October 24, 2024 • 53 mins
Get ready to dive deep into the real secrets of self-care and self-love! 🎉 In this episode, we're bringing together an amazing panel of women—Margaret Selby, Jamie Besser, and Nikki Yazbeck—who are shaking up the idea of what it means to truly nurture yourself. Ever feel like traditional pampering only scratches the surface? Margaret, a transformational retreat leader, Jamie, a self-care superfan, and Nicky, a yoga and plant medicine guru, are here to share their unique insights on weaving self-care into your everyday routine. 🌿💆‍♀️
From practical strategies to the magic of flexibility, they’ll cover how movement, exercise, and even a little sunlight can work wonders for your well-being. Plus, we’ll chat about the power of women’s circles and the life-changing connections they’ve experienced. This is self-care like you’ve never heard it before! 🌞✨
GUESTS:
Jamie Bessler is a retired educator. Empty nester. Seeker of personal enrichment. You can find more about Woman Within here.
Margaret Selby's leadership experience includes facilitating transformational international women's retreats, leadership roles in the Woman Within Colorado community since 2001, facilitating women’s empowerment circles since 1999, raising 2 teenagers (!), and coaching both individual and corporate clients. She's been a certified personal and professional coach since 2018. ​She's passionate about helping you kick YOUR inner critics to the curb and supporting women to say HELL YES to themselves!
Connect with Margaret: Instagram | WebsiteÂ
Nicky Yazbeck is the host of "The Connected Community Podcast: Exploring Possibility," a space where mindfulness, movement, and self-discovery come together to help listeners unlock new possibilities for personal growth and transformation. Nicky holds a Master’s degree in Social Work, which profoundly shapes her holistic approach to wellness and personal development. Whether through her yoga teaching (over 20 years and 1000 hours of training), podcasting, or social work, Nicky is passionate about helping people explore their potential and transform their lives through mindfulness, movement, and self-discovery.
For more about Nicky’s professional background and journey, visit www.nickyYyoga.com.
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HOST:
Christina Smith is a life coach specializing in confidence and self-love in midlife so that women can finally truly like themselves and how they show up for themselves and their relationships.
CONNECT with Inviting Shift & Christina on Social:
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FREE GIFT: The Confidence Tool Kit is here to help you walk into the second half like a queen (because you are one already). Get it here.
Email me and tell me what you think: christina@christina-smith.com
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self-love, self-care and how itis that we do it, and I know
that this season we've talkedwith several women about this
similar topics but we each do ita little bit different, and so
(01:11):
I wanna make sure that everybodyhas opportunity to really
explore different ways thatwe're doing our self-love and
our self-care.
Because I know when I wasgrowing up, it was like I went
for a mani-pedi or for shopping,and for many of us, as we get
into our midlife, self-care andself-love looks a lot different
than just going to get a massageNot that there's anything wrong
(01:33):
with that, but just that theremight be a little bit more to it
.
So, with that, I just want tohave our guests check in with
who they are and tell you alittle bit about themselves.
So, margaret, can you check in?
Margaret Selby (01:46):
Sure, my name is Margaret Selby.
I am from Boulder, colorado,and I have a business called
Thrive.
With Margaret and Paige With mybest friend of over 25 years we
run women's retreatstransformational women's
retreats for women who are busyputting themselves at the bottom
of their list, who are lookingto really nurture themselves and
(02:06):
take an intentional break forthemselves.
I also do corporate leadershipcoaching and I think that's it
about me.
Christina Smith (02:16):
Yeah, thanks, margaret and Jamie.
You've been here before, buthere you are again because we
love you so much.
Jamie Bessler (02:24):
Thank you.
I'm Jamie Besser.
I live in sunny, warm Phoenix,Arizona, and I am an empty
nester at the moment.
I have kids in college and wayout of college and I volunteer
my time now with Women Withinand Western and I lead circles.
(02:46):
I have a circle, an onlinecircle.
I have an in-person circle hereand I am actually helping to be
one of the guides this weekendfor a circle training, as
tomorrow actually here inPhoenix.
Christina Smith (03:02):
Thanks for being here, as I know that it
takes a lot of preparation to dothose, and we're definitely
going to talk about circles,because that's definitely some
really good self-care for meanyway.
So, nikki, tell us about you.
Nicky Yazbeck (03:15):
Hey, so my name is Nicky Yazbek and I have been
teaching yoga for about 20 years.
I have a background with amaster's in social work and I've
kind of moved away from thatfield for a while and have a
podcast called the ConnectedCommunity Podcast, which,
christina, you've been one of myguests and we talked about the
golden shadow, and I run awomen's group here in Colorado
(03:37):
around plant medicine.
Christina Smith (03:39):
Beautiful.
Yes, we all have, like this,slightly different ways that we
take care of ourselves, andthat's what we wanted to talk
about today, because it's notalways the things like for me.
I always thought it was abouttaking care of, making myself
look, feel pretty Like that'sused to be mine.
(04:00):
It's like it was nails and itwas going shopping and buying
the clothing, and I'm really notthat type of person anymore.
So, like, when it came toself-care in midlife, it was
hard for me because I had put itoff for so many years.
As I was working and raisingchildren, having a family and
moving across the countryseveral times.
(04:21):
I really didn't know whatself-care was and I knew that
people had these beautifulmorning routines, but routines
felt very stifling andrestricting to me.
So I know that routines workfor some people and not other
people.
So I'm curious if there'sanyone here that loves a routine
(04:42):
, like has a morning routinethat they set into.
I've gotten a little betterwith it.
I do journaling, I do a littlereading, I do a little
meditation now, but I don't callit a routine because then my
whole body would break down andgo.
I don't want to do that, butwho else might have a routine or
a non-routine.
