December 10, 2023 • 17 mins
Imagine, if you will, that every aspect of your life - your health, financial situation, career, relationships - is its own unique journey. Now ask yourself, how satisfied, truly, are you in these areas? Just as a compass helps a traveler navigate their way, our emotions can serve as an indicator of our standing in our personal journeys. This episode guides you through the process of doing a full assessment of your life, and how to partner with your journey in each area, making way for a more fulfilling existence.
More info: https://www.thejourneyblueprint.com/
Contact: Julie@thejourneyblueprint.com
Read the book: https://www.amazon.com/Journey-Blueprint-Following-Heros-Control/dp/0692132562/
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:05):
Hey everybody, thanks for joining me for part 3 of
this 3-part series on how we canlive our journeys.
In the first two episodes, welooked at the ways that we let
other people's journeys impactand often distract us from
living our own journey.
But today I want to talk aboutthe ways that we avoid or
misconstrue, and sometimes evenfight against our journeys and
(00:28):
how, maybe, just maybe, we canlearn to recognize, to
understand and actually partnerwith the journey process.
So, first off, how do we knowif we're on a journey?
The answer is you are.
Next question but seriously, youare on a journey and in fact,
you are probably in multiplejourneys at any given time.
(00:48):
In one journey, you are justnoticing that sense of
unhappiness or discontent.
In another, there's a call thatyou haven't responded to yet
Temptations fill your life foranother journey.
Well, in yet another, there'san abyss happening, there's
something that you need to letgo of.
These journeys are so pervasiveand we actually tend to lump
them together to describe howwe're doing in our lives, but
(01:11):
ultimately, these really areseparate journeys and it
behooves us yes, I did just saybehooves to take the time to
notice each journey.
Why?
Because they each havedifferent lessons.
They each have differenthelpers and mentors, they have
different things we need to letgo of, etc.
So one way we can untangle eachof these is to consider the
(01:32):
different parts of your life andmaybe tease out a little bit
where you are in the process.
For each of those, I'm going tosuggest a list of possible
topics, but please know thatyour life will have its own
unique topics that will makesense for you.
One topic that we can look at ishealth and physical wellness.
Now, this is a constant journey, because not only are our
bodies changing and aging, butexternal circumstances can
(01:55):
impact us in different ways atdifferent times.
We can look at our mentalhealth as another topic.
Our modern world providesplenty of opportunities to
develop a deep relationship withwhat's going on with our brains
, if we let it.
We can look at our emotionalwell-being.
We all have emotions.
We don't all know how tounderstand and respond to them,
but we all have them and theycan be a very important part of
(02:16):
our journeys.
We can look at our finances.
For some people, this may notbe an issue, but for many, it is
and is a way that we can lookat our journeys.
We can look at our familyrelationships, which are always
complex and sometimes difficult.
We can look at our educationand our career and our hobbies,
and I think this includes notjust what we're studying or
(02:37):
doing in those fields, but theactual environments that we find
ourselves in.
Now, obviously, there's morepossible topics, but hopefully
you get the idea.
Once you identify thecategories that are relevant to
you, you can start askingyourself questions.
I like to start with what is mycurrent level of satisfaction in
this area, and I use the wordsatisfaction pretty deliberately
(02:59):
, because it allows for thingsto still be difficult and for
you to be okay at the same time.
That's why you don't usehappiness, just because I think
it's complicated and it suggestscertain things.
But feel free to use what worksfor you, and that includes how
you want to measure that.
You can use a scale from zeroto 10, or you can find something
else that works for you.
Next, I like to look at theemotions that I'm experiencing
(03:22):
in that area of my life, andthis is actually really helpful
in establishing where we are inthe process, which we'll talk
about a little bit later in thisepisode.
So be as detailed as you needto be If you feel like you don't
have a great vocabulary aroundemotions, I recommend looking
online for what's called anemotion wheel.
These are really great toolsand we'll be talking about
emotions in later episodes, butthey can be very useful in
(03:46):
helping you find the right wordsto describe how you're feeling.
Then I move from emotions tothoughts.
What thoughts am I having aboutthis topic?
Looking at my thoughts actuallygives me a sense of whether I'm
in a positive or a negativeheadspace.
