How I Beat Dyslexia & Labels to Win at Life and Overcoming Self-Doubt

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Is what I say really what I want to experience?
Like I say I'm tired of it, Isay I want to do something
different.
But are my actions a reflectionof what I'm saying?
And typically, they weren't,but when it got to a point where
it hurt bad enough, that's whenthings changed for me, and I'll
tell you it is what it is.
I won't, you know, say it'sunfortunate or whatever, but
typically we'll do more forothers that we loved and we'll

(00:21):
do for ourselves.
I started thinking about a lotof the younger people in my
family not wanting them toexperience what I experienced
coming up.
And if I didn't want them toexperience what I experienced
coming up, how was I going to beany different for them than all
the adults in my life were tome?
And it's no like, it's no shadeto the adults, like sometimes
we only know certain you know,we only know what we know, you

(00:42):
know, and we only know certainyou know, we only know what we
know, you know.
And we only have certainknowledge and you know maturity
for an emotional perspective,and some people just don't have
that kind of access.
But because of the awarenessthat I had, it caused me to
question what am I going to dodifferent?

Speaker 2 (01:09):
All right, all right, welcome to another edition of
the Journey to Freedom podcast,and I'm Dr B, I am your host and
we get to do another one.
I was just telling Chris it'sJune, as we're recording this,
like the second day in June 2025.
You might be watching this in2030 or something.
We need context of when this is.

(01:30):
I'm more excited about lifethan I've ever been, more
excited about possibilities,more excited about what's coming
.
I just got back from a seminar,workshop thing in Texas, in

(01:50):
Dallas, this last weekend, whereI was just around some
incredible people who are goingplaces and, you know, as Journey
to Freedom talks, you know,mainly to Black men, there was a
whole bunch of Black men inthis room that I was with and
they were, you know, telling me.
I talked to one guy whose namewas Chris Johnson and just this
unassuming, humble man that youknow he introduced him.

(02:11):
He said hi, I'm Chris.
You know I'm excited.
Your year, you know.
You know I heard you guystalking Just want to know more
about you, want to know moreabout your family, you know.
So I, you know I'm answeringall the questions and I started
asking about him.
Come to find out, he was onShark Tank a few years ago and
he said my product's in 60,000stores.
This little dude, this guy isjust so humble.

(02:35):
He talks about his kids and hisfamily and says, yeah, I told
my kids that they have to earnthings.
I would give them anything theywanted, but they have to earn
things.
My son went out and he wrote abook and I got him to put it in
the CVS and his very first checkfrom working was $124,000.
I'm like my daughter went anddone something when she was 14.
She helped me out in thebusiness.

(02:55):
She made $200,000 in her free.
Oh man, I got to be around thisdude, it's just.
But you just don't know, becausewe spend so much time, whether
we're watching stuff or we'reonline or you know and seeing,
because a lot of times we eithersee the success or we see where
somebody gave up and we don'tsee that journey.

(03:17):
That's in between, and soJourney to Freedom is all about
talking about you know what isit that we're doing?
That you know.
And success doesn't mean thatyou hit the levels that Chris
made.
Success can mean you're in yourcommunity, that you're making a
difference, that you're makingan impact, and the person who
sees you as an example has abetter way and their life is

(03:38):
better as a result of it.
And so, you know, my goal is tohelp people become the person
that they were meant to be whatGod put them on this earth to do
and then help them get there.
And so I'm excited to have Chrison today because we get to hear
his story.
We get to hear I found out he'sin Texas and he's in San
Antonio, and we're going to findout more about that.
But, more importantly, I knowthat he told me he's excited

(04:00):
about his marriage.
Our last guest that we had ontold me he was engaged and he's
getting ready to get married.
We were able to start talkingabout all the things that he's
excited about.
What does he think is going tomake him a great husband?
What does he think is going tomake him a great dad someday?
And it was just fun having thisconversation, as he's been in

(04:22):
the corporate world andbeginning stuff.
And now we get to flip over.
And I know, chris, you told meyou've been married 22 years, so
now we get to talk about whatmakes it last, what makes it
grow One of the things that I'vedone and I want to get to you
real here, real quick, the nextminute or so, but I did a why
Love Waits podcast that we weredoing on Sunday nights and we're

(04:45):
going to pick it up.
We're kind of like on our summerbreak right now.
And you know the statistic is49% of black women over the age
of 49 or over the age of 40 havenever been married and 75% have
at least one child.
And we are exploring why thisrelationship?

(05:05):
Why is it?
The black women don't thinkthat they need men and you know
all that wonderful stuff.
And then you see marriages likeyours that work, where you know
it is.
We're going to stay with, youknow, with our spouses.
We're going to trust them.
We're going to, you know, trusteach other.
And I was talking to this ladyand she you know that was
sitting next to me at theseminar this weekend.
You know an older black womanand she was like I know, a lot

(05:29):
of this is our fault.
It's the way that we've brought, we were brought up, it's what
we're taught not to trustanybody.
We're not to.
You know, we're told not totrust men.
We, we, we hide this secretbank account from them and all
these things that I was going.
Wow, it's just.
You know, it is so prevalent inour society today and it
doesn't need to be so.
Chris, I can't wait to talk toyou.

(05:49):
Go ahead and introduce yourself.
You are going to find out.
This is going to be one of theshows that you're going to go
back and watch.
Take notes.
Oh, this is so funny because Iused to tell people like, oh man
, you got to take notes.
Or when I was taking notes onpodcasts, like I'd be writing
down, like, oh yeah, this isrecorded.
I can pause the video and I canjust stop and write it down.

(06:10):
So why we're doing it?
What I'm telling you?
You're watching this as arecording.
So what I'm saying is if you'redisappointed, you're trying to
write so fast hit the pausebutton, write it down and then
go back ready, hit play againbutton, write it down and then
go back ready, hit play again.
I'm sure you all already knowthat that is me just going over
it, like you know in my mind howcrazy stuff is.

(06:32):
So, chris, the floor is yours.
Please tell your story.
Can't wait to hear it, andwe'll chop it up after that.

Speaker 1 (06:38):
So, first and foremost, thank you for number
one being you.
Thank you for the opportunity,the platform.
I thank you for just one beingyou.
Thank you for the opportunity,the platform.
Um, I thank you for justmodeling what right looks like,
you know, because I think insociety we definitely have a
shortage of that, especiallylonger term.
So I appreciate you for that.
In terms of um, my story there'sso, so many stories within one,

(06:59):
but I will say, um, you know Iwas labeled dyslexic.
You know I failed a third gradealmost twice.
I was born to teenage parents.
My mother and father were 14and 15 when I was conceived and
I was expected to be a failurebecause of all of those
different statistics and labelsand things like that that came

(07:22):
with coming from, you know, teenparents and having dyslexia,
you know.
However, I will say that a largepart of what I learned on that
journey and I'm going to go backto it is that a lot of times,
what you expect is what youexperience.
You know, and it's and I and Ia lot of people in my family,

(07:43):
like I heard whispers of youknow me being a failure on some
level.
It was, if it was nothing else,because I was born a teen
parents or because I had thislabel of being dyslexic, or
because I failed a third grade,like on some level, people
expected me to fail.
And because I love them,because I trust them and they

(08:04):
didn't know I was listening, Ibelieve them and what I learned
along that journey is what youexpect, is what you experience.
And I remember when I was inthird grade and this is kind of
where things like started for mefrom an awareness perspective.

Speaker 2 (08:18):
When I was in third grade, it was a little bit
different than what it is now,and I just remember I was number
six, and what that means is myteacher.

