November 21, 2024 • 40 mins
Have you ever felt like self-care was reduced to just spa days and superficial routines? Join us for an enlightening conversation with Casey Kang Head and Page Rossiter as they redefine self-care, especially during the transformative midlife years. Casey, a resilient voice having survived cancer and strokes, shares her evolved understanding of self-care, focusing on stress reduction and emotional healing. Page complements this by emphasizing the need to listen to our bodies and trust our inner wisdom, whether it's through rest, building connections, or exploring creativity. Together, we unravel the complexity of self-care beyond the surface level, viewing it as a profound journey toward mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
OUR GUESTS
Casey Kang Head is a 3x survivor of acute lymphoblastic leukemia & stroke survivor. Casey is a trauma-informed cancer coach using somatic movement & breathwork with survivors so they heal and can reclaim their life and learn how to live healthier to ensure they are stronger physically, mentally & emotionally so they don’t live life in fear. Author of “Finding Your Way Back to Heart Center; Cancer Treatment Ended Now What?", Personal trainer, Yoga instructor, Yoga for oncology certified, Yoga for Trauma, Cancer Exercise Specialist, PN Level 1 Nutritionist, SomaticsIQ Therapist, Restorative Yoga, NICABM Trauma Certified, Happiness Certified, Level 1 Reiki Healer and lifelong learner. Casey lives in Santa Barbara currently and is a dog mom to Lily Bear.
Connect with Casey: Instagram | Facebook | LinkedIn | YouTube | Website
Page Rossiter is passionate about creating safe places for people to be seen and heard in their authenticity. She has facilitated personal development programs, women's weekends, retreats, and circles for 25 years. She earned her degree from the University of Delaware and is a Certified Professional Co-Active Coach (CTI), Woman Within Facilitator, and Thrive Retreat leader. Page’s graceful and warm personality inspires learning, connection, and transformation. She is committed to helping you discover what lights you up, brings you peace, and makes you thrive!
Connect with Page: Thrive Retreat Website, Facebook
HOST:
Christina Smith is a life coach specializing in confidence and self-love in midlife.
CONNECT with Inviting Shift & Christina:
Instagram | Facebook | Email me
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
Well, welcome to the Inviting Shift podcast.
I'm your host, christina, and Iam here with two amazing
beautiful women, paige and Casey, and today we're going to talk
about self-care and what thatlooks like in midlife and
probably the hardest part, whichis saying yes to ourselves and
allowing ourselves to do thosethings for ourselves and not
(00:21):
watching them slide off the listbecause something else more
important came up and with justso we can get the conversation
started, let's have our guestsintroduce themselves.
So, casey, can you tell us alittle bit about you?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Yeah, so my name is Casey Kinghead.
I am a three-time cancersurvivor and stroke survivor.
I am a trauma-informed cancercoach, using somatic movement
and breath work with survivorsso they heal and are able to
reclaim their life and learn howto live healthier, to ensure
they are stronger physically,mentally and emotionally and
(00:58):
don't live a life in fear.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Beautiful.
I'm sure there's a lot ofself-care in that as well, so I
can't wait to talk to you aboutthat how about you, paige.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Hello, my name is Paige Rossiter and I am a
facilitator, a coach, a mentorand a retreat leader, and I am
so happy to be here becausetheir self-care and really to
thrive in their lives.
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So self-care looks like a lot of different things
and I know during this seasonwe've talked some about it and
it's different for every woman.
Like I know a lot of peoplethink that like Manny and Pettys
and massages are like theself-care, and those are
self-care like don't get mewrong.
And I also know that there'soften deeper self-care.
(02:01):
Like I've just started takingsupplements because of
perimenopause, and so, you know,doing that in the past would
have been like, ah, now I gotthis list of things I got to do
and I got to check off the listof all the things that I got to
do and my attitude has reallychanged about that, where I see
it as kind of like a gift, andit wasn't always that way.
(02:25):
Self-care was really hard for mebecause, well, especially
before middle age, I was, youknow, raising a kid, working
full time, had a husband, hadresponsibilities, and so it
seems like I should just be ableto keep going and going and
going.
And so I'm wondering, what have?
What struggles have y'all hadwith um doing self-care?
(02:47):
Or maybe you don't, maybeyou're like my husband who, like
he's a bandwagon jumper Likeyou.
Tell him that you know,standing on his head for five
seconds every day is healthy forhim.
He will do it tomorrow and forevery day following.
It's like not a problem for himwhatsoever, but for me it's
always been a challenge, and I'mwondering what challenges y'all
(03:08):
might have.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
So for me, personally , it's evolved for sure.
I think prior to my experiencewith cancer, it was definitely
just exercise, like that'senough, that's all the self-care
you get, and since then it's somuch more.
It's physical, mental andemotional well-being as well,
and it's evolved into not justexercise but a regulated nervous
(03:30):
system, lowering stress, takingtime for myself, because it's
really truly about caring forourselves.
You know, it's we're, it'swe're putting our own physical,
mental and emotional health atrisk, and it's a hard lesson
(03:51):
that I learned.
But it's now what is so vitalfor so many women to actually
understand as well.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Forced self-care.
I love.
I love that illness can often,you know, put on forced
self-care and that's whathappened for me too is I had
really bad gut problems and so Iwas realized I had to slow down
.
It wasn't what I was eating, itwas just the fact that I put so
much stress on my body.
(04:20):
So, yeah, how about you, paige?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Yeah, you know, I think I did it along with Casey
like there are so many differentaspects that self-care cover
and so for me it's being reallymindful.
A lot of times it's listeningto my body, because my body has
the information on.
You know my answers or is ittime to rest, or is it time to
(04:44):
push through and, um, reallychecking into myself and and my
inner wisdom that has thoseanswers for me around what is
self-care?
And I think it has changed, youknow, over the years, and
sometimes now it's like you said, um, christina, it's not
necessarily like the massage,it's what does quiet time look
like for me?
(05:04):
How do I replenish myself?
I love asking that of coachingclients, like, really, what is
replenishment for you?
And it's different for everyone.
For some people it's, you know,being with others.
For some people it's beingalone, it might be doing art.
I mean I and I think, as womenget in touch with that, then
they can weave it into theirlives more easily.
(05:25):
So just even asking thatquestion what is self-care, what
does replenishment look like?
I think it's huge.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I love that.
So check in with your body,because that is something I
definitely didn't do before Iwas ill, because I just my body.
It should just do what I wantit to do, right, like a machine.
It should just do the thing,and so I never really looked at
it.
And, of course, as we age,there's a lot of different
(05:54):
things that I'm looking at, likestrength training.
For me is self-care, because I'mlosing muscle mass pretty
quickly and I don't want to dothat.
I want to stay healthy as longas possible, which is definitely
not something I had to do in myyounger days because I worked
in a lot of restaurants when Iwas in my twenties.
So I never had to do thatbecause I spent so much time
(06:14):
moving all day long, and nowthat I'm sitting in a chair, it
looks different.
But really checking in with ourbodies I think for me that was
really challenging because therewere so many things I didn't
like about my body, and so tocheck in with my body was like
to check in with an enemy,almost, and I just thought I
(06:36):
could go through all of thatstuff in my head.
I got the logistics.
I can understand this.
I can just keep moving forward,but a lot of our wisdom is in
our bodies.
I can understand this.
I can just keep moving forward,but a lot of our wisdom is in
our bodies.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
I agree with you and I think what's really
interesting is I've also had achallenging time loving my body.
That has been lifelong, likesince third grade when I started
putting on weight, and so Ithink the thing and especially
now in midlife, you're sayinglike our bodies are changing and
yet they do have information.
(07:06):
So looking at them as aresource and um, and being
gentle and kind to the changingbody, you know what's changing
gray hairs, sagging things, youknow all the things that are
changing the perimenopause, thesweats that happen and the.
You know all of that.
So it's like I think it'sactually two things.
(07:28):
It's like listening to ourbodies and then also loving them
as much as we can, like, asmuch as it's possible to say
nobody else is going to takecare of this machine that I live
in.