Jamie Bessler (05:02):
So I, I actually um, we, we live and we back to a
desert wash, and so I go intothe backyard with usually with
the two dogs, and I just parkmyself in the middle of the yard
and something about justsitting there and getting
grounded and even taking thetime to think what intention I
(05:23):
want to have for that particularday while I am looking at this
majestic 12-foot-tall cactus.
It's really peaceful and it's agreat way to start my day
beautiful.
Margaret Selby (05:38):
I resonate with that routine thing, the maybe
aversion to the word routine.
I also have that.
I was a competitive swimmer incollege and so my life was like
super structured and lots ofroutine and it was amazing.
It was the best experience ofmy life.
I mean I loved it.
It just doesn't fit for meanymore, this really strict
(05:59):
routine.
I like the idea of it, I think,but it also makes me want to
run away.
So I would say that I call in abunch of things, but I don't do
the same thing every morningand I know I have to move my
body.
That is one of the ultimateacts of self-care and self-love
for me is to get my body moving.
I live in a beautiful state, sothere's it's often sunny, so to
get sunshine on my face, andwhether it's walking my dog or
(06:22):
exercising or lifting orwhatever I'm doing, um, and
getting my green smoothie insometime, that it's.
I guess it's part of a routine,but it's not like every single
morning, you know.
Nicky Yazbeck (06:31):
But, um, I resonate with that, but I
resonate with that, not wantingto have a routine and also doing
some self-care every morninganyway, even though it's not
exactly the same.
Yeah, I totally resonate withthat.
I don't have a routine.
I like the concept of routine,but I have an aversion to it as
(06:51):
well.
But there are certain thingsthat I weave through my week and
, as you said, movement andexercise are key for me, and
sunshine.
I need sunshine in my body, onmy face.
Sometimes it's just going andsitting outside, and, as Jamie
said, too, is taking my shoesoff, and grounding and sticking
my feet on the earth is reallyhelpful.
So I don't have a specificthing, but definitely have
(07:11):
patterns that I weave throughoutevery week.
Christina Smith (07:13):
I love that we all kind of say that, because
it's really like my husband isreally regimented when it comes
to his self-care.
Like it's a two to three hourkind of process in the morning
for him to like and he does thesame things every morning.
But to him that feels reallygood, Like he knows he's doing
(07:33):
that, and for me it's more of alike I've learned how to tune
into my body and be like whatactually do I need right now?
What is it that do I do?
I need to sit and pray ormeditate, or do I?
Would journaling be better orwould reading something be
better?
Um, so that's how my morninggoes.
I'm trying to get back into thehealth and I think that when we
(07:55):
talk about self-care, a lot ofpeople think, like it's a
checklist, like I have to checkit, check it, check it, check it
, check it.
I have to get all the boxes.
And for me it's not about that,because if I create a list of,
like all the stuff that I wantto do for myself, then it starts
to feel like, oh, here'sanother chore list.
And then it's like, oh, I haveto go do this, I have to, and
(08:17):
that feels heavy to me.
So instead I might have a listof things, but it's like, what
is it that I feel like doing?
And that's a lot differentbecause, like what would
actually nourish me right nowand that's what's really
important for me, and sometimesit's movement.
Sometimes just going outsideand walking around the house a
few times is helpful to me justto get my body moving.
(08:40):
Some yoga is something that Ilove to do, lots of stretching,
and for me lately, because I'min the middle of this chaotic
change in my life, we're just inthis weird space of challenges,
journaling has become moreimportant to me than ever before
(09:01):
, and I was always like the kindof person was like I don't want
to journal, like I used to doit a lot when I was a teenager,
but I don't want to do it now.
However, that's really been areally helpful, a way of me like
getting out all this stuff thatI'm kind of holding within that
I I can't share with justanybody because, um, because of
(09:26):
the situation that I'm in, itwould just make it hard on other
people for me to, like, youknow, puke that stuff off all
over them, cause it's like theygot their own challenges, they
don't need my judgments, and sojournaling has been something
that's really been helpful.
I finished my first journal inlike many years Just this week.
I was so excited I was like, oh, I filled the whole thing.
(09:47):
But I'm wondering I know thatwe talked about routine, but
what are some things that you?
I know that we talked aboutroutine, but what are some
things that you like?
What's your grab bag of kind ofways that you take care of
yourself?
I know that we have a yogateacher here, so I'm assuming
that yoga is definitely one way,Nikki, that you take care of
yourself.
Nicky Yazbeck (10:08):
Yeah, I think for me it's yoga, and then
self-reflection has becomereally big.
So when the shadow stuff comesup or I get triggered or
something sets me off, it'sreally digging in and exploring
that.
I found that super helpful tomy growth and exploring that.
And then I think I have areally strong women's group, a
(10:29):
women's circle and women.
I feel like connecting withwomen has been really big for me
this year and before.
I found it much easier toconnect with men, had a little
bit of distrust for women andthere's something that opened up
in this last year where I'mjust completely open myself up
to the feminine and seeing thepower in that and the beauty in
that and how women can holdwomen in such a special and
(10:52):
beautiful and unique way, andthat's been a lifesaver for me.
My husband is incredible andhe's so supportive, but there's
something different about howwomen hold other women.
Christina Smith (11:02):
I love that you say that, because the first
time I went to a woman withinweekend I sat there on a Friday
night with 60 women around meand I was like I didn't realize
I don't trust women.
Like until I was in a room with60 of them, I had no idea how
fearful I was around so manywomen.
And now today it's like when Ilook for a therapist or I look
(11:26):
for anything, I'm like, well, isthere a woman?
(12:23):
Is there a woman?
It's like I now trust women somuch more than I would trust
just any man that I don't know.
And sitting in circle with women, I don't think I ever knew,
before I went through my WomenWithin weekend, how much my body
craved that, like how much allof me mentally, emotionally,
(12:49):
really needed to be seen andheard and loved by women.