Speaker 1 (08:27):
Back then we used to go all around the room and
everybody had to read.
It didn't matter what, butevery single person had to read.
And I just remember I wasnumber six and all I was
thinking about is how I wasgoing to get out of it.
You know, am I going to be sicktoday?
Do I have to go to the bathroomtoday?
You know well, I'm not going tocause trouble because I got
crazy mom at home, so I'm notgoing to do that you know, but I

(09:00):
got to find some kind of way toget out of it.
And I just remember when it gotto number five, I'm like I
raised my hand.
This time, you know, I wastelling my teacher like I really
got to go to the bathroom.
Really bad, please, let me go.
And she was like you can't goto the bathroom, you can't go to
the office, you can't goanywhere until you read.
And I just remember thinkinglike man, why is she being like

(09:21):
this?
I said please, let me go.
And I just remember it finallygot to me.
She didn't let me go to thebathroom.
And I just remember I struggledthrough reading and I'm reading
and the first three words werejust like a blur.
And the third word, thestudents I kept hearing of
they're like there, there, theywere trying to help me out

(09:43):
because I did not know what theword there there.
And so I'm saying there, youknow, and I and I struggled
through that paragraph and thatwas one of the worst feelings
that I ever had in that moment.
But then I realized later on myclassmates were trying to help
me, but I still still felt I wasembarrassed, I was shameful

(10:05):
because I was athletic, I wasgifted in all these other areas
when it came to reading, like Icouldn't read and I didn't want
people to know that I could notread, and I did everything I
could to manipulate certainenvironments and situations, to
never be in situations, to showpeople where my
weakness was.
And I remember after class Iwent to Ms Anderson and I said

(10:28):
can you please not have me readagain?
I'll do whatever you want me to.
I'll say after school I'll dowhatever, but just please don't
have me read.
And she looked at me in my eyeand she said Chris, I know you
struggle with reading.
She said, but if you keeprunning from reading you will
run the rest of your life and Idon't want to see you keep

(10:48):
running.

Speaker 2 (10:49):
Hey, it's Dr B, and let me ask you something just
here real quick.
Are you tired of doing the samething over and over and not
getting the results you want?
Are you serious about makingsome changes this year that will
impact you in a huge way?
Maybe you're putting outcontent right now and it's not
turning into customers.
Or maybe you're uploadingvideos, but you're not sure why
or how it's even going to help.
You know, I've seen a lot ofpeople that are making a whole

(11:13):
bunch of cold calls to the wrongpeople and no one's answering.
No one wants to talk to you.
It might just be that you'rejust doing what you've been
doing and crossing your fingers,hoping it finally works this
year, but let me tell you what.
That is not a strategy and itwill continue not to work.
That's why I created thepodcasting challenge, and it's
coming up fast.
In just a few days, I'm goingto walk you through the mindset,

(11:34):
the tool set and the skill setyou need to create a powerful
podcast.
That's right, a podcast.
You won't believe what apodcast can do, one that builds
real value and creates newclients.
And if you grab a VIP ticket,you'll get to join me for a
daily Zoom Q&A sessions whereI'll personally answer your
questions and help you tailoreverything to your goals.

(11:55):
This is your moment.
This is your year.
Go to thepodcastingchallengecomright now and save your seat.
The link is in the show notesand the description.
Thank you for watching thesepodcasts.
Now let's get back to theconversation.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
And that was a transformational moment for me.
Now I didn't learn how to readautomatically, but at least gave
me awareness as to where shewas coming from.
And she was right, because,even though I was a child, I saw
a lot of adults in my liferunning from things that they
never dealt with in theirchildhood.
Fast forward three years, I wasin sixth grade and my counselor

(12:36):
her name is Ms Muhart, and Idon't remember why I was in the
counselor's office.
I wasn't in trouble or anythinglike that she brought me down
and she was just asking me how'severything going?
What's going on?
And I remember telling her atthat time I was probably a C
student at best, and I remembertelling Ms Muhart that it
bothered me because I justwasn't a good reader, I wasn't

(12:58):
smart like everybody else and Ifailed in third grade.
That was the big thing.
And I remember her looking atme and she said Chris, you know
I'm listening to you and I thinkthere might be something that
you're missing.
She said, even though you sayyou failed a third grade, how do
you know that the grade thatyou're in right now is not the

(13:21):
grade that you were alwayssupposed to be in and it took
you repeating the third grade tobe where you're supposed to be.
And when she said that, itchanged everything for me
because I'm like you know what.
Maybe she's right, maybe thisis the grade I'm supposed to be
in.
And it took me repeating thethird grade and she used her
words very carefully because shedidn't say fail.
I said fail, but she saidrepeating.

(13:43):
And I kept hearing failure,like most of my whole life in
terms of like third grade.
But she said repeating.
And sometimes, when it comes torepeating things, we repeat
things all the time to getbetter at it.
So her language and herquestion really helped transform
my entire thought process onbeing a failure and what it

(14:05):
meant from my third gradeexperience.
Because she said this wassupposed to like, maybe this is
where you're always supposed tobe at.
And from that point on,everything changed my grades
changed, my relationship changed, you know, my confidence
changed, how I saw myselfchanged and there were still
some things that you know neededto be improved upon.

(14:25):
You know, don't get myselfchanged and there were still
some things that needed to beimproved upon, don't get me
wrong and I remember I wasn'twhere I was, but I continuously
got better and I rememberthinking about I improved in
this one area.
Now I want to improve in theseother areas.
And when I was in seventh grade, a year after the same middle

(14:47):
school, they sent me to thisleadership conference.
I was only one of two people tobe sent to this leadership
conference to represent theschool.
At this leadership conference Isaw somebody who was like a hero
to me.
His name is Les Brown and hetalked about his story of being
educable, mentally retarded.
When I heard his story I waslike man, my situation wasn't

(15:10):
that bad, but I see how he'smoving these people and I see
how he's moving me.
I want to do what he does.
I want to help people with thestory that I was telling myself
in the pain that I had, and Iwant to help people like he's
helping me in this audience andthe pain that I had, and I want
to help people like he's helpingme in this audience and it's
like, from that perspective, itreally caused me to seek out
ways to talk to more people.

(15:33):
Fast forward, when I was in highschool, I was asked to be a
speaker for the DEAR program.
Now, for people that don't knowwhat the DEAR program, it's a
program that really encourageskids to stay off drugs and
alcohol and things like that,and they typically get like high
school students to talk toelementary school students, and
so when that experience happened, I was really introduced to a

(15:56):
passion that I never knew that Ihad, and it gave me the ability
to go and speak to people thatwere just like me.
They were just younger and it'slike to be the Les Brown for
them.
And I'm not saying that I wasmotivational speaker like Les
Brown, but just from theperspective of seeing somebody
who can relate to you andthey're no longer where you're

(16:18):
currently still at.
It just allowed me to see thatsometimes the very things that
we hide from is the very thingthat connects us to the people
who are still in some of thosesame pains, because it humanizes
all of us and lets us knowyou're not alone, yeah, but
often it's like we try to youknow, make everything perfect.
And we just showed up this wayand everything was great.

(16:40):
It's like nobody can relate tothat story, like they want to
know.
How do you know what it's liketo be me, especially if I'm
struggling right now?
You know Again so so likethat's a part of you know my
story and again, we can gohowever you want to go, but like
that's a part you know of mystory that really got me from
where I was to where I am today.

Speaker 2 (16:59):
So before I.
I want you to just fast forwardor not fast forward.
I mean somehow between highschool and where you're at now,
what have you been doing?
Have you still been able tospeak and be able to do stuff?
What is?
What's your life been like now?

Speaker 1 (17:15):
I guess, so after high school, went to college,
graduated, got a degree inbusiness.
As soon as I got a degree inbusiness, I went right back to
my old high school and I startedto become a teacher.
So I taught for three years andthree years that passed I knew

(17:38):
it was time for me to leave myenvironment, because this was a
community that I grew up in,like people that I love.
Everything was familiar to me,people respected me because I
was all American and football,basketball track, you know.
So I was like this celebrity,if you will, in my town and all
of those things felt great.
But I was not growing Like.