It lets me look at the beliefsI have around that topic so that
I can do something about them.
Next, I look at what thoughtsI'm experiencing in that area of
(04:08):
my life.
So, as I look at my thoughts,it gives me a sense of whether
I'm in a positive or negativespace, but it also allows me to
assess my beliefs around thatparticular topic.
And then, finally, I look atwhat actions I'm avoiding in
this area of my life.
Now, of course, we can look atthe actions that we are taking,
and that can be helpful as well,but I think if I look at the
(04:28):
actions that I'm avoiding, itcan help me identify any areas
for growth or change orimprovement.
And again, those are thequestions.
That kind of work for me, butfeel free to play with or to
bring in new questions orwhatever works best for you.
So, as a teacher, I wouldencourage you to pause this and
go do a full life assessmentright this minute, but it can
(04:49):
take some time depending on howdetailed you're going to be.
So if you can't do it right now, just commit to yourself that
you will Put it on your calendar, print off a list, open a
document on your computerwhatever works best for you.
But your life and your journeysare worth looking at, and
taking the time really matters.
Okay, so you've taken the timeto look at your journeys.
(05:09):
Hopefully, the next question wewant to look at is where am I
for this journey?
In the journey process and thisis a great question with a
relatively straightforwardanswer the easiest indicator of
where you are at any given timeis actually your emotions.
Like I mentioned before, eachpart of the journey has these
different emotions that we tendto experience with them.
(05:31):
So taking the time to identifyhow you're feeling isn't just
nice, it's pretty functional.
I'm going to put in here arelatively simple way to assess
using those emotions, but pleaseknow that emotions are complex.
Getting it exactly right isn'tthe point, though, understanding
the overall sense of thedifferent phases will get you
close enough to do what we needto do.
(05:51):
So as I go through these, Iinvite you to look at your list
and see if it brings anything up.
Starting with the very beginning, as the journey is preparing to
start, we feel emotions relatedto a sense of something not
being right, something needingto change.
Things like that.
We can experience feelings ofboredom or anxiety, listlessness
(06:16):
.
My personal favorite is En-Wii,because it's fun to say and I
love postmodern En-Wii.
For any of you that are fans ofBrack, the call brings with it
almost a pull.
How we respond to that pullreally dictates the emotions.
So in this case we can feelexcited about what's ahead and
(06:36):
we could experience anticipationor curiosity, maybe a sense of
adventure.
Or, on the other hand, thatpull might feel scary and we can
feel resistance and aversion.
But regardless, there's kind ofthis sense of here and there
with a call and we can kind offeel the tension between the two
.
Trials and temptations bring awhole lot of frustration, a lot
(06:58):
of feelings of inadequacy,because you're literally being
faced with what you don't knowand the gap where you are to
where you want to be can feelreally big and it can be very
exhausting as well, bothphysically and mentally.
Physically, because maybeyou're having to build up
stamina or strength.
Mentally, because you're havingto think and learn and that's
actually really taxing on ourbrains.
(07:20):
So exhaustion can come here aswell.
We might feel overwhelmed witheverything there is to do and to
learn, and to try to become sooverwhelmed can be common here
too.
When we look at the abyss thattends to bring feelings of being
stuck, feelings of hopelessness, feelings of I've tried
everything and nothing isworking.
Kind of as the name implies, itcan feel like a deep, dark pit.
(07:43):
There's often this heaviness,almost like a weight, that comes
with an abyss where we feellike we're walking around with a
burden that we can't seem tofind relief from.
The unique task is so differentfrom the rest of the phases that
we may not actually notice itat all.
In this space we are fullycapable, we are doing the things
(08:03):
, we're succeeding, we're makinga difference.
It can feel like we're in agroove, like things are running
smoothly, like flow.
We can handle what's happening.
Things come up, we havesolutions, people need something
, we have the answer.
So different from the rest ofthe phases.
The return in real life can havea little friction or a lot.
If we're physically returningfrom being away somewhere,
(08:25):
especially if we've been awayfor a long time, things can feel
hard, but it's more of even asense of things being harder
because before we may not havehad to work so hard to connect
with the people who are in ourlives and now we do.