This is all up to me, likethat's the good news and the bad
news, like really, because ifit's, you know, if I look at it
as the good news and I get tomake decisions for myself and I
(07:49):
get to say, okay, I get todecide what this relationship is
going to be like, and thatchanges it for me a lot, right,
it's it's a lifelongrelationship that we get to have
and and kind of like page, likeit's not that I didn't love my
body before, but I didn'tappreciate what it could do and
the things that it can do.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
And now more than ever it's like body first, mind
second.
Because if there's some likethere's a reason why, when women
have this like gut instinctthat we oftentimes ignore and so
checking in with our body andour mind at the same time, it
really kind of changes theconversation.
And it's knowing that thisvessel that we are in is the
(08:35):
only vessel that we get rightand if we are not taking care of
it in some form or fashion,like anything else, it's going
to start to break down and startto dysfunction.
And I'm six years inpost-metapause, so I've had to
learn how to do things verydifferently.
You know I'm 41 now, six yearspost-metapause.
(08:58):
Like it's a very the learningcurve is steep, but once you
understand like what, how do yousupport your body in that way,
it's so much more than than justwhite knuckling through life
again.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Love that, yeah, cause so often I always felt
like the changing habits is likewhite knuckling it, but it's
like now that I accept it as Iget to take care of my body this
way.
Aren't I blessed to like have abody that's still functioning
at 47 years old and still doingall the things that I wanted to
(09:32):
do?
Um, well, most of the thingsthat I wanted to do were working
on some of those other thingsstill, but for the most part,
like, I've been pretty luckywith how healthy my body has
been and I really want to keepthat rather than, like in the
past, I'd have been like, ohwell, if a problem comes up,
(09:54):
I'll go to the doctor, they giveme a pill, I feel better, right
.
And instead there was so manythings that happened to me in my
20s and 30s that in my 30s, Ihad to go hold on.
Maybe there's a different wayto live where I don't need all
these pills, because that wascrazy for me, cause it was
really just putting bandages onthe fact that, like, I was
(10:16):
probably mentally, emotionally,unhealthy, and so instead I'm
like oh, I have inflammation,take an inflammation pill.
Oh, I have a migraine, take amigraine pill.
And instead, when I started, Iactually went to health coaching
school Cause I was like, oh,there's gotta be something wrong
with me that the doctors aren'tseeing.
And when I changed the way thatI ate, it helped, um.
(10:38):
But when I started looking atthe amount of stress that was in
my life and the pressures thatI was putting on myself and
started saying no to things alittle bit more and yes to
myself a little bit more, that'swhen I noticed a huge change
where I stopped gettingdepressed as much and I stopped
(11:00):
having the gut issues as much.
I haven't been like there's,there's still no diagnosis.
There's 10 diagnoses and nodiagnoses all at the same time
as if you've ever been in themedical jargon.
They go back and forth butthey've done nothing, and it's
really just how I live my lifethat has changed the way that my
body shows up now and how Ilisten to my body.
(11:22):
It always reminds me of thisstory of there was like a
businessman and he, every timehe went to go do business with a
new person, he would havedinner with them and if his food
settled okay, he would continueto do business with them.
But if his, his stomach feltill after he ate.
That was him listening to hisbody and going nope, this person
is not for me to work with.
(11:44):
And I always thought like, well,that's a weird thing, and when
we start listening to our bodiesor at least when I started
listening to my body that'sexactly how it shows up.
But so many of us, I feel like,avoid our bodies because that's
where our feelings are andwe're told not to like pay
attention to those feelings.
Like my mom was like oh, you'renot sad, you're not angry.
(12:06):
And so I stopped listening tomy body, thinking that it was
lying to me.
Basically, I was like ah, mybody doesn't know anything, and
yet it's like one of the bestindicators of my health is when
I check in with myself and goactually, how am I feeling?
Speaker 3 (12:22):
I definitely agree with you.
I think that's a great point,that self-care is allowing
ourselves to feel all the feels,you know, not just the ones you
deem as good or right, andallowing ourselves the tears and
the anger and the sadness andallowing it to move through us
(12:42):
rather than keeping it stuckinside.
And so I love that part of bodyand self-care and feeling all
the feels, even when it's likethis sucks, you know.
Okay, this sucks, and if I movethrough it, my body will help
me move through it.
I'll move through it and thenthere's a place to move into.
So that's definitely been partof my self-care is allowing my
(13:07):
healings, even when they don't,even when they're not so free.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I would agree, because what we don't express,
we repress, and repression leadsto disease of the body.
They're linking, now more thanever, because of all the
research that has been done overthe ACE study, which is the
American Childhood AdversityStudy that's been ongoing for
(13:32):
over 30 plus years, that certaintendencies that people have,
like people pleasing and allthese other things, are actually
creating disease of the body.
And you know, sadly, chronicillness and cancer would be in
that category as well.
And so if we don't express itin some form, we're holding onto
(13:57):
it and that's just more stresson our bodies that doesn't need
to be carried.
But, I grew up with.
Like Christina, like you don'tfeel that way, that's not okay.
Like be tough, like okay, youknow.
So I can.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
There's a both and like.
We can be tough and still belike and this sucks and cry
through it, right.
We can cry right through doingthe hard thing if that's what we
need to do.
Or we can say with ourselvesmaybe this isn't the right time
for me to do this.
Maybe there's a different way,maybe I just need to give myself
a break today, which I think islike that's something I
(14:34):
definitely was not given.
I was not given like emotionalhealth days.
When I was in school, my momwas like Nope, you're fine,
you're going to school.
I mean, many times we were sickand she was like Nope, you're
going to school.
But the 80s was a differenttime.
For sure.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Yeah, I don't think I stayed home from school, unless
I literally threw up.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Right and I you know it's so interesting about that
the very first coach I workedwith, I remember, you know, just
like having this day.
I was sick, you know, and I waslike and and her assignment I
mean I guess I kept my coachingcall was literally to cancel
everything and to shut theshades and to lay down, and it
was like like I get to do thatand it was.
(15:18):
It was such a huge aha for meand I still remember it.
You guys, this is for 25 yearsago.
Yeah, it's been a really longtime.
Like what does that mean?
To take care of myself, Causenobody else is going to do that,
nobody else is going to tuck meinto bed and um, and so you
know, slowing down and saying,is this what I want to do?
(15:39):
For me, often, like I love theway I feel after a workout, so I
want it here, but my body islike, okay, overextended, you've
done like enough, and so for me, that is also like, is it my
head that wants it or does mybody feel like this is a good
thing to do for myself?
And so noticing, noticing andchecking in on that, I think, is
(16:02):
super important.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I love that so much.
It leads us kind of into thisidea of giving ourselves
permission, because we were justsaying that about like, oh,
when somebody else tells me Ican give myself permission, then
maybe it's okay for me to givemyself permission.
Like I had a boss once that waslike Christina, you're not
feeling well, go home, go rest.
And it was like that's okay,like I aren't I supposed to work
(16:27):
like 60, 70 hours a week.
And when I started working formyself, I realized, oh, I'm the
one who put those expectationson myself.
It was never really my boss.
And when I realized that, Irealized I had to be the one who
gave myself permission to say,no, you can rest, you can take
the afternoon off.
(16:47):
You can't.
You don't have to work 60 hoursa week.
It doesn't necessarily evenbenefit my business.
In fact, I learned that the lesshours I work, the better I do,
because I'm at least giving itlike energy that I want to give
it, instead of that forcedenergy that's like oh, let's
just check this off the list,just like self-care.
So for me to say yes to myselfmeant I had to give myself
(17:11):
permission to slow down, whichis really anti 80s.
It's like what do you mean?
You can fit more stuff, you canbe more productive and get more
stuff done, but giving myselfpermission just to slow down was
so challenging and be like oh,I mean I can even feel it in my
body at times where it was likeI don't want to slow down, I
(17:34):
want to get this done, and mybody is like please just rest.
So what is the big challengeswith y'all, with the self-care
is like is it saying yes, is itslowing down?