And I know that Margaret andJamie both have had that
experience as well and that weall I think it's lovely that we
all.
I'm getting chills because I'mlike we all have beautiful
women's circles and I'm sat inso many, but the power of those
(13:09):
circles is incredible and maybe,margaret, you can speak to that
.
Margaret Selby (13:13):
It's funny, like what right, when you said that,
nikki, I was like yes, yes, mylike go-to self-care.
If you know, I will do thingsfor myself the yoga, the green
smoothies, the getting outside,the walking.
And then I was thinking like ifI really feel that kind of that
next level need for self-care,like I just dropped off my
oldest at college and I was likeI need some support here, so
(13:36):
that self-care looked likereaching out to my girlfriends.
I have circle tonight and Idon't think I said it earlier
but I, yeah.
So I did my weekend in 1994 forone within and, um, I was
realizing when we were talkingthat that was my first, I was 19
years old, my first radical actof self-love and self-care.
(14:00):
And what has happened since thenis I have been in a women's
circle pretty much continuously,except for a few, a couple, an
international move there andback to London for 30 years and
whether it's been like virtual,during Zoom, during COVID, or in
person, I've had a lot ofin-person circles over the years
.
That's my go-to for being seen,being heard and also being
(14:23):
present and witnessing the workof others, the healing of others
.
So all of that feels like thedeepest level of self-care that
I can do for myself and reallyconnect with myself, but also
give, give that energy back to asacred group of women who are
in that same space of intentionand wanting to grow, wanting to
(14:47):
work, wanting to share shadowpieces, and so that's.
It's been a huge, huge part ofmy life pretty much since I was
almost done being a teenager.
It's been a huge, huge part ofmy life pretty much since I was
almost done being a teenager.
Jamie Bessler (15:02):
So, yeah, I was going to jump in about like the,
the importance of circles andand how nourished just like I
feel, like my soul feels, and Iactually went to England this
summer, which was a big thing,just like leaving behind my
husband and the kids who werehome for the summer, and and I
did a whole week of woman withinwith archetypes and something
(15:24):
about that kind of like has setme off on this.
I don't know if this quest,this about the importance of
that self-care and realizingthat my Tuesday night circle
minds online is it's like Iwon't miss it.
It is just something that is soum, beneficial and I can do.
(15:47):
I exercise three or four days aweek and even on top of my
circles that my girlfriendconnections that I have, I can
go do like a really, reallyheavy strength training day and
then realize, you know what Ineed to connect.
I have this going on and so theconnection with friends and
(16:11):
then the circles, it's all partof self-care.
Christina Smith (16:14):
And what I've really been thinking about
lately is, like, what is thedifference?
Because, like when I was young,I would go out to lunch with
friends and like, but there'ssomething, even today, that I
have created these, cultivatedthese like really deep
relationships with women where I, like, I completely trust them
for the most part, and so I alsolike, not only do I have my
(16:37):
circle and I've led lots of opencircles for women to come and
try out circle which I think islike precious because you don't
always have, you don't have thesame circle all the time, and so
it's always a different type ofenergy but the relationships
that I have with the friendsthat I have now and me being of
nomadic nature, I have, like ascheduled call with them every
(17:00):
month.
It doesn't mean that when thattime comes that we are both
available.
Sometimes we reschedule, butit's on the calendar so that we
have to reschedule it, and whenI'm talking, like I check in
with them, it's like not 45minutes, we're talking like
three hour conversations, we'rein for the night, and I find
that so funny because so manyyears ago I would have thought
(17:22):
like going out and watchingmusic or going out and doing
this thing with my friends wasso much more important.
And just a couple of weeks agoI went to go meet a friend in
Baltimore and we were supposedto go do a bunch of things but I
got really ill because ofmenopause, thank you, or
(17:42):
perimenopause, and I reallycouldn't do much and we just
talked for like 48 hours is allwe did and it was so nourishing.
I just talked to her yesterdayand I was like that was so great
and she's like I know it was sogreat.
So cultivating these reallydeep relationships with women
has been one of the bestself-care and self-love acts
(18:05):
that I ever could have imagined.
Because I also think about.
I know I'm going on and on, butI also think about I sat on the
woman with an internationalboard for a while and when I
first got there I was like, ohmy God, these women are all
Queens.
Why am I sitting at this table,you know?
And and like I don't know thatI have gifts that these women
have, and of course I don't.
(18:25):
We all have different gifts.
But as I sat there and thenstarted contributing, I just
like stepped out of my comfortzone and was like, yeah, I'll do
it.
I just like stepped out of mycomfort zone and was like, yeah,
I'll do it, I'll do the job.
I started to like see more ofmyself in them and vice versa,
and there was like this wholeself love of going wow, I
actually am worthy of sitting atthis table.
(18:47):
I do have gifts, I do havesomething to contribute and that
has been such a gift to my own,like confidence and wellbeing
and mental, like my mentalwellbeing, so definitely sitting
with other women.
So if you're listening to thepodcast and you're like, how do
I find groups of women to go sitwith, go to womanwithinorg, and
(19:10):
find that we sound like acommercial for it, but it's,
it's just changed so manywomen's lives that I can't
imagine.
And I know, nikki, you have awhole different type of
community of women that worksaround plant medicine.
Tell us a little bit about that.
Nicky Yazbeck (19:26):
So we have a group that has done ayahuasca um
, actually up in Boulder,colorado, and um, the only
requirement for the for peopleto come into the group is that
they've done medicine once.
So some people did medicineonce three years ago and they're
coming to group and there's norequirement of how often people
(19:46):
participate, so they can come inonce or they can come in every
single month.
We do it once a month, um, andI hosted at my, and the
requirement really for the groupis to just show up as you are.
So if you're having a reallycrappy day, then come with your
crappy day, and if you're flyinghigh, then come and fly high
and it doesn't matter.
