October 21, 2024 • 43 mins
Welcome to The Inspired Women Podcast. On this episode your host Megan Hall interviews Liz. Liz Clifton is Founder of Family Dog Connection Limited where she guides you and your animals to calm and the take34u mission. Her mission is... Read moreRehabilitating Self Through Rehabilitating Dogs Featuring Liz Clifton
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to the inspired women podcast. I am
your host, Megan Hall, academic, spouse, mom, and
advocate for change. On this podcast, Ielts space
for women and non binary
individuals to share their stories.
Warning, sometimes we chat about Taboo topics and
drops some f bomb.
Thank you for being here today and enjoy
the episode.
(00:27):
Hey, everyone. Today. I'm here with Liz. Liz
is the founder of family dog connection limited
where she guides you and your animals to
calm. And the take 34 u mission, I
just got a puppy by the way. So
you're talking about dogs. I just got 1.
Like,
like, oh, was a 2 months ago. She's
so little puppy. She's tiny you a little
(00:47):
thing. She's, like, 4 months old. She's so
cute.
So Liz mission is to empower at least
3000000
individuals. Who.
Of any species to create the clear, calm,
connected confidence and communication to choose to be
themselves with anyone
anywhere at any time and take at least
(01:07):
3 minutes of daily self care joy. Well,
thank you so much for coming on the
podcast today. Mh.
Absolutely my pleasure. Thank you for that beautiful
introduction. Yes. I mean, I assume you wrote
it or somebody wrote it for you. So
I just read it.
Thank you for doing that. Yeah. I just
I'm just here. I'm like, sometimes I read
(01:29):
this 1 of my. Wow. You all are
doing so
much. Amazing stuff, and I'm like, what am
I doing is my life? No.
I actually just got a job as a
professor this fall at a university.
So...
Yeah. So I'm not... I... I'm I'm doing
things. And just sometimes I read 3000000
(01:50):
individuals. Whoa,
That's a lot. That's the... That's a big
audacious goal, and I love it for you.
Oh, thank you. I put in just think
about how many people
can hear your podcast.
You know, we were just speaking about all
the different spaces that people can listen to
it in. And you're like, well that takes
(02:10):
like a ripple,
someone listens to it. They take 1 aspect
of your podcast.
They go share it with someone else. They
share it with someone else, and do you
know what? 3000000,
You get that really quick.
Maybe I'm there already. I don't know. I've
been doing this for
7 years now. Yeah. 7 years now. Maybe
Maybe I, I have already done it. For
(02:31):
all I know. I might have.
Well, Liz, it's not up to me to
decide where in your journey to start, that's
really up to you. You know what's the
most important place to start. So I'm gonna
leave it to you to kick us off
wherever you think is important.
That's Amazing. Okay. So I think the first
thing that always comes to mind is rescuing
(02:53):
our first Romania street dog.
And she came into my life at a
time at the end of,
a 15 year really
dysfunctional
relationship.
And in me beginning to realize that it
I actually have a choice on what I
do with my life. I actually have a
choice on what I do in each moment,
(03:14):
Within that space,
she appeared.
And she was so fearful of people
and we actually went to rescue her because
I sent out some different inquiries for different
dogs and
Immediately, I had this telephone call from the
people that had her
in their rescue center at that time.
(03:36):
And she'd been there about 6 months or
so, and she'd never stepped outside in the
daylight. Oh She was... Only seeking out. I
know. She was only seeking out in the
dark to, like, have a quick drink, eat
her food to her business,
and then she was back in there. And
at that point, they were really worried, and
they were going... What's her quality of life?
(03:58):
And you can imagine, you know, they're there.
They're trying to rescue these beautiful animals. They're
giving them like a second chance, and they're
looking and they're like
what joy has she got? Where's her daily
joy? Yeah. You know, there's none nas, so
they were considering putting her
to sleep.
And as soon as I heard that, I
was like, okay. We're invested.
(04:19):
So I tell my lovely husband and he's
like, okay. We're invested 2 days Later asap,
We arrive home, and we have
absolutely beautiful dog a lot bigger than we
the what she is gonna be,
But we have it there. We have in
the dog crate,
and we have her outside in this dog
crate, and we're like,
what do we do now?
(04:40):
Because she's so scared of people,
you know, the only kind of contact she's
had with people has caused her anxiety has
caused a real trauma.
And it took their rescue people like about
40 minutes to get her into the crate
before we could even
bring her home because she was so scared.
And at that point, we really had no
(05:01):
idea what journey we were about to step
into.
And in we rehab her really gently really
calmly. I spent a lot of just silent
time,
you know, near her space, not in her
space, but in the same room as her,
just being calm.
You know, I did meditation in there. It
(05:22):
did Ricky. I just animal ra.
Just really sharing that calm space with her.
And through that, really slowly
began to build her trust me her herself
confidence as well.
And, you know, just her connecting
into herself. So she began to know who
she was.
(05:43):
And as I was helping her in that
Journey, I was finding that I was doing,
like, the exact same thing myself.
So from having, like, hidden my voice for
those 15 years in that relationship, I began
to start using my voice. And I began
I'm a big researcher. So Was doing so
much research. How can we help? How can
(06:03):
we help her? And at that point, there
was really not that much or online. There's
quite a lot now
So, you know, if you're stepping into, looking
after a puppy. If you're rescuing,
you know, an older dog,
There's a lot more that's available and They
think lockdown really supported with that because people
had time in their hands to people who
knew something,
(06:24):
began to go, hey, Actually, I've got something
I can share.
And, you know, the resources are beginning to
be there.
But, yes, it's very much for me as
I was building her confidence, I was building
mine. I remember, like, the first physical touch.
So everything's always been her choice.
Her face. And I remember that first movement,
(06:44):
she kinda came up and nose my leg.
Oh. And I was like,
oh my goodness. So I'm, like, super excited,
and I'm sat there so
desperately trying to not move.
You know, just wanting to go
and, like, jump for joy that she's chosen
to make that physical
connection too,
(07:05):
And just hearing her... She house at the
moon.
And oh, 0, you know, she's, like, proper,
you know, nap patrol proper instinct dog. She's
got hurt her wolf
instincts in there.
And that first time we heard her howling.
We were like,
She has a voice. Oh my gosh. This
is amazing.
(07:27):
And if she was finding her voice, I
was finding mine.
And there I remember, you know, like, there's
a good few moments where I'm just sat
that quiet space with her and I'm like,
hey, we get to help other people too.
And I think just being now with h
journey
is, you know, what has kind of led
me into what I do,
(07:48):
and at the same time
towards sort of
the end
bit of her beginning journey,
you know, she's still progressing like in leaps
and bounds.
But towards the end of that kind of
first step where she's starting to connect with
us.
My nanny, she'd been sort of suffering with
(08:09):
alzheimer's,
dementia, and she'd been going through, you know,
her own journey there.
And it was like, as she was losing
her voice,
I was stepping into mine,
and you knew very much I feel, you
know, she kind of hung on the last
bit until I was ready to kind of
take up these reins.
(08:29):
When Anne and Grand really looked after me
a lot when I was a kid.
In my parents, I was like, I just
a 5. They were both really busy and
working and stuff. And so I had a
a really close connection with both banana and
my grand,
and it really felt like... I was kind
of taken on, like that family for them.
And I said, yes, you know, I would
(08:49):
be there or port those, you know, who
don't have the voice, and,
yeah, fa bizarre, like, our first dog, that
really supports it,
and then kind of our second street dog.
He came to me in a dream.
So
I know.
So is all the doggy stuff is flowing
(09:11):
in now.
Yeah. Ours our our our puppy is a
a rescue to the rescue that we got
her through is,
they
rescue
pups from,
kill shelters
here in the United States.
And so she ain't quite the little,
Like, they get these pups from, like, hours
(09:32):
away,
and she traverse several states to get to
the rescue that we got her from. But,
yeah, Tea and her siblings came from a
kill shelter,
and they rescued. So we are we are
those kind of people. I'm not here to
bash anybody who wants to purchase the pop,
Like, I mean, we had to pay an
adoption fee for her. But
(09:53):
wants to purchase the put from a breeder
to tease their own. I'm not here to
push on that. But we've always been ones
that we've wanted months. We wanted the ones
that are in the shelter, Our cats cut
came from a shelter, like,
everybody comes from a shelter. And so, yeah,
we got her little puppy bailey from a
rescue, and she... People were like, what kind
of dog is she like, oh she's... They
(10:14):
said, like, poodle mix, but, like, she looks
like she's border collie, so maybe border collie
poo. I don't know. Like, maybe someday purchased
1 of those Dna. Things, but I don't
really know what she is.