It can also be disorienting.
We may not feel like we knowwhere we fit, what we should do,
(08:48):
and that disorientation can bea little frustrating.
If we didn't physically goanywhere, we may feel the same
friction and disorientation,although they may be lesser.
Really, it all depends on thetype of return that we're
looking at, and there's moreinformation on that in the book.
Okay, so with that overview ofhow our emotions can indicate
(09:10):
where we are, what does any ofus have to do with the topic of
this episode, which is livingour journeys?
Taking the time to figure outwhere we are in the process
gives us some crucialinformation.
But if we don't take the timeto figure out where we are, we
often just kind of remain stuckspinning in the same area,
wondering why things aren'thappening for us and before we
(09:31):
knew this pattern of journeys.
In the process, we could claimignorance.
However, now that you know, ifwe don't take the time to figure
out where we are, that's kindof on us, and we're making the
process harder for ourselves.
If we do take the time, though,to figure out where we are, we
have some really powerfulinformation, and that
(09:53):
information is if we know wherewe are, we know what to do.
Each section, each phase hascertain actions that correspond
to them, just like emotions thatwe tend to feel.
If we're in the call phase, weneed to accept the call and step
over the threshold.
That might be scary, but that'swhat we need to do.
(10:13):
In the trials and temptationsphase, we need to be learning
and trying and willing to failand try again.
We need to be leaning on ourhelpers and our mentors when
that's appropriate, but we alsoneed to be learning to stand on
our own two feet when we'recapable.
If we're in the abyss, we needto figure out what we're holding
onto that it's time to let goof.
(10:33):
We look at our beliefs and ourthoughts and our habits and we
question whether or not they'restill serving us.
If we're at the unique task, wejust do the task.
That one's simple.
If we're in the return, we tryto see which type of return it
is and do the things thatcorrespond with that type.
We also, in the return, look tosee where our gifts might be
(10:57):
helpful for others in theirjourneys, and always, always, we
recognize that the cycle isgoing to continue and that's
really the gist of it.
That's how it works, but sooften we find ourselves raging
against what is.
This is the pattern, my friends.
This is what has to happen forus to become or to return to
(11:18):
whichever version of that makesthe most sense for you, this
best version of ourselves.
Now being angry because itdoesn't seem fair, which is
another podcast for another day,only adds misery to what is
already difficult.
Waiting to answer calls becausewe're afraid just leads to
those calls getting louder andlouder, maybe even turning from
(11:39):
invitations into mandates.
Giving into the temptation toquit and give up when things are
hard, especially when we're inthe trials, just means you're
going to end up back here again.
Refusing to make the requiredsacrifice in the abyss, just
means we're going to be facedwith that same decision in the
future, our attitudes around.
The reality of this pattern inour lives is going to dictate
(12:01):
the experience that we have.
And I'm not suggesting thatthings aren't hard in the
journey process.
Of course they are.
We cannot escape it, regardlessof what advertising would have
us believe.
We are never going to get tothe point where there's no more
sorrow or grief or difficulty inthe world, just happiness
forever.
Buying into that lie leaves usfeeling broken and frustrated
(12:24):
that we aren't experiencing thatyet.
But we don't have to pilesuffering on top of our pain.
You've probably heard thephrase pain is inevitable but
suffering is optional, and it'sjust as true with journeys.
We have to have theseexperiences, but we can choose
how we experience them.
I remember very vividly thebeginning of my journey towards
(12:48):
learning how to teach journeysin this way.
I had been given theopportunity to have a space in
the therapeutic calendar at theresidential treatment facility
that I was working at and I hadmy first group.
I started teaching the processthat first day.
It was great.
We covered the whole thing, thewomen were really engaged,
there was a lot of really goodsharing and it was how I had
(13:08):
taught it when I would teach itin the schools before.
But then I realized that therewas going to be a next week and
a next week and a next week.
And all of a sudden I realizedthat I had to figure out how to
teach this in a way that was sodifferent from the way that I
had taught it before.
All of a sudden, I had to allowfor multiple sessions, but then
(13:30):
I had to make sure that eachsession was also connected to
the bigger picture, and that wasbecause of the transitory
nature of the facility.
