Episode 6: Breaking Free From Parent Guilt

In this episode of The Jordan & Vanessa Show, we dive deep into the all-too-familiar feeling of parent guilt—why it happens, how it spirals, and what we can do to break the cycle. From unplugging the TV to setting boundaries, we explore how today’s fast-paced, instant-gratification world puts extra pressure on parents to constantly fulfill their children’s desires.

We also discuss:
✅ How our emotions shape our parenting experience
✅ The vibrational momentum behind guilt loops
✅ The importance of teaching kids emotional resilience instead of just changing circumstances
✅ Real-life stories of temper tantrums (theirs and ours!) and what we learned
✅ Why kids are naturally better at bouncing back and what we can learn from them

Parenting isn’t about being perfect—it’s about being conscious. And sometimes, it takes a 5-year-old coaching us on how to regulate our emotions to remind us of that!

✨ Join us as we unpack the emotional journey of parenting, break free from guilt cycles, and embrace the freedom of conscious creation—both for ourselves and our children.

💛 If you enjoy this episode, don’t forget to like, subscribe, and share with a fellow parent who needs to hear this!

#Parenting #ConsciousParenting #EmotionalResilience #TheJordanAndVanessaShow #VibrationFit #AboveTheGreenLine #ParentGuilt

Episode Transcript

Vanessa (00:00):
Welcome to the Jordan and Vanessa show.
I'm Vanessa.

Jordan (00:03):
And I'm Jordan.

Vanessa (00:04):
And today's episode is called parent guilt.

Jordan (00:07):
Yes, we have plenty of it.

Vanessa (00:10):
Doesn't everyone these days?

Jordan (00:11):
man, it's a.
Thing.

Vanessa (00:13):
What's even going on?

Jordan (00:14):
I don't know.
I watch Bluey and I'm from the80s.

Vanessa (00:18):
You know I was born in 86 from the 80s and I remember
that time where, parent, it waslike the wild wild west of
parenting you know, Like theyseemed to do what they wanted to
do without being too concernedabout what it would do to us.
Yeah, without the emotionalrepercussions of their children.

(00:39):
Like when did parent guiltbecome a thing, because now I
feel like it's so rampant.
Did that happen in the 2000s?
I don't know, man.

Jordan (00:47):
I'm sure our parents had some.

Vanessa (00:49):
Yeah.

Jordan (00:49):
You know, I'm sure they did.
It's just now.
They're grandparents and theyhardly remember that and they
don't have to tell our childrenno Right Ever.
So, like they're like, I don'teven know what you're talking
about, gil is like well, youliterally give them ice cream
for breakfast.

Vanessa (01:06):
So then I'm the bad cop .

Jordan (01:10):
So then I'm the bad guy and I'm like you can't have ice
cream for breakfast, and thenthey just say I want my Nana.
It's like I'm sure you do.
She gives you like literallyall the things.

Vanessa (01:21):
I think what's really going on is our brain just
remembers the good.

Jordan (01:26):
Like even.

Vanessa (01:27):
I try to recall things from even yesterday and,
depending on where you arevibrationally like, if you're
above the green line, thentrying to recall negative things
from yesterday just doesn'thappen because you're not in the
vibrational vicinity of evenreceiving those things.

Jordan (01:45):
Yeah, totally Like.
A great example is yesterdayour daughter had basically an
I'm tired.

Vanessa (01:54):
Meltdown.

Jordan (01:54):
Meltdown For like two hours yeah totally, and I
remembered that maybe because Iwas a little bit more below the
green line than you.
You were like oh yeah, she wasjust an absolute dream.
Yesterday I was like did youforget, like the period from
like 10 am to say 2 pm?

(02:15):
Yeah, was she, you're like oh.
I was thinking last night,after her nap, before she went
to bed yeah, because that's allI can recall right now and
that's all.

Vanessa (02:24):
I'm in the vibrational vicinity of so I think that's
what happens, like days past,months past, years past, decades
past, and what we havevibrational access to are those
good feeling memories, thosegood feeling situations.

Jordan (02:40):
Yeah, and I think you nailed it.
Like you said, you were abovethe green line.
So, that's what you hadvibrational access to and you're
getting data of all these abovethe green line experiences to
support that.
Likewise, when you're below thegreen line Right, that's when
you're flooded with all of thememories.
That kind of match, that.

Vanessa (02:59):
Like.

Jordan (03:00):
I know, whenever I get into a spot where I feel like
I'm basically failing as aparent and I'm like feeling
super guilty about, I don't know, turning off the television or
turning off like the iPads orwhatever, and then you have the
meltdown and it's like am Idoing the right things?
Like am I blowing it here orwhat's going on?
Anyway, whenever you have thosesituations where you are

(03:23):
experiencing that now you'rekind of flooded with all these
other events that happened thatwere similar.
You want some guilty momentsI've got plenty here, and then
it's like you get deluged, likeI'll think of things years ago
that I did that I could feelguilty for right now.

Vanessa (03:38):
And isn't that crazy that, like you, can perpetuate a
below the green line vibrationwith stuff that happened years
and years and years ago oh yeahand that's definitely one thing
that I can say our kids do notdo so it's kind of like we have
a file manager in our brain andit's constantly sifting through
all of these different memoriesthat are in the same vibrational

(04:01):
vicinity of what you haveactive now.
So if we're feeling like a badparent, then it's going to go
through all of those memories,all of those times in your
consciousness whenever you hadthat same vibrational feeling of
being a subpar parent, andit'll bring that to your
awareness.
It'll bring that to yourcurrent now moment.
And it's not that it's true,it's just what you have active

(04:24):
now.

Jordan (04:25):
Right, Well, and some of the things are true from the
past, but you kind of put themin the same bucket.
So it's like I'm feeling thisway about myself right now.
It's like, oh yeah, well, it'skind of like this hundred other
times you behaved that way, youknow it really like flooded on
you it's like.

Vanessa (04:39):
you want evidence, here you go, and then on top of that
you have the law of attraction,which, if you stay in that
vibrational vicinity, then it'llstart bringing you more
circumstances in your now momentthat will verify what you're
thinking.

Jordan (04:56):
Yeah, absolutely.

Vanessa (04:57):
It's so important to work your way up above the green
line on whatever, whateversubject it is.

Jordan (05:03):
If you want to feel good .

Vanessa (05:04):
Yeah, if you want to feel good, in this case,
parenting.

Jordan (05:07):
Yeah, totally, and you know there are some days that
you get below the green line andthere's a natural evolution of
a downward spiral right.
There's also a naturalevolution of an upward spiral
and and essentially think aboutit directionally Once you're
down below the green line, youhave a tendency to drive further

(05:31):
and further down with yourthought if you keep choosing
that direction Right.
And if you're above the greenline you have a tendency to
drive up, especially if you keepchoosing that direction,
especially if you keep choosingthat direction.
So I definitely had a dayyesterday that was one of those
days where I just kind ofstarted off okay but then like I

(05:51):
kind of drifted below the greenline and then like I let it go.
I sort of let the downwardspiral continue.
I kept allowing that worsefeeling, worse feeling, worse
feeling thought happen.
You know rather than likecatching it and get myself out
of it.

Vanessa (06:09):
Yeah, when you wake up with a teeter totter, then any
circumstance can really throwyou below the green line.

Jordan (06:16):
Yeah so even your kids throwing a temper tantrum or
yeah, just like whatever's goingon, like if you're teeter
tottering.
I like that example.
I also like the wobble so ifyou're wobbling, you know.
So for me yesterday two thingshappened that were kind of main.
It was a Sunday, so we kind ofsometimes have this social idea
that the weekends are for, like,the kids and the family and

(06:39):
you're supposed to be doing thatstuff.
You're not supposed to be doingwork stuff, you know, and I
spent a few hours of myyesterday doing work stuff and
it was something I had promisedthat needed to get done and it
took me maybe about four hours.
So I think that kind of startedthe downward spiral because I
just felt guilty.
I felt so guilty Like youshould be playing with the kids,

(07:04):
engaging with the kids in thebonus room, playing in the
backyard, playing, going on agolf cart ride, going, fishing,
going and doing something.
You're supposed to be doingsomething besides what you're
doing right now.
And it ended up being a biggerproject than I anticipated.
Like what I thought was goingto take like 30 minutes or an
hour ended up taking like fourhours, right.
I thought was going to take like30 minutes or an hour.