You don't need to be a certainway, you don't need to be in a
good mood, you don't need to bein a good place.
(20:09):
And then I also love the pieceabout our group where you can
practice being uncomfortable,because if you can be
uncomfortable, then that's wherethe growth is.
And so if it's uncomfortablefor you to speak out, then
here's a place to practice.
Or if somebody says somethingto you and it triggers you,
here's a place to practice thatto be uncomfortable and to maybe
make mistakes and to maybe messthings up, and to be supported
(20:32):
by these other women and to beheld in love.
And I feel like when we moveinto those places of discomfort,
then that's where our greatestgrowth is.
So if somebody is uncomfortableleading a meditation because I
always have other people openand close like, how do you want
to open and somebody isterrified of singing, then maybe
it's to sing an opening, ormaybe it's to do a meditation,
(20:52):
or maybe it's just to hold spaceand silence, and so I love that
piece of it.
And then we always say what isit that you're needing from the
group?
Are you wanting people to holdspace?
Are you wanting reflection?
Are you wanting advice, so thatyou're getting what you need?
And we're also not rescuingeach other.
So if you're in the middle ofyour process and you're crying
and tears are just flowing down,we're not going to run over and
(21:14):
hug you and hold you.
We're going to hold you in yourprocess and allow you to sit in
that and support you in thatway instead of trying to grab
you and pull you out of thatprocess.
And so really, a lot of thewomen are coming into this group
and they have had theseprofound experiences and they
don't have a community outsideof this group to speak in that
way, where they can just comeand be exactly as they are and
(21:37):
to share from their heart andfrom their soul their deepest,
darkest secrets.
And there's no judgment andeverything is just held in love
and everything is confidential.
And it's so neat for them tohave that one place where they
can go once a month.
And sometimes they just wait,they hold it all in, they come
once a month and they let leteverything go and it's, um, it's
(21:58):
like a safety net for all of usand it's become so meaningful.
And it's not about the medicineat all, um, but I do think that
when people do ayahuascamedicine, it takes a certain
type of person to do it, becausewhen you do it, you you face
your deepest, darkest shadows.
They come out in that plantmedicine if you like it or not.
And so anybody that's walkingdown that path of having done
(22:20):
that medicine they're willing togo there, they're willing to
look at their shadow, they'rewilling to go into those really
hard, uncomfortable places andfind that self-reflection.
And I also think, since it'sonce a month, it's also this
good monitor point where itbrings you back to baseline.
So maybe that whole month youtook really bad care of yourself
.
And then you come back to thegroup and you remember, oh,
(22:42):
self-care is super important, oroh, my sisters are super
important, and so it's kind of atouch point for all of us and
it's been incredible and it'sbeen so supportive and just
filled with love.
Christina Smith (22:55):
Sounds very similar to a woman within circle
, just without the ayahuascarequirement.
I mean, that's exactly what wedo, and some of us, like me,
have not been brave enough tothink about plant medicine yet,
because my husband's done it andI just don't.
I don't know.
I'm still doing research on it.
So maybe tell us a few benefitsthat you've gotten just from
(23:18):
the ayahuasca, from the actualplant medicine journey.
Nicky Yazbeck (23:22):
Yeah, I mean, the first time I went I felt like I
was sleeping and I didn't knowI was sleeping.
It's like life had just gone.
I have a kid, I have a husband,I work and life just got
carried away and I forgot who Iwas and I didn't even know when
that happened and how I forgot.
And then with the plantmedicine, I mean really you walk
through this door of shadow andit's really intense.
(23:44):
It's not always intense foreverybody, but it can be, and I
guess you have to be willing tolook at that when you go in for
that specific plant medicine.
And so it really woke me up andit brought up some trauma that
I buried for 40 years and Ididn't know.
I processed it mentally, Italked about it but I hadn't
processed it somatically and soit was a lot of somatic releases
(24:06):
.
It was a lot of shadow comingforward that I had shoved down
and forgotten about andsuppressed and thought I had
covered that.
I checked that box and it wasdone and over with and it wasn't
.
And it brought me back into mybody and it brought me back to
my spirit and it connected me toall these women and it deepened
my relationship with my husbandand it deepened the
(24:26):
relationship with myself and Ifeel like, yeah, I was sleeping,
I was just completelydisconnected from who I was and
what I was feeling andeverything that was going on in
my life.
And so it brought me home andit's been beautiful and I can't
say it's been easy.
It's been really challenging,and ayahuasca is one thing you
go in and you have thatexperience in plant medicine.
(24:48):
But the real work begins afterthe ceremony and that
integration piece and that'swhen your shadow comes up and it
slaps you across the face andit tests you.
And then that's when you havethat decision of which direction
you're going to take.
When that shadow comes up, areyou going to go down your old
path or are you going to walkdown this new path and do things
in a different way?
And so the first time I did itwas a year ago and I'm like not
(25:11):
the same person I was a year agoand not even close, not even at
all, and anybody that wouldknow me would say that like
there's just been so much growthand transformation.
But again, it hasn't been easy,but it's been beautiful.
Christina Smith (25:25):
I love that Cause I think about midlife and
I think it's like the time whereI've learned to come back into
my body.
You were saying about how youcome back into your body and I
think it's a time where you knowas Margaret and Jamie both
introduced themselves as justrecent empty nesters or at least
(25:45):
you know, starting that processof letting go of the children
like suddenly we have a littlebit more time and space than we
had before, and so for me, it'sreally given me the opportunity
to stop and slow down a littlebit or give myself permission.
I mean, I guess I guess I couldhave always slowed down, but I
didn't feel like I could before.
(26:05):
I didn't feel like I could.
So now, as an empty nester, itfeels like I've had so much.
I've been an empty nester forfour years or something, so I've
just expanded and been able togive myself that time to really
get into my body and out of myhead and be a lot more conscious
about it.