I never knew who was going tobe there, who would have left,
who was new.
I couldn't teach the full thingevery time, but I had to
balance that with making eachweek fit into the bigger picture
.
(13:51):
And what was interesting is Icould see it so clearly.
I could see that I was in thetrials and temptations section.
I knew it.
I knew what I needed to learn.
I knew I was going to have totry things out that weren't
going to work in order to findout what did.
I knew all these things, Icould see them, and I was
(14:11):
actually able at the time toaccept that.
So what did it do for me?
Well, when I wanted to quit, Iknew I didn't need to.
It was just a temptation toquit.
And when things were hard and Itried stuff that didn't work, I
didn't make it mean that I wasbroken or was never going to
succeed.
I knew I just needed to keeptrying.
(14:31):
And was the process hard?
Of course it was.
Nobody loves to fail,especially perfectionists like
me, but my vision in thatfailure, because of what I knew
about journeys, made it meansomething completely different
than it would have otherwise.
I was experiencing the steps,but at the same time I could
also see them.
(14:52):
It's like I was in it and outof it at the same time.
So I could see the thinkingpitfalls and I could avoid them.
And, week after week and monthafter month, it all started to
come together in this reallyincredible understanding.
That was just the beginning ofanother larger journey, but my
experience of it was sodifferent than when I fight the
process, when I get mad about it, when I rage against it.
(15:16):
In fact, I also remember a daywhen I hit my abyss with this
journey.
I was feeling pretty hopelessabout it.
This was a few months in.
I felt like I wasn't making adifference.
I felt like my time and thepatient's time was being wasted,
because I felt like what I wassharing didn't have any value.
I was sitting at a table in myson's elementary school lunch
(15:37):
room.
He was finishing a test.
There were a lot of people inthere so it was relatively loud
so I could talk out loud tomyself, which I like to do and I
started to outline how I wasfeeling, how angry I was about
it, how hopeless it felt, how Iwas ready to give up.
And into my brain popped thephrase you know, that's the
abyss, right.
And I said to myself yeah, Iknow it's an abyss and I don't
(16:01):
care, I'm done, it's over, thisis hopeless, it's stupid, I'm
out.
And then I had the phrase yep,that's the abyss, all right.
Pop into my head and oh, I wasso mad.
I was so mad.
I basically told the journey.
I didn't care what it wassaying, I was done and it
couldn't stop me.
And I had my own little tempertantrum sitting there at this
(16:25):
elementary school lunch table.
But in my heart I knew itwasn't true.
I knew I was in an abyss.
I could see it.
And because I could see it, Iknew that there was something
that I wasn't seeing clearly andI knew then that I was going to
stick with it, even if it wasbegrudgingly, because it was an
(16:47):
abyss and there's really onlyone way out.
And wouldn't you know it?
Even when I arrived to begrudgingly at class the next
Saturday, I received a gift, andthat gift may have been small
in size, but it was huge.
To me.
It was just a small thank younote describing how what I had
been teaching had made adifference in this woman's life,
(17:10):
and she included with it asmall statue of an angel holding
up a candle.
I'm actually looking at itright now on my shelf.
I still have it there.
It was my revelation.
I was making a difference.
It was worth it, but I wasmaking a difference for the
individual, not for thecollective.
(17:31):
It didn't matter how manypeople it touched which, of
course, was my ego wanting tomake some big, huge difference
that was going to change theworld.
But that's what I was seeingincorrectly.
What mattered was that ittouched this person and that
person and that person.
That was what mattered, thatwas what I needed to see and
(17:53):
that's what led me out of theabyss.
Now, this is not to say that Iam always conscious of the steps
and that I'm never mad about it, because, of course, that's not
true.
I am human.
Sometimes I forget, sometimes Ijust let myself be angry about
it.
But I can tell you that thereis a huge difference in my
experience when I remember, whenI take the time to partner with
(18:16):
the journey instead of fightingit.
So maybe, take some time to dothe self-evaluation.
Find out where you are, findout where you're fighting, where
you are and see if you canfigure out, based on where you
are, what you need to do andmaybe, just maybe, see what
(18:37):
happens if you go with it.