(07:25):
Ended up taking like four hours, right.
And so that whole time feelingthis pull, like I should be
doing something else.

Vanessa (07:30):
Yeah, right, you should all over yourself.

Jordan (07:32):
Yeah, and you're shooting all over yourself and
then the further down the rabbithole that goes.
It's like I should have beendoing something else this whole
time, and now that more time haselapsed, now I'm getting deeper
and deeper and deeper into thishole of something I shouldn't
have been doing in the firstplace, you know and it's like,
and then I went from that towhat I had originally kind of

(07:56):
wanted to do for the day, whichwas clean up the backyard.
I had, like, basically projectsstrewn about materials for
projects, like I need to put thebasketball goal back on the
trampoline.
I'm working on my boat overhere.

Vanessa (08:10):
You had a junk pile.
I had a junk pile, it was a bigugly junk pile.

Jordan (08:16):
I would call it a junk mountain it was like what is
going on.

Vanessa (08:20):
It definitely could have been scaled by our children
.
I had a secret.

Jordan (08:24):
What I thought was a secret location around the side
of the house where basicallynobody ever goes over there.
It's just like kind of thiswhole wall.

Vanessa (08:33):
I had not seen it for months.

Jordan (08:34):
That's what I'm saying.
You hadn't seen it for months.
And then, finally, I was like,yeah, I'm going to work on the
backyard.
And you came to assist me andyou walked around that corner.
Good Lord, the backyard and youcame to assist me and you
walked around that corner and,good lord, what happened over
here, and it was literally likea mountain of like.
Every time I had gotten yeah, orlike I had gotten partially

(08:55):
through a project and we're justlike I had all the materials
left over.
It was like, ah, this is my,I'll deal with it later pile.

Vanessa (09:01):
Yeah, and it had turned into Just throw it on, I'll
deal with it later mountain.

Jordan (09:05):
So then I went from, like this feeling of like guilt
having worked on a businessproject on Sunday for way longer
than I thought I was going todirectly into this other thing.
So now I feel like I'mcompounding the.
I feel bad because I was doingthis other thing that I perceive

(09:26):
I shouldn't be doing, or, youknow, like you said, shooting
all over myself directly intoWell, now let's clean up the
backyard.
And now again, now I'm goinginto this feeling of like
neglect, like I'm neglecting thekids, and I'm feeling like even
worse, like even though thekids are there they're on the
back porch playing with you.

(09:46):
I jump on the trampoline hereand there with all the and like
we're doing stuff, but the trainhad already started moving
South.
You know what I'm saying I thinkthat's sort of the thing Like,
if you look at the day beyondthat moment, where I had built
like momentum inside of feelingguilty, it was actually a pretty
normal day, it's fine,everything's fine.

(10:08):
But like I had activated thislike lower guilty vibration and
then just rolled it right intowhat ended up taking until like
close to 10 o'clock at night Iwas in the backyard like trying
to deal with my junk mountain.

Vanessa (10:23):
And that's the power of self-talk.
Yeah, absolutely, it's funny.
I'll go to the kids a lot oftimes, and especially on days
whenever I feel like I was offor I was operating below the
green line for part of the day.
I'll ask them do you think thatmommy did a good job today?
Like I, I feel like I struggledtoday, and it's so funny.

(10:47):
Usually, when I ask them thatthey're like I love you, mommy.
Or sometimes I won't even askthem and they'll just say I'm so
happy I chose you as my mommy.

Jordan (10:56):
Ollie did that to me a couple nights ago.
He was like I'm so glad I choseyou to be my dad glad I chose
you to be my dad.

Vanessa (11:04):
I'm like yes, and it just makes you think like all of
that negative self-talk that'sbeen going on in my brain is for
nothing.
That's not how they perceive meat all.
Yeah, you're exactly right,that's just my own insecurity
coming through and it's not evenwarranted.

Jordan (11:17):
Yeah, what did Ollie say to you last night?

Vanessa (11:20):
I said do you think mommy and daddy did a good job
today?
And he goes, yep.

Jordan (11:25):
Like I didn't feel like I did a good job.
I literally feel like Ineglected you all day and like I
went in a super downward spiraland I was feeling horrible
about myself.

Vanessa (11:35):
But they don't, they don't feel that yeah you're
right.
They're above the green line.

Jordan (11:42):
They're doing whatever seems the most fun in this
moment.
Yeah, that was funny becauseI've seen like a Joe Dispenza
thing where he's like you know,just be open with your kids, let
them know how you feel and youknow, like have honest
conversations with them wheneveryou feel like you were having a
tough time or whatever.
Like really open up to them andshare that with them and
whether they respond right nowor later, later on in life,
they'll feel more open to openup to you whenever they're

(12:05):
feeling a certain way or they'redealing with a certain problem
or whatever.

Vanessa (12:09):
Yeah.

Jordan (12:09):
So I've been doing that.
And last night we went to bedafter I kind of had this like
guilt stricken, feeling like aneglectful father day, and I was
having that same conversationwith Oliver and I was like, yeah
, you know, I had kind of atough day because you, you know,
I really like hanging out withyou and playing with you, but I
feel like I kind of got caughtup in work projects and other

(12:30):
projects and I didn't get tospend as much time with you as I
wanted to, and um, but it wasjust funny the responses because
I'd be like, yeah, you know, Ikind of had a rough day.
And he was like, why?

Vanessa (12:41):
like he's not.
I didn't see that at all.
He's completely unaware, right,oh yeah.

Jordan (12:45):
And um so anyway, we just kind of get through it and
just like brief 20, 30 second metalking about it and I'm like
yeah, I'm like is it okay?
Are you okay, son, or is it allgood?
He's like yeah, good.
Kind of continued to talk andthen in about 15 seconds I heard
him snoring on my shoulder.

Vanessa (13:06):
I was like he's like I'm pretty tired you trying to
resolve your guilt with me rightnow is so boring.

Jordan (13:16):
I'm going to sleep, you know, but that's the thing.
Like you're just trying to havethis little conversation, like
partially, to let them know.
Like you know, when I'mstruggling with something, I
share it with him.
Hopefully he can reciprocate.
If he's ever feeling a certainway, he can have that
conversation with me.

Vanessa (13:32):
It's so healthy to be able to share your emotions with
your kids yeah, I did that theother night with Adeline too.
I was journaling and I startedcrying about something Like I
just started tearing up and shegoes Mommy, are you okay?
And I said Addie, sometimesparents get really sad about
things.
And I said what do you like todo when you're sad?

(13:54):
And she goes Well, when I'm sad, I like to hug my mommy.
And I said I would really loveto hug my Addie right now.
And she did.
She gave me a huge hug.
And she was just like you know,she was soaking it up, like oh,
I'm like, I'm soothing mommy.

Jordan (14:14):
Yeah, so she's like petting my hair.

Vanessa (14:14):
Yeah, but yeah it was just like this.
It was a special moment that Iwas just like really grateful
that we have that with our kids.
Yeah's like we can shareemotions and not be afraid of
them, cause I feel like thathappens a lot of times, where
it's like, let's, let's not feelthis, let's not talk about this
, let's just let's suppress itand get past it and not bring it

(14:39):
up at all, which isn't healthyfor anybody.

Jordan (14:42):
Yeah, and I think we do a good job of this, like we'll
actually use the words from theemotional guidance scale.

Vanessa (14:49):
Right.

Jordan (14:49):
And so we try to kind of formulate it.
You know, I was feeling guiltyor I was feeling this.
Like I told Oliver yesterday, Ikind of had a little daddy face
going on when I was likecleaning the backyard, which is
great.
Daddy face is like horrifyingface, where my nose gets really
sharp and my face gets kind ofred.