Much she's cute.
Oh,
and I think like, that's the thing that
matters isn't it. It's like us.
It's the who you are. It's not where
(10:36):
you've come from. It's not. You know, completely
where you've been. Obviously, we carry our experiences,
we learn from them. We can share, you
know, things from them, share the stories.
But it's that unique spark.
You know, that's the bit that matters. It's
not the breed or the label or the
designer or the packaging.
(10:56):
You know, it's that energy and that, like,
that deep rooted love that they have in
them,
and I think I can know. I'm I'm
with you.
I think sometimes, you know, the rescues...
It's... There's more natural there.
I think sometimes it can be easier building
those connections.
And they're that, I need us. You know?
(11:20):
Yeah. Yeah. They absolutely do. We've met quite
a few pups when we were there
getting daily, and we were, like, what about
this 1? What about this 1? And
We met Bailey and at first of were,
like, is she the 1,
and then we that we had our eye
on this other pop, but she had a
lot of energy, and we're kinda chill people.
(11:40):
And I was, like, I need a chill
pup bite.
I need no get chill. I need a
pup that's good chill with me. Like
And so after some contemplation, we brought our
kids. So we have kids and we brought,
some of our kids with us. And so
together as a family, we decided that we
were gonna get bailey. And and after having
(12:01):
her home a couple weeks we're like, we
made the right decision because she had a
lot of puppy energy. And then I was,
like, could you imagine this plus the energy
that the other puppy had?
And my spouse was, like, I know. I
can't. Even. Puppies nobody nobody warned. Haven't had
a puppy in a long time. Puppies have
a lot of energy.
(12:22):
Even like chill pops have a lot of
energy.
Jeez.
And is so like contagious jeff isn't that?
You spend just, like, a little bit of
time with them and you're like, well, that's
good. It's going.
How So you have 2 pups now.
(12:42):
We have 4 rescue dogs right now. Are.
You rescue. 4 puppies.
Ec all dogs. Puppies. My spouse is like
meg, only baby dogs or puppies. I was
like, no. They're all puppies to me.
Does they've got 4 of them on all
rescues?
Yeah. Were they... Did they all need
(13:02):
some sort of rehabilitation or... Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. They all have done. So we've
got right now, we have 2 romania
rescues. They were both from couch shelters,
anna a Bosnian 1.
And then we also have, like, a Uk
rescue.
So she's a Shi shu, and she's just
hilarious. But She was in a family
(13:24):
and, you know, she kind of she locked
on to the leg of this other the
female dog that was there. So she's
where they've all had sort of bite
or anxiety,
you know, things to move through in those
early stages.
But then it's so worth it. And I
think everything that I do, it's all about
(13:45):
giving them that choice. Mh. You know, the
same as where all of this kind of
began for me more recently,
well I say recently is quite a while
ago now. But you know,
like, 10 years ago now.
I mean, I've been married for 13 years
going on 14 years, and I feel like
we got married yesterday. So the time
(14:07):
flies.
It really does. And that's gorgeous.
Congratulations. Thank you.
K.
And, yet, just kind of looking at where
that began all around the choice and just
giving those dogs the choice.
So when they first come in, just, you
know, letting them have that big d decompression
time.
So they can start to get to know
(14:28):
you, and then just releasing
all that kind of built up stress that
they've got. They're just the same as we
do.
You know, we carry that stacked up stress.
It just kinda keeps going and going
until we allow ourselves to stop and pause
and
begin to come and let it go.
And I think that's the first step whenever
(14:50):
they come into our space is that? It
saying, do you know what? You're safe.
We're gonna look calf to you, We're gonna
feed you. We're gonna water you. You have
a safe space here.
So
relax.
Release.
And let's see what you need. You know
how much do decompression time do you need?
Is there anything we need to? You know,
(15:12):
be supporting them with sort of health or
diet or, you know, just how they are,
like, emotionally because you know they have the
same kinds of emotions that we do. Yeah.
And I think 1 of the most fun
things is how dogs of, like, they learn
our facial expressions.
So when you're looking at them and you're
(15:32):
feeling they're looking like, you know, they're looking
happy or they're looking sad, or they're looking
thoughtful.
They are,
you know, because they've kind of learned those
from us.
And then in there, like, epi genetics over
recent
generations,
they're passing that on so that they can
bond with us better
because they want to be, you know, in
(15:52):
those spaces,
But then where you have like the street
rescues, they've got that,
but then their parents and perhaps like crown
grandparents, they even then put back into the
wild on the streets.
So it's not wild wild like Wolf.
It's like a cross in between and you
get these really kind of interesting
(16:14):
instincts that they've got. And you're like, oh,
it's kind of wolf. You know, well, it
kind of is
but it's like wolf
domesticated
already.
It's like it's such a fun mix to
kinda of try and work out.
Yes.
Absolutely.
I
I feel like that. And in and you
(16:34):
said you're trying to
touch
empower
3000000 individuals of any species. So you're talking
about human,
all sorts of kind of animals too,
Even though you you... From what I understand
you've predominantly worked with dogs.
Yes. So right now, we have dogs. I've
rescued
(16:55):
cats as well. We've had rescued bunnies. We've
had rescued guinea pigs.
And with the work you are support any
species.
The only 1 that I can support, there's
not so much that you need to support
them with, but the only 1 they have
a little bit of resist and still with
is spiders.
(17:16):
I thought you're gonna say snakes because that's
where my resistance would come in.
But I think my middle daughter wants a
snake, and I was, like, out absolutely freaking.
No. I don't think so.
Oh
so spiders.
(17:36):
So snakes you're willing to work with?
Yeah. Yeah. And I can do spiders, but
I'd rather it was, you know, there was
like, a a tang or or something in
the tweet.
Yes.
I... Yeah. I can see that. I'm not
a huge spider fan, but I... I'm I'm
(17:56):
I'm okay with them more than I am
snakes.
I have a hard, a hard pass on
snakes. I have this deeper fear that's been
there since I was a little kid. So
I just...
We think it came from my sister collective
and buckets and throw all them honey.
So
this is the... Yeah. This is the story
(18:17):
that we... I... Like, we tell everybody, and
she was, like, I was such a little
shit back then. I'm like, he really blur
a little shit back. Branding anywhere.
But... Yeah. We have... Like I said before,
we have rescue cats too. So that's why
I was I was asking because, yeah, we
have 2 rescue cats. And 1
is she's just got anxiety, so she just...
(18:39):
Stave and her cat tree and avoids the
dog at all cat, a across, and the
other 1 fights with the dog. Like dog
Not even like,
without cause out, but like, not, like, we'll
have his clause out, but he be like,
quack quack. And then the dog doesn't learn
her lesson and she goes after him again,
and then he chases after her and they
(18:59):
chase I'm, like, are they friends? Are they
not friends? I don't know.
But it is a it's a wild time
in this household. Let me tell what.
I love them. I love them. And it's
like, it's really fun to see how they
play out these relationships.
You know, and they're like, hey, I'm chasing
you, and now I I'm chasing you, and
(19:21):
I'm gonna stay out the way, but do
you know what? I'm probably sneak watching what
you guys are all doing?
And when I when I choose my moment,
you know, I might join in, and you'll
you'll see where I'm like.
Yeah. They're they're are their queue. And and
because the cat doesn't do any real damage
to the dog. I'm like, I'll just let
(19:41):
them be.
They can now they can have their weird
relationship that they have. That's in fine until
somebody gets hurt. We're okay.
So
I think he's just saying I'm like, give
me some space But then he'll go up,
you know, sniff butt and, you know, and
it's so it's such a weird relationship between
the 2 of them. It is what it
is. And then my middle daughter has
(20:03):
She just moved back in with us, and
she has a gecko
and a hermit crab.
So, yeah. That's...
I was... I'm not used to these little
critters, but they have their own little tanks,
they do their own little things.
Sometimes, like, is your crab dead, and then
you'll see it moving. And they're, like no
it's alive. It just doesn't do a lot.
(20:25):
So you were talking about how Irma you've
real rehab
the pop, but also rehab
you.
In what ways,
share with us a little bit more in
what ways it kinda of rehab you?
Yeah. So
this style was just reconnecting with myself.
(20:45):
My eldest daughter she'll be 22 this share.
So 21 not sure. Oh, my god. Yeah.
Oh this is where we're in this space.
Is this so much like connectivity?
You know, and it's so kind of
looking at my relationship with her kind of
(21:07):
her birth father,
It was so bad.