Find out where the journeywants to take you.
Start to build thatrelationship with the journey
itself.
It has given you this pathbecause it's what you need, what
can happen if you live thejourney.
That's right here, right now,because, of course, life is a
journey and it's time to startliving like it.
(18:59):
Thanks again for being here andwe'll see you next time.
Hey everybody, thanks for joining me for part 3 of
this 3-part series on how we canlive our journeys.
In the first two episodes, welooked at the ways that we let
other people's journeys impactand often distract us from
living our own journey.
But today I want to talk aboutthe ways that we avoid or
misconstrue, and sometimes evenfight against our journeys and
(00:28):
how, maybe, just maybe, we canlearn to recognize, to
understand and actually partnerwith the journey process.
So, first off, how do we knowif we're on a journey?
The answer is you are.
Next question but seriously, youare on a journey and in fact,
you are probably in multiplejourneys at any given time.
(00:48):
In one journey, you are justnoticing that sense of
unhappiness or discontent.
In another, there's a call thatyou haven't responded to yet
Temptations fill your life foranother journey.
Well, in yet another, there'san abyss happening, there's
something that you need to letgo of.
These journeys are so pervasiveand we actually tend to lump
them together to describe howwe're doing in our lives, but
(01:11):
ultimately, these really areseparate journeys and it
behooves us yes, I did just saybehooves to take the time to
notice each journey.
Why?
Because they each havedifferent lessons.
They each have differenthelpers and mentors, they have
different things we need to letgo of, etc.
So one way we can untangle eachof these is to consider the
(01:32):
different parts of your life andmaybe tease out a little bit
where you are in the process.
For each of those, I'm going tosuggest a list of possible
topics, but please know thatyour life will have its own
unique topics that will makesense for you.
One topic that we can look at ishealth and physical wellness.
Now, this is a constant journey, because not only are our
bodies changing and aging, butexternal circumstances can
(01:55):
impact us in different ways atdifferent times.
We can look at our mentalhealth as another topic.
Our modern world providesplenty of opportunities to
develop a deep relationship withwhat's going on with our brains
, if we let it.
We can look at our emotionalwell-being.
We all have emotions.
We don't all know how tounderstand and respond to them,
but we all have them and theycan be a very important part of
(02:16):
our journeys.
We can look at our finances.
For some people, this may notbe an issue, but for many, it is
and is a way that we can lookat our journeys.
We can look at our familyrelationships, which are always
complex and sometimes difficult.
We can look at our educationand our career and our hobbies,
and I think this includes notjust what we're studying or
(02:37):
doing in those fields, but theactual environments that we find
ourselves in.
Now, obviously, there's morepossible topics, but hopefully
you get the idea.
Once you identify thecategories that are relevant to
you, you can start askingyourself questions.
I like to start with what is mycurrent level of satisfaction in
this area, and I use the wordsatisfaction pretty deliberately
(02:59):
, because it allows for thingsto still be difficult and for
you to be okay at the same time.
That's why you don't usehappiness, just because I think
it's complicated and it suggestscertain things.
But feel free to use what worksfor you, and that includes how
you want to measure that.
You can use a scale from zeroto 10, or you can find something
else that works for you.
Next, I like to look at theemotions that I'm experiencing
(03:22):
in that area of my life, andthis is actually really helpful
in establishing where we are inthe process, which we'll talk
about a little bit later in thisepisode.
So be as detailed as you needto be If you feel like you don't
have a great vocabulary aroundemotions, I recommend looking
online for what's called anemotion wheel.
These are really great toolsand we'll be talking about
emotions in later episodes, butthey can be very useful in
(03:46):
helping you find the right wordsto describe how you're feeling.
Then I move from emotions tothoughts.
What thoughts am I having aboutthis topic?
Looking at my thoughts actuallygives me a sense of whether I'm
in a positive or a negativeheadspace.
It lets me look at the beliefsI have around that topic so that
I can do something about them.
Next, I look at what thoughtsI'm experiencing in that area of
(04:08):
my life.
So, as I look at my thoughts,it gives me a sense of whether
I'm in a positive or negativespace, but it also allows me to
assess my beliefs around thatparticular topic.