Is it feeling okay, doingsomething really sweet for
yourself?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Yes, yes and yes, like right on my mind, going in
so many directions.
I mean, I, for me, it's all ofthat, it's you know, it's it's
slowing down, it's checking inwith myself, it's saying like if
something feels so, so hardthat I'm trudging through mud,
like come back to it Like today.
(18:10):
Like you've said, today may notbe the day, um, I think giving
myself permission and reallychecking in with what I want has
been a huge part of self-careand just saying yes to the
things in my life that areimportant to me and not
necessarily what other peoplewant or you know what they're
angling to get.
(18:33):
Also, think that I this thisidea of if I say no to something
, am I going to disappointsomeone.
I remember that, you know, andoften I'll work with a client
and say I want you to say no toevery single offer that comes
this week and they're like, it'slike just to practice and to
see what that feels like and andreally to hold that place of
(18:53):
like if I say no to somethingelse, I'm saying yes to myself,
right, and and is it importantto say yes to yourself and so
knowing that and playing withthat and just you know, really
realizing what happens in thatyes to myself, whether that's
time, like I said, time alone ortime out in nature, whatever it
(19:14):
is, it's fulfilling, it's likethat can um make everything go
more smoothly and so much moreenjoyable.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Right, I would.
I would agree, saying learninghow to say no after working in
corporate America 60 plus hoursa week.
Like you, christina, like Ididn't know that I was even
allowed to say no to work events.
I like, two days prior to beingdiagnosed, I was at a charity
event Like I didn't even realize, like that that was allowed.
(19:47):
So, giving myself permission togo no and really take back my
time, take back my energy andresources to where it's
necessary, like yesterday, Ijust was exhausted in the
afternoon and I was like youknow what we're done, cause you,
just staring at the computer isnot helpful.
We're just gonna, we're gonnashut it and we're gonna walk
(20:09):
away.
And it is what it is today.
And that, in and of itself, isstill something that like my
gut's, like are you sure this isokay and I have to go?
Yes, it's okay, like, causetomorrow's a new day.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
It's almost like we have the opportunity to make
permission slips for ourselves,like I give myself permission
and and, um, I hold myselfvaluable.
Like I think sometimes it'sbeliefs that get in the way of
being able to say yes toourselves, like what does your
inner critic say?
Or what belief do you have thatlike for me, a big one was I
(20:48):
have to be accomplishing to beworthy.
Like like you're saying likethat there's a to-do list and
then if that to-do list isn'tdone, it's you know there's a
to-do list and then if thatto-do list isn't done, it's you
know, like I'm not worthy.
So that that was like how do Iget off this treadmill of like
I'm just saying yes toeverything and I'm burning out,
um, so it's been a, it's been abig, big relearning and looking
(21:10):
at things and saying is this ahell yes, or is it not?
Like where do I get todistinguish the yes and no?
No, thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Yeah, I love how you said that with earning your
worth is definitely like in mylife.
It was like you do all the hardthings and until the hard
things are done and yousacrifice and you do all these
other things, when those thingsare done, then you can go have
fun.
And and it also goes along withthis other belief of hard work
equals success, which is why Iused to have like the 60 plus
(21:42):
hour weeks is because I was like, oh, I have to work really hard
, which meant that it was a lotof hours and I would do all the
hard stuff first and I wouldeven make easy stuff hard,
because it didn't feel like anaccomplishment unless it was
really something challenging.
Unless it was really somethingchallenging.
And I loved, paige, what yousaid about listening to yourself
(22:03):
, because for a lot of peoplethat are around me, going out on
a Friday or Saturday night islike how they have a good time,
they love to go out.
And the first Friday night Ihung out with my husband before
obviously we were married, hewas.
He was like, oh, we're going togo out to dinner with, with this
person and that person and thisperson, and I was like I was a
(22:26):
single mom.
I was used to being home aloneon a Friday night or with my
child, so like going out, and ittook me several years before I
was like it's okay that at theend of the week I don't want to
be with people that I, I mean,and I still.
It still comes up for me becauseI'm surrounded by a bunch of
extroverts where they like to dolots of things together and and
(22:48):
go and do the things and I'mjust like I'll be in my room
crocheting and that's whatreally fills me up.
But it was like really havingto start listening to my body
and going.
No, my body really doesn't wantthat, and if I go out on a
Friday night, I'm going to betoo exhausted Saturday to do
anything that I really want todo for myself.
(23:09):
That I want to say yes to, likegoing for a hike on Saturday,
and to me that is so much moremeaningful than you know going
out and having dinner in a placewhere you have to wait an hour
to get in because there's a wait.
I mean I don't find fun in anyof that, but some people do.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I think that's why I love this conversation, because
we have, you know, differentthings that fill us up and and
and I think even for the womenwho are listening like, do I
start to identify what does fillmy cup?
Like, what is it that feelslike self-care?
What are my yeses?
Like you have all those answers, it's just starting to ask and
(23:55):
notice, like, am I happy when Ido this?
Do I want more time alone?
Do I want more creative time?
And with all those answers,then you can start to build the
life that does work for you,rather than obligation or what
society says is the right thingto do.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah, and there's layers of it, because I mean I
never before would have gone onvacation by myself, but I now go
away because there's so manypeople around me.
I go away on a weekend bymyself and like they're all like
you went to the beaches alone.
Yeah, I did.
It was awesome.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Like it was awesome based off of old programming,
because it's been ingrained inus for so long.
And yet if we really, likePaige said, check in with
ourselves to realize what it isthat we want to say yes to, and
then know that it's whatever wesay yes to is worth it, and
(24:56):
putting in boundaries and sayingno to things and that's
acceptable and okay, it reallydoes start to change how you
feel about yourself and holdingyourself worthy and valuable of
making choices and having thoseboundaries.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
And I'm just laughing , christina, because my husband,
who I really, really lovedearly, is going away this
weekend.
And I'm like, yes, yes, andI've had people say to me like,
what are you going to do?
And I'm like I'm going to stayhome and enjoy every moment here
with my animals and be in thisspace in a way that fills me up.
(25:36):
And you know, it's like, yes, Icould, now I could make all
these social plans.
And I'm like, oh, no, no, no,no, no.
I'm keeping it really simple,like I feel like this weekend is
replenishing for my soul and soI'm looking to it really.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
I I feel, especially after the pandemic.
When my husband went back tolike staffing men's weekends, I
was like cause we both work andand live in the same place all
day long.
So it's like it became a lot.
So I was so happy when he couldgo back to doing weekends.
And what's silly is that?
Like when I check in withmyself, sometimes on a weekend
(26:12):
alone, cleaning the house iswhat I want to do.
It sounds so ridiculous to theyounger me because I'm like why
would you want to do?
It sounds so ridiculous to theyounger me Cause I'm like why
would you want to do that onyour weekend off?
But there's something aboutcleaning the whole house and
having the whole thing clean andI'm by myself and I could take
a shower and I feel good becauseeverything feels good around me
(26:33):
.
So, even like, cleaning thehouse becomes self-care to me.
Um, in those kinds of spacesand it may seem silly to other
people who'd be like you coulddo anything I mean there's also,
you know, when Taylor Swiftcame out with her new album, I
became so Swifty.
In the last year my husbandhappened to be away and I like
got my snacks and my notebookand I was like, yes, we're going
(26:57):
to watch this, cause it'ssomething my husband would not
want to watch all day long.
But to me it was like, yes,we're going to watch this
because it's something myhusband would not want to watch
all day long, but to me it waslike this is awesome.
This is exactly what I wantedto do is sit here and just watch
these videos and seem so silly,but really I mean whatever
makes us feel good.
And then what happens is like.
For me it's been like asnowball effect, is like when I
(27:18):
take care of myself and I getthat little, you know, ounce of
joy out of it.
Well, the next time I'm likeyeah, we want to do that, we
want to like what do I want todo now for myself?
And that's how it's becomebigger and bigger.
So when we say, like givingourselves permission I didn't
start with giving myselfpermission to go away alone for
(27:38):
an entire weekend Like I startedby saying I'm going to take 15
minutes here and squeeze that in.