And
you know, when I stepped out it, she
came and she, you know, was with me
full time late she's moved out now, she
worked and has Own place and how are
own beautiful cats.
See they like my grand babies. Yay.
Those are the brand babies all takes I'll
(21:27):
take those babies Not ready for the human
ones. Yeah.
I don't think she's gonna do. I don't
think she would do a human ones.
You know, And I think part of that
because
if she'd rather than, you know, loves cats.
But I think also just from the experiences
that we went through,
So there was, like, some financial controlling, a
(21:47):
lot of emotional stuff, and
I really in that time, I was just,
like, firefight.
So full focus on the kids.
At that point I had sort of her
and then her sisters just just under 2
years younger than her.
And then my third daughter was oh, let
me think.
(22:08):
Yeah. 10 years. 10 years, younger than my
eldest.
And then in my new relationship, they have
an now 7 year as well.
A bit... So you're stepping out of that
relationship,
it was really a chance to reconnect to
actually who was I
because, you know, I stepped out of university
into that relationship and that's where He'd been.
(22:31):
So I'd then gone from that into mom,
like, sort of instantly,
and I didn't grow up. Really
from where I was. So I was still
very much,
you know, as if I was at at
college and
You know, so taking that time Zara, I
was unable to reconnect myself and go okay?
(22:53):
Well, where are we? What are we doing?
Who are you? And what is I'm exactly
the same as I was when I was,
like, 5 years old. You know, like, way
far back as it is I can remember.
And I love animals, and I love helping
people.
But I had to give myself that love
first.
And I think that was my first big
(23:14):
rehab meditation lesson
was to know that to support
myself to support all my girls, you know,
to of all species,
Right. Because we had, like, a rescue cat
then as well. She years a girl.
You know, en into all of us our
scales at that time.
To help everybody, I had to help myself.
(23:35):
I had to accept who I was.
Except what had happened.
And, you know, kind of take responsibility
for the fact that I hadn't connected to
myself for all that time,
And then from there, I could begin to
accept it,
acknowledge it,
and moved to forgive myself.
And I think as I forgave myself, I
(23:58):
was then able to start to allow more
love flow into me.
So I codex accept support from other people.
And I could, you know, really develop our
relationships, and it all began,
you know, with the Bizarre, with with that,
silent,
connection and relationship. And so I was supporting
(24:18):
myself, getting my confidence, my voice back and
building the relationship with me,
they meant that I could
rebuild and strengthen and clear the relationships with
my daughter's,
with my that... My new partner as he
came in. And
so... Yeah. I think it was that, you
know, the relationship, the connection and that's kind
(24:40):
of where that mission all comes from.
From right. Well, what did I do? Where
did I begin?
And then eat... Day. There's always more clearing.
Right. That pops up.
The the work does not
people seem to think there's this magical ending
to the work you have to do on
yourself. And,
(25:01):
I'm sorry to say there's not something... Even
even if you get to the point where
you're like, I am fully healed human being,
you
life has happened and more stuff will happen,
and we just gotta continue work on ourselves
along the way. I always say, like, if
you aren't learning and growing,
you stay stagnant, and the whole world will
(25:21):
pass you by. So along the way, we
all have to be learning and growing.
And it might sound exhausting, but it's really...
You know, once you do, like, the really
hardcore work, it's kind of maintenance, and it's
not as exhausting.
Oh, I love that. And and I think
it's stuck gets so true.
(25:41):
You do the big bits of healing. The
big bits of I out and go. You
know, if the old stress that maybe be
has stacked up with these old emotions that
you kind of carried in your backpack and
you've been climbing at this mountain,
And then as you start to realize actually,
do you know what they've gone.
They're in the past,
and now I can start to let them
go.
(26:02):
Because I can't change what happened back there.
And if we're projecting our anxiety into the
future, you know what, it's not there. Yet.
So it's like, well, stop. So
stop the stress of the past,
stop the stress of the future, and what
can we work with right now?
Mh. And it can totally feel exhausting in
(26:24):
those moments. Go write? Cable well, what can
I do right now?
With anything where I always begin, like, for
myself for my kids for anybody, any species
is, like take just that tiny bit of
space.
And if obviously, it's different spaces we're we're
modeling it for them.
You know, if you're communicating with the animals
(26:46):
and
that can sound a bit like space, but
we all deal with the time. So if
we're about to feed them Oh, hey. Do
you want your dinner, jean you you need
me to walk top your water up? Do
you wanna go for a walk, Like, we're
communicating with them all the time?
And just taking that tiny moment,
breathe.
(27:06):
Breathe them for 1.
Read out for 2.
And it can begin to help you
be yourself in that moment, but also start
to release anything that you've built up in
that moment and the same for your animals.
Because if you pause for a moment, and
you slow that breath, you slow like your
heart rate, breathe them for 1,
(27:27):
breathe out for 2.
You're gonna help them do that emotional processing
and do that emotional releasing too. And then
in those tiny moments we're like, oh, my
goodness, it's too much.
Is that tiny second helps?
I find that breathing is really helpful when
I get over stimulated
(27:48):
because I
I will have these moments where There's so
much going on. I mean, my kids aren't
tiny people anymore, So I don't get as
overs stimulated as I did when they were
tiny people when they were tiny people, it
was, like nonstop over stimulation.
But even now you have the kids who
are teenagers,
not blah blah blah, and then the pop,
(28:09):
and then you have all the... And then
the thoughts in your head and you're just,
like,
taking the time to breathe. You've been really
important.
Otherwise. You could just, like, pass out from
all the over
stimulation.
But, yeah, I have 1 of those people
that I
I have such a capacity that sometimes it's
(28:29):
just a lot, and I have to take
that time to... Like you said to breathe
in, breathe out, just take some
just just some breathing time, just some breathing
time time out.
Yeah. And I think we forget it.
You know, certainly, when I began, like doing
presentation when I began doing talks, I would
forget to breathe and I'd get, like, 20
(28:51):
minutes you know, maybe half an hour into
speaking, and then I just be, like, coughing,
and I'm like, what's going on. And then
my husband watched me he said, you're not
breathing.
And I'm like, whoa,
I have to remember to breathe.
And, you know, obviously, we are breathing all
the time because our body is gonna do
it for us. It's, you know, it knows
what it's doing. It can do it. It's,
(29:12):
you know, been doing it since well, before
we were even born. It's all running in
the background. So it's okay.
But we get to remember to take the
pauses,
and it's so easy to forget.
But They think anytime you're feeling
any kind of negative emotion or any old
(29:32):
tired ness, any old stress anything starting to
pop in.
You can either just focus on the breath,
Like, I often, I put my hands on
my heart, and I'm like, hey, come on,
come back to you.
We can even just ask yourself, like, how
do I feel right now?
And again, just that tiny like self reflection.
It helps you come back into that moment,
(29:54):
and then you can breathe.
Yes.
Is so is this things that you've been
showing your children as well? Like, how have
you been modeling this for your children? Because
I know that's a really important part of
parenting.
I have not always been good at it.
I mean that I was a teen mom,
So there was a long time that I
(30:15):
was not good at modeling,
you know, the right behaviors,
but I feel like I've come to a
place where I'm doing a lot better.
About that?
What about you?
Yeah. So... Yeah. I mean, I began...
Now. Let me think. I was 22.
Yeah. 22 when
I had my first daughter.
So, you know, still, I was very young.
(30:38):
Because I just gone, you know, away and
I've been studying. So I was effectively still
school.
Since very much like being teen months you
know, from that development. I hadn't moved beyond.
I was still, you know, parties and
all this kind of stuff,
So if always been calm
(30:59):
as a person, like, do deep inside they've
I've always been calm
and supportive and caring, always wanna Pm. So
those things work to my favor, but overwhelm,
massively
overwhelmed.
Pm because you're still a kid yourself.
And then there's this kid,
you know, this tiny new newborn maybe. And
(31:20):
to start with they need everything from you.
Yes. And you're like, okay.
And, I mean, I really invested
everything in them, you know, for so long.
Especially in that relationship,
because he was there, but I I never
remember him being there. Mh. He was in
the space, but he wasn't involved.
(31:40):
You. It's just like always
outside somewhere. So I was doing or the
doing. And,
you know, and that can be a lot.
Yeah.
I I can I couldn't relate to that
because,
well, I wasn't in there? I didn't end
up being in a relationship with my oldest
daughters. Father when we,
(32:00):
had her. So I did that. Oh, by
myself. And my mom... I live with my
mom, my mom was helpful.