And then, finally, I look atwhat actions I'm avoiding in
this area of my life.
Now, of course, we can look atthe actions that we are taking,
and that can be helpful as well,but I think if I look at the
(04:28):
actions that I'm avoiding, itcan help me identify any areas
for growth or change orimprovement.
And again, those are thequestions.
That kind of work for me, butfeel free to play with or to
bring in new questions orwhatever works best for you.
So, as a teacher, I wouldencourage you to pause this and
go do a full life assessmentright this minute, but it can
(04:49):
take some time depending on howdetailed you're going to be.
So if you can't do it right now, just commit to yourself that
you will Put it on your calendar, print off a list, open a
document on your computerwhatever works best for you.
But your life and your journeysare worth looking at, and
taking the time really matters.
Okay, so you've taken the timeto look at your journeys.
(05:09):
Hopefully, the next question wewant to look at is where am I
for this journey?
In the journey process and thisis a great question with a
relatively straightforwardanswer the easiest indicator of
where you are at any given timeis actually your emotions.
Like I mentioned before, eachpart of the journey has these
different emotions that we tendto experience with them.
(05:31):
So taking the time to identifyhow you're feeling isn't just
nice, it's pretty functional.
I'm going to put in here arelatively simple way to assess
using those emotions, but pleaseknow that emotions are complex.
Getting it exactly right isn'tthe point, though, understanding
the overall sense of thedifferent phases will get you
close enough to do what we needto do.
(05:51):
So as I go through these, Iinvite you to look at your list
and see if it brings anything up.
Starting with the very beginning, as the journey is preparing to
start, we feel emotions relatedto a sense of something not
being right, something needingto change.
Things like that.
We can experience feelings ofboredom or anxiety, listlessness
(06:16):
.
My personal favorite is En-Wii,because it's fun to say and I
love postmodern En-Wii.
For any of you that are fans ofBrack, the call brings with it
almost a pull.
How we respond to that pullreally dictates the emotions.
So in this case we can feelexcited about what's ahead and
(06:36):
we could experience anticipationor curiosity, maybe a sense of
adventure.
Or, on the other hand, thatpull might feel scary and we can
feel resistance and aversion.
But regardless, there's kind ofthis sense of here and there
with a call and we can kind offeel the tension between the two
.
Trials and temptations bring awhole lot of frustration, a lot
(06:58):
of feelings of inadequacy,because you're literally being
faced with what you don't knowand the gap where you are to
where you want to be can feelreally big and it can be very
exhausting as well, bothphysically and mentally.
Physically, because maybeyou're having to build up
stamina or strength.
Mentally, because you're havingto think and learn and that's
actually really taxing on ourbrains.
(07:20):
So exhaustion can come here aswell.
We might feel overwhelmed witheverything there is to do and to
learn, and to try to become sooverwhelmed can be common here
too.
When we look at the abyss thattends to bring feelings of being
stuck, feelings of hopelessness, feelings of I've tried
everything and nothing isworking.
Kind of as the name implies, itcan feel like a deep, dark pit.
(07:43):
There's often this heaviness,almost like a weight, that comes
with an abyss where we feellike we're walking around with a
burden that we can't seem tofind relief from.
The unique task is so differentfrom the rest of the phases that
we may not actually notice itat all.
In this space we are fullycapable, we are doing the things
(08:03):
, we're succeeding, we're makinga difference.
It can feel like we're in agroove, like things are running
smoothly, like flow.
We can handle what's happening.
Things come up, we havesolutions, people need something
, we have the answer.
So different from the rest ofthe phases.
The return in real life can havea little friction or a lot.
If we're physically returningfrom being away somewhere,
(08:25):
especially if we've been awayfor a long time, things can feel
hard, but it's more of even asense of things being harder
because before we may not havehad to work so hard to connect
with the people who are in ourlives and now we do.
It can also be disorienting.
We may not feel like we knowwhere we fit, what we should do,
(08:48):
and that disorientation can bea little frustrating.
If we didn't physically goanywhere, we may feel the same
friction and disorientation,although they may be lesser.
Really, it all depends on thetype of return that we're
looking at, and there's moreinformation on that in the book.