Be a lot more conscious aboutit.
(26:27):
So I know other women haveexperiences about this.
How do we all get back into ourbodies and get out of our
monkey brains.
Jamie Bessler (26:36):
So I've been an empty nester.
This is going on my second yearand I think just even like for
me being home alone, like in myhouse when my husband is away at
work something about being homealone.
Even if I'm just putting aroundand trying out a new recipe, it
(26:58):
just lets me again doing thatcheck-in.
And food like cooking.
I knew that I liked to cook wayback when, when the kids were
in the house, and now I like todo it for a different reason.
I like nourishing myself.
I like coming up with how canlike what's going to make me
(27:18):
feel the best.
Christina Smith (27:20):
Yeah, I agree, Cooking has become a lot easier
or a lot more interesting.
I guess I have time to do it.
I'm not like, okay, well,dinner's got to be cooked
between 530 and 615.
And then we got to, you know,do this and that.
And the other thing it's like,ah, put all the ingredients out,
(27:42):
I can shop.
And I'm like not in a rush atall, which makes it so lovely,
Margaret, you, you look likeyou've got something to say.
Margaret Selby (27:47):
Well, getting back at you.
It was getting back into yourbody.
I mean, I'm in my body a lotLike.
I feel like I'm a very somaticperson.
You know, hiking and liftingweights and working out in that
way.
It does get me in my body, butreally, it's yoga, where I have
to stop and match my breath withmy movement.
(28:09):
I felt, I think it was it was.
I did yoga just a couple ofdays before I left to drop off
my daughter for college lastweek and I was not in my body.
I was and I was not connectedto the earth Like I just felt,
like I was kind of floating andthrough really intentional
breathing and intentionalmovement and pairing those
together, I would say at the endI felt like boom, I am grounded
(28:31):
to this earth and I am back inmy body and it definitely takes
effort and intention andconsciousness and I sometimes
run around like a crazy chickenwith my head cut off and it's
really taking the time to slowdown and it's something about
matching I know you probablyknow this, nikki like just
matching the breath, themovement and really becoming
(28:52):
very conscious.
Christina Smith (28:54):
Yeah.
So for me lately I've been likereally in love with breath work
.
I've been like trying alldifferent kinds of breath work,
I think, because it's somethingthat you have like having to pay
attention to your breath, likethey're like for me at least I I
can't really think of anythingelse, whereas, like sometimes,
if I'm lifting weights or I'mdoing something else, like it's
(29:16):
just like I could still bethinking about my to do list
doing something else, like it'sjust like I could still be
thinking about my to-do listwhile I'm doing it.
Right, I might lose count of myreps, but that's okay.
Um, that to-do list isobviously more important and
it's been one of the biggestchallenges of my life is just to
be still like, just to come andbe still.
It's why one of the reasons Ilove still staffing women's
(29:37):
weekends is because it likeforces you to come, be in the
circle and be still.
Um, and that has, that has beena lifelong challenge for me.
I'm just so used to.
I got that production addictionin my head where it's like I
must be doing somethingproductive, I must be doing
something that's going to behelpful, and so to slow down,
(29:59):
which is really funny because Ido visualizations, have like
over a hundred visualizationsfor everybody else.
But like one day I was like I'mgoing to sit down, I'm going to
do a visualization and I couldjust feel it in my body going
okay, how long is this going totake?
What's the gist of this?
Can we just speed this up?
Can we just think about this?
(30:19):
I like, just tell me thedialogue and I'll figure it out
in my brain, because my brainloves to think that it's the
most important thing, and so itwill automatically say no, I'm
in charge, let me just figureout the logistics.
Let me bypass this by justdoing doing the data.
And there's really somethingprecious about allowing
(30:40):
ourselves just to be still andlike thoughtless I guess it
sounds like such a negativeconnotation to the word, but
really thoughtless, like nothaving to think about the future
or the past or what's going onor any of that stuff, and just
being able to be like Ooh, takea breath, how is my body feeling
?
And it's usually when I can'tdo it or when I'm most
(31:03):
challenged by it that I need itthe most.
I love that quote that says youknow, everybody should sit in
meditation for 15 minutes.
Unless you're too busy, thenyou should sit for an hour and
it's like that's exactly it forme, like that's when I need it
the most, is when I'm mostresistant to it, and I've gotten
a little better at getting myinner child to come along with
(31:23):
me and be like I know, I know, Iknow we want to get stuff done.
It's okay, we're going to,we're just going to, we're doing
this because it's good for us.
And that's the real change thathas happened for me in midlife
is that I've changed from thatmind um, that mindset that says,
like here's your list, hurry upand get it all done.
Instead, it's like I'm actuallygoing to enjoy having my
(31:48):
smoothie in the morning, notjust like shove it down because
it has healthy stuff in it and Ishould do it, and I'm going to
actually enjoy lifting weights,not, you know, just try to get
it done.
And because for me it wasalways like a means to an end,
like know, just try to get itdone.
And because for me it wasalways like a means to an end,
like let's hurry up, get it done.
Hurry up and get it done, whichin my life, has stopped me from
really enjoying, enjoying thejourney and really I get to the
(32:12):
goal and I'm like, oh, so what?
I got all the things done and Idon't feel good about it.
Um, and being able to tune intomy body has been from slowing
down.
So how about everybody else?
Am I the only one who felt likewe were in this rush, rush,
rush?
Like I felt like I rushed somuch through all my goals,
through all my days, and thenone day I woke up and I was like
(32:34):
is this where I was rushing to?
Because I don't know like, didI miss the whole journey just to
get here?
Margaret Selby (32:40):
I'll quickly bring up the dreaded nap because
I have to have a very hard timeslowing down.
So I say the dreaded becausethere's part of me that really
wants to just lay down.