So It wasn't just just me, but, you
know, it still was me. There was no
other
off doing... And then my second daughter father
was completely useless. So
it's only the twins that I got the,
(32:21):
like, the twins were my final ones and
they were, with my spouse now that I
actually had somebody, like, that was involved. It
was like, so I can relate to what
you're saying about, like, doing it all and
having to put your all into it. It's
exhausting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then because soon as I stepped out
(32:42):
of that space,
and I was supporting me,
they saw me do it. And it's part
of what led me to step out
from the space. When I realized how,
like, toxic it was. How just function it
was and they went,
this is not the exact Set in them.
No way. They're not then creating this for
(33:05):
themselves. No. I'm stepping out, and I'm showing
them you're worth so much more than that.
You matter,
your feelings matter,
And that was my, like, initial, like, push
to step out to then
begin to sort myself out,
and then model all those behaviors for them.
And so my youngest, she's like, 7 now
(33:27):
she'll be 8 in October,
and she's amazing.
She... You know, she goes into school and
she's talking, like mindfulness
and
she knows how she's feeling.
And if she's feeling like mad, she will
show it.
And sometimes it's frustrating
because you're, like, but I wanted to do
this, and but she's processing horizons and I'm
(33:48):
like, Jew, let them go. This is good.
Like, it may be tough sometimes, and it
can be painful, you know, because sometimes like
we all mess up. With parents that we
mess up. Mh And sometimes
they asking for help as nice we won't
hear them quick enough. And then it kind
of kicks off and it's a bit bigger
(34:09):
than it it needed to be. But I'm
like, with there's a lesson, there's a lesson
for you, and there's a lesson for me.
And there's a lesson for us together.
And that's, you know, let's find it.
And she loves, like, doing
meditations and listening to them and making them
up and we do, like meditation stories and
and she's so calming,
(34:31):
and she loves you know, because I do
like Rei and, like, the calming meditation and
stuff and so she loves that. But and
also she understands that a lot of people
don't understand it.
And a lot of people don't know how
they're feeling.
And I I don't know, like, if it's
the same
kind of internationally, but here, a lot of
(34:52):
the kids, they
they're looking at screens and they're not necessarily
being spoken to at home, like as much
anymore.
And so she's in class, and like, they
just punch each other. Oh, they don't speak.
And she's coming home, and she's like, I
was there and so hit me. And I'm
like, oh, my goodness. That's And
they don't know how to express themselves.
(35:14):
So in that way, she's, like streets ahead
because she can.
But then in some ways, I feel really
bad because I put her in, and she
knows how she's feeling.
And then she's having all this kind of
stuff because he they don't know what they're
doing.
You know, and they're kind of putting out,
but I figure she will be supporting them
(35:35):
by modeling as well in class.
And, yeah, Just sourcing that gets easier as
as the schooling goes along. Yes.
Yeah. I it's...
Screen time is such a huge thing. Like,
my my children have limits on on their
devices.
But
I know some parents that there are no
(35:55):
limits on the devices.
And sometimes I feel like some parents... See
the devices as a way of babysitting sitting
their kits,
so they can keep their kids busy. Right?
You don't have to deal with them if
they're busy with their screams.
But I come from a time where, like,
at least I was 1 of those parents,
even though screens screens were relatively new when
(36:16):
my youngest were.
Were babies. So my youngest 3 were were
babies.
So we didn't have them, But also I
always had this strong feeling about not giving
tiny people.
Devices to play on dan in and day,
like
I mean, I'm not trying to bash on
anybody who might be listening who that's their
(36:37):
thing. Like,
I'm just saying for me, I just didn't...
I didn't see it. I was a off.
Like, my my children didn't get a cell
phone until they were
old enough that they needed it, so, like,
they had after school activities or whatever,
which was
far after some of their peers did. Like,
some of their peers had cell phones and
(36:57):
devices in elementary school, and I was just,
like,
not here.
Not happening.
But, you know, I do think like, like,
a lot of people, a lot of times,
kids are having trouble navigating the world because
there are children being brought up, that devices
are their babysitter. Devices, are their contact,
(37:20):
instead of having these
relationships with other people. So III
agree. I do have... It's... I think it's
in an
international thing. I told this just where you
are. That's where I am understand we're in
different countries. So
Yeah. And I think, like, that's the key
to what you said. It's, like, it's the
relationships. It's a connection. It's being able to
(37:42):
speak to someone.
And be able to listen,
so many people they can't listen,
you know? And if you're not showing your
kids that you can listen to them,
who's listening to them. Right.
And if they don't realize that they matter
that they're being heard,
how are they gonna listen to anybody else?
(38:04):
And it's just... Yeah. It's this crazy kind
of cycle.
But then my third daughter says, she's 12.
And, you know, and she has, like this
amazing kind of empathy. And
you know, she's her dad's and she has
a lot of screen time at.
And less with me. Yeah. Don't you love
(38:25):
being that parents Like, I just got my
middle daughter back here. She lived with her
dad for a couple years because dad, she
told me has no rules.
What things happen and and she had to
move back in with me because things aren't
stable, and I'm just gonna leave it up
that. Things aren't stable there so she to
boot back in with me. And she is
(38:45):
not happy that mom has more rules.
Like, this is not, like,
shoes could has complained a couple times so
far. And I'm just like,
Well, ma'am, in my house.
We wanna be human beings.
(39:07):
And and it's so important,
you know, and I
we've gone through those stages
you know, with her as well. And it's
the initial like,
and then it's accepted,
you know, and then it's like, okay, it's
like this here. It's like that there.
It can be different, and, yes, my friends
(39:27):
might have this, and it might be different.
But do you know what?
Mom has a reason. Mh.
And do you know what? As they get
a little bit older,
they're gonna so thank you for it. Because
they will be the people that can speak
to other people,
and they will then lead, you know, whatever
areas of their of their lives that they
(39:48):
want. Now these amazing communicators
and the world is so going to need
them.
Absolutely.
They also need to read process.
Schools are in schools in the United States
stopped teaching cursive,
like in elementary school,
(40:09):
and to me it's
absolutely baffling because, like, I don't know about
the documents in your country, but in the
United States, the... Founding documents are written in
cursive.
Yes.
You kinda wanna know how to read the
documents that founded your country, founding when you
become adult and need to know what those
things say.
(40:30):
So, yes, There's lots of things that our
our children should learn, and and they don't.
And those kids who have...
I mean,
Cursive,
I think is important, but not as important
as emotional
maturity that... Adults need,
and children who are learning to be able
to
(40:50):
cope emotionally and have these
conversations. They're gonna be ahead of the game
then,
children who
quite frankly will be emotionally stunt,
and struggle as adults because they never had
to
utilize those
or, you know,
brain fart.
(41:12):
Anyways, utilize the things.
We'll just say things.
Utilize the things. So, yes. I agree with
you so important.
So as we wrap up the podcast today
list, because the... It goes by really fast,
What would you like to leave the inspired
women audience with.
Okay. So
(41:34):
kind of summarize up from what we've already
spoken
absolutely. You you tie in a pretty bow.
However, you wanna tie in a pretty low.
Okay. We first of all you actor.
Exactly as you are in each and every
moment, you always matter.
And the first person that can listen to
you is you.
(41:55):
So
I'm gonna invite you to either today or
at some within, like, the next 24 hours,
just take a look at yourself
and say something loving to yourself. So
if you stuck for ideas, like, I'm matter.
I am worthy. I'm seen. I'm heard any
(42:15):
1 of them
is perfect. Or all of them. If you
really wanna, you know, boost that connection with
yourself.
But either the key yourself, you know, in
the mirror or as we've been talking screens,
you could do a selfie,
and, you know, you can do it And
now or if you've got video calls that
you're doing, just, you know, rocking there a
minute early, and then just catch yourself on
(42:36):
the camera fast.
But just taking those tiny pauses, there's tiny
moments,
you can start to really reconnect with you,
And just remember that you do matter? And
if you are listening to yourself, do you
know what? Those around you, they start to
listen to you too.
Yes.
That's that's that's amazing. And it's it is
(43:00):
so important that we,
we listen to what's going on inside ourselves.
I think, sometimes we get in this
this
way of
putting everything into everybody else and thinking about
everybody else. I know as... When I was
a younger mom, I lost myself in motherhood
right Putting everything into my children.
(43:20):
And ignoring ourselves, but really what you said
so important to listen to ourselves.
So, Liz, Thank you so much for coming
on the podcast today.
Oh, thank you so much for having me
Has been so fun.
Thank you for tuning in with us today.
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us
a rating review. Follow us on social media
at inspired women podcast podcasts, both on Facebook
(43:43):
and Instagram and don't forget to join our
Facebook group, the inspired women podcast.