(18:00):
It's kind of like when you'reand I'm not trying to like put
myself on his pedestal, however,it's kind of like when you're
the biggest house in theneighborhood, nobody can pull
you can't pull from anybodyelse's equity because you're the
biggest house in theneighborhood.
Like nobody's property is goingto go up.
You know they have the biggesthouse in the neighborhood, but
everybody else below them likethey benefit from it, and so I

(18:25):
realized like I really wasn'tgrowing, and even as an athlete,
it's like the thoughts processin the mindset is to potentially
challenge yourself to grow, andI knew that I had to.
It was time for me to go, likeI had to leave somewhere and
just to kind of go back to highschool.
There was a young lady that Imet, believe it or not, school.
There was a young lady that Imet, believe it or not, when I

(18:48):
was in fourth grade and she andI dated when I was in eighth
grade.
We broke up when I was in ninthgrade, when I got to high
school, because I was trying tobe greedy and I wanted more than
one girlfriend.
If you will Me and that younglady.
We still always maintained afriendship, even after high
school and even after collegeand things like that.
She and I began to talk thesecond year that I was a teacher

(19:11):
, she was in a different state Iwas still in Michigan and so
and we started to develop arelationship the third year that
I was going into being ateacher.
Long story short, that younglady was somebody who I knew in
my heart that she was supposedto be my wife.
So I proposed to her and it'scrazy because I didn't realize

(19:36):
until after we were married thatmy mother told her in ninth
grade that she was going to bemy wife.
Wow, yeah.
But I didn't see that, becauseall of we broke up and me doing
this and she's out of thecountry, and you know all these.
I didn't see that ever being apossibility.
But she and I, you know we wegot engaged my third year as a

(20:00):
teacher and it's like I knew itwas time for me to leave.
She was already out of stateand so after a while God just
set it up like this is the nextmove for you, you know you're
supposed to leave this place togo somewhere else, and this was
the best move for you.
And I ended up moving toColumbus, ohio, which was where
she was.
I didn't know anybody there,you know no friends, you know

(20:23):
just her Um and uh.
She.
She had a son previously, youknow, and when we got married he
became my son.
I tell anybody like he mightnot be my son, but he's my son.
You know and uh, she and I, wehad a daughter together and we
became a lot more intentionalabout seeking out what we didn't

(20:44):
know, based on both of ourexperiences, because growing up,
I didn't really see a healthymarriage you know, really
healthy marriage, you know.
And so for me again, she wasone of the girlfriends that I
had in high school, and Iremember telling myself when I
was in high school you know thateven though I saw, you know,
just a few people that weremarried and most of them they
didn't even like each other thatyou know what?

(21:05):
I never want to get married,but I told myself that I was
always going to stay faithful tothree of us.
So in high school I had threegirlfriends.
I went with all three of themat the same time and I justified
in my mind you know what I'mnot going to talk to anybody
else outside of these three andI'm just going to have these
three girlfriends and I'm goingto be faithful.

(21:39):
Now, she was one of them.
And when they're trying to goafter multiple women, they're
trying to validate themselvesfrom what their father never
validated in them and they'retrying to seek something that
can only come from God inside ofa woman.
And I learned that from mybrokenness, you know, and God
gave me a chance to have asecond chance with this woman

(22:02):
who my mother told us when I wasin ninth grade that I was going
to be my wife, and it's like,when that time came back around,
I committed that.
I'm not, I'm never, ever messingit up.
This time I'm not going to beperfect but I'm not going to do
what I did all those years agoto make that same mistake, and
it's truly been a gift that Iget to live every single day.

(22:25):
Are we perfect?
No, we are not, but I canliterally say that if you take
everything away from me exceptmy wife, I'm good.
If God is behind it, I'm good.
Oh man, if God is behind it,I'm good.

Speaker 2 (22:39):
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing that.
I want to read you an excerptfrom this book based on your
story that you just told me.
It's called there Is no Tiger.
Hey, I want to share this isjust a note.
That's at the beginning of thebook.
I want to share this a littlebit about my journey and the

(22:59):
special care that went intocreating this book.
I have dyslexia.
I understand the changes thatcome with reading and processing
, or the challenges that comewith reading and processing
information.
With this in mind, I made sureto create an experience that
will allow you to get the mostout of this book.
The book uses an easy to readfont with special spacing to

(23:23):
help make the text moreaccessible.
There is ample space for you totake notes and fully engage
with the material.
I encourage you to use stickynotes when appropriate and don't
hesitate to mark up the book,even if you need a copy, to copy
certain aspects and put them onyour mirror.
Do so as a daily reminder andmotivation.

(23:47):
When you think of someone whomight benefit from this book,
listen to that instinct, get acopy for them and give it as a
gift.
So books here is retired.
I wrote this last year for folksand you'll know the parallels
that are part of our story.

(24:08):
Yeah, I mean, cause I rememberthird grade a couple of times.
I mean I remember I rememberbeing in the special ed classes
all the way through high schooland all the stuff that that was
there and just so unique.
But because when you findsomebody that can help you move
past the whatever the disabilityis, then the disability isn't

(24:29):
as big.
You know, you find ways.
You know, for me, when I wentinto, I started out teaching PE
because of the dyslexia there'sno way I was going to teach
English or anything else.
Then I went in.
Then technology came out.
I'm a little bit older than you, but technology came out and
allowed me to use thattechnology as the equalizer.
So now I can begin doingtext-to-typing.

(24:51):
I can begin to do stuff where,like when I wrote this book, I
wrote this book by speaking intoa computer, not by typing on a
keyboard and trying to figureout how I'm going to spell stuff
.
You know, because it stilldoesn't happen.
You know, and it's just so funto watch somebody else who has
figured out that this isn'tsomething that holds you back,

(25:14):
it's something that brings usfurther.
And so I want to talk a littlebit just about your identity.
And you know, because you didsay you know in the beginning
that you were born to teenageparents 14 and 15.
So you know that had to play apart in not only just having the
disability of dyslexia but thepart of having these young
parents.

(25:34):
Were they there?
Were you living with parents?
I mean, how did that work foryou?
That helped you create theperson that you are, because you
were successful in this littletown, in other areas, but that
happened as a result of havingteen moms.
So kind of talk about that.

Speaker 1 (25:50):
Yes, so so my parents , they were not together, and so
so my dad very, very good guy,you know, but in terms of how I
describe myself, I'm describingmy dad.
You know he had more than onewoman.
You know, I have a sisterthat's four months older than me
, and that was kind of like whatwas seen in our family on his

(26:13):
side.
You know, the males havemultiple women.
You know multiple children,even though they weren't
together.
The males have multiple women.
You know multiple children,even though they weren't
together.
I will say that my dad wasthere, though, like I saw him
every weekend, you know, if notmore than that, because he owned
a clothing store and so I wasworking at his store.
You know people in thecommunity that I grew up in,
like they knew my dad, they knewme and, with that being said,

(26:39):
it was almost like growing upwith with the older sibling.
When you're, when you're 14, 15years old, you don't.
You don't know what it's liketo be a parent Like you, don't.
You don't know what it's liketo be in a serious relationship,
you know, you don't.
You don't know what it's liketo be responsible for life, you
know, you don't know what it'slike to be responsible for life.

(27:02):
So I think, I think, lookingback, I think my parents did the
best that they could with theinformation and knowledge that
they had at that particular time.
But, with that being said, whenyou, when you do things that
are not in alignment with God'sword, you're going to experience
some repercussions, even if youexperience grace to go with it.