So I guess, um, as we'rerounding up our tools, one of
the tools I would say is youknow if you need to start small?
Um, another tool that I heardpage say is like just say no to
everything, like cancel it downand see what happens.
(28:00):
You know, like what's, what'sthe worst that can happen.
Something might need to berescheduled, but could be that
you know, all that stuff that wethink is so important actually
isn't that important.
What other tools are we goingto mention or have we mentioned?
Speaker 2 (28:18):
I think something that's really important is just
are you breathing?
You know, when we get stressedand we have anxiety, we stop
breathing, and it's one of themost vital functions in our body
.
But when we don't breathe, wearen't making clear cognitive
decisions that you know couldhelp us.
So if we just take a deepbreath and then go, is this
(28:40):
something I want to do, or do Ieven have the bandwidth to do
this for myself?
Speaker 3 (28:47):
We really can get clear on on even the answer that
we're looking for I love that,casey, I, I know, I know for me,
I, I'm blessed.
There's actually a lot ofthings I want to say yes to in
my life and and learning how tosay no even to things I want to
do, which is like taking it astep further, because if I say
yes to leading all these womenweekends and adding more
(29:10):
retreats and taking on moreclients and and you know it
what's, what's the price that Ipay for that?
Because there's not time for meto slow down for myself, time
for me to connect with myhusband, time for me to be in my
body and move, and it's like soI always look at that too, like
what's?
What's the bigger yes, what isthe thing that?
(29:31):
Um, I could continue to say yesto everything, even if I really
want to do them, and sometimesthe biggest challenge is saying
crap, I'm going to say no tothis because it's just too
fricking much.
And that has been a game changerfor me, because I used to say
yes and travel all the time andthe pandemic hit and all of a
sudden afterwards it was like Idon't want to be in the air that
(29:53):
much as much as I love doingwomen's weekends and being on
the road, it was like this isjust too much and so, um, having
that clarity of you know I wantto do all these things and if I
was to rate them, that's a goodtool right, like this is the
one that's the biggest, this isthe thing that you know you're
dancing around a Swifty, you'relike this is the thing that
(30:17):
lights me up the most.
So, looking for that withinyourself, like having that
awareness of what is like themost exciting things, or you
know, and and allowing it to beokay that, even if you know it
would be great to go to thatparty and I know that that's too
much social this weekend, sothat's the thing I'm going to
not do, I think also, just tyingto.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
That is like giving yourself permission to go to
where.
If you say yes to something andyou go to it, give yourself
permission to go.
Yeah, I'm going to go homeafter that, even after five
minutes or whatever amount oftime you decide, because you
don't have to stay.
Like we always feel like whileI'm here I'm obligated to stay.
It's like there's noobligations.
(31:00):
Say like really tired, I justwanted to say hi and leave.
Like but we often feel like thisis like where I have to be now
because I committed.
The commitment is always to youfirst and prioritizing you.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
And that's yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Yeah, and Paige.
Paige knows me um from somewomen's weekends and um, I give
myself permission not to stayand hug everybody at the end
because I am like I swear allday Sunday.
I'm like give me a hug now,cause once the final meeting's
over, I'm like you're in my dustbefore, like Irish goodbye is
(31:42):
me, that is me everywhere I goLike once I'm done, I'm done.
And before it would have takena lot more emotional energy and
mental energy for me to go.
Okay, christina, just stay here,we're going to hug everybody
we're going to and it would feellike it wasn't even sincere
Goodbye is thanks.
It was just like okay, who elsedo I have to hug so I can get
(32:03):
out of here, right?
And now it's just like let metell you I'm not going to stay,
so give me a hug now.
And I'm leaving.
Like when I want to leave, I amleaving and and I just let that
be okay.
And it's really odd when I gosomewhere, like to a party, and
there's like friends orsomething they're like shouldn't
we say goodbye?
And I'm like I said hello, sawthem, I connected, they'll text
(32:31):
me if they need something.
I don't know, but like it'slike one of those small, small
acts of self-care.
But for me it feels really goodbecause when I've hit my
extrovert limit, I'm done Likethat's, that's all that's
happening.
And I allow that to be okay nowand hope that other people are
going to understand and if theydon't, hey, come clear with me,
(32:52):
let's talk about it in thefuture.
But it's not about anybody elsebut me and my energy and me
saying yes to myself Awesome.
Well, I know that we couldcontinue to have this
conversation.
But me and my energy and mesaying yes to myself Awesome.
Well, I know that we couldcontinue to have this
conversation, but, um, I want tojust uh start closing up.
So if we could give one pieceof wisdom, um, and then feel
(33:14):
free to uh tell people how theycan reach out to you.
Uh, my piece of wisdom I wrotethis down earlier is I always
tell my clients to make a choiceand then decide it's right.
So, check in with your body,make a choice and then, rather
than like being like, oh, shouldI, shouldn't I, should I,
should I, should I not, you know, just decide it's right.
(33:35):
Whatever choice you made,decide it's right.
Of course, just like Casey said, you can show up to the party
and decide all of a sudden like,oh, this isn't right.
Then make the decision to leaveand decide that's right.
Like you can just make adecision, decide it's right
until you want to make adifferent decision.
And, um, that would be mylittle bit of wisdom for today.
How about you, casey?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
There's a lot but um, I think in in tying to
self-care.
It's really about we can havethe perfect diet, we can have
the right exercise routine, butif we are not taking care of
what's inside of our heads andour hearts, we are still
unhealthy in some way.
And that means addressing andtaking care of our emotional,
(34:18):
mental health.
And you know it, it's one ofthose things where I was just
like, well, I'm physically doingthe thing that I should be
doing, everything else is fineand really nothing else is fine.
And regulating your nervoussystem and creating a better
life for yourself is the bestthing that you can do for your
your physical, mental andemotional health.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Thanks, Casey.
How can people connect with you?
Speaker 2 (34:44):
You can find me on Instagram I'm at the happier
hustle and Facebook and all thethings.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
I like the happier hustle that's.
That's a cool Instagram,because the hustle by itself
always makes me like cringe alittle bit, ever since I've like
pulled back from those 60 hourweeks but like hustling in a
happy way.
Well, now that's a differentthing, isn't it Awesome?
Thanks, Casey Paige.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Oh yeah, I just I know we could go on for hours.
I feel like there's so muchhere around what is yes and how
do we do self-care, and I think,for me, the piece of that I
have to offer is really to getin touch with the wise part of
yourself who knows, and to startto foster that relationship,
because you really do have allthe answers, and so some of you
(35:33):
might be further along on thatjourney or that might be a new
concept, but to like reallytrust in, if you check in with
your body and with your heartand with your mind, like the
answers are there.
So like continue to delve intoknowing yourself and honoring
yourself and what's true for you.
Um, yeah, so it's.
(35:54):
I don't know if that has been ahuge thing.
Instead of me looking to theoutside for all of that
information and over the decades, it's like wow, the more I know
, the more I know, the more Ican create what I want, which is
fantastic.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
I love that advice because it always reminds me of
that question that we give tolike circles for women within
circles.
In case you're looking for awoman's circle, womenwithinorg.
I think we mentioned it in everyepisode because it's been so
powerful for me to sit incircles with other women, but
there's always this questionwhen you say like oh, what do
you think about that?
And they say I don't know.
(36:27):
And then you go but if you didknow, what would it be?
And for some reason we haveanswers to that question, even
though it's the same question,paige, how can people connect
with you?
Speaker 3 (36:41):
People can reach us at.
I will say my business partnerand I are offering retreats for
women to say hell yes tothemselves.
I mean, that is really so atthe core of what I believe.
And so you can say hell yes inthat small way, like morning
coffee on my porch swing is asmall hell yes, and there's
(37:02):
everything in between.
And so we've created retreatsfor women to say hell yes in a
really big way, to givethemselves like time away to
replenish and get reallyconnected to themselves and
listen in and make some bigtransformational changes.
So, um, you can reach us atthrive with Margaret and page,
and there's information thereabout retreats coming up.