Facebook
Welcome to the inspired women podcast. I am
your host, Megan Hall, academic, spouse, mom, and
advocate for change. On this podcast, Ielts space
for women and non binary
individuals to share their stories.
Warning, sometimes we chat about Taboo topics and
drops some f bomb.
Thank you for being here today and enjoy
the episode.
(00:27):
Hey, everyone. Today. I'm here with Liz. Liz
is the founder of family dog connection limited
where she guides you and your animals to
calm. And the take 34 u mission, I
just got a puppy by the way. So
you're talking about dogs. I just got 1.
Like,
like, oh, was a 2 months ago. She's
so little puppy. She's tiny you a little
(00:47):
thing. She's, like, 4 months old. She's so
cute.
So Liz mission is to empower at least
3000000
individuals. Who.
Of any species to create the clear, calm,
connected confidence and communication to choose to be
themselves with anyone
anywhere at any time and take at least
(01:07):
3 minutes of daily self care joy. Well,
thank you so much for coming on the
podcast today. Mh.
Absolutely my pleasure. Thank you for that beautiful
introduction. Yes. I mean, I assume you wrote
it or somebody wrote it for you. So
I just read it.
Thank you for doing that. Yeah. I just
I'm just here. I'm like, sometimes I read
(01:29):
this 1 of my. Wow. You all are
doing so
much. Amazing stuff, and I'm like, what am
I doing is my life? No.
I actually just got a job as a
professor this fall at a university.
So...
Yeah. So I'm not... I... I'm I'm doing
things. And just sometimes I read 3000000
(01:50):
individuals. Whoa,
That's a lot. That's the... That's a big
audacious goal, and I love it for you.
Oh, thank you. I put in just think
about how many people
can hear your podcast.
You know, we were just speaking about all
the different spaces that people can listen to
it in. And you're like, well that takes
(02:10):
like a ripple,
someone listens to it. They take 1 aspect
of your podcast.
They go share it with someone else. They
share it with someone else, and do you
know what? 3000000,
You get that really quick.
Maybe I'm there already. I don't know. I've
been doing this for
7 years now. Yeah. 7 years now. Maybe
Maybe I, I have already done it. For
(02:31):
all I know. I might have.
Well, Liz, it's not up to me to
decide where in your journey to start, that's
really up to you. You know what's the
most important place to start. So I'm gonna
leave it to you to kick us off
wherever you think is important.
That's Amazing. Okay. So I think the first
thing that always comes to mind is rescuing
(02:53):
our first Romania street dog.
And she came into my life at a
time at the end of,
a 15 year really
dysfunctional
relationship.
And in me beginning to realize that it
I actually have a choice on what I
do with my life. I actually have a
choice on what I do in each moment,
(03:14):
Within that space,
she appeared.
And she was so fearful of people
and we actually went to rescue her because
I sent out some different inquiries for different
dogs and
Immediately, I had this telephone call from the
people that had her
in their rescue center at that time.
(03:36):
And she'd been there about 6 months or
so, and she'd never stepped outside in the
daylight. Oh She was... Only seeking out. I
know. She was only seeking out in the
dark to, like, have a quick drink, eat
her food to her business,
and then she was back in there. And
at that point, they were really worried, and
they were going... What's her quality of life?
(03:58):
And you can imagine, you know, they're there.
They're trying to rescue these beautiful animals. They're
giving them like a second chance, and they're
looking and they're like
what joy has she got? Where's her daily
joy? Yeah. You know, there's none nas, so
they were considering putting her
to sleep.
And as soon as I heard that, I
was like, okay. We're invested.
(04:19):
So I tell my lovely husband and he's
like, okay. We're invested 2 days Later asap,
We arrive home, and we have
absolutely beautiful dog a lot bigger than we
the what she is gonna be,
But we have it there. We have in
the dog crate,
and we have her outside in this dog
crate, and we're like,
what do we do now?
(04:40):
Because she's so scared of people,
you know, the only kind of contact she's
had with people has caused her anxiety has
caused a real trauma.
And it took their rescue people like about
40 minutes to get her into the crate
before we could even
bring her home because she was so scared.
And at that point, we really had no
(05:01):
idea what journey we were about to step
into.
And in we rehab her really gently really
calmly. I spent a lot of just silent
time,
you know, near her space, not in her
space, but in the same room as her,
just being calm.
You know, I did meditation in there. It
(05:22):
did Ricky. I just animal ra.
Just really sharing that calm space with her.
And through that, really slowly
began to build her trust me her herself
confidence as well.
And, you know, just her connecting
into herself. So she began to know who
she was.
(05:43):
And as I was helping her in that
Journey, I was finding that I was doing,
like, the exact same thing myself.
So from having, like, hidden my voice for
those 15 years in that relationship, I began
to start using my voice. And I began
I'm a big researcher. So Was doing so
much research. How can we help? How can
(06:03):
we help her? And at that point, there
was really not that much or online. There's
quite a lot now
So, you know, if you're stepping into, looking
after a puppy. If you're rescuing,
you know, an older dog,
There's a lot more that's available and They
think lockdown really supported with that because people
had time in their hands to people who
knew something,
(06:24):
began to go, hey, Actually, I've got something
I can share.
And, you know, the resources are beginning to
be there.
But, yes, it's very much for me as
I was building her confidence, I was building
mine. I remember, like, the first physical touch.
So everything's always been her choice.
Her face. And I remember that first movement,
(06:44):
she kinda came up and nose my leg.
Oh. And I was like,
oh my goodness. So I'm, like, super excited,
and I'm sat there so
desperately trying to not move.
You know, just wanting to go
and, like, jump for joy that she's chosen
to make that physical
connection too,
(07:05):
And just hearing her... She house at the
moon.
And oh, 0, you know, she's, like, proper,
you know, nap patrol proper instinct dog. She's
got hurt her wolf
instincts in there.
And that first time we heard her howling.
We were like,
She has a voice. Oh my gosh. This
is amazing.
(07:27):
And if she was finding her voice, I
was finding mine.
And there I remember, you know, like, there's
a good few moments where I'm just sat
that quiet space with her and I'm like,
hey, we get to help other people too.
And I think just being now with h
journey
is, you know, what has kind of led
me into what I do,
(07:48):
and at the same time
towards sort of
the end
bit of her beginning journey,
you know, she's still progressing like in leaps
and bounds.
But towards the end of that kind of
first step where she's starting to connect with
us.
My nanny, she'd been sort of suffering with
(08:09):
alzheimer's,
dementia, and she'd been going through, you know,
her own journey there.
And it was like, as she was losing
her voice,
I was stepping into mine,
and you knew very much I feel, you
know, she kind of hung on the last
bit until I was ready to kind of
take up these reins.
(08:29):
When Anne and Grand really looked after me
a lot when I was a kid.
In my parents, I was like, I just
a 5. They were both really busy and
working and stuff. And so I had a
a really close connection with both banana and
my grand,
and it really felt like... I was kind
of taken on, like that family for them.
And I said, yes, you know, I would
(08:49):
be there or port those, you know, who
don't have the voice, and,
yeah, fa bizarre, like, our first dog, that
really supports it,
and then kind of our second street dog.
He came to me in a dream.
So
I know.
So is all the doggy stuff is flowing
(09:11):
in now.
Yeah. Ours our our our puppy is a
a rescue to the rescue that we got
her through is,
they
rescue
pups from,
kill shelters
here in the United States.
And so she ain't quite the little,
Like, they get these pups from, like, hours
(09:32):
away,
and she traverse several states to get to
the rescue that we got her from. But,
yeah, Tea and her siblings came from a
kill shelter,
and they rescued. So we are we are
those kind of people. I'm not here to
bash anybody who wants to purchase the pop,
Like, I mean, we had to pay an
adoption fee for her. But
(09:53):
wants to purchase the put from a breeder
to tease their own. I'm not here to
push on that. But we've always been ones
that we've wanted months. We wanted the ones
that are in the shelter, Our cats cut
came from a shelter, like,
everybody comes from a shelter. And so, yeah,
we got her little puppy bailey from a
rescue, and she... People were like, what kind
of dog is she like, oh she's... They
(10:14):
said, like, poodle mix, but, like, she looks
like she's border collie, so maybe border collie
poo. I don't know. Like, maybe someday purchased
1 of those Dna. Things, but I don't
really know what she is.
Much she's cute.
Oh,
and I think like, that's the thing that
matters isn't it. It's like us.
It's the who you are. It's not where
(10:36):
you've come from. It's not. You know, completely
where you've been. Obviously, we carry our experiences,
we learn from them. We can share, you
know, things from them, share the stories.