(27:22):
You know, and so as a result ofthat it's like you know I had
low self-esteem because certainareas of patience that I needed,
my mom just didn't have.
That you know.
I had low self-esteem becausecertain emotional availability
my dad just didn't have.
That you know you're dealingwith things that are like like

(27:44):
life and death and survival.
It's like your emotions canwait, like are you dying, are
you on fire?
Is somebody about to kill you?
No, well, we'll deal with thatlater, and that's kind of how I
grew up.
But even though some somebodymight not be dying, somebody
might not be on fire, sometimespeople fail to understand that
the pain you can't see hurtsjust as much as the pain that

(28:07):
you can.
Yeah.
And so as a result of that, Ihad negative relationships with
money.
I saw a lot of people in myfamily.
They would just spend money orargue over money, you know, just
didn't trust each other overmoney, mismanaged money.
They were always broke orsomebody would have like these

(28:27):
high moments, but next day islow, and so I saw how, how money
was something that is justsafer to not have, because when
you have a lot of money, peopleare going to be mad at you if
you don't give it to them.
You know, or it's like youmight do something that you
might regret.
So I learned early on that it'sjust safer to not have money,

(28:48):
because if you don't have moneythen nobody can accuse you of
ever being selfish by not givingthem what you have that they
don't have have.
And in addition to that, youknow I learned about
relationships.
You know just from like anunhealthy perspective, that you

(29:08):
know relationships don't work.
You know and like why would youget married?
Why would you?
Why would you be in arelationship with one person
your whole life?
Like why would you do that?
You know, and all of the whatifs.
You know what if somethinghappened to them?
Or what if you get tired, tiredof them?
Or what if you find somebodyelse with more money?
Or what if you find somebodysexier?
And then the other thoughtprocess that I had is why would

(29:29):
you want to bring children intothis negative, dark, like
callous world?
Why would you want to do that?
Like that's selfish.
And I remember I had thatconversation with a friend of
mine when I was 23 years old andI remember telling her that I
never wanted to get married andI never wanted to have kids.
But it was based on myexperience.

(29:50):
But even though I wanted to getmarried, it was my way of
convincing myself to be okaywith never being married.
Because, again, remember thewife that I currently have.
She was supposed to be my wifebut I messed up with her and I
couldn't see any way possible wewere ever going to reunite.
And so I remember trying toconvince myself that I didn't

(30:10):
want to get married, and Iremember telling my friend that
and it's like sometimes webelieve lies and we repeat lies
to be a truth, to protect, andthat's exactly what I was doing.

Speaker 2 (30:27):
There's so much, so much in there to impact when we
start thinking about identityand thinking about helping
people move forward and whypeople are stuck when they.
When I started the journey tofreedom is because I had gone to
, uh, this trust leadershipwhere we just, you know, we have
trouble trusting people andrealizing there was like 30
folks of color in the room of400 where they're getting all

(30:50):
this great information.
And then I go back and so Istarted journey freedom and took
some people to Alabama.
But some of the things you saidthat are in there, that are so
relationship oriented right,like how important are
relationships and how far willwe go to have them, whether
they're good or bad.
You know whether they're goodor bad.
You're saying and I know forsome of you who are watching

(31:13):
this, you might've had thisthought process.
Maybe you still have thisthought process with your
relationship with money.
Money in itself isn't good orbad.
Money is just a way, a meansfor us to be able to trade goods
and services and you know itjust seems like you can trade
more goods and services the moreof it that you have.
You know, but to hear you saythat, you said I don't want to

(31:36):
have any money because it willstop the relationship that you
believe that you have, adysfunctional relationship
that's not even good with peoplethat will be upset with you if
you're not giving them moneybecause they're in a situation
where they don't have any and soyou're like it's better not to
have, not even having theability to know that.

(31:57):
If you have money and you knowwhat to do with it, then you can
do great things with it, rightand affect millions and
thousands, however, communitiesthat are crazy.
And just to think that all ofthose things that you set aside
whether it was you know the waythat you had some sexual
relationships with women andwhat your belief was and how

(32:18):
that was, and now you have theknowledge of knowing, oh man,
how great it can be.
If only I knew, if only I hadthat thought process, because
our thought process is to beaccepted, right To be, wanted,
to be known, to have people thatare around us, that love us and
care for us, and we will doanything to get that, whether

(32:39):
it's functional or dysfunctional.
So I'd love to hear from youwhere did it change?
I mean, you're able, you'regetting a whole bunch of
accolades because of athletics,and not because of reading, but
just because you're that personin town, you're able to go to
college.
So you go to college, you getthis degree.
You come back, you're a teacher.

(33:00):
So you're in person, in town,you're able to go to college.
So you go to college, you getthis degree.
You come back, you're a teacher.
So you're in that pillar ofcommunity.
How did that identity continueto shift into becoming the man
that you are now?

Speaker 1 (33:11):
How the identity shifted was through pain.
What I learned is thatsometimes we would not change
until it hurts bad enough.
And so for me it was being in alevel of pain that I no longer
was willing to stay in standing.
You know, sometime when there'sdysfunction, even though it

(33:34):
hurts, and we say we want tochange, we say we want something
different, we typically staythere because it's familiar and
people would rather stay inknown hells than to explore
unknown heavens.
And I remember Les Brown toldme that years ago and that
always stuck with me and itcaused me to just really
evaluate is what I say reallywhat I want to experience?

(33:54):
I say I'm tired of it.
I say really what I want toexperience.
Like I say I'm tired of it, Isay I want to do something
different.
But are my actions a reflectionof what I'm saying?
And typically they weren't.
But when it got to a pointwhere it hurt bad enough, like
that's when things changed forme, and I'll tell you it is what
it is.
I won't say it's unfortunate orwhatever, but typically we'll

(34:18):
do more for others that we lovethan we'll do for ourselves.
That's so true Me.
I started thinking about a lotof the younger people in my
family and not wanting them toexperience what I experienced
coming up.
And if I didn't want them toexperience what I experienced
coming up.
How was I going to be anydifferent for them than all the

(34:39):
adults in my life were to me?
And it's no like it's no shadeto the adults.
Like, sometimes we only knowcertain, we only know what we
know, we only have certainknowledge and maturity from an
emotional perspective and somepeople just don't have that kind
of access.

(34:59):
And then, as as fate would haveit, I remember hearing Brian
Tracy, and Tracy said a quotethat I've been quoting this for
about 30 years.

(35:23):
He said what kind of world wouldthis world be if everybody in
it was just like me?
That changed me, because I'mthinking about all of the
younger people in my family, allof the younger people that
looked up to me.
Like what kind of world do Iwant them to have, what kind of
world do I want them to create,and what kind of world am I
willing to endure and go througha metamorphosis, to change, to
become the person who createdthe world that I want them to
live in?
And so from there, like theidentity had to change, like

(35:45):
sometimes you have to give upthe good to get to the great.
You got to give up the familiarfor the unknown and that's
faith.
And it's like, hey, the Biblewould say faith without works is
dead.
And so I knew that, hey, youknow, you, you, you, you display
faith, but what you're willingto do.
And so I knew that, hey, youknow, you display faith, but
what you're willing to do.
And so I had to do somethingdifferent, and so a lot of the
identity that I had before, likeI had to shit, like even in

(36:08):
terms of you're an all-Americanfootball player, you're

(36:37):
all-American track.
I had to shit.