(15:09):
I don't know it's like, likeit's definitely an angry face oh
yeah we call it daddy face.
Yeah, like I literally hearfrom the background, why does
daddy have daddy face?

Vanessa (15:18):
you know, like, like.
Why is daddy?

Jordan (15:20):
mad.
Yeah, why is daddy mad?
And then you said I think, ohyeah, why does daddy have daddy
face?
And I like I go back over thereand I'm like I'm just feeling a
little angry right now, son.
And you were like, why don'tyou tell us why?
and I was like, well, thisbackyard's a real mess and I

(15:40):
like really just ripped it apartand I'm tired and I'm tired and
, um, I'm just looking at it,thinking about all this work
that I'm gonna have before me,and I'm just feeling a little
angry about it it's kind of howit is, but that's healthy.
I didn't, I didn't say but I'mnot gonna be angry anymore.
I was still angry, I was stillfeeling.

(16:01):
I was still feeling that likein reality, like if you were to
boil the emotion down further,like if I were to more clearly
describe it, it would be like,well, son, a few hours ago I
started a guilt train in thegarage and I really started to

(16:22):
build momentum and I really gotit going.
And you know, there's kind of athing the vibrational momentum,
unchecked, it continues to movein a particular direction.
Son and um, I just allowed thenatural evolution of a downward
spiral to overtake me to where Iwas just feeling horrible.

Vanessa (16:44):
Until that, train was in Funky Town.

Jordan (16:46):
Until that train was in Funky Town, and now I'm bobbling
between rage and anger atmyself for being such a horrible
parent.

Vanessa (16:55):
But it didn't stop there.
Oh, no, yeah.

Jordan (16:57):
We're going to keep going, and I think that's the
thing, like when you arrive atthe bottom.

Vanessa (17:03):
Yeah.

Jordan (17:03):
You and I're talking about that this morning.

Vanessa (17:05):
Yeah.

Jordan (17:06):
When you arrive at the bottom.
The bottom of the emotionalguidance scale the bottom of the
emotional guidance scale Morepowerlessness.
Yeah, you can really like beatup on yourself.
And a lot of times like we'rekind of taught in the world that
something's really wrong if youhave thoughts like that.

Vanessa (17:23):
You know what I mean.

Jordan (17:24):
Like severe depression, severe powerlessness, and
they're concerned about yourwell-being.
So, like you'll see, like 800hotlines, like if you're feeling
this way or you're having thesethoughts, call this line like
literally stuff like that rightand like.
One thing I would like to sayto that is a lot of us hold that
inside and we have likethoughts that reach the bottom.

Vanessa (17:46):
We judge ourselves and we judge ourselves for having
them.
Yeah.

Jordan (17:49):
And then society basically says if you're having
thoughts like this, it's bad,it's wrong, that's not normal,
that's not normal you should be,you know, seeking help, seeking
guidance.

Vanessa (17:58):
It's like that's the most normal thing.

Jordan (18:00):
Yeah, you just nailed it the natural evolution of a
downward spiral is completelynormal.

Vanessa (18:06):
It's just your guidance .

Jordan (18:08):
Yeah, and it's guidance, and it's the law of attraction
and action.
It's just vibrational momentum.
Yeah, so essentially, you'realways going to have access to
thought that's in vibrationalproximity to the thought that
you're currently thinking andthe idea that you're currently
holding.
So you're always going to haveaccess to thoughts that feel a

(18:30):
little bit better and you'realways going to have access to
thoughts that feel a little bitworse, and that's just kind of
how it is.
So the natural evolution of adownward spiral.
You're kind of sliding downhill.
So the tendency is, if you haveequal access to both, one that
feels a little better and onethat feels a little worse, if
you've been going down, say,from guilt, like I was, like

(18:54):
guilt you start moving down.

Vanessa (18:55):
Yeah.

Jordan (18:56):
I'm already sliding down the hill, so I've got momentum
in that direction.
So it becomes directional, soyou start pushing your way down
there and, essentially uncheckedright, boom.

Vanessa (19:08):
well, I've seen it as like a guilt cycle.
That's how it shows up in myhead.
It's like you're.
You have these thoughts thatdefinitely resonate with feeling
guilty so you have these guiltridden thoughts that produce
guilt emotion and from that, thelaw of attraction is bringing
you circumstances thatcorrespond with that same guilty

(19:31):
emotion.
So these circumstances arise,and usually it comes through
action.
So you're feeling guilty aboutsomething, you do something that
makes you feel even more guilty, and then that produces even
more severe guilt thoughts, thatproduce more severe guilt
emotion, and then that creates acircumstance that makes you

(19:54):
feel even more guilty.
So it's this, like thisnegative loop, which is what
we're talking about today inthis podcast Guilt like parent
guilt.
Yeah in this podcast.
Guilt like parent guilt, yeah,so there's like this guilt cycle
that if perpetuated it's areally nasty feeling place to be
.

Jordan (20:11):
Yeah you, you're guilty, you feel guilty, and then you
feel like you should be doingsomething else, and then you do
something else that matches theguilt like for example it makes
you feel more guilty.
Yeah, so, for example, it makesyou feel more guilty, yeah.

Vanessa (20:26):
So, for example, like you have these thoughts of guilt
and then all of a sudden thekids do something, whereas you
would usually maybe stay abovethe green line.
The kids act out and instead ofstaying above the green line
and responding in a healthy way,you kind of lash out at them
and you kind of bark at themlike don't do that, steve, the

(20:47):
snapping turtle has arrived.
Yeah, snap snap, snap, snapit's like ah.
You do that, you're going tohurt yourself.
Yeah.

Jordan (20:53):
Yeah, and they're like totally fine, yeah, and they're
totally fine.

Vanessa (20:56):
And so then, like you, you lashed out, and of course
that produces another feeling ofguilt, because you didn't want
to respond that way, and then itjust continues the guilt cycle.

Jordan (21:10):
Yeah, totally, and I would say sometimes this is just
conceptual in our mind, thatwe're trying to talk this
through, but then you'llactually see it activate itself
in physical experience, like youwere just talking about, and
sometimes it's not even like adirect thing that you did, but

(21:30):
it is something that will kindof perpetuate the guilt cycle,
like, for example, I was workingon a project and so now I'm
like feeling guilty that I'mapplying time to this.
So then there's like this weirdpressure to like finish faster.
Yeah, you know what I mean, andsometimes that can actually
create problems, like I remember, a couple of days ago I was on
the same thing.

Vanessa (21:49):
Believe it or not.

Jordan (21:50):
This is not the first time this has happened you know,
especially with three children,you know.
And so, like I'm doing thething and I get the box of
painting supplies down, and onmy way down the ladder I drop
the entire box.
It just explodes on the floor.
And so the first thing I thinkis I was in vibrational harmony

(22:14):
with that which isn't great.

Vanessa (22:18):
It's like oh no, I'm feeding my train with the wrong
kind of coal Exactly.

Jordan (22:24):
It's like oh no, like I was at my favorite level, but
then it's like now I have toclean up that mess which is
going to keep me from my kidseven longer, which is going to
perpetuate this guilt cycle evenfurther.
So it's like this whole likejust thing.

Vanessa (22:38):
And then, like Adeline comes out to the garage wanting
to help but there's like theinsecurity of wanting to finish
faster and you're like in ahurry so you don't really want
their help.
So then you lash out and it'slike go away.
I'm trying to do this veryimportant thing.

Jordan (22:53):
Yeah, well, and in this particular instance I was
dealing with a very intense,permanent substance that if you
touch it in your, not in your,princess dress yeah, so that's
the conversation.
It's like yeah, this stuff wasdesigned to have like a 50-year
warranty attached to it, whichmeans if you get it in your

(23:16):
princess dress, it will nevercome out.
Daddy still has pants from fiveyears ago that still have this
substance in it.