(37:23):
We have one in Mexico in Aprilof next year and then we'll have
one in the mountains ofColorado in September.
So if you're interested in umgiving yourself that kind of
gift and saying a big hell yes,then definitely reach out and
I'm happy to chat with you andmake sure it's a good fit.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Beautiful Thank you.
Thank you both for being heretoday.
I appreciate it so much.
Such a lovely conversation.
We might have to have anotherone in the future.
And thank you, audience, fortuning in.
We'll talk to you again nextweek.
Well, welcome to the Inviting Shift podcast.
I'm your host, christina, and Iam here with two amazing
beautiful women, paige and Casey, and today we're going to talk
about self-care and what thatlooks like in midlife and
probably the hardest part, whichis saying yes to ourselves and
allowing ourselves to do thosethings for ourselves and not
(00:21):
watching them slide off the listbecause something else more
important came up and with justso we can get the conversation
started, let's have our guestsintroduce themselves.
So, casey, can you tell us alittle bit about you?
Speaker 2 (00:37):
Yeah, so my name is Casey Kinghead.
I am a three-time cancersurvivor and stroke survivor.
I am a trauma-informed cancercoach, using somatic movement
and breath work with survivorsso they heal and are able to
reclaim their life and learn howto live healthier, to ensure
they are stronger physically,mentally and emotionally and
(00:58):
don't live a life in fear.
Speaker 1 (01:00):
Beautiful.
I'm sure there's a lot ofself-care in that as well, so I
can't wait to talk to you aboutthat how about you, paige.
Speaker 3 (01:07):
Hello, my name is Paige Rossiter and I am a
facilitator, a coach, a mentorand a retreat leader, and I am
so happy to be here becausetheir self-care and really to
thrive in their lives.
Thanks.
Speaker 1 (01:38):
So self-care looks like a lot of different things
and I know during this seasonwe've talked some about it and
it's different for every woman.
Like I know a lot of peoplethink that like Manny and Pettys
and massages are like theself-care, and those are
self-care like don't get mewrong.
And I also know that there'soften deeper self-care.
(02:01):
Like I've just started takingsupplements because of
perimenopause, and so, you know,doing that in the past would
have been like, ah, now I gotthis list of things I got to do
and I got to check off the listof all the things that I got to
do and my attitude has reallychanged about that, where I see
it as kind of like a gift, andit wasn't always that way.
(02:25):
Self-care was really hard for mebecause, well, especially
before middle age, I was, youknow, raising a kid, working
full time, had a husband, hadresponsibilities, and so it
seems like I should just be ableto keep going and going and
going.
And so I'm wondering, what have?
What struggles have y'all hadwith um doing self-care?
(02:47):
Or maybe you don't, maybeyou're like my husband who, like
he's a bandwagon jumper Likeyou.
Tell him that you know,standing on his head for five
seconds every day is healthy forhim.
He will do it tomorrow and forevery day following.
It's like not a problem for himwhatsoever, but for me it's
always been a challenge, and I'mwondering what challenges y'all
(03:08):
might have.
Speaker 2 (03:09):
So for me, personally , it's evolved for sure.
I think prior to my experiencewith cancer, it was definitely
just exercise, like that'senough, that's all the self-care
you get, and since then it's somuch more.
It's physical, mental andemotional well-being as well,
and it's evolved into not justexercise but a regulated nervous
(03:30):
system, lowering stress, takingtime for myself, because it's
really truly about caring forourselves.
You know, it's we're, it'swe're putting our own physical,
mental and emotional health atrisk, and it's a hard lesson
(03:51):
that I learned.
But it's now what is so vitalfor so many women to actually
understand as well.
Speaker 1 (04:00):
Forced self-care.
I love.
I love that illness can often,you know, put on forced
self-care and that's whathappened for me too is I had
really bad gut problems and so Iwas realized I had to slow down
.
It wasn't what I was eating, itwas just the fact that I put so
much stress on my body.
(04:20):
So, yeah, how about you, paige?
Speaker 3 (04:23):
Yeah, you know, I think I did it along with Casey
like there are so many differentaspects that self-care cover
and so for me it's being reallymindful.
A lot of times it's listeningto my body, because my body has
the information on.
You know my answers or is ittime to rest, or is it time to
(04:44):
push through and, um, reallychecking into myself and and my
inner wisdom that has thoseanswers for me around what is
self-care?
And I think it has changed, youknow, over the years, and
sometimes now it's like you said, um, christina, it's not
necessarily like the massage,it's what does quiet time look
like for me?
(05:04):
How do I replenish myself?
I love asking that of coachingclients, like, really, what is
replenishment for you?
And it's different for everyone.
For some people it's, you know,being with others.
For some people it's beingalone, it might be doing art.
I mean I and I think, as womenget in touch with that, then
they can weave it into theirlives more easily.
(05:25):
So just even asking thatquestion what is self-care, what
does replenishment look like?
I think it's huge.
Speaker 1 (05:32):
I love that.
So check in with your body,because that is something I
definitely didn't do before Iwas ill, because I just my body.
It should just do what I wantit to do, right, like a machine.
It should just do the thing,and so I never really looked at
it.
And, of course, as we age,there's a lot of different
(05:54):
things that I'm looking at, likestrength training.
For me is self-care, because I'mlosing muscle mass pretty
quickly and I don't want to dothat.
I want to stay healthy as longas possible, which is definitely
not something I had to do in myyounger days because I worked
in a lot of restaurants when Iwas in my twenties.
So I never had to do thatbecause I spent so much time
(06:14):
moving all day long, and nowthat I'm sitting in a chair, it
looks different.
But really checking in with ourbodies I think for me that was
really challenging because therewere so many things I didn't
like about my body, and so tocheck in with my body was like
to check in with an enemy,almost, and I just thought I
(06:36):
could go through all of thatstuff in my head.
I got the logistics.
I can understand this.
I can just keep moving forward,but a lot of our wisdom is in
our bodies.
I can understand this.
I can just keep moving forward,but a lot of our wisdom is in
our bodies.
Speaker 3 (06:46):
I agree with you and I think what's really
interesting is I've also had achallenging time loving my body.
That has been lifelong, likesince third grade when I started
putting on weight, and so Ithink the thing and especially
now in midlife, you're sayinglike our bodies are changing and
yet they do have information.
(07:06):
So looking at them as aresource and um, and being
gentle and kind to the changingbody, you know what's changing
gray hairs, sagging things, youknow all the things that are
changing the perimenopause, thesweats that happen and the.
You know all of that.
So it's like I think it'sactually two things.
(07:28):
It's like listening to ourbodies and then also loving them
as much as we can, like, asmuch as it's possible to say
nobody else is going to takecare of this machine that I live
in.
This is all up to me, likethat's the good news and the bad
news, like really, because ifit's, you know, if I look at it
as the good news and I get tomake decisions for myself and I
(07:49):
get to say, okay, I get todecide what this relationship is
going to be like, and thatchanges it for me a lot, right,
it's it's a lifelongrelationship that we get to have
and and kind of like page, likeit's not that I didn't love my
body before, but I didn'tappreciate what it could do and
the things that it can do.
Speaker 2 (08:11):
And now more than ever it's like body first, mind
second.
Because if there's some likethere's a reason why, when women
have this like gut instinctthat we oftentimes ignore and so
checking in with our body andour mind at the same time, it
really kind of changes theconversation.
And it's knowing that thisvessel that we are in is the
(08:35):
only vessel that we get rightand if we are not taking care of
it in some form or fashion,like anything else, it's going
to start to break down and startto dysfunction.
And I'm six years inpost-metapause, so I've had to
learn how to do things verydifferently.
You know I'm 41 now, six yearspost-metapause.
(08:58):
Like it's a very the learningcurve is steep, but once you
understand like what, how do yousupport your body in that way,
it's so much more than than justwhite knuckling through life
again.
Speaker 1 (09:10):
Love that, yeah, cause so often I always felt
like the changing habits is likewhite knuckling it, but it's
like now that I accept it as Iget to take care of my body this
way.