Speaker 2 (36:37):
All that identity you know, because it's like when
you when you live in a communitythat saw you for something
great five years ago.
If you keep living each daybased on your greatness five
years ago but you're not doinganything great to go forward,
you're going to be a has-beenthat didn't know you as a
has-been until somebody nolonger no more.
Yeah, god, yeah, it is, it isso you know, when we start
thinking about you, know whatyou're saying, like the pain.
It reminded me I think it mighthave been less brown that that
I first heard told the story.
I mean, I've heard severalpeople say where the farmer's on
the porch with the, you know,with the dog, and it's back and
forth and he's just a whining,um, and I walked by and says,

(37:00):
well, why, why is he?
Why is your dog whining?
Why are you just whining likethat?
He said he's sitting on a nailand he's like why is your dog
sitting on a nail?
He's like well, I guess itdon't hurt enough.
You know that ability to be ableto see that these are things
that have to happen.
And as I'm listening to you nowand I see a lot of the

(37:25):
transformation in you and Ithink a lot of it's because of
the association.
So your associations are at thebeginning aren't the greatest
associations there.
You know, there it is what itis right your parents that you
had that were young, the folksthat are teaching you and
training you and you're growingup with.
But then I hear you take peoplelike Les Brown.
I hear you talk about BrianTracy.
I hear you talking about youknow Collins and the good to
great book, and you know so.

(37:46):
You surrounded yourself whetherit was through books or through
individuals, or through maybeeven people that you got to be
coached by of good things thatwere now going into your process
instead of bad stuff.
Maybe talk about a little likehow much personal development
have you done and what's aformula that we should be doing?

Speaker 1 (38:05):
You know, personal development is one of those
things that I think is dangerousto not do, and I think it's
dangerous to never have a timewhere you're not doing it.
I think personal development issomething that I don't like to
use the word should but I thinkthat this should be like a
requirement for humanity thatyou're always in some type of

(38:27):
development personally, because,you know, I lived in the
projects.
I lived in some of the lowincome areas, you know, welfare,
all those kinds of things.
But reading was like one of thegreatest gifts that I ever
experienced, because it allowedme to travel the world without
ever leaving a community.
It allowed me to see likesomebody doing something that's

(38:49):
impacting the world in a waythat, like I never saw that
before.
It allowed me to see likerelationships that I never saw
before in my community, and soit allowed me to truly expand my
mind in a way that I couldn'tget from the environment that I
never saw before in my community, and so it allowed me to truly
expand my mind in a way that Icouldn't get from the
environment that I was in.
And it was all because ofreading, because I'll tell
anybody if you buy a book for$1,000, you're still getting a

(39:12):
discount.
You're getting a discountbecause somebody took 10, 20, 30
, 40, 50 years of their life andcondensed it all in a book and
if you can experience like 20years, 20 years in a matter of
hours, that's a discount.
Because if we really believe inour hearts that time is the
most valuable asset that we haveand you can pay somebody you

(39:35):
know $1,000 for 20 years oftheir life, that's a discount.
You know a thousand dollars for20 years of their life, that's
a discount.
And it's like.
So for me, like getting accessto these different books and
reading like that reallytransformed my whole thought
process and it allowed me tohave a larger vision of myself
and it allowed me to see, like,what I saw in my community and
what I'm seeing on a regularbasis.

(39:56):
This is just a small portion ofthe world that I just happen to
live in.
But it's a whole world outsideof there that's different from
this, you know, and I will sayand it was Les Brown, I don't
remember which book he wrote,but one of his books that I read
he encouraged people to neverwatch the news.

Speaker 2 (40:14):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (40:16):
When I was a kid, I was forced to watch the news
because I was a kid and theadults that I was around that's
what they watch, so I had towatch whatever they were
watching.
But I remember when I was aboutmaybe, maybe about 14 years old,
I decided that I would never,ever watch the news ever again

(40:36):
in my life.
If I can help watch the newsever again in my life, if I can
help it Now, if I'm in anairport and I'm sitting at a
terminal and CNN is just onevery single TV around and I
can't avoid, I'm going to try toblock it out.
But in terms of me justwatching the news, I'm never,
ever going to do that.
And he made so much sense whenhe told me'm like.

(40:59):
He told me because, again, likethese people were my personal
mentors, like even though I wasreading their books, they
probably don't even know my name, but they were my personal
mentors.
And when he told me that allthose years ago and he really
like made sense that it shouldreally be called negative news.

Speaker 2 (41:14):
And when you think about positivity, no, matter
what you got going on, the morepositive you are, it's gonna
make it better, even if you gotsomething bad going on.

Speaker 1 (41:21):
You're positive about this, you're gonna make it
better.
Like that made sense to me andso like I just stopped watching
news all together and like thatjust really transformed my
thought process and how I sawmyself and you know, uh, and
again, it just still carries onto this day.

Speaker 2 (41:37):
And I love that you're saying that, because you
know, like my mom calls me andshe gives me the weather what
it's going to be every day,because you know, like I like,
well, I can just look outside,but she wants me to know when
it's coming in, when it'shappening, and this is what the
news said, and just realizinghow much of, especially in our

(41:59):
climate today, because the newsthat we're typically receiving
today is all algorithm or, youknow, all put together to give
you what they think you want orwhat you've decided that you
want, and all they're doing isfeeding you so much information,
like you know, people say, well, how do you know what's going

(42:20):
on?
Well, somebody will tell me ifit's something that's, you know,
super important, that I knowwhat's going on.
I mean I'm not like not in theworld, I mean I'm like in the
middle of nowhere.
I said, but what you're tryingto solve and you're putting on
your heart and you're putting asa burden is what's happening in
Israel or what's happening inChina, or what's happening in

(42:41):
the Philippines, you know, andall the typhoon that's happening
, you have zero ability toaffect change in the Philippines
.
When there's a typhoon Otherthan I mean you could pray for
them, which somebody will tellyou that it's happening, that
you could do it.
You can pray for everybodyanyways, but at the same time
there's nothing I can do, andyet I'm taking on burden of the
world and then my community issuffering.

(43:04):
You know, I know more about youknow when I think about, like
sports figures and sports teams,and you know to carry that on a
little bit more.
I don't want another man's nameon my back that says you are
doing this, this and this andthis right, that says I.
You know.
It was funny not so long thatbefore the super bowl,
everybody's telling me all thesestats about my homes.

(43:24):
And I was talking to a youngergroup of you know, I was at a
high school.
I was talking to some highschool students and I said how
many of you guys can give mestats about you know, patrick,
my home and they're?
They're rattling all this stuff.
How many you can give me aboutkel?
How many can give me statsabout Tyreek or whatever his
name is?
He'll, they're rattling allthis up.

(43:44):
I said now tell me about yourbrothers and your sisters, tell
me about your mom and dad.
What can you tell me about them, I don't know nothing about
them.
Or if I'm talking to an oldergroup and they say well, can you
tell me how did your kid do inthe baseball game last week?
How did your family do?
And if you had no more aboutthese figures that don't know
you, then you know about yourown family and the things that

(44:05):
you can affect.
We got to reverse that you knowand that personal develop to me
I don't know whether it's 20 to25% of your waking time every
day should be spent on makingyourself better Every day.
That's how you win.
You don't win by watching otherpeople win and hope that it

(44:25):
rubs off on you, right?
Exactly, exactly, yeah, yeah soso if I've been put over to
trust, trust because you'reworking on the right things.
You're being able to trustpeople.
One of the things that we getstuck on is we're not able to
trust people.
We struggle to trust ourselves,we struggle to trust our

(44:48):
families, our women, we struggleto trust our communities.
Sometimes it's white men, whitewomen we don't trust and we're
just kind of taught not to trust.
And so how have you walkedthrough and began to become
successful through this mediumcalled trust, which is so
important?
That is part of everything thatwe do.