Vanessa (23:25):
So now he got it on it.
So then you realize you'retrying to reason with a three
year old and it just turns intothis like kind of battle of
trying to politely say you don'twant their help so that you can
get.
You can just complete theproject at hand.
Yeah, but then she goes inside,and then there's more guilt.

Jordan (23:47):
Oh, even better yeah.
So, let's just finish thatlittle circle out.
So you're going to get that inyour princess dress.
It won't come out, you won't behappy.
So then she goes and actuallychanges and takes off her
princess dress so that she canhelp me.
I'm already like a couple hoursdeep into my guilt train you
know yeah.

(24:07):
Comes back out to help me, andnow I'm just like I was really
just trying to say that to getyou to like, go engage something
else entirely, so that youdon't get this substance on you
at all, you know.
And so she comes back, beingall cute, ready to help.
I want to help daddy with hisproject.
And then I bark at her like ajunkyard dog, like this awful,

(24:32):
horrible human being.
I'm just like this stuff is notfor you to play with, don't
touch it.
I'm just like I don't know howto say this, but like please
don't touch this.

Vanessa (24:45):
Go do anything else.

Jordan (24:47):
Like go do literally anything else besides this.
And then she erupts cryingbecause she just wanted to help.
And for all those peoplewatching this you can accurately
say man Jordan was a realasshole right there.
Like she went and changed outof her princess dress to come
out and help you play with thissubstance and like now you're

(25:11):
not helping her and you're beinga jerk about it.
Anyway, don't worry, I've beatmyself up plenty.

Vanessa (25:18):
I don't need your judgment.
I don't need your judgment.

Jordan (25:22):
Actually feel free.

Vanessa (25:23):
Feel free to cast judgment because I deserve it.
I deserve that judgment.
I feel like one of the reasonswhy we wanted to have this
podcast is because a lot oftimes things look hunky-dory all
the time you have all theseInstagram reels and you have the
perfect Facebook life and allof these things that outwardly
show this perfect appearance,and the truth is nobody's like

(25:47):
that.
Yeah and all of these thingsthat outwardly show this perfect
appearance.
And the truth is nobody's likethat.
Anybody with little kids orkids at all, any age, anybody
who is human knows that thereare times when you are below the
green line.

Jordan (25:58):
Yeah, I saw this like real the other day.
You showed it to me and it waslike meal ideas for your child,
like look what, look at all themeal prep that I did.
And you're looking at it andit's like, that's like a seven
course chef inspired meal ofhealthiness for your
two-year-old yeah, meanwhile mydaughter is scaling the elfa

(26:22):
pantry to get a Twinkie.

Vanessa (26:25):
You know like cause I looked away for five minutes.

Jordan (26:29):
Yeah, she knows where they are.

Vanessa (26:36):
Oh my gosh.
This is the real stuff, though,and anyone who tries to show
you differently.

Jordan (26:38):
It's not true.
You know what, if you do haveit differently, where you've
figured it all out and you nevergo through these guilt cycles
and you're just always above thegreen line and you always have
these perfect like prepped mealthingies for your children and
you never mess up ever andyou're always perfect please
share please share help.

Vanessa (26:58):
How do you do that?
How do you do?

Jordan (27:01):
that, oh my.
And what's really crazy, too,is like you and I intentionally
built this life where we spend atremendous amount of time with
the children.

Vanessa (27:10):
Oh yeah.

Jordan (27:11):
Like, honestly, we've worked from home until now we
have this office.
So like we just now evenstarted separating ourselves for
a few hours to go to the officeto work.
So like, up until this point intheir life, like we've been
there like 24, seven, all thetime tending to their every whim
.
Which actually takes me kind ofdown another path that we were

(27:35):
going to talk about, which iswhen the children are in these
situations or when we're inthese situations.

Vanessa (27:41):
Right.

Jordan (27:42):
Where it feels like the circumstance itself is dictating
our emotional state, like forexample our five-year-old son.

Vanessa (27:51):
He is very much into the television right now.

Jordan (27:55):
He likes it.

Vanessa (27:55):
It's hard to get him away from it and we've had to
unplug the TVs and all sorts ofthings because he like the
moment that we're not engagedwith him he goes and turns on
something and even if we ask himlike come on, come on, oliver,
let's go do this thing, let's goplay together, let's go play
with magnet tiles or blocks orwhatever it is, it's so hard to

(28:25):
just take him out of the tv and,like you've said, jordan, like
there's a frequency to that.
There's a frequency to thetelevision.
Yeah.
So you're like completelyengulfed in this thing, in this
program that you're watching,and then you try to peel him
away and his energy is stillmatched with that frequency of
whatever he was just engaged in.
So it takes him a moment toactually engage with the family.
So it's this big thing thatwe've been dealing with and I

(28:46):
know we're not alone.

Jordan (28:47):
Like in today's age.

Vanessa (28:48):
There's so many screens .
There's iPads, there's phones,there's televisions.
There are so many screens thatcan completely grab their
attention and for kids like himthat are completely stimulated
by it, it can be difficult topeel them away.

Jordan (29:04):
Yeah, absolutely, and, like you said, there's kind of a
frequency to it and we've allhad this experience.
So, like as an adult, I wouldequate it to like a work project
or a business project.

Vanessa (29:15):
Something you're completely into, something I'm
completely focused on.

Jordan (29:17):
So, like it's, captured my attention, something I'm
completely focused on.
So, like it's captured myattention, I'm thinking about it
.
And then let's say you say,honey, I have lunch ready, come
out of that business project andcome eat this sandwich.
Well, I don't just snap fromthe business project to the
sandwich, like I'm stillthinking about the business
project, right?

(29:37):
And so I kind of bring thatfrequency with me, and if it's a
temporary jump out like 30minutes, then I'm probably
barely going to start thereduction of that frequency into
something else before I popright back into it.

Vanessa (29:50):
Right, because your wheels are still spinning on,
trying to create the solution towhatever problem you're dealing
with.

Jordan (29:57):
Yeah, exactly, and you could say that mine is
constructive because I'm working, but it's the exact same thing
he's just like totally engagedin that.
So whenever we're like, hey,let's turn that off and go have
dinner together, you know he'sgoing to have sort of like this
half-life of the frequency, soto speak, where it's like it's

(30:17):
going to start reducing itself.
But I notice a lot with him,especially if it's going to be a
temporary thing.

Vanessa (30:23):
Right.

Jordan (30:24):
For the first like five or ten minutes of the temporary
thing.
He's trying to get back over tothe TV, you know he's trying to
be like have I satisfied yourwishes enough for me to go back
and do what I want to do, which?
Is watch TV yeah.
And so it is definitely a thing.

Vanessa (30:41):
It's kind of like getting another hit yeah totally
and so it's like, it's like anaddiction almost yeah absolutely
.

Jordan (30:47):
And you know, if you really look at it, that is the
thing that actually sort ofbothers me the most.
I guess I would say is it's notnecessarily him watching the
television, but like wheneverhe's trying to disengage from
the tv, like he's not reallyable to do it, he's not like

(31:09):
able to like enter back right,at least in a short period, and
it seems to me like the longerthey watch it, then the harder
it is for them to break out ofit, especially if they go like
watch it for a while, get outfor just a little bit, watch it
for a while long, get out forjust a little bit.
You know what I mean, right?
So we've all had thatexperience.

(31:30):
Maybe a grandparent takes themand they watch the TV all day,
or whatever.
But at the end of the day, I'mdealing with these things the
best way that I can deal withthem, and it's out of love for
my child.
But what will happen is so likeperfect example is this morning
I actually decided to just takethe plugs out of the TVs, like

(31:54):
to where they physically can'tbe turned on.
But the kids are so smart.
I started with Amazon plugs andthey're so smart.
They figured out how to bypassthe Amazon plugs in like five
seconds, and they're five, threeand eight months.
I don't know if Eloise is in onit, but the five-year-old and
the three-year-old figured outhow to tell Alexa to turn the

(32:15):
plug back on within like 48hours.

