarity,
and, of course, they're not
But I was just amazed that they were usingexamples of a high stance similar to, like,
(23:53):
with a high sword stance, similar to a highboxer stance of, hey.
You can feint here, and you can, you know, youwant to swivel your feet in this way, and I
say, oh, this is very transferable from whatI've done with martial arts.
And it just kind of opened my eyes to theframework is always different, but it's always
the same.
And I know that's an odd answer, but I'mactually finishing up a book right now about
(24:18):
creating breakthroughs in any person, and it'sbecause change happens in the same way, but
it's received differently in every person.
So I mentioned, you know, cognitive behavioralpsychology and, okay, if you operate from a
place of cognition, if you are an analyticalperson, then you may come at a problem
(24:39):
analytically, but you may also love music.
And so the idea of creating a breakthroughthere is, okay.
Are we using your analytical mind, or are weusing your musical mind right now?
How do you interact with music?
You know?
What if you are a martial arts person?
Well, how can we use examples from that becauseyour brain is already resonating with it?
You already like it.
(25:00):
You know, if you collect trading cards, okay,what is it that appeals to you out of trading
cards?
It's, oh, I love the organization.
I love the sameness, and I love the maybe thecompetition of saying, look at how big my
collection is compared to others.
Like, okay.
So if competition is a value to you or youvalue organization, how can we help add that to
your life in other ways?
(25:21):
And so all everything is transferable in someway, shape, or form.
So that's where I talk about meeting clientswhere they're at.
And so martial arts and fitness has affected mycoaching by basically showing me that it's all
the same, but it's different, essentially.
(25:42):
Everybody has a framework that works for them,and I have a framework that works for me.
And together, we have multiple frameworksbecause every person is a multifaceted being.
I might have a client that is very artistic,musically inclined, and loves organized chaos,
whereas I'm more analytical.
I love my boxes.
I love organization.
(26:02):
I say, okay.
How can you teach me to help coach you, and howcan I teach you to see things slightly
differently?
And we'll help each other, and we'll growtogether because, again, you are navigating a
fear or you want to move toward a change, and Iwill hold your hand along it.
And so there will be moments where I haveadvice that will help from an analytical state
or analytical side, and there will be momentswhere I want to go down a path.
(26:25):
And I say, well, hold on.
What do you want in this as a client?
And you will challenge me to say, okay.
Well, I'm just kinda sitting in the abstractright now, and I go, I hate that.
I'm so bad at that, but I have a mentor who'svery abstract and artistic.
And so I need that reflection also.
So in that moment, that's where the beauty ofcoaching is, I get to also grow alongside you
(26:49):
as we challenge each other in different ways.
So my ideal coaching, it turns almost into afriendship where I get to sit and say, hey.
Well, how have things been?
Oh, have you, you know, would you like to trythis, or what path would you like to go, or how
can I support you?
And they say, Aaron, you know, I'm dealing witha lot of mess right now.
I could really use somebody to help me clean itup.
I say, okay.
Well, thankfully, that's my strength.
(27:10):
In some cases, they might sit there and I say,you know, I could help you clean this up, but
right now, I think you and I both know thatsitting in the abstract is just what needs to
be done.
You know?
This is your strength.
This is who you are.
Play in that puddle of mess because that's whoyou are and that's your strength, and giving
them that permission and that allowance to justbe who they are.
(27:33):
Wow.
What a great answer.
Thank you so much.
And what I take away from this is theindividual approach versus having one program
for all these big ones or right?
And it doesn't fit.
But this is the approach of not, experts.
(27:54):
Non expert.
Okay.
And yes.
And I learned so much.
Thank you so much about that.
I have so many more questions.
For example, you talked about your goals, thatthis is one of your next goals.
This would be a question or also what was thebest coach you ever had.
And and then, of course and I do this threequestions in one.
(28:15):
Okay.
Okay.
That where can we find you when people want toreach out to you?
You mentioned already LinkedIn, and I'm sohappy.
We are connected.
So please tell us.
Absolutely.
So ask me that first question again.
I heard about the best coach and then, where tofind me.
What was your first question again?
(28:35):
Yes.
It was about your goals.
Do you set goals?
What is one of your next projects?
Then the best coach you ever had, we need this.
And, it's where we can find you.
Excellent.
So as far as goals, I actually just finishedmaking my yearly goals.
I follow the Dream Manager format, and so Ihave 12 goals.
(28:56):
I believe it's 12.
A goal that is spiritual, intellectual,physical, material, legacy, etc., character.
And so one of my goals is I am going to finishthat breakthrough book talking about the
different frameworks and how to apply themindividually.
So you can look on, for that.
I'm hoping by summer, I'll have the rough draftfinished.
And so, hopefully, by the end of the year, itwill be rolled out.