Every once it's not that often,but every once in a while I
just want to take a nap and thenI tell myself I've got too many
things to do.
And again, right before Idropped off my daughter, I was
(33:01):
like the weekend before therewere a lot of things to be done,
a lot of just errands andthings to do, and I couldn't.
I had to lay down and then Iwas judging myself about it and
it was the opposite of self-love, doing the inner critic thing
until I finally was like enough,my body needs to lay down, I am
in an emotional state and I'mgoing to lay down and take a nap
(33:23):
.
It was like 20 minutes maybe,and it's having the
consciousness to just stop, takethe pause, stop letting my
inner critic tell me things thatare the opposite of self-love,
and just take the damn nap.
I don't know if it does anyoneelse struggle with that.
I don't know if I'm the onlyone.
Jamie Bessler (33:42):
So I I don't really like struggle with
exactly, um, what I am finding.
I'm a lot more intentional nowabout, I don't want to say, just
doing nothing, but if I needtime to think about, okay, I'm
an empty nester, I have a lot offree time now what do I want to
(34:03):
create?
And just even taking thedowntime to, you know, to not
fill it up with clutter and andand go on and on and on.
And constant movement.
I do like taking the time nowand we're almost at the point in
Arizona where I could sitoutside I can sit out in the
(34:23):
morning.
Still I can't sit out themiddle of the day yet but and
just and again, enjoying justthe outside, the outdoors, and
figuring out, like you know,what's next, without having a
specific goal in mind, yeah, Ican relate to the breath piece.
Nicky Yazbeck (34:42):
I mean like how important breath work is and
connecting to the breath, causeI feel like that's a way to
connect it to the body.
And, margaret, you were talkingabout yoga and connecting with
the breath and that's likethat's the key.
That's the key.
If you're not connecting yourbreath with yoga, you're just
moving, and the key to yoga isreally that breath connection.
So it's a moving meditation, itreally is.
(35:02):
It's a moving meditation and itcalms your whole nervous system
and it can be really beautiful.
And then I can also relate torunning around like crazy and
feeling a little bit guilty ifI'm going to stop and take a nap
or I'm going to stop and justchill out.
But I have slowly started tofind stillness in activities.
So where I would be in my mindwashing the dishes and trying to
(35:25):
go from point A to point B topoint C which I still do
sometimes, it's findingmindfulness in those mundane
activities.
And then there's a lot of joyin them, where before I'm trying
to hurry up and finish it so Ican go to the next thing.
And now I'm actually enjoyingthe process a lot more.
Christina Smith (35:43):
I love that.
Never thought of dishes asself-care, but yes, if you're
being mindful while you're doing, it like what a break for your
brain.
Cause I think that's what we'rereally craving is like to give
our brains a break.
And for me, what has reallyshifted is the whole
perimenopause has my body doingweird things, and so there are
(36:07):
times where I just have to belike, okay, christina, you just
have to lay down and be stillfor 30 minutes, and that's just
the way it is, because whateverwe're about to do is not going
to turn out well If we continueon with the energy that I have
right now about it.
It's like it's going to be bad,and we're not going to turn out
well if we continue on with theenergy that I have right now
about it is like it's going tobe bad and we're not going to
like it's not going to turn outgood anyway.
So let's just go take care ofourselves first, which you know
(36:31):
I feel like if that would havebeen taught to me during puberty
, I might've gotten through thata little bit more smoothly.
But we aren't taught to reallytake care of our bodies when
we're young.
I know, at least in my house itwas like you always had to be
busy doing something and if youweren't, somebody would give you
something to do, um and so like, really allowing myself to be
(36:52):
like yes, I know we want to beproductive, I know we want to
get this next thing done, and inorder to do that in a mindful
or a good way, I need to justgive myself five minutes to
change my emotional attitude, tomaybe do some breathing, to do
something that is going to helpme get back into my body, cause
(37:13):
this hormonal state that I canget into sometimes, um is, is
really not helpful to do a lotof the things that I want to do,
and I allow that to be my bodyjust telling me hey, this is
time for you to just slow thehell down.
Listening to my body has madethings so much nicer in my life
(37:36):
a lot less chaos, a lot lessfeeling like I'm going against
the flow of things.
When I listen to my body, Ifeel like I'm more in that flow
of things when I'm listening tomy breath.
And how is my breath?
Am I even breathing?
There's so many times that I'mlike I noticed that I'm not even
breathing.
(37:56):
Like what am I holding mybreath for and and we can't do
that unless we become reallyconscious of where we are, and
I've just found that in midlifethat's really the space that I'm
in and maybe that's us turningtowards our crone archetype or
something.
But it is a really helpful forme just to like I get so much
(38:17):
more done by slowing down.
Now it sounds insane to myyounger self, but it's like I
get so much done and in such abetter way.
Anybody else experience thatSomething like it?
Okay?
Margaret Selby (38:28):
Yes, I still struggle.
It's just like, yes, I totallyam with you and I get it, and
I'm still like I'm still in theprocess of learning it that I
can't say like yeah, it's likeI'm experimenting with all that
Because I know that's what Ineed.
Is that slowing down, that's theintentionality becoming really
present, like what I think youwere kind of getting at Nikki,
like being really present whileI'm washing the dishes.
(38:50):
But I feel like it's such ajourney and such a struggle,
because my MO has always been go, go, go, go, move, move, move.
And my met, my perimenopausalbody too, is like you need to,
you need to chill, you need toslow down, and that is self-love
and that is self-care.
And even if it's the microself-care of three breaths, like
(39:13):
those micro moments of onebreath, just simply I do this
thing when it's my birthday, buton the clock I take a breath,
sometimes more, and I stop for asecond and that feels like a
micro moment of self-care andself-love, and if I can remember
to do that most days it helps.
(39:34):
It really does, Even though it'ssuper short.
I try to do it the whole minuteJust really breathe and focus
and be present.