Vanessa (32:18):
And it's so funny because the oldest one, Oliver,
he's very much into the screens.
But our middle child, Adeline,she could care less about the
television, the only thing sheloves is spending time with her
brother.
So she watches TV just becausehe's watching it and she wants
to hang out with him, but ifit's just her, she never goes to
turn on the TV.

(32:39):
Yeah, totally so every kid iscompletely different too.

Jordan (32:42):
Yeah, absolutely.
So then, like from there, I'mlike well, if they're going to
bypass the plugs, I'm just goingto unplug the TV.
Yeah Well, believe it or not, afive-year-old can figure out
how to plug the TV back in, howto plug the TV back in.
So, like you said, if we're notjust like completely engaged
24-7, he can figure out how togo do it again, and I don't want

(33:04):
to have that kind ofrestriction on him, but I also,
at the same time, don't want himto engage in that frequency so
long that it's making itdifficult for him to like engage
with the world, you know,because it's like this
two-dimensional thing.

Vanessa (33:22):
Whenever I ask him to turn off the TV and engage with
the family, I tell him it'simportant that we remember how
to use our imagination, becauseyou like.
It's important to be in theworld.
That's why we're here.
You don't want to just beconsuming all of the things that
other people are doing in theworld.
You want to be doing ityourself.

Jordan (33:34):
Totally so.
Then you know, take it one stepfurther today.
I actually didn't just removethe plug, like pull it out, I
removed the plugs entirely towhere, right now, the TVs in our
house cannot be turned on.

Vanessa (33:48):
Right.

Jordan (33:48):
And I have all of the cords in a secret place.

Vanessa (33:51):
But when we were leaving, that even produced
guilt.

Jordan (33:54):
Yeah.

Vanessa (33:54):
That produced parent guilt where you were like.
Am I making the right choice?
Is this too extreme?
Should I plug the TVs back inand let him watch TV?
And the clarity that we reallywant to capture today is what
we're trying to do with our kidsis not try to change all of the
circumstances in order to makethem happy, but rather we're
trying to teach them that theultimate freedom is knowing that

(34:19):
you have control over youremotions, no matter the
circumstances in your life.

Jordan (34:23):
Yeah, you nailed it, and that's not always easy because,
like, literally on the way outthe door, adeline comes up to me
and says almost verbatim whatI'm about to say.
She says, daddy, can you plugthe TV back in?
Because Oliver said, and youunplugging the TV made Oliver

(34:44):
sad.
So circumstance, yeah, so socircumstance that you created
basically made Oliver sad.

Vanessa (34:52):
So change the circumstance and you will make
Oliver happy.

Jordan (34:55):
Precisely so.
She's like trying to makeOliver happy and she comes to me
and she's like so, becauseOliver's sad, you need to plug
the TV back in so that Oliverwon't be sad.
Right and super sweet.
She's three years old, she'strying to figure it out and
she's really trying to help herbrother out and she's basically
telling me, like Bubba's outsidesad on the swing because you

(35:15):
unplugged the TV.
So circumstance.
So, if you plug the TV back in.

Vanessa (35:22):
Change the circumstance .
Change the circumstance.
Then Bubba can be happy Rightand by doing that which is what
most adults do with children,including us sometimes with our
own kids is.
We try to change thecircumstances in order to
instantly gratify the child.

Jordan (35:40):
You just nailed it Instant gratification.
So that's a thing that has kindof happened in our generation.
Back in the day you didn't haveaccess to such speed, right.

Vanessa (35:55):
We didn't have, like, all of this internet and Google
and like all of this.
No, we had VHS tapes, right.
We didn't have all of thisinternet and Google and all of
this.

Jordan (35:59):
No, we had VHS tapes.

Vanessa (36:01):
Yeah, we didn't have streaming.

Jordan (36:03):
And we were stoked about that.
You could take this giant blacksquare and plug it into a
machine and watch it.
I still remember buying arewinder.

Vanessa (36:13):
Yeah.
To speed up the process.

Jordan (36:16):
We didn't have the speed for moving from one point of
simulation to another point ofsimulation.
If you wanted to watch Mulan,you could watch Mulan, but if
you wanted to stop Mulan and goturn on the Lion King, you had
to pull out, eject the VHS, pullit out of the machine.

Vanessa (36:37):
Go over, find the other VHS.

Jordan (36:39):
Find the Lion King, pull it out, look at it to see if
the tape is at the right placeon the reel.
Like has it been rewound?
Oh, whoever got it out of themachine last time didn't rewind
it.
Gotta take it over the rewinder.
Jing, jing, ring, yeah,literally it's just like, and a
couple minutes will go by andit's like click when it's done.

(37:00):
And that click is like oh goody, we get to go stick it in and
do the whole thing.
And then you had to go throughlike 15 minutes of previews.
You remember back in the day itwas like da-da-da-da-da-da.
And it's like, if you watch theold movies, like snow white,
for example, the intro yeah islike so long, so long, like

(37:22):
several minutes long.

Vanessa (37:23):
I started that the other day on disney and adeline
goes.
Why is the movie starting atthe end?
Because the beginning creditsare so long.
This is what movies used to belike people used to sit through
the credits at the beginningbefore the movie even started.
Yeah, exactly.

Jordan (37:41):
So I mean, I'm not saying that like things have
changed and now it's harder, andblah blah blah.
What I am saying is things havechanged Right, and now they
have the ability to bounce fromthing to thing to thing to thing
so fast that it's hard not toteach instant gratification.
Right Because if they want togo from Mulan to Lion King, they
can do it in like half a second.

Vanessa (38:01):
So that puts a lot of pressure on parents nowadays,
where kids are used to gettingtheir needs met immediately.
So if you're not there tofulfill, then they have an
outburst or they act out in acertain way because they're used
to getting what they want fromeither you as the parent or
somebody else a grandparent.

Jordan (38:19):
Yeah.

Vanessa (38:20):
It puts a lot of pressure on us as parents.
Totally To always be doingwhatever they're asking of us.

Jordan (38:27):
Yeah, and they just expect this speed.

Vanessa (38:30):
Right.

Jordan (38:30):
So I'm not saying it's universal, like all kids feel
that way, but what I am sayingis I've personally experienced
this, so where it's just likethey have been accustomed to
getting things super fast andnow they can't, and they're also
accustomed to massive choiceRight Back in the day, if you

(38:51):
didn't have the VHS, you didn'thave the VHS.
You could borrow it fromsomeone, you could swap VHSs,
you could go to the library, youknow, eventually it swap VHSs.
You could go to the library,you know, eventually it migrated
to DVDs and ultimately youwould have a lot more involved
to get your hands on theresource.
Or maybe you just couldn't getthe hands on the resource.

Vanessa (39:12):
Right.

Jordan (39:12):
Whereas now my five-year-old son can turn on a
TV, navigate to differentapplications within the TV
Netflix, youtube, disney, canjump app to app to app and have
basically unlimited choice inwhat he can consume right now.

Vanessa (39:34):
Right.
When you're a parent, youreally want to be able to
instantly gratify all of yourchildren's desires.
You can't even describe, ifyou've never had kids, that
connection that you feel withyour child.
So then you have this beautiful, perfect human being and
anytime they want something, youwant to be able to give them

(39:54):
what it is that they desire.
And in today's age you reallycan, for the most part, in a lot
of ways, fulfill on whatthey're asking for and
immediately in a lot ofsituations.
Yeah, absolutely.
But it reminds me of the quotegive a man a fish, he'll eat for
a day, but teach a man to fishand he'll eat forever.

Jordan (40:12):
Yeah, totally.
So you really, if you want toempower your children, which I
do so, if I want to empower mychildren, I want to teach them
that it's not the circumstanceor that instant gratification
that's making you happy, holdinghow the infinite part of your

(40:34):
consciousness is responding tothose thoughts, and that's
ultimately what's producing theemotional state, not the fact
that you were instantlygratified.
And when we have theseexperiences where the children
aren't instantly gratified forwhatever reason, and they have
these like volcanic eruptions,reminding ourselves that it's

(40:57):
because of the way that they'reperceiving the situation, not
the actual situation itself.
I think sometimes it's healthybecause, at the end of the day,
if they're just used to gettingwhat they want really rapidly
and then all of a sudden you sayno, or it's going to be five or
10 minutes, or setting aboundary.