Speaker 1 (45:08):
You know, first and foremost, I do believe that we
all have different definitionsof trust, even if it label what
they are.
Definitions of trust even ifyou can't label what they are.
So, for my definition of trust,trust is two things for me

(45:30):
somebody's ability to assess asituation and somebody's
integrity.
Because somebody can have allof the integrity in the world
but they might not be able todiscern danger when it's coming.
And even though you have all ofthe integrity, like you'll
never cheat or do anything wrong, you still might put me at risk
because you can't assess whendanger is coming.
And on the flip side, you canhave somebody they can assess

(45:50):
negativity from a mile away,because they grew up in the
inner city, they were to readpeople, language, they were to
see all of these differentthings, but they don't have any
integrity.
And so, even though they canread and assess the situation
and they can tell you whendanger is coming, their
integrity might say I'm nottelling him because he didn't
give me that money that time orhe didn't help me that time.

(46:11):
So for me, trust is when youhave faith in somebody's ability
to assess a situation and youhave faith in their ability to
stand up for what's right whenthey're challenged to do it.
And for me, like how I learned,that is through the Bible and I
don't want to.
I don't want to seem like I'mjust like all spiritual and

(46:35):
perfect and you know cause I'mnot.
You know like I'm not perfectby any means, but I do govern my
life based on the bible andwhat I learned from the bible
from a trust perspective is isdiscerning.
Now I'm not a hundred percentwith it, but I'm really really
good at discerning, like peopleand right from wrong and

(46:55):
situations, and so so it's likefor me it may sound weird, but I
trust.
When I cannot trust somebody,like you know, you can't trust
somebody it's like now there's alevel of comfort that you have
because you know you don't haveto determine where that person
is, like you don't have todetermine what they might or

(47:15):
might not do, because youdiscern, like determine what
they might or might not do,because you discern, like, like
where they are and where theyaren't.
And so for me, because of that,I can have a great conversation
, you know, a great sit down, agreat interaction, even with
people that I don't trust,because of discernment.
And it's like the discernmentit only comes from the word.

(47:36):
You know what I'm saying.
Like, like, again, people havedeductive reasoning because of
their experience with being indifferent neighborhoods.
Like true discernment comesfrom the word.
So so when you have deductivereasoning and you have
discernment, like that's almostlike a superpower, and so it's
like that puts you.
You can be around anybody andyou feel a level of comfort

(47:58):
because you can read situations.
But when you're in situationswhere you really don't know, you
can't really read a situationand it's unknown, like that's
when you feel uncomfortable.
And I think, a lot of timestrust is more so, like you said,
us trusting ourselves, but moreso us trusting the outcome when
we're in situations where wedon't know what the outcome

(48:20):
might be.
Like that's when we have trustissues.
You know, like, for instance,one of the things that people
have said over the last 30 yearsis that the number one fear in
the world is public speaking.
I 100% do not agree with thatBecause, you think about it,

(48:41):
people can be in public talkingall the time.
You might not have to be on astage to be public speaking.
And the thing is, even peoplethat are quote unquote scared to
speak in public, they're notscared to speak in public
because you put them aroundtheir friend or somebody who
they like or somebody they'rejust comfortable with, they
trust and they know that, nomatter what they say, that

(49:01):
they're not going to beridiculed for it.
They don't feel fear, likethere's no level of guard they
have to have up.
And so what they're reallyfearful of the people who say
they're scared of publicspeaking what they're fearful of
is the outcome and the responseof what somebody might say
based on what they said.
So what they're really scaredof is saying the wrong thing.

(49:27):
They're not really scared tospeak in public.
They're scared to say the wrongthing.
And it's like when you reallylive by the Holy Spirit, you
have discernment, and it's likeGod speaks through you.
That's a fear you can releasebecause it's like whatever you
say is on Him, when you reallyknow that what you're saying is
from him.
It's like that fear I don'thave, because it's like if
somebody is offended, they'remad at him.

(49:48):
Because he used me to say thatto you and I don't want to hurt
you, but I'm just being obedientto what he's telling me to tell
you.
And if he told me to tell youthis, you to tell you, and if he
told me to tell you this, yougot to take it up with him.
It's not me, you know, andagain I know you have to be
careful of how you do that andwho you do that with, because
some people don't have anawareness enough to know that
God can use people like that andthey will still attack you.

(50:10):
So again, you still got to evenhave discernment in that area.

Speaker 2 (50:13):
Wow, and I want to.
You know I'm loving thisbecause we get to dive deep into
some of these.
You're spurring on some reallyincredible thought and when I
think about fear, right, I viewfear as a, you know, true fear,
I guess, is a real and presentdanger that can affect you
immediately, like, you know, arattlesnake.

(50:37):
You're in Texas, a rattlesnakeis just popped up in your path
and is getting ready to bite you.
That is fear and our body has amechanism and a response that
allows us to deal with that fearlike fight, freeze.
Whatever we got to do, we'regoing to get out of this real,
present fear, whereas whenyou're talking about, like

(50:57):
public speaking, the fear thatthat's not true fear, that's
anxiety.
You know, that's the anxiety ofa positive or negative outcome
that could happen in the future.
Well, if it's a positiveoutcome, it's not anxiety, it's
anticipation because we can'twait for it to happen.
Like I get to go to DisneyWorld, yeah, I mean, I can't
wait to get on the ride, yeah.
The negative is the anxietyPublic oh, somebody hears a

(51:22):
public speaking If I talk andwe'll jump back to your
childhood, right, if I, if I gospeak at this place, people
might make fun of me.
People might not like me.
People may do also.
We're worried about whatsomebody else is going to go
think about us if we do thatthing, whatever that is.
And that's where the fear comesfrom.

(51:44):
And once you start realizingthat, overcoming it gets become
easier and easier when you stopputting yourself in a position
where you care about everythingthat somebody else is going to
think about you and when you actand when you think about trust.
I love your.
I love those definitions oftrust where they're integrity,
you know, or discernment, youknow, because it's like I'm not

(52:06):
going to put my life in yourhands, chris, you know, because
I don't know you like, yeah, youcan take care of my life, but I
do trust you enough to help meget to the corner if I need to
ask you for a stoplight.
So there's these levels oftrust, but there's so many
people who don't trust at all.
Right, they're like until youprove that I can trust you, I'm

(52:27):
not giving you any trust Becauseof what happened in my past or
what I've seen happen in history.
When I see, well, because whitemen had us as slaves in the
1800s, I'm never going to trustanother white man again, and
that isn't even part of ourreality.
It's part of our ancestors'reality and there's something to

(52:48):
it and you have to go in with,like you said, discernment.
But that doesn't mean you don'tdistrust everybody.
They make them have to prove it.
So I love that thought processthat you have on.
Yeah, you can have all theintegrity in the world.
I'm not going to put my life inyour hands because you might be
a good person, but I've seenyou.
I've seen you react to thingsand you go off the handle or

(53:09):
whatever it is, and so, no, I'mnot, or I haven't seen any of
that, and you haven't proven toyourself or to me that you could
do that.
And then, so what level oftrust do people need to be at?

Speaker 1 (53:24):
You said something that's really key and you think
about skill set.
When you have higher skill sets, you have higher abilities to
trust and you have higherabilities to discern.
And sometimes you know, whenpeople say like like blanket
statements, you know, like allwhite men or all dogs or all

(53:47):
women or whatever, like that'sreally lazy language and it just
causes you to just put ablanket over something that you
don't have to like, refine yourskill set a little bit more to
look into, because evendiscernment, discernment is a
skill.
Oh yeah, it's something youhave on, you know.
And it's like sometimes peoplejust take the easy way out to

(54:09):
say you know what I don't trust?
I don't trust white man, period.
That's, that's lazy.
You know what I'm saying becauseit's like all white men are bad
, just like all black people arenot good.

Speaker 2 (54:19):
But it's like to just say all it's just lazy.