(29:18):
So that's what I'm working on currently.
My next goal is just to connect with as manypeople as possible, honestly.
I'm always looking to connect because as you'veheard, so many coaches use a framework and they
apply it to everybody, and they just wait forthe clients that work for them.
And that's perfectly fine because if you'restrong at something and you have a niche, do
(29:38):
it.
I want to operate from a place of flexibilityand variety with my clients.
I want to meet you where you are and help youto create an amazing business or just an
amazing life.
I do personal coaching.
I do executive coaching.
I do consulting and transformation forbusinesses.
So I do want you to reach out to me.
As far as the best coach I've ever had, it hasto be my coworkers, all of them, honestly.
(30:03):
My boss, Steve Anderson, the president ofIntegrated Leadership Systems, he took a chance
on me straight out of college and helped tocultivate my coaching ability.
He saw this in me, and it was a long threeyears of both of us learning and growing and
adjusting.
But he was an incredible mentor.
And now I have Michael "Don" Mike O'Donnell,Mike O'Donnell, excuse me, who is my current
(30:30):
coworker and mentor who, as I mentioned, thatabstract individual, that artist who helps me
to really see the beauty in essentially mess.
You know?
I see a big swath of look at this, you know,big puzzle, and he says, you know, the Aurora
Borealis or something.
And he says, look at how beautiful this wholepiece is.
Like, look at how beautiful the colors blend.
(30:51):
And I say, yes.
I see this color and this color and this color,like, specific boxes.
He says, no.
Look at the whole thing.
And I say, oh, I forgot.
You're right.
And so he helps me so much in seeing the wavyand the abstract and the grays.
And, you know, it's just it's a beautifulrelationship, and I'm thankful for all of them,
honestly.
And finally, where you can find me is LinkedIn.
(31:12):
I believe that is linked in the description.
And then also, you can find our site for othercoaches if you want somebody that is more, you
know, a different background, male or female,or, you know, somebody that operates in the
spectrum.
I am neurodivergent, so I am autistic.
We have a variety of coaches, and you can findthem on integratedleader.com.
(31:33):
So that's integratedleader.com, or you canmessage me personally on LinkedIn.
Send me a follow or connection request, and Iwill always offer a free, at very least
15-minute phone call.
But currently, I'm doing 1 hour where you cansit down and connect.
So please take advantage of that.
That'll be going for probably about one moremonth after this video comes out.
(31:55):
But take advantage of that, and let's connect.
I always love meeting new people.
So
I love it.
Thank you so much for sharing.
Please connect to Aaron.
He's amazing.
He shares this knowledge and wisdom andindividual coaching approaches.
This is important nowadays, I think.
Thank you so much.
I learned so much.
(32:15):
I have to relisten to this episode, of course,again about this name.
And now it's time for your final thoughts tothe audience, please.
I guess I would leave you with one of thebiggest struggles I've had in the last three
years is we talk about authenticity.
I had the misconception or misperception thatbeing authentic meant being my whole self all
(32:43):
the time.
And so I tried to push pieces of myself intoplaces where they weren't appropriate because
we think of the person who is, well, I'mbrutally honest.
That's just who I am, but they're more oftenthan not more brutal than they are honest.
And so I use the example of when I sit and dospeeches or even podcasts.
You know, I love the Renaissance fair.
(33:04):
I just talked about doing armored combat.
I'm not gonna show up in a suit of armor tocome talk to people in speeches.
Right?
That's still a big part of me.
I love being the theater kid.
I love Broadway, all this stuff.
However, being my whole self in every situationsometimes caused more harm than good because I
was trying to force things.
(33:24):
So my statement to the audience is when youthink of authenticity, you do not need to be
your whole self all the time to be authentic.
You have to have a life that honors your wholeself.
So for instance, I get to honor my silence andmy empathy when I operate with clients.
I sit and listen to them.
I get to be the main character and, you know,play around and be goofy when I am at the Ren
(33:47):
Fair, and I'm in a costume or something.
I get to be silly with my personal friends, andI get to be serious with my professional
friends.
And so I have a life I've crafted that honorsmy whole self.
So I hope that helps.
And if you wanna go on that journey, contact meon LinkedIn.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
Yes.
It helps.
I'm inspired now.
(34:08):
Well, thank you.
And I see you in the next.
Thank you for listening to "Inspired ChoiceToday." I'm thrilled to have you on this
journey of growth and transformation.
Don't forget to hit follow or subscribe to stayconnected and never miss an episode.
And here's something special.
Grab your free 20-minute breakthrough sessionwith me.
(34:32):
It's designed to help you kick-start or levelup your business.
Just check out the show notes for more.
Until next time, keep making those inspiredchoices, and we'll see you in the next episode.
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