Vanessa (41:13):
I'm setting a boundary intentionally which is what they
want, by the way.

Jordan (41:17):
Right.
So they see I don't get it now,I'm mad, I'm going to blow up
whatever.
Ultimately, if they can be in asituation where they can say
I'm not getting it now, but Ican look at this in a way that
makes me feel good, I can make abetter choice.
It's not about me not gettingthe thing right now.

(41:41):
It's more about how I'mperceiving me not getting the
thing right now.
That would be the ultimateempowerment.
Because then it's like well, ifI can't have the thing for five
or ten minutes, then I'm goingto go play magnet tiles.
I'm going to go play with mysister.

Vanessa (41:56):
I'm going to go do this .

Jordan (42:02):
I'm going to go do this, I'm going to go do that.
I'm going to do the thing thatsounds most fun right now.
Exactly, I'm going to go dowhatever else I can do in its
place, and I'm going to chooseto be happy rather than to
choose to throw the tempertantrum.

Vanessa (42:07):
And you know, kids do this naturally.
They're so good at being happy,they're so good at being above
the green line.

Jordan (42:13):
Totally.

Vanessa (42:14):
It's us that that have a tendency to get into these
negative thought loop cycles,these negative thought patterns
for example, the guilt.
So we get into these feelingsof guilt and we get into these
guilt loops.

Jordan (42:28):
Well, you just nailed it , you said pattern.

Vanessa (42:29):
Right.

Jordan (42:30):
So what happens is we've practiced these patterns and
they're right there, availablefor us to return to.

Vanessa (42:36):
Because they have momentum.
We've activated them enoughtimes.

Jordan (42:40):
Totally.

Vanessa (42:40):
That whenever we do get into the vibrational vicinity
of it, it's activated, and thenwe have that train moving fast
again.

Jordan (42:47):
Yeah, totally.
But you know I'm reminded thatour kids don't want us to be sad
.
You know they don't want us tobe below the green line Right
and we don't have want us to bebelow the green line.
Right and we don't have anyinfluence or power below the
green line.

Vanessa (43:02):
Right.

Jordan (43:02):
So perpetuating those negative patterns is not going
to serve us.

Vanessa (43:07):
Correct.

Jordan (43:07):
So how do we move back above the green line whenever
we've been practicing thesepatterns?
How do we recognize them andstart to move ourself in that
direction?
I think it's a really importantquestion to ask because
ultimately, we could live inthese guilt patterns our whole
lives, and I think some peopledo like.

(43:28):
Whenever you never do figureout how to deal and how to get
yourself back up above the greenline, in a way, you're robbing
your child of the above thegreen line parent that they
could have, right, right, and Idon't want to do that.
I mean certainly.
I'm talking about thisexperience that I had yesterday.

Vanessa (43:48):
Yeah.

Jordan (43:49):
And how I built momentum around guilt and kind of had a
rough day emotionally, right,but I'm talking about it and I'm
figuring it out and I'mthinking what I could have done
better.
Right, but I'm talking about itand I'm figuring it out and I'm
thinking what I could have donebetter for the next time.

Vanessa (44:02):
You know, it's funny because before we became parents
, I used to think like I need tohave everything figured out
before I have kids.
I need to be this perfect humanbeing that never makes mistakes
so that they have this perfectchildhood.
And now, of course, I've cometo the realization that, like
conscious, parenting isn't beingperfect all the time.

Jordan (44:21):
Yeah.

Vanessa (44:21):
Conscious parenting is about doing life.
It's about experiencing theemotions and then observing the
way that you feel wheneverdifferent things happen in life,
and then making the consciouschoice to change how you respond
in the future to a similarsituation, so that you can feel
better.

Jordan (44:41):
Man, I love that definition of conscious
parenting.
I want to get that tattooed onmy arm.
Like what was consciousparenting again.
Well, my wife said it was likethis, but you're right.

Vanessa (44:50):
Well, guys, that takes a lot of the pressure off
Whenever you take the weight offeeling like you have to be
perfect all the time and notshow your emotions to your kids,
or show them whenever you'refeeling below the green line
emotions.
When you take that weight offand you just allow yourself to

(45:11):
be whatever it is that you arein this moment, then it takes
the pressure off your kids whenthey become adults too.

Jordan (45:19):
Yeah, and while they're kids, I've actually noticed this
about our kids that Oliver willget mad or upset Right, and
I've actually noticed himvoicing it the way that we do.

Vanessa (45:30):
Yeah.

Jordan (45:31):
And.

Vanessa (45:31):
I feel, mad.

Jordan (45:33):
Yeah, I feel angry because, you know, and in his
world he's still generally tyingit to a circumstance, right.
So I feel angry because youturn the TV off and he's done it
to my mom whenever she'sbabysitting.
She's done it to babysittersLike basically, like you turn

(45:53):
the TV off Now I'm angry, right.
I see him voice this and he'lltake action, like I'm gonna go
to my room now, but sometimeshe'll actually take a minute,
like intentionally.
Oh yeah, like I'm angry and I'mgonna take some time to myself
and he'll run off and dowhatever and generally he'll
come back better, yeah, withpurpose, and that's what is

(46:17):
really exciting to me iswhenever.
I see my kids purposefully movefrom a lower emotional state to
an upper emotional state, belowthe green line emotional state
to an above the green lineemotional state, and they even
have processes for it.

Vanessa (46:36):
Like you asked him yesterday, yeah, I said what do
you do whenever you feel bad?
And what did he say?
He started singing a song.

Jordan (46:45):
He started singing a song and you recorded it and it
was actually really awesome, youknow he said, whenever I feel
bad, I just start trying tothink healthy thoughts.

Vanessa (46:54):
Yeah.

Jordan (46:56):
Yeah, so our kids are like really starting to figure
it out and they're reallynailing it and I'm really proud
of that.
In fact, I've had coachingsessions from my children.
Oh yeah, should I talk aboutthat one?
Yeah, definitely yeah that waspretty great.
So one day I had a similarexperience to this.
It had happened before.

Vanessa (47:14):
Jordan had a temper tantrum.

Jordan (47:15):
I had a little temper tantrum.
This one was actuallyinstigated because I was jumping
on the trampoline with thechildren.

Vanessa (47:27):
I jumped a little too hard and Adeline got hurt, so
she was like crying and I wasalready in a guilt loop, yeah.

Jordan (47:31):
And then she started saying, daddy hurt me, yeah.
And then I'm like, well, how amI going to deal with this, you
know?
So, basically, I get off thetrampoline and, somehow or
another, a piece of furnituregot moved from the porch into
the yard.

Vanessa (47:45):
With brute force.

Jordan (47:47):
With brute force.
I sound like a terrible person.
We should not have a podcast.
Everyone's going to know.

Vanessa (47:53):
One of our favorite quotes is from Wayne Dyer.
What would he say?

Jordan (47:58):
He would go out on stage and say you should see me when
I lose my keys.

Vanessa (48:03):
Yeah, turn it over couches and stuff and say you
should see me when I lose mykeys.

Jordan (48:09):
Yeah, so this, yeah, this is just yeah, this is just
to bring in the relatability,yeah, I mean, and and so like.
So obviously I'm trying to dealwith you know, whatever
experience I just had.
Yeah, so the next morning,oliver standing by the window
and he looks at me, he says,daddy, why is the couch in the
yard?

Vanessa (48:26):
And what did you say?

Jordan (48:28):
Said I was doing some rearranging, and then he's not
satisfied with the answerbecause he knows where he's
going with this.
He goes no, no, no, Daddy, howdid the couch get in the yard?
I was like I threw it there.
He was like why did you throwit there?
And now I have to like fess up,you know.