What's going on around me, howdo I feel and breathe and
breathe, and thanks for beinghonest about that, because
here's the thing.
Christina Smith (39:48):
I can talk about this all day.
I do not want you to meet meand expect that at any moment
I'm always going to make theright choice, because that does
not happen.
There's a lot of resistance inme in different spaces to like
allow myself that.
So we are all in differentphases of this and even like
(40:09):
Nikki, who has been liketeaching yoga for 20 years, be
like, oh, she knows all aboutbeing in her body and I'm sure
she just you know, when she'snot teaching yoga she's just
like in a corner.
You know namaste, and I'm sureeven you have had some
challenges, because even withthe, what you were saying about
the plant medicine is likethat's, that's opened up a whole
(40:31):
another layer for you to likelook at and dig into.
Nicky Yazbeck (40:36):
Yeah, a hundred percent.
A hundred percent.
It's always a work in progress.
I have to say, though I meanthis is a tiny bit off topic,
but you're talking a lot aboutperimenopause, um, and, and for
me, self-care was I was havingall those perimenopause symptoms
um insomnia, mood swings, nightsweats, um brain fog, like you
name it and I didn't know whatwas going on.
(40:57):
I went to a functional medicinedoctor and she did blood work
and a lot of my blood work wasin range, but it wasn't optimal.
And come to find out, I havehypothyroidism, and so when she
put me on medicine forhypothyroidism and I started
(41:17):
taking a few supplements so thatmy blood work wasn't just on
the low, low end but I was inthe middle and optimize it, I
can say that all of that stuffwent away within two weeks.
It was insane, and so sometimesI think we might need to get
through that perimenopause stuff.
(41:38):
But I also think for me,self-care was going to a
functional medicine doctor andactually doing hormone
replacement has beenlife-changing, and optimizing my
labs and biohacking my labs hasbeen ridiculous, and I'm so
glad I did it because I didn'thave to be suffering.
I was suffering and immediatelyI started, I didn't even know I
(41:59):
had brain fog until it was gone, and then I realized that I had
been in a cloud for so long anddidn't even know it.
So I would encourage people toconsider that if that's not
something that they've done.
Christina Smith (42:11):
I have my appointment scheduled, but until
then, I guess doctors, theytake so long to get an
appointment and it's like it'smonths away and it's like okay,
in the meantime.
Here's what you can do,christina.
Like you need to calm down andjust like allow, like at least
it helps me just to even be likewhen I'm feeling extra
(42:31):
emotional or like mentally foggy, it helps me just to say this
could be menopause.
Let's just be kind to ourselves.
I'm not doing anything wrong,like we're okay, we are safe.
We're just really uncomfortable.
Cause for me it's reallyuncomfortable and one of the
symptoms I get that reallyirritates me to no end is itchy
(42:53):
skin.
I feel like I'm itching my skinall the time and it doesn't
matter if I moisturize, itdoesn't matter.
Like the inside of my ears itchlike that's.
That's how crazy it is.
And and being physicallyuncomfortable can automatically
like push me into mental andemotional like disease or
(43:13):
unwellness anyway, whatever thatword is Um, it can make me
really uncomfortable there too.
So the only way that I so farthat it really gets me through
those moments is just to havecompassion and be like okay,
what can we do?
Like almost remothering myselfright With a mother that I would
have wanted and be like okay,christina, what is it that
(43:37):
little girl, what is it that weneed?
Do we need some ice packs?
Do we need to take a showerscrub?
Like what is it that we need todo right now?
And so doing that has at leastcreated some kindness to myself
and I got to tell you, nikki,there's like 10 years ago I
would have been like I can toughthis out, it's fine, I can
(43:58):
figure it out.
And now I'm just like ifthere's a solution, oh, me too.
Nicky Yazbeck (44:04):
Me too.
I was like I can get throughthis, I don't need anything.
And then I went on for twoweeks.
I'm like, oh my God, I did notneed to suffer.
Christina Smith (44:15):
Never mind, and it's almost like getting
glasses, I'm sure, like whereyou were, like I didn't realize
how fuzzy my vision was until Igot these glasses.
So I look forward to it and Iknow that Jamie is giggling
because she's talked about thisabout before in the podcast
where she didn't even noticemenopause.
It just went right over herhead.
Jamie Bessler (44:36):
My mom had a really, really simple time going
through menopause and I wasvery well educated about, like,
what, what might happen, andnothing happened.
I just about 10 years ago,everything just stopped and the
one thing that I like I'm muchmore aware of now is bone
(44:58):
density.
Like I'm much more aware of nowis um is bone density Um, as
I've gotten older and I which mymom again did um a really
amazing job educating me and umI will say you know, I am six,
65 and I'm not on, I'm not onany prescription medications and
(45:18):
I do.
I do some supplements and a lotof it is some of it may be
hereditary, but a lot of it isis again that intention and and
my attitude to aging and beingaware I'm in circle with other
women going through menopauseright now and just and being
(45:40):
compassionate.
Christina Smith (45:41):
Beautiful.
Thank you, Jamie.
So I know that we could talkall day about this conversation,
about self-care and self-love,and there's probably a hundred
aspects we haven't even talkedabout yet, but we got to shut
this down.
So, before we go, if everybodycould just offer one piece of
advice or a takeaway that youwould want women to think about,
(46:02):
and then, um, you know, ourguests are welcome to share
whatever it is that they want toshare and how to connect with
them and whatnot.
Um, check out the links in theshow notes below, because that's
how you're going to be able toconnect with them all.
I guess my, my little piece ofwisdom, let's say, would be um,
(46:23):
find a way to give yourselfpermission to slow down is one
of the most important things.
Like slowing down.
It's like I, even part of me,can still cringe when I think
about slow down.
I don't got time to slow down.
Part of me can still cringewhen I think about slow down.