But it's that unique spark.
You know, that's the bit that matters. It's
not the breed or the label or the
designer or the packaging.
(10:56):
You know, it's that energy and that, like,
that deep rooted love that they have in
them,
and I think I can know. I'm I'm
with you.
I think sometimes, you know, the rescues...
It's... There's more natural there.
I think sometimes it can be easier building
those connections.
And they're that, I need us. You know?
(11:20):
Yeah. Yeah. They absolutely do. We've met quite
a few pups when we were there
getting daily, and we were, like, what about
this 1? What about this 1? And
We met Bailey and at first of were,
like, is she the 1,
and then we that we had our eye
on this other pop, but she had a
lot of energy, and we're kinda chill people.
(11:40):
And I was, like, I need a chill
pup bite.
I need no get chill. I need a
pup that's good chill with me. Like
And so after some contemplation, we brought our
kids. So we have kids and we brought,
some of our kids with us. And so
together as a family, we decided that we
were gonna get bailey. And and after having
(12:01):
her home a couple weeks we're like, we
made the right decision because she had a
lot of puppy energy. And then I was,
like, could you imagine this plus the energy
that the other puppy had?
And my spouse was, like, I know. I
can't. Even. Puppies nobody nobody warned. Haven't had
a puppy in a long time. Puppies have
a lot of energy.
(12:22):
Even like chill pops have a lot of
energy.
Jeez.
And is so like contagious jeff isn't that?
You spend just, like, a little bit of
time with them and you're like, well, that's
good. It's going.
How So you have 2 pups now.
(12:42):
We have 4 rescue dogs right now. Are.
You rescue. 4 puppies.
Ec all dogs. Puppies. My spouse is like
meg, only baby dogs or puppies. I was
like, no. They're all puppies to me.
Does they've got 4 of them on all
rescues?
Yeah. Were they... Did they all need
(13:02):
some sort of rehabilitation or... Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. They all have done. So we've
got right now, we have 2 romania
rescues. They were both from couch shelters,
anna a Bosnian 1.
And then we also have, like, a Uk
rescue.
So she's a Shi shu, and she's just
hilarious. But She was in a family
(13:24):
and, you know, she kind of she locked
on to the leg of this other the
female dog that was there. So she's
where they've all had sort of bite
or anxiety,
you know, things to move through in those
early stages.
But then it's so worth it. And I
think everything that I do, it's all about
(13:45):
giving them that choice. Mh. You know, the
same as where all of this kind of
began for me more recently,
well I say recently is quite a while
ago now. But you know,
like, 10 years ago now.
I mean, I've been married for 13 years
going on 14 years, and I feel like
we got married yesterday. So the time
(14:07):
flies.
It really does. And that's gorgeous.
Congratulations. Thank you.
K.
And, yet, just kind of looking at where
that began all around the choice and just
giving those dogs the choice.
So when they first come in, just, you
know, letting them have that big d decompression
time.
So they can start to get to know
(14:28):
you, and then just releasing
all that kind of built up stress that
they've got. They're just the same as we
do.
You know, we carry that stacked up stress.
It just kinda keeps going and going
until we allow ourselves to stop and pause
and
begin to come and let it go.
And I think that's the first step whenever
(14:50):
they come into our space is that? It
saying, do you know what? You're safe.
We're gonna look calf to you, We're gonna
feed you. We're gonna water you. You have
a safe space here.
So
relax.
Release.
And let's see what you need. You know
how much do decompression time do you need?
Is there anything we need to? You know,
(15:12):
be supporting them with sort of health or
diet or, you know, just how they are,
like, emotionally because you know they have the
same kinds of emotions that we do. Yeah.
And I think 1 of the most fun
things is how dogs of, like, they learn
our facial expressions.
So when you're looking at them and you're
(15:32):
feeling they're looking like, you know, they're looking
happy or they're looking sad, or they're looking
thoughtful.
They are,
you know, because they've kind of learned those
from us.
And then in there, like, epi genetics over
recent
generations,
they're passing that on so that they can
bond with us better
because they want to be, you know, in
(15:52):
those spaces,
But then where you have like the street
rescues, they've got that,
but then their parents and perhaps like crown
grandparents, they even then put back into the
wild on the streets.
So it's not wild wild like Wolf.
It's like a cross in between and you
get these really kind of interesting
(16:14):
instincts that they've got. And you're like, oh,
it's kind of wolf. You know, well, it
kind of is
but it's like wolf
domesticated
already.
It's like it's such a fun mix to
kinda of try and work out.
Yes.
Absolutely.
I
I feel like that. And in and you
(16:34):
said you're trying to
touch
empower
3000000 individuals of any species. So you're talking
about human,
all sorts of kind of animals too,
Even though you you... From what I understand
you've predominantly worked with dogs.
Yes. So right now, we have dogs. I've
rescued
(16:55):
cats as well. We've had rescued bunnies. We've
had rescued guinea pigs.
And with the work you are support any
species.
The only 1 that I can support, there's
not so much that you need to support
them with, but the only 1 they have
a little bit of resist and still with
is spiders.
(17:16):
I thought you're gonna say snakes because that's
where my resistance would come in.
But I think my middle daughter wants a
snake, and I was, like, out absolutely freaking.
No. I don't think so.
Oh
so spiders.
(17:36):
So snakes you're willing to work with?
Yeah. Yeah. And I can do spiders, but
I'd rather it was, you know, there was
like, a a tang or or something in
the tweet.
Yes.
I... Yeah. I can see that. I'm not
a huge spider fan, but I... I'm I'm
(17:56):
I'm okay with them more than I am
snakes.
I have a hard, a hard pass on
snakes. I have this deeper fear that's been
there since I was a little kid. So
I just...
We think it came from my sister collective
and buckets and throw all them honey.
So
this is the... Yeah. This is the story
(18:17):
that we... I... Like, we tell everybody, and
she was, like, I was such a little
shit back then. I'm like, he really blur
a little shit back. Branding anywhere.
But... Yeah. We have... Like I said before,
we have rescue cats too. So that's why
I was I was asking because, yeah, we
have 2 rescue cats. And 1
is she's just got anxiety, so she just...
(18:39):
Stave and her cat tree and avoids the
dog at all cat, a across, and the
other 1 fights with the dog. Like dog
Not even like,
without cause out, but like, not, like, we'll
have his clause out, but he be like,
quack quack. And then the dog doesn't learn
her lesson and she goes after him again,
and then he chases after her and they
(18:59):
chase I'm, like, are they friends? Are they
not friends? I don't know.
But it is a it's a wild time
in this household. Let me tell what.
I love them. I love them. And it's
like, it's really fun to see how they
play out these relationships.
You know, and they're like, hey, I'm chasing
you, and now I I'm chasing you, and
(19:21):
I'm gonna stay out the way, but do
you know what? I'm probably sneak watching what
you guys are all doing?
And when I when I choose my moment,
you know, I might join in, and you'll
you'll see where I'm like.
Yeah. They're they're are their queue. And and
because the cat doesn't do any real damage
to the dog. I'm like, I'll just let
(19:41):
them be.
They can now they can have their weird
relationship that they have. That's in fine until
somebody gets hurt. We're okay.
So
I think he's just saying I'm like, give
me some space But then he'll go up,
you know, sniff butt and, you know, and
it's so it's such a weird relationship between
the 2 of them. It is what it
is. And then my middle daughter has
(20:03):
She just moved back in with us, and
she has a gecko
and a hermit crab.
So, yeah. That's...
I was... I'm not used to these little
critters, but they have their own little tanks,
they do their own little things.
Sometimes, like, is your crab dead, and then
you'll see it moving. And they're, like no
it's alive. It just doesn't do a lot.
(20:25):
So you were talking about how Irma you've
real rehab
the pop, but also rehab
you.
In what ways,
share with us a little bit more in
what ways it kinda of rehab you?
Yeah. So
this style was just reconnecting with myself.
(20:45):
My eldest daughter she'll be 22 this share.
So 21 not sure. Oh, my god. Yeah.
Oh this is where we're in this space.
Is this so much like connectivity?
You know, and it's so kind of
looking at my relationship with her kind of
(21:07):
her birth father,
It was so bad.
And
you know, when I stepped out it, she
came and she, you know, was with me
full time late she's moved out now, she
worked and has Own place and how are
own beautiful cats.
See they like my grand babies. Yay.
Those are the brand babies all takes I'll
(21:27):
take those babies Not ready for the human
ones. Yeah.
I don't think she's gonna do. I don't
think she would do a human ones.