Aren't I blessed to like have abody that's still functioning
at 47 years old and still doingall the things that I wanted to
(09:32):
do?
Um, well, most of the thingsthat I wanted to do were working
on some of those other thingsstill, but for the most part,
like, I've been pretty luckywith how healthy my body has
been and I really want to keepthat rather than, like in the
past, I'd have been like, ohwell, if a problem comes up,
(09:54):
I'll go to the doctor, they giveme a pill, I feel better, right
.
And instead there was so manythings that happened to me in my
20s and 30s that in my 30s, Ihad to go hold on.
Maybe there's a different wayto live where I don't need all
these pills, because that wascrazy for me, cause it was
really just putting bandages onthe fact that, like, I was
(10:16):
probably mentally, emotionally,unhealthy, and so instead I'm
like oh, I have inflammation,take an inflammation pill.
Oh, I have a migraine, take amigraine pill.
And instead, when I started, Iactually went to health coaching
school Cause I was like, oh,there's gotta be something wrong
with me that the doctors aren'tseeing.
And when I changed the way thatI ate, it helped, um.
(10:38):
But when I started looking atthe amount of stress that was in
my life and the pressures thatI was putting on myself and
started saying no to things alittle bit more and yes to
myself a little bit more, that'swhen I noticed a huge change
where I stopped gettingdepressed as much and I stopped
(11:00):
having the gut issues as much.
I haven't been like there's,there's still no diagnosis.
There's 10 diagnoses and nodiagnoses all at the same time
as if you've ever been in themedical jargon.
They go back and forth butthey've done nothing, and it's
really just how I live my lifethat has changed the way that my
body shows up now and how Ilisten to my body.
(11:22):
It always reminds me of thisstory of there was like a
businessman and he, every timehe went to go do business with a
new person, he would havedinner with them and if his food
settled okay, he would continueto do business with them.
But if his, his stomach feltill after he ate.
That was him listening to hisbody and going nope, this person
is not for me to work with.
(11:44):
And I always thought like, well,that's a weird thing, and when
we start listening to our bodiesor at least when I started
listening to my body that'sexactly how it shows up.
But so many of us, I feel like,avoid our bodies because that's
where our feelings are andwe're told not to like pay
attention to those feelings.
Like my mom was like oh, you'renot sad, you're not angry.
(12:06):
And so I stopped listening tomy body, thinking that it was
lying to me.
Basically, I was like ah, mybody doesn't know anything, and
yet it's like one of the bestindicators of my health is when
I check in with myself and goactually, how am I feeling?
Speaker 3 (12:22):
I definitely agree with you.
I think that's a great point,that self-care is allowing
ourselves to feel all the feels,you know, not just the ones you
deem as good or right, andallowing ourselves the tears and
the anger and the sadness andallowing it to move through us
(12:42):
rather than keeping it stuckinside.
And so I love that part of bodyand self-care and feeling all
the feels, even when it's likethis sucks, you know.
Okay, this sucks, and if I movethrough it, my body will help
me move through it.
I'll move through it and thenthere's a place to move into.
So that's definitely been partof my self-care is allowing my
(13:07):
healings, even when they don't,even when they're not so free.
Speaker 2 (13:12):
I would agree, because what we don't express,
we repress, and repression leadsto disease of the body.
They're linking, now more thanever, because of all the
research that has been done overthe ACE study, which is the
American Childhood AdversityStudy that's been ongoing for
(13:32):
over 30 plus years, that certaintendencies that people have,
like people pleasing and allthese other things, are actually
creating disease of the body.
And you know, sadly, chronicillness and cancer would be in
that category as well.
And so if we don't express itin some form, we're holding onto
(13:57):
it and that's just more stresson our bodies that doesn't need
to be carried.
But, I grew up with.
Like Christina, like you don'tfeel that way, that's not okay.
Like be tough, like okay, youknow.
So I can.
Speaker 1 (14:13):
There's a both and like.
We can be tough and still belike and this sucks and cry
through it, right.
We can cry right through doingthe hard thing if that's what we
need to do.
Or we can say with ourselvesmaybe this isn't the right time
for me to do this.
Maybe there's a different way,maybe I just need to give myself
a break today, which I think islike that's something I
(14:34):
definitely was not given.
I was not given like emotionalhealth days.
When I was in school, my momwas like Nope, you're fine,
you're going to school.
I mean, many times we were sickand she was like Nope, you're
going to school.
But the 80s was a differenttime.
For sure.
Speaker 2 (14:51):
Yeah, I don't think I stayed home from school, unless
I literally threw up.
Speaker 3 (14:57):
Right and I you know it's so interesting about that
the very first coach I workedwith, I remember, you know, just
like having this day.
I was sick, you know, and I waslike and and her assignment I
mean I guess I kept my coachingcall was literally to cancel
everything and to shut theshades and to lay down, and it
was like like I get to do thatand it was.
(15:18):
It was such a huge aha for meand I still remember it.
You guys, this is for 25 yearsago.
Yeah, it's been a really longtime.
Like what does that mean?
To take care of myself, Causenobody else is going to do that,
nobody else is going to tuck meinto bed and um, and so you
know, slowing down and saying,is this what I want to do?
(15:39):
For me, often, like I love theway I feel after a workout, so I
want it here, but my body islike, okay, overextended, you've
done like enough, and so for me, that is also like, is it my
head that wants it or does mybody feel like this is a good
thing to do for myself?
And so noticing, noticing andchecking in on that, I think, is
(16:02):
super important.
Speaker 1 (16:03):
I love that so much.
It leads us kind of into thisidea of giving ourselves
permission, because we were justsaying that about like, oh,
when somebody else tells me Ican give myself permission, then
maybe it's okay for me to givemyself permission.
Like I had a boss once that waslike Christina, you're not
feeling well, go home, go rest.
And it was like that's okay,like I aren't I supposed to work
(16:27):
like 60, 70 hours a week.
And when I started working formyself, I realized, oh, I'm the
one who put those expectationson myself.
It was never really my boss.
And when I realized that, Irealized I had to be the one who
gave myself permission to say,no, you can rest, you can take
the afternoon off.
(16:47):
You can't.
You don't have to work 60 hoursa week.
It doesn't necessarily evenbenefit my business.
In fact, I learned that the lesshours I work, the better I do,
because I'm at least giving itlike energy that I want to give
it, instead of that forcedenergy that's like oh, let's
just check this off the list,just like self-care.
So for me to say yes to myselfmeant I had to give myself
(17:11):
permission to slow down, whichis really anti 80s.
It's like what do you mean?
You can fit more stuff, you canbe more productive and get more
stuff done, but giving myselfpermission just to slow down was
so challenging and be like oh,I mean I can even feel it in my
body at times where it was likeI don't want to slow down, I
(17:34):
want to get this done, and mybody is like please just rest.
So what is the big challengeswith y'all, with the self-care
is like is it saying yes, is itslowing down?
Is it feeling okay, doingsomething really sweet for
yourself?
Speaker 3 (17:50):
Yes, yes and yes, like right on my mind, going in
so many directions.
I mean, I, for me, it's all ofthat, it's you know, it's it's
slowing down, it's checking inwith myself, it's saying like if
something feels so, so hardthat I'm trudging through mud,
like come back to it Like today.
(18:10):
Like you've said, today may notbe the day, um, I think giving
myself permission and reallychecking in with what I want has
been a huge part of self-careand just saying yes to the
things in my life that areimportant to me and not
necessarily what other peoplewant or you know what they're
angling to get.
(18:33):
Also, think that I this thisidea of if I say no to something
, am I going to disappointsomeone.
I remember that, you know, andoften I'll work with a client
and say I want you to say no toevery single offer that comes
this week and they're like, it'slike just to practice and to
see what that feels like and andreally to hold that place of
(18:53):
like if I say no to somethingelse, I'm saying yes to myself,
right, and and is it importantto say yes to yourself and so
knowing that and playing withthat and just you know, really
realizing what happens in thatyes to myself, whether that's
time, like I said, time alone ortime out in nature, whatever it
(19:14):
is, it's fulfilling, it's likethat can um make everything go
more smoothly and so much moreenjoyable.