I don't got time to slow down.
But it's like Ooh, and then goback.
(46:46):
I go back to my breath andthat's what makes me go.
Oh right, I'm a human being,I'm a living creature, I'm.
It's okay for me to slow down.
That's what I would offer,Margaret.
How about you?
Margaret Selby (46:53):
I think I just talked about those micro moments
.
I think so.
I feel like there's a spectrumof self-care and self-love.
So we have micro moments oftaking one to three breaths, you
know, just stopping and reallypaying attention to what am I
feeling in this present moment.
And then I've been dying totell you all this.
I'm going to Bali next week ona women's retreat.
(47:13):
I am going to be a participantand I'm very, very excited
because, like I said, Ifacilitate women's retreats for
others, but I haven't been aparticipant.
And I'm very, very excitedbecause, like I said, I
facilitate women's retreats forothers, but I haven't been a
participant.
So I am going next week.
So that was what I'm getting atis like the other end of that
could be a big piece ofself-care.
Or you go halfway across theworld or just go on a retreat or
something like that, where youcan really be intentional with
(47:35):
the self-care and maybe thenlearn some tips and ways to
bring it back into your everydaylife, from the micro moments to
the medium-sized self-care, andthen, every once in a while,
these bigger pieces of self-careand self-love where you're
simply taking a whole week maybe, or five days, or three days or
eight, whatever it is foryourself, for your heart, for
(47:56):
your soul, who you are as awoman in this lifetime and on
this planet right now.
So I think that's the, it's thespectrum, the micro to the
macro, and I think it'simportant to really acknowledge
that we need all of thosedifferent things.
Christina Smith (48:11):
Yeah, I love that.
I love that because the microsare good for like every day, and
then I think, like once a week,you should do something, or I
should do something for myselfthat is a little bit bigger.
Maybe it takes a few hours.
Then maybe once a month or oncea year, you do something a
little bigger for yourself.
So beautiful.
Thanks, margaret.
Oh and, and how can they reachyou?
(48:32):
They're going to reach youduring the links below, and so
if y'all need to take thosemacro moments, margaret has got
the space for you.
Margaret Selby (48:40):
We do, yep.
Our business is called Thrivewith Margaret and Paige, and we
also have a retreat website forour retreat in Haramara next
April 2025.
So that's a great place, andmargaretandpagegmailcom will be
listed, so those are greatplaces to find us Beautiful.
Yeah, work with us, thank youyeah, because I've seen your
(49:02):
retreat.
Christina Smith (49:03):
I've seen pictures of your retreats and
I'm like dang man, that lookslike a lot of fun, a lot of
self-care right there.
Jamie Bessler (49:12):
Lovely thanks, margaret, jamie so my um words
of wisdom here would be to makeself-care and self-love.
It's an everyday kind of thingthat it can be again, the micro,
the smallest thing, from goingand sitting outside to going
(49:34):
halfway across the world toEngland to do a workshop, world
to England to do a workshop, um,and and the other, and just
making yourself.
You know, making making I makemyself much more I'm, I'm
important and, uh, giving myselfthat permission daily to do
(49:54):
something kind for myself.
Christina Smith (49:56):
Caring for yourself in a way that you would
care for somebody else you know, like that you really love,
like hey, you're important andso often we'll do beautiful
things for our best friends, butwe won't necessarily do those
same things for ourselves.
I mean, I've sent friendsflowers so many times.
Have I ever sent myself flowers?
No, probably not.
So something to think about.
(50:17):
Right, Thanks, Jamie, and ifyou want to connect with Jamie,
you can also reach out throughme and I believe that we're
going to list your email justfor Woman Within, Is that right?
So if you have any questionsabout Woman Within, Jamie is a
really good woman to talk to orcircles.
Nicky Yazbeck (50:36):
Nikki yeah, so my advice would be to play in the
uncomfortable play in the shadow.
I talk a lot about that latelyand I just think that that's
where a lot of the growth is,and sometimes when we're older,
we get stuck in our own patternsand so maybe it's doing
something outside the box thatmakes you a little uncomfortable
.
Maybe it's a conversation,maybe it's going to a party by
(50:58):
yourself, maybe it's going todinner by yourself, maybe it's
going and doing a retreat.
Whatever it is, it's justpushing that comfort zone,
pushing our edge a little bit.
That's where growth happens.
We can't always sit in a placeof comfortableness.
Christina Smith (51:11):
So, yeah, thank you for that Cause I think that
that's lovely.
I mean, so often we thinkself-care and self-love is about
feeling really good and fluffyand whatnot, and it's really
about what is the best thing forme right now.
And sometimes that is, yeah,you got to look at this hard
thing or you got to make aboundary and feel okay with that
, and all of those things thatfeel really hard to do.
(51:34):
I mean, I feel really proud ofmyself looking back at the
hardest things I had to do andknowing that I got through them,
rather than, oh, that was afluffy time and that was nice
and cozy, and I mean we needthose times too, but it's not.
It's not balanced.
We need balance.
As human beings, we still needto grow, and so that's one of
(51:54):
the parts that we take care ofourselves.
And how can they reach you?
Nicky Yazbeck (51:58):
we take care of ourselves and how can they reach
you?
So I have a website, Nikki Yyoga, and I CK Y Y Y O G acom,
and so people can find me there.
Um, I do online private yogaclasses.
I have the connected communitypodcast, which is on YouTube and
all the audio platforms, andsoon I want to be working with
um people to integrate theirexperiences with plant medicine.
Christina Smith (52:27):
Nice, beautiful , so, and if you have a question
about her ayahuasca group orthe plant medicine group, you
can reach out to her as well.
Thank you all for being heretoday.
What a lovely littleconversation we had.
Thanks to the audience fortuning in.
If you're still listening, wereally appreciate you and we'll
see you all next week.
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