You know, And I think part of that
because
if she'd rather than, you know, loves cats.
But I think also just from the experiences
that we went through,
So there was, like, some financial controlling, a
(21:47):
lot of emotional stuff, and
I really in that time, I was just,
like, firefight.
So full focus on the kids.
At that point I had sort of her
and then her sisters just just under 2
years younger than her.
And then my third daughter was oh, let
me think.
(22:08):
Yeah. 10 years. 10 years, younger than my
eldest.
And then in my new relationship, they have
an now 7 year as well.
A bit... So you're stepping out of that
relationship,
it was really a chance to reconnect to
actually who was I
because, you know, I stepped out of university
into that relationship and that's where He'd been.
(22:31):
So I'd then gone from that into mom,
like, sort of instantly,
and I didn't grow up. Really
from where I was. So I was still
very much,
you know, as if I was at at
college and
You know, so taking that time Zara, I
was unable to reconnect myself and go okay?
(22:53):
Well, where are we? What are we doing?
Who are you? And what is I'm exactly
the same as I was when I was,
like, 5 years old. You know, like, way
far back as it is I can remember.
And I love animals, and I love helping
people.
But I had to give myself that love
first.
And I think that was my first big
(23:14):
rehab meditation lesson
was to know that to support
myself to support all my girls, you know,
to of all species,
Right. Because we had, like, a rescue cat
then as well. She years a girl.
You know, en into all of us our
scales at that time.
To help everybody, I had to help myself.
(23:35):
I had to accept who I was.
Except what had happened.
And, you know, kind of take responsibility
for the fact that I hadn't connected to
myself for all that time,
And then from there, I could begin to
accept it,
acknowledge it,
and moved to forgive myself.
And I think as I forgave myself, I
(23:58):
was then able to start to allow more
love flow into me.
So I codex accept support from other people.
And I could, you know, really develop our
relationships, and it all began,
you know, with the Bizarre, with with that,
silent,
connection and relationship. And so I was supporting
(24:18):
myself, getting my confidence, my voice back and
building the relationship with me,
they meant that I could
rebuild and strengthen and clear the relationships with
my daughter's,
with my that... My new partner as he
came in. And
so... Yeah. I think it was that, you
know, the relationship, the connection and that's kind
(24:40):
of where that mission all comes from.
From right. Well, what did I do? Where
did I begin?
And then eat... Day. There's always more clearing.
Right. That pops up.
The the work does not
people seem to think there's this magical ending
to the work you have to do on
yourself. And,
(25:01):
I'm sorry to say there's not something... Even
even if you get to the point where
you're like, I am fully healed human being,
you
life has happened and more stuff will happen,
and we just gotta continue work on ourselves
along the way. I always say, like, if
you aren't learning and growing,
you stay stagnant, and the whole world will
(25:21):
pass you by. So along the way, we
all have to be learning and growing.
And it might sound exhausting, but it's really...
You know, once you do, like, the really
hardcore work, it's kind of maintenance, and it's
not as exhausting.
Oh, I love that. And and I think
it's stuck gets so true.
(25:41):
You do the big bits of healing. The
big bits of I out and go. You
know, if the old stress that maybe be
has stacked up with these old emotions that
you kind of carried in your backpack and
you've been climbing at this mountain,
And then as you start to realize actually,
do you know what they've gone.
They're in the past,
and now I can start to let them
go.
(26:02):
Because I can't change what happened back there.
And if we're projecting our anxiety into the
future, you know what, it's not there. Yet.
So it's like, well, stop. So
stop the stress of the past,
stop the stress of the future, and what
can we work with right now?
Mh. And it can totally feel exhausting in
(26:24):
those moments. Go write? Cable well, what can
I do right now?
With anything where I always begin, like, for
myself for my kids for anybody, any species
is, like take just that tiny bit of
space.
And if obviously, it's different spaces we're we're
modeling it for them.
You know, if you're communicating with the animals
(26:46):
and
that can sound a bit like space, but
we all deal with the time. So if
we're about to feed them Oh, hey. Do
you want your dinner, jean you you need
me to walk top your water up? Do
you wanna go for a walk, Like, we're
communicating with them all the time?
And just taking that tiny moment,
breathe.
(27:06):
Breathe them for 1.
Read out for 2.
And it can begin to help you
be yourself in that moment, but also start
to release anything that you've built up in
that moment and the same for your animals.
Because if you pause for a moment, and
you slow that breath, you slow like your
heart rate, breathe them for 1,
(27:27):
breathe out for 2.
You're gonna help them do that emotional processing
and do that emotional releasing too. And then
in those tiny moments we're like, oh, my
goodness, it's too much.
Is that tiny second helps?
I find that breathing is really helpful when
I get over stimulated
(27:48):
because I
I will have these moments where There's so
much going on. I mean, my kids aren't
tiny people anymore, So I don't get as
overs stimulated as I did when they were
tiny people when they were tiny people, it
was, like nonstop over stimulation.
But even now you have the kids who
are teenagers,
not blah blah blah, and then the pop,
(28:09):
and then you have all the... And then
the thoughts in your head and you're just,
like,
taking the time to breathe. You've been really
important.
Otherwise. You could just, like, pass out from
all the over
stimulation.
But, yeah, I have 1 of those people
that I
I have such a capacity that sometimes it's
(28:29):
just a lot, and I have to take
that time to... Like you said to breathe
in, breathe out, just take some
just just some breathing time, just some breathing
time time out.
Yeah. And I think we forget it.
You know, certainly, when I began, like doing
presentation when I began doing talks, I would
forget to breathe and I'd get, like, 20
(28:51):
minutes you know, maybe half an hour into
speaking, and then I just be, like, coughing,
and I'm like, what's going on. And then
my husband watched me he said, you're not
breathing.
And I'm like, whoa,
I have to remember to breathe.
And, you know, obviously, we are breathing all
the time because our body is gonna do
it for us. It's, you know, it knows
what it's doing. It can do it. It's,
(29:12):
you know, been doing it since well, before
we were even born. It's all running in
the background. So it's okay.
But we get to remember to take the
pauses,
and it's so easy to forget.
But They think anytime you're feeling
any kind of negative emotion or any old
(29:32):
tired ness, any old stress anything starting to
pop in.
You can either just focus on the breath,
Like, I often, I put my hands on
my heart, and I'm like, hey, come on,
come back to you.
We can even just ask yourself, like, how
do I feel right now?
And again, just that tiny like self reflection.
It helps you come back into that moment,
(29:54):
and then you can breathe.
Yes.
Is so is this things that you've been
showing your children as well? Like, how have
you been modeling this for your children? Because
I know that's a really important part of
parenting.
I have not always been good at it.
I mean that I was a teen mom,
So there was a long time that I
(30:15):
was not good at modeling,
you know, the right behaviors,
but I feel like I've come to a
place where I'm doing a lot better.
About that?
What about you?
Yeah. So... Yeah. I mean, I began...
Now. Let me think. I was 22.
Yeah. 22 when
I had my first daughter.
So, you know, still, I was very young.
(30:38):
Because I just gone, you know, away and
I've been studying. So I was effectively still
school.
Since very much like being teen months you
know, from that development. I hadn't moved beyond.
I was still, you know, parties and
all this kind of stuff,
So if always been calm
(30:59):
as a person, like, do deep inside they've
I've always been calm
and supportive and caring, always wanna Pm. So
those things work to my favor, but overwhelm,
massively
overwhelmed.
Pm because you're still a kid yourself.
And then there's this kid,
you know, this tiny new newborn maybe. And
(31:20):
to start with they need everything from you.
Yes. And you're like, okay.
And, I mean, I really invested
everything in them, you know, for so long.
Especially in that relationship,
because he was there, but I I never
remember him being there. Mh. He was in
the space, but he wasn't involved.
(31:40):
You. It's just like always
outside somewhere. So I was doing or the
doing. And,
you know, and that can be a lot.
Yeah.
I I can I couldn't relate to that
because,
well, I wasn't in there? I didn't end
up being in a relationship with my oldest
daughters. Father when we,
(32:00):
had her. So I did that. Oh, by
myself. And my mom... I live with my
mom, my mom was helpful.
So It wasn't just just me, but, you
know, it still was me. There was no
other
off doing... And then my second daughter father
was completely useless. So
it's only the twins that I got the,
(32:21):
like, the twins were my final ones and
they were, with my spouse now that I
actually had somebody, like, that was involved. It
was like, so I can relate to what
you're saying about, like, doing it all and
having to put your all into it. It's
exhausting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then because soon as I stepped out
(32:42):
of that space,
and I was supporting me,
they saw me do it. And it's part
of what led me to step out
from the space. When I realized how,
like, toxic it was. How just function it
was and they went,
this is not the exact Set in them.