Okay, so with that overview ofhow our emotions can indicate
(09:10):
where we are, what does any ofus have to do with the topic of
this episode, which is livingour journeys?
Taking the time to figure outwhere we are in the process
gives us some crucialinformation.
But if we don't take the timeto figure out where we are, we
often just kind of remain stuckspinning in the same area,
wondering why things aren'thappening for us and before we
(09:31):
knew this pattern of journeys.
In the process, we could claimignorance.
However, now that you know, ifwe don't take the time to figure
out where we are, that's kindof on us, and we're making the
process harder for ourselves.
If we do take the time, though,to figure out where we are, we
have some really powerfulinformation, and that
(09:53):
information is if we know wherewe are, we know what to do.
Each section, each phase hascertain actions that correspond
to them, just like emotions thatwe tend to feel.
If we're in the call phase, weneed to accept the call and step
over the threshold.
That might be scary, but that'swhat we need to do.
(10:13):
In the trials and temptationsphase, we need to be learning
and trying and willing to failand try again.
We need to be leaning on ourhelpers and our mentors when
that's appropriate, but we alsoneed to be learning to stand on
our own two feet when we'recapable.
If we're in the abyss, we needto figure out what we're holding
onto that it's time to let goof.
(10:33):
We look at our beliefs and ourthoughts and our habits and we
question whether or not they'restill serving us.
If we're at the unique task, wejust do the task.
That one's simple.
If we're in the return, we tryto see which type of return it
is and do the things thatcorrespond with that type.
We also, in the return, look tosee where our gifts might be
(10:57):
helpful for others in theirjourneys, and always, always, we
recognize that the cycle isgoing to continue and that's
really the gist of it.
That's how it works, but sooften we find ourselves raging
against what is.
This is the pattern, my friends.
This is what has to happen forus to become or to return to
(11:18):
whichever version of that makesthe most sense for you, this
best version of ourselves.
Now being angry because itdoesn't seem fair, which is
another podcast for another day,only adds misery to what is
already difficult.
Waiting to answer calls becausewe're afraid just leads to
those calls getting louder andlouder, maybe even turning from
(11:39):
invitations into mandates.
Giving into the temptation toquit and give up when things are
hard, especially when we're inthe trials, just means you're
going to end up back here again.
Refusing to make the requiredsacrifice in the abyss, just
means we're going to be facedwith that same decision in the
future, our attitudes around.
The reality of this pattern inour lives is going to dictate
(12:01):
the experience that we have.
And I'm not suggesting thatthings aren't hard in the
journey process.
Of course they are.
We cannot escape it, regardlessof what advertising would have
us believe.
We are never going to get tothe point where there's no more
sorrow or grief or difficulty inthe world, just happiness
forever.
Buying into that lie leaves usfeeling broken and frustrated
(12:24):
that we aren't experiencing thatyet.
But we don't have to pilesuffering on top of our pain.
You've probably heard thephrase pain is inevitable but
suffering is optional, and it'sjust as true with journeys.
We have to have theseexperiences, but we can choose
how we experience them.
I remember very vividly thebeginning of my journey towards
(12:48):
learning how to teach journeysin this way.
I had been given theopportunity to have a space in
the therapeutic calendar at theresidential treatment facility
that I was working at and I hadmy first group.
I started teaching the processthat first day.
It was great.
We covered the whole thing, thewomen were really engaged,
there was a lot of really goodsharing and it was how I had
(13:08):
taught it when I would teach itin the schools before.
But then I realized that therewas going to be a next week and
a next week and a next week.
And all of a sudden I realizedthat I had to figure out how to
teach this in a way that was sodifferent from the way that I
had taught it before.
All of a sudden, I had to allowfor multiple sessions, but then
(13:30):
I had to make sure that eachsession was also connected to
the bigger picture, and that wasbecause of the transitory
nature of the facility.
I never knew who was going tobe there, who would have left,
who was new.
I couldn't teach the full thingevery time, but I had to
balance that with making eachweek fit into the bigger picture
.
(13:51):
And what was interesting is Icould see it so clearly.
I could see that I was in thetrials and temptations section.
I knew it.
I knew what I needed to learn.