(48:49):
And I was like, well, you know,we were playing on the
trampoline and Adeline got hurtand daddy was mad at himself and
I felt guilty and I just threwthat couch in the yard.
He was like you know, daddy,when Adeline gets hurt, there
are all sorts of things that Ican do to make her feel better.

(49:10):
I could go give her a hug, youknow, give her a pat on the back
, make her feel better.
I could pretend I'm a doctorand I can go, like, put
band-aids on her boo-boos.
There are just so manydifferent things that I can do.
I can say nice things to her tomake her feel better, and there
are just so many ways that Iwould say are better to deal

(49:32):
with that situation andliterally is like therapy,
coaching me on how I could bebetter next time.

Vanessa (49:41):
Yeah.

Jordan (49:42):
But the big thing is there are a lot of things that I
can do to help her feel better,and there are a lot of things I
can do to help myself feelbetter, and so it's really fun
to watch them come up with thesethings.

Vanessa (49:54):
Oh, it's amazing.
They're such incredibleteachers.

Jordan (49:57):
Yeah, they really are.

Vanessa (49:59):
They've been some of my greatest teachers in life.

Jordan (50:00):
Totally and I do see the above the green line approaches
that we have, which are themajority that is the thing so
for us.
We're mostly above the greenline.
We're mostly experiencing thesehigh vibe states with our kids,
but we can really beat up onourselves about these kind of
low below the green lineexperiences that we have.

Vanessa (50:23):
Like you said the guilt loop.

Jordan (50:25):
So that's one of the reasons that we even shot this
podcast is we wanted to capturethe clarity on this situation
right, and what consciousparenting actually kind of looks
like for us, and really capturethe idea that it's not our job
to instantly fulfill all of ourchild's wishes.
It's our job to teach them thatthey have control of their

(50:46):
emotional states, no matter whatthe circumstances are around
them.

Vanessa (50:50):
Right.

Jordan (50:51):
And I feel like if we continue to do that, then we're
going to see more and morecoaching sessions like that from
Oliver where he's telling mehow I could feel better now and
how it would be really betterfor everyone involved if I would
just behave that way.
But that's really good becauseI know that came like partially
from him in his own mind, butalso from Arlene, to what would

(51:15):
feel better now what would be a?
better way to handle this whereI would feel better, what's a
way that I could look at thissituation that would allow me to
feel better now?
And they see us activelycoaching ourselves and each
other on how we could stay abovethe green line now rather than
dip below it, and so it's reallyencouraging to me that we're
seeing that show up in our kids.

Vanessa (51:36):
Oh, definitely.
Yeah, it's really incredible,like the influence that's still
in the house.
Even if you and I are below thegreen line, we still have our
kids that are operating abovethe green line that can
sometimes help us out, coach usor just say I love you, mommy.

Jordan (51:52):
I love you, daddy.

Vanessa (51:53):
I feel like they feel that too sometimes totally and
they tell us that and it meansthe world to us.

Jordan (51:58):
Yeah, he's actually that he's stopped full-on meltdowns
from me just by saying I loveyou, daddy.
I love you, daddy.

Vanessa (52:05):
Yeah.

Jordan (52:05):
He sees me kind of like welling up to like basically go
on a guilt train or whatever,and then he'll like diffuse the
bomb.
Yeah, and he's done that abunch, Like the kids, like
they'll see it and you know kidsare observant.
They know what's going on Withthem 24-7.

Vanessa (52:20):
Right.

Jordan (52:21):
With them 24-7,.
There's not going to be asituation where you never get
mad, you never get sad you neverget upset you never get a
business call that you don'thave to deal with.
That produces some anxiety andyou're doing stuff.

Vanessa (52:33):
I think it's really healthy that we all own our vibe
in the house too, because weknow that it's not anybody
else's fault.
There's no blame there.
It's just we feel off, butwe'll get back above the green
line.
It's fault, it's not.
There's no blame there, it'sjust we feel off, but we'll.
We'll get back above the greenline, it's okay.

Jordan (52:47):
Yeah, and we, and we do talk it through with our kids.
And I think that's the coolthing.
One thing that I really admireabout the kids and maybe you
could speak to this is how shortlived they're below the green
line moments are.

Vanessa (53:00):
Oh yeah, they're.
They're incredible.
Like I wish that I could mirrorthat in my own life how
infrequent, they stay below thegreen line, but when they do dip
down there, it's very, veryquick because it feels so
painful to them, and that'ssomething that we kind of we we
train ourselves out of that aswe get older.

(53:22):
Instead of actually expressingemotions, we suppress them and
then eventually they come out asdiseases.
In real life.
That's how it usually happens.
We're in these unfavorablethings that develop in our
bodies because of all of thesesuppressed emotions that we
didn't know how to deal with orwe didn't want to deal with them

(53:44):
.

Jordan (53:44):
Yeah, negative thought patterns, that just feel
horrible.

Vanessa (53:47):
Right.

Jordan (53:48):
Whether it manifests into a disease or whatever, just
living in that chronic patternis painful, right, super painful
.

Vanessa (53:56):
That's why you see kids have temper tantrums and they
dip below the green line with anexclamation point.
But then they come back up.
They have their bobber go backto the surface very quickly.
And like we see it all the time, like the kids will be at each
other, like they'll be hittingeach other and just like saying
ugly things, and then fiveseconds later they're cuddling

(54:19):
and they're saying I love you somuch, and it's like whoa, those
are completely different people.

Jordan (54:25):
Yeah, totally Like if someone had just slapped me in
the face, I'm not sure I'd belike you want a Twizzler?

Vanessa (54:31):
Like three minutes later.
You know, bestie, bestie, yeah,it's kind of how it works.
But yeah, it's just soincredible to see how quick they
are to realign.

Jordan (54:43):
Yeah, that's it realign and I think it's so natural to
them it takes years and years,and years to train them out of
it, which the world kind of doesright where it's like it,
basically teaching them tobehave, conform, do what's
expected right, this is what youshould be doing.

Vanessa (55:05):
This is how you should be yeah, this is how you should
express emotion.

Jordan (55:09):
Correct.

Vanessa (55:10):
These are the emotions you shouldn't express.
I actually believe that you arereally good at staying above
the green line, because of yourtemper tantrums sometimes.

Jordan (55:20):
Yeah like you know, it's a weird thing, but I have this
kind of bouncing.
I don't tolerate being belowthe green line very well.
So, like I had super don'ttolerate disempowerment very
well, so you won't find medepressed, kicking rocks much.

Vanessa (55:37):
Not for long, not for long.

Jordan (55:39):
If I do get down there, like I'm generally, grabbing
some anger, some rage, someanger.

Vanessa (55:45):
Just to bounce back up the emotional guidance scale a
little bit.

Jordan (55:48):
I'm like.
I am not going to bedisempowered or depressed, I'm
going to be full of rage andanger but at least in rage and
anger, I have a little bit ofwhat feels like power over the
situation.
Now I've learned to not onlycontrol that, but to understand
that better where, when I feel,those chemicals arise in my

(56:09):
bloodstream now.
I can kind of see it coming on.
So like temper tantrums now asan adult are very infrequent
versus whenever I was younger.

Vanessa (56:18):
Right, but you know you're like I need to go for a
run, I need to go do a bunch ofpushups.
I need to go diffuse the energysomehow, because I feel it
there.

Jordan (56:27):
Totally, and that's what I'll do a lot.

Vanessa (56:30):
This is a healthy way to expend it.

Jordan (56:32):
Yeah, a healthy way to like get the energy out of the
body, but ultimately, I do feellike I use that as a bridge to
above the green line a good bit.
I use that as a bridge to abovethe green line a good bit, like
we were driving the other dayand like we're having a
conversation about consciouscreation and how to Vibration
fit, vibration fit and ourproduct.

Vanessa (56:52):
How to be the conscious creation.