No way. They're not then creating this for
(33:05):
themselves. No. I'm stepping out, and I'm showing
them you're worth so much more than that.
You matter,
your feelings matter,
And that was my, like, initial, like, push
to step out to then
begin to sort myself out,
and then model all those behaviors for them.
And so my youngest, she's like, 7 now
(33:27):
she'll be 8 in October,
and she's amazing.
She... You know, she goes into school and
she's talking, like mindfulness
and
she knows how she's feeling.
And if she's feeling like mad, she will
show it.
And sometimes it's frustrating
because you're, like, but I wanted to do
this, and but she's processing horizons and I'm
(33:48):
like, Jew, let them go. This is good.
Like, it may be tough sometimes, and it
can be painful, you know, because sometimes like
we all mess up. With parents that we
mess up. Mh And sometimes
they asking for help as nice we won't
hear them quick enough. And then it kind
of kicks off and it's a bit bigger
(34:09):
than it it needed to be. But I'm
like, with there's a lesson, there's a lesson
for you, and there's a lesson for me.
And there's a lesson for us together.
And that's, you know, let's find it.
And she loves, like, doing
meditations and listening to them and making them
up and we do, like meditation stories and
and she's so calming,
(34:31):
and she loves you know, because I do
like Rei and, like, the calming meditation and
stuff and so she loves that. But and
also she understands that a lot of people
don't understand it.
And a lot of people don't know how
they're feeling.
And I I don't know, like, if it's
the same
kind of internationally, but here, a lot of
(34:52):
the kids, they
they're looking at screens and they're not necessarily
being spoken to at home, like as much
anymore.
And so she's in class, and like, they
just punch each other. Oh, they don't speak.
And she's coming home, and she's like, I
was there and so hit me. And I'm
like, oh, my goodness. That's And
they don't know how to express themselves.
(35:14):
So in that way, she's, like streets ahead
because she can.
But then in some ways, I feel really
bad because I put her in, and she
knows how she's feeling.
And then she's having all this kind of
stuff because he they don't know what they're
doing.
You know, and they're kind of putting out,
but I figure she will be supporting them
(35:35):
by modeling as well in class.
And, yeah, Just sourcing that gets easier as
as the schooling goes along. Yes.
Yeah. I it's...
Screen time is such a huge thing. Like,
my my children have limits on on their
devices.
But
I know some parents that there are no
(35:55):
limits on the devices.
And sometimes I feel like some parents... See
the devices as a way of babysitting sitting
their kits,
so they can keep their kids busy. Right?
You don't have to deal with them if
they're busy with their screams.
But I come from a time where, like,
at least I was 1 of those parents,
even though screens screens were relatively new when
(36:16):
my youngest were.
Were babies. So my youngest 3 were were
babies.
So we didn't have them, But also I
always had this strong feeling about not giving
tiny people.
Devices to play on dan in and day,
like
I mean, I'm not trying to bash on
anybody who might be listening who that's their
(36:37):
thing. Like,
I'm just saying for me, I just didn't...
I didn't see it. I was a off.
Like, my my children didn't get a cell
phone until they were
old enough that they needed it, so, like,
they had after school activities or whatever,
which was
far after some of their peers did. Like,
some of their peers had cell phones and
(36:57):
devices in elementary school, and I was just,
like,
not here.
Not happening.
But, you know, I do think like, like,
a lot of people, a lot of times,
kids are having trouble navigating the world because
there are children being brought up, that devices
are their babysitter. Devices, are their contact,
(37:20):
instead of having these
relationships with other people. So III
agree. I do have... It's... I think it's
in an
international thing. I told this just where you
are. That's where I am understand we're in
different countries. So
Yeah. And I think, like, that's the key
to what you said. It's, like, it's the
relationships. It's a connection. It's being able to
(37:42):
speak to someone.
And be able to listen,
so many people they can't listen,
you know? And if you're not showing your
kids that you can listen to them,
who's listening to them. Right.
And if they don't realize that they matter
that they're being heard,
how are they gonna listen to anybody else?
(38:04):
And it's just... Yeah. It's this crazy kind
of cycle.
But then my third daughter says, she's 12.
And, you know, and she has, like this
amazing kind of empathy. And
you know, she's her dad's and she has
a lot of screen time at.
And less with me. Yeah. Don't you love
(38:25):
being that parents Like, I just got my
middle daughter back here. She lived with her
dad for a couple years because dad, she
told me has no rules.
What things happen and and she had to
move back in with me because things aren't
stable, and I'm just gonna leave it up
that. Things aren't stable there so she to
boot back in with me. And she is
(38:45):
not happy that mom has more rules.
Like, this is not, like,
shoes could has complained a couple times so
far. And I'm just like,
Well, ma'am, in my house.
We wanna be human beings.
(39:07):
And and it's so important,
you know, and I
we've gone through those stages
you know, with her as well. And it's
the initial like,
and then it's accepted,
you know, and then it's like, okay, it's
like this here. It's like that there.
It can be different, and, yes, my friends
(39:27):
might have this, and it might be different.
But do you know what?
Mom has a reason. Mh.
And do you know what? As they get
a little bit older,
they're gonna so thank you for it. Because
they will be the people that can speak
to other people,
and they will then lead, you know, whatever
areas of their of their lives that they
(39:48):
want. Now these amazing communicators
and the world is so going to need
them.
Absolutely.
They also need to read process.
Schools are in schools in the United States
stopped teaching cursive,
like in elementary school,
(40:09):
and to me it's
absolutely baffling because, like, I don't know about
the documents in your country, but in the
United States, the... Founding documents are written in
cursive.
Yes.
You kinda wanna know how to read the
documents that founded your country, founding when you
become adult and need to know what those
things say.
(40:30):
So, yes, There's lots of things that our
our children should learn, and and they don't.
And those kids who have...
I mean,
Cursive,
I think is important, but not as important
as emotional
maturity that... Adults need,
and children who are learning to be able
to
(40:50):
cope emotionally and have these
conversations. They're gonna be ahead of the game
then,
children who
quite frankly will be emotionally stunt,
and struggle as adults because they never had
to
utilize those
or, you know,
brain fart.
(41:12):
Anyways, utilize the things.
We'll just say things.
Utilize the things. So, yes. I agree with
you so important.
So as we wrap up the podcast today
list, because the... It goes by really fast,
What would you like to leave the inspired
women audience with.
Okay. So
(41:34):
kind of summarize up from what we've already
spoken
absolutely. You you tie in a pretty bow.
However, you wanna tie in a pretty low.
Okay. We first of all you actor.
Exactly as you are in each and every
moment, you always matter.
And the first person that can listen to
you is you.
(41:55):
So
I'm gonna invite you to either today or
at some within, like, the next 24 hours,
just take a look at yourself
and say something loving to yourself. So
if you stuck for ideas, like, I'm matter.
I am worthy. I'm seen. I'm heard any
(42:15):
1 of them
is perfect. Or all of them. If you
really wanna, you know, boost that connection with
yourself.
But either the key yourself, you know, in
the mirror or as we've been talking screens,
you could do a selfie,
and, you know, you can do it And
now or if you've got video calls that
you're doing, just, you know, rocking there a
minute early, and then just catch yourself on
(42:36):
the camera fast.
But just taking those tiny pauses, there's tiny
moments,
you can start to really reconnect with you,
And just remember that you do matter? And
if you are listening to yourself, do you
know what? Those around you, they start to
listen to you too.
Yes.
That's that's that's amazing. And it's it is
(43:00):
so important that we,
we listen to what's going on inside ourselves.
I think, sometimes we get in this
this
way of
putting everything into everybody else and thinking about
everybody else. I know as... When I was
a younger mom, I lost myself in motherhood
right Putting everything into my children.
(43:20):
And ignoring ourselves, but really what you said
so important to listen to ourselves.
So, Liz, Thank you so much for coming
on the podcast today.
Oh, thank you so much for having me
Has been so fun.
Thank you for tuning in with us today.
If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us
a rating review. Follow us on social media
at inspired women podcast podcasts, both on Facebook
(43:43):
and Instagram and don't forget to join our
Facebook group, the inspired women podcast.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang
Ding dong! Join your culture consultants, Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang, on an unforgettable journey into the beating heart of CULTURE. Alongside sizzling special guests, they GET INTO the hottest pop-culture moments of the day and the formative cultural experiences that turned them into Culturistas. Produced by the Big Money Players Network and iHeartRadio.