Speaker 2 (19:23):
Right, I would.
I would agree, saying learninghow to say no after working in
corporate America 60 plus hoursa week.
Like you, christina, like Ididn't know that I was even
allowed to say no to work events.
I like, two days prior to beingdiagnosed, I was at a charity
event Like I didn't even realize, like that that was allowed.
(19:47):
So, giving myself permission togo no and really take back my
time, take back my energy andresources to where it's
necessary, like yesterday, Ijust was exhausted in the
afternoon and I was like youknow what we're done, cause you,
just staring at the computer isnot helpful.
We're just gonna, we're gonnashut it and we're gonna walk
(20:09):
away.
And it is what it is today.
And that, in and of itself, isstill something that like my
gut's, like are you sure this isokay and I have to go?
Yes, it's okay, like, causetomorrow's a new day.
Speaker 3 (20:25):
It's almost like we have the opportunity to make
permission slips for ourselves,like I give myself permission
and and, um, I hold myselfvaluable.
Like I think sometimes it'sbeliefs that get in the way of
being able to say yes toourselves, like what does your
inner critic say?
Or what belief do you have thatlike for me, a big one was I
(20:48):
have to be accomplishing to beworthy.
Like like you're saying likethat there's a to-do list and
then if that to-do list isn'tdone, it's you know there's a
to-do list and then if thatto-do list isn't done, it's you
know, like I'm not worthy.
So that that was like how do Iget off this treadmill of like
I'm just saying yes toeverything and I'm burning out,
um, so it's been a, it's been abig, big relearning and looking
(21:10):
at things and saying is this ahell yes, or is it not?
Like where do I get todistinguish the yes and no?
No, thank you.
Speaker 1 (21:19):
Yeah, I love how you said that with earning your
worth is definitely like in mylife.
It was like you do all the hardthings and until the hard
things are done and yousacrifice and you do all these
other things, when those thingsare done, then you can go have
fun.
And and it also goes along withthis other belief of hard work
equals success, which is why Iused to have like the 60 plus
(21:42):
hour weeks is because I was like, oh, I have to work really hard
, which meant that it was a lotof hours and I would do all the
hard stuff first and I wouldeven make easy stuff hard,
because it didn't feel like anaccomplishment unless it was
really something challenging.
Unless it was really somethingchallenging.
And I loved, paige, what yousaid about listening to yourself
(22:03):
, because for a lot of peoplethat are around me, going out on
a Friday or Saturday night islike how they have a good time,
they love to go out.
And the first Friday night Ihung out with my husband before
obviously we were married, hewas.
He was like, oh, we're going togo out to dinner with, with this
person and that person and thisperson, and I was like I was a
(22:26):
single mom.
I was used to being home aloneon a Friday night or with my
child, so like going out, and ittook me several years before I
was like it's okay that at theend of the week I don't want to
be with people that I, I mean,and I still.
It still comes up for me becauseI'm surrounded by a bunch of
extroverts where they like to dolots of things together and and
(22:48):
go and do the things and I'mjust like I'll be in my room
crocheting and that's whatreally fills me up.
But it was like really havingto start listening to my body
and going.
No, my body really doesn't wantthat, and if I go out on a
Friday night, I'm going to betoo exhausted Saturday to do
anything that I really want todo for myself.
(23:09):
That I want to say yes to, likegoing for a hike on Saturday,
and to me that is so much moremeaningful than you know going
out and having dinner in a placewhere you have to wait an hour
to get in because there's a wait.
I mean I don't find fun in anyof that, but some people do.
Speaker 3 (23:33):
I think that's why I love this conversation, because
we have, you know, differentthings that fill us up and and
and I think even for the womenwho are listening like, do I
start to identify what does fillmy cup?
Like, what is it that feelslike self-care?
What are my yeses?
Like you have all those answers, it's just starting to ask and
(23:55):
notice, like, am I happy when Ido this?
Do I want more time alone?
Do I want more creative time?
And with all those answers,then you can start to build the
life that does work for you,rather than obligation or what
society says is the right thingto do.
Speaker 1 (24:13):
Yeah, and there's layers of it, because I mean I
never before would have gone onvacation by myself, but I now go
away because there's so manypeople around me.
I go away on a weekend bymyself and like they're all like
you went to the beaches alone.
Yeah, I did.
It was awesome.
Speaker 2 (24:33):
Like it was awesome based off of old programming,
because it's been ingrained inus for so long.
And yet if we really, likePaige said, check in with
ourselves to realize what it isthat we want to say yes to, and
then know that it's whatever wesay yes to is worth it, and
(24:56):
putting in boundaries and sayingno to things and that's
acceptable and okay, it reallydoes start to change how you
feel about yourself and holdingyourself worthy and valuable of
making choices and having thoseboundaries.
Speaker 3 (25:14):
And I'm just laughing , christina, because my husband,
who I really, really lovedearly, is going away this
weekend.
And I'm like, yes, yes, andI've had people say to me like,
what are you going to do?
And I'm like I'm going to stayhome and enjoy every moment here
with my animals and be in thisspace in a way that fills me up.
(25:36):
And you know, it's like, yes, Icould, now I could make all
these social plans.
And I'm like, oh, no, no, no,no, no.
I'm keeping it really simple,like I feel like this weekend is
replenishing for my soul and soI'm looking to it really.
Speaker 1 (25:51):
I I feel, especially after the pandemic.
When my husband went back tolike staffing men's weekends, I
was like cause we both work andand live in the same place all
day long.
So it's like it became a lot.
So I was so happy when he couldgo back to doing weekends.
And what's silly is that?
Like when I check in withmyself, sometimes on a weekend
(26:12):
alone, cleaning the house iswhat I want to do.
It sounds so ridiculous to theyounger me because I'm like why
would you want to do?
It sounds so ridiculous to theyounger me Cause I'm like why
would you want to do that onyour weekend off?
But there's something aboutcleaning the whole house and
having the whole thing clean andI'm by myself and I could take
a shower and I feel good becauseeverything feels good around me
(26:33):
.
So, even like, cleaning thehouse becomes self-care to me.
Um, in those kinds of spacesand it may seem silly to other
people who'd be like you coulddo anything I mean there's also,
you know, when Taylor Swiftcame out with her new album, I
became so Swifty.
In the last year my husbandhappened to be away and I like
got my snacks and my notebookand I was like, yes, we're going
(26:57):
to watch this, cause it'ssomething my husband would not
want to watch all day long.
But to me it was like, yes,we're going to watch this
because it's something myhusband would not want to watch
all day long, but to me it waslike this is awesome.
This is exactly what I wantedto do is sit here and just watch
these videos and seem so silly,but really I mean whatever
makes us feel good.
And then what happens is like.
For me it's been like asnowball effect, is like when I
(27:18):
take care of myself and I getthat little, you know, ounce of
joy out of it.
Well, the next time I'm likeyeah, we want to do that, we
want to like what do I want todo now for myself?
And that's how it's becomebigger and bigger.
So when we say, like givingourselves permission I didn't
start with giving myselfpermission to go away alone for
(27:38):
an entire weekend Like I startedby saying I'm going to take 15
minutes here and squeeze that in.
So I guess, um, as we'rerounding up our tools, one of
the tools I would say is youknow if you need to start small?
Um, another tool that I heardpage say is like just say no to
everything, like cancel it downand see what happens.
(28:00):
You know, like what's, what'sthe worst that can happen.
Something might need to berescheduled, but could be that
you know, all that stuff that wethink is so important actually
isn't that important.
What other tools are we goingto mention or have we mentioned?
Speaker 2 (28:18):
I think something that's really important is just
are you breathing?
You know, when we get stressedand we have anxiety, we stop
breathing, and it's one of themost vital functions in our body
.
But when we don't breathe, wearen't making clear cognitive
decisions that you know couldhelp us.
So if we just take a deepbreath and then go, is this
(28:40):
something I want to do, or do Ieven have the bandwidth to do
this for myself?