Jordan (56:53):
How to be the conscious creator of your own life
experience.
And then, like we hit this wallof traffic and I remember just
exclaiming something like ahbeep Mother, mother, mother,
boop.
And then like so I have likethis like exclamation real quick
, and then I look back at youand I go so back to conscious
creation.
It was funny, we had like agood laugh about it because like

(57:17):
that is kind of true, like youdon't have to stay there just
because you went there.
You know what I mean.
You don't have to stay therejust because you went there.
You know what I mean.
You might just have anexperience that triggers a
different pattern that you'vepracticed somewhere else and
temporarily bounce there, butyou don't have to stay there
just because you went there.
And I think a lot of times whenpeople go there, they sort of

(57:40):
get stuck there.

Vanessa (57:41):
Right, they have a tendency to stay there.

Jordan (57:48):
They don't know how to find their way back out.
Yeah, totally.
So I definitely try to remindmyself that just because I went
there doesn't mean I have tostay there.
But that was a really funnyexperience just because, like,
of the conversation we werehaving and then bouncing out and
bouncing right back in.
It was kind of hilarious.

Vanessa (57:58):
Yeah, totally yeah.
But kids, it's just soincredible to see how they can.
They can dip really low on theemotional guidance scale and
then five seconds later they'reall the way back at the top
again.
Yeah, so we have a lot to learnfrom them.
Totally, I want them to keepthat Like I want our kids to
keep it.

Jordan (58:14):
I want them to nurture it.
I want to learn more from themabout how we can do it, because
ultimately, I think that's thepath to do it.
Because ultimately, I thinkthat's the path to essentially
not developing those negativepatterns of thought that hold us
down below the green line, likeif we just let kids be kids and

(58:36):
we didn't train them out oftheir above the green line
tendencies, then they'd be a lotbetter off in the future, right
.
So, I think naturally they'lldevelop a lot more above the
green line ideas, perspectivesand make those types of
decisions about situations If weteach them that they're

(58:57):
empowered to do that and thenultimately cultivate it within
them.

Vanessa (59:00):
Right, and I've actually.
I've observed myself insituations whenever they're
expressing themselves in angeror whatever it is, and it's
crazy how my natural tendencysometimes is to be like you
shouldn't feel that way or don'tbe mad, and that's just
something maybe I was trainedinto as a child.

Jordan (59:21):
Right.

Vanessa (59:22):
And what I would like to say is it's okay to be mad,
and that's usually where I go,but I still find myself.
If I'm not completely in thesituation completely present, I
can find my natural behavior.
My natural tendency is to saydon't be mad, Don't feel that
way, and it's just somethingthat's so natural in society, I

(59:44):
think.
To tell each other like don'tfeel that, you shouldn't feel
that way, and the reality isthat's the most natural thing in
the universe is to feel theseemotions, is to take the
guidance and say thank you, yeah, I have the guidance.
Now what do I choose to do withit?

Jordan (01:00:02):
Absolutely, I have the guidance.
Now what do I choose to do withit?
Absolutely, yeah, I've hadthose experiences where,
depending on what side of thegreen line you're on, you can
sort of match the energy.
So like if the child is angry,sometimes if I'm below the green
line, I might sort of meet thatwith anger, like sort of like
meet them where they're at.
If I'm above the green line, Imight do it playfully.
So one of them is actually likenot fun, like why are you?

(01:00:25):
mad.
Now I'm mad about you being mad.
That is not fun.

Vanessa (01:00:29):
Right.

Jordan (01:00:29):
The more playful approach is.
Ollie will be doing somethinglike magnet tiles won't be
sticking together right orwhatever, and he'll get
frustrated and like knockingover or whatever, and he'll like
express anger.
And I'll come in and be be likeyou know what.
I completely understand thatyou're angry.
I'd be mad too.
You know what.
I'm really great at destroyingthings.

Vanessa (01:00:50):
If you want, we could take this to the next level.
We could take this to the nextlevel.
I have a blowtorch in thegarage.

Jordan (01:00:58):
Like I've got all sorts of tools, like we could like
super destroy these things, notonly the magnet tile creations
here, but I could lay waste toeven the toy itself with some of
the stuff I've got in thegarage.
Oftentimes that kind ofdiffuses him where he's like
actually Dad, it's fine, I'm notreally that mad at the magnet
tiles.
I would want to destroy them inthe garage, maybe knock them

(01:01:21):
down here here, but with theintention of rebuilding it's
like okay.
Well, I'm just saying I'm herefor you.
If you want to destroy, I'm agreat destroyer you know like I
can destroy things.
I'm on your team whatever youwant to do, but if you want to
rebuild it, I can help yourebuild it too, and generally
that's what happens.
He'll be like given the choiceof assistance in destruction or

(01:01:45):
rebuild, like we'll generallyrebuild the thing yeah, now
you're the crazy one.

Vanessa (01:01:50):
Yeah, oh, I've always been the crazy one.
That's for sure, that's no soI'd like to end this with the
conversation you were sayinghappened this morning with
adeline.
So how we would approach thatconversation now with the
clarity we've received.
And what I'm talking about iswhen Adeline came outside and

(01:02:11):
she said Daddy Oliver's sadbecause you unplugged the TV.
Can you plug the TV back in sothat he's happy?
How would we approach thatsituation with the clarity that
we've received now?

Jordan (01:02:23):
I think the number one thing is what you do all the
time, which is inform them thatthere's a choice there.
So Adeline Oliver has a choicein whether he's going to be
happy or whether he's going tobe sad, based on how he chooses
to perceive the situation.
Based on how he chooses toperceive the situation With the

(01:02:44):
TV off.
There's opportunity to do art,to color pictures, to jump on
the trampoline, to play in thebonus room, to draw on your fun
pads that Nana and Poppy got youand Bop and Meemaw got you and
Gigi got you.
They all got them pads.

(01:03:06):
They have tons of these littlecoloring pads you have like an
entire box full of these thingsand you could present all these
options for ways that you mightbe able to focus on something
else.

Vanessa (01:03:19):
Focus on the fun.

Jordan (01:03:20):
Yeah, focus on the fun instead of focusing on the
deprivation.
So focus on what opportunitiesthat opens up for you rather
than focus on the opportunitiesthat have been shut down, and
you'll feel a lot better.
And for me, that empowerment iswhat I want to give.

(01:03:40):
And then, knowing Adeline, shewould probably take that back.
She's really good at being themediary.
One of the reasons that adelineis the mediary is because all
of her smart enough to know thatwhen adeline comes to daddy for
almost anything like it'sreally hard for me to say no,
mostly yes like like daddy, canI have a thousand dollars?
I'm like like you're three, what?

(01:04:04):
What were you gonna do withthis money?
Yeah, it's like like whatever,it's fine.
So now, like oliver will sendadeline, yeah, as his accomplice
to get what he wants, and wecan see it pretty clearly.
But she's also good aboutrelaying the message back.
So I think yeah if I werepresented that situation again,
I would go there.

Vanessa (01:04:25):
Right, yeah, and two other things that I like to
remind myself are one they choseus as their parents.
They chose earth.
They chose to have the contrastthat they knew would occur as a
result of being in the land ofcontrast Totally.
And two I'm not responsible fortheir emotional state Right,

(01:04:47):
they have their own emotionalguidance system.
They have their own point offocus and that's their
responsibility to tend to.
Nobody can tend to anybodyelse's vibration.
So when I remind myself ofthose two things, I feel like in
my life I take back the power.

Jordan (01:05:06):
Totally.
You're 100% right, so I'm withyou on that.
I think next time I'm presentedsomething like that, I'm going
to try that.
And I'm going to read thetattoo on my arm and I'm going
to be like what is a consciousparent?

Vanessa (01:05:21):
Oh yeah, that was a win .
That was a win.

Jordan (01:05:24):
That was a win.
So, as the fisherman in thisrelationship, I would say teach
a man or woman to fish, don'tgive them a fish.

Vanessa (01:05:34):
And then they will know how to choose happy.

Jordan (01:05:39):
Absolutely.

Vanessa (01:05:40):
So with that, we're sending love and light to all.