Speaker 1 (54:22):
It's like you know what, I don't even have to think
about it, I don't even have totry to figure out who's who.
I'm going to just put them allin the same box, in the same
bucket, and it's like sometimesprotect ourselves because we're

(54:43):
lazy with language and we'relanguage like we're lazy with
skill sets as well.
But it's like when you reallydevelop certain skill sets, it
allows you to remove certainapprehension that a lot of
people have, because they haveto like not look at things as a
blanket, but look at things froma situational perspective.
They have to like not look atthings as a blanket, but look at
things from a situationalperspective that is so true.

Speaker 2 (55:04):
One of the things that you brought up because
we're having this conversationis you've been bringing up faith
and you've been bringing upyour relationship.
How has that relationship thatyou have with God impacted you
in the world?
And being able to move forwardand to be able to create this
success?

(55:24):
What?

Speaker 1 (55:35):
is.
You know what does that looklike from when you were a kid to
you know being able to trust inGod all the way through where
you're at now.
You know two areas identity andincome.
Okay, and I say identitybecause one of the things that
keep people stuck butspecifically quote unquote black
men stuck is they depend ontheir enemy for their identity

(55:56):
and they depend on their enemyfor their income.
Oh okay, and for me it's likewhen I really started to learn
what God said about me and Iunderstand that he created
everything in this world that welive in.
It would be very unwise of meto get my identity from things

(56:20):
that are in this world becauseman had a hand on it, and keep
my eyes focused on what he saidI am and who he said I am in the
image that he said I am made,in my identity, and that because
a lot of times, especially asmen like we're doers, you know,

(56:42):
but the thing that we miss issometimes we focus more on the
doing than we focus on the being.
You know, and you hear peopletalking about I'm going to do
this, then I'm going to havethis, then I'll be this.
You know, I'll get this job.
I'm going to have this, thenI'll be this.

Speaker 2 (57:05):
You know I'll get this job, then I'll have this,
then I'll be happy, Whatever theB is on the other side and it's
like we don't realize that theBible says be ye transformed by
the renewing of your mind.

Speaker 1 (57:16):
The operative word is be Now, people think about
transformation, but theoperative word is be.
You can't transform until you bewhat it means and what it takes
to transform.
First your identity has to bewrapped up in that.
And I tell people all the timemillionaires are millionaires
because they are millionaires.

(57:36):
Money don't make themmillionaires, their identity
makes them millionaires.
And it's like when you thinkabout who God said you are
you're a royal priesthood, achosen generation, you're set
apart.
When you really believe thatand you understand that now you
understand that all of thesepeople, they're tricking me

(57:57):
because they're fearful of whatI might do to them if I really
understand who I am, becausethey are thinking I'm going to
do what they would do if theywere me.
And it's like we don't evenunderstand this and again, I
don't want to get too technicalhere but even our language, like
sometimes we don't realize thatthe enemy puts words in our

(58:17):
mouth for us to speak, toreinforce to our mind what he
wants us to do.
And he's saying like, like, likeblack men, for instance, you
know, like, like, no other groupof people identify themselves
as a color except us.
And that's really from, fromour enemies, if you will.
Because when you look at theBible, you know and you think

(58:39):
about Joseph, for instance, likethat's how you find your
identity.
You know, joseph's brotherswent to Egypt to go get food
because they didn't have anyfood anywhere else.
And the Bible says and again,this is not my words, the Bible
says that Joseph's brothersrecognize him, but Joseph
recognized his brothers.
So when you think about it fromthat perspective, if Joseph's

(59:02):
brothers did not recognize himand he was in Egypt, what are
those people look like in Egypt?
Now, when you do that kind ofresearch, that's when you start
to understand who you are andwhere your identity lies.
And there's so many people thatare trying to get you to focus
on everything else except whatyou are, because they're fearful

(59:23):
of what you might do when youtruly become and you know and
understand without a shadow of adoubt who you are.
Why?
Because so much of it is allabout capitalism.
Like when you think about us asa people, specifically men like
we are superior in athletics,we're superior in comedy, we're

(59:47):
superior in entertainment, we'resuperior in the workforce.
And again, this is not to likedegrade.
You know any other group that'snot us.
It's not to say that.
I'm just saying when you lookthroughout history, we have
really been known as thesuperior people in all of these
different areas.
And if you can take thesepeople and you can hide their
identity, you can get them tothink that there's something

(01:00:08):
other than they're not and youcan use them to bring capital
back to you.
Why would you not want to dothat.
If you are a businessman withno integrity, you want to do
that every single chance you get, because you're capitalizing
off of it.
So that's why people want tokeep us from our identity,
because they capitalize off ofus.
Even the prison system, whenyou think about how many black

(01:00:29):
men go to prison every singleday and it costs about $60,000
per year to house an inmate andthat's a business.
People want to keep you fromyour identity because they're
capitalizing off of it.
But god says different and it'slike when you follow god's way
now, you keep yourself from evenbeing in situations where

(01:00:51):
somebody could justify why theyshould lock you up for the rest
of your life.

Speaker 2 (01:00:54):
So so, so good.
Oh, man, Just all every singlepart of your conversation uh,
just has me, you know, gets methinking about.
You know, uh, about things thatI'm working on or things that I
want to keep working on, and,uh, you've got this, you figured
this out.
Um, I want to show you just aquick, um, a slide, real quick,

(01:01:18):
or I don't know if I can, even,I don't even know how to work
this thing.
Okay, I'll just, yeah, sharethis real quick, and I'm not
just trying to market myselfright now, it's just me thinking
about, you know, the thingsthat you're sharing, and so I
don't know if you can see thescreen, but I have a book that's

(01:01:39):
coming out this month thattalks exactly about what you
just said.
Be do have be, undeniable,unmitigated, undisputable,
ultimate, successful.
Not do have be and certainlynot have do be.
Listen, I just want everybodyto know.

(01:02:00):
Listen.

Speaker 1 (01:02:00):
I just want everybody to know this was not planned.
I didn't even know he waswriting a book on this.
This was not scripted oranything like that.
Isn't this very identifiable?

Speaker 2 (01:02:13):
I love it Basically, just watch the podcast.
You don't need to read the bookbecause you just shared with us
all the stuff that's in there.
Oh my gosh, I hate that we'rerunning out of time.
We'll figure out how to do thissome more again later, because
I want to continue to haveconversations with you.
But what didn't we get to talkabout that you wanted to make

(01:02:37):
sure that we know about?
We know about you, we haveaccess.
What is it that you're doing?
That kind of stuff that wedidn't get to share because we
had so much fun diving in deep?
I mean, we don't get to do deeptoo many times with other folks
.
We talk, so surface all thetime.
Yeah, how's the weather, howyou doing?
We jumped in today, so tell uswhat we missed you doing.

Speaker 1 (01:03:01):
We jumped in today, so go ahead and tell us what we
missed.
I think something else thatwould really be good for people
to just consider and worktowards is healthier
relationships and, by the graceof God, marriage.

Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
And.

Speaker 1 (01:03:13):
I say that because, no matter what you're going
through, no matter what yourfinancial status is, no matter
if you hate work or you have achallenge with your kids or
family, when you have that oneperson by your side that you
100% have committed to, you'rein covenant with, you believe in

(01:03:33):
, you know they have your backand you have theirs.
It just makes every singlething else around you better, no
matter how bad it is.
And I think that when peoplelike put or regain a hope back
in marriage, I think it's notonly, it's not going to only
improve our communities, I thinkit's going to improve our world

(01:03:55):
.
And it's like a lot of times Ithink there are challenges
specifically in blackrelationships because both the
woman and the man are a part ofa joint traumatic experience
that neither one of us isresponsible for a joint

(01:04:19):
traumatic experience, butneither one of them are
responsible for it.
But they experience it and it'slike, because they're in it,
they want somebody to beempathetic to their trauma on
both sides.
And it's like, how can you beempathetic to somebody's trauma
when you're not aware thatthey're dealing with something
that's just as painful as yoursis?
And it's like, and I think like.
With that being said, that'ssomething that's really
important for us to consider,because I think when we

(01:04:41):
understand that there's traumaon the other side, this person
is not just acting this waybecause they don't like you.
They're dealing with somethingthey don't really know no other
way how to deal with it.
And it's like, I think, themore patient that we are, the
more understanding that we are,the more grace we'll give people
with their behaviors.
That we are, the more gracewe'll give people with their
behaviors.