I knew I was going to have totry things out that weren't
going to work in order to findout what did.
I knew all these things, Icould see them, and I was
(14:11):
actually able at the time toaccept that.
So what did it do for me?
Well, when I wanted to quit, Iknew I didn't need to.
It was just a temptation toquit.
And when things were hard and Itried stuff that didn't work, I
didn't make it mean that I wasbroken or was never going to
succeed.
I knew I just needed to keeptrying.
(14:31):
And was the process hard?
Of course it was.
Nobody loves to fail,especially perfectionists like
me, but my vision in thatfailure, because of what I knew
about journeys, made it meansomething completely different
than it would have otherwise.
I was experiencing the steps,but at the same time I could
also see them.
(14:52):
It's like I was in it and outof it at the same time.
So I could see the thinkingpitfalls and I could avoid them.
And, week after week and monthafter month, it all started to
come together in this reallyincredible understanding.
That was just the beginning ofanother larger journey, but my
experience of it was sodifferent than when I fight the
process, when I get mad about it, when I rage against it.
(15:16):
In fact, I also remember a daywhen I hit my abyss with this
journey.
I was feeling pretty hopelessabout it.
This was a few months in.
I felt like I wasn't making adifference.
I felt like my time and thepatient's time was being wasted,
because I felt like what I wassharing didn't have any value.
I was sitting at a table in myson's elementary school lunch
(15:37):
room.
He was finishing a test.
There were a lot of people inthere so it was relatively loud
so I could talk out loud tomyself, which I like to do and I
started to outline how I wasfeeling, how angry I was about
it, how hopeless it felt, how Iwas ready to give up.
And into my brain popped thephrase you know, that's the
abyss, right.
And I said to myself yeah, Iknow it's an abyss and I don't
(16:01):
care, I'm done, it's over, thisis hopeless, it's stupid, I'm
out.
And then I had the phrase yep,that's the abyss, all right.
Pop into my head and oh, I wasso mad.
I was so mad.
I basically told the journey.
I didn't care what it wassaying, I was done and it
couldn't stop me.
And I had my own little tempertantrum sitting there at this
(16:25):
elementary school lunch table.
But in my heart I knew itwasn't true.
I knew I was in an abyss.
I could see it.
And because I could see it, Iknew that there was something
that I wasn't seeing clearly andI knew then that I was going to
stick with it, even if it wasbegrudgingly, because it was an
(16:47):
abyss and there's really onlyone way out.
And wouldn't you know it?
Even when I arrived to begrudgingly at class the next
Saturday, I received a gift, andthat gift may have been small
in size, but it was huge.
To me.
It was just a small thank younote describing how what I had
been teaching had made adifference in this woman's life,
(17:10):
and she included with it asmall statue of an angel holding
up a candle.
I'm actually looking at itright now on my shelf.
I still have it there.
It was my revelation.
I was making a difference.
It was worth it, but I wasmaking a difference for the
individual, not for thecollective.
(17:31):
It didn't matter how manypeople it touched which, of
course, was my ego wanting tomake some big, huge difference
that was going to change theworld.
But that's what I was seeingincorrectly.
What mattered was that ittouched this person and that
person and that person.
That was what mattered, thatwas what I needed to see and
(17:53):
that's what led me out of theabyss.
Now, this is not to say that Iam always conscious of the steps
and that I'm never mad about it, because, of course, that's not
true.
I am human.
Sometimes I forget, sometimes Ijust let myself be angry about
it.
But I can tell you that thereis a huge difference in my
experience when I remember, whenI take the time to partner with
(18:16):
the journey instead of fightingit.
So maybe, take some time to dothe self-evaluation.
Find out where you are, findout where you're fighting, where
you are and see if you canfigure out, based on where you
are, what you need to do andmaybe, just maybe, see what
(18:37):
happens if you go with it.
Find out where the journeywants to take you.
Start to build thatrelationship with the journey
itself.
It has given you this pathbecause it's what you need, what
can happen if you live thejourney.
That's right here, right now,because, of course, life is a
journey and it's time to startliving like it.
(18:59):
Thanks again for being here andwe'll see you next time.
Popular Podcasts
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com