Speaker 3 (28:47):
We really can get clear on on even the answer that
we're looking for I love that,casey, I, I know, I know for me,
I, I'm blessed.
There's actually a lot ofthings I want to say yes to in
my life and and learning how tosay no even to things I want to
do, which is like taking it astep further, because if I say
yes to leading all these womenweekends and adding more
(29:10):
retreats and taking on moreclients and and you know it
what's, what's the price that Ipay for that?
Because there's not time for meto slow down for myself, time
for me to connect with myhusband, time for me to be in my
body and move, and it's like soI always look at that too, like
what's?
What's the bigger yes, what isthe thing that?
(29:31):
Um, I could continue to say yesto everything, even if I really
want to do them, and sometimesthe biggest challenge is saying
crap, I'm going to say no tothis because it's just too
fricking much.
And that has been a game changerfor me, because I used to say
yes and travel all the time andthe pandemic hit and all of a
sudden afterwards it was like Idon't want to be in the air that
(29:53):
much as much as I love doingwomen's weekends and being on
the road, it was like this isjust too much and so, um, having
that clarity of you know I wantto do all these things and if I
was to rate them, that's a goodtool right, like this is the
one that's the biggest, this isthe thing that you know you're
dancing around a Swifty, you'relike this is the thing that
(30:17):
lights me up the most.
So, looking for that withinyourself, like having that
awareness of what is like themost exciting things, or you
know, and and allowing it to beokay that, even if you know it
would be great to go to thatparty and I know that that's too
much social this weekend, sothat's the thing I'm going to
not do, I think also, just tyingto.
Speaker 2 (30:39):
That is like giving yourself permission to go to
where.
If you say yes to something andyou go to it, give yourself
permission to go.
Yeah, I'm going to go homeafter that, even after five
minutes or whatever amount oftime you decide, because you
don't have to stay.
Like we always feel like whileI'm here I'm obligated to stay.
It's like there's noobligations.
(31:00):
Say like really tired, I justwanted to say hi and leave.
Like but we often feel like thisis like where I have to be now
because I committed.
The commitment is always to youfirst and prioritizing you.
Speaker 3 (31:18):
And that's yeah.
Speaker 1 (31:19):
Yeah, and Paige.
Paige knows me um from somewomen's weekends and um, I give
myself permission not to stayand hug everybody at the end
because I am like I swear allday Sunday.
I'm like give me a hug now,cause once the final meeting's
over, I'm like you're in my dustbefore, like Irish goodbye is
(31:42):
me, that is me everywhere I goLike once I'm done, I'm done.
And before it would have takena lot more emotional energy and
mental energy for me to go.
Okay, christina, just stay here,we're going to hug everybody
we're going to and it would feellike it wasn't even sincere
Goodbye is thanks.
It was just like okay, who elsedo I have to hug so I can get
(32:03):
out of here, right?
And now it's just like let metell you I'm not going to stay,
so give me a hug now.
And I'm leaving.
Like when I want to leave, I amleaving and and I just let that
be okay.
And it's really odd when I gosomewhere, like to a party, and
there's like friends orsomething they're like shouldn't
we say goodbye?
And I'm like I said hello, sawthem, I connected, they'll text
(32:31):
me if they need something.
I don't know, but like it'slike one of those small, small
acts of self-care.
But for me it feels really goodbecause when I've hit my
extrovert limit, I'm done Likethat's, that's all that's
happening.
And I allow that to be okay nowand hope that other people are
going to understand and if theydon't, hey, come clear with me,
(32:52):
let's talk about it in thefuture.
But it's not about anybody elsebut me and my energy and me
saying yes to myself Awesome.
Well, I know that we couldcontinue to have this
conversation.
But me and my energy and mesaying yes to myself Awesome.
Well, I know that we couldcontinue to have this
conversation, but, um, I want tojust uh start closing up.
So if we could give one pieceof wisdom, um, and then feel
(33:14):
free to uh tell people how theycan reach out to you.
Uh, my piece of wisdom I wrotethis down earlier is I always
tell my clients to make a choiceand then decide it's right.
So, check in with your body,make a choice and then, rather
than like being like, oh, shouldI, shouldn't I, should I,
should I, should I not, you know, just decide it's right.
(33:35):
Whatever choice you made,decide it's right.
Of course, just like Casey said, you can show up to the party
and decide all of a sudden like,oh, this isn't right.
Then make the decision to leaveand decide that's right.
Like you can just make adecision, decide it's right
until you want to make adifferent decision.
And, um, that would be mylittle bit of wisdom for today.
How about you, casey?
Speaker 2 (33:56):
There's a lot but um, I think in in tying to
self-care.
It's really about we can havethe perfect diet, we can have
the right exercise routine, butif we are not taking care of
what's inside of our heads andour hearts, we are still
unhealthy in some way.
And that means addressing andtaking care of our emotional,
(34:18):
mental health.
And you know it, it's one ofthose things where I was just
like, well, I'm physically doingthe thing that I should be
doing, everything else is fineand really nothing else is fine.
And regulating your nervoussystem and creating a better
life for yourself is the bestthing that you can do for your
your physical, mental andemotional health.
Speaker 1 (34:41):
Thanks, Casey.
How can people connect with you?
Speaker 2 (34:44):
You can find me on Instagram I'm at the happier
hustle and Facebook and all thethings.
Speaker 1 (34:58):
I like the happier hustle that's.
That's a cool Instagram,because the hustle by itself
always makes me like cringe alittle bit, ever since I've like
pulled back from those 60 hourweeks but like hustling in a
happy way.
Well, now that's a differentthing, isn't it Awesome?
Thanks, Casey Paige.
Speaker 3 (35:12):
Oh yeah, I just I know we could go on for hours.
I feel like there's so muchhere around what is yes and how
do we do self-care, and I think,for me, the piece of that I
have to offer is really to getin touch with the wise part of
yourself who knows, and to startto foster that relationship,
because you really do have allthe answers, and so some of you
(35:33):
might be further along on thatjourney or that might be a new
concept, but to like reallytrust in, if you check in with
your body and with your heartand with your mind, like the
answers are there.
So like continue to delve intoknowing yourself and honoring
yourself and what's true for you.
Um, yeah, so it's.
(35:54):
I don't know if that has been ahuge thing.
Instead of me looking to theoutside for all of that
information and over the decades, it's like wow, the more I know
, the more I know, the more Ican create what I want, which is
fantastic.
Speaker 1 (36:07):
I love that advice because it always reminds me of
that question that we give tolike circles for women within
circles.
In case you're looking for awoman's circle, womenwithinorg.
I think we mentioned it in everyepisode because it's been so
powerful for me to sit incircles with other women, but
there's always this questionwhen you say like oh, what do
you think about that?
And they say I don't know.
(36:27):
And then you go but if you didknow, what would it be?
And for some reason we haveanswers to that question, even
though it's the same question,paige, how can people connect
with you?
Speaker 3 (36:41):
People can reach us at.
I will say my business partnerand I are offering retreats for
women to say hell yes tothemselves.
I mean, that is really so atthe core of what I believe.
And so you can say hell yes inthat small way, like morning
coffee on my porch swing is asmall hell yes, and there's
(37:02):
everything in between.
And so we've created retreatsfor women to say hell yes in a
really big way, to givethemselves like time away to
replenish and get reallyconnected to themselves and
listen in and make some bigtransformational changes.
So, um, you can reach us atthrive with Margaret and page,
and there's information thereabout retreats coming up.
(37:23):
We have one in Mexico in Aprilof next year and then we'll have
one in the mountains ofColorado in September.
So if you're interested in umgiving yourself that kind of
gift and saying a big hell yes,then definitely reach out and
I'm happy to chat with you andmake sure it's a good fit.
Speaker 1 (37:42):
Beautiful Thank you.
Thank you both for being heretoday.
I appreciate it so much.
Such a lovely conversation.
We might have to have anotherone in the future.
And thank you, audience, fortuning in.
We'll talk to you again nextweek.
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