(01:05:01):
Now am I saying if somebody islike beating you or hitting on
you, or cheating.
I'm not saying that, again, yougot to use discernment.
But I'm saying if somebody'sattitude or whatever, or they're
sometimey, like I think it'simportant to have grace because
people are dealing with stuffthat some of us we have no clue
of what they're dealing with,and most of us, including myself
, some of us we have no clue ofwhat they're dealing with and
most of us, including myselfstarting off, we don't have the
tools to get over these traumasby ourselves and so we need

(01:05:24):
somebody outside of us, like weneed more patience, we need more
understanding and truth be told.
Most of us we need a safe spaceto say what we feel, because
when it comes to differentthings that we've experienced,
like it's taboo to even talkabout certain pain that you
experience in a black community,because we have no tolerance

(01:05:45):
for weakness and we identifyweak.
And that's why, a lot of times,as men, like we don't have a
safe space to go and ask a dumbquestion.
We don't have a safe space totalk about what we're fearful of
.
We don't have a safe space totalk about you know, like, how
much we're in love with ourwives.
You know, like we, like I said,we talk about sports.

(01:06:06):
Like we talk about these otheridols, if you will, because
that's safe, but it's verysurface and it has nothing to do
with us.
That's going to improve ourlives and it's like when we
really take the time tounderstand that our lives are
going to be so much better when,number one, we get in covenant

(01:06:27):
with the person that Goddesigned for us, life is going
to be phenomenal.
And one thing that I reallyencourage people to do is read
Deuteronomy 28.
I'm not going to give you awhole bunch of scripture, but I
encourage you to readDeuteronomy 28, because when you
read and understand Deuteronomy28, you start to see yourself,

(01:06:48):
you start to see your family,you start to see the world
around you and you start to seewhat's really possible, because
one of the verses in there itsays that you will be the head
only, like you will be on topbut never believe.
You know you will be blessedand not cursed, and it's like
all of these things.
It gives this extreme positiveand it's extreme negative, and

(01:07:12):
we continuously experience theextreme negative because we're
not doing what the front of thatchapter tells us to do.
The extreme negative becausewe're not doing what the front
of that chapter tells us to do,because it's pros and cons, it's
the opposite for everything,and it's like when we do this,

(01:07:32):
we're going to get thatEverything has some kind of
response to it.
It's like when you reallyunderstand the front of what
that chapter is talking aboutand you live your life based on
that, now you're going to startto experience all of the
abundance that God said he hasfor you Because, again, it's not
about you just show up and thenyou bless.
You got to be obedient, justlike if you were a parent.
You want your children to beobedient to you.
God is no different from thatregard.
It's like we're not going tobless our kids if they're doing

(01:07:53):
everything contrary to what wesay, but we somehow we want God
to be different because he'sgraceful and merciful.
Yes, he is.
That's why we're still aliveand we get a chance to be
obedient the next time around.
But I encourage you, if you diginto that chapter, it will
cause you to understand so manythings around you and it will

(01:08:14):
even cause you to understand howeven some of these people in
public offices, people that areracist police, you will even
start to understand how evensome of these people in public
offices, people that are racistpolice.
You will even start tounderstand how God used those
same people to bring you closerto him.
And again, it takes you to readthat to really understand the
depths of that.
Now, am I justifying what theydid?
100% not.
But God uses everything.

Speaker 2 (01:08:35):
Absolutely Wow, uses everything.
Absolutely wow, chris man, ohmy gosh, something came to my
mind while I was, while you weretalking, um, because you're
obviously an absolutely anexpert in this area, and so I've
been doing.
I told you I was doing the showwhy love waits and we're we're
talking about the relationshipsand the difference between and,

(01:08:58):
as I've been hosting the showand I have like five men come on
and I have five women come onand we kind of debate back and
forth in that format, but whatI've kind of been exploring is
how can I change, maybe, theformat of the show?
And I'm asking you now and youdon't have to answer now, we
could talk about offline laterif you want.
But what I think I want to dois I want to invite guest hosts

(01:09:21):
on.
I would love for you to comeand host a show of why Love Wait
and talk about, from whateverperspective you want to talk,
the things you just went overhere.
Bring in whatever guests thatyou think would be amazing.
Maybe I can help you find someguests, but maybe every single
week or every other week webring in more hosts that bring
in and talk to experts that talkabout this topic, so we can

(01:09:44):
begin to solve it and the morepeople that people can hear from
they can hear it can go.
Wait a minute.
Yes, these relationships areimportant.
Having God in the center of itis important, you know, knowing
that there's stuff that camewith our relationships that we
have to address, because if wedon't address it, just like what
you just said, then we'redoomed to fail and that's the

(01:10:07):
last thing we want theserelationships to do.
So if you're willing, you knowI'm not going to make you answer
right now, but we're talkingafter the show to come on and we
will.
Just I'm saying he's coming on,I'm going to figure out how to
make, figure out how he's goingto make you come on as a guest
house, but we'll we'll continuethis show that we'll have you on
.
Oh, cause we can't be donetalking.
There is, we went an hour andeight minutes and we're not even

(01:10:29):
like halfway done with all thisstuff that we need to talk
about.
So it has been fun, it's beenamazing.
Uh, thank you for being on.
Thank you for sharing yourheart with us today.
You know I can't, like I said,I can't wait to to have more
time with you.
Do you have any one closingthought before we end this
journey today, but knowing thatI'm promising you folks, chris

(01:10:51):
and I are not done.

Speaker 1 (01:10:56):
I think the one thing that I would just kind of leave
people with is every single day, we have wars and we have
battles.
You know, sometimes we can havebattles in our mind, we can
have battles in our lives, wecan even have battles in our
relationship, and the thingabout a war is that a war ends
you think about World War I IIlike it ended years ago, but a
battle.
It never ends.

(01:11:17):
Like it ended years ago, but abattle it never ends.
And the one thing that I reallywant people to understand and
truly take to heart is that thebattle is not lost unless you
accept defeat.
And as long as you never acceptdefeat, you still are winning
the battle because you're stillin it.
And I want people to alsounderstand that, even when it
comes to leaders, like we're allleaders in our own right, even

(01:11:38):
if you're only leading oneperson, you're still a leader in
your own right, and everythingthat you say is a reflection of
what people are going to thinkand feel about you in the future
, when you're no longer here.
And so you are creating historyevery single time that you like
.
Breathe a breath like you'reliving history right now, and I
just encourage people to alwaysmake their expectations greater

(01:12:00):
than their temptations.
And if you make yourexpectations greater than your
temptations, you will live aregret-free life at the highest
level.

Speaker 2 (01:12:09):
That's awesome.
Thank you, hey, don't forget.
Hey, go ahead and say if you'veenjoyed this show.
Maybe this is your first show.
Hit the subscribe button,notification button, whatever it
is to be able to embark.
There are so many good episodesand it's not because of me,
it's because of the guests thatI have on, just like Chris, go
ahead and check those out.
Hey, don't forget that you areGod's greatest gift.
He loves you.
I can't wait to talk to youguys on the next one.

(01:12:30):
You guys have an amazing day.
Thank you again, chris.
This has been awesome.
We'll see